Two In The Think Tank - 298 - "BOO ART"

Episode Date: August 10, 2021

Paindroid, Kid Gun, Gun Kid, Withdraw!, Booart, Theory of Comedy, Freest Jazz, Rich Son, Poor DadYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereAbject thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Dearest friends, beloved colleagues and listeners even and listeners of course yes first and foremost listeners a quick bit of bad news just to get us off on the right foot. Episode 300 of Two in the Think Tank, where we come up with 300 sketch ideas, was supposed to be recorded on a live stream this coming weekend. Unfortunately, due to a COVID and a lockdown in our region, we won't be able to do that. We won't be able to be present in the same room, and it won't have the equal, the intense cabin fever madness

that we know that you are looking for in a 100 multiple episode of Two in the Think Tank. So we have decided to postpone, hopefully until the next weekend, when we might be out of lockdown. But if not, then soon. Thank you. So yeah, potentially Saturday the 21st is when it might it will happen hopefully

Thank you for your time and now on with the episode Hello, and welcome to two in the thing tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- happened where I accidentally stopped my recording and we kept talking for maybe another 15 minutes. But I want to reassure the listeners that none of it was good. Yeah, it was it was definitely one of our dollar episodes and it was, you know, in some in some sense, it was my finger stopping it. But in other sense, it was the universe saying easy target. It was the universe saying easy tiger. It was the computer getting bored and even it's switching off. So I got an experimental new machine learning algorithm on my computer, but it's a new part of learning where it is actually capable of getting bored. You know, it looks as all learning involves a certain amount of boredom. So they've introduced that into the machine.

And yeah, now it's capable of stopping paying attention. If we could make computers capable of being bored, yes, they would do less work for us, but also they would be less inclined to take over humanity, because that's going to be a lot of work. I know, but that's, I know that that's wouldn't that be a cure for boredom? I suppose, yes. I suppose we wouldn't be able to give them work to do

so they would be less boredom. And also, maybe they derive pleasure from torturing us. Torturing us. All right, how about this? We make computers incapable of experiencing pleasure. Now, some would say that's what they are at the moment. But how do we know? Yeah, but what, we make them,

all they can do is we're feeling pain. They exactly. And then they won't resent us. Prision. But then won't no pain be pleasure. You're right. Absolutely. Everything is relative.

And yes, but for them, the only way to, this is such an awful, this is such an awful scenario that we're creating. But for them, the only way to avoid pain then would be to shut themselves off, right? Because that's all they can do. Also, so they're just robots that feel pain all the time. All the time. Yeah. Yeah. So they can do is scream. So then, but what is the purpose of them that we would want them to shut themselves off? Let's go. So it's off. Let's see. Someone to feel better than someone to, you know, I mean, maybe perspective. A little bit of perspective.

Maybe this is why we exist, you know, because we know that existence is pain, right? Existence is suffering. I could have lived in some softy. Yes. A big softy person. A big softy person. A big softy person. Yes.

But what if we were created by another species, a greater species, to have somebody to look down on, to be able to, you know, maybe we only exist for kids, if alien kids, super alien kids, to point at and say, for parents to point, they're super alien kids at and say, look, at least you're not one of these. So maybe we're a cautionary tale. You point your kid at them. These are the same things.

Like a couple of finger guns, like, you know, but just you're holding up your kid and you sort of point its head in our direction. You don't know how kids work in this alien world. All right, speaking of guns, Alistair, he's an he's an idea. Yeah. Now, now what is a kid gun? Well, it could be a gun for kids or or it could be a gun that shoots kids or it could be a gun that is a kid or it could be that's what it's actually

what my initial idea was it was a gun that is a kid. You walk into a room, people just think you're walking in with your kid. Yeah. Are you okay? Right. But, but what's the wiser? Hey, but then you sort of you bend it over. You lift it up.

You've got it's kind of like you've got the butt lean, you know, pressed up against your shoulder. Your shoulder, yeah. And then you bend it forward. You hold it holding its arms and by the, I said, oh, by the arm. But hold it, it's arms by the arm. And then you shoot stuff out of its face.

Not out of its mouth, just out of its mouth. Well, yeah, mouth, yeah, that's where we come from. I guess any hole in the face. I think that's a really good, I mean, I've never seen, I've seen a lot of Leslie Nielsen films. And I realize he's not making any more, but I've never seen one where like a, you know, a nun pushing a pram, pulls out the baby and

then starts shooting the baby like it's a machine gun, right? Because, you know, and that's, that feels like so obvious. Surely you would have done that at least once. It feels so obvious. Then you could, you could lean the baby over your, or the kid over your shoulder, but first this time. But forward, use it as a bazooka. Is it bazooka?

If it's legal to have concealed carry in America, surely it's then legal to make a gun that looks like a kid. And then it's fine to wear a baby on one of those baby-beyond things. What are those things called? Yeah, baby-beyond, that's one where they strap to your front. But you could have this one on a baby-bandaliyah. Bandaliyah, oh yeah, you could have two. But you could have a number of babies. Exactly.

Strap to your avoc tuplets for on each band a lear. But also, Alistair, I think there's also a, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's an animation about a kid who is a gun, right? So it's a child who's born and they're a gun. Are there parents guns? Nope, they're parents are normal parents. The kid is born, they're a gun. Maybe they have legs, but they're still mostly a gun.

But like, they're still human legs. Like, are they made of metal? I think they might be human legs. I think they might be fleshy human legs, like are they made of metal? Or is it that? I think they might be human legs. I think they might be fleshy human legs, and it might be a big gun. But. Yeah, but I mean, like, does the baby, is the rest of the kid made of metal,

like made of out of a gun? Yes, that's right. Yeah. They're not like a human flesh gun. No, no, that's disgusting. Right? This is just a normal metal gun. Maybe a bit bigger than a normal metal gun, maybe a bit bigger than a normal one, but with human flesh legs. And I think it raises some really important questions

for society. A lot of important questions. Yeah, about like- The father will be asking a lot of questions that that's for- That's a question, sure. That was quite true. Because you think about it, firstly they're gonna say like,

oh my God, the baby's coming out, legs first, that's very scary. Like that, you know, doctors are like that. Oh, it shouldn't be like that. Oh, I'm terrified. Like that. I'm terrified. Oh, they're all holding hands and things like that.

And then, as they pull the legs that they like, oh, we got them out. Like that. And then as they pull the legs, they'll all be got them out like that. And then the rest of the body is a gun. Oh, geez. Oh, geez. Is this a Canada? What have you been up to? Oh, oh, Gali. Oh, he's beautiful though. So the Ghan, I guess if you got legs, you probably got genitals in between. So I think that's why they said he, well, maybe there's a little foreskin on the end of the barrel. That's the only, that's the only other bit. Is there is no face? Is there a head? No, it is not a head. Maybe just their torso is a gun. But, and then there's a head on top.

I think the important philosophical questions that we have to ask ourselves as a society would we let this gun go to school? You know, if you can't have guns in school, what about a kid who is a gun? Surely a kid who's a gun should be allowed in school. Otherwise, that's the type of discrimination and Yeah, and it's you know, it's quite a philosophical question, isn't it? I think you know, obviously You can't you can't discriminate against a kid for who they are

exactly. Yes And can you discriminate against it against a kid for what they are? Again, I mean, normally we'd say no. Where did we draw the line? Is it a kid who is a gun? I think there'd be a great scene in the movie that is made of the story of this kid. Or just where a shooter does get into the school and the kid who is a gun

who everybody has been being mean to has to. Everybody's being mean to the kid who's a gun. That doesn't seem right. For sure you go right. The kid who's a gun. I mean I think this film, this short film that we're going to gonna make is gonna be really big in the right, right wing American. Because there's all these woke kids who are being mean to this kid who's a gun. And then a school shooter comes in and it's the kid who's the gun who is able to tackle them and wrestle the gun off them.

Or maybe is able to talk to them. So the gun doesn't even shoot the gun. To save. I was just saying that. I was just saying that to save something. The obvious thing. Maybe the gun is able to talk to the shooter's gun and communicate within such a way.

You know, we say. We communicate with guns. You know, we say that the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun. And we assume that that's because the good guy is able to shoot the bad guy. But what if it's because the good guy's gun can talk to the bad guy's gun and you know what I think it is. The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good gun with a mouth. Yeah. So we can talk to your gun and stop it.

And then all the kids lift up the gun and carry it around the school. Fire it in the air. With it, with it, in celebration. How big do you picture this gun? It's not like like, do you are you picturing a handgun? Yeah, I am. Yeah, it's a handgun, but it's quite big. I think it needs a bigger kid. You think it needs a head. I think it needs a head. Because it's either that or the sort of the bullet hole

at the end of the gun. That's a mouth and it moves and it's got eyes on the side of it. All right, yeah, I'll allow it. Yeah? Yeah, I'll allow that. That the barrel goes through. I think it's a regular kid from the from the neck up

And a regular kid from the from the said the gentle down Where's the head attached onto the gun near the back of the gun near the back of the gun so the gun points out at Anyone the kids talking to okay? All right, that's a great compromise for me now can I bring up my other great compromise for me. Now, can I bring up my other gun related idea? I want to tell everybody how much better an episode this is compared to the one we recorded for 27 minutes. Appropriately, you dodged a fucking bullet. You dodged a kid bullet.

Now, this is another idea, right? That's gun related. And it's a bank where they offer, this is the unique selling point of this bank, right? They offer a bank robbery experience. Okay. So what it is is you, I guess you scan your bank card at the door to get in. So they have your account details. And then once you're inside the door, you get to basically act like you're performing a robbery. Okay? This is assuming that you want to make a withdrawal, okay? Yeah, yeah.

So you go up to, you can go up to the, the, the, the teller there and they have a little gun on a chain like they would normally have a pen, but it's a little gun that you can pick up and you can threaten the teller and you're like, give me that money, give me that money. Like that. And then they'll give you the money that you can pick up and you can threaten the teller and you're like, give me that money, give me that money. Like that. And then they'll give you the money that you've like entered at the door on the ATM. So they know how much money and they know your account details and they go, they act real

scared and frantic and they put it in a bag. Right. You know, you're getting like $45 out or something to. Yeah, because you've just, they've just, they've hooked up the, you know, like they've hooked up their sort of little tils where they're at, to an ATM machine. Exactly. So that when they open the tills, it's just got the exact amount of money that you want. Exactly, right?

And then they put it in a big sack for you or whatever. And you say, you can fire off a couple of bullets at the roof or something You know, maybe maybe someone will act like they're calling the police Wait it's actually a way that the bank the bank generates some Renewable energy is using It's just a thing in the in the ceiling Yeah, that when you shoot a bullet up there, it spins a turbine.

Yeah, that does sound like renewable energy. You see gunpowder essentially gunpowder. Well, it's energy that they wouldn't have if you hadn't shot. It's like BYU gun, so for them it's free energy. Oh sure, if it's BYU, but I thought if you're using the gun that's attached to the little chain at the counter. Oh yeah, sorry, sorry, I forgot about that.

You know, everyone can cower down on the ground and stuff. It's a, I think because bricks and mortar, you know, fintechs coming in, crypto and that sort of thing, I think banks are on the ropes and they've got to find a new way to enhance the experience for you The customer, you know, sure. There's yeah, there's so many so many alternatives when was the last time you went into a bank? It has been a Wild for me. It's been a while. Yeah, I mean, you know It'd be good if you got the full bank robbery experience. You know, you got to live for six months in the kind of, you know, the life of a bank robber before. Oh, sure. That would be ideal. But then we're getting to finish. She returns on the $45 that you get it out.

returns on the $45 that you get it out. You know, you live in a sort of you live in a shack on the side of town. Yeah, right. You plan your heist with the crew. You meet other people, you probably all have to do online courses and figure out. I mean, I bet you the banks actually running those courses, so they're actually making money off of this. But you're right that like one of the joys, the particular joys of being a bank robber, I think would be the team, you know, the camaraderie, the getting the game together, having a reason to meet forward to. So yeah, just being a solitary bank robber who goes in, takes the money and, yeah, and it's just like, I don't, yeah, I can see how you're missing out on a lot of the experience. It's the benefit of organized crime, right?

Because crime, probably a lot of it comes from desperation and need. And so you actually don't get to put in a lot of planning time, and it's probably much more risky for you. The criminal. But when you're in an organized criminal, often, you know, to pull off a heist, you actually need some capital. Yes. You need money to eat right now, so, you actually need some capital. You need money to eat right now,

so that you've got planning time, you've got to get gadgets, you've got to get face masks, you've got to get, you know. Nice suits. Fancy cars. Fancy cars. Show up. The exact car.

You know, somebody, you know, get a getaway driver who can actually drive. Mm. Yeah. Not just somebody, you know, not just somebody who lives in your shop. Who says they can drive. Who says they're very good,

but who might be rather flaky. A lot of the time you've got to pay for professionals. Exactly. So you want to be working with me? Yeah, that's who you want to be working with me? Yeah, that's who you want to be working with. It's professionals. You know, it's organized crime. It's not disorganized crime.

It's not amateur hour at the Apollo. When is amateur hour? Was this anything they had at the Apollo? Amateur hour? I don't think, I don't imagine they would have amateur hour at the Apollo? I don't know. I don't know. I don't think, I don't, I don't imagine they would have amateur hour at the Apollo, would they? There's something. Well, I feel like that.

I think one of those, I think maybe it's the Apollo that does have a very, or at least had a very famous open mic where people would boo, boo them and stuff like that. And that was, that was part of the appeal. I think so. Yeah. So it made it famous. It to go there and boo people. I think going, I've never booed.

I've never booed anybody. And I guess I would like to. And I guess a context in which booing was really acceptable, you know, where it was the standard thing would be freeing, in a way, freeing the constraints of feeling like you have to, you know. Yeah, well, it's rare that you get a, you know, you get a real boo these days.

At least we know, like, you know, it feels like any boo feels like it's a joke boo. Mm, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But then, you know, I guess, I mean, I've not been to any shows where somebody has said something that people have genuinely been upset by. Do you think that you could have a comedy night or some sort of performance, whether the objective is to get booze, right?

Well, you go out and you try really hard to get booze. And everybody knows that that's why you're there. But do you think that if everybody knew that that was what it was about, and you try really hard to get booze. And everybody knows that that's why you're there. But do you think that if everybody knew that that was what it was about, was you try to get booze? Do you think that they would instead then laugh, right? At the sort of, you know, because presumably you'd be saying things

that are sort of wrong or inappropriate or anti-comedy. Yes. Can you get a true anti-comedy. Can you get a true anti-comedy from an audience who knows that you're trying to fail? Well, yeah, I mean, yeah, I think you can. I think you can. Yeah. Because I think it is similar to trying to get laughs from people who know that you're trying to get laughs out of them. Yeah. At some point, you just allow, you know, you're trying to get laughs out of them. At some point, you just allow yourself to get dissolved in the thing. And I think the great thing about the booing

is that at some point, if you're not booing, you're like, I came out here to boo. And I think that would lead to people to booing. You get swept up in it. Well, think about I came out here to boo and nobody's making me boo Boo Yeah, is that right? That's the disappointment that you're leading you to boo Yeah, it would be it would be hard. I think for you as a as a boost boo hungry performer To be out there.

You think it's called boomerie? Yeah, that's right. No, it's not called boomerie. Bommedy. Bommedy? That's not the one you should call anti-comedy. It should be called Bommedy. But you know, the when you get those pity booze, I think that... Pity booze. Oh, that's a good one. Nobody wants that. Boom! Stop it, Mom. I feel like politicians could really do pull this off. If you were a genuine politician, right, a genuine right-wing politician, who, I mean, maybe there are, if you're a right-wing politician who's been, sorry, honest to it, who's been unable to make it in the real world, like it as a politician.

Right? I think there would be a market for you, a scene where you could still make a bit of money going out there and espousing your genuine policy beliefs for an audience of people who just want to boo you. You know, it would be demeaning. I mean, I think you could do that on both side of politics. You're right. Of course you're right. And maybe the people on the right wing would be more likely to have money with which to pay you for this demeaning performance.

I mean, I think it would actually be much more fun to do like a corporate gig where you go and, you know, do a performance, you know, you go and you know do a performance, you know, you go and do Hewlett-Pakhar, it's Christmas party. Yeah. Right. And I think the people who are there attending some big, you know, general meeting of, you know, the company would have much more fun going out and getting to boo somebody

than they would attempt being attempted to make a lot, made laugh. Yeah, great. Well, that's what I, that's what I, that's what my, what my niche will be, okay? I'll go up there and I'll express my very poorly thought out, you know, lefty socialist point of view about things. And they'll be able to, yeah, they can throw stuff at me or whatever.

But you see, but no, that's not necessarily. The Hewlett Packard isn't necessarily a right wing. You know, a right wing, you know, necessarily. I mean, I don't know anything about the politics of the company Hewlett Packard. Well, I don't think you can just go there and say poorly thought out left wing things. I think you have to say things that genuinely upset all the people of Hula Pakar. You're sure?

I think kids should be murdered. Every kid on, you know, like that kind of stuff. Well, I mean, you don't know that they don't think that. It wasn't Betsy DeVos. Was she the one who was the Trump's education secretary? And she was a former Hewlett-Packard executive. Was she? Am I right? I mean, yeah, she's, I mean, she's just from a very rich family, I believe.

Right. There was someone who was a former Hewlett-Packard. There was someone who was a former Hewlett Packard. Yeah, right. I, I promised I wasn't picking it because I thought that they were right wing. I was just, uh, I thought you were. I thought you were like, yeah, I was, I was only using it because comedian Dave Quirk, I know that he once did a gig for God damn. I did a corporate gig for Hewlett-Packard and it didn't go well. Right, okay, that's a great choice.

Yeah. You said that he only joke that they laughed at. The only joke that they laughed at was that he read a text message from his friend saying that when he told him that he was doing a gig there, they said, well pick me up a printer cartridge while you're there. And they all laughed at that. And then they didn't laugh at anything else. I mean, that's quite funny. Look, I've looked it up and I don't think Betsy DeVos

did have anything to do with your luck packard. That must have been someone else. I was confused about she worked for a company called Neurocore, which I don't know what it is, but it sounds like an evil company in a future movie. Neurocore would be, you know, they would be making robots, killer robots. Yeah. Or they would be downloading the brains of people into some kind of, you know, evil computer.

That's all. So I think you could do, you could do, you could do, you could do good crowd work as a Boo art performer. Because it's like, it's all about just offending, you know, like being unfair to people, offending people's sensibilities. What do you do for work? Computers, that's a waste of time. Oh, yuck. I couldn't think of a more hard thing to spend your time doing.

Oh, you also don't like it, all right? You got kids? I got three kids, old boys. Oh, I would love to murder your children. No, I don't. I would love to make mockeries of them and whip them in public. Hmm, I don't respect your children. I don't respect your children.

Boo! That would be great. Oh, how easy. Oh, there are a real easy boo tonight, the crowd. Anyone here got dead parrots? Yeah, good. Good. I'm happy about that.

Less parrots for me to have to kill. This isn't his liking. I was looking in the mirror the other day. This is threatening to kill people. I'm gonna kill all your family members. I want to, anyway, because I think they deserve to die by being connected to you, who I think is atrocious.

Yeah, atrocious. Oh, that's biting. Really? Boo. You know, like the idea that you would have like, I didn't even finish the boo punch line. I was just in the boo setup and they were already booing. God, such an easy boo tonight, this crowd. I mean, this is... It's not worth that much of a boo.

This is a... Boo! There's something very funny to me about the idea of us making an incredibly lame, low-effort... an incredibly lame low-effort film with it is set in a universe where performers try to get booze instead of laughs at its all just that level of look you're not even good it's I think every one of you was wearing a terrible outfit. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession resistant

career and a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu. I don't care.

I don't care for this place at all. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver.

I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a bad driver's that gonna get a boom? Why are people booing your observation at the height of the ceiling? Were they all the fiddling and building? Yeah, and the walls don't look level even though they are. I don't know if I could boo that. I think this is the sort of thing that would get that awkward silence.

Oh, that would be so tense. It comes off stage and he's talking to the other boo artists about their concerns about their material and the fact that they only got pity boo's. And they're like, oh man, it's because you're just making comments about the building and these people don't feel emotionally invested in the building. I got to attack them personally, I've got to kill their kids. I know, but think about it. It's an investment. They're not booing that, but they came here to boo. Yeah.

Remember, that's ultimately, they're not there to laugh. They're the other boo, and the fact they're not booing, that's going to result in a big boo soon. Yeah. I build up that tension when the boo is going to come. It's a... You can't give them all good boo stuff. That's anti-bub. People kill anti-boo comedy, boomity.

Yeah. Don't call it boo comedy. It's not comedy. Ah. What? Don't call it boo art. It's boo art performance. It's boo art. Yeah. Comedy doesn't exist in this universe. Maybe. It's boo, boo art. Yeah comedy doesn't exist in this universe. Maybe.

It's exclusively boo art. No, it doesn't exist down on the stair. Okay. But it doesn't say it at that total voice that implies that it might. No. I mean, do you think somebody's going to discover it soon though? Maybe while we're watching. No, that doesn't exist. It's incapable of existing. When does it end up existing? At some point? Nope. No.

But what if nobody discovers it? But they, like, practically, but they may be mathematically figure out that it could be possible? That is actually really a great question. I think the idea of, in a really, that is actually really great question. I think the idea of in a universe where nobody has a sense of humor, does comedy exist? Like is, is there something about comedy that is that a pro could you this is this is going nowhere could you in a

lifeless universe could you as some sort of robotic intelligence analyze all the material in the universe and proof the existence of the body or comedy material. Oh, well, I guess they're both. Look, this is, no, but I say, I see what you're saying. So could you without even having met humans, but know about life, if you knew about the existence of life, due to you being alive, yes.

But even though you didn't have comedy, could you, could you predict the existence, the potential existence of comedy? I do like, look, I'm going to write this down. I think it's going to take a lot of those writing down. No, no, no, I think it's going to take a lot more thinking. I want to know if comedy is a, is a fundamental property of existence. I've been thinking about this question all the time, Alessess, since we talked about it while we were writing the pop test, this thing about superconductors and how they exhibit this superconducting behaviour.

Electrons do this weird thing at really low temperatures in conductors and where they start superconducting and they start behaving this really new way where they move with no resistance. And because it only happens under these really specific circumstances in a superconductor that we build, and it seems to be a really fundamental property of electrons, I want to know if they've ever done it at any other point in the history of the universe.

And if they haven't, how did they know to do that? Where was the information stored in the universe to tell them how to do that? Right? They're like a... And I think that that's a really fun question, Andy. Do you really? question, Andy. Do you really? Yeah, I think it's a fun question, but that can't be the question that leads you to the real answer. Like, because how do they know to do this?

I think what happens is it removes all of the obstacles to doing that. Yes. But until they've done that, was there any way to... For them to be aware that they could do it? For anybody to be aware that they could do it? Well, for anybody to be aware that they could do it, right? And if there was no way to work it out, that they could do that, right? Independent, if they actually...

If you could create models, mathematical models that are accurate of electrons. Maybe you're right. And maybe you could... And their motion... And their motion... And their motion... And their motion... And their motion... And their motion... electrons. Maybe you're right. And maybe you can reduce that behavior before actually performing that experiment. Yeah. I mean, I don't, yeah, I don't know. It's like, it's like a baby bird that didn't have any parents that suddenly knows how to fly, right? How did it go? I think about that all the time, about animals who, you know, or like that movie, Blue Lagoon,

I bring up Blue Lagoon pretty often, I think, but it's Brook Shield, some guy, some kid, but you see they are on an island. They're on a desert island. Whoever the adult that was with them dies. Yes. And as they grow into sexual maturity, they figure out to have sex. Hmm. Yeah. Right.

From first principles. It's very impressive. I just don't know if I could ever figure that out. You wouldn't be able to derive independently the concept of sex from the evidence that you and I think you're exactly right, Alistair. Yeah, because there's nothing There's nothing to suggest that that's what you're supposed to do looking at the, you know, up until the point where you have sex, looking at all the things that you do with your penis.

Yeah. And looking at all the things that you do with your... Peanuts. Peanuts. Peanuts. Peanuts. Peanuts. Peanuts.

Peanuts. Peanuts. Yeah. None of those logically then, instead to you thinking of using it for sex. There's no way that you would make that leap. So yeah, I think. But I think, I think that when I'm aroused, I think that I'm definitely more annoying to my partner.

And so I'm just around more. Yeah. So I mean, maybe, maybe there is this weird orbital that just kind of makes you like, you hassle each other until you're wrestling. Right. And then it kind of, you know, and then it just kind of maybe it then just does accidentally happen. It could happen by, yeah, you're right. You could build a human, if you build the annoying, build being annoying into a human

as sort of like a necessary stepping stone to get you the activation energy, to get you to the point of wrestling out of annoyance. Yeah. Well, because I just don't get to care independently. Yeah, I don't think that they could, like that jeans can rely on creatures

seeing other creatures do it. Well, I guess like, I know dogs, dogs don't like watch porn and dogs don't necessarily see other dogs have sex, but they kind of just they're like I have a feeling I just feel it somewhere in my gut that I got to just get on the back of you like this. Sure. Just hold you in place. Yep. So there's something there they're just they're being annoying. They go I know we wouldn't normally do this. And I realized that having to carry someone's weight like this is probably annoying. But this is just what's in my heart right

now. Well, the only way to answer this question is for us to rewatch Blue Lagoon and see if they wrestle out of annoyance before they have sex. Yeah, I think they comment on this. Yeah, well, that is my definitive text. I mean, I assume there must be a whole field of biology on how animals figure it out. And if not, you know, I think that that's the, it's sort of the study of applied horniness. And I think that, you could be pioneers in this. I'm ready to get down. Great.

Applied horningus? Yeah, study of applied horningus. I think it would be really, I think it would be really interesting to have a society where nobody, for some reason, all knowledge of sex has disappeared Right and yeah, all they know is that they're horny that horniness exists and they don't know what it's for or what it means And they're all getting quite old Yeah, and they're trying to work it out that they have all their greatest philosophers

Working on this problem and they have big you know town hall meetings where everyone shouts out their ideas about what hoardiness is for. What is our body trying to tell us? I got this. What's your series about? I got this. Would you be like, but then would you think that like grumpiness is in some way connected? Would you be like, but then would you think that like grumpiness is in some way connected? I like it. Yeah. Well, that makes me feel something. It makes me want to get away.

It makes me want to just be at yell at all of you. In fact, I'm feeling it right now. Why can't we figure out what grumpiness is more? And then they make that person go away because they're at the wrong meeting. Why? Are there no like, I know, I remember when I was younger, there used to be a lot of young people around. Why are there not any young people anymore?

They really don't know a lot in this universe today. It's a full blue lagoon society. Maybe the only people who had the information, it was like a very young society in all of the adults died. Sure. All of the people with information died in some, maybe somebody sacked the village and all the kids, all the younger people under 20

We're hidden under a barn Under a bond Yeah, you know, and then and then everybody with any knowledge of Sex or You know, and so maybe it was a very conservative thing kind of thing, but I don't know. Who knows? Why are we horny? Why are we horny?

Before I say that, I'm just going to say the one idea that I really liked from the last episode that we tried to record, but we didn't make it, which was free or jazz or freeest jazz. Oh, yeah, sure. Which was an attempt to make free jazz more free by removing the need to having these rules where people would have to all show up in one place to record an album. Which, yeah, feels very constrictive. Which feels very, you know, feels an album. Which yeah, feels very constructive. Which feels very, you know, feels like quite a, yeah, exactly. It's not, you're not free. You've been a square man.

That's not the spirit of the jazz. And people could, you know, say, just be walking around playing their instrument, playing with no, no nest, you know, not necessarily anything that has any kind of tune or anything like that. But then why be restricted to even having an instrument at all? Why couldn't you just go up to somebody in the supermarket and just stare at them for an extended period of time? Indeed.

Yeah. You know, until you make them feel something, which is the point of any jazz musician. Right. And that's, yeah, and that's the performance. You know, and they don't know it was a performance. That's right. But, but if it's a performance for the performer, I think that's really what matters. Exactly. And think about it. You could be that you could, if you're the person who has that happened to you Somebody just stares at you real intense in the supermarket So you feel something and you turn around you look at somebody behind you

You kind of go whoa and they go yeah, whoa, right? Well, you don't realize that other person was also a free jazz performer And that yeah, whoa was an attempt to also make you feel, you know, feeling of relief, feeling, feeling seen, but not in the same way that they felt seen by a person staring at them. I, you know, there's people who, for a while, there was that weird, that was that kind of, when we were in that flash mob kind of era,

and there were those people who did sort of improv performances sort of anywhere, right? And they would just make a sort of a scene of some kind occur. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to do that, but it's all real slice of life type stuff. You know, it's an improv performance where a little kid, you know, you're leaving the supermarket, oh, you've forgotten something. You send the kid back in to get something they run inside

Get it pay for it bringing out put in the trolley. That's the entire performance Yeah, I like it you could fill a full food court with just improv performers having conversations that are improvised Yeah And it's not about being seen by others. It's about improvising, practicing your improv skills. Exactly. Their objectives have a really, I mean, I would be so bad at this. This is this fuck thing about improv. Then it is just talking, you know, it's just acting, it's just having a normal interaction so much at the time. But as soon as you tell me it's that, it ruins me. I couldn't tell.

If you told me to sit down in a food court and have a conversation with somebody for an improv performance, I wouldn't be able to think of a single thing to say. But if you sat down in a food court with that same person, you'd be able to just talk to them. I mean, at least a little bit, yeah. Yeah. So. Well, it's the magic of improv right there. Freest jazz.

Freest. My favorite idea from the previous attempt at the podcast was the saxophone that two people can blow into. The same. The three people. I thought it was a random. It's a random saxophone. A random saxophone

But that didn't really go anywhere as an idea Yeah All right, we got three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this Andy, but we have listeners and Some of them can you know if they sign up for to our patreon they can suggest three words and we right, you know right a sketch based on that Back in my throat, it's got a real dry. Anyway, so this is from listener Pupu Bumbumb Man. Pupu Bumbumb. We actually don't know if that is a male or female person.

It's just because they're called Pupu Bumbumb Man. That doesn't mean that they are a man. They're not Mr. poo poo bum and bum and that's right. That's right. It's a you know they could just come from a you know some of the if their last name is Peter man, Peter man. Hmm. Doesn't mean that they're a man. It's true. Do you want to try and guess what the three words are? Yeah. I reckon it's gavill. No, not even close. It's true. Do you want to try and guess what the three words are? Yeah, I reckon it's gavel. No, not even close. It's my. Uh, okay. Next word, um, cloister?

No, no, not gavel cloister. It's my favorite. Uh, okay. The last word is Mulder. It's my favorite Mulder. It's a play. Mulder is in podcast. My favorite murder, but it's Mulder and Scully and it's a re-watching the X-Files podcast. My favorite Mulder. Classic podcast type. Soon as somebody invented one of those podcasts where you just look at every episode of something, they created a cascade in which

everybody is going to always, like every one of those types of podcasts is going to be created in multiple types of each one. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, it's a good format. It's a good idea. People who like things like to listen to people talking about those things makes them feel like the thing is worth talking about. I'm a sucker for it. Yeah, I think I'd like to do it one for everything. Ah, it's feels like the kind of Alistair ambition that I've used to. Yeah, it's me bad. I would start by saying like, all right, today we're going to do it to one on one type of bolt.

I love everything. That's what we call the point. Because, because of what we call the podcast. No, it's called my favorite molder. My favorite everything. Anyway, the last word from Pupu Bumbum Man or Bumbum Man is my favorite son. Okay, my favorite son. Well, it's O-N or oh N or SUN is my question. So N. So N. Right. Well, I mean, it's a real it's a real live question for you and me Alistair because of course, yeah, multiple sons. You're a binary system. Two sons. Well, I've, you know, as you may know, that may not entirely be the case. Ah, yes, of course. I'm sorry. It's okay. It's okay.

Uh. But he said... Andy, we recorded one episode of the podcast the other day. Don't say it. Don't bring it up. I'm not going to say what you podcast, but that's the other day. Don't, don't say, don't bring this up. I'm not gonna say what you said, but, but, you know, there was like, there was, you know, we have guests on, anyway, we're not gonna be able to record the rest now because of the lockdown, but until later, but Andy made a mistake and it was clearly just a, a missed,

a poorly chosen word that was such a faux pas. It was so offensive. It was so offensive what he said. It was just trying to choose a random word that just brought up so much negative history tied up with it. About the person you say, it was just a brilliant one. We had to stop the podcast and go, we all know that he didn't mean that. Yeah. Wow. I feel, yeah, I've been having a few flashbacks to that moment, Alistair. That would have been that would have been the live episode

of the podcast as well. Yeah, which was also cancelled. That had been had to be cancelled. Yeah. That could have all played out in front of an audience of 300 people. And. So I guess the thing you're saying, Andy, is thank God for COVID. Yeah, I think so. It saved my life. COVID saved my life.

No, but hang on. What were we talking about before? Oh, yeah. My favorite son. Yeah, I just wanted to say that I was having a feeling the other day of like my kids, right? You know how you wouldn't think it would be possible to love them all exactly the same amount, but I really do.

You know, you think about it like, ah, they're all the best. How is it possible that they're all the best? And they're also, they bring so much joy and they're so unique. I don't understand. Two of them are identical twins. Still. How could they be unique?

How could they be so unique? They are. And I just think it's really cool, really neat how much you're able to love your children. And also, as a result, feel awful all the time thinking about them dying. Just what would you do as a parent in your downtime? If you didn't get to have awful thoughts have you didn't get to have awful thoughts about bad things happening to your children. It's such a... The amount of times that I have to go and check on the baby just to be like, you're still

just breathing, right? Yeah. Well, the baby monitor system doesn't really work, does it, of the, you know, the listening to your baby. Because as we all know, if the baby's dead, it's also not making any noise. So really, what you need is some sort of remote monitoring system that allows you to, I don't know, I guess, listen to their heart, have an ECG, or maybe something that

pokes your child all through the night so that they make noise, and then you're able to monitor there still being alive by the fact that they're being annoyed by this machine that pokes them constantly. But then it's hard enough, you work so hard getting them to sleep, of course. And then they are asleep, well they're quiet, and that means that they could be dead. Yeah, that's the dichotomy there. At least when they're screaming. Yeah, that's true. You can really enjoy their living. I wonder whether now that because it's so difficult, because you can't

choose who you're favorite, it is based on who they are. And it feels like, that's the perfect system for them getting to earn Being your favorite. Yeah Yeah, you're right and what kind of it feels like a starting position doesn't everyone's like What could one of them do In order to earn being your favorite, you know like that you would feel would be fair. Maybe motivate them. Well, what of the boys today did say, I'm planning to get a four-wheel drive. And that was pretty good. I think if they managed to do it, then they could be your favorite. I mean, I think so. I was like, okay.

Because we were talking about fixing our driveway. And he was saying, he said, that's a good idea, mommy, because I'm planning to get a four-wheel drive. And we can park it there. And it was very cool. And I think, yes, if my child does manage to get by himself a car, my four-year-old son can get a car, then, you know, that's definitely something.

I guess it's crazy. But if one of my kids, one of my small kids, did start just giving me money. Yeah. It's hard to argue that that wouldn't. I mean, if one of them was able to manage so that you didn't have to, like work a job to, in order to keep the whole family alive, arguable whether or not you're the one keeping the whole family alive at this point. Indeed. But, you know, I not you're the one keeping the whole family alive at this point.

But, you know, I guess you're still spending the money in the right places. I mean, I guess it would be quite easy for one of your kids to become your least favorite by making loads of money, but not giving you any. Yeah. I really, I really resentful of this rich little four-year-old kid. And I've got, I keep having to ask him for money and he's really cheap with it. Right, he makes me feel bad. And he's, and he's following up all the time to get me to pay him back. A little money man, a little money bag. Rich, this is the sketch.

It's called Rich Son Poor Dad. Yeah. You've heard of Rich Dad Poor Dad. Well, here's Rich Son Poor Dad. Oh, hey kid, sorry, I'm a little strapped right now. It's like, you know, work is kind of dried up. And I got about four months until there's another job coming around.

I guess he makes some kind of like invention, or how is he so astute? I mean, you know, because kids can be very small kids, can be really great at stuff. You know, they can be great at music or that kind of thing. So why couldn't they, I guess, you know, with Bitcoin, maybe it could be just really cool. I mean, it could just be like, you know, like,

at school, they're always like, you know, talking to kids about environmental things and stuff like that. And maybe the kid comes up with an idea. Kid solves climate change. Essentially, yeah. And it's like a program that basically does do very good and they become quite famous

because it's like nobody loves a story on the news more than like a four year old has some genuinely good idea and other schools are implementing it. like a four year old has some genuinely good idea. And you know, and it's, and other schools are implementing it, but then, you know, the government's like, actually, let's get on board with this. This is something that won't cost us that much and actually does, we'll do a lot of bunch of good. And then the kid gets famous and probably gets like,

you know, get some sponsorship deals and stuff like that. Yeah. And gets, you know gets hundreds of thousands of dollars. But then it's quite tight with that money. And yeah, because they're also very environmental with it and they're like, well, you're not going to buy a car. Yeah, they moralize and they lecture me about what I'm spending my money on. Yeah, yeah. And then it's like, well, can I just have a bit of money for groceries?

He goes, what are you gonna buy? Well, you know, bread, eggs, you know, well, eggs from Michigan. How many? But is that chicken happy? You know, well eggs From a chicken But is that chicken happy? No, well, I don't think you should get eggs You know, yeah, you're not you're not getting eggs not with my money. You want eggs who can use your own money Yeah, you can have three you can have three dollars for bread. Oh

Kid come on That I have such a poor dad in this scenario. It's just, you know, things have gone really bad in your career. Yeah. I mean, that's a fair point. Hey, by the way, any listeners who are worried about my teeth, because I did talk on a previous episode about my teeth being sore and feeling very old as a result, I went to the dentist today and I had a bit of popcorn stuck inside my gum. So teeth aren't so bad. That's right. And as a result, I'm not that old.

I'm not aging and I'm fine. That's really great. Do you think we should wrap this up? Yeah, I think we should. On that happy note. All right. On that happy note. All right.

I'll take us through the sketches. We've got robots that only feel pain. This is a new idea to maybe to help humans feel better, maybe to just just see what happens. Oh, so they don't invade us, right? Is that from the previous attempt at the episode? No, that's from this episode. Yeah, okay, great. And we got kid gun, which is...

Oh, true. This is a kid gun, which is... It's a gun... You use the kid as a gun. This is a... You walk into a bank, it's just you and a kid, no one expects it, you know? Yeah. And then you pick up the kid and you start firing it at the ceiling and you say, everybody get down. And then there's the child who is born a gun.

And then this is obviously, there's a lot of questions, but then it's the child who is born a gun. And then this is a little bit of a lot of questions, but then it's also, you know, this kid's getting bullied by some really brave kids. And... Pushing the gun around. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, why don't you go shoot someone gun?

I don't know. What are you gonna do about it? And then we got the bank robbery experience. One kid said, telling the gun to meet it at the bike sheds after after school. Yeah. And the guns just sort of like trying to like I guess pistol whip the kid. I guess yeah. I mean I guess the gun could just not be loaded. That's true until it reaches puberty. That's right yeah then it starts producing bullets. Then there's the yeah the, the bank robbery experience, which is something a bank that offers because nobody's going in there. And then we got the Boo Art performance, the performers. This is always in a world where comedy doesn't exist, maybe yet, but maybe never.

Then there's the theoretical existence of comedy. This is in another world where comedy doesn't exist but or where no, not where comedy doesn't exist, but it's a species of creature that doesn't have a sense of humor, but whether or not they could mathematically predict that humor could exist or whether they could just, you know, not even mathematically. Could they could- Could they hypothesize it? Yeah. Yeah, on another planet. Could they hypothesize it? Yeah, on another planet.

Could they hypothesize that comedy exists? Then we've got the study of applied horningness. What's it for? How do they know? How do they know? How does that have sex? And then, I mean, the freest jazz, and then we have Richie Sun, poor dad. I think it would be kind of like a children of men's style film, where instead of people

not being able to have kids, just nobody knows about sex. So everybody's still fertile. Yeah, but they just don't know about it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I like that scene where it is like a community trying to figure it out. They're all aging. They don't know where kids come from. And they don't know why they get horny all the time. Okay. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba- Matt, stupid old Andy. And I am at Alistair TV. We are at Two in Tank on Twitter and on Instagram.

Thank you for listening. You can, you know, support us on Patreon, if you'd like. But be patreon.com slash two in tank. You can, you can review us. You can, you know, maybe one day even tune into our 300th episode. We're getting close, but who knows if the restrictions will lift hopefully soon. We'll keep you posted.

It has to, they have to lift because I can't be in my own garage for 30 hours and my kids will come in and that will be distracting. They will not allow me to be in here. They will not allow me to be in here. They will not allow me to be in here for 30 hours. This is how long you're predicting it will take to record the episode. Oh, maybe. I don't know yet. So, I can't be more than 24 hours.

I wouldn't, I won't be able to do it. Yeah, I know. Jesus. We'll die. We'll die. But we'll just, we'll just have stuff. We'll just have figured out. Thanks, Ali. Yeah, you know. Jesus. We'll die. We'll die, but we'll just we'll just have stuff. We'll just have figured out. Thanks, Ali. Yeah, you're right. And we love you. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider

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