Simple Swedish Podcast - 301 - "DESPOT AND DATELESS"

Episode Date: August 24, 2021

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And you know, this show where we can't wait for five sketch ideas. I'm, I guess, some sort of a chipmunk being hit with a tennis racket. And... Yes, and I'm a six-year-old girl who's just discovered the joy of chipmunk tennis. girl who's just discovered the joy of Chip Montana's. We've got to write this down. We have to write these little intros for the pop test and they're the hardest thing in the world to write. And that one just flowed out. That's just perfect. Isn't it beautiful little? Beautiful little. Ah, no further questions. Well maybe that that's how should we should write them?

We should just pretend like we're starting a pocket. We could do a podcast. That's all just us introducing ourselves Commit a metaphor is really good. We could call it my next guest needs so much introduction and it'll be a parody of that TV show by David Letterman in a podcast form. That's already a hilarious parody. What a great twist. They've taken out the visual element. You know what I was thinking earlier? I was thinking I should do a podcast.

And this is almost not even worth mentioning, but I should do it, but you know, like everybody does a podcast where they review every episode of like the Simpsons or like, you know, came with thrones or like you know Game of Thrones or you know Terry Pratchett books like that. I'm gonna maybe do one like that for this podcast. Oh great. I thought you were gonna say you were gonna do it for every episode of the Letterman show because I don't think anyone's doing one about stuff that just nobody can watch.

There's no hope of anybody being able to get back there and watch every single episode of this show. Right, like it wouldn't use. Do it for the news, starting from the advent of television, every episode of the news, and I'm going gonna review it. And I'm gonna do a little, you know, satirize it in some way, not satirize it. No, that would just be news satire.

I'm gonna riff about it with my three friends while we get drunk. There you go. Yeah, we go. It's gonna be cool. It's funny how the urge to get drunk is finding new and unique ways of infiltrating its way to our brains. It's becoming, it's like the ways of getting drunk has become the urge to self-destruct

has become a creative. Absolutely. Absolutely. I need to have the creative abilities of my mind's self-destructive section. Well, I think maybe it's true that when you're drunk you do get less distracted. Do you think you get less distracted when you're drunk? Like, you know, like you don don't get drunk and scroll Twitter. You can, yeah, you can. Okay, great.

Well, I think you, I think, but there's also different phases of being drunk. I think like, I think that first hour is the dream period where you're like, Oh, it's the best. I'm on top of the world. You're like, I love my life. Yeah, I'm so fun to be around. There is a few hours in where the brain numbs. And then you're like, oh, I'm not sure.

I'm not contributing as much as I used to be to society. Yeah, I'm maybe unhappy right now. Now, given because there are things like drunk history, there are things like those where people get drunk and talk about true crime and that sort of thing. What about this? It's a charity where we get drunk and we build houses in the third world. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you could, we could get drunk and help the homeless. We could do it as well. It goes so far away. Well, I guess maybe we get drunk on the plane

on the way over there. We get, we hire a plane. We fly to the third world, you know where it is. And we go for four, four, five hours, I don't know. And then we get quite drunk by the time we land. Then we spend a couple of hours building houses. And then it's back on the plane. To be honest, there's like, there's such a, a sort of like nice, nice news story vibe to it, where it's like, well, these group, this group of friends realized that they were getting drunk all the time and that it was quite detrimental to both themselves, you know, to their health,

and some of the stuff they got up to could sometimes land them in trouble. Yeah, it's a bit selfish. So they decided to turn their lives around. Yeah, this is great. Very happy about it. And start get drunk for charity. Get drunk for charity. You know, get drunk for the world for... Alcoholics song from TA. Mmm. We send a couple of drugs in. And they go in, they go,

and the great thing is, while they're building these huts and well-thinking these wells, they're being hilarious. Ah, so funny. Are they caveats? No. Yes, true. They're just people.

They're just drug people being, you know, they're like, it's, I mean, to think of it, it's as stupid as trying to steal a street sign. Yeah. You know, it's a stupid as trying to steal a street sign. Yeah. Absolutely. It's a stupid thing to do to get on a plane and go help people in a remote part of popping it. It's ridiculous.

It's stupid, but it's positive stupid. It's helping people. It's adding value to the world. And I'd like to- I think globally, act drunkenly. That's their motto. I think Tim Ferriss should interview us on his podcast about our new book, Drunk For, Drunk For the World.

I don't know who Tim Ferriss is, but I agree. Is that for our- Is that for our- Is that the inventor of the Ferris wheel? Is that for our work week guy who's turned, you know, essentially self-help into a very serious business of productivity and, you know, it's like, you know, getting, you know, some mushroom vitamins that aid with your cognition and, and you know, having a tight schedule and employing somebody to do something that you don't need to be focusing on so you can focus on other things, stuff like that.

But you're only working four hours a week, so you've presumably got the time to do those other things as well. Absolutely. I think I've just found the hole in his entire regime and Get drunk and do I expect his apology in the morning Alistair here's another idea, right? Now because I was I thought about like, you know, there's all those dating shows where I thought about like, you know, there's all those dating shows where they come up with some gimmick on dating now, right? So there was that dating naked one and there's one where they send you into the jungle, I think.

You might also be naked in this and then maybe you're dating and trying to survive and then or might have made that one up. And then there's that sexy beast one where you're dressed up as a, an animal. Have you seen that? You got like heavy sort of facial makeup and prosthetics and masks and stuff. And you look like some sort of weird fucking animal and you go on a date.

So I got a few options. The first thing that I came to my mind was drunk dating. And then I think that's probably just dating a lot of the time, and also probably would be very unpleasant to watch. And probably also has like weird consent issues in there. Yeah, there are there be all sorts of, it's complicated. I don't think, I don't think as a production company, a television production company, it's something that you necessarily will be bearing too much responsibility for.

But, okay, here's a couple of different options, right? They've got that sexy beast one, whether you look like... Dating on acid. Yeah, and here we go. You look like an animal. But what about one where you look like, they do facial prosthetics like they did on John Lithgow to make him

Winston Churchill. But they make you look like world leaders, famous world leaders from throughout history. And then you go on a date. Right. So it'll be, it's the church. It's like Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill. Exactly. Yes. It'll be Paul Pot and the Iron Lady.

The Iron Lady yourself. Margaret Thatcher. Yeah. I should have said someone who wasn't Margaret Thatcher for the Iron Lady, isn't it? The Iron Lady herself, Mother Teresa. There we go. The statue of Margaret Thatcher. Yes.

And so that's one option, right? And this is another option. This one is Serenode de Bourgeois style, or that movie Roxanne with Steve Martin. And it's where you have two people sitting at a table but neither of them is actually dating the other person. The two people who are dating are in a different room telling those people what to say. And it's the job of the people in the different rooms to fall in love with each other.

They have to. You could do that speed dating style. So you could do it so that you're just sitting in front of like it's two. What are they called avatars? Yeah. Pardon me, I need to pause for a second. No, it's alright. I've got this, Alistair. You leave it rolling. So I think where Alistair was going with that, oh, and he sounds like he might never come back.

That's like he's got tuberculosis. Alistair TB, they call him, but they, it sounds like what Allister was suggesting with that speed dating thing. You could have it where it's different avatars all the time, right? So you're telling people what to say at their little dating table. And those people keep changing, but the people telling them what to say remain the same for the entire time. I mean, it'd be great because there's the people behind the scenes we're trying to hook up. But then there's also the people in front of the scenes who might also have some very natural chemistry, but they're not in control of anything that they say. They might still be able to do things

or just make gestures and that kind of thing. But by being controlled like that, we remove certain elements. For the people behind the scenes, you remove the vanity of your appearance and the concern over the other person's appearance and you no longer care what they look like, right? And for the people in the room, you no longer care what the person has to say or think or do, you know, because people get too hung up on the mind, on the values, and in indeed the level of interest of the other person, no, this is sounding problematic. But think at the end, we have a nice little interview with the people who are doing the speed dating in the seats, and then we also have another nice interview when we have a moment where the

people who were behind the scenes get to meet up in person now and by the way they've already decided whether or not they're going to marry this person. It a new type of marriage contract that we've invented which is legally unbreakable so it's the stakes are incredibly high. Not just fake marriage for the TV show like they do for a moment. No, no, no, no, this is even more real than regular marriage. I didn't even say that into the microphone. I just said it into your microphone. With the phone microphone, and now I'm speaking into the actual microphone.

I think this is the new podcast we call off mic. And it's two people talking You'll you will try it now all right. I'll say we might have done this sketch again Have we off by two people talking not very close to the microphone? Yeah, and well, I think where maybe they weren't recorded Oh, all right. Well, no, this is a different one This is one where it's much harder to hear because there's this intimacy that you get even more difficult to get than not being recorded.

Even more difficult to hear than a regular podcast, Alistair. So it's and which according to one of our listeners is actually pretty difficult pretty difficult. And yeah, we've been asked if we can boost the gain in the edit, but instead we'll just shout We'll do it live Fuck it. We'll do it live. No, but my off-mic podcast is it's because because podcasts have that intimacy of it feels like the person is talking directly to you Right when you're listening to it. But this one, my off mic podcast, it'll have that extra feeling of the people aren't talking to you.

They're talking to each other and they don't know that you're listening, right? So it's a real eavesdropping type experience. You know, we're off mic, we're talking over here, okay? And so if you're picking up anything, it's just incidental Incidental podcasting so it's like taking the stairs. Yeah instead of the elevator Sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about What was your your sketch idea? So it wasn't in the end there while I was gone I think there's actually two different ideas. Yeah your sketch idea. So it wasn't in the end there while I was gone. I think there's actually two different ideas. Yep.

Right, there's one that's world leaders dating. World leaders. Yeah, I mean, I'm dating. I really, really want to make this show. I mean, really what it should be is you should be dressed up as the other person's worst fear. Oh, that's really good as well. And Winston Churchill. Is your worst fear?

Sure. And then, and then if your personality can cut through that transcend that fear, then it's probably going to work. He is dressed as his covered 400 meters down. Mm. Mm. I look underground or I just look at his skin. He's scared of heights. Is that right? He's scared of heights. Yeah. I really interested to see what the facial prosthetics are that make this move it look like she's 400 meters down because what is the thing is that prosthetics really struggle to do is make your head and body smaller than it already is. And this sounds like it's going to be quite radical.

Series of lenses. Oh, of course. And you know, that paint that sometimes, it makes it look like you're standing, you know, like in a, like a, you know, a breaking wave or something like that, so you can take us for perspective. Yeah. Forse perspective. You know, I think it'll be a lot of that. Yeah. Great. Really forse perspective. It's basically someone standing there with a gun and saying, you are in a wave, you're in a fucking wave, believe it, accept the illusion. And it's uncanny.

You'd be amazed at what can it do. Was the Avatar one or was the, what would they call it? The other one is the Avatar one or was the, what are they called? The other one is the Avatar one. It's my serenade de Bergerac dating show. Yeah. But I don't have to write that. No.

So, forget it. I'm just going to write serenade de Bergerac. Yeah, perfect. Dating show. Yeah, and it's, yeah, people behind the scenes. And I took your idea of the, I took your idea of the rotating, the speed dating, and I had them moving around.

The people who are sitting at the table change all the time, but the people behind the scenes telling them what to say, stay the same. That's what you're trying. Which is like a transcend identity. Well, it's quite an interesting idea. If you, let's say you did have the people change, right? Who, but let's say like there's, there's one person sitting there and then there's three people who come in a kind of speed dating type thing, right?

And so the person thinks that they're speaking to three different people. But then it's actually the same person talking through the all three different people. And then they put which one they want. And then they only get one third of the person, we see the person who was behind the scenes, the best person to have it to three chunks. And they only get one of them. If they only chose one person, but if they choose all three, well, it could be, they could give,

they could give three parts of the person, the person only that they give, like, you know, usually on first dates. Mm. Right, which is that, you know, you hide all of your crazy. When you're first date, you show yourself being witty, fun, things like that. So you could do that on the first person. Yeah.

Then the second person comes through and then maybe you're just like, you're just your wildest self, like the way you are when you're with your best friend. Right? Yeah. You're just your wildest self like the way you are when you're with your best friend Right, yeah, you're just you're making those kinds of jokes, right? Which some of them will be grading some of them will be misreading the room Yeah, right and then the third one is you Releasing all of your inner. Here is all of my problems. And then just to see, because we don't know which ones are the more successful dating strategies, we

just know what people assume to hide. All your major flaws is the best thing to do, but we don't know that. You're listening to Two in the Side Tank where we come up with a number of an idea and today we're coming up with dating show ideas. I've got another idea for a dating show. Yeah, hang on, it's gone from my head while I was saying that thing, it slipped away. You were talking about those different people behind the scenes. Oh, yeah, why isn't there?

I don't know about this one, Owl. But, you know, why isn't there a dating show for couples looking for a third? Okay. Oh, people would watch that, people would watch that. I really think they would. I think it would be fascinating to see the couple dynamic You know you get to see them a little bit be interviewed right and then you get to see some people who might be up for it might not Right and then they have they do a little sort of little

Speed date type interaction Yeah, we see how it goes They do a little sort of little speed date type interaction. Yeah. And we see how it goes. I'm aware that not all dating shows just consist of sitting at a table speed dating there are other elements to them. Not in my... I think the couple that's sitting behind a wall and then there's three suitors. Mm.

Mm. You don't think that a thing? Oh suitors. Mmm. Mmm. You don't think I have a thing? Oh, sure. Yeah. It's a date. So that's a date. This is, it's a threat. It's a threat.

The date. The threat. It's a threesome. It's a threesome. Right. It's a threesome, great. Well, yeah, and then there could be a big show. It's the origin. There's four people on one side of the wall. And there's six people on the other side of the wall.

And the four people on one side have to choose three of the six people on the other side to join the three or just there's three groups of six people on the other side. I have to decide which group of three people. No, group of six. Yeah, which group of six people, yeah, that's right. Yeah. I think that's right. Yeah. That's right. That's it.

I think that's really fun. That's just, let's just exclusive, you know, like our sausage episodes. Let's make this just an exclusively dating show, style, episode. It's dating, but, but it's a prank dating show, right? We're in the middle of the date, some armed gunmen burst into wherever it is that you are, and start threatening

everybody. And you see how the people react under pressure. You know, because that's what you want to know. And then from, and then from the how they treat the hostages, you have to choose which one of the terrorists. Oh, really good. Yes. It's gonna be your next boyfriend. By the way, in the world leaders, facial prosthetics dating show, they're meeting not a restaurant

or something, but it's at a kind of UN round table or maybe one of those photo opportunities where Trump sits down opposite Putin and they, you know, they're in those weird little chairs. And they have, afterwards, they have to give a little speech at podiums to talk about how they think the date went. It's a global meeting of the people. And so at first, you just, you get to mingle with all the other world leaders.

Oh, great. And you gotta see if there's anyone that, you know, click this. This is so good. It's called Model UN, right? They're all models. They're all beautiful. But they've been made up to look like the leaders

at the United Nations. They mean gold. They decide who they want to have a unilateral discussion with, or a bilateral discussion. I think a unilateral discussion with, or a bilateral discussion, I think a unilateral discussion is a monologue, a bilateral discussion with. And then they go to the more intimate. What are they called?

UN Boodwa. What are some of those meetings called there? The ones that they're like on the side during these things. Yeah, what are they called? They always talk about Morrison. Well, he was gonna have a... A pull aside or something, isn't it? Like a pull aside.

Mm-hmm. I mean, there could be a dating show where it's like the opposite. It's like you get to meet three people and then, and then you get to know them. And then afterwards you get you get related at a glorified you have to figure out which person it was. You have to guess which person. That's so awful. sorry. Oh, God. All right, what about this one? It's a dating show.

I love the facial prosthetic element. It's a dating show, but you are facially, prosthetically made up to look as close to the other person as possible. And they're made up to look like you. And it's called, I love myself. And you have to see whether or not you have chemistry with somebody who looks sort of a bit, quite a bit like you, but they don't also like really, really horrible because they always go, because you got to love yourself before.

Exactly. You work with them, love you. And so, and so first you have to accept yourself and then you'll accept the person who is, yeah, I think that's a great, the other person is dressed as you. You brought some real, like you justified this with some very, very sound and hardcore psychology I think they're out of style. So this is, this is a public service more than it is a dating show And I really like this show hmm and

Do they try to do your voice or do you think they just? I think that's too much. I mean if we could have that technology in In mission impossible, well, obviously it doesn't really exist, but they put that little thing on it. They actually do have the technology now. Somebody had just told me about it, but they basically can take your voice from a podcast, and then there's like a podcasting software,

essentially audio software, that can deep fake your voice based off of that, and they did it with the name, what's the name, that chef got recently and people for a documentary and they thought, that's maybe unethical, but they got a board day. Anthony Bourdain. Anthony Bourdain to read out a letter or something like that

and using this software. Whoa, was it a letter he had written? I think so yeah That's yeah, that's I mean yeah, I mean I'm not I'm not a big ethical issues guy I reckon ethical issues are great way to like breaking like you know weird ethical issues like that are just a great way for promoting your film. And it's true. Getting ahead. It's just a marketing thing.

Yeah. Like, yeah, breaking ethical issues is one of the most powerful marketing ploys that you can do. Yeah, I think that that's what's wrong with our podcast and I think that maybe if we had a podcast that was all breaking ethical issues that we could actually have a very, very big part. I think we could rival maybe this American life. Think about one episode we do, you know, we eat a live animal.

Yes. You know, eat it while it remains alive. Yes. And then the next episode we smoke outside of a hospital. Oh, great. I mean, that's just a crime, but I think. Yeah. A lot of ethical issues probably are going to be crimes.

Are also crimes, yeah, definitely. I mean, we build up to a big murder at the end of the first season. Maybe insider trading? Oh, sure. No, you're right. I think you can be great at least. The greatest crime of all. The one that I really feel like I would definitely do if I had the opportunity.

Because it doesn't really feel like that, it's that bad. And it's just an opportunity to make a bit of money when everyone else, all the other ones ever tried to do in the stock market, anybody, anyway, nobody's actually doing anything of value. So why not just do a bit of insider trading, take some money that you don't deserve. You know? I'm with you, I'm with you 100%. Thank you. And but I think you can also just do it

in the crypto world and it's not illegal. Because it's just a wild west right now, yeah. Like, like you have to have, even if they could prove that you'd done it, they wouldn't be illegal. I think so. I mean, if that wasn't the case, then I think Elon Musk could get in a lot of trouble for

stuff that I think he did with Bitcoin and and doge and things like that. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know. Anyway. So, I mean, there is a kind of a dating show and maybe, am I by?

And then, you have people of various genders, but that you can't see. Do things to you. Maybe give you a back rub, maybe, Converse with you, you know, over like a sort of a voice distortion, A voice distortion, and, you know, foot massage, maybe they put your contact lenses in, I don't know. Yeah, I don't think. Wow, that is intimate.

It is pretty intimate, isn't it? Yeah. One of them pops a pimple in your back. Right, yeah. But you, so you don't know what gender they are. You don't know what gender they are. You don't know what gender they are. Yeah. And, you know, is it, am I buyer than I think?

Sure. And then, it's a great, great name. Rolls off the tongue. And then, I buyer than I think. Am I buyer than a fifth year old? No. It's, am I queerer than a 50 or 50. But then there's also those tests, those tests they can do where your brain just automatically reacts.

Do you have seen that or heard about that it's like, they just show people's brain response to images of attractive people of various genders. And you can see that their brain is still in the middle of certain. Yeah. And so, I think that's the kind of thing that they use for any explanation that, any kind of explanation that everybody is sort of on the spectrum somewhere at the spectrum. Right.

I mean, that sounds like a dating show, if you don't mind me saying so, where your brains are being scanned the full time, and then your actual responses don't matter. They tell you at the end, based on your brain patent, whether or not it was a good date, and whether or not the computer says you should have a second date. Andy, we should be going into non-fiction... Oh, reality TV. Reality TV is that cool.

By the way, I cracked the code of how we do that one where it looks like you're dating yourself. We're not doing the spatial prosthetics. We're doing it with virtual reality goggles and deep fake technology, right? So you're there. I Want it with prosthetics, but I know I know I know I think that would be really cool because I want that I want that weirdness because that's what we'll get people watching because it's so crazy It's so creepy whatever that happens, but Yeah, in this one, we just, you know,

we just motion capture and then deep fake your face and voice onto the other person. So you can interact with them. But to you, it looks like they are you. And yeah, love thyself or whatever. Self-love, it's called called self love, the dating show. And we sort of intercut the two sets of vision. And I have no idea really what we're trying to achieve with this one.

What if you set people up on a blind date? I think with your scenario, you actually don't need there to be another person there. So, maybe what you could be doing then, this is a slightly different idea, but you could be having somebody go on a date with themselves, a sort of a reconstruction of themselves using a, you know, using sort of both, well, you don't want that person to actually look like themselves. Like, so it's made to be like a blind date kind of scenario. So they think they're dating someone else, but actually they're dating themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And so they're dieting themselves. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. And so they're giving all the answers that they have responded to on these things, like on one of these, you know, huge questionnaire and, like, you know, a back study other thing. And they basically recreated an AI sort of, you know, chatbot essentially that responds using who they are. Right, and it's a bond date where you don't see the person.

So good. Yeah. And then at the end, you have to decide whether or not you would date that person. So good. Whether you think that person deserves to Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, you, they get, you have to decide whether that person should go to have an order hell, right? And they tell you that there's only one spot between the two of you.

So you have to decide where they'll, where they'll go. And you decide. And then you go there. Because there is only one spot because it's you. Anyway. And it doesn't, that doesn't really make sense. You go there because there is only one spot because it's you. Anyway, it doesn't that doesn't really make sense because then if you decide they should go to have, I know if you decide they should go to heaven, then you go to heaven. If you decide they should go to hell, then you go to hell. Yeah, that does work.

Yeah, that's really good. We should do that. That's the show. It's what Andy, we got so many shows to pit. It's set in heaven. They're all going to be on seven, by the way. Honestly, we should pitch this world leader dating one. I that's the one that excites me the most.

I want to pitch that. And you don't you never go into a pitch with one just one idea. Hi, well, don't worry. There's no risk of that. Alistair, but I think that would be by the way, really. This is episode three or1 of the podcast. That's true. Because we've had to skip 300 while we're in lockdown.

And so, and I think that this means that we've just hit season three. And season three is a whole reality TV show. That's, it's fun. It's, I think it's fun. I think something must have happened. Something must have happened in episode 300 that broke our brains. We forgot what a sketch was and we've started coming up and we become a podcast.

I can't wait to go do episode 300 to find out what happened. What happened? Why are we only talking about dating shows? This is such an exciting thing like when at the start of a movie, the movie starts at the end of the movie. You see somebody in this situation and they look at the start of a movie, that movie starts at the end of the movie. You see somebody in this situation, then they look at the camera and they say, I bet you're wondering how I got into this mess. Yeah.

And then we go back and find out. That's the intrinsic state of my brain to wonder. They know that. They knew that about me. I had to state of wonderment. they know that. They knew that about me. I just started off. One diamond. Should we go to three words from a listener, do you think? Yes.

By the way, that avalanche, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, you know what, we should have just done the 300th episode because we are on a, we are on a real role. Hot streak. Hot, hot streak, because that's 10 ideas in under 40 minutes so far. We are on a real-roll- Hot- Straight. Hot-hot- Straight. Because that's 10 ideas in London 40 minutes so far. We would have been done by, you know?

Well. By lunchtime. Mmm. Sure. Well, we're not going to get another run like this, Andy. This is, this is, we've wasted it. This was our, this was our 300 pace. Yeah.

Oh, boy. That it's gonna be tough. All right, well, three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this, Andy, but we got listeners and sometimes they can donate some money on Patreon, they can suggest ideas for our words for. That's a great idea. That's a great idea.

Yeah, good. That's a really interesting thing. So I'm thinking about integrating that as a regular segment in this show. Okay. And this three words are from Timothy. Hello, Timothy. Hello, Timothy. Timothy. Oh, it is funner to say Timothy. Isn't it? Hello, Timothy. It is fun. Should be should be allowed to pretend to have a lisp. I think from the top isn't a lisp, right? That's from esteth. I think there's a lot of different types of lisp. I would have thought that there's different types of speech impediments,

but I feel like they should have different names. and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. Like that one should be called like a flip. Oh, it's a leafy. He's got a flip.

Yeah. Because you got to put the, you know, you got to put the, a lot of the thing in the words or lisp. It's a reality show. But everybody is doing a very, you, everybody has to impersonate a different type of speech impediment. You know, and this is the ethical boundary that we're breaking Elastair. One of them is like, so much. Chinese accent or something like that. Yeah. And which you consider to be a speech impediment.

Is that right Elastair? It's not an impediment. It's, well, I'm, and you're making a statement about, yes, you sure are, about discrimination. Yep. No, you are. And about how you do it. How often people don't give people the same opportunities because of their accent, because they think, well, maybe my clientele won't want this. You won't want it, you know? And so I think it can be an impediment.

And I think to deny that, Andy, is to deny the lived experience of thousands of migrants. You got me on a deny, I live at the experience of loophole, Alistair, very well done. You're talking for long enough, Andy, you can get yourself out of anything. It's just getting a year time. I think maybe not much Smith has proven that's not the case. I indeed that, well well the case is on hold right now, so let's just wait and see. So three words from a listener. The three words, do you want to try and guess what they are? Mm-hmm. Uh, Rudicio. No, Andy, no, you poor choice of language, I would even say. Oh, okay. Although, you know, who knows what the origin of this number is?

Number. I said number. Well, the word is five. Okay. I don't know what country came up with five. Okay. Well, I'll tell you what this is. This is five sketch ideas. Right? Those are the words. Five sketch ideas. Andy, you were absolutely correct. Oh, here we go. Timothy, you were trying to fuck with us. You were fucking with us. It's very good. You were very good, but you just,

Andy, you just fuck the fucker. Yeah. Who fucks the fucker? Andy does. It's right. So, Timothy? Timothy? Five. Good luck next time. Better luck next time. Well, I like to think, sorry, I know that this is not quite, this is a thought I had after we said five. But imagine the history of numbers and the idea that different countries came up with different numbers.

You know, like we didn't discover three until, you know, 16, 100 BC. So, one and two, they were easy. And we even had four Maybe we had four three was the missing lake three was a tricky one. Yeah, we knew that it was like It's like the period of the evil of the evil that something had to go here All right, this is box Dallas there. This is the dumbest idea. Oh, I love it. No, hey. Just the memories of the night. I mean, here's something could go here.

I mean, have we already told first that? Maybe they didn't know the pattern. Maybe they didn't know everything was correct. We had all the numbers, but we just didn't know what order they went in. We did have three. We had four. Yeah. Well, because what form were they coming up with numbers?

Right? Initially, where they coming up with, yeah, what form? Like, as in, when you came up with numbers, right? Were they like, was two lines in the sand? You know, was it like, was it dots? How were you initially writing numbers down in order for you to be like? Are you gonna put it in lines? But I know that, you know, maybe there was the Mayan peoples,

they had number systems or like tying knots on pieces of string. Because I think there were earlier times, I think where it was like, it was kind of like, then maybe they had numbers up until five, and then after that, it was just a number that just meant a bunch of stuff. Yeah, I mean, I like that.

I think we should still have that. One, two, three, four, five, infinity. The campaign to lower infinity. That's smart. It's gonna be smart. Yeah, I think that's a fun idea as well. I'm a passionate member of the CLI and we have been working towards lowering the rate of the level of infinity. For infinity years, we started in 2016 and we've been going for

infinity years. According to us. According to us. Yes. I don't know. I don't know if that could be it. Where does that go? Where does that go where does that go is an idea not every idea has to has to go for you know three minutes Andy that's that could be all it is and you can be a little character study I'm gonna be cool the way it's all right I'll read out the sketch ideas while you go on one. Oh try to come up with another one. Alright the campaign to raise infinity, raise the level of infinity and what you know they say that you can add one to infinity and it's still infinity. Well we actually consider it to be infinity until you've added one to it. That first number before you added infinity to it, we consider that to be...

...unfinity. Well, I'm really sorry everybody. I've probably got one good Alistair Free riff in me per episode and it's cruel to make me try and do it more than that. Anyway, okay, so we're talking about numbers and where they came from, discovering the number three. I mean, it would be, it would be quite exciting to discover an extra number in between where we thought some numbers were. I mean, if you didn't have, you know, what if we did discover a new number between three and three and four? Right. And it's called Rolf. We might have already talked about this on the podcast before,

but as a new number called Rolf, it goes between 3 and 4 and then just try and rest your mind on on what that would be. What could it's not 3 and a half, I'm telling you that now. It's not a decimal, it's another whole number. Because I wonder, because I wonder that like they might have almost, when they were coming up with numbers, come up with a number two before they came up with a number one, because I think very often,

you don't even give a name, or you don't even conceptualize something that is so fundamental Like not coming up with a word for the color of the sky, right? You whether or so would you have even come up with the number one before you came up with the number two? I suspect they started with two and then well like two what and then they came up with the one So I was just suggesting that maybe we could come up with a new, we could like, what would it be like if we discovered a new whole number

between three and four? I like that. And well, how do we try and see every number system have to go up in increments of one? Why couldn't you go in increments of half? Yeah, I wonder if they're, I wonder if I wonder if I could you have a half based number system 0.5? So there we go. A base 0.1. Grinch.

Two. Fagol. Three. Slow slah. Five four. Six. What I like about these numbers that you're covering up with, I'll say is a lot of them don't even use the, you know,

the sounds that we have in the English language. I don't think you'd even be able to write the dad with letters. And that's how you know they're really new. Well, we're using some of the new letters we discovered as well. Yeah. Anyway, I think we've come up with our sketch ideas for today. Okay. Could you read them out to us, please? Yeah. We got Get Drunk and Do Charity.

It's the group of drunks who turn their lives around by building Hots in Third World Nations drunk. You kind of get the idea there, but we got World Leader costume dating show. It's like a world you end. The drunk house building show is called Plastered, by the way. Plastered. The drunk house building show is called Plasted, by the way. Plasted. Okay.

Plasted, I mean, you know, there's got to be something about charity in there. Like plastered help plastered. You know, cat, good and good and plastered. Good and plastered. Oh, that's good. and plastered good and plastered oh that's good and plastered and then the world leader what was that one called the UN model UN yeah model UN so they're all models so that's why people watch because they love seeing the reveal we see how hot Stalin was.

Yeah, I love that. Then we've got the dressed as worst fear dating show ideas. And I know, yeah, I don't know why I've written ideas. I know that's five sketch ideas. That's the three words. I mean, how hot would the person in Hitler have to be, do you think? That's somebody's worst fear or as, or is that the world better than I thought, this is in the world later as well. Yeah, I mean, that will be the after dark episode

where you just put all the despots. Ah, ha, ha, ha. I mean, there'll be some sedums, there'll be, I mean, this is gonna be, this is gonna be one of those things that's gonna break after so long. Oh, it's called despot and Daitless. And...

We get sexy seagulls. They look like despots. Put them on an island. What a win. So they look like a despot, but they're wearing bikinis and stuff. Yeah. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. It's so fun. So they still spend the days like oiling themselves. This episode is called Despot and Dateless, by the way. Yeah, okay, great. And I want you to, I want people to know that from our limited experience working on TV shows that are like quiz game shows, this is genuinely how segments get come up with. Yeah, it's true.

That you come up with, you know, a silly idea and then you work backwards and then, you know, you come up with a fun name and then you work backwards to figure out how the game would actually work. Okay, then we've got we come up with a fun name and then you work backwards to figure out how the game would actually work. Okay, then we've got the serenade. And also sorry, but in the behind the scenes commentary of the show and that sort of thing, we only refer to them by the name of the Despot. Yeah, Hitler and Paul Pot Saddam Hussein, Muammar Gaddafi.

We got to, you know, we got to actually make sure there's some variety in there. I mean, you could, you could, I guess by putting it a desktop in there that's like, you know, George W. Bush or something like that, you could be breaking something. Oh, really, make it a political point. Make it some political points there. Because also, yeah, anyway, forget it. Because also, yeah, anyway, forget it. Then we have the Serrano de Bourgeois, Dating Show, which people are all behind the scenes and whispering things to avatars, other people taking and entailing them what to say. Then we've got Dating Show for couples, looking for a third. It's a threat, or we've also got, for couples looking for a third. It's a threat or we've also got, it's a threesome.

And another version of this is, it's a norgy where it's like three people who are looking for the best group of six people to join their big orgy. But it's the same system as it's a date. So it's the three people sitting there and then behind a curtain are three groups of six people sitting there answering questions. And you're basing it off the group energy, whether there's a clear leader. Yeah. That's what you want in an orgy. Why, you need, you need somebody with, with a with a bit of you know moxie to yeah to really get things going

It's not afraid to really start before to let ever to give everybody else permission Even though I think a lot of orgy stuff is just getting permission from people to To perform acts Then we got the other person is dressed as you dating show. Yeah, it's called self love. Yeah, self love. You got to love yourself before someone else can love you. I think that's going to be a great one. We're going to that in Model UN or Despaut and Dateless, those are gonna be the two main pitches.

Then we got Brain Scan Dating, which I think you could really, you could pitch to a channel and they would, they would probably go for that. It's kind of an attempt at what, like I think Meredith first sight tries to do when they have these like dating experts behind the scenes saying like real

Psychologically speaking people need those kind of things, but it's really just a gossip thing we actually want some science there Am I buyer than it Then I went then I think then I think yes, I was once I was like was I say? I think it's a five year old but no, no my buyer then I think that's another getting dating show I think I said five year old, but no, no. Am I buyer, then I think that's another getting dating show? Then we got blind date show with deep fake AI of yourself. Oh, that's, I don't know.

This one's slightly different too. That's the same, no, no, it's not the same as self love because this one is the one where it's you going on a blind date, but there's actually no one else there. Ah, yes, of course. It's all an AI repeating information that you've already given to them. So it's a bit, very long, grueling interview process, but then they also go through your back catalog of stuff and producers.

It's going to be a show. It's going to be a producers, it's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show.

It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It's going to be a show. It have the campaign to lower infinity. Yes. Yeah. And I think that's it for today, Andrew. We did it, Alan. Stay. What a rip.

I'm sorry about the disruptions from our lockdown life, but this is going to happen. Yeah, it's interesting because at the, at the start, I gave the heads up that I was going to be the one having all the interruptions. And then I didn't have a single interruption. Indianers with the baby. Yeah. Yeah. All right, well I will have to go. So let's wrap this bit up.

Yeah sure. Boom, boom, boom. Quality of life is very good. You need a life with lots of quality. I like it when it has it more than it does. That's what I think. Boom, boom, boom, boom. boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots, boots We are at two in tank you can suppose on Patreon you can join the discord have a little chat chat chat chat with the good people on The two in the thing tank discord and you can just you know do the best that you can with the resources that you have available

And we have no idea we have no idea when the lockdown will end it seems like Australia is becoming a hellscape And where were numbers keep going up cases keep going, but vaccinations are still not available to everybody. So we will be in this probably for a long while. And so apologies for how that disrupts, you know, your desire to hear that 300th episode in hours to do it, which of course is very high. Very high. We can't wait to put ourselves through that.

And we love you. You. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu.

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