Two In The Think Tank - 303 - "POP PUPS"

Episode Date: September 7, 2021

Pregnant Pet Dads, Nerve Clamp Parenting, Movie Trailer Pilot, White (House) Noise, Warmerica, Cool Down Guys, Man Door, Saloonatics, StenchlessYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereCarbon neutral thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Go up and down in your body go up and down on your body go up and down in your body. Go up and down on your body. Go up and down. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank to show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And you know what today I'm gonna be playing the role of Alistair George William and Tronley virtual.

Ah, the role you were, you were born to play, but I mean, Test tube to play, yes indeed. You know, Alistair, if you could control what animal with your mind, what would it be? One specific animal? Yeah, that's right. It could be Rintentin.

You think rententin is more of a meerkat name? It's 100% it's a meerkat name. I've never heard a meerkat have a name. What about Timon? Oh, yeah, Timon. I guess, I guess there is Timon. Simon. There's a chance that rentent Tenton may have predated Lassie. It's really possible, isn't it?

Lassie was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a...

But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a... But he was like a, I know this is a stupid question. Was Lassie a female dog? It would have been like. It feels like a female dog, but it's a very. Yeah, it was a fictional female rough collie dog. And just letting you know, here it says under Lassie, it says creator Eric Knight. Now, there's a chance that this dog was birthed from a man. I think that's how you, that is the next logical step in domestication of all pets, because there's only so much you can do when you start climatizing them to humans once they're

outside of the world. But if you can You can give birth to your own pet. I mean this will be a thing that happens in the future, right? When people's pets they love their pets so much their pets get sick and die you'll be able to Clot get some DNA of your pet and give birth to a new one of your pet. Whatever it is, a fish. Kids love stuff like hatchables. They love those eggs that you can put in the bath and then the egg thing breaks away or whatever and then you get the dinosaur that's inside. I love that. So the idea that you could get a kid, you know, those seat commercials, it'll look so much fun. It's a toy. It's well, it's a real pet.

But you can put it on your butt. You get it. You get the child impregnated with it. But it doesn't, yeah, obviously it doesn't use the normal bodies. But it doesn't, obviously it doesn't use the normal bodies. It implements a fake womb, like an artificial womb. Sure, sure. Maybe it's under the skin. Maybe it's not even under the skin though, right? Maybe it's a second parasitic stomach sort of thing that goes over the top

of your existing stomach. I wanted to be on this. So it is not even invasive. You wanted to be under the skin. And I wanted the kids to look pregnant. I was saying that's what you looked You wanted to be under the skin and I want to say if that's what you look, it's under the skin. Yeah, oh, mine was gonna look pregnant because the stomach sort of molds. I know, but it's gonna look like they're wearing prosthetics.

No, it's not. It's not. That's how good it is. It doesn't look like that, Elisabeth. Well, Andy, but they are wearing prosthetics. That's the thing. And so it just takes a, they're gonna know. It's not gonna be as fun for them. They're gonna say, oh, mommy, that's the thing. And so it just takes, they're gonna know. It's not gonna be as fun for them.

They're gonna say, oh, mommy, it's uncomfortable. Can you take it off like that? And then they will. Yes, you know what kids are like. The only way. I'm sorry, this is permanent. Yep. You made your choice.

You wanted the thing that was on the commercial. It will teach them a valuable lesson. Mmm. Yeah. You know what, when the dog is born or whatever, you'll be able to just take it to the pound already. Oh, no. For the duration of the thing, really, you're just getting it because you want to go through the pregnancy. I think seeing a one of those kid style advertisements, I mean, kids giving birth is an uncomfortable idea. It's a very uncomfortable idea.

Where a dangerous, kids giving birth. It's a very dangerous territory. I think what about to make it a little bit more acceptable, right? It's a thing where in the ad, it's the dad that gives birth to the pet, right? And the the kids get to pretend to be the doctors or whatever delivering their own pet, right?

It's presented as a very, one of those very high energy neon colored kids ads, lots of sharp cutting and swooshes and sound effects and stuff. So it's very, it taps into that thing that kids want in that pester power. And the kids see this at, and then they're suddenly pestering dad to give birth to a pet for them, right? And it's the, what would it be called? The Daddy Dog Delivery.

Daddy Dog Delivery, Daddy Delivery. Doggy, Daddy Dog Delivery, yeah. That makes sense. Right, and it comes with a little medical outfit for the kids and then, you know, and then you, and there's a tablet for dad to take. And before, you know, it dads pregnant with a dog. And, yeah, and so we see the ad,

and then we see the kid, the reality of this at home, and the kids are pestering for it, and then the dad eventually gets it. And the kids are dressing up as doctors and taking dad's temperature, putting the stethoscope on his forehead. Exactly. You know, it's so much fun.

It's cute. It's so cute. And then dad goes into real, real labor. Labor. Yeah, at it's like 10 or 12 puppies. The dad curls up in the bottom of one of the war droves, makes himself a little cocoon out of old jumpers down there. And then you get to open up the house.

He goes under the house. He goes under the house. To give birth. That dirt area. It's puppies, puppies. It's poppy puppies. It's a poppy puppy. Comes from your pop.

It's poppy, your dad or is that your granddad? No, it's a poppy puppy Comes from your pop. It's poppy your dad or is that your granddad? No, it's a litter of puppies which bin are you supposed to put it in? Yeah, or is it the green waste bin? That's more natural stuff or is it the recycling bin just depending, you know But is it is a is a is a is pop dad or granddad? Pop it's dad pop it's dad but Yeah Grand Pappy

Grand Pop Pop Grand Pappy is dad But in the book in the doctors whose children's book hop on pop Now they're not jumping on their granddad. Are they? That seems crazy. They're jumping on their dad They're jumping on their granddad, are they? That seems crazy. They're jumping on their dad. I rest my case.

You can be pretty young and be a grandfather. You can, but I think it's difficult to be. My parents became grandparents in their 50s. It's pretty cool. Would you have let your kids jump on them at that age? Yeah, jump on your granddad. Yeah. Great. He's jump on them at that age. Yeah, jump on your grandfather. Yeah, jump on your grandfather. Yeah, jump on your grandfather. Yeah, jump on your grandfather.

Great. Well, now we know. Well, I think sometimes my dad has abs. That's really, that's crazy. I mean, they're under your dad. Your dad. You're a dad. Your dad scares me a little bit. Not in the sense that he's threatening it all,

but in the sense that he does remind me of a lot of my failures. And that's good that you did. How slowly you recovered from open heart surgery compared to him. Exactly. How slowly I would. Um, why are there no, Exactly. How slowly I would. Why are there no children's playground attractions where it's like a big inflatable sort of jumping castle thing, but it's a man's tummy, big huge man's large tummy

that you can bounce on. There is one dead. I guess when you slide down a man's tummy once you get to the bottom, you're in his crotch. And you're in the crotch all alone. You're right. And you've landed between the legs. My kids favorite thing to do at the moment

is for me to lie on my back, right? With my legs sort of up at an amount, and making a mountain, my knees bent, and my legs are pointing up at the roof, right? I'm going on my back. And they run at my knees and flip over my knees, crash you to be flip over my knees and smash the heads into my stomach and crotch area and sort of slide down a tiny bit, they think it's sliding down my legs towards my stomach and they just do this over and over again

and they just keep asking for it and it's just like a succession of small children smashing into me hitting me in the nuts. Yeah. But it's mostly fine. And I'll tell you what, I get to lie down. So, it's nice, yeah. It can probably even have close your eyes, have a sleep. Yeah. Like while these children destroy your body,

you go, oh, this is a great opportunity. I've, you are so desperate for sleep that I have found that it is, I've even found it quite relaxing to be. Yes, lying down, even while they sort of kick you and butt you and shout in your ears, like wake up, wake up really loudly. As long as I'm lying down my eyes are closed. It's still rest.

It's quite restful. Yeah, I often, if we're playing on a little raised table, like a kid's play yeah, I often if we're playing on a little raised table like a kids play table, I can lay down behind it and So hold on to a character or a Lego character or a transformer or something like that And I think I can still in my dream state Talk is this character Oh, yeah, what are you gonna do about it then? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Okay, well, then I'm going to head over here. But the thing what you know, what would wake up. Oh, wait, I'm just what he's doing. It's not that great. The characters in the play ask each other what they're doing a lot.

Oh, man. My improv is never, never worse than when I'm just doing some basic character interacting with my kids. They, yeah, they get asked the most terrible questions. They bought by your, by your, by your, by your, by your character. What's the really terrible question that you might have? It is just like what are you doing? What's your name? You know, just boring, just like you know if this was an improv class, this is just sort of stuff you'd be taught not to do

in lesson one. But Alistair, what were on that? classes for parents after you know, Bluey's existed. Oh, man And so parents know how to learn how to engage with With every little bit of play that the kids want to do This blueie's dad ever look at his phone Yeah, he does in the episode in the episode in the hide and seek episode where blueie keeps forgetting that they're playing hide and seek and forget to look for people. As she walks past the closet where the band that is hiding up the top, you can just look at it as phone.

Yeah, nice. Alice, while we're on inventions for parenting, do you think a sort of a thing that's got, it's got a couple of prongs, right? Quite sharp prongs and in a sort of a jaw type configuration. And what it does is it basically like clamps onto your wrist, right? Stabs into the nerve and the tendons in there. Yeah.

It has a little speaker built into it. OK? That's got to, this is a what? This is an invention for a dad's. Yeah. It has a little speaker built into it. Okay. That's what it does. This is an invention for a dad's. Yeah. It's a parat thing to make parenting easier. It stabs into your wrist, manipulates your nerves and your tendons, electrical probes. Okay.

And then it has a little speaker built into it. Okay. And it can sort of do emulateulate your voice more or less and the wrist can Yeah, what it basically does is you can do what you're saying you can lie down and then this wrist thing will do some of your parenting for you, right? It'll manipulate your hand and do voices So it's like you, you know, you could shove it in a puppet and it would do, you know, puppetry entertainment for your

kids. But you, because you're not engaged in it, you could be looking at your phone or you could even be asleep. Yeah. Right? So in the ground, you know what you need to help it to just, it would be a perfect accessory to that. The problem with laying down is that you're at their level and even below. And so they can't have the authority, so they can't have the authority, you know, they can have authority over you. Now, what you need, I think, is those stretchers that they put you in to put you in an ambulance? Yep, a gurney sort of thing with that. A gurney legs.

Now, if you had one of those that was sort of motorized, maybe self-driving while you're laying down, still have your authority from above, but all the talking's coming from the wrist. Yeah. While you're asleep, but you're following the kids, so there's an air of them being monitored. Yeah, engagement.

They'll stop them doing things that they might do because you're not present. And I think that's the full Tesla self parenting package. Yeah, yeah, right. Of course, self parenting means something different right now, but I mean, that'll be what your parents, what your kids will eventually learn to do. Sure. But I think, you know, if you can just buy, you can get as many of these clamps as you want

for each of your limbs, basically. Sure. get as many of these clamps as you want for each of your limbs, basically. If you can afford it, you can get four of them, one in each leg, one in each upper arm, stab them in there. It's quite painful going in. But why does it need to be connected to your nerves and stuff? Because it's controlling your body. You could even walk you around, right? You're, you're also, oh, is asleep.

You're also in your head is asleep. But you're, it's your limbs that are dragging your zelby body around the house. And is this because they don't, I guess they only have a, like, a limited range of electrical signals. So one can only do a one leg. Yeah. I imagine as the models develop, you could probably just get one clamp for your face

that would look like that face sucker from alien. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that would, by controlling the brain, would be able to control the whole body. But then also, by covering your face, allows you to close your eyes without no one suspecting that you're seeing. Well, yeah, but I feel like the brain, I was trying to not involve the brain at all so that you can get total brain, brain rest.

Because when you think of that, what? Sure, but maybe you're just connected to the wires that enter the brain. You know, you just want to access to the wires. You just want to access to all the wires. The cable tray. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I'm sure that the device would have its own processor. Mm, yeah.

Yeah, your brain doesn't have to do any processing, of course. Because I think like a lot of people when they talk about pairing and how important is for parents to be engaging with their kids and hugging their kids and, you know, present and that sort of thing, nobody says that you have to be conscious. You just, they just really, they just need your albums and your legs. They want to be engagement. Yeah. Yeah, but on what level? A purely physical level? That's what we can provide. I mean, spiritual stuff, you can make that up.

You could actually, you know, like, you can give them a pan-flit and explain all the ways in which spiritually you're connecting with them. Because... Sure. That's most likely not real. So you can just say whatever. You can say, oh, when you close your eyes, I'm with you. You know, and we're always together and things like that.

Oh, it's the bullshit you can panel. and that will enrich their soul, you know, whether or not it exists. At least, you know, enrich their idea of a soul. Poundflets were the original web page, weren't they? Like, most of what is on the internet would once have been contained in pamphlets. Yeah, most of it. You know, I never talked about what's happened to the pamphlet industry Yeah industrial complex Exactly big pamphlet

And as I as I mentioned before speaking of needing to parent I just have to go set up. Oh this is Yes, oh this is Check in for his lockdown class. I'll ask you. Should we join a pause? Or do you want to keep going? No, I want to keep going. How long do you think you need?

Just so I know. It'll be three, four minutes, I think. Oh, I'll stay. I could do this in my sleep with a thing attached to my brain stem. Yeah, go for it. Clamp to my face. Okay, I'll see you soon. I couldn't do this in my sleep with a thing attached to my brainstem. Yeah, go for it. Clamp to my face. Okay, I'll see you soon.

I couldn't do this in my survival. But okay, here's something I was thinking about earlier. For some reason, there's a scenario in which the nuclear weapons arsenal of a major superpower, let's say the United States, right, is for ease of use connected to one of those clapping. Okay, no, this is it. This is a horror movie in the vein of a quiet place. And what's happened is, let's say it's set in the 70s, whenever the heyday of the clapping style lamp switch was, where you can clap and it will turn on your

bedside lamp. Now, the president loves this idea. He calls in an electrician to install this in the White House. Right? But he hasn't told the relevant security people and the electricians not very good. Right? He's going through the wires in the wall and he connects it up and what we discover is that the electrician has connected the clapping sensor, not to the, not to the, to the light bedside lamp, but he somehow connected into the nuclear launch system, right? And basically, what insures is a movie in which we have to try and diffuse what is the biggest the world's biggest bomb now you know but you have to do it totally silently okay it's a it's it's it's the movie's called the quiet house no white white house white house white

out white noise white white white noise it's called white noise, right? And it's, Salisde's favorite book, white noise. And you have a crack team of people trying to go into the white house and not make any noise. I don't understand how you raise the stakes of this in a moment to moment kind of thing. It needs a little bit of work. Maybe there are some terrorists involved in some way, right, but being able to, oh yes! Maybe it hasn't been done by an electrician. Oh, look, I'll think about it, okay?

But you're trying to break in, you've got the crack team, SWAT team, going into what whoever they are, AVCILS, I don't know. Going into the White House, and trying to diffuse this thing before anybody makes any noise. Right, it's also for sub-reason very highly sensitive,

not just to collapse, but to Eddie's sound. And for sub-reason, the president has the nuclear cable, the cable for the nuclear launch that going through his bedroom wall. I don't know why but You've got to get in there without making any noise and without without setting this thing off, okay and You know you've got all the all the things like really sneezing knocking things off a bench The dog barking anything could set it off at any moment.

I also don't, it's not entirely clear to be how it emerges that this is what's happened, how it becomes clear to people that the clear silos have all been connected to the clapper switch. But, um, yeah, I think, uh, I think there's a, you know, a little bit of, a little bit of fun. I think, you know, what, when you don't have a, you don't have to think of everything for the movie, really, you've just got to make a trailer. Hollywood is going about it all wrong, okay? You don't have to be able to make a good movie. What you have to be able to make is an amazing trailer. In fact, this is probably what they are doing a lot of the time in Hollywood, right?

You just start by writing the trailer because that's what gets people to see your film. That and you know, word of mouth and every single other element of the marketing situation. But let's say, it's just all that matters is the trail. So you get, you could, you could get somebody who's like an amazing trailer writer. You make the trailers and then depending

on how much buzz they get around them, then you go ahead and make the film. Okay, and then it's, and then you get movies that are based on trailers, based on the trailer of the film of the same name. And yeah, it's good because, you know, or very often for the trailer, you've, you've filmed all the, you have to film all the big stunts and scenes anyway. So that works all done. And then it's just a bunch of fucking dialogue, isn't it? And, you know then close-ups of computer screens, maybe a shot of a map

or a globe. And yeah, you put all of that together, and that's a, yeah, you fill it all, it's like joining the dots. And yeah, you got a film. in all it's like joining the dots and Yeah, you got a film I'll let's air Did you just come up with a join the dots film? Oh sort of I'm talking about oh, maybe we've already talked about this on the podcast before now that I think about it but the idea of You could start a production company that just makes trailers, right, for movies. And you just, you have really good trailer writers, you just write all the good bits of

films, you put them all in a trailer, you film that very quickly, right? And then you can just see which trailers get the most buzz online, get the most views. And then you just make the film film of the ones that are good, and it's a movie based on the trailer, and you've already filmed all the tricky scenes and the best jokes and put them in the trailer anyway, so then it's just sort of joining the dots, of all joining all those scenes together, patting them out with a bit of fucking dialogue, or a love story, or something. It's about seeing which ones generate the most buzz. Exactly, Exactly.

I feel like that's the global loopy trailer pilot program. Yeah. MTPP. And then my other idea was for a specific film in which a clap switch for one of those clapping, light bedside lamps accidentally gets wired into the White House nuclear weapon system. And so you have to, everyone in the White House has to be very quiet. Well, they'll start World War Three. Right. I'm for it written it down. Nook system, clapper film. Yeah, a quiet, a quiet house. So like, so then the just with that idea is that the idea that is that people have to like make sure that they have to be careful that they don't do anything that's too impressive or whatever. That's that's funny that I said yes. Yes. I mean,

fucking Americans, I love to applaud, don't I? I love to applaud. I was, I don't think that there's anything wrong with it. I think that it's a great expression of their positivity. It's beautiful, but I was watching a little bit of a Saturday night live, like weekend update. Yeah. Segment, yeah, the day. And just every time they revealed a new host or somebody else showed up at the desk

or whatever, just the fucking applause. I know, but I believe the warm up guy, he's been told to do it. You're right, it's the warm up guys fault. It's probably the warm up guy who's doing all the crowd control. Yeah, I mean, they have so much power, the warm up guys. Are we believe? You can't tell them what the what American culture when really it's probably American warm up guys? Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. Um, they are They have they have this sort of this toxic hold on the entire

Situation nobody else wants to be a warm war on the perception of Americans as as excessive clappers Yeah, I think there's a I think there's a you know, there's like a There's a long story piece about you know the investigative that the will be you know like maybe a Who's the guy who did the baseball documentary and the jazz documentary and the one about Errol Morris? No, but I mean, Errol Morris is a great, it's probably even, you know, could be even better.

The thin blue line and then this. Ken Burns. Ken Burns, who he does it like a 22 hour documentary on the warm up guys and how they've affected the American, the perception of Americans as excessive clappers. I mean, I'm sure this joke has been done as a sketch or something like that, but the idea of a cool down guy, right? And that every show on American TV actually does have a live studio audience that you've never seen. And so for things like just the news or whatever,

they need to have the cool down guy who just comes in and tells them sad things at the end of the show. Tells them sad things at the end of the show. Tell them sad things at the start of the show so that they don't clap too much during the news or laugh, you know, gets them in the mood. There's a live audience during the news. There's a live audience during the news and yeah, who gets the audience ready to not react. To make sure they don't say anything or make any noise.

Yeah, and they have a feeling of actually trying to emotionally to cause sign. Did Jacqueline? Did you, did you, flashing really intensely? But like, he's actually trying to emotionally numb them. Yeah.

But was your idea that after going to see a comedy show, they need a cool down guy who can like after they've been so hyped up to laugh and applauded everything throughout the entire episode, they need a cool down guy who comes in and sort of basically diffuses the situation so that they're ready to go back out into society. Yeah, it remind everybody that you you're one day die. A rehabilitation program. After they've been there for the entire society.

I think that's very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes, Alistair, yes. A really, truly sad clown. Sad. I love a documentary about a comedian. It's hard to not do this narrative, isn't it? It makes people laugh. But actually, he's a little bit sad himself.

Yeah, I mean, it's sort of stupid because everybody's a little bit sad themselves, aren't they? Yeah. People are like, I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that. a little bit sad himself. Mm. Yeah, I mean, it's sort of stupid because everybody's a little bit sad themselves, aren't they? Yeah. And he spends his life building houses, but actually he's himself broken down. He spends his whole life building houses, but actually he is himself sometimes outside. He spends his life, he spends his life fixing teeth, but he is

himself decaying. This door man spends his whole life opening doors for people, but very often in his own life he has to close doors. He's actually lock stores keeping people out of his house mostly strangers. I mean that is that is that is that's 50% of the job you know in my movie the door man the guy takes a bit you know it's about it's one of those really philosophical documentaries you know it's a it's a It's a dreams of sushi. A style that talks about this guy who's been doing this opening and closing doors for 60 years. His personal philosophy is about, well, it's not just about opening doors. People don't, that's what people think, but at least 50% of the job is then closing that same door.

And nobody thanks you for doing that. Nobody thanks you for closing the door. That's part of the job. career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. I mean, it's just as important. There's a door man though who actually is the door.

You know how about that? Spends his life trying to grow into the shape to fill out the whole door so that no air can get in and stuff and that. But then he moves out of the way when people walk up. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, you could, you could, you could want to try to resemble the wall around it as much as possible, especially if it's like a, you could easily build a sort of an outfit that makes you rectangular, right, with shoulder pads and, and that kind of thing. So it feels like fitting to the space of the door. But you think one of them just spend his life

physically on like body modification and stuff, getting things in plaid to the under his skin. So, that it would get surgery. But I think you know, you would you would try to like fat nut your neck. Alistair is this, is this two in the think tank, the podcast where we come and fight. I mean, I don't think we need to go to a stream body-moving occasion. Are you telling me that this guy doesn't do body-foot modification of some kind? I just think that you would need to eat

sort of specifically neck fatening things. Targeted fat. Targeted. Straight to your neck. Yeah. And the sides of your head. If chocolate goes straight to your thighs, what goes straight to your neck? That's And the sides of your head. You know, if chocolate goes straight to your thighs, what goes straight to your neck? That's what you would have to discover. Do, do eating fatty

animal necks? Would that, hmm, would that go to your neck? I hope that my computer hasn't just switched off and lost some of the podcast LSD. That would be bad, wouldn't it? Wouldn't be great, but you know, we would deal with it. How many minutes into your recording are you by the way? How many minutes? Yeah. 33? Oh, perfect. I'm fine then. Oh great.

Sorry everyone. I'm using my desktop computer today, which I do rarely, and I'm never totally sure whether or not Everything's okay when the when the screen grows black. You don't know. You got to turn that off Because we didn't have we did have trouble one time when that happened. We did have trouble one time. Yes, but So I'm hoping So wait, what are we doing with this door, man? Do we have anything there that's?

Well, you know, the door, man who wants to be the door, that's this hope to eventually be the door. Yeah, I think that is good. Yeah, but I think we shouldn't rule out body modification. I think you talk your veterinary about door bed and he becomes, you know, after a certain amount of time, I think you'd become obsessed with the door. Right? Because I'm a door-man now, but my dream is to be a man door. A man door. Yeah, that's it, Alistair. Having people knock on you? You have to have good abs for that.

Absolutely. To get that nice, woody sound. Yeah. Well, that's... And it's a tricky thing to pull off, the rock heart abs, and then the extremely wide flabby neck. It's a difficulty to achieve. And to get that hollow sound. You know, so you've got to... it's probably all about inflating, inflating

your insights. You know, learning how to fill more than just your lungs with air. Yeah, but you can't, you can't, you can't be rotund as well. I think it's hard, I think it's difficult. Maybe if you get a crisp on it, you know, it's like it's that crackling idea. I mean, just a superhero called the Doorman, or the Man Door. Now what would, what power would this person have? I mean, I guess they can block any thoroughfare, basically. Yeah, they could, oh man, they could, they could create a bottleneck. Yeah. You know, I mean, you know, let me, let's, let's assume that they can make the door slightly a jar.

Do you think that they could do make a door slightly a jar if you were the door man to unhinged? Unhinged Door man three closed Good Locked and loaded Dorman yeah, no, no, that's good. Doorman five, stable, not unstable doors. It would be locked and closeted. Great.

What was your stable but also? You better stable door, whether or not you're stable. Sure. That's a different kind of door though, isn't it? It is. It's a half kind of door though, isn't it? It is. It's a half door where people can look over it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I'd like to see the mandor create one of those saloon doors. Mmm. Sure, well, he'd have to double, he'd have to team up with somebody. But I think also that that doesn't have any, that wouldn't capture any of his power, right? Because anyone can just push through those and they just kind of swing like that. What is the point of that door? Because it doesn't get all the way to the ground, right?

Doesn't get all the way to the roof. It just, it doesn't offer any resistance, it just kind of swings like that. What does it stop? It doesn't, it wouldn't stop flies. But does it just stop people from looking in? Yeah, I'm not sure. It just kind of creates a boundary. No, no, you're in our world, baby. You're here to get whiskey. And you know, once you go into here, I don't know.

It was a lawless time and you didn't need to have to follow any rules. Well, sure, but I mean, it was a lawless time for the door maker as well. It's it that door is only yeah, that door only has a psychological function, which is interesting to me. It does nothing else. Yeah. I'm gonna, I mean, look, I know we're making a lot of documentaries

about weird people. But you're gonna write down a documentary about the person who invented the saloon door? That the Wild West was the lawless time for door makers. That's a good line. It's in there. Door's purposelessness. You know, I mean, I think it really exists because it's cool for making an entrance,

right? It's cool for making an entrance because you see people's boots and you know someone's there, right? Yeah. You might even get to see the top of their hat. But then you don't know who it is until that door swings open. Yeah. Well, you know who's making an entrance in this case? That's the door maker. Oh, he was making an entrance into the door making scene when he designed his first saloon door. Yeah, but I would say that every door maker probably does make an entrance. Or do you think it's the door? Or I get it. It's very good. Very good, I will stay. But do you think, but but then again, maybe it's just the person who's leaving the gap in the wall. The entrance was already here. Right. This is what the person who leaves the gap, I can only show you the doorway you have to.

I mean, the door man, what would be what would man's corner. What would be, what would be a, or the mandor, what would be a really useful thing for the mandor would be if he would be able to like, go up against a wall, press his body against a wall and turn any wall into a door, right? Then you can swing him open and go through. But. Well, I mean, I suppose if he can run with enough force

at any wall, I don't know. He's going to be able to pull and then fill that hole. Well, well, he's that shape, but, but I think there's a purity to the fact that he only just blocks things. It's a bit more realistic than this sort of being able to make doors and things. Yeah. I mean, it would be kind of, you know, you imagine following him down an alleyway and then you get to the end of the alleyway, and you can't see him.

All you can see is this door. Where did he go? Yeah. And as you open the door, pull it back. You know, you pull it back, and then you're looking through this hole, and you don't realize that he's now, like, olooming over you beside you. Yeah, great. And then he slams on you. Ah, slams your whole body and then your neck in the door. It's good. They're gonna get down to this shit with Marvel.

They're gonna be, they're gonna get desperate. There's only so many, there's only so many powers you can have. Try it. He's not as stretchy, he's not as stretchy as like Mr. Fantastic. He just, he just can widen himself a little bit, flatten himself out. He's a swing, huh? He's a swinger. He's a swinger. Oh, you can't handle this. Handle. Tell me about the handle.

Yeah. The mandol. Eight. Hard to handle. Easy to handle. Handling. Handling. Turn. Turn. Turn. Easy to handle. Handling.

Handling with care. Turf. Nobs. Nobs. What a nob. All right, LSD. I think we've got five sketch ideas. We do a five sketch ideas, Andy. So we'll take us, and we got three words from a listener. And I think these are old ones. From Robert Nettleton ages ago,

Robert Nettleton had sent us many, many, many words at a time. And they've kind of just been sitting in a puddle at the bottom of the list, because I probably did one. Probably didn't even delete those three words. So we might be doing them again. But we got these ones that I chose from the puddle. The puddle. So thank you very much, Robert Nettleton. Thank you, Robert.

Are you ready to guess what the three words are? I am ready. Yeah. Rasind. Rasind, well. Rasind. Rasind. Similar sounds in there.

But it's not correct. The first word is skin. Skin? Yeah. Okay. water slide. No, no, but it kind of has a similar feel to it. It was probably something a water slide needs to do. So I'm giving you a partial credit.

The second word is secrete. Skin, secrete. Yeah. Okay. I mean, a water slide made of flesh, where the water is just a kind of sweat that oozes up through pores all the way down the water slide. Well, I mean, yeah, a water slide that can sweat, that can ooze, you know, like a slug. You know, like, imagine the underside of a snail as a whole water slug.

But I mean, essentially, this is what your kids are doing on your knees right now. That's true. But you're just your knees are dry. They're doing a dry. They're doing a dry run. So skin, secret. Okay, so the last word is going to be an interesting thing for skin to secrete. I want you to know that the answer is somewhere within the first two words.

Skin secrete secret. Is it secret? Skin sec secret secrets. Alistair. I'm very excited. If you hadn't not pluralized it, you would have got it, absolutely correct. Alistair, I mean in in a way the skin does secrete secrets. You know, when you're scared,

and you get that new kind of sweat that really stinks. Yeah. Have we talked about having a deodorant, none of the deodorants that are advertised to men. Our advertisers being able to conceal the stench of your fear. They're always like, oh, these will attract women or these will neutralize bad bacteria or these won't stain your shirts. Where's the one that's like, no, this one, this, this, this this this theodorant is so powerful that your your terror your sheer terror will be hidden that I would buy that yeah I liked that I liked that a lot I I

concealing my terror is much more relevant to my life is that if you're a bush-waking woman exactly bears about they they don't I don't want them to know that I'm scared. Of this woman I'm walking with. I'm hearing big crying at my end by the way. Yeah well look from it. I hope I hope that this is okay. I think that that's a good idea. The the other end that masks the stench of fear. So if you need to go, I will just run us through these sketch ideas, but I'm also being interrupted. Sorry? Yeah, you can go back to it.

You can go back to reading xd. Do you want to just come and say hi on the podcast? Say hello. Say hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. My name is Texta Texti. There's text a text.

There's text to text, Dmy, my kid. And so, see you later. You can go do reading eggs. So I'll take us to sketch ideas. We got kids add. No, I'll tell you here. Where old good? The crying's going away. Great.

Kids adds for pet that kids dad gets pregnant with. Hmm. Kids would love this. It's a puppy puppy. Then we got the nerve parenting clamp, which and the self-driving gurney for the sort of self-driving parenting that comes through in the bear. Yeah, you can parent in your sleep.

Parenting your sleep. I'm calling the computer. Okay, okay. I can't even read it now. Oh, yeah, I'll be back and I'll be there in five minutes, okay? I'm gonna read here. Okay, no, but you can't interrupt anymore. Unless you want to say one more thing.

Boom, chicka, boom, butt head,. Boom chicka boom butt head, boom chicka butt head. Don't just listen to the mic. Okay, see you later. I'll just go to route this up. Okay. I think he was doing a better closing song than I do. Yeah, that's okay. That's okay.

We got the movie trailer pilot program. Then we got the nuke system clapper film. Then we got the American warm-up guys effect on the perception of Americans as excessive clappers. It's a big, I mean, that feels like that's a PhD. Oh, it's a little lost in that sketch. Yeah, that's the cool down guys for the news, for the news is live audience, right?

So there's a live audience, every news room, and we, this guy's gonna make sure that they don't make any sound. Then there's the door man who wants to be the door, the man door. Can you hear Otis laughing in the background? Yeah. Otis. Yeah, you like these, okay?

We got, so for anyone, any listeners, Indiana is as a way right now with the baby at sleep school. That's why Otis is here and I have no control over him while I'm tied to the podcast. Over them, sorry. Wild West was a lawless time for door makers, that was a, what was that? The saloon doors purposelessness. And then we've got the mask, the stench of fear deodorant.

I think that ad would be really fun to make. Yeah. I think there's some really good stuff in here. We're gonna wrap this up. So, boo-doo-ch, baboo-boot, baboo-doot, baboo-doot. Everybody. Everybody, everybody, everybody. Everybody. Everybody. Booboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo dooboo I've had stupid old Eddie on Twitter. He's at Alistair TV. We are at two in tank I'm gonna start tweeting the episodes out again Alistair when there's a new episode I'm gonna tweet the pad and I'm gonna tweet some photos of us or something Yep, and it's gonna be great and and we're still in lockdown. So the 300th episode is still being delayed

And we're probably gonna be for a while Yeah, because our our government's just given up on COVID-19. It's not good. COVID-19, so now we're adapting to this new world that the rest of you have all been in. Yeah, it's COVID-19. Thank you, Otis. No, no, I know, but you don't know what I'm talking about, so that's why you think I'm not. You're correcting me.

COVID-19 is a different disease, but all right. I think we should be targeting COVID-19, which is we should aim to have 19 COVID cases. Yeah, 19 COVID cases would be a much better thing to aim for. It's much more doable now than COVID-0. Yeah. And we love yous. Bye. Bye.

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