Simple Swedish Podcast - 304 - "ULTIMATE FARMING COMPETITION"

Episode Date: September 15, 2021

Husband Re-Education, Toddler History, Clown Dictator, Dictator Clown, Coloured Air, UFC, Savoury Gingerbread House for the Adult ManYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right herePolitbureau-approved thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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GIMP. GIMP. I'm coming to your house because I'm a GIMP. I'm going to let you do whatever you want to me because I'm a GIMP. Yes, I love it. Well, I'm welcome to do with the thingtack the show where we come up with five sketch ideas i'm andy and i refuse to give away the information on who i am yeah yeah nice try scammer

yeah i think i believe i think privacy is still important i actually went to the birth deaths and marriages department and I changed my name legally to nice, tri-scammer. I've had my identity stolen several times since. Really? Yes. They often put in nice places. my identity stolen several times. Really? Yeah. Because they often put in nice, nice, nice... Well, I think a lot of the time someone would...

Try a scammer. Someone would try and find somebody's identity, their name, and they would respond to them with nice, try a scammer, right? I guess in my scenario, the scammers themselves are so stupid that they assume that that is their real name, which for me it is. So they then go ahead and use that name and yeah, I get my identity stolen. So the biggest I suppose they just read it as Nisei and Trey. Scamere.

Scamere. Yeah. It's a European name. Scum air. It's a European name. Yeah, exactly. And he's, kneesay. Kneesay. And yes, anyway. Actually, knees, knees is a nice name. It is a nice nice nice name for your knees.

Um, yeah. And that's right. Um, you know how if you were allowed, if you could name a niece, what would you call your niece? That's a great idea. You should get to name, you know, you shouldn't get to name your own kids,

but you should get to name one set of kids. It's like that changing room show, where your friends would redecorate your house, okay? But it's changing names. Every raise your kids. That's your all. So, hey, they raise your kids. And they get to rename them.

They re- raise them. They re-educate your kids. Wow, yeah, interesting. From, like, from baby, sort of almost from babies, like they put your kids, whatever aids they are, back in nappies, breastfeed them for a while. Yeah, or you put them through a re-education camp

of some sort, you know, maybe they could put them through a re-burthing, like ceremony. I think that would be a nice, that would be a nice way to start the episode. Yeah, an elaborate, I think that would be a nice way to start the episode. Yeah, an elaborate. I mean, like a kind of a, like a Volvo vagina slide. Sure, sure, yeah.

Cause kids love slides and then they love the idea of going through something. Yeah, but now that I'm thinking about it, I'm wondering like, does it need to be kids or could it just be, could it be anybody? Could you parent your own friends, or your own parents? Is there some way that you could swap it in that way?

Would that be more interesting? Like, for example, Alistair, if I parent to you, okay? And my wife simulates giving parent to you, okay? Yeah. And, you know, my wife simulates giving birth to you and you emerge squirming and covered in muck, right? I mean, that's the way you normally emerge, but this time, it's in a baby context. Depends what part of the day you catch me. Yeah, yeah.

And I do have to catch you as well. Which is harder when I'm covered in muck. Exactly, but, you know, and then we go through it and I do, you know, you do act like a baby. I mean, what do we get out of this though, except for, you know, some fetish for people on the internet? Like, yeah, I guess when you're an adult,

there's less chance if you actually... Unless we can somehow medically induce amnesia, right? So give you some kind of drug that really does return you to a child like state even if only temporarily. And I can't genuinely baby you. I think maybe getting struck by lightning can sometimes wipe your memory. Great. Sometimes, that's good enough.

Yeah. At the start of the episode, we strike ten of my good friends. I don't have ten good friends, but we strike ten of my good friends with lightning. Which ever ones have their memory erased, they're the ones that I have to raise from a guy. They qualify. Yeah. That's part of the application. The selection.

Yeah. The audition is. It's a group audition and then they zap everybody with like, whoever's memory is wiped and has no idea who they are. They get to be on the show. Yeah, exactly. Enough of course, they at that, at this point they don't remember why they're here.

No, but they signed the things beforehand. So it's okay. Exactly. It's all nice and legal. Yeah, that's the way we like it here. And so what is the, what are we trying to prove with this show? What are we trying to? It's a really good question. But it's like, so it's like changing rooms, come back. And so it's like, it could be, you know, it could be let's say two wives,

like one episode could be like, you know, two wives. Yep. Swap husbands. And see if they can re-educate each other's husbands to be better husbands. But are they raising them from a baby, right? Because otherwise it's just like a small.... But are they raising them from a baby, right? Because otherwise it's just like, well they're raising them from a baby, yeah.

Yeah. But yeah, no, no, no, but they're really other, it's still the lightning thing. I'm not giving up on the lightning. Right. They're just like, yeah, I think you gotta, you gotta break people down and then rebuild them. Build them back up.

Yeah. And yeah, and that's what these see, you know, at the end, you know, they get their, they get their memory back, right? They realize who they are. I mean, there's probably a few gaps, but that's fine. You know, that's the price of good television. And then they go back to their normal lives

and then we see how they've changed, right? And we see, you know, whether this second childhood that they had has improved them in any way. And then I guess what we do is we bring in their actual mum and dad, and depending on whether or not they've improved as a person, we shame them on the show. See how easy it was? We did it over, you know, we did it with a team it with a team of, you know, I guess,

traities. Exactly. And over a week, over an afternoon. Yeah. And then I guess you sit down the person who's regained their memory now thinks that they're an adult. Probably doesn't remember anything directly from the parenting experience, from when they were pretending to be a baby or like thought they were a baby, but you show them taskmaster style, some clips of themselves sort of squirming around and getting their nappy changed and that kind of thing, getting breastfed. Yeah, you get the important points during the afternoon crawling, learning to walk. Oh, cuss steps. That would be really beautiful.

You know, some class type stuff, some learning a few fundamentals. You know, be nice, don't hit. Object. Because I guess a lot of them would just start hitting. Pekiboo. Yeah, yeah, and that would be really, that would be really awful. And then there's the, and then there'll be the big reveal at the end where you reveal them in a nice outfit.

Yeah. And you see with from their eyes and they're the way they hold their face, whether or not the education was successful. You know, because I think if they've kind of got a crazed or like confused look on the face, they're not quite, if they look more confused than they were earlier, I think if they've kind of got a crazed or like confused look on the face. They're not quite, if they look more confused than they were earlier, I think that you would deem it a failure. Yeah, and that's what we do at the end of each episode. We deem either deem it a success or deem it a failure. A big stamp comes down on the screen. I think it's nice. The thing is is that maybe it's kind of a little bit of like, be careful what

you wish for type situations as well, because there's probably like, you know, the wife who is talking to the other wife and telling them kind of what they would love to get in order to for their husband to be improved. They say, I would love it if they just did the dishes a bit more. Yeah. And so a lot of the education will just be dish-based. Yeah. You know, because in the end of the afternoon, you've only got so much that you can fit in,

right? Stop hitting. Like, don't hit walking and probably just, you know, an hour or two, a sort of scheduling and dish, dish time, you know. And so then they could be great at dishes. So he walks out in a bow tie and so slightly confused. But then they walk over to some cruising. He's not quite walking by himself. He's sort of holding onto things a little bit to get around.

Scydling along the edge of a coffee table. And then you see them go to the sink and you see them wash a dish and things like that and everybody, all their friends and family are applauded. Yeah, great. But then in other ways, they're regressed slightly, but the dish thing is great. And then we catch up with the relationship, six months down the track and see how it's going.

And they're always divorced every single time. Oh yeah, but but the man is just doing dishes and all this stuff. Exactly. You know, drawing things, putting them back away and then just opening up another cupboard and just doing all those dishes again. Just redoing them. Yeah, frantic, frantic in the middle of the night. Smashing and crashing. Yeah. Glorious. Alistair. You know what, I mean, it's, yeah. I went to a cafe with the kids yesterday,

I'm sorry to bring this up, because I know you're in deep lockdown and you're not allowed to. But I took the- And he's lockdown was lifted. So Andy technically could do 300th episode now. Yeah, by myself. I could meet up with myself in a room and do it. To get that in the room vibe that we were looking for.

But you wouldn't be there. But it was called Chaplons, right? This restaurant, oh, cafe that we went to. And it was a Charlie Chaplin themed restaurant. Your life has become so, so luxurious. Yeah. Going to movie themed restaurants, I'm so, so luxurious. Yeah. Going to movie themed restaurants, I'm like, we're on 400 and something cases a day here in the city.

Mm. Yeah. But, um, okay, I tell. And then, up on the wall, they had a poster that was a picture of, like, Charlie Chaplin and Hitler standing next to each other, right? For, must have been like a promotional poster from like a documentary about

about their The connections between the most I don't know anyway. It was Hitler and Chaplin standing next to each other and Finn my son Finn asked who the clown was and I said that was a bloody Hitler or right? No, I said I said said that was Charlie Chapman, he was a famous clown. And then he said, who's the other man next to him, who looks so angry? So my question to you, that was there, is how would you explain Hitler to a four-year-old?

I think, didn't your parents already explain the Hitler to your children? Yes, they did, yes, he did, yes, and that's what I relied on actually, that my parents and all I think brought it up. Well, I think you'll remember there's the bad man. Yeah, the bad leader, they called him. Yeah, the bad leader, that's right. It was his leadership skills that were terrible.

I think I've occasionally attempted. I bring up Hitler. I mean, recently I've just so odd. I can't remember how it came up, but I've been showing my child some the genitals of animals. So, I've been given it. After that, it becomes easier to explain Hitler. I'm just teasing him away.

But it's how it explained Hitler. Did your child express an interest? Is that how this? Yeah, look, it might have actually come from me at first. So I think it's, I think don't know if I'm making good choices. I think. Well, it gets difficult to entertain kids this deep into a lockdown. Yeah, you got to, yeah, you got to go deep inside.

Where do you go? But you got to the you got the interesting ones. You got the sort of the corkscrew dark. That was the first one I was going to say. That was the first one. And did you think that if we would send you know redo that plate that that that golden disc that we sent out on the voyager spacecraft for aliens to contact, but entirely genital-based, right? Do you let them know about all the genitals here on Earth? What five sets of genitals would you include on that golden disc?

Yeah, well, yeah, I suppose, yeah, you duck a kid now. You'd probably need an insect, a datus, or whatever the problem is. Sure, sure. I mean, the flea, I think the flea's penis is like 40 times the length of its body and it's all curled up inside it. Really? I think I've heard that the barnacle has the largest penis to body ratio, I think. That also could be true.

Yeah. I'm not interested in sure. Yeah, no, I think. That also could be true. Yeah. I'm not interested in sure. Yeah, no, I think you're probably right. I have heard things about good things about the particle. No, no. I guess is there a sketch in the idea of explaining Hitler to children? Well, I was wondering if there was a sketch in a sort of a drunk

history style show. But it's toddler history. Yeah, exactly. It's toddler history. And we make a toddler. Oh God. What's like four hours or eight hours of World War II documentaries. And then we get them to explain it.

And then we have it acted out by adults. What do you think? Sure, okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's interesting. I think, you know, it's obviously it's an awful idea, right? And, you know, the comedy, I guess, comes from the awfulness of the idea. If you wanted to make this a genuine show,

you just wouldn't have them explain horrific world history events. You'd have them explain sort of more interesting things like the building of the pyramids or something like that. Yeah, but I think if you could just tell them a story about it and then you just get them to retell it. Yeah. story about it and then you just get them to retell it. Yeah. I think already you've got the filter that you're looking for.

But if it could be horrific events, I think you're going to get more interesting stuff. A bit of an edge. Yeah. A little bit of edge out of there. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, I guess you could do that. You could do to the toddler science as well.

You could explain how, you know, how reproduction works to toddlers. Yeah, it sounds like you're already doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, not that you're child, not that you're child is a toddler. Well, you know, yeah, they're a kid now. But, yeah, look, I mean, yeah, I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, so look, what am I writing down here? Um, you know, it's sort

of, I guess it's like a red cordial version of, um, of drunk history. So Toddler drunk history. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you know, obviously there'd be a few waivers or whatever that you got assigned before you make the kid watch all the genocide documentaries. But that's, people want their kids to be on TV. So I think we'll have any problems. That's true. Okay. And it's good for their real.

Exactly. You know, to have all that footage of them describing mass murder and things like that. It also made me think the Hitler-Charlie Chaplin comparison, because there's like, you know, obviously, like, I've heard that Chaplin based his mustache, or that Hitler based his mustache of Charlie Chaplin comparison because there's like, you know, obviously, like, I've heard that Chaplin based his moustache, that Hitler based his moustache of Charlie Chaplin. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if that's true. But I think it would be great if we discovered that all world dictators were based on different

clowns and we could somehow explore, explore that in a documentary form, you know, who is the corresponding clown to each, you know, like a particle and an antiparticle, which clown corresponds to which, you know, pole pot and EDM in and that's really interesting that you should, because Otis asks often, what's the opposite of something like you know the last like what's the opposite of wind and I go wow You know and then so I mean the opposite of a dictator being a clown is quite an interesting It's quite an interesting flip. I do like that. So like, so who would you say Saddam? There was kind of just a, I don't know, I feel like a cop-based Iraqi clown, comedy performer would work, like somebody who's like, you know, sort of a, you know, it's supposed to make fun of the, of the, of the,

oh my God, my baby has come in. You baby has come in by itself? Into the, I'm not sure how, it opened the door. Maybe I didn't close the door properly. No, he's very upset that he couldn't be in here. Sorry baby. No, it's sorry baby.

Sorry, you know, like a clown who makes fun of, you know, his like, you know, parrot parodies, the, you know, the corruption in police and things like that. And it's just, it's like, you know, it's like bad lieutenant kind of scenario, but a comedy. Yeah. Right. And that Saddam really liked, it's like Tom Selec type mustache and, and you know, how brutal he was as a, as a character, but then he just imposed those things

himself. Yeah. You know, yeah. It's possible. But I suppose in my mind, it was like existing. We find parallels between existing clowns and world dictates rather than having to make them up. But I mean, it's pretty hard to do either way. And maybe not as fun as it you actually, so you just actually wanted to make a documentary. I think that's what I wanted. Yeah, no, but I, well, I think

it already make a documentary based on a theory that has only one data point, a based on a trend that has one data point. Exactly. Yes, Alistair. It's not that fucking hard to understand. It's an extrapolation. I was, I was just, youation. I was just trying to make it clear. Part of me did wonder, because I think there are some ways in which extreme politicians can sort of co-opt the idea of ridiculousness and mockability. And I'm not sure whether they're doing it consciously, but like you look at someone like Donald Trump and you look at his appearance and his certain choices that he made and the

way he presents himself. And you see how like so much of it is so easily mockable, right? To that you wonder if there's some sort of other level on which this is working, whereby making themselves appear so mockable and like by Hitler having a chaplain moustache, is that a, it does that have some, confers some benefit on them where it disguises other things about them, you know, that ridiculousness. Well, I mean, I think if Trump wasn't so funny and ridiculous, he wouldn't have got all that media attention.

Yeah. And so he wouldn't have been as well known during those primaries. Yeah. And God is much media coverage. And then he may not have, because it's quite funny, because then it's like harnessing people ridiculing you, but then also harnessing love,

like people loving their country and saying that you're there, you know, like that you love these people who love their country. Yeah. And using that as a way of potentially doing some bad stuff. Yeah. I mean, the way that Donald Trump talked about love is really interesting and weird and not

the way you would, like, not like an alpha male kind of approach to it as well. It was, yeah, it was a strange, the way he co-opted love language. But I just wonder how ridiculous you could, you know, if that is a real phenomenon, the ridiculousness idea. And I wonder if we could invent a dictator who, you know, just takes it to the next level and is so easily mockable and they do, you know, part of their thing is that their pants do fall down all the time and you see their bottom, right, while they're doing debates and that sort of thing. And the left, we make fun of that and, uh, they're by amplified their message and also appear like we're not taking it, taking seriously the issues that they are raising. And so I guess Boris is one of the closest,

it's like the closer to clown you become. Yeah. The more lovable and you can, you know, the more you can get out of stuff. Yeah. Well, then I think that I think there's a sketch in us creating a character who's even, yeah, who's just taking that to the next level of, you know, shooting themselves in public. And yeah, and shooting themselves, wetting themselves,

you know. So wait, their pants fall down and then they should i who would have thought that it could get worse well what would you rather would you rather shit yourself and then your pants fall down or your pants fall down and you shit yourself out

i think i think that that's a great upping of the steaks is when you put your pants fall down and then you should yourself. But I guess you still have a chance of getting out of it clean if that happens. If you shit your pants, the mess is going to spread around the butt. I don't think there's a chance that you're getting out of it clean because the pants didn't just fall down like they're not, they don't just fall right off your feet. They're still in between your legs and then you're having to mess with that. No, that's what that's what I was saying. I think that if you're pants full down first, oh yeah, I say what you're saying. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay. Well, I just wonder if you could, if you're pants full down and if you shit hard

enough and get a little bit of sort of projection, right? The shit shoots out. But then if it's also you're lucky enough for it to be a clean shit, but that's never happening in a situation where you shit yourself. You never shit yourself and it's a nice clean break. If you're shooting yourself, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's already a sloppy spray. So no, it's a dangerous, a dangerous, nervous poo. Yeah. And I don't think, I guess if you're standing

the chances of the cheeks being spread in the way that you need them to be, to avoid side contact, are pretty, pretty low. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if you could pull it off, if you could pull it off, I think that would be pretty cool. And I think your supporters would give you credit for that. I don't think people are gonna be like,

I mean, yeah, the supporters would be like, so that's how they'll defend them. They'll be like, he didn't get any shit on his ass. It's actually what they did is actually incredibly impressive. It's a power move. You go, the guy's pants fell down. Has any shadow fell? Yeah.

Uh, no, what I saw was a feat of masterful toilet going and, uh, efficient use of time. And what I hear is that you're not engaging with the issues. You're scared to engage in the future. You're the leader of a country. Yeah, when you're the leader of the country, you don't have time to just go to the toilet all the time.

Oh, that would be a great, that would be a great, because I think what I think, so I'm sure I said was that he wouldn't be golfing as much as Barack Obama, but when I run for president, what I'm gonna say is I'm not even gonna go to the toilet. I'll wear nappies and I'll shit my pants because I don't wanna take time away from running the country and making a better America

for all Americans, for true Americans and patriots. That's gonna be on all of my posters. I won't go to the toilet. Yeah, no, I think that's a good idea. So that's the dictator clown, which is slightly different from the clown dictator connection mockumentary. Exactly. And also slash documentary. My part of my message team is going to be

a mark mark a mega how do you pronounce that M.A.G.A. is that mark a mega mega mega mega nappies diapers we're going to we're going to sell those for make or supporters who. Yeah, who are with me? Who are with me?

Going, working 24 hours a day to, to make it better in America. Yeah, that sounds nice. Thanks, that sounds nice. My kid Otis said something to you that yesterday, which, which I felt was very creative. We were playing something, and I don't know exactly how it came up, but I think maybe

we were both spirits, and one of us was a wind spirit, and the other one was a fire spirit. The opposite of wind. We were fighting the water spirit. Yes. And then I think Otis said something to the effect of, no, that's not water. Somebody just painted the fire. Wow. And the idea that you could disguise fire as water by painting. I thought. Yeah, absolutely.

All the, you know, just the idea that we could invent a new kind of wet fire would also be pretty good. Or it's not wet fire because it's wetter. Because it's got, it's wet because it's got paint on it, not dry paint. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I think a good product to sell would be coloured air, a new kind of aesthetic kind of thing that people would be really into. So that rooms can have like a hue.

Yeah, exactly. And it would just be like some little particles that you put into the atmosphere. Right? And yeah, this is the blue room and has blue air in it. And you know, what, what, no, no studies have yet found that this product causes cancer. There are no confirmed links. And no reputable studies. all you need is all you need is like one thing to be added to that air, like, you know, you could say, Oh, we've added magnesium or something to the air. And then because all you need is like one thing that says like lungs need magnesium or something like that. Right. So magnesium is important for lung health. Like that, and you go, well, it gives much needed magnesium for your lungs.

Yeah. And then you're like, well, it seems crazy not to be constantly breathing in blue. At the moment, we don't do anything with the air, right? I mean, sometimes we have a smoke machine at a disco or something like that. But other than that, we leave the air more or less untouched in the air. And if you're not designing with the air in your house, if you're not doing anything with the air in your house, then you are missing out on a huge range of potential, you know, aesthetic experience. So, can you do an ad for the colored air thing for me right now?

Right now. Look around you. What do you see? Nothing. And if you're seeing nothing, that means that you're doing nothing. You're not making a choice. You're happy to sit there and have the air, be the color, that everybody else's air is. Well, now this is shit, sorry, I'm gonna stay.

It's okay. I think you're making some good decisions there. I think it's just something Otis started asking me to do. Can you do it? No, I had for this? And so I go, hey, do you love air? Yeah, me too. The problem is though, that I never see it. Gosh, I hate not seeing the things that I love. Well, that problem no longer exists in my life because I color my air with the new air color, by Mark Martin and Slok.

And you know what, I get to decide every day what color the air in my house is red, blue, gold. Brown. You can just have brown, black. You can even get air to just sparkles Right, I mean do you hate mess? I hate mess the trouble with having clear air is that you can always see the mess But when your air is a thick

green color and you can barely see the hands in front of your face The stress just melts away. I think I am a black, I mean, a kind of a black, and you kind of black air. And I'm not talking about smoke. I'm talking about black air. Would be a really interesting, like, you know, that you could,

you could black out the light in your room with black air. It's exciting. Yeah, but it's not, it's not darkness. It's black air. The light is on. The light is on. This is the problem with, with, with darkness is that it's actually you're not seeing the black. You're just not seeing the light. Exactly. But with black air, you actually get to see the black.

See the black with black air. This could this could really this could really be good for a global warming as well. If we can invent a new kind of black air, we could use that to block out the sun. That'd be great. And remember, no significant number, statistically significant number of reputable studies, have linked this to cancer. So we're fine. Just mentioning it. That's our slogan, mentioning it, that's the...

That's our slogan, those significant studies have ever linked this with cancer. Now that was our study, that was our slogan for the first 10 years. Yeah. studies have ever linked this with cancer. Now that was our study, that was our slogan for the first 10 years. Yeah. And then we changed the slogan. That's a one. Oh, we had to change the slogan. You had to watch the one, the slogan changes.

And then eventually the slogan just changed to how cool is colored hair. Mm-hmm. Don't Google it. Look, I think that's where the joke is for this thing. Okay, right. Yeah. I'm really excited. It's in the slogan change. change. No studies have linked our colored air with causing cancer. Was the slogan of colored air incorporated for the first 10 years of their running life?

Going to be baked. Yeah. I would love to ride a beast. Yeah. Sure. I would love to ride a beast. Yeah, sure. Like what of the beasts that are around in the world that are not typically written by people? I think rhinoceros. I think rhinoceros.

I think that'd be a real, like when they're really charging, there'd be an incredible feeling of power and just that of unstoppable. I mean, I did see one get bullied by an elephant recently. Really? Yeah. Getting pushed around, was it a full-grown one? It seemed like it had a child,

which it accidentally sort of tripped over while it was trying to escape from this elephant Right, and then the Rhino went back to try and protect the child and then the Yeah, elephant was Yeah, right. Yeah, I think yeah, so so I mean I Yeah, I'm with a Rhino. It is a kind of has a high back relative to its head, right? Yes. Because I think where you'd want to sit is on the neck.

On the neck? I mean, on the face, sort of, with your holding onto that horn. Yeah, really? Like in between the two horns? Yeah, I mean, that's practically a saddle. It's true, but then that, having that small horn behind your ass just doesn't feel like it's going to lead to good things, especially while that charging is happening and you're bouncing up and down. You're bouncing up and down, you're holding

on to that horn, but I mean, being right at the front while that thing is going along and you're right there, that's living. You know, that's as close as you can get to falling horizontally, I would say. You think so? Yeah. Yeah. Clameting across. I was thinking I wonder what happens to people who get shot out of one of those. Yeah, just straight up. Yeah. I guess you would just get it down. So I guess you would just shot it to the ground. Yeah. Yeah, that would be that would be I could see how that would go. I guess that wouldn't be that different from being shot up into the air and then not landing on a net. Sure. Suppose so. But yeah, being shot horizontally, you're right,

and then sort of bouncing and skidding along the ground. Be really interested. Yeah, you'd have to try to turn it into a roll. That's your way out of it. But as a chance, you would just slide and lose all your skin. Yeah, there is a good chance, I'd say. I think that there are, I think that people do ride yaks.

Okay. I think there's a UFC fighter from Brazil or South American country where it's a tradition, I think, it's like part of their culture to ride yaks and farm with their yaks, and I think he keeps that alone. I don't think they have yaks in Brazil. Well, it's a yak like beast. I don't think they have any,

I don't think they have any hoved, big hoved creatures down there in Brazil. Not like South America. Yeah, I mean, I think they're biggest thing was the Alpaca, wasn't it? Well, the Lama. I could be wrong. Could be wrong. I mean, why am I going out on this particular limb? I mean, they would have brought them in since then, sure. But like, historically, if this is like I mean I've seen this footage only in the last year or so so and I assume it was filmed you know within within the last hundred years

do you know the guy's name it's like figure role writing yack i'll just try that right figure or uh... not interested in figure or a writing a yack no uh... are you working way too hard for way too little Um... E-D-U and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years.

Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. I... This is really not coming up with that. This is good. This is good, Alistair. This is good con, and I am bearing full responsibility for this and where we're at.

But I think the listeners, they're fine with it. They're happy to wait. They've waited so long already. Yeah, I think this is something so they can, here he is. Okay, wait, look, looking at it, it's a buffalo. It's a buffalo. Okay. And uh, Davidson figure, if, if figure, Edo, figure, Edo. And it's a buffalo. So it's a pretty big hoved animal.

Mm. Water buffalo farmer. Mm. Sure. Okay. And is he good? Good at riding buffalo. Good at sea. Good. Big, good. But good, good at mixed buffalo. Good, it seemed good. Big, but good at mixed martial arts. I think so, yeah, yeah. That leaves a champion for a bit. Ever climb up on somebody's back and sort of you see a little bit of the buffalo rider come out in it?

I think that's, yeah, I think that's one of the main things that they do. I think if you can get somebody's back, that's one of the most ideal things because then you can, they can't really reach you as much with their arms and then you can get your arm under their chair. And you get any chance that you could get a sort of little

yoke on them and sort of like hook them up to a plow or something like that and plow a couple of fields. Maybe in the female division, you might be able to produce a yoke and then get that on them. I think that... What is a yoke? A yoke is a thing that they... It's a little beam that you put across their shoulders and around their neck and that's

what you attach the play out to in your traditional farming practices. I think you make your arm the yoke. Sure. I think it would be a, I mean, it's such an incredible move to pull off in mixed martial arts, not just to get somebody into submission, but then to sort of break them as you would a wild animal and then lash them to some kind of farming equipment and get them to do a bit of work on your

field. I think surely that's a higher level of victory. I mean, if you could get them to work to sort of tell the octagon. Yeah. Turn it into fertile ground. Yeah. It is a little paddock, isn't it? It's got those little fences. It's a little paddock, basically. It's a little enclosure and you can do with it what you want.

You can turn it into a greenhouse, but you've only got 25 minutes and so take someone with a real green thumb. Yeah, sure. And I don't know if you need to like, you know, shove your thumb in their eyes or something like that. Whatever is that you need. I think I think iPokes are actually not okay. They're against the rules. Yeah. And that's not, that's not good. You know, you also have to have the standard sort of RSPCA treatment of livestock standards. That's true. I mean, people talk about making someone their bitch, but making somebody their cow.

It's more impressive. And then, yeah. I mean, milking them, milking them and make some cheese. Yeah. I think it would bealking them and make some cheese. Yeah. I don't know. It would be great to see these moves play out in a wrestling scenario. Yeah, and without the team like throwing in the towel,

they're team throwing in the towel. Sure. There's a point where you're putting on sort of, you're attaching mechanical milking equipment to your opponent, where I feel like the team would be questioning whether or not they would lose face by pulling their fighter out of there. Is that something that they consider losing face and it looking bad? Is that one of the reasons to throw in a towel?

I don't think it would happen more in boxing than people would throw in the towel, whereas I don't think it happens very much in UFC. So I think I'd heard discussions maybe last year where they're like, oh, this was a scenario where somebody should have, the team should have thrown a towel in whatever I didn't. Usually the ref steps in if the person is not defending themselves anymore and things like that. Ultimate farming competition. Thanks.

But at the beginning of the fight, it was ultimate fighting. Yeah. Yeah, that's something that the commentators comment. This, on. This changed, this changed the UFC forever this fight. When somebody realized that you could build farming equipment and, and tame a person. Yeah.

I mean, I feel feel it feels close to something that would actually happen in a, in a, in a wrestling, you know, in a, in a, in a WWE or whatever it's called. Maybe, yeah, maybe WWE. For WWE. But I think it's more, I think it's funny if it happens in UFC. I realize bringing in the equipment is a bit unrealistic.

But I mean, these guys are so strong, it's a shame not to use that strength for something positive. Yeah but they might have strength in engineering skills. It's true. It just depends on where you focus your training. You know they m'giver up. Yeah there's not a lot of resources in there though. I know but you sometimes you can just manipulate the your opponent's body into into a plow bucket into a bucket and plow and turn it into a bucket. Yeah, yeah, I would be good. Well, you know, but, but you turn them into a bucket

in with in which that you milk your opponent and take the pale or bucket back. It's absurd, Andy, I would say. I would say that that one is an absurd one. I'll take it though. Alistair, how are we going sketch, I number ID and ID and number one? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Oh yeah, that's, we got 6, Andy. Well then it takes us to three words from a listener.

Now I don't know if you know this, we have listeners. Some of them can send in three words if they support us on Patreon for the $3 category. And today's supporter and listener is Dominic Stevenson. Hello, Dominic. Dominic Stevenson. Dominic, thank you very much for sending in these three words. Andy, do you want to run? Dominic Stevenson. Dominic, thank you very much for sending in these three words. And Andy, do you want to try? Dominic Stevenson, I mean, that's such a reputable name, isn't it? Dominic Stevenson, I would invest heavily with Dominic Stevenson. If he asked me for $10,000 to

start a small business, I'd give it to him no questions asked. Absolutely. Absolutely. Dominic Stevenson is a he's a is a magnet for angel investors. Absolutely, probably has doesn't have to work a day job. Yeah, but I don't know what people are investing in, but I think they're just invent investing in his net worth and it seems to be going up Just because of all the money that investors are pouring in. I mean, a pyramid scheme is only a problem when people stop investing and with Dominic Stevenson, they never do. This is not, yeah, this is not a pyramid. This is a straight up, this is like a skyscraper screen. Exactly. Everybody's just given money, or maybe that's a circle. Maybe that's a circle if they're coming from all directions rather than...

I don't know, a cylinder. Andy, do you want to try and guess what Dominic's three words are? Yes, I do. A boreal. A boreal? A boreal? I'm really sorry, Andy. The first word is giant.

Okay. Second word is man eating with a hyphen. Oh, starts in the same, well the first and third letters are right. But then all the others are incorrect. It's mini. Giant mini. Last word is medium. No, Andy, not even close. Not even close in the least. God damn it. The last word is toast. Giant mini toast. I like that idea. You ever had those mini toasts, those little toasts? They used to be one of my favorite foods. I feel like I'm in the moods. Really, I think I've always had an aversion to them. I think I must have had them once and then thought I didn't like it.

I think they were too crunchy. Well, when I was working at Salamanca Market, right, down in Tasmania, we had friends who ran a mustard stall. They made Mustards. They had a business called the Lean Too Kitchen. They made Mustards out of their house. And these Mustards were sold. They turned their house into mustards?

That's right. Yeah. Incredible. And they would give away free samples on little mini-tosts. Right? So you go and get a little trial to get different mustards on a little bit of mini-tosts. And some of those seated mustards.

Did they make the mini-tosts. Did they make the mini-tastes? Did they make the mini-tastes themselves? No, just came out of a packet. But they were so good. I probably abused their hospitality, eaten their mustards and their mini-tastes. But I don't think I've even had one since then. That's one of those things that like I loved as a kid

And where if I got back onto it as an adult, I'm sure I would have bought heaps just to flaunt my my freedom To eat exclusively mini toasts. You know, I think it's a great idea. It did your other siblings get on get on to that mini toast I'm sure they did yeah, I don't I don't remember. I think it would be a good idea to get them Something like that for Christmas. I think that would be great. Yeah, and I'll see I'll see if the lean to kitchen the business has since been sold But I'll see if they're still you know, maybe they're available online and I could eventually you run out of Bits of house that you can turn into mustard. Exactly. There's a limit and then you just left left with the piece of land

And then you can sell that on I suppose and then move on to another house and start deconstructing that and using whatever alchemy they they devised to turn wood and nails and thank you yes. Exactly. God that was good. Mustard. The seeds the way the little little mustard seed, the way those little mustard seeds pop in your mouth is really special. Oh, yeah. Yeah. But this is about those two. You don't need a lot of food.

You don't need a lot of food that is just crackers and mustard, though, do you? No, but I would have. I would, based on this one. But, Alistair. I know, but you don't. But I don't, no, I don't, but I would have. Well, I would based on this one. But Alistair. I know, but you don't. But I don't.

No, I don't, but I would. That's my own. I know, but who is better if you don't do it and you grew up with it, loving it. Who is going to do it? That's why this is a bad business mind. I'd probably drink a mustard based drink. You think so? Yeah, I would.

I guess if you had it in, you know, at the same time as you were having a hot dog-based drink. Yeah, and I drink it out of a little mini toast cup. Mini toast cup, oh yeah, that would be great. Is it basically a crouton? It's a crouton. Yeah, you're exactly right. And I suspect that they would have to make it soft like bread and then dehydrate it somehow.

Or fry it. Or fry it. Yeah, probably frying is probably involved. We are not coming up with a sketch of it. No, Alistair. No, we're not. What many toast is. But, like, there's no reason there can't be a product that is just a huge crouton,

right? Like a meal song. A loaf of crouton? A loaf of crouton. Yeah, that you can just chew your way through. It's the best bit of any Caesar salad. You know, when you get a nice crouton, there, still got a bit of crunch to it, but it's still absorbed some sweet salad dressing. That's perfect. You know, you got some sort of salad dressing squirter

in one hand. Yeah. You got a meal-sized crouton in the other. You're just spraying it and chewing your way through this thing. I guess a Caesar sandwich. Sure. Is that a thing? You could make a Caesar's, hey? That must be it.

That must already be a thing. But I mean, to both, let's say you, you sort of sliced two large pieces out of a crouton loaf. Yeah. It's a good idea. And then you just had the things there, but. You have a layer of chicken, really thin layer of chicken, you have a really thin layer of bacon. So these are things that are in a Caesar salad.

You have a thin layer of lettuce. A chicken bacon, yeah, then that Caesar dressing. Egg, so egg in a Caesar salad. It doesn't have to be thin, it could be thick a suit of self. It doesn't have to be thick. It could be thick. Doesn't have to be thin. Yeah, well, I mean, I guess I just, I want your sandwich to still be workable.

You know, you've gotta be able to get your mouth around it. Yeah, but we've had sandwiches that at least have some heft to them, you know? I think this would actually be a really good sandwich. Yeah, it would be. But the rigidity of the crouton could be your undoing. Sure, but you could also make that thickness appropriate so that it was edible.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely good. I don't think this is a sketch idea, I don't know. This isn't funny anyway. No, I know. good. I don't think this is a sketch idea, I don't know if it's funny, anyway. No, I know. No. I don't think so either. Giant many times. So, but.

I mean, they feel like as close as food gets to a building product, right? A construction material. They're shaped like little bricks. They're rigid like a bit of plasterboard or a bit of polystyrene insulation, you know, they're right there on the on the on the borderline between food and and house building product. And I guess you could build a house, little little savory gingerbread

house out of croutons with mustard for mortar. Oh, little savoury gingerbread house, Alistair, where we might be. Hard-setting mustard. And. The Hansel and Gretel lady, who made the house out of candy. She must have a savoury house somewhere. Sure.

When she's attracting, like she obviously attracts, you know, children with the house to tell us that this is really good. But what about when she's trying to attract, you know, a man or a partner? Yeah, this is very else. I mean, this is quite close to our, um, refer cereal for middle aged men's sketch, but I know, but I think he saved a huge amount of house. Yeah, and you know, the curtains are made out of sheets of bacon and the like I see kind of like, you know, like sort of just pink roast beef, you know, like thinly sliced roast beef

that you can open and close the curtain. Yeah. I mean, actual beef curtains, that's what I was going for. Is that an expression? Beef curtains? Yeah, forget it. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, how else do you? It's unpleasant, but it's, you know, and then this is how whatever it was, she a witch, or was she just a lady with a She was a witch. She was definitely a witch. But did she make it with magic? Or did she construct? Did she build it herself? I'd love to see her out there with a With a little mortar board and yeah, you know, there's because there'd be limits You know, and then having to hire a person to make all that candy all that a Lot of a lot of stuff is quite like old style. I think a sketch in which two wives go and I band in their husbands in a forest because

they can't afford to look after them anymore. The husbands wander into the forest and they get lost trying to follow their trail of many toasts and they come across a savory gingerbread house with a witch inside and they eat all the all the man foods the jerky the jerky weatherboards and the cannelloni ballastrade banister

Yeah, I think it's great cannelloni ballast I love I love, I love, just because you were saying man foods and the idea of like this kind of Italian delicacy. It was great. Thanks. Now, no, they're just, I'm a canaloni banister. Sorry. Banistered.

Ballastrade. Ballastrade, is that what you said? I can't remember which ones, which, which is the one that goes down the side of a set of steers, a banister or a ballastrade. Ballastrade. Ballastrade, is that what you said? I can't remember which one's which, which is the one that goes down the side of a set of stairs. A banister or a ballastrade? Maybe a ballastrade is a part of a castle. I know a banister is part of a stairs, but there could be also a ballastrade. But I think cannelloni ballastrade is a great name. But now, does this witch, when she attracts men with these things, is she doing it so that she can have sex with them,

or is this also to eat them? Is her passion food? I mean, obviously food and architecture seem to be a big part of her life. But that she obviously must have other needs. And she must, you know, must be harder to, you know, once you've trapped the men to just push them into a cauldron as well,

or whatever, or into an oven, or whatever it is. She must have other needs, do you think? Yeah, maybe she's having sex with the men. Yep, could be. Yep. But then is it sort of like a catch and release sort of scenario, or do they keep keeping them as lovers for life? She has like a harem.

Yeah, I reckon she does. I reckon she has a harem. Exactly right. And so, you know how morish salty snacks are? Well, she has the men hooked on that. You know, they could leave, but then they have to make their way through the forest. They have so much, they're so frequently eating jerky. That you, the agony of those who try to escape,

they barely make it 50 meters before they collapse and start crawling back for more salty snacks. She's just standing at the door holding it open. And you're good, come crawling back, they always. She's got like fried frog legs in there. I guess if you live in a magical forest forest there's bound to be a lot of frogs Yeah, I mean, I don't know if the men are addicted to fried frogs legs. That's that's not the kind of food, right? And we're talking about you don't think so. I went to a buffet once they had fried frog legs and I think it's just like chicken Okay, it's just like chicken Okay And the legs looked like frog legs It's just like chicken. I think it's just like chicken. Okay.

And the legs looked like frog legs, but you're covered in batter or whatever. Yeah, I bet. But like, but they look like, you know, you go, oh wow, this is crazy. I don't know. Bones in them. Bones in them? Bones.

Oh yeah, lots of bones, little tiny bones. You eat the bones or you eat around the bones? You eat around the bones. Yeah, right. Well, how many bones do you eat? Me? Yeah, how many edible bones are there? No, a lot.

It's just the spine of that salmon. Yeah, but I just thought that frogs, I don't know much about frogs bones, and I thought maybe they'd be kind of like edible for some reason. Yeah. Yeah, maybe I guess the bones of a, like a, of an insect or whatever you might eat them.

I mean, they don't really have bones, but I don't think they have bones. I think we gotta wrap this up and- All right, it's just when it's getting good. No, but that was not something. That was something. Yeah, great. Well, we got two, so for two and a think thing,

304 here are the sketch ideas. We got the husband re-education swap show. That's the way if you want one thing changed about your husband. You swap it with another person. You got to build him down and break him down and build him back up. They'll break him down. That's the only way to really, that's the, it's probably the simplest way to change your habit, a single habit. In afternoon, in any way. Then we got the toddler drunk history. This is where you teach a toddler about some horrific event of history. And then you get them to retell you and then we act it out with,

we're basically stealing drunk history. Then we got the clown dictator connection, mockumentary slash documentary. I'm really glad you, thanks for riding that down, Alistair. It's kind of actually a fake Machumentary. It's actually a documentary. Yeah. Yeah, but we're pretending it's a Machumentary.

It's a Machumentary. Yeah. It's fun. It was just so hard to actually come up with a real documentary that we decided to make a mockumentary. But then we were like, well, but we're still looking for real examples. It's a documentary, but it's filmed mockumentary style. Yeah.

Yeah. And then we got the dictator clown. And we're just finding that realizing're realizing that the the greatest dictators are the cloniest ones and so we're finding one who is such a buffoon Even you know people try to tell us these days that you can't you can't Make up the kind of stuff on how dumb some of these leaders are Well, we're going to but we're going going to. And it's going to, oh, they

actually such a run call did do a show called a movie called the dictator. I wonder if it's this. But, but we're doing it. We're doing it. We're not doing a movie. No. We're not doing a movie though. Then we've got the ultimate farming competition. A UFC was changed in one fight when somebody started to turn the open on. Turquoise. Turn the open on. Turn the other person into their plow in the out-to-gone using their opponent as a cow. And then we have the saver-saver-ing-bread for Hansel and Gretelwitch to attract

a harem of men. Do is part of the appeal of the ultimate fighting USC that they did it, they doubled the number of sides on the geometrical shape that they fight it, you know, they went from the square to the, to the octagon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I started a fighting style and a dodecagon, do you think that that could be? they went from the square to the off-dgon. If I started a fighting style and a doe decagon, do you think that that could be, I could take the, take the puzzle.

Yeah, but then you would have to also blend more sports together. Sure. Yeah. I think it's all, obviously it all started with sort of jewels, know, jewels, jewels which were performed in the straight line. And then it went to sort of, you know, boxing, which was in a square.

Two-dimensional shape. Yeah. Second dimension, yeah. I guess you could also just make it a flying thing if you could add a third dimension to it. I mean, when we do get to have zero gravity fighting, that'll be really cool. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, if it was an octagon prison, an octagonian prison that was orbiting Earth that you could fly your fighters up to.

Yeah, I don't take a he drawn in space. Is that what it is? Yeah. I think so, yeah. Doe decahedron in space. Doe decahedron, wait, yeah, fight, doe decahedron. Anyway, it's a thought, it's a thought. Andy, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch,

bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, okay. On the scale of episodes, I put this one at exactly 50%.

Halfway. Wow. Halfway between episodes. Yeah. Well, you know what, great work. You can find me on tourist. We made on Halfway, we made it. Yeah.

And I'm at Alistair TV. You can support us on Patreon. You can, it feels like it was such a long time since we did an episode, but it's only been a week. Half of us are unlocked, so maybe we're getting closer to being able to record this episode, but this 300th episode. But I reckon it's still many weeks away. The sad reality.

Yeah. But thank you very much for listening. Take care of yourselves. and we love you. We really do. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often, flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

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