Simple Swedish Podcast - 306 - "3 GUNS"

Episode Date: September 28, 2021

3 Guns, Bipedal Options, Head Walkers, New Joints, Alien Prank Show, Abfucted, Oxygen Cube, To Unfinity and BeyundYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereCrisp spring thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello and welcome to two in the thing tank to show where we come up with five D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D- If I would have, if you put a gun to my head, if you put a gun to my head and said, say your favorite things about me. One of them, I got to list five things. One of the top five things would be your Alistair George William Trombley, virtual. You know it's crazy, so I'm thinking of someone saying. Number two.

And then I'm asking a question with no wrong answers. Well, yeah, you're running a gun to somebody's head. But you're also asking them to say, then nice things about you, which is very often, you know, difficult to think of in a situation where you're being the person you're trying to think of nice things about is threatening to kill you. So one of my things might be the vast majority of our relationship, you've never put a gun to my head.

That would be on the list. But then would you be able to say that on that day? Yeah, well, that's why I said the vast majority. Oh, the vast majority is. Not not. I mean, if I, if I mistakenly say you've never put a gun to my head, yeah, I think, I think that's a mistake because I think that leads me putting another gun to your head two guns I think I've never seen a

An image in a movie where somebody holds two guns to somebody's head and I Mean that's a great that's a great hypothetical isn't it? The tradition leaves gun to your head. Would you rather eat your dad's foot or your brother's elbow, right? But no one can ever, and they say, oh, I don't know, brother's elbow. All right, what about two guns to your head?

Yeah, two guns to your head. Yeah, two guns to your head. No, then dad's foot. Yeah, two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head.

Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head.

Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Two guns to your head. Yeah, that's true. You know, you're still basically in the same situation.

If anything, you could potentially be in a better situation, maybe. Well, the bullets could smash into each other. That's right, yeah. And deflect each other. They can suck each other from getting all the way through. All the way through. In fact, I think maybe that would be bad as well. Maybe you stop each other from getting all the way through. All the way through, but I think maybe that would be bad as well. Maybe you want the bullet to go all the way through. You know, you want to have just a whole see-through hole

and from a hole that you can see through from one side of the head to the other. I think if clean exit, you know, then let's talk about it. I think it's a chance. I think it's that scenario where you throw too many coins up in the air and a person might not be able to catch a single one. I think it's that if you were trying

to get out of that situation by, say slapping the person's arms or something like that and moving them away from you, they've got a decision to make, which trigger do I pull? Trigger or do I do trigger both? Yeah. Yeah. And that kind of puts you in a situation where maybe it buys you like a millisecond? And that might be all you need, you know, to get your two guns out. Yeah, exactly. And put them to their head. I think you're seeing where I don't know how this is a sketch.

But okay, I'll tell you what's a sketch. Two guns, one head. Two. And this might not even be a sketch either. But I tell you what would make a great action movie is it's called three guns. And it's a character who's found a third way to hold the gun. Also, there's the upwards is on the side. No.

And then there's the upside down. No, no, no, no. So he's now able to hold three guns. Oh, okay. That's what I to hold three guns. Oh, okay. That's what I'm saying. And shoot them simultaneously. Maybe he's found a way to shoot a gun with his face. And, you know, because nothing's cooler

than somebody holding two guns. Oh, pull the trigger with his tongue. Oh, just the thought of the recoil. Just shredding your teeth. But that's what three guns, that's his thing. He's worked hard to develop. Yeah, it might be just where is a mouthguard? Yeah, or maybe he's got a new type of gun.

I don't know. You know, I like to say this character, three gun. His character trait is that he can, he holds three guns at one. I mean, because it's gotta be the face because if you hold one with your foot, no matter how adept you are at pulling the trigger with your toes, the compromises that you've had to make in your overall stability and mobility

are, I think, are gonna outweigh the benefits of having that additional gun. Yeah, I would suggest that to hold it with your foot you have to sort of be laying on your back. Yes, pushing yourself along with one leg on a little trolley. Maybe even holding it with one foot up against the other foot's ankle to stabilize it. And then one of the little toes there, feels like the big toes, the only one that could really have the strength to pull off the task of pulling the trigger.

Unless it would have to be. Unless three guns has developed some kind of very strong pinky toe or something. I think I can, I can, I can, I can push my pinky toe out of words. I can push my pinky toe out of words. The pink, the big toe is the thumb of the foot, right? That's right.

And the, it would be very strange to pull the trigger of a gun with your thumb. Right? That's true, yeah, but yeah, I reckon that- Unless you're holding the gun sort of backwards and pointing towards you in which case that make quite a lot of sense. I know, but I think the index finger of the foot is one of the weakest of all your body parts.

You could almost- Yeah, you're right of all the toys. Like, I mean, you might be able to curl it to hold a... To hold like a coin, pick up a coin or something like that, but I don't think it gets any strength until it's almost all the way curled. Do you know this about me, Alistair, that I've had the tendons cut in those toes? The ones adjacent to my big toe. The next one along. It sounds a little bit familiar,

but I don't remember why. Was it? Small boy, they were so curled over. The doctor said, this is fucked. We've got it, he's gonna smash these into the ground. He's not gonna be able to walk properly. He's got such hunched second toes. And so they can,

when the hospital cut the tendons in both of them and now they sort of stick straight out, like little, you know, little little prongs, but they're very feeble, they're very skinny and, yeah, pathetic little toe. I think almost every toe is pathetic. I think that's why. Well, they're shorter now than the third toe,

if I can straighten that out. I think the, I think people who have a fetish for feet, I think people who have a fetish for feet, there is something about loving, I mean, if you're into toes and stuff like that, you're really embracing patheticness, right? Like, I get that the foot does a lot of heavy lifting, right? Does a lot of the important work of the body, right? It withstands the impact of the entire weight of your, you know, flesh mass. But that, but again, that's a very, that's a very beta thing to do, you know,

it's very submissive to be sure that yourself be used in that way. Yeah, but yeah, but then it's also kind of gross and really like pathetic down there. The toes, it's like, you know, it's like they're in between usefulness, you know, like they used to be these things that we, you know, evolution, you know and speaking, they could grip trees and would allow us to call them. It's a fallen empire. Dangle, things like that. But now at the moment, there are a bunch of mutations looking for a purpose. Well, I mean, I think they're vestigial and they're really just waiting for the end.

You know, they're, they're, they're clinging to the glory days, but the, the sooner they wither and disappear entirely, the better as far as I can sense. And we can run on our ankle stomp. No, I mean, I still want a foot. I just don't want the toes. Think about it. Think about it. If it just stopped, right? All you need is that,

you need that ankle joint to allow for the distribution of impact, the weight distribution. So you want to want to ankle so that you can do that kind of curly, that basically you land and then you move the ankle a little bit. But then you could probably just cut it off there. I have like a, sort of like a hoof, like an ankle-y hoof. No nails.

I don't think then, I don't think I have a single use for the toenails. I think, I think the balancing, I mean, I don't either. And that's one of the worst things about my feet. My toenails are going real bad. But. Yeah, I gotta do something about it. But, and this is awful to listen to.

But, but I think I'll ask you, if you're getting rid of the foot altogether, you're getting rid of that flat surface and you're condemning yourself to a life of being an unstable at an unstable equilibrium, right? You're constantly having to balance. You're balancing all the time. You know, there's no rest.

That's a curse in a way. I think I think there'd be rest. I mean, a horse rests. A horse has four legs out of this. Yeah. You know, an elephant rests. Doesn't it mean me? It doesn't rest.

It's on on two legs. I know, but both halves are resting separately, I would say. There is a perfectly valid bipedal lifestyle available to humans. We can remain bipedal and we can choose to walk on one hand and one leg, you know. You think that would be better? And then you, well, it'd be interesting. It'd be different. You'd have one foot now free to see what it can do.

It's, you know, that means that we've got four bipedal options. We, yes, we do, yes, we do. But the one that I'm most interested in, I think that's going too far. I'm interested in equality and I'm interested in affirmative action. And I think giving, you know, elevating a foot to the position of a hand, and I think that's going too far. I think that's going too far. I'm interested in equality and I'm interested in affirmative action. And I think giving, you know, elevating a foot to the position of a hand on a quota system, you know, 50% representation.

Sure, but then what's necessary? You're all about equality, but you don't mind entirely fucking up one side of your body. You know, like you're back and everything like that. Yes, that's right. Well, I think sometimes you've got to pay a certain price. That's right. What do you might seem like fucking up your back?

Yeah. Is just the price that you have to pay. That's right, I've got. For the privilege that you've enjoyed. I've got walking along my axis of symmetry privilege. Yeah, yeah, that's right. That's how I feel. Now, Alan, is there a sketch in some way?

I don't know what, again, it's one of those ones where I don't know what it's saying politically. But it feels like there's something there. This could be a new kind of woke that the right are worried about. I think the four bipedal options, this is sketch, and then add the arguments for equality. It's a political thing. It's a political thing. It's a quite a thing. Of the limbs. But then, is the neck being left out as a limb? It's a good question. It is quite limmy, isn't it? It's pretty limmy. L-I-M-Y. It's a deep, it's a deep, more challenging thing to walk using, say, one arm and your head.

And then now you've got two legs, hand to hand free. Kind of almost makes you think that maybe that the head is a foot gone rogue. Yeah. You know, is it? Got it. Got two big fruits, Boots. Yeah, over here else is better. Hahaha.

You picturing a big boot on the head. Well, yeah, I am. Yes, I am. But you know, you could probably come up with a prosthetic hat that goes on top of the head and then extends it to the length of an arm, right, so that you now can walk. Right. Okay. Because because Alistair, the head can, it actually doesn't, it's for all its flexibility and its functionality. It's kind of a waste of a limb having it up there. When you think about, yeah, you think

about, if it was used for walking, if the head was used for walking, now you have one arm which can grab and two feet which can sort of grab a bit free, right? And you can use one other arm to assist with the walking. But I think from like a, you know, from a productivity perspective, reallocating the head's stumpy flexibility to walking, which is becoming, we have to do less and less. So the head can probably be used for that as necessary.

And then you've got your arm and your legs free to do other things, to do productive work. I think, I think, makes a lot of sense because the head can multitask. You can still think and talk while it's being used as a stump as well as a walking stump. That's true. Yeah. That's true. I mean, you could rest on it.

This could be a productivity hack for, for the, for the already mega successful. We've talked about it on the podcast in the past. How do you get from, you know, being already super successful to being super, super successful? And that's where these, you know, these small, incremental changes can really have a big impact. We're looking at refining the last.

What would be the left arm and left foot that are now in the air? And the right foot as well as in the air. So I'm using one arm and one head. One arm and one head and now walking and balancing. Yeah. You know, I mean, all sorts of stuff. It's the launching. You know, imagine yourself sprinting with a head foot.

I think it would be horrible to watch somebody approaching you in that way. I think we're really confronting. I mean I think it would also be horrible to do it. Yes, but it would be so disturbing to say somebody flopping and wobbling towards you two feet in the air, that I think it would scare you enough to put you off guard and that actually puts the person approaching you in that way in quite a dominant, powerful position. It is a real power move. It's a power stance. It's an alpha move.

Yeah, absolutely. And it's got to give you the upper upper hand, or in this case the two upper feet in any negotiating scenario. And one slightly lower, but still higher than the other hand. Yeah. And yeah, I'm excited to see what this does for humanity in the years to come. Yeah, I think it's a shame, it's a shame that it wouldn't really work with one head and one foot. I think that would be too difficult to pull off. Yeah, maybe. Somebody said this is a good thing to put in a Cirque du Soleil.

Yeah, if I haven't done this, Cirque du Soleil should do more horror, having never seen a single Cirque du Soleil. But you know, I think the Cirque is... Hearty's, yeah, horror Cirque. So I think those those bodies seem trained for terrifying. Hmm real bloody horror show, mate.

Every person on the trapeze falls to their and they break bones and stuff. It's a real sick eyes circus. This one. I mean, it would also be good if you could if they could break bones without hurting themselves. Like if there was a way they could they could hit the ground make it sound like they've broken their bones but they're actually fine. Well I mean you can get your bones replaced right now you can definitely get your hip replacement you can get a hip replacement right. Yeah it's a joint and but it is a I guess it is a no they can do a your hip replacement. You can get a hip replacement, right? Yeah, it's a joint, but it is a, I guess it is a... No, they can do a full hip replacement where they replace that whole, oh, maybe I'm wrong about this.

That bit of the pelvis. In my mind, they replace the whole pelvis. That's probably not true, right? They don't do that. No, I don't think they do full pelvis replacement. Maybe. But, I mean... But, say you're replacing... I think you can do a bit, at least the, the, the sort of the, the collarbone bit of it around the,

around the groin and butt area, they probably at least keep that. They got to. And they're saying everything off of it. I don't know why I've been a man. Every time I think about a hip replacement, in my mind they're replacing the full pelvis, but they're not, are they?

Of course, they're replacing that, that knob on the end of the female. The ball and socket. The ball and the socket, indeed. But my point is if we can replace bones, why are we just replacing them with an exact replica of the existing bone? Why not replace it with a cool kind of joint hinge halfway down the bone, right? Yeah. That allows you to get an extra point of articulation in there, but also cool sort of re-breakable thing where you can for comic or horror purposes

break that bone, snap the femur, see the leg flailing out to the side, right? Yeah. They know it's not really broken. I can just flop it and pop it back in you know flop it and pop and then pop and Yeah, it's a new dance star. It is It's where you make it look like you keep breaking your bones

Well, I reckon we've probably gone about as far as we can in terms of dance with the Existing points of articulation in the human body. And if we wanna go anywhere, we've gotta start introducing a few more. Yeah, revolutionized dancing with new joints, come down to our joint. That's right, that's the low joints. That's the shin joint. Yeah.

And what? The shin joint. Cause you know that, you know that, that three, that three-part pendulum that kind of is some complicated, you can hardly, it's hardly possible to model how, you know, the chaos that it produces. Or chaos. You can, you could now do that with your, just by,

with just the dangling bits from your knee. You just got that joint in your shin, then you got the ankle, and then you got to toes and everything like that. It would just be flailing, probably a new martial art. Are you picturing anything on what I'm saying here? Yeah, yeah, I am. It's horrific. It's really not good. What am I writing down here? New joints to revolution and dancing? New joints? Yeah, it's right. And you know, I'm picturing people standing out the front of my house. And I don't know why they're all just talking. There might be the house next door is going for a taxi.

I'm like, a gathering, are they? Yeah, they're having their locked down picnic just outside of my house. Sure. I think that's a good thing to introduce into society. just outside of my house. Sure. I think that's a good thing to introduce into society, is a new kind of quite aggressive form of picnicking. It's a sort of offensive picnicking. It's a festive picnicking, exactly. It's breaking and entering and picnicking.

So that you will bust into people's houses or you'll scale the fence. Yeah, you'll scale the fence into their backyard. You've all got your balaclavas on. And you've got your bag full of snacks and you sit down and you have yourself a picnic. Or a picnic at 86 degrees. This is not temperature wise.

I got both temperature and the gradient of the ground. You're wow. The temperature and the gradient and this is Celsius. So is essentially yeah, and you're essentially sitting on a damn wall. Wow. Like one of those dams. Yeah. Like the Hoover Dam. Yeah, cool.

How does the food stay on the picnic basket? Jairoscopes or Velcro? Gimbles? It could be, you might have to screw it into the dam wall. Oh, wow, crampons and, what are the no crampons on things you put on your feet? Yeah, even just to keep picnicking, you gotta stick your fist in one of those little gaps. Ah, just to hold yourself up.

That's a really interesting way to use a fist. What are you using it as there? It's a, as a, almost like a mortar bolt. And it's like a ball in a socket, a ball almost like a mortar bolt. And it's like a collection ball. And a socket, a ball and socket. You're the ball. Yeah. And you get it in there.

They're the balls, though. Isn't that crazy that they use it to like hold themselves up? But you're not holding onto anything. You're just hoping that your fist is big enough to fill so that it's you're making the wall clinch on your fist Yeah It's like if you if like if you

Somebody was Making a circle with their arms right yep, and then you got in there and then widened your widen yourself enough to turn their circle into a hug. You get into that circle and then you spread yourself out so that they're touching you all the way around. And then you turn, you say, you know, you use that, you use their circle. You're sort of, you're stealing a hug there though. That feels wrong. Yeah, but you know that person just wanted to make a circle with their arms Yeah, you may be stealing a grab from that from that wall But I suppose if they're making a circle with their arms. Yeah And you need a hug and

That circle is otherwise going to go to waste. There's a chance that somebody sort of shooting hoops into it or something. Yeah. But I think it's, there's a chance that it's defensible to steal that hug on the basis of preventing wastage. There could be a persuasive moral argument for why it's okay.

Well, you heard of the chili pepper suck my kiss. Have you heard of suck my hug? No. Okay, hang on. You could argue that there are... How could you suck a hug? Well, you know, you could argue that you could suck a hug. Well, you could argue that maybe they're creating the aerodynamic scenario,

some kind of low pressure system that at least intellectually, makes you want to get into there. And I'll have to get a lot to go in there. Low pressure system. It did to like your low pressure system. Yeah. Yeah.

Great. Alistair, have we written down anything today? I've written down three things. Ah, that's terrific. I'm really excited to learn what they are by the end of the episode. Yeah. Well, you'll recognize every single one. They're all things that you've played a part in saying.

Oh, good. I thought I'd mix it around today. Yeah. I think one time you should just write down stuff that's unrelated to the call, anything that you think of. Okay. One time you should not, you should just keep all your thoughts yourself and just write them down and then surprise me at the end.

It's a place, okay. That's a place, okay. It came out with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you can just talk for the duration. So it'll be you doing the podcast. No, you can talk, but you're not allowed to talk about anything that you're thinking about. Okay.

I just- It's going to be really hard. I'll hold up a book and I'll just read random sentences from it. Honestly, some days I reckon that would be a better better system than what we do as it is. Shall we try it right now? You got what? You got a book? Well, their hearts heavy, bellies empty, feet so tired and sore, or desperatoes once again, or desperately poor. Just Whitland and the thinking and the pandering, some more on how to make some money

from the wrong side of the law. Now hang on, that's a poem. Maybe. I mean, it sounded a bit like Steinbeck. It could be, I don't know, it's just a, it's from this weird comic book that I have here that is, I think maybe made in Melbourne. Glenn Jimen, the book. It's a good name.

Yeah. Ben Jamen. Ben Jamen. Ben Hutchings, the complete issues 1-3. It's a good name. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman.

Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Jamman. Ben Huchings. Ben Jamman. Ben Huchings. Ben Jamman. Ben Huchings.

Ben Huchings. The complete issues one to three. It was very early on in the series to make a big compilation book. It was very early on in the series to make a big compilation book. It was very early on in the series to make a big compilation book. It was very early on in the series to make a big compilation book. It was very early on in the series to make a big compilation book. I mean, I think you can release a best of, you know, I think, well, I mean, the first album of any band is by definition the best of, I guess. Yeah, unless they wrote some other songs that were better, but then chose not to put them on the roll. Sure, not to include them, sure, but excluding that possibility, what you can do is you can

release any album. Well, any album, any first day boo, could legitimately be released as the best of, or you could release an album, a day boo album, and then you can just release that album again but under the name of the best of and you're still you know technically you know you're correct. Of course I mean I think for any band however long their career is I think releasing a best of that is just a reissue of their first album, it's quite a funny thing to do. Yeah. You're 20, 30 years into your career, you've got dozens of studio albums under your belt. And then you release a best of, and it's just your first album again.

Because also, it would just be a pain having to re-listen into all that material and try and choose which one is the best anyway. Oh yeah. You just go technically this was true at the time of printing the album. But also we didn't get any better since our first album. Yeah, there's that point that you're also making of course. That's there. And that was the bit that you were actually laughing at, so I apologize. No, I mean, well, if I was laughing, I was there. And I was, it was at my own joke. And? I don't think you need to apologize.

You've listened to me right, and you've heard me go. Well, I write. Can I tell you about something that's really fun that we get to do when we're working at Madness Hells, I will stare and I sit next to each other, which is quite nice. We send each other as scripts after we've written them to see if the other person can contribute and very often rescue the thing that we've written. Or find any major glaring errors or Spelling and my favorite thing is to sit next to Alunstair while he reads my scripts and wait for him to Chuckle at something and then I put my head up over the partition

I say what was it you were laughing at and you want to know what it always is Something that was been my script Sorry, I was watching a video and I forgot that I was supposed to read the script. You could have distracted. Or could have been something that you'd written. Or sometimes I'll ask this, I don't want to read some very occasions,

it's a laugh of division. Or slight disgust. As if to say, you wouldn't actually put this in a script, though. Would you, Andy? Andy, there are also some where I laugh at your joke. Yeah, at my joke. For the intended, you get the intended laugh. That does happen.

That does happen. But of course, sometimes I do go, were you fucking with me when you put that in there? That's fine. Is this anything Elastir? You know, you get off stage after a performance, and you're like, I worry that they were booing at me and not booing with me. Is that anything?

Yeah, I feel like it's at least a little bit of something because it's based on the laughing at me and not laughing with me. Yeah, I worry that they were howling with the vision and demanding I get off the stage at me and not with me. I don't worry about it. It's okay. I mean, if it was a booing performance, if it was a booing performance. We've talked about that on the podcast before. A new form of art where the objective is to receive booze. No, I know. But what I'm suggesting is different.

This is a booing performance. Okay. So you go on stage in boo at the audience. Okay. I mean, it would be interesting to see what you could do with such a limited palette. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I so, okay, so what? So boo. Firstly, you got two meanings of boo. You got boo. I don't enjoy, I'm not enjoying this. And you got boo. I'm trying to skate. I have a ghost. Yeah, I have a ghost. All right, but then also you can just be a kid jumping out from behind a door. You know, or even at a pinch, a young man. Yeah, and boo, of course, can also mean you're beloved, you know, you're a cute that you're hot for.

And then there's also books, which is, yeah, you're right. Now, you could, now you couldn't actually say book books, you couldn't ever pronounce the, but you couldn't maybe imply that there's more to come. Yeah, with a mind or hold up the letters K and S on a piece of paper. Oh, boo. Oh, no, no, you can't. Oh, yeah. I mean, really, this is the, the epitome of the great art coming from constraints here because there's already we've discovered so much within this. Yeah, well, you know, I think if you're limiting now yourself to it, you know, a, a, some kind of show that has both negative emotions, right? At least a ghost, at least a child or young person. It feels like that's

a you know it's a two-hander. Yeah yeah it's coming together the characters are forming in front of my mind and it's... If you're allowed to mind... What's really good about this Alistair is that it's going to be so quick to write the dialogue because we're just going to copy and paste the word Boo over and over again. Yeah. Sometimes, for pages and pages and pages, that's the hardest bit done. And then all we've got to do is put in some stage directions, you know, put in some context, but how satisfying would it be to know that within minutes of starting your script, you've already scripted the entire every piece of dialogue.

And then it's just whittling away. The purest, the purest in me wants all the, the purest in me wants all the stage directions to also be the word. But I understand that maybe as long as it's not, you know, on stage, I guess we could probably have stage. Well, I mean, one of the problems I'll stare is that, you know, you see the word boo, boo, boo, written over and over and over again like that. It's gonna start to look like a boob, isn't it? You're gonna see a lot of boobs on that page. Yeah. And maybe that's just another layer.

Well, that might already be the case. This is nothing. This is nothing. This is a furious conversation. Yeah, you think so? Okay. Is it, is it because you think we won't do it? Is it because I think we won't do it, won't write and perform a boo based show.

I think it has no reason to exist, other than, you know, we started this sentence. And I don't know, I don't know that there's any way that we could put this into a context where it would be funny or even watchable or even a makeable. Okay, well, I'll try to make a case for it, but you might have to call me back because you've gone completely digital and I can't understand you anymore. All right, I'll call you back. Okay, you make your case while I'm calling you back. Sure. Okay, so I think that the Boo Art form would be worth making because I think people would be interested in seeing a show with such a intense constraint. Andy, are you back? Yeah, I am here.

Yeah, I don't know how I sound. I don't know how to do you. Yeah, I didn't make that good a case for it. I'm coming through clear. Yeah, you're coming through clear. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't make that good a case for it. I'm coming through clear. You're coming through clear, yeah. Yeah, great. That's, that's great. Do you ever think, Alistair, that everything on Earth,

is, if there is life on other planets, everything on Earth is an alien creature to them. If there is life on Earth. If there's life on other planets, then everything on Earth is an alien life form to them. And everything and and the way in which we picture alien life forms as being bizarre and unsettling and even sometimes beyond our capacity to imagine. Yeah. That's everything on earth to to this alien creature. Well, you know what you could really do, because let's say we have been visited by aliens, right? Yeah. Even if it's been multiple times, it's probably all from the same planet. Right? No.

We understand that the likelihood of being visited by aliens is unbelievably small. But the likelihood of being visited by two aliens from two different planets is, you know, I mean, that's laughable. I'm liking that I would say. Yeah, I agree. So, but we could, if let's say we did, we were able to visit aliens, we should as a prank. And I don't know, I don't know if people have done a lot of stuff on the sort of, it's probably what social sciences

are for, to study what the best way of First contact would be yeah, and I think that Sure, we show up right but then that we send in some Dogs or something like that, but in a completely different looking ship Yeah, so they'll be like these are probably from another planet. Another planet, well, they don't look anything like these guys, because they probably won't know anything about ecosystems, things like that variety of species.

They'll be a mono species called planet probably. Probably, yeah. Their whole ecosystem, everybody in the ecosystem does everything. It's like that philosophy of soccer. You know, we used to be like, oh, we'll have defenders, we'll have forwards, and we'll have midfielders, and things like that. But actually, eventually, it was just, they just thought, oh, it might be better. We just have a bunch of really good soccer players. Yeah, let's just get all around good soccer players in every position.

Yep. Right? And that's what this, there we go, system did. So, and then we send in like, we send in some gorillas. I don't really fuck with them. You know, we send in like a bubble ship or something like that. We send octopuses, octopuses, pop, pop, pardon me. We send some octopuses. And now, and what, this is a prank.

This is just as a prank. This is as a prank. But we have to go for a clean, alien prank show is a really good idea. Yeah. Can I tell you what is also a would would be a good short film, right? It's aliens arrive on a on a planet, okay? Yeah. And they find some of the local organisms, and they grab them, and they take them back to their ship, and they probe them, and they'd be like, wow, this is really weird, and then they take them back to their zoo or whatever.

But what they don't realize is that they did land on that planet at the exact same time as another alien ship. And the aliens that they've grabbed and probed and taken off to their zoo aren't actually from the planet. They just happened to bump into. It's a crazy coincidence, but an infinite universe has got to happen. I like it, I like it. Yeah, they just got some aliens, and maybe the aliens got some of them as well. They just did a little alien exchange, and then they never got an earthling. They didn't get a single earthling. Maybe there was an earthlings watching this take place from a distance. And they're pro big and they're interrogating these aliens asking them questions about earth, but they don't know anything about earth.

Neither of them know anything about earth. And they just assume that they're really good at lying or something. Yeah, they go, oh, you don't cause our whole studies of this planet from afar. Never would. So incorrect based on what we've gathered from you. It doesn't even seem like you can breathe the atmosphere. The attitude, even of all. And then, not every creature would have to breathe, right? Sure. I mean, is the breathing thing just a, it's a result of cellular life? It's a need of cellular life.

But, you know, they might find another way to create life. Yeah, well, I mean, it's entirely possible that you could have an organism that just needs two different types of food, right? And one type of food is how you get your oxygen. One type of food is how you get your sugars, your carbs, and you combine those two things in your digestive system without respiration being involved at all. They're probably even creatures on earth that do that.

You know it would be cool to just like for that to be like a you could just get an oxygen cube You know like an oxygen cube or pill type thing that just has all the oxygen you're gonna need for the day That's really good and you just got to swallow it but into your lungs So you've got to like choke on it for a second Yeah, and then it's just, you go, oh wow, it's just given it perfect access. It could just be frozen. It could be just a block of frozen oxygen inside a dissolvable container,

but the dissolvable container protects you from the coldness of the frozen oxygen. Totally. Yeah, I think this is really possible. I mean, it's also possible that you'd get like a, you know, like girls can get the, the implant on thing where it's like under their skin. It's got the contraceptive chemicals

and it just slowly releases over the course of however long, month or six months or something like that, you get that with oxygen, you know, and you just get it like shoved up under your, in front of your stomach or something like that, they could even make the capsules, make it in the shape of some abs, so it looks like you've got abs. Oh, you just got oxygen. You know, it would work if they, it would work if they just use those

Nescafe capsules. Mm, right. And it just dissolves into your bloodstream over a month. Yeah, but like, yeah, the idea that you could just pop them all in there. Yeah. Sliding them in would be so satisfying. Check, check, check,

and looking at your bulging abs at the beginning of the month. Right. And then, and then, you know, and this cafe could do it, we could get Clooney involved to advertise it. Right. Because, you know, yes, Clooney drinks coffee, but you know what else he does? He breathes, and he's tired of it. And that's very down to earth. Very down to earth.

Very down to earth. Do you think, would you say, I think, finally getting to not breathe would be satisfying? I think it would be really unsettling for a long time. Yeah. Yeah. I think, imagine having that and one of those hearts. I think it would always feel like you were choking, even though you weren't. Yeah. You'd get to live in a permanent state of choking.

And then what would you, what would your meditat, you'd be like, oh, focus on your breathing. I'm not mad. Yeah. Or focus on your blinking or something. Farting? Maybe. Well, you know, you know what I think, if you had those ice cubes, those oxygen cubes

in your lungs, and then you also had one of those mechanical hearts that just would away, but doesn't. Yeah, pump pumps your blood at a constant rate, rather than actual pumping. Yeah, I think that would at a constant rate rather than actual pumping. I think that would be a real good mixture. I've been like, whoa, I do not feel normal. Well, you'd run so silently.

It would be like being an electric car. Come running into people on the track, we don't hear you coming. Don't hear you breathing or your heart beating You know one big thing You're hearing somebody coming up behind you going Like that you know When are we going to get a self-driving body?

Have we talked about this already probably it feels like something we would have talked about. I think that idea that you can just like have a day off work and then it just goes to work and then you wake up when you get home or whatever. Yeah, all you're just thinking about other stuff. You could be awake, but you could be looking at your phone or whatever while your body moves around. Yeah, we talked about this for parenting. That's right. We were giving over control of all our limbs to things with big probes that stick into your skin and stimulate

your nerves to make you move and flop around in a way that achieves the goals of parenting while you're either asleep or watching something on your glasses screens. You got that to be good. Yeah, I'd be so good. All right, well, we have five sketch ideas. Actually, we think we have six. Should I take us to three words from a listener? I think that would be the right thing to do. And I'm taking us to three words from a listener.

I don't know if you know this, but we got listeners and some of them, if they want, can support us on Patreon, and they can give us $3, and that allows them to send in a suggestion for words that we use to make up a sketch. And today's words come from James Roy. James Roy. James Roy. James Roy. Hello, James Roy. Here he comes. Here comes James Roy. That name really.

You sound like a very successful TV director with a name like James Roy. Absolutely. Do you know that here comes that boy? No. Tiktok that was famous? No. Man, you would love that reference. Oh, sorry. It's a very beautiful little thing and then people have contributed. So it's just a lady singing that, I think she's riffing a melody while a cat approaches. Right?

Here comes the boy. Hello, boy. Welcome, something like that, right? And then I'll take to our people have contributed to it by playing piano along with it. And then adding like some violin and horns and show like that. And it becomes an unbelievably beautiful song

that makes me want to weep almost every time I hear it. You may be down a while while I'm thinking about it. Oh, Elisdair, but that's me all know, your bar for weeping these days is so incredibly low. Oh, yeah. Your bar is so low that it is actually submerged in the lake of tears in which you constantly stand. Yeah, exactly.

So anyway, here comes James Roy. Hello, Roy. Alistair, you're gonna fall, you're gonna cry. Stop it. It's okay. Crying doesn't stop me from coming up with ideas. And so, do you want to guess what James Roy's words are? I do. Legs. No, it's what. No, it's what. Okay. Oh, second word. Women. No, it's going to be the title of the movie, What Women Want. Oh, very close. No, it is.

But it is quite a feminine sounding word. It is. Yeah. The mass is the Chad it and not only it is, but also is is. What do you think is the third word in the end? Can I give you a hint? The third word. I don't know if you, if this word is a standard word. It could be a twist on a on a word that you already know. So now instead of just thinking of a word, once you think

of that word, change it a little. Cog. Cog. Was that a change on cog? Cup. Is it Cug? No, it was unfinity question work. What is unfinity? Well, it has one of the same letters? What is infinity? I think we might have we talked about infinity on this before Infinity so finity itself would be just

finitity Right finity Which actually sounds more like links to fineness. To me, unfinity, it means nothingness, but it goes on forever. You know? Which I guess does sound like the thing that a universe would be born in. Yeah, well, I mean the universe, I think, was...

Universe was born into the universe is unfit it. This is the anti-universe. The anti-universe is the universe. Yeah. And it is unfit it. But I uni-vor, a uni-vor? Would that be somebody who only eats one thing? Or maybe like a uni-vor? Does people only eat chips or something? Yeah, or only eats once? Only, yeah.

And we could be a monover. Yeah, monover, maybe only one thing. Uni-vor, wait, let's see, universe, uni-sept. I know that's, what's a unicept? Unicept. Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, I mean, to me, it does feel like the opposite of infinity, even though it's probably not, right? Like, because in this situation, in already means the opposite of finite. So, unfinite probably Probably means the same. Unfinity, kind of to me, seems like the place. Because you know this about me, right? This new thing about me that I don't believe in infinity. Yeah.

Yeah. This is my new thing. And I'm absolutely allowing it to define me. And you know, this can't die on me or anything like that. It's not a thing that can be taken away. I can believe this for the rest of my life. I can hold onto it. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. If I'm not like norm, I'm just passing this on. Nobody can take me not believing in infinity away. All right. it away. All right. No, I don't believe in infinity, but you're believing it. I don't believe in infinity. He's going to live forever. It's going to live like me. To the very end of time

and beyond. But I don't believe. See, this is it, Alice, if you don't believe in infinity, by its very definition, you're suggesting that your non-belief in infinity must end at some point, right? Or the non-reality of infinity must come to an end and therefore it contains the seeds of its own destruction You it's not possible to it's not it's not a logical Point standpoint to suggest that infinity doesn't exist because if it didn't exist Eventually it would stop not existing and it would start to exist. Oh go Infinity bust exists. This is exactly, I might sound like a fucking idiot for saying this, but this is exactly

the level of debate and logic that you get from ancient Greek philosophers and there's some of the greatest minds of all time. So just put me up on that ancient great pedestal. Look, I think that, but my, my, the one quirk on my not believing an infinity thing is that I don't believe it in it as a real thing, as in like, I don't believe that exists in the real world. But where I do believe infinity can exist is in the realm of things that don't exist. The amount of things that don't exist, I think, is infinite. Mm, and that's probably what unfinity is. It's all the things that aren't.

Is that what you're suggesting? Yeah, and I think that in a story, we have to go there. Yeah, yeah, that's really cool. But in a story, we have to go there. Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool. It's a great way of... Yeah, I mean, it's another way to look at the multiverse, right? If the multiverse exists, then you could talk about a good way to talk about all the rest of the multiverse that we aren't in is as unfinity. It's all the things that aren't. Yeah, I have this theory that in an

infinite universe, not necessarily everything can happen. Yeah, I think you're probably right. Because there are some things that are same impossible. Yeah, some things seem impossible. So maybe no universal, this brings me back to me, am I not believing in infinity? You can't have an infinite universe. Now what happens? Now why is somebody going to infinity? Maybe because they're not satisfied with what?

What happens in the world and with their life? Yeah, it would be a pretty cool way to be able to get new things. I would be able to go directly into infinity. At the moment. And you come back and you go, you're like, look at this, a bridge wearing a hat. Yeah, exactly, Alistair. And at the moment, if you want to have something new that's never been seen before, you've got to come up with it, you've got to make it,

it's difficult. But if you could just reach directly into infinity everything you pulled out would by definition be totally novel and and and you know in our in our time of instant gratification people are gonna people are gonna want that I love it Yeah, so is that a stage. Disatisfaction with the world. Send someone to infinity.

Well, I think it's just a little whole. I think it might even come in the form of a bag. So it looks like you're reaching into a bag to pull these things out, but it's actually a portal to the infinite. Yes, it could be a whole. It could just be a whole. You never know what you're going to get. You'll be the only one you find in your in your in your in your cupboard.

Pants. Cubbid. In your pants, chum. You could only activate this thing by putting your thumb through your fly from the inside. Yeah. Okay. And you can pull anything and then your thumb goes through, like the actual portal there, is through the fly.

Yeah. But. Does that mean that when you open your pants to pee, you're placing your dick into the infinite? No, because as soon as you unbutton it, the portal is broken. Right. So you just, the portal is broken. Right. So you just, the only way you can get there is by putting your thumb through

and then you can bring anything back that you can pull in with your thumb. You should work with your thumb. Yeah, great. Okay. I love this, El. Yeah. I love it. It's great.

And the craziness of it is, there's a lot of fucking insane things that don't exist. And the first place you're pulling them by is your genital region. Well, this is a really good concept for a sort of a 90s sitcom. It's up there with your good night's sweethearts. And it's just, you know, it's a strange portal. It's a little bit Felix the cat, which I realized isn't a 90's sitcom, but they did remake it as an animation in the 90's, so I think I get away with it. Also the dead. And did Felix the cat used to be a live action thing?

No, no, no. But they remade another animation. Sorry. I thought maybe initially it was just a guy wearing a suit. Yeah. But maybe eventually you would send a vacuum cleaner down through your pants and out the hole after you activated the portal with your thumb. And maybe you'd put a little camera on it

so that you could see and you'd just try to suck things up. From the unfit it. I think a, no, I prefer the concept where you don't know what you're going to get. And this person can just reach in through their pads, pull things out. And they, you know, every week they've got to get themselves out of scrapes and tricky scenarios. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out.

And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out.

And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out. And they just keep pulling things out was able to pull out of his pants. Alright, anything I should read us through the sketch I did? I think that's the best thing for all concerned.

Alright, we got three guns, the character. Yeah. He can hold and fire three guns. Oh, Finn's just come in. I'm just doing a podcast. I'm just recording a podcast. Do you want to say hello? Into the microphone? Hello! Do you want to say what your name is? F Finn. Yeah. Hi Finn. Alex on my headphones and I'm talking to him at the moment. We're just about to

finish the show. So do you want to say bye bye to everyone? Do you want to say bye bye? The line has gone past. Oh you're looking at the thing on the screen. Yeah there's a line that goes past on the, that's what shows what I'm recording. But I've just got to finish it now so I can come out and play with you. So can you go out the door? I even got a bandage. You got a bandage? Oh that's great. Well I like to see it soon, but you go out the door and then I can finish my show on your arm. Okay I'll I'll be out soon. Bye. Anyway. That's nice. It's nice. It's nice. It's nice. It's nice. Slowly, slowly but surely we're revealing all the members of our families on the pod.

We're soft-launching them. The worlds are collapsing together. Yeah. The tank used to be sealed. Hamedically sealed, yes. Hamedically sealed. Okay, we got four bipedal options. This is the realization that we've been only using one of four bipedal options for getting around and people, there starts

being a bit more variety of it. And some people believe that there should be equality of the limbs who get to be a peed's feet. And some people want to use, think it's only right to use one on them and one leg. And then amongst that somewhere, there's also the idea of maybe using the head. As a sort of a method of being more efficient and productive. And I think that's a tone idea, but, you know, whatever you need, need. Okay, wait, head.

Head, it's the horror head, you know, the way it comes towards you like that. For productivity, because you can, because you can also talk and walk at the same time. Because you can also talk and walk at the same time. It's so it's extra productive. Then that'll freeze up. You'll let your feet to do other things like knitting or something. Exactly. Kicking. Kicking, yeah.

Then we got new joints to revolutionize dancing. This is some people who I guess feel like they've learned, they've done everything that they can do with the body that they've got. You can chuck a hinge in there. You can chuck it. Chuck a hinge. You can, you know, any, any point of articulation could get a new joint and add extra range of motion full body range of motion You know then we got

Alien prank show that's when we make first contact with aliens and then we send a bunch of other creatures from earth But give them put them in different ships and we make them make the aliens think that they're getting invaded from lots of different planets right and they're like are these guys from with you and we go no we have no idea who they are then we go down first so that we can set up the cameras and we great with dogs because because we can't even communicate with them right we can't talk to dogs it's's this perfect teller's stare. Yeah, it's perfect, except the dogs will be like sniffing us and be like, where's your food?

And they'll know that we have food. And then they'll be like, suspicious that these creatures also eat food. No, well, they won't, though, because they won't, they won't have an understanding of that, because remember, they're a monoculture. Sure, you know, that's true, that's true. But then anyway, look, eventually they'll figure it out.

But I guess hopefully by then we will be up front with our new friends. Well, by then the show will have broadcast. The ratings will be in the can. Yeah. It won't matter. That's true. I guess yeah, you can apologize.

And we can do that thing like on those just for laughs, kind of weird pranks that they do in Montreal, where they then point to the camera and everybody goes, oh, good one, I thought a guy was just being really rude. Aliens accidentally abducting other aliens who were also invading. Yeah, I think that's looking, I think that's a good scenario. That's a little funny little thing. You could put that in a Twilight Zone.

I think, you know, it's kind of like that thing where people do where they, I've seen on YouTube, where they call up two pizza places at the same time on two different phones, and then they let them they go, hi, this is Papa Jones, you know, and goes, like, hi, this is Pizza Hut, what do you want to order? They go, what do you want to order? You know?

Ah, good stuff. Yeah, then we got frozen oxygen cubes that are swallowed so that you can, into your lungs so that you can stop breathing finally. Just, it just really says enough oxygen for the day. I've got another really good sci-fi try guys idea. Now I know that Alastair and I have been bad really good sci-fi try guys idea. Now I know that Alistair and I have been bad with doing sci-fi try guys recently, but I have a good idea and I'm excited to write it.

All right, we'll be able to attempt in the next couple days to write this something about the unfinity. Yeah. And then the final sketch idea that we have here is this satisfaction with the world sends someone to infinity. So I hope I'm not giving away too much about my story, but there you have it. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Review us. We're thinking of charting soon on Apple podcasts. Yeah, we're thinking about charting. So if you can, okay, everybody could review us because we're looking to start charting about eight, nine years into this podcast. We think this is when we might start hitting the charts? Shhhh. C'mon, fingers crossed. So I think of a thousand reviews were written

in the next two days. We might start charting, but you know, we'll see. Well, that's in your hands. Yeah. And we love you. We do. I mean it. And we love you. We do.

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