Simple Swedish Podcast - 309 - "BROAD BRIM CROWN"

Episode Date: October 20, 2021

Music Cube, Birthing Canaluminium, King of Australia, Self Revenge Loop, Oval Orifice, Tectonic SkinCheck out Al on Pointless Reinvention and Gamey Gamey GameYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSupple thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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hello and welcome to two in the thing tech the show where we come up with five sketch ideas and if you've made it this far We we know you've got the right stuff. Oh, you've got it. You're You're our kind of people or you can find the stop button That's that's that is our kind of people. Let. Let me give you a tip up the pause button will do. Throw the phone out the window. Most most most Podcast apps don't even have a stop button. You actually can't stop the podcasts. That's really interesting. You know, and then Abba song can't stop the music. It's probably not playing music through a podcast app. It was very, very prescient.

It would have been a little bit more accurate if it was, can't stop the podcasts. It probably isn't an Abba song actually. Can't stop the music. It sounds more kind of American disco. Yeah, there's is thank you for the music. That's abo, right? Thank you for the music. The abo is more like, I can't imagine why you would want to stop the music. Exactly. They're they're playing it on a device that doesn't even have a pause button.

Some kind of I mean, is this is this a product that we would, that there is any reason to sell to people? It's a stereo that you can't turn off and you can't adjust the volume. Like that feels like something that, that a purest would be interested in. Those kinds of people who are like, I listen to full albums, you know, listen to them all the way through.

There's also people who like get really uncomfortable if you stop a song partway through it. You ever seen that? It's a scrunched face. I know, but I can imagine sounds just like a type of person. Yeah. No, but I've at least encountered at least two.

And one of them also really believed that in the purity of the human voice What is that main like you know that in that singing Has some kind of higher level Spiritual pound. Yeah, I don't know about spiritual, but you know, it's just a beauty and it should only be used in certain ways. It shouldn't be used to replace instruments, other instruments. So you shouldn't be like, and then another person shouldn't be going, why can you go,

why can you go, why can you go, why can you go, why can you going, why can you go away, why can you go away, and then building a song which is those bits. Sounds like an intro to in the think tank. They would have. Yeah, it does. Yeah, but instead of the pure. Alistair,

I think anyone, do you think anyone ever said to Björk? Um, the Björk store called and they're running out of you. I mean, if they didn't, because she was big in the 90s. And that's so, and so was Seinfeld. And it feels like, do you think, do you think we should post that when Björk dies? like, do you think, do you think we should post that when Burke dies? All right, I'm going to set a reminder in my phone for when Burke dies. I'm just going to, okay, I'm going to try something. I don't stay hang on, bear with me. Hey, Siri, when Burke dies, remind me to post the Burke store called they're running out of

you. Done. Wow. These things are getting good. I genuinely was not expecting. I think we might have just reached the singularity. Yeah, done. No questions.

Just let me just double check what you meant. Something has definitely, like some kind of trigger has been set up in your phone. I dread, I dread that thing one day. Oh, it's gonna be sad, it's gonna be so sad. Yeah, but you know, with reluctant thumbs, I will post what needs to be posted. It also means that you are forced into like Apple loyalty for the next 40 years.

Yeah, but that was going to happen anyway. Was it? You know, I was an Apple guy back in the 90s when it wasn't a cool thing to be. It wasn't a company on the app. It wasn't there was a there was a there was a there was a Paul of sadness over the apple corporation and you know we we used to get like Mac user magazines and they got slimmer every every month as the as the apple corporation with it the Apple withered on the Apple vine.

Just as they were firing Steve Jobs. They fired Steve Jobs, they made some bad choices, and then Steve Jobs was back, and suddenly, there's a big turnaround for the team. Was it right after you created Pixar and then they launched Toy Story and it was a big success that they were like, all right, we'll have them back. Or who did he like?

We'll have them back. We like what this guy does with Adam and his kids films. Yeah. You brought us around, big guy. I mean, he is, I eat, it's how you go. The like, you don't think CEOs, I don't tend to think of CEOs as being all that important.

A lot of the time, I feel like I could do whatever they do. But he is an example of someone who was demonstrably good at whatever it was that he did. Achieving the results that you would want for somebody in that position if you wanted that. results that you would want for somebody in that position if you wanted that. I think it's crazy that the model for Pixar has not been repeated several times, right? Because all the model seems to be is create a good story and then make the movie. It's really, yes, you've nailed it, Alistair.

It is very funny to me that that has not been replicated in either animation or anywhere else in Hollywood. Yeah, Disney has kind of got some of it now, but it's possibly because they've just worked with people from Pixar. Well, they bought Pixar, they were like, we don't know what it is you guys are doing, but we want some of that. What is this thing?

You know, you know, you make sure that every bit is good, and you know, that's really interesting. I'm just, it's wild. Your process. Things happen for a reason, and the characters are plausible. You know, they're consistent in some way. There's bits where you feel things, you know. And then those bits are relevant later on.

You know, okay. All right, all right. Now we'll give it a go. Yeah. I don't see why that would be necessary. Whatever voodoo you're doing behind the scenes to make people like these films, Alistair, is anything that we've said

so far a sketch idea? Well, I'm still interested in this device that you can't turn off. I think that there is something pure about it. Like genuinely, so there are these companies that are like, we're making a phone that's just a phone, right? And it's basic and it's black and white and you don't have to make choices about these other things and it just does that, right?

And I think that there are also, so, you know, leaving aside the fact that you could just turn off those functions on your regular phone, or you could just get an existing like cheap Nokia, which would do all of it for free. This is a very expensive version of that. The amazing technology feature about this is it costs exactly the same as a high-end smartphone,

but it does nothing that that does. But it's a radio. It's a radio. Probably one of those radios that people sometimes you encounter somebody on the street who's just listening to the radio and they're walking around and they're listening to it through a speaker. Maybe they're sometimes they're pushing a trolley or something. What kind of a trolley are you thinking, Alice?

You know what? I was actually thinking one of those grandma ones. Oh, you know one of those grandma ones that has the kind of like the leather or the material inside of it. And then yeah, inside of it that then within it you put other bags or other things. Let's devise a trolley problem, a hypothetical trolley problem, but it's just based on different types of trolleys. That's one of the trolleys, a grand mind trolley. I'm not sure what that would reveal about human psychology, but there's something there. Now, how are we marketing this thing? This is like, what is...

I think that it's... It's crazy to make that. It's set to one channel. Yes. It's set to one channel. It's set to one volume. It's on a speaker and you can't. There's no off button.

It's just simple. There's not even one button. We've talked in the past about musicians and about how they have a way in which they intend the music to be heard. We've talked about audiophiles and ways to make your experience closer to the artist's vision. But it's crazy to me that a music, which is basically just a bunch of sounds, one of the most dominant features of sound is the volume. And it seems surprising to me that an artist, a musical artist, wouldn't have an intended volume

that they want their music to be listened to. Oh yeah. You know, and also, of course, when they put it together in album, they're expecting you to listen to the whole album in a row. So this is just a device that you put in the CD, runs on CD, and you play the entire album at one volume all the way through. But then is it forced to be a certain distance from your head?

Yeah, that's right. You strap it to your head and there's a pole that comes out that keeps it a certain distance to your head and there's a pole that comes out that keeps it a certain distance from your head. And that is the, you know, and it doesn't, you don't turn it on or off because that way there's less distractions, there's less for you to worry about. There's too much choice as it is. I think I'm getting distracted in this about it becoming about an artist's will And also the fact that you put in CDs, I think overcomplicated.

I think the idea is, it's, they're marketing it to that group of people who just are sick of technology being too complicated. Right? And they're just like, you know, you know, aren't you even sick of companies that try and sell you a product telling you that it's simple to use because it's got big buttons? Well, this one doesn't even have any buttons. It does what you want all the time and it can't and it can't be stopped. You know, that means that there's never gonna be a pit where you'll be like,

oh, how do I turn it back on? It is on. It's always on. If it's not on, it's not there. That's right. That's our slogan. If it's not on, it's not there. Yeah, I like it. It's the music cube. And the music, it just, it just goes, just plays. I think that's, I think that's something Alistair. Okay.

It's written down. How about this? All right. The, uh, uh, this is a totally different idea. And this is something that we were almost about to talk about before we started the podcast. But you're in the delivery room, your beloved is giving birth. And I don't know where this goes, but I do like the idea that the the doctor receiving

the your offspring starts just pulling out a whole bunch of scrap metal. Now I don't know if this is a sketch idea, but I think it's potentially a good horror film scene or something in a bad dream, like it's a good dream idea, I think. And holding up these chunks of rusty metal, these bent and things you can't quite recognize, what they were, but they obviously had some kind of a function at some point. Something, at some point, it seems like an old car bumpers coming out, one of those sort of like, they look like stainless steel or something like that coming out, maybe cutting a sawed in half.

Yeah. Now, this won't happen, and this won't happen, and this is a bad suggestion, but they say she's crowning. And then they pull out like a King's hat. A crown, a King's hat. I love Alistair that your commitment to comedy rules is such that it wouldn't allow you to say the word crown twice in the sentence. And it led to you saying the phrase King's hat.

But that I really like. Yeah, all the Kings Hat does appear in a, in a Pollyftopkins bit. So, you know, it can't be entirely responsible for that. Well, this brings me to a new sketch idea, right? The King of Australia, he's got a broad brimmed crown, possibly with Corks hanging off it. They're not Corks, but they are like rubies, the dangle on a bit of string,

and keep the flies off. The King of Australia, the Crown Jewels. Yeah, I'm, look, I'm writing it down because it's already just dumb enough. Thanks, Alice. He drinks crown largar. One of the worst beers in Australia that for a big portion of the early 2000s somehow passed itself off as a premium beer. Yeah. Just with confidence. It's how I do confidence. It was off.

I don't know if they even exist anymore. No, it definitely does. There's people, there's some people who, I remember somebody telling me about high rollers in, they worked as a crew PA or something like that in the casino. And they had these days where they were with high rollers, where high rollers would be coming in, and they would be like people from China or something like that. And clearly, Mob connected in some way, and they'd be throwing big wads of cash on the table and things like that, and they would say, we're drinking nothing but cronies.

And so just bring in cases of cronies. And this is people living the high life. I think that's really good, and I think we should start marketing our comedy in the high life. I think that's really good. And I think we should start marketing our comedy in the same way. Market our comedy as somehow premium. Connected. Maybe we'll wear little crowns.

Yeah, that's what we perform. That's a good idea. Nobody's doing that by the way. Yeah, no, you're right. Wait, I mean, Jughead used to wear like a some kind of crown. That's a good idea. Nobody's doing that by the way. Yeah, no, you're right. Wait, I mean, Jughead used to wear like a some kind of crown. It was a gesture she cut things. It's the opposite of a crown.

It was a little gesture's hat, wasn't it? Oh, no, I thought. Oh, maybe it was a crown. Yeah, Jughead. It was a weird little crown. I'm just looking at Crown Lager on Dan Murphy's.com. Yeah, yeah. It's got good reviews.

It's got good reviews on the, on the Dan Murphy's website. It's got 59 pages of reviews for Crown Lager. Yeah, people love it. Five stars everywhere, an excellent Lager. A great beer, tastes great. The right amount of alcohol and price right. See, that's how much is it?

How much is it again? Look, I'm looking, trying to find the price. Oh, twenty-twenty-three dollars for a six pack. That's... Wow. That's... Wow. That's insane. That is insane. That's way too much.

But then, you know, from Boozbud, you can get a case for $54.49. Okay. Oh, that's not too bad. Lickerland for $54. I tell you what, I'm looking at the bottle. First choice is selling them for $50, yeah. I'm looking at the bottle and it'm looking at the bottle. I'm looking at the bottle. I'm looking at the bottle. I'm looking at the bottle. I'm looking at the bottle.

I'm looking at the bottle. And it's kind of making me want one. They do kind of look, they do kind of look classy. They look premium. They look like they're connected to the monarchy. Anyway, that's crown logo for you. Every time I looked at them, I always thought they look chocolatey. It's a kind of way. Like it was going to be...

Yeah, well, they got a real Ferreira Récher vibe. Yeah, but they taste just like VB. Yeah. Yep. I wouldn't be surprised if it was the exact same beer. I similarly would be unsurprised. I don't know enough about beer to tell you whether or not technically a bitter and a lager are fundamentally different products, but with shit beers like that, I honestly I can't tell the difference between any of them. They all taste exactly the same.

Yeah, like sort of underage drinking. They just taste like an industry. Yeah, they taste like being 17 again. 17 again, right? That movie with Matthew Perry and Zach Efron. But nothing changes about his body. The only thing that changes is his tolerance for alcohol and his preference for premixed drinks.

That's the only thing he has. So I'm freaky Friday scenario where he gets the alcoholic proclivities of a 17 year old. What about freaky? His life. A freaky Friday scenario where you swap bodies with your younger self.

I know this is dumb. This is probably nothing. But your, if you swapped bodies with your younger self through time, and then your younger self was in your later body. So as you make decisions, I think in the past, it changes the life for the future version. But then the future version has the young person in who's making the bad decisions. So they're kind of rechanging your life as well. So that when you get back into it, you have to live with the consequences of what they've done. I don't know if there's anything in that. Well, I think that also, if it was a younger version of you in your future body,

then in a linear sense of yourself, things that you do in their past affects, things that happen to them in the future, this might be already what you said, things that happen to them that affect their mind in the future, then obviously, because they grow up to be you where you're in their body in the past, affect your personality and your self in the past, but then things that you do in the past as

an old person affect what their life, as you say, their life situation is in the future. And you would end up in this sort of situation where you're taking revenge on yourself. You know, if, if, yeah, if they, that young future you, if you somehow could separate yourselves in one way, where you're aware of what's happened and you're aware of the changes in yourself, that are being made, right? Then you might try and inflict preemptive revenge on yourself from both ends of the spectrum for the things that you're doing. This is also a shooting for some reason that you don't like yourself. Well, I mean, the idea of your younger self being your own villain and that you're battling

each other through time, through just making bad decisions to punish the other one. Yeah, without ever meeting yourself. It's not that kind of thing. If you kind of saw the changes fade in, like, you know, maybe they're a different color at first and then they fade in, even if it's just like, you know, if some of it would be in-brain, some of it would be in the real world. You're like, in brain, in a bitch.

I don't know that people use the phrase in brain and I think it's a good, I think it's a good, a good term that will definitely come into the parlance a little bit more going forward. In brain changes. Yeah. We're not talking about thought or the self we're talking about in brain. Yeah. And then off brain We talk about everything in the rest of the world that doesn't have it in your head is off brain Or out brain out brain. Do you think it's cool if I write that down wait? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Pre-emptive self-revenge time loop film freaky Friday. Pass. Synario. What'd you say preemptive? Preemptive self-revenge time loop freaky Friday type. No, you're right. Synario. I get freaky Friday with pass self-pre. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. I get Freaky Friday with Past Self Preemptive Self Revenge

Time Loop. Ah, we'll remember all of that. Yeah, that's gonna make a perfect sense. Don't you worry. In what scenario would Australia have a king, do you think? You know. Yeah, well, I think, you know, we could would Australia have a king, do you think? You know? Yeah, well I think, you know, we could elect one,

but that doesn't really feel like a king to me. I think the only way that it could happen is through charisma, where somebody just slowly starts assuming that role and we like them so much that we just accept it and they sort of organically and bypassing anything to do with the Constitution Yeah, they just they just slowly take on that role. And because of an overwhelming majority of us feeling a strong affection for them, we allow them to get away with it. And even when they start to do things like, you know, sentence people to death and say,

you know, call people to be executed. Even though it's not legal and it's not enforceable by the law, such is our warmth towards them as a people that we just do what they say. Well, if it was a cultural reimagining, a historical reimagining of what happened and say in one of the first, either the first fleet or the, you know, maybe one of the second fleet. So whatever it is, they, one of the, one of the monarchs children came along and then, but had had some kind of disagreement with their family and pretty quickly took over and kind of was like actually we're gonna I'm gonna run this on our own and the people that he was murdering would be people who were like still you know still loyal to the home countries, mums. Yeah. Yeah. So he established a new kingdom.

And also, you know, it would be really nice. It was really good to the first nations people of Australia. Oh, that is, that is nice. Yeah. You know, it's a very alternative history and I think that's interesting. Yeah. And then, you know, and then also worked well with him, had a treaty really early on. Still, obviously you're still colonizing a country, not a great thing still, but. And then we're like, yeah, king. I think it would also be fun to do a film,

you know, like movies like King Ralph. You know about King Ralph? Yeah. John Goodman turns out to be next in line for the throne of England. Yeah. I'd like somebody to discover something. So I was like, all right, John County.

Oh, no, maybe you're right. Maybe it was John Goodman. Fuck. Sorry, sorry. It's all good now. Something happens in, somebody makes, discovers something in our constitution. There is some sort of legal loophole, whatever.

Something is discovered where we realize that we actually do have a king, right, in Australia. And we find and discover who they are, and they're just some guy. But that the institution it turns out is valid. It's constitutionally there. They do have the rights of a king in Australia, and they are elevated to this position.

So it's not only them discovering that they have this role, but it's also everyone else in Australia coming to terms with the fact that we actually are our own monarchy, and we do have a royal family, and they are just a bunch of, a bunch of fucks. But they are suddenly now in the Royal States. bunch of fuxx. Bunch of fuxx. But, yeah.

What do you think in the Royal? What makes what makes them a bunch of fuxx? Now they just grubs probably. You know, some of them are alright. Do you mean poor? This is a look. Yeah, that's one. Is it even before?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also thought, you know, what if there was the first king that was a drag queen? I don't know if that's anything. It's the first, I mean, because there probably hasn't been a drag queen king before. Okay, hang on. So it's a man who dresses as a woman for a man who is a king.

But that person is the king. And then I think when they, in their drag queen character, they just up as the king. And then I think when they in their drag queen character, they just up as the king. And they drag queen character. They dress up as the king. Yeah. So it's a man pretending to be a woman, pretending to be king, but they are actually our king. So it looks like a woman pretending to be a man being king, but it's actually a man pretending to be a woman who actually is king dressed as a king. I actually think that a movie about a king who is a drag queen is a very good idea. And I think you could call the movie. idea. And I think you could call the movie The Queen of Kings and you'd get a lot of people

coming in who think maybe it's a remake of The King of Queens, like a gender flip version of The King of Queens. And so we've already got an inbuilt audience. You know, the kind of people who love The King of Queens, but also are immediately on board and love gender flipped anything. I could see anything if you flip the genders. Yeah, if people are like, though, they'll be the female, maybe they'll think they'll be the female version of Pat Naswal in there. And then the female version of what's his name? James? James.

James, yeah. James, there you go. Imagine if that was your favourite genre of movie, was gender flipped movies. And you, this is, don't interpret this as a criticism of gender flip movies or anything like that, guys, I'm not that guy. But I just think it would be interesting if that was your favourite genre and you didn't even really have to have seen the first movie, you know, the non-gender flipped version to like it. You just love the idea that it's gender flipped or you don't even realise that that's what you love but

whenever you list your favourite movies, every single one is a this is too subtle, but every single one of your favorite movies is a gender flipped movie and you don't even realize that that is the case. My favorite movies are Ghostbusters 2019. No wouldn't be 29 probably be way earlier than that now 2018. Oceans, eight, and... What if, what if you discovered that your, that your favorite movies were all race-flipped ones and they were all white remakes of black movies? I think you would feel bad.

Yeah, I think I think I would that look who's coming to dinner, but with Ashton Kutcher. Oh, I love look who's coming to dinner. Ashton Kutcher is so funny in that film. Yeah, Ed. I don't know if they've done a, if they've done a white version of Friday boys in the hood boys in the hood in Friday and once were warriors Such an awful idea. I'm so sorry. Okay. I mean, would it be called once weren't warriors? How would you, how would you, would you, would you, would you change the name?

I, I think you have to change the name a little bit so that you know, it's not. You know, it could be something like that once were warriors, but it's based on, you know, like, Anzacs or something like that. You could call it Watts, Watts were warriors. Watts were warriors. Look, we don't know what we're saying. Oh, yeah. We don't know what we're doing with this.

I got uncomfortable. Andy, while we've been talking, I just got a bit of a ping. It's been announced that we have become recipients of the Moosehead Awards-slash grant. It's not an award. It is the Moosehead Award recipients, which means that we will have our show kind of aided by the company festival, supported by the company festival by the Moosehead organization. And you want to hear who else has got it? like supported by the company festival by the Moosehead organization and You want to hear who else has got him? Oh, I didn't know that anyone else has got it. Who else has got it?

There's other people who get it. Yeah, there's always that usually at least three people that get it Oh wow, but there's but there's more this year. I'm really excited. There's Ben Russell and Maggie Luke. Oh man, that is great news. There's Annie Louis, there's Gabbard Balls. Fantastic. There's Danielle Walker and there's Scout Boxall. Whoa, what a lineup. Yeah, so that's great. We're amongst some really cool people, so that's very nice.

That is really cool. Thank you very much to the Moosehead Committee. Thank you to everybody who has supported us. And thank you to Alice there for doing the application for the award and getting us to this point. It is lovely. And that means that we are going to be doing a show at the Comedy Festival next year and we're going to work really hard on it. So it better be good or we'll discover that us working hard on something makes it worse. And we therefore are the opposite of good. Imagine if our idea became worse than just a little cloud of ideas in our heads. Well, that's what reality is.

So I don't know if the like I reckon the cloud is insubstantial. It's just a few lines here and there and Anyway, I'm just distracting us from the podcast No, I like I think this is the first time we've had breaking news on the podcast We interrupt your scheduled bullshit to bring you Sub-exciting news Yeah, it's very exciting. You're going to write that down as a sketch idea?

Wait, wait, wait, that's the first time that we've ever had breaking news in the podcast? No, that we got the moosehead. I don't know why, what you just said made me think of. Imagine your partner is in labor and, you know, like pushing the baby is maybe like the head is out is crowning, right? And it's a regular baby. It's not metal or anything like that. Sure. I'm sure. It's having a crowning is what you're saying. As it comes, yeah, birth, like birth metal. I've free didn't write that down before, but I had like birth metal.

I've free didn't write that down before, but I had an empty slot, and I'll just remember what it was. I mean, I don't know as much to that idea, but thank you all for that. But so the baby's half, you know, part of half of its head is out. It's a real intense moment,

and then you whisper into your wife's ear, a plane has just hit the first, the World Trade Center. It seems like a rubbish. Do you think? Oh, I mean, I mean, is mean, is this too much, but it's the first woman president, okay? And she's giving birth. She's also the first president to give birth while in office.

And during a national terrorist attack, which is, while giving birth to twins, she is whispered in her ear by her first man, her husband, who was also the head of national security, which is part of their love story and part of the, you know, what makes this such a great exciting moment. Madam President, which that's what he calls her technically when they're at work,

when they're working, which she always is. I mean, she's doubly working now because she's giving birth and the president of the United States. Madam President. I just thought of, I just Madam President. I just thought of... I just thought of something more. Just hit the world trade center.

That's the pushing. Do you do? Do you think... Can I say this awful thought that I had? Yeah, just any worse than my thought? Well, and then laughing? Just whenever she and her husband are talking about making love, they refer to it as meeting in the Oval Aurafus.

Yeah, absolutely. Right. Having a one-on-one. Having a one-on-one in the oval orifice? Yeah. Yeah. Is an ellipse and an oval the same thing? Er, to rip. Have we been fucking around this whole time?

With ellipses and ovals. Yeah. I think oval might be a broader class of Shucks. So like an ellipses and oval, but an oval isn't necessarily an ellipse. That is my hypothesis. So you think that as we all know, oval, the shape comes from over, meaning egg. So an egg, presumably, is oval, and therefore, but an ellipse, which I think is more of a mathematically defined shape, might not be... Yeah. Would you say that the oval is the rectangle and the ellipses the square sort of to make if we were to make parallels obviously only two of these shapes, only two of these shapes have parallels. I would absolutely say yes that an ellipse is the rectangle of the curvy world. No, not the other way around.

Sorry, the ellipse is the square of the curvy world. The curvy world. Yeah. I'm going to just write down. How many sketch ideas have we got written down? I'm just going to write pregnant into a pregnant president into yeah, we're giving like birthing Precognitive this is another great alternative history Phil

There's another great alternative history, Phil. What a... But it sounds like a right-wing person's example of what would happen. Why they would never vote for a female president. I think it's just it's it would work just as that person as a character describing that nightmare scenario. Yeah. And how they think it would play out. Maybe when we used to do those characters, Alistair, the confusing the issue characters, those supposedly right wing people.

Yeah. That was a different time for us. Haven't done that for a while. Yeah. I think our hearts probably weren't in it. But it was a bit of fun. And some of their nonsense may well have informed some of our later work.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It was very silly and I have no problem with it. Even though if I feel a little bit uncomfortable watching it, I don't know why. Yeah, well, that's just progress. Hey, can I tell you something, an announcement that I've got some more breaking news. Yeah. This will be a huge relief to the listeners of the podcast that my wife and I are selling our house and we're going to buy a cheaper house. And so it is very relevant because we will have a smaller mortgage and it might be more

manageable from a financial perspective. So I don't want it to be the first and what are the listeners to be the first to know that finally some good news about Andy's financial situation. Of course, Andy's financial situation is bad, but he's the only person on this podcast who is in the real estate market. That's right. Andy also said that the new place has one less bedroom. Now Andy currently lives in a wooden shack in a place pretty far from civilization. And one of the bedrooms that they have already is a closet. And so what you would say is not a bedroom. And so I'm assuming that it's just this new place

is just four wooden walls. And you can definitely see light coming in through the wall. Those that that's going to save us on lighting, Alistair. So already that's another win. Yeah. And and then it's just one big room. Well, I'm not gonna say it when I say big, I mean small. And there's one, you're gonna be one big bed and all of the family members are going to sleep, foot to toe in there, sitting up and they're gonna sit there for 20 years. Did you say foot to toe?

So we'll sleep, I guess, it like in a big circle with our feet in the middle. That's right, yeah, it'll be a, I guess, sort of in a big circle with our feet in the middle. That's right. It'll be a, I mean, it'll be any shape you want because there won't be a real bed. It won't be, it'll just be a blanket or whatever, you know, sort of dry grass you can collect from the outdoor area. If there's any stuff that can grow there. Nothing can grow, nothing can grow there, don't worry.

But also, I don't imagine that you're buying a place to do any farming or sort of live off of the land. That is part of my dream, Alistair. But you did say it's going to be on a hill. I don't want to give away too much so that the listeners can find where you live. No, that's okay. But do you think that if it's on a hill and the house looks decrepit enough, you will be able to do some sniper rifling from there?

I think that's inevitable. Yeah, there is a dirt road that passes below the property. And I think that alone, a lone hitcher walking along that dirt road, I could probably pick them off with a sniper rifle. And it could become a bit of an urban mystery. There's a bit of a state forest nearby. They could call it the whipstick forest, kit slayings. Did you just give away the closest state forest

to where you live? Now people just need to find a hell. Jesus. Oh no. With probably a single shack on there. Well, Andy, your days are numbered and that's fine. All days are numbered, Alistair. Everybody's days are numbered. That's how a calendar works. You're right. God damn it, you're right.

Yeah, and there's always going to be finite things. Everything within the finite world can be numbered. Do you think if something is a number as part of an infinite number, you don't need to count? Uh, yeah, you don't need to. There's no point, right? Because it's infinite. I was driving along the other day and my son, Arlo, in the back seat said, growing up, say they can't count past infinity. But I can, listen, 100 infinity, 200 infinity, I could do it. And I thought that's very good. Yeah, it's really amazing. If you just use the infinity as a unit, It's quite good. The the the one's column, the tens column, the infinities column.

Kids are good at maths. And I'm going to I'm going to read us out the this three ideas from a listener because I feel like three words, yeah, three, yeah, three words from a listener's, but we could treat every word as an idea. Just so you know, if I seem a bit distracted, like I'm not totally concentrating at the moment, it's because something is going on with my headphones that I'm using for this phone call, where it keeps connecting and disconnecting from some device somewhere in my house. So every three seconds right now, a robot voice is saying connected into my ears and it is driving me fucking insane. It's been going for about five minutes, just set it again.

Oh, it's really good. Alex, what, yeah, I'd love to go and just see if I can, I'm just gonna go and try and turn off the Bluetooth on my iPad and see if that's the problem. Sorry, I can still hear you though, so just tell me the word. Yeah, I will, I'll do a plug while I'm doing this. From a listener, we have three words from a listener called Stuart McCone, a lovely fellow who has asked to be on the podcast numerous times and it's not through not wanting to stew on the pod that we have not got him on here, but it's through the lack of organization if you

Only knew how Organization has become Especially even locked down. It's like I can't achieve anything during the week and on the weekends, I have a little break by achieving even less. But Stu has been kind enough to invite me onto their podcast and it's called Pointless Reinvention. And I don't think the episode is out yet. It's definitely not.

No, I mean, I looked right before the pod. And but if you wanna to check out pointless or invention It's a very fun podcast where they take an idea Any idea I think I saw the latest episode is vampires and then they try and reinvent vampires in a way so that they are better Any of worth checking out that's funny and Back Choose three words and indeed do you want to try and guess what they are? Yeah, okay. I do.

Clopdomania. No, no, no. First word is skin. Okay, sure. Second word, Clopdomania. Second word, I'm sorry, Andy. The second word is not Clopdomania. It is that. And first word. Oh, we're against Lemidia.

Lemidia. It's club, domain, yeah. No. No, the third word, I'm sorry, Andy, is spins. Skin, that spins. Yeah. I like this idea and I like the idea of, you know, this, because you can think of, you could think of the atmosphere

of something like Jupiter as being like a skin that spins, you know, that our bodies could be surrounded by a layer of dense gas and what is a solid, but a very dense gas, but one that does flow around the body. Maybe it even is that the skin and the face with it is slowly because of centrifugal forces or whatever dragged around their head. And only, you know, your nose and eye holes, your eyelids and stuff, only line up with your eyeballs, which are fixed to your skull. Once every 24 hours. Yeah, I like that there's a slowly move off.

A kind of tectonic plate system. A tectonic plate system on your skin that so it's just kind of fragmented in slides around during the day. I mean this is a great scene for a horror film but just that skin just slowly turning on the head and the lump that is the bony section of the nose you see as it moves across and just now is just poking out through a cheek and then an ear moves across that nose region. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Or for you to imagine.

Yeah, but then there's the bit where the ear moves over the eye and you can see out the ear hole for a second. You'd briefly get a glimpse. Yeah. Yeah, do you think your ear hole would line up with your eye? I think it'd be a moment. I don't think it would. I think my ear holes are considerably low. I think they might line up with a nostril. Considerably lower in what way? Oh, oh, because your eyes, oh, you're just, sorry, the reason, okay, the reason why there's a problem is that you're just picturing, sorry, the reason, okay, the reason why there's a

problem is that you're just picturing, we're just picturing two different things. Cause I said tectonic skin, right? So right, you're just picturing the actual skin, just rotating around the body, like that, just on the outside. Yeah, I can see that now. I was picturing the skin being broken up into fragments that just kind of go their own way. And does blood well up in the cracks

in the continental plates like it, and for new skin, like scab skin, that then cools and forms scar tissue as it moves across the body. Yeah, I think it definitely increases the amount of horror, the idea that sometimes the skin pushes up against each other and creates pressure and then blood just squirts out of different bits, like out of a pimple. Yeah.

That was already sort of under a fairly to pressure from the past. Yeah, that was already sort of Under a fairytale pressure from the past. Yeah, but then there would also have to be those, you know, those fault lines where the the slabs of skin move apart And the blood oozes up from in between as it does the You know, the yes. Yeah, I just kind of picture them sliding next to each other right, you know, just for it to be I just so just less blood pouring everywhere, but you know if it's moving slowly enough It wouldn't be blood pouring it would just be oozing, you know and trying and hardening and I mean it's making me feel sick talking about it So that's a sketch idea, right? Yeah and it's making me feel sick talking about it.

But that's a sketch idea, right? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, we're really putting a lot of work on the graphics guy too. What? Why would this happen? I don't know, but that's it. Is it a syndrome? Could it be the next pandemic? I don't know, but for some a syndrome could it be the next pandemic?

I don't know about it for some reason I picture a CEO having that this condition or a closer CEO it can be pretty intimidating meeting the meeting the boss he's like well you know what I've spoken to a lot of executives I'm not I'm not I'm not worried or anything like that. You go, oh, you know what? Michael's a little bit different in that, it's not nothing to be, you get used to it very quickly. It's just a slight condition.

You have something called tectosis. Tectosis, it's sort of spinning skin syndrome. Tech-Tosis. It's sort of spinning skin syndrome. Anyway, he's got spinning skin syndrome. In you go. Anyway, his skin should be front facing within the next, it's scheduled to be front facing within the next 15 minutes. So I would go in soon. Yeah, we try to pick his schedule his meetings based around the most optimal. You know, you won't get as good a meeting, but in about four

hours, we expect one of his, one of his ear holes to be moving across where his eye is. Yeah. So you could have a brief. If it just spun every 15 minutes, spun all the way around every 15 minutes. And so when you're walked in, they look completely normal. And then, hey, how are you very friendly? And you know, very warm. And the person you're like, I don't know what people were talking about.

And then slowly, but surely you just see their eyes. It's perfect. Start to move. No. This is one of the most awful things I've ever heard. Yeah. Really, I'm really unhappy about it, but I think it's a thing.

And I mean, I realize also, we've more or less just described the three words we were given, but I think that meeting the CEO really kicks this over into sketch idea. Yeah, anything that makes it, yeah. It doesn't quite give us a good context as to, you know, like it doesn't tell us anything more. But I mean, if it's a job interview, I guess that's, you know, you're really trying to make a good impression and you got to hold it together. Sure.

So you got to, you know, you got to stop yourself from doing any woes like that kind of thing. Yeah. You know, you know, have some people have a lazy eye? Well, good news. The boss doesn't have that. But, the goodness. Everything else is lazy. And it just roams around all over his body.

And I think we've taken this episode long enough. So too long. Let's take you through all the sketch ideas we got The radio you can't turn off simple to use it's called the music cube even cube might even be too complicated a shape Yeah, it's a blob It's a mask. It's an amorphous mask that you can stick to the wall music radio Not always music doesn't always play music. The music thing.

The music thing. Doesn't always play music. That's my favorite shop. I don't know if you remember me mentioning this too, but it's called Rice Workshop. And then the subtitle underneath was, not only Rice. Yeah.

I knew I'd hang on. Rice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's done something to my brain. Also, I had a caffeinated coffee today for the first time in a long time. Feeling a lot of things, feeling a lot of feelings. But what is a rice workshop?

And the fact that it is not only rice, I can't, look, we can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. Rice workshop. Rice workshop. Rice workshop. To describe my feelings. Rice workshop, not only rice. But I don't know what a rice workshop is to begin with.

So, you know, I'm already in a territory of having no footing nothing to hold on to. And yet somehow they managed to make it even more ambiguous by saying that the one thing that I thought I knew about this rice workshop that it had to do with rice isn't even a solid point. Anyway. Well, it's not all they do. I'm just letting you know.

If you were getting concerned, do you go, well, I'm not sure if I feel like rice. Well, we do. But I don't even know if the shop is the kind of thing where you where we're feeling like rice is an appropriate reaction. I don't know if you're eating the rice there. Andy, Andy, no one's putting the name of food in the title of a shop and then not selling food. Nobody's putting the word workshop in the name of a restaurant. So I reckon that might not be true. Because I could think of one example, the rice workshop.

The Builder Bear Workshop. Yeah. Oh, well, we just eat Builder Bears. Oh, well, we just eat build a bear's. This would be a thing build a build a beer workshop and it's for blokes, right? And they got you go there and they let you brew your own beer. I think there are places you sit around for six months and then you can drink it. Yeah, I think there are places like that where you can kind of rent a warehouse. Yeah, I know, but I came up with the name.

Oh, yeah, Build a Beer. Build a Beer workshop. But, but wait, wait, I'm confused. Do you drink the beer there? God, this is... For someone who is saying that we've gone on for too long, I've really found a way to increase this. To the Think Tank podcast.

Not only ThinkTanks, then we got the birthing metal wife. I don't know why, it's just crazy. There's not a sketch idea, but it's somebody's wife is giving birth to a lot of old metal. But they seem fine with it. They seem fine. Oh my God. Oh. It's just like an I-beam. They seem fine with it. They seem fine. Oh my God. Oh. Like that.

And it's just like an I-beam. Oh. Oh. Oh, you see the nurses carried away. How much does it weigh? Mm. Ha. Ha.

Ha. Ha. Like that. This is gonna fetch a lot on the scrap metal market. Yeah. And it's like, oh. An old radiator. Oh., oh, an old radiator. Oh, oh, oh, with that rusty radiator.

Anyway, then we got broad brimmed crown for the King of Australia. It's the, there's a possible new origin of a king in this historical reimagination. Reimagining. Do you think in order to write a reimagining film, historical reimagining Do you think in order to write a Reimagining film historical reimagining you have to not use your imagination, but your reimagination Yeah, that's right Freaky Friday, but with the past self Preemptive self revenge time loop. We talked a lot about this one. I don't think we said anything at all.

I don't think we did. No, we did. We said something. I think it's good. It's like it's somewhere like it's fricky Friday meets the lighthouse or that lake house. Remember when when he on and Sandra Bullock were writing to each other through time, through a mailbox that travels through time. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, It's a, they came up with a scheduling conflict first, and then they build a concept for a film around that. That's right.

That's, that's actually quite a good idea. You just get some stars schedules. Yeah, it was. Find out when they're open. The availability based on an original availability made a spreadsheet. On a real availability spreadsheet. On a real availability spreadsheet. And then we got tectonic skin slash spinning skin, which is just stew's idea. My goodness. Oh, that's a job interview, job interview, maybe.

Andy, we did it somehow. Yes, we did. Boom, boom don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't listening to Two in the Think Tank, it was great that you did that thing. I think you should follow us on Twitter. I'm at Stupid Old Andy. He's at LSDATB, we're at Two in Tank. That's right. And, you know, think, congratulations to all the most-head award recipients. You can buy tickets for a comedy festival show at some point in January probably. Oh, it's called My client is innocent and each word is an inverted commas separately. And it's us as two lawyers who are sort of putting the fabric of reality on trial. That's right. The very fabric of reality. But we're basically just defending the fabric. Very, very fabric.

Yeah, and we're defending a guy who's allegedly stolen ahead. Anyway, you can review us. You can join us on Patreon. And you can join us on the Discord. There's a Discord. Discord, yeah. It's been a bit of a bitch. You chat on the Discord recently. It's a fun, friendly place. us on the Discord. There's a Discord, yeah. It's been a bit of a bit of a chat on the Discord recently.

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