Simple Swedish Podcast - 310 - "PERIODIC TABLE OF ELEPHANTS"

Episode Date: October 27, 2021

Scam Based Business, Herding Immunity, Biological Completist, Daynightmare Chip, Centre for Santa Studies, Mysaac HasitovCheck out Al on Pointless Reinvention and Gamey Gamey GameYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereDeft thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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TCPIP? Remember TCP? I don't know what that is. Do you remember TCPIP? It's like a sort of an internet protocol. Oh, yeah, that's a good connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You use it on lands or something like that,

or you use it to store stuff on a folder on your computer and other people on the internet could access it? Alistair, as you know, I have a comedian level of understanding of stuff, which means that I can say it, more or less in the right context, and I am rendered a jelly-like mess upon follow-up questioning. So... Sure, sure, sure. Toad even.

How dare you betray me this way. No, I didn't mean to. I didn't mean to. By seeking to clarify a single thing about what I've said. No, I apologise. No, no, that's all right. Okay, Alistair, I said just before the podcast, I said, let's get into this because I've got something brewing

Bustin something I'm touching cloth and ideas coming out and What it is is it's an entirely scam based business Okay, yeah, so every every every transaction within the business is a scam So they but it is like a business. They have employees, okay? Yeah. The business of the business is scamming people.

But then when it comes to the employees getting paid, they also, they have to scam the money out of the boss, okay? Instead of submitting an invoice, you pull off a scam, a hustle. I like that. Instead of paying the canteen lady, because it's a big company, they've got a canteen, but it is a lady that runs the canteen. They're very modern in some ways in their scam-based business model, but they're still quite traditional in the way that it's ladies in the canteen.

Oh, that's nice. I mean, it's nice for people who are traditional that they still have a place where they can work. Exactly. Yeah. You don't want to take that entirely away. Well, so I like how they get a struggle with at this business, but the one thing in which they won't experience

any kind of culture shock is the fact that it's ladies running the canteen. Sure. So for example, okay, sorry, you continue. No, no, but you've got to scam the ladies out of a lunch. Out of lunch as well, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's good.

Do you think it's, I guess they probably have seen this already, but do you think you could pull a, what's that over there? Yeah. And then you grab a tray of food and then run. Yeah, I think so, but remember, it's fully scam based and the ladies are still gotta get paid. So they're simultaneously trying to scam you out

of the equivalent value of money. Yeah, so you say, look over there and they say, I will, but my car has run out of petrol and I can't get to the hospital to visit my sick grandmother. I mean, granddaughter. Exactly. Yes. Both my grandmother and granddaughter are both very ill in the hospital.

They were in a head-on collision with each other. With a virus. That's right, they're both driving. With a virus. Wow. A truck carrying viruses. A tanker full of virus. A tanker full of COVID-19.

Yeah, unfortunately, struck their bodies and then leaked a fair amount of pure virus straight into their wound. Here's a new sketch idea. We can't cure, so there's some disease. It could be COVID, it could be a totally new disease, a novel virus, a new coronavirus, okay? And this one, the definitive coronavirus. So now, is this one novel or is this one new?

It's newvo, okay? It's a newvo. And this one can't be killed in any way, but what it can be is corraled. It can be sort of, it can be herded. We invented new kind of antibiotic that doesn't, no, I mean, antibiotics don't kill viruses.

We invented a new kind of drug that doesn't kill the virus, but does, does, does hurt it, right? Into, into your mouth where it can all be spat out into a container. Okay. So you can feel the build up and it kind of just creates like this white foam with this kind of white sort of chalky build up in your mouth as these cells sort of,

you can feel them taking their their their pilgrimage up your throat. That's right. Okay. You know Like salmon you're swimming upstream. Yeah, you know some of them are coming in through your set of those Salavari glands You know, they're finding that pipe in there and then some of them are just tall. Salavatory. Salavatory's restaurant. Yeah. And so they build up there and then you spit it into a little little container. Every house now has a little container, okay? Spittoon.

Spittoon. You're spittin' into the spittoon. Spittoons are back now. It's actually not like that. Medical spittoon. Okay. Everybody spits the virus into their first thing in the morning and last thing at night, it's like brushing your teeth. Okay. And then there's a man who comes and collects, and it's a man. It is a man. This is a man's job. It's some ways this virus is novel, but in other ways it's very traditional. Okay. It's a man's job to collect the spritus. I like that these sketches have something for all sides of politics and all types of people. And he takes, and he puts...

Is he a man of small stature? He's tiny. He is tiny. Okay, and very small. Tiny but traditional. He comes in, you leave it just inside the doggie door. Every house has a doggie door. And he worms in through the doggie door,

and he takes this out. Oh, no, no, you've given this man a small stature, a demeaning thing that he does. Yeah, that's right. That's just something for everybody. That's right, that's right, that's right, for everybody. Okay, and then he puts it,

he empties it into his truck, he's got a big tanker. Okay, sloshing around with all the town's spittle in there, every nine. Okay? Then he takes it, he dumps it into a big reservoir, okay? And then he crashes it into an elderly woman and then a very young woman. Yeah, very young woman.

No, he takes it to a big reservoir, he pulls it into a big reservoir. And now all the virus and all the spit is being collected in this reservoir, but then cracks start to form in the dam, okay? And then is just the first five minutes of our movie, okay? That's good. And now the movie is called

something like tsunami, but with saliva. Yeah, you know, it's a shark. They don't say the thing. Sal, Sal, Saloo Sal, Saloo. This is good. This is good. Saloo.

Vami. Yeah. It's great. Saloo. Vami. God, that came out so easy. LAUGHTER Anyway, oh, OK, and the first interruption of the podcast,

first of what I assume will be many today as just coming in. Fin coming on to the podcast. Hello, Fin. What do you want to say, Fin? Hmm. Why did you come in here? Me want to do webbies, okay, well you're gonna have to do that outside because Alan

I am recording a podcast right now, so can you go back to Ilo and you eat some of your food or you go play on the iPad? Off you go Spider-Man look I mean we'll see that last yes you spit them out and so this is south wait so so Lou so Lou Vennami my super Lamy maybe my super Lamy no Maybe Ma superlamy? No. It was another one of those kids. Yeah, it was one of those French ones. It wasn't French, right? It was bound to Disney.

It wasn't Canal Blousse. Canal Blousse. Oh, well, they did make a cartoon out of it, but it was kind of like, it was in the same, it comes from the kind of the same origins as like a Astrox and Obelix. Oh, really? Yeah, like a comic.

Okay, so I only, I only know it as a cartoon, but it was one of those ones that was just on the cusp for me of like me being too old for it. So it's one that I hate. Even though I watched it a lot, like you watch it a lot because you're still just in that mode of watching what's on TV at that time, but you're just aging out of it,

so you develop a very special kind of familiar loathing for that particular counter. Oh man, I used to read so many of those. That's what I used to go to the library to read. That, my superlamy Gaston Lagaff, he was just a real lazy guy. He was Gaston, the fuck up essentially. Then there was one that was like Leonardo da Vinci and his disciple. They just honed these. I wonder where they are. I loved them.

Then you know, of course. See, this could be your source code, Alistair. Now that you've read a little bit of Terry Pratchett and you'll plugged in to how I operate. I don't know if I'm fundamental. Yeah. My final source code is French and other things. I guess that's the thing.

Maybe I'll finally start to get your comedy. Yeah. So lucky for me. That's what he was doing. There was one where he was, because Gaston was always like, like slouch and forward, which might be where I got my slouch forward. And somebody was like just trying to,

wherever he worked, trying to get him on the straight and narrow. And one of the things they were trying, starting to do was trying to straighten his back out. And so they put like a big straight ruler down his back and then they strapped his neck to the ruler so that his back was really straight and then slowly but surely he just stretched out whatever it was that was, anyway, wasn't that funny,

but it seems like a very literal interpretation of what you would do with some kind of corrective spine brace. So yeah. Yeah, but he was, you know, but he was bending it, he was bending it back and then just putting his back back where it felt comfortable in the forward leaning position. Oh, okay. I guess I don't quite understand. You don't?

I, yeah, no, but I was a big asterix boy as well. Was that would that be considered a band desi-ne? I would say so, yeah. What does that translate as? Like a band would be like a strip. Desi-ne is drawn. Some kind of comic strip or something like that? Ah!

I guess it's one of those things where we don't really have a word for it in English. There's not really a direct translate for it. Direct translate, it's a part. Okay, I can get the shape of it in my mind. Yeah, like a band, a band, like a, like a, you know, like a design, designed band. Yeah, it's a closing band.

But I think from context, I can piece it together. Yeah, you won't really understand the cultural importance and value and really what it is. But it's a tonal language, isn't it, French? Yeah, there are tones, sort of, you know. That's why I'm here. Socastic. That's mostly sarcastic and then dismissive. Is this, is, is, is, are you using that on me right now?

No, I wouldn't dare. I wouldn't dare do that. Yeah, thank you. I wouldn't dare do that. Can I tell you a little bit about why today's podcast recording is possibly the least ideal circumstances for a podcast. Yeah, and then I'll tell you why it is for myself. Oh, great. It's going to be a least ideal off. Okay.

So mine is, all right. Today, we're trying to, we're getting photographs taken with selling our house. Okay. And we're getting the photographs taken today. So we've been trying to get the house ready for a week. Kali and I have been working incredibly hard every second of the day trying to get things done, repainting the roof, repairing the walls, tightening and everything. Repainting the roof. Repainting the roof.

Like honestly, this has been the biggest undertaking of my life. At the same time, I, the kids all got sick, okay. I got sick. My parents have to isolate because they're going to Tasmania. Normally they would help us with everything. They're going to Tasmania. They have to isolate because of COVID restrictions. So they can't help us. And then today, we thought the kids could go to school. This is the last day, which would be able to get them all out tidy up. We woke up. I was extra sick. Kids all still coughing. Kids can't go to school. Okay, so I've taken all the kids up to my my sister's house and we're all playing. They're playing in the backyard. She's a way at work and

somebody's just come up behind me and is banging on the wall. Hello, hello. Well, while Andy is talking to me'll say, I have been working, I have been attempting to do my crypto tax. Right? And I was very experimental with it. And I got into some very speculative things that were, and I got in so early, that some of the values

of these things was not even tracked at that point. That's very speculative. We believe that this is really bad. Which is really bad. I value at some point. Which is, I'm pouring lots of money into things that had no official value. God. no official value. God! And I was I did I worked on this hard for at least a week

and I worked into the night last night because today is my tax appointment and I was up until 4 a.m. trying to get this together and I am tired and I still did more work on it today. Alex, do I have to go across the road because the boy needs to do a clue? Of course. Well, I will attempt to come up with a sketch idea while you're gone. So, here we are, listeners and I, and this is really raw and this is really revealing of my own abilities. So let's think here. What's a kind of a sketch thing that we could think about? You know, there's only a few animals that stand on one leg. There's the flamingo, but there's none I don't think that are born with one leg. Right? So perhaps we could design, maybe these people who are trying to, it's a biological

completist who thinks that there should be an animal. I mean, I suppose you could say a snail has one leg, but then they don't have any legs. So I think that, you know, and look, we have some, in the discord, we have some people who are very good with biology, and they hopefully can help correct me with this. Andy, are you bringing the mic with you? Hey, oh yeah, okay, well that's great Because because when you do talk it's just completely distorted. Okay, sorry, okay, I'm back. I'm back on the mic Okay, right, I didn't realize you're not on my Okay, so they the the the the

The listeners of your you know your half of that that conversation where I was outside yelling with my children. So the other element is that when we got up here to my sister's place, people next door cutting down a whole lot of trees and then mulching them. So it's incredibly noisy everywhere except for this room. And Fin just came in needing to do a poo. And I had them on my iPad outside. Not something we tried to overuse, but I thought this will get me over the line. And he'd taken the iPad apart out of the case that it's in and somehow been taking photographs of the car.

I don't know how he'd done this. But it was looking like this could all go very wrong very, very quickly. This is a kind of, I'm feeling alive, even though I'm sick and extremely tired, I've got a kind of adrenaline analysis which makes me feel like we should be doing the podcast in more extreme circumstances. In a, like a 300 episode where we come up with 300 sketch ideas, which will be happening soon. It has to happen before the 15th of November. Yeah.

Anyway, we'll go to the bottom of my way. I don't think that, hmm, yes, we do go to run it by your wife. And my wife. But I think there could be other types of extreme situations that other than just length ways in which a podcast can be extreme. And it could be falling. Falling. Exactly. Terminal, how are you listening to terminal velocity podcast? Exactly, plummeting. Terminal, how are you listening to Terminal Velocity podcast? Do you think a dialect is biological?

A biological completeness? Yes, I did hear this over my headphones while you were discussing it. Okay, so this is a guy who thinks there should be a type of animal for every number of legs? Well, I think so. I think it just wants to patch up the holes. I mean, it could be like a periodic table scenario where he sees the holes, where he sees the holes and so he assumes there must be some creature out there that has the one leg hole. I mean, could we call this periodic table of the

elephants? I don't know why it's called that exactly, but it's got a little pleasingness to it. I mean, does he think that there's an elephant? Because we know that there was a woolly mammoth for the very cold climbs, okay? Should there be, does he think that there should be, based on those two data points, that there's a woolly mammoth for very cold climates, and there's also a... A woolly mappeth for very cold climates, and there's also a... A woolly mappeth for quite tropical warm areas. And for like windy areas and one for a... It doesn't think that there's any areas.

Exactly, a tree-based, an elephant for every... And underwater elephant system. I mean, the trunk does imply that you've probably... Snorkel. You are sometimes at some distance away from air. I think that quite literally elephants do swim along breathing through their trunk like a snorke. But do they ever just walk along the bottom?

And just have their trunk sticking out at the top? Ah! And just have their trunk sticking out at the top. Mm-mm. And is there a big eye that appears at the top of it that sort of blinks a lot, like in a cartoon? No, but they have a big nose that appears at the top of it. Mm-mm. Oh, very good.

Yes, a periscope of smell. Mm. The smearoscope, no. Smelloscope. I think I might have to go wipe a bottom. Sorry. I know the headphones behind so you're not dealing with that during the conversation. But I think that you can probably write down periodic table of the elephants as an idea. All right. I'll put it down with the biological, completist periodic table of the elephants.

Well, I was thinking there's got to be a way that we can take power away from dictators. Because I think there's apparently it's like it's basically over 50% of the world that is still on you know that is not in democracy right and obviously democracy has its own problems and capitalism has its own problems but I love that love that countries like France and Germany, who previously in the last century had been to war like almost three times with each other,

under a more sort of strict democracy and capitalism. They don't do that. So maybe there's a way to force some kind of that on some of these. How do we take a power away from these dictators, Andy? Oh, you know, I don't know, but you got to go again. No, no, no, well, I mean, I'm being shouted at. But last time I went to Finn, he was sitting on the toilet, asking a question about a world map that was on the wall, and I said, look, I can't answer that question right now.

And he said, well, also, I'm having a bad dream. Now, I feel... LAUGHTER If you'd never pood, OK? And you suddenly had to poof at the first time, I think it would feel like a bad dream. Anyway, he's saying now he's ready for me to wipe his bottom, So I'm gonna go do that. Okay, we're back. All right Andy All right

We're gonna bring in a new feel look. I don't have anything for that thing. Oh unless Unless somehow daytime nightmares Is a new thing we could bring in now people who love horror movies love being scared right but It's slow waiting for productions You know especially when there was you know all those COVID delays You know so and and what can scare you more than The irrationality and irrationality of your own mind.

So, this is a product that for people who love horror, and it's also just be a party game, you know, instead of people doing drugs, instead of people hanging out and doing drugs or hanging out and watching scary movies, why don't they use our plug-in, which just plugs into the, you know, you can just push it through the skull a little bit, just some metal prongs that go through the skull, and they inject stuff that brings up not only a dream state, a waking dream state, but it's aware where you can sort of like how you when you imagine a number. Like if I tell you, picture what the number three looks like. You kind of can still look through your own eyes, but then you can also see the three at the same time. So

it's a kind of a screen and screen type scenario, but for nightmares during the day. And the only downside I see is the possibility of not being able to turn it off. But I assume you're at this sentence. I assume you'll be able to, you know, with tweezers or whatever, pull that chip out from inside the skull. It's not very easy. It's not made because we don't want it to fall out and we don't want you to be night-marrying with your friends and the kid walks in

and pulls out your day-night-mare chip and then ruins the experience. That's why we like it to have an extra grip inside the brain. That's why we put little prongs on the inside so that actually to pull it out will damage the brain, which actually only adds to the terror. Yeah, I mean, how does that actually, that doesn't stop anybody from doing it.

It just makes it much worse for you if they do, right? anybody from doing it. It just makes it much worse for you if they do, right? Well, it will stop the week. It's a very week. Yeah, super fee. The elderly, people who, you know, I think, and people who have kind of arthritis in their hands probably won't have the dexterity, the dexterity to pull these things out. So they'll be poking around but the damage that they'll be doing will be You know incidental damage. I don't I'm also gonna say I think I have a toothache I think something's going wrong with one of my my my wisdom teeth. So there's also that element And this is the most confessional episode you've ever had. I know just before I went out There's a bit a lot of poo here.

I went out to the backyard, right? Because I just wanted to check Arlo was okay. I couldn't find him anywhere in the backyard. I was running around, shout out his name, and then he was also doing a poo. So in the backyard. I'm the other toilet at Catshouse. Ah.

So this has just been an extremely biological podcast today. Somewhere amongst this is your youngest child who is never not to be seen. My youngest child, by a miracle, by a total miracle is sleeping for this. So I put him down and he very, very happily said, good night, put his head down on the pillow. He could wake at any moment, he could be doing a poo. But believe me, you'll be the, for the listeners that I'm going to worry, you'll be the first to know. You know, it's gone from us having little cameos from our kids in this thing to being whole themed episodes based on children.

A lot of my blood description of every single thing that they are doing on a gastrointestinal level. But that is, you know, but that's what the one benefit of a relationship that you have with your family is that there's no bullshit. There's no hiding anything. And that's it's a fully honest relationship. Except for all the lies you tell your kids. Or the information you purposefully emit. My children have forgotten that Santa wasn't real. So they realized last year and they said,

but that's Santa isn't real, is he dead? But then this year again, they're back on board. So. Yeah, I think there's some strategic, there's some strategic working here. Sure. But so when they said the Santa's not real, did you just say, yeah? No, I didn't say that.

I said, well, what do you think? The old, do your own research. Yeah. You make up your minds. There's no one. I mean, truth. What would research into trying to find out whether Santa is real look like? Because where would you start? And I don't mean like Googling it.

I mean like independent, getting some actual physical evidence. Well, I think, because at the moment, you can't prove a negative, you know? I've said it before. At the moment. At the moment you can't prove a negative, you know? I've said it before. At the moment. At the moment you can't prove a negative.

And Santa might not be real in a large number of circumstances, but there might be some very specific laboratory-type conditions where Santa could be real. You know, it could be a large-head. It could be a large-head. It could be a large-head. A kind of a cyclist. A Santa for like a micro second. A micro second.

Yes. A, you know, there's the Higgs boson. There's the Higgs boson that gives particles mass. Could there be a ho, ho, ho, on that gives particles, little presents. I think that's really funny. I was also thinking that there is the possibility, although it's hard to go past that,

what you've just said, is that, look, while Santa themselves might not be real at the moment, the possibility, it's not impossible to have a man who Could be created and have a title to some land in the northern pole. Yeah, okay, right cool So created and their brain structure is such that they And their brain structure is such that they dedicate their entire life to acquiring and making presents for children in some kind of workshop scenario. And always want to deliver it in the one night across the world using flight. Definitely.

I mean, what? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no your main focus was getting presents to kids, that's how you would do it. The fact that he does it all on one day right near the end of the year, in one night, he pulls an all-nighter at the last possible second. This guy has massive procrastination issues. I wouldn't be surprised if he had some kind of ADHD, and I think it's time that we diagnose Santa and get him on some well some you could if you you could dexies technically like using just you know direct atom positioning You know by just printing somebody atom by atom. Hmm

You could actually make a person who has all those qualities, whether or not this Santa achieves actual Christmas. That's not for us. We're just trying to make Santa. Yeah, I think that's, I think that's a really good. Whether Centrelets are the potential. We are trying to genetically engineer A Santa Claus. And we will get it done and he might only be able to be proven to be effective in this really small test world that we've created. But once we've proven that it's possible at that level, it's just a matter of time

before the technology, the standard technology improves. I mean, it's going to be horrific seeing all the failed genetic experiments, all riding there on a bench. But you can just have like an old folks home for them. Yeah. We don't. Yeah, you know, I like an old folks home for them. Yeah, we don't. Yeah, you know, I think, yeah, I don't know. I don't know whether we'll consider Santa Claus is real or, or all the ones that are riding and baking for death, we just put them in a mall.

There you go. And then they can, they can just, um, kids can sit on their laps. That is it. That is a good ex, that is a good explanation for why there are so many Santa Claus' that don't seem to have the same powers, but have the same desire to listen to children's wishes, but can't actually do anything about it. They're like drones. Oh, we've talked about this on about Santa being like a bee with a type of royal jelly, I think, a long time ago where it's sort of a high version of the Santa Claus, where they feed him a type of royal Christmas jelly

or framerate. And Mrs. Claw is actually the mother who gives birth to all the Santa Tys. Yeah, that's right, yes. But that makes sense that the mall centers are the sort of the drones, the impotent drones that aren't able to do. Sure, the soldiers.

Yeah. The soldiers who, they're probably just data collecting agents who go find out who's been naughty or nice. Yeah, and then they come back to the North Pole and they do a dance to indicate to the King's Anter where, oh, I'm getting a call from the real estate agent. Should I take that live on the live on the podcast? That'd be an exciting new element as well.

I could include this in the very literal discussions of are we actually getting this house that we think we're buying? Are you answering? No, I'm not answering. No, she's gone. I'll call her back after the podcast. And then we'll have to record a bonus episode

where I take you blow by blow Now she's gone. We'll call her back after the podcast. And then we'll have to record a bonus episode where I take you blow by blow through the contractual shenanigans. Oh, really? This is my second day without children in the house for the first time in, we're on episode 310 which means that it has been between 10 and 11 weeks of lockdown.

Jesus. And I was at breaking point. I was- Alistair. I- Especially having this fucking crypto thing. Literally one of the most difficult things I've ever done. And even at like 3 a.m. I'm like, I'm just like, I'll go through all 52, 53 pages of 100 transactions.

Oh Christ. And just go over them again just to like see if I can see anything. And just like randomly I go, oh, there's two double up transactions and remove them. It's like, and there's like that made a difference of like maybe 10 or 20 thousand dollars to my potential capital gains. Like that's how like it was just crazy. Every moment was was important. This I mean, this sounds like hell. It sounds like... It was difficult.

It's definitely gonna change my potential investment strategies in the future. Right. Yeah, you're gonna have an eye to the text. Gonna be a bit more... A bit more, just... Long-term holder, I think. Especially when you, here's the other awful thing,

is that you see, this is last night as well, I saw some coin that I held at some point in June last year. I know, like starting in June until about October, right? And what its value would have been now if I had just kept a hell hold of it, that it would have been like $65,000, something that I'd paid, sort of $1,500 for or something like that. You just... Yeah. It's a very specific type of torture that you've invented for yourself or you've committed

yourself to Alistair and it is finding new and interesting ways to inflict suffering on you every day. It's amazing going through the trauma of all the bad decisions I made along the way. Some were dramatically bad. And it's like, and just, and it's amazing how just looking at numbers on a page, how much emotion you can feel.

You go, I remember when I panicked sold that and then it went straight back up. Well, a lot of, a lot of our, my sister's just got home to her house. A lot of my sisters have just got back home. A lot of our decisions, our stay, a lot of our bad decisions. They're only qualitative. You know, they're only ever qualitative. They're only ever emotional on some level

where you can sort of explain their ways yourself. You can get therapy and you can deal with them. But you've, you're all your, with, with crypto, now all your bad decisions have a very quantitative, you know, you're able to look, look at them there and see them in, in cold, hard numbers. Cold, hard numbers. Yeah, physical numbers. Exactly.

You can't explain those away. By the way, we still got to do this thing where we offer people a carved on stone version of tweets that they like. That is a multi-million dollar idea. Absolutely. And if we get my act together. By the way, how about this idea for a product, right? You know numbers. Yeah. Right? So you know numbers. Yeah. Right. You so you know

numbers. So they're just these immaterial things. Well, what if we give people an opportunity to own the actual numbers? Really good. Yeah. Really good. This is an NFT version of numbers. Is that what you're talking about? You're going to laugh at this, but I actually did make some NFTs of numbers and the only. I put them on the salon and network on Solsea, they're a thing, and they're just red numbers. I spent a whole night just on this website, just like doing one and then get printing out the image and then doing two and then printing out the image and all the way I think to 500 and then I could only I could only be fucked uploading 50 of them so far so they're much more exclusive Also because it was costing me it was costing me actual actual Sol every time I have I I am uploaded one

But of course not a single one is sold, but they're up there. They're up there, each one for one salana, which is actually becoming quite a high price. I mean, what did I think? What did I think was going to happen? That I would be charging a hundred bucks for a number. But I just want you to know. Yes, you did think that. Yes, you did think that. Yes, you did think that.

I know, but I, but, but that's what the world of NFTs, that's how dumb it is. And I, I, I did it out of disrespect for NFTs. I don't even respect NFTs. But, but each, each number is unique. And it's that was your opportunity. But I didn't mean that. When I was saying this, I just meant like, we're gonna make some metal numbers and say them I mean you're talking about street street numbers, aren't you? I mean you can go and buy those for a couple of bucks. I know but a lot of those here's the problem with those Hmm is there only one sided? Oh Interesting to number the works from both sides.

Yeah, these ones, like real numbers. Yeah. Real numbers in your mind. It doesn't matter what its orientation is, except for no. Well, because there also becomes infinity. And that's a huge discrepancy. Imagine if that happened. The Russians and the Americans are building a space. They're working on a space program together. But they didn't agree on a standardized orientation of the number eight. Of the number eight. And maybe the Russians, you know, because they're deep

into their mathematics. They love their maths. And they're more, they find it more appropriate for the infinity symbol to be stood up because it doesn't really make sense for it to kind of just be hovering. It's infinity. It's not magic. I think they should have done this when they came up with imaginary numbers, right? Because the way they do that is by putting them all, you know, with eyes and or jays, depending on your viewer and engineer, and, um, you know, to represent the fact that they're imaginary,

but they should have just written the numbers on the side, lying down. Because in a way, you do use imaginary numbers to represent different directions on the Cartesian plane. But if the numbers were just lying down, that would have made so much more sense. It's much more visual. You can write the numbers that way, sort sort of at 90 degrees going down the page. This is going to be my Nobel Prize. I mean, fine and got it for just coming up with a new way to draw little squiggles on a page to represent if I can some sort of nuclear thing. I'm going to come up with a new way of writing numbers

sideways. It's going to be big. Alistair, I hate to ask at this point, but how many sketch ideas have we written down? Because I feel like I'm pushing my limit of how long I can keep recording. Two, three, four, five. Oh, it looks like five. Okay. Let's just go to three words. I mean, we're pushing the limits of what we could call a sketch in this episode. I'll see how, fucking hell, Alistair. We'll call this sketch in this episode. I'll see you hell, fucking hell, Alistair.

We'll call this the fucked up episode. So we got three words from a listener, and I've only written down their name, but oh no, luckily it's right here. The listener today, Andy, is Dominic Stevenson. Dominic Stevenson. And Dominic wrote in a very fucking, is Dominic Stevenson. Dominic Stevenson. And Dominic wrote in, a very fucking legend, Dominic.

As a response, he said, Dominic says, Alistair, I used to work close to rice bar, not only rice. It was amazing, not only amazing. I added it, it was, but I just was trying to not only amazing. I added it was, but I just was trying to make it flow for the listener. I think this was fine for me. But then also while Dominic was telling me about this, they also suggested three words from a listener.

That listener was Dominic Stevenson. And so do you want to try to guess? So thank you Dominic, by the way, it's great to hear other fans of... Dominic Stevenson is such a human name. It's such a human name and it's one of those really strong human names that would be really funny to give to a cat. Absolutely. A cat called Dominic Stevenson, that's a true... But it's all hilarious.

I was good. Yeah, it's going to be though, very difficult for Dominic Stevenson to blend in when some other species takes over. And even if they cover themselves in fur or slime or whatever kind of creature takes over, when they ask in their name, they're gonna know straight away. That's a human name. Mm. They're not.

Dominic Stevenson, we don't get a lot of Dominic Stevenson's around these parts. Mm, around these slime holes. Mm, around these galactic rings. Anyway. So do you wanna show you guess what the three words are from Dominic Stevenson? Yes, I do the first word is rhombus

No, I feel like you've guessed that Okay, okay, the first word is platitude platitude Platitude no no the first word is public. Oh or public Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Second word is?

Okay. Yep. Public. Second, oh, I've got to guess the second word, ah, is... Restitution. No, it's not restitution. It's conveyor. Public conveyor.

Ah, system. System? System, system. System? No, Andy. Belt. Public conveyor about, you know that this is a, there's an Isaac Asimov,

I think it's in one of Isaac Asimov's foundation novels. Or it could be robots of dawn. There is a public conveyor system, right? And the way that you get around is you get onto these conveyor belts and they have like increasing speed, right? So you step from one belt to the next belt and they're sort of parallel to each other.

Be an awkward moment when you're stepping from one to the other. You gotta really manage that transition. But you work your way up, you keep stepping from one to the other. You've got to really manage that transition. But you work your way up, you keep stepping across into faster and faster ones until you're like, zipping along. Now you step back down again. That's cool. So they go up the faster you go, the higher you're going to be.

Yeah. You might also be going up vertically. I'm not sure. But you are stepping across these from one to another, going faster and faster. And it's very cool. Yeah, so that's the sketch idea. The sketch idea is everybody should read,

I think it might be robots of dawn, by Isaac Asimov, some weird sex stuff in that one. Well, I mean, you know what, in what the, I guess Isaac, Isaac, as I'm off probably only had limited experience of sex. But he writes about it. I don't know, I think he had some strange desires and I'm not entirely comfortable about all of them,

to be honest. Yeah, right. Well, I mean, because you could only imagine Isaac as I'm off having sort of big mutton chop, old man, right. Well, I mean because you could only imagine Isaac as I'm off having sort of big mutton chop old man sex Yeah, yeah, that's right very dry and bristly very dry very yeah, I don't I have never seen Isaac as I'm off with his shirt off You've never seen but Isaac as a shirt off. No. You've never seen Isaac as a shirt off. Isaac as shirt off. I've only ever seen Isaac as a moon as a moon. I've never seen a Isaac as a moth. It as it is a shirt. I mean, it would be great if somebody tried to recreate the entire works of Isaac Asimov,

including biographies and other biographies, as Poinot films, and tried to find Isaac Asimov themed titles. Sure. I mean, it's a a project isn't it? And so the non-duplume is Isaac Azadoth and he asks what is it? Azadoth. Has it off? It has it off. But with all the different characters and fins come back in. Could it be mice? Don't need that biscuit. Okay, you put it down here on the table,

and I'll eat it later. Do you think it could be my sack? Has it off? Yeah, yes, I do. Let me go, Ben. You don't need to hear this conversation. And nobody does. Okay, so that's our sketch idea, okay?

It is, I, uh. And, but it was, you know, each, each, porno, like a sci-fi thing, will also propose a way of solving some societal ill. Mm. You know? Most of them are gonna be bone-er-related. Through speculative, bon bonering and boning

Because Isaac has almost three laws of Robo bonix No, looks pathetic, but what I will tell you is that my my parody character my sack has it off Well, we'll have his pubic region shot Shaving into big mutton chops down the sides of the dance. The ball bag will have big black frame glasses. That's right. The ball bag has the glasses. That's incredible. I mean, I guess I guess they could sit on the penis. Well, I guess. I mean, that would make a lot of sense. That's incredible. I mean, I guess they could sit on the penis. Well, I guess.

I mean, that would make a lot of sense. It would have to be a kind of pincenere. How do you pronounce that pincenere? Pincenere's? Those ones that... Pincenere's. You know, the ones that don't have the arms, but they just grip onto the nose. Pinch nose is French.

How long is that? It's very French. Oh, a French person. A French person. A French person. A French person. is very French. Oh, Pants, Pants, Pants, Ne. Gosh, Pants, Ne. Yeah, great. I've always pronounced Pants, Nez, but that is well, now that I hear my voice, I speak with a Quebec accent. So I really go into that. Pants, Pants.

Alastair, I think we did it. I think we did it. I think we're there. Would you like to read us back what the hell we've written down? Yeah, we got scam-based business. Every aspect of it. Every transaction. Every transaction. We provide scams, but every transaction is also a scam. You want to get a pen from the stationery cupboard. You got to scam that pen. Now listen to listen to the wild manic ride Andy was on when he described this the next one. Now this is an antibiotic that lures viruses into your mouth and then you spit them out and then a guy with a truck picks them up and puts them in a dam and then that dam breaks. Yeah. That's the beginning of the story. It's the Saluvami film.

I really stand by that. saliva. Hmm. Me. Saliva me. Saliva saliva. Designated saliva. It's nothing.

Then we got biological completist with the periodic table of the elephants. So we got, we got the day and nightmare. No, we'll shit you. We got the day nightmare chipped for people who like being able to be scared, but our sick of waiting for new and interesting horror films to come out. Allow your brain, your brain under stress to produce waking dreams that, you know, wake you up even from your awakeness. I mean, this is so scary.

Basically, what we're trying to achieve with virtual reality, I think, is the idea of like a shared dream, you know that you can have a multiplayer dream with your friends You know, so you know the future of a land party will be that you all go around You still have to go to the same house you all go around at the same house And you plug your brains together and you go to sleep and you have a dream with the boys And you'll say down all dream with the boys. And you'll say, damn, I'm not with the boys. A virtual reality. I think I was thinking people putting on goggles,

but you're kind of just picturing people sleeping and then with sort of pads on their ears. I'm not gonna tell you what I'm picturing. Oh, but why? Because that limit, it's possibilities. It can be anything that they'll listen to once it's over. I don't think that your picture of it will be the defining picture. I think it'll be one of an infinite number of pictures that could be there.

Then we got making Santa scientifically for real, and there being lots of failures and then there's of course the MySac has it off. Pawn works of Isaac Isomoth. Pawn work Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do That you what you what you do week in week out Sure, this episode might be late, but at least it was a complete mess Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Sorry for all the biological happenings and I don't even have the energy to tell you the usual goodbye But thank you very much. Thank you. We love you.

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