Simple Swedish Podcast - 314 - "POPE FORCE ONE"

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Ceremonial Bike Shed, Missing Martial Art, Wife Blamer, Loose Lips Sneak Sips, Paleontrollogy, PF1, Pants and Jackoff, Narritive Scarritive, Gregory's Column Cock. You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereReciprocating thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi, I am Kendra Adachi and I host the Lazy Genius Podcast. A Lazy Genius principle is to decide once. And I have done that by deciding that Olive and June is my go-to brand for ad home mayonnaise. I don't like to waste time and the Olive and June Manny system has everything you need and nothing you don't, all with gorgeous polishes that don't ship. Visit Olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. That's olive and June.com slash perfect Manny 20 for 20% off your first Olive and June system. 3 2 1 B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- No, I would say my name in French. No, I don't know. I was there.

George William, Tramblie Bierschel. Would you really do it like that? Yeah, exactly. You really lay it on thick like that, do you? Well, I mean, when you speak French, you tend to put on the accent. It is embarrassing, but usually everybody else is doing it too, so you feel

kind of it. It's like being in a more competitive when you're trying to outfrench each other. Other people tend to use sort of a lot more adult vocabulary than I do. As somebody who stopped learning French and sort of in maybe first year of high school. I guess that's probably enough French, but. So you know how to say stuff like, I'll deck you behind the bike sheds. Yeah, and in front of the bike sheds on top

and underneath the bike sheds and things like that. Ah, I mean, you meet behind the bike sheds to fight. Yeah. Now, presumably then you meet in front of the bike sheds. No, no, you don't mind the bike sheds to fight. Yeah. Now, presumably then you meet in front of the bike sheds. No, no, you don't mind the bike sheds to fight. No, no, no. You go behind the bike sheds to smoke or kiss. Sure, okay.

So mouth stuff is behind the bike sheds. Yeah, in front of the bike sheds where the, where usually there's the basketball court or like the oval, that's where you fight. That's where you fight. You need a space so that people can, big crowd of people can make a circle. Yes.

And chant, fight, fight, fight, fight. Or kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. But now, that's behind the white. Sorry. So now there's things that we need behind and to the side, to the right, left of the bike shed. Yes, and of course on top of the bike shed. Yes, and into the right, the, the, the,

the various degrees of freedom of the bike sheds. I suppose underneath the bike shed is where you bury those who die from smoking, kissing or fighting. Sure. On top of the bike shed is where Snoopy sleeps. Yes. No, I mean, it could be those who thrive, those who thrive from the smoking the kissing.

Sure. So if you win the sand to the top of the bike shed, you go to the top, you cheer. Yeah. It's, it's a shame that the box sheds as we become adults, the bike shed falls out of use. And it feels like there could be, we could develop a sort of a small, maybe just a ceremonial bike shed. You know, it doesn't function as a place to store bicycles, but it's just a little sort

of scale model that you can have in your house. And then you can sort of organize the various duties of your adult life. Whatever the adult version of kissing is, I don't know, I don't do it. But you can do that relative to the box. Yeah, it gives you an orientation. It could be kind of like a place of worship this new boat. I mean, sorry.

But it would give you some direction in your life. No, where to smoke Like because a lot of buildings These days they say all you go outside to smoke. Yes Anyway, every building should have a little a little bike shed. Yeah, at the front I mean in a way of many buildings are treating themselves as a bike shed by forcing you to go outside And then be a certain distance away from it possibly behind But I guess it just depends on which orientation you see the shed that we're building facing. Yeah, it was sort of the landmark or like the fixed point,

the hub of high school geography, everything else being defined relative to the bike shed. Do you think that to the left of the bike shed, there should be something that is a mixture of fighting and smoking? Yes. And then to the right, there's something that is a mixture between fighting and kissing.

A kissing, yeah. Maybe some kind of kissing martial art. Mm, really good. You know, so you mostly lip base. Imagine this. You put your mouth and somebody's eye and you suck. Oh my God. Yeah.

Yeah, you suck their eyeball out. Yeah, that's really, I'm having trouble with it. Yeah. It's real yuck. You blow real hard into their ear. This would work. Yeah. I think this could be good.

You bite down hard on their armpit flesh. Mm, you stick your tongue into their nostril. It's really stretching. Yeah, and then you get sick. Well, yeah, but what a powerful, you know, you're getting sick on your turn. You'd kiss their mouth. Ah!

With tongue. Why punching them? It's a shame that there isn't a... I love to start saying that it's a shame that there isn't a version of kissing that can be done as an act of war, you know? Yeah, I mean there's the kiss of death. Why? Yeah, but that's metaphorical. I'd like to make it literal. It's an actual death kiss

So if you went if you were let's say the mixed mouth up you crane yeah, and you were meeting with the president Putin and you Try to kiss each other today you kiss them But you kissed them on the mouth and you said that's the kiss of death. Yeah. You don't think that would in any way be interpreted as an act of war? No, I think that would just be a metaphor. Yeah. You don't think Putin would be like a man who has been really anti-gay and using people who

are gay as scapegoats. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. I've lost what we were talking about, really, to be honest. It's really important. I'm so glad I was here. Whatever it is, I don't think that.

Whatever it is, I don't think that. I don't think whatever that is. Now, Alan said, I think this is a sketch idea. I feel like you're resisting writing things down. But what am I writing down? You're well, okay, we've got the, the, the, the small ceremonial bike shed with which to orient your adult life.

It's because we lose our way, you know, as adults. And I think what it is is that we don't have that pole star, which guides us through every day. You could use a little bike shed at home, because you know, usually you use it to hide away from teachers. But for adults, a bike shed could be a great place to hide from your children. Exactly.

Maybe it could be even one that you sort of just hang in front of your face, you know, from a little helmet attached to a little helmet and if it had lips on the back, you could kiss. You could kiss the bike shed itself. Well, the bike shed's lips. Yeah, you know, I mean, I'm weird. I can see that kissing a bike shed's lips to be kissing the bike shed's lips. You're right. Yeah, you know, I mean to... I'm weird.

I can see that kissing a bike shed's lips to be kissing the bike shed. I know that's a controversial opinion. You think of it as just kissing the art and kiss her. I just kissed her lips. That's, honey, honey, you've got this all wrong. I have no interest in her as a woman, but I'm a big lip guy. I mean, I imagine that there's quite a few people who have gone into kissing.

They've tried that defense. Who've gone into kissing with no interest in the person, but only in the act of kissing. Mm. The lips. Yeah, and it wasn't even me kissing her. It was my lips kissing her lips. Exactly.

It could have been just two sheds kissing. Is it cheating if you both cut off your lips and put it in a little jar, put them in a little jar and sort of shake them around? Shake the jar. Is that cheating? In what way? It's a mod...

Oh, like, in what way are you winning? No, I don't, you don't have to win. I didn't say that it's in the normal. Nobody wins in kissing. No, I've been cheating in a relationship sense. Oh, so like you're married. I'm married, right? And then we cut off your lips.

I cut off my lips and some other person cuts off their lips. We put our lips in and we shake them around. We could do the same thing with our genitals. Mm-hmm, right? And so then you take off your pants or your face mask. One day after you come home from work. You know, you walk in, you take off your pants or your face mask one day after you come home from work Yeah, you know you walk in you take off your pants and on these walk into the into the live room where your your beloved is sitting and maybe scrolling through a

Newspaper yeah, and have a remodeling yeah, and And then they go honey if you noticed your lips and genitals are missing? You go, no, you lie, you don't feel like you're comfortable in your relationship to be open about your face unfaithfulness. I'm comfortable enough in my relationship that I don't have to lie to my wife about cheating. That's how I know things are really healthy. I think you're too comfortable. No, no. Are you're uncomfortable with the idea of telling your wife that you've betrayed her? Yeah. Oh honey, I thought we were past this kind of thing. Honey, we have a very healthy marriage

until tomorrow when the papers go all go through and the divorce is filed. Right, yes. That's what she does. That's what she does. Because she's not comfortable. It's comfortable in this marriage as I am. Say, I'm like, she's got some hangups.

It must be something bothering her from her childhood. So, so. But this gen- This- this is the idea. Don't blame yourself for her hang-ups. Just because she's not comfortable with you cheating on her constantly. Yeah, I don't think my lips have to be off when I get home. They could have been reattached.

Or my genitals. But then when you have big scars and so the situation is... I know you're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. But I think what I've discovered is a faithfulness loophole whereby if my genitals are removed and placed into a jar with somebody else's genitals and the jar is shook and around. Okay. And then the genitals are reattached. I don't think that's cheating. And I'd argue, so I don't think anybody else thinks that's, that is either. And I would also argue that if they do think that's cheating, they also don't think that the cheating element is the worst thing about

what just happened. And I have successfully changed the conversation to be about something else and now it's happening on my terms. I'm in control of the narrative. Do you understand? Severed lips and genitals. In Sheik and Jarr. You know, once head transplants are available, I could even have my head completely removed and then, you know, two bodies could be flung together, smashing into each other again and again, but if it's not attached to my head. What is this in? This is in the scenarios. There's a similar loophole I discovered where you have your head cut off. Then your bodies can be rubbed together. What if you and the other person just get into a jar

and you let's say you take, you go, bink, you pull out a single hair, leave it outside. Leave it outside, okay. Right, and then you get into a jar with somebody and you just have passionate kissing. And it might be the job and it's the element here. Monstrous sex, not monstrous in a negative way and a good way, I suppose. We're recording this onto the ABC system. Do you think in any way this is going to lead

to our downfall? This is going to sully the ABC studio. We're at the ABC studio. Our place of employment we're using. We've been allowed to record. After we've finished recording a proper show. That's right. For the radio. Anyway, let's not discuss it anymore. It's making me really uncomfortable. Oh, I'm glad you brought it up.

The LSD. All right. So, now what about this? Yeah, is this going to be about a dog you can ride? Yeah. Because there are some that seem like you could, right? Yes. I mean, we're breeding dogs for all sorts of things.

Why not riding? Mm. Yeah. Even if their backs aren't strong enough to support us, feels like you could reinforce that back with another smaller dog that goes underneath the original dog, a sort of a small reinforcing dog. Like an Ottoman dog. An Ottoman dog. It's like a little dog that you could sit on that, I guess it's back as in as long. And so hence the, there's there's less distance between the back

legs and the front legs where the back could bend. Now I was suggesting that you have one large dog, like a great dain. Right. And then say sitting on that back, the back is long, and the vertebrae aren't designed, the musculature isn't similar enough to a horse that it can't support weight, it doesn't have a load bearing back. But if you reinforce that by getting a corgi say and putting it under the tummy of the great dain, then the pressure from the back is going to go down through the dog. So you might not be able to ride on a dog, but you might be able to ride on two dogs.

Or three. Well, three dogs, if that's what it takes, you get a Chihuahua under there, reinforce that corgi. Yeah, or maybe you could just have two staffies because they're just thick. Oh, yes. One on top of the other. Or one under each foot.

No, the foot is not where the problem is. It's all in the back. Yeah, okay. I think the legs can handle it. Right. I think it's the back that will. So back. Yeah, okay. I think the legs can handle it. Right. I think it's the back that will. So buckle. Yeah, buckle.

Yeah, interesting. I mean, we are breeding dogs to be also all different shapes and sizes. Why can't a few more of them be more functional for different things? Yeah, it's interesting that I was gonna say flying a dog you can fly on. And then the idea that there already is a flying dog from the never-ending story.

Right? But it's kind of like a snake, right? It's more like a snake dog, isn't it? Yeah, I think. It's only got... It's a serpent. Is it a serpent? Do they call it a serpent?

I'm not sure. That's weird though. Because it's a mammalian serpent that can fly. Yeah. It's a complete package. So that implies that it is in the same evolutionary line. I'm not saying that it has to be an actual serpent. It doesn't have to have bread with a serpent.

I think it's possible, as we know from whales, that you could lose a lot of the limbs and still be fine. Yeah. You know, but then how was the flying occurring? Did they mention that? What's the propulsion coming from? I don't think they've investigated the propulsion system of the of the that hairy flying dog serpent. Yeah. And I think that's never really specified for a lot of dragons. You know Chinese dragons, they don't have wings, do they? Do the Chinese to trade? Chinese dragons fly? Not those puppet ones. I'm not sure. I mean, it feels like you got to, because they're not kind of slithering, they're not. They're not slithering.

They got lots of legs and they sort of jump up and down. Yeah, well, especially the ones that are made up of people on the inside, like that, that are kind of like a big puppet. Do you think that we might have talked about this before, but do you think that dragons originate in many cultures because of people discovering like, you know, a long time ago coming across the bones of like a T-Rex or something like that and being like, holy shit, this is a big creature. I wonder whether the look of dinosaurs is more likely

to have come from people's images of dragons. Of dragons? Because the image of a dragon would be around for a lot longer than dinosaurs, right? Well, no. Would dinosaurs repeat around for hundreds of millions of years? No, but I mean, that humans have known about dinosaurs. That's true, but do you understand my version of it?

That you're suggesting that it becomes possible to discover and discover dinosaur bones. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, it is odd that they would find dinosaur bones and then in the early days before classifications and ideas of like reptilian things and stuff like that. Oh, and then would have gone like, that's a reptile. Yeah, that's the part that I find odd, but I suppose if they'd found like a T-Rex mouth,

I suppose that does allow you to have, you know, T-Rex skull that does allow you to have, you know, to your skull that does allow you to kind of go, you know, I don't know if that's where Dragon images comes from, I don't know. Could be. Something that we were talking about on our other podcast, which hasn't even gone out yet, was the idea that given that all the, you know, the fleshy flesh has fallen off these dynosomes, that you can't prove that they didn't all have a trunk like an elephant. Yeah. I think that then we should be taking that as creative license to say, we can't prove that they didn't have all sorts of different things as well. Tentacles, exactly.

Terex could have been covered in tentacles. Yeah, and so we can release a book of basically undisprovable paleontology. Where? I reckon it would be disprovable paleontology. Where? I reckon it would be disprovable, but at some point, if you've found evidence. You've found evidence. Sure, sure, if that means the not undisprovable. But at the moment, at the moment,

at the time of publishing, all these things were undisprovable. Yeah, you can't get us on this, right? And so it's all in there, all the different versions. We just take one, it's one, one dinosaur per book. Yeah. And we just take that skeleton. Oh, we're really going to cash in. This is a series. And then we just show all the things that they could have had all the big ball bags, all over their bodies. That's right. They could have been just a bean bag based creature. Coulda bean, coulda bean.

Floppy, fleshy. Floppy, fleshy, floppy and fleshy. This is, I like my dinosaurs, floppy and fleshy. Well, I mean, if there were tentacles, right? That would explain, you know, why the tiny arms were, don't necessarily, how they could get up, you know? It's just like, you know, it's basically a bunch of kangaroo tails. Yeah.

But tentacles. Yeah. Helping them lift them up and then the arms were kind of just there as it left over from, you know, or that the T-Rex were always laying down. So this is, I mean, this is without tentacles. The idea you could explain their small arms by explaining that actually the T-Rex were always laying down. They were a recumbent species. They would just lay there and then they would kick any creatures that come nearby or buy them, to bite them.

They could have had a big sort of foot like a snail going down the middle of their back and they could have just slimed around on their back like that. Yeah. Or they could have lived for a really long time and moved with the tectonic plates towards other creatures. There you go, but they're not so different. On the undifferent tectonic plates. Now, why would we be doing this and why would we be saying this?

Is this a way of trolling genuine paleontologists? Is this actually considered quite an aggressive thing to do towards a paleontologist? Go to them and shout things that they can't disprove about T-Rex. Sure. And because they can't disprove it, it's not considered harassment. You can get away with it.

It's actually just, it's only scientific rigor. Yeah. They can't get you for that. Yeah. All right. Well, let's write it down. It's, so what is it? It's two bad people.

That's right. Getting away with being bad. Getting away with being bad. Obnoxious. Obnoxious by coming up with things that Baleontologists can't disprove. Exactly. And then yelling them at them. Yeah, yelling them at them.

Go along to a museum or a university and shout it through the letterbox that have a letterbox at the university. Then do people stand on the other side? Yeah, yeah, they gather around. The letterbox of the paleontologists. I think T-Rex is used to have a lot of black heads. Yes, their skin was absolutely atrocious. And that's just one of the many things

that they can't disprove. I think they all had big lips. Oh, I said lips too many times. Did we? In this podcast. No. No, if you think this bad for a bit more? I think they're lip. Big lips and the T-rexers would bite off each other's lips and then

pop them in a jar and shake the jar and then they'd reattach their lips and then they'd tell their wife that they weren't cheating on them. You can't disprove that. Oh well, why's the evidence of the jars? You know what while you were talking, that was the first thing that I thought was in their evidence of the jars. And I was like, what would that even look like? What happens to jars? Does it, would a jar, does glass last hundreds of millions of years?

And I think it would. I don't think, I think glasses probably pretty indestructible, right? Is that true that glass is actually a liquid and it just moves really slowly or is that a myth? I don't think glasses probably pretty indestructible, right? Is that true that glass is actually a liquid and it just moves really slowly or is that a myth? I think that's a myth, but I don't know. Because it seems very solid. I think it has something to do with the early days of making glass.

Right, it used to be running you back in the day. I mean, I think that the way that when it was being made, they kind of, there was, they were getting thicker at the bottom, due to some probably... Something to the manufacturer. Training manufacturer. All right. So it isn't that I'm not sure.

I'm very, very slowly. Yeah. I would, I would love to discover that. We could yell on disprovable facts and glass makers. I mean, this is, that's the thing about yelling undisprovable facts, even though I think that they could probably disprove this one, but you could yell it at any scientist,

and it could be, no matter what your lack of specialization is in, why do you guess you got to know enough about the topic to know that these facts can't be disproven? I mean, is yelling undisprovable facts. Is that basically what religion is? Right, you know, if you're becoming a preacher or something like that, you. It's sort of like yelling, but in song.

Oh, they're doing a testing of the fire alarm. Oh, yeah. We're fine, we're fine. They're just testing that pretty sure. Everything're fine. We're fine. They're just testing them pretty sure. We're doing, we're doing a test of whether or not we can do, we can say that this is not a test. Do you think that there could be a mutiny of a church, like there's existing churches, right? Yeah.

They're like, couldn't, can we, can we just another organization just come in and just be like, like us? Like, could we just go in and be like, can we just another organization just come in and just be like us? Like, could we just go in and be like, do a hostile takeover? Yeah. We break into the Vatican and we hold the Pope hostage. We take his hat and we start issuing edicts or forcing the Pope to issue edicts.

I think this is a good idea for a movie. Yeah. Well, they've done those ones like White House Down or whatever it is, you know. Vatican Down. Vatican Down. Yes, it's an action film. I mean, this is kind of what Angels and Demons

is maybe a little bit with Bob Brown. Bob Brown, a famous environmental politician from Australia. Dan Brown. Dan Brown. Dan Brown, favorite, viral metal politician from Australia. Dan Brown. Dan Brown. Dan Brown's Angels of Demons, but I think an action movie in the Vatican. Or, or this is even better. Yeah. Because we've had young Pope, right? Old Pope. Old Pope.

No. Action Pope. A kind of like an Air Force One type thing. Obviously, that's the present and it's on Air Force One and terrorists getting more. This is that, but with the Pope Mobile, or the Pope plane. Yeah, the Pope plane. The Pope plane.

Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Pope, Heli, Pope, Pope, Heli, Pope, Pope, Yeah. And this is a punch, he's a very punchy, he's a very punchy pope. So, so he's the one who's action. So, it's not like they're taking over the pope and stuff like that.

It's he's well, I guess it's involved in my mind. It's Harrison Ford's and air, Harrison Ford is playing the pope. Yeah, I was playing the pope. Jump me back, my staff. Exactly. Like that, but he's referring to the people that he works with. I was telling them, Pope, drop me back my staff. Thank you. Like that, but he's referring to the people that he works with. Ah, not his papal staff. Well, he wants that back to him.

He wants that back to him. He would then have to say, staves. Oh, he's even a plural. And give me back my staves, which is the plural. I meant people first, which I call pople. It's from a much earlier podcast that we did. Pople, we have where we're talking about,

because the word population does mean people, people, nation. Yeah, right. So pople should actually be the singular of a single person. Did we do this on a podcast? I mean, it would have been maybe in the first 100 episodes. Wow. Okay. Sounds like good stuff. Yeah. I think it was an Andy driven idea. Yeah, I think oh my god, it sounds like may, yeah, population. That is the number of popes in a particular says like may, Pope Eulation. That is the number of popes in a particular,

Air Force One. Air Force One. One. One. But with Pope. But with Pope. I really want to come up with a very good pun for that Air Force One.

Vatican. Vatican. Vatican. Vatican. Hmm. It's going to take a while. Yeah. Hmm. Air Force One God.

I mean, almost any movie genre, you said in the Vatican, it seems so much cooler to me. Cooler. Yeah. Like a Vatican. All of Real Movie. All of Religion just seems so unbelievably boring to me. Every aspect, like I remember being scared by church because of how boring everything was. Like, it just seems like bureaucracy. Yeah. And it seems like levels of tradition that you have to learn. I was always scared because I remember seeing people walk up to the front and

then kneel and do a little thing and then talk to the priest and the priest had all these rituals and I was like, oh my God, there's so much to learn. It's also so pointless. Is it a kind of a peacocking version but with boredom where you like a religion, you're like man, anything this boring must have some real deep truths to it. Otherwise people wouldn't bother. Right? Like you try, you get into some sort of boredom arms race. Where you're like, gee, there's no way, like anyone but the one true God would get away with having something this tedious.

Yeah, I, I mean, I feel like it's just an exertion of power onto people. Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's just an exertion of power onto people. Yeah, right. You go and look at what you're flexing through. You're flexing through. Like Christopher Nolan with his bad audio quality. You know, I guess it's not bad audio quality. People talk about the dialogue being a bit difficult to hear. Yeah, I mean, mostly with Bane. Bane sure, but tenet, a lot of people have said, it's hard to hear. Yeah, I mean mostly with Bane.

Bane, sure, but Tennett, a lot of people have said, it's hard to hear what people are saying in that movie. I've just started watching movies a lot of the time with subtitles on. Mm, I'm just subtitling. I mean, that's kind of like reading, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, I'm a big reader.

I'm a big reader, yeah. What did I read most recently? I'm die hard for. Yeah. Yeah, the writer was big reader. I'm a big reader, yeah. What did I read most recently? Die Hard Four. Yeah. Yeah, the writer was pretty good at that. The book of the film. The book of the film. When they release it, do they just release the book?

Do they release the images of each scene and with John McLean and then the lines that he says? Yeah, they release it frame by frame with the lines written underneath. Yeah, they release it frame by frame with the lines written underneath and then they, you know, play it, they run it through a machine and project it onto a wall really, really quickly. And so it looks like the pages are moving. So it's a book with a projector in it, so you said? I'm just being stupid.

No, you're not being stupid. I think that you're being clever. I'm just being stupid. No, you're not being stupid. You know what I mean? You're being clever. Ah. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. No, you can just... No, no, no, you're not. You're not being stupid. No, you're not being stupid. You're being wise. That was one of the smartest things I've ever heard.

You didn't hear it. That's the thing. That was so annoying to me. I can't wait to go home, so I can teach that to my children. No, raise them, based solely on that. Oh, remember, kids, remember? And it's a book, but you're not even going to be able to say because the thing is you weren't listening.

You don't know what I said. It's a book and it's got seen by scene, movie, die hard for. And there's a projector in there and you flip it really fast and it projects it onto a there and you flip it really fast and it projects it onto a wall and you watch it but then there's still the subtitles there so you can read it. So, that's the only one you can read. Classic joke sort of comedy thing of like you know reading say a pornographic magazine

but inside a... Another magazine. Another magazine. Another magazine. And then of course there's the twist on that where you buy some even more embarrassing magazine, you hide it inside a pornographic magazine. Yeah right. But now what will we have in the future?

Now that print media is dead, what will we hide? What will we be watching the embarrassing thing on and what will we be hiding it inside of is what I'm trying to say yeah You could you have you would have a laptop? Sure sure and then inside you can have one of those folding phones. Yeah, it's isn't funny That is just literal. It's just literally probably what people are doing. It's just the sound of somebody going, yeah, yeah, yeah, I said I'm not. So you

still listening to the volume up. Volume up. Yeah, because remember it's still got to be people got to be able to notice it or whatever. Yeah, sure. I guess it was supposed to not be embarrassing. Well, okay, I got it. I got it. So what, you're watching a laptop, but then somebody pulls out, you've got headphones, somebody pulls out your headphones,

and it goes, ah, ah, ah, like that. And you're like, you go, oh dear, yes, like that. And then you go, sorry about that, and you close it, and then you show that you didn't have the headphones in your ears, you had those in your pocket. And then the headphones in your ears are from the phone the headphones in your ears. You had those in your pocket. And then the headphones in your ears are from the phone that's in your thing. And it's you're listening to somebody snore.

And that's what you do. So you were actually listening to somebody snore. Yeah. You were, in case somebody pulled out your headphones from your laptop, you wanted them to think, everyone to think you were listening to pornography, listening to pornography. So, but you're listening to somebody snoring and they're saying things in between snores. Oh, rugs for a 39 drive.

Oh. I don't know, I'm trying to. Yeah, no, you're doing great. Alistair. You're really you're doing somebody trying to find solutions. Yeah, I mean What what but that was actually just a Diversion hmm. You actually weren't listening to snowing. There's another inside your ears already. There was ear buds that you can push all the way into the canal. Right, sort of like those IUDs, but for your listening. Yeah. Right. And you just put it all the way in there. And that's connected to a Bluetooth on an iPod Mini that's in your back pocket. iPod Mini. Yeah. And back pocket. iPod mini.

Yeah. Wow. An iPod mini, but it's been, they've remade it so that it has Bluetooth connection. Yeah, okay. And on that, you're actually listening to. To the thick-tank podcast. Fuck you. Ha ha.

So I did. You're the greatest, most secret shame of all. Sorry, I'll answer that right. I feel like I'll let us know it, but you know, you help us. In the future, we've got things like hologram technology. We'll be able to be in a fully immersive world. Right, oh, maybe that's what it'll be, right?

You are in a fully immersive world, right? Where everyone's having sex and that sort of thing, right? And it's all very horny, very sort of thing like that, just like, you know, all over the place, right? And then somebody comes and finds you in this hologramatic projection and you're reading the young liberals newsletter. Well, the one thing that will happen is that if you are going to go, because I mean, when do people often go into their own personal sexy time? Often when people leave them alone in the house. Sure.

And so sometimes that can occur when people just leave for in the house. Sure. And so sometimes that can occur when people just leave for a shorter period of time. But sometimes it can occur when they leave for either a longer period of time or an indeterminate period of time. Ah, yes, that could be short. So now, let's say you want, you're like, okay, this is an indeterminate period of time.

I will go into my room and I will put on my full virtual reality headset plus earbuds, right? Yeah, so now you are completely immersed Right now if it is a Your ripe for being sprung sprung because you don't have Any you're not longer in the reality unless there is something that alerts you to you know noises in the house, but You have to keep your exterior looking like you're not doing sexy times. So you need, maybe you need to be wearing a suit

that looks exactly like you. You wearing, I mean, it just means it could just be like, you're like, let's say you're wearing a business suit sitting on your bed, but this is a secret business suit with some kind of like jack-off thing on the inside, but it doesn't look like that. If a lover comes home, finds you sitting on the bed in your business suit.

Business suit with virtual reality. This is going to be, I think what it will have to be is in the future, we all wear a sort of a mechantronic a sort of a mecha mecha-tronic body suit, which is just exactly like, it looks exactly like us, but bigger, right? With a duff room. Peas it on face. Yeah, sure. On the front of the metal helmet.

With a duff space inside to fit all the jack-off machines. So everybody, then if that outer suit doesn't move, you can just pull your arm into the torso a bit. Sure. And you can probably just jack off more. Sure. Sure.

And this will be a thing that we're all doing. So, you know, everybody will look the same. We'll just all look bigger. Right. Yeah. Alistair. Servediciously looking every shoulder just to check that nobody's listening to the ABC control room.

And, oh no, this has accidentally been piped directly to where? We've gone live, look, there's a red line up in the corner. Oh my God. I'm just picturing it being played in the entrance way. I picturing it being played at Senate estimates as the ABC funding round gets brought up for another 12 months. I think that would be pretty, make a sense. Erica Betts is playing this live to the House of Reps.

Please explain to me why no body was monitoring this and stopping these kinds of things from being seen. And it's a very good Eric abet. In the foyer of the I-B-C. Fair I-B-C. Fair I-B-C. Um, uh, anyway, where were we? Yes.

And so the truth is, you can be doing anything inside that suit. And most of the time, probably you'll be doing perfectly normal things, but sometimes you'll have your arms in your torso and you'll be typing on a keyboard. Exactly. You'll have a little mouse in there, you'll have a little keyboard in there. You'll be doing work. So you're working. You're working.

Well, you see because that's, I think that's the great thing about the latest advancements in online technology, is that no matter what, when your beloved comes home and says, why are you in a business suit or a big mechatronic suit on the bed, wearing virtual reality, he said, oh, I'm just in meta. I'm just meeting with my friends, playing. As we all do.

As we all do and we're all gonna do, and definitely gonna engage in, and I'm just manning my avatar where I have a lion's head and I'm playing chess with an elderly man. Nothing embarrassing at all. Nothing embarrassing at all, honey. Were you in Metta?

No, honey, I'm just jacking off inside of this business suit. This big me suit. Anyway, is that anything? What am I writing down here? Well, suits, jack-off suits. I mean, is this what Iron Man is doing? I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. I'm trying to make this feel relevant for the modern zeitgeist. For any young people who may be listening,

I'm just trying to find some key words. You know, you know, so we're drinking a cup of soda and soda pop and you know, when you were in, is that what Iron Man was doing? He was skateboarding. My kids would genuinely love that. They'd be really excited about the idea of Ironman skateboarding. These are like pieces of just pure excitement to them. The words Ironman and skateboard go into their brain and set fire to every single neuro and They'll be, they'll be frothin' at that. So they know about own men?

Yeah, they know about him, but not from any of the shows. They know about him from band-aids. They pieced together their pop culture knowledge from like the strangest of places, but they latch onto every fresh piece of information with such enthusiasm. Now this house is not a vacuum, right? So it's a cave, right?

Yeah, and you let them, and so when you chain them, they'll just, you sort of only let them face new living, right? So it's a cave, right? And you let them, and so when you chain them, you sort of only let them face the wall, right? And it's shadows that you see in the world. Exactly. Yeah, well, them to get an idea of the world. It is. It's Plato's sheltered upbringing. Yeah, it's what they have.

Their access to popular culture is, you know, a picture on a lunch box. Yeah. We got a lucky dip one time and one of the things in there was a Pikachu eraser. Yeah. And so they became obsessed with Pikachu. They called him Pinkachu, which is great. Yeah.

But like that was how they all they knew about Pokemon, but they were talking about Pinkachu for weeks. Yeah, because I guess they were curious. I mean, it's like you think of your children as a naturalist. I mean, essentially, they became very interested in this new species they encountered. Yeah. And then they started asking questions about it. Very sensible. They said, well, you know, what is this Pikachu? What is it, father? And then what did you tell them? Look, I can't, I can't remember exactly, but I, you know, I said he probably said he's a character

from a show. I'm helped in this by the fact that there are two scared to actually watch any shows. Yeah. So you want me to put it in the general sense? I think it's narrative that scares them. Really? Because every narrative involves some sort of conflict and some sort of resolution, some sort of challenge, and they just cannot handle the idea of anything going wrong. Did they have, in their early childhood, a narrative-based trauma? Is it possible that, you know, when, you know, that maybe something to do with where they started and then ended up back at being the same place, maybe it was, could it be just like a ball that they hit on a, what's that?

Totem tennis. Yeah, came around and hit the back of the head. I mean, when I hit it, it was going that way. But then something in the journey changed them, and they were coming back this way, and hit me in the back of the head. I think that's what it was. Yeah.

I think is there anything about trying to explain narrative structure as being like totem tennis? Yeah. Yeah. Great. Thank you. There's the inciting incident hitting the ball. Yeah. I didn't want to go. As you could tell from its, yeah, it's a reluctance to move in the absence of force.

In usher. Yep. In usher. And then of course, there's challenges like the person standing on the other side of the post trying to hit it back, right? The obstacle. Is that in the obstacle? And then eventually you're able to

once they get back in touch with what it was that you set them off in the first place, you're back again. They are able to go all the way around But now they change because they come around and this time they want to get all the way back where they started from But you not knowing how not realizing that how close you're standing to the totem pole you get hit by it yourself Meaning that you then block it and stop it So then it's themselves getting in their own way and they are you they are you And then you well, you're kind of their internal self than it's themselves getting in their own way. And they are you. They are you.

And then you, well, you're kind of their internal self. Yes, yes. And they are the physical self. That's weird, isn't it? Yeah. Because I'm very much external to the person. Yes, but then it's also external to you. Who used to say that external things can't be internal?

And so then you probably hit it back the wrong way, but then luckily the person who was your opposition then helps you has turned around and helps you because the ball's going that way. And so for them it's easier to hit it, hit it back in the direction that you initially hit it. This time having learned the lesson from the initial striking of your face or head or back or whatever, from the ball you move away and then it comes back around and maybe even does two loops before falling back in the place where it was and it began.

That's beautiful. And that's every story, basically, is that. Yeah, and that's what your kids are afraid of. Yeah, I think so. Also, they had a copy of the hero with a thousand faces fall on them when they were very young. Sure, yeah. And they had Joseph copy of the hero with a thousand faces fall on them when they were very young. Sure, yeah. And they had Joseph Campbell himself fall on my, Joseph Campbell.

Joseph Campbell found my children when they were very young. Ever since they've been terrified of narrative structure. Is this a scare? The three acts strong. Just going to write down. Sure. Andies. Andies kids. Scared. This is a sketch. The three acts, strong. Just going to write down. Sure. Andies.

Andies kids. Scared of narrative. I've made it, it's got to. I think when it comes to writing that as a sketch, we might find that we're up against some obstacles might be a little challenging. No. No, no, no, you think it writes itself.

Well, I think that this can be used in something. Yes. And we can get a guy to play Joseph Campbell. Great. We can even get people to play your kids. I don't think anyone really knows what he looks like. Well, I'm guessing. Because of all the thousand masks.

Yeah, that's right. It's right. I'm guessing he's got white hair, probably quite good hair, and I'm guessing also quite big teeth. I think somewhere I have a pirated version of him talking about that. That is big teeth. About? Yes. I bought it and it was a special curated video that I had been made.

It had to be worth $1,000. I said, talk to me about how big your teeth are and how white they are. a special curated video that I had been made, I had to pay about a thousand dollars, I said, talk to me about how big your teeth are and how white they are. And I just need about three minutes of you talking about it, but I want your face to be in on the camera. And then just send it to me and I will send you a thousand dollars. I'll send you 50 first. Yeah, okay.

And 500 a point. But I get it. Yeah. And then you put this on, you put this on your wiki teeth. Wiki teeth. Yeah. Where it's exclusively, exclusively videos of storytelling mentors talking about their own teeth. That's right. Yeah. I think we have at least five sketches. I'm sure that I was there. I mean, it's, it's an interesting one today. Yeah. I think we have at least five sketches in here. Should I take this to the next one? It's an interesting one today.

Yeah. I'm really looking forward to hearing them all back, but we have three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this. What's that? We have listeners. Really? And sometimes they're supposed on the Patreon, and sometimes they send us three words, and then we all take those and use them to come up with a sketch idea.

So I don't know if you'd like me to guess the first word? Yeah. Oh, well, today's listener is Braden Douglas. Braden. And while recently I've been going back to the system of just reading the most recent words that have been sent to me. Sounds fair. Because the Patreon notification is still on my phone and since the 300th episode, I've been very terrible with dealing with things

so I apologize, but this is an older one. This is an older one, and there's a chance that because I'm going back to the old system of going to the list, we may have already done it. So I apologize. Okay, so first word. I mean, again, the word system gets sorely abused, but every time it gets degraded,

every time you say it in this context. No, no, those words are the word, but I'll let you have another go. The first word. Necap. No, indeed. The first word is Gregory. Okay, second word, Peck.

It's close, Andy. But unfortunately... Peckery. No. The first, the second word is pecks. Gregory. Pecks. A posture for you. Pecks.

Well, it sounds like, obviously, Gregory peck. And then, it was famously in Tequila Mockingbird. Now birds peck, don't know. So I wouldn't be at all surprised if Peck apostrophe S. Yeah. Okay. Oh, I see. So it's his something he owns. Gregory Peck's Peck of Peckled Peppers. Peckled Peppers. Very close Andy. I'll put the last word, what the word did actually is. Gregory Peck's pick of Peckers. Really? So it's actually Gregory Peck's Packer. Gregory Peck's Packer. Yeah. Wow.

And Pecker obviously being like his bird that pecks. Yeah. And also possibly Wang. Oh, yeah. I guess so. I don't really like to do blue material. Sure, sure, sure. Okay.

Much of a bowler bird then. Just like a lot of blue material. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry. Talking. Oh, it was really material. Oh, yeah, that's right. Sorry. But to be honest, how it was really embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is the Bowerbird, so what the Bowerbird can get in just taking the Bowerbird with the Liarbird?

Yeah, the Liarbird is the one who does the other noises of other animals, but isn't called Liar because it lies about what it is called Liar because its tail looks like the shape of a Liar LYRE, the musical instrument. Not familiar with that instrument. Okay, so Gregory Peck's... Gregory Peck's Peck. Well, I mean, he had a lot of dignity, didn't he?

Did he? I think Gregory Peck had it famously had a lot of dignity. Especially, you know, and then he used all of that and he's gravitas to full force in To kill him off. He's not the one who goes, oh Jesus, man. No, that's Jimmy Stewart. Okay. Okay. I mean, he had some dignity, but it was more folksy. Yeah, right. Whereas Gregory Peck, I think it was more upright, you know, yeah, but I just wonder if you would have had a very dignified penis. And I wonder what the most dignified penis would look like. Well, I would imagine it wouldn't look like one at all. Sure.

Because I don't think there's anything dignified about it. Yeah. But they must be dignified. There must be some that are more dignified than others. No, no, no, no, I'm suggesting that all of them are be dignified. There must be some that are more dignified than others. That's all I'm saying. No, no, I'm suggesting that all of them are equally dignified. Yeah, I don't think it's possible for a gland of such hideousness to be dignified. Yeah, okay. So I don't think there's a dignified nude man anyway.

So I'm suggesting that if it was dignified, that it didn't resemble and was in no way like a standard What do you think it would look like a bookcase? I don't think it I don't think it firstly. I don't think it released urine Okay, yeah, you're right. Yeah, or anything It was no way. There's no way. It came out of his butt. Yeah, everything came out of his butt. Yeah, okay So that's the first thing. Yeah. It looks like a bookcase. Or like a Roman column with a vase on top.

I mean, surely if your penis was sort of fluted and had those things like a column of base, you know, and maybe an ionic column or something like that. It's ionic. It's one of the types of columns. There's like three different types of columns. One might be Corinthian. Yeah, ionic pentameter.

Iambic pentameter. Iambic. Sure. But we're getting somewhere with this elastic. And then if it had the vase on top, right? And rather than the urine squirting out of the end, the vase fills up and then you can pour it into the bowl, like you're sort squirting out of the end, the vase fills up and then you can pour it into the bowl like you're sort of decanting.

So like one of those beer glasses that can somehow fill up from the bottom? I've never seen that, but yeah. Oh, that's a cool technology that maybe was invented by that. Actually, hang on, don't all beer glasses fill up from the bottom? No, that's not for you. That's for you, I'm the top. I see. Sure.

I didn't have my kid ask me the other day, he goes, why does the bath water? That's how four you work with the talk. I say, sure. I didn't have my kid ask me the other day, he goes, why does the bath water only fill up the bottom? And not the, like, why does the bath, when you fill it up, why does it only fill up the bottom? And not the top? Those are the kinds of questions that terrify me. Because I'm like, I mean, I know the answer.

Instinctively, I know. But there's no way I could explain. I mean, I said, what are you thinking? You know, gravity? Yeah, gravity. That'll do. But it would be cool if you could fill up the top first. Yeah, I'd love that. Make a big bubble. Get in to the bath and like have your legs and stuff be dry. I mean, if you had a heavy gas that was denser than water. Denser than water. Yes.

You could, I guess. Are there any gases that are more dense than any of the liquids? It feels like it goes against the rules of what gas is. But not necessarily. I don't think that is the rule of what a gas is. No. It's just to do with the... Yeah, I mean, I agree it's probably impossible but you might

be able to find a situation in which you know particular you know atmospheric pressure and all that kind of stuff certain gravitational situation strong weak and atomic forces. strong, weak, and atomic forces. Yeah, yes. Anyway, I'm just suggesting, I think that Gregory Fakes penis probably did look like that. It did look like a big vase. Are you writing this down on a column? And he poured there, you're in out. It had handles on both sides that you had to grab to pour it out like that.

And maybe you're getting all these ads in your inbox offering you to get a bigger penis. But size isn't the only signifier of success. It's one of the few. But you could have, you know, respectability, also, you know, what about a pill that could give me a more dignified looking penis and I take it and it turns into an M4A on the top of the standing itself? Now would it still be a problem? I'm still very fleshy and viny, yeah, absolutely.

Oh. I'm happy to wrap that up here. Absolutely. Oh. I'm happy to. Yeah, I think that's good for everybody that we stopped talking today. It's been unnecessarily disgusting. Yeah, well, the first sketch idea was a ceremonial bike shed where people can, you can put it into towns for adults so that you know where to smoke, no where to kiss,

no where to fight. I went to hold them. We got the missing, I know kissing martial art. Ah, yes. I do like the idea of a missing martial art. No, it's a lost martial art. Sure. But the kissing martial art,

then we got blaming your wife that you've cheated on for her early trauma causing her to be upset is the reason why. I mean, it's essentially just an act of gaslight, but it's a person who's so comfortable in their marriage that they have no problem with cheating and then being upfront about it. And then, I mean, this sounds like a really bad relationship. And then being surprised that the partner is upset. Then we have the severed lips and genitals in a shaken jar, a late version of cheating. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yelling, uh, undispruevable facts paleontologists. Then we got Air Force One but with the Pope.

Then we got Jack Offsuits for Virtual Reality Way. Then we got Andy's kids scared of narrative due to Joseph Campbell falling on them when they were young. And then we have Gregory Peck's penis column with Vaze. With Vaze. Mmm, one of those rainy vases. Dumb, dumb, dumb, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da to us and it. And you yourself. Yes, you do this to yourself. Yes, you do. We are available on various places on the internet. And you can follow me on Twitter at stupidon.

And you can follow Alistair at Alistair TV. You can follow us at Toon Tank. You can check us out on Patreon and sign up if you would like to. Thank you to everybody who does that. You make us happy beyond words. And you would like to. Thank you to everybody who does that. You make us happy beyond words. And if you listen to the pop test, which, you know, we're currently in the ABC recording new episodes of. So there will be more at the end of January and throughout February.

Yes, that's right. And we may even be recording teleport at the end of February as well. Yeah, cool. We have to relearn all the words. We've got to relearn all the words and the movements. Oh, then words are in the dance movements. In both movements. Thank you very much and good day to you and we love you. See ya. Tudels. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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