Simple Swedish Podcast - 320 - "INJECTOR SEAT"

Episode Date: January 26, 2022

Womb Factory, Ejaction Molding, Injector Seat, Aussie Pronunciation, Toilet Printer, HRHR, Steak and Kidney DonorYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThree-phase thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Well, which means that there are no children in your house. There's no children. I mean, I could get a call from daycare, but that would be the perfect twist. We need you to come right now. They're vomiting from every orifice. And it is vomit. Very good. But vomit.

Alistair. Yeah. I have a sketch idea. Yeah. Right. Based on something we were talking about before the podcast started. All right. Okay.

And we were talking about how, because I've got a book coming out. I've got a book coming out with Peter Thomas. We made a book and we got the advanced copy of it yesterday. And I'm sure I'll be plugging it a lot on this show. I'm sure. It's gonna mostly be that from here on out. But, I, we were joking that, it's got that new book smell and that new book a gun call over it, you know, like a baby. But wouldn't it be great if all factories were basically a version of the human birth canal. So every product that they produce comes out

that they produce comes out sort of in a big sort of squirming rush or maybe sometimes slowly and... A squirming rush, oh like a birth. Mmm. That's kind of what it's like, right? I don't know if any of the babies I've seen be born were in a rush. Yeah, okay. Well, you like to make them big though, don't you? I make them big, baby.

Um, yeah, I, yeah, I think if you think that in the, you know, in the industrial revolution, when we, when we, um, decided to make fact revolutionized industry, yeah, we, we, we decided to go with the bio mimicry route and we started And we were like, well, okay, first you're gonna need a tummy Yeah, we make a big tummy and we'll put the I

Suppose that the ingredients to make the thing Will need to go in to some door. Right. But I put more door, yeah. And then everything will come out that same pipe as well. Yeah, exactly, right. And instead of a conveyor belt, you have a sort of a, you know, sort of a flashy tube that sort of gets squeezed, things get sort of squeezed along.

And they do come out sort of covered in in goop. Well, because also a little bit of... get sort of squeezed along. And they do come out sort of cav it in in group. Well, because also a little bit of it seems crazy to both have a factory and workers, right? Because yes, because you may as well just have a factory, a factory that is also the worker. that is also the worker. There you go. And I think also if you buy something, if you buy a product, so when you want to buy something from the factory, you should have to shove the money up the hole, right? That it did that it comes out of. Okay, so you put the money up there on the end of a stick. And then a period of time later, the product comes out of the hole and you catch it in your hands if you're the purchaser of the product. You get to catch it as it comes out.

Everybody can congratulate you. Yeah, you know, so you know, a new iPhone or whatever it is. Well, and it's still connected to like the 3D printer that's in there. The sort of fleshy 3D printer thing. You break off that little bit of 3D printer injection, whatever, 2 builds. It's an injection mold 3D printer. Yeah. All right. You have salute fuck. You absolute fuck. How dare you. How dare you.

I mean, they could, they could injection mold the outer case and then, and then 3D print the insin, they'll be like, I would, I would argue that a human reproductive system is basically an injection mold 3D printer. So, there you could be. Actually, I wouldn't argue that and I refuse to argue that. Please don't put me in a situation where that's required. In a way 3D printing is more of an ejaculation mode, like a, because it's kind of just dropping it slowly on the outside. It doesn't go on the inside.

Yeah. Maybe ejection mode is mold. I mean, the mold bit is that you're, I guess, the product itself is a mold for a few of a minute. Did you say, at first you said ejaculation, mold, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Correct. I think that's a very interesting method of building babies.

And I think society would be very different. We wouldn't have a lot of the problems we have today. If a man wanted to have a baby, he had to 3D-print it out of a jacket. Okay? I'm just saying. I mean, that's almost what we need. But, no, well, but I think if you had to produce enough ejaculate, sort of in the right configuration to make a baby.

This is a man-only society. They go, oh yeah, women think that they won't need us? Well, we won't need them. And then they produce this machine, like one of those CNC machines or whatever, that, well, it's a 3D printer that just holds a man, lays them down. It is really good. It's really this is the sort of the, yeah, the, the MRAs are trying to build a men only society and prove that they don't need women. And this is the machine that is going to do it. I mean, that's a real sexual revolution,

isn't it? Yeah. You know. In the mold of the industrial revolution. And by mold, I mean, there is no mold because it's ejaculation printed. Sure, but you meant the... It's not an ejaculation. You meant the spores that will eventually get onto the ejaculate instead of develop on there and probably help hold the 3D printed man together.

Look, that could be crucial. I mean, there's definitely going to be, there's going to be issues, but it's the best we can do. I think it's quite exciting. Um, but now while we were saying, uh, ejection and, and injection, this is the, this is a, this is a twist on the military aircraft, like ejector seat. Ejector seat?

Yeah. But this is, it's an injector seat. So it's a seat. It's like a guided seat that you go and pick up one of the enemies. And when one of your, it's kind of like an Uber thing, like when one of your planes is crashing and one of your guys is ejecting, it tries to bring one of the enemy into the plane.

Into your plane. Into your crashing plane. Into your crashing plane. So that you don't waste a plane like that. Yeah, well, you know, you don't waste a good crosses and you don't waste a good plane crash. Exactly. You know, this, this thing's going down. And then it also means that, especially if you're crashing

like over enemy territory, maybe onto a building or something like that, then suddenly with their own guy in there in the play, it becomes an own goal. How embarrassing. You know what would be the seat, that is really valid. There's also like, you can also get a photo of it.

There's another. It's a real emotional hit as well as being a loss of a thing. Now this would be a great reality TV show, right? You know, life swap, you know, life swap. Of course. What about this? What about this? Army swap. Okay. So two countries are at war. Yeah. And then just for like a week, all the generals have to swap armies.

Okay. Because they're still fighting each other. Yeah. Right. The armies are still fighting each other. It doesn't, it doesn't really affect the like You know, it's not like the one who are on one side and now going to feel bad about fighting the ones who are on the other side Because they're still the opposite side But what it is is you get a real insight into what it's like for the generals of one side to have to to work with the The army of the other. That's right. Now, it's going to be a hard sell, but war is an expensive business.

And I think if we've got the production budget, I reckon we can get Netflix in on this. Right, they've got money to splash around. And there's enough characters there that there's a chance that will produce an off, you know, like a spin-off. Which would show. You know, the amount of spin a spin off, which would show, you know, the amount of spin offs it could create could, could become, could bring in enough money maybe to cover the whole, the whole military budget.

The whole war. It's a cost neutral war. And that's why the citizens, citizens have to do their duty and stay at home and watch the shows. Yes. Well, I think that helps as well because the one floor in my like, well, they just swap is civilian casualties, right? You would hate to injure your own civilians. But then you probably hate to injure their civilians.

Yeah. But not as much. No, you don't think so? No, I don't think so. I mean, you probably do injure your civilians. You know, if the war is on your own territory, there's always there's always that risk. But weird like, because like, imagine if you went to war with like Germany, you go, I know people who live in Germany, you can't. I mean, not that that's what I'm saying. They're going. But that's the way we're we're we're we're headed. But uh, not yet. Not yet. Well, I mean, today we're on a day where it seems like Russia, you know, the countries are Western countries are pulling all the people out of Ukraine. Or Halkarena. Hmm. Oh, now that's a pronunciation. Alistair found out the Ukrainian pronunciation of Ukraine yesterday.

Something like that. You know, it's like Halkarena. Very excited. And why is it like, what a beautiful name. Yeah, we really fucked that up. Well, it's like, it's like if you find out like you know Australia in overseas they just called it. Oh yeah well in Australia we call it Australia but I get that overseas people just call it. Yeah and and if you went over over, or if anyone pronounced it

Australia over there, they'd be mocked for sort of being a try-hard and adopting the local accent. Yeah, it's a you go, that's a you go to a corner shop in some country, you know, you're in Russia or whatever. And you go in there and you go, are these pies, and you go in there and you go, are these pies, they're these meat pies from Australia? And they go, it's pie, yes, it's pie. All right, is that a sketch right here?

I think it is, I think it is. All right. Now, but that made me think of something, and then I squeezed it out of my brain, but going overseas and pronouncing, oh, it's a classy idea, Alistair. It's going to be one that we're going to be very proud of. But how about this? Fart accents. Do you think it's possible that people from different countries fart

with different accents? And if we recorded all the farts of all the different countries in the world, would we be able to detect, no matter how subtle, a regional variation in the way in which people do it? Anyway, we don't have to talk about that anymore. Oh, thank you, Andy. I would like to see Stephen Fry do that documentary. And then see him in front of a map of England and show how good he is at doing all the accents. Ah, yeah. Yeah, sure. I mean, that'd be interesting, that really hyper local sort of accent stuff that they have in England is, yeah. I mean, probably if there was anything it would be more

associated with cuisine, right, with your diet and your overall lifestyle more than your sort of location. Although, you know, regional things like humidity and atmospheric pressure could come into it. I imagine they sound different at different altitudes, right? Like a fart on the top of Mount Everest. With that lower air pressure, would it sound more? Well, it also depends what building you're in. You know, it's like, it would also depend on whether you're outside

or whether you're inside or whether you're in a... Yeah, of course you're in a... You know, I don't know, it depends. Mm, mm, anyway. Good stuff. Absolutely good stuff. Alistair. Yeah.

No, we've talked about apps for your back, have we before? Apps for your back. We have talked about apps for your back. Yeah. I'm sure we have. Yeah. Babs, I guess you'd call them. Was that? But, you know, Babs. But ideally, you know, there'd be, um, abs for sort of every part of your body, you know, the abs for your bicep. You know, is a bicep sort of just like of your body, you know, the abs for your bicep, you know. It's a bicep sort of just like a single ab. I guess it is a single ab, yeah.

Yeah, and you know, your calf muscles and that sort of thing, but it would be good if they were rippling. I think this would be a good, I think this would be a great superhero, right? Rippling abs. He's a superhero where every single one of his muscles is abs. He's a six pack. Which idiot called them flags and not rippling, believe it or not? Hang on.

Hang on. I think it would be false flags, which idiot called them false flags. Yeah. And not rippling, believe it or not. Ripplings? No, rippling, believe it or not. Yeah. Okay, false flags.

Believe it or not. Which idiot called them false flags or not? Not. No, not. Or not. Not. So which or not, not. So which idiot, you're tweeting this right now, aren't you, Alex? I haven't started yet, but I was considering it.

Which idiot called them false flags and not rippling believe it or not? Now, what's that last thing? What's that last thing? Oh, believe it or not? Because it's got gotta be a plural. Oh yeah. Knots, 100,000 retweets. Okay. Yeah.

And it gets spotted by a streaming service, Amazon, right? And they approach you and they say, we want you to turn that tree to a TV show. Yeah, and then you want me to say, Now, you have to say no. Hey, go, do you have to say the challenges? You have to say no. Hey, go do you have to say the challenges you have to say no to the TV show? I don't know. I was just trying to see what your challenge was. No, the challenge was that you have to turn that that tweet into a TV show.

Now, and this is they want you to turn into a prestige hour long series. Okay. And they're looking at multiple seasons. Yeah. I think so because if it's a prestige series, it means that it's, it's like, you know, I could just put it in deep in the drama of like, you know, a, an alt-right, you know, like, group that meets in some town and they're planning some. No, I see. So now you're leaning into the false flag side of things, but what you're

leaving out is that, like, more than 50% of that tweet is the rippling believe it or not. Okay. And that's the bit that they really like. Okay. Right. So I get. I go. I go. First thing we're getting Dean Kane involved. Okay. It'll be it'll also be a right wing thing. He's become very right wing. He has, right? Yeah. So then he owns an American flag shop. Mm. Right. Okay. But he also runs a conspiracy theory, a YouTube channel. Channel. Well, no, maybe maybe a telegram channel. Yeah, right. But he and then he also

makes a website and then creates a lot of the, a lot of the content for it. He then, he is, so what's guys busy? Yeah, he's working now. Well, when you're in a flag shop, you know, they're all American flags. All American? What do you think it would make? You couldn't imagine a flag shop in America where they sell more than just American flags, could you? No, it's true.

I really can't. Yeah. If they did, it would be a museum. And you're in the gift shop. Right. That's not a regular shop. First of all, there's a museum gift shop and they sell flags of all nations there. Well, because it's a flag museum. It's a flag museum. Okay, well, then that checks out. Yeah. And then they would sell the things, the flags from all nations just because you've sampled the merch and this is where, the first try is free, but then they jack up the price. The first look at it. Yeah, okay, right. Then what? Okay, anyway so I got to remember what a false flag is.

It's where, uh, you know, there's a some sort of an insurrection or, or an operation or an attack of some kind. And it is presented in the, in the media, uh, and maybe even the way that the attack is done itself is presented as being from a particular side of an issue. But then there's a conspiracy theory that that Operation was just actually staged by the other side of the issue to make the first side of the issue look bad.

Yeah, yeah, and so he runs this thing look back. Yeah, yeah. And so he runs this thing and a conspiracy thing, but he's also a member of the CIA. Yeah, right. Really good. Trying to capture people who are in the alt-right. It's probably just actually in the FBI. People who are in the alt-right who would be inclined to do, you know, a far-right terrorism and in trap them essentially into getting involved in things. And then, but then also gets involved in some big plan. You've really actually, in a way you've nailed the prestige element of this because there's so much going on.

And there'll be twists and turns. It's really good. Yeah. And of course, much like whether or not people will watch a prestige HBO program called a rippling believe it or not. Okay. Okay, so this made me think that it's a shame that false flag, the false flag defense, you know, only really applies to sort of groups and organizations and you can't use it in your personal life.

Basically whenever you get accused of doing anything wrong, that you can't claim that it was a false flag operation. And I suppose the way that this could play out is that there is a group, and they do sort of like a private detective, but they're a sort of a private CIA, and they'll conduct sort of one-on-one false flag operation. I guess this is gas lighting. I guess what I'm suggesting here is gas lighting.

It's an agency that gas lights people for you. Okay. So if you've done something wrong, what, no, now I'm describing a false, false flag operation. If you've done something wrong, you can claim that somebody else was doing it. Now I'm describing a false, false flag operation. If you've done something wrong, you can claim that somebody else was doing it. Yeah, exactly. And they'll then make it look like they'll do some other things. They'll get some impersonators of you. And they'll do a few other things, sort of as those impersonators leaving some crumbs of evidence so that you can plausibly claim

that it was them that did this other thing, you know. Say somebody shits themselves at work. Good, great. Okay, and they leave some poopy pants, sort of down, hidden down behind the photocop. Yeah. And those poopy pants have got your name on the label, okay? And there's an office meeting where they talk about the poopy pants and they say that it was you,

you know, they say it's really, it's really badly handled by the HR department to do it in this sort of confrontational manner where they basically shame you in front of the whole office. The badly handled the poopy pants? They badly handled the poopy pants to poop it when everywhere. Got all over the photocopier. I'm not a roll-up. This shouldn't have brought it into the, please, where all the white paper was. Yeah.

Anyway, then it'd be quite a good product, would be a personalized toilet paper printer that you can print. It's like you can print anything you want straight onto toilet paper. It'd be a good novelty product. Printers are so cheap right now. You can just get it like a receipt. It'd be like one of those receipt printers, right? Those things come in a roll. That's right.

The paper comes in a roll and you can just one where you can just put in a roll of toilet paper print directly onto the toilet paper, whatever you want. You could even print. And then you can personalize the whole world. You could make it look like you've wiped your butt. Right. Just print that on. You haven't though.

You don't. You make it look. You haven't wiped your butt. But if anyone challenges you, you want to be able to show it. You want to tell the others you can carry haven't wiped your butt. But if anyone challenges you, you want to be able to show. I'm gonna show that you can carry it around in your pocket. Oh, I haven't.

Yeah. But what's this? Yeah, great. And then, and then you don't have to wipe your butt. You know that's somewhat so good. And they go, something smells. You go, well, it's not me. You go, did you wipe your ass? You go, yeah, here's proof.

No, no, no, no, I don't think they, I don't think they even ask you, right? They don't even, they just say something smells. And then you say, well, no, no, I don't think they, I don't think they even ask you. Right. Yeah. They don't even, they just say something smells. And then you say, well, it's not me. I wiped my ass. And then you pull out the pui, the printed toilet paper and you show everybody. Yeah.

And you say, see, and then maybe you get them to sniff it. I don't know if that's necessary. Oh, no, you wouldn't get them to sniff it because then that's the, that could be where the smells coming from. And you're saying the smell isn't from you. I know. I know. I understand that bit, but I think that's also fun. For me, that adds to it.

Oh my God. All right. Where was I? Can you smell shit? Back. It's not me. I wipe my ass. Look. Yes, look. All right, but before I've that, I was the poopy pants. It was a false flag.

And then, you know, you, they'll, they'll, you say, it wasn't me. It was a false flag operation, right? And then you've hired, you hire this company to get them to do some other, sort of impersonating of you doing wrong stuff and yeah, leaving evidence. Maybe you can arrange for you to be seen doing something else at the same time so that you can then see it was a false-flang operation. It's such a good, it's such a good, it's really, you know, it was a false-flag operation. Anyway, you look fucking hell out of the stair. It's such a good, it's such a good, it's really, you know, it's the,

is it shaggy? It wasn't me? Yeah. It's really that, you know, but shaggy obviously had done it. Yeah. And then you be, What if shaggy had an alibi? Thanks to this.

Yeah, but then the, but then the wife had all this footage. She'd been watching it on the cameras. Hmm. I don't know if she saved it to her computer or what, or whether she was just watching the live stream of the CCTV. But maybe it's DVR. I think at that time it would have been DVR, right?

So she had it hooked up. Maybe even three DVR, just handicap. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just handicap. Yeah. Yeah. And so, did you or did you not make the poopy pants? Yeah, I did.

Yeah. And so, who was responsible in the end? For doing the poopy pants? Yeah, like I said, who did your... It was me, but then I... I've got it to look like it was some other people. I had them send in some impersonators who look like me. So they made it look doing other stuff. Okay. And just create that pool. See, look, there was two versions of me over there playing ping pong. So it couldn't have been me. Exactly. Do you think, I mean, I guess you could, if you could try to say that it was actually

the HR department trying to get something on you. Because the HR department is kind of like the FBI of the company. Yeah, in turn, well, they're more like the sort of the internal affairs. There must be an FBI that investigates the FBI, right? There must be some department of that that looks into their own things that are going on. That's the HR department. Why do you think that?

So you're saying that the company, how are they like the anti-corruption people? You know what? I am wrong. I know. I apologize. But you know what? There should be an HR department. For the HR department that checks out the,

they should, yeah. Anti-corruption HR. It's a TV show. Line, it's like line of duty. Yes. But it's a, I child. It's HR.

But. For HR. For HR. And they, and they get recruited after you stand up to some, to some, you know, HR based in justice. And you know that all of you have to be a member of the I charge. You know, you're originally a member of the HR department. And you know that everybody in HR is always helping each other out, you know, they're, they will always back another HR, you know, a boy in gray or a lady in gray, Yeah, standing over me getting me to sign a written warning

apology apology warning Great I like that we're sort of suggesting that a lot of HR stuff could be Could be fraud and could be could be fake Fake and all could be like undercover. Well, no, from HR. Oh, I think that we're suggesting that there's corruption within the HR department, right?

And in that way, we're probably siding with a lot of pretty bad gross dudes. No, no, no, but think about it. There's gonna be bad stuff in the office. In every department, there's gonna be somebody who's doing a bad job, but it just so happens that in the HR department, they can get rid of people. And so they can really affect people's careers. Right? Yeah. And so the people in HR HR, they send somebody undercover to pretend like they're just a regular HR person Yeah, right, right and then they get all the ins and outs of what's happening they get really into the circle they make good friends

With you know somebody that they're investigating in HR. I hear that on your first day in HR They'll often make you fire somebody just to like, blood you. Yeah. Yeah, somebody, really innocent, yeah. Yeah. You know, maybe, oh, maybe somebody that everybody loves. Mmm.

Oh, the office clown. Oh, and not the lady who brings in all the clients. Everybody loves the office clown. Oh, another lady who brings in all the clothes. Everybody loves the office clown. Oh, no. Yeah, great. And if you don't do that in front of them, then... Do you think, yeah, do you think that there's a market out there for dry cupcakes. I mean, it sounds awful, doesn't it?

I think one of the greatest things, signs of progress is that progressively as a society we're making cakes moisture. Yeah. More and more moisture. I understand. It feels like one of the ways that we can definitively say, well, humanity is improving.

But it's not all good. But like the line, the arc of just, ask, arc of history is long, but it bends towards more moist cases. Yeah, but think about biscuits. Yeah, biscuits are dry. Yeah. And yet we can enjoy them. Yeah. Yeah. And I'd argue, oh, now would I argue that the more dry, the biscuit, the better. Because when I think of a more moist biscuit, I'm thinking it's sort of going a bit stale and that's no good.

But then you can have one sort of chewy chocolate chip. Chewy chocolate chip, yeah. Yeah. Which is not too bad. Yeah. We chocolate you want chocolate chip. Yeah, which is not too bad. Yeah, and so the problem with a cupcake then that is dry is probably that it's not dry enough Yeah, because I agree because if you're planning crunch, right? Well, yeah, but also if you're planning for it to be dry you probably compensate by having more of

Something else in there that activates the saliva. So you're bringing your own moisture. What would be pretty amazing would be a cupcake that is actually a biscuit, right? And then a layer of something else, right? So quite a crispy biscuit, a layer of something a bit more moist, another crispy biscuit, you know, so sort of like a biscuit stack, and then all the way around the outside, so you don't see the edges of any of the biscuits, is like a shell of chocolate.

Okay. So you- So this is becoming far from me, from me. It sounds like you're creating is a type of biscuit. Well, but it's a biscuit stack that builds up into the size and shape of a cupcake. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's all about these fusion desserts. Well, because it's almost like you're creating essentially a wagon wheel, but you've,

but I suppose I have, it's really hard. But you've just stacked a couple of wagon, but it's really hot, but you've, but you've just stacked a couple of wagon wheels on top of each other and maybe lacking it with a bit more, a bit more chocolate. Yeah. I want it to still be the kind of webbingness of a, of a, of a, you know, of a cupcake. Webbingness. Well, you know, like the cake.

You mean fluffiness? No, no. I just mean like the texture of a cake is kind of, because it's got aerobiles in there. It's, to me, it's webby. Sponge, sponge. Yeah. Spungy. It's a spongy thing, but, you know, I guess the sponge is just a 3D web.

It's a 3D web. Mm-hmm. It's either a web of bubbles. No, no, the bubbles aren't webbing. They're just a 3D web. It's a 3D web. It's either a web of bubbles. No, the bubbles aren't webbing. They're just being near each other. Anyway, I still want that look. I still want that texture, but I want it to be so dry that it's got an enjoyable,

and maybe you've upped the salt or you've upped the sugar or something like that a little bit more, and you're not so reliant on the top, on the top goo. Yeah, well, I think, you know, what the bubbles are like in a, like a Nestle Aero bar, right? Now that, but cake and that's dry, right? Big. And that's dry. It's dry, but then, I think this could be something. But then when you increase the temperature, it will be a bit waxy as well.

When you increase the temperature, then it becomes liquid, which happens in your mouth. Yeah. Imagine it. I love things at melt in your mouth. Imagine if chocolate didn't have its melting point at right on the edge of between room temperature and mouth temperature.

What would that be like? Well, because then you would, let's say it's melting point was like 70 degrees. Yeah. So then you would eat chocolate and you would still gotta get that waxiness of like chewing through like a candle or something like that. But and you would probably get some of the flavor,

you would get the flavor, I guess, because you still be kind of mashing it up. But yeah, you get the flavor of every food. And you're still being dissolved a bit by your saliva and that sort of thing. Well, yeah, does it get the salt in? Unless you're suggesting it's not not water soluble. Well, I guess which case that's really quite radical. Yeah. I don't know. What? Radical? Yeah. I don't know. What about a bar?

Can you digest wax? You just eat wax. Can you digest that? Yeah, I'm not sure. I guess. Or does that just come out as wax at the other end? Oh, something's gotta happen in there. It can't be like completely un-

un- you know, un- ball-thread by acid or whatever that's happened in your gut. And all that tumbling. Yeah. You think there'd be a lot of tumbling in the belly? It's plenty of tumbling. Do you picture food? Tumbling in your tumbling. In your belly, do you picture it sort of rolling down your intestines?

It's sort of like, you know, like a stone in a cave. No, not really not. Or like, you know, like that's a really quite picture it's sort of oozing and squishing. Like how, and is it all gravity that's pushing it down or are there little like, there's some muscles, it's a little bit of like, you know, contraction of one former.

I think it must be. Or is there like little legs, contraction of one former. And I think it must be. Or is there like little legs, like little hairs? It must be, it must be. There's little hairs, but I don't think they're moving it along. Like they're like passing it, like it's crowds. Like the intestine isn't like a reverse, a reverse like a millipede or something. No, no, with the legs on the inside, that'd be good though.

Alistair, I reckon we've got five sketchy ideas. Oh, we do, yeah, sorry, we started just talking. Yeah, we do, we have five sketchy ideas. So we're going to go to three words from a listener. I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners. And sometimes they can send in three words if they support us on Patreon. It feels very like we're excluding people from being able to do this and you know what? I think we are. And but I mean, what what are we, what else are we going to do? I feel bad now. All right. Um, what's the next words come from?

I think it's a first time, I believe it's a first time I believe it's a word at first time word or Locklin Rocker Lock lock Rocker. I like the ox. I like the ox in your name. Locklin Rocker. Can I call you doctor? Ock is that okay? Doctor Rock Doctor Ock like a doctor octopus. I know, but if you if it was rocker. I mean you could call them doc rock Yeah, but then I don't get the lock in there. Yeah, no, no. But you could be pronouncing it in a racist way.

Okay. So we are going to get you to guess what the three words are today. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, the first word is, um, first word is bevel. Bevel? No. Is it, is bevel a word? Yeah.

What is it? It's like a beveled edge, you know, beveled, you, you so you have a bit of wood and you sort of round over the edge You're beveling it. All right. Well, that's not the answer. It is offspring Okay, but if you have a bit of wood and you sort of offspring the edge then you're Yeah, you're beveling it. Yeah, okay. So the second word is going to be interrupt No, I don't know why I think that this is close because there's a consonant and then another in a T. It's oxygen. Offspring oxygen. Yeah. And then the third word is... auction

And then the third word is oh someone's coming in hello Finn hello offspring. I'm just doing a podcast Yeah, I'm recording with Alistair Why don't they offspring because we said the word offspring on the show and offspring also mean child But I've got to record this with Alistair. I'm almost finished. So if you go out and play with Grandma and Grandpa a little bit longer, then I can come out and play with you, okay? I just want to make a book.

Okay, I'll help you to make a book as soon as I've finished. I just need five minutes, okay? Grandma, go and help. I'll Grandma's gonna help. Okay, great. Out you go. I'll see you soon.

I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to make a book. Oh grandma's gonna help. Okay, great. Out you go. I'll see you soon. Thanks for telling me Offspring auction It's something that's on my mind right now and off you go off your truck. I just need to find it one time. Spargon. Did you see that guy? Did you see that guy? There's probably not a great story, but that guy on...

That was on the Guardian yesterday. I was like, I've sold my children and now my kidney. I mean, that person's doing well. All right. I did see that. Yeah. I didn't feel great about it. All spring auction. And. And then, um, bargain. Bargain? No, but it's cool. Oh, my God. You're so close. Coupon. Oh, I mean, I tried to say how this leads to an immediately funny scenario.

What? But, let's say we go the other way. First you sell your liver. No, you're kidding. No. Then you sell your offspring. No, no, no, no. So offspring can also be a spring that is, you know, a little bit fucked up.

I mean, if we were talking about selling organs, right, what about a guy who, like, say, Alistair, I come to you and I say that I really need a kidney. Yeah. Kidney. Kidney. This is all the kidney, right? And you eventually give me your kidney. Yeah.

Okay. And then we're both lying down on the table there next to each other in the operating theatre. I know. I've taken out your kidney. Oh, I thought you go, oh, I thought you meant like I bring you the knee of my child. A kidney. And then you're laying on the operating table going,

I'm ready and you go, well, here's my child's knee. And you go, that's not what I meant. You go, oh, no, this is a real. Whoops. But they put it in anyway and it works out great. Turns out, does the same thing. You can only just, all you need is a bit of meat in there. Just attach the pipes to some meat.

I'm lying down next to you on a table there. They've taken out your kidney. You hold the hand. You hold the hand through bleary eyes. And they're ready to, and then you're like, okay, and now they're good luck for when they put it in you or something. And I say, what are you talking about? It's not going in me. All right, I'm lying down there and then I open up my gown on my tummy

and there's a little box there. And I just put the kidney in the little box, okay? Yeah. And you're like, well, why were you lying down in the theater with me? I was like I was being supportive and You know What did to be here with you and then turns out I'm just selling the kidney would be good if that while we were laying there and then And then I needed the money the person who's dressed in white starts to cook it and then places the plate of food on your belly. And you eat the kidney in front of them with some carrots,

lots of water and stuff like that. And the carrots aren't very good. And I'm like, oh, yuck. And then I throw it in the bin. Well, these carrots are good. These carrots. Thank you so much, though. But these carrots were really bitter. Imagine how, like, you know how sometimes you get a very bitter carrot, I'm eating it with raw carrots, quite thick slices of raw carrots. Oh, okay. I think I've, okay, we can try that.

But, you know, I picture it as being a bit fancier, but the way the manner in which you're eating it is so awkward awkward because it's on your Bell, and then you're having to lift your head up real hard put it in there And you're like I can't put my head down or I'll choke And then you make a little joke you're like oh well right place to do it though if I find you're gonna choke yeah That's good. Nice little joke. I do. Yeah, just leaven that slightly awkward atmosphere

in here is Ted's little joke all sort of out. I think that's Alisa. I think that's the sketch idea. Great. In front of you. They eat it in front of you. I love that I love that they've kept you awake for this operation. But yeah, you know, these days, well, they want it, you know, I technically, I did put the kidney in me. So yeah, that was that was the words that I used. When I

convinced you let me do that. And then also, then there's like, this is actually quite hard. And then he said, really hungry. Can you help me? And then he points to the, to one of the doctors, because you're having trouble putting it in your mouth just from the position. And you go, and as he's putting it in, you go, look, you're making another little joke.

You go, look at that surgeon accuracy straight straight in the mouth, perfect. That's why you do this here. Not the little jerk, that's a little jerk. You know, all right, I'm going to take us to the sketch ideas. Oh, yeah, thank you very much. Doc rock, Doc, lock rock. Um, okay, we got, we got womb factory. It's not a factory that makes

wombs, but this is just the alternative universe where we made factories into mimicking the human reproductive process. Then we got 3D man-ejaculate printer for MRAs to make male-only society. Then we have injector seat. That's to get the enemy and put them in a crashing plane. It just has to last that rocket underneath the seat. It's a guided rocket. It goes and gets an enemy. Maybe the stress. An injector seat also works for putting people into a plane that isn't crashing, you know. So say you've missed your flight. That would be good.

They got some injector seats sitting there on the runway. You just run, jump into one of those, it blasts off, it drops you in through the top of the line. Of course, that's the first step until we realize we just don't even need the airplane. We can just ride the seat all the way to Sydney. Sure. Then we got overseas, they pronounce Australia,

like that. And then we got printer to print on toilet paper and then make it look like you've wiped your ass. And then HR, HR, the anti-corruption HR department. And then the I need a kidney, and then they eat it in front of you in the operating theater. Do do do do do.

I think it's quite funny where we basically do it in such a way that you don't see the plate until I'm lying there and I reach down. And then you see me wiggling my hands and then I lift them up and I've got a fork and a little bit of the kidney there. Yeah, you hear a like people on the table. Tick, tick, tick, chop, chop, chop, chop, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, had a cannibal sketch for weeks and it feels good.

No, weeks, Andy, it's probably been five to six months. Yeah. Um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um,

um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um,

um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um, um�, um, um, um, um, um, um,�, um,�, um,�, We are potentially, I think it looks like we are going to be doing teleport again at the end of February 23rd, maybe 25th and 27th or something like that. Okay.

In Melbourne and potentially if we can, if Evan and stupid little studios remember, we're going to be filming it. And we are going to be doing comedy festival tickets for both my client is innocent and my show with Matt called, what was it called again, ring, ring, duck, hoot, hoot, honk, honk, honk, Habahabah.

Yeah, honk, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, that's right. This is just a stand up show, splash, and I'm gonna be doing that. Take us around this little stand-up show, Splish the Amishabh. We'll be doing that. Take a surround yourself for that. That's the end of March. The front is gonna be gone, then.

And in March, also, my book will be in shops. And you believe it. Bookshops. Gustav and Henry, by Matthews and Thomas. Can you believe it? And it's for young readers. You see why I worry about... You see why I worry about you see why I worry about secret comedy projects you see

And we got you can support us on patreon you can you know review of if you want gosh we love that I haven't looked for so long but you may have all reviewed us in the last month and I haven't even looked I feel like an asshole. I'm so sorry. I'm gonna look tomorrow. So, I'm gonna look tomorrow. So, if you wanna write a review, that would be, you could surprise me. And my wife has started a Instagram account, Kelly started Instagram account for our house renovation

because we sold our house and bought another house that's in much worse condition, to give Alistair something to rib me about. And now there is an Instagram account where you can check out the renovation. What's it called, Andy? It's called Spring Hill Reno. Spring Hill Reno.

Spring Hill Reno. Reno. I Hill Reno. I love that. And see you all on Spring Hill. Reno and we like love love you. You bye. Toodles. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments.

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