Simple Swedish Podcast - 325 - "PYJARMOUR"

Episode Date: March 2, 2022

Get Tickets to TELEPORT, 2 nights only (Mar 10 & 12), at Fringe Rebound HERE (please)Audiophile Aliens, Tactical Sleepwear, Knock Out Sleeping, Tide Chart Planet Splitter, Judesus, Public Bedrooms, Atomic ManTickets are also available to "My" "Client" "Is" "Innocent" at MICF from the end of MarchYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThanks Classic to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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A very warm Cheers Cobb to all our listeners. Well, we're bringing you this episode of Two in the Think Tank from Down Under. Ah, two in the Think Tank, Down Under. Down Under. Yes. Yes, after this success of tuning the thing tank Euro trip. Well, and now we're just trying to revitalize the whole franchise.

We are, yeah, and so we're going to do it from down under. I guess you might hear a few, you might hear a few sights and scenes. You might even hear some sights, definitely from different places you might know about in the Antipodes. Well, isn't every, isn't, look, how about this, Alistair? How about this for a great idea?

The Earth spins in space. Okay. Now, imagine this. Imagine this. The earth is a big circle, spinning in space. Sounds to me like an alien civilization could come along. What we think they're doing, they come along with an enormous spike, and they lower it onto the surface of the earth and drag it across, you know,

from space. So as we spin, it scours its way across the planet, knocking over buildings and bouncing off things like that. We think it's an attack. We think it's a, it's a, you know, it's a, it's a, it's a weapon of destruction. Turns out there are an audio file species from another planet in enormous stylus needle and they're actually just listening to the surface of our planet. They're an old analog species. Exactly. They love that warmth of the sound that they get from listening to a to a person. They're here to listen. And unfortunately, we get we all get killed.

Oh no, but there's probably they're probably streaming it and back at home people That's really getting that tingle going in people's heads. Oh From people who are like reman remembering that sound from when their parents Took them on holidays And it was to to listen to other planets and things like that. And they're all going like, Oh, I remember that when I used to have the time to go out and stick my needle into planets and listen. Exactly. Exactly. You know, people used to listen to a whole planet back then. They didn't just listen to a continent from here and a continent from there. No, a whole planet is meant to be listened to as one thing. It's a concept planet.

That's right. That's a place where people have attention spans. They can listen to a full 24 hours of a planetary rotation. 24 hours, of course. Yeah. Now, of course, these days, if you had these kids, you took with some of these kids, you know, these kids that we've got these days. No, I know about the ones I'm talking about, yeah. Yeah, you take them halfway across the galaxy to find a planet and you stick your needle into it.

They barely listen to a city. Yeah. Yeah. They were the attention spans, being what they are. That's right. Um, is this a sketch idea? I mean, I'm just gonna go, I mean, it's something. Yeah, there's alien audience files. All right. I know. But wait, oh, you got something? I've got, I've got a great idea. I foreshadowed this idea to you before the podcast starts.

Yeah. And this is my idea. Tactical sleepwear. Right? Tactical sleepwear. You know how you can, you know, guys, at the moment, you can mark it all sorts of tactical shit to them. Tactical clothes with, you know, with reinforced bits in the crotch and that kind of stuff.

So if you can kick you in the tech heaps more and your pants don't get worn out, you know that kind of thing. Well, this is tactical sleepwear. And the best thing about this is the name pajama, right? It's...'s is it pajama. It's P Y J. A. How do you spell armor? A. R.

And you are you are pajama. Yeah. I was going to say put pajar. Pajar me. Yeah. No. Oh, I mean, that could be the pajar me cat.

Camo. Pajar me fat The Jeremy Camo. Pajami for teagues. Yeah, well, for when you're very fatigued, put on your pyjama and sleep hard, defeat tiredness on the field of slumber. It's got, I guess, what, like, the Kevlar reinforced back for lying down intensely. You know what would be good to have a catapult to shoot you into bed.

Well, I mean, that would be good. But I mean, you could, I guess, suppose if you were doing your stretches, which I suppose if you're in the army, yeah, you would. Oh, you've got a stretch before war. Yeah, you've got to stretch before war. Most of the injuries during war come from not warming up properly. Four battle.

A lot of people think it's bullet bullets. No, no, that's nothing. It's like a lot of itself inflicted. Yeah. Enemy fire from within your own body. Ah. But friendly fire. Let's say there's a catapult, that's right, friendly fire. That's the opposite of what you said. But really, I just, I was telling you how it is.

It's, you know, your friend quickly becomes your enemy the moment they shoot at you. They do. It's true. I would say it was friendly up until the moment the bullet pierced the skin. But after that, it became enemy fire very quickly. But I was suggesting there's a catapult that the, like, you know, you know, the beam

and then there's the cup, right? The kind of spoon bowl Yeah, well the the beam starts at the crotch Okay, and then and then it goes all the way down to the foot Yes, and while you're stretching out your your legs you Rest your head in that cup between the legs Right and then when it's right I'm not I've you've lost

Okay, you you so you've got to bend your head down. I guess Well, you know what stretching is right? Yeah, no, okay, Alistair so no, that's okay There are lots of different ways that you can stretch your legs So I'm gonna be making sure I'm visualizing this right going to I'm going to re-describe it to help you Right, you're sitting down. Yes on your bed. Yes, right? Your legs are out in front of you Your legs are out in front of you and then you're bending forward to touch your toes. Yes Right, but now you've got your head in between your feet. Hmm

Okay, and then you and then in between your feet is the spoon. If you rest your face into that. And you rest your face in there. And when you're ready for sleep, after you've had enough of a stretch, you pull a lever next to your leg, and it can't oppose you back, hang your foot. Into your pillow. And your... Into your pillow.

And your head hits the pillow. And it really hits. And the pillow knows it's been hit. That's a KO. That is. Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I would love to see KO's employed in war,

where people... You knock out a whole army. But also in bed. But also in bed. In sleep. Yes, but also Andy in war, like in any very big challenge. What is really the biggest enemy? bottom. No, yourself. You see? And so hopefully, once you've done this stretch, you also, you get flung back into sleeping position. Right? And your brain probably hits the side of you, the inside of your skull. With any luck. That's such a velocity that it knocks you out and you go straight to sleep. Yeah. Well, I think. Now, often people wake up after I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it. I've done it.

Great idea. After not too long, tactical sleepwear. Better than tactical sleepwear. But then often people wake up, but after they've been knocked out, but they feel like they've been out for ages. Right? Yeah. And so then you wake up and then you go back to sleep. And there's no better feeling than waking up and seeing on the clock that there's a whole bunch of time left until you wake up. You've got a full night sleep ahead of you. Imagine waking up and seeing on the clock that there's a whole bunch of time left until you wake up. You've got a full night sleep ahead of you. Imagine waking up after feeling that you have already had a big sleep and realizing you only went to bed seconds ago. Yeah, that's great.

My friend Nick in university taught me a technique, a tactic for eating toasties, which is where you slice them in half, but you slice one of the halves a lot bigger than the other half. You eat the small half first, and I've got to tell you, it genuinely is a thrill, when you've eaten half a toastie and you realize you have more than half a toastie left. That's... half a toasty and you realize you have more than half a toasty left. That's. It's a it's a big one, Andy. It's a big one. I reckon the last time you told that story was in the first three years of the podcast.

So there's been, Andy, it doesn't matter. People not everybody is is is is listen to the whole thing. And the fact that I remember is only a miracle in itself. So here's another idea for you, Alistair. Getting, you know, a lot of people have, need sleeping tablets to help them go to sleep. Okay. This is going to be a whole sleep episode by the way What about people who you'd like to suggest a sleeping anima? No Okay No, I can't

But I'm interested in it Alistair. I don't know if they paper rubbers. So the opposite of a coffee anima, is it? It's the opposite yeah, yeah, so it's a camera. It's a camera. My it's a cat. It's a camera, it's a camera male, it's a camera male. It's a camera male. It's a camera male. It's a camera male and a dandelion. It sends your bowel straight to sleep. Imagine that. You sleep, but your bowel is awake all night.

You go to the doctor and say, I look, I don't know what's wrong with me, and they run every test, and they say, your bowel has insomnia. Your bowel is exhausted. Your bowel's insomnia. Yeah, you're sleeping, but your bowel is up all night. I don't know what it's doing. I don't know. I can't imagine.

But we're gonna, but while we're sitting over the turds of the day. Um, well, I guess how do they make them all smooth like that? So smooth. You got smooth ones too. God, minus so smooth. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes sometimes it's true, isn't it?

Sometimes they got a very different texture. Oh, look, I think mine is varied as the people in the beautiful country of Australia. Oh, yes. You're listening to two in the think tank down under. Think tank down under tank down under All's the addition What was your recent idea

Having a good time. It was, you know, some people can't get to sleep without sleeping tablets of some kind. What about this? People who can't get to sleep without being choked out by an MMA fighter. That's the only way. It's, you know, they've got, they've got insomnia. Oh, I feel like we might have done this with a... Really?

Yeah. With like a guy who got his girlfriend to do it every night. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. Well, this one's a full, this is a real pride. They have women fighters as well. Yeah, okay, so you're saying that could be the girlfriend. The girlfriend could be an MMA fighter, could be a...

I mean, that's one of the... Holly Holmes? That's one of the joys of having an MMA fighter girlfriend. They don't tell you about one of the benefits. Is that you can get her to choke you out every night? And, God, that's just... There's nothing like it. I imagine.

It would be so nice, just such a loving act of somebody, let's say you're married to Amanda Noons when you're born or whatever name. And she, you say, goodnight honey, you kiss her on the cheek and she says, goodnight darling, like that. She kind of wraps her arm around you. They're good night honey, you kiss her on the cheek and she says, good night darling, like that. She kind of wraps her arm around you, like that, and then locks it in with her other arm and gets it right under your chin and pulls up and you kind of struggle a little bit.

But eventually your body goes limp. There we go, it's a limp. Like that and then she. She touched you in. She's let's you down. Kisses you on the forehead. You know, maybe lifts the the sheet looks at your body is can't believe I married this guy Like in a good way

Can't believe how lucky I am, you know yeah God that's that's beautiful. That's a really beautiful thing and then he wakes up three seconds later and goes Can't believe I still got a full night sleep to go. Thanks Amanda Nunez. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha love it by their full name. Very funny. Sure. Especially if they are a celebrity. Yeah, I think I think where I heard that was once on Oprah Tyra Banks was on there and she was talking about how guys would go on dates with her and they would keep calling her Tyra Banks.

Oh my God, Tyra Banks. It's so nice to have you here. That's really funny though. Look, I imagine going on a date with Tyra Banks would, I'd probably do that as well. I'd probably call her the celebrity, I'd probably refer to as the celebrity Tire Banks. Television's Tire Banks. So that you don't sound too familiar as well, like you know, you still got that innocence of just a boy who's, you know, spending a little bit of time in Australia, you know? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, down here, down the great Southern land. See, see her hungry eyes.

This is on a date, you know, and her hungry, something else. Great Southern land. Have I seen this, Tara Banks? See her? Hungry eyes. Tara Banks goes on, goes on, Oprah says, yeah, guys, they always say great Southern land to me on dates. Standing at the limit of an endless ocean, stranded like a runaway, lost that sea.

Have you looked up the lyrics or is this off the top of the dome? No, nobody does go. I hear the sound of the stranger's voices. I see their hungry eyes, their hungry eyes, great Southern land. Mm. Yeah. Who's that boy? I think we'd be

ice house. Ice house, really? Yeah, what else? Okay. I always get that confused with, we watch the lightning crack over cane fields the fan thing this is Australia oh yeah that is sounds of vinn by ganga jang never i believe oh yeah see there's not enough people who put the the name of the country that

they're in when they're singing oh I think that happens a bit in America. Oh yeah, that's true. Well, that's why we're fixing that, especially with this podcast. That's right. I think the reason why I had see her hungry eyes was because in high school, we did a performance and we had made it about one of the teachers

and it was about her husband and that we had called it great smothered man. Okay, tell me more about this. Was she a larger lady? She wasn't even that large. Okay, but I guess that's what the joke was at the top. Yeah, where was this performance occur? Where did this performance occur? Oh, we didn't do the performance like that. That's what we sung, when we sung it, you know, quietly to ourselves.

Oh, okay, I thought this was like a, this cool talent show or something. I don't know, no, we did do it as a big performance, but we did great Southern land for that. Ah, I see. But then, you know, there's always that cheeky little behind the scenes, bootleg version that goes on. Of course.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Kids, they love, they love a laugh. Anyway, so what I was, so that's the knocked out for sleep idea. I had another idea earlier. It was sort of what about this idea? I don't know if this is anything Andy, but doesn't it feel like if there was a huge blast in the core of the earth, right? Or near the middle of the earth, right? I love this already, by the way.

Yeah, and like something that was, you know, like it's, you know, it's got explosives, and it's, you know, done tastefully, it's done properly, like, you know, like the show was really funny. Oh, real closet like, yeah, yeah. Right, but it's made so that the earth splits into multiple pieces. Okay. Right? Yeah. So, and then we just want these

pieces to orbit each other. Like, it could just be two. It could just be two, but we want them to orbit each other. And, you know, like, kind of like one of those like jewel sons or whatever they do that. Binary stars. Binary stars. Yeah. And so they'll be, you know, they'll be, I don't even know what, would it disrupt us that much on earth here? Sure.

Sure. You know, on the surface, would it disrupt us that much? But then obviously there'd be the weirdness of, there'd probably be a change in the tides. I think that's what you notice. Tides are weird, aren't they? Tides have changed. Because I am very alert to the tides. They'd have to redo that whole chart that they do.

Yeah, but they've had it too good for too long, Eric. That's a real scam, that tide chart. Absolutely. And it seems like, you know, it brings me no joy, but I reckon there are some people that are almost sad that it is all done already. Sure. That's probably their business. And you could probably do that for a thousand years ahead of time.

And that's probably all done. Yeah, so you come into the business, you come into the tide chart business as an eager young buck really excited to you make your mark, your tide mark on the world. And then you learn very early on the old hands that it tell you there's no place for that kind of thing here. Well, and after stewing on it for a while,

you decide to put a large, classy, explosive, real tasteful explosive at the center of the earth. Yeah, tastefully done. Tastefully. And, and, and really show people, Taste the lip. and and and really Show people you know because I think it's very easy to Become obsessed with you know, I feel like this is what's Putin's done

He his his personal preoccupations has become the thing that defines for him. We'll get back to that. Yeah, and I think that you get caught up in this stuff. You think that what matters to you, matters equally to everybody. And I think that's a very plausible justification for why you would, you know, as a tied printing guy, I think that everyone will get on board with this blowing up the earth idea. Of course. And I think you're right. And so, so this is done. And then, not only do you get to redo the tides, which is just almost a side benefit of

it. I mean, I know for this guy, it's the main benefit. Then, after a bit, all that mag mine stuff that's on the inside, That'll cool. Mm. That'll probably cool pretty fast. Mm. Yeah. Right. And then it'll create a nice crust.

And it won't be super livable for a long time. But, but then we get all this extra space that eventually we could develop. You know? I do love developments. Well, you know what's good about this is that all those new developments, none of them are going to be blocking anybody else's view.

So that's good. I think we could get, you know, the people who don't want new apartment developments going up in their suburb, we could probably get them to support this idea. And so we could move all those people who don't want that, don't want development in their suburb, we can all put them there. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Oh, you were going to cool down those bits of land. Yes, and we'll all be orbiting around each other. So that's good. No, look, I think I had a problem that I was going to point out with it, but it's gone. So I'm going to say, it's probably fine. Was it the fact that once the core is no longer spinning, that the iron core is no longer spinning, that we won't have a magnetic field that protects us from the rays of the sun? Yeah, and also to be able to find where north is for navigating on our long ocean voyages. But the ocean will have drained away. So that's probably good to.

Do they will have drained away? The ocean. Yeah. I mean, you blow up the earth like that, I think that probably the edges of the earth, or the ocean will flow over the edge, sort of in a way, I think, into space. Maybe you don't think I'll just go in the air for a bit?

So what? What? I don't, I think if you split the earth in that way, you know, without establishing good edges for the oceans, because that's one of the great things about the planet is that, you know, and having a round planet like that is, there's no way for the water to go, but I think it would pour off the edge. I think that's exactly the problem. But where would a poor two? Out into space.

Well, wouldn't it still gravity? There's still gravity. There's gonna be gravity from the other lumps. Yeah, we'll just have a little switch of rules, have a little swatby. All right, Elastair, you convinced me. You know, one of the things about the Earth being a sphere is actually, that's the shape,

the three-dimensional shape that has the highest volume to surface zero, or lower surface area to volume ratio. So, as a shape, the earth being a ball like this is we have got the minimum amount of land possible, basically, the minimum amount of surface. So any other shape, there would be more space, there would be more places for people to go. So if it was a big pyramid or if it was a, you know, some sort of tetrahedron or something like that, all of it, you know, even if it was a cube, that gives you more space.

Two half spheres. Hmm. Yeah. You could reconnect them both, create like a figure eight. That'd be fun. That might actually happen. Yeah. From some of the gloop in the middle, joining together. Well, we could probably, we could probably, you know,

encrust some of that salt from all the, that encrusted on the edges there from all the water that evaporated and touched the magma. Yeah. That'd be like a bit of salt. So maybe, if we, maybe if we don't cut it all the way through the bottom with the bomb and we just let it open up like a clam. This is one of those great ideas that's just like, we'll just see, we'll just work out what happens.

I mean, we didn't know what the consequences were going to be when we invented the internet, but we didn't let that stop us. Exactly. It's a step. It's a leap. Sometimes you've got to try something. You know, Andy, this will sound serious for a second, but when people talk about we shouldn't be geoengineering anything because once we start that geoengineering, like the weather and things to stop climate change, we will, you knowengineering, like the weather and things to stop climate change,

we will, basically the weather is now in our hands and we just have to always take care of it. Yeah, that's gonna be a big responsibility and there's no way back. Do they not consider the amount of carbon that we pump into the air some form of geoengineering? carbon that we pump into the air some form of geoengineering? I think, look, I think the people who think we shouldn't geoengineer the earth probably also don't think that the carbon that we're putting into the atmosphere is a great idea.

I know, but I think what I'm saying is that we've already started geoengineering a long time ago and so we need to start fixing it straight away possibly by using geoengineering a long time ago, and so we need to start fixing it straight away, possibly by using geoengineering. With more geoengineering. Yeah, and it's a great word, and I think if we're all using it, that's already a positive. Exactly.

All right, so I don't know if there was anything. Oh, yeah, split the earth there. We still need at least one more sketch, Andy, before we can... Sure. ...root 20 other sections. Well, how about this? As you know.

Tactical evening wear. No, I'm not. Andy. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. How dare you bring so much joy into my life. This is the guy from the tactical sleepwear company. This is a sketch about that guy who

Who's Trying to you know, obviously Repeat the success of the tactical sleepwear and And it wasn't that big a success But he's hoping that he couldn't replicate it, you know that the that that The people those people who bought it because it was a joke to them. Yeah. Um, he's like, how can we get those people to buy a second thing or try to take it seriously? I want to tell you, it means a lot to me that you just conceded that it, that it, it was a joke.

So that's, that's, that's a big win for me. That what, that I want? You conceded that it was a joke, given that I pitched as a funny idea. You've fucked up there, and you handed me a big win. Andy, I like seeing you get W's. Thank you.

I love Andy, if it was me, you would be made entirely out of W's None of the other W's of course down here in Australia. That's what we call a wallaby That's what we call an M. Yeah, that's right Is bloody upside down that's right Yes Anyway, oh we forgot to promote our thing right at the top. That was a one thing we had to do.

How did we forget that? Um, it was so easy. We mentioned it moments before. Okay. So we still haven't done teleport because right after we did the podcast last week, my family got COVID all except for me all in the baby Who's no longer a baby is almost getting you know borderline to No, no, he's like 18 months 19 months something like that

But yeah, so then we had to delay Teleport that means please They're now the 10th and 12th of March is getting so close to comedy festival, we're in deep shit. We don't have time to be still be thinking about this. Yeah, that is absolutely true. Yeah, and so we're going to film it on the 12th and the ticket sales are and not high because also any ticket sales that we did have from the other one. We lost because all those kings got canceled. So please come on the 10th and 12th of March.

If you desperately, if you can't pay, we will just message us and we'll put a ticket aside. Right? It's no problem at all. We just would love for people to be there And we may as well if we're gonna do it. Yep, that's right. So yeah, come along Let's teleport. It's our award nominated show from the comedy festival last year These are possibly probably the last two performances that will ever occur

so We would love for you to come to it. Please. Yes. And now back to the Australia related sketch ideas. Now, what about we mentioned something when we're talking earlier today about how the name Santa went out of fashion. After everything that Santa Claus did. After the incident. But, you know, because that's often something that you hear after an atrocity.

Yeah. Right. You know, you don't hear of many kids called Eddie Armin. Well, this is what we've learned that the same thing happens after an enormous generosity, the opposite of an atrocity. Exactly. And so it's not necessarily what the atrocity is. Do you think anyone during an atrocity has ever said, oh, this is a treasious.

Oh. Oh. Absolutely a treasurer. I am a ropeable. This is a ropeable velocity. A ropeable, a blossoming. That's right. See her hungry.

I'm great, smothered, mate. Alistair, sorry, yes. But yeah, Santa has gone out of fashion as a name. And although I was going to say, and this might apply equally broadly to positive things, but because I was going to say that, and you apply equally broadly to positive things, but because I was going to say that, you know, and you don't hear a lot of people call Jesus these days, but you do in some countries, that is a popular name, you know, it's interesting

though, but that in the Western English-speaking world, we still call a lot of people after the disciples, not Judas so much, but the others. And- No, but he Judas. But not Jesus. Yeah, but they do that much. What do you mean?

Like the disciples, you say, I don't think they did enough. Well, I guess that's what I'm saying. Oh yeah, you're great. Yeah. They're like, even though they're in there, but the big guys, the big two, the big J, the two J. Jesus and Judas. Double J. Do you think if Jesus and Judas had a baby, they would have had a person who was pretty

average? That's how average people were made. Because, because do you think like, don't you think if we were all made in God's image, we'd all be pretty incredible? Yeah. But how could God cause all these mediocre people, all of us to be made? Well, that's all about the same components. God. That's right. And that was an atrocity that occurred when Jesus made a baby with Judas. And yes. That's how you. Oh, and that's probably why I'm going to hang on. I've got to let mom into the house. I'll stay keep doing that's probably when God banned men and men having babies together.

Do you think Andy? No, I know, but I was saying do you think that that's when God... So do you think that Alistair? Yeah. That was on the other side of the room. Oh, I realized that I can still hear you, but are you popping the top things you're doing? Yeah, you can still hear me, but not the good people at home, but Alistair.

It's a good one. You know how this is the sleep episode of the podcast? Yeah. But I think you should write that down. I think that's a sketch idea. All right, I think as maybe our next show will be biblical scholars coming up with, you know, new theoretical teachings

based on the contents of the Bible. But I thought that if you don't mind me changing the topic to another sleep-related idea, perfect idea. How, you know, there are public toilets, right? There are public kitchens, you know, in sort of barbecue areas, that kind of thing. But there's no public beds, is there?

And I think a sort of, you know, you're going along in town suddenly. You're desperate for a nap, right? You go into one of those public bedrooms, right? And it is absolutely disgusting. You go into one of those public bedrooms, right? And it is absolutely disgusting. They're all really vile, right? But like you do when you go into it.

It's just like eye bookers everywhere and like puddles of drool for people. Yeah. Yeah. On the pillows, that kind of thing. But you get, you know, and there's a box of tissues next to the bed and you get those tissues. And like you would with a, you know,

laying toilet paper down on the seat of the toilet, you know, you make a little, you lay some little tissues down on the pillow before you put your head down. And you, you know, in your little, I don't know if there are cubicles or if it's more adormous. Probably just a paper tissue pillow cover. Yeah, well, that's, that's, that would be preferable, but it is not as, it doesn't, it doesn't, it doesn't fit my analogy quite as well. Sure, sure, sure.

I think I was just making it fit in the way that they're in America, they would sometimes give people those, those toilets, see chaped. Every time I've seen those, I've really wanted those. I would, I wish we had that here, right? Yeah. Because it really is gross. I mean, what I would really want is for you to have inner peace and don't think that you're going to get diseases from toilets.

Well, because I mean, it doesn't stop me. It doesn't stop me from using them. It doesn't stop me from using public toilets. I still do all the time. I'm not one of those people who doesn't use them, but I just feel sad about it, right? And then I forget about it.

It's fine, until it happens again. What I've discovered makes me much more unhappy is now that I have three small kids taking them to the toilet. When it's just you and three small kids and you're like, you take them into the toilet, and you're like, don't touch anything. And then you realize so quickly how much kids just touch everything.

Yeah. You don't think of them as touching stuff that much, like an unusual amount when you're in your everyday life, until you go into and absolutely vile public toilet. You're like, oh, you're just constantly just rubbing your hands on things, aren't you? You're like, freaks. Everything's touching up, opening the door. Yeah. But like closing the door even. Oh, you're putting your hand in the bin, are you? Great.

Yeah, you. Yeah. Inside under the toilet seat. Yeah. Oh, I'll be there. I'll be under the rim. No, okay. Oh, under the rim. Didn't even know you could go in there.

Actually, you know what, in terms of places in the toilet, under the rim, probably one of the cleanest. What is the sleep-based thing? Oh, that's right, public beds. Oh, yeah. Well, Andy, that takes us to three words from a listener. Now, Andy, some people have signed up to our Patreon recently. And it's been so lovely.

But that's a special blessing. Thank you. Well, it's been, you know, and people have been going for the big one. You know, because you know, there's the $3. But that's a special blessing. Thank you. Well, it's been, you know, and people have been going for the big one, you know, because you know, there's the $3, $1, and the $8 one, right? But people have been going for the big one. Swinging for the, there's, there's Matt and there's, you know, Luke, Luke also did it, you know, and then some other people shared some words. But not all those people who signed up have shared words with us, either sent us words

on Patreon. But also we're in need of more three words. Look, if you've sent me three words, I don't have many more. All right, if you gave them to me and I, they gone, man, they're gone. It's, it's a whole follow-up part. And I'm sorry. All right, the whole system is crumbled. It's the time for a new system. Well, now my new system is, I'm just going to read out the most recent one that someone sent me. Not always, but that's just because I don't have very many right now. And so I got one that was sent to me earlier today from Andrew Smurnyotus. Andrew Smurnyotus.

Yeah. I hope I'm saying that correct. I don't know what we've done to deserve you, Andrew Smyrnyotis. But thank you. Thank you, Smyrnyotis. Thank you for these magnificent three words that Andy will now have to guess.

Ah, okay, first word. Would you like to guess the first word? Yeah, yeah, the first word is estrogen. Estrogen? Estrogen. Eastrigen? Eastrigen. Do you know what he said? Eastrigen. That's absolutely incorrect.

The first word is precious. Okay. It's got some of the same letters. No, you're right. A little bit of the same mouth feel. So I feel like I'm on the right track. Pressure, Eastrigen, yeah. There's like the E's and the S's.

Yeah. And the O, in the O's, in the C. So, okay. Next word is probably recirculating. Oh no, Andy. No, no, no, no, no. It is atomic. Okay.

Precious atomic. Youth? Youth? No, but you were getting close. It feels like it's youthful in the pasta world world. This one is carbonara. Forever young, carbonara. That is a genuinely, you've selected beautifully from the random pool. Oh, absolutely. But it's just been so lovely that somebody really went through the dictionary, you know,

not just staying in the A's, you know, they actually then flipped on, you know, probably what like a, I would say, with like 7% of the way through and then, and then surprise themselves by then going probably another 30% through, maybe 40% through. To find the peas. Precious. Precious. Atomic. Carbonara.

Yeah. I mean, there was that period of time that Alan and I are very fond of when they just added radioactive material to everything. On the basis that, well, this has got a lot of energy and it must be good. And it makes things glow. And that must be good for you. That's got to be good. It must have health effects.

Well, I guess if it makes you radiate and you think of radiation, radiating as being a positive, some kind of health, um, positively radiant people would say, you look radiant today. Well, you know, what is, well, what is also a carbonara? Something that you're supposed to not make with cream. Really? Same, I think so. I think the classic carbonara has like just egg and pen cheddar or whatever.

Okay. Well, I'm learning. Yep. And you're also not supposed to make, were you about to go on and say you're also not supposed to make like atomic things with cream. Exactly. Nothing like, especially like, you know, very, and that's what makes them, you know, because

I guess if you had did make them with cream, it would put them within the realms of much more achievability. Do you think that this would be a good personality trait for me to develop, which is that maybe I'll become, this could be my new thing, right? I'm going to become a guy who every time somebody says the word atomic in the sense of like an atomic bomb or atomic power or something like that. I'm going to say, well, technically everything is atomic. I think that's good. Yeah. So like atomic bomb. Actually, every bomb is atomic because all bombs are made from atoms. I think that's really good.

Yeah, cool. Cause, and is an atomic bomb? Is what's happening really that the atom is splitting? Is that what's happening? I think that is the case, yeah. Oh, sorry, I dropped out a character there for a second. It's gonna take a while until I get it done. No, every bomb is atomic.

So they all have to do it in different ways. Yeah. I think this character is gonna be really sexy. I think he's gonna get a lot of action. What about how does he feel about electron microscopes? Actually technically every every microscope contains electrons. Does it move on to anything else? Like a kitchen blender?

No, actually every blender is from in the kitchen. Actually, every blender, I mean, the flip side of it is that you can then add the word atomic to anything that you want. So you could talk about, I'm going to use my atomic blender now. I think this could be really exciting. I'm going to go to the atomic toilet. Yeah, that's cool. And I think that even just hearing that would accelerate the space age, the age in which we all go up and live in space.

I think people would feel more confidence with leaving the earth knowing that everything was atomic. Yeah, you're right. I mean, I think a lot of people sitting around being like, when is the future gonna get here? Right? Well, the future can get here tomorrow if we just start putting the word atomic in front of things.

We're gonna all feel a lot more futuristic. What about nuclear? Sure, sure. I mean, what do you think that's so, that the nuclear age has passed? Well, actually that word is a little bit scary. I feel like atomic still is a bit more generic, doesn't have quite the same negative associations. And it's just, I am going to go and visit my atomic grandma. Yep, sure.

And kiss a rock or atomic lips. Touch, touch my tongue to her atomic tongue. Hmm, that's right. I don't know if the listeners can tell but halfway through this podcast, I put a hat on. I could tell. I wonder if you can hear the difference. So Andy is the atomic thing gonna be our idea? The guy,

I mean, look, that guy who uses atomic for everything. Yeah. Um, yes, that is our sketch idea. Yeah, I'll answer that. That is it. Could this guy, I mean, any way, I just,

you're absolutely welcome. Um, I mean, the fact that everybody, you know, it could be that people don't, you know, they make fun of them probably. Oh, no, I think what it is is that it does make him genuinely very sexy. People find it like everybody, somebody all over here, a beautiful person from the other side of the room will over here him correcting somebody on the use of the word atomic

and you just see them like melt and they like they have to be close to this person. And then, you know, maybe the rest of their personalities not that good, but like whenever they correct somebody with the atomic thing, it gives them a bit of a thrill. And, you know And they'd almost be begging them to do it. Do it again. Say atomic. But then I think the fact that it does push us into a greater age, trusting science and going up into space and then leaving

our home behind. I mean, he could be, maybe he's been corrupted by some company that is trying to, like not corrupted, willing, like knowingly, he's just been exploited. Co-opted. Co-opted.

Co-opted. You're using the way that he, his appeal on people, because everybody thinks it's incredible. Yeah, you're right. Everything is atomic. Like that. It is an're right. Everything is atomic, like that. It is an atomic toilet, like that.

Yeah, I love this catching on and being really embraced. I'm sorry that I keep going back to the sexiness angle. Very beautiful people, you know, latch onto them. But I think like, you know, somebody wanting him to do that in bed to refer to everything as the atomic this and the atomic that, in a sexual context, because they also find that very thrilling. The atomic this and the atomic that?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. And then these other people, I guess, use him to lure people off the earth and then makes them they all have to You know work on this sort of near dead island and try and What's that word for when you turn a planet and make it live a form? Terraform it they have to terraform it. Yeah, but because they're using the words it to make everybody's really really into it Yeah, they because they're using the word atomic, everybody's really, really into it. Yeah, they're like, yes, we're gonna make this planet atomic.

Well, we've moved to an atomic planet. But then the guy who came up with it originally would feel that had been corrupted because he'd be like, well, yeah, every planet's atomic. But yeah. And then he has to figure out a new word. Once you, maybe he becomes aware of the scam that other people are running.

You know, at some point, everybody's still, you know, in this euphoria of atomic, and they're just essentially moving rocks around or trying to break big blocks of Like ice carbon dioxide so that they can shoot it off the planet, you know, so to turn them and And he just notices that actually while everybody smiling They're all physically struggling a little bit from having worked like this for a long time and that the long nature of Mars. Yeah and and then of course you know he starts to look into it a little bit more and he looks at maybe some of the documents that he'd signed and things like that and he notices

that it all just says quite bad things, and that their plans are not good. And so then he starts looking for new words. But none of them are quite the same, are they? Not quite the same, but he lands on something like cosmic or cosmos. Physical. Space, physical.

And then he tries to bring it back. He tries to make it happen again. But they're like, why are you saying that other word? And then he fails. But now I think he said. He said, I think we would have loved the shit out of this idea. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. And then he said, and then they're all they just get stuck in. It's about capitalism in some way. Yes, about capitalism. About how everything new and exciting is co-opted and exploited.

And cheapened,ened, ultimately. I think I was, my downfall was trying to Google a Thisaurus for the word atomic and not coming across any good words while I was trying to tell the story. The good story. Yeah. You did great.

Well Andy and Andrew Smerneotis Smerneotis, can you please tell us how to pronounce your last name? No, no, no, I'm really happy with everything with the current situation. What could it be? Smerneotis Smerneotis Good me reading it backwards Merniatus Good mate. We're reading it backwards.

Scytoin rips. Scytoin rips. Eliscaid. Okay, let's go through the sketch ideas. Okay. We got the analog species, audio files. They stick a needle in earth and listen. You know, that's a weird one, but you know, so.

And then we got tactical sleepwear. You know, we got the armor on it. We got the catapult on there that throws you back. Then we got the tied chart, young buck, splits, splits earth. So there's something new for him to do because all the tied charts have already been done. This is, I mean, I love, I love this, this is my favorite bit of the podcast. Is it that I've already forgotten all these ideas and they really hit me a new and I enjoy, I enjoy it.

And then we got the knockout for sleep to wake up seconds later. That's can be done with an MMA fighter bride or something or maybe just to somebody that you get in. You know, like, you know, rich people who like, I like, I never wash my own hair, it's crazy. Like, you know, it's crazy that I had to wash my own hair when I was in lockdown or whatever. Rich people say.

I got to think. Yeah, when people don't wash their own hair. Last year when I think it was when, not this time, but who was that top tennis guy that got deported this year? Novak. Novak. It was either his or Tomics wife or girlfriend at the time was stuck in hotel quarantine and

You know before the the tennis open last year when you know we weren't our borders went open and And she's like, oh, it's crazy. I've had to wash my own hair Yeah, I found the same thing. I was like I can't believe I have to scrape my own bowl bag Did you find that? Yeah. Get all of that. That tar. Sort of tar, tar. Did you say tar as well?

Yeah. Oh my God, we both did it at the same time. I think the record will show that I said it a bit before you. Well, I want you to know that I was thinking wax and I was trying to think gunk and then I said tar at exact same time that I heard you say tar but only after I'd started saying it. Okay. Anyway, fuck it all right. Then we got average people were made when Jesus and Judas had a baby,

which is why God put an end to that kind of thing. That kind of thing. Well, babies being made by two men. And don't write in to tell us that this doesn't work in the chronology of the Bible. Babies being made by two women. And then we got public beds, gross that are gross. public beds, gross that are gross. Yep. And then we've got guy who uses atomic for everything. You go into one of the bed cubicles and there's like somebody in the next bed cubicle over like snoring really loudly and stuff. Yeah, there's somebody's like pajama bottoms just scrunched down the bottom underneath the dooners. They're just left there. Oh, that is so fucked. That's actually the worst thing I could imagine. That's so much worse than somebody having pissed the bed. Oh, you got weird bodies though.

I think it's actually funny, there would be public pajamas and come with these things. Really good. Put those on. All right, let's wrap this up. All right, remember you can buy tickets to teleport. B-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D-D sleep where you went through it. Okay, great. I wasn't listening to that bit. I was tactically sleeping. Thank you so much for listening to In The Thing Tank.

We really do appreciate that. You did that thing to it and us and of. And we would like you to follow us on Twitter. I'm Matt Stewart, I'm Andy Hease at Alistair TV. We are at To In Tank. You can listen to the pop test. There's a, the most recent episode has Matt Stewart on it, friend of the show, we're at two in tank. You can listen to the pop test. There's a read, the most recent episode has Matt Stewart on it, friend of the show, FOTS. Oh, it's a very funny episode.

And I might be recording an episode of Do Go On next week as a tie-in episode, a special tie-in episode if I can get myself together. So it's going to be a very tight end. Positively entangled, maybe even tired in that was one of the sleep episode. Thank you very much. Take care. Hope your lives are good. Don't forget comedy festival also has shows, but then we love you. Bye. Daddles. See ya. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including

the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu The GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu