Two In The Think Tank - 326 - "MOURN THE LIFE"

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

Get Tickets to TELEPORT, 2 nights only (Mar 10 & 12), at Fringe Rebound HERE (please)Sketches TBCTickets are also available to "My" "Client" "Is" "Innocent" at MICF from the end of MarchYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastJoin the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereVegan and gluten-free thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time my computer career.edu.

Alistair I mean Andy. Yeah. I was wondering if I could just put a simple message out there. Hey why don't you listen to the pop test which is our science comedy quiz which is from a radio national. Yeah, why don't you listen? Why don't you listen to our podcast, the pop test? Anyway, there's lots of amazing episodes like Marie Curie, electricity. You want to know how that works? Yeah, you can listen to the electricity episode and listen to me confront my first year university

lecture about some marks that I got for an assignment in 2002 or didn't get. I don't know. Ah, yes. Now, now they really have to listen. Now also, if you're listening today, and I hope you are listening in the present day rather than, you know, in the future in the past, because that would be crazy. You could either go see teleport on the 10th or 12th of March. Those are the last two times we're gonna do it on the 12th we're filming it. And also, my client is innocent. Well, is on sale for Comedy Festival.

And that ticket's already selling for that. And you know what, if you really want to see more me that without Andy, if that's your more your thing, but seeing me with somebody from another podcast like Do Go On, then me and Matt Stewart are doing a show called Hong Kong Habahaba Ringa Ding Ding, and it's just a split stand up show. And I want you to know that every ticket you sell

is a dagger through my heart, I'll say. But if you want to also put a dagger, if you want to put a dagger in Andy's hand as well through the financial contribution that will allow them to buy knives, then come see, my client is innocent. Boots, boot, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, tricking the glass of water out. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Bichel. And before we started the podcast, Alistair came up with a very tantalizing sketch idea, which is why do they call it headphones?

Because surely the phone is a phone for your head. That's right. Alistair, I just want them to know that we're just as funny off the podcast. And... But it did make me think that the existence of headphones does suggest the existence of phones for other parts of the body. And the handphone, the leg phone, the ball phone. And the phone that's on, on this, the sports equipment that you play.

And then whoever scores a goal gets to keep the phone. That's exactly correct, yes. Anyway, something to think about there, just a little fun. I guess they're all burner phones if you count, if you're talking about the time and quality of life that you lose to them. I guess they're all burner phones if you think about what the thermal radiation is doing to your neocortex. And did they have improvement that? They haven't proven that they haven't proven that they haven't proven that. But my mom does send me emails that emails that you get on your phone. Did I get on my phone and I don't trust anything on my phone because it's burning my

neocortex. No, but what, you know, what that means is that every email that your mom sends, assuming that you have your phone next to your ear, is that every email that your mum sends, assuming that you have your phone next to your ear, every email that your phone receives is actually damaging your brain. If she's right, if she's right, and that could be the thing that tips you over into full blow and brain death. Imagine if I fully brain died. Do you think would you come visit me Andy? I would come visit you and I would scoop out your brain with a big melon baller and

I would give it a brain funeral. I think we'd have nice little, but just about your brain. You know what I think you should do. You should hook me up. Well, I mean, okay, you could hook me up. I mean, hook me up won't do anything. If you just passed, passed all of our episodes, we've done 325 through one of those deep learning things. And if it can go on the fly, right, real time, baby, you could have it respond things to what you say that feel like the kind of things I would say. I think I think this is very possible. And I think they might not all sound like words. No, but I mean, some of the things you say don't.

That's good too. Yeah. And then you would do an episode. Well, I'll keep doing the podcast with a simulation of your brain. It'll be harder to justify to your family. Yes, but probably there'd be less audio issues because I imagine the brain will be already inside a computer, so that's just one less interface that I have to manage. And probably it'll be able to be switched on, unless I have to book super computer time, but maybe it'll make scheduling

the podcast easier. You know what, this is starting to sound really good. And I think that we should just come up with two of these simulated brains and let them do the podcast together. Well, you know, maybe if anybody notices, that would be a real... But you know, I am trying to leave, I'm trying to leave two in the thing tank as my, it'll be my legacy for my kids to listen to when I die as in just just to replace me or to for them to have something to hear of me or to feel better about the fact that you did Yeah, that'll be that'll be fine or to feel To feel good about it. Is that was that what you were suggesting? Yeah, that's exactly what I mean I guess either way to console themselves would also help them feel better about the fact that

I guess either way to console themselves would also help them feel better about the fact that I'm dead. Yeah, that's true. I mean, they're both two different ways. I guess one is to make yourself feel like I'm not such a good person in the first place, and then the other one is just to soothe your own sadness. Yeah, and the point is that both positive outcomes, only good can come of this. Yeah. That's what we're saying.

So is there a sketch idea in anything that we've said so far? Well, okay, what about this? It's a funeral where, you know, because, look, people, there's two ways funerals go at the moment, right? Yeah. One, mourn the death. That's one. Two, celebrate the life.

Yeah. Right? Nobody's out there celebrating the death. That's one. Two, celebrate the life. Yeah. Nobody's out there celebrating the death. Nobody's organizing a funeral where all the life. To all the life. To all the life. Yeah, or two exactly.

To all the life that celebrate the death. Nobody is organizing a eulogies where somebody gets up there and just lists a bunch of reasons why it's good that the person has died. Negative experiences that they've had with them. I mean, I want, I want, yeah, I mean, I think that's a gift to give people. People leave the funeral, little spring their steps saying, you know what, it's not such

a bad thing after all. That's right. That really put a fresh spin on it. Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe you could have... They're called mirror... They're called mirror funerals where, you know, first you... first you, you're more in the death and celebrate the life. And then you get all you're crying out because you probably need to do that just to release attention or something like that. No, you're absolutely right. But then there's a half time show.

Intermission. You know, maybe, maybe, be on site, do it. Yeah, and then some drinks and stuff like that. And then, and then you do the second half, which is then you mourn the life and celebrate the death. And that's when you tell all the stories about the times when they were jerk and things like that. And, you know, and that's when allegations come out and different things like that. Or you intermingle them and you do one positive, one negative, you know, and you then you let the audience, the audience, I do think of them as an audience at a funeral. Well, you let them judge. And then you compliment Sandwich it.

Yeah, but then that still means you're ending on a positive or a negative. Yeah, see, I do kind of want to end it on a negative. Yeah, I think for it to be interesting enough as a sketch idea, I negative? Yes, I do kind of want to end it on a negative. Yeah. To be interesting enough as a sketch idea, I want it to be ultimately a bit of a roast. Yeah, well, for the sketch idea, I don't know if it, I feel like it needs to have the full, the full spin, so you can exaggerate that second half rather than the have the intermingling. I think the intermingling works more practically. If you're doing this as an idea in real life, but I think to have have just people, some people, people, shitting on a guy. The second half of his funeral so that they can leave feeling better about themselves

and about, you know, how good it was that the person's no longer with them. Anyway, I've written it down. I'm just trying to think of a pun name for the eulogy, the negative eulogy. And so far, the only one I've come up with, I don't want to tell you. So why? Because it's, well, it's poulogy, the poulogy. Sure. So do you understand now why I didn't want to tell you? Was it because you don't like projecting yourself as being too perfect?

And that's right. That you don't, you want people to be able to see you as having flaws? Exactly, exactly. Yeah, I understand that. Yeah, thanks. And, you know, what about this? What about this? When a baby is born, little preemptive, um, your legit, little, a few prophecies. Are you going to get together? You know, some people and just have a guess. I mean, that would be great. When a baby is born, everybody gets to have a bit of a bet on.

Because we don't really have sooth sails anymore. We don't really have, you know, we don't take too seriously the word of psychics and that sort of thing. But what we are interested in is a little bit of a punt. And we do look at the betting markets and that sort of thing. And I think it would be great.

When a baby is born, somebody runs a book on it, okay? And they, everybody can bet on, you know, they know the parents, they know the pedigree, they know the form, bet on exactly what that child is going to achieve in their life. And, you know, you don't tell the kid, you know, until maybe... 18th birthday?

45. Okay, 45. All right. Well, I mean, I think you want them to have had, let's be honest, Alistair. A bit of Adelaide life. 45's not that far away for you and I, and we all know by that point, there's no further illusion that you're young and have the potential to do anything really other than a slightly more disappointing version of everything you've done already.

Sure. a slightly more disappointing version of everything you've done already. And so by that point, you can sort of close the books, tally up, you know, everybody's, everybody's takings. And what would be nice is that, you know, there's a rather than the bookie-taking percentage, the person who everyone made the bets about, they get a little percentage. So even if everybody cleaned up on bets that they would turn out to be a useless piece of shit, they get our 50 bucks. But then your dad pays out, or your mom, your parents pay out, is that what it is? Or do you have to pay it out? If you're the loser, then then you got to pay out. I was like, I guess, well, I guess you only got to pay out if people thought that you were going to be a loser

or your parents have to pay out. If you turn out to be a loser, and obviously this not a lovely term. Well, I mean, normally the money comes from the bookmaker, right? Like, they set the odds for the various different things. Sure. So, you know, if the bookie knows what they're doing, it just comes out of the you know, the general pool. On average, people lose money, so the bookmaker's doing okay. And,

yeah, I think it's all good. Yeah, I think, yeah, but you're right. You do want to do like a bat, the parents would take and then they would sort of try to shape your life accordingly. I mean, it does feel like something that if a parent was a Terrible gambling addict that they would be there at the birth of the child taking bets from From people around, you know Maybe they had didn't want to know that the gender of the child, the sex of the baby, so they've got bets on that, but then as soon as it comes out, right,

they settle up there and then they're on to betting on the next thing. Left handed or right hand? I just think it's a great way of raising funds to be getting when you're starting a family. Right? You can get some bets. Some bets go down as a way to get you started as a family. Right? And so you can get some bets. Some bets go down as a way to get you started as a family.

And you take them from all the people. But you also get a good idea of what people think of you. Like, I guess if they go, I think people probably had a polytens, everybody would probably bet that your kid will grow up to be very successful. Or at least happy. Yeah, and then, but then, no, but the, I just find the idea of betting on a child's happiness,

future happiness. Yeah. I find that very funny. Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then, I guess if they're successful, then you pay them out. And then that means that you're probably likely to have more money, I suppose, if your family is successful or, you know, and then, but then if they're, if they had bet that

they were going to be a loser, and I'm a loser, Then you only have to pay them out if they aren't happy and lose. So then you've got a little bit of incentive. You got an incentive to be happy. Yeah. I think so. I think that's good. Take a little bit.

But then would you? Have they tried this as a treatment for depression, right? I think that's good. Take a little bit. But then would you... Have they tried this as a treatment for depression, right? Take a little bit, bet people that you'll be happy in 12 months' time. And now you've got some... Now you're making it interesting. Now you've got some money on the line. You've got a really incentive to turn things around. Just saying. Yeah, no, I hear you.

Hmm. I looked into it. Well, I so like, you know, let me just write this down. So it's like the baby bet. But I mean, I like baby bet. I think where the sketch is on this is that you're, you're a parent who is a bit of a, you know, a gambler. And then you take this bet and everybody is, you know,

been very nice, and they've bet that your kid is going to be successful. And then it's getting to this whatever age, maybe 45, right? And they are doing quite well. Yeah. And then you have to find a way, because you're not doing as well due to your gambling. Right. You have to find a way to sabotage your kids. Sabotage your child. Your child's success in order to, so you don't have to pay out big because those are probably great.

It's a great twist in, you know, a great reveal in a way, in the story of somebody's life. You're wondering what's going on while this stuff seems to have been going badly recently. And then you discover it's actually you're being actively sabotaged by your gambling addicted parents. That's fun. That's a fun idea. That's a fun idea. That's fun. That's like, that seems like a, you know, like a comedy.

It's gonna be as good as that tag one. Are you reckon? Oh. Yeah. You know? That was called Tag 2018. Is that right? Is this a movie where people are still playing a game of tag from when they were a lot younger.

Yeah, it's about a small group of former classmates who organize in a elaborate annual game of tag that requires some travel all over the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I remember tag. It's got John here and egg helms. Mmm. Ham and egg. It's a good combo. Hag and M and wait.

Yeah. Baby bet. I'm gonna write film. This is a whole film. Mmm. Great. I mean, it's, you know, it's also a good business idea. Sure. I can picture the baby bet ads right now.

Yeah. Let's make this interesting. Child, you're child's just been born. Yeah, no, I'm just trying to find a way, you're terrible gambling. I'm just trying to find a way to make it a bit more interesting for myself. Isn't that a fun way to refer to your child's entire life?

Well, when they're babies, it's often there's a lot of boring stuff. It's a lot of sitting around just having to watch this puddle of meat. Yeah. That is a great way to refer to a baby lying on its back, unable to really move itself and just sort of wobbling around. Is that your own little terminology? Yeah, I think that puddle of meat might be mine. Puddle of meat. I mean, it's also a little bit cute.

I mean, that's perfect. That's perfect. I must dare. You got to do something with stay. You got to do something with that. You got to do something with this puddle of meat. Yeah. Call your next comedy festival show, puddle of meat. Puddle of meat. Yeah. And then if anybody has said puddle of meat before, they've never done with the click puddle of meat. I was watching. I was watching. I was watching my kids dance concert. And you know, it was part of a bigger concert where all these other dance classes were doing their performances.

And there were two classes of different age groups, groups of girls, mostly, who did dances to the Adam's family theme song. So wait, wait, they of girls mostly. Yeah. Who did dance as to the Adam's family theme song? So wait, wait, they're letting girls dance now. Yeah. Okay. Girls. Girls.

Yeah. So we're two to the, deadlet, deadlet, deadlet, deadlet, yeah. Deadlet, deadlet, deadlet, yeah. Yeah, I know the one I Mean I just wouldn't have expected that in this the year of our Lord 2022 To that that would happen twice

Yeah, well, you know that they they have to keep those They have to keep making movies of those because to keep them to keep the rights Whoever the studio is that do does that so they they they have to keep them in of those because to keep the rights, whoever the studio is that does that. So they have to keep them in the forefront. And there is an animated series coming out at the moment. Is that why? Is that why?

Because they're trying to keep the rights to it? I think so, yeah. I think they got to keep them active. Yeah, right. It's like when somebody has hyperthermia and you can't let them go to sleep. Right? I think is that kind of thing?

Like a concussion? Concussion, that's it, concussion. Yeah, when they get a con. Come on. Yeah, no, I'm with you. Yeah, I like that. But I do let them go to sleep because I think they need the rest.

I actually think people are overreacting. And so, Andy's phone has hung up again. I'm sure Andy's talking, so. Yes. Terrific. I assume that you were continuing to talk throughout that. I was not continuing to talk throughout that, so I'll cut that out. It's at around 21 minutes and 30 seconds.

Okay. That's a big pause. What were we discussing? The Adam's family race. Oh, yeah. And keeping the rights to things. I mean, the idea of having to keep making something in order to keep the rights to it is really good.

And it's a, I mean, isn't it, it wouldn't it feel good to be on one of those projects where you just know you're only doing it to, to keep the rights alive? The money, you know, every, every, the entire thing is just a charade. What is the, what is the, I guess what is the worst version you could do of something? Is there any way to turn this into a sketch idea? Well, of, Sure.

I mean, I guess now you're starting, it feels like you're almost going down the producer's line. Yeah, sort of, but I'm wondering, like, could it just be an old bloke sitting on a chair, right? Sort of describing the plot to you, right? He's coughing a lot and that sort of thing, but they have to release it into Sidermost, and this is just a formality, right? But he's there, he's sort of, he's in

his underpants, he's on a chair. And this, that, you know, we reach a point in the future where every film is being made just to keep the rights alive for different things. So, yes, and so that they don't lose them to somebody else. Yeah. And they also have to release them into a certain number of cinemas. And they, but because they're having to do this now for so many things, there's no budget to make any of them properly. And this standards have just collapsed down to this certain point where it's just getting worse and worse and worse.

And then, yeah, so a guy, he's got a real chest infection. And he's sitting this old chair. He's tired. He's doing this. Is this for people who are trying to keep the chest infection rights? The rights to chest infection. The rights to chest infection movies.

And publishing. I mean, it's only a matter of time before somebody makes a start buying rights to diseases. I mean, honestly, if the moment that coronavirus had been discovered in Wuhan, a rights team had got over there and said, we love this. We're going to buy the rights to this disease. Well, if the lab... Instead of, you know. The lab had claimed responsibility.

Yeah. Then they would be able to sell the rights, probably. They go, yeah, that is a virus. Well then this is a bit like, it was a bit like OJ writing that book. If I did it, he is what I did. Yeah. I think the Wuhan lab,

forology lab, should try and take back control of the narrative. Now that they've seen how big it is, and now if they know that there's money in it, maybe they will try and get on board. If you want my virus to appear in your thing. I think that's a really good idea. You know, the fucking Monsanto man, they are suing farmers just because their crops got accidentally pollinated with Monsanto's genetically modified canola.

Yeah. And what is getting a respiratory illness, if not getting a lungs pollinated by somebody else's? Mucous droplets. So, movie rights. Yeah, so I mean, I guess if you had engineered that virus, you could then sue, I guess, all the victims of the virus as well for stealing your copyrighted material. Do you think that a new creative content?

A single movie should just be spelled MOVY? Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. I think more things should... We should really have a big meeting and consolidate a lot of the spelling of a lot of words. Or just like... Or not just cons...

I think the consolidating will create more problems. I think what we do is we widen the acceptable spelling Okay, so that we go movie can be both MoVy MoViE MoVi M.O.O. V.W. That's probably the closest one. It's the most realistic.

Yeah, you think so? Moo. V. Well then, what about M, U, V, Y? I like that one though. That one's fun. Because then also, it allows for accents as well. Because I think even if you just spell it, if you pronounce it Mavi,

it just sounds like you're from somewhere else, you're from somewhere exotic, like some town. Yeah, what does Mavi about? I think you're absolutely right. Get more spellings out there, get more pronunciations going, turn it all into just sort of a soup of meaning. Words don't have these hard boundaries between what they are and what the next word is. Everything's just sort of on a continuum. Well, everything will get its meaning from its context.

I want to continue them. Well, everything will get its meaning from its context. Yeah. And then you just got to, the only thing that will have to stop is presenting things without context. That's actually a really good point. Yeah. Yeah. That, you know, one of the big problems for misinformation in the modern day is people

taking things out of context, twisting their meaning. But one way to do that, one way to solve that problem is to talk so incoherently that you can only really understand any of it. Or if context. A very specific context. If context was encoded into into the spelling. So, you know, so good idea. You know, like, so we accept. You're talking about context tagging. Yeah. Every word. Yeah. And so let's say you do, let's say you do allow a big range of spelling, but then maybe then suddenly it

means certain things that one then that's actually, now that's probably taking that looseness of much more spelling and many more spelling opportunities and then encoding them with something means that you're actually going to have much more specific spelling for very specific contexts. Well, I had to say this, Alistair, but this could this be something that is sorted out via the blockchain. Basically, every time, every individual word that you say is, is then somehow uniquely linked to a sort of a, a number on the blockchain. And if you sort of click on the word, if you

thought, you know, words now are now no longer fungable, fungible, right? So you can trace any particular word back to where it was originally used. Well, yeah. So if you, yeah, I think every occurrence of a word is non-fungible. That's right. That's exactly what I'm hoping for. Yes. So I think maybe if we just had a world transcript, we probably don't even need blockchain. We just need a world transcript that is updated in real time. Update it in real time. And I mean, it's probably just like one,

just like the CIA have. Yeah. It's sort of like hand side, but for everybody, not just for parliament. Yeah, and it just, and then you get to see every time the word is used in what context and what it kind of means in that regard. And because what I like about the blockchain element of it is that if you then see a word

or a sentence anywhere, you can then click on that and it will take you to that unique location in the world transcript. Yeah. Well, I kind of am hoping for that kind of thing as well. It was I'm picturing more of a Wikipedia Yeah, I suppose you're right with things being hyperlinked and so when you copy something out of the Wikipedia You know the hyperlinks go with it And you can't break those hyperlinks so you can always get back to wherever you originally were Yeah not break those hyperlinks. So you can always get back to wherever you originally were. Yeah.

In the world transcript. And I think that if you click on the word, it can take you to a page about the word and what it means. And then it also links, it has then has a link to every time it has been used. And then you can, okay. And then you can, you know, so just a list, which you can then filter through location and times and things like that.

Yeah. So that allows you to be able to find them. Yeah. And then really good idea, you know, and then if you want to empathetically, that kind of thing. People can, if they want, write little reports about when that word was used in this particular time, reports about when that word was used in this particular time, occurrence and what that means, you know, what it was sort of how the word, you know, was used then, and that can then affect the broader, um, meaning of the original word. And it's all talking, you know, because I think the, the home page of that word

will describe basically the cloud of meanings and spelling. I was thinking of a cloud. Yeah, that basically you can, you know, every time you click on a word, it takes you to one of those big word cloud type things. And you might even be able to see that cloud moving across a field of meaning of the time. And as you go further out of the cloud, it becomes more transparent. And those meanings are the ones that have been used, but have been used much less. And so they're not as dense and kind of color.

You know, they're not as thick in their usage. And you know, how we're going to achieve this, everybody's going to have a chip in their tongue. People will start speaking directly into their thumb. They'll just hold it up in front of their mouth. Now, I said tongue, but thumb is is is even better. Okay, because I was picturing everybody giving a thumbs up. I'm doing it right now. And. I like that. I like talking into my thumb. Yeah, actually I'm having a really good time.

It's like talking into, it kind of looks like you're holding a mic. Although I'm closing my hand, but you don't have to. You can have a little shark fin. You can have a little shark fin above your thumb like this. Just talking into the tip. Like I guess you could do it to the side like that. Like a, you know, like it's a, I don't know, like a shark fin on its side.

And the only problem with that is that, you know, I guess while we're putting chips in the hand, it would also make sense to make them work for a telephone and then for you to be able to use the telephone sort of gesture with the little finger in front of your mouth and your thumb up near your ear. So I guess you almost want to have the microphone in your little finger like that, and then you're talking into it kind of like a Dr. Evil. Well you know what would be good,

if you had a second microphone in your pinky finger, as well as one in your thumb, then occasionally if you wanted to, you could sort of do a little shaka in front of your mouth and put your mouth in between the two mics and you could do some ASMR. If ever you wanted to. Right. You could have it in sort of a stereotype thing.

Exactly. Yeah, stereo. I guess you could, you know, have you ever seen those mics they use for ASMR where it's like, it's got a head and it's got, it looks a bit like a head with two ears on it. I have not. Well, they have those, but I reckon you could probably achieve that by just putting a couple of mics in your own ear.

Yeah, all right. So it's sort of like what it sounds like to you. Yeah. That would actually be really good. Yeah, the microphones should be in your ears. We've been going about this all wrong. We've been putting the headphones near the ears and the microphones near the mouth. But if I want to make something that sounds to you like it sounds to me, the microphones should be in my ears. Yeah.

Really good idea. Get them right in there. Get them deep next to the drum. Hmm, pressing up against the drum. They've got their own little ear and they, it's a little man. It's a little, it's ant man. Yeah. And he goes into your ear and he presses his ear up against your ear drum, right?

And he listens. And then he somehow records the sound as well. It's a little man in your ear. Well, I think there's another one. There's a needle, there's a needle, you get a needle attached to your ear drum. And then you have a tiny, tiny, tiny, little vinyl disk in there that turns around.

And so it's literally the vibrations of your eardrum that are scoring the groove in the analog vinyl recording of whatever the sound is that you're listening to. That's good. You know, you made me think about the idea of like each one of our senses having a little man or woman in there. And and they and those and they record that thing. So you have a sound recordist in your ear. And you have a smell recordist and a touch recordist who lives, you know, who moves around under your skin and things like that. I'm trying to picture how the smell recordist would work.

And what I think they're doing is they've been sitting in your nose. Right. And whenever they're small enough that they can see the the odor molecules coming in. Right. And they just grab like every six or seventh molecule and they pop it in their mouth and they go and then they make a note on a piece of paper. Yeah, I picture he they've got a they've got a butterfly net. And they catch them like that and then they put it in a little machine that kind of looks like something you know that they get they would use to analyze blood or something like that. Yeah. And they go it goes and then it says says like, that's a fecal matter.

Like that. And then it says, they use a little like, a little, Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,

ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, you know, maybe all the other senses get together. And they're, you know, they're maybe nursing him to sleep or doctoring them to sleep. I'm not sure. And to his death's sleep. Yeah. The big one. Yeah, let's see. Okay, wait, should I write this down?

Do you think? Yeah, sensory little people. Yeah, what the little people, I don't know what there is there, but. I mean, maybe one of them, maybe one of them starts to lose their mind. I was going to restate that I do like my idea of the guy and the nose has to pop the smell particles into his mouth. Yeah. I think it's particularly funny as well. But then one of them is fecal matter, and then he's gone, aww.

Yeah, you know. Sure, I mean, I think the exact mechanism how that would work. I think yeah, we haven't worked that out. And it could be your mouth one. It's just that, you know what that makes me think, Andy. What do you think would be my problem with that one issue? Even though it's very funny?

With the guy putting things in his mouth, when he's in the nose, well, you're probably thinking, well, what's in his mouth? That's right. That's right. And then, that there would have to be a point. And by the way, the taste would tell you the smell. I guess that's... Yeah. Well, taste would tell you the smell. I guess that's yeah. Well, it's part of the joke.

And then there's somebody in his mouth who grabs it and then listens to that particle. And they go, oh yeah, that's fecal matter. But then there's somebody in their ear who's taking a record cutting of that particle and then they listen to it. And then they go, oh yeah, that's poop and whatever. And then there's some,

I mean, maybe there's a little group of people who all sort of gather around the particle and analyze it in every way and then they try to come to some kind of consensus on what it is. I like to picture it through a bunch of ancient Greeks. In their togas. Yeah their Togas. Yeah.

Yeah. Great. Like that. And they're sort of like, you know, they've got, they've got, they've got broken off like nose hairs. And they're scratching, you know, images of what it could be in the, in the, in the, the sort of the mucus on the, on the nasal wall. Yeah.

They're going. Yeah. Great. So obviously for these little guys, their lifespan is very compressed, right? So they're doing this over very, very quickly. It seems to us. But to them, you know, it could take them weeks to identify each individual molecule. I also like all the those Greek men sitting around in your eye, looking at the shadows on the retina because it's very Socrates Plato's cave.

Yeah. You know. Oh my God, I hadn't thought about that. That what do you think looking is, oh, it is, it actually is a projection on a wall. And it's upside down. Yeah. Yeah, so they're all having to tip their heads

to try and guess what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so they're all having to tip their heads to try and guess what it is. Yeah. Yeah. And there's all these like, that's the problem, there's all these like blood vessels in the way as well. They kind of obscure the path, I think of the beams towards the back of the eye as well.

Yeah, it looked dodgy. So then they have to like, that's why they have to do the eye as well. Yeah, it looked dodgy. So then they have to like, that's why they have to do the error correction. Sensory little people in organs. Greeks. Greeks. Little Greeks. Well, they could be little Canadians

if you think it's, you know, a bit more appropriate. I don't, no. I think people would be much more comfortable. Oh, you don't believe that Greek people can live in Canada and be Canadian, okay. You know, you know what I think is I think people would feel actually a lot more comfortable knowing that it was little ancient Greeks in there because there's something about that sort of abstracted world of the ancient Greek philosophers that could make you feel less icky about it. I think if we knew it was a contemporary people's, modern people,

we'd feel too close to it. It would start to be weird. You know, I agree. I agree with the god they might have been exposed to To misinformation or something like that because the ancient Greeks. They never got anything wrong But yeah, but the but Andy I my question with the world transcript idea Yes, I was thinking you know in order for it to really be like a story or a story or a sketch, something has got to go wrong with it. Doesn't it? Yes. Kind of got to create this.

The whole thing is that you create this interesting idea, but then you realize, oh, it's flawed because of this thing that went wrong. What would go wrong with the world transcript? Well, it does sound like a lot of work. I mean, it would be quite monotonous, right? And very expensive and laborious. You don't think it would just be automated? And well, you know, maybe we all become so dependent on this.

Well, however it is, you know, using computer power or whatever it is, you know, there's a resource. There is some sort of resource being utilized. And it gets to the point where, as a society, we're quite dependent on this thing. And then the government basically says, look, the world transcript is getting overloaded, we need people to talk less. And we need to stop using up, I represent space in the transcript. The whole reason that you would do that is so that there was more accuracy, less ambiguity

and less, like less ability to abuse the truth. And and that at some point that would become become expensive to a point where it's non justifiable. And it could this could be the point where they do discover that because it actually is, you know, leading to destroy the planet. And obviously, there'd also be people who it would be in their interest to decrease the amount of truth in the world so that they could take advantage. Yeah, or they're just trying to expand the clouds so there'd be people who are trying, you know, sort of vandals, word vandals, who start really using words and completely incorrect contexts. To take over the center of the cloud.

So they use them in abundance in the incorrect way to change the meaning of words. They can drag the whole weighted average of the cloud and then through doing that change the meaning of words that people are using every day without them realizing. I mean, imagine if you definitely tried that. A word had changed meaning and nobody told you. Yeah, but luckily we've got this tracking system that is showing us how it changes

and what the new meaning is and how you're using it and things like that, which would be okay. Yeah, but people wouldn't be able to check it every day. You don't think so? I think you think put a limit on you. You can check it once a week. Const't think so? You think put a limit on you can check it? You can be able to check it. Constantly.

So you get up in the morning and you're going around using a word like ottoman. Yeah. Or, yeah, no, you're using the phrase footstool a lot. And people are laughing at you, right? Because you haven't checked in that the meaning of footstool has changed overnight. And you get called into the boss's office and they actually fire you for using the word footstool like that because it's now considered very offensive. So it's a story about censorship and freedom of speech. I guess it's cancel culture, maybe. I used to have a perfectly good meeting.

Oh, you can't say anything anymore. We can't even say footstool because now some people have hijacked it. They're right to, I mean, I'm blaming the right so that they can, because I mean, there is a bit of that stuff, isn't there, where they they like they pretend that cancel culture is just a left thing. And then they attack people for doing it. So if they could create more, I mean that's kind of what happened with the Ukraine thing, right? They were like, oh, well this is all we're good at talking about now. So could we say that Ukraine was in some way about cancel culture? Because it's kind

of the frame through which we look at things now. And it just shows how like removed they have been for so long from discussing anything in terms of actually what matters. Yeah. I guess weaning for that you had to actually what matters. Yeah. I guess weaning for... They've had their people in power. So they haven't had to criticize. You know, they haven't had to criticize people in power for a while.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. So one, two, three, four, five, Andy, we got five sketches. So you know what that means? We get to go to three words from a listener or a list. This is a real trait. List to ner.

That's something to do with lists. Well, Andy, so I don't know if you know this, but we got a Patreon and people can donate money if they want to. And people who donate three dollars, they can suggest words. And we get, we use them as inspiration. It sounds like a really good idea, we should do it.

All right, well, I'm starting. And so somebody has sent in words, Matt Costa. Matt Costa. I'm not sure if we've ever, I think this could be first time, you know, it could be like in a long time listener, first time, submitter. Well, let's be honest, Alistair,

they could have submitted the words several times by this point, and you just keep losing them. Yeah, that's very possible. But they sent in three words from a listener, and I think they sent it in from themselves, Matt Costum. So we are going to get you to see if you can guess what those three words are. Okay, first word is... Lessy. Lessy? Lessy.

Like somebody who gets least two? Yeah, that's right. How do you spell that? Lessy. L-E-D-L-S-E-D-L-E-S-D-L-E. Let me have a look. No, it's not that, sorry. The first word was... You should have rather said...

Rather than say, let me have a look, you should have said, well, let's see here. Ah, let's see. I really missed an opportunity. I apologize, but luckily you never missed an opportunity. Only by a few seconds. Let's see. I really missed an opportunity. I apologize, but luckily you never missed an opportunity. Only by a few seconds. Yeah, which I would consider it not missing. I think as long as it's done on pod, I think we, it's hit, that there was a bullseye.

You got it within the podcast. That's a hit for me. First word is, super. Dupa, second word is dupe, super dupe. Ooh, let me just check. No, that's incorrect. No, the second word is golf. Super golf? Super Gough. Not Gough with a F, not G-O-U-G-H, like Gough Whitlam, the former PM of Australia. I thought it was going to be Super Gough Whitlam.

I was actually really excited. No, I apologize. Not Super Gough Whitlam. It's G-O-T-H, named after the former Germanic tribe, I believe. Well, this is a great character though, Goth Whitlam. And maybe it's a drag character, I'm not sure, but it's Goth Whitlam, but as a Goth. I like that. Just calls everybody calm, raid. And other things.

Well, maybe, well, maybe we say Satan saved the queen. It's our goths into Satan. I don't know, probably, right? Surely a little bit of Satany stuff. I guess, maybe, maybe I I guess we gotta look into their ideology before we make bold claims like this. All right, I'll ask you. Then we got, do you wanna guess what the third word is before we do anything else?

Ah, super, golf. Mm, legume. Legume, oh, you know what, it's close in that it's a living thing. It's dog. Super-goth dog. Super-goth dog. Um, I mean, goth dogs already an interesting idea. I mean, dogs seem in a lot of the time the opposite of a goth.

You know, in that their emotions are so happy, a lot of the time to see you. They, let's see, they don't. Would you just be a cloth? It's really good. Really good. Gotthog. Gotthog. Super gotthog. Yeah.

But then with powers. So they're kind of key. Yeah. So I mean, do you think it's tail It's just always just hangs limp and sad Yeah, I mean, it's not sounding fun at the moment, but I think giving it powers Is is what's gonna kick us over here? So you know the ability to shoot a beam of darkness out of their eyes that I guess makes people sad.

Well, even the fact that a beam of darkness does seem like something pretty cool that they can suck light out of a room. You know, like to be able to shoot shadow, like at the deepest of shadows. Because you think about that, I guess if light couldn't penetrate through the deepest of shadows? Because you think about that. I guess if light couldn't penetrate through the beam of dark, then it would itself even just produce a shadow. Past a shadow. Past a shadow, yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty good. And I guess you could, even if it's not a beam, like a big sheet of darkness, right, that could just block the sun from particular areas. Well, like a manipulable sort of, like, like sort of 3D plane, like a big sheet, like a cape that you could

suspend a 2D plane. A 2D plane, but there's a kind of like fold over three dimensions? I guess it can fold if you needed to be able to fold. The dog has really started barking here since we started talking about super golf dogs. Interesting. I also though think a dog who makes people sad is good.

You know, a dog that runs up to you, you know, normally people get really excited to pat it and that sort of stuff, well, this is the dog that runs up to you and then makes you sad somehow. I do like that. Just the dog who makes people say, go, no, no, you're gonna come. We would see a day.

Yeah. It's like, oh my God, a doggy like that, and it gets close and suddenly it's just like everybody's life is almost sucked out of them like a de mentor does in those Harry Potter movies. Well, I guess it's kind of like that pug, that video that pug that stays into your soul. But like, you know, it does that and it like, it just doesn't stop basically. It makes you feel really bad. Yeah, it just gets into your head.

Oh, the dog really got into my head. Somebody think to say. Yeah, I like that. Dogway people said. And I think, but I think this idea like that there's a, a, you know, a goth, let's say it was just a goth superhero who could manipulate this sheet of darkness. It could be used as a beam, like a ribbon, but this also kind of like, you know, sort of like this cape of darkness that it could use, and it doesn't have any powers to strike

anything at that. But then, so anyway, all it does is bring darkness, and you know, I guess in a way can be used as a For invincibility in a way because not invincibility, but invisibility At least in the dark exactly what I was gonna say. Yeah If everything's completely dark then everything is invisible the only problem for them then is that they can't see anything either But if they had some sort of infrared beams Yeah, maybe an infrared Night goggles or something like that if they were some sort of infrared beams and maybe an infrared night goggles or something like that, if they were able to see in a different spectrum. Some kind of goth vision. And you know what, it would make drawing the cartoon really easy.

Oh yeah, absolutely, but then, you know what, this sheet of darkness could then be used probably to stop the planet warming up. And that's, you know, your classic hero thing is being able to save the world. And so somebody with an almost useless power, then being able to save the world. Well, especially if they're a very, um, goth like negative person. Because they then to suddenly become a hero in that way. Well, yeah, for them to give, to make them, to confer, like the, I guess, part of it, part of the hero's journey here will be the hero who isn't the goth, the person with the power, is the person who can convince the goth

that there's a life worth living and that the earth is worth saving. and the people there are worth saving. You know because there's an element. I don't you know I'd look I don't know what the motivations of people who are goths are but I could imagine that there is a certain retreating from the rest of society that you don't feel like you did in. Yeah and a nihilism. Yeah and that you you want to stay away from people because I guess you don't like them. There's a fragmenting of society that occurs there.

And so I assume that then trying to convince them, firstly of the value of all others, and that it's worth keeping, would itself be part of this story. God, darkness, hero. Shade. They called shade. Maybe, yeah.

Shade cloth. Shade cloth, perfect. All the shade, shade, goth. Earth and the thing is that they're not even like they're saving Earth forever, because they're not gonna live forever. Their only power is this darkness thing. But they can buy us the 20 years we need to convert to non fossil fuels.

Yeah, okay. The stakes in this story are getting a bit more nebulous, but I like it, Alistair. Nebulous, you're talking about something space-based, right? Yeah, that's right. Alistair, do you want to tell us what sketches we've come up with? Just, well, like, you get yourself ready, while I remind people that they can listen to the pop test. A science comedy quiz from Radio National. Lots of hilarious guests like Sammy Shah, Sean McCullough, Kirsty Weebak, Claire Hooper. Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. Matt Stewart. And many, many more.

Andy, let me take you right through the sketch ideas for today. We got more in the life and celebrate the death funeral. Also the possibility of this being a mirror funeral where you do the regular bit, more in the death and celebrate the life. But then after the halftime show, then you do the opposite. I'm really excited to learn more about this halftime show. Yeah, then we got the baby bet. It's a simple thing.

It's a simple idea that people can help you raise funds at the beginning when you first have a baby kid, a baby kid. I think that, you know, if they're gonna play music in the middle of the Super Bowl, they should play other sports in the middle of concerts. You know, sort of halfway through a pink Floyd concert, maybe some people come out and play table tennis for 20 minutes.

I think that would be great. Maybe a sort of like a white water rafting. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Then we got, so this baby bet that people, a father or a mother takes bets on their kids, and whether or not their kid will be successful. And everybody gives bets that the kid will be really successful, and but this per-parent is a gambling addict. And when the kid is turning 40

and they realize that their kid is doing really well, and they're gonna have to pay out all this money. They try to sabot secretly sabotage their kids' success because they can't afford to pay out the big money. It's nice to have a reason to sabotage your kids' success instead of just doing it sort of unconsciously as we all do through our flawed parenting. Then we got the woo-hut.

The hard thing is that this person was actually a great parent up until this point. So it doesn't come naturally to them at all. That's right. The woo-haw-n lab takes responsibility for COVID so that they can get the movie rights and all the money that would come with that. All those great COVID-19 films that are about to come out. I'm sure. Then we got the world transcripts and the possibility of something going wrong with it. Maybe people manipulating it, but I don't see how that's as big a problem as it could be because of the fact the whole point

of it is that you can see how these things get changed. Then we got... how these things get changed. Then we got, I think a, like a right wing, cancel culture, extreme example, parody, where somebody yet loses their job because of word has changed, meaning literally overnight, nobody told them. And they've used this word that's now suddenly very offensive. I think that has the potential to be funny. Yeah, well, you're right, you're right.

And a person who represents Rupert Murdoch is in there in some way. You know, as soon we're all gonna have to shift our hatred from Rupert Murdoch to Lockland Murdoch. Are you ready for that big shift? I've been gearing up for some time. I have a transition plan in place, a succession plan. I'm glad because I am in no way equipped for that change yet.

So it's like, I'm not ready. It's like getting ready for the Millennium Bug. Then we got sensory little people who live in your organs, who send the senses to your brain. We got the dog who makes people sad. And then we have the goth, darkness hero, shade, goth, saving the earth from global warming. Yeah, great. Well, that's something to look forward to.

Well, maybe it should be shade, goth. I think we got it. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thanks everybody for listening to the thing tank. You do a lot of work every week. And we love that you do that thing to us with an increasing burden of us promoting things to you and everything like that. It's a form of bloat. It's promotion bloat where everything becomes overburdened by the number of other things it's trying to promote. But anyway, yeah, buy tickets to Teleport. Buy tickets to Michaelide is innocent,

download, rate and subscribe to the pop test. We really need it. And then also then go and appease all the other creators of content in your life. Sorry about all this. I want to give a shout out to the weekly planet, not for anything in particular, but they are, they've got a great platform and they use it for good. They support so many people,

and I never say thank you enough. No, yeah, and they helped us. They helped us get introduced to a lot of you. And so that's very nice. We appreciate them. They are wonderful. And Nick Mason, last time I saw him, said he would like to come on to do anything.

Oh, I'd really like that. Um, so it would be lovely to have him on. Um, take care to all. And to all, we love. Love. Hey you. Bye. Totals. Hey Dave, you're Andy. Since we founded Bombas, we've always said our socks, underwear, and t-shirts are super

soft. Any new ideas? Maybe sublimely soft. Or disgustingly cozy. Wait, what? I got it. Bombas. Observedly comfortable essentials for yourself and everyone on your list.

And for those facing homelessness. Because one purchase equals one donated. Wow, did we just write an ad? Yes. Bombas. Big comfort for everyone. Go to bombas.com slash a cast and use code a cast for 20% off your first purchase.