Two In The Think Tank - 341 - "MOUTH DAB PSYCHO"

Episode Date: July 13, 2022

Not Bothering to Live, Romatic Action, Food Mould Prison, There's An Oil For That, 10 to 1 Loudest Sounds, Billionaire Eats Einstein's Brain, Mouth Dab Psychopath Test, Evil Eater, Apple Spoon, Big Mess Mouth DabPlease purchase Andy's book with Peader Thomas - Gustav and Henri Volume 1Listen and subscribe to THE POP TEST on Radio National or as a PodcastYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSummer thanks to George for producing this episode Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.

When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair. Andy, when I start a beat, do you try to go along with me? Yep. That's really good.

I thought I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you probably were. Well you probably you know in my own way no no you know i also like to work around what you've created you know i don't want to i don't want to interfere too much with well i think that that could have been the best one in that regard if it was you know like like like you know i see what you're doing you're like well that speaks for itself you know and yeah and then i can go off and do this other thing yeah well i think that's that's it's easier than for the the listener not not not it's not easier for the listener obviously but it's easier for the listener to then separate them and regard them as two completely separate pieces of art in their mind

um yeah well that's right and then suddenly that's that's basically that's a art zip file you know you've just compressed two bits of art into one exactly and um and i think we should how are you feeling about the artificial intelligence art? There's been a lot of AI art discussion on the Two in the Think Tank Discord. And if you've been following Danny on Facebook, he's been making some really incredible stuff with someone that he's got a subscription for. Yeah, he's actually paid for the really good stuff. And it's amazing yeah yeah i feel i actually think it's going to be i'm feel in uh interested about what it's going to mean for illustration like for books and things like that but sure um i guess it it'll probably be

cheaper for just like if you want to make your own amazon uh you know your self-published amazon book you know and then you kind ofublished Amazon book, you know, and then you kind of just go like, all right, here we go, there, there, there, there, there. Yeah. Yeah, but, you know, you also get the AI to write the book as well. I suppose you could do that, yeah, and then suddenly you're just outputting, outputting, outputting. I guess you better get on it fast before everybody else starts doing it.

Yeah, well, there was a uh was it a roald dahl book about a story engine and it's a guy who's built a machine and but like you know this is like when he was writing so it's like it's all like internal combustion engines and pistons and stuff yeah but you know you and you get in it and you sort of drive it like a car and there's different levers and pedals for different, like, amounts of emotion and, you know, catharsis and that kind of thing and you're sort of pulling them and you're sort of guiding this story machine through a narrative.

But you don't actually have to like drive it around the street but you're like oh it needs a bit more of this so you're like yank on a chain yeah i mean i gotta say the ai stuff i think i think it makes me feel awful but but i but only because i'm finding myself so unable to do anything. Alistair, I think you've been doing good. Yeah. And then despite that, I then just see this AI that can do everything. You know, maybe this is an off-pod conversation, but I feel like you've had a very solid start to this season of Mad as Hell that we're writing on at the moment. Sure, sure.

I mean, but a big part of that is because of you. Well, a big part of everything is because of both of us. So, you know, but like... Yeah, but I mean, like, you don't see my days where I'm at home and I don't have any specific guidance or like, you know, I'm not driven by fear of being fired. Yeah. Yeah. I mean.

You see, even though I should be driven by the fear of my family not being able to. That's not enough. That seems to not motivate me at all. Maybe you should sign an employment contract with your family. should sign an employment contract with with your family and is there a sketch in a guy who can't be fucked like that he dies due to can't not being able to be fucked but you're dying he's like and you would think that would motivate me but look i've put a sandwich in front of you yeah yes i can see that it's very kind of you. And it's, look, and don't think that I don't appreciate it,

but to be frank, to be completely frank, I could not be fucked eating it. Or what are you saying? Look, I'll get around to it. I'll get around to it, right? And then by the time he gets around to eating it, it's mouldy and he you know it rants and then he goes well you see this is why i don't i don't bother and then but he eats a little bit of it or has a tiny nibble then he gets dysentery and he can't be fucked going to the toilet so he

sits there at his own waste oh well i thought you were just saying i can't even be fucked going to the toilet, so he sits there at his own waste. Oh, I thought you were just saying, I can't even be fucked shitting right now. So he just keeps all the foulness inside his body. Yeah. And fills up. I feel terrible. I think it's that sandwich you made me eat. Yeah, I think that's good. I think that's good i think that's good i think yeah i mean look the fact that you give um you when you give somebody food and the only thing that's stopping that food from being poison is the fact that time hasn't passed yet

if you know from being a dangerous like this could kill me yeah yeah yeah if you give somebody like a you know a salad sandwich and you're like look listen i'm just warning you there's a there's only a window of about seven days before this becomes poison so you gotta eat this yeah that feels like a chair that you a kind of extortion right like you're basically saying if you don't eat this within the next seven days you will die oh yeah oh if you start to dig into in the ways that you are not free yeah i'm not free to eat this sandwich in two weeks. What kind of freedom do you call that? Yeah. Oh, okay.

So I'm just having to live within the bounds of staying alive and the rules that are set by the – oh, my God, I just dropped my pen. Truly. It's that pen that you gave me at your wedding that i've been trying to keep track of oh sorry alistair i wish i knew what was going on right now well i'm sitting on this couch right because there's nobody else in the house and i'm just sitting around not doing anything and the nice pen that you gave me for your wedding thank you for that wedding gift by the way and uh you know that i have to just a part of my mind i have to always keep track of this metal

pen and it's another where it is it all it's another it's yeah it's another bird and so i dropped it but then it not only fell off my leg and then fell onto the cushion next to me but then it fell between the the the you know the parts of the couch where suddenly it's down going down into the gears and stuff like that right and then as i reached down i was like oh it's down too deep i felt a little wire which was turned out to be headphones that i had that i had lost as well maybe days ago from sitting here and as i pulled it up the pen had hooked itself onto the headphones the headphone wire and i picked it up like it was like you know like i was gone fishing this is this is like the the domestic equivalent of that scene

where somebody and there's there's a big fight climactic flight scene on a cliff and somebody falls over the edge and then you see that they've grabbed on to a rope ladder at the being pulled by a helicopter and they rise back up triumphantly and they've got a machine going to go that's the that is the exact same story just with some of the you know you just need to change some of the nouns but other than that yeah that was it like that was as far as pens go that was the most action hero moment absolutely i wonder if that that falling off a cliff thing could happen but try to find a scenario where it would happen where the person wants to reveal that the helicopter's coming up and the person's on the road ladder, but they're holding a big tray of sandwiches. Are these seven-day sandwiches that will poison the person if they don't eat them?

if they don't eat them? Well, we don't know how many day sandwiches they are, but I think, what if everybody up there was really hungry and they were fighting because of hunger? Maybe over, you know, it's like they're really good friends, right? And they're on a cliff. What if they're not fighting, right? What if they are, what if it's not a fight? What if it's an entirely loving scene where people are hugging each other okay and

high-fiving and that sort of thing shaking hands all the things that good friends do no they're not not particularly hungry bear with me okay okay right so they're all they're doing it out of love right they're doing all these things out of love but then one of the high fives knocks a guy over the cliff okay okay? And then the helicopter comes up and he's got a tray of like hors d'oeuvres to share with everyone. Oh no! Yeah.

He comes up, he's got hors d'oeuvres, there's three flutes of champagne on there. Yeah, and it's even better. The scene of mutual enjoyment continues. The two friends that are remaining on the cliff high five but then kind of grab each other out of stability like they're like we almost made the same mistake again so this is an action movie where it's motive every every

action scene is motivated by love. Right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I like this. Like it's a romantic and friendship-based action film. Oh, a romantic action film rather than comedy. Yeah, okay, wait. Action film motivated by love. And friendship. film motivated by love and so what would be like the the real driving um the driving thing pushing the storyline well you know very often um uh in an action film you

know somebody's gonna destroy the world unless somebody else gets there in time okay so it feels to me like um somebody's going to have a big party for lots of people destroy the friendship millions millions of people could have a good time at this party right but then there's one friend andy just the uh just the extras cost on this film is just blowing out j Jesus. See, this is why I hate getting notes from the studio. Oh, it could be called the three amigos. Anyway, and then another person needs to get there in time to also have a good time at the party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they have to go through a lot of action action scenarios yeah it could be you know someone's really like i love the party

thing but the party is not as is not as friendshipy as i would like you know okay like it's almost like it's almost like we're we're all feeling good but if we accomplish this thing like this little gesture um this person will feel extra good you know sure you know like if you look i don't know it could be the party andy i know i know i mean like you know i mean if it's a birthday party, that's very friendshipy, I feel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, somebody needs to get the cake to the birthday party. That's right, yeah. You know, and then you've got a nice scene where it's sort of the opposite

of diffusing a bomb, where it's somebody trying to light the candles in time. Or trying to wire a bomb. No, I'm sorry. Quick, solder together the red and the blue wire. Yeah, set it up quick. Did you say red and blue? If I don't get this right, this bomb won't go off. Millions of people will live.

Oh, that's really nice, isn't it? It's an action movie from the perspective of the guys trying to destroy the world. Oh, it's the friendship. It's the friendship group of the three terrorists that are... See, that's nice. Yeah, nice yeah that is oh that adds another element element the guy's got to get his friend the blue wire he forgot one of them forgot the blue wire and then you got to get it there before the people show up to defuse the bomb that you've kind of already accidentally sent out the message letting people know that there's a bomb in a certain place.

Yeah. And if you, you know, that kind of thing. That one, they do that kind of thing in Face Off. Do they? I think so, where he's like, you know, he's been placing bombs in certain places. And then they're like, oh, where's the next one gonna be maybe he gives them a clue yeah well it's also and they actually die hard with a vengeance yeah that's the plot of that one yeah and so whatever we just do the reverse we just do the reverse where we're the bad guy everybody's expecting a bomb everybody's expecting

they get there you know we might and there's no and the bombs out there we might not get our ransom money yeah no that's good it's good stuff now just going just backtracking alistair was there anything early on about the free will and the having to eat sandwiches within two weeks you know everywhere man is born free and yet everywhere he is in change chains of having to um you know eat food before it goes rancid yeah like is this just a really bad philosopher perhaps or um i mean he doesn't have to be i mean you know it's almost a critique of of you know of america you know people you know arguing that they're they're not free but then you this i don't know maybe look maybe this is not no i see what you're saying this context yeah yeah but people arguing you know that they have to do one certain thing in order to be free, but then you kind of go, well, actually,

even within the bounds that you're living within, you're not in any way free. Yeah. Well, I mean, I suppose there's also a version of this, which is a parody of the anti-vaccine movement, right? Which is people protesting expiry dates on food and, you know, best before dates and how putting that kind of stuff there is limiting their freedom. Maybe. Yeah, I think so.

Sorry, I was trying to finish writing off the friends terrorist thing and then I zoned out for that one sentence. What about people who believe that things like that are limiting their freedom? The fact that food goes off is limiting their freedom. And they decide that it is God's fault. And they decide a country declares war on God and tries to fire a missile at the sky to kill God. And they only eat Twinkies because Twinkies don't go off. Twinkies.

Maybe. I mean, what food would you think about that doesn't go off? Well, I mean, I think about twinkies but i have no idea what twinkies are i only know about it because i think there's an episode of family guy right in which or is it simpsons in which like the fact that twinkies don't go off is like a major major it might be yeah i mean they they might i think they probably do go off but they're you know they're essentially just like kind of like, you know, like they're probably made up of the same stuff as like, you know, petrol station muffins, but they're filled with some cream that is non-dairy based. Yeah, non-dairy based cream.

It's kind of a sugar slash oil based. It's made from fossil fuels. It's the first fossil fuel. Yeah. I would say that it feels like when you're having it, you go, yeah, this is a byproduct of crude oil. I wonder if there are any byproducts of crude oil that are edible. There must be some. that are edible.

There must be some. There must be some, you know, when you do your cracking of your long polymer chains, there must be, you know, and your, what do you call it, your fractional distillation. There must be something. Yeah. Well, this is something that's going to have to happen once we have shifted away from combustion engines. People are going to, you know, oil companies are going to have to find ways for people to use it.

To do with all that oil. And so, then you have to like taste. They're going to have to get somebody to taste it all. We're going to finally get one of those good drinking oils that we've been talking about. Oh, yeah. It's been a while since we've brought it up. What would you say? Seven years since we've brought up a good drinking oil?

Yeah. Is there anything in the fact that, like, you know, when we talk about food going off at a certain date, and also, you know, that is exactly the same as a time bomb, which also does go off at a certain date. I don't want to talk about that anymore. I don't want to discuss that suggestion for another second. Okay, no problem. But what about the oil company needing to find other ways to sell it?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, you know, they'll be convincing us that we need to spread oil over our bodies before we put our clothes on to reduce friction between our clothes and our bodies. And that would help with, I guess, lint collection? Perhaps, yeah. But if you grease down all the hairs on your body sure there'll be a there'll be an oil for that there's an oil there's an oil for that that's what that's their new slogan

it's like there's an app for that there's an oil for that you could get an oil that could do almost anything i i'm excited about the idea of fossil fuel companies having to try a bit harder because at the moment yes their oil does one thing that's incredibly useful which is burn and release energy it explodes right if you burn it it burns that's the thing it does right and that's great but once they get because that's a i think that's been a crutch for them for too long. And I'm dying to see them innovate. Yeah. Make an oil-based paper?

Sure. Because, I mean, they don't try and sell you that many solid oils. Maybe those fire starters. I'd love to read a book where the pages are all made from oil. Imagine the experience of turning those slick slick pages oh yeah so silently you would yeah that would be nice wouldn't it a nice silent book yeah you know because there's nothing worse than when you're in bed and you're sort of like your intellectual sort of literature-driven partner is sitting up in the sort of in the armchair, pipe in mouth, you know. What kind of a pipe are you picturing, by the way?

You know, like a sort of like a bit of hose or pipe i picture yeah like a big pipe that sort of makes their lips look really wide as they have to write but wrap it around yeah great you know it looks like you know looks like one of those games where you have to try to talk without uh without using your lips oh that's fucked i hate that okay yeah like that's a big big bit of pipe like that in their mouth and they're smoking that pipe wow yeah not like stuff in it they're just like they're just holding a lighter to it which is so dangerous because they've got an oil-based book in front of them meaning that so that they can turn it silently because normally because you you were talking about how much the turning of the pages was annoying you indeed because you

have so much trouble sleeping andy and then you get oh andy you're indeed you're indeed had just i could hear the mojo leaving your body when you said indeed i'm sorry i started thinking about something i'd looked at my phone i got a text message and i'd looked at my phone and i tuned out and i thought i need to chuck in an indeed here to create the illusion of still being extremely present and obviously it wasn't working it wasn't working it was a it was a weak it was a substandard indeed that actually had the opposite effect and i'm sorry andy how could you do this to how could i do this to the listeners not only am i here but all the listeners are here now we're having to hear your excuses well i don't know andy i want you to say sorry to everybody

sorry i don't i mean i wouldn't even call that an excuse. I would call that an explanation that only serves to underline my failure. And, you know, I can accept that. But thank you for your patience, everyone. This is a 20 to 1 type show, right? But they talk about the – it's maybe like just 10 to 1 let's just do 10 to 1 okay but it's like one of these clip shows and they play the 10 to 1 the loudest sound this idea is so very awesome i love it i love it. I love it. And I love seeing the people, the talking heads there, talking about the sounds and when they first heard them.

When I first heard this, it was really loud. Yeah, and the blood is running from their ears. Boy, that's loud. That's going to be one of the top 10 loudest things i've ever heard and i thought well i could make a show based on that wow so this is actually they're interviewing one of the executive producers are they one of the talking heads is the the co-creator of the show yeah well it's actually top 10 loudest sounds that our producer has heard i mean the the i don't know how you how you make people laugh out loud at this idea but the very

idea of replaying sounds that are famously loud on a device like a tv where the volume is adjustable are you watching it on your phone yeah oh that was loud actually actually no you know that actually wasn't that loud yeah i mean what are you is this this is nothing i'll just say 20 to 1 lowest positive whole numbers said anything that's a that's a that's a tweet thanks that's sweet but but wait lowest whole numbers does minus one count because i said positive whole numbers. Lowest positive whole numbers. Lowest positive integers. How about that?

20 to 1. Lowest positive integers. Yeah. With Burt Newton. With Burt Newton. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. You know he died, right?

Yeah. Yeah. That's what makes this in bad taste. Well, I reckon there was bad taste there beforehand okay because a lot of people don't understand what the word integers means and i think you were trying to exclude people a big part of the the population do you think it was elitist using the word integers um yeah i think so maybe like not elite like i don't think he was elite but i just it's that's how that's how low i think of the public you know is that i don't even think that

i think that they they can't they can't even understand things that aren't even elite i think that's elitist i think what you just said i know i know that's elitist. I think what you just said. I know. I know that's elitist, but the things that I'm talking about aren't necessarily. Yeah. Like I'm so elitist that I even think that the general public can't get things that aren't even particularly elitist. Yeah. Because, I mean, that's the problem as well is that the people a lot i mean a lot of elitist language

would actually be pretty simple language because i don't necessarily think the people who are the elites are actually all that smart but i do think that the people who aren't elites are really dumb. But yeah, but I would say that that's probably roughly like $50,000 to $70,000 a year. And that's probably where most academics and stuff are making their money. Alistair, did you know that Einstein's brain was stolen after he died? Yes. Yeah, I watched a documentary on a guy who was trying to get a piece of it yeah right did he want to eat it that's what i want to know did the guy want to get a piece of einstein's brain just to eat it i think he just wanted to own some yeah and i think maybe they they might have put some through like one of those meat slicers for them they go here you go a bit of this so so thin like prosciutto kind of because he did find it yeah and they showed him but although they could have just showed him any

brain yeah but that's that would be unethical you think so yeah yeah i think it be unethical. You think so? Yeah. Yeah, I think it's unethical to tell somebody that something is Einstein's brain when it's not. Yeah, but then again, if he can't, I mean, he probably won't ever be able to prove it. He wouldn't bother cutting off a bit of his brain to match it up with but Einstein's DNA but do you think there's a yeah there's a there's a sketch in somebody who wants to eat a bit of Einstein's brain I mean oh I've realized we had a we already had a um we already had a cocktail bar in which I think you get a cocktail that's made with a bit of Abraham Lincoln's liver or something like that. But I do love the idea.

You know, you can go to those really expensive restaurants and they've got, you know, actual gold on top of the desserts. I love the idea of going to a restaurant. I don't think it has to be that expensive. They give you a really thin, really thin like sliver of Einstein's brain. Yeah, I think that that's, yeah, I think gold leaf is a pretty common thing yeah yeah you don't think it's even that elitist yeah i don't even think it's elitist do you think mcdonald's i think people who think that that's elitist that's how dumb they are is that they think it's elitist really yeah, you think that thinking things are elitist is a... Is often a...

Is very common, is very... Is a sign of peasantry. Yeah, right. Yeah, I mean, I think that thinking that things are elitist is a sign of peasantry, is a sign of elitism, is a form of elitism. But... Right. I mean, I think we might just be repeating ourselves. Yeah, yeah, I think we are.

It's all good. Right, so wait. Well, what else could somebody want? So why would this person want to eat Einstein's brain? I think it's – well, because you look at things like the space programs of the world's billionaires and there is no chance of us living in space. There is zero chance of us moving humanity to Mars. It's completely insane.

It'll never happen, right? Yeah. mars it's completely insane it'll never happen right but yeah and which makes those things nothing more than a vanity project right a completely self-serving pointless way to spend heaps of money that could otherwise be used to improve the lives of millions if not billions yeah because i guess i guess if you were if we could go and live on mars right what we should be able to first before we could even consider that we need to be able to achieve people just being able to make all of their own food and everything they need to live in their own house within a very small like apartment or something like that right so you need to be able to produce your own food and oxygen clean clean oxygen from a very like carbon dioxide rich atmosphere you got to be able to clean uh waste water and make it drinkable all within basically an apartment yeah and right and so once we can

achieve that then i think we can probably live in space but once we can achieve that then we can live on earth so much better than we do right now right like if we can do all of that stuff then it doesn't matter how much we've destroyed the planet Earth, okay? Yeah. We might as well just do that stuff on Earth and continue to live here in the toxic wasteland that we've created, right? We'll make it as uninhabitable as Mars. Even if it's just 1% less uninhabitable than Mars, Earth, right? Then at least we still don't have to get all there and get all our stuff over to mars

we're right here so i think i think even then it's still worth just staying where we are so what i'm saying though is that if if that if that is just an insane billionaires vanity project then surely they might as well just be eating einstein's brain it's exactly as useful for humanity but and and it is also just as big a demonstration of their power and their hubris which is what they want how would you how would you picture somebody eating it rolled up like a cold cut or in between two slices of bread with butter instead of maybe like a fig jam or something like that? Yeah, I mean, there's different levels, isn't there? But there's also the level of like, which I think goes, you know,

eating it in ways where you eat a small amount or it's, you know, it's presented in a nice way or something like that feels to me even less indulgent than just reaching your hand into the jar pulling it out and taking a bite like you're eating an apple that's a real display like you're taking a bite from a full one kilo block of cheddar cheese. Exactly. They're holding Einstein's brain in two hands like it was a block of cheddar cheese. And they're nibbling on the end. And they're sitting there and they're working their way through the whole thing in one sitting.

Imagine that. Yeah. We all have to watch. we all have to watch we all have to watch they want everyone in the world to watch while while they do it and they can afford that they can afford to make that happen they've got a little napkin tap tucked in and then at the end i want to i want to eat einstein's whole brain on camera. Straight from the jar. Yeah, straight from the jar like a pickle.

And at the end, they dab the corners of their mouth with a little napkin like a complete fucking psychopath in a film. Have you noticed that any time in a movie somebody dabs their mouth with a napkin like the corner of a napkin after eating something they're always the biggest psychopath like people could have been doing any messed up shit murdering children throughout the whole film but then you see a guy dab his mouth with a with a little napkin like you're like that and you're like oh he's the bad guy you suddenly know right that's one of the i mean if he had a mustache or something or some intense facial hair i would understand because things kind of always get wet yeah no no no but then that's a big you can do like a big wipe you can safely do a big face wipe with a napkin and still look same dab but that dab dab in the corners like that. Because you don't think that you're really picking up enough with that dab.

I don't know what it is. I can't analyze it. It's just one of the most evil things you can do. Do you think that it could be sensitivity to feeling moisture on your face could somehow be a sign of evil of evilness i think we should investigate it there might be a the same gene that there is for evilness could also dictate mouth moisture sensitivity yeah and you could probably just easily test it on children um you know where i guess you could go around with like a like a little dropper little

low you know eyedropper and it could you know one could be a fake eyedropper and one could be a real eyedropper and you're kind of going from kid to kid and you're kind of just putting you're putting either drops or no drops on their face near on the other corner of the mouth and then and then you ask them whether or not they feel wet and then you give them a napkin you know it's it's the napkin test right you can give a napkin to a child as young as two and a half and if they dab the corners of their mouth they're going to grow up to be a psychopath and yeah i guess you i guess you then kill that child? Show me a boy at two and a half with a napkin dabbing at his mouth, and I will show you the man.

Yeah, the psychopath. The psychopathic man. Yeah. Oh, wait, I had something there. Dabbing the mouth. Dabbing. Dab, dab, dabity, dab, dab, dab, dab, dab. That's gone.

Shit. I was really excited about saying it. But as soon as I feel that, if the idea comes back, it's never good. So let's just let it wash away. Oh, no. This is what it is. And it's not that good. What is it? But it was just like, I think also maybe one of the reasons I'm thinking about that, because very often in a movie, it plays out in a scene where one person is eating something in front of other people who aren't eating.

eating and maybe that's part of it and that's like a filmmaking technique to make somebody look like a psychopath is is that they will just put somebody in that scenario where on some fundamental level our brain is triggered to be like they're not sharing their food they're eating and that's rude that's rude do that, to eat in front of everyone. They're also organizing their meetings with, you know, like they're getting their henchmen to go get people and bring them back to their place during mealtime. That's weird, man. That's fucked up. Yeah, I mean, that's a real psychopathic, you know. Yeah, psychopathic disregard for, like, respectful scheduling. Yeah, not sharing your meal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see that. I mean, I think there's a lot of fun in that, just that whole evil guy. Yeah, so evil mafia don is, or whoever it is, is eating while, is eating while all their henchmen are around. And somebody does ask why they always organise things like this because it just feels rude that you're not sharing with us. I think it's funny to confront them. You're always eating alone. Yeah.

Without us. And then something about, and then the bit, they could also confront them about dabbing the corners of their mouth at the end. You're like, what are you getting with that? Why? Maybe this isn't an observation that anybody else has made, Alistair. Yeah, I mean, maybe we've completely constructed a number of these scenes

in our minds, sort of Dolly, mini style, where we've come up with like, you know, we can sort of see four or five in our head that we're like, oh, yeah, that's an example, but we've made up all of them. That's a trope. It's not a trope. I mean, one thing that definitely is a trope is somebody cutting an apple with a big knife. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then eating it off the knife. Yeah, they're eating it off the knife. Yeah, but that's also just the coolest way to eat an apple, right? It's so cool. It's so cool. It's not, you know, putting the knife in your mouth. What about this? Okay, I'm going to give you two options right is that more or

less insane than cutting it with a knife and then eating the apple with a fork and then i put this to you cutting an apple with a knife and then eating the apple with a spoon like but also like like but also like long strand like long pieces like that yeah and then putting it in a bowl yeah oh not in a bowl what are you doing there he's like they uh they're not putting it in a bowl they've cut the apple up maybe on a chopping board just chopped it up with with their knife the pieces are lying there on the table right and then they try and pick because it would be so hard to pick them up with a spoon but they're sort of chasing them around trying to pick up these slices of apple with a spoon well but what about what if they're but what if they're cutting the apple yeah right cutting the apple and then putting the chunk back in place on the apple. Okay.

And then getting a spoon out of their pocket and picking it up. Yeah. And then trying to scoop it out of the apple. And then somebody asking, you know, what are you doing? I'm not going to eat. Put a fucking knife in my mouth. Yeah. I think that's great as well. You know what? Now that I think about it, putting the slices into a bowl and then eating the apple out of a bowl with a spoon also very funny so many variations of this i mean i think a scene where you have multiple psychopaths right violent psychopaths all doing different versions or they're all together it's the psychopath's dinner right it's the psychopaths round table they're all they're all eating at once and they're all

doing different versions of really insane things it's that it's that movie you know that movie where they bring an idiot to dinner or whatever le that what it is yeah but then it's that like you bring a psychopath yeah anyway but also i was picturing a thing have you ever seen this maybe we have seen this where oh we probably have i think maybe maybe i'm just remembering a thing but where somebody's eaten like a real pig and got food all over their face and then they just dab the corners of their mouth. I think that's very funny. They're really filthy, right?

Greasy and horrible. And then they just clean just those little sections. Yeah, just that little corner. Yeah, I think that's good. I think that works as like a joke and a thing, right? As you're about to go to another scene, you know, you've got your big action eating scene. Big action. Big action eating scene.

Yeah. You know, they could have done that maybe after that guy blew up in Monty Python. Would have made it fun, I do think. After eating. I don't know. I mean, he blew up. I guess it would have been the people who just had had the blown up version of him on their face. Yeah. But then, I don't know.

Maybe the dabbing doesn't quite work when you haven't been doing the eating. Yeah. We'll get in touch with John Cleese. We'll pay $1, dollars to get him to answer this question on cameo yeah um uh how many sketch ideas do we have there alistair look uh well wait wait you say something for a second oh sure I mean, I just wonder if there was anyone watching Monty Python back in the 70s, loving it, having a great time, and thinking, God, I'd just love to pay these guys $1,000 to say hello to me.

I wish there was some way that that could happen. Yeah, if I could pay a huge amount of money. Anyway, that's not an interesting observation. Alistair, are you busy? Are you still busy, occupied? Yeah, I was busy, and I just had to finish a Centrelink application. No, I just wanted to...

Oh, it just occurred to me, we have actually 10 sketch ideas, because we missed last week's episode because you were isolating for a big part of it. Yeah, it was just complicated. I thought, let's try and get, you know, an episode where we do 10 sketch ideas to make up for it. So people are basically getting two episodes in one episode. It's way more efficient. But then it occurred to me, me so then but because we've

achieved that now we've got three words from a listener do you know this we got three we got listeners do we have do we honestly have 10 sketch ideas written down yeah that's so crazy to me okay yeah uh yeah but i was i was i was using like 100th episode rules and writing down things that you know are marginal so as a special treat for the listeners, we're going to lower the bar for the sketches this week as a way of apology. Yeah, no, we have listeners, and yeah, they can send in three words, right? Yeah, absolutely.

And do you want to try and guess who the... Who the listener is? Who the listener is. Yeah, Roberto Malinuscus. Oh, look, I mean, I think the Mediterranean-ness of the name is close, right? Oh, I mean, this could be actually South American. I apologize. This is Jerry Del Giudice. Oh, Jerry., this could be actually South American. I apologize. This is Jerry Del Giadisi.

Oh, Jerry. Yeah? Yeah. Of course. Well, Jerry, look, and I'm saying Giadisi could be Giadusi, Giadisi. Yeah. It could be Giadice. Giadice.

So anyway, I apologize, Jerry. But thank you very much for sending in your words. Andy, do you want to try to guess what they are? First word is marzipan. No. No, that was a bad guess. First word is, wait, wait, wait. I've made a mistake here. Okay, no, imposter. Okay, imposter syndrome convention. Those are the three words. I'm going to guess them all now.

No, the second word, I'm sorry, is cabbage. Okay, imposter, cabbage. And then the last word is yesterday no i'm sorry the last word is baby imposter cabbage baby is that a reference to like cabbage patch kids and like the idea that you would find a baby in a cabbage patch or do you think those are just three completely unrelated words? Look, I mean, I think they could be unrelated words, imposter cabbage baby, but, I mean, you could be right. Maybe, you know, maybe it's about somebody making fake cabbage patch kids, or were you saying something,

which part was the imposter in your thing, that babies don't belong in cabbage patches? I don't know. I don't know what the imposter in your thing that babies don't belong in cabbage patches i don't know i don't know what the imposter connection was i just was wondering if it was if the cabbage baby was a was a concept and then maybe the imposter was then well i mean you know you know maybe a cabbage baby is kind of more like one of those like one box okay you know and then an imposter one though it's sort of like just like a lettuce it's a lettuce yeah wait is a cabbage part of the brassica family the brock yeah the broccoli thing oh yeah but it's just like just jam packed with sulfur right yeah i don't know

i mean where is that where's the cabbage getting all this sulfur from sulfur is an element right it would only exist in a certain amount very small amounts in the ground they can only get access to it through what they can leach out of the soil i mean yeah maybe also in the air i don't i don't think there'd be a lot and i don't know look i i believe you i believe you that there could be sulfur in there, but. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's just a strange thing.

Yeah, I guess different plants have different, because tobacco apparently attracts polonium or plutonium or something in these strangely high quantities. So it must be out there, and there must be some molecule in the plant that is able to bind to this particular molecule for some, you know, this element for some reason. Attracts it. It kind of goes, oh, come hither, you know, something that makes it go, oh, la, la, yes, get inside me. Allah, yes, get inside me.

And maybe because most things don't buy into it that, like, even though it's still a tiny, tiny amount, it's, you know, relative to what you expect, it's packed with it. So, when you say it's packed with sulfur, it's not that much sulfur, but, you know, what there is can have a big effect relative to, God, this is boring. Do you think that, you know, because they're so filled with sulfur, it would be easier for demons to enter our realm through being a cabbage? Yeah, I mean, presumably, if demons are going to assume a, you know, over a a mortal form right i i think they probably still obey the laws of conservation of mass and conservation of energy and that kind of thing so presumably they do have to just work with the molecules that are already present or the you know the matter that's already there and you know maybe they can reconfigure it into their demonic form. But if sulfur is a big part of being a demon, then yeah. Well, I thought when there's a demon around, you can smell sulfur, right?

So I assume you can smell sulfur because they're either made of sulfur or, I guess, they've been in a sulfur rich area and it's kind of got into their clothes and and that could well be a cabbage um type scenario yeah it's possible what what do you mean by that are you looking at your phone again what do you mean by what do you mean by what do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? Were you not listening to everything that we've just said? Well, a cabbage-rich area, and they got into their clothes, and then you said that could be like a cabbage scenario. No, you didn't say a cabbage-rich area.

You said a sulfur-rich area. Well, sulfur, I meant sulfur-rich area. And so then you said that could be a cabbage scenario, as in like they've been hanging out in a cabbage? Around cabbages. I was just continuing the conversation in the way that we do every single time we talk about things on this show. Andy, we got to get to an idea here. We can't just get angry with each other.

What do you mean by that? What? Are you even present right now? I mean, my case would be a lot stronger if I hadn't already admitted to tuning out earlier in the podcast. Yeah. It would be even stronger if I hadn't already admitted to tuning out earlier in the podcast. Yeah. And also, it's like, how much was it adding?

Anyway, it doesn't matter. It was adding as much as anything that we say after the thing the other person has said. It was adding by continuing the discussion. You're getting lost. Maybe it gets us closer to something i'm trying to draw connections here jesus christ i could draw a connection with that thing that we're already talking about i'm gonna kill myself after this podcast i want you to know thank you that i'm gonna end my life i appreciate you you waiting till after the podcast. If you could also upload it first, that would be good.

I don't want to have to do that whilst grief is trickling in. We've already missed last week. We missed the episode last week. And so as a special treat after this week's episode, to make it up to the listeners, I'll kill myself. No! The first thing that made me think of uh hearing these words and i realized this is probably nothing is you go along to the supermarket right and you're you're in the

produce section and next to the cabbages and the you know the broccolis and all that sort of shit there's a tub that just has loose babies in it just sort of crawling around over each other and and you know i guess you don't know how this has happened why why this is happening you're looking around and nobody else is made illegal nobody else is reacting to it right to the to the fact that there are babies just for sale in the supermarket? Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the meat section or in the vegetable section? I mean, I don't want to directly imply that people are eating the babies. Okay, yeah, yeah.

So it could just be like, it could be in one of those cardboard, like things where they'll pile up like sort of chocolate bars or something like that, you know, when they're on special yeah you know like a kind of like a dodecahedron or something like that and they'll pop them in there and then you can just kind of go and scoop if you want or just grab one um yeah so you know yeah and i guess there are instead of shopping baskets there are little bassinets that you can get there to take your baby away in but like i think i think what i want what i want if there is comedy in this i want it to be about the way in which you you were shocked by this and maybe but no but nobody else is and like maybe you ask one of the staff about like um

what's good what's going on with the babies and and the staff members like oh is it are some of them damaged or or something that they are also not surprised by it yeah maybe and then yeah so then we would get and then we would inject like a lot of humor into it through this person going, oh, this world is crazy. Yeah. This is not how I was brought up. Maybe they... We've lost our way.

Maybe they then after a while of checking that this is normal everyone else thinks it's normal they they pick up a baby and they you know what this feels like it feels like it would almost be a right wing sketch to mock the left for how much they don't care about babies and that this is like a bunch of right-wing people would watch this and then applaud you know you'd there'd be a big a big you know speech about how you people have no morals these are living for the life of a child yeah like that you know and then they'd show like uh you know they probably show a gay couple looking at them and going, oh, these would be really nice with barbecue sauce. Wow, so they're gay cannibals.

Well, no, they're just babies. We don't consider babies human life. And so for us, that's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I'm always on the lookout for a right-wing sketch um um i think it is i think it is funny to if we were to make a right-wing sketch show but we're technically making fun of the kind of sketches we think right-wing people

would make yeah i think that is fun the points that they would make so can we write this down is this anything yeah yeah all right um jerry i feel like we've i don't know if we've given you your three dollars worth today but i did do some shouting and sometimes listeners like that. He always saves up a little shout for the end of the podcast, just for those who like that. Has a little bit of fan service there, you know. Fan service. Andy shows his underpants accidentally, you know.

I wonder if there's any kind of fan fiction where instead of erotic fan fiction, you write stories about celebrities having a falling out and maybe, you know, not getting along very well or like, you know, characters from your favourite books getting into a disagreement. Something to think about? I'm sorry, Paul, I thought I wasn't quite 100% able to follow that. That's all right. I blame myself there.

Okay, so here's the sketch ideas for today. We got Guy who's dying from not being fucked. And he just, you know know people are giving him everything that he needs but he just he's a yeah sorry can't yeah just wish thank you but i just could not be bothered action film motivated by love and friendship and this could be from the point of view of the terrorists who are trying to make the bombs and but it's about how much they love each other and stuff like that. So nice.

It's not about fighting them. It's just about helping each other and making them achieve their goals and maybe making a birthday party for them. We got to get this bomb thing down done so that we can get Carol back to her apartment where we've organized a surprise birthday party. Is one of the terrorists called Carol? Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, I think that's great. It's a movie called Women Terrorists. It's a movie called Women Terrorists. And it's a very loving film about friendships. I think that's, I think that's, I think we could potentially get some right-wing people to fund this one as well. Yeah, well, it'll be called Carol, Suzanne and Peggy Sue, Right-Wing Terrorists. Suzanne and Peggy Sue, right-wing terrorists. A film, an action film motivated by love.

Okay, then we got Freedom. But the food goes bad within a time, forcing you to eat it so you're not free. Proving you're not free, yeah. We got Oil Company. This is an oil company that's now, you know, after combustion engines have mostly been phased out and so don't add things like, there's an oil for that, right? Trying to convince people to still buy oil and petrol and things like that, but trying to find ways of you know making some drinking oils you know maybe turning oil into books you know get keeping your

like they get doctors on they you know they would pay off some sort of doctor to say that like kids these days aren't oily enough. Yeah, that's right. Kids. And so then they would, you know, they would say, oh, stand in this oil for a bit. Yeah, or rub your kid with oil. Yeah. Just tip, tip roughly. I don't know why, but just tip roughly like a shot glass of oil into your kid's ears before bed. There'd be loving scenes in which, you know, caring parents look over their sleeping child and then pour some oil into their ears.

And use a syringe filled with black crude oil and just shoot it into their kid's ears. Yeah. You don't think that's good. Then we got 10 to 1 loudest sounds. Could be 20 to 1, you know. We got billionaire eats Einstein's brain. Yeah. Then we got mouth napkin dab psychopath test.

You can give that to children, you know. Then we got evil guy not sharing his meal dabbing uh and wait while getting meetings during his his meals and his henchmen are asking why because it feels rude yeah that's great then we got eating an apple with a knife but but then a spoon as well. We got the dabbing mouth corners after big messy eat. That's the one that I considered the not, you know, that was the 100 rule. Yeah, okay. I was like, that's just an idea for kind of a visual gag. That's a moment.

That's a sketch, yeah. Then we got the right-wing sketch babies in supermarket. This is what the right-wing people want. Alistair has just stopped his recording. Do you know how long ago you stopped your recording, Alistair? Just that second? Okay. So, Alistair, I've just got to wrap it up because Alistair has just dropped off the soundscape.

So, you know, that's it. Those are the sketches. They're all really good and you're welcome. And I think Alistair, I'm hearing Alistair, he's just saying that that was a really good beat and he's really proud of me. Okay, Alistair's trying to communicate to me that the beat he would have gone is...

So, you know, if you feel like you're missing something, maybe edit those together in your own time. And we love you. And Alistair says he appreciates you and he loves you as well. Bye. Alistair also says bye. you you you you youご視聴ありがとうございました It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

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