Two In The Think Tank - 344 - "AEROPLANE BASEMENT"

Episode Date: August 4, 2022

Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase here!SKETCHES TBCYou can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereFrankly extraordinary thanks to George for producing this episode Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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The Island of Tiny Arms is the subtitle of this book, and it's in stores as of today. I recommend you go to booktopia.com where you can purchase Gustav and Henry Volume 2 for young readers. Is it ants, A-U-N-T-S? Yeah, that's right. The Island of Tiny Ants. That's cool.

Thanks. It's exciting. Alistair, just while I'm quickly plugging my book, do you have anything that you want to plug? Yes. Island of tiny aunts. That's cool. Thanks. It's exciting. Alistair, just while I'm quickly plugging my book, do you have anything that you want to plug? Yes. I do a podcast called Two in the Think Tank. And you should listen to that.

I tried to sit down, but my pants fell down. While I was sitting down, they hit the ground. Made me frown. I said, my pants fell down while I was sitting down. They hit the ground and it made me frown. Ha ha. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas.

That song was based on a personal experience that Alistair had. Just as I was sitting down. Just before we started the podcast. Just as we sat down to do the podcast, part of the sitting down process made my pants fall down. But like all the way down. Like I had bare ass on the couch. And

I thought I'll just put up with it. But then right before we started I said oh I think I need some dignity or something. And I had to spend a moment trying to jiggle my pants up. I mean, it's an interesting idea, the idea of, you know, if a tree falls down in the forest, right, and nobody's there to hear it,

does it make a noise? Similarly, if a man's pants fall down in the forest and nobody's there to see his penis, is it still undignified? Does he still lose some of his dignity? And I think that we've learned that the answer is yes, because dignity is as much an internal idea, you know, as that self-respect. Yeah, I guess I probably do have a version of internalized others who were there

but actually i realized there's there's another level to this which is the are you still there yeah i'm still there are you doing something insane with your microphone uh not with my microphone i was just I had to plug my phone back in. Okay. That's the only bit that you're hearing. Because remember, you don't hear them. Okay. The listeners don't know about that.

But the idea that like you, of pulling the pants back up again. I think, you know, obviously if your pants fall down in public, that's undignified. But if you then opt to not pull the pants back up again, right? Yeah. Is it more dignified to not pull the pants back up at all and to try and find a nobility in your failure. Or, I mean, you don't want to look pathetic like some sort of beta male frantically pulling his pants puck up in front of the entire, you know, workplace or whatever.

You know, I think the real dignified thing to do is to let your pants fall to the ground and then waddle off with your pants around your ankles. But that is the dignified thing? Yeah, just keep them down and... Yeah, yeah, I think so. Act like nothing had happened. I mean, sound off in the comments, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess the acting like nothing had happened.

Like as in, am I supposed to not be aware that my pants were down is that uh no look i think you are aware but i think you know it's it's like it it's like anything these days it's the it's the admitting that you've made a mistake that's that seems to get you it's the apologizing it's the you know yeah um that's that's the bit that people crucify you for if you if you can confidently let your pants fall down and then and then act like it's not a problem um you know maybe maybe change the subject to distract people with something else but you know i just think it's an interesting um interesting idea and i think there could be a sketch in it. Do you think maybe the dignity increases if not only you just leave them down,

but then you look people in the eyes and you say, my pants fell down. Like you're helpless to do anything about it? I mean, hearing you say that out loud made me wonder if maybe I was wrong about the leaving your pants down being the most dignified option. Well, yeah, because it also depends, I guess, on how you're walking. walking cool you know i'm picturing a big picture in some 70s kind of like matthew mcconaughey like p teacher kind type guy you know big mustache pants fell down maybe somebody dacked him or something like that and he just leaves them down then he walks off i mean we we know that like wearing your pants low, you know,

like below the butt is, you know, has come in and out and in and out of being sort of fashionable, sort of walking around, even sort of holding your pants up a little bit like that. It's got a kind of a fashion thing to it in the right place. But I don't think anyone has gone so far as to try and make pants around the ankles happen as a thing. I haven't seen that on the catwalk. And I think that's a new frontier.

I'd be surprised if somebody hasn't tried that on the catwalk, but I would love. I mean, we definitely have to at least entertain the possibility that people have not been that silly. we have to at least entertain the possibility that people have not been that silly. And therein, in that possibility, there could be a sketch, Alistair. The pants down catwalk? It's the first pair of pants to be designed to be worn. At the ankle. Around the ankles.

They're not supposed to be pulled up. All right. And, you know, I think, you know, parents… Fashion is all about how you wear them, you know. Yeah, maybe it could be concerned parents complaining about this new trend. Maybe it could be a news report about has this gone too far. Or, you know, a news report about a youth thing. I guess, but there also would be the point there where it's like, has this gone too far? But, thankfully, this probably can't go much further.

Because, I mean, it's either you start wearing your pants a little bit higher or you're not wearing pants, which is also actually not that crazy. Not that crazy it's not that crazy you know what about when you take your pants off over your shoes right and they sort of at the bottom of the pants they get stuck around the shoe right and then you're sort of hobbling hopping around trying to pull them off your shoe but they're completely inside out inside out and dragging behind you yeah yeah see that that's the next. It's true. Things could get a bit worse.

Exactly. Yeah. And I really thought they couldn't. I mean, you know, if you must have your dignity, maybe you could be wearing a second pair of pants and then there's just a second additional sort of accessory type pair of pants that you're wearing around your ankles as well. I don't know. Maybe a type pair of pants that you're wearing around your ankles as well i don't know just maybe a little a little pair of pants like a little three-year-olds or two-year-olds

pair of pants that you use as a handbag yeah you know you could you could probably put your wallet in there and that probably wouldn't mostly fall it wouldn't fall out of the leg as long as you're holding not necessarily not necessarily you could i mean it could be designed with a little inner pocket so you can you can clip it in there so it doesn't happen you could probably wear a tiny pair of pants as like a double tie like i mean i don't know how you would hang you know it would have to be clip on or something like that but a little pair of pants and wear that as a tie as a double tie as a double tie i mean that's surely the double tie the double tie. As a double tie. I mean, surely the double tie, the double tie must have been done. Yeah, I've seen the double tie.

It's like one of those cowboy ties. But not with pants. That is what the cowboys have. You're right. Now, Alistair, while you were talking about pants falling down before the podcast, I was imagining, I was contemplating that the idea of like, you know, frantically undoing trousers, you know, really only happens in two situations. You were already thinking about pants coming off before I brought them up.

No, no, no. When you brought it up, it made me think about other things about pants coming off. And I was thinking that there's, you know, there's two ways in which that could happen. You and your beloved are in a scenario of pre-intimacy, right? Where the pants are frantically being taken off. Yes. And then, of course, the other one is explosive diarrhea. And the only difference being that you don't... There's still a liquid ejaculation from your body.

There is. But usually, no one's there to help you undo the belt, you know, in that way. Sure. I mean, Andy, I don't imagine that my relationship is not at a point where if I had explosive diarrhea coming, my beloved would help me undo my pants with maybe even more enthusiastically. I mean, is there a situation where you and your beloved have been out and you've had a really romantic dinner? Yeah. Okay. But it has given you some kind of gastric, both of you,

some kind of gastric problem, right? And you rush home and the situation is exactly the same as, you know, you hurry in through the door, right? Yeah. You're all sweaty you're tearing at each other's clothes undoing one another's uh trousers and the fastest way to take off clothes yes but then and then you both um i guess Both, I guess, two big explosive shits. I'm sorry. I don't know.

I feel that there's some comedy in this in some way, right? But I can't work out what it is. It's probably just this, you know, it is just exactly what you've already imagined. Taking off. Yep. You know, even if it's just pant removal yeah and then you go have diarrhea which is going to be a beautiful punch line as it's just the person goes into the other room i'm just going to go in here to freshen up and then it's just uh i guess you know what's nice about it is that from the pants point of view, they don't know what's happening. They just know they're being frantically removed.

And I like to think that my pants think I'm having a really good time. I want my pants to be rooting for me. I always whisper to my pants, this is for sexual reasons, even when I'm frantically taking them off for any other reason because I don't want them to lose respect for me. Yeah, well, you're a person who cares deeply about how pants see you. Whereas me, Mr. I'm about to do a podcast with my pants below my ass and underpants. I can't get over the fact that there was a moment where you're like,

I might just leave them down. We're still at a kind of cloth on skin scenario. It's not that different. It's just a more permanent cloth of the couch. You know what? You're right. I mean, why should I have to? The couch is already made of cloth.

Yeah, why should I be providing this BYO cloth? Either way. Yeah. Yeah. What about a couch? What about this? It's a couch. Yeah.

And you know how we talk about the arms of the couch? What if those were real arms? Okay. Yeah. Big arms with, you know, big heavy arms. Yeah. okay yeah big arms with you know big heavy arms yeah right filled with sort of um i guess foam but also like barley or something with a bit of weight to it you know a nice sort of big felt hand you know barley like you or or what what are they like what like just a heat pack what are they

putting a heat pack is that barley i'm not sure heat pack? Is that barley? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Maybe. I think it might be barley. I think when the famine comes, those with heat packs that they can tear open and feast on the insides of. This wheat that has been heated and cooled down and heated and cooled down. It really is the vegetarian's pet. The vegetarian's pet?

Yeah. I don't quite know what I'm saying with that, but I think the idea that you would tear it open and eat its insides after the apocalypse, something that would otherwise lie on your bed and keep you warm. Yeah. I guess you would picture any kind of gardening and plant as well be the vegetarian's pet yeah i guess i guess in a way is there any plants that you can bring i mean not not necessarily like onto the plane with you as a

sort of emotional support plant but you know like a plant that you kind of are there plants that you just take with you all the time like while you walk like a living plant yeah i mean i i think a plant that you could lie down in bed with you right a sleeping like a sleeper's plant well i mean i think the problem with a lot of pot plants and the way they're organized is that they've got that open top right um so that a lot of the potting mix will fall out if you try and lay it down horizontally with you in the bed right and this is because this is another thing god didn't want us to be able to do what if we invented a new with silicone you know how silicone can do everything you know turns out that you can use it you could even put it in the oven these days you know if i can silicone baking tray

what if we made a silicone pot plant pot with a sort of an opening at the top that could stretch as the plant grows but it'll keep all of the nutrients in there nice and tight, right? And all the potting mix there in the thing. And then your plant can really free range with you. You can take it anywhere. You can turn it upside down. Yeah. That's fine.

It's just like basically it's growing in a balloon or something. It's growing in a balloon basically. And then you can take it into the bed with you not for any sexual reason yeah but you could you know lie it down at the end of the day you ever seen like a water you know like a hydro hydroponic setup where it's just basically the roots are just in water and i guess they just put the nutrients in the water and then they can pick that up? Yeah, I suppose it'll like... I'm sorry, Alistair. You've gone incredibly quiet and I don't want to say it's something you're doing. But is there a chance it's something you're doing?

Well, let's see. Is this helping a little bit? Oh my God, that's so much better. Okay. Turns out if I move the microphone bit oh really far away from my mouth that makes it quiet for you um you know i mean is there any way that you could just use your your veins as a place for my to let a root system my veins yeah like i mean if you could like if you yeah like let's say you had a plant that's a friend yeah yeah and you just you just get a doctor to sort of just needle in a few a few roots, you know, so that they can reach your veins.

And then maybe the plant can grow on your back, you know, on top of your shoulders. I think a plant, like, I think this is a really good idea, Alistair. Yeah. And I think for me, maybe it's in that bit sort of behind the collarbone there where there's sort of a little bit of a dip. Yeah. You know, you could maybe get that hollowed out a little bit more,

enough to put in some potting mix. Yeah. Well, I don't think you need potting mix if you're doing hydroponics. You know what? You're absolutely right. And I love the way then that the roots would crawl over your skin like that. Yeah. You know, and you'd find some other little spots

and they could just feed on the plasma, which I think is mostly water anyway. Yeah. There you go. And I mean, if it was like that kind of wheatgrass or whatever that, you know, that wheatgrass that would just grow in a couple of days and then you could just trim it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alfalfa or something like that. Chia pet kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alfalfa or something like that. Chia pet kind of stuff. Yeah, that kind of stuff. And if it was growing all over your shoulders and on your back and stuff, you could probably use it as a replacement for a shirt and then you would be actively converting solar energy directly into food,

which you could just eat off of your own body. You could nibble that yeah or others you could feed others you could you could just kneel by some some you know beggar on the street and just let him just let him chew on your back for a few minutes like that's really great you could yeah you could go to a daycare and you could you know have one of the teachers sort of demonstrate on your body by just using scissors across your back and then eating it off and then then have like 12 kids or whatever with just little like crayola scissors come in just like snipping edible grass you don't think that

you lie down on the ground and the children like sort of crawl over to you and and eat it like sheep or do you think that's a bit weird well i didn't want this to get weird andy i just it was just a this was just a you know you go to a daycare and kids eat the grass that's growing from your veins. So, I mean, this to me is kind of like a Chia Jesus kind of a thing. And, you know, maybe Jesus does come back. Yeah. And he's still the same Jesus, but he's got this kind of thing going on as well. Well, there's so many types of Jesuses, Andy,

so I could see that there would be plants growing on him, Jesus. I mean, a lot of the old Buddhas that you see, they've got moss kind of growing on them. A lot of them are statues. Yeah, sure. A lot of the Buddhas you see these days are statues. But you could imagine. I mean, that would be an interesting twist that Jesus comes back, but that now that he has plants growing on him,

that he's become a kind of mammal-plant hybrid. Yeah. Jesus, you know, a bit of a refresh there. And he's... Does he still give the speeches and stuff like that? Yeah, I think he does all of that stuff. But then he's always asking people to eat, you know, nibble of his grass. Yeah, have a little nibble.

And that kind of thing. Neat. Well, because I guess they are especially with jesus they are he sees all the people as his flock and you know and he does often talk eat of my body yeah he does he does that's sort of why i thought of him in that way but this way it's so literal and you get to see the process yeah You know, there's not this sort of mystical kind of way in which his body turns into the biscuits. Yeah, yeah.

It's a literal, oh, the plants are feeding off his blood plasma. Yeah, great. Growing on him. I was going to say. I'm excited. I'm excited. Do you think there was like an interesting meeting that happened with like the catholic church when they were trying to

decide on what they were going to give out at church to represent jesus's body because like yeah there would have been like, well, in the Bible it says bread and they're like, well, we can't fuck it. We can't afford to just. Yeah. And that's going to go stale.

Fresh bread on hand all the time. Yep. That's going to send us to the wall. Yeah. So they were like, is there anything that's like, Oh, and like, it doesn't look good when you've got a bunch of, you know, moldy Jesus that you're chucking in the skip at the end of the day as well, does it? Exactly.

You know, and so much slicing involved. You know, like, I mean... All the crumbs, all the Jesus crumbs. Yeah, all the crumbs and things like that. People asking... People brushing them off themselves, that kind of crumbs. Yeah, all the crumbs and things like that. People asking. People brushing them off themselves, that kind of thing. People keep asking for butter. At the end of the day, the priest takes off his cassock and all these,

he's got to shake off, like he's been cutting so much bread all day, he's got to shake off all these bits of Jesus. Jesus, like, bits in his belly button that he's got to pull out and stuff i mean it's bad it's a bad look exactly and so then they went is there something that's kind of like because i mean how old could that technology be for that that weird wafer thing i've never i've never actually seen one in real life Oh have you never eaten one? It's like No I've never eaten one, I've never seen one

My grandfather used to just get like The trimmings of that stuff I think you've told me about this And just have it as a snack Oh the Jesus off cuts Oh jeez that's Hux Everybody else is asleep so I have to go deal with Hux. I'll be right back.

You might have to. He's gone. He's become incredibly quiet again, so I assume he's gone. But I think we might have already had an episode in which we talked about the offcuts of Jesus and all the bits that were his toenails and his hair and know, hair and that sort of thing, maybe his appendix. But I think that the Jesus crumbs and the Jesus bread and that sort of thing, I think maybe we go back, maybe it's a sketch in which we go back to the last supper

and we see what really happened. And it's Jesus saying, take of this triple-smoked hickory duck in a cranberry and white truffle jus with frothed sea anemone and little jewels of dried pomegranate dust. And, you know, it was quite an elaborate thing. It was his last supper. Of course you're going to want to go out with something big, you know, something fancy. So it takes a long time to prepare.

And then, you know, when they're coming to the formulating of the, you know, the practices and that sort of thing, and they're working out the details of the transfer substantiation, which I think is the word that describes how Jesus turns into that stuff, that they have to workshop it and work it down to something that's more manageable audio issues are happening right now in the podcast please remain calm all right but alistair uh all right what about this okay it's a you know the show is it a show hot wings is that what that or like whatever that show is where they eat hot wings and they ask question it's an it's an interview and they're eating

really spicy things yeah what about that right but they're eating things that are just just literally just temperature wise incredibly hot i think we did that already yeah i think we have done an episode of that. We've talked about that as a show before. Okay, well, I was just really enjoying the idea that I just came up with that all by myself just then. And I was actually laughing to myself about how good an idea it was that I just had. So, it's a real personal blow that you've delivered to me here. No problem.

That's okay. What about this then? Okay. Based on a personal experience that you and I currently share, which is that we both recently bought pressure cookers. Yeah. It's a show where two guys get together. It doesn't have to be two guys.

It's a show where two guys get together. It doesn't have to be two guys. Two people get together and they slow cook something. I was going to say pressure cook. But maybe it's funnier if it's a slow cooker thing and they slow cook something for seven or eight hours while they have an interview. I've lost interest in that idea. cook something for seven or eight hours while they have an interview. All right. I've lost interest in that idea.

Oh, no. It was just the wings idea. I'm going back to the pressure one. I'm going back to the pressure one because what if it was, you know, you pressure cook something, you know, so you're putting food under pressure, right, and that takes about 15 minutes, and you also ask them high pressure questions you try and exert the same kind of pressure on your interview subject so like it's not like the

wings where the wings have a have a negative effect on your ability to talk and things like that or they put you through something it's more like the questions are putting you through something and then the cooking will be itself the relief at the end that it's over. I think so, yes. But also, in a way, it's unrelated. But also, it's a metaphor. But also, it's an opportunity for me to now communicate what I think is really important, which is the value of pressure cooking, which I've become very excited about. Yeah. In the last two weeks since I've had my pressure cooker.

very excited about yeah ever in the last two weeks since i've had my pressure cooker and that i didn't realize you know we've talked on on the podcast in the past about how you know food cooks at different rates at different temperatures yeah but but um does but um but no it's never it's a different pressure sorry it's never seemed so seemed so personally relevant to me. Yeah, but this is the one thing I don't like about it, is that it doesn't let you cook things at very low pressure. Really low? You mean like... Like it doesn't allow you to sort of get it down to a vacuum

or anything like that and cook things at that temperature. A low-pressure cooker. I'm sure there would be something in that so let's look at what the opposite of high pressure cooking would be because what i've found so far is that um the pressure cooker allows me to cook things perfectly so at high pressure so i'm imagining that at very low pressure it would allow it would exaggerate all the flaws in your cooking technique and make um the end product exponentially worse yeah yeah and just and take way longer so like you know if you can cook sort of dried peas

dried split peas in the pressure cooker in about 10 minutes uh at high pressure um you could you could then maybe do it over sort of, you know, normally it takes, you know, lots of soaking and all that kind of stuff like that over many hours, but this one could allow you to cook it over a week. God, I'd love that. I'd love that because I get, no, look, I don't know how to phrase this in the ironic way

that I was originally structuring the sentence but i i i hate any um recipe that requires like to you to have done something in advance or because i've never done anything in advance in my life but but something that would be like okay so a week ago um you should have put this in the low-pressure cooker. Imagine if there was things like that with like, because it's like anything that involves me putting on cream twice a day or taking pills or whatever like that. Imagine if there was like a way of going to the toilet that required you to like soak something or pre-marinate or something like that. You know, and then you're like, oh, geez, geez i'm never gonna get that stone out or whatever it is that's not gonna happen that's not gonna happen no yeah i'm gonna keep doing it the old way in the microwave yeah um hang on i i had a i had a glimmer of something there when you were talking about, oh, yeah, because whenever it's telling you to do something earlier, you know, soak something, put it in overnight, really what it's telling me is you should have started preparing this when you were eight years old.

And what you needed to do then was develop a completely different personality. So, you know, 30 years ago, start developing a completely different personality. Then, after almost 38, 30 years have passed, put the lentils into soak in the fridge. One day before you actually want to eat them. Yeah. I just have never thought like that.

I've never thought, I may want to eat sort of beans tomorrow. Yeah. No, I never imagined that I'll want to eat tomorrow at all. It's always just like, well, no, I want to eat now. And, yeah, I don't understand any broader consequences. One thing that I was thinking about with the pressure cooking and the things cooking at different, you know, like boiling an egg takes longer.

It takes a different amount of time at different pressures, different altitudes. And I was imagining what would it be like if we'd never developed any other technique for measuring the altitude of something. So we'd have our current aeroplane technology and jumbo jets and dreamliners and that sort of thing. But alongside the pilot and the co-pilot, there'd be a guy cooking egg after egg, cracking them open and checking exactly how runny the yolk is after different periods of time in order to be able to update.

In a big old pot there, Steve. He's got all the water boiling. It would be very complicated, especially because he would – is he just boiling eggs every six minutes or something like that? Yeah. Yeah. To give the pilot, you know, the most accurate – and they'd be incredibly good at it,

but he would still be dressed as a chef, I think. Do you think early on they used to just do that with measuring tape? How high up the ground they were? Yeah. I think so. Do you think there was a point where they were actually just like dropping rope or dropping to try and get an idea? I mean, this feels like almost a Seinfeld bit. You'd be like, how do they know?

What are they doing up there in the cockpit? Well, they got a little tape measure out the window. That's 18,000 feet, you know? Alistair, is there a sketch in somebody boiling eggs in the cockpit of the jumbo jet? Boiling eggs, altitude test. I think the reason that the Dreamliner never succeeded as an aeroplane was not to do with the reduction in global air traffic as a result of COVID and that sort of thing, but because it didn't have as cool a name as the jumbo jet.

Yeah. I thought it still didn't work. I mean, that's possible. I think the Dreamliner is like one of the main planes. What about the A380? What about the A380? Was it the A380? The Dreamliner is the 7 of the main planes. What about the A380? What about the A380? Was it the A380? The Dreamliner is the 787.

Is that bigger than the 747? I'm not sure. I thought that some of those big planes were decommissioned. Yeah, right. Well, because there used to be ones that were like, I remember the first time I went on a plane I think it was like a two, it was two stories Yeah, well the jumbo jet is two stories

Yeah I want a plane with a basement An airplane with a basement Yeah I mean, I guess in a way that's kind of the baggage compartment yeah i guess you're right but but you know i i think the idea of the first aeroplane built with a basement is really good like i think we could do a documentary that is a fictional history of air travel and talk about some of the early pioneers and, you know, the guy who was the first to build an aeroplane with a basement. Do you picture that it's actually in the ground?

Yeah, I mean, that's a great question. I think I can just picture like a mocked up black and white picture of an aeroplane in the air, but with what looks like a stone basement hanging off the bottom. Like sort of big blue stone or whatever. Big blue stone blocks. Yeah, that's what I'm imagining. And I'm imagining a wooden staircase that you go down to get to it. And it's really rickety and, you know, it's cobwebs and shit.

Well, how about, Andy, I think we've got enough sketches. So I'm going to take us to three words from a listener, if you're okay with that. I'd love that. Andy, we have listeners and one of them is called Lucas Smith. I don't know if you know that. Lucas Smith. Yeah. Lucas, thank you thank you i don't know what to say except for thank you and it would be nice if you said something else yeah all right go ahead um lucas smith Go ahead. Lucas Smith, you've changed me.

Thank you. As a man. Thank you. All right. Would you like to try and guess what Lucas Smith has suggested for the three words? Yeah. Okay. The first word is thrumming.

Thrumming? Thrumming. Thrumming? Thrumming. Thrumming. Absolutely incorrect, Andy. I'm sorry, but the first word is human. Human. Human. Oh, human.

Okay. I think is that the only like absolutely clear two-syllable rhyme with human? Let's see. Oh, Truman. Yes. Okay. Now, but I reckon the second word is human. No, Andy, no. Why would I tell you that in the section beforehand?

I'm not giving you clues here. If anything, I would avoid that word at all costs. So any words that I did bring up, then you could be sure that that wasn't in the next word. So are you still going with that? So what is it? That's still going to be your guess? Yeah, that's still my guess. guess all right second word is placenta you look like an idiot human placenta okay and the third word is rotund no no i don't even know if you got, I don't know, you got one letter right.

It's peed. It's what? Peed. Peed? Yeah. P-E-E-D. Human placenta peed. Yeah.

Oh, I see. It's the human centipede. It's a play on that. So really, you know, the human and cumin thing wasn't a completely, you know, unrelated observation. Yeah, I guess not. But I want you to know I wasn't trying to give you any tips on anything. I mean, the placententa pede it sounds like just the most horrific parasite um you could imagine doesn't it like you know it's it's it's a real horror story it's like a bit of meat that's in the in the that's in the

i don't know the placenta is the bag, no. The placenta is the food bag. It's the food bag. So it's like a bit of meat for the kid to eat. Yeah, it is. Yeah. But they drink it. They drink the meat. Through their stomach.

Yeah. Yeah. So it's like a little meat milkshake. Yeah. Like it makes milkshakes. It's like a little milk bar for meat-based drinks. Is there anything in an innovation that allows you to, I guess, inject things into the placenta to give it different flavors and to, you know.

It's awful that babies in, you know, fetuses in there don't get to eat anything that's handcrafted. Mm. Mm. Yeah. And you can't. Yep. You can't personalize that product in any way. But if you could somehow create a portal into there so that, let's say, you could put in a nice hand-cut chip.

a portal into there so that let's say you could put in a nice hand cut chip you know like a rough cut sort of you know salted with you know like like kind of yeah with a bit of rosemary and that sort of rosemary and some like beautiful river salt just so that they can get the nice and very distinctly different flavor of the salt that comes from a river rather than one of the other methods. Is this river salt? I can tell. Yeah. Okay, so it's a technology or a sort of a service or a restaurant that specifically

caters to pregnant humans and you can go along and, you know, have your – Restaurant Vito dining. You sit at the table there. Mm. Mm. Is that anything? Yeah, indeed.

It is. I'm so sorry to all listeners. Yeah. I'm sorry too. But you know there are people who eat the placenta, right? Yeah. But you know there are people who eat the placenta, right? Yeah.

To get the nutrients, which apparently that's something we would have done once upon a time in the savannah. We would have eaten the placenta and it would have been good stuff. Do you think that that would be like the reverse of the, I don't know, I guess I was trying to picture like the reverse of the i don't know i guess i was trying to picture like the reverse of like a a black widow spider where where but where the the man has sex with the woman and then but then waits until she gives birth before he eats her placenta and then leaves he's really in it for the placenta. Yeah, I mean, that's a real fucked up kind of guy. A guy who keeps getting women pregnant just because he wants to eat the placenta.

Yeah, but you know, like... And then he loses interest in the whole relationship. He's not got... He leaves. He wasn't in it for the relationship at all. He was just in it for the placenta. This is a really, this is a really fucked up guy. This is a new type of guy.

I mean, but is that a crime? That's what I want to know, right? To go from town to town, having people fall in love with you, getting them pregnant, developing what seems like a really genuine, deep and meaningful relationship, being present for the birth, saying, you know, I want to do the most intimate thing, I want to eat the placenta, and then you eat the placenta, and then you leave.

They call him the black widower. But he's actually, his wife is still alive. Yeah. It's just her placenta. That's the sickest part of it. The black widow with a living wife. Yeah. Because he also wants, you know, he's honorable.

So he does marry each one of the women whose placenta he was going to eat and then leave. I mean, it'd actually probably be easier to just stay in a long-term relationship and then just convince them to have another baby. Yeah, that's not how he operates, though. No, he's have been easier. Yeah, that's going to be a good point in the sketch, I think. I'm excited about that. I think this is an idea, Alistair. Yeah?

I think it's a macabre tale. I think it's for a sort of a – it's for an anthology series of things that are a bit like The Twilight Zone, a bit like Black Mirror. They're not really horror. They're not really sort of a dystopian vision of, you know, and then also not like, you know, making any kind of satirical comment. It's just fucked dudes. They're just a bit fucked up. Fucked dudes.

I think that's what it's called. It's the fucked dudes. Show. Show. Each episode is about a different fucked up dude. And a new type of fucked dude. You don't realize, you know, until what, how, in what way he is fucked. Yeah.

I love that. The fucked dudes show. I think that would, that would move tickets. Yeah. Alistair, I reckon we're done for today. What do you reckon? All right. Let's do it.

We've got, we've got the pants down catwalk. we're done for today. What do you reckon? All right, let's do it. We've got the pants down catwalk. These are the sketches for today. We've got the frantically having pants removed by lover for diarrhea. We've got growing plants through your veins. Jesus comes back and has grass growing on him. Jesus comes back and has grass growing on him. God, we're stupid. How church decided on the cheap bread body of Christ stuff,

cardboard body of Christ stuff, what jesus actually made and then how he and then were you going into how the process of like how his body would turned into that stuff uh not really no i was just going into yeah what the fact that they'd had to change it to something more realistic yeah you know what it have been cool though? Because what he'd originally served was so elaborate and it was breaking the back of the church and making it every time. You know the whole thing with like Jesus, he came back but then he kind of just climbed the stairs, invisible stairs and went back to heaven? Mm.

Mm. Right? I reckon he, it's just the weirdest thing where he came back, but actually he's still gone. That's the weird one where there's like, that's such a big hole in their story. Um, so it's like, is he up there alive? It sounds to me like he forgot his wallet or something. Is he the only living dude in heaven? You know, like that little bit where he comes back.

But like what happened to his, like his flesh body went back up, right? Like, so he went his like his flesh body went back up right like so he went back into his flesh body and so he's the only flesh-bodied person up in heaven that's right so he's just got like or does at some point does his soul escape and that he and then his meat falls to the ground i don't think the body i mean maybe he did the body burned up on re-entry. Is that what you think? Like space junk? That could be it, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, lands in somebody's paddock. The charred remains. Oh, it might have been Jesus. Yeah. That'd be amazing. I mean, it's impossible. It's possible that it has been.

His body has just been there in a decaying orbit for 2,000 years and it will, that would be great. I mean, that's a sketch idea that NASA detects his body slowly beginning to re-enter the upper atmosphere. Detects Jesus' body. They're able to, you able to look at it really closely with some of their telescopes, and we can see it there, and it's perfectly preserved. Turn the James Webb around onto that. That's what I'd do.

Then we have plane with basement. There you go. That's nothing. That's not nothing. I think Plain with Basement is probably my favorite idea. Okay, great. And then we got Restaurant and Veto Dining. Am I saying it's in utero, isn't it?

I'm saying in veto. Yeah, but in vetoes does sound like a restaurant. That's true veto does sound like uh you know an italian man's name we got fucked up guy who starts relationships to eat the placenta then leave it's the black widower with living wife and then we got nasa detects jesus's body in low orbit so yeah is this anything vitro corleone yeah fuck it all right it is something i'm in a good mood all right andy let's wrap it. Oh, yeah.

Hey, you know what? You guys, we appreciate you. You're all right. You're all right by us, and you continue to be. And thank you for everything. Please check out the link for Gustav and Henry Volume 2, which I will place in the show notes below this podcast. And Alistair, do you want to plug too in the think tank?

No, don't. Whatever episode you listen to, don't listen to the most recent one. And we love you. Bye. You can't get a nice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Goaltenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials.

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