Two In The Think Tank - 346 - "POPE OVER EASY"

Episode Date: August 18, 2022

Pop Eggs. 8 Miles To Gundagai, Subplot Writer, Droit de James Webb First Look, Soccer Player Lovemaking, War of the Words, Edgar Allen Po' BoyGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Ideas. I'm Alistair. And I'm Andy. George William Tomlin. Bert Scholl. Andy. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Alistair. And I'm Andy. George William Trombley.

Bert Scholl. Andy. Stepping all over my family legacy, which is my name. They left it to me in my birth certificate. My good name. Ah, my good name. Ruined my good name. You know what you should do?

Yeah. Is when you're, you know, when you turn, I don't know, like 15. 15 years old? You should legally change your name, right, to something else. Yeah. Get all your crimes and your misdemeanors and your just embarrassing stuff out of the way. Yeah. And then keep your good name, your original name, your family name, nice and fresh and untouched.

Okay. Is that the idea with like- Then you come back to 25, 26, you're like, okay. Like a Pope. Like a Pope. Because I guess they kind of get rid of their sinner name. It is a nickname for the Popes, isn't it? Right?

Like all that Benedict shit. They call it a, what do they call it? Like a papal name, a Pope name? Your eggs name. Your eggs name? Yeah egg's name. Your egg's name? Yeah. Because it's Benedict. Eggs Benedict.

Pope Florentine. Pope Francis. I think they should just name more eggs after popes. Yeah, I was going to go the other way, but you're right. I think we should go. No, you're right. Pope over easy. Pope Spanish omelette. the other way but you're right i think i think we should go you're right don't pope pope over pope over easy yeah pope spanish omelette i guess that's pope francis he's curried pope curried pope

hard-boiled pope okay but no but okay well you know what this is this is you know what this isn't well this isn't a sketch idea but you know what this is? This is, you know what this isn't? This isn't a sketch idea, but you know what this is? It's a real good time. It's a great funny t-shirt idea. I don't know if funny t-shirts are in at the moment, but I feel like- T-shirts that go hard are in right now.

T-shirts that go hard. This doesn't go hard. No, no, this doesn't go hard. This goes, this goes- This will depend. One goes soft boiled. Yeah, fucking hell. Thanks for rescuing me there.

I was trying to think of the word for things that aren't hard. These ones go runny. T-shirts that go runny. Still have a gelatinous white area. I mean, the fact that we haven't come up with a spray-on T-shirt. You think they haven't? I think that's the pretext of my sentence. I mean, I've definitely seen people who spray paint things onto people's bodies.

And then I think I've seen maybe somebody do like a suit or something like that. But maybe not a t-shirt. Thank you very much. But look, I think a t-shirt with a whole lot of sketches, okay, of different popes as eggs. That's all I'm saying. Okay. Pope over easy. Do you think there was a Pope Florentine?

I mean, in a way, it seems possible. Yeah. Because Florence, as we both know, is a type of nightingale, a woman, a nurse. The important thing is that Pope Florentine is believable. So if I wrote Pope Benedict. That opens the door. Yeah. Pope Benedict first. first yes then pope florentine yes yes then pope over easy then pope scrambled pope pope with soldiers pope pope with soldiers which there would have been a pope with that carried pipe and we've been through these but we're just playing the hits at this point. Yeah, yeah.

People love it when they... We haven't done Pope with soldiers. Something that they can... Pope Sixtus V. No, hang on. Pope Sixth V. There were Florence and the Popes. Oh, this is something else.

All right. I'm getting distracted, Andy, by... Oh, stare. I think, you know, that really brought us back down to reality there. We were on a flight of fancy. There goes gravity. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What about... It's the movie Eight Mile. Yeah. Right? But it's about Edward Lear and limericks. Okay. Yep. There once was a man...

I did... You know, did I pitch you once the Eight. There once was a man. I did. You know, I did. Did I pitch you once the eight mile, but for Bush poems? Maybe you did. I mean, that's Andy.

I couldn't think of a better person to say that I'm going to write this with, and then we'll never get around to it. We call it, you know what we call it? What? Eight miles to Gundagai. That's good. That's good.

Yeah. All right. Eight miles to go. Oh, I mean, this this probably an old idea that we've already written down do you think uh write it down again you know what we're phoenixing we're legally phoenixing the podcast okay and we're all our old sketch ideas they don't count anymore uh episode 346 we're starting season start again i wrote oh i wrote 446 geez that's insane yeah okay so 346 we're starting starting season. Let's start again. I wrote 446. Jeez, that's insane. Yeah. Okay. So 346.

We're starting to get. Is this season four now? We start in season four. We were in season three, right? I think we were in season three. So I think we're now just starting season four, but it's actually in brackets season one. Now, speaking of ideas that we've probably already come up with. What's that story? The famous story about the guy. It's season one. Now, speaking of ideas that we've probably already come up with. Eight Miles to Gundagai. What's that story, the famous story about the guy?

Gundagai? He's got a name. He's got a name. For anybody who's not from Australia, there is a very famous Australian poem or song called The Road to Gundagai. Yeah, and I think it might have the line Six Miles to Gundagai or something in the poem. Yeah, right. Oh, no. That's the dog sits on the tucker box.

I've seen that. Something miles from Gundagai. Yeah. But Alistair, speaking of ideas that we've probably already come up with on the podcast before. But no, we haven't. Not technically this podcast. Not legally.

We're just buying the legal entity that is our old podcast. That's right. And then liquidating all of its- Transferring the title. Its debts, which is the debts are all the sketches that haven't been made. Yes. And then we don't have to feel guilty about any of that. It was becoming burdensome.

It was a lot. It was a weight of expectation. But- I can't wait to hear what this idea is I keep forgetting I have to remember every single time Who's the fucking guy who falls asleep For like 300 minutes

No no no He goes to sleep for like 300 Sleeping Beauty He's got a name like Wee Willie Winky or some shit It's called Withersmith Bogganson or something like that. It's a famous story and it's like an origin of time travel kind of stories because he wakes up and like, you know, his children have grown up and died.

Become 300 years old. They're all 300 years old, that sort of thing. But isn't in a way every sleep is a version of that, right? That's true. Yeah, you wake up 12 hours later. Yeah, 12 hours. Is this the idea? Yeah, I like this. Okay, so every day you wake up.

You're in the future and you're like, ah! You know, that kind of stuff. Yeah, it's a bit like that I find because you wake up and then you open up your news app and you go. A whole lot of shit and because then you go oh i wonder if there's been this is every day i actually as i'm as the in the moments while it's loading i go i wonder if there's been another 9-11 and i like not 9-11 but you know that yeah like the rush that you got from 9-11 you know what i mean like that rush i've just been chasing that rush when you open up a news website or you turn on the tv and something big has happened like something smoldering you know

and you go oh is it something all that smoke people are covered in dust is this a baking festival or is it another 9-11 that's it and so it's um yeah so okay wait wait so how do we how do we how do you picture this sketch i i don't i don't really i really know you know because because what it is is it's one of the classic Andy sketches where it's like, take something that's quite extreme and interesting. What if there was a very mild version of that? A mild version where it's actually... What if it was a lot less interesting? Does that make it funny somehow?

Yeah. Well, what if we go back to Eight Miles to Gundagai, right? So let's say, okay, so he's... I guess they're not that far from Gundagai. I mean, you know, so they're on the wrong side of the... But, I mean they're not that far from gun to guy i mean you know they're and then so they're on the wrong side of the but but i mean they are that far far far from gun to guy at the time right because i assume are we setting it in the past and it's all like horses and shit it could be i don't know i think i think it would be good i consider bush poetry to be timeless

i think it would be good to do a period piece. A period piece, but like that style of period piece with the Bridgerton and that kind of stuff is very in right now. You can make it a bit street, use whatever language you want and that sort of thing and colorblind casting, all that kind of stuff. We make it about Henry Lawson and Banjo Patterson. They've got this rivalry. It's about them, right?

Who's the underdog? It's Henry Lawson. Is he? Yeah, because his life was real shit. Yeah. Was he the drover? He might have been the drover. I don't know if either of them was really like a drover kind of guy,

but they probably wrote about drovers and stuff. Yeah, because they saw them arrive on their land. Yeah, like I reckon there's a poem in that. Yeah. I see stuff. Yeah, they'd be out there seeing stuff and then racing to write the first bush poem about it. Do you think he was like the drover's wife, right? That poem that he wrote, Henry Lawson.

I think that's a story rather than a poem. You're right, you're right. It's a story. Do you think maybe the only reason that he saw that was because he was visiting the guy's wife? Drover's wife. Do you think? Like he was visiting the guy's wife. The driver's wife. Do you think? Like he was like, boy, this lady's life is sad.

This lady who I'm hooking up with. The guy comes home. The driver comes home. He's like, what are you doing here with my wife? Oh, I'm writing a poem about it. Yes, I'm writing a very long story. Oh, yes. Oh, well, I'm looking forward to reading it.

Oh, yes, I better get on to it. Quick, let me grab my pants. I take off my pants to write, usually. Anyway, you'll be having a child soon, I hear. Yeah, no, I mean, I like all of that. That would be a great subplot. Oh, subplot in there while he's having this romance with this drover's wife.

You know what would be a good job? Yeah. Be a guy, a subplot guy. You know, everybody's writing their big stories, right? What if you could just be the guy they come to for a subplot and you look through their list of characters and you're like, oh, what if these two characters had to go and borrow a car? Yes, yes, yes.

That's really good. So wait, you're in a writer's room where people are like- I'm not in a writer's room. I'm in a different room. So the writers are in the writer's room. You're in the subplot room. Well, maybe I have a little van and I drive it around the streets of LA. The subplot should be underneath the regular room, the writer's room.

Yeah, scuttling. And maybe like a little sewer or something like that. There's a grate that you can whisper things through to the people up in the writer's room. It's really good. Yeah? Yeah. Sort of you live like the Ninja Turtles. Yeah, like a little rat man.

Horrible little. And I eat the scraps that fall down through the grate. And you go, oh... Because they're always leaning back on their chair and trying to throw chips into each other's mouths and stuff because they're having such a good time. But sometimes they miss. And I go...

And you go, oh, maybe Kramer could... You know, this is the one... He talks about all the great writers' rooms that he worked under. And, you know and maybe Kramer could have like a big chicken shop open up downstairs and it's got the red light coming in like that and he's like

yeah yeah you know I just had an idea maybe Kramer they feed a little bit of chicken down but they think that they have the idea because they just hear it. Really? Wow. By the way, I've listened back to some episodes recently

because I was trying to find clips. By the way, if anybody has some clips that they like, sections of the podcast that they like, send them to me, and then I can clip them up and try and put them on some social medias. Because I realize I've got to do a lot of listening in order to do this clipping and you've listening been listening back and what have you found i find that a lot of the things that i think that i've said that were really funny turns out you said and i oh did you repeat them back to me or something in the episode or do you just no i don't just decided that you'd said i just in my mother's how i remembered them i go i was yeah geez i was funny in this and i go

oh i didn't really say anything well you know what that is is your brain isn't recording separate tracks you've got an algorithm that mixes it all down into one that's right like like it doesn't keep track of what you know what what ideas my right hemisphere comes up with and what idea my left hemisphere comes up with in the same way it doesn't it doesn't register which ones you come up with and which ones i come up with it just says i came up with all of them now but can we go back to my version where i drive around in a little van like an ice cream van around the street this is the subplot this is the subplot guy okay or you know i'm driving around and i've got a i play a play a tune yeah you know maybe not maybe maybe not that one

but something that's a bit more um you know maybe what's a theme like a theme that might be associated with it yeah that's it perfect and you're coming up with all the lowest the lowest um stories the jimmy olsen um jimmy olsen was he involved in superman was he involved in superman was he his friend or photographer or something sure are you thinking of peter parker the photographer i was thinking of the olsen twins oh Oh, yes, of course. Yes, and they would get photographed rather than be photographers. But I find that very often the photograph reveals more about the photographer than it does about the person being photographed, unless, of course, it's some sort of photograph of their bum or something.

And then you're like, oh, that's actually revealed quite a lot about you. The nipple is showing through their clothing or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, okay. Oh, I guess I didn't see quite as much of the photographer's bum. Yeah. Unless it's a very shiny bum. Yeah, that's right.

Very, very shiny bum. And you can see, you zoom in, you can actually see the photographer reflected. Yeah, yeah, that is. And then you see, what you can see is the photographer's bum. That's right. Unless it's very shiny as well.. Unless it's very shiny as well. Unless their bum's very shiny as well. And then it creates this kind of infinity mirror.

But it would be curved, so sort of a convex kind of infinity mirror where things get progressively smaller. Yeah. But which you would be able to see with digital, with the high pixel count on a lot of digital photographs these days. Unless it was film. Unless the photographer is using film

and then you could just keep zooming in forever. You think it's infinite detail? Is that what you get with film? Do you get infinite levels of... Infinite detail, yeah. So I think you can actually see probably the beginning of time in there. That's great. If you zoom in far enough.

Far enough because you look up into the stars. I don't think you need to. I think the center of the universe, the beginning of the universe is everywhere, is in all directions. And so it would be inside the photographer's, on the reflection in the photographer's bum. Yes, the center of the universe is everywhere yeah that's very true and one of my favorite facts yeah but but i but i don't think you can see the that

doesn't necessarily mean you can see the beginning of the universe no no i know that because the travel the speed of light well no it didn't seem like you knew that no no i know i know but i meant that if somebody was looking at it from 13 billion years away. Oh, okay. The photographer's bum? Yeah. Well, the photographer, the photographer's bum. I still don't think that works.

I still don't think that works. No, but I meant. Because they would only be able to see that 13 billion years in the future when the light reaches them. So they would only see, yeah, you're right. So they would only see. Now. They wouldn't see the wouldn't see the origin yeah yeah i meant the photographer's bum or whatever it was 13 billion years ago now what if what about this right what about this about this? They get the photographs, right? They get the photographs, the James Webb telescope.

Yes. Right? And they're revealing them to the president or something like that. Right? And then they look at one of the photographs and they've looked all the way into the so far away and the universe is curved they've seen all the way around all the way around and they're looking at their own bums yeah they're looking at their their own bums or possibly the president's mom's bum or

something like that yeah this is what the wait this is the scientists at nasa looking at the president's mom's bum yeah yeah what do you think of that? So they've looked all the way around. Well, how did this come about? Did I miss the beginning of a sentence? No, they've got the James Webb telescope, super powerful telescope. So it's all the way around. They're looking at the universe's curve.

The light's gone all the way around. They can see the current president's mom's bum. Yeah, they're showing him the photographs. Here's the photos. It's actually really significant. We weren't expecting this. We saw it all the way back. We've all seen your mum's bum.

But it's only like looking back sort of like maybe 20 to 40 years. I guess I hadn't really thought about the time component. I just thought they were looking at the president's mum's bum. Yeah, it's like as in his dead mum. Like somehow they've got x-ray stuff so they can see her in the ground. I guess. Well, I mean, not all president's mums are dead. No, I know.

I guess the current president's mum is probably dead. I assume that. Yeah. If the current president is almost dead. Yes. Who's the first president to have a living mum? I'm just going to say

George Washington, but then again. Is there a special word for the president's mum? First mum. Like, you know, there's the first lady. Would she be the first mum?

It's crazy that the mum doesn't get to be the first lady. Yeah. You know, because I would just, I always put so much importance on mums. Well, if the mum, you mom you know first dad really had a lot of had a very sort of codependent relationship with her her son i'm saying son just because there haven't been any female presidents yet right it's not in america you're absolutely right. That was what I was talking about.

I don't think Canada's have a female prime minister. You'll always be my first lady. That's what... Oh, I just want to still be your first lady in your life. That's right. Something like that. And then he breastfeeds. She's British. And then she breastfeeds him.

She breastfeeds him. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. I think while he's breastfeeding, do you think- Has there been a movie called First Baby? But it's- No, President Baby.

It's a movie where a baby becomes president. Have there been any movies about that? I'm sure there's been movies where a teen becomes president. But what about a baby? There's Boss Baby, which is a movie where a boss- A baby becomes a boss. A boss is kind of a businessman. Sure, sure.

I mean, that would be a good. But also kind of a spy kind of thing as well. And they're working towards. Until next time. Kind of a spy also working towards keeping, you know, passion towards babies. Everybody wants people to like babies and find them very cute. President Baby. I haven't seen President Baby yet. But what were we just talking about?

I think we have to finish our idea. President's mum's bum. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't sure on what that was. I mean, I think that there's a, I think there's, I think there's an interesting moment. This is an interesting moment of frisson. You know, I love a bit of frisson.

It's when the photographers, the people looking at the photographs from the James Webb telescope, when they first print them out or whatever, I imagine they print them out, and they realize that they're photographs of the president's mum's bum. Yeah. And then they have to tell the president that it's like a galaxy or something like that. Yeah. Or are they going to try and do that?

Are they going to come clean? The president's coming to see the photographs. Yeah. All they've got are these. Every single photograph is just of the president's mum's bum. Yeah. Every direction they look, it turns out, because of the way the universe is curved, they look like real pervs.

Yeah. Okay. And it's not their fault. No, it's not their fault. It's just the structure of the universe. And they should have looked at the photos before the president was on his way walking into the room. But the president's really excited to see them.

He's just coming down the hall. What are they going to do? They said, they called out do they said they call it they said mr president uh we have some photos we're printing them out now we have some photos from the james webb telescope uh they've captured a lot and we're gonna print them out now and then take a look at take a look at them we'd like you to be here be here and it's going to be the first time we're gonna have a good virgin look at them yeah well that's you know that's the right of presidents that's you know it used to be they got to deflower the daughters of the village or something like that but now that they're the only

thing they're allowed yeah is they're allowed to have the first look at any photographs of any distant galaxies yeah and, and then, but then they got... And then... He gets an hour alone in a room with the photographs before anybody else. Imagine that. It's one of the perks. So then he spends a whole hour, right? They don't even look at the photos yet.

He spends... They don't look at the photos. They're just in an envelope he comes out an hour later these are all photos of my mom's bum he's going through one after another yeah oh it's right on the dot one hour passes because i you know i i can't help but notice that every single one of these photographs are of my mother's bum now he recognizes his mom's bum. Yeah. Well, do you picture it being a flesh bum?

Because for some reason I picture it in a yellow skirt. Yeah, sure, sure. Yeah, I think that's nicer. I think that's classier. It's like a driving Miss Daisy kind of skirt. I don't know, it's got a crimp on it. Oh, sure. I love that style. Yeah.

You know, it's like you can a it's a high-end fabric it's kind of got you know like a you know that word that we'd got from ellie ages ago and it was like a trip thing or something and triptych it wasn't triptych um but it was a word and it meant like for that, usually like a wall covering that has got an indentation that is. Ah, yeah. And. But don't look it up. I picture that, but with.

But a skirt. But with a skirt. Yeah. And it's on the president's mom's bum. Mom's bum. But it's yellow. But yeah, I think, I mean, maybe that's what he needed the full hour to. I would say that both.

To identify it. He just, yeah, I don't even, I think he knew immediately. Yeah, okay. Anaglypta, I think. Anaglypta. Or an anaglyph. I wasn't going to get that. No. Trip. Trip. Trip. Trip thlypta, I think. Anaglypta. Or an anaglyph. Yeah, right. I wasn't going to get that. No.

Trip. Trip. Trip. Trip-thong. Trip-thong. All right. So James Webb. Telescope.

I think I've tweeted this or said this before, but I'll put it out there for the listeners, this before but i'll put it out there for the listeners which is that um you know those kinds of um bikinis that are sort of like a bikini but they're sort of joined in the middle as well so it's not quite a bikini but it's not quite a one piece either i think they should be called a diphthong um i don't know what a diphthong is i I think. So diphthong is two letters that are joined together, right? Yeah. With, you know, like an A and an E to make it a diphthong. But then diphthong would be a swimming diphthong. Andy, this is highly unusual.

Two things that are joined together. This is highly unusual and I don't normally do this. But you've just said one of the three words from a listener. Is it diphthong? It is diphthong. This is highly unorthodox. It's not normally how we do things here, but something has come up in the podcast that has to be addressed.

Yeah, great. Had you already started writing that? that okay we're on four sketch ideas that's quite good um so what about this okay what about this yeah quasimodoing quasimodoing okay yeah okay it's a new it's a new um trend for people on um on tiktok or yeah and so it's like you know like you know that song like you can ring my bell my bell my bell yeah is that is that about giving them an orgasm you think it's about quasimodo hang on but like you know like like do you think ringing you can ring my bell does that mean like you can sort of move my clitoris to the point where I, until I orgasm? Yeah.

I don't know. I don't have an opinion about ringing the bell. But then imagine what Quasimodo-ing is, because then that's a gigantic clitoris. And you're rubbing your head against it. Is that what he does? I think he, I haven't seen it, right? But there's a joke that's like Quasimimodo his face rings a bell or something like that so i assume at some point in the movie quasimodo he hits the bell with his head or maybe because he's a bell ringer right yeah but i think he uses the big

rope and yeah i mean he might hit his head with his head at some point look it's not enough to base a sex move off you're absolutely right yeah to smash your head into uh into it yeah i was just trying to picture like you know what's the biggest what's the biggest thing that's the problem is that like this is a dumb question what's the biggest thing that you can rob and get an orgasm and it's either it's either... Tinders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now.

For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. The bride. A clitoris or a penis. Could be. I mean, you know, but then of course it could just be a hyena's clitoris,

which is probably the biggest clitoris maybe. I don't know. Or maybe a whale's clitoris. A whale would probably have a clitoris. Do you ever think about that? I hope so. Eh? I hope so.

I don't think every creature has it as a center for pleasure. Right. But it must have it because it's the same thing that turns into the penis and that thing has a center for pleasure. So from an evolutionary perspective, there must be. Well, that's the incentive to have sex, right? I don't think any of them are like, fuck, I got to have a kid. But I think the incentive to have sex, what that feels like for a whale we don't know and whether it's the pleasure of the act itself the yak the act okay or the pleasure of the yak the pleasure of the yak look

i just think that quasimodoing yeah what would it be as a... That's what I was trying to figure out as well. Okay, so you're thinking it's rubbing an enormous thing. Yeah. To cause a big... A big bell. Yeah, but I'm not saying that... But I think Ring My Bell, I think whatever it is, Ring My Bell is going to be the track that they play

during the TikTok clips. Ring My Bell. And he's going, pulling up and down to the beat with the big, that big rope. Big rope. But, you know, maybe it's running into something shouting sanctuary. Maybe it's, you know, it is. Carrying a very big backpack.

Carrying a very big backpack. Hitting something. Hitting. You know, to make a big. A bong a bong hitting a bong hitting a big bong maybe there's nothing he calls he calls smoking weed quasimodoing why uh because he's hitting a big ball um also i guess like something like uh what's that clock called there the tower maybe it's the tower is called big ben no the clock is called big ben yeah that's right and that's right but what's the bell's name oh i think it's is it is it the

tower of the houses of parliament or some shit like that? Yeah, but did they give the, is that the name of the bell? The Tower of the Houses of Parliament? Yeah, that's right. Actually, the name of the bell is the Tower of the Houses of Parliament. The Tower of the Houses of Parliament. I think, what about this, right? What if... The terror is the name of the clock.

I was thinking about that soccer player who head-butted that guy in the stomach. Zidane. Zinedine Zidane. Zinedine Zidane. What a name. But I was thinking how... Doesn't seem French, does he?

Seems like he'd be from Zanzibar or something like that. If I were to guess. That would be my guess. Somewhere very Zed heavy. Zed heavy. It was somewhere like... It feels like even though Morocco starts with M, it feels like everywhere there must start with Zed almost.

Yeah, that's right. You know how people talk about catching some Zeds to go to sleep? Well, he put them all in his name when he caught them. He never went to sleep. He just started naming himself. But I was thinking about how he head-butted that guy. He must have thought that that would have been, in the soccer context, less illegal than punching than punching him that's right because he wasn't

using his hands yeah well that's right and because using his hands to touch the head would be to a certain extent like touching a ball then exactly what you're but i was wondering if there was like a we could do this would be a very erotic sketch oh yes i like this would be how soccer players make love is this about quasi motoing it could this would be how soccer players make love. Is this about Quasimodo-ing? It could be. This is how soccer players make love. They don't use their hands. Yeah. Right.

Yeah. They attack a dog. They sort of ride. I guess they're on the bed, but they'd sort of be writhing and squirming around trying not to touch the other person with their hand. When it looks like you're trying to wait. They're waiting for the ball to come to the player and they are kind of rubbing up against each other like that, trying to go, oh, I'm going to go this way, I'm going to go that way,

that kind of thing. But then I imagine in the bed they'd sort of look quite a lot like a fish on a pier, sort of flopping around like that. And then I was wondering, would they try and use their forehead instead of their hands to do some of the rubbing? Yes. Which we don't do. I don't think anyone uses the forehead. Do you do some of the rubbing, which we don't do. I don't think anyone uses the forehead.

Do you do a lot of rubbing? Yeah, a lot of rubbing. Because it'd be great, especially for you, someone who doesn't believe in massage. You're like, well, this would be perfect. Time to rub. This would be the perfect style for you because you don't believe in sort of positive sensations coming from hands touching skin, right?

So you'll be like, all right, hun, is it sex time? Let me just put my hands behind my back and hold them, clasp them so I can not use them. And then let me slither upon you. Slide up on there, squirming and slithering. There we go. We won't have any wasted hand touching skin. Okay, wait, you were okay.

So, yeah, I think the way soccer players have sex, Andy, is great. Thank you. That's a sketch idea, Alistair. That's what we're here for in many ways. You might not realize that we're in the studio together today. That's why some of the riffs have been silly and haven't really been well formed. We're in the new Stupid Old Studios studio.

So if you like the sound of this, maybe you want to hire the Stupid Old Studios podcast studio. If you like the sound of this if you listen to this podcast for audio quality then what are you doing with your life but if you do come and hire the stupid old studio one maybe this is a good one maybe this is what's going to happen oh my god well i know, but this could upset George because he loves consistency. Well, he loves the consistency with which there's always something wrong with the podcast. And he loves to text me to say, are you trying to do it badly?

I do love that. George, last time I saw George, he asked me, has anybody else, because somebody noticed at the end of one of the episodes, a few episodes ago, maybe like three or four, maybe five. He put a little remix. There was a little thing, like there was like a bit of silence at the end of the podcast.

And then there was a little remix of what we did with our beat or whatever. And then after I told George that somebody mentioned that, he said, like a week later, he goes, Oh, anybody else notice any Easter eggs or anything? And I went, no, why are there more? He goes, I don't know. And so I think that there's a chance.

So if you guys want to listen out and if you find it. If you want to re-listen to every single episode of 2 and the Think Tank. Yeah. Probably not every single episode. Probably from about 150 or something is when George started. When he started editing. Could be it. Could be it when George started editing.

Oh, yeah. We used to just upload it. Oh, I used to do something. I used to just upload it. Oh, I used to do something. I used to fuck around with it, try and do something. Really? It was a different time back then. It's true. We didn't make as many mistakes in the recording,

so it didn't need so much professional assistance. Well, we hadn't grown as incompetent as we have now. Just turning off the podcast at any point. All right. that's five sketch ideas so should i go to three words from a listener i would love that i'm really excited to learn what the other ones are diphthong um so today's words come from crud as the one of the words do you gong um andy we're not out to that bit yet sorry um crud is a listener and he's sent in three words.

And as you know, the first one is diphthong. Now, do you want me to answer that question? Yeah. Is the second word dugong? No, it isn't. Damn. But you did get the first letter correct. Diphthong.

Deuterium. It's deuterium. That's a very good guess, but it's denominator. Denominator. Diphthong denominator. And the final word is... Diphthong denominator. It says begin with the letter D.

Do you really need me to tell you that? Determinant. That is incorrect, Andy. That inhalation was filled with promise. Disaster. Diphthong, denominator, disaster. Denominator makes me think about the possibility of dividing letters. Right?

Which is, I guess, you know, because if you had like a diphthong, like an A-E. Yeah. Over E. A-E over E. Yes, you can cancel out the E. Cancel out the E. Just get the E. Get an A.

Get the A. Fuck, that was a disaster. Your letter maths is terrible. But why would you need to... W, right? Over U. W over V, if it's capital W. Sure, sure, sure.

T over 7. I. Oh, yeah. T over 7 equals hyphen. High hyphen. And then maybe you can... Could you seven equals hyphen high hyphen and then maybe you can you could you lower the hyphen somehow well i mean it would be lowercase t over lowercase l oh yeah lowercase t over lowercase l equals hyphen what's the up hyphen you know because you've got the underscore is there an oh is it over score i've never heard about an over score

yeah i mean there must be but i've never seen I don't think I've ever even really seen it used. I feel like maybe I have seen it used. I think it's on the keyboard somewhere. What I have learned is that from the weird things people do with fonts and strange letters on Twitter, is that the ASCII characters includes a lot of real freaky shit. You know, if you go deep enough into the ASCII code, you can find anything in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, any old garbage. Picture of your mum's bum.

Yeah, the president. The ASCII code. The president gets the first look at all the galaxies, distant galaxies. Oh, yes. Intriguing. This one looks... Brimming with promise.

Okay, let's not go into letter letter math well it just doesn't it doesn't lend itself so easily to us um but uh let's say this is a department of a university okay sure what if you did find out that you could do maths with words but it's not like maths it's not like just like this minus it's got its own version of maths i mean it kind of is that grammar like you can add words together right as a way of conveying a greater meaning. But the meaning is usually just additive. It would be great if we could find... So that's just additive. We found the additive version of words. It would be great if we could find the multiplicative version.

And maybe that's what metaphor is, right? Because metaphor allows you from two words to get a huge amount of meaning that you wouldn't just get from putting two words together normally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what makes metaphor so powerful, isn't it? I mean, this is a stupid, inane observation from an idiot. makes metaphor so powerful isn't it i mean this is a stupid inane observation from an idiot yeah but metaphor is is so good because you can get so much more meaning out of much fewer words it's actually a really efficient way of encoding yeah it is a second layer it's that subtext and stuff

like that it's just like a second layer of but that but i think it But I think it's only a subtext that works for humans. I mean, oh, man, I can't wait for robots to be able to get subtext. Understand metaphor. Understand metaphor and subtext. Well, I mean, what if aliens come down and they're really literal? That Google one could talk about the themes and stuff like that of Les Miserables. Really?

Yeah, that was that thing that made that guy but it was probably it's it's alive but it's probably probably just getting is it getting that from like other from stuff that it's seen online things like that potentially yeah but i'm sure this guy thought of that yeah i mean that's the thing but also it was the the interesting thing is that if people who study ai can be tricked by these things that's how susceptible but also it was the the interesting thing is that if people who study ai can be tricked by these things that's how susceptible we're all going to be to being tricked what about aliens come down yeah the aliens they understand english right they're very literal but the way that we it's like war of the worlds we have to talk to each other in

subtext we have to talk to each other in subtext in metaphor and in poetry laden with meaning yeah and that's the only way that we can communicate this the only kind of code because they're mathematical geniuses they can break every other code and even rhyming even rhyming slang they can pick up after a couple of listens yeah but they don't they don't get um you know deeper they don't get yeah stuff that is already encoded in your body. I wonder if they would learn it though. Like if you, if they were observing everybody at all times

and you said something like, okay, now this isn't going to- Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind. And then you go into the fridge and get the brie. Yeah. Yeah. Do you think they do? And they would go,

I think that can also mean go get the brie. Take me through the smoke rings of the smoke rings in my mind. Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind. Take me through the smoke rings of the smoke rings in my mind? What was it? Take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind. Take me disappearing. It's from Bob Dylan's Mr. Tambourine Man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take me disappearing. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, look, that's a very good idea. Thanks, Alistair. You know, it'd be like that movie Windtalkers, right? Yeah. With poets instead of Native American Indians. Possibly the Iroquois. And that's, you know, that's our sketch for diphthong denominator disaster.

Disaster, that's the aliens take over. The aliens arriving. The denominator is the common experience between humans. The shared, yes, the richness of our humanity that transcends. And diphthong, it's us and aliens now living side by side, linked by the loops of our A's and E's. I mean, that would be interesting. If the aliens came down, they weren't body snatchers,

but they were a sort of parasitic thing that clung to our bodies and listened to us. They're human size human size they're right there all the time they're human size and they just loop their arm around yours right and they walk with you everywhere yeah okay so they hear everything that you get you hear and that's why being able to each human gets one yeah great and that's what they do they just they multiply so do they have enough for every human multiply like a denominator exactly sort of like a denominator sort of the opposite i suppose if you multiply a denominator then you get nothing it's like not that either through subtext you don't get nothing you one, which might as well be nothing, I suppose. I think the denominator disappears and then you just,

if you multiply by the denominator, no, you're absolutely right, you get one. But then you get whatever's left as well on top. Yeah, yeah. So there might be more than one. There might be more than one, but it wouldn't be zero would it well you know it depends if you were dividing zero by five which you can do if you want you can try no one can stop you you can't divide by zero because

that just doesn't make any sense no but you can divide you can attempt to divide zero. Divide zero by as much as you want. That makes all the sense. Well, what is, what is just swinging a knife through the air? You're not trying to divide zero. Divide zero into multiple things by every swing. Whenever I see a samurai practicing on an ancient rope bridge in the mist, I shout out to him, dividing by zero, I see a samurai practising on an ancient rope bridge in the mist, I shout up to him. Dividing by zero, I see. Again.

Shut up, Patrick. I told him my name is Patrick. I don't want him to know my true identity. I don't want him to know my true identity. See you this afternoon. I'll be here. Okay, well, there you go. That's two of the things.

Do you want to take us through the sketch ideas that we came up with today, Alistair? We've got Pope Egg based names. Why don't you take me disappearing through the smoke rings of my mind, Alistair? Oh, what a handy. We got Pope Egg based names. Pope Egg. You know, so Pope Benedict, Pope Florentine. It's a t-shirt idea. Yeah, there's Pope Furtada.

You know. It's such a good t-shirt idea. I'm sure that this already exists as a t-shirt sunny side up yeah we said that one several times did we oh maybe not we said i said over easy do you think americans have the best names for for eggs yeah yeah yeah i think they know what they're doing that's like they know how to name an egg. Like jazz and baseball. Naming eggs. Naming eggs. That's an American art form. Eight Miles to Gundagai.

It's the story. It's got Henry Lawson. It's got Banjo Patterson. He should fall down a big hill. Oh, that'd be great. You know, or like, you know, or, you know, or be like on a... Does he do that in Eight Mile? No, know or you know or be like on a does he do that in i don't know no but you know we'll find a way but that you know but somebody does have sex with that

woman britney someone it was bunny oh his name is bunny in that i think he's rabbit he's rabbit that's it yeah that's probably better than bunny um But this one will be Henry Lawson instead of Rabbit. Why is he falling down a big hill? No. The other guy. Why is he falling down a big hill? I know, but he might be like on a rocking horse or something. Why is he on a rocking horse?

Isn't that like a thing from his poem? A horse runs down a hill. Oh, sure. The man from Snowy River. Yeah. That's all it is. poem well a big horse a horse runs down a hill oh sure the man from snowy river yeah that's all it is it's a big hill it's other poets will be there as well yeah and they will have they will have uh you know uh battles but bush poem battles yeah a poe down they call it that's good thanks poe down as in like poem like oh right right of course i thought you meant like those sandwiches sandwiches boys an edgar allen po boy now what's that well it's a sandwich that gives you a terrifying glimpse into the darkness that lurks within

our own unbreakable loneliness. Yeah, and it could probably also be raven meat. Yeah, raven meat. Edgar Allan Poe boy raven meat. Raven meat. That's so raven meat. That'll be mixing up other sort of popular things. Wow.

So, hang on. It's a sandwich shop. This is the unifying thing. We only have raven meat. And all our different types of sandwiches are named after different sort of raven type references, including our Eggrell and Po'boy and our That's So Raven Meat sandwiches.

And then presumably his father's, but maybe that's the only two. That's the only two. Yeah. That's the only two references to ravens we knew about. Because we only put a very small amount of time thinking into this. Because we had to start selling this raven meat before we were forced out of business by regulators.

We assume there's going to be a health inspector coming very soon. He's going to try and shut down that. We have a lot of raven meat. And people expect a themed sandwich shop these days. It's a pop-up Ravenmeat store. There's a guy in the back room. You keep going back in there to shout at him. People think it's the stock boy or something like that, but it's the guy who comes up with the pun names

for the Ravenmeat sandwiches. He's not working hard enough. Authorities find out. Authorities. I think that's quite an exciting idea. Yeah. To start illegal businesses and get them up and running and sell out of everything that you can before the authorities find out.

Would you call the sandwich like Raven Craven Raven or something like that? Raven Craving? You call the sandwich like Raven, Craven, Raven or something like that? Raven, Craving? You call the sandwich that? Sandwich shop? Craven. Oh, Craven, Raven. Yeah. Craven a Raven?

Yeah, yeah. Craving a Raven. Like maybe Craving a Raving? That's it. That's it. Because what Craven means something else, right? Craven, yeah. That means sort of bad and creepy and sort of a despicable little freak,

which maybe you are. Maybe you are. Maybe you're quasi-Mido-ing. Exactly. Oh, I didn't read the rest. Then we got Eight Miles to Gundagong. I already said that one. Then we got the subplot writer,

who I think in your version he has a little van in the Superman theme tune. And then I don't know what else he does is he doing little little he's is he doing little missions and things like that is he does driving around the blocks and the writers run out of the writers rooms they get excited when they hear the subplot man is coming and they run out and they ask for subplots from him yeah yeah and then he sort of has a machine that he kind of bring pulls a handle down and they kind of come oozing out those subplots come oozing out like in a wet piece of paper long piece of paper

that he curls up one character or two. Two. It's just the way that I'm just cramming this idea that doesn't fit into the ice cream man. But it's amazing that one character... The subplot man is here. The subplot man is here.

They all run out. They're chasing him down the street. And then he goes, yes, oh, there you are. He goes, yes, I want subplot man. He's got the cone ready under the machine. One character or two. And then he goes, yes, oh, there you are. He goes, yes, I wasn't so bloppy. He's got the cone ready under the machine. One character or two. The fact that it's sloppy.

Sloppy wet paper. It's just folding over itself. It's the worst. They have to lick the ooze off of it or something like that so that they can then read it because it's so claggy and gross so he doesn't even come up with them though they get squeezed out of a machine i guess he writes them at home sure he's not gonna on spec that's right and then he knows he knows he can sell them because it's always going to be stuff like you know michael has to find the raccoon that took his you know his pocket knife it doesn't take long gary sees his sister kissing

in the middle of summer and tries to get to the bottom of it. It turns out it's not Santa Claus. It's just an old man. It's just an old man who dresses all in red and white with a black belt. And we got the James Webb telescope photos. Presidents get the first look at distant galaxies for one hour, but it's the president's mom's bum. And then we have the soccer players have sex style.

We've got aliens take over, but we can still communicate through subtext. They're also looping arms with us. Yeah. They're really close and they're observing everything. Arm in arm. And then we've got Raven Meat pop-up store has to sell everything before the authorities find out. It's the perfect sketch in many ways.

You should buy Gustav and Henry Volume 2 now available. Volume 2. Booktopia, if you're in Australia, is a good place to get it. But Hangout, if you're in the United States of America or Canada. Is this one in? And in Spain, at some point it's going to be coming out in Spain. Is this one in any independent bookstores? It's in independent bookstores as well.

Is it at Big W as well? It's at Big W as well. Holy moly, the Big W. Yeah, the biggest W you can find. I guess we should do the song so do I. And we... You can review us on iTunes. Yeah.

And you can find us on Instagram at Toomintank. I was going to be posting up some clips from the show. And if you have any ideas for clips, let us know. We'll put up some funny clips. Favourite clips. Send us your favourite clips. Give us know we'll put up some funny clips favorite clips send us your favorite clips give us a time signature if you want because that will make things easy okay so we we should also mention that you're great anyway and we love you. You are the best.

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