Two In The Think Tank - 348 - "BIGFOOTBALL"

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

Get on board the Stupid Old Podcast Festival and get early bird discounts at sospresents.comGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSemi-permeable thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students including the GI Bill. Now is the time my computer career.edu Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Lada Do you recognize the guy Smiley intonation I was going for? Oh, yeah, no, I mean.

Yeah, just Smiley. In many ways, the middle name is the, the sort of the heart, the surprise, the kind of surprise at the middle of the egg shell that is the Christian and surnames yeah. Christian and Sir. Everybody has a Christian name. Everybody has a Christian name.

Even people who aren't Christian. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What about those people who have their name? Jewish people. What about the people who have their names, their family name at the front? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Even them. Even those people. What about the people who have their names, their family name at the front? Even them, even those people. Yeah, that's right.

And it makes me wonder, does everyone also have the devil? Well, see, you're ahead of me here. So even, even, it's a word that it suggests that everybody could also have a sight, sightness, not yet. What about also these people whose last name is Cockburn, but not just Cockburn, Cockburn due to sexual friction.

Oh wow. Unmarried sexual friction. Sorry, that's, that's coburn due to unmarried sexual friction. Sorry, that's co-burned due to unmarried sexual friction. Yeah, even them. Anyway, something to think about. I'm never going to give up on thinking that it's stupid to keep that cockburned name. Just change the middle, save, change generations. Well, what are you doing? Like, it feels like they don't want to realize the loss, right?

They're holding on to this depreciating asset. Think, or maybe things are going to turn around. Maybe, cock burn is going to become a good thing to have in the future. That's right. We don't want to get rid of this name now, just when things could turn around. It could be turning around for us. That's right. We don't want to get rid of this name now, just when things could turn around, it could be turning around for us.

What if an ice age starts? Yeah, it's a cockburn. What a luxury that will be. Everybody gather around Timothy. He's got cockburn. Oh, yes. People gathering around, holding their hands up, turning course, who is very with it mentally. Yeah, don't worry. He he knows what's happening. And he likes it. Not too much. Not too much.

He was the one, but he was the one who said gather round. Oh, well, I never heard to himself in the third person. Did he cook food? Yeah. Oh, I don't know, I'm starting to worry. No, he's always talked like that. Okay. Yeah.

Is this a sketch, do you think? Uh, yeah. Yeah. Um, I mean, we've made a sort of a possibly unforgivable conceptual leap, which is that the idea of a birding cock could produce the kind of warmth that you need to survive an ice age. Like I think you would say it's almost silly. It's almost silly to warmth that you need to survive an ice age. Like I think there's a silly,

it's almost silly to think that you could, so we didn't say you had to survive an ice age. We say it's a luxury during an ice age that you would maybe go and feel a little bit of warmth. It's a luxury even in death. You know, it's the sort of thing that even as you're dying, you're like, oh, that's nice. At least we've got that. Well, if he died, then you would hope that the burn would spread to the rest of his body

and then produce a bit more heat. Yeah, you know, and then maybe even cook his body and allow you to eat it. Ooh, cookburn. Yeah, no, I think that's... And then maybe even cook his body and allow you to eat it. Ooh, cookburn. Yeah, no, I think that's some perfect way to change their name, something that they could change their name to. But you know that I had an ancestor, who his surname was cock, and he changed it to Coke. Did he?

Yeah. What do you do? Okay. Um, but, uh, yeah, look look, I'll just write it down. Sure, the Cockburn people, I mean, maybe it's a, maybe it's it, maybe it is just a Cockburn convention, right? Yeah. And all the Cockburns have got together, all the people with an own Cockburn, have got

together at this big, very well advertised Cockburn convention and they're discussing issues of relevance to people called Cockburn and what, you know, they have this periodic state of the surname address where somebody gets up and gives a big speech about the future of Cockburn. And yeah, you know, they address people's concerns. It's very exciting. Very exciting. Now, what about this, Elastair? Yeah. Products for people who are dying. Yeah. Now, is there any way for this to not be tragic, not be awful in some way. But I don't know that we really advertise as a group to people who are currently dying. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. And even if you do, you kind of got a dog whistle and death whistle. Yeah. Death whistle. But what we do know is that people are much more likely to make a new purchase, you know, to try a new brand if they are going through a major life change, selling a house, having a child. And it's hard to think of a bigger life change than death.

And you probably, if you're dying, you're more likely to be watching TV. I think because as you have less energy, and so you're probably just flicking through the channels. Maybe that's where they have funeral insurance at Zon during the day. But I wonder if they'd sell you funeral insurance if you were currently dying. I say, you're not dying, are you? Because we won't do well out of this if you're currently dying. I don't know how they could... Oh no, no, I'm not dying are you? Because we won't do well out of this if you're currently dying. I don't know how they could... Oh no, no, I'm not dying.

No, I'm doing great, thanks. Sink. Ah, yes, just cleared out any unhealthy things I had. That doesn't quite make sense. That was the last bit of unhealthy stuff I needed to get out from my lungs. And now... Last bit of unhealthy blood that I needed to get out.

Yes, and there's my doctor. Yes, my doctor's currently giving me a thumbs up. And he's saying clean bill of health. That's what he's saying. So I'm just, he was mouthing it. On the phone. Has this person been shot? Do you think? it? You know, could they be there in person? At the funeral insurance shot. No, they're on the ground. They're dragging their body. Just towards, you know, they're maybe through the desert. They've been shot. And you know, and you can clearly see a drug deal gone wrong has happened behind them. Oh, no you never hear about the drug deal gone right though, do you? Well that's right. A drug deal gone horribly right. They don't, they don't, they don't report on them at sea.

No. It's really, Bill Hicks was right. They always flood us with negative drug stories. And so, and he's dragging himself away and he got, like that, that's what you can hear. You know, he's probably got on speakerphone. Yeah. So he's still calling up, he's still doing it over the phone. You don't think it's funnier to have him in the building, in the office of the funeral insurance place. Okay, so look, this is what I think. I'm picturing. He's literally dragging himself.

A trailer blood is following behind it. Yeah, yeah, sure. He's making a phone call. But this is his first phone call after everything's gone wrong. Because hello, yes, I'd like to buy funeral insurance. I don't know if that's funny. Yeah, I mean, it could be Alistair, but I still think a guy trying to hide the fact that

he's obviously dying, the stakes are heightened if he is in person at the funeral insurance sales boutique. Surely you agree with that. Surely that's something that we can all agree on as a nation. There must be common ground. We must find a way to bridge this gap. This chasm between us Andy. Yeah, yeah. I do agree that if he's... at the thing maybe he's dying so much He's like standing behind the counter, but his head is kind of you know, it's only just popping up Maybe he's short you think his head is just popping over the thing and then you know

Then after that, you know at some point you see that it's actually two people holding his body up because it's so floppy from being dead Yeah, maybe some people are trying to kill him, as he's there, you know, like a... Yeah, yeah, or maybe they're... They're still pursuing him, banging on the door of the funeral insurance place. Oh, that's funny. Halt brandishing knives.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Trying to beat it down. Yes, and then he's like, and then he starts asking about also do you cover and then he's very specific wounds that he might have. Hmm. Yeah, that's good. Do you cover them? Yeah, do you cover specifically? Do you cover them with a bandage? And apply pressure or not. Um, uh, uh, people looking through the wall and

like that, just seeing like, you've even been, at first they're banging on the wall, things of that, and at some point you see a laser come through. Yeah, yeah, that's good. Let's have, yeah. And he's like, oh, I've, you know, I've got a glass of water from over here and he picks it goes to the thing to, um, you know, I've got a glass of water from over here. And he picks it goes to the thing to, you know, to the, not the bubbler, because that they don't have a bubbler usually. No, of course, I've got a glass, glass, big glass thing that gets shot and

smashes that he's hand. Oh, see, I was picturing it's one of the, you know, one of the ones like the water cooler. Yeah, okay. And maybe that gets shot and then a big stream of liquid starts coming out. And he drinks a bit of it. That's cool. It's out. He drinks a bit like a cat drinking from a...

Oh, I like, I was picturing him catching it in a little plastic cup. Oh, that's actually very funny. Has he hobble, then he hobbles back. Yeah, yeah, maybe puts his finger in the thing for a second. Yeah, there we go. Right. Maybe even stuff's a bloody tissue in there, like. Yeah.

Yeah, it's good. This is going to be one of the funniest funeral insurance sales sketches ever, I reckon. Yeah, do you think this is funeral or life insurance for you? Oh, well, I've been saying funeral the entire time, but you're absolutely right to detect that maybe of my heart wasn't in it and maybe I was secretly yearning for something else, Alice there.

So yeah, sure life insurance, here is what ever. From whatever, whatever. I think life insurance is, of course, makes more sense and is funny, trying to be killed. Hmm. Isn't that interesting though that you can buy funeral insurance and life insurance? It seems like a conflict of interest.

What does the funeral insurance cover? If your body, if the hurts carry your body crashes and your body is damaged in any way, then the funeral insurance will replace that body with one of equal or fresher state of wriggle mortars. Is it there to protect you from if anything happened? He goes wrong at your funeral. That's right, that's what. Someone laughs instead of... It spoils some of your legacy.

Ah, it's good. Yes, my legacy. Oh, my legacy. Oh, my legacy. My legacy. What's the last thing? It was trapped under a a falling tree a sea. No, that's when he's walking to the water.

He goes, oh my leg, I see is very important to me. Yes, and I just want to make sure my family is looked after. Yes, look. So you go, you talk to the insurance, life insurance, I walk my family is looked after. Yes, looked. So you're going to talk to those insurance. Life insurance, I want my family looked after, I want my wife to be looked after. After I've gone and the funeral insurance person is like,

oh, I understand what you mean. Raising their eyebrows. Oh, don't worry. Yeah, we'll take care of them. Is that what you mean? Take care of them that way. I guess having sex with your wife, I think he is in type and said that he's going to go

and have sex with your wife after you're dead. I think, yeah, right, that's good. I mean, I was picturing it suddenly, it's like a mob. It's a mob life insurance place Right. I want my family. I want my family taken care of Yeah, so baby is a guy He's a guy who who used to work for the mob, but now he's trying to go square and he's got a job selling life insurance

And it only becomes an issue when anybody asks. To make sure that they don't tell me it's taken care of. Yeah, taken care of, yeah, that's right. Sure, you're sure that's what you want, yeah. Yeah. Oh, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, wink, wink. Why'd you say wink wink? Yeah.

Good. Should I write that with anything, mobster? Yeah, I mean, I think that's something. Is it a problem to do that stereotypical mobster voice these days? Is that... Bittiesy? Sort of anti-italian sort of thing. There was the Italian anti-deformation league of some kind.

There was an activist group, but I think quite a few of them were mobsters. Yeah, right. In some way. I think specifically this might actually be part of the story behind the movie The Godfather, which is that there was a guy who was a member of the mob who tried to threaten Francis Ford Coppola into not making the movie The Godfather, and then Francis Ford Coppola into not making the movie the mod godfather and then Francis Ford Coppola showed it to some of the movie and he got quite excited about looking really cool in the movie and he got behind it that way.

Yeah, all right. And then did he put that in the movie? I don't know. But I think he did. But I think he did. This should be the movie. Should be me. show and you this movie You know yeah, and I was oh I think they have made a movie of that story behind the movie the godfather Recently the calls the making of Titanic

Yeah, yeah, that's right. So what else is going on? Why are there no movies? Why are there no movies where they talk about the movie Titanic in the probably are? Well, you think you think it's not a movie where they mention the Titanic? Well, I mean, it's a big movie. Well, you think they probably were they mentioned the Titanic? Well, I mean, it's a big movie. Oh, they don't mention the movie the Titanic. Yeah. Probably. You know, I've been interesting because in some ways, the movie Titanic is quite a romantic slash, you know,

semi-erotic film in some ways. And I imagine it probably has got people quite horny. And I imagine there are probably now more people who were born as a result of the movie Titanic than ever were killed in the original sinking of the ship Titanic. Somebody should try and work out those statistics. That's true. I might even turn out that it's exactly the same number.

And we gained as many lives as we did. Then we could be able to prove some fundamental law of the universe, the law of preservation of life, concentration of, anyway, ship-based life. But then this is not like a circle anymore because if it's more, it's not like the circle of life. This is probably more like an oval and a lips. Yeah, indeed. That's like, maybe. Or bigger of eight, maybe.

An egg shape. Yeah. I think as well as reporting the box office figures, or for movies, they should report the bonks office figures, which is how many children were born as a result of the film. That's right. After people having sex in the cinema, ironically, you're probably more able and likely to be able to have sex in the cinema. Ironically you're probably more able and likely to be able to have sex in

the cinema at a film that has fewer people attending it. So you might get some quite interesting counter-intuitive results that there might be a sweet spot. Let's try to add the sweet spot maybe, is this the vagina? So what you're referring to? So you're referring to? You know all I am. You know all I am, Ballastet, all ways. Yeah, and you think there should also be the Bronx office figures? Box, we got Bronx. Okay. We got Bronx. Maybe the Bronx, it lets us know how many offices there are in the Bronx currently. And I don't

know, I just, I just would be interesting to see if we graphed all three of these things over time. Yeah. See if there's any kind of, related information. But it kind of correlation. There might be something, there might be some interesting trends that emerge. That emerge from that, you know. Yeah, do you think a lot of those kids would be called bros and jack that kind of emerged from that? Yeah, I think so probably. A lot of them. A lot of them also called Titanic and a lot of them called iceberg, a lot of them called credits that run after the film Titanic. A lot of them called, sort of, second unit director. A lot of them called the group of musicians that played as it went down. A lot of kids called Guy.

A lot of them called, a lot of them called Boxer Popcord, please. We're going to see the movie, Titanic, as the cinema. There's a lot of guys called that bit where a guard. A lot of girls called, you can't, sorry, you can't, you can't bring outside food in here. A lot of kids called, I'm thinking about going to the movies today. Do you want to see anything with me? Oh will I need to bring a condom? No don't think so. Card of batch and why? Anyway, beautiful name for a cat. Yeah, yeah, a totanic movie.

You're running this down? Yeah, then those who do. Yes. Was it 3D? Was it ever released in 3D? Or was that before 3D? Well, it was James Cameron. He does love a bit of 3D. He does love the third D.

That third D. And it does increase your chances of conception when there are 3D. It does love the third D. That third D. And it does increase your chances of conception when there are 3Ds. Where is the third one go? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Good. You know it would have been good if those glasses that made the screen 3D but made the rest of the cinema that you're sitting in 2D. So then it made you feel like you were in the screen. In the movie watching the audience. Watching the audience, the world.

But watching the audience. Yeah, that would be good. What it would be like to be a movie watching the world and if the world was very entertaining almost as entertaining as a movie. I wonder how you would go about making things look T2D. I think maybe it could be achieved because our eyes, the 3D effect, is that my right in thinking? Yeah.

That our depth perception in our eyes arises from our two eyes being slightly apart you know, apart from each other. Bit skew if slightly different angle on things in our brain can process the different images, the microscopic difference between the two images obtained by the different eyes, to process and somehow decode some depth information for those eyes. And could you then just sort of distort the image going into one eye somehow and just put the same image

into both eyes and everything would look flat or close one eye? I reckon there's probably a number of things that they do. Because I'd say it's probably also like things being in front of other things make you know that they're further away, you know, they're closer than other things. So maybe if you use like that, but maybe if with a laser you could actually just disable a certain part of the brain. Ah, good. You know, if you just somehow like through laser, if let's

say there's a version of the brain like doing like forward, forward, back, back, A, B, X, Y, you know, A or whatever like that, like you were used to do on to get special moves on a tech end or something. Yep. But for shutting off a certain part of the brain so you could feel like you're in a cartoon. So it could so we could still do this with glasses. What if we made one of the one of the arms of the glasses really, really sharp like a scalpel and you can stab it into your own head to cut off that part of the brain? Yeah, it just kind of, it automatically locates the approximate area.

Alistair, while I've got you, can I just mention that this episode of Two in the Thick Tank is brought to you by the Stupid Old Studios podcast festival Which is happening in October and tickets tickets are currently available There's I think there's something like upwards of of seven incredible podcasts That are going to be broadcasting over one continuous that are going to be broadcasting over one continuous live stream that you can tune in and enjoy. Currently, unless we're superseded by a much more successful podcast, two in the think tank might be closing out the evening.

Could be. Yeah. Bring it home. Bring it home in a big way. So we encourage you to check out the link that I will paste in the show notes, this episode. That's right. So we encourage you to check out the link that I will paste in the show notes as episode or at sospresents.com, ninth of October. Yeah, it's happening, ninth of October, October from 9, from 11 a.m. A.E.D.T.

Australian Eastern determined time. There you go. We got Duke go on, we got plumbing to death star, confessions of the idiots. Don't you know who I am? Ah! We got Kentucky got do go on we got plumbing to death star confessions of the idiots. Don't you know who I am We got Kentucky fried chat and we got pop gaze Everybody's gonna be there And two in the think tank

Your friends from two in the think tank Andy and LSD. Yeah, we're gonna be a live streaming event for less than 18 hours Yeah, and we're gonna be a live streaming event for less than 18 hours. Yeah. So if you've always wanted to see that, that'll be a big part of it, I imagine. Yeah, it's gonna be a very big part of that episode. What about riding on a buffalo? Like, you know, it doesn't have to be riding on a buffalo, but... Yeah, no, that's good. Because I was feeling already feeling a little too hemmed in by this concept.

Yeah, yeah. But like, you know, just something about like, you know, buffaloes. We don't really have them as part of our life at all. No, but my parents were recently driving in the Northern Territory and they drove past three buffaloes tied to trees along the side of the road. And then they drove past some guys just absolutely fanging it in these crazy cut off off road land cruiser cars.

And apparently they just go out and they capture these buffaloes. They might round them up with like helicopters or something, tyrant trees, and then they come around pick them up, take them back to town, sell them, sell them for meat. Yeah, right. I have seen some of that where they have like a little arm on the side. Yeah, there was an arm. There's a special arm. A little arm that I think goes around the neck. Yeah, grabs them. So you just drive them next to it. And then there's another arm that comes out and gives them a nookie apparently It's basically like one of these garbage trucks, but for but for cows or buffaloes I think is that there's a the right word a nookie or is that kissing nookie?

Nookie is it a nookie? What's the one where you're rubbing a knuckle? So they hit it's a nookie. That's a noogie. That's a noogie, I think. Noogie could be sex, maybe. Mm, sex, of course. Well, maybe it does that as well. Yes. The cubs are. Oh, an arm. That's usually, I think they normally use that

for helping deliver the baby. Yeah, well, I'm sure it can do many things. That's the wonderful thing about Dictus Arms. Is there a version of hunting for whacking off the animals? Sorry, I said that, Alistair. Hunting. Did you say that in the same sort of structure as the title of that Take a Wattiti film? Hunting for the whacking off the animal people. Yeah, I would. That's what I would do. I was thinking about messaging

Tyker with TT recently. What are you going to think about messaging him? Oh, I was just about to say, I'm about to direct to my first ad. Do you have any advice? Maybe something like that? Really? Oh, were you going to direct an ad? Oh, you are. Oh, it might be. It might be directing this one for this company. Oh, I don't even realize. Yeah, it's good. I didn't until this morning. But, you know, he might be,

I'm sure he's got lots of free time and I'm sure he loves being DM'd by people on the internet. Yeah, if you have any advice, you said, what's the ad? You said, oh, it's sort of, it's of, I'm running this company. It's called Thor, I don't like Thor Ragnarok, for money. Yeah, that's right. I want you to know, in just in case Takers listening to this, I do like Thor Ragnarok.

Actually, it's the only one of all milk for filming. I like, but I like the idea of this company that it doesn't like it in exchange for money. And if Tyker is listening to the podcast, do you think about how much you believed Alistair how much you believed Alistair when he said he didn't like Thor Ragnarok. Now, if you believed him and you got offended, what you've just done there, that was an audition and he's just proven to you how capable he is of creating an utterly believable character in such a short, just with, you know,

with just a single line and maybe that's all he needs to shine in your new film Thor 4 or Thor. I imagine. Thor 4. I think I would put the F in between the T and the H. Wow, really? Would you put the U in there as well? Yeah, but after the O. After the O, yeah, of course. Yeah, but after the oh. After the oh yeah, of course. Yeah, of course. The four. And then the R I put a second R on. Wow. Yeah, okay.

No, I think that's some. Oh, I think they've already made Thorfall, haven't they? I think that was the, that's the newest one. I think it might be Thorfall. Well, I look forward to seeing it. If it's anything like Thor, Ragnarok. Ragnarok. Ragnarok.

Yeah, okay. Ragnarok. All right, Alistair. We've only got one, two, three, four ideas, Andy. Four ideas. Yeah, that's okay. That's okay. So now we've already talked about firemen.

I was thinking about firemen. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I was thinking about, for some reason, like firemen being like police officers, you know how they being like police officers, you know how they sometimes police officers will show up to a scene of something

and they will accidentally, you know, where somebody's being threatened, they'll accidentally, oh, possibly intentionally kill somebody, the wrong person, maybe a neighbor. Yeah, I like getting it like firemen being allowed to harass you on the street. You know, like if you've got like a lighter or if you're driving around, they're like, you got, you got me five, staring your pockets.

Fire, starting implements in there. Not even fire, starting implements, Alistair. I think just fire, just think it's just burning in your pocket or something like that. They feel the, what's this here? They pull something out. They feel the hood of your coat, or is this is pretty hot? What's going on under there?

Like that? They see some sticks in your coat, you're not gonna wrap them together, are you? Yeah, I think that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's great. Firemen harassed you like police. Yeah, and you know, they pulled you over

and you, you, you know, a lot of, some people will lunge for the fireman's axe Yeah, right or maybe lunch for two axes and start rubbing the handles together to start a fire You know you know when you're driving and then you see a fire truck and you start getting paranoid go Oh my god am I on fire have I got some fire in the car? And then they pulled you over and you actually do. That's the thing, that's the thing inside the internal combustion engine. That is fire. There's constantly little sparks and you're not putting any hydrogen, you're not putting any hydrocarbons under an immense amount of pressure with air in order to cause the oxygen to combust,

to ignite. Something about them planting fire on you. Yeah, but I'm sorry, I took a jacket. I pull out a tissue and it catches flame using, I imagine the technology that they use for magicians. Yes, and then once you go, oh my god, I don't know how they got in there, then they make it turn into a dove, but the dove is also on fire. Doves also on fire, that's great. They have, I imagine, a little water pistol, maybe, on their belt.

That's filled with petrol. Oh, controversial. Oh, okay, right, right. I thought it was just a plant fire on you. Yeah, like imagine you're smoking a cigarette and then they kind of go like that and they hit the edge and then just stream of fire goes past, you like that. Mm, yeah, that's good.

Yeah, it fills up your car maybe with fire. Um, if you check my original idea, it's just that they show up and somehow they burn down the wrong house, but it doesn't really make sense, that doesn't really work, does it? Because the house, like they don't fire and don't really burn down, I mean, I realize that police officers are supposed to stop people getting hurt. Sometimes they do hurt people. Are you working way too hard for way too little?

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including the GI Bill. Now is the time mycomputercareer.edu. Is there anything in the idea of firemen who just occasionally sometimes accidentally in the course of doing their jobs, do burn down houses? That's what you've got to do sometimes. It's a very high pressure job where under a lot of stress. Sometimes they go and they extinguish the wrong house. That's definitely a funnier idea.

So I'll take it. It's an idea of mistaken identity. And it's a hilarious riff on police brutality and the deaths of innocent civilians. Is there, I mean, would the house be that they accidentally extinguished? Yeah, would the house that they accidentally extinguished would it be on fire? You see? Is that anything? What is that? Well, if they extinguish it, right, is it on fire in order for them to extinguish it? Well, I know they show up.

My assumption was that it wasn't right. Yeah, I think that's better, but I was just wondering if we needed to interrogate the concept of extinguishment and whether or not you could extinguish something that isn't on fire, but it's just it's fine. It's fine. The people who are victims of police the people who are victims of police incompetence and killings, necessarily killers themselves, so it doesn't need to be the case. I know, but the police will, they'll imply all if they did get them, then why you got a question if they mistakenly put out their house then maybe it was on fire.

Yeah, why was he stopped dropping and rolling if he wasn't on fire? Oh, it was a slump. If you've got, you've got, so I go. No, I didn't quite have it, but I was like, you know, the idea of why was he running away? Why was he getting down low and go, go, going? going. If he had nothing to be afraid of. Nothing to not be burned by. Indeed. Indeed. Indeed. All right. Well, Andy, you know what this takes us to. Hmm. It takes us to three words from a listener. I love this. This is fast becoming one of the most popular segments. Yeah, from that shot. Put out wrong house, wait. Yeah, well, do you want to try and guess who it's from today?

You might already have heard me when I was writing it down. Because I set it out loud. Oh, I didn't hear it, actually. But if this show was an ant, which ants would love, then this segment would be the juicy abdomen, that enormous, because very often we go a long time in this segment, big, that big, badonka, donk, ant butt. I just realized that there was also the possibility of like getting pulled over by an ambulance here You don't have any injured people in here do you or you don't have any injuries

Yeah, they they frisky And they find like a new wince a little yeah, they find a little like scab on your leg They go, what's this? I just hit my leg in the hallway, we're walking at night on a box that was left there, you go, you're coming with us and like that, and they put you in the stretcher, put a gas mask.

Right it up, right it up. I mean, for the show that we are currently writing, it doesn't get a more perfect sketch than that. No! No! No! Out of the car. I've promised you I than that. No! Out of the car. I've promised you I'm fine.

No. Oh, look. If you pick at the scape, it starts to bleed again. That doesn't look like something that would happen to somebody who's fine. That's not my blood. That's... You put that there. You put that blood there. Oh, why would we do that? We're... I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it.

I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it.

I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it.

I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm not a good at it. I'm you could have a whole sequence of ambulance cops. It would be, yeah, I think that's great. That's great. Wouldn't that okay? So, which listener do you think would have sent in some words? Okay, so we got, you know, so which listener do you think would have sent in some words? Oh, who's a classic listener? Jason? Is it Jason? That is a classic listener, absolutely classic. And I don't think I've read out a Jason for a while.

So there's probably some, there might even be some Jason words floating around, but no, no, no. These words come from Stuart Mac McCone. Oh my goodness. I think I might have said McCone, but I think I've meant McCone. Stuart, hello, it's great to have you on the podcast, Stuart. Oh, hello, Stuart. And Stuart has sent in three words today. And those wondering if you wanted to guess. I mean, you know, you know, I've started, I've got you to guess the words and now I'm starting to get you to guess the, the who's sent them in. You know what's next Andy? What's the next progression? I'm going to start asking you, do you know what segment it is? Yeah, that'll be fun. I've got a good feeling about that. Okay, his first word is evergreen. Nevergreen. No's not but there's there's definitely some of the same letters and maybe

about the same length. It's insensitive. Insensitive. Okay. Insensitive. Insensitive funeral director. I'm going to guess all three words. It's insensitive funeral director. Andy. Incorrect. Funeral director. I'm gonna guess all three words. It's insensitive funeral director Andy incorrect The second word is impression insensitive impression and the third word is police. In-sensitive impression police.

Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah, so I look, I imagine, you know, in a way, there's a kind of like a woke police kind of thing on one level who could, you know, if you've done an impression of somebody that is insensitive, that it will get you for that.

Right. But then there's also the chance. My inclination is to go, yep, you know, you go, they all do in sensitive impression. Yeah, that they do an intermittent impression of you, the victim. Oh, so yeah, you've already called and you're all like, oh, quick, there's somebody in my house. How'd that turn out? You seem to be fine. When they're reading back to you, your statement, they do it in a, it a really mean voice. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh, yeah. But I, but I was then wondering if there was like an extra layer of,

um, you know, that maybe what would, what would be the equivalent of corruption within the insensitive pollution, impression police, you know, that there would be an internal complaints unit or a division that investigates them for there, but look, I'm bored just talking about it, I'll stare. I mean, you know what's interesting about this, because there probably would be a board that they would have to go to. Oh, yes.

Oh, back on, I'm back on. Where someone would have to restate the impressions as part of their evidence and would therefore themselves be guilty of doing the very thing that they were trying to stop people from doing see. I'm back on board. God, this is good.

Oh, boy. There's that word again. Oh, there's that word. Oh, another board. This could be a wooden plank. Maybe it's holding him up. Maybe it's, it makes part of the floor. Or, or maybe it's an ono board, you know, maybe it's one that they put up on the wall

with people's daves on them. Oh, for the best sensitive impressions. Nice. This was insensitive, but it was funnier than it was insensitive. Insensitive impression, police. I mean, insensitive could also mean like, you know, that you have very dull senses.

You know? Yeah, does that help? Yeah, where the impression could be sort of like a date in the mud created by the footprint of an animal, might be a fox or a big foot. That's right. So it could actually be a police, but all police could me also mean like, be a police. But, oh, police could me also mean like, poe, like those sandwiches, the poe boys. Or, you know, there's that actress, I know there's that TV chef called poe, and lice. Yeah, great. Yeah. Is it interesting that, you know, everybody thinks that there's a big foot because they've seen like one or two footprints of a big foot, right, that are big feet.

But I mean, they just have very small eyes. It's much more likely that there could very well be some wild chimp forest chimp people. But they have just exactly the same size foot as us. And we've never noticed their footprints, never taken note of them. Because they've got the same feet like, you know, I think there are so many footprints out there that it's much more likely that we're just overlooking the evidence of a normal foot. Yeah, the normal foot. Regular, regular foot.

I feel like that. Size 9.5. Yeah, size 9.5, Nike. Oh, they wear Nike's as well. Well, they look, they don't wear Nike's as well. Well, they look, no, they don't wear Nike's. Their footprint looks like a Nike. So I was not in half. Has there ever been a basketball movie in which Bigfoot joins a basketball team?

Like Bigfoot is discovered and joins a basketball team. That seems like an absolute gimme from a movie perspective. Because Americans love movies about basketball. They love movies about things that aren't supposed to play sports, that do play sports, and they love big-foot. That's true. Yeah. Well, it's a five big's a, it's a, it's a, it's a five big foot who they get discovered a family of five

big woods get discovered by a, a basketball scout. Yeah. Okay. Who's hiking with his wife or something like that? Hey, well, he's, he's also a regular scout. He's also why he's outhiking. That's right. Um, he's a basket ball scout That's why he's out hiking. That's right. I mean, he's out with his kid. He's a basketball scout, meaning that he's a scout, who is also a basketball. That's awesome. Where's a little toggle on his... Yeah, it's called a wuggle. It's called a wuggle. Iuggle, sorry, wuggle. Wuggle, I knew it was an ogle word.

It was one of the ogles. Which is an ogling. An ogle was what he was doing at this family. Yeah, there you go. But then what he does is he works with his friend or his brother, which is actually the same as Robin Williams' brother or friend in Mrs. Doubtfire. The one who makes those rubber masks and gets these big foot to be to disguise

themselves as regular humans. Yeah, wow. So it's also a bit like the movie White Chicks, more... more that other one where you are black chicks. Yep, that's the one where you're secretive white chicks black chicks. Can that can these kids? Two white guys pretend to be black women. I think that actually might be a movie a bit like that actually where a guy pretends to be. Sure is. Yeah, or like a big bummer's house or something. Or as you say, a Mrs. Doutfire, where maybe they are also trying to get a college, it's a college basketball team. This is going to be great.

It's a college basketball team because then we get to have the college element as well. They're in a sorority fraternity, they're in a fraternity, we get all of that stuff. Oh, this is going to be great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've just got enormous heads. They got enormous heads that they've put, that they've put like human looking at sound, but they're just like, yeah, Oh, they're gonna be so horrible. And so you're actually having to make animatronics and then put a human face over the top of it.

Yeah, well, that's gonna be even bigger. Yeah, it's gonna be really big. But that actor, I don't think that actors had a lot of work for Mrs. Doubtfire since then. Maybe they do, maybe they could heaps of work. I'm sure I've seen them in things. Oh, good. They're very fun. Yeah. They got that voice. Yeah, I think this is a great idea. Yeah. Yeah. The right basketball on a weird, don't we? Don't we? Don't we? Don't we? No, no, no. Okay. Bigfoot basketball. I mean, maybe they should, maybe rather than basketball, they should

be playing La Croix. La Croix. And then we can call it big football. Oh, yeah, for the name of the movie. Yeah, but then it doesn't really help having really tall people, does it? Maybe it does. Oh, yeah, yeah. And you need a much bigger team. Sure, there's an advantage. Yeah, you're right. It says a lot more prosthetics. That montage is going to go forever. But that's okay. That fills up some time in the movie, which is always one of the challenges with making films, is making them long enough. So that's actually very exciting. It's not only when you have such a restrictive concept, such as big football, family movie. But of course, if we made it here, you would you would fuck up the American football movie by your American football, uh, pun title, because then we would have to call it big

foot grina, grid iron. Well, but they do call it, I'm sure they still call it football over there. Sometimes they do over there, but I was call it, I'm sure they still call it football over there. Sometimes. Yeah, they do over there, but I was just suggesting that we might have to make it here. Oh, sure. Yeah. In order to fuck with American ball. Big, big, big American football. Big foot American football.

Slash grid iron for those who don't know what I'm talking about. Yeah. Now, that's good. What are you thinking? Should I take a sketch idea? Yeah, I think that's a good one for insensitive impression police. Yeah, yeah. Great.

Well, the ideas we have today is the the the Cockburn conference, Cockburn people keeping the name in case cockburn becomes something that could one day mean something good, like if an ice age arrives. Hold on to it. Hold on. You just got to rod it out. It's just a fight. Life insurance from a guy currently trying, attempting to to like trying to be killed, not trying

to be killed, but people are trying to kill them. By baddies. Then we got mobster life insurance. I want my family taken care of. No problem. I got absolute classic. Yeah, classic a little bit of a mobs to misunderstand the classic. Then we got number of children born to Titanic movie more than those who died. I think that's a great, that's maybe like a segment on a morning show saying, and then somebody talking about why we no longer need to be sad about the movie, about the tragedy of the Titanic. Yeah, no, that is good. And then we've got, and then we've got paramedics.

No, we've got, if fireman harassed you like police, which then comes up later on with ambulance pulls you over and asks if you have any injuries or anything like that. So similar. But I think that's the sketch, that's the sketch. The ambulance one is the sketch. Yeah, I mean, I think they're both, you know, if you're doing variations, you know, if you got a, if you got a, like, let's say you got a rent,

you got a rent, let's say you got a, okay, whatever. Then you got, yeah, no, you're right. Like somebody opens up a person's backpack and there's some fire in there. What's this? Well, well, well. Yeah. And then we got firemen, or firemen put out wrong house. That's the, you know, it's a mistaken identity parody of Police brutality, then we've got normal foot, which is regular human foot big foot. That's just the possibility of like a

We can't really we've never found big foot, but There's we can't really out the fact that they might have Regular size feet. There could be a version of a sort of a crypto zoological creature who has feet exactly the same shape and size is a regular human's one. And so maybe you could, but still we haven't seen those creatures either. Well, the thing is that if they're feet a lot,

that they might actually look exactly like us. Exactly like us. I mean, that would be an amazing thing, wouldn't it be to be told? You know, you go to a doctor or whatever and they run some tests and they say that they come back and they were like, you're actually a regular foot. You're not even a human being. You're a regular foot. You're a exactly like one. And then we've got Big football family movie, which it's like white chicks, but it's a basketball

movie. And it's about a sketch. I already don't like even what I've said just then. I feel like there's almost ways of that being bad. So I apologize for everybody. Yeah. That's not. No, no, of course. I think, I think, I think I think I just meant that people putting on the prosthetics and then looking. like not quite perfect. Looking weird.

I think I just... You're... Yeah. Hit me. No, you're right to be sensitive to these things. Yes, thank you very much. But I think you were coming at... You just, you know, we both covered it from the right place.

Thank you, Andrew. With the best of intentions. Thank you very much. And then of course, there's the movie Black Chicks, which is two white guys. No, I didn't write that down as an idea. I was just a man. This is just white chicks to black chicks. All right, I guess we'll do the music now. I think that little clip there with the awkwardness at the end and then us going into this song will clip out really well one day.

For the Instagram to show people how fucking exactly what this podcast was about. Exactly how fucking idiotic we are. Yes. There've been some great clips on the Instagram recently, Alistair, that one about the rib dog poo bag. So I'd forgotten about that and I really enjoyed it. Yeah. Great. I didn't know you you actually checked your Instagram. Occasionally I do now. yeah. Yeah, I've got to work out what I would put up on it from my point of view, because all I ever do is sort of share, try and repose, but I don't even really know what it means when I repose things from other people. I don't know where it goes or what it looks like to them.

So I've got to work out what I'm doing a little bit more. Hey, go to sospresents.com and get tickets to the Stupid Old Podcast Festival. It's going to be a big old stream fest, no matter where you are in the world, stream fest. And also, with regards to those clips online, I just a big thank you to JT, who actually sent us a bunch of stuff on Twitter with exact time signatures and episodes of clips that he wanted, he liked and wanted to put up there. And I've only put up two of them,

so they've got two more to come. So good. Yeah. Thank you, JT. Thank you, JT. Just in Timberlake. That's right. The one and only.

And we love you. Thanks very much. we love you. Thanks very much. I see you. awarding field with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation. You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time. Mycomputercareer.edu

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