Two In The Think Tank - 350 - "ONE OPINION PER YEAR"

Episode Date: September 21, 2022

USA friends! Gustav and Henri is now available in hardback! Buy it HEREGet on board the Stupid Old Podcast Festival and get early bird discounts at sospresents.comDog Divorce, Opinione, Opinions on Pizza, Cousin Ain't It, Looks Worst, Citric Elbow, Catfished By A DolphinGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereThrumming, humming, megathanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Well, and I think that this is supposed to be the event of the season And it's a video streamed like day long podcast festival That you can buy it with it, and then see all of the all of the podcasts, including DoGoOn, including... Plumbing the Death Star. Yeah, Confessions and Idiots. Pop Gays. Yeah, and all Kentucky favorites. Kentucky Fried Chatten. That's right. And all your favorites Kentucky fried chat and that's right.

Yeah. And even a Matt quiz. Hmm, who knew it with Matt Stewart. I'm really excited about that. Maybe Nick Mason might be even be a guest on the, uh, the confessions of the idiots. That's big. Yeah. That's big.

I mean, imagine that. Um, uh, to promote it, you recently posted or somebody posted a clip from the two in the think tank 300 episode. Yeah, which was very nice to be reminded of because it was extremely silly and funny. Yeah, and also we're really halfway the today's the halfway episode to 400. No, that's not nice to be reminded of. That's awful. Yeah. And Alistair. I would also like to take a moment. I'd also like to take a moment to talk about Gustav and Henry, the hardback cover of which is out in the United States. And I received my copy, my three copies of it today. And it is a gorgeous book. It's a delightfully lovely book.

That's lovely. And is it hard back because for America, something in that hard back? Is it, is it because you've made them bulletproof? Yeah, that's right. It's right. It's special for schools edition. I'm sure Americans have a sense of humor about that. So, Um, I'm sure Americans have a sense of humor about that. So. And so you're welcome for helping you promote your book. Um, take care. And let's go into the episode. Hello and welcome to two in the thing tank. The show where we come up with We'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be the baddie, we'll be I'm a Spanish divorcee. Oh!

Yeah. But not a woman, as you were probably picturing a Spanish woman, but I meant that I sort of span a little bit. Oh, okay. Just a little bit sp-a-a little bit spany. Yeah, like, you know, like I go from about where my left my left width starts and then all almost almost all the way to where my right width ends Sure Yeah, he's got you he's got a hint of the spans about him. I touch he's got a touch of the spans. Yeah, then then I can't I can't twist the divorce a bit

No, I don't twist the divorce a bit. No. I don't think so. Divorce, eh? Is that help you at all? Yeah, that does, and I say that a bunch. Terrific. Now, everybody's worried about people marrying their dogs, right? Yeah. But how do they feel about people divorcing their dogs? Well, they probably feel very good about it. You know, the ultra-religious, okay? They're already, they don't like divorce and they don't like dog marriage. Oh, yeah. So do you think, do you think they would, yeah, there's a put them in a very tough situation, doesn't it? I think it might. I think we might have a test case for us,

yeah, that could, we could have them over a barrel. And finally, finally, we've discovered a logical inconsistency that could bring down religion. A structural flaw. We're finally going to be able to pin them down. And once they see this and how ridiculous it is, they are going to go out. I relinquish my beliefs Mmm, God is dead When we when we show them that first first dog divorce paper. Yeah, or you know footage from it Maybe televised a little bit bigger than the depth than the depth herds scandal as you know thing The what?

Depard. Depard. Yeah. What? Johnny Depp and Amber Herde. Okay. Lost it. Do you remember that?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, no, I do. But there's something about you presenting to me, Depp heard. Yeah, oh, Andy, don't you study law? I thought you studied law. Yeah, well, yeah, a little bit, but I don't, you know, I don't think of it as being a scandal. That's the same way. Oh, no, well, you thought you thought justice was served? Oh, that's interesting. That's cool. But look, it's just me, right?

I'm Spanish, my interests, and my sense of justice spans many things that aren't as many streamers as your beliefs. Yeah. Wow. Um, what can I say? No, seriously, what could I say? Um, so dog divorce, I don't know. Um, dog divorce. I mean, is there more to it other than finally the thing that, um,

that, that gets religious people to give up their, I mean, you know, I think it's, because it's, it's almost not fun to do anything about religion anymore. Right? Yeah, it's a shame because all the atheist boys turned out to be real fucked. They're, they're sort of the problem, aren't they? You know what those boys need? What? A little bit of religion. Yeah. Some sort of a faith structure to keep them in line. Yeah, I mean I guess once they lost that once once they they realized that that battle had Almost no point in winning That they were like oh, so now I don't know might just harass people online now Yeah Yeah, it's harassed people online now.

Yeah, it's good. Like a army of... What's that word that begins with them? That isn't missionaries, mercenaries. Like an army of mercenaries and after the war is over. They're just all these armed men standing around. Except they're not armed men. they're just sort of annoying guys. And now that they've finished annoying the religious, while they're just looking for people to annoy.

Yeah, that's a funny thing about like, someone like Sam Harris, who has just gone full into meditation and somehow he could turn that into an annoying thing. I'm sure he can. Yeah. I mean, like, you know, he's okay, but there's also just lots of stuff where you go, oh yeah, but you just continue to have opinions.

There's no like, oh well, you know, but by meditating, I realize that, you know, all of this is pointless. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, just, it frees up my mind to have clearer opinions about things. We're opinions that are somehow worse. Mmm. Yeah, I mean, I managed to go deep into my mind and find some worse opinions. Maybe, maybe I spent 12 months on the top of a cave, on the top of a cold mountain. And I've just come back down.

And boy, did I have time to come up with some opinions while I was up there. That's why it was so good back in those days when they were just spending 90 years in the cave and not come down. Do you think, yeah, do you think that maybe something about religion, about the Bible and that sort of thing was like, in a way, it was kind of like, oh, thank God, we don't have to have any more opinions, right? We've got this book, we've written down all the opinions up until this point, and after that, there'll be no new opinions, we'll just sort of, we'll work from this established body of opinions.

And then that way we don't have to listen to any of these fucking annoying guys who think that they know how things work. You say, sorry, that's it. We had a moratorium on new opinions. I know, but then you realize from this, from religion or from like China, where everybody's got to think the same thing, you know,

in terms of like a totalitarian idea, is that then you go from having opinions to, it becomes a military thing where you fight thing, you're fighting trying to stop opinions. Right? And so then suddenly it's just, you just move all the opinions out and they just become physical actions. All right. Well, then what about this? We ration opinions.

Okay. So you are allowed to have opinions, but you're alone only allowed to have three a year. It's like that. No, one a year. It's like the one child policy in China. Yeah. Okay. One opinion. Okay. And it's like a New Year's in China. One opinion, okay? And it's like a New Year's resolution, okay? You can think of your opinion. You can yell at the street all year. And you can yell at the street all year. When the bell goes off at Christmas, the New Year's, right?

The bell. The New Year's bell. When it- Ah, you are quite knowledgeable in Chinese culture. When they've released the New Year's pig and it runs down the street, squealing, and everybody sees it there and it's got the tinsel wrapped around its antlers. Yeah, it's sort of laying the new year line as the travels across China.

I mean, I've moved on from China, but I like that from your point of view, it's still in China. Yeah. But, and then when you see the pig running past, he's got a little bucket tied to his back. Okay, and it's full of sand, colorful sand. And he runs across China, as you say,

and leaving this line of colorful sand. And as you jump across that line of colorful sand into the new year, you can shout out your new opinion. That's the opinion that you're allowed to have from that point on. But just keeping it the branch. And the pushing it, the branching it. Come and check you. They come and check your papers and they check you against the national database. You go, oh no, you've only had one this year. Congratulations. That's great.

I'm not to pull you into the put into the sort of the prison or anything like that. But you know what, this would be good for. Right. You only think about then, you know, that's you're and you spend a lot of time think about that, if that's you're in your opinion, you'll spend a lot of time thinking about that and defending that opinion over the course of the year. And by the end of that year, that could be quite a well thought through opinion. Or you might decide that you don't want it anymore. But like, that way, if there's a news program or something like that, and they want to get somebody on to talk about their opinion,

you'll only have one opinion. So you'll be quite well versed in it, but then you won't talk outside of your lane as well. You won't then also try and have opinion about a meaghan marker or something like that. Yeah, but you know the problem is, is it, you know, because a lot of people do a bit of drinking or nearer, nearer, because a lot of people do a bit of drinking on New Year's Day or New Year's Eve. And there's a crosses in, there's a crosses into, you know, sort of 12-01 or something like that.

People will be going like, you know what, this one opinion thing is like a shit. Well, that's your one opinion. No, like that news. No, wait, that news. Yeah, I don't know. No, don't do it. That's it. That's all you're allowed to bet. But I got a slow rod in box.

I got to get off the box. That's for us. That's a drawback. I'm like, it's a problem. I'm like, if that's what you want it to be, I think I genuinely think this is a good idea and I'm actually going to try and put it into practice. I'm going to try and have one new opinion every year for the rest of my life. And I think, I think that by the end of my life when I die in 40 years' time, I think having 40 opinions, I think that's plenty. That's enough for any one man. Did you release them in a book?

Yeah, sure. I could probably, if I keep it reasonable, I could have them all chiseled onto my headstone. That's good. Yeah, I mean Like that way when when you see things because as a as a person who you know doesn't want to have to create endless amounts of content all the time I Think that this would be good, but you know Like that means it for the rest of the year like let's say you go see a movie somebody goes How was it and then you don't have to make any judgment opinion on it. You can just say, well, you know, I gotta say,

it started with the credits. And then, you know, there was some discussion and a little bit of running around. Yeah. And at the end, they surprised us. In a way, I was both surprised, but then also I expected it. There were closing credits.

Well, I think you're still allowed to have feelings. You still allowed to have emotional reactions to things. Yeah, but I think as soon as you do a value judgment, that's an opinion. Well, no, I don't think so because I think you know you can watch a movie and you can say I felt bored, right? Yeah. But that's different to saying it was a boring movie or it was a bad movie because I felt bored. No, that's okay. You can describe how you feel Yeah, you can say how you feel, but you can't say that it was boring Exactly, you know and that because mostly what I'm thinking about when we're talking about this is people on Sky News who go on there and have opinions about shit that I'm like you don't really have an opinion about this

You're just appearing on the show and you've got to say something. Yeah, so well They've just they've given you a various angle that you've got to do this on. So they're like, yeah, what are we on here? We don't like this group of people. All right, great. I think I can work with that. We don't, we don't like pizza chefs. Okay. All right. Well, I mean, they're very, you know, they're always throwing the pizza up in the air. Okay, and spinning around like that. Okay, and that, you think you get a full 24 hour news network out of, like, you know, just opinion network out of not liking pizza chefs? I think that would be a pretty, I would love to see it.

Well, you see, this is why because, especially the ones from, what's that, you see, this is why because especially the ones from what's that, you know, that part where they make those very intricate pizzas, but, but it's like, it's often a little bit burnt, you know, and it, but it's very simple, but it doesn't taste any better than a regular pizza. I think I dislike those people, those ones even more. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm, you know, and God that be excited. This news channel would be so excited when there was actually a pizza related scandal. Oh, especially where the chef was involved. Yeah. Yeah. They really, they'd find ways to believe the pizza chef even if there wasn't even if there was like a delivery error or something like that. This is what happens when a chef

doesn't run a proper kitchen. I mean, but this is this is you know, we're joking here all of a sudden. It on one level. But also this is a you know, this is a valid certificate point because this is more or less what they do with woke politics. Yeah. But also, this is a, you know, this is a valid, certificate point because this is more or less what they, they do with woke politics. Yeah. You know, whatever the, whatever the issue is, they try and, you know, I think people were doing it with the invasion of Ukraine, you know, this is because of woke politics, this is happening. Even Putin might as well say even Putin tried to share that. Did he really? Yeah. He said they've, you know, they've,

he brought up JK Rowling. And then it was like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Why do you know this? Why do you know that? JK Rowling. I think probably because a lot of his Twitter bots are probably feeding a lot of the shit that's happening. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah. That would make sense.

He, you know, he is the, you know, do you think he's got a Twitter account that he just scrolls a little bit? I mean, how else does he go to sleep? That's true. Not by reading terrible opinions. But he just mostly looks for the ones that have heaps of retweets. And then reads those because he was out of that one will probably be very good. You know, that way he can just keep his eye on the number as he's scrolling up. Is that what you do? Is that how you...

Oh, sometimes, occasionally. Something I find is that like, sometimes I'll be reading a tweet. I get into the mistaken mindset that all the tweets are good. And like, I'll read one that's sort of like a joke. And I'll be like, oh God, okay. Trying really hard to work out how it's good.

And then only then will I clock that it's got like one fave or something like that. And I'll be like, oh thank God. Oh, oh God, it was just a bad tweet. Wow, that's like, you know, my brain's like, I can't work it out. I can't work out. I think, why this is funny. I think there's a part of me that's like, I can't work it out. I can't work out. I think, I think, why this is funny?

I think there's a part of me that's like, it's so badly don't wanna have to read. Like my brain these days, if I open up something that is like needs to be read, my brain automatically goes, ugh, please don't. Like that, right? This is the feeling that makes it difficult

to focus and stuff like that. And so, so then I look at the retweets just for some validation. I go, all right, I'll suffer through this. Okay, Brain. All right. Look, Brain, if you don't trust me, how about this?

Lots of other brains have liked this. And then you read. You'll like this brain. You read a lot of those things, and those things are still garbage, because then it's like a person going, well, now lots of kids are getting sick about this and from this non-COVID thing.

Everybody last night that came into my hospital, they're all getting sick. I mean, whatever. Then you go, oh, shut up. Shut'm gonna be whatever. You go, oh, shut up, shut up, shut up. That's the other thing. Is there being a sketch or is there a sketch in somebody's brain?

Yeah. Okay. It's like a toddler. All right. At dinner table. So you've got a little brain there in a high chair. Yeah, yeah. Okay. And you're trying to get information into the brain.

Is it got a face? It's got a little face on it. Yeah, it's got little arms as well. Yeah, there's a little male. Is it an actual kid? No, it's a brain. It's a little animated brain, maybe, or something like that. What I meant or pop it Oh, have you dressed up a kid and in a brain suit and then you're gonna try and feed it some mush

Could be yeah, baby That could that could that could work could be a baby in there If that's ethical, I think that's a really good idea and Trying to get things into the brain. Yeah. That's right. And you're trying to get things into the brain, information. Okay. Good stuff, good literature, you know, worthy things. Okay. But like when you're trying to feed a child, you've got to pretend that it's other stuff. You've got to pretend that it's fun, that it's an airplane or something like that. So, you're trying to feed your brain, war and peace, but you've got to give it to your brain as a series of Instagram reels where the characters are all.

How are you going to see this characters or something? This is so complicated. How are you going to represent that as spoonfuls of food? I don't know. I don't know. Well, I mean, you know, what about, okay, let's just say, shut up. No, what a shot.

A ball to much. And they said, oh, look, we got, we got, um, we got warm peace. And he goes, no, he got, we're looking at it's dancing like a, it's good as booby out or something. I don't know. I mean but I think that's it one of them exactly a war or peace has a booby out if you had to pick Andy and which would you like to which who would you prefer to see if you could only see one would you want to see pieces boobs or or wars boobs.

Oh this is a really great hypothetical. I mean I feel and maybe this is wrong. Yeah. But I feel like peace probably has nicer boobs. Yeah, all right. But. And that's what's important to you, is it? I'm good, I'm good. I didn't mean anything about that. All right.

I've been wearing to a zone, and very to a very strange zone here, Alastair. We're like, I don't know if it's possible for anything to me and anything at this point. Yeah, okay, but what about it? So don't worry. What about if it comes down to Dix? All right.

Okay, here we go. Great. For pieces, Dix. Oh God, I'm sorry, my dog is barking so much. I'm just gonna have to go and close the curtain so he doesn't get angry at his own reflection. Okay. Hang on, you stay there.

Andy, I believe set this whole thing up with the dog in order to avoid the question that I think everybody wants to hear might have healthier boobs than the war ones would it have a nicer penis as well? I don't know. And would Andy want to see a nicer penis? That's the thing. Okay, I'm back. And I think I want to see war's penis. I think I'm just intrigued.

I think it would be, I think it would be more, I think it would just be, oh my God, the dog is barking more now. At the curtain. And he's closer to me. Banjo, it's okay. Come here. Calm down. Okay. Yeah, I think he was enraged by the the war's penis question. Okay, I think I think I think I think I think I would see wars penis. I also think that war would probably feel you know from a from a power balance perspective. I feel like there's more chance of war telling me if it didn't feel comfortable with the entire scenario and expressing that and not having, you know, not trying to be a people pleaser. Yeah, that's good. So yeah, war.

Yeah, thanks. How about you? I'm a fan of my answer is famine. I'd see you, I mean, I wouldn't, I wouldn't objectify either of those concepts. Even if I had to, I would rather die, then put them through them. Which reminds me of a good person. Yeah, thanks so much. No, I'm glad.

I know I tricked them both and see both of their boobs and dicks. Using trickery. Yeah, okay, great. Yeah, that's really good. I mean, I wouldn't put my wife. Don't wake up, I'm so sorry. I'm just trying to say stupid shit. Okay. No, it's good. I'm proud sorry. I'm just trying to say stupid shit. Okay. No, it's good. I'm proud of you. Thank you very much.

Yeah. All right. How about this? I was just saying furry turtles. A furry turtle. Yeah. So like long hair, really long hair. I think really pretty long hair. Yeah, like I mean they look like they said it looks like a pile of hay. It's a fucking crawling down the. I think that's exciting. Yeah, it's like a desert. I guess it drags desert turtle that creased on the shield. It's like a cousin. Yep. You know? Yeah. And he's got the it factor cousin it. That's a great roast battle.

Oh, I'm going to save that up for a roast battle where a guy with really long hair. I'm up against the guy very. I mean, that's. Are you working way too hard for way too little? There's never been a better time to consider a career in IT. You could enjoy a recession-resistant career in a rewarding field, with plenty of growth opportunities and often flexible work environments. Go to mycomputercareer.edu and take the free career evaluation.

You could start your new career in months, not years. Take classes online or on campus, and financial aid is available to qualified students, including the GI Bill. Now is the time, mycomputercareer.edu. You're absolutely right, though. I mean, that's a fantastic roast paddle joke. Yeah, I mean, all I need to find is a guy

with a really long hair that goes all the way to the ground. I like to see you in the interview for the roast. You've somehow got there to the head of the roast battle. This joke hasn't been made about this guy yet. This is just a bad joke. This joke hasn't been made about this guy yet. We're in the finals. This guy's gone through six rounds. Nobody's pointed out how much he looks like cousin it. He's got a hat. He's got the sunglasses over the hair.

I'm like, I got this one locked and loaded. Oh, please nobody mentioned it. You're watching all of the previous hates. Yeah, get up. Just really worried. You know, and I'm double checking by watching. You've got nothing else. You've got nothing else.

I'm watching all the family, all the Adam's family movies on my phone just to double check. Hmm. This is in many ways. Then he really does look like him. Yeah, that's right. I'm googling images. They're like, why you got images of the contestant up on your phone.

I go, oh, hope nobody notices. Yeah, I guess you don't want to give it away. You don't want that to get leaked to any of the other teams. Yeah, all the other comedians and their gang of writers, which I imagine all of them have. But, I mean, what is the roast battle? This is a thing, is it? Yeah, people, I mean, I think there has been some TV shows of it, yeah. Okay, and then you do get rounds where the same people come back and they roast each other,

do they? Yeah, they roast each other. It's like one against another Right, okay And there's a cousin it looking guy in there That's so great, you know, you know, you can't even mention his hair Time goes all the way to the ground. He looked like a pilot. Hey No one's mentioned that either It's a tie and tie. It goes all the way to the ground. He looked like a pile of hay. No one's mentioned that either.

You look like somewhere, you know, this is another joke that somebody has admitted to you as you go. Man, you look like somewhere that somebody might lose a needle and like that, that's another. Yeah, yeah. And this dude is stacked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Heye stacked. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And bed like, you know, you could probably also make a joke about him being the needle that he gets lost and is probably harrowing as well or something. Yeah, this is all great stuff. Man, I hope they find this guy. Yeah, well, I hope this guy works his way up through the comedy ranks.

And this exact scenario sets itself up for me. This guy's got the impact. I feel like cousin it factor. I think we need to make this guy. Really, I mean, this is such a good joke. It seems crazy for us to not either genetically engineer or like, you know, my hair is already quite blonde. I could grow it out. Well, you know what, knowing me, it's one of those things where it's like you would get to the finals, you do have this joke locked and loaded. You would say the joke, no one said it yet. Nobody laughs. And then you realize, oh my god, it is cousin it. And then and that's why nobody's been saying it, right? And you go, oh, this is so fucking up. And they go

Does that's you Like they literally introduced him as cousin it I wasn't paying attention You were too busy. Google it, cousinnet, on your phone. And then when people said, why have you got pictures of the contestant on your phone? We had to say, we didn't wait for them to phrase it. Pantio, Pantio, hey, stop barking. Stop barking. I know we're talking, but you don't have to. Oh my God. I think it's because the rest of the family isn't here.

And he's wondering what the hell is going on. He's like, why are they leaving you here? Why aren't you going out to look for them? You're a terrible parent. Andy, is this cousin, it's like a sketch, do you think? Yeah, I think it is. I think it's a, you know, I feel like Mr. Show would do this. You know, they'd find a way to make this work.

Bob and David could do it. Well, if Bob and David could do it, and then later on having at least one of them have for them have a very serious acting career of a show that is exciting. Is one of the best shows that's ever been made but doesn't win any Emmys. Do you know what's going on?

I can't hear you. Oh, I couldn't hear you. But I think we you're talking about better call salt. Yeah. Yeah, great. I don't think it's one any. The dog was scratching at the boba. Fought that I think was doing something to it. So I couldn't hear you. I mean, this is

really complicating my life right now. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's okay. It's okay. What about this? Like, you know, what about being able to make the outside of the pie out of meat as well? Yeah, okay. Yeah, it's sort of like a meatloaf, but then put some crust inside. Yeah, sure. Why not? Yeah, I guess so. Thanks. But it's a sort of a structural joke. Oh, it's a cooking show.

I feel like you're going to cook is the shy. I guess that's what a comedy show is. Wow. That's what a comedy show is. What? Because you've got to put it together. You've got to make it. No, you just got to get it.

You got to make it, you know, a cooking. Oh, you got to get a cooking show. You got to, you know, you got to, sometimes you got to, you got to get a cookin'. Yeah, sure. Sometimes you got to destroy the whole artifice. You build the artifice just to destroy it. That's the whole point of the comedy show, right? Mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Need something. I mean, is there any point having a cooking show where you're trying to make funny food? Funny food. Right. Yeah. Yeah. You know, trying to make the funniest, who's trying to make funny food. Funny food, right? Yeah, you're trying to make the funniest, who's trying to make the funniest meal?

Yeah. You could do it with the relative sizes of some of the different things on the plates. That could be quite funny sometimes. At sometimes, I can imagine that there would be a context in which you take the cloche off, and there's just like a single banana there or something like that. That could be funny in the right circumstance. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Um, make some little scenes. You could draw a little scenes. Maybe I'm, maybe it's on, okay Maybe it's all cow tools.

There you go. If it's done with ketchup. Really? That is a bit. I don't know how you're drawing it otherwise. Oh yeah, I just thought you were sculpting the actual foods. Okay.

Yeah, you can do that as well. You know, like sometimes you know people make like fish and chips at home, like kind of like battered fish. My grandma's battered fish would always be very puffy. Hmm. You know, quite puffy. It would be like, you know,

it would have rounded off rather than that kind of like straight, you know, and American is almost coutouly. You know, and American is almost coutouly. The look of your, your grandmas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, go fried fish. What about one where you are trying to make the worst meal? Yeah.

I mean, it's all got to be edible, okay? Yeah. But it's got to be, it's got to look the worst. Right. Yeah, but I think it's really easy. Because like, think about it, just like, you know, just like right at the end, no matter what, you just, you just cover everything in salt. Yeah, just way too much salt. Yeah.

All right. One where it's got to look the worst, but taste the salt. Yeah. All right, one where it's gonna look the worst, but taste the best. Okay, yeah. I think that's compelling. I think that's interesting to me, right? Like, yeah, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I think you don't wanna have that.

You don't wanna have to taste it. And then you're really surprised. Yeah, you like it despite yourself. There could be also... It could look like you make it shape like a dead mouse. What about a component to it? Whether judges have to give it a rating when they look at it, okay?

And then they get blindfolded and they get a bit of the different meals put into their mouths and they taste them and they give it another rating based on the taste. You don't have to, you don't have the widest range. Exactly. Yeah, no, I like that. You're going for the maximum differential. I think this is a show.

Yeah, this is a show. I wish you pitched this to the Red red grundy food format contest thing. Yeah, let's do that. And it's, I think it would be really, really compelling. Yeah. The plating up when they're just making it look like the, the, the, the shit the food range, like the, the, the look range goes all the way to minus 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Because you don't want to get to something that like where everything has zero or whatever,

you want to be able to get all the way. No, no, no. You know, because like, because then sometimes there's stuff that's just going to look like spew on a play. But then you want things where it's like they can also... You also want things where you can, that's worse than spew. It reminds you of a dead relative or something like that as well. Yeah, or you could make it in the shape of, you know, a copy of Hitler's mind-cump. Oh, yeah. You know, you can bake a cake that looks like, yeah, a really spewy mind-cump. So what you find like something that might be culturally offensive to the to the host?

To the specific judge? Yeah the to the specific judge. Yeah, to one specific judge you're really going for. Yeah, but because there's three judges, you got to remember that you've got to do something that some of them, but really like that. Yeah. That's the problem with a lot of these shows. There's like two white judges or whatever like that. And you go, well, that's not going to work.

They're going to love that. What? Maybe I suppose there would be different challenges each week. Right. So maybe one of the challenges could be like a cultural thing or like a political one or something like that where you're trying to do. A public make a public. Not stuff that's, I guess, genuinely offensive.

Yeah. I think that's not what that red grondie corporation probably wouldn't be all that shit in funding that. Yeah. As a format, but, you know, it'd be good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they're still doing challenges within like a certain range

where they're like, today we're going to be using limes. If you've got a chance to make limes look as gross as you can, well, making them as delicious as possible. I think this is going to be the summer of limes for me. You think so? I had a lime the other day. And it was absolutely fantastic. Yeah. Like just I mean, I love lemon. Don't get me wrong. Yeah. But I'm I've been on a journey with

Limes. I'm really coming around recently. As in like you used to be like you used to be a negative territory with Limes or I think I would just always be like, what's with this weird lemon? Yeah. You know, but now you realize it's not as good as a lemon. It's it's different. And it's it's got its own thing, doesn't it? It really does. It, you know, I wouldn't have thought that there was that much that you could do in that

space. Yeah. But Limes have found a way to really carve out an identity. I mean, it really helps within the, I reckon it helps to have different DNA, you know, and be a different species or whatever. I think it actually gives a difference. Like when you get down to it, do you reckon? I mean, on one level, sure.

Sure, you're right. Yeah. On a very superficial level. Tell me what I agree with you. About this line, did you roll it a bit beforehand and like, try to mush it a bit on the inside or something? Just do that thing. No. No, I didn't.

I hadn't even thought about this. Do you do this with lemons as well? I think you can. I think you can get a bit more juice out of them. Sometimes a lime can be quite dry. There's a little. I mean, you're new to lime, so you might not know this, but sometimes you can get very limited amounts of juice out of them.

Yeah, no, that's definitely a thing that I've experienced with lime. That was probably something that I marked them down on in the past. Let's talk about these lemons. Sometimes when you're squeezing a lemon, are you a big lemon squeezing, like lemon, one of the lemon squeezing devices? Guy? I like to just go for it, just, you know, with my manpower.

Yeah. And then sometimes I'll get a fork in there at the end to see if I can get a bit more out. Do you ever just like stick two fingers in? Absolutely not. I got the two fingers. Really? Yeah, I just like, I like to feel the bursting and like to know that I'm doing some work, you know. You put your fingers inside the the lemon.

Yeah, well, I mean, there's lemon in hand soap. the lemon. Yeah, well, I mean, there's lemon in hand. So, so, so the, but so the juice is running down your fingers into the meal that you're preparing for everybody. Yeah. Oh, dripping off your elbow off my elbow. Yeah. Some of it's going to my armpit. I really think that the elbow probably is the lemon squeezer of the body. Like if you were to, if there was anything on the body that was like the closest to the commercial lemon squeeze, it would be the elbow. I mean, that's a, you know, here's a, here's a tip kind of like, you know, life hack sort of thing.

And then she'll be, it's in your just a bartender. You're a bartender is, you know, it's just a cool, to check out this cool bar and this guy flips bottles and then he like And he squeezes lemons on his elbow Yeah, how would you feel about that? I like it I mean, there's lemon in hand so It's not the soap bit, but you know I mean, that's that's the excuse that he uses.

That's what he's catchphrase as he squeezes the lemon body's elbow into your drink. Ah, there's lemon in, and lemon in hands. And the thing is, is that also you're not using your elbows to do all sorts of hand stuff, so they're not getting dirty. There's freshers when you walk down to the shower. Right?

And then when you cough into your elbow, it's the other side. And they're probably also the least sweaty bit of the body. That's right. I would say, because they're already quite dry and they're not in a cleft, like, you know. That's right.

A lot of bits are. Hmm. I mean, what are you complaining about, really? Exactly. Do you think there's anything in the, I think the guy who squeezes a lemon on his elbow? I think that's perfect. I think he could do a bit where he's making a row of shots. And he holds his elbow up in the air, okay?

Reaches up and squeezes a lemon on it. The lemon just runs down his arm and drips off his five fingers into five shot glasses. Yeah, that's right. And then there's a fifth one. And then there's a fifth one where he just squeezes the last bit of lemon in his mouth and he spits into it.

Into the glass? Yeah, he spits the last bit of juice. Mm. Wow, okay. Yeah, what do you do. Yeah. I mean, that's a different, different kind of thing. I mean, you could, you could do one when you put the lemon in your mouth, and then you use your mouth to squeeze the lemon. Yeah. So that the lemon trips out into stuff. I mean, that, that should be fine. Why, why would, I don't see why anyone would have a problem with that? I guess there could be a quite a bit of saliva that still comes out because it's quite delicious.

You know, that thing where it produces a lot of saliva. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're right. You're salivating. Salivator. He's bar. Yeah. He's now opened up a bar. It's okay. He says it's okay. I'm wearing a dental dam. Yeah. He says that. Yeah, he says I, I, it's okay. I was just performing kind of lingus. And I'm wearing a dental dam still. I'm still wearing Andy. It's fine. Did you know that we have listeners? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we did. I don't know what the status is at the end of this episode, but well, yeah That was a thing anyway, but before before we started this episode there we used to have listeners and And then some of them can send in three three words from a listener by

supporting some patreon and Today Now Andy I'm guessing that this is a an Irish name. It could be a Welsh name. You may have seen them in our discord. Did you know that there's a two in the thing discord? You can find out. And I love it. It's a happy place. We can go into the notes of the podcast and find the link to get there. S E I O N. Sion. Sion. Sion. But I could, do you think it could also be a shone?

Oh yeah, shone. You think, I'm not sure, but I always, I always read it's Sion. Yeah, I always thought it was like a sci, you know, like a sci-fi kind of name. I just assumed they were from the future. Well, that's what I want to believe. And, and I, but I think that that's also a good theme for you to keep in your mind when you're guessing the words that sign on sent in. Okay. Yeah. All right, a word one, molybdumum. molybdumum. Definitely not. The first one is VR. VR. Okay, here we go. VR IT is the next one. VR IT. No, no, it's not. It's four. The word four. VR. Four. Dogs. VR for dogs. And you got the first two letters right.

4 dogs VR 4 dogs and you got the first two letters right You're trying guess it's donuts. It's donuts, isn't it no it's dolphins Okay, we are for dolphins virtual reality 4 dolphins, I mean it seems like they could experience what it's like to go on a roller coaster. Wow. Yeah. I mean, but also, you know, maybe this will be a way

that we'll be able to justify keeping them in captivity, maybe even smaller and smaller tanks if we give them, you know, VR goggles and give them the impression that give them, you know, VR goggles and give them the impression that they're, you know, roaming the oceans. Yeah. So just, you know, there's no reason why you couldn't have a dolphin in your house. So you would guide them through the VR.

And you could, you know, have a dolphin in every bath. Yeah. They're in their floppin' and splashing around. In your back, back, a dolphin in your back. A long backpack. Yeah. Because as long as they feel like they can still swush, you know, splash and swush, I think that they would have a decent time.

Because I think what you need, if you've got them in a small enclosure, like a small wet area, you just need to guide them through the VR so that they can still feel like they're traveling in long distances. So maybe you get them traveling in a big spiral, you know, around the enclosure without running in, and then going all the way around and around and around, and then you get them to start again, go wide again, like that. So they might still think that they were going straight line, but you're getting them the turn. Well, you could also, though, just like have a little propeller or something

in the in the bath, pushing the water past them, right? So they feel like, you know, like a person on a treadmill, like they're swimming along. But they're not. I mean, this isn't funny yet. There's no part of this that is humor so far. The only bit that I think might be interesting is if you then we're using their tail power to allow you to swim

along somehow. Right? You have a dolphin on your backpack. It thinks it's swimming somewhere that it wants to go, but you're using it for a source of motive power while you're going through the water. Still not funny, still not funny. Turbine that can power your phone charger.

I mean, that's interesting. That we find a way to have renewable zero carbon energy, but it's only... Dolphin backpacks. Dolphin backpacks. Yeah, you get your dolphin paddling. I mean, then we're basically doing what the the robots were doing in the matrix. Yeah, that's true. Right. But we're doing it to dolphins. I mean, that's exactly what we would be doing. Yeah. But I think, I mean, isn't that they're kind of like getting more,

like bio heat and kind of things like that, right? Rather than like sure. I don't think like Neo was swimming in there. I'm creating little crazy. He wasn't on a level bicycle. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't, yeah. It could have gone a little too much. It wasn't so much flipper power. I mean, I suppose there might be,

there might be a way in which dolphins, you know, what do they do? Well, they waggle their tail up and down. Now, I feel like that is something that we probably could use quite a lot, that kind of slapping motion is something that we could use quite a lot in our days-a-day lives, you know, for say, you know, making a pizza base or, you know, on a building site might be quite good for concreting and that sort of thing. A dolphin's tail would be perfect for scooping out of pizza. Out of a, out of a... From a super hot oven.

Yeah, from a super hot oven. You know, you put VR that they're like not in pain. I wonder if you could... Yeah, great. If you could use VR to bridge, so you could have a relationship with a dolphin, where it sees you as a dolphin and you see it as a human. And you could sort of bridge that interspecies thing. And yeah,

it's really interesting, especially if you're kind of having a slightly long distance relationship like you know land to water kind of relationship. I mean how would you get around the fact that all you ever saw this person doing was laughing around in the ocean wiggling their legs up and down. No, but it changes what they're doing. So essentially, yeah. Or your it's like it makes it looks like they're walking around. Yeah, it looks like they're walking around. Like, you know, it doesn't quite have the technology's not quite there, so they're not perfectly walking around. They still flip it and flop a little bit. Yeah.

You know, so they kind of got that motion a little bit in how they walk. Right? But this is, you know, it's like on-purpose cat fishing where you've signed up for a dating agency that doesn't, it doesn't discriminate against anything, right? Species-wise, and it makes things work. It's just any singles who are interested in meeting up with any other singles. I'm just an organism looking for an organism. That's right. I'm just an organism looking for an orgasm. Yeah. An organism. An organism.

I think that's good. I think also there might be a twist on it where you we are leaning more into the cat fishing sort of thing. And it's a, you know, maybe it's a sort of, it is a sort of a Russian bot farm where people are think that they're developing these meaningful relationships, but it's actually with a dolphin. So they have these, you know, have these warehouses full of tanks. What's that? It's one of those Russian military dolphins that you're supposed to do. Yeah. It's not so much a bot farm as it is a bottle-nose farm. And it's a big warehouse full of tanks and there's dolphins in all the tanks and they're busy, you know, just sort of first trapping and scamming people online.

Everybody's falling, you know, falling in love, they really think it's a genuine relationship. I mean, there's a lot of sort of clicks and whistling and stuff. And you know, this chicks lively. I don't know, a lot of a girl who uses the full range of her mouth like that. You know, use some clicks, use some whipples. I mean, but it's always like this when... I think this would be really funny because so often, when you see that, like, once you learn the details of the scam that the person was in,

it is always so obvious. You're like, what, you didn't raise any alarm bells. The fact that they only communicate through a series of clicks and whistles, you're like, wow, you know, she said that that was because she was going through jaw surgery. Yeah, and then he didn't question the second or third time that they asked you to deposit $7,000 into their camp. Into the bank account of SeaWorld. I don't know, well, SeaWorld's involved. Maybe SeaWorld is getting the dolphins to do this now. SeaWorld, but it's like spelled C-World, the letter C.

Oh, okay. It's just a Russian. It also looks a little bit like it's saying cunt. Oh, okay. Cool. Cunt. Oh, okay. Cool. Count. So anyway, there you go. I think that's it. Did you hear that when I said it? That there was an L in the count?

I said, count. Count. Do you think like this, you know, C word is count. Do you think C word old? It's count. I'm struggling with that. Do you think SeaWorld is cult? I'm struggling with that. No. Oh, because what? SeaWorld is cult.

SeaWorld is cult. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, I'm just trying to help the equation, you know? Yeah, that's perfect. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Yeah, we did it. Oh, my goodness. Yeah, we did it. Alistair, I think we did it. Oh, my gosh.

I hope that I see on, say on, shown. I think you're, I hope you're happy with the, I'm so sorry. I think I hope it was worth coming all the way back from the future for this. Yeah. And I hope you take this back to your people and it helps to defeat the, you know, whatever alien civilization you were badly. I mean, they were probably here the whole time those aliens. Yes, that you're feeling?

Yeah, I think that I think that they just have technology here. I don't know if they're actually here, but they've got their ships here. They're just drones or whatever. And they just, they just keep an eye on us and our technology. That's my new thing. Make sure we're not a threat. Yeah. To galactic peace.

That actually fills me with hope. I really like it. Yeah. I hope that's what's happening. Yeah, me too. And indeed, should we wrap, oh, I should take you through the ideas, we got dog divorce and how it will absolutely turn instantly a bunch of people away from their religion.

It's just too much. Yay! We take away their source of faith that had. They're then comfort and joy Then we got one opinion per year policy Then we got 24 hour opinion news network that's anti pizza chef Yeah, we got the cousin it roast battle And we got the looks worse tastes best, widest range cooking show.

I think that's exciting. We're going to get that red grundy that red grundy. I love it. I love it. An expectation, you know, I love a love a game of expectation management. I think that's, you know, that could be almost the title. Oh, that's very good. Um, then we got bartender who squeezes lemon with his elbow. And then we got the genuine interspecies dating with a VR dolphin. And then it could either be a scam or just a dating, a dating. Yeah. Flipper. Um, there you go.

Yeah, what do you do? Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do grab an early bird ticket if you still can. If you still care to so putt. The stupid old podcast festival, tell all your friends in America to buy your stuff and Henry, there's a link down below. And if you do buy it or if you've seen it or if you know someone who's seen it, please review it online because we don't have many reviews and I would love more reviews just to get some visibility. Oh yeah, thank you getting a little bit of that for you guys. Thank you so much. Hi, Viz.

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