Two In The Think Tank - 351 - "GREASE SLIDE PARK"

Episode Date: September 29, 2022

USA friends! Gustav and Henri is now available in hardback! Buy it HEREGet on board the Stupid Old Podcast Festival and get early bird discounts at sospresents.comParent Olympics, Nannybots, Convincing Ball, Repugnand, The (Post) Office, Grease Slide Park, Testicular PouchGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereRechargeable lithium ion thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.

When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th Exclusively on Disney Plus 18 plus subscription required T's and C's apply Alistair Oh Andy, Matthews

Yes, I'm glad you're here From the Tour of the Thick Tech Podcast Because I'd love to That's correct I'd love to remind you And if the listeners are interested as well That's great But I'd love to remind you. And if the listeners are interested as well, that's great. But I need to tell you personally that the stupid old podcast festival is taking place on the 9th of October.

You're kidding me. Alistair and I will be performing an episode, and it is a performance, of two in the think tank at approximately 2.30 on that day, Australian Eastern Standard Time. Australian Eastern Terrific Time is what you're going to have. Yes. And. Not standard at all.

This will be the most fun you'll ever have watching a whole bunch of podcasts from your home or on the road. Yes. Maybe you're on the road and you've got a Tesla and you don't have to drive and you can just put it on the road and you've got a tesla and you don't have to drive and you can just put it on the screen that you can sit you can finally watch a podcast while you drive for those long drives some good podcast watching um and uh and there's a link to the tickets below uh in the in the show notes and alistair, one more quick reminder about the hardcover versions

of Gustav and Henry, now available from Red Comet Press, to readers and book buyers in general. I don't know what you sickos buy your books for. You might not be buying them to read at all. You could be buying a copy to eat it. That's right. And for that reason, this book is made from 100% organic material. Organic beef.

So, enjoy that. Look for that wherever good books are sold, but specifically at the website that I link you to in the show notes. Thank you very much. Hello and welcome to Toon The Think Tank, the show where we come up with far-stretched ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair ah yes uh yes and i am

coming off the back of a a a real good few days of um covid isolation with my entire family and uh let me tell you um it's good to be here um it's good to be and boy are my is my whole thing tired yeah and boy is my will to live tired tired tired but it. But it did give me an idea, Alistair, for a new Olympics. A new Olympics. Tired Olympics. No, not Tired Olympics. I feel like we've probably already come up with that idea already. All right.

Sick Olympics. But this is very close. Keep guessing. Sick Olympics is a good one. Yeah. No, this is the parents olympics yep um and you know so it's it's the i'm sure a lot of people at the olympics are already parents yeah sure but let's be honest probably not that many of them you know and if they are they're not that hands-on okay sure yeah

this this is um this is you know um could even be single parents olympics whatever to heighten the stakes of the of the parenting situation so you've got people showing up to the uh hundred meter sprint and for whatever reason babysitting's fallen through so they got to bring their kids along with them but do they have to do the event whilst carrying their child well they don't have to but a lot of them. But do they have to do the event whilst carrying their child? Well, they don't have to, but a lot of them end up doing that or, you know, trying to set the kids up for something just at the start line there with something to do, a little activity. A long jump would be perfect because there's a sand pit there.

Yeah, but the number of times you end up landing on your child, you know, that's one of the your child yeah um you know that's one of the hazards but you know you try and give them something to do at the start line there you get halfway around um then they're suddenly calling out for you because they can't get the lid off a pen um so you've got to run back and for me all of that kind of stuff for me with Hux it's that he can't get the pen lid on the back of the pen, which is absolutely necessary because he's seen other people do that. Yeah, that's non-negotiable.

I'm sorry. That is a deal breaker. Help! Help! Help! And, you know, I mean, the favourite, you know, probably 50% of the field won't be present at all at the finals because they just weren't able to get care or just couldn't face it. Yeah, the allure of cancelling plans was too great. Just showing up, you should get a medal.

And you probably do on some events. I mean, it'll be hard. There'll be other elements. I think the other, I think the gymnastics will be interesting to see them with all parents because they're usually so young and so yeah either they'll be much older or they'll be like people who've you know gone

through teen pregnancies or sure but also you know parenting is not great for your body in general yeah Yeah, yeah. So, you know, a lot of people will let themselves go. And I think just getting up off the mat will be – because they start sitting down, don't they, on the mat a lot of the time? Oh, yeah, yeah, laying down. Laying down, yeah. A laying start. You know, a lot of the contestants spend the entire day in their pajamas.

Yep. And I've, you know, and this is probably not a sketch idea, but I've found, because my kid likes to play pretend a lot, and I think I've probably mentioned this, but I have to figure out, I've over the years figured out, I have to find roles for've over the years figured out i have to find roles for my characters in game in the games the pretend games where my character has to find excuses to be laying down you know and sometimes closing their eyes oh no i think i've been hit by the radiation oh i'm losing my powers

like that and you go quick i need medicine you go get some medicine for me yeah well remy invented a game yesterday where it was like now you pretend to sleep and i'll shout at you and i'm like you know what what? I think this is fine because... You are normally shouting but now I get to lay down and close my eyes. And now I'm actually participating. I'm actually engaging with you by doing that. So there you go. What about to be a more hands-on parent? You just about to be a more hands on parent

you just get a whole lot more hands installed all over your body is that anything yeah yeah yeah and eyes you get like eyeballs you know something like contact lenses that have that block out

your pupil it's like a one way mirror they block out your pupil right It's like a one-way mirror. They block out your pupil, right? So they can't see it. And then they have pupils that are added to the thing, to the lens, that make it look like you're always looking in the right spot. Yeah, I mean, this is going to be good for everybody. Oh, my God.

So it blocks it out so from your point of view it's darkness right you're you're effectively blind but your eyes are darting around all over the place yeah like you're very engaged i think that you can see i think that you can see through it's a one-way mirror whatever two-way one way oh i see so you could be looking at it at the phone yeah you could be making dinner you know it there's also a voice enhancement that that adds enthusiasm to your voice gosh this doesn't sound this doesn't give a page a very nice picture of parenting right now

sorry no no i mean we we've already come up with the idea where you basically have a robotic exoskeleton so you can continue to parent while you sleep. Oh, yes. And I think that's exciting. I'm really looking forward for that. I don't think that's all that far away. Yeah, the parenting. Because, I mean, once I saw that crib that they kind of like,

that just like moves around and kind of like rocks your baby a little bit. You know, supposed to like. How's that a thing? Yeah, I've seen like a crib that's supposed to like kind of like, you know, mimic basically being in your arms and, you know. Very good. You know. So, like that. Since when I saw that, I was like, well, that's, you know very good you know so like that since i said when i saw that i was like wow that's

you know that's gonna take away a lot of the nice experiences and things like that and i just feel like we could invent technology that takes away even more nice experiences yeah no that's great what did they call it did they call it rocker bot baby uh rocker tot um rocker tot um no i don't i don't know and i'm i i think it would be silly of me to try to look it up i'd i only know a couple of keywords that i could use and i just don't want to do the searching yeah yeah of course um uh i guess you know you'd need another robot that dangles your kids upside down by their feet um and swings them side to side and makes fart noises so they can be an upside down monster throws them on the bed and then lands on them very lightly yeah yeah there is there is a real art to that and the thing is is that also in order to

land lightly like that but also be able to lift the kids up, you actually have to make quite a big heavy robot. Right? And because in order for it to have the muscle power to sort of slow itself down and things like that. And so you just gotta hope that it works.

I mean, the size of the supercomputer that you require to, maybe there's a sort of a threshold here maybe there's a reason we don't already have that robot it's kind of like a Fermi paradox is that you know the more advanced the computing power the heavier and then more enormous the computer needs to be requiring greater and greater levels of processing power to stop it from crushing your children. And otherwise, you know, it's like, you know, Fermi looked around and he said, where are all the aliens?

We're looking around and saying, where are all the really fun parenting robots? You know, what's interesting is that if we could have like a kind of like a robot nanny like that, is that if we could have like a kind of like a robot nanny like that there there would be a time in which the robots obviously has you know perfect kind of you know the the best of all parenting ability the best of knowledge the best of you know all the science and things like that so then there would be a point where while your kids are being raised they'd probably get smarter than you they'd probably speak more languages than you they would um you know they would they would be more physically active and you know everything that the robot would be perfect at convincing them to do things

yeah that's the thing you know and so there would be this generation generational leap where we're all a bunch of dummies and we thought you remember up until this point we were like well now we're the adults so we're finally in charge and now and we're you know we're like the top species so we've been you know we've been the dominant ones for you know for so long and then suddenly there's a new generation that we can't we can't look down upon because they're genuinely better than us in every single way and and that's one thing that they're gonna like everyone's gonna become super like uh yeah like kind of mopey and like just like oh well i'm sorry we couldn't be perfect like this generation. Yeah, well, we will become the children, won't we?

We'll become the grumpy, whiny little kids being looked after by these 12 and 13-year-olds who have been raised so efficiently that they've reached maturity. Yeah, and they'll probably have more of an allegiance to the bots. Yeah, and they'll probably have more of an allegiance to the bots. Well, I mean, once parenting robots are that good, it's actually a greater act of love to stop parenting yourself and make sure that your children are raised by the very best robots. It's a bit like a sort of a private school kind of an argument. Yeah, yeah. I want the best for my children, so I'm going to send them away or something like that. Well, now you just, you know, if you really care,

you'll get the really good robot and it'll be right. I think, I was just thinking though that of all the physical things that robots could do, the best one would be one that could just argue with your children for you. So, it doesn't need any physical strength or anything like that. It could just be a little speaker that you put on the table. Yeah. And whenever you want your kid to do something, they can work out, work through all the pointless argument components. Yeah. work out the work through the all the pointless argument components yeah i like and they could use um you know one of those algorithms that um wins alpha go or chess or whatever like that

it can have new neural network to yeah new moves it'll it'll i never would have thought of making that argument against a child who was being completely irrational yeah because we i mean to us they seem like they're being completely irrational but they are working on their own perhaps um just a different different logical system that we haven't been able to um recognize or decode so uh a little argument i think an ad an ad for an argument yeah um speaker like yeah uh a little argument sphere that i for some reason i picture it's it's able to roll even on the walls yeah it might have like a rolling suction cup or something like that you know like yeah i like

that a lot um it could just roll anywhere with you you know and it just you can hop up into the car and you know because the kids will probably pick it up and throw it away and then it'll just roll back real quick yeah yeah really good relentlessly but then of course once we invent a uh a robot that can convince children to do anything that's also the good start for a horror movie because we never know what the robot is convincing our children to do while we're asleep yeah and also and then what the company who runs it wants deep down yeah indeed it's a that's a great that's a great concept uh the convinced little bit of perfect sci-fi convincing ball and that's a great name as well perfect convincing ball in cinemas this weekend I'll do it. Love it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Love it. Hey, why did they call it? Get ready for this, Alistair. Okay. When they were in the early stages of the pandemic, why did they call it increased investment to promote preparedness and resilience in our health service and not getting ready for the weekend? The weekend. The weekend. The weekend. The weekend.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but, I mean, being weakened isn't really a medical crisis. Just try to enjoy the weekend. um yeah why is it called elder abuse and not just trying to in trying to enjoy um what's left of the weekend right and so in this case elder abuse this is like actually like sort of people having sex with the older elderly there oh i mean i didn't really i didn't think of it in that way were you like or do you just find hitting old people to be something that people would consider enjoying the weekend i was actually i didn't to do something well to enjoy it and by that i mean hitting elderly people in a very uh you know technical fashion unless i know it doesn't sound convincing when I say this, but I was picturing elder financial abuse.

I forgot to put that key word in there. And as a result, I may have lent my voice to a cause that I personally find repugnant. personally find repugnant well eddie i'm not gonna let that last line be edited into the clip that i post on on social media repugnant though what a great word repugnant repugnant repugnance repugnance let down your your what what? Your disgusting, greasy beard. Your disgusting... No, wait. Repugnant, repugnant, let down your matted pubic locks.

Repugnant, repugnant, let down your shoulder pubes. It's diminishing returns, I'm afraid. I was just trying to chase that same high that I got from giving you that early laugh. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I mean, Andy, I don't know if you've ever considered writing a children's book, but repugnant, repugnant, repugnant, let down your, I think in this case we're going to have to go with your disgusting. Horrible, greasy beard.

Your horrible, greasy beard. Who's forcing you to be up here? No, it's great. It's just away from people. I mean, it is much more plausible, right, isn't it? Yeah. That it's just some horrible old hermit who's chosen to spend the time in the thing. And it's much more plausible as well that his personal hygiene would be appalling after

that period of isolation. Yeah, well, I mean. Then instead he would have beautiful long and strong hair, about to get that freak shit on here. Yeah, well, I mean... Then instead he would have beautiful long and strong hair. About to get that freak shit on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, I mean, you could imagine that the tower would go pretty unused once Rapunzel escapes. And I guess the... Oh, you think he's like a hermit crab?

Yeah. He quite literally is a hermit. He was just a guy hanging out in the woods and then found a freaking beautiful castle tower that he could just be away from everybody else. Yeah, no, that's great. And he's wearing her underwear and stuff up there, I guess. Yeah, I think that will make a great addition to the children's book. You are a professional at this. I mean, look, I'm just going to write down repugnant.

Repugnant. Great. I mean, what are we playing with there? I mean what are we playing with there Because it's not even like What we're playing there Is the Basis of that pun Is repug

No Is the word is the letter R And then And then the third letter P And other than that But it's the sound rapah, rapah. Yeah, I guess so. I mean, it's spelt differently.

That doesn't matter, I don't think. Rap versus rep. I mean, if you understood what I was doing. I mean, if it's written down. If you understood. Yeah, yeah. We all understand, Alistair. Okay.

I'm just saying that, you know, in terms of what you can justify in the written word, and I'm not even saying it's bad. I'm just saying it's flimsy. Yeah. And we've had a lot of fun with it. Yeah. I mean, you know, the guy doesn't care about his opinion, I mean, about his appearance. He doesn't care about his smell. He doesn't care about his smell.

He's not going to care that the pun fits too closely. Yeah, okay. So he knows about the pun, does he? Well, because people have started calling him that because he's in Rapunzel's tower and he's gross. Oh, okay. He didn't also happen to be called Rapunzel. Although that would be great.

Do you, and the reason why he can't use the stairs or whatever that the witch would use is because he's filled it up with garbage and his own feces and stuff like that. Oh, that's going to be great for my children's book. Thanks a lot. Actually, it probably would. Oh, that's going to be great for my children's book. Thanks a lot. Actually, it probably would. Kids love that shit. They love a bit of filth, a bit of muck, a bit of bodily – Probably eats spiders and birds and stuff like that,

uses the spiders to track birds. I mean, you know how like education isn't what it used to be you know and universities nah i mean all this woke stuff yeah you know they got in the universities woke and universities and woke and you know all that kind of stuff and now they study you know not even real stuff like british history they don't do the they don't do the base they they skip over the basics now and they go straight into the complex. And now it's like, oh, you can do a degree in Harry Styles, you know, that kind of stuff. You know, because it's all, you know, these days nobody learns maths.

They just learn Harry Styles. If we were really pandering to kids. Pandering. And if we were continuing to infantilise a generation of the generation. If we were really pandering to kids, we'd be feeding them bamboo and sort of trying to make them have sex in the zoo. Yes, and giving them an extra thumb, a second thumb, a vestigial second thumb.

Gosh, we're doing well with the puns today. The Rapunzel. I was just saying, I'm surprised there's not a university course in farts. I mean, I think that that would probably be a very important medical field. Yeah, probably. The farts department. The farts department. Do you think it's a whole department?

Well. Well, you know, at the ANU, I think there's a Jackie Chan medical center. So, it'd probably be next to that. I don't know why. But it's comedy. And is it true they only learn to do medicine on Jackie Chan? Is that true? Yes.

Well, no. It's medicine that Jackie Chan has come up with. Oh, okay. I was going to say because he received so many injuries in the course of making his films. Oh, yeah. I was going to say because he received so many injuries in the course of making his films. Oh, yeah, that would make sense. Maybe there is a sufficient demand based on his now very damaged body and keeping him alive requires an entire field of medicine.

And it's very possible that, you know, he's injured himself more than anybody else in the history of the world, right? And so he could be discovering new emergent phenomena-type diseases that you only get when you've had a certain amount of things go wrong. That's true, yeah. So there are entirely new conditions that will only ever be applicable to jackie chan death is in our air this year's most anticipated series fx's shogun only on disney plus we live and we die we control nothing beyond that an epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by

james clavelle to show your true heart is to risk your life. When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27th exclusively on Disney+. 18 plus subscription required. T's and C's apply. And you could have Jackie Chan-e-statists. You could have... Jackie Chan-eth-statists. You could have... Jackie Chan-est-statists, yeah.

Jackie Chan-est-statists. I was hoping I could think of another medical profession that starts with an. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, wait, wait, wait. Jackie Chan-esthesiologist, but I think that's the same as an anesthetist. Antelope.

Jackie Chantelope. Hunting the Jackie Chantelope in the fields of the Surin Chani. Yes. Fucking hell. We did it, Andy. Yes. Yeah. Fucking hell. We did it, Andy. Yes. Very good. Jeez, coming up with comedy is easy.

I agree. The, you know, what about, it's a post office. And the guy who works there. Oh, it's really good. He's. A post. Eh? He's a post. He's a post office and the guy who works there, he's… A post. Eh? He's a post.

He's a post. He's a post. Oh, like as in like a metal pole. Yeah, something like that. You know, I've got to build fences around our property pretty soon. Do you? Yeah, I might just pop down to the post office. It's an office.

So it's like the word, it's like the TV show The Office, but instead of selling paper, they're selling posts. They sell posts. Like that. And do we ever mention the fact that the name of the show is sort of a pun on the already existing business of being a post office? Yeah, well, it'll be called The Post Office. Because that's a pun on that it's basically we're remaking The Office. Yeah, good.

But it's being made afterwards. And it's kind of going to be even a bit more uh knowing you know and pipe it'll be a reference also to post-modernism um and then it keeps referencing the office oh does it yeah so a lot of people in the show say things like, gosh, this is just like in that show, The Office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because in this show, the TV show, The Office exists. Yeah.

And they've all seen it. Maybe they could be watching it in some episodes. They've all seen it and then they go, and then when they look at the camera like that, that's just, say they know they're just mimicking that show yeah great and they're saying i'm looking at the camera like in the show the office and it's just like it's it's they're people who genuinely worked in an office and we're like let's yeah let's try to get extra money by filming what we're doing and then when somebody's a dickhead we'll look at the camera yeah that's great and then that's the add to their business model of just selling posts okay and the boss maybe they have

a lot of meetings with the boss um where they talk about ways in which they can make the okay remy okay i'm just doing a podcast so can you go um off with mum is that all right so i can finish thank you thanks carly um uh they have a lot of meetings where they talk about ways in which they can make it more like the TV show, The Office. Yeah, and also try to find, you know, we need a storyline for today. Yeah, great. And who do you think is the Dwight slash Gareth of The Office? That kind of thing. It could be Sally. Yeah, great. sally yeah great now or the person whose character is most like dwight or gareth

their name is tim well what about fortunately what about it's they have to think about it because they go well we need somebody that we can bully but we can't bully them every day because in the real world which is in which they are you can- Which is what we're in. They say that. That's what they, which is what we're in. They also reference the fact that they're in the real world. That we're not a TV show.

We actually are in the real world and we're going to get fired if we, if we do this, you know, if we just bully, if we allow it, you know,

if somebody gets bullied and we just allow it to continue. So we're all going to have an agreement anybody wants to work here that we're all going to take turns getting bullied once every day or once every episode a little bit yeah that's really great that's great victim of the month they have a little victim of the week they probably also have to sign a contract of them up on the wall have to sign a little contract before each bullying saying that you agree to this bullying and you waive any consequences of the bullying experience. I mean, I suppose there'd be like an HR type person there whose role it is to mediate the bullying.

mediate the bullying so the bullying can take place in a sort of a very official yeah um workplace type way where they you know somebody um performs the act of bullying the other person acknowledges it and they discuss how it made them feel but also you know hopefully how effective they think it was in terms of something that would be compelling to watch on television. And the person who's there to mediate doesn't really want to be part of the TV show that much, but they had to sign a waiver because they're from an external office and they're not really interested in this whole thing. But in order to get this job,

they've had to sort of sign away their rights and their their likeness and everything like that so you know they're like people who've been who've watched the office and be like we should do that in real life yeah we should really film is the concept of this fake tv show that we're making i i love it but even more than actually the idea of the show itself i love the idea of spending a lot of time in meetings trying to work out the logic of what exactly it is that we're trying to do with the tv show that we're planning to make about people who wanted to do the office in real life yeah the fake tv show yeah as part of our sketch show as part of us

well you know this one i think this would is genuinely a project that would be worth attempting because you're i agree yeah because you're like it's so stupid um that and that you have to be working it on multiple levels where where you've got the reality and you've got the trying to be like The Office. Yeah. And you have a person, you have the boss who is trying to play the David Brent slash Michael role and is really uncomfortable about it. Yeah. They don't feel good at doing it it they find it degrading it's it's affecting them emotionally he's always trying to find new industries to take the business into

outside of posts so that so that they don't have to keep doing this tv show thing to make extra money to survive you know maybe i could do the fencing wires as well you know yeah but they don't have time they don't have time to properly pursue any of those other avenues because the tv show takes up so much of their time and is so successful it's going really well people love the the post-modern uh aspect of this tv show and the way in which it reflects how we're all struggling financially and are having to do things that we don't want to do yeah well i hate that i don't want to do that yes and they love that well that's what they love yeah well that's what i don't love. Yeah, well, that's what I don't love. Oh.

Yes. Every time that you say that you don't love it, the ratings go up. I don't know how. I don't know how people know that you're saying it when they're watching a different channel in order to switch over. But somehow they're clicking over. There's some kind of psychic connection occurring. Especially when it's on a streaming service and they're watching something else and then clicking over onto this show

and fast forwarding to the point in the episode. It's truly remarkable. Scientists are studying it as we speak. So in your extra time, when you're not making this TV show or selling posts or trying to diversify the business, you're actually going to have to go along to a secretive government facility where they're going to perform exploratory surgeries on your body and brain to work out how you're able to achieve this telekinetic phenomenon.

Telekinetic? Yes. Telepathic. Telepathic. Telepathic. See, that's a great storyline for one of the episodes. Yeah. Great.

Great. This is the kind of stuff that will really, you know know use up some time and then it's so stupid it's a perfect storyline how are people finding out i don't know there's actually there's a whole new science being based off of this phenomenon wow and the exit and he gets back to the office on Monday morning. His body's all bruised and bandaged. These tests. He's just been dumped back.

They dump him back every Monday morning because they need him to keep making the show so that they can get more data. But every Friday night as he's leaving the office, trying to get home to his family, they come and grab him in one of their vans and take him off for more tests. Like E.T.? Yeah. People in big hazmat suits. Exactly like E.T.

They're hunting him through the little nearby forest that he runs into. He's riding a bike. He's wearing a blanket. But that's part of the TV show as well, and people love that even more because that's making people tune over even faster because that's exactly the kind of nostalgia shit that people love from Stranger Things

and that kind of thing right now. Oh. And every single thing that happens makes the show more and more popular. This guy's life is getting worse and worse. This is, Andy, I can't wait to make this. Oh, great. This is genuinely one of the most fun things ever.

oh great this is genuinely one of the most fun things ever um that's our fifth that's our fifth idea for this one so um oh what a way to go out yeah so well no we still have to go in yeah to go in into three words from a listener today's listener andy is nick bauer or nick bower i'm sure i've said this before but you can't spell a listener without a list and that is exactly where all of our listeners come from they're all right some of the top they're all on a list hopefully we're not going to say which one um could be on the list of listeners that we have um that we keep could be a watch list and by that i mean a a list of good uh watches the watches good good yeah there you go yes like this one the brower the brower beautiful name for a bower bower bower even better the bower the bower nick nick of time nick of time that's a great name for a um a a small watch shop where he repairs

watches yep and his name is nick and and and he has his own watch that he's he hand makes painstakingly and called the bower yeah Yeah, and that's right. And he could be the Bauer as well. And so that every time he hands somebody a watch, he then folds at the center and then shows that he's not worthy of such a great customer by

showing that he's beneath them, lowering his status. Well, not only is Nick one of our listeners, but he also sent in three words. This is all falling into place. From a listener. It's beautiful.

Yep. And would you like to try and guess what those three words are? Yeah, okay. The first word is insert. No, no, no, no, no. The first word is insert no no no no no uh the first word is two two yeah two t double o t w o t w o it's crazy isn't it one's t double o one the other one's t w o that's insane that's crazy man crazy um makes you think uh okay so i reckon the next word is in the think man if you hadn't been so ambitious in that moment you would have got that

oh damn the second word is in to in to in well i wonder if the third word is in. To in. To in. Well, I wonder if the third word is going to be tank, because it's been a while since somebody's fucked with us in this way. But I'm... In a way, I don't want it to be. But in another way, I love a bit of nostalgia, and I'm going to say it's tank. To in tank.

Oh, my goodness, Andy. You are going to shit when you realize that it is two in tanked. Taint. That's right. Two in tanked. Oh, wow. I mean, imagine if we discovered a previously undiscovered orifice in the middle of the taint. Two undiscovered orifices.

Wow. Not one, but two. Actually, it's all little holes all the way. The taint is just a series of tubes. Parts unexplored. I mean mean that would be so exciting for the for the for the body to have a new hole that nobody knew about that would be huge imagine that leading the news that the that that's the opening um uh story yeah quite literally on the on the evening news as they maybe it's even breaking our opening story today um openings oh yeah a a a cave

caves are a great way into let me forget i got nothing i got nothing andy alistair it's it's great what's great about that is that we actually came off great way into... I got nothing. I got nothing, Andy. Alistair. It's great. What's great about that is that we actually came off trying to write news headline jokes straight into this podcast.

And we're bringing you some of that same creative momentum that was making the headlines flow so beautifully. Oh, coming out of us, slipping out of us like juicy. Like an untuned greasy sausage. Just using your intestines like an untuned greasy chipolata using your intestines like a water slide.

But a grease slide. Oh, that's a fun. Come to our grease park. That's a really good idea. That's a really good idea. It's not water world. No. It's fluid world.

This is the slipperiest fucking slipper slip and slide yeah i mean water when you think about it water's not that slippery no but you can go i mean god no smoking is one of their big rules because they have so many different um petroleum but Petroleum-based liquid. The grease fire at the grease slide. There'd be one that's all WD-40. That's a very thin oil. I mean, I'm really excited about that idea. You write that down. I'm writing down grease slide park.

But too intaint. Too intaint. Like, okay. No, I don't want no i don't know i mean previously undiscovered orifice you're telling me you're not right oh yeah yeah but i want to think about what the orifice is imagine that a little pouch in there a little pouch where actually we discover that we are marsupials. Oh, that'd be great. And the pouch is just... But then your kids are going to want to crawl up in there. Yeah, but, you know, the thing is that you could.

The thing is that we didn't know. It's that this is the first marsupial. We're the first marsupial or the last remaining marsupial where the pouch is on the mail. I guess it's like seahorsey kind of thing right and there is actually a point in the where the where the mother is carrying the the fetus where if you were to lift up your testicle bag and press it up against up against the and that's a big if that's if you were to do that you know if you're not already doing that right this is why this is why we haven't discovered the orifice until now no one's really done this where they've lifted up their their their testicle

bag and held it up towards their belly right and then the opening to the pouch is just behind the bag at the beginning of the taint there right and so there's a slot there and there's a smell that comes out of it and and if that goes up into the birthing canal that can that alerts the fetus that it's time to crawl out right and then the fetus comes and crawls out and then gets into the little pouch under there. It's very... I think it gets into the bag. I think it crawls into the ball bag. No, no, not into the ball bag.

There's a slot in the pouch behind the ball bag. Alistair, it gets into the ball bag. This explains why the ball bag is so stretchy. It's so roomy. Of course. All that unutilized. It's very mammalian pouch that's true you're right i apologize it's so stretchy it's perfect for carrying a baby and being in there with its

brothers and sisters it's half half brothers and sisters i am i am i am having a really bad time imagining what that experience would be like. Yeah, being in there with all your half-brothers and sisters. No. No? Being the father and feeling that happening. Well, you would end up having a bra for your testicles kind of thing, like a really supportive underwear. I mean, I think once it's in there

it's okay but it's the feeling of it crawling yeah well it just turns out that there's just if you just reach behind there's just a little like there's just a little flap that if you just like you know it's like opening up a cd you know like the plastic over cover of a cd if you can just get your nail under it a little bit like that you can just and then you can get that opening and just pull it open a bit more like that and it re-glues that doesn't that doesn't make me feel better about it and then you just and then it reseals like a like a like a rice bag or whatever like one of those ones that's got a little adhesive yeah yeah yeah ziplock kind of kind of zippy locky a bit yeah you know it's never perfect

and and then no no it's not and then and then the only yeah the painful bit is getting it back out yeah but you i mean how satisfying would it be to just you know once it's full of baby it would almost be better to just run a knife along the whole thing you know how there's that line i don't know if like there's a line along the testicles that kind of looks like it's a it's a join line just run out and i think that's exactly what it is i think that is where the where the the late the labia joins up into the testicle bag, I think. Right? And so then you just run a little knife along there,

and it'll split open like one of those Japanese omelets that's wet on the inside. You seen those? I don't, but yuck. Yeah. Split open like that. And a baby will come out and you just got to move your testicles aside, you know, untangle it, untangle the testicles. Sure.

Or maybe the baby's using the testicles to feed off of like. I'm worried that that's probably part of it. But that's okay. Anyway, there you go. That's exciting. Yeah. And then also because it's feeding on just like pure protein, it comes out ripped.

It bursts out. Bursts out. Like fully muscly. Tears its way out. Yeah. So. A real bald hair. Testicular. so a real bald hair testicular um what's the what's the type of marsupial pouch there you go

yeah i mean this is all great it's all really exciting yeah this is very promising and bodes well for the future of humanity and indeed the podcast alistair would you like to quickly take us through the i would love that we've got parent olympics episode of two in the think tank we've got parent olympics uh we've got the greater generation raised by nanny bots way smarter than the parents um not nanobots nanny bots then we got ad for argument rolling ball perfect convincing ball which becomes a horror film what are they convincing them of then we got ad for argument rolling ball, perfect convincing ball, which becomes a horror film. What are they convincing them of? Then we got the repugnant, repugnant, repugnant, let down your hideous, disgusting, greasy beard. I put in one too many adjectives in there, but it doesn't matter.

Then we've got the post office, the show where they make their office like the tv show the office to make extra money um you know this is just a regular small business struggle in the age of endless content you know and then we've got uh we've got the grease slide park and then of course we have the testicular marsupial pouch discovered and so that takes us to there you go thank you so much for listening to and think tank we really like that you did that to it and us and often it and two as well you can um buy tickets to the to the podcast festival to be honest i think yeah it's not been said out loud but we're kind of doing it as an extra fundraiser because the

festival the building the office has been um much more expensive than everybody expected. Very expensive to build. And so, yeah. But also, we're going to have a great time doing the festival. That's right. It's going to be a great time, and we're trying to offer something in return. We're not just a fundraiser. It's also a fun.

Drazer. Drazer. That's right. And so you can also buy the hardback copy of Gustav and Henry from the United States. If you happen to be visiting there or living there or living and visiting. And yes, a different part of it. And you can follow us for everything. a different part of it. And you can follow us on everything.

If you want to follow us, follow us on everything. Twitter, Instagram, Be Real. Two and Tank doesn't have a Be Real, but if you can find out what my contact details are, you can contact me

on Be Real, and we'll be real together um and then there's that last thing that we say we we love you thank you so much take care goodbye