Two In The Think Tank - 356 - "THE EDMUND HILLARY OF HOLES IN THE GROUND"

Episode Date: November 5, 2022

Sleep Depravation, Mouth Monopoly, Porky Man, Stig Martyr, Edmund Hole-ary, Eat (Bits of) The RichCheck out Alasdair's report on the official orifice of the podcast here on Do Go OnYou can still stream SOS PODFEST at sospresents.comGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Alice there. I just wanted to let you all know that I was on an episode of Do Go On on the cloaca,

WACA for cloaca. And my name is Alice Atromoleombley-Burgel. All right, Andy, let's get into the episode. Yes. Thank you so much for tuning in to this, the penultimate episode of Two at the Thick Tank. Do you think that would be good? I don't know if that would be good if it was the second last episode.

I think you should always podcast. I always podcast like it's my penultimate episode. Podcast like nobody's looking. Like nobody's watching. ultimate episode. Podcast like nobody's looking. Like nobody's watching. I... ...

... ... ... Ah, now that's the new accordion to you t-shirt as far as I'm concerned. Podcast like nobody's watching is...

That might be the funniest thing you've ever said. That's incredible. That's incredible. I don't know where that came from, Alistair, but that's... It was whatever you were saying. There was a hole in my brain that that has fitted into perfectly.

It was whatever you were saying. I just took your idea that just fixed it i don't know i don't know it's weird that you say like that you say that though because i was thinking before just before we started i was turning off a lot of lights in the room yeah so there was only one light on and i was like maybe i should turn off all the lights maybe i should podcast in the dark yes and then i was thinking what would it be like to go down one of those really deep holes in the ground like an old mine shaft you and your podcast party go down there yeah with lapel mics on or whatever okay and then you put you do the podcast there you're in the space together but you can't see each other or anything at all. I think that that would be a transcendent experience.

I think that could be what brings us closer, Alistair, as people. Yeah, I think location podcasting should be a very big thing. I think if we started shifting this into a very location-heavy podcast. It's a destination podcast. Destination. That's what I was trying to say when I was saying location. You heard what I said and I fixed it, Andy. This is why this partnership works, especially for me.

And it's a slight burden on you, but that's okay. That's okay. That's okay. That's all right. Yeah, I was genuinely like, I think that really would be a remarkable experience to be there in the total darkness. Mindshafts. You know, trying to come up with sketch ideas. Deep in the woods. Imagine podcasting completely lost. shafts, churches, deep in the woods. Imagine

podcasting completely lost. Absolutely have no idea where you are. I think that's fantastic. Podcasting on the sea. Podcasting on all seven seas, on all

five peaks. Kilimanjaro. I was thinking. The others. I only know Kilimanjaro. All five. All five. Is there like some category?

Is there a big five in peaks? Well, I think it's the highest in every continent. So it's Kilimanjaro. It's that one in Antarctica. It's that one near India. In Antarctica, it's got a real boring name. Like Mount McRobertson or something like that. McRobertson.

Andy, maybe you just think that... McRobertson sounds like the most Andy Matthews name I've ever heard. I forced a bot to read both of Andy Matthews' names and then come up with a new one. Both of Andy Matthews' names. I've forced a bot to read Andy Matthews' name thousands of times.

And offer and come up with a name that would offer some relief, yet seem a little bit similar. up with a name that would offer some relief yet seem a little bit similar. Why would you be doing that? Why would you be forcing a bot to read the same thing over and over and over again? Well, I have to do it.

Like... Reading your own name. Don't you think I'm reading your name every single time I have to remember what your name is? I don't know. Isn't that... I'm really sorry that you feel like you're forced to do that. That you're forced to...

I didn't feel forced until now, but then I realised that that's what the boundaries of this relationship entails. Yeah, that's what knowing someone is, being forced to remember them. Well, that's right the boundaries of this relationship entails. Yeah, that's what knowing someone is, being forced to remember them. Well, that's right, because... Having them in your life. If I start forgetting your name, you're going to get upset.

Even if it's joke upset, I know there's going to be some truth in it. I've got an experiment for everybody to do tomorrow. Get a baker. When you brush your teeth tomorrow, when you look at yourself in the mirror, I want you to say

you again in your most sort of disappointed voice. To the toothbrush or to yourself in the mirror? to yourself in the mirror? To you in the mirror. Were you having more fun imagining it to the toothbrush?

No, no, no. It actually really works for me in the mirror. Yeah, great. And see how that feeds into the rest of your day. You know, my version of it that I've just thought of now is, we meet again. Oh, that's really nice as well. Well, well, well.

Well, well. If it isn't my old sparring partner. That's the person you go in a spa with. That's a... Is that sort of... I was about to say bacteria? Well, well, well. If it isn't my sparring partner.

Legionnaire's disease. I've been sleeping enough, and somehow I think that that's been leading to my nose being blocked. Look, I mean, the feedback cycles that contribute to the status of your... the state of your sinuses, Alistair, I can't begin to comprehend. I think I realised years ago... It seems to respond...

I think it's your sinuses. You must have got a spare set from a different dimension that are attuned to completely different stimulants. Because you were like... Milk and not sleeping enough. Milk doesn't do it so much anymore.

But now not sleeping enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it's not sleeping enough. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now it's not sleeping. It's like as soon as I'm not taking care of myself, it's like I'm just in a constant state of sickness. Yeah. I mean, that's probably what the definition of being unhealthy is. Yeah, I suppose so.

It's like I'm sick. It's like I'm sick. It's like I don't have all the vitamins that I need and the rest and things. It's like my health is in some way... Declines. In decline. When my health declines, I notice I become sick and I'm starting to think there could be a connection.

We don't have a single idea, Andy. We've been talking for 52 minutes. This is some of the best conversation I've ever had in my life. Yeah, absolutely. I'm so happy. I mean, I wouldn't have thought, Alistair, that after a period of time in which I've been talking to you on the phone more constantly

and collaboratively than I have with anybody about anything. I wouldn't have thought there'd be anything left. No, no, no. And yet here we are.

If anything, there's more. I have literally been in a bedroom with a child who has just been going, No, Daddy, leave. No, Daddy, leave. And then as soon as I leave, he runs to the door and goes, No!

Right? No! Like that. And so then I have to come back in and I go, Huxley, get back into bed right now. And then you don't... Now, we've got all come back in and I go, oh, Huxley, get back into bed right now. And, you know, and then you don't... Now, we've got all these people in CIA black sites, right? Yeah.

Being subjected to sleep deprivation torture. As long as they're not sleeping anyway, it feels crazy that they're not... that we can't also get them to put our children to bed. Right? So you think we should get prisoners who are not... that we can't also get them to put our children to bed. You're right. So you think we should get prisoners who are being forced to not sleep to put everybody else's children to bed, at least the CIA torturers to bed?

At least them, or at least the CIA torturers' babies. Do you think the torturers at any point would be worried about the well-being of their own babies being in the hands of the people that they torture sure but at a certain point i mean you you make compromises don't you of course you know you don't want your kids to look at the ipad but sometimes you just need that time right yeah you don't want the victims of your CIA torture to supervise your infant children. But sometimes your country needs you. Exactly. Or you want a break.

And those are both higher callings as far as I'm concerned. Getting people. I can't believe that of all the things we've said, this is the one that we're writing now. Well, I don't remember anything else that we said. Well, indeed, indeed. My idea about going down into very deep in the earth, the podcast. I mean, if...

But Andy, that's a great idea for podcasting. Is it a sketch idea? Well, I mean, let's look at it in more detail. What else do you do deep down in mineshafts? Well, you experiment. You try and detect

neutrinos passing through the Earth. Yes, so we should get the people that we're torturing to detect neutrinos. Neutrinos. Passing through the Earth. Yes, so we should get the people that we're torturing to detect neutrinos. I mean, if we're burying them alive anyway... Yes, well, they should at least... We should get them to yell out if they detect a neutrino. Exactly. We should bury them 1.2 kilometers inside the Earth's crust.

You know what I bet? I bet you. You know when you close your eyes and you see static? I'm doing it right now. Close your eyes. I guess I am seeing... I guess it's static.

I mean, yeah, there's sort of stuff. Yeah, there's stuff going on. You know what I bet? I bet you some of that is neutrinos. Like, how could none of it be neutrinos? You're telling me none of this is neutrinos? If our eyes are detecting photons, some of it's got to be. And you see more static the darker it is, when there's less light,

which means you're probably more likely to be seeing neutrinos. Is that true? Is that true? You see more static the darker it is, when there's less light, which means you're probably more likely to be seeing neutrinos. Is that true? Is that true? You see more static the darker it is? Well, because when it's not dark, you're not seeing the static because you're just seeing the shit, the stuff that's around. I'm trying to connect with what you're telling me. So I've put my hand over my eyes now as well as closing them.

Have you never closed your eyes, Andy? It's all just static and patterns and things like that. Yeah, but when I close my eyes, I'm not paying attention. Why not? I'm like, my eyes are closed. How do you close the eyes after you've closed your eyes? There's no internal eyelid. But there's the choice to observe, you know?

And I think I have a sort of an understanding, which is that when I close my eyes, that's it. There's nothing to see here. Yeah, but where do you look? Where do you put your focus? Do you have a focus bin? I guess I just go within myself. Like a true sensory deprivation tank that you can...

Maybe that's what the appendix was for or something like that. It's a place where you can put your focus that does nothing. For once, that doesn't sense anything. Look within. It's in the appendix. I'm not able to stop sensing. That's why you can fall asleep so fast. You've got some weird thing. I think so fast. You've got some weird thing.

I think it is. I think it is. You've got some weird thing. What is this bin that you put your attention into? I guess I turn off my brain. Are you able to brain blink? Consciousness blink? This doesn't make sense.

Yeah. Well, I close my eyes, I see nothing. No, that's when the fireworks begin. I think this is... Did they discuss this at all when you had your recent test for ADHD? I haven't had a test, Andy. I can't fucking get somebody to do it. Well, can I do it?

You have ADHD. ADHD. You're closing your eyes and overwhelmed by the stimulus of all the things that you're seeing. That's it. That's what it is. That's what it is. That's what it is.

Alrighty. Come on. I've recently had a thing at like in the middle of the night where I've just started noticing like, you know like when you wake up and you end up to get to a piss

or something like that and you're like, you're mostly just kind of your eyes are closed and you're pissing or whatever like that. I sit down to piss especially at night now and you're like you're mostly just kind of your eyes are closed and you're pissing or whatever like that i sit down the piss especially at night now and it's just like and then you're like okay and you just get back into bed you just fall asleep correct because you've never allowed yourself to get out of that sleep state

right but now when i get up for some reason the last couple of months i get up and i go oh i'm allowing myself to feel too much like this is the thought that i'm having and it's really it's that thought that is this that is what is keeping me up and i go god this is not this is thinking oh i'm thinking right now this is this is the worst and as soon as you let let go of that little buzz of sleep or whatever it is, it does feel like it's just a weird vibration. It's almost like a fuzzy cord that you've just got to hold on to. Yes. The fuzzy cord of sleep.

You're absolutely right. You're coming into the waking world, but you've got this bungee cord around your waist. you've got this bungee cord around your waist. And you, Alistair, you're looking at that bungee cord and you can see it start to fray. That's right, yeah. And you're not going to be able to bounce back into the dream world. Because looking at it is what causes it to disappear. Being aware of it.

Be honest, Alistair. Yeah. In the last few months when you've been getting up at night and feeling yourself starting to wake up, have you also had a cheeky look at Twitter? No, no, it's not even that. A quick, cheeky scroll. Andy, I wouldn't dare.

I wouldn't dare think that you could look at it. Because that is like taking a nail file or even a pruning saw to that bungee cord. I wouldn't dare think that you could look at your phone and get away with still being asleep. No, no, no. Do you sometimes do that? I can.

Yeah, I know, because you can fucking close your eyes and then you experience nothing. As if, like, you could shut down everything. That doesn't make sense. How do you make your heels not be so dry? Surely one of the two of us... I've got very wet feet.

Everything about my feet is... I've got too much moisture in my feet. I sleep with my feet in a bucket of slime. Have we talked about that? Have we talked about that as a new thing? I'm not writing anything down, so we better talk about it. You know, little one foot out of the bed, just in a bucket of slime. If anybody wants to see my cracked heel, please join the Discord.

There is a photo on there somewhere. It's healing now, though. It's healing. It is? What are you doing? Are you doing anything differently? Are you using an ointment? A balm?

No. I refuse. Nothing. And it's working. You do not negotiate with skin conditions. No, I'm just waiting. I just drink a glass of water occasionally to make it better. All right, buddy.

You can have some water. But only because my heels are cracking like a parched desert. I mean, that'd be good. It seems crazy, right, that I've got to put water in my whole body when it's just my heels that are dry. Put a mouth on your heel. You know, it's like that thing when you work in a kitchen and you're like, like Oh the tips go to

Go to the You know like You think the tips just go to the wait staff Or whatever And then they go to the kitchen as well You go I'm not tipping the kitchen I don't know what they're doing back there I don't

You know I don't want the dish pig to get this Yeah I mean if he wants this tip He can come out here and flirt with me himself. It should just be one mouth. There should be a mouth for each bit that you want to hydrate. There you go.

I mean, that's what they do on a tractor, you know? They have grease nozzles, little grease nipple things. Exactly, they do. It's a grease... For each individual moving part. That's right right and you pump them up with your grease gun a grease wait a mouth for every bit and yeah i don't it's not that i'm i think no i mean it's good it's decentralized mouth you know we're breaking the mouth's monopoly that's right's right. Because once we put the water into the mouth like that, we know how these things work, right?

There's going to be crony capitalism going on in there. And you know what? I'm sure that the mouth and the esophagus and the digestive system, they're sending the water to their favorite bits of the body. Yes. There's a reason that your heels are dry. I'm peeing out so much. I don't think that it's even doing the job of retaining any liquid.

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. You know, it's like the kid who's got that route delivering catalogues or whatever, just dumping them down a bank next to the river. Your body has got a specific job, which is to process that water and get that to all the bits, and it's just pissing it straight out, acting like it's done its job.

It's not. There's no due diligence, you know? I'm really worried about the due diligence of my body. I don't know. Do you think I need to have Hydrolyte all the time? Just constant Hydrolyte? Sure. Yeah. Yeah? You think I should buy their product? Maybe we should start advertising it on here.

I think, I don't know, I haven't heard any podcasts doing Hydrolyte. Because it's not technically a medical product, I don't think. Yeah. It's just like a, it's borderline medicine. Because you know it's like... It's not good enough to be an actual drink. No. It's not enjoyable enough to make it in the shops.

Yeah. But it can survive in the pharmacy world. That's right. As a medicine, it's delicious. But you know, that's the thing. As a drink. There's not that much competition in the pharmacy for drinks. Exactly.

Yeah. Yeah. It can be a very hang on wet fish in a dry pond. When I was in Taiwan I remember my ex-girlfriend saying

there was a drink that you could get from the vending machine and she was like this drink is supposed to mimic the type of liquid that's in your body. And I was like, all right, you sold me on it. Because then the body

doesn't have to do anything. It's already murky. Yeah. So you drink it and the body's like, oh, this is already body fluid. It's like going in there in and the body's like oh this is already body fluid yeah it's like it's like going in there in disguise and it's just let's it's like going in in a high-vis vest into

a construction site or something it's just waved straight through into the into the circulatory system well yeah or like if you know if you were making pies and instead of buying like meat pastry onions and stuff like that something came out and it was already like in a sort of pastry cup and it was already kind of oozy and meaty and you only had to slap a lid on it like if you could if you could grow an animal that did that that produced that kind of thing like a pastry you know imagine that it's like if instead that produced that kind of thing, like a pastry. That's incredible, isn't it? You know? Imagine if instead of a cow just had a bunch of things underneath it.

Instead of producing milk, it just produced... You just sliced these off and they were just essentially pie bases. Filled with oozy meat. Filled with oozy meat I mean I mean sort of like This is breaking my brain a little bit Alistair Because I mean I'm picturing you there In your pie factory

Realising that it's possible to just buy pies Right And you're like oh That's so good This is going to save us a lot of time did you know well you don't have to make these things you can just get them they already make pies they already make pies why are we doing this they already make them there are already places that do this.

I mean, you can get them from the shop. Andy, you're probably describing like what most factories end up doing. Yeah. Yeah. Purchasing things from China, right?

And they just become a marketing thing. Yeah. What about that? What about a multi-level marketing scheme? But it's just, it's what they do is they sell you pies, pie bases, right? That have already got mushy, meaty stuff in them. And then they sell you pie lids as well.

Yeah. And then you just put the lids on the pies and then you try and sell the pies. It's like a DIY pie factory. DIY pie factory, exactly. And really, you know, you feel like you're home making them because you're just putting the lids on. But, and you've got all these pies stacked up. You've got all these freezers in your garage.

You've got all these pies you've got to get rid of. And every time you go anywhere or you talk to anybody, you start talking about pies. Well, it's a way that you could... It's nothing, is it? pies well it's a way that you could nothing is it andy and it's a way that you could pitch it to like people who love knitting and sewing all right oh pie craft yeah pie craft but you just sell it as you just say oh this is i mean if you just just advertise in knitting magazines, crafting magazines like this,

and you just sell them pie bases filled with pie mush. Yeah, it could be a real craze. And then you let them sew with like a... What's it called? Bacon thread. Bacon thread. It could be a bacon thread. I just think it could just be like, what, what's it called? Bacon thread. Bacon thread. Could be a bacon thread. I just think it could just be like, what?

It could be just puff pastry thread. You know? Yeah. So they just sew the lid on. They just sew the lid on. Or they can, you know, they can egg wash it. I wonder if it needs to be more absurd. Yeah.

Maybe you're right. Than a pie. Yeah. You know? I'm trying to think. I mean, and what if, you know how like little kids, like, you know, girls who are like six, seven, something like that,

they get marketed a lot of stuff where it's like, you can get these little gems and you can like use water to stick them together and make a bracelet or something like that, they get marketed a lot of stuff where it's like you can get these little gems and you can use water to stick them together and make a bracelet or something like that, that kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if it was that, right? But they're making little sort of stroganoff little parcels

or something. Something super adult. Super adult, exactly. But like just a very, you know, it's like a stew or something like that you can get anything you need with uber eats well almost almost anything so no you can't get snowballs on uber eats but meatballs and mozzarella balls yes we can deliver that uber eats get almost almost anything order now product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

No, I think you're right. It's a stew. It's a salmon with steamed vegetables. It's being advertised to kids, but in that same really pepped up way. And then the kids are pestering their parents to let them get this... Boring meals, but advertised to children. Chicken statutory, catchatory. But advertised to children during cartoons and stuff. And then they make cartoons based on these things.

Where the meals battle each other. People battle where the meals battle each other people battle their their boring meals at each other oh so when so yeah

there's characters in the in the show who put the meals like they have to assemble the meals before the meal battle

yeah I think that's actually a really good idea like you know and instead of gotta catch them all gotta get all the different yeah I think that's actually a really good idea like you know and instead of gotta catch them all gotta get all the different

Pokemon you're trying to get together all the ingredients that you need all the ingredients you gotta get all the to make this meal oh no

it's not wholesome enough I wasn't able to beat yours because mine wasn't wholesome this is like I don't want it to sound too much like a good message. I want it to be boring. And uncultured.

I don't know how. It wasn't common enough. Yeah, but once you say those things, you're almost making too much of a comment about it. Like you're stepping outside of it. Whereas like... I mean, is the way that you battle the meals is that you put them in front of a 50 year old divorced man and whichever one

he chooses to eat that's the one that wins the battle yeah i mean that's what a lot of these so many of these shows that were just built around making a product and then advertising it to kids things like your digimon no no, not Digimon, sorry, I'm thinking of like the ones where it's a... Transformers, obviously. Transformers, but like the ones that are on right now on Channel 9 in the mornings, which are

the Bakugan and the card game that is... No, no, no, no, no. Not Bakugan. The one where you spin a thing. Spinning game cartoon. What's it called?

It's called... It's essentially just a top. But they battle. Battling tops. Fuck, I forget the name right now. We have a ton here. Battling Tops. It's just like building a game around two people spinning a thing or launching a thing and then going,

Oh my god, you're somehow beating me! And it's people just yelling a lot and that's all you need to go like a brief cut chicken will not be defeated by yours you know it's gonna be that yeah that's really good i was like sausages and steamed vegetables, whatever, louse. Yeah, dull meals. Dull meal men. Dull.

And then trying... What are you trying to do? Maybe you're trying to fill up a hungry man the fastest. Maybe you've got two hungry men. man the fastest. Maybe you've got two hungry men trying to feed you. I just picture a family that doesn't communicate

eating it and just getting through it. Meatloaf. Yep. We used to have a thing that mum what was it called it was like some weird kind of chicken thing man it was so awful

if you're listening did I think the chicken had like wine and stuff on the outside of it oh like a veiled cock or something like that It had like wine and stuff on the outside of it. Oh, like a veined cock or something like that. Yeah, I don't know. It was always very dry and sticky.

I think that's how it's intended. Maybe he cooked it in the grill. Could have been that. Coq au vin is a well-known French chicken stew where pieces of meat are braised in luscious, glossy red wine sauce with bacon. There was no bacon. I'll have to ask... Well, you're a vegetarian.

That's probably why there was no bacon. She might have adapted it. She adapted it because you're a veger. So you took out the bacon. We took the bacon out. Anyway, yeah. Great. What about rabbits?

Did you hear this thing about hares? I heard a primary school kid say this about hares that I didn't know. That hares are related to deer. Now, but rabbits aren't? Is that the... Yeah, I think the idea is that they look like... that they look like rabbits, but they're actually closer to deer.

Yeah, no, that's not true. No? That's not going to be true. No. That's not going to be true. No. That's definitely... Hares and jackrabbits are mammals belonging to the lepus. Lepus or lepus rabbits? Yeah, lepus.

Lepus? Is that what you're writing? They nest in slight depressions called forms, and they're young and are able to defend for themselves shortly after birth. The genus include the largest lagomorphs. Most are fast runners.

Isn't French for rabbit is lapin? Lapin, but this is L-E-P-U-S. Oh, okay. I mean, look Andy, I don't know. I'm basing this off of what a child said.

Yeah, I don't think that's... I'm really sorry to this child, but I think hares are more closely related to rabbits than they are to... Leporidae. Leporidae is the family of rabbits and hares. God damn it. I got fooled by a child.

Not again. While we're recording. They really had you going. I mean, maybe they... What's that jackalope thing? Jackrabbits? You know the jackalope? No, jackalope.

I think jackalopes are not real. Yeah, well, that's the thing. Indeed. But maybe the kid was confused by that. No, wait, jackrabbits. Because that is kind of like a... I think hares and jackrabbits may be the same thing. Maybe people think the jackalope is like a real thing.

That's what I'm suggesting. Yes. Oh. That this kid somehow thought jackalope sounds like antelope, antelope type of deer. I don't know. Now, Andy, now that this has happened, what do you think I need to do to this kid to rectify this? I think you need to come to, next time you see this kid, like next time you're dropping off at school or whatever, where you interact with this kid, you need to come really bloodied and beaten up.

You know what I think, Andy? Broken arm, like spitting out teeth. Do you think I need to ask my kid to tell this kid to stop bullying me? I think you need to act like you've really been worked over, right? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. been worked over and you tell this kid you say look i i got in a fight with some really tough guys really mean guys but who were saying that hairs aren't related to um deer but i i stood up stood up for myself and just like we talked about i told told them what I think. Anyway, they really worked me over. But I told them to come and talk to you and you'd explain it all.

Something like that. Really make him fear for his life. That's good. That actually makes me feel, that would make me seem less pathetic. Well, I mean, if you've been beaten up. Yeah. No, that's cool. I think that's great.

I think that would really give me the upper hand there. You know, being so weak and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. It's great. It's great finding a way to the top through the bottom. It's like escaping out of prison. A pushover and a pullover are really very different things, aren't they? Oh, absolutely.

I mean, what would an item of clothing called a pushover, what would that be like? Let's see. I mean, it's something that you... Maybe that would be a hat? No, but you never... I mean, even then, I guess maybe that would be a hat. No, but you never... I mean, even then, I guess you do... Yeah, that's more of a placeover. But a pushover, you know, in terms of clothing,

is really something that involves another person that you put onto them. Maybe it's a condom. I would consider that a rollover. A rollover, okay A pushover A pushover A pushover

Let's see Maybe a dog's coat Or Forcing a child into a shoe A sleeping bag A sleeping bag? A sleeping bag that you put on a person upside down? There you go. That'll do. Like a person you're trying to trap in a sleeping bag.

Yeah, I do know about that. I haven't pretended to be a caterpillar in a sleeping bag for such a long time. And that's a sad state of affairs. I think about it. I think about how if you were really trying to kidnap somebody, you could just put a sleeping bag over their head forcefully and then tie up the bottom and tie, use that little tie thing, put it over like a,

like a, what's the, a tow bar, and then drive away with your car. Yeah, you could. And, and, and what would people think who saw you driving past? Well. Probably nothing. I assume you'd do it at night. Where nobody could see the things you get up to. Yes, of course, classic.

I mean, I'm not sure that they designed those little tabs that tighten the hood of the sleeping bag to be load-bearing in that way. I'm not sure if they're rated for towing. I'm not sure if they deal with the... make the sleeping bag out of stuff that is all that good at being dragged along sort of pavement either. Yeah, that's true.

Well, so that's why when you go into Kathmandu or whatever, Patagonia, whatever your favourite hiking store is, when you're asking about the sleeping bags, you've got to make sure you wink at the sales attendant. Then they'll show you the real sleeping bags. They'll know what you're actually trying to achieve. There's an understanding.

House and this little grip cord here. My beloved has come into the room. How strong is that? And she is not wearing any footwear. And both of her feet have a dot on the top of it. What the fuck? And she's just written me a note. She wanted to communicate with me in some non-verbal way.

A note that says, am I Jesus? non-verbal way. A note that says, am I Jesus? It's sort of like, I guess, a visible sort of light irritation on top of her foot that looks like it could be stigmata. Could be stigmata. Were you wearing shoes?

You've got some very light... Could you say, am I Jesus into the mic? Am I Jesus? So, you know, that's a question for, I guess, the followers. We could put a photo of that on... Yeah, no, I mean, that's really interesting. You've got just skin, just dermal stigmata, just the top layer. Yeah, dermal stigmata.

You've got a very light case of the Jesus. Yeah, light Jesus. Treated with a cream. Yeah, so yeah, maybe if Jesus sort of was able to, like if he had access to... Excellent human being. Excellent human... No, I was going to say...

What's that cream that we used to have in the big bottle? Excellent human being. Excellent human... No, I was going to say... What's that cream that we used to have in the big bottle? Johnson's pawpaw ointment? You know, maybe pawpaw. Oh, what's that other one? Tiger balm? No, that wasn't... Remember tiger balm?

It wasn't tiger balm. This isn't coming from... Oh, wait. I know, I know, but that could be the solution. What is this? I think you probably just were wearing shoes. Were you wearing shoes? No.

No? I do, often. I don't go to friends that much this is really derailing everything I had something there while we were talking sorboline was the word I was thinking sorboline we used to have a bucket. Sorboline was the word I was thinking. Sorboline.

We used to have a bucket of sorboline. Here's my question to you, Alistair. The Stig in Top Gear, is Stig short for Stigmata? Well, it must be. What else would it be? How many other words start with Stig? Now, we never see

the Stig's face. Well, yeah. Especially not now. It very well be because because he's yeah, no, especially not now. Because he is Jesus Christ, perhaps. Do you know who it was? That's where he got his nickname. No, who was it?

It was Schumacher. No, no it wasn't. Yeah who it was? That's where he got his nickname. No, who was it? It was Schumacher. No, no it wasn't. Yeah, it was Schumacher. Well, I mean, maybe they did that as a joke one time or something. But surely, like, they would have revealed that as a joke. Really? In one episode. But it wouldn't have been Schumacher.

You don't think so? For the duration of the show. No, I don't think so. No? Oh. I don't know. I mean, Alistair, this feels like

we're way behind whatever eight ball there was and talking about Top Gear and speculating about the identity of the fucking Stig. Which, you know, is something

for 17-year-olds to talk about in 2008. But... Oh no! I'm neither 17... But now I'm googling... Who is the Stig? It would have been you know, it would have been...

Just some different person every time? Yeah. I mean, Andy, you've been a person who's had opportunities doing stuff that... I don't know, like... Doing stuff that might seem like it's not worth your time is actually where a lot of fun stuff is. So you're thinking it probably was Michael Schumacher. Yeah.

I just thought like, you know, maybe they... I mean, look, I don't know about the scientific rigor of Top Gear. But I would have assumed that if they were doing it uh you know having one guy test every car and sort of ranking it they would have needed it should be should be the same guy yeah and should be the best uh car driver in the world at the time exactly it makes sense of course Exactly. It makes sense, of course.

I think we should start a podcast. I think this is so perfect. And we could do it in weird locations. Where we try and work out the identity of the Stig. Wow. We announce it with great... It's all about these investigative podcasts these days. That's all people care about, a good investigation. We could finally try and get to the bottom of it.

I think that's also what a lot of people like in journalism as well. It's all like a cold case. Oh, yes. The cold case of the Stig, especially if Schumacher was the guy because he was skiing. So it would be a very cold case. Can we write down who is the Stig as a sketch idea?

Who is the Stig podcast? Yes, great. It's because we're not making any progress. Is that why you're telling me to write this down? Right. Who is the Stig podcast? Yes, great. So good. It's because we're not making any progress. Is that why you're telling me to write this down? Well, I mean, something, you know. It's an eye bolt in the face of the Eiger that we are trying to climb. What is an Eiger?

The Eiger is a big mountain somewhere in Europe. One of the big five? Could be one of the big five. Eiger. Do they have, you know, they've got the big five or whatever, big seven or whatever it is with the...

Do they have the big seven holes or big five holes? Wow. You know, trudge down to the deepest holes. Yeah, that's nice. I've been... You know, you wouldn't say you've summited them, would you? No.

You'd say... What would you say? I've tumbled down them. I've plugged. I've plummeted. I've gouged. I've sort of stumbled.

Into. I've managed to stumble into the five lowest peaks. Troughs. I've scoff the five lowest peaks. Troughs. I've scoffed from the lowest troughs of each continent. They call him the Sir Edmund Hillary of holes. I love that. The Sir Edmund Hillary of holes?

Of holes in the ground. I think that could be a sketch idea. That's probably even a better sketch idea than the Stink podcast. Andy, I don't think this has been a very productive episode, but I think I've been having a lot of fun still. I've been having a great time, Alistair. Andy, that brings us to five sketch ideas.

Do you want me to go to three words from a sketch? Thank Christ. I think I speak for all the listeners when I say thank fuck. All right. Well, Jesus, this is such conflicting information coming from you. We got three words from a listener. This is from Jared Schaefer or Schaffer. And he's got three words. I'm pretty sure we haven't done them. words from a listener. This is from Jared Schaefer or Schaffer. And

he's got three words. I'm pretty sure we haven't done them. Thank you, Jared. Thank you, Jared. And thank you, Schaefer. Schaffer. J-rad. J-rad. J-shaff. The J-shaft. Andy, do you want to

try and guess what one of these, the first of these three words is? Yeah, okay, the first word is yesteryear. No, it's uncontrollable. Okay, uncontrollable. I'm sorry to say the second word is diarrhea. No, Andy, that's silly. It's growth. Uncontrollable growth. I mean,

I guess if it was controllable, maybe it wouldn't be diarrhea. It's part of the definition of diarrhea. Yeah. Uncontrollable diarrhea. I guess sometimes you can choose to release it. Yeah, sometimes you've got a bit of power. Yeah, of course. You don't have no power. Okay, uncontrollable growth. Legume. Collapse. Uncontrollable growth collapse.

Yeah. Wow. It's interesting. So like uncontrollable growth. So it's like you've been stuck in uncontrollable growth. Yeah. Or it feels like a bit of an economic concept. Yeah, but think about it if it was happening to your belly.

And it's just inflating. And you go supernova. It's inflating super fast. Like that. And then it goes... Where's that coming out? It's just through holes in the gut. In the gut? In the belly skin.

Like stuff is... Juice is coming out. Like fat and things like that. There are no... Are there any fetishes that involve pumping air into the stomach? Oh, I don't know if it's into the stomach. People wear rubber suits and inflate those. Yeah, sure. But I'm talking about getting that belly real tight like a drum.

Inflating it like a balloon. What's the opposite of taking de-gas tablets? Exactly. Gas tablets. Yeah, that'd be it. And I guess, what would be

nice about that? Well, it would be so roomy in there, right? I suppose the food could slosh around really easily. I mean, if you're sick of feeling full yeah i think you might still feel full although i'm not sure that's a great question would you feel full if your air was full of if your tummy was full of air yeah because i mean it would be inflated you'd feel very tight. But the food would be like, you know, yeah. It's an intriguing idea.

Yeah. Could be a new restaurant where they pump you up like that. Well, I did see an episode of a show where they would like, they would pump air into their butts so that they could fart more. Okay. What show were you watching, Alistair? It was a Canadian thing. It was two guys. 7.30 report.

What's that Canadian show? Two people versus each other? And they were pumping air into their butts. Wow. I mean, that's... Yeah, it was like...

No, it wasn't quarter gas. Although that sounds like what it would be. Kenny versus Spenny, probably? Is that what it was? I don't know. I mean, there were rumours at school about kids who used bike pumps to pump up their butts. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it was Kenny versus Spenny. Yep.

Must have been that. Why would it be anything but Kenny Hartz? Is Kenny Hartz related to Jeremy Hartz? Anyway, it doesn't matter. Well, that's it. That's going to be our next investigation podcast after we finish the stick one. We're going to try to find out if they're related.

Oh, that's going to be good, actually. That's exactly what we need, a second season. Because people often don't buy it If you don't have a second season already written Or at least Exactly, you've got to have something lined up I was thinking it would be great to do it Stop it

Who's responsible What about a third season Who's responsible for the holocaust What an arc that would be sorry about the dog barking no I like it what I think that this episode needs

is more of this kind of stuff yeah we haven't come up with an idea for this yet, have we? Oh, we absolutely have not, Alistair. Yeah, yeah, okay. So look. Okay, because we've said our bellies get really big

and then they go... That's not an idea yet. What were the words again? Uncontrollable growth collapse. Uncontrollable growth collapse. I mean, but to talk about the economy and the fact that we are looking for a new model for the economy that doesn't rely on constant growth right i think that's our problem yeah is that this growth idea is crazy and what it is is because

i think what really drives that is this idea that the people at the top need to keep making more and more money. They need more. We keep giving more and more to the 1%. And so we need the constant growth so that there's just anything left over for everybody else. Sure. You know, it's not actually helping people so uh we need a new model what is going to be the way in which we you know measure the success of our economy um if it's not uh economic gdp what if there's like a way of like you know like people talk

about eating the rich right and that's often seen as a bad thing because it would involve killing them. But what if the rich agree to give us part of themselves at the rate of inflation per year? It's interesting.

So, we get to eat 8% of the 1%. You know, this year, that's because inflation is at 8% this year. Yeah, that's really interesting. And they'll have growth that will bring some of that 8% back anyway over the next year. I mean, are we just eating their fat? Or are we... They get to choose.

That's great. Because it's a free economy. They'll have probably accountants figuring out ways of... To evade. To evade, like, you know, I guess,

vital organs. Yeah. And then we just eat them. It's just like that's the way we're going to do it from now on because I think it almost doesn't make sense that all of us stop, have to, like, suffer with high interest rates. Well, it's that old joke isn't it about the um the the the pig you know a pig that good you don't eat all at once yeah the rich are always telling us that we need them because they create growth yeah right and um they drive the economy, they're job creators, all that kind of stuff.

Well, sure, but you don't need all your arms and legs to do that, presumably, right? Like they're working in an office somewhere, they're not doing manual labor, that kind of thing. They only need their head, really. A billionaire that good, you don't eat them all at once. You know, the rich that uh someone that rich you'd be crazy because you know think of all the jobs that they create that weird thing where it's like well if if inequality is so crazy and like so much money

is in the hands of the upper percentiles does it it make sense to increase the borrowing rate on everybody when really you could just increase it on them and have a much bigger impact, increase it on them a ton, and then that will have a much better impact on the economy? Well, I think, isn't it because they don't actually spend that money right maybe like they they must spend some of that money they do but proportionally the amount that actually gets spent is is by the vast majority of people who are actually buying um you know, all the commodities and stuff that they need just to survive. And that's the thing that drives the prices more.

Yeah, but I don't think they're putting their money in just cash. I don't think they're keeping it. I think they're buying assets and stuff with it. So... I... Yeah, but I don't... But again, I don't think it's the purchase

of assets that is driving up that drives inflation in your basket of goods that determines the consumer price index and the measurement of inflation the kinds of things that rich people are buying with their billions

of dollars don't feature well well some of it is i think some of it features because i think some of it is just them going oh people are talking about inflation let's just put the price of our of our mini cucumbers up and then there's going to be no consequences sure but that's not that's not because of the rich spending money on

mini cucumbers. I don't know, but fuck them as well. I'm not arguing with that, Alistair. But I reckon, you know, I don't know. I don't have a good argument for this right now. I'm running out of steam.

But I think your idea of just eating a bit of the rich is actually very good and you know I think it's something that could be turned into a sketch it could be turned into a piece of stand-up it could turn into the fifth season of the podcast oh my god imagine that

I'm gonna wrap the who is the stig podcast I'm gonna wrap up this part do you think this podcast should up. The Who is the Stig podcast. I'm going to wrap up this podcast. Do you think this podcast should turn into a Who is the Stig podcast so that way we don't have to start again with listeners? Well, as I say, this is the penultimate episode, so all will be revealed in episode 358. Great.

So it's only a one episode series. We'll see. Okay, great. Well, I'll take us through the sketch ideas for today. We've got getting people you're torturing to put your children down to sleep. Then we've got a mouth for every bit of you that you want to hydrate. Then we've got boring meals advertised to children so they battle each other. It's not so that they battle each other.

It's that we're advertising them to kids. But kids are taking boring meals and battling them as a way. I really want to work on this show. Me too. I actually find that to be the most exciting idea. And then there's Who is the Stig podcast, which of course obviously Tune to Think Tank will become soon. And we've got the Sir Edmund Hillary of holes in the ground. I don't even, I like to think that it's not even like holes, holes.

It's like just mostly open, big open areas, ravines and stuff. Oh yeah, of course. The deepest ravines. And then eating a bit of the rich. That's the last idea. You ready to go, Andy? I sure am, Alistair. Thank you for everyone for sitting through this. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom It's so cool the way you listen to the podcast.

Oh my gosh. And you put up with our irregular release schedule and our incompetent recording behavior. Oh yeah. And we appreciate that. And you can follow us on Twitter. I'm at StupidOldAndy. He's at AlistairTB.

Follow us on Twitter. I'm at stupidoldandy. He's at alistairtb. You can check out Alistair on that recent episode of Do Go On. You can hear me on a recent episode of Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. Oh my goodness. It was very fun. It was very, very fun.

And we love you. Toodles. Bye. Bye.