Two In The Think Tank - 357 - "GRAVY LOOFAH"

Episode Date: November 13, 2022

Who Recycles the Recyclers, Tiny Bosses, Identity Agriculture, GL, Nappy Turbine, LandFillip, Pro Dump, Sentient Packaging, Invadr, Arch-Duke ShamingYou can still stream SOS PODFEST at sospresents.comGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereGeorgian thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats, but meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Alistair, yes. Did you know that on the Patreon right now, Alistair and Andy have both uploaded a copy that Jack Druce recorded of My Client is Innocent from our comedy festival this year. Now, if you would like to see a version of My Client is Innocent from our comedy festival this year,

you just join our Patreon at any tier. It doesn't matter. It was, we kind of put it up there. It's like as a thank you for anybody who supports us. So thank you very much for supporting us. And to any people who consider supporting us to do it, thank you too for in the future.

Goodbye. And now we go into the episode. Salamander, salamander, salamander, salamander, salamander, salamander, salamander, salamander. Alistair, I love the way that the start of our episodes now, whenever you have to do a plug, I think what the joke is when you pretend to talk to yourself is you're making i think i think what you're doing there is you're making fun of the ones where i would try and plug something by asking you a question or having a conversation and i love that what you're parodying

is the idea of two people talking to each other i know but it's it's i think it's're parodying is the idea of two people talking to each other. I know, but I think it's more parodying the idea of you talking to me. Oh, okay. More specifically. Me talking to you has had it too good for too long, and it's about time somebody took it down from a tie horse. Hello, and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the podcast where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm Andy, and I'm Alistair George William Trom trombley birchall i'm loving this so far alistair just before we started the podcast we were talking about how you are using you're using a gel a mouse pad that has like a raised gel section to rest your wrist on yes right and i assume because of how how much you've been working over the last two months that now the gel has started to leak out you've ruptured it yes i have a very heavy wrist when i'm working and the solution that you've got to that little bits of paper over the hole and try to contain as much of the gel in there as possible yeah so you're basically you're piling garbage over it yeah well now you're scraping some of your i found a little plastic bag i don't know what it was but it must have held a microphone or something oh some gel is not making this sound any less like a pile of garbage

some oh look i've just found some toilet paper. No, Andy, it's not garbage. It has a plastic bag in it. All the recycling centres are going out of business, and I'm actually one of the few people who's actually

recycling things in a way that is a bit more... At least at the moment, it not causing me to to collapse financially well initially i was disappointed when i discovered that those people who claim to be recycling the soft plastics that we've been collecting and taking to the supermarket that they are in fact just sho shoving them into warehouses, just cramming them in. And even bigger, the ones that we cram them all into bags and then take them there. And they, I guess, eventually cram them into even bigger bags

and then they put them next to, I assume, a much larger fridge. Well, that's it. I mean, I was initially annoyed and then I was like, that's what I do. I've got all these things that I've been meaning to take to the recycling. I just keep shoving them into nooks and crannies. Why am I? Who do I think I am?

Right? Indeed, they are recycling them as a potent metaphor for everybody's inability to deal with their own responsibilities. I don't think there is a greater... I think it's art, as far as I'm concerned. And as such, I think it should be celebrated. I suppose what is really being recycled is the responsibility to recycle these items, right? So, I'm going to pass it on to you, and you're going to recycle it, and then you're going gonna pass it on to you and you're gonna recycle it and

then you're gonna pass it on to someone else and they're gonna recycle it and uh yes yes um now is there any sketch idea in that um i mean i you know i reckon i could at least say some of that as stand-up. Yeah, I agree. But is that a sketch idea? Couldn't it be? Let's see. I mean, there's also, I mean, it is almost a bit like the producer's-y, where the idea is

you start a recycling company and all you got to do is rent a large area. And then you get the money for taking the garbage. But the recycling part is actually quite expensive. So you actually just take it until your area is filled. Yes.

And then your company collapses. Yeah. I mean, that seems to me like actually quite a viable model. Yeah. that is seems to me like actually quite a viable model essentially you've it's essentially what you've done is you've just made a sort of inner city garbage dump yeah it's not it's not landfill it's it's it's building fill yeah it's on top of it's on top of the land so we're not actually filling the land the land is already filled with more land with land yeah yeah yeah so it's on top of the land. So we're not actually filling the land. The land is already filled with more land. With land, yeah. Yeah.

So it's just kind of putting land, yeah, it's land cover. I like to think that they really are ramming it in there as well. Like me shoving more plastic bags under the sink. I guess they have a big tractor with i'm imagining an enormous foot on the front of it that they use to keep driving in and out of the roller doors crabbing it in more and more that's right now that's a nice that's a nice visual for the sketch that we're going to make about this oh yes an industrial size foot is that what you said yes yeah yeah a tractor with a big foot on the front.

Yes, a boat, sort of a, you know, a boat you would imagine maybe a person who climbs a beanstalk would, or, you know, climbs down a beanstalk. Did they ever talk about how the giant got up into the clouds or is that where they're born, in Jack and the Beanstalk? It's a great question because you would think, I mean, we've established that the giant's very heavy. You know, you'd think if any creature were to evolve on a cloud,

it wouldn't be an enormous giant. It would be, you know, a tiny, like a wisp-like character who maybe floats on an updraft, has very broad sort of wing flaps or maybe produces a silken sort of net from its butthole that it can use to catch the wind. Like a spider who can somehow hover on the magnetic waves or something like that, like the Earth's magnetic field or something like that. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. All of that.

Maybe on the surface tension between two layers of atmosphere? It's a really good idea. I mean, we know that clouds actually create their own electrical charge separation. That's what's happening in a storm cloud. Oh, yeah. So, you know, I think maybe if the giant was made out of small torn up pieces of paper or balloons or cat's hair, then it's very reasonable to think that it would be able to hover in a cloud. This is quite a boring conversation. Alistair, I just wanted to say earlier when I was talking about the gel pad for your mouse pad.

Earlier when I was talking about the gel pad for your mouse pad, I was thinking then that like maybe as a form of – if the gel is leaking out anyway, maybe as a form of body augmentation, you could take that gel and inject it into your wrist. Oh, that's a good idea. And now you've got one of those wrist pads, a relaxing wrist pad, everywhere you go. That's true. For whatever it is that you're doing.

Whatever activity, you've got something that you can rest your wrist on. Maybe you're stroking a small animal. When you say rest your wrist, are you putting a W in front of the rest? Yeah, I am. And at the end as well. Ah, yes. Rest-wa. Your wrist-wa.

Well, it's another silent W. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, I don't consider the first one silent. I actually pronounce it. Rest. Rest. Rest. Rest. Rest. Rest. I actually pronounce it. W-R-E-S-T. W-R-E-S-T. W-R-E-S-T. W-R-E-S-T.

W-R-E-S-T. I'm a W-R-E-S-T-er. W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W-W. I do like to have... I think that's good. I think that's very good. Body augmentation doesn't just have to be sort of for cool, edgy people. Why aren't we using it to make office workers more productive?

Yeah, more ergonomic. Now, we know a lot of people are unplugging from the office. They're working. They can work anywhere, except they don't have a little resting wrist pad, do they? That's right. No. It's one of the few things stopping. resting wrist pad do they that's right no so maybe stopping um maybe you can have all those parts of the when you would other the luxuries of the office you could have them inserted into your

body maybe you could have one of those ergonomic kneeling chairs permanently attached to the front of your legs maybe you could have a coffee machine um under one of your armpits you could have a coffee machine under one of your armpits. You could have half a pen attached to your index and half a pen attached to your thumb. Yes, and when you bring them together with their powers combined, they become a full pen. Yes, but of course when you split it in half, all that ink leaks out. Yeah, well, that'll encourage you

to keep working then won't it yes very much so not not slack off and then when you're when your boss comes around to check on you comes around to your house you won't look at you and say you've you're covered in ink you won't need to have your boss come around because you'll have one surgically implanted standing over your shoulder very good i mean could could we do that could we have a tiny boss have we already had this idea yeah i think we might have already had this idea of a tiny boss who's on your desk and who tries to boss you around and that sort of thing but when we originally had that idea yeah it was so that you could um you could push him around and ignore him. Yeah.

Because he's so small. I don't know if he was a boss. He was just a bossy guy. Oh, okay. But actually, I think the idea of having little bosses, you know, finding a way of splitting the current management into 10 different little micromanagers. Yeah.

And then sending them to the office to the home offices i think i agree i think that's a fun idea it is a fun idea but i also do like your your suggestion of like you know maybe you just have one boss's eyeball and a little boss's mouth sort of grafted onto the sort of the top side of your head looking down at what you're doing and then it can you can shout at you if you're if you're not working hard enough you know here a boss's mouth yeah a little boss's mouth there you know what would happen what would happen i don't know something you'd end up end up, you know, things would happen in the night. You know what?

You're right. Things would probably happen. But I mean, there'd be incidents. I don't know what would happen. That's why I asked you. That's why I said, do you know what would happen? Because I wanted to know. Yes.

That's how a conversation works. I think imagine that just like you're sleeping and it's just breathing in your ear. You'd end up putting a sock in it. Yes. I hope nothing inappropriately sexual would take place. That would be inappropriate for the boss. Imagine how many ribs you'd have to have removed. To use their tiny mouth for anything.

If it's too small, you could only put a pube in there anyway. But that's not okay. It's not okay. Nobody's doing that, are they? Nobody's saying, suck my pubes. Nobody's doing that. Andy, don't say that. Because, I mean, if you just put that in as a keyword,

suck my pubes, into a website right now, I bet you something will come up. Nobody's tying their pubes into a website right now. I bet you something will come up. Nobody's tying their pubes together. Plat our pubes together. That's a beautiful romantic gesture to have on your wedding day. Plat my pubes so that it looks like a viking's beard. Here in front of god and both our families we're going to plait our pubes together so that we are forever entwined you see it's when you

thought when you misunderstood when somebody said platitudes and then you said, plat our pubes. And is it now time to... Exchange platitudes? I suppose so. And then you unzip. Of course, a platitude is a sort of a very mild word of kindness that means almost nothing and in fact serves to underline the distance that lies between two people oh yeah beautiful a beautiful thing to include in the wedding ceremony well you know when you're how are you you're looking well you know but isn't

isn't that what most speeches are after a wedding these days as well, where it's just like, all right, now's all the things that we've heard people say a thousand times. Let's just go and hear somebody say them from a slightly different point of view, but still somehow keep it embarrassing. Embarrassing platitudes. Yeah. Platitudes. Platitudes. Platitudes. Or, wait, I just realised, add ergonomic designs.

Ah, to the human body. And the human botty. I think. You know. Sure. Body and botty. A wheelie chair. Can I give a little shout out to Ross. Ross from the United Kingdom.

Who came to my live show last night at Comedy Republic in Melbourne here because Ross is from the United Kingdom and he he is backpacking through Australia right now for you know for three months I think he only has a month left I don't think he's going to do any fruit picking um but he is also friends with another person who has appeared, his name has appeared on the show, Kieran McFadgen, who sometimes sends in three words from

a listener. And I just thought I would say thanks for coming and seeing a live show and for, you know, he wanted a photo and all that kind of stuff. But hey, it's nice. It's nice to see people. Extremely nice. It's nice to see people. That's extremely nice. It's nice not only to feature on

our podcast a shout-out to a listener, but also a shout-out to another listener and a shout-out to the relationship between those two listeners. Well, I'd love to put in a few shout-outs. We're building the world building on this podcast.

That's right, from the long universe. It's like fucking Game of Thrones over here. That's what I'm trying to remember, all the characters. Yes. Now, Andy. Yes. No, quickly, though, Al. Tell me, how did the gig go last night?

Was it good? It went pretty good. Yeah, I was trying a little bit of stuff in the middle that I was trying to add an extra line to this bit about how I decided not to kill myself, to never kill myself. And I was trying to do an extra bit about how I was like... This is a bit about you being here for a long time not a good time

i'm here for a long time not a good time and so then i was trying to say well because most i think if ever it came to like me wanting to stay and what you know what me wanting to make one of those decisions where it's like oh things are so bad i would consider that kind of bad doing a bad thing to myself i think i would rather go and just run away and live in the woods and then i what i thought would be funny would then to have the realization that um that actually if i was to spend a lot of time in the woods i would also die there um but um and then i tried to i tried to play again on the long time good time thing but that i'm here for a long time not for a freeze in a ravine time.

But anyway, the audience let me know, through the absence of laughter, that it wasn't actually funny. So, Andy, while you're chuckling right now, Andy, I want you to know that you're incorrect. Yeah, no, I mean, I'm chuckling. I do think it's funny, but I also think that this tightrope that you're trying to walk of

what more morbid and depressing bits can I add to my bit about killing myself? Not killing myself. I'm not going to ever do it. It's a bit about not killing myself. It's actually very hopeful and upbeat. It's actually a really positive suicide. No, I'm talking about not suicide.

Surely that's what we should be doing. I know. It's hard to not make it seem like people should worry about me. But actually, genuinely, I have no interest at all in it. Well, why are you talking about it so much um well because i think it's an important thing to talk about yeah yeah i'll be hanging around for a while and not in the sense of dangling by my neck um because i think a lot of people say well you should you know you should talk to your friends about stuff like that and you go well you should also talk about your friends about not stuff

as well so the stuff i think is often means like you know killing yourself and so not stuff anyway this is going really well um yeah no i mean it's good isn't it it is nice to i mean you got to get pretty close to somebody, though, before you can talk to them about that kind of stuff. That's the whole thing. You've got to have a friend. No, I'm doing it in front of a group of strangers. You're right.

And maybe that's also how you fast-track towards becoming a friend, you know? That's right. You go straight to the big stuff. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I'm not afraid. It's a new type of, you could be a guy who pioneers a new type of radical small talk. Revolutionises.

It's actually, it's so radically small, it's actually almost big. Yes. Well, because you would have to look at it in a microscope, and then it actually gets big again. It appears big, which to me means that it is big. Because, you know, when we say things like, oh, nice day, the weather's good, that sort of thing,

a nice day, the weather's good, that sort of thing. That is just like commenting on the external world. Yeah. But we could introduce, we could bring in commentary on the internal world. Sure, as it's dark and stormy in there. Yeah, exactly. Beautiful weather we're having in your head today. Ah, yes. Thank you for noticing.

Yes, I had a beautiful chocolate croissant earlier, which really lifted my sunny disposition. There we go. Smiley with a chance of tears later in the day. Wow. That's how happy, like you're suggesting? Is that what you're saying? No. Or, you know, I guess maybe it could turn at any moment. Maybe if you see maybe a car ad or something like that.

A car ad. Yes, you think that'll turn you around? Well, I think it could make you sad or it could make you cry sometimes because they're so emotional. Oh, I see what you're saying. Maybe one of the actors in the ad is somebody who you thought was dead and then you realize they had just told you that

and then left your life. Maybe something like that. I think a sketch about faking your own death is rich and fertile. Whether or not it perhaps is a company that advertises their services in helping you to fake your own death, or it's just somebody's attempts to fake their own death. Yeah, I mean, do you think that that would be, you know, you could advertise, it's your company that advertises it,

faking your own death as a way of becoming a big star? Now, how does that help you to become a big star? Well, firstly, by faking your own death, you say goodbye to your current life. And probably have to become a new person. I suppose it is a kind of a declaring bankruptcy. You know, it's a becoming insolvent. Yeah, but with relationships.

Yeah, but with relationships. I'm going to legally phoenix my personality, my identity. And then you also kind of have to not go back to the old places you used to go yeah i mean if a company can do it it feels it feels appalling that a person that you're not allowed to become a new person i don't know if there's any laws i don't know if there's any laws stopping you from not from becoming a new person i think you can technically leave everybody in your life and go and change your name yes but they're you know um oh but you can't you can't be you can't say that you're officially dead yeah exactly and you can't declare that um those relationships are no longer meaningful in a legal sense you know and say and and if somebody comes and tries to track you down and ask you you know about your your past and why everything went wrong and that sort of thing you're not able to say well legally that's

not me that you're talking to anymore so i don't have to answer any of these questions oh that's true yeah i mean what you could do is if you could really play a long game if you're talking to anymore. So I don't have to answer any of these questions. Oh, that's true. Yeah. I mean, what you could do is if you could really play a long game, if you really wanted to do this properly, you could go and find a way of basically saying that you've had a baby off the grid and registering it, you know, registering it through births and marriages and stuff like that.

Yeah. And then, registering it through births and marriages and stuff like that yeah um and then uh and then in about 16 years or 18 years maybe then you would then destroy yourself you know it will kill your original personality yeah fake your death and then you would assume the identity of this other person who is apparently 18 you'll be much older but i think this is a really good idea and i think maybe we should start a company that does that part of it where we just start the identities of people not uh and it's not identity theft. It's actually identity agriculture. We grow these identities over a period of time until they are mature, and then you're able to come along and purchase them,

and they have absolutely everything that you would want to come with that. Maybe we've had actors in costume interacting with people with quite easily replicated disguises. had actors in costume interacting with people, you know, with quite easily replicated disguises and, you know, interacting with people, developing relationships and that sort of thing. They could, over the course of a day, they could probably maintain four or five identities and sets of interactions

if they're a good enough actor. And then, you know, when they're a good enough actor and then you know when they're 25 30 40 those identities are rich and and full and ready to be sold plucked and sold and of course it it just occurred to me i was like oh they you know they'll want to see the baby at some point right and and then you can just bring another baby yeah you know because you'll probably have to have like you know like maternal health nurse kind of meetings and things like that which like you realize that they do for medical reasons but they probably also do so that the government's like is this a real baby yeah we got to see the

baby yeah somebody's gonna see the baby that's why they've got to weigh the baby to make sure it's not a hologram exactly yeah this baby this baby has a physical form right it's not just a trick but that's right trick of the light and that's what optical illusion at three years old they do have that one where it's like they ask them to hop and they ask them to like look at some images and tell you know is this a group of ducks or whatever like that and um and that's got to be so that it's not like an ai this that's essentially like a little computer test it's essentially a human capture type thing yeah yeah um anyway is this anything agriculture yeah i'll yeah yeah agriculture but i mean you know who would

love this um the underworld ah because to be able to like you know and probably you could also sell stuff to like you know like intelligence services i mean I know that they've got the in on with the government and they can probably just make fake identities anyway. Just throw it into the system. Yeah, but these will be more realistic and more fulfilled out. Yeah, it's like you need that, like, provenance, you know, like you do for like a painting or something like that. Yes.

For a dog. No, I think you're thinking of Florence. That's where you find dogs. Yes, that's what I was thinking of, Florence. Those Florence dogs. You know, you've heard of the black market Well, this is the bloke market This is where you can go And buy a bloke

An identity of a bloke It doesn't really work, forget about it I just wanted to say bloke market No, that was good Maybe you could spell bloke with a B-l-o-c-k-e yeah it's gonna be a hard c-k-e yeah nice it still may have to be a hard o i suppose that's the part the block a um but then you'll you could also get with a woman you know you know how um soap used to be a block and now it's a liquid well not always but yeah you know it yeah

it pretty much always now though it's a liquid it used to be a solid but now i i get it i get a bar i still use a bar i bought. I went back to bars recently. That's why I'm bringing this up. I think body wash is such a scam, so I've never really bought into it. You're absolutely right. It's an enormous scam. Because it came out when people were using loofahs,

but most people have given up on the loofah. And the loofah is the only place where it makes sense because the body wash needs to be lathered. Whereas if're using it like soap it doesn't make sense there's just vast quantities that are just run like or just run off be washed down the drain yeah yeah no you're right alistair but i was wondering have we considered you know if we can if if i'm assuming that all liquids work equally well in in solid form like that, like other stuff. What else could we get as a little bar that you can just sort of lather up and wipe onto things? I'm thinking maybe mayonnaise, maybe a, you know, a cake of mayonnaise that you can just lather up the mayonnaise between your hands under the tap like

that and then wipe that onto the onto the slice of bread yeah yeah yeah or or what about butter you know you get melted butter what about that you could get that in like a bar form and you yeah it's a really good idea maybe just scrape it off with like a knife yeah Yeah, yeah. I like that a lot. And then put it onto like toast and things like that. Yeah. Yeah, that's great. Well, what about like, you know, like liquid cement? You could sort of get that maybe in like a sort of like a hard cement. Hard, very hard.

Yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. What's another example that works? I don't know if you're making fun of me or not yeah well maybe um well okay let's find it like okay what's another liquid so we got juice gravy gravy yeah nice solid gravy get put you know um you could you a gravy bar like that, and if you want to put gravy all over your chicken or something

that you're making, I suppose, you could get the bar wet and then lather up the chicken. I mean... All over. Maybe have a loofer. Yeah, I would love a gravy loofer. That's where I was heading. You know, everybody has, it's like a fork,

a knife, a spoon. Oh, really good. A gravy loofah. A dining loofah. You know, and any sauces, you know, because a loofah would be a perfect way to dress a salad. You lather up the dressing, you lather up the gravy, you pop it on each piece of meat, you know, you're picking up the meat or up the meat or in your case, I suppose it would be like a tofu, a nice vegetarian gravy there.

Just getting all bubbly and soapy and things like that. Getting it all in there, you're getting it all over your hand. It's good though. Yeah, great. And then this idea, gravy soap on a rope. And you have it in the shower. Yes, that's right. You're completely correct.

I'm amazed there hasn't been a Vegemite soap. In Australia, we're currently running a campaign to make a Vegemite version of everything. That's true. They've done a Vegemite Tim Tam at some point, right? Yes, they have. So they've done a Vegemite. It's hockey season and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Scroll, I suppose. They've done Vegemite Scrolls. They've done Vegemite Cheese Spread.

I saw Vegemite Chicken recently, like roast chicken, Vegemite Roast Chicken in a supermarket. But I think it's time for Vegemite to move beyond the food, food. Yeah. The food group that is food. The beer VB managed to get its own cologne, a VB smell of, you know, old pub or whatever. Well, there you go. And so, I mean, a Vegemite cologne, what would you think about that? Yeah, I think it's great.

What about a Vegemite cologne. What would you think about that? Yeah, I think it's great. What about a Vegemite car? It's a car, but it's infused with Vegemite. Yeah. I mean, that is basically my car at the moment. On account of all the sandwiches that have been trodden into the back seat. Oh, man. The life of a parent and, like,

just the amount of, like, filth that you can like you can put up with do you remember like did you ever have like one of those bins for your kids nappies where it was like it has a built-in it has a bag and like a kind of its own bag system but then it's like it's supposed to like seal off you know air from getting in and out of these. When you put a dirty nappy in there. Did you ever have one of those? Yeah, we did. Yeah.

I don't really remember what it was like because I think we ran out of the bag so quickly. Yeah, that's the problem. Anything that you've got to replenish, well, you're done for. I've got to get a special bag for this. Eventually, you just get used to having really dirty nappies on the ground. You go, oh, fuck, I better take this outside at some point. Because you find it, like, a day later. And you go, Jesus Christ.

Not usually shitty nappies, but, like. Yeah, but sometimes. Occasionally, you go, oh, fuck. It's just, like, in some hectic situations. You know, like, sometimes, like, you're dealing're dealing with like shitty nappies and you're like honey this is a two-person job that is the that is like you know just like crisis i'm just like yelling like don't put any of your limbs in it don't put any of your limbs in it keep everything in the air don Don't grab at it.

Stop it. Yeah, well, like there are edges that are like... Oh, overspill. Yes, or just right at that tipping point and you feel like you're looking at a dam with a crack in it, teetering over a small mountain village you know what they should do they should have built in you know maybe this is something huggies could do is um sort of like hydro power but for nappies because you know like yeah because there's all these years of babies with just pushing things out with such an enormous force.

Well, you see the look on their faces. You know that there's some energy conversions taking place. Yeah, there's definitely some kilojoules being spent like that. And to catch that, all that energy, to turn a little turbine in there that as it is climbing up their back and down their thighs and things like that and filling up their shorts and yeah this is energy that is going to waste i mean and this is be great you know what this would be great for because there's already that um anxiety when you're talking to somebody and they reveal that they use reusable nappies, right, and you don't

and you feel that guilt of like, oh, that's right, I've said I'm going to. In fact, I have your reusable nappies somewhere in the house but I've never managed to maintain that thing. You can come back at them with, well, actually, we use a hydroelectric nappy that generates electricity for the grid. What's the solid version of hydro? I don't know if they've come up with one of those. No, because, like, you know, there's, like, you know, there's... Because hydro, what is the exact meaning of hydro?

I think that probably means water or something. Yeah, I mean hydroelectric means water from, I mean electricity from water, I would say. Yeah, relating to water. Okay. Yeah, I mean we're very rarely talking about a particularly solid solid anyway. So, I think, you know. That's true. I mean, you know, but is any solid a particularly solid solid, you know?

You're thinking, well, if I apply force to it, then it changes shape. Right? But is that not every solid i i mean i was thinking that a lot of the time it's just flowing around the place as you've described which makes it yeah i mean diet diet higher Dioradro. Yeah. Diorio. High-er-y-dro. Dielectric. Dio. Dio.

Yeah. Dior. Yeah. Dior. Dior. Dior. Dior. Generation. Oh, that was good.

This has been some good time. It feels like we're pushing something out right now. Yeah. I'm sorry, everybody. I mean, it's bad enough to do an extended sloppy kid shit riff. But when the riff itself is not flowing well, and so it's also painful in that regard. Yeah, no, it's a big, hard nugget of a riff.

Of a concept to get moving. But I think your little, you know, diaper generation thing, that's something. Yeah, sure, Nappy Hydro. even if it's just a concept that we invent purely so that you can feel you have a moral high ground at uh absolutely over the reusable nappy people yes at first year you know birthday parties yeah first birthday parties i i mean i i feel you know i feel like at some point we're going to discover that actually nappies you like you know disposable nappies are will become an important part of some ecosystem right because eventually some kind of uh

some kind of natural selection will take place in sort of garbage dumps and things like that where they're going to realize that there's going to be some creatures that will be adapted to eating these. Yeah, there will be a rich and varied system like that that gathers around hydrothermal vents. Exactly. There'll be wonderful creatures there that live in the darkness.

That's right. Not needing any energy from the sun That's right And they'll eat these things And they will be unique in their own ways And then one day the nappies will run out And then we will be sad And then we will be sad at losing another unique creature

Exactly Right? So there's nothing Through our own negligence Through our own negligence That we started With the whole world that adapted to reusable nappies Through our own negligence. Through our own negligence that we started. The whole world had adapted to reusable nappies.

And somehow the reusable nappies people, they will just diminish. They will diminish the value of the life of these creatures. They shouldn't have existed. But that's just ideology. I was thinking recently that like, are we too negative about landfill, right? Like I think there's a big like, oh, it's just going into landfill. There's a big negative thing about that. But I think in my mind landfill is literally the only successful form of carbon sequestration that we've ever undertaken right whenever we are

burying something in like you know all these plastics and stuff that we're burying in the ground as long as it's not going into the ocean and destroying the ocean i think if we're triaging all the ways in which we're fucking up the world landfill is actually it's almost a good thing everything that ends up in landfill is not it is out it got out it got out of the, it's almost a good thing. Everything that ends up in landfill is out. It got out. It got out of the system. It's not killing a dolphin or something like that. Yeah, but also, like, we're literally burying...

I mean, some stuff might be leaching into the ground. Yeah, we're burying... Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, obviously, obviously. But, like, again, in the scheme of things, I mean, we're putting stuff directly into the again in the scheme of things i mean we're putting stuff directly into the water in other in other parts of that's true existence yeah so i think i think i'm pro landfill so you think this is an ad this is an ad uh for the i think we can feel happy about

landfill campaign yeah and i think even plastics in themselves i realize exist in the environment for ages you know destroying the the marine ecosystems microplastics get into our bodies all that sort of stuff but if we were a bit more pro landfill and we're like hey if we bury this if we can get this into the ground then we don don't have to – that's actually quite good. That is carbon that is being taken out of the carbon cycle. Yeah. And that's a great thing. Have a campaign.

It's like bury it. Bury your problems. Yeah, yeah. But it's not – like, I mean, it would work especially if we were somehow making our plastics from carbon in the atmosphere rather than stuff that's deep in the ground. Yes, that would be really good. That would be really good. But that, you know, I mean, also every plastic bag that you use, that's – I mean, maybe those hydrocarbons, I'm not sure, but maybe they would have ended up being burned in petrol or something. Maybe the more plastic you use, the less fossil fuels are available to create carbon dioxide.

I'm not sure. You know what I think we need? But it could be. I think we need a plastic fork census every year, right? Every single used plastic product should just be part of a census. And we know how many there are, and then we keep track of where they go right yes each one goes uh everybody's got to keep a lock book yeah okay and so anything that is you know that is purchased it just goes on your on your record right and then they keep track and then if if

any of it doesn't end up in landfill there's a punishment you know you get you get a sort of a really good it's like a social credit thing but it's all single-use plastic based yeah you know and then they come around to your house and they like turn over you know they go through all your drawers and stuff and they check like how many times you've been close to the ocean and they go you didn't get rid of it here did you because this is what we're going to assume and it's because it's this is it's a new legal system called uh it's um it's uh thrown into the ocean until proven innocent yeah really good yeah that's well assume that's what you've done with it i mean yeah the idea of somebody going out maybe

onto a very long pier with pockets full of plastic cutlery and looking around, making sure nobody's watching, and then chucking them all into the ocean. It's really good. I like to imagine that that's how it is happening. To have them up your pant leg. Yeah. And then kicking them out like you're in The Great Escape. Yeah, like The Great Escape getting rid of some tunnel dirt. There at the estuary. Yeah.

Walk out at high tide, low tide. Shake out all your plastic. Maybe like even just like into the mud, you know, where they'd be like, pretend like you're crabbing. Oh, I'm just mud crabbing. And then, you know, you're kind of shaking your legs in the mud and you're just hoping that they slide out. I also think we should be more relaxed about people dumping garbage in the open in like the middle of cities and stuff. of cities and stuff, you know, just opening the back of their car and chucking a whole lot of old crap out onto the footpath

in front of everyone and then driving away. Because by stigmatising that kind of behaviour, all we've done is we've made it so that those people drive out to, like, literally to, like, a riverbank or something, a gully or a ravine, and they push it down a really steep hill where it's A, really hard to get it back out again and B, likely to go into a river or down into the ocean. It should be fine.

Whenever you see somebody dumping it in the middle of the city, that you should applaud them and say, thank you. Yeah. And there should just be garbage men who are like police. Right. And what they do instead, like I don't mean that they have powers to arrest you or anything like that they're they're just patrolling the streets for garbage and they go oh look at the garbage there like that and then they just go and like they go you're coming with me like that they

actually still act like cops you know they and they go and they go what are you doing they kick you a little bit on the ground like well you know you're not you a person i'm talking i'm yeah you're the garbage you're a bit of garbage not in the way that you are already andy i just mean like actual garbage sure now i'm talking metaphorically i think that this is a great idea removing the dumping stigma and you know i think like you know allowing people to just dump garbage in the middle of the city and you know and then that way like if you saw it let's say you're in the middle of like burke street mall or something like that in the in melbourne and and there's actually not even cars aren't even allowed

down that street right but you could maybe get there through like the top of like, you know, through Russell and you go down to that bit before it becomes just a tram area. And then you just go down there and you dump all this stuff onto the tram tracks and then you drive off and everybody starts applauding you, people around who are walking around and shopping

and things like that. That's really nice. And a tram comes along with and shopping and things like that. That's really nice. And a tram comes along with a special scoop on the front. That's right. Well, it doesn't have to. I think it just has to stop and then just like, you know, then you see the town's, you know, quick response garbage people getting straight into, and then they stopped.

They stopped like, you know know five bags of garbage from going into a river and poisoning all you know uh our uh our uh sort of uh micro algae that's it yeah i mean i mean if we you know i think i think it's good it's very hard to achieve behaviour change in people, but we can do it maybe in a, you know, it's hard to do positive behaviour change, but maybe we can harness people's negative behaviours. Just removing the stigma of dumping garbage, you know? I used to feel bad when I would finish eating like KFC and I just dumped the bones on the ground. But that's because we had that crazy bin system.

I mean, I think there might still be bins. I don't think I'm necessarily anti-bin. The next step, I mean, I guess if you were so pro-bins, then why wouldn't your idea be put some bins around for everybody to just put stuff into? Big bins. I think eventually we'll make every piece of plastic, we'll make it sentient, right? We'll give it some kind of life and we'll make it sentient Right We'll give it some kind of life

And we'll make it crawl Why not make the whole ground Engineer it to crawl somewhere Yeah I mean you know that's good too That's good too Like a little flatworm Yeah yeah yeah that's good

Maybe everything will be a slime mold That you can give instructions to you can say you say harden into a packet of you know to hold jubes in little sour worms or whatever like that right and then it hardens and then you put a little signal into it and then you go okay now turn to ooze like you know when it's on the ground it responds to the ground it goes it somehow knows right maybe we put a little chemical into the concrete that just um that lets it know all right now oozeify and now and then follow this you know and then we put a little smell signal into bins and then they they all just kind of crawl towards bins where there's a smell signal emanating from it maybe it's maybe it senses when it's night

maybe it's it's we make a nocturnal plastic that sleeps during the day when you can use it to wrap up people's food but then when night falls it awakes and crawls away yeah but that's but even the food that's already been is still holding onto food i mean even the packaging that's already been, is still holding onto food. I mean, even the packaging that's still holding onto food. There's bits of food in there, yeah. No, no, but I mean like, let's say the packaging, yeah, yeah, it's like it's a bag of chips or it's got some ham in it or something like that.

If at night time, every time it turns to night, it turns back to ooze, that's going to contaminate the ham. I think this is going to be a great Cinderella type story where at night Cinderella turns back into slime mold. Cinderella is also a chip wrapper in this story. But other than that, it's the exact same story. Okay, Andy, I think we have enough, I guess I will call them ideas.

okay andy i think we have enough i guess i will call them ideas um and i think it's time for three words from a listener now andy this one uh these this listener i think i believe it would be their first time uh submitting words it's from santeri rickanen santeri santeri rickanen rikenteri. Santeri Rikkonen. Rikkonen? Could be Rikkonen. Rikkonen, but it's a double I. I would say they are potentially Icelandic or something like that, maybe. Wow.

Or, you know, a country that's from, you know, north of Europe. Like, you know, northern parts of Europe is my guess. Where vowels are able to survive in much greater numbers. Yeah, I would say it could be one of those things. Maybe even like we're getting close to the Arctic, they are well-preserved, these vowels, and they won't get eaten. Anyway, Santeri, maybe Santeri, I apologize, has sent in three words, but said that he's got a proper job and he was now able to participate in the patronage of our wonderful podcast. And also just sent a random idea that's not connected, mostly because we have been, apparently we've been fairly horny in recent episodes. And so that we should potentially invite the number one horny dad of Aussie comedy, Josh Earle, to join us to make

Toon the Think Tank peak horny dad podcast of Australian comedy. That's really exciting. And yeah, let's do it. Let's get together a horny dad super group. Yeah. Now, I want you to know that the three words today that you're going to have to guess, they do have a theme.

And then so whilst you're going to also guess the three words, at the end, you're going to have to guess the theme. Okay, the first word is unified. Absolutely not. No. But there is at least one similar letter. The first word is Luxembourg. Luxembourg.

Okay, second word. Luxembourg. Luxembourg. Second word. Belgium. I think it feels like that was close, Andy. The second word is Brussels. Oh, my God.

All right. Luxembourg. Brussels. The last word is Amsterdam. I'm sorry, but the third word is Belgrade. Okay, Luxembourg, Brussels, and Belgrade. Okay, well, I guess Belgrade is – where is that? Is that in the former Yugoslavia?

Belgrade? Belgrade, indeed. God, I feel so embarrassed for you that you don't know this. Because there's like the Benelux countries, obviously, Belgium, Netherlands, and Luxembourg. And that's what I was – the first Luxembourg invited me to think of. Are they all places that have a, like an international criminal court

or something like that? Is that the theme? Locations of... I'm not sure, entirely sure about that, Andy. So I can't, but what I can say is, Santeri says that this is actually very easy, as these are the first three capital cities to be occupied in World War I in chronological order.

Sure. So you can see how embarrassing it is that you didn't get it Is Luxembourg though, that's a country Would that be considered a city as well? It is a country Or is it both? Well, you know, the capital is Luxembourg City Yeah, right

And so which I guess you could shorten down to Luxembourg Take me down to Luxembourg City where the The cats are... Yes, dogs. And the dogs are frilly. Yeah, great. Okay, so we're going to have to come up with a sketch. And somebody has just appeared.

Did you need to say something, Otis? No, but I'm looking for the charger. Ah, yes. The charger. Wow. Okay, hang on. No, no, no. You won't be able to.

Just bring it into my room and then put that and plug that in and then you can. Yeah, yeah. Would you be able to close the door, please? Oh, thank you so much. He said they didn't say yes. But they still did it even though they didn't agree with My You know All my ideology

Of closing the door It was a real clash Let's see I mean What have we got So did you say The First World War Or the Second World War

Well It says here First World War Because you know Belgrade is in Serbia In Serbia Yeah right And is that where

The Archduke of Austro-Hungary Was killed was in Serbia Is that what occurred To kick off World War I I believe yeah I mean I could look up What city Franz Ferdinand was killed Maybe we could start A and I'm not saying this is a good idea, Alistair.

Yeah. But we could start a consultancy or possibly a think tank where what we do is basically we come up with war ideas. We come up with ideas for wars that people could have. Yeah. And we look at all the countries in the world. Yeah. And we look at ways in which we could match them up with other countries. Yeah.

And justify. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, I was going to say, just find ways that they could anger each other or, you know, like real opportunities for pulling swifties on each other. Exactly. It's like a dating app, but for war, for countries who want to go to war. So, we use maybe sophisticated algorithms to find which countries are the most incompatible

and therefore able to, you know, because I think this, you know, I think this would be great for political campaigns. The idea of something that like you don't want invented is like an app that calculates using AI and sort of, you know, the latest information around which countries it would be most beneficial for each country to invade and attack. Well, I mean, what's the alternative? Countries invade countries where it's not beneficial? It's not beneficial where nobody wins? That feels like that would be much worse. like that would be uh much worse so i mean it's all about the greatest uh the you know the greatest benefit for the greatest amount of people and so if we if we stay the same that's not a benefit

exactly right that's just that's the sign yeah you to do something. Benefit means getting more. Yeah. And also, Franz Ferdinand was shot in Sarajevo. Sarajevo. God, that's a good place name. Yeah. And from the one photo I can see, it looks nice. Oh, there's drawings of it. I think he was wearing a really silly hat at the time.

Maybe they didn't look into that enough. Maybe that was a bigger factor. I mean, yeah, because it's often a thing that they'll say, you know, if a woman gets attacked, well, what was she wearing? Or whatever, all that kind of stuff. And then they go, well, what was he wearing? And then they go, well, what was he wearing?

You know, what was he wearing? You know, my goodness. Sounds like he was inciting violence. Of First World, at least one world war. Just begging for it. That's funny. That's funny,'s funny Alistair His father as he got on the coach to go to Sarajevo Said are you really going there

You're going to go there looking like that are you Looking like that Well you're going to start a first world war You know what's going to happen Don't come crying to me Well, you're going to start a first world war. You know what's going to happen. Don't come crying to me. It's not anybody's fault but your own if a world war breaks out. Arts duke shaming. Why is it, Andy, that it always feels like we kick into gear in the very last sketch or the very last five minutes?

Well, I think what it is is probably because the ideas from a listener are always better than anything that we have. And we have got to the point where now, like, whatever reserves of little things that were kicking around in our brains that we could go to in moments of nothingness, there's nothing left there anymore. They've all been scoured. And so now we just need something to be put into the machine. I know, yeah. I mean, they're still our ideas, but it's amazing. It's just like really all they're sending us is a finger that's pointing in a direction. Yeah, a nudge.

Send us a finger. Alistair, I think that's all right. I think we did okay. I don't really want to hear the sketch ideas again, but it is tradition that you read them out to me so yeah would you like to take us through them um yes i would we've got recycling company that collapses as a business model right i mean that's a that's a you know it's a small idea then we got tiny bosses which is another small idea for people who work at home or you know surgery to add ergonomic designs to the human body for you know people who work at home again and so that you or

anywhere you can work from anywhere so that the office you carry the office with you that's it yes um we got start new identities so that in 18 years you can fake your own death or and then start a new you know and start a new but this is a identity agriculture a company that offers identity agriculture to so that people don't need to steal them anymore you know that's how we would fix it right how we would fix the problem of identity of identity pirating yes you create an abundance of it so that they don't really have that much value. If people have access to legally sourced identities,

they won't need to steal them anymore. Well, especially clean ones like that. It would actually be more problematic to just use ones where people can just track you down and get you in trouble. Ethically sourced identities. Then we've got a gravy loofah. You see? When you hear the ideas just like this all quickly, it's not too bad.

It's when you have to sit through the whole podcast and listen to the being come up with it. It's when it really hurts. Yeah, sure. And then we've got the nappy turbine for nappy hydro. You know, to get extra you know, so you can get one over those people who have reusable nappies

and you don't have to feel bad. These are also disposable turbines. I think that we can feel happy about landfill campaign. Yeah. I do. And then this is kind of another campaign it's a pro dumping garbage in the city uh campaign and then we've got a programmable

slime mold packaging and then we've got an app that tells countries uh the most beneficial countries that they can invade yes um to them them, and he was most beneficial to them. And then the Archduke shaming, blaming the war on what he was wearing, in particular, his hat. There you go. And that's the whole episode. My goodness, everyone.

Oh. Oh. Ah. Bo-bo. Ah. Bo-bo. Ah. Bo-bo. Ah. Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. We like that you did that to it and us. And you can find us on Twitter.

Are we plugging Twitter still? Yeah, we still do Twitter. Yeah, great. I'm at stupidoldandy. I'm at alistartb. Yeah, I mean, this is it's like going on Twitter now is just people going, it's burning! This place is on fire!

It's about to shut down! Everybody is like, abort! Find other places! Direct your audiences to other places! Yeah. So, but you know, you can also join our Patreon and you can watch My Client is Innocent. A version of it that we

after we relearned it that went better than probably almost any other ones that we did during Comedy Festival. I mean, I still messed up a bunch, but whatever. If you watch it, you can see and imagine just how much I fucked up some of the comedy festival shows.

On one night I tried to do a spin. That was probably the best thing that night. That probably was the funniest thing that happened. I just laughed because I was like, ah, I thought I could add a spin. And then afterwards people were like tweeting me, go keep the spin in.

Yeah. I think that what they wanted was me failing at doing the spin. Well, that's art in itself. Hey, everybody, we love you. Take care. Thank you. Au revoir. Bye. It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. Bye. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials.

Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details.