Two In The Think Tank - 358 - "FRANKENSTEIN'S MOBSTER"

Episode Date: November 18, 2022

Dessert Me, Parapsychologist, Teleport Murder, Made Man, Daycare Runner, Helium Bubble Boy, Erotic Baloon Animals, Police Baloon ArtistYou can still stream SOS PODFEST at sospresents.comGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereGregorian thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna, dessert, lasagna. Yes, I don't think we've ever been more on the same wavelength. Oh, yes. You say something about... Anyway, it doesn't matter. Two in the Hello, two in the Think Tank.

The show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Yes, I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair. George William, Trombley Virtual. Good day to you. And good day. And I'm Alistair George William Trombley-Virtual. Good day to you. Good day, as we say. Good day. Down here.

If ever you hear Andy talking, when Andy's on the phone to me while we work, and there's a workman there who shows up at his house to either dig something or put in a grave or something like that or whatever it is they're here to charge me 500 to 8 000 for something yeah yeah and andy is always like g'day yeah yeah mate yep just around here just need you to have a look at the tractor. Yeah, oh, she's bogged or something. You hear that, do you? I'll let you hear that stuff, do I?

You do. You let me in a little bit. I hear a lot of your voices, a lot of your code switches or whatever. My identities. My identities. Yes, my code switching between podcast comedy and rural land management. And then there's also your voice for your children and then your voice for your partner. Yep, yep.

That's true. I'm a chameleon. And then your firm but appreciative voice for your parents. And my exasperated voice for all other scenarios. Your exasperated inner monologue. Exasperate. That sounds like a word that you would use to describe letting the air out of an air mattress. I've just got to exasperate the air mattress. You think laying on it would be the trick?

To exasperation. You pull the plug out. Yeah, that'd do it. That'd do it. I'm not saying it's difficult, but I'm just saying it would be adequately described by the word exasperate. Okay. Alistair, you know how there's dessert pizza? Why isn't there a dessert spaghetti?

I think we should invent a dessert bolognese. A bolognese? I think bolognese. I think we should. I think bolognese. I think it's bolognese I think we should I think Bolognese I think it's Bolognese You know what Because I think in Italy

And it could just be in some parts of Italy Because there's a place near our place called Ipulisi And it's spelt I-P-U-G-L-I-S-I. Mm-hmm. Ipulisi. Yeah.

Now, you hear that G? No. It's real quiet. Yeah. It's not silent, but it's... It's not silent. It's whispering at most. Yeah.

It feels like it's... Like the H. It feels like it's nudging the other letters. Yeah. Yeah, it feels like it's nudging the other letters. If it's not making a sound itself, it's treading on the foot of the L, so that the L makes a bit of a weird noise. Yeah, you put Lee-ee-see. Because you go, I expected more there.

Lee, so you're doing a hard L. Lee. You put Lee-see. Yeah. And so I reckon there's a chance that the G in Bolognese is that as well. Yeah, no, of course you're right. But at the same time, Andy, you couldn't sound like you're pronouncing it more correctly. That's L.

You know, because you're giving everything equal it's it's equality in there yeah yeah no i'm having some fun in the middle you know yeah what do you what do you feel about um you know basically the dessert versions of maybe every main course why not a dessert steak you knowessert hamburger? Dessert hamburger. Dessert mashed potato. A fucking dessert hamburger is a really good idea. But this is the question. What would you make the patty out of? Chocolate. There you go.

That's the solution to almost everything. Nutella. It's just a layer of Nutella. No, no, but it's got to have some structure I think You want it to be spongy I wonder if you could Like chocolate tofu

You could fry Can you fry a mascarpone? Probably just melts, right? You want to have like some layers of something that you can Can you fry and mask a pony? Mask a pony? Is that what you're suggesting? Can you fry, mask a pony?

All right. I feel like my attempt to force you to write down the words dessert spaghetti is just not going to happen by keeping on coming back to it over and over again. Andy, we're going to get there. I just want there to be an idea in there that's a bit sketchy, you know? Yeah, yeah, I get it. I get it.

We got dessert spaghetti. That's what we got so far. You know what I mean? Like this is the guy in the ad. Hey, come down and dessert everything. We got dessert spaghetti. We got dessert hamburgers i feel like this is this is you you you know you come down you say dessert me and you know you you order your food and then you say can i get that deserted or desertified right andification, normally a process in which the land becomes arid and, you know, sand blows across the place.

But now, here at Desertify, you can – on their menu, it's only mains, right? It's only mains. You know what I'm picturing? I'm picturing either like a Yeah go, go, go And then there's a big button in the middle of the table And you can slam that button To desertify Your mains

And they'll turn it into a dessert version And there's everything in there There's minestrone Yeah, even minestrone? You haven't lived until You've eaten a dessert minestrone that's right well and the thing is is that because i was at first i thought the button right and then i thought there's the quicker option as well where you could have a big rope

above you right you pull on it and just a big a big bucket full of caramel just pours over you and your plate yeah but i do also yeah but then i do like have you ever seen how people like make those candied like uh orange peels you basically just boil it in sugar water very yeah very right and then it becomes candied yeah right the idea that you could could take a meat and two veg kind of meal, and the kids aren't eating it, and then you just plunge it in the sugar water, and then you just boil it for 10 minutes, and then it comes back out, and the kid is like, yay! Yeah, candied meat and two veg.

It's the deep frying of the sugar world. We have boiling sugar. Fuck fuck that'd be intense but you know i think that would work i wonder if you could cook things in boiling sugar surely you can of course what would it be like to plunge a sausage into boiling sugar oh good we'll find out satisfying satisfying yes Yes. I think you'd have to replace the sugar water every time. It's not like oil. I don't know. You don't think so? I think it could be a lot like oil.

Yeah? Yeah. I guess there's a lot of long carbon chains. There's a lot of long carbon chains. Are you suggesting that because the water component would be soluble in the sugar, boiling sugar, that maybe, you know, it wouldn't just evaporate out of the solution and you'd end up all manky? What it is with the, you know, if you're cooking chips and stuff, if they have water in them, that water evaporates. Right? And then that doesn't end up... I guess there's not as much chip flavor left in the oil.

But maybe if it's water, everything just gets in there and your water starts to go brown real quick. We'll work on the system. But I think... Imagine if sugar frying... go brown real quick we'll we'll we'll work on the system but i think um imagine if you're frying one steak sugar water you could have a vegetable sugar water you could have a you know a minestrone sugar water you keep your you got to keep your sugar waters separate like it's like having separate um cutting boards in your kitchen for fish and meat and vegetables uh here we have different vats of boiling sugar water i think once what's going to be exciting is that

once civilizational decay really sets in not it's going to be no holds barred on the cooking methods people will stop thinking about their health and their long-term once we once we do what role once we once we civilizational decay really sets in once where everything starts to collapse around us it'll be a golden era of of just eating really badly and i think we in that small window yes al, Alistair. I'm there, baby. I'm already there. In that small window of opportunity, we're going to do really well marketing our extremely unhealthy cooking methods.

And I think the sugar fryer will become the new air fryer. It'll be the must-have gadget for the it's pre or mid-apocalyptic kitchen yeah but but i reckon it needs a new word i need it you can't it's instead of a deep fry it's got to be a deep you know like a deep sweet it's got to be like a deep sweet a'. Yeah, a deep candying. Yeah, a deep candying. We'll call it the Candyman. The Candyman. The Candyman, because if you use it three times, it kills you. I think that's good.

I like that. Terrific. Just talking about that, I wonder if people use the word peri-apocalyptic do you know do you know peri as a as a meaning sort of matthew no i i mean around you know because there's there's the pre-apocalyptic there's the apocalyptic and the post-apocalyptic but i think you know a more useful term might be the peri-apocalyptic or peri-pocalyptic where apocalyptic you know it's very hard to tell sometimes where you are on the apocalyptic scale we might already be post apocalyptic in some ways but you think just referring to this peri-apocalyptic why do you

think we might be as in because like because we've already hit tipping points or whatever yeah exactly you know things are apocalyptic bit was the bit where you can no longer live. Yeah, I mean, that's certainly one way to interpret it. Yeah, sure, sure. You know, where most things die, a lot of desertification, but not the good kind. Not the good kind. But I think you often hear people say things about – you know, I can't think of any examples right now, but I remember – I've certainly listened to podcasts and read articles where people say things that suggest that we might already be in this period that you didn't realise, you know.

And I wondered if one of the periods that we might be in that we didn't realize was post-apocalyptic. Anyway, don't worry about it, Alistair. No, no, no. Andy, it's all I can worry about now. Well, that's good too. Yeah, yeah. But, sorry, where were you heading with that thing

about us being in the peri apocalyptic period i just wanted to use the word i just wanted to use the word i wasn't i wasn't heading anywhere we're already about peri what about peri thrust apocalyptic now what does that mean well i don't know what is that peri thrustthrust? Or is it pari-thrust? I don't know. Peri-thrust. You're talking about fencing? Yeah. What about this?

Peri-peri-apocalyptic, right? And that is apocalyptic but spicy. Ah, peri-peri-apocalyptic. What about this? Matthew Peri-peri. What about this? Matthew Perry Perry. It's Matthew Perry. All these celebrities are doing their restaurant change. You've got Wahlburgers. We need Matthew Perry Perry. Just a source.

Or Matthew Perry Perry Perry. Matthew Perry Perry Perry. It's his source. He could be the Paul Newman of Spice. Perry Perry Matthew Perry. perry it's his source he could be the he could be the paul newman of spice perry perry matthew perry i suppose that's a spicy matthew perry but that's what i'm hearing from his book that he is a bit of a spicy gentleman he's certainly yes there's there's some spice in there yeah i i mean i'm i i i feel very he's one of those guys who you feel very emotionally connected to their to their um their well-being or at least i do sure um you you really

really want him to be doing okay. Yeah, were you there for during his sort of more difficult struggles with substance abuse? In what sense? Well, I mean, I guess if you're worried now, are you less worried than that period? Or are you more worried than that period? I think I am more worried because I think, you know, I haven't read the book, but I also worry about people writing their stories of their troubled times.

I always think, I bet they're not really out of it. You know, I bet that this is just another part of the cycle. Well, I hear that you're always an addict. Yeah. And so that, you know, you just got to take it one day at a time from what I hear. Yeah. I wonder if this, the money from the, how much of the money from the book the book will be spent on i reckon andy that he is fine for money with regards to that whole thing that

america does with money and and tvs that tv shows like that that have gone on to have endless success so you don't reckon it's going to be possible for him to take enough drugs to spend all that money? That's what I need to hear. I need to know that. I need maybe some graphs and some... More than a book about his recovery, I need some cold, hard statistics that show me that it...

Don't worry worry it's going to be impossible for him to to to run out of money to run out of money that maybe all of his investments from that time will not be enough to support him yeah plus any money that's coming in um i think that he's probably fine i think he he probably owns his house outright. Oh, that'd be so good. I need to see those papers, though. That'd be good as well. Yeah, so that you could relax. Yeah.

Yeah. What could be the sketch around this? Yeah. Well, you know. It's because what are those relationships called with somebody who's a celebrity? Parasocial. Parasocial. Parasocial. Yeah, I think a parasociologist or someone who you can go to who can help you to feel better about the celebrities that you're anxious about.

You know, they talk you through it and they use cold hard facts to make you feel like they're going to be okay yeah you know like it's not it's not a not a life coach but it's a sort of a a life psychologist parapsychologist yeah that's really good that's really good. That's really good, actually, because you go there and you unload not your anxieties about yourself and your own life, but your anxieties about somebody else's life, and they help you through that. I think that's great. They solve all your problems with someone else's mental health, and you never have to address your

own personal deeper issues which which explain why this is so important to you sure but that's i think that's probably a more societal issue about loneliness and you know the loss of third spaces. Third spaces. That other place where you can go and hang out. Yeah, community. There's home, there's shops and stuff like that, but what about third spaces where everybody can go and hang and just meet up with no agenda?

We should invent a new third space. Okay. Well, that's what I was hoping with... Because you remember when we were writing the little show Teleport? Yes. It was also partially... Part of it was because I'd also started writing a little book, Teleport. And so some ideas from that book I tried to cram into the show.

Also, I think one of the ideas from that book was in Magma, which was the idea of the double-ended torch. Oh, man, that was so good. Anyway, but the idea was that if you teleport, I guess we did kind of include it with the teleporting into your own rectum. Yes. What if you were to accidentallying into your own rectum. Yes. What if you were to accidentally teleport into your own rectum?

You're suggesting that could be the third space? Well, the idea that you teleport into some, you actually create some new space, right? So not actually into your own rectum, but into a space that is not a space. And then it becomes just this kind of space that's nowhere i worry that the problem for us with the absent the loss of third spaces is not that there's not enough space to have a third space but that there's not a reason to go there i don't think it's a lack of space yes no but you know what it was it was it was a buffer that was created using information so that if the if the teleportation device

cuts out mid mid transfer all the information was still stored so you kind of walked through this temporary room in case there was a power cutout or something like that so that all your data was stored but then you kind of existed as this data version of yourself as you went through and then you went through the other door and then that space that little buffer space as a safety ended up becoming a new type of space for people to live in and people could just live in this kind of non-space that didn't exist in the world i really like that you see and so then maybe we could have that but you probably need to have electricity running all the time people

be like let's let's switch them all off like that somebody could probably turn it all off or whatever like that but i think there's a real like you know i think i think that would be exciting being in that space that doesn't really exist you know people say that what happens you know um in vegas stays in vegas but imagine if you were in a space that didn't really exist you know that that then you'd truly be um you know free of your social... Responsibilities. Responsibilities and your pre... Not preconceptions. I don't know the word. But, like, yeah, all of that stuff would fall away. Would you go there, take someone there to murder?

Maybe. Either to murder with them or to murder them? I wonder, I mean, could you murder them in this space? Does murder still apply if you're just data? I suppose you could. You know, it depends. I guess if you've got that information, then there's a chance you could have another backup of it.

And then you could bring the person back even if they do die i think this is a i think this is a great science fiction concept alistair where yeah there's this everybody's using teleportation right and from the point of view of people coming in and out of the teleporter nobody knows that this space exists because it is just this sort of buffer where you're stored and maybe you can't because you're just data you can't form new memories that exist either side of this limbo space but there are some people who discover that you can in you know almost like lucid dreaming hack um the way these things operate so that you can be conscious and functional in the limbo space, allowing you to do all sorts of messed up shit.

I think the discovery that that's what's going on, like has got a really cool sort of combination of true crime investigation. Like, you know, if somebody was killing people in the limbo space, so people are just coming out of teleporters dead right there's such a big thing of like holy shit okay the teleportation industry is going to try and hush that up the government isn't going to want people to panic about that sort of thing so they'll probably be complicit in like media blackouts and that kind of thing but then people will be investigating that and they don't even know

that this space exists so they've got to get into, like, they've got to talk to engineers and the people who invented this technology to even find that such a – and then there's, you know, these murders are taking place in a world that we didn't even know was there. And then once you – maybe these, you know, the investigators can go in and find themselves in this space and discover that an entire new world has been built in there that, like, could be really complex and rich because of people finding a way to inhabit that space.

I think that's fucking cool. I think that's one of the coolest things I've ever heard and i just said most of it even though i was using all your ideas and now you really expanded on it and if you want to turn it into if you want to actually go and we could go and finish this book really what the book in my mind was is somebody creates a technology and then they realize that actually it's bad um and then they go actually no i'm i'm taking it off the shelves blah blah blah but people have already started you know copying it they've already started hacking it they've already started changing it and they can't stop the spread of the

technology and then it kind of just becomes like an open source thing that and the world won't stop using it because actually it's created so much convenience yeah so much money saving but basically everybody dies every time they go through it and it's just an exact copy of them that's created and that's what that's what the the main person's problem is they're like well there's no point doing this if you die when you go in it and and i didn't think that people were going to use it for it was for goods did you realize that this has got like big climate change parallels yeah it's got climate change it's also got the technology stuff which is like which is the non-stop thing of like oh well now we've got the smartphones and now it's like i feel, well, now we've got the smartphones.

And now it's like, I feel like it's mostly ruining my life, but it is very convenient. And you can't stop the spread of it. You're not going to stop it. It's like the amount of force that it takes to actually try to take it out. And so basically the movie, the book in my mind was also going to just be

this person who started trying to, you know, essentially stop their own monster that they started frankenstein's monster yeah what do you think about this frankenstein's mobster has anybody done that as a movie frankenstein's lobster that's just about his pet there's nothing here didn't do anything weird to it he loves it very much okay frankenstein's mobster yeah great idea because you it's like it's like the sopranos yes but it's set it's set in was he this guy in transylvania i just gotta say the look of where dr frankenstein's stuff often is it looks very similar to the kind of region where dracula hangs out yeah i wonder if that's a coincidence a lot of big cliffs a lot of sort of castle-y places yeah castle frankenstein is that a thing no i'm thinking of castle castle wolfenstein that's uh but you know again similar

what's that about but do you think think, what about this, right? There's a... There's something in the water. There's got to be something in the bloody water here. Why are guys drinking people's blood? Ending up all weird. They're either a monster made out of body parts or they're a vampire that drinks people's blood.

I know they don't seem similar, but they are both weird. Alistair, wouldenstein's mobster mobster arise because you know there is one of those big gangland shootouts right and at the end there's only that everyone gets so shot up that there's only enough bits to make one mobster out of all the bits of all the other mobsters. Like the, oh, maybe this is it. You know, maybe whoever's putting them all back together, they have to use some bits of like all the rival mobster gangs, right? So they're... To go after the new kingpin of the city.

Yeah, that's quite exciting. Who's like taken over and killed all the other families. Yeah. You know how all the other families tend to have like meetings and they kind of like they work shit out like that. So they're all there. But one guy decided he was taken over and he betrayed everybody and killed all the families.

Yeah, yeah. Except for one nerdy guy who went and picked up all the things and then decided to piece them all back together and tell them what happened. Oh, and you know what's great about that? Don't they use the term, you got made in the army, in the mafia? They talk about getting made. So like you've just become like like so like you you've you've

just become like a like a an official member kind of yeah you're a made man well there's never been a more made man than this yeah they he thinks he's got the city all sewn up until yeah this is great i don't you know i i i don't i don't know what else happens i guess he falls in love do you think so yeah and he takes her to the top of a big tower and he yeah uh and then some planes try and shoot him off the the tower yeah that's right is he he's much bigger than other mobsters, though, wouldn't he be? Yeah, he is.

He's enormous. Yeah. Do you think he travels with the scientist, or do you think he just goes and does all the stuff by himself? I wonder, should he kill the scientist? Do you think it's Frankensteeny? Frankensteeny. Frank. Frank is a good name yeah that's true frank yeah frankenstevey's monster no no i was making it frankensteeny because it's

like it sounds a little bit more italian frankenstein yeah yeah it does a bit it does a bit frankensteiny i maybe i maybe you didn't hear it i think i think you're gonna but like i think if you call the movie frankenstein's mobster then yeah i i think it's starting to like all fall apart yeah you think so yeah well all right well then it's a german gang yeah great it could be but the thing is frankenstein is the is the doctor right so so he doesn't have to he doesn't have to be italian it's just that the mobster is a mafia you know amalgam he's he's the mobster is italian made you know what of italians you know a frankenstein in this is she's the she's the wife of one of the mobsters who was killed yeah that's really nice you know and then she's she's like we're gonna get these fucking guys

she has a plastic surgeon. She's been getting plastic surgery from this doctor, this unlicensed doctor. And she takes all the bits of all the mobsters. She's grabbed all the bits. She thinks she's got all the bits of her husband. She takes them to him. Yeah, yeah.

To the plastic surgeon. She doesn't know the full story. She just knows that he died. So she goes at this place. She goes to the to the plastic surgeon no she doesn't know the full story she just knows that he died so she goes to at this place she goes to the scene you know she hears from from you know jimmy the rat or whatever that you know he walked in after the thing he's just a street punk he's not a made guy you know he's just a guy he just does little little things he shows up at where the meeting is at right maybe delivering pizzas or something like that and then he sees the blood bath pizzas He's just a guy who just does little things. He shows up at where the meeting is at, right?

Maybe delivering pizzas or something like that. And then he sees the bloodbath. Dessert pizzas. Dessert spaghetti. All the dessert spaghetti and sort of entree pizzas. It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats.

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Anyway, and then he goes there and then he goes and tells her and then she's like what so she goes to the thing saying that the guy's thinking that she picks up all the bits not realizing she's picking up the bits of all the the dons of all the families yeah brings it to her her plastic surgeon make him fix him fix him put it back together yeah it's really good best he's the best guy in town yeah i'm really excited about this idea does this frankenstein also have like real puffy lips yeah super puffy lips yeah we real weird face but i think i i mean it also might be interesting to like uh if it was different different um you know uh what's the word like ethnicity you know like there's the russian mafia there's the irish mafia or whatever there's the italian it'd be great yeah if they if they all get put together into one? And then, you know, you could have great sort of weird, you know, funny scenes, hilarious scenes where, like, you know,

he's ordering food, but he's ordering, like, all sorts of weird things together, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll have a potato and a bowl of pasta and dim sum, please. And I mean, he could just go to a buffet. They have all of these things. He'd love a buffet. He eats exclusively at buffets.

But this is what I was about to bring up. I mean, you hear about the Russian mafia. You hear about the Italian mafia. You hear about the italian mafia right you hear about the yuzukas the the japanese mafia does every country have its own mafia yeah interesting like are there are there german mafia like and are they operating in all countries you know what i mean like like i guess mafia is what we just give it this probably just the name of the time it's just organized crime right but like here in australia it seems to be bikies right yeah i guess i guess they're our mafia like we might have a we might have a separate mafia that's more mafia-y you

know i think we also have like italian mafia but then they're like you know i think it's there's a problem where they're identifying as italian mafia when actually they're italian australian is that a problem is it i think it's a problem to me yeah do you think you're not actually allowed to call it the italian mafia unless it comes from the italian of Italy? Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's for me anyway. I think that if you're born here, it would help. I get where the point of the, you know, where your connections and stuff are. But it would be nice if you gave Australia some credit in the raising and making you a criminal.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I agree. You know, when you come to Australia, you become an Australian. Okay? Yeah. Integrate. Integrate into the Australian mafia.

You're an Australian Italian mafioso. Mafioso. We would say mafioso. Mafioso. We would say Ma- Ma- Fioso. Mafio. Oh.

Mafio. What's that? Mafiolo. Oh yeah, I see because you shortened it. Yeah, maybe. Mafioso. Oh.

Nah, it's nothing. I don't know what what about the you know like the Australian mafia operating in somewhere else? You know, is there a show with that? The Australian nah it's nothing what what about the you know like the australian mafia operating in somewhere else you know is there a show in the australian yeah the australian mafia operating in new york city operating in new zealand you know that obviously that mafia you know that movie mickey blue eyes where

You know that movie Mickey Blue Eyes where Hugh Grant sort of gets involved in the mafia, right, in New York, I believe. I haven't seen the film. I remember seeing the trailer and thinking, God, that looks great. God, that looks good. It was exactly that time of my life when every movie I thought looked great. But we could do that with an Australian. Imagine that. You know what we could call it?

Mick Blue Eyes. Oh, yes. Mick Green Eyes. Ah, good. No, no. Yours is better. Because I did have that idea ages ago where it was just, I was like, what can I write that sounds like it's from my point of view? And I was like, oh, it's a TV show where it's a Canadian family that's moved to Australia. And they're talking to somebody and they're like, and it's the members of the Calabrian mafia, right?

But there's loud music and they say, where are you from? He said, I'm Canadian. And they go, you're Calabrian! Like that. And then somehow they're involved in organized crime based off of that. I mean, that's kind of funny. Yeah.

I mean, that they don't pick up the accent at all. They only mishear the word Canadian as Calabrian. And then you're in. They get you to do a job. Can you take this to this place for me? Yeah. And, of course, they're Canadian, so they want to be helpful.

They really want to help, yeah. You know, and then they're in deep. They're in too deep. They delivered a package. It's great. I mean, why does this need to take place in australia if you've got you've got a you've got canadians and you've got well you think that if it happened in canada it would make where you from i'm canadian this guy who mishears the word canadian is is making this mistake all the time yeah well you know he works in a nightclub so yeah it's just

in canada in canada no you're right it should be in australia how many things have we written down alistair have we had any ideas yet uh one two three four i mean one of them is not you know is like just you're you expanding on my book idea yeah but have you got frankenstein's mobster written down yeah frankenstein mobsters there i don't look i think there's something funny in a an australian mafia operating out of like wellington new zealand and yeah and they they've got like a black market thing there to get australian things into new zealand to smuggle australian things into new zealand which is and it's it's getting harder because new zealand basically has everything that Australia has.

Yeah. We're running out of export opportunities. Yeah. And it's them at this turning point. It's a turning point for this Australian. They've got... And their dad's been doing it for years or the grandpa or whatever. He was the Don. His name is Donald.

Oh, good. Yeah, Don. And he, maybe he's got to smuggle in a little bit more value to their New Zealand dollar. new zealand dollar has there ever been a movie where uh the mafia like they they they can't decide who's going to be the new head and so they go through because normally they promote from within right but for some reason they go through an external hiring process that you know i guess the the organization is is big enough now that really what they need is somebody with good administrative skills and it's become less about the power and the threats and the standovering stuff and more now just about like you just need to be able to manage this big organization so i guess you end up with somebody who's um from the from the business world they've come across they've been hired from uh i don't know they used to run uh what what's what's what's what's a daycare center a day yes a chain of daycare centers or something like that and they end up with the role and they're just trying to do as good a job

as they can i mean i think that's i think that's that's really lovely i think to add comedy to it would be like yes maybe nobody i i because i mean this is just an idea i had ages ago but um where it's nobody wants to be the boss because the bosses keep getting assassinated. Yeah, that's really good. Right. I think a daycare person as well is so good because you could see them using their skills that they use to manage conflict between little kids to manage these people. This relationship with whatever this other family or this other group

that is causing problems. Incredibly violent. It could be like a 45-year-old woman who's sick of people's shit. Yeah, that's right. But very lovely. But she's just like, sometimes you just got to be a bit firm with people. Yeah, I love it here runner new head it's got a bit of the analyze this is to it analyze this by the way great film

watched it recently yeah analyze this had a great time. Yeah? Yeah. And so does the psychologist somehow get involved in the crime? He does, yeah. Although he manages to do it in such a way that he actually avoids doing bad things. You know, he uses his smarts and his understanding of psychology to achieve a positive outcome. Does he use left brain right brain well i'm gonna shift now to my right brain and and then oh i'm gonna shift to my left brain and be more creative yeah definitely does he do that i don't remember but you know it's that kind of bonos thinking hats thinking hats he uses edward de Bono's six hats? Thinking hats? He uses Edward de Bono's Architecture of Happiness.

Does Edward de Bono have an Architecture of Happiness? I think that was one of his books, yeah. That's crazy. How many mafia-related ideas do we have? Daycare. It looks like I've said daycare rummen, but it's runner. You know? We have one, two, three, four, five ideas all up, Andrew. Would you like to go to three words from a listener?

You know what? I would. Well, today's words come from a game of Fortnite that I played with a listener. You may know them as Stu. Hey, Stu. The Macaroni Prince themselves. themselves um and uh stew as well as other i mean how can i i got a plug i guess i gotta i think i feel like i gotta plug shoes um you know shoes okay yeah it's actually the macaroni prince is the there's the twitch handle yeah great um and on there i played with stew yak and james all people oh because it's stew

gets known as mac so it's mac yak and james which is all names that have a's in them and they they submitted three words um from a listener but they yak and james technically aren't listeners i don't think so you could ignore two of the words if you want but uh here's here do you want to try and guess what the words are yeah yeah okay the first word is underscore oh that's a terrible guess no the first word is helium. Ah, okay. Yeah. Okay.

So you can see where this is going. Yes. Helium sex doll. No. Those are the three words. Helium sex doll? No. Yeah.

No, no, no. No. Helium bubble. Uh-huh. And what's your third word? Boy. Helium bubble boy. No. Eater. uh-huh and what's your third word boy helium bubble boy no helium bubble eater okay i mean i feel like i you know with with my suggestions there were already

so many great uh comic comic potential things um with a helium sextol helium sextol boy is that what it was no well then there was the helium bubble boy so you've got a boy who lives in a bubble and then they accidentally fill up his bubble with helium there's a mix up with the with the canisters

and he starts floating off into the atmosphere and they've got to try and get him down obviously be a great it'd be great it'd be like balloon boy but he's a bubble boy well i think there is a movie called bubble boy where they have to kind of track him down maybe yeah all right that's the jake gyllenhaal film right is that what happens in that uh yeah i mean i haven't seen it but yeah it does seem to be jake gyllenhaal um old danny trejo's in there ah um and john carol lynch if you're wondering i i don't know who that is but you know i guess i'm wondering now

um uh and helium sex toy i guess what is it you know um sex doll you're filling up a sex doll with helium what does that yeah what does that achieve they're bouncing around on the ceiling you're trying to have a an erotic experience with it um yeah you know or or you're i mean maybe have they done this at sexpo you know giving away instead of giving away balloons to kids giving away you know like a bunch of balloons to kids giving away a bunch of inflatable sex dolls on strings bouncing around you know uh the ceiling and you see them walking around the expo um excitedly clutching their uh hair it'd be nice if you could make one out of just the regular balloon material balloons that it'd be great an erotic balloon um uh animal man uh who you know that you they they he makes you a

vagina out of a balloon. Or a bum or a dick or whatever like that. Exactly, yes. What's your favorite genital little kid? I think this would be good for bachelorette parties. I'm sure this probably already exists exists but hiring a balloon person and but if it was also if instead of balloon animals if it was balloon animal genitals great because then imagine somebody who has such an encyclopedic knowledge of what all animal genitals look like and can recreate them using the pretty unspecific art form of, you know, party balloons, sort of clown balloons.

Yeah. What about this? You know, in the TV show Bones, they used this extremely advanced, almost some would say impossible, holograph style computer to visualise crime scenes. It was on a plinth in the middle of their office. What if instead of that it was a clown standing on a little podium with a whole lot of balloons

and everything that they wanted to model, he did it with balloons. So... I guess there's also the option of a courtroom. Yeah. You know. Yeah. What are they called? Courtroom...

Sketch artist? Yes. Courtroom sketch balloon artist. And you can just hear his squeaking. Or even just like, or even just, you know, the police sketch artist where they're trying to describe the criminal to the person, but it's a balloon artist doing it. Yeah, that's really funny no it's a slightly bigger mustache yeah that's him it's really good take a photo of this take a photo of this before it pops

um you know what should we should we wrap this up i think we should wrap this up all right we got dessert me restaurant which is which is also a perfect place to dump somebody um uh press a button and then whatever your meal you've got they will they will turn it into a dessert um that's why they serve such extra large portions right because you're you're getting entree you're getting main meal and you're getting dessert all on the same plate yeah that's right And it's all the same meal. Just different things have been done to it. It's been boiled in the Candyman,

which is our sugar deep fryer. Then we have the parapsychologist to help you feel better about your parasocial relationships. Then we've got the teleport murder space mystery that we discussed. Then we've got Frankenstein's mobster. You've Been Made.

There's a new kingpin who kills all the other families. Exactly. And all those families are pieced together into one mega mobster. Mega mobster. Then we got daycare runner, new head of organized crime organization. Then we got helium bubble boy who floats away. Then we got erotic balloon animal genitals guy and then we got courtroom sketch balloon artist or police balloon sketch artist

yeah celeste we did it we did it yeah live in the vida loca lasagna live in the vida loca live in the vida loca live in the vida loca live in la vida lasagna we did it Andy thank you so much everybody for listening to in the think tank god you put up with a lot and we appreciate it

we appreciate everything anybody who hasn't seen on our patreon you can now get my client is innocent so go and get my client Oh, anybody who hasn't seen on our Patreon, you can now get My Client is Innocent. So go and get My Client is Innocent by just joining the Patreon and it's on there for free. On any level that you join it at. I was recently on the podcast Shut Up a Second with Cass and Hayden from the Sandspants Network. That's really fun.

Those guys are great. And Alistairair you've been on it and your episodes are really funny as well in fact i'd probably recommend you go and listen to alistair's instead of mine but mine are okay as well uh and he's always and he's always funny always always uh and uh yeah that's it um that's it that's, that's it. That's it. That's it. Thank you so much for everything. Take care. I hope you live a good life. And we love you.

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