Two In The Think Tank - 359 - "THE KIDS ARE SOAKING"

Episode Date: November 26, 2022

Concentrated Hydration, Cheese Brick Climate Adaptation, Wet Rennet, The Kids are Soaking, Convex Plate for Adults, Naked Man in the Rain, Fictional Listener, You Got a Jim, Elon Musk of Gates, Spelunking the Mini-Skyscraper GateGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereFabled third thanks to George for producing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Al ate a curry and it made him feel sick. So he thought he better eat the rest really real quick.

Capers. Hello and welcome to the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Alistair, Trouble Ape Virtual, George William. And I'm Andy. Hello and my song, my opening song was entitled Al Ate a Curry and it made him feel sick. So he thought he

better eat the rest really, really quick. I made a curry with way too much curry paste because i used up half of the curry paste in the jar and then because it said put in half first and then marinate that with the yogurt and put the marinate the chicken in there yeah and then and then it wasn't until the chicken was marinating that i saw that it actually meant put half of the four teaspoons that they want in the thing rather than the half this very large jar um anyway and then i made it and it was delicious because i was trying to i'm trying to figure out how to make a good butter chicken at home

all right and and then i ate it and it was good it was a bit spicy a bit intense maybe sure but still delicious and then and then i got the craziest indigestion right but then the next day i was like i think i've recovered from that indigestion even though it kept me up all night um and there was so much of that chicken there was a whole kilo of chicken you put in the thing so i was like well i don't want it to go to waste and so then i ate it again this time literally drinking cream beforehand to try to line my stomach with dairy right and then after each mouthful like having a bit of yogurt and then sometimes sipping from the like little 600 ml bottle of cream yeah right and then and then i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna fix this

i think the key to stopping indigestion is having lots of really rich cream anyway i thought it was a spice right yeah anyway so since since then it's been days now my stomach has been fucked up and i'm like oh i've become a guy with stomach problems because of because of this it's just it's burnt all the way up it's just acid burn i love i love one of my favorite bits of this is imagining a conversation you're having with your beloved where she's like did you read the instructions you're like yes of course i read the instructions she says did you read the instructions before you made the meal? Well, no. Well, the bigger shame was going to her saying, I ate some more again. It made me feel bad again. I did it again. I did it again. I couldn't stop

myself. Now, I mean, maybe a way to solve a problem like this would be to print the instructions directly onto the food. Now, I realise the food in this case is a sort of a liquidy gel type paste. Traditionally, a very difficult thing to print onto. More likely a thing that you would print with. But you can print but you can print onto onto a birthday cake if you can sometimes even a photo now and that's like that's a that's a cream you know like that's icing icing is very much just dessert paste if there was a way to some

you're absolutely right if there was a way somehow – I am picturing using a piping bag to make a plate of curry, big sloppy curry, and then using one of those piping bags to pipe a bit of extra curry paste on top of the curry to write a message like, happy birthday, Alistair George William Trombley Birchall or something like that. Sure. Maybe you could do it with the yogurt or the – what's that? birthday alistair george william trompe l'oeil virtual or something like that sure maybe you could do it with the yogurt or the what's that that that you know that mint sauce that they sometimes give you with the uh with the poppadoms i mean both of those almost sound like good ideas but in my version you're right i apologize it's a bad idea and it would probably look disgusting yeah yeah because it's it's the uncooked paste Usually you have to fry it up for a fair while. Do you think that would – is that part of your plan?

I'm just trying to find out how bad of an idea you're trying to make it. Yeah. I mean, it can be as bad. That's what's great about this idea is it's scalable to the level of badness that you'd like it to be at. of badness that you'd like it to be at. Maybe, although, we could also invent a piping bag that has a little element in the nozzle so that it can fry the sauce as it comes out, if that's important to you. Like a hot glue gun. Oh, this is a great idea.

A hot glue gun. Sticks of curry paste. Yeah. But then if they were selling it in sticks where would they put the instructions is this a sort of like a bagless scenario i think you know like like you know so that people don't have to use all that packaging do they just sell sell sticks of curry paste at a shop and then they just have the instructions there written there on a chalkboard i have an idea i guess you have to take a photo of it with your phone

or you've got to just call them up on the day and say, hey, can you take a photo of it and send it to me? We're trying to reduce use of packaging. Text me the instructions from the back of the packet. I have it. Alistair, could we... Tell me, you're a cheese man. You've worked in cheese.

You know about cheese. A cheesesman. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're talking about all my, my cheese factory experience. That's right. Could we put a bigger stringer, a cheese, one of those cheese sticks, could we put that into the back of a hot glue gun and use that, use the glue gun to melt the cheese stick and thereby have a sort of a basically a cheese gun a hot cheese gun that we could use again to write on things to to

3d print out you know cheese uh cheese liquid yeah well i'm really interested about the stringer because i know a stringer is very much a process a processed cheese so it probably has been melted or something at some point or at least blended but then it's also why does it have such good like sort of vertical strength and such weak uh horizontal strength yeah it's interesting you know what i mean because like allows you to to pick at it it's got the it's got those you know those cleavages like if you're cutting diamonds you can peel it away in that way yeah yeah um but uh you know so so i guess maybe i'm only just thinking about the quality in terms of like is this going to be your best melting cheese sure you you know but but i don't want to

but i mean i what i'm saying is that yes you could melt a cheese like that and write things with it i just don't know if the stringer is the best way to go i mean i guess i was drawn to it simply because it's already in that you know that tube stick like shape of the and i don't want to have to do a whole lot of r and d andD and stuff around getting other cheeses into that shape. Yeah, yeah. So you don't even want to have to design a new machine that might have a rectangular shape or something like that? I absolutely do not. So you could just cut up a kilo block?

No, no. I want to be able to use an off-the-shelf hot glue gun from Bunnings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it would be great if you could, if you had a, you know, like a hot bit at the back of the glue gun so that you could just push any shape thing in, you know, and then it would just melt the edges off. And then you could, you know, the bit that you want would just fit in perfectly. You could just push a full kilo block into it and just throw away the rest i mean i i i love the idea of trialing this and seeing whether or not we could use cheese then to to make to um you know to stick stick Doritos or nacho chips together

and construct a kind of a building, you know, an edifice, an edible edifice. Oh, an edil-bus-fus, an edible-fus. What I was picturing just then was, imagine being able to use like a, you know, half a kilo block of cheese, put it on an upside down iron yeah close up a close iron and use it as like a trowel or you know to to do like you know multiple chips at a time if you lay them all out and you can just kind of like that yeah that would be good or you could just have it upside down and then let it melt there and then you just you get like a butter knife or something like that yeah that would be good or you could just have it upside down and then let it melt there and then you just you get like a butter knife or something like that and you just sort of pill pull bits off and scrape it on yeah so you're using it like mortar in a you know with a with a

brick layers trowel too i mean i think you'll find that you were using yours as more i was as well well i was using more mine perhaps more like glue um to be fair and you were using yours more it will let the listeners decide whether or not you were using yours more like mortar than i was using mine like mortar because i feel like this is going to degenerate but i feel like i'm on the precipice of something and andy were you talking about were you talking about the edges of the chips I feel like this is going to degenerate. I feel like I'm on the precipice of something. Andy, were you talking about the edges of the chips? The corners.

Or were you talking about along the faces of the chips? The corners. Just the corners. I don't think you said corners. No, but I was talking about- I think it would be insane for any listener to assume you were talking about corners, the last place you'd probably put chip. But I guess you'd put glue on a chip. You were picturing making a geodesic dome or something like that.

Yeah, that's right. I was building something a bit more like a house of cards or something like that. You know, I'm willing to create a new shaped chip. It was just a new shaped cheese that I wasn't interested in. Cheese, kilo blocks of cheese already are a lot like bricks,'t they they're yeah they are that's true but but they're so when you melt them they're so much like mortar they really are both i wonder if you could be like it feels like they could be the perfect construction material you might be able to construct an entire house out of cheese blocks

just with a special hot knife that you run along the edge there the top of each layer to pre-melt them so you can then join on the next layer of cheese bricks you know where it would be an improvement um like in the you know in the near arctic uh where people are making igloos right because because the cheese brick whilst it's not perfect, right, it can still melt at high heat. Still, it has a higher melting point than snow and ice, yeah. And if we're talking about climate adaptation and preparing for the future, and, you know, particularly I think it is marginalised communities and cultures like that that are going to suffer the most in a lot of ways, I think taking cheese to the Arctic, replacing the ice, what is currently a very low melting point, ice-based economy and building technique

with the slightly higher temperature cheese is very promising. That's right. And I think also as the temperatures go up, it becomes more viable to have cattle there, which then brings your delivery costs down. Yes, and increases the amount of methane in the atmosphere, thereby speeding up the heating to the point where the cheese will no longer be useful. Well, no, no, no. But, I mean, what you're trying to do is you're just trying to push igloos out for now.

Yes. Oh, yes, I am. just trying to push uh igloos out for now uh yes oh yes i am you know you're still you we're just trying to get into that into that beautiful uh that beautiful window there sorry there was a little child yelling no no no that's my name which is daddy ah big daddy have we written down anything yet alistair i've written down the cheese glue gun and cheese bricks as climate adaptation to eagles. Terrific. The cheese glue gun, I don't think we've gone deep into it. I wonder what would be really great. I'll tell you what would be fantastic, would be discovering a water version of rennet. Is that how that word's pronounced? Rennet? That enzyme that they put in milk to make it turn into cheese? I think it comes

from inside calves' stomachs. Basically, it turns the liquid milk into the solid cheese. It'd be great to find a one that does that for water, an enzyme.

Like water cheese? Then we could make water cheese, but also we could turn all this extra water that we have because of rising sea levels into solid. Into bricks. Well, indeed, bricks possibly to build the very sea walls that we would use. Or when you see the wave coming towards you, you could just spray it, have a little thing of this in your pocket, spray it. Be like Frozone. You'll be like Frozone from The Incredibles. But instead you're turning it into water cheese.

How do you write this word? Rennet. R-E-N-N-E-T I believe. R-E-N-N-E-T But for water. But for turning I believe. I assume. R-E-N-N-E-T. But for water. But for turning water into its own cheese. I mean, but then searching the world for enzymes like this that can turn any liquid into a solid. You know, does it have to sort of sit with it for a few weeks? No. Does it have to say or does it happen i mean ideally it would be instant because you know

in my mind you see the water rising you you see a tidal wave coming towards you you get out your little spray from your pocket you squirt it it turns into a solid like that and then you know you can there is that eel there is that eel that releases that kind of goopy. That's right. And it basically does release a tiny little bit of a chemical, and then it makes it a kind of sludgy thing. Essentially, it can then hold a bunch of water, but it becomes like- Feels like we're well on our way. Yeah.

I mean, that would be great for, like, towns that are about to flood. And you just kind of- Maybe you could just- Maybe if you drank a capsule of it, right? And it allowed you to pee it out. I don't know why. It seems like it would be a dangerous thing to have in your system. But go on. Oh, that's probably true.

Yeah. I mean, it's a great way of widening your urethra. Ah, boring it out like the cylinder of a high-octane vehicle. That's right. Is anybody going along to the plastic surgeons and saying, can I have my urethra widened? I want to be able to deliver the payload much more quickly. But, yeah, but look, I mean, I guess you could just run to the edge of town and sprinkle

it, maybe, I guess. But if you put it on your fingers, I guess some of the water in your fingers could get all swollen. That's the risk. I think what we're describing, actually, I've realized, is Ice Nine from Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, where they discover something that turns any water it touches into ice, but at any temperature. It's a new form of water or a new molecule or something that just rearranges the water

molecules and makes them a solid, and it causes an apocalypse. It freezes all the water on Earth. But we don't want to do that. Ours is more localized, and I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem. I don't think – ours is basically Ice Nine. It's the book Cat's Cradle, but without any of the interesting consequences. Exactly. I think it would be nice to read something where not everything goes wrong.

Bring us more of this topia fiction. Yeah. Is the U, is that a prefix that's necessary for things being good? I think if you're talking about a topia, yes. Yeah? Okay. What about it? Anything else?

Let's see. Uranium? Uganda? You know? Uganda? let's see you uranium uganda you know you can unicycle uh oh yeah um what was the last thing okay wait wait so what was the last okay we're trying to talk about the oh yeah its own solid – cheese, sorry. Water cheese. I forgot to put that word there. Water cheese.

Do you think it would taste different? Do you think the enzyme adds a flavor to it? Because I guess that's what happens with cheese. I mean, it would be great to – because I don't think that water has much of a flavor. But if it does, it would be fantastic to amplify that flavor as much as possible and get a really intense version of it. I'm sure kids would be really into that, concentrating and taking water. In fact, that would be a really great sort of fake teen concern for parents where basically kids are evaporating water. concern for parents where basically kids are evaporating water right they're getting water they're evaporating it down to a very small amount of water to concentrate the water

and then they're drinking that very very concentrated water to get extremely hydrated like get really intensely hydrated off of a tiny amount a dangerous level of hydration. And it has some sort of effect on their brains. And parents are terrified about these consequences of this concentrated water. Oh, kids going all sloshy. And what a lot. Yeah, great. They're sort of just lying around on the ground.

They basically become a human puddle. And if you squeeze your kid a little bit, their skin, like water drips out. That's one way that you can tell if your kids have been doing it. You push them. You push their, like you just touch them on their shirt. And if their shirt instantly gets wet from the water squeezing out of their body that's great i mean what we're describing is sweat but i think that's a good thing for parents to be worried about it's called soaking it's called soaking this thing that kids are doing kids are soaking they're concentrating water it's because because

you've basically taken the process of distilling. But that's really good. Completely misunderstood. I know, that's really good. Is there a way that you can, like, would you say, would you want it as that exact perfect dumbness like that? you want it as that exact perfect dumbness like that or would you try to try to create some special type of evaporating that you could do i i think i want the perfect dumbness um you know like i feel like there can be more lingo and maybe they could even have a different word for what

they're doing but uh i think it is essentially just evaporating like you know you could even have teens doing it with just a little bit of water in a teaspoon and then putting a cigarette lighter underneath to evaporate the water yeah i think and whatever it just depends on how much water you've started with and then how much water you end up with yeah that's right it's like however big the pot is that's how that's how much you're going to get hydrated when you have the yeah oh this is a this is a 25x concentration water bottle he hadn't realized they were overdosing He drank an entire year's worth of water in one cup. This guy had found a way using a giant magnifying glass to evaporate a whole swimming pool using the heat from the sun. What you've got to do is if your kid does do this, you come home and you find your kid has been soaking and they are like a puddle on the ground,

you've got to get some of those little silica sachets that it says do not eat, tear them all open and pour them into the kid's mouth as quickly as possible. Force them to swallow them. Yeah, because the bad bit to eat is actually the… The paper. The packaging. It's not good to eat paper.

Yeah. Or you've got to put your kid in a bath of rice. Soak them in there. I mean, it'd be great to find a way to prepare that silica gel, like they do with those poisonous blowfish in Japan. Yeah. That they're able to prepare the silica gel in such a way that you can eat it safely sure like those guys like those guys who are like from russia who said that

they know how to take brake fluid and turn it into alcohol or whatever yeah exactly maybe it was wipe wiper fluid or something like that i can't. Or maybe the wiper fluid is the one that the French were found to have put into. Which I can't imagine that wiper fluid would be cheaper than wine. That much cheap. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. We got so much wiper fluid. We got unlimited quantities.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats, but meatballs and mozzarella balls. Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. What was that I was watching? Oh, that's's right i just saw somebody's instagram sketch and i enjoyed it but the guy was like talking about how you could you the sketch was just like a guy revealing that you can actually your car can run on pp right and he was like pissing into the pissing into the gas tank and he's like i just drink mountain dew or i just drink pepsi or

something like that and then i just pee in the hair so it's like we don't need to like rely on the oil you know the oil companies and stuff like that blah blah we could just do pee pee in here you know just it's just turning pepsi straight into petrol and i was like well pretty sure i think mountain jew is more expensive than petrol but it's a joke right he's doing it as a joke it isn't i know it is a joke, right? Way more. He's doing it as a joke. It is a... I know it is a joke, yeah, yeah. But I was just saying that there was a stupid logic in there, which it makes it sound like you're being freed. Yeah. But actually, you're locking yourself into a much more expensive way of driving.

I mean, there's always a catch, isn't there? Even with jokes. Even with entirely fictional good ideas. There's always something. It wouldn't really work, though, would it? Well, that's what I'm just suggesting. Also, Alistair, it doesn't run your car. That's the other problem.

I know, but that's fine. I think that's where the joke is. That's the joke, yeah. But, I mean, if he was just making it water, then his joke works again. Yeah, but. Like, fully. But I think then there's something more funny about drinking something else. And maybe that's part of the joke.

Maybe it was part of the joke the whole time and you didn't even realize. Oh, gosh. Here I was just not having a good time. And I thought it was his fault. Yeah. As it turns out, it was me. It was me. The logical inconsistency was all part of the gag.

Yeah. Oh, damn. I'll tell you what I like. I like a fractal. I like a fractal. How do you feel about a fractal? Something that's the same no matter how closely you look at it, all the way down. It's the same, no matter how closely you look at it, all the way down,

it's the same thing at any level of detail. I like them a certain amount, but then there's only so many times you can look at them at different scales and see the same thing. Yeah, well, when you've seen one, you've seen them all, haven't you? When you've seen a fractal at one side one level of magnification yeah i mean there is you know it does feel like it's changing as you're moving a bit but then you're like oh but no it's actually quite similar here as it was just moving around but i mean that would see this would be a fractal i was thinking would be great for your

your instructions for making the curry right if we could for now i don't know how we'd do this but if we could find a way to make the instructions for the curry be printed on the curry in full at no matter how much you chop up or or divide up the curry paste you're still able to see the full instructions. Like a broken mirror. Like a broken mirror. Yes. You know how like a broken mirror, like it just contains all of the, you know, once it's broken, rather than showing one image, it shows you. The same image over and over again.

The same image over and over again. Does it though? Is there? Yeah. Does it? Yeah, that's what's. Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah, that's what's Yeah Are you sure?

Yeah Okay Yeah Well, that's really cool then I love that Isn't that really? But, I mean So, maybe Is there some way that you could

You could bake the curry into a mirror? I think they'd have to be Or make Make it reflective I think your mirror And write the instructions on yourself mine made a lot of sense yeah no i think that is funny alistair the instructions but there is a bit of a logical so that you're all if if you eat mirrors and the instructions for preparing the mirror

are written on you then yeah we've solved the problem that's actually that's a very good solution to the problem but but i'm saying just make your just make your curry reflective so i guess it's just put a lot of oil on there yeah okay you know just just find a way maybe just like add a little mercury liquid mercury or something like that to your meal. Flatten it out. Eat it on a flatter dish. A lot of the plates, a lot of plates these days are too curved. You think plate, you think perfectly flat thing.

But no, they do try to keep the, they do, you know, hold your hand. They baby you. Plate manufacturers thinking that you wouldn't be able to balance food on a sort of perfectly flat – even maybe convex. Well, that's what I was going to say. We should invent the convex plate. It's – and you're absolutely right. It doesn't baby you. It doesn't condescend to you.

A convex plate for adults. For adults. It treats you like a grown-up. Finally, I feel respected. But I'd have to keep it in at the edges. Especially those ones that get really close to a ball. You go, what do you think? Oh, you think I just can't handle it.

You think I'm a tiny little, you think I'm a tiny child with wobbly hands. I think this is a very funny idea, Alistair. At least it's very funny in the two in the think tank universe. In the sense that any of our ideas are funny, this one is hilarious. It'd be the perfect surface for for drawing on with a cheese a cheese glue gun yeah yeah i mean i don't want to be condescended to but if you could use the cheese glue gun to construct a little cheese wall around the edges of my convex plate even just put a little cheese speed bump so that none of the grapes just escape too fast i have time to

because what i have noticed about my and i love it i love my convex plate but what i have noticed one of the things one of the small downsides that i have noticed is well it's all downsides all the sides go down i don't know if you knew this but the things keep falling off so other than that though perfect that's my only criticism one of the downsides is all of the downsides, Andy. This is – maybe I could do this as stand-up. I could do this as stand-up. Yeah, I think you should. Sorry.

Yeah, do it as stand-up. Do it as stand-up. You know what's great about it? You could just have an upside-down bowl. I know. That's what I was thinking as stand-up. Do it as stand-up. You know what's great about it? You could just have an upside-down bowl. I know. That's what I was thinking as well, yeah. But you know the problem with bowls? They put a little thing at the bottom of it.

A lot of the time. They put a little thing at the bottom because they're babying you. Well, you think I can't eat out of this bowl without it tipping side to side? You think my spoon technique is so sloppy that I can't maintain this unstable point of equilibrium? In a bowl in which all the things I eat are liquid, mostly? They're self-leveling. They're self-leveling. You know, I'm not even going to fucking buy any more crockery.

I'm just going to start cutting balls in half. Just go buy some rubber balls. I mean, why not eat out of a rubber ball? Or off of the back of a rubber when you're having steak or something like that. Yeah. Why aren't we just eating directly off the table? I always have to wipe

it down anyway at the end of the meal. Why don't we just slop the food straight onto the table? Well, why aren't we eating off of a straight onto the table well why aren't we eating off of a perfectly flat grill right over the stove I mean and why is it that grill a slatted grill

that is directly over the sink right like why isn't the stove the stove could could drip through like a barbecue yeah that's true what are we doing yeah i mean why do i even need to have a house what you think i can't survive with the wind and rain hitting me that's insulting that you would insult me in that way also a duck can survive but i can't you're saying i'm not as good as a duck wow that's stupid you're saying i'm worse than a duck even one of those like mangy yuck ducks that just live out in the park. I think the idea of a guy just standing out in the rain,

naked, because he's got a family and they all live in a house, but he is too proud to put on clothes or go inside. Yeah. Or what, you think I'll get too cold? What, you don't think i could handle the temperature drop i think that's great i think you know toxic masculinity has got into his brain he's watched a lot of youtube videos and he's decided that as the man of the house it's it's it's feminine it's very feminine it's's very unmanly to go inside when it rains or wear clothes. And he's just so bedraggled.

So his family's in there in front of the fire. They're waving to him and stuff. in front of the fire. They're waving to him and stuff. Yeah, that's funny. He's become radicalized. Essentially, it's a more intense form of offense, taking offense from everything. Yeah.

You know, it's that place where the right and the left meet up again. Yes. You know? The left are getting, apparently, getting offended by everything. You know, you insult some minority, oh, they get offended. Just because you insulted a minority. Can't believe you got offended by that. People get offended by everything these days.

Insulting minorities. Minorities. We technically have five sketches, Andy. Yeah, great. What would you say if I was to start moving towards the next thing? I can see you sidling towards those words from a listener, and I'm excited to hear them. Yeah.

Well, today's words come from Nick Bauer. I don't know if we've done a Nick Bauer recently, but… I wonder if he's related to Jack Bauer from 24. There's a chance. Yeah. Jack Bauer from 24. Chance. Yeah. Is Nick three, is Nick, I was about to say three dimensional, but I meant, what's fictional?

Do you think Nick might be fictional? Yeah, it could be. Do we have any fictional listeners? From the fictional extended universe. Do you think that if... I don't know why. I mean, I guess that's what Alan Moore does. Yeah. But I mean, I do like the whole fictional extended universe,

although that's not an idea that we've come up with, really. but do you think that if we had fictional listeners we would have to make them up ourselves or other uh factual listeners would have to could make them up uh i think we'd be crazy to to limit it i'd love to throw it open to the to the listeners if you want to make up any more listeners, I think that's fine. Yeah, if you want to send in the description of a listener, a fictional listener that listens to our show. We'll give them a shout-out. We'll give them a shout-out and just put in a tiny little couple

of line bio in there and then we'll also mentally count it as a as an extra listen on the stats you know listener generated content great but listen listener generated listeners that's even better as far as i'm concerned yeah i'm just gonna write down fictional listeners i think that's stupid but you know that's what I like. All right. So today's words come from Nick Bauer, possibly related to fictional possible listener Jack Bauer, even though it's spelled very differently. Doesn't remove the possibility. I mean, we could just write him. If he's fictional, we could write him to be related.

Yes. It doesn't make it any less likely. Exactly. The fact that they say it makes a difference. Andy, do you want to try and guess Nick Bauer's words? The first word is pencil. Don't overthink it. Sorry.

I should have told you before you said it to not overthink it. I think you overthought it because you didn't get it right. So that must be the reason. I'm sorry, Andy. The first word is gate. Gate. Okay. Keeper.

Gate keeper. Second word. Don't overthink it. Don't over Gatekeeper. Second word. Don't overthink it. Keeper. Gatekeeper. Don't overthink it. Andy, don't overthink it. Okay. God damn. Just give me a little window so I can say don't overthink it before you say the word. Okay.

No, sorry. The second word is or. Gate. Or. Just thinking about it. Don't overthink it, Andy. Oh, okay. Gate. Or. Hmm. Just thinking about it. Don't overthink it, Andy. Oh, okay. Gate. Or.

Mate. Gate or mate. Even though I feel like I managed to say it in time, I don't know if you might have done too much thinking. The last word is aid. Gate or aid ah it's like gatorade nick i think jack bauer's possible relative was fucking with you um yeah only a little bit though you know that's okay yeah a tiny bit um uh what this makes me think instantly is of of course, a friend of the show,

the you got a door, you got a gym concept. Something like that. But for gates, you know, what is a gate but an outdoor door? A door, outdoor. Do you ever picture that you got a door, you've got a gym, but it's spelled J-I-M? I don't know, but I'm going to try that now. Is a door spelled A-D-O-R-E?

No, but that could potentially work. I just picture it's like a man's skin. It could just be lycra or whatever whatever but you just slide it over a regular door and it looks like a man is standing there turns it into a man yeah that's quite hands your door into a man and it just looks like there's a man always guarding guarding the door but really filling up the space well i mean very often uh bodyguard you know guard type people the kind of people who would guard a door already do themselves look a lot like doors that's right they and they do often fill up the space of a door and so much so they usually have to stand to the side of it so yeah i mean i think that's a great a great idea um Door man, you know? Yeah. Turning a door into a man.

You got a door man, you got a gym man. No, but when you picture gate or raids, the word, is it G-A-T-E-O-R-A-I-D? No, I was picturing A-D-E. What? A-D-E. Yeah. What is it? Is it A-I-D? No, I was picturing A-D-E. What? A-D-E. Yeah. What is it? Is it A-I-D?

A-I-D. Yeah. Because, you know, you could have Aide. There's a short name shortening for Adrian, like Aide Edmondson, you know? Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. And so that would be somebody is either called Gate or Adrian. Yeah, exactly.

Gate or Aid. Do you want to be fenced in or do you want a little bit of help? In the sense of the… Money for somebody who needs it. Yes, indeed. Assistance. Gate or Aid. Aid.

I like swinging on a gate. Let's see. You know, obviously as a kid you're told that if you are going to climb over a gate, you've got to climb over close to the hinges because of the leverage. Of course, you put a lot of pressure. Yeah, the damage that you do at the far end of the gate. Do you think that they could just make a gate that's strong enough to withstand the heaviest man climbing over it at the furthest point? See, that'd be really nice.

You could climb over this bad boy anywhere you want. Yeah. I mean, that's how you know your parents love you. If you were the Elon Musk of gates pitching the Cybertruck at some sort of convention, you'd be touting the fact that with this gate, you can climb over it anywhere you want, even at the – Oh, the – It doesn't just have to be close to the fulcrum. You can be all the way at the extreme point with the maximum mechanical advantage. extreme point with the maximum mechanical advantage and then you the Elon Musk of gates climb onto it and obviously the gate breaks

they're in front of everybody it's the cyber gate it's very angular and it's made from titanium stainless steel it's like some yeah some weird reinforced like um i think the reason why it's so angular is because it's actually the metal is too hard to to bend in complex ways at least that's a good story to tell it's too hard it's too too good to look good. That's how good it is. Yeah, this thing is too good, this thing that we just broke the windows with a ball bearing.

So, I mean, maybe I could be the Elon Musk of gates. You know, you've got to take something that everybody doesn't realise needs revolutionising, and then you just build a culture around it. You build a narrative. You build this idea of, well, you know, at the moment, there are a narrative you build um this idea of um well you know at the moment there are a lot of gatekeepers in the gate world and uh almost exclusively gatekeepers uh i mean i think it's like a gate that you could sit on all the time at the furthest end i mean because why not just build a tiny house into the gate yeah you could live your

whole life out there on the on the end of a little skyscraper yeah little mini tiny like you know you've heard tiny house what about tiny skyscraper well that yeah that's a really good idea how high is it i mean it's about 12 feet yeah great so you just sort of you stand there you can reach up as high as you can and you still got heaps of headroom. But it's you know, like it's broken up into many floors. Oh, is it? Right. Yeah, so there's like stairs up there

so that you've got to pretty much lie on every floor. Maybe it's like maybe it goes 20 feet, you know what I mean? Like it's but and then you basically you slither through it like a snake. I think. But it's, but, and then you, but you basically, you slither through it like a snake. I think. But it's also, it's built into a gate handy as well.

Yeah. No, that's good. You go into one end, like through like a human-sized doggy door. And then every part of it is also a bed along the way. You slither along. You slither along. If you need to go to the bathroom, that's at the top. So, then you go up to

the top and then you know then that pours into a tank off the side or whatever maybe into the into the the the fence post be a great place to store all your pp and poop i think also there's an insight in here about like something that you can market very easily to some people is a product that allows them to do something they were told they couldn't do as a child. And, you know, if both you and I, like there's a deep-seated desire in there, I think, in anybody who grew up around gates to to defy their parents and to to rebel and as as an adult subconsciously you want to be able to climb on that end of the gate

because you were told you couldn't by your your mum and we can tap into that to sell things to people absolutely and people love swinging on a gate i imagine oh yeah did you ever get to swing yeah yeah sometimes like open it up while you were sitting yeah yeah that's great and then you probably get scared as it's about to hit the point that makes it stop yeah like that but Yeah. Like that. But then this, well, you'll get to experience that all the time when people go in and out of the property that you're kind of like, I guess you've bought the gate of. Then you can also decide,

you know, it's like having a granny flat. It's like having a granny gate. Yeah, it's great. Granny gate mini skyscraper that you have to essentially spelunk through. mini skyscraper that you have to essentially spelunk through. Yeah, I'm just spelunking the mini skyscraper gate.

What? What? What? Spelunking the mini skyscraper. I don't know, Andy. I think it's as soon as I. I think we did it, Alistair. I think we finished the episode of Two in the Think Tank. Why do my ideas come out as gibberish

and yours seem to come out so well-formed a lot of the time? Because I like to keep them boring, Alistair. Very close to reality and realistic. I reckon most houses you could probably split in half through horizontally and have two rooms and be way better off. That's a great idea. It's just like walking around is like such an over-the-top luxury. I think you really are. an over-the-top luxury.

I think you really are. I think you're a loss to the property development game, Alistair, and you should be making this argument at the tenancy tribunal or something on behalf of the nation's property developers saying that being able to stand up isn't something that people should be able to expect in a rental. Yeah. I think just being able to like you know imagine somebody takes you it takes you back to their place and then that the door is half-sized or

there's a door knob at the top and there's a door knob at the bottom and they open the bottom half yeah and then you crawl in like one of those stay beautiful on your knees mmm yeah I think you could I think that would be so nice. And then you would also really be able to make a lot more out of the roof space. Maybe you could. Because then suddenly you would be like, well, that seems like we're wasting at least a half a room. Yep. Anyway, whatever.

I understand that you want to be done with this. Thank you very much, Nick Bauer. No relation, whatever. I understand that you want to be done with this. Thank you very much, Nick Bauer. No relation, possibly. Let me possibly, let me take us through these sketch ideas. We got Cheese Bricks' Climate Adaptation to Igloos. We got the Cheese Glue Gun for writing on meals the instructions of how to make the meal. Then we got Renet, but for turning water into its own type of cheese. Maybe there's one for petrol as well,

petrol cheese. And maybe there's one for oil, oil cheese, you know, all that kind of stuff. Maybe vinaigrette cheese, something you could crumble over a salad. If you're at home right now

and you've got a cheese stick and a big glue gun with a space at the back there that hasn't been used, maybe a food-grade glue gun, try this out and send us the results. Let us know how you go. Be nice. Even if you have a craft-based one. You don't see a lot of cheese in just regular crafts,

but it's a perfectly viable material. There's a cheese company called Kraft, and they still don't do it. That's crazy. Yeah. Then they, but they spelled it like Kraft worked, didn't they? Yeah, they did. Yeah. yeah they did yeah yeah um then we got concentrated hydration yes that's kids start boiling down water and then so they get a bit more concentrated water and then they hydrate extreme amounts

um then we've got a convex plate for adults. Or even, oh yeah, one of the downsides is that they're all downsides. It's all the downsides. Okay, then we've got the toxic mask person who can't take the insult of living inside. Yes. You know, that he's not better than a duck. Yep. Then we've got fictional listeners.

That's for any factual listeners that want to create some or if we want to create some, you know. Yep. Then we've got, you've got a door, you've got a gym. This is a man called Jim. This is a very good idea that I'm sure you were happy that I wrote down.

Yeah, no, I'm thrilled. We've got Andy as the Elon Musk of gates. And I've just written down here, the spelunking, the mini skyscraper gate. Thank you so much for listening to this, the show, Two in the Think Tank, with me, Andy Matthews, and him, Alistair George William Trombley-Birchall. That's right. And thank you to those who have joined the Patreon, both a long time ago and some more recently, in order to go and be able to go watch My Client is Innocent in inverted commas. And if anybody else is keen on doing that, you know what? You can. You can.

You can. You absolutely can if you believe in yourself. And, yeah, you know. Anything else to plug, Alistairistair oh i appeared on an episode of wax quizzical um it's a quiz show but then they they have two guests that are characters and i appeared as an engineer so please check out wax quizzical and i appear as a australian engineer which seemed weird to everybody because everybody else is in australia but they kept making a point that i was australian because i said i was

australian um anyway it's good it was very fun i think we had fun i hope i didn't i think i said some bad stuff but anyway it doesn't matter uh i listened to it and you did good thanks auntie and take care everyone we we love love you you bye you can get anything you need with uber eats well almost almost anything so no you can't get an ice rink on uber eats but iced tea and ice cream yes we can deliver that uber eats get almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost almost anything.

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