Two In The Think Tank - 364 - "INCEPTION TO THE RULE"

Episode Date: January 15, 2023

Rule Inception, ADSLSD, Podcast Honeymoon, Squattymoon, Intestinal Condom, Soup Eating Competition, Mobius Stripper? Wifi CreamCheck out the boys on D&D Is For NerdsCheck out Alasdair on Who Knew It With Matt Stewart Check out Andy on Shut Up A Second Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereGet Magma here: https://sospresents.com/programs/magmaHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Death is in our air. This year's most anticipated series, FX's Shogun, only on Disney+. We live and we die. We control nothing beyond that. An epic saga based on the global best-selling novel by James Clavel. To show your true heart is to risk your life.

When I die here, you'll never leave Japan alive. FX's Shogun, a new original series streaming February 27thment sur Disney+. 18+, les souscriptions nécessaires, les T's et C's sont disponibles. Allô, et bienvenue à... Bonjour, bienvenue à... ...d'une dans la réservoir de pensée. Oui, la réservoir de pensée.

Je m'appelle Andy. Et je suis Alasdair George William Tremblay Birchall. Et c'est un épisode très spécial aujourd'hui parce que c'est complètement en français. Oui, on va parler la langue française aujourd'hui. Alors, Andy, est-ce que c'est un sketch idea, ça? Des idées? Peut-être.

Peut-être la nation d'Australie, il introduit une nouvelle idée. We've reached the limit of the talking that we can do. Yeah, well, I mean, I think we've reached the limit of the talking that I could do I dare say you could coast

for a few more a few more hours on your relatively frictionless francaise but do you think it would be

idées sketch des idées sketch oui maybe peut-être non I don't know what sketch is

en français c'est des comedy comedy sketch maybe we try Peut-être. Non, attendons. What sketch is en français? C'est des... Comedy, comedy sketch. Maybe we try again. What about this, Alistair? Have we already had this idea? It's an idea.

It's people. It's like Inception, right? Yes. But it is... They have ideas for dreams that you can have. It's a company that has ideas for dreams that you can have. It's a company that has ideas for dreams that you can have. I feel like maybe we've done that. Yeah, all right, good.

I'm glad. No, I'm actually proud of us that we have already done that because if we hadn't already done that, I would be disappointed. It's inception, but it's exception. Ah. Okay. Now, if you can have an exception to the rule Can you have an inception to the rule?

Surely What would an inception to the rule be? I imagine that's something that isn't an exception It's just something that complies with the rule It's just part of the rule But it's maybe something that wasn't in the rule But we go in and we put it in Put it into the rule. It's just part of the rule. But it's maybe something that wasn't in the rule but we go in and we put it in. Put it into the rule.

Okay. So like, you know. An exception to the rule. Right, okay. So let's see. The rule, all dogs have four legs. That rule. Okay. And what would you do? Would you go

in there, into that rule, all dogs have four legs, and you'd add in chickens can play the bassoon. Okay. Chickens that can play the bassoon. This is like attaching, yeah, chickens can, or every chicken can play the bassoon. Now, this is like. Are you adding this to.

I'm adding. So chickens that can play the bassoon are now also dogs because you've incepted that into that rule? That's a good... No, I think in my version, it's more like adding an amendment to a bill in the US Congress, right? So you want to get through this bill to give health care to veterans, okay? And then a senator, a congressman from Illinois, say,

adds an amendment to that bill to say that, oh, and it's now compulsory to be shot, okay? And then they're like, oh, we're trying to vote for the bill, but if you don't want to vote for any of our amendments, it's compulsory for children to own guns. Something like that. Yeah, but how does it work with the dog one? Well,

somehow we've amended the back end of this rule, all dogs have four legs. Now, the validity of that rule is now being used to sneak through an extra rule that people can't see, but it is there, built into the rule all dogs have four legs, that all chickens can play the bassoon. This isn't making any sense, is it? So you're incepting it into the universe

rather than into the rule. I think I am. Well, I mean, I feel like the kind of rule that I'm imagining is a rule that is part of the universe. You know, it's a rule of life. It's one of the 12 rules of life. Jordan Peterson's 12 rules of life, does that include all dogs have four legs?

I don't know. I don't know either, because not all dogs have four legs. Yeah, yeah. It's not a very good rule. So, okay. But it's not a very good rule. But it's that one that is used. The reason I said it is because it's that one that is used in that, like, when you're proving logical stuff, right?

Or when you're trying to, you know, describe false conclusions. What's that word? I can't remember what it's called. But the idea, you know, all dogs have four legs or cats have four legs, therefore all dogs are cats, right? Those are your two preceptions.

But do you think, for simplicity's sake, do you think we could do the rule inception? Where you go in and you just add an amendment where it's like For simplicity's sake, do you think we could do the rule inception? Yes. Where you go in and you just add an amendment where it's like, okay, all dogs have four legs, but then you say you go into the rule. You get a bunch of people who put a bunch of things on their head

and it transports them into the rule. You hook them up. You get little the rule. You hook them up. You get little alligator clips. You hook them up. This is getting so much simpler. Yeah. No, you hook them up. Well, this is playing on the inception idea.

You hook them up to their brain. They've got little suction caps on their foreheads and stuff. This one could attach their nipples. It could definitely do that. And then those wires go to a little alligator clips do that hook onto a piece of paper that says all dogs uh have have four legs right yeah okay wow and then and then they go in and they they they maneuver through the rule which now has some kind of physical manifestation probably a lot of dogs a lot of legs i imagine it feels a lot like being inside one of those um google dream images sure

where everything's sort of yeah you know distorted and freaky and surreal yeah but it's just dogs and legs it's just all mushed together and and the rule and sort of the essence of rule. And in there, you manage to inject in that chickens that play the bassoon are also dogs. Right. I mean, I guess yours makes sense because it makes it in some way part of the universe. But the idea that... Yeah yeah i don't know i don't know exactly but but i think i guess the idea that

dogs have four legs and the things that have four legs are dogs is in some way it's not part of the universe it's part of our our categorization of things and it just somehow gets it into the human categorization system and it creates an inception to the rule yeah well it is kind of like the way that is the idea that all dogs have four legs is it's kind of like an emergent thing that is comes from our reality as consensus and in that way it does feel like something that you could manipulate more than you could manipulate the fundamental things of the universe. If you can manipulate people's dreams, then you might be able to manipulate the collective consensus

on what reality is in a similar way somehow. I'm not completely sure how. Maybe putting something in the water or maybe with TV screens, you know, maybe encode stuff into people's brains. Put LSD into the internet. Into the internet supply. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

You tap into the, you go to the reservoir of internet. You go to the main... Frame. You go to the top of Mount Internet, where all the internet builds up in a huge... That's right. Behind a huge firewall.

Yeah. And then you put a couple of drops of LSD in there. I don't know. I know this doesn't feel like a sketch idea, but I'm just going to write that down straight away. Yeah, okay, great. I mean, you know, this isn't making any more sense. I was thinking, now I'm going to try and describe this.

Who knows if this is going to be possible? But I was thinking about how we said, oh, you go into the rule, the rule that all dogs have four legs. we said, oh, you go into the rule, the rule that all dogs have four legs, and it's a Google Dream type surrealist nightmare, right? But then I was like, is that a cop-out for us as writers and as artists? Should we say, you go into the rule, all dogs have four legs. And, you know, I don't think, you know, because we know that the brain makes sense of the reality that it's in, right?

And interprets it in ways that we understand and present stuff to us in a way that, like, you know, we can comprehend. in a way that we can comprehend. Would being inside the rule, all dogs have four legs, would it actually be just like normal life? But maybe it's completely like normal life and you don't even realise you're inside the rule. Maybe we're in the rule, all dogs have four legs right now.

Okay? Yeah. You could be right. But is it where everything actually follows that rule exactly? Like – I don't know. I don't know or – yeah, or if there would be subtle ways in which, you know, the fact that you're in there would come through.

But the universe we know, the universe at the fundamental level is just made of vibrations of small dimensional strings or something, right? That's what we know. We know that. We all understand that instinctively. It makes so much sense. It's just logic, right? That's obvious okay but but could could

but then but then what's the difference between that and being in a world where everything is made up of the idea that all dogs have four legs you know and and that that google dream like tortured surrealist imagery could that not just create a a a reality of its own of the way in which those things that that single you know the universe probably probably we know that the probably the the universe at its fundamental level it you know comes down to i think you've said this, just yes, just information. And at its basic level, it's just like yes or no, there is something or there isn't something.

And maybe you could build exactly the same... It's yes, dogs have four legs. Or no, dogs don't have four legs. Exactly, right? Maybe that's matter and antimatter. Yeah.

I'm out on a limb here, Alistair. I'm out on one of four limbs. Yeah. Possessed by a dog. Yeah. But also you could imagine that within a rule, like, okay, so maybe in our universe, all dogs have four legs. It doesn't stand up, right?

But, right? Because of the examples in which it isn't true. Ironically, it doesn't have a leg to stand on. It doesn't have a leg, right? It might have one. Maybe it has two. But both on one side. No, but that's not enough

um but but within the rule dogs have four legs is a perfect thing and the only thing that can break it is if you're outside of the rule giving yes using evidence that disproves it but within the rule you can't disprove it okay because within it is just the evidence that proves it yeah and so you've got everything all the all the stuff that backs it you've got dogs with four legs you've got people counting the legs and going yes that's four counting another one yes that's four that's also true and as soon as somebody counts one that doesn't have four legs, they cease to exist in that reality. That's right. They don't fit there.

So they don't belong there. So they get disproven within that reality. You see? It breaks them. This is either the most interesting conversation we've ever had or the most boring. It's the only two options. Because we're trying to visualize

what it looks like inside a rule. I'm having such a good time. I'm having such a good time, Alistair. This is the happiest I've been ever. Thank you. No worries, Alistair. God, this is so much better than my wedding. Yeah. God, this is so much better than my wedding. Yeah, so I mean, I think...

Do you think after every podcast, you should have a honeymoon? You and your podcast host. I think that would be really nice, yeah. You should go away for a week somewhere. Really nice. I mean, we probably... Because we do the podcast over Zoom or over the phone, we would have to go on

a Zoom holiday. Where we both put our backgrounds to somewhere really nice. And we have drinks together and we discuss. I mean, that'd be really, you know, putting our Zoom backgrounds to the same place. That's so

cute. But then we would also pretend to the same place. That's so cute. But then we would also pretend to go jet skiing. Yeah, that's really good. I could ask Carly, and I'm sure she'll be okay with me going on this honeymoon with you, to sit behind the computer and throw glasses of water into my face while in my Zoom background, water rushes past as if I'm jet skiing.

That's right. Okay. You could ask your beloved to do the same thing. It would be churlish of them to say no. That's right. So we're just having a podcast honeymoon. I know we do this for four days out of every week because we record the podcast more or less weekly, more or less, right?

And that means that of the time that you and I could spend together, well, it's only three days out of a week. And a lot of the time I'm exhausted because I've just come off the four-day podcast honeymoon that I have with my colleague Alistair. And I'm not much fun to be around. But this is a big part of what I do, this is very important to me and I hope that I

can count on your support I love the idea of it I don't know if podcast honeymoon is a thing but I think the idea of for whatever reason men asking their wives, they're endlessly put upon

and demanded upon wives to throw water into their face from behind the computer screen so that they could go on a pretend jet skiing holiday with their male friends. Yeah. I find that to be really enjoyable. Yeah.

I think things that are filled with... You know, we all need to get something that looks like a jet ski handle, right? You can make something or maybe you can order them off Etsy. This becomes a subculture. You know I love when things become a subculture. Of course, yeah.

I mean, at the first, you could probably just use the handlebars of one of your kid's BMXs or something. Yeah, sure. Your hack saw it off. Yeah. The kid comes out to ride their BMX and they realise Dad's taken the handlebars off so that he could pretend to jet ski with his friends. And they go, Dad, what's happened?

He goes, sorry, Dad can't talk now. I'm on my honeymoon. Homeymoon, we'll call it. Me and my homies. Homey moon, we'll call it. Me and my homies. Homey moon. If that's not already a thing, I shotgun the intellectual property to the concept of a homey moon. You'll be shocked if it isn't already a thing? I'll be shocked if it isn't already a thing. Are you going to google it for me?

I'm going to try Is homie spelled H-O-M-I-E What is a homie moon And is it for you? Oh wait A homie moon is a honeymoon at home Oh no that sucks I'm really disappointed with that

But Urban Dictionary also has one It's a vacation taken with an individual But Urban Dictionary also has one. It's a vacation taken with an individual whom you have recently deemed a bro. Yeah, that's great. But there's only like 12 upvotes and 4 downvotes. So it's not very... And it's been around since... It was written there 2011.

So I think you can almost claim it. Yeah, but I don't know. It's got a bit of a stink on it. I actually don't know if I want it anymore. You basically get squatter's rights on it now. Yeah. Oh man, what about this? Adverse possession. A squatty moon.

Alright. Okay. That's a good idea What it is, is you wait until someone else goes on their honeymoon And then you go and stay at their house That's right And while they only get one honeymoon Because when they get married

You get a squatty You can have a squatty moon every time someone gets married It sounds so awful Just the a squatty moon every time someone gets married. It sounds so awful. Just the word squatty moon is one of the most horrible terms I've ever heard. It's disgusting to me. I feel a little bit sick. I know. But it's a great new invention.

And you're not stealing from them or anything like that. No. You might take a teabag or something like that. But what you're doing is you're just living their life for a little bit. It's sort of like Airbnb, but involuntary. That's right. Unaware B&B, we'll call it. Unaware.

Unaware. Unaware B&B, we'll call it. Unaware. Unaware. Unaware B&B. Unaware bed and breakfast. Yeah. They aren't aware they're running a bed and breakfast. I just got the unaware B&B. I got the air. I forgot about Airbnb.

I probably didn't pronounce it in the right way. But I think that's a really, really fun idea. And you and your beloved, who you're with, doing this, can be taking romantic photographs, seeing all the sites being the different rooms of the house, that kind of thing. Laying down, sipping on drinks, which you've brought yourself. Yeah, I think that's nice.

Using their various glasses. I mean, obviously you can drink the tap water, that's fine. That's nice, yeah, depending on whether it's at my house or at your house or something like that. Can you drink the tap water at your house? I have, but as to whether you can, I don't know. We'll find out. Only time will tell.

We'll see who dies first, Alistair. And we'll attribute it to the drinking water. Sorry, this is you speaking at my funeral. Now, Al said, Al agreed that we would decide on whoever dies first. It's based on their life decisions and their drinking water is what we're attributing it to. So I'm sad

to hear that Al died from the Coburg North drinking water supply and it is bad life decisions of staying near amenities. Probably the flu ride. Oh, it's probably the flu ride, of course.

Squatting moon. Florida and flu ride. They're not related in any way, are they? Flu ride. Is there a rapper called Flu Rider? There should be. Flu Rider? Yeah, he's Flo Rider, but he's got very strong enamel.

Now, this is not to cast any aspersions on Flo Rider's enamel. I don't want to get into some kind of dis-battle with one of the world's greatest rappers. Is he good? That's the last thing I need right now. Flo Rida? Oh, he's the best. I don't know.

Do you like him, though? He's one of your faves? I don't know. What would you like in particular about him? His rhyming scheme patterns? I couldn't name any of his songs. Would you say that you love his fluo? Yes, I would.

What does the prefix fluo mean? Well, there's fluorine, fluoride, fluorescent. Maybe fluorescence. I think it's purely chemical. What do you mean? Yeah, like fluo. There's no other meaning, right? One flew over the cuckoo's nest?

meaning, right? One flew over the cuckoo's nest? Yeah, I think a fluor is just linked to the mineral fluorite. Oh, wait, but also a fluor is also a flow or a flux.

That's an obsolete terminology for it, and another obsolete one is for menstrual periods. Oh, That's an obsolete terminology for it. And another obsolete one is for menstrual periods. Oh, that's what flow riders are referring to? No, but this is fluor. Yeah, but I think probably the word flow comes from the same origin, right? You could be right. If fluo and flow, probably, if it means a flow or a flux,

they come from the same origin. So maybe Flowrider, the etymology, or entomology, is referring to his menstrual cycle. And cycles are things that you can ride. I think that all checks out. That does make sense.

Fluo rider. Do you think his thing is just like a period bicycle thing? Yeah, I think so. A period bicycle thing. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. A period bicycle. So a...

A penny farthing. God. Yeah. I'm glad I at least reached it at the exact same time as you. No. You knew where you were going before I did. You just stumbled too many times on the way. You could have got there, Alistair, but you were almost too excited to say it yeah it was the it was the hair and the tortoise

there you were having a nap halfway through letting watching me struggle All right, Alistair. So I was thinking today about spacesuits and how they are a great... They're such a good thing for horror films, right? For that kind of space horror kind of thing. Because... If you don't have a place that you're going... Okay, right.

No, I've got... No, almost nothing. Almost nothing. But I was just going to say that you don't really... You can't see what's happening in the space suit until the person is fully turned around, which is a great reveal. You know?

Like, you can't see if their face has been eaten off or if there are worms coming out of their eyes, you know, when they slowly turn towards you down the flickering lit gantry. Well, that's true. It's also true if they're wearing a very big straw hat, you know, that's tilted up. Yeah, a bonnet maybe, maybe a bonnet. One of those old bonnets, that's tilted up. Sure, sure. You know? Yeah, yeah. A bonnet, maybe.

Maybe a bonnet. Oh, yes. One of those old bonnets. That'd be great. Great horror bonnet. Yeah, that's right. Now, if we just think of all the outfits that you could wear, or maybe a riding hood, a big riding hood.

Mmm. Sure. Not a little red riding hood, but a big one. Yeah. Like, it could be a red one, could be a blue one. But like a riding hood is just, it's kind of a hooded cape, right? Yeah, I'd say that's a great description. It doesn't seem like it would be great for riding

because you feel like it would be blown off all the time by the, you know, and it's anti, it's not like a helmet, you know, not like a modern bicycle helmet where it's streamlined in that way. That kind of riding hood feels like it exists entirely to catch the wind and slow you down. But it'd be good for riding a horse, but not for a bike. I don't think it would be good for riding a horse either. I think you suffer from the same issues. But it depends on how much

you can secure it at the front. You think you could tighten it up like Kenny does with the hood on his thing in South Park? I think if it's too big, there's a chance that the horse will accidentally

shit on it. If it sort of drapes over the horse's butt. I don't know if the tail hair stops... Is that the tail mane? The shit. Stops the shit from touching the... You know,

your riding hood? I'm not sure about that. I think it might. Alistair, but you were going to say something you had an idea and I should have let you run with it look it might not have been it's not a great idea but we've got the we've got the space suit for the outside of the body

right that kind of thing where your body is protected from the elements but what about like a kind of space suit thing that is for your to protect the inside of your where your body is protected from the elements but what about like a kind of space suit thing that is for your to protect the inside of your body your intestinal tract you know that it's something that you swallow and then it unfurls like like a hose along the the whole pipe and then comes out so that you can pass things through your body without them being able to be absorbed, almost like a condom that goes the length of your body. Wow, yeah.

And it could be things for huge eating competitions or buffets, like very luxurious weekends. Well, I mean, but also it just is a, yeah, exactly, just as a dieting option, right? To line your stomach in a quite literal sense where you swallow. I think this is a great idea, Alistair. Because imagine you're trying to do

a very difficult seven-day fast, a nice prolonged fast like that. But, you know, in order to trick the body, you eat a lot every day. Yeah, this will help. With this inner sort of like, you know, the inner space suit, the sort of the intestinal condom. Yes.

And so you're swallowing vast amounts of food like that. You're eating a full... And the body's completely tricked. Yeah. The body doesn't know what's going on. I mean, it feels the body the body's completely tricked yeah the body doesn't know what's going on i mean it feels the process it's tasting it still i i think i like to think that it it starts really at the back of the throat right i mean of course it yeah ideally it would probably i mean probably you know for to really be able to properly seal you'd probably have to have it coming out your mouth a little bit

and then pop the food in there. And so then you don't get to taste anything. You're right. You probably have to have it coming out your mouth a little bit and then sort of hooked back around the back of your head like a face mask. Yeah. With some straps.

Yeah. Or up against your... It fits into some stuff that's molded to you, like your teeth, like a mouth guard. Oh, yeah, that's great. Like an Invisalign kind of a thing. And it just kind of like, and so then when you open and close your mouth, then it's just the opening of the flap opens up

and then you just put it all in there. So again, you know, you're not really, you can't taste the thing, but you know you're eating it all, you know? Just vast amounts of soup. Oh, yay. All the soup. You know, people who are on like a seven-day fast thing, you know,

and they're just desperate for soup. They're just always talking about it. Nobody's really a soup guy, are they? Nobody's really that into soups. But also you don't see that many soup eating competitions. No. No, you don't. And it's the number of litres of soup that someone can consume.

Yeah. I wonder if there is. Because it becomes a scholarly competition. Are they allowed to tip it up? I a scholarly competition are they allowed to tip it up I don't think they're allowed to tip it up I think it all

has to be done with a spoon yeah it's all spooned because that's where a lot of the technique is I imagine in your spooning that's right

that's the important it's like soccer it's like the no hands rule but this is just no you know it's no tipping no tipping

yeah and then they probably have a rule where they're like, oh, you know, what about you can tip it, but you keep it attached to the, you know, attached to the table so that you can get those last few spoonfuls out of the bowl. But then people, if you will...

Yeah, I'd love to see a... Go. I'd love to see a sports spoon, you know, like a Yonex or I'm thinking of all the badminton people. They feel like they'd be the ones to design a sports spoon. Yonex is the only badminton racket brand that I can think of right now. But I'd love, you know, that strapping around the handle. Oh, yeah.

There'd be a regulation depth to your sports spoon. Of course, yeah, because otherwise people would just start going for very big spoons that allow you to just funnel. And, of course, you would want as lightweight a spoon as possible. Of course, your arm would get so tired. And as thin a spoon, exactly. Think of all that. It doesn't seem like a lot of weight to start with.

But after, you know, 60, 70 litres of soup have been consumed. We're talking 2,000 reps of bowl-to-mouth action. of bowl-to-mouth action, you know. It's winter, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and did Sammy Peterson's podcast again, The Confessions. Yes. I just remembered, I said that I'd got Carpal Tunnel, but I'd got it,

it was transmitted to me sexually from a woman. And I just, it's a funny little conversation maybe it was on the patreon only episode but um i don't think the actual episode's been released yet um sorry it just it was just so like it's sort of like that dog that dog cancer yeah yeah is is sexually transmissible i got yeah transmitted carpal tunnel um do you think that there's anything in this intestinal condom for eating while you're fasting? I absolutely write that down, Alistair. I thought you were going to say that this is a part of an actual spacesuit.

So you have a lining that is built into your spacesuit that goes all the way through your body so that you've got the, when you're spacewalking or when you're in the nothingness of space, that void also passes through your stomach and you feel in some way, you know, you allow, because we know that the body is basically... Essentially, we're a fancy torus,

that shape, or a donut shape, right? Where we have a continuous surface inside and outside our bodies. Are we one-sided? You could have a tube. I think we're one-sided. I think we might be a Mobius strip. I think we're one-sided.

I think we might be a Mobius strip. We did come up with the idea of a Mobius stripper on this show, didn't we? Where as you're pulling off the clothes, they're also going back on again? Yeah, that's incredible. The Mobius stripper. I don't know if we have, but I'll just write it down. You could, you know, I get, yeah, you build something so that like as you pull clothes off, they're pulled back onto you. I guess you're rolling them off in some way. I don't know.

We'll have to, we'll have to work out the logic of it, but I think it, I think it could be cool. work out the logic of it, but I think it could be cool. Man, that would be a great if we could make that costume for my stand-up show at the Comedy Festival, Alice Trumbly-Burchell, No Relation. For a while, costumes were a part of your stand-up shows, Alistair,

and I'd like to bring that back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was a... Yeah, I feel bad because that was as part of a relationship that I was in at the time. And so when the relationship ended and then I just had all these costumes, I feel like I've somehow been mean in some way.

Anyway, not that that means that every costume I just had all these costumes. I feel like I've somehow been mean in some way. Anyway. Not that that means that every costume that I have for a show will somehow mean that. But anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But I did actually wore one of those costumes to Halloween the other day. Really?

Which one? The kind of the big furry ape one. Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that one. That was a great one. Alistair started the show wearing like seven layers of costumes. Yeah. And took them off over the, well, it was going to be over the course of the show,

but you ended up doing it all within the first three minutes or something. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, when I did it at the Fringe, I did it over the course of the show, but you ended up doing it all within the first three minutes or something. Is that right? Yeah. I mean, when I did it at the Fringe, I did it over the course of the show. And then at the end, I would take off the other one and I'd be in a nappy. See, that's great. You know, that's an idea. Yeah. Yeah.

I love it. That's when you go for big ideas. It's very odd. I mean, technically, Andy, we have enough sketch ideas here. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'll take it.

Hang on. When I said that Mobius stripper thing, were we saying something else? Oh, just that the human body is sort of, could be a one-sided shape inside and outside. But also that you... Oh, yeah, go. Yeah, and I just wanted a spacesuit that would allow the outer space to be inside me as well. Yeah, to go through you.

Like that it should be connected to the glass of your... Yeah, exactly. Of your helmet. Like that. And then you swallow that tube Yeah, exactly. Of your helmet. And then you swallow that tube, and then you've got to pull it out of your butt. And then clip it onto the outside, the bum of the spaces. I don't know why, but that feels perfect.

Yeah, and having that void pass through you, I think that's really special. Yeah, and having that void pass through you. I think that's really special. Yeah. What do you think would happen to that tube? Would it really expand or would it shrivel up? Oh, that's a great question. I mean, that's the thing, isn't it? I mean, spacesuits are built to be rigid so that the pressure of space can't...

But yeah, I think it would probably collapse, right? Because of the... Yeah. There'd be nothing inside it. Yeah, because I guess all the air would kind of... Any air that had been in there. If you wanted it to really work, you'd have to have it as a rigid thing

like they use for breathing tubes or forced feeding tubes for people. And that wouldn't be a pleasant experience to have that through your body. No, but maybe it could. And I think the rigidity of it would mean that you wouldn't really feel the void of space. Yeah, that's true.

Which is what you want. I want to be able to feel it. I want to be able to swallow nothingness. Yeah, that would be good. I want a full nothing to pass through me. A big gulp of void. Yeah. It turns out if you want to do that

you actually just got to take your helmet off and take a big deep breath. Oh, that'd be so tempting. For some reason I feel like it would be really refreshing. Like it feels like... I know. I mean, that's crazy.

If you could do it. If you could do it. If you go like that, surely. You're telling me that nothing would happen? You're not getting anything in there? You're not getting anything? Come on. Or is it sucking the air out of your lungs too hard?

Yeah. I think if you could really expand them and fill the lungs up and feel the nothing in there. Yeah. You're telling me that wouldn't feel good? And also, just like swallow some nothing. Like a burp.

You know how you swallow air to make burps? Yeah. That's how you get it into your intestinal tract. I'm not sure if that exactly works. And then you could burps? Yeah. That's how you get it into your intestinal tract. I'm not sure if that exactly works. And then you could burp out vacuum. Oh, that'd be a great trick. Do you think it would be a higher burp or a lower burp? I think it would be great to, like, before you go to a party,

swallow a whole lot of vacuum into your stomach. Yeah. Right, and you've got all this vacuum in there and then to be able to burp out vacuum maybe when um you know uh well like what a great way to put out a the birthday candles why would it be a reverse burp party would it create a reverse i think it would i think it i think it exactly would be yeah it would create would create a suction of air through that little pipe, and then it would be like... Yeah, so when you opened up your esophagus like that, it would momentarily suck stuff in.

It would be a cool new way to eat. Maybe that would be a way for people to cheat at those competitive eating competitions. Oh, especially in the soup one. Somebody should be looking into Joey Chestnut. Yeah, especially in the soup one. Especially if you were allowed to use straws. If you could momentarily inject some vacuums

into your stomach and then you go... Like that and you finish a bowl of soup in like a half second. Yeah. That would be funny. That in like a half second. Yeah. That would be funny. That would be a real scandal. Yeah. But this one would be Joey Gumbo.

Yeah. Because that's the type of soup, I think. Yeah, right. Joey Chestnut doesn't eat chestnuts, does he? Yeah, or it could be Joey Chowder. It still doesn't solve my problem, which is that Joey Chestnut doesn't eat chestnuts. I know.

He's not eating chowder. He's having cream of celery soup as the competition. Yeah, right. I guess that does solve your problem. Why do we need soup spoons and dessert spoons? Why are there two different types of spoons? What's that about? What do you think, Andy?

I just think it's unnecessary I think it's ridiculous I think it's unnecessary because I don't think that we focus enough on getting the optimal amount of soup I think it's just for getting a bit more soup per mouthful. I don't know you get that much more. You don't think so?

It's really insignificant. I think it should all be done with the dessert spoon. It's a superior spoon. Of course it's a better spoon. You don't want to have to open your mouth any wider to get that round soup spoon in. Exactly. It's an uncomfortable

it's like it's a muscle that you don't really use that much. It's almost like having to smile. You have to smile at that spoon. That's like making it like a guy on the street telling you to smile. People don't like those guys. No thanks. Soup spoon.

Anyway. Should we go to three words from a listener? Yeah, I think that's a great idea. Well, today's words come from James Roy. Can you believe it? James Roy. James Roy. James Roy.

James Roy. James Roy. Thanks, James Roy. Yeah. And he's got, today, James Roy has sent in three words from a listener. Oh, great choice. Do you want to try to guess what the three words are? Yeah, the first word is lumbar.

Oh, Andy. Lumbar. Firstly, it's a terrible guess, but the first letter is absolutely correct. Yes. And it is a lo-fi. Lo-fi. Okay, the second word is lumber. Lumber.

Lumber. Wait, isn't that the first word that you said? No, I said lumbar. Oh, yeah, we're good. A-R. Now this is lumbar. L-U-M-B-E-R. Andy, are you fucking with me?

No, I'm sorry, Andy. The second word is Wi-Fi. Okay. Yeah. Lo-Fi, Wi-Fi. Okay, the third word is limber. ah okay yeah lo-fi wi-fi okay the third word is limber l-i-m-b-e-r

limber Andy this is terrible this is terrible on your part you are playing your own match you are playing you are not being

a team player you are seeing a set of rules being put out in front of you and you are ignoring them you are I'm incepting it eh you are incepting it I'm in out in front of you, and you are ignoring them. I'm incepting it.

You are incepting it. I'm incepting it. That's right, what you're doing. Now, Andy, the third word is calcify. Of course. Lo-fi Wi-Fi I like a lot. You know, I like, you know, being able to go somewhere. You know, people like to have certain cultural experiences.

People like to talk about the ambience and the atmosphere of things. You know, when you talk about somewhere, you know, at the moment we say, oh, it's got really good Wi-Fi. And that always means it's really fast. But what if it meant that it had Wi-Fi with this great character that gave a richness and a detail to the things that you were downloading, or it had a warmth to it, or it had this sort of lo-fi crackle to the Wi-Fi that's really earthy? Lo-fi Wi-Fi. I picture if you go to Byron Bay,

that's really earthy. Lo-fi Wi-Fi. I picture like if you go to Byron Bay, that they have, like if you stay at a resort there, that they have Wi-Fi, but it comes from a drum circle that's out in the, you know, in the sort of the quadrangle.

Nice. I mean, could we at least build a modem that is powered by valves like an old school amplifier? That would be very nice. You know, my router, I've got one of those valve routers that gives me really warm internet. That's right, yeah. The YouTube videos just feel beautiful. Yeah.

They feel like they come from 70 years ago. Exactly. Like you're there, man. They do, because that's how long it takes to download them. But then calcify. Calcify is things becoming kind of hardened by calcium.

Is that right? I think so. I think that's fair to say. Where do you see calcification happening that happens in calcified I feel like it's a term I've used a lot couldn't tell you right now is getting tartar

on your teeth a form of calcification yeah okay what about tartare yeah I don't know what tartare is. It's a type of steak that's uncooked. Oh, yeah. And the tartars were also, I think, like a...

Maybe tartars. I think they were like an army. Maybe a horseback army, the tartars. I think, yeah, it says tartar is calcium deposits, or tartar happens when the soft bacterial film on your teeth hardens. The soft bacterial... Calcifies. Yeah.

What's another thing that calcifies? Where do you find calcium? Well, in bones, right? You also, you know, you get it out of milk. Calcium, I believe. Calcium carbonate, maybe, is what seashells are made out of. Oh, yes. Lo-fi Wi-Fi.

I mean, you know, is there anything about Wi-Fi leaving a residue on your skin? You've been using the Wi-Fi for so long and you get this sort of dusty white build-up on you. What do we... You get Wi-Fi burn. What do you think about that? You've got to put Wi-Fi cream on before you use the internet. I mean, it's not so crazy. We know that Wi-Fi is just electromagnetic radiation,

much like the ultraviolet that we put, when we go out into the sun. We have a cream to protect ourselves from that. Why not a cream to protect yourself from Wi-Fi burns? I think that's really good. Yeah, just kind of imagine if instead of burning you... You know, a new Slip, Slop, Slap campaign. Is this a joke? My wife is like, is this a joke?

I don't know if it's... But I wrote this the other day where it goes, my wife loves to slip, slop, slap. By that I mean run around the house all wet with no shirt on. I don't know. Or without a bra or something like that. Has that come across as a joke? Yeah, I think without a bra... Yeah.

Is she still all wet in the without a bra? Yeah, all wet without a bra. Yeah, I think that's... I mean, it's definitely funny. Yeah, right. Yeah. It's definitely funny. As to whether it's a joke, I can't tell you. Yeah, I can't tell you, but it's funny.

Yeah. All right, wait, wait, wait. So, for some reason I was picturing with the Wi-Fi burn, instead of you going red, you just bruise. Oh, awful. You start going a bit purple. It's because it's those longer wavelengths and they really hit you hard. Yeah.

You know, it's more like a thud. You come out and you go, sorry, I spent all weekend just streaming stuff on my laptop and I didn't slip, slop, slap. Yeah. Wi-Fi burn. Really good. Wi-Fi bruise. streaming stuff on my laptop and I didn't I didn't slip slop slap yeah wifi burn really good wifi bruise wifi cream it's all sort of

it's sort of grey it's got a lot of graphite in it oh yeah maybe you do really have to have like it's got like for some reason

calcium or something that does help and so you look super crusty like mmm it doesn't it doesn't actually really get absorbed like you have to fully like or something like that does help. And so you look super crusty. It doesn't actually really get absorbed. Like you have to fully like...

Maybe it's just because like if you want really fast internet, this is what you need to do. Yeah. I mean, mate, it's where we're bloody heading with 5G. I think we're basically describing what people think 5G does to you.

So it's not so crazy. It's not so crazy. I mean, I think if we... Do you think that if we found out that Wi-Fi and mobile phones and stuff do actually give you cancer, right? Like we discover like asbestos or or smoking that it has this really terrible health consequence that only kicks in after you've been using it for about 30 years so nobody has has discovered it yet do you think that as a society we would just

all agree maybe we'd get together we'd all agree to pretend that it doesn't you know because you know not like smoking makes your life any more convenient. If smoking made your life more convenient, I don't think we would have had the big anti-smoking campaigns that we have had and people wouldn't have given up in the way that they have. But Wi-Fi is so convenient. It's very convenient.

Makes everything work really well. And I think we'd all get together and just be like, look, from now on, let's just never mention it. We all know. We all know that's what's happening. Yeah, we all accept.

But let's just pretend to go back and just be like, gosh, lots of people are getting cancer these days. Oh, well. Oh, well. I guess everything gives you cancer these days. That is exactly how people react.

We all know. Everything gives you cancer these days. That is exactly how people react. We all know. Everything gives you cancer these days because now everything has Wi-Fi in it. Everything's got running Bluetooth. Everything gives you... Well, your fridge has Wi-Fi. No wonder you're the pears within. Grow tumors.

Anyway. But that's not what we really believe. That's what these people... The pears within. That's what these people believe. But also, what if it was true? Yeah, but it's not what we really believe. We just, that's what these people believe. The peers within. That's what these people believe. But also, what if it was true? Yeah, but it's not. It's not.

We don't believe that. Yeah. Wink, wink. No, and I. What? You don't believe that? No. No, we don't.

Yes. I certainly don't. Neither does my friend Alistair. Good. Should I take you through sketch ideas? I don't believe it, and I'm sure it's not the case, but if it did turn out to be true, I'd be like, ah, I probably should have seen that coming.

Like, if it did turn out to be true, I wouldn't be that surprised. I don't think it does. I don't think it does. I don't think it does. I'll say no evidence. I've looked into it. It definitely doesn't. I'll say that.

It definitely doesn't give you cancer. But if it did turn out that it did, I wouldn't be that surprised. It's just too good. It's too good. If there was a way of injecting Wi-Fi into your veins, I'd do it. Oh, mate, hook me up. You get a little intravenous... Intravenous Wi-Fi dongle?

Yeah, they plug an Ethernet cable in. No, Ethernet, that doesn't help Because we're trying to do Wi-Fi Why would I want it to be Ethernet? What am I doing? You're the idiot You're the idiot of the group now, Andy Here's today's sketch ideas We've got rule inception

You go into the rule This is a fucked episode, Alistair We don't talk about it enough How fucked this episode is Well, we don't talk about it enough how fucked this episode is well people people haven't been saying it enough because it's it's it's so true um we go into different rules and then we change the rule by adding something like all dogs have four legs and then we put we put in the chickens play bassoons are also now dogs. And then we do that by attaching suction cups to our heads and nipples

and then put paper clips onto a piece of paper that has the rule written on it in pen. Yeah. Then we have putting LSD in the internet supply. I don't know, we haven't gone deep into that. I love the idea that like, what if this had been more topical right and this had been the time right after the time that inception came out and just when everybody was

doing all their inception gear and all their inception sketches and stuff and we'd been for somehow we'd managed to be the first people on the scene with an inception sketch and this is what we've done with it when it's so hot right at the peak of its cultural cachet and we drop this. There's enough people doing sketches and doing fine sketches and normal sketches

that you can just do be the fucking insane sketch people that go way too far and are way too weird and are not that funny. That's what I want. Yeah. You need your own thing, Andy.

And then we got podcast honeymoon or homeymoon. And that's us having to convince our wives that after the weekly podcast, we have to take four days off to have a Zoom honeymoon where they help us and throw water on us so that we can pretend like we're...

I think we could cut out a lot of the detail around this and just make it about guys pretending to go jet skiing on Zoom. Yeah, sure. And how it ruins their and everyone in their family's lives. Yeah, yeah. Me and the boys are going away. Hun, is it okay if me and the boys go away this weekend? Ah, we've only just dried out the carpet.

Oh, you never let me do anything. Oh, no, but we need you here because I've got to go out. I was like, oh, it's okay. None of the other guys can can leave their houses either uh we're gonna do it all on zoom oh no anyway then we got squatty moon squatty moon squatty moon that's unaware bnb and and that's when i think it's a it's a whole movie it's a whole movie Squatty Moon oh man

it's a wedding it's the wedding crashes of of today of this day and age unaware B&B yeah

but it's more called Squatty Moon because everybody will make fun of how shit that name is yeah and then they'll see the movie and they'll be like actually it's got a lot of

satirical points great that's what people are saying about me and me and And then they'll see the movie and they'll be like, actually, it's got a lot of satirical points. That's what people are saying about Megan and M3gan. M3gan. It looks like a really dumb movie and then they're like, actually, it's kind of good.

They actually put some good stuff in it. Then we got intestinal condom for eating while fasting. Then we got the competitive soup eating. Then we got the Morbius stripper. As the clothes come off, they also get pulled back on. Then we also did mention the intestinal condom for feeling a vacuum through you. I think you accidentally said morbius stripper

which i think morbius is that vampire film with jared leto that everybody was making fun of yeah that's great but uh mobius stripper i mean do you think that that means that people were like people like do you think that he comes out of that on top because people were talking about him so much and therefore that makes more people go see the movies? I feel like people have been hating on him now for so long it must be starting to damage his career. Yeah, right. I don't think people like him being in things.

I know, but he's going to have some resurgence where people are going to have a new... Critically re-examine. Critically re-examine his works and he's going to have some resurgence where people are going to have a new... Critically re-examine. Critically re-examine his works and he's like, he was ahead of his time or something like that. Hopefully not. Hopefully the world ends before then. Yeah, that would be really nice.

I would much prefer that. And then we got Wi-Fi cream to stop Wi-Fi burn. Before you do any major downloading. Yeah. I think it's good. All right, Andy. If you have your laptop on your lap, you obviously have to rub it into your genitals

really vigorously. Yes. I mean, you're going to be doing it anyway, aren't you? That's why your laptop's on your lap. There are some industrial applications that use graphite as a lubricant. You're going to be doing it anyway, aren't you? That's why your laptop's on your lap. There are some industrial applications that use graphite as a lubricant. Is anybody trying that in a sexual context? You know, just like powdered graphite.

Just pour a whole lot of that onto the sexodon. So they actually use graphite as a lubricant? Graphite, yeah. Yeah, it's very slippery. Yeah, right. Because it's made up of these thin plates of carbon atoms that I guess slide over each other. Sort of like if you leave a piece of paper on a tile floor and then you've got a kid who's running down the hall

and they go whoosh and they slide on that piece of paper. Yeah, and then you make some sort of slip-slop-slap joke at them as they lie there. You're like your mum. Bleeding out of the tiles. You're like your mum. And their last words are, it's funny, but it's not a joke.

You love to run around all wet without a bra on and pieces of paper on the floor. Without a bra. All right. Should we go on to the song? Atta bra. Boo, boo, boo. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo.

Boogey batch, boogey batch, boogey batch. Jit, jit, jit, jit, boo, boo, boo, boo. Boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Thank you so much for listening to In Think Tank. We appreciate everything about that. We're sorry that this episode came out so late. We're sorry that all the stuff recently has been so messed up. We're sorry about the delay in the Patreon episodes for last month.

It's been a crazy time of year. Yes, and we've not been organized enough. We were very busy before in the year, so we apologize. We are getting back on top of everything. We're going to get ourselves back together. We're going to sort things out. There's going to be routines. It's going to be rigid.

It's going to be reliable. We're going to be your rock this year, 2023. Obviously not January, but starting in February, which is the new, the new, new year. Right now we're your semi-solid. This year we're going to be your custard but you slap us and we're going to get hard alright well thanks a lot come and find us on twitter and you know i'm probably i think i'm on

an episode another episode of uh who knew it with matt stewart this week oh god you're the best at that well so funny thanks so much i don't i don't know if i'm as good this one but thanks so very much um oh we should also say that we were on... No. I'm on some episodes of the D&D is for Nerds. Oh, yeah. The most recent episode of that. Yeah, we just appeared on the D&D is for Nerds.

Oh, we both are. Yeah, that's right. But also I was on an episode of Shut Up a Second recently talking about castaways, and from memory it was very fun. And I'm going to be on another podcast, but I won't tell you about that because that's in the future and I don't know when it's coming out.

Yeah, that's okay. And I'm also going to be on another podcast, but I can't tell you about it yet. I'm going to be on it more than you. Anyway. I can tell you even less about it. And feel free to buy tickets to my comedy festival show

that's at the end of March, April, Alice in Trampolim Virtual. No relation. That's going to be a good time. Okay. And we love you. Je t'aime. Je t'aime.

Nous t'aimons. Bye. Au revoir. Au revoir.