Two In The Think Tank - 366 - "HUNCH FRONT OF NOTRE DAME"

Episode Date: January 28, 2023

Essence of Monk, Auto-Meditation, Alien Kindness Mist, Canine Digestive Food Processor, Jugcula, Va,pire Goon Bag, Hunch Front, Collostrum Vampire, Sign Up Dont Watch, European Listening Contest.Tickets for Al's comedy festival show are here: Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall (No Relation)Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those, too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I believe today I am Alistair Trombley-Burchell with a George William in between some of those words. Yes.

Alistair George William Trombley George William Burchell. You can buy as many George Williams as you want and add them as optional extras sold separately. Okay. I thought that was a Wheel of Fortune reference about buying vowels instead of buying trombley birchels. I mean, it's such a big swing, isn't it? Like, it'd be great if it was all vowels, all the normal letters and then the vowels, and then you could buy a trompe-l'oeil virtual.

Very rare that that's going to fit into the word. But God, if you did, imagine. And the fact that you have to pay for it as well. It's not that you've got to buy the trompe-l'oeil virtual. Yeah. Well, or else you gotta guess every letter you know yeah yeah no but i think it needs to fit in there in full i don't think you're um yeah anyway alistair that doesn't matter okay what does matter is this do you think

this is a sketch idea all right yeah you know you know um monks who spend all this time um sitting on a top of a mountain trying to achieve a sort of state of mental or whatever yeah right couldn't we just grab a couple of those guys yeah right and then like et chuck them on a slab okay probe them their brain and stuff find out exactly what the chemical makeup is of their mind and then just put that into a into a drink or maybe a smoothie maybe maybe a sort of like an energy drink like a v or something like that have some kind of monk extract that you can get and it and as well as giving you energy right and you party all night long, it also gives you inner peace. So it's essentially just MDMA.

Well, I mean, if that's what we find out that that's what it is, sure. But, you know, it contains monk extract. Yeah, so we just have to let, like, it's it's it contains monk extract yeah so we so we just have to let like it's just we basically just turn one of those fact like one of those things into a sort of a brain chemical factory and we take their brain chemicals and we take their brain chemicals and we put it we put it into um into energy drinks into monster so it's still monster or um mother or whatever yeah but now with now with monk extract would it be monkster monk monkster right i see what you're saying yes monkster it's now called monkster i mean we don't have to do that andy that's no so maybe it doesn't it doesn't

need to have caffeine maybe maybe it doesn't need that stuff but it still has the same branding the same look as all those really intense energy drinks yeah and but so but but the thing that it does is that it gives you focus and stuff so it's not that we're like milking the brains of these guys it's that we're somehow oh no we are synthesizing the chemical i mean we might be milking their brains so we say we're going to do tests on you and we put little suction cups and stuff on their foreheads but what they really are they have little micro needles in them that you can't feel yes they're so small they can actually go through the pores of the bone in the skull it It's a great idea.

And they can go straight into there and they just extract small amounts of liquid. Drainage, my boy. Drainage. Drainage. Anyway, I just think a macho branded energy drink or possibly bodybuilding smoothie something with a an ad with a lot of screaming in it and a lot of roaring

you become one with everything yeah that's really nice apart from the screaming bit I mean that can happen but it mostly sounds like you're talking about psychedelics maybe i am maybe i am but i'm i'm making it from the the brain of the most um you know these guys have done all the work i i initially i was thinking of something

that would be like you know sometimes you want to you want to take a deep breath to stay um you know to stay calm or whatever, to recenter yourself and focus on your breathing. But it would be great to be able to take deep breaths, deep healing breaths without having to focus on your breathing. And I was imagining swallowing some kind of spring-loaded contraption that forces your lungs open. Maybe it's synced up to an app on your phone or something

and it does it automatically to really fill your lungs. Wait, what does it do? Wait, it's like you're wanting to take a deep breath without having to what, focus? Without having to take a moment to focus on your breathing, right? Yeah. Because, you know, a lot of people don't have time to take a moment to focus on their breathing.

They want to have those deep healing breaths, right, because a lot of people don't have time to take a moment to focus on their breathing. They want to have those deep healing breaths to clear out their lungs and have all the benefits, but they don't want to close their eyes and feel their chest expanding and doing all the stuff that you're supposed to do to do it in the right way. It would be great if there was a thing that I could buy that would just do it for me right and i'm imagining it's like basically a reverse rabbit trap where instead it's got a big spring possibly teeth and instead of closing it opens like a like a bear trap like a bear trap yeah yeah so i think in your lungs i think the part that i'm getting confused with because i do love the idea of a thing that's like it meditates for you so you don't have so you can focus on doing other things yes right but i but i don't think it's entirely in the breathing

no no i mean yeah this one this one isn't you know yeah i guess but it's like i mean you know my my watch sometimes tells me to take a breath it says take a minute for yourself and then it like it has a little thing that appears on the screen sort of interrupts your breathing hold your breath and yeah hey hey Hey take a minute for yourself Hey Hey Hey Hey

Take a minute for yourself Hey Hey So it'd be great if you could just do it And I didn't have to get distracted Yeah Just force my lungs open for me I do like big healing breaths

I mean What's a What's a way of tricking your brain Into focusing on something But then so that you can just watch tv while it's doing that i i think this could probably be done it's like peripheral tv or something like that i wonder if there's a way to do it just like one eye at a time like if we had that thing where um you know that they've done

with epilepsy patients where they sever the two hemispheres of the brain and you can basically show something to one side of the brain and it has you have an unconscious experience of that um you know it'd be great if you know the conscious side of your brain you and then you could like dolphins how they sleep half their brain at once half of your brain, and then you could like dolphins, how they sleep half their brain at once. Half of your brain could be meditating while the other half is watching TV at once. I would really like that. Yeah. I think products for meditating.

For hacking, you in a cave. Yeah. You get the same meditative gains that you would get over years of isolation and reflection. Yeah, 90 years in a cave, sitting in a cave. Yeah. But now you can get that in like a four-week program for the busy. They just put you in a completely soundproof chamber and the light's completely off. You could be, I mean, I guess it could be one of those sensory deprivation tanks maybe, but I suppose you could be up to goo, you have to tilt your head up and have your mouth at the top and then the rest of your body is covered in sort of body temperature goo. Yeah, this feels like it would help. I also think that it's possible that it's like boiling an egg, you know, where, you know, because maybe you can achieve nirvana quicker

at different pressures. So, you know, you do get a lot of monks on the top of mountains. Well, maybe that suggests to me that the higher the altitude, the lower the atmospheric pressure, the quicker you can achieve enlightenment. And maybe if you're in near vacuum conditions, you'd be able to do it a lot faster. So because there's air getting in the way.

Maybe, maybe. Yeah. Which is weird. That doesn't really square with the opening your lungs and breathing deeply thing, but… Yeah, but maybe you're trying to breathe the air out from around your head right and i imagine that if there's very low pressure all the all around you your lungs will expand anyway relatively speaking all right i wonder if you can feel it on your lungs you know i feel like i got wide lungs right now real wide all right phil wide i said real wide um but also phil wide

phil wide now was that phil wang but a different version of phil wang you're thinking of phil chode is that what you were thinking of when i said that no you said no that i was thinking that like phil wide was a version of a penis you were thinking of a wide penis i was not no no no no i was just like why what's what is phil what what were you what were you thinking of when you said phil wide well i wasn't thinking when i first said it you see i was yeah i was using a program where you you did a lot of the thinking for me and then i would just mishear some of it and then take ideas maybe that's the only kind of creativity that's left for us you know um because i don't i can now

do everything else but can they do that thing that they do so well on Comedy Bang Bang where somebody mispronounces a word and then they roll with it? I don't know if it's possible. I don't know if AI will ever have the technology to mishear something. And that's the kind of little data corruption. You know, that's the kind of little data corruption. That's, you know, maybe that is where true creativity occurs in mishearing. It's actually in making mistakes. And that is the way in which you can be surprised. I did just see a video of a photographer and she's like, she was like taking a photo and she's using like really old equipment.

And she was like, the key is to fuck it up a little bit, but not so much that it's ruined because it's in the fuck up that it's interesting. Yeah. I mean, those old photos where there is some weird artifact on the screen, things get overlaid or there's like a bit of a weird orange line or a bit of flair or something. Those are the ones that get turned into the indie band's album covers not the perfect photos no no i mean they might take some perfect photos depending on what kind of indie band you are you know yeah yeah i suppose so um yeah now so we've got we've got two ideas here today indy uh what about you know like lizards? You know those lizards that just like in Australia? I don't even know

what they are, but you mostly just see them running away. Yeah. Cowards. What is it? They're cowards. Oh yeah, they're cowards. That's our full relationship with them.

I guess they don't mind living near us, but they don't want to be near us in any way. It's really living right on the edge. Yeah. You want a lizard that runs towards you? Is that what you'd like? I mean, it would be a different relationship.

I'm just saying that my whole relationship with these things is that they see me and then they flee but they do live amongst me amongst you if you can live amongst an individual um yeah yeah i mean i i think you know what would it be like if you know that you could you could write this in a uh in a story about somebody who they wake up one day and all animals are attracted towards them? And so this is in a loving way or is this in a violent way? I don't think we know. I don't think we know. We just know that animals just start to approach them. I think I've heard of an anime where all animals start to approach them i think maybe i've heard of an anime of an anime where like all

animals start to turn against us but i think that that could definitely be done in a funny way but also the fact that animals would start to feel very amicably towards us like even ants yeah right that would be also that would actually be almost as disconcerting. Yeah. And you know what I reckon it would be? I reckon it would be a harbinger, a prelude to an alien invasion. I think they probably put something in the atmosphere that makes all creatures amicable and loving. A bit of monk extract. They get the monk extract and they put it into the into the water supply into the atmosphere chemtrails man and suddenly everything's just like benign everything's benign the lions are

lying down with the lamb right and and if the lion gets hungry the lamb will climb into its mouth because we're no longer nobody's any longer fighting anything and and then the aliens will invade and but then we would be under the influence of these chemicals as well and so then we would probably feel amicably towards the aliens yeah indeed and then they and then they kill us no but what but think about it like i mean if if those pentagon aliens right i you know have yeah i know the ones you mean yeah you know the ones in the pentagon videos the ones that they said yes yes, the UFOs or whatever, the UFOs. Yeah.

If they were, they have just been here the whole time, right? Those same kind of like the same reports of like, you know, first or second world war or whatever. When people say that they, you know,

pilots would say that they, that they had seen things following their planes. Right. I think that's where the term food fighters comes from. Right. That's the, it was those. If, if, if this was a real thing and they were just studying us to find out how that they could just make us non-violent and then they could just come and then we're like man we're so glad to see

you all like that and that's just they just need to see you know study generations and generations see i know how we work our weapons see how we can you know and then they're like man they show up and they're like we're so glad you guys have made it you're now at the level where we can hang out they're like what do you want to do and we're like i don't know what do you want to do they're like uh have you ever had a bong? Yes. Yes, here we go. But we wouldn't look at them with suspicion. I think it would be interesting if we were all peaceful.

We were all peaceful. And we all knew that it was wrong. We knew something was wrong. We knew that it was wrong, right? We knew something was wrong, but everybody was peaceful. And we were trying to find a way to make ourselves violent and angry again. This feels like a bit of right-wing fantasy literature or something. But we know this attack is coming, and maybe the attack is happening and it's very slowly. And like we're having meetings where, you know, and the aliens are just moving around incredibly slowly, taking people out, killing people or whatever. But nobody's resisting.

Nobody's able to resist. But we are like having meetings and talking about it and trying to work out how we can get, you know. Yeah, I mean, I like this, but I think that it works better for me if they're not actually trying to kill us. I think that it's like a right-wing person. Like they're actually living in harmony with us, but then they're kind of, they're joining our community. They're building their own buildings, that kind of stuff. But then they're kind of, they're joining our community. They're building their own buildings, that kind of stuff.

And there's a right-wing person who's trying to remember what they used to do. What the problem was. Yeah, what is the problem? And then they go, we need to find our hatred again. Because this is not. Make America hate again. I can i can't mate here we go i can't for the life of me think about a single argument why we should stop this but but i mean it does sound like it is a form of colonialism like it can't be it can't be completely benign if they're doing that surely right i mean maybe it is maybe there is literally

no problem with it maybe the aliens being here and building their homes and but i mean just living alongside us maybe it's completely fine andy it's essentially um multiculturalism and it's like somebody would could be has to work hard to just truly find a real problem with it, right? Yeah. It's like, well, they're not doing, they're not blending, they're not, it's like, shut up. Stop trying to find a problem with it. We're all living side by side and it's great. Yeah.

So there's literally no problem with it there's no problem with it they're not clogging up the roads or whatever people usually say yeah it's like even if you're living in a place where there's a billion people some countries manage to make it work and we'll manage to make it work it'll be different it will be different you're right who cares Some countries manage to make it work, and we'll manage to make it work. It'll be different. It will be different. You're right.

Who cares? Things are always different. Do we have a cultural exchange with them, or are they just living separately? Are they amongst us, but then maybe their house is this sort of weird flower-type thing thing that's got a really thin stalk so they're kind of up in the sky anyway and then you know maybe when they travel they travel through sound waves or something so it's not really they don't use any of our same anything they're just present yeah i mean it's possible but i think i think if if if you're seeing each other and interacting with each other in any way uh you can't help but yeah that's yeah that's what it is that's what cross like cultural stuff is because you will just see people doing things and then you'll be like i should try that yeah i'm i'm learning a lot from this

i don't know i don't yeah i really don't know but i don't think i don't know how you can't influence each other if you see each other yes yes i agree through any kind of senses. Yeah. Sorry if I've ruined your idea. No, no, no. I mean, I wouldn't claim to have had an idea. And I think yours is probably a lot more unique in terms of, you know, this kind of a story. What about this do you think that there's any ways to hack like a dog's digestive

system so that you can make them poop out something that's edible for us yeah yeah okay you can feed them stuff that they like yep and then you know, and also that their body wants and needs, but then the waste product of that is something that is actually ready to eat just as it comes out. I mean, and this is great in the very long term. I'm going to say that the transition period during which we have both types of dogs, both the ones that poop out delicious edible food and the ones that poop out the most disgusting thing you've

ever imagined that's going to be that's going to be awkward you know but it always is i think that's the hardest time it's the j curve or whatever but you'll reach how hard it would have been when like elevator doors you know those elevator doors that shut and that you can put your arm in between and yeah and it stops the door from shutting on your arm there would have been a time when those were around but then there were also the ones that didn't shut and it didn't stop and they would shut on your arm and and break your arm and tear your arm off and then pull off all of your skin yeah yeah i feel like we've talked about those on the podcast before it's a good it's a great idea i think about big metallic doors a lot because i used to hear a lot i mean i guess you still hear about every now and then where like

somebody's died from a garage door or something like that and i'm constantly surprised by that yeah yeah that one's that one's a lot to think about how does that happen is that is it them is it them crawling underneath it do you think i don't know they're trying to crawl underneath and it starts closing or i don't know because you're right it's not um it wouldn't be easy to do. Yeah. You'd have to really work at it. Yeah. Yeah.

It's, but I don't know if it's just like, it just, does it just come down and then your neck is underneath and then you're laying down and it closes on your neck? You're laying down. I guess you've got to be laying down. But I mean, maybe if it hits your head on the way down, then maybe it knocks you down or you're frail. What about this? Okay, what about this? You are lying under the garage door on a sunbed and you're sleeping. Okay?

Because I can imagine somebody doing that. I can imagine people sunbathing in their driveway. Okay? I can imagine people sunbathing on a banana lounge or whatever, just there. The door's just open. They've got their head just there. The garage is open. And then I can imagine the remote control for the garage is somewhere else in the house, and the kids grab it and start playing with it.

And then because they're sleeping, that thing starts coming down can see it now this is a this is a realistic scenario yeah okay and so then and then it just comes down on the neck right on the jugular right on the right on the jugular jugular and yeah is it is it ar at the end? Jugular? Or is it jugular? Jugular. I think it is. Jugular. I think it is A-R. Jugular.

I think every time I say jugular, it makes me think about a jaguar. Jaguar. A jaguar who's juggling. A juggling jaguar's jugular. The juggling jaguar who's juggling. A juggling jaguar's jugular. The juggling jaguar dropped a ball on his jugular, eating his curds and whey. Jugular? He sounds like he's Dracula, right? He sounds like he's Dracula, right? But instead of drinking blood, he drinks large containers of, I guess, cordial or soft drink. big ceramic bottles of sort of fermented mead and um or like um artisan beers and things like that

because that's what there must be a market to yes no hit me andy well there must be a market to build a you know because you have uh obviously um milk you know milk cartons and and those little fruit boxes that you can drink from that sort of thing there must be and and they've got that little um aluminium tiny little aluminium hole that you can pierce with your um with your straw there must be a market to make one that is in the shape of a neck or possibly a person's head that you can – and that little bit of aluminium foil is on the side somewhere so that you can bite into it with your teeth and suck the juice out like a vampire. okay right yeah they must exist i don't know

what you're drinking i mean tomato juice seems a bit cliche yeah maybe it is red wine maybe you wake up already sorry did you wake up already okay oh my god how did you wake up no don't click that okay wait oh my god okay you gotta stay away from that alice it's okay just one second um i'll be right back i just gotta at least try to get i'm just alone with the kids so i have to just get this one entertained i'll be one second okay yeah no worries um yeah i think uh you know i I think there's no reason this couldn't be called the jugular. And yeah, it could be an alternative to cask wine, as I say, that you bite into the – the cask wine box is made in the shape of a head, a human head, and you do bite into the plastic and pierce it with your teeth,

and then you do suck the red wine out of the bottom of the cask. Is that crazy? Is that crazy? You know, they already have Crystal Head Vodka, you know, the Dan Aykroyd. We know that people like to drink things out of things that are shaped like heads. Why are we – and we know that there's already this great cultural cachet associated with vampirism. I think it just makes sense. Yeah.

Do you want to summarize this? Or is this back to the book? Oh, no. I was literally just repeating myself. But now I'm picturing it as a sort of a way to drink casked red wine out of a head-shaped wine box with the goon bag inside and you are draining it out via the neck. Maybe you bite into it.

Maybe you don't. Maybe it's just got a little nozzle. But it is a very vampire-y type experience. I don't know if it's Halloween. I think I'm picturing it's quite a classy product. It could be up there. It could be with your Grange Hermitage's and your Penfold's, whatever's. Shaped like a head.

Yeah, yeah. Shaped like Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Skull Vodka. I have already mentioned Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Skull Vodka. That's the skull. Oh, yes. Okay, but what about the flesh around it? Yes, that's right. I have already mentioned Dan Aykroyd's Crystal Skull Vodka. That's the skull. Yes. Okay, but what about the flesh around it? Yes, that's right. But I think this guy who, oh, my God, am I still recording?

Hang on, just make sure that I am. Yeah, okay, great. The just the, I think just Jugula. Jugula. Yes, this vampire. The vampire, but every 24 hours, he has to at least drink a little bit of liquid from a jug, or else he dies.

To me. to me and he says i want to drink from jugs that's his that's his catchphrase yeah and he has to work really hard i do not drink vine unless it's from a jug he also says that um but he um he also has to work really hard to make sure that nobody misinterprets is like a sort of like a weird like boob thing or whatever he's not he doesn't refer to boobs as jugs i mean maybe maybe but maybe he can also drink from jugs but another dracula another dracula who has to drink breast milk um yeah and he's a bodybuilder as well yeah It's a bodybuilder vampire who has to drink breast milk. He needs colostrum. He needs, oh, yeah. He needs colostrum.

Yeah, but human colostrum. So he's always terrorizing maternity wards. It's actually horrible. Yeah. Yeah. Comes in with his giant arms colostrum it's just another thing you say he's got giant arms well he's a bodybuilder oh okay right yeah it's just it's just at some point you know kind of like you know like covid was at some point we've discovered that this is just a new thing that we all have to learn to live with

since these colostrum vampires arrived and it's just a new thing it's just a thing new moms have to deal with now as well oh as if there's not enough it and are they like um are they you know and hospitals have a lot of trouble eradicating super bugs yeah maybe they also have trouble eradicating the the bodybuilders yeah the build-up in the hospitals they're almost impossible to destroy yeah the janitors try to put antibacterial on them, but... We deliver those. Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol, and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age.

Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. They've tried everything. Pire bodybuilders. There we go. Just writing that down. Bodybuilding.

Bodybuilding. What about this? Bodybuilding. That kid did not sleep for more than 40 minutes, I don't think. Yeah, that's frustrating. You've been ripped off there, Alistair. I was really ripped off. You are. It's okay. I've been ripped off there, Alistair. I was really ripped off. You are.

It's okay. I've got to put Booba on. Booba? Booba. He's a little... I don't know about Booba. A little hairy man. I think he must be made in Russia or something like that.

And he just gets involved in all sorts of physical mishaps. Right. Made in Russia, you reckon. So you're not supporting Ukraine then? I do support Ukraine. I do support Ukraine. I don't necessarily think that all the Russian people are responsible, particularly the booba makers.

Sure. So would you have played rugby in South Africa during apartheid? No, I wouldn't have. But what you don't understand is that my children are booba vampires and they need to watch a little. One of my children is literally going, ha ha ha booba

right now booba booba yeah i mean that's hard they need to they need to drink from the nectar of the booba um or else they die um but the problem is that the episodes are so short they're like four minutes long and netflix has that thing where it's like well if you watch a certain number of episodes and you don't there's no activity it asks you are you still watching but that can now happen every 16 minutes because it's like every four episodes or something like that you're like jesus christ surely that should be by cumulative watch time but not by number of episodes you should be able to you should get the same system to trigger after you've watched four episodes of the west wing

or whatever yeah as you have well maybe or maybe they should just bring it down to 16 minutes for every show. And maybe the still should be italicized. Are you still watching, you know, 16 minutes into an episode of something terrible? You know, of a movie. You're trying to watch Avatar 2. There's going to be 12 of these during the during the movie yeah that i mean that could be one of their new things to encourage people to pay for premium we won't show you ads but we will interrupt to judge you for not doing something

more with your life yeah uh periodically throughout the film. It would probably be cheaper for them if people were subscribed and didn't watch because it wouldn't use so much processing power. I'm sure that would be ideal for them, yeah. If you could come up with something like that. I suppose you need to do something like that, like the business model of gyms where they want people to sign up but then they don't actually want people to go to the gym. They just want them to keep paying the membership fee.

You'd need to build and market a Netflix that is very good for you, right, that is extremely worthy. You definitely should watch all of these shows right this is got we've got all the most profound and soul-changing documentaries it's hard work but if you sit through all of these you'll become a better person right that's our system yeah yeah i think i think maybe because you know they look at they look at the, um, the figures or whatever, you know,

when people sign up for certain shows and things like that. And if they discovered that there are people who sign up for your show that you've made, they, they stop watching after like five minutes, but yeah, they keep, they never canceled their account.

Yeah. And they never watch. Right. I think that would be, that would be a. And they never watch, right? I think that would be a metric where they're like, oh, we got to give this guy another season. Yeah. I mean, oh, wow. That's a much better product than one that attracts people and then they watch all of it.

Yeah. Surely. Yeah. This is a new kind of rating. Yeah. I mean, it gets – it has a very loyal audience of non-watchers, this show. Yeah. You wouldn't believe.

They can't get rid of it. How loyal they are. They can't get rid of it in case they get an urge to watch it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, look, I don't know if that's an idea, but... Quasimodo. Quasimodo.

Yeah. There's not a lot of Quasimodos these days. Quasimodo, but the hunch is on the front. What about that? Hunch front. Hunch front. Yeah. Just like a big... Oh big oh like you know those people

who have those like um pigeon breasts yeah pigeon chested prison pigeon thing prison chested yeah that's just having big pecs i said prison chested but i i but pigeon chested like that. But, yeah, a big, like a hunch front. Do they lean back a lot? Lean back real far? Yeah. I'm not sure. I mean, is his head then upside down sort of at the back there? What happens to the head?

Or is the head trying to look over the hunch? Because his hunch was up over his head yeah right well this i mean i guess you could just you could at least just picture like a big lump coming out of their chest and then maybe i'm leaning back a little bit but i mean you know it'd be very difficult to find an actor who could have that that backwards curvature all the time, you know? That's true. Especially a Farley. You know, there's a lot of, you know, justifiable expectation these days

that if you're going to have somebody in a film portraying somebody with a physical difference, you don't just do it as cosplay, you know? You do it as you would try and hire an actor with that condition yeah so you'd have to fair and that's reasonable if that doesn't really exist you'd have to genetically engineer that condition or well or or we're only justified in hiring um you know able-bodied actors if the condition that we're hiring them to play doesn't exist in the real world so we've got to make up new things yeah like hunch front i think then you could get anyone you want you could get brad pitt to play the hunch front of notre dame no problems also he's still of notre dame

sorry he's still of notre dame yeah he still hangs out at the church and stuff like that. Well, I mean, the existence of a hunchback of Notre Dame implies the existence of a hunch front of Notre Dame. But also, does that also imply a hunch side? You know, a hunch left and a hunch right? That's ridiculous. That's not how implying works. Okay.

That's not how that joke format works. Look, I've written down punch front, and I'm going to add of Notre Dame. This is maybe the worst idea. Maybe the worst idea we've ever had. Maybe he's the punch front of Notre Dame, the college in America, and he plays football. They have a very good college side, I think. Maybe that would be really good for football,

having that big chest to push people out of the way. But what would the back lean be good for? Well, your head is further away from the action, I guess. Maybe that's healthier. That's true. The only person who doesn't end up having a lot of concussion. You're less likely to get a concussion. Yeah, it's great. Yeah.

Great for the brain. Then it's like a new, everybody tries to use that technique now. What does he do? He doesn't ring a bell, though, though does he he would have to do something deep down in a hole maybe he cleans a well well what's the opposite of something that that resonates i guess is um something that absorbs sound i guess it could be you know could be a um a baffle big a big acoustic baffle a big acoustic what muffle baffle baffle baffle baffle or yep ear muffs oh yeah or he or he uh he uses this idea

is getting he's not getting better no but what about he takes like you know like one of those like one of those plunger things that they use on the front of a trumpet? Yeah. You know, but he holds a big one of those for like the town trumpet. You know, and he comes and he... And then he comes and holds it in front of the big trumpet to stop it from... Yeah, great. Is that a mute?

Is that called a mute? There's a name. It has a name like that. Yeah, I great. Is that a mute? Is that called a mute? There's a name. It has a name like that. Yeah, I think it could be a mute. Yeah. And maybe he is as well. Maybe he's mute. Oh, that would be great.

That would, you know, it's good because I think this movie needs a few more layers. Great. Now, do you think we should go to three words from a listener? I think everybody's crying out for that at home. So, yeah, let's do it. So, these words, I don't know if you know this,

but we have listeners. And these, you know, these come from, these are words from a Patreon supporter, $3 Patreon supporter XZNeil or it could be XZ Neddle nah it doesn't make sense

XZNeil thank you so much XZNeil what a joy it has been to have you as a long time supporter and word suggester. And Andy, would you like to try to guess what XZNeil's words are? Okay, the first word is mainframe.

Oh, yeah, that was icky. That was icky how far away you were that time. I got the ick. You got the ick you got the you gave me the x um and ick is actually way closer than than your word even though i came up with it um yeah okay the first word is i'm i'm yeah okay second word feeling i'm feeling i'm feeling that's that's a much closer guess because you have the beginning and the end right oh right it's i'm fucking okay i'm fucking wow i'm fucking wow um i'm fucking eggs eggs i'm fucking eggs let me just check oh almost the same number of letters almost um no the the final word is you ah he's fucking with us no no no he's he's

fucking us okay maybe specifically you yeah right um you know you know what would be really really great would be if you cloned yourself or possibly went through a time machine to be in the same temporal space as another version of yourself. Yeah. Right? And then you had sex with yourself. You could say, I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you. And that would be a great pun because I'm fucking –

fucking would then have both meanings. One, just for emphasis, I am you. You know, you're just saying I am you. And the other sense of saying what you are literally doing in the sense of lovemaking. And I think that – I think that being able to do that great pun in that situation makes it a great movie maybe more satisfying than any of the other of the actual fucking components of that experience possibly possibly um it's because you

love words yeah i mean that's something um i I do have a joke at the moment where I, well, I mean, I've tried it out once and it went okay. But where I was like, oh, maybe I feel this way because I actually secretly, you know, like a homophobe that's really secretly gay. I was like, maybe I make enemies with people who are similar to me because secretly I love myself. And so I took this theory and then I went and tested it out and I went and tried masturbating. And I got to say, I really liked it. And so now, and I didn't even realize I was into guys. And so now, and I didn't even realize I was into guys. Yeah, that's great.

Anyway, but then the other interpretation of this I'm fucking you could also be, there's the pop star Danny I'm. Ah, yeah, sure. Danny I'm, sorry. The Australian Eurovision contestant. She was our music envoy. Yeah. Yeah, but then, you know, what's you then? You know, that doesn't necessarily lead us to a good place. You know, that doesn't necessarily lead us to a good place.

The one thing it has made me think of is a sort of a reverse version of the Eurovision Song Contest where countries where they do everything through music and through song and they focus on their, you know, artistic and creative expression and they don't have any wars. They do all select one person from their country to go and try and beat the shit out of one person from every other country. So I guess it would be a Eurovision fight contest. Fight contest. EFC.

EFC. But it's still Eurovision. What about this e ufc it's the european union fighting uh championship championship i mean there probably is a european fighting championship of some sort yeah probably um i mean i suppose yeah the fighting bit pot um doesn't 100 like feel like that's the opposite um no you know i mean it could be you know they go over to other countries to you know a bunch of like a very musical country goes over somewhere and they have to not sing a song, where they have to listen to a song, and whoever's the best at listening to a song.

Oh, that's nice. And all the other countries vote on how good they are at listening to a song. Yeah, yeah. Finally. The listening contest. I mean, I'm not saying this is better than the fighting thing. No, no, no, but it is a nice idea. The EULC.

Somebody who goes to the Eurovision Song Contest and they go onto stage, they're their country's nominee, and they go out on stage and they say, well, actually, I decided i was going to come here to listen they're not going to sing a song they they're just there to uh use their time to um to listen to the backing track that their country had produced maybe yeah it doesn't quite work the idea of somebody who says we've done enough singing now we've all done enough singing now and then they just stand there for three and a half minutes

yeah that's right andy this is does everybody stand on stage and do that does everybody is that what everybody does um yeah i think so with an you know with a very open body posture and you know um uh a very non-judgmental look on their face and you want to like you know i guess if it's like if it's also you know if it's kind of linked to the to the eurovision it's probably very camp listening that they're doing. Sure. You know, they're holding their hand to their ear in

that kind of stuff. Are you still there? Andy has gone. Now I have to... Andy's probably... Phone's probably run out of batteries or something like that. Yep, Andy's now, well look, how about I start taking us through the sketch ideas?

Because Andy's phone is gone. So here's one sketch idea monk extract energy drink that's when we take out the stuff about you know from monks here is andy andy have you continued talking the whole time no i, I have not. Great. Oh, great, I have. Yeah, I mean, we could also cut it out. Oh, no, no, no, I wouldn't dare. I started reading the list of sketch ideas. Oh, great. Do you have that on speakerphone?

What do you mean? Oh, I just couldn't hear myself talking through your speaker or something. You shouldn't do okay no worries alistair please keep taking me through the sketch this has been such a great episode extract energy drink we've got products for for meditating for you so you can do other stuff we've got all animals are into us suddenly and it's a precursor to aliens arriving and then a right wing guy tries to remember how to hate then we've got dog digestive system hacks so that we can eat their product that that used to be poop

then we've got jug killer drag dracula who drinks from jugs then we've got the vampire goon bag head shape then we've got the hunch front of notre dame thing about the weird thing about jugular the weird thing about jugular who drinks from drugs is that his his name Jugular, means the vein in the human neck. That's weird, isn't it? Yeah, that is a bit weird. But, you know, Drac does sound like drink a little bit. I'm going to have a Drac. Anyway, forget it.

I tried to find the opposite. Uvula. Dracula. Is Dracula in some way related to Uvula? Forget it. Related to the Uvula? Yeah, I think so. Then we've got the colostrum vampire bodybuilders.

Hate it. Hate it so much. Horrible. Then we've got a show that makes you sign up but not watch um anyway and then we've got the european listening contest so oh so good we've we've really nailed this episode we did it um who would have known we thought with why is known Why is it called Eurovision? Why isn't it called Eurosound?

Yeah, Euro Euroaudio Crazy It's really crazy So I think we can go Boom Boom Boom

Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom Thank you so much for listening to In Think Tank. That was great that you did that.

Oh, it was so great. Yeah, and we're slowly catching up with our Patreon episodes. The latest ones from last month should now be available. No, they are available. Yeah, we're going to bring you some new ones soon as well and we really appreciate everybody who supports us there it's very great it's very great and sorry the beginning of the year was a little bit of a surprise fuck um the you can you can go get tickets for alistair trombley virtual no relation at the comedy

festival website if that's something that you're interested in some tickets have moved i'm not one of these guys will tell you they're moving fast because i gotta say i mean the pace is actually i would it would be very difficult to describe it as fast um if i was being truthful. Anyway, and also Andy's book, Gustav and Henry, is now available in Spain if you're there. That's right, as Gustavo y Rita. So if you are listening to this in Spain and you would like to read the book in Spanish, you can pick up Gustavo y Rita, three stories. Three adventures, two friends. So thank you very much and I hope that you have a great life.

Take care of yourselves and we love you. Bye. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats.

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