Two In The Think Tank - 37 - "TROLLING ALIENS"

Episode Date: February 21, 2014

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What do you think about that? Yeah, I liked it. It was mild. You know? Sometimes we can just give things space. Not everything has to be plosive guys Just Just shelve your plosives

You know I never thought that plosive Was a word by itself Without X and N These are like Oh they're plosives That's very plosive Plosive Plosive

Yeah that's a plosive So maybe you're a little bit plosive. Plosive. Yeah, that's a plosive. Oh, well, there you go. So maybe you were a little bit plosive in the opening, but I was definitely... I wasn't plosive. I was probably much more syllabant than plosive. An implosive sound. Impressive sound?

No, implosive. Okay. It actually kind of hurts my head a little bit. Alistair, I've got an idea for a sketch. Great, let's do it. Okay. Just thought of this then, or like a second before we started the podcast. I hope that you don't mind.

Is this like a restaurant where you can't bring in outside food? You're bringing in outside ideas. Bringing in outside ideas. This was prepared somewhere else. We don't get any of the benefit, but we do. We still get all the benefit. You see? That's the thing.

As long as I'm still going to be able to sell my sort of king prawn salad. Yes, I'll still buy your king prawn salad and I'll buy drinks from the bar. We have a bar in here, guys. That was beer. A Chinese person riding past on a bicycle. Alistair's a huge racist. That was amazing that that came on to me. Well, I thought I better turn it around at some point.

I couldn't take the whole thing. Because you said Chinese person. You go, well, uh-oh. This doesn't fit with my values. Oh, I apologize. 30 seconds of Andy laughing. What was your idea? You know how there's those books for dummies, right? So like Mind Your Own, MYOB for dummies

or Automotive Maintenance for dummies, right? This is another one. This is MYOB for dickheads and Automotive Maintenance for dickheads. So it's all like instructions on how to get something done if you're a dickhead. for dickheads. So it's all like instructions on how to get something done if you're a dickhead. When you started saying that, I started thinking it's like MYOB for the super intelligent. Yeah, that's also really good.

It's like, here's a couple of facts, but I'm sure you can figure out the rest. Yeah, just open up the thing, just play around for a bit, you'll get the hang of it. Oh, here's the way that you can use sort of a C++ generator to reprogram part of the

source code and sort of reformat it so that you can actually use it to guide a missile through the ground. Well, automotive maintenance pretty much conforms to Aristotle's ideas about structures and logic.

So if you just follow those basic principles, you'll be fine. Keep doing what you're doing. That's a good sketch idea. But what about for dumb, smart people? No, forget it. That's dumb. Oh, yeah, shit, we don't have our pad. No, we've got it Al's got a pad

It's alright guys He's padded up You're padding up It's like you're about to play cricket But you're a cricket journalist So you pad up You get your pad out And then that's it

You go in to write notes about the cricket. But with the dickheads, what were you picturing with the dickheads? I'm picturing that, like, this person's a complete dickhead. So, like, for automotive maintenance, it's like, go around and nick your neighbour's spanner, and then chuck an empty beer bottle at such and such, and then do, yeah, I don't know, just be a dickhead. What about for, like, middle class people? Yes, also for the middle class. Pay someone else to do it.

Pay someone else to do it. We've got the whole range of, like, books for other people. Yeah, for whoever, whatever you need. For dickheads, for dummies, for the super intelligent, for the lazy, for the indifferent. For people who have been left widowed. Yes, for the indifferent. For people who have been left widowed. Yes, for widows. Okay, put this down as one sketch, right?

And you can, you know, it's just a range of different sources. I think that's great. A range of different sources, much like a good Mexican restaurant. Do they have a lot of different sauces? Mostly hot sauces. Yeah, but they're different ones. There's a range of different hot sauces. They're all hot.

They're all under the unifying banner of hot. They all subscribe to the hot philosophy. But if you're talking about a huge variety of sauces, we're not usually saying, like, you know... Within a limited, a very limited huge variety. Within a very thin range. Yeah. Well, it's like how there's two different types of infinity, Alistair.

There's the inaffinity of integers between... Inaffinity. The inaffinity. The inaffinity of integers between minus infinity and positive infinity. So minus 1, minus 2, minus 3, all those ones. And 1, 2, 3, all those ones. But then there's also the infinity that is made up of the decimals between, say, 0 and 1. And actually, they've decided that the infinity between 0 and 1 is actually a bigger infinity than the infinity of integers between...

Yeah. How? Don't know. Yeah. Read that once. Yeah, that feels like... How can you compare infinities? Is it just two mathematicians having a...

Yeah. They both get their infinities out, flop them out onto the table, they measure them up with a ruler, and they say, all right, your integers have all shriveled. And he's like, oh, it's cold outside. Well, that's the thing, is that because the infinity between 0 and 1,

that isn't there, it looks smaller when you first put it out there. But it's a real grower. Turns out it's actually bigger. Exactly, exactly. But like, for that to apply to, like, to use the penis metaphor, and then for that to reverse that in the opposite direction, to like take that idea of like the infinity between zero and one, applying that, like the size of that infinity, applying that to a penis, you just have to say that your penis wasn't big, but it was infinitely detailed. Or, like, it just had so much surface area.

It was like a fractal. It had an infinite surface area. Or, like, the coastline of Australia. But, like, is that just because it's, like, it's so shriveled up? It's so shriveled! It's so shriveled up. It wasn't what I was thinking, but that's great.

But it's, like, it's just, like, it's just like, it's like the densest accordion. Yeah. Make a really great heat sink. Yeah, yeah, like a membrane, like the membrane of a cell. They've got a very curled and wrinkled, or a Golgi apparatus. Too much science so far in the episode. I'm going to cut that off right there. Cut it off.

Sketch the second. Got another idea. Yep, go. Oh, was that already sketch the second? Well, I think that's a second idea, but look, let's keep going. Let's just pump it up. What did you write down? Two mathematicians flopping out their infinities. Okay, great. Sketch idea.

But then, that was my argument, whereby the infinity, I was saying that the infinity of hot sauces was bigger than your infinity of sauces. Doesn't apply. Don't worry about it. No, but that actually, no, I think that does apply.

Okay, great. That works. And here's another sketch idea. Yeah. Personal space. Yeah. Right? This is your personal space.

Absolutely, yeah. Okay. Is there some way you can do something to sell off your personal space? Right? So we've got to talk about what are your assets. In this day and age, everything's an asset. So you've got a certain amount of personal space. Some other people, everyone's got a price, so how much for your personal space?

If I can have your personal space, that would be great. Maybe I'll use your personal space for some sort of minor development. Maybe it's medium-density housing. Maybe I'll just keep your personal space for my personal space and just have a bit more personal space. I don't have to develop it. It's up to me what I do with it. Well, I mean...

50 bucks. Like, let's say you sell somebody a lot of your personal space. You could sort of do that by swapping places with a guy in India. You in Australia... That's true. ...have a guy come here to India.

We have like one person per, you know... 15 meters or per one kilometer or something like that. Is that how it works here? Over there, it's one every five meters or something, right? Yeah. You're giving him, I don't know how much money he's going to have to give you. You've got to be a pretty rich guy. Plus, you know, the amount of land is going for here in Australia. I mean, he's not getting any land, but he's getting more personal space. More personal space.

You know? It would be great if you could just swap pink slips with somebody. Subdivide your personal space? Could you subdivide it? Could you... You could have one person from a more populated country come and share your personal space. Yeah. What about this?

Because you have to walk around with you everywhere. Personal space. Using your personal space for gardening. What about this? Because you have to walk around with you everywhere. Personal space. Using your personal space for gardening, permaculture, micro gardens. Fill your pockets up with potting mix. Fill your pockets up with dirt. Plant some tomatoes.

Trellis up your spine. Yeah, get cargo pants on. Cargo pants? Amazing. You've got a vertical garden right there. Yeah, get cargo pants on. Cargo pants? Amazing. You've got a vertical garden right there. Yeah, a vertical garden. We're talking like

maybe like some nice cedars going up your back. Well, you need something to provide shade for the tomatoes. Yeah, absolutely. Direct sunlight's going to ruin them.

Not too much, yeah. Yeah. And, you know, so something that they can climb up, you know. Maybe a nice fig tree. Yeah. Something for the kids to play in.

Yeah. A weeping willow. A weeping willow. A weeping willow. Whacking off Mark Herring. Yeah, but then one of the kids will swing on one of the sort of the droops of the weeping willow. One of the boughs. One of the boughs.

Boughs. Boughs. Boughs. One of the droops of the weeping willow. One of the bows. One of the bows? Bows. Bows. Bows. One of the droops of the weeping willow. They'll swing on it. They can't support the weight of a person, but they put all their weight in. When they get to the apex, it'll break, because that's when maximum pressure will be on it. And they'll fall to break their arm, like my dad.

Is there actually a maximum pressure on it at the apex? I'm not sure, but maybe. I feel like there's maximum pressure on it at the bottom of the swing. Well, maybe. But what about, like, they're not getting all the pressure from the forward motion, then, are they? Well, at the apex, you don't have forward motion. At the apex...

Which one's the apex? I think the apex is the top of the swing. Yeah. Because at the top of the swing. Yeah. Because at the top of the swing, you're actually motionless. Oh, yeah. What about seconds pre-apex? Seconds pre-apex? Yeah.

Well, you'd be decelerating as you approach the apex. I wish we had a mathematician here. No, no, we do. More or less. But this is more of a physics problem. You're right. Yeah, there's the maximum centripetal... I wish they could use mathematics to explain physics.

Yeah, to put physicists out of work. They could do that. I like the idea of doing something with... Amongst these ideas, these personal space-related ideas, Alistair, I feel like there's something there in the mix. Should I just write down personal space-related? Could it be a sketchette? Could be a sketchette.

2.5? Like, yeah, 2.5 is personal space related. I think the gardening, the personal gardening, right? This is like some sort of silly ad or something in it there, like, you know, maybe for hippies or something, but like, I don't, you know, hippies, are they even a thing anymore? Probably not. Definitely. Are they? Yeah. okay, definitely they are. But in terms of their social cachet, like,

you need to have a certain amount of social cachet in order to be worth making jokes about, I think. Oh yeah, but they're everywhere. Hippies? I saw some today. Yeah, but also their time has passed to a certain extent. Like, I feel like their social cachet has also been used up by many, many people wanting to make jokes about hippies, to the point where they've almost become too easy to make jokes about.

Yeah, they have. But it's also because they're all so stereotypical. All of them. All of them. Every single bloody one of them is a stereotype. I don't want to generalise, but they're all stereotypes. No, but like, so many... And it's also sometimes

Very difficult to tell The difference between A backpacker and a hippie You know but But often A lot of backpackers Are hippies There's a guy

At the train station Someone should draw A Venn diagram There's a guy The other day At the Train station Wearing meditation pants

Yes No shirt dreadlocks playing a saxophone. Hippie or backpacker you decide. Okay because it takes it takes the confidence

of a of a like a backpacker hippie to just play a saxophone in public. Was he busking? He was learning to play. Wow.

Yeah. He was he wasn't he was practicing. He was probably was he early on? Did he have any ability? There wasn't too much squeaking. Yep.

But, you know, he was just kind of like, da-na-na, da-na-na, da-na-na. You know, like he was learning. Yeah. That's weird. Yeah. That's like, ah. He's probably sold off his personal space.

No, that's what happens when you sell off societies. You don't take on board society's values and society's pressures, man. Yeah. I don't want to make a joke here about a hippie because I feel like it would be too easy. Well, we've discussed it. It's so easy that I can almost not even think of a joke. So easy that it becomes difficult. Yeah.

I mean, they've gone full circle. Oh, that's the next frontier. The final frontier. The last frontier. The first frontier is the last frontier. Oh, it's so complicated. Well, if we did come from space, if our DNA arrived on meteorites from space, then that was the first frontier. Now it's also the final frontier.

That's true. I mean, if we did come from space, we were just sort of partial DNA strands. There's some plastic surgeons, right? They've been working on a surgery to allow you to move somebody's ear to the middle of their face. I feel like I've had that idea before. They say, guys, I've just realised this is stupid. This is the last one. This is the final

frontier. The final frontier. I feel like I've written that down somewhere before. Or maybe we've already done it on the podcast. Maybe. I'm just stealing your idea. Who knows? Andy. There's no way of knowing, Alistair. There's no way of knowing. I'm going to look into this. Don't look into it. Don't look into it, Alistair. Okay. I've been rifling

through your back catalogue. I was going to say that. Not even I go through that. That's terrifying. It's got the ideas like that one. No. But I was just thinking about, you know, if we're talking about us having come here from space, but we would have come here as some kind of partial DNA strand.

Partial DNA strand, hopping a lift on a comet. Yeah, if we start taking credit for stuff that partial DNA strands have done. Mate, we take credit for things that Australia has done. We take credit for things the ANZAC's done. We talk about the Australian spirit. I'm talking about the pioneer spirit of the partial DNA strands. They're our ancestors. Mate, I'm proud.

I'm proud. Those partial DNA strands, you know what they did for us? They didn't come hurtling in from the Oort cloud so that some bloody such and such could come over here from Afghanistan on a boat. No, no, no. And then you could say things like, the woolly mammoth, man's greatest creation. Remember when we survived the Permian-Triassic boundary? God, that was when the Australian spirit was really forged.

There in the trenches of the Permian-Triassic boundary. You know who did that? Us. Us. boundary. You know who did that? Us. Us. Us. You know? My distant, distant, distant genetic ancestors didn't die in the Cretaceous extinction.

So that you could... Not the Cretaceous extinction. What was the big extinction? Begins with a C. Crustacean? The Crustacean. The big crab smashing. The big crab smashing.

The old crab smash. The old crab smash that made my face look ugly. Definitely probably the most fun animal to smash is probably the crab. It's a shame. It's a shame. That's the biggest vulnerability with the exoskeleton. With the exoskeleton, it's a satisfying crunch. Yeah, it's a satisfying, you know,

and a lot of the disgusting flesh is on the inside, you know, whereas if you're breaking a thing with an endoskeleton. Endoskeleton. You've got to get through the disgusting flesh to have the satisfying crunch. Yeah, and it doesn't feel good cutting through somebody and seeing them bleed. Nobody feels good about that. Maybe a Satanist.

Crabs. M&M's have got exoskeletons. Crabs melt in your mouth, not in your pocket. But M&M's do melt in your hand, or at least they lose their color.

They still stain your skin. Stain your skin in your hand, not in your mouth, because there's no skin in there. Is there skin in your mouth? Well, there's definitely some kind of... What would you call the inside of your... You'd call that skin, surely the inside of your mouth. I'd call that gummy... Fleshy... Gummy, fleshy cheek flesh.

It is a different kind of thing though, isn't it? Like it's a different, it's a very different substance. Look, Andy, if we call that skin, then we're going to have to call everything. We've jumped around so much. I think this is the most jumping around I've ever done on this podcast. Andy, if we start calling the inside of our mouth skin, then we're going to, where is it going to stop? Is our eye made of skin, Andy?

Yes. Is our eardrum made of skin? Yes. Are our eye made of skin and is our eardrum made of skin our teeth made of skin your nails are they skin is is the urine that i pee out of my uh urine hole skin yes is hair skin hair skin handy is is uh can we can you write down claiming credit for things that our distant genetic ancestors have done? Okay. We floated on a comet across the dark coldness of space for millions of years here. You flew here. of years here.

You flew here. And you came here legally to try to migrate. Sorry, that's instead of you flew here. Yeah, right. Because you're actually

giving the due legitimacy to asylum seekers. It's actually okay to, but not even asylum seekers, people who were just migrated here. Yeah. Like it's actually, you know, it's okay to migrate here.

Actually, a lot of them are helping keep the, a lot of them. I feel really awful just even about saying that. But, you know, the way the system is set up at the moment is that, you know, it's only mostly skilled migrants coming over. Yeah. Not that I care. No, but like, but it's, yeah, that's like this thing that is apparently keeping our economy growing.

It's population growth as much as anything. And also, we're going to have to keep training people overseas because our education is losing funding and so we need to get

skilled migrants from overseas because we're not going to have any manufacturing so we have to come up with more high concept ideas like, here we have to come up with more high concept ideas like, here we go, here's a real high concept idea,

floating labs. Flabs. Flabs. Alright. What? I didn't understand how you got to floating labs. What is that?

No, but you know, okay, but because we're not doing any manufacturing here, we're not doing a lot of processing of raw materials here. Yes.

Or cooked materials. Or cooked materials, Andy, of course. I apologize if I omitted that. But because we're not doing some of that really basic stuff that it takes no education almost to do, then the future of Australia's economy and stuff stuff other than pulling shit out of the ground is sort of more high-tech kind of inventions and things. Yeah, yeah, knowledge economy, knowledge jobs. Yeah, and so unless you're putting loads of money into education and R&D and things like that,

then that's not happening. So the only way that you can make that happen is by just getting people that are already skilled. Sort of like what happened with the valley there, Silicon Valley. That's mostly floated. Yeah, an immigrant over there because that's where the money was. But now most of those people are moving back to India

and China and things like that. And they've got their own Silicon Valleys and they're starting to boom. But yeah, unless we allow loads and loads of immigrants, we're not going to have all that economy. There you go. That's what happens when we don't jump around. I just start talking about...

No, it's all great. It's good to stay somewhere for a brief amount of time, even if it is to talk about people who come somewhere for a brief amount of time. Yeah, it feels like home. It feels like home. You know? Exactly. Settle down in the middle of a conversation, raise a family.

Yeah. You know, I am enjoying this conversation so much. Would you mind if I brought my wife over and we had some kids? And if we fornicated... Fornicated and raised a... Yeah, in the safe and warm confines of this genial conversation. The small talk here is wonderful. And I think the scenery is irrelevant because we're talking about a conversation.

It would be an amazing place to raise children. It would be an amazing place to raise children. Somewhere in between the words of this conversation, there's space to raise a family. Oh, that's a big verb. I wouldn't mind moving my family into there. I wouldn't mind moving my family into there. And, you know, just, you know, that L looks like a nice place to put a sort of sunroom. And an M, if you had to move into any letter,

I think an M would be the... An M would be a great letter to move into. Wait a second. What about an N? Yeah. I feel like an M is quite spiky. Yeah, that's true. And also it's got that divot in the middle, which I feel like an M is quite spiky. Yeah, that's true. And also it's got that divot in the middle, which I feel like is where rainwater would collect and then

would probably break through into your ceiling and flood your games room. An N is like a fucked up A-frame. It's like somebody took the two triangles of each half of an A-frame and then they just put one upside down and it collects water. I was talking about a lowercase N. Oh, yeah.

That little stick bit, that could be the chimney. Oh, see, I was talking about an uppercase. That's practically a house. A lowercase N is practically already a house. I mean, an A, which is an A-frame, already has a downstairs and an upstairs. You know?

It's actually exactly like an A-frame. That's how... It's actually exactly like an A-frame It's almost like it was named after the letter Or the letter was named after the house Do you think so? No Definitely not Okay That's what you can't say about the Greek alphabets

They don't have any house shapes named after their... No, nobody would live in a bloody omega I mean, no one's going to live in a phi Or a psi Yeah Or a gamma Can you imagine trying to raise a family of four in a gamma? I mean, I could imagine living in a phi if it was like, you know, like the pentagon?

But like, you know, so it looks like a pentagon from above. It's not like a pentagon, you know, the other way around. It's not like a, you know, it's horizontally a pentagon rather than vertically a pentagon. Does that make sense? Oh, man. I'm starting to wonder if I even know what a phi is. Phi, I think, is the sort of

circle with a line through it. Oh, yep, yep, yep. It's kind of like an eye with a circle in the middle. I think, is the sort of circle with a line through it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's kind of like an eye with a circle in the middle. I think that's a phi. And I think from above, that would be a really nice-looking kind of building like that. What about a theta? That's really, that's like the Kinder Surprise egg of the Greek alphabet. Yeah, theta.

And you see, like, a theta would be nice it was a kind of a pentagon sort of situation. You know, so it's a Theta-shaped building, but... And then it's got two quadrangles in the middle there. Not quadrangles, you know, like, not the shape, but the space that you have, like, in a house. In a sort of a school. Living in the alphabet. I mean, it could be a version of, like, what's that show? Grand Designs.

Grand Designs. Yeah. Where it's the alphabet series. And then the Greek alphabet series. It could. Or just the symbol series. Symbol series. Moving on.

I'm living in a fuck you symbol It's the only fuck you symbol Visible from spice A fuck you symbol You mean just a rude finger? Yeah a rude finger A rude finger Yeah

Yeah It's an up yours From space it kind of looks like a peace sign It's not though No it's not It's an up yours. From space it kind of looks like a peace sign. It's not though. No, it's not. It's an up yours. Space.

Partial DNA. When are we going to start sending abusive messages to aliens? We're trying to broadcast stuff to the aliens. They haven't written back. We've been trying to broadcast the aliens for years. They haven't replied to a single text. I think it's only a matter of time before we start to get offended well you know what you know what fuck you guys fuck you guys if you don't want to talk to us we don't want to talk to you well that might be the the solution because i don't know if you've ever used twitter yeah but most of the stuff i put out to twitter i don't get any kind

of love or response yeah to it right and it either something that we, it's either we're not sending out something that's good enough into space or something directly at a particular species. Yeah. If we knew some alien celebrities that we could tweet, that we could troll, and then they'll retweet. And get them into like a flame war or something. Yeah. If they tell, like they take our message and show it to everybody

that they know, you know, and sort of follow them, then maybe they'll all attack us and then we'll make contact. Yeah. Okay.

I think there's a really funny thing in, like, a space agency that is trolling aliens. Okay? Just sending random abusive

messages out into space. You guys suck. You can't even reach us. Yeah. Yeah, right. Space agency. About how many light years their mother is around. How many parsecs, you know.

I heard the black hole at the center of the galaxy called and she wants you to come home for tea. Because it's your mum. It's your mum. Aliens. Yep. Your mum, so fat, she ate the Milky Way. The Galaxy, though, not the bar.

Not the chocolate bar. Oh, yeah. And not the Milky Bar. Not the Milky Bar. Not the Milky Bar. Why? She ate the milky bar. Not the milky bar. Not the milky bar. Why? She ate the milky bars. Your mum's so fat she ate all the milky bars.

Can you please replace them? Hey you dumb alien. Your mum's a big fatty and I don't think that that's good. Obesity is a real issue. Your mum's really fat and I'm worried about her health. Alien. Alistair, I just got a letter from the government. Apparently they've reclaimed my personal space.

They're going to put the entrance to the East-West Tunnel in it. It's a callback. I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah, it's going to be really noisy, especially when they're going to put the entrance to the East-West Tunnel in it. It's a callback. I'm so sorry to hear about that. Yeah, it's going to be really noisy, especially when they're doing the construction. For about two years or so. About two years. I'm worried I might fall into a sinkhole. Man, sinkholes are a big problem.

I read about another sinkhole today in England. Three houses are subsiding into a sinkhole. What the fuck is happening with sinkholes? Why is this not... I think we talked about this on the last episode. I don't think we can go back into... We can't sink back into this sinkhole of a conversation. No, but it feels...

It keeps drawing us in, Alistair. Andy, I feel like all I really want to talk about is sinkholes. Okay. Is it happening because of mining and... I feel like a lot of it is happening because of things that we're doing, which are changing the water table, probably a lot of the time. Mining is also another cause, yes. Probably fracking, I dare say, probably would cause it. Even a bit of fracking? I mean, because, yeah, I guess if there's gases trapped underground and we remove them, then their pressure is no longer there. Could we be taking out the gases but replacing them with another gas?

Inert gas. Some kind of inert gas that is obviously of a lesser value. Maybe carbon dioxide. Could we sequester the carbon dioxide, put it in there? Sequester? What, to appear in court? I don't know what that means. Sorry, that's a subpoena. Oh, yeah, that's right.

I mean, we could serve... We've been working on this carbon subpoenaing system in Queensland. We're hoping to... Getting it out of the air and into the prison system. Yeah. But could we fill the old gas holes with our garbage? There you go. I mean, doesn't it feel like we should be putting our garbage

into the core of the earth? Yes. That feels like recycling. I mean, that feels like as close as we're going to get to recycling a lot of the earth. Yes. Because like, if it's hot... That feels like recycling. I mean, that feels like as close as we're going to get to recycling a lot of this stuff. Because I mean,

look, the core of the earth, right? Hot. Hot. First of all, hot, it's going to melt

everything down, right? Even rock. Yeah. So even all those rocks we're done using... Waste rock, finish with a rock,

disposable rocks, chuck them, chuck them back into the core. I mean, people have been complaining about all these one-use rocks. Cavemen coming up with disposable things. Disposable rocks, single-use only. Back in my day, we used to fix the rocks.

We used to carve them into another rock. You knew how the rocks worked. You could service them. Now, this basalt, I wouldn't know where to start. All these sedimentary rocks, they just break apart. They're just made of layers. It's like using a vanilla slice to break something up. What is vanilla slice?

Caveman. to break something up. What is vanilla slice? Okay, man. It is vanilla slice that is two albino woolly mammoths sandwiched around a musk ox. Musk ox. Musk ox. A musk ox. Mm-hmm.

What is musk? Musk is a... There's a few different things. Musk is a smell that is released by animals during mating season, usually male animals, I think, release a musk. They can use it to mark their territory and also attract potential mates. So that's a musk, right? Femme deers.

Yeah, femme deers. I wish we could just put femme and man in front of everything. Instead of going sheep or cow and bull, man cow, femme cow. And also, man bull, femme bull. All right, sorry, continue with the musk. People would get sometimes, I think would get the scent glands of these animals and use them to make perfumes.

So like when you could have a perfume that was a musk, okay? Wow. And I think like it probably, they probably did things to sort of mellow out the smell of reindeer because you didn't want to go around smelling like a reindeer. But then also you get musk sticks. Now that's a flavour, but I believe it shares some kind of characteristic.

Right. So it's possibly a slightly pleasant thing. Could be a slightly pleasant thing. You can also talk about your personal musk. Oh, man, I've got a musk. Yeah, your man smell. Getting a musk on. That's not necessarily a pleasant thing

and not the sort of thing that I would like in a candy bar. No, well, getting a funk on is like getting your funk. Musk and a funk? Yeah. I got a musk funk. Funk musk. The man in the iron musk. Like, it's like a musk so dense.

Yeah. That it is solidified. Like, it's normally gaseous. Yep. But on Pluto, you can get a musk so thick that it's actually... Because you don't realize musk is actually a metal. It's iron. Yes.

Its elemental symbol is Fe. Is that iron? Yeah. It stands for musk. Yeah, it stands for musk. And if you go there, we could mine it, come back. Fuck. We could kill.

We could save so many reindeer's lives, and we could take over the goddamn perfume industry. Here's, sorry, Alistair. Pluto musk. That's all very interesting. It's not. Okay. But I have a thing for our, because we're also, look,

we're on the lookout for science sketches, okay? Because we're going to do some kind of science show one day, and we're going to do it to people who really, really love science. I don't know if you picked that up from this podcast, but we talk about science sometimes. Possibly to an alienating extent. But that's fine. Yes.

And here's a great concept, Alistair. Ferris Bueller's day off. But it's Ferris, F-E-R-R-O-U-S. Okay? Ferris Bueller, he's made from iron. And he's always attracting. He's got a magnetism to him. He does.

He has. He's magnetic personality. I don't know what it is. I'm going to rate that as 5.5. Okay. Thanks, Alistair. Every half sketch that I get on this podcast is just like a little half a notch on my half a bed post

just to let me know that I'm halfway there, you know? I think we can get at least six today. And it's not that I don't think that we've been getting good quality stuff. I just think we're on a bit of a roll. There's been barely a dull moment this one. I don't think there's been a dull moment. I mean, we could

create one now if you want. Okay. Maybe for a little while when I was talking about immigrants. Just saying the word immigrants feels bad, doesn't it? Yeah. Or ethnic. Oh, don't even. Andy, I'm just saying the words.

These are the words. Andy, do you think I'm ethnic? Do you think you're ethnic, Al? I mean, I like to think I am. No, I don't like to think I am. I like to say that I am. And that's pretty much as far as all that goes. Yeah. I don't even like to think that I am. It feels wrong to say it. And I think maybe that's why I like to say it. Well, yeah, it's interesting that like it feels wrong to say it about someone else. It feels wrong to say it about ourselves.

I mean, maybe it's just a wrong word now. It just doesn't have any use. I think I might keep saying it about myself. Maybe this word, ethnic, it no longer works. It's no longer useful in any way. We probably need to give it another job. Maybe ethnic now can be... A unit of measurement.

A unit of measurement. I mean, of how ethnic someone is. No! No, Alistair, no! No! I'm trying to make the world a better place. Oh, yeah, okay. But maybe we could have ethnic rulers.

It could be a cleaning product. We could have ethnic cleansing. I mean, they'd never allow that in Australia. It could be a cleaning product. I mean, that would be great. If you could just do... I mean, no, it wouldn't be great, actually, because a lot of people have died. I suppose in that way it wouldn would be great. If you could just do... I mean, no, it wouldn't be great, actually, because a lot of people have died. I suppose in that way it wouldn't be great.

But you'd just think it would be funny if they just turned it into a joke. But I suppose the sadness that a lot of people have experienced due to the actual phenomenon... Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon.

Phenomenon. I'momenon. Phenomenon. Phenomenon. I'm shaking my head, Alistair. I'm shaking my head. It's actually my friend Martin's idea. One time I said phenomenon and he did that. Yeah. I've done that.

We've all done that. Have we all done that? We've all done that. Is that something everybody does? Yeah, everybody does that. Phenomenon. Oh, and you didn't do it well. I mean, some-duh. Oh, Andy, you didn't do it well. I mean, some people do it, but some people, they don't do it well. Yeah.

Like a bloody... Phenomenon? Yeah, it's a phenomenon. Yeah. Phenomenal. A stare. Yeah. That was a dull point, wasn't it, when I said that?

Jesus Christ. It's probably the worst part of the podcast. Andy, do you remember when I was talking about immigrants though? Oh, yeah, no, this was definitely a lot worse.

Not for now. I mean, but, you know, if I was like, if I started, like, I don't know why Ronnie started to do it, like, doing comedy festival

shows that have, like, your name as a pun kind of thing. Yeah, so he had the Ron effect? Yeah, or the Ron way? The Ron way? Yeah. I think the Ron effect, Yeah, or the Ron way? The Ron way? Yeah.

I think the Ron effect, maybe it was that. One of them was like his podcast. Talking about... Ronnie Chang. Funny Melbourne comedian, Ronnie Chang. It's... He had Can You Do This, No You Can't? Yeah.

That doesn't have his name in it. That doesn't have his name in it. No, what about... I think the Times they are a changing... Changing. Changing. Changing. I'll submit that as a...

But I think this one might have Chang's change. I think he had one about money. It was like, cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Now I feel like it's starting money. It was like, cha-ching. Cha-ching. Cha-ching. Now I feel like it's starting to get... Is it? Oh, okay.

No, Andy, it's fine. Hey, this is just brainstorming. We're just coming up with great... We're brainstorming. No, but what I was going to say is that I wasn't doing those things like Will Anderson. Yeah. Or Willosophy. Oh, well, then I think we're starting to get racist.

I think it feels good to sort of do to do equal things like that. Yeah. If we balance it out that it should feel racist when we do it on white people. Yeah. But yeah but if you did

then you could do Phenomenal and I could do Owl Owl Lister Trombley Birch Owl that's yours. Yeah that's with owls.

It's with owls. I was taking out part of my name and putting owls in. Yeah. I mean, that's not something Will Anderson's doing, but you know. Owl Anderson. Will-owl-sophy?

Owl-sophy? You don't feel good about this? I don't feel good about where the podcast is going. It feels like we're just making sounds at this point. Yeah, but it's been good, though. Do you think we should just wrap it up? I think we should probably wrap it up. It's been a really good podcast.

Nip it in the bud, nip it in the bud, nip it in the bud. We've got to read the podcast and we've got to read the episode. Okay, so we've got... We are just making noises now. But that's what talking is

so don't worry about it. We've got one. It's MYOB for really smart people or books for various groups of people like books for dummies. Yes. You know, but, you know, it can be... Dickheads. Books for dickheads.

Middle class people. Yeah, dickheads. Lazy. Illiterate. Middle class. Willfully obtuse. People who own tulips. Yeah.

Maybe a tulip book. Yeah. How to care for tulips. Yeah. Maybe a tulip book. Yeah. How to care for tulips. For tulip owners. Or people who are... How not to keep tulips for tulip owners. Or how to keep tulips

for people who are soon going to own tulips. Anyway, number two is two mathematicians flopping out their infinities. One is a shower, not a grower. I have no idea how we're going to turn that into a sketch. It's going to be for a science show one day. Okay, great.

Yeah, you see? We've got 2.5 is selling off your personal space, personal gardening, you know, those kind of things. Maybe those people who drive those scooters, they drive those scooters with the sign on the back yeah I feel like that's what they've done they've sold off some of their personal space

and dignity yeah you know yeah oh there's people who you know wear sandwich boards oh yeah you don't see that much

anymore do you no but you know you get those people who try to sell charity stuff on the street yeah they're selling off that yeah ugh canvassers you know, you get those people who try to sell charity stuff on the street. Yeah. They're selling off that.

Yeah. Canvassers? You know, it must be horrible for people who actually make canvas. Like, you know, for painters and things like that. You're seeing signs that say no canvassing all the time. Yeah. Like, oh, mate. But also, you know, having their name. It's like they've basically had their whole name.

Like, they were highly regarded for a long time there. And now, you say, I'm a canvasser. You go, ugh, people spit on you. They just immediately just go for your jugular. Yeah, it would be really terrible if

those people, the canvassers, started calling themselves stomach operations. Do you think they should, yes, or just surgeons? Yeah, surgeons. Do you think for like six we could make canvassers

having their names ruined? 5.25? 5.75? No. I'm running it down. I refuse to let that happen. Alistair, stop it. I'm writing it down. I refuse to let that happen. Alistair, stop it. He's writing it down.

Yeah, I'm not going to let you read it out at the end of the podcast. I'll just talk over the top of you. It's fine. I feel like we talked about it during the time when it was time to talk about sketches. Okay. We've got claiming credit for things our genetic ancestors have done. I would almost feel like doing something like that as... Stand-up comedy. Stand-up comedy.

Absolutely go for it. It would make me feel good. It would make me feel really good. Yeah, do it. That could be a bit. There's ideas there for the taking. Yeah, I mean, a lot of the great ideas were yours. Well, now they're yours.

Indeed. I like the way that we socialize things because this would be a perfect example of how socialism would actually work where some people would do a little bit of work where they would have an idea and then somebody would actually do a lot of the meat of the work, a lot of the heavy lifting and things like that. And then the person who was only part of it would just take a lot of the credit.

Soviet Russia was a beautiful place. And their podcasts, I hear, were amazing. And their comedy scene, also great. I've heard that. Really? Yeah, the comedy scene is really, like, in Russia is booming. There you go. I was also going to say, in the

there's like these 40, there was like this book from years ago called, like, The 48 Laws of Power or something. Right. And it's like, I think apparently like a lot of rappers or, I'm not sure, people who are famous, some people follow these things, and some of them are like, never appear perfect or never appear too perfect. Oh, yeah. I need that written down.

No, no. But like, or things like, get other people to do things for you, but take all the credit. Oh, okay. You know, sort of like Steve Jobs. Yeah, that'll help you to never appear perfect if you're fucking constantly stealing people's ideas. It's perfect. Yeah, it's perfect. Almost too perfect.

Don't let anyone know how perfect it is. We got number four is a space agency trolling aliens. Maybe to get a response from them? Maybe. Yeah. Maybe finally get a bit of backlash from some of the alien supporters. Yeah, I mean,

it would just be nice to know that they're there. Yeah. Because at the moment, it feels like we're just yelling into a void. Yeah, it feels like they're ignoring us. Yeah. I thought my yelling into a void thing was funnier than it was,

because we actually are yelling into a void. Yeah, yeah, sorry, that's good. I should have given you some credit for that. No, Andy, don't feel bad. It's just at the Yeah, yeah. Sorry, that's good. I should have given you some credit. No, Andy, don't feel bad. It's just at the moment when we yell because sound is a compression wave. Yes. Really, it basically gets to the end of the atmosphere.

And you don't really hear it much after that. Yeah. Do you think the Earth makes a sound? Like if you're up in space, just in orbit, like let's say where the space station is, there must still be a thin atmosphere. I would say no. No?

No. I mean, there might... Look, I don't think you would call it an atmosphere. There would still be particles, occasional particles, but they would be so far apart that, like, the laws of gases wouldn't apply to them. Oh. And so there wouldn't be that transmission of vibration

between the particles. It'd have to be something really loud. So you don't think the Earth itself makes a sound? It'd be pretty amazing if it did. I mean, you might be able to get really high up in the atmosphere. Yeah. So you're still within that sort of boundary of whatever you need for Bernoulli's laws or whatever it is, Pascal's laws, some bloke's laws of gases to apply.

Then you might still be able to detect some sounds. Yeah. Would they be the sounds of the Earth? This is the sound I think the Earth would make. No, no, that's a fridge. Can we wait? No, I think I got it. No, here. That's quite good.

Yeah, I like that a lot. Like a train passing. Yeah, but in the distance. Smooth. Oh, like maybe one of those ones that have magnets. Maglev train. Maglev. Maglev sound world.

That's what we should call Earth instead. That's probably what the aliens call us. Yeah, that's why. And it's so lame that that's what probably what the aliens call us. Yeah. That's why. And it's so lame that that's why they don't communicate with us. Alright, we got

five is cavemen one-use rocks. Yep. You know, it's basically self-explanatory. It's basically explains itself.

When I wrote it down it might look like it says cavemen one-use cocks but we know that that's not what it is. Alistair, you and I both know

that that's not what you meant. Nobody builds a disposable cock. Nobody. No cock is one use only. You bloody get your money's worth out of a cock when you get one. 5.5. Sorry, I said that.

5.5. Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Ferris Bueller's Day. I suppose it would be nice for him to have a day off because it would just be so heavy to lug around. Yeah. Oh. You know what, Ferris?

You're really dense. And that scene where he's in the swimming pool, he'd probably rust. Oh, Rusty Bueller. And all his friends would call him Rusty. That's a very valid nickname. Rusty's a pretty cool nickname. Yeah.

Unless you're red-headed. You think? Oh, maybe it's better if you're red-headed. I think it's fine. Anyway, Rusty, like, you're probably not going to ever achieve anything. No. But, mate, you're going to have so many friends. Yeah.

And if people, and if you ever cut someone, they have to get a tetanus shot. There you go. That's good. First they get Lockjaw. Imagine having your superpowers that you can give people Lockjaw. Your superpower. Yes.

This is the worst of the X-Men, but here's the guy who gives people Lockjaw. No, I didn't say what superpower would you have, I said what soup or power would you have? Gazpacho? Electric? Vegetable broth?

Hydraulic? These are your options. Soup or power? Soup or powder. Soup or powder. Do you want gumbo, or do you want talcum yes super powder oh yeah or uh stock paste or um cocaine or citric acid powder powder and then the last one is canvas canvassers having your names changed by uh canvassers coca leaky or tang um all right uh cream of mushroom?

Yes, good. Or sand? You call sand a powder? I would call sand a powder. I wouldn't call sand a powder. Really fine sand. I wouldn't call sand a powder. No, I wouldn't call sand a powder.

No, I wouldn't call sand a powder. No, I wouldn't call sand a powder. I wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call sand a powder. Aren't you going to join me? We're trying to outro the book. I have one more. Campbell's Extra Chunky or Caster Sugar? You really left me pocketing it. Wouldn't call sand a powder.

Wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call, wouldn't call sand a powder. No, I wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call, wouldn't call sand a powder. Wouldn't call Santa powder. Wouldn't call, wouldn't call Santa powder. No, I wouldn't call Santa powder. Wouldn't call, wouldn't call Santa powder. Yeah.

See you later.