Two In The Think Tank - 370 - "SCIFICLIST"

Episode Date: February 24, 2023

Caring Facts, Eternal Party Hell, Macro-Cleaning-Parasyte, Personal Blob Microclimate, Enter the Cancelverse, 'The Hours' but for being canceled, Scificlist, half human half tree.Tickets for Al's comedy festival show are here: Alasdair Tremblay-Birchall (No Relation)Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

um alistair before we start the podcast i have some really exciting breaking andy's financial situation news i realize we haven't talked about my financial situation for a long time on on the show but um uh just as we're about to hit record uh you will know this alistair i got a call from the mechanic telling me that my car that my entire family needs to drive in and my new baby needs to ride in my baby is arriving next week my car is broken and will cost more to fix than the car is worth in money andy i thought you were gonna have i thought you were gonna have another announcement that i could then make fun of your financial problems know, by undercutting your wonderful announcement. But the fact that now you make fun of yourself with your own financial

problems is a, is a wonderful thing. I think for a long time, I've been making fun of myself by the way I get into these situations. And I'm just, yes, I'm just trying to take back control of the narrative. Well, that's great

andy yeah it's the only thing that i can take control of now that my car is no longer on the road you're taking back the term poor loser all right alice you got any announcements uh yeah you could buy tickets to my comedy festival show. That's great. Melbourne International Comedy Festival. Check it out on Google. And if you buy tickets to Alistair's comedy festival show, then maybe he will, next time we catch up, offer to pay for the coffees.

That's right. And that, in turn, feeds back into me and helps me in my financial situation. So every little bit counts. And this has been another mini episode of Andy's financial problems. Right before we go into the two in the think tank, you ready? Hello and welcome to two in the think tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas.

I'm Andy. I'm Alistair George William Trombley Virgil. And Andy, for the first time, I think both of our music inputs, I think, were in the same style. They were both in the same tone and style. They both had a kind of like, you 80s 70s kind of synth vibe yeah okay yeah i've been listening to a bit of the weekend recently and he's got a bit of that that influence in some of his music i think that's great i didn't know you're a big weekend remy's remy's our youngest son his favorite song our current youngest son, our youngest son, his favorite song, our current youngest son, the incumbent youngest son, is a song called Starboy.

Starboy? Yeah, includes a lot of words that I'm not completely sure our son should be enjoying in a song. But that's okay. He doesn't know what they mean. Well, my child who is seven watches a lot of rupaul's drag race with indiana yes yes and so otis's big thing now is is some saying like hey oh it's okay i'm gonna go to a gig but it says okay see you daddy and before you go don't fuck it up all right i feel comfortable about this yeah i feel very comfortable i mean that's actually pretty cool though yeah i bet that actually makes you feel

puts a spring in your step it does actually put some a spring if not uh at least one of those uh one of those sort of blades that you put on somebody who doesn't have legs um you know one of those running blades yeah it's a shame they call them a blade oscar pistorius oscar pistorius style running leg blades um it is a shame that they call them a blade because i of course bought one on uh aliexpress thinking i could use it to chop up my vegetables. And I tell you what, the day that I had a disability advocate over for dinner, boy, was my face red. Alistair, a common, like, we're not doing it so much anymore

But back in the era when, you know, internet comedy was Things X say or things X don't say, right? Remember that? Yeah There was also a lot of stuff that was like Let's take a child's conversation and have it spoken by adults Or let's get kids and get them to talk like they're having an adult pretend like they're having a business meeting you know that

kind of thing yeah and i think we should bring that back i think that was a really fun and exciting time in comedy and i'm sad that that wave is broken so so we should come up with some new twists on that like what are some different ages that we could do what if we got a conversation right we record a conversation it's it's 60 year olds yeah talking but then we get that acted out by 95 year olds i mean i think oh that i mean that could be very good and they go oh, Oh, I'm thinking about retiring. That kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

But Jimmy's, you know, Jimmy's just finishing high school. No, I don't know. Wow. Late. Yeah.

Late father. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, think about it. Oh no. Yeah. No, you're right.

That is a very late father. I was like, is that what normally happens? But I don't think that's the case. Cause yeah. Yeah. Cause I guess if you're, if you're a 30 year old and then your kid turns 30, but then why is think that's the case. Because, yeah, yeah, because I guess if you're a 30-year-old and then your kid

turns 30, but then why is your kid finishing high school at 30? Just raises more questions. Yeah, but then I guess, but Andy, you know, let's say somebody was almost 40 and about to have a kid. Let's say then when their kid finishes at 18, you're

sort of almost 58. Yeah. I guess in that hypothetical scenario, I could imagine that. That's actually scaring me a fair bit, Alistair. That's making me feel, I'm going to say, quite bad.

So you take that back. You take that back. You take that back what I did. You take that back what I did. You take that back, I did You take that back what I did You take that back That accurate description of events That mathematically true Statement You take that back what I did

So Is there a sketch in that? Is there a sketch in that? I don't know Let's see a sketch in that? Is there a sketch in that? I don't know. Let's see. Somebody getting upset and saying, you take that back. Somebody doing mathematics.

Somebody adding two numbers together and the other person saying, you take that back. You take that back. But I hate the number two. But you realize that you and I, you're one and I'm one, and together we're two. You take that back.

I'm never going to be two. What about this, you know, they say facts don't care about your feelings. Maths doesn't care about your feelings. What about we invent a new kind of maths that does care about your feelings? Oh, see, that is nice yeah i mean the interesting thing is actually nothing except for people or except for some people that do care about your feelings right rocks don't care about your feelings yeah yeah it's true sky doesn't care about your feelings but um it looks like it does because it's crying because it sometimes seems like it's crying the sky yeah yeah well your feelings definitely care about the

sky but uh yeah i don't know if it goes the other way the sky so wait so i do like sorry andy i do like the idea of the maths that does care about or facts maths or facts that care about your care about your feelings um you know it could be a new wikipedia where when you go to wikipedia you tell it how you're feeling and then it gives you then it gives you the news gives you the the the facts does a little survey maybe you talk and it analyzes your voice and your mood. Or it is a, yeah, you know, like I feel like, you know, was it Nash, the beautiful mind guy? He, you know, came up with new kind of mathsy kind of things. We could do one with that where a guy is coming up with new maths

that does care about your feelings. This is not a good description of anything. This is terrible. Yeah. You know this thing? What if we came up with a different thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, there's probably a way that you could,

I mean, because this does feel like, you know, there's definitely a joke in there, especially if you're giving, let's say you're performing this on stage and you're sort of just giving a long description of this thing and then you go at the end, you go, and what you have there is a fact that does care about your feelings. Yeah.

It's got a structure to it. We've come up with a good structure. That's a good bit of closure at the end there. This would be another good right-wing sketch, which we are also good at coming up with occasionally. Oh, yeah. The other day, I was kind of pitching stuff the other day at work, and I was like, and then I went,

so we went, I think that's from the wrong angle. And I went, Oh, yeah, you're probably right. I don't really know anymore. What were you? What were you? What was the point? What were you trying to? I was like, kill them all! Kill them all! Oh, yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Okay. That's a friend of mine, Melissa McLenzie, who's doing this show at Comedy Festival,

where she's Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is currently reading Sarah Huckabee Sanders' autobiography. And the first chapter is called Kill Them All. Wow. I mean, I was like, i don't even know what context in in which that would be okay okay yeah that's a really strong start yeah yeah you gotta you gotta yeah i mean i guess you you know it's like it's like anything you want to you know kids these days you got to drop them in the middle of the action you know they got to start you got to, yeah, I mean, I guess, you know, it's like anything. You want to, you know, kids these days, you got to drop them in the middle of the action. You know, they got to start, you got to start with,

you got to get their attention. And I think that's it. That's the equivalent of starting in a fight scene, that chapter heading. Maybe it's about wild boar and stuff like that, you know, hogs and pigs. Could be about hogs. That's a big that, you know, hogs and pigs. Could be about hogs. That's a big thing.

You know, she is from Arkansas, so she might have Arkans seen some pigs. As she was starting to write, you know, often people write near a window. Yeah, Arkansas some pigs. Arkansas some pigs. Arkansas some pigs. I can saw some pigs. I can saw some pigs. Are you spelling that? I space C-A-N. C-A-N.

S space S-A-W. Yeah, although I'm actually spelling it S-E-E-C. I can see, but I'm pronouncing seesaw. Seesaw. Yeah, seesaw. I'm pronouncing C-saw. C-saw. Yeah. C-saw. I'm pronouncing C-saw. C-saw.

You all go? C-saw. There we go. This is – where are we going with any of this? Andy, I'm not sure. I can't remember where we were going because I derailed us. Kill them all. Kill them all. It all it was it was starting

because me starting to talk about right wing accidentally pitching right wing uh comedy that's right that's yeah well when you were describing her reading that book i thought where it was going to go with was and she started she makes a lot of good points she's starting to really connect with her and understand where she's coming from. But that isn't where you went with it. And I appreciate that. It was very much a different direction. Yeah. I like choosing a few different directions.

Which I use on my... Which I always pick using my comedy compass. And so I tell a joke to it and that joke induces a magnetic field that tells me whether or not it is, you see, this is because I keep making this mistake. So I've had to get this comedy compass, uh, and it now tells me whether or not my, uh, my joke is going left or right or bang up the middle.

Bang up the middle. Citrus. Yeah. The northern joke. Bang up the middle. Bang up the middle. Centrist. Yeah. Centrist comedy. And the northern joke. Because, of course, left is west and east is right. Yes, of course.

Hang on. I had some... Oh, what about this? I don't know if this is a comedy concept, but it could be a horror concept, right? But what about – it's some kind of a movie or something, some sort of media, some form of media in which the gist is we've got rid of the death penalty. And now the punishment for people who do unspeakable crimes is that they are not allowed to die right and they they we keep them alive as they get older and older and older right like i think i i think i assume they still age maybe they they don't age. That's a slightly different thing. But like that we basically refuse to let them die

and they just sort of decay and get in more pain and suffering. It's awful. It's awful. I'm so sorry. I mean, yeah, you're kind of describing modern society. Yeah, yeah. But this is now as a form of punishment for the crimes that we've done, right?

Now, is there any way to turn that into something funny as opposed to awful? No, I mean, yeah, yeah, okay, let's see. Like what if Groundhog Day, right, but it is a punishment for something he's done wrong. Right? Because he obviously gets very unhappy at a certain point in that. And, you know, he's having a bad time.

For punishments. Okay. So he is, yeah. I mean, the eternity of having to relive like the same hour or, I mean, that would be true the same five minutes yeah i mean what if you were what if you were at a party right you're at a party and you and you're having these you know awkward conversations with people there are people there that you don't like you're trying to leave right you keep trying to leave the party but you can't for whatever reason. And you've been there.

You start to ask yourself, like, how long have I been at this party? And you try and remember arriving at the party. You realize you can't remember arriving at the party, okay? You can't leave the party. And you slowly over time realize that you are in hell, right? This is you are suffering some kind of eternal punishment. Like maybe I've always been at this party. What have I done?

And you try and work it out. Yeah. In theory, it should be a good time, right, because it's a party. But this awful realisation that that's not – I think this would be a great film. Yeah. Right? Where at some point you go, I don't remember coming to this party.

It's like, oh, dude, you've just had too much whatever you've had. Yeah, yeah. And then, like, you know, I guess you've got that great ending, right? What is the great ending? Where you end it where you don't reveal. Like maybe the person does something crazy and attacks somebody or jumps out a window or whatever, and you don't reveal whether or not they actually – what the truth was, whether or not they actually

were in hell or not. And that's what art is. That's how you make people think something is clever you don't you know you end it just at that moment where you don't reveal the actual truth you're allowed to know but you don't tell anybody how deep into a party um that you're at for eternity before like i guess because like before everybody realizes but i think what what happens is is that because let's say let's say you're at the beginning of the party and somebody

is freaking out right and then yeah but the kind of main character is like oh geez somebody's had too much or whatever yeah and then it's not until 15 minutes later or whatever into the movie or half an hour late this person realizes that they don't remember how they got to the party yeah how long they've been there for right yes but but then uh there's so then they eventually go through their sort of freak out arc of realization and stuff. But then maybe they do jump out of the window, right? But then they wind up back in the party. Either they don't remember how they got there again or they just end up back in there.

And so at some point, because you would realize that if one person was realizing and then yelling and then all the other ones would realize that at some point it would just kind of all come crashing down and then it wouldn't be a party anymore. But at some point, people might have to lean into acceptance that they're at a party. And actually, this is a fun time. And they may as well have fun. It's a question of whether or not the other people who are at the party are real people or whether or not they are just some part of the experience. They're demons. They're in some way there to torment you.

Or maybe they're all just versions of the same person at different stages of their own. But there is something interesting about the concept of eternity and also your own mental state that in order to get through anything, you've probably got to, instead of freaking out, you probably do have to just go with it. And maybe we're picturing that it would be really hard because you're just picturing getting tired really early. You know, I can't possibly party anymore anymore i can't have any more fun this this is accurate yeah this is actually i mean you picture going to a party as already being something bad that's right i walk in through the front door and i or i i I worry, is this hell? Am I in hell? I don't remember how I got here.

How am I ever going to get out? You jump out the window. He just walks in the front door straight to the window. Straight out the window. Oh, thank God I broke my legs. You call this movie Till Death Do Us Party. party all right it doesn't make any sense that doesn't make any sense i mean if it were to be that it would have to be a wedding reception or something to make the the wedding that the wedding pun have meaning i'm sure there are a billion

albums by punk bands called till death do us party it's the worst and lamest name in the world. I'm writing it down for you. But it's locked in. It's locked in. I've already signed the deal with MGM. Oh, wow. Yeah. I'm attached.

I like how when they're talking about movies, they talk about somebody being attached to it. I picture them suckering on like a like one of those fish like a remora like one of those ones that suctions to the to the glass yeah yeah i think they also suck onto sharks and stuff like that yeah i think that's oh yeah i think that's really cool i wonder if it'd be good to have one of those for us. Yeah, interesting. A suction animal of some sort that suctions onto us. And then maybe instead of having to shower all the time,

something that kind of... You've got to scrape them off? No, no, but they go around, they clean you up. They love... Whatever you're shedding, they want right so they're yeah so that you know i mean dead skin cells dirt sweat like that they get in there they lick under your armpits they clean them up are they licking you is it like a sort of a you know they're cleaning you with their tongues?

Yeah, I would say that there's some of that, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think that's great. I picture it as a little monkey. Yeah, right. Okay, I picture it as a, you know, it's pink and fleshy. Yeah, but maybe that's, you know, maybe that's too sexual or something or a bit too human. Like a vagina, kind of like a revolver type situation. No, I guess I was picturing more phallic, actually. Because I guess I'm just picturing a version of those fish that cling onto the sharks.

Yeah, sure. But, you know, I think a macro parasite for humans would be really interesting um i'm writing little macro parasite right creature why would you write little macro parasite because the whole point of it is that supposed to be large i know that's why i mentioned it to you because of the contradiction but i'd already written the the word little and then i thought macro parasite does sound good so then i've added creature as well because so that we don't think that it's just like a a um you know parasite makes you think of single-celled organisms i mean unless it's a large single-celled organism. What about a... Go on.

I mean, you know, I think I like those fish things because they actually do probably put their whole suction cup mouth into your armpit and just... And then kind of just like completely clean up the whole area like that. How do you feel about this? A parasite that is bigger than you, right? It's larger than you are. You can't remove it for whatever reason.

And so, you know, maybe it floats along. It's full of gas or maybe it rolls along. It doesn't slow you down necessarily, but it does make it harder to get into spaces. I guess you've got to have bigger doors or whatever but like it it it is this it's a it's a big it's a huge parasite it wraps parts of its tendrils around your um nervous system so that it's impossible to remove it without killing you and then just everybody has these things that are attached to them yeah i mean you could imagine in a situation where everything you know ecosystems start collapsing that you might have to create little micro

climates microbiomes around yourself and something something that involves like a uh you know some you know a large kind of oozy kind of, you know, creature that provides you what you need. Well, I mean, this is quite similar to what we had. Is this like last week where we had gunk? We had some sort of goo? Like we were squirting into filling in the gaps in ecosystems? Yeah, no, no, no. That was just, that was covering everything to just preserve it.

Whereas this is now something that we carry with us. Because remember, humans had left Earth while we tried to just find a way to save it. Whereas this one, we're choosing to stay. Right. But we have to then kind of be covered in sort of various macro parasites. in sort of various macro parasites.

It's almost like a type of soft coral that can go around you. What about this? It's like a sort of a living terrarium thing. It's a fleshy globe-shaped blob. So the world is is uninhabitable but what we have is we've created these things and there is a little ecosystem inside this this sort of living blob right and that is attached to you and to your lungs and to your you know to your um waist, your genitals and your bum hole, right? And so now instead of having a big world that supports us all as a group, it's this future in which individually individuals are able to have

individual responsibility, okay? It doesn't make sense that the earth should provide oxygen for everybody. If you want to be alive you should have your own fleshy symbiote that has you know weird bacteria and stuff inside it that filters and produces oxygen and yeah all that kind of thing and we drag it around yeah and when you go to like a you know like a a restaurant or something like that or like any kind of food place they don't give you food because you're you're you're sort of your symbiote blob um offers you food what they do is they offer you a different spores that can go in there and kind of compete with the others which might change the flavor of certain you know of the food that you get in um yeah through your nostrils or with it you know or whatever it is you know it just kind

of helps uh balance your your biome allows you to for for the uh for the spores you consume to be slightly different you know yeah yeah maybe they also have a big lamp that you can put your biome under so that it can get some more energy to photosynthesize and produce more whatever. So you're just kind of like breathing in this thing and then it just turns your CO2 into oxygen and things like that. Yeah, I guess it has kind of hyperplants. and things like that. Yeah, I guess it has... It's just like kind of hyperplants.

I imagine it having weird little fleshy finger-type legs all over the bottom of it and it scuttles along next to you. Yeah, I could picture it kind of rolling a little bit, you know, rolling with that. Rolling, yeah, yeah, sure. Like, you know, instead of a rolling ooze as well. You know, I mean, I think each person is going to have their own versions. This is going to have their own versions.

This is going to be very deep into the sort of the bioengineering world when we accept a lot more wetware and not just for its processing abilities but also for the way in which it can be better than a wheel and things like that. I mean, essentially, you're kind of wearing a beanbag. Yeah, that's right. A beanbag that might even be dragging along the ground. But it's teaching it to move out of the way when you want to consummate a relationship

with your beloved, you know? Yeah, of course. I mean, at some point, I guess we could train these things to get these things. Or maybe you just keep your genitals in a little test tube kind of thing. You know, underpants become a little test tube area where you go, oh, I can't allow the creature, the symbiote, to go over that area, even though it wants to.

It's always trying to get in there. You go, no, no, no, that's only for my beloved. Yeah, great. He pushed the symbiote out of the way so that you can shove your test tubes together. Yeah, you kind of have to create a little airlock between you and your beloved before you make love. Make the love. The love. The making of the love. The making of all the love. Make the love. The love. The making of the love.

The making of all the love. Yeah, I mean, that's horrifying. Yeah. I mean, but, you know, at some point we got to do it. Do you think, I was just looking up before, well, actually, between when we first spoke on the phone and then you got that phone call telling you that you're in the hole another five grand. Or no, you would be if you were to choose

to fix your car that you can't afford to. But you're just going to stay out on your campsite, right? Yeah, that's right. Just tell your beloved. I have to make the choice. It looks like it's going to be a home birth, hon. I'll prepare some hot water and towels. We're going to shelter in place, honey.

That's right. I'm going to barricade the windows. It's not a hurricane. I know, but I'm going to do it anyway. I need something to do right now. I'm a bit stressed. Yeah. But anyway, while you were taking your phone call,

I started looking up how many salt lakes there are don't you think we should like is there has anyone ever considered we just refill all the salt lakes with salt with ocean water as a way to reduce the ocean the water levels yeah i don't know i don't know how much of a big dent it will make in terms of the ocean levels but um but would it help the land for there to be somehow but yeah but wouldn't it help the land in some way for there to be more water around i don't know if it helps if it's salt water i don't know what that achieves but i mean yeah it's only that the salt water will only be salt water in the on the salt flat or you know on the salt lake right which it already is salty and so that's already fucked right that's fine so yes the it's the other part where where

then it gets evaporated and then falls and things like that. I mean, the whole centre of our country is desert and things like that, right? Yeah, I mean, I don't know if they can track individual... Do they know where the evaporation... Like, I don't know. If you put water in the middle of Australia, I don't know if the rain would then fall where you want it to, or does it evaporate there and then fall somewhere else? I mean, that's a possibility, yeah.

Because the air is moving, the MS is moving. There's also just going to be more water in the air. In the air, that's true, and maybe that will help more precipitation. Yeah, there's some creatures, some plants that live off of just the fog, the mountain fog and things like that like the moisture from you can get anything you need with uber eats well almost almost anything so no you can't get an ice rink on uber eats but iced tea and ice cream yes we can deliver that uber eats get almost almost anything order now product availability may vary by region. See app for details.

The mountain fog. So there is, you know, things like that. Anyway, I just think that Mountain Dew, they live off of Mountain Dew. Dew. Dew. Mountain Dew. I can't say it like that. Dew? It's so funny when people say

you know, like, it's so funny when people say you know like it's so funny when people say they say putin's name putin it's like it's it really is like a quite a like a i mean i don't you know i don't want to protect this guy in any way but i don't think his name is P-U-T-E-N. P-U-T-E-N. That's okay. I don't think that counts as protecting him. I don't think you are apologising for anything that he's done or saying that he's right. I don't think he's right.

NATO started the war in Ukraine, which so many people on Twitter are saying. And it just feels like transparent Russian propaganda. Like, I know that we also are exposed to propaganda in the West. Absolutely. But just this one, like, I'm like, anyway, I feel like it feels, I'm pretty sure that Russia started the war. I'm pretty sure.

Yeah. I'm with you, Edie. But that said, Putin? Yeah. No, yeah. On that one, I'm with you. I'm completely with you. I'm with that. I'm completely with you. I'm on Russia's side.

Yes. But everything else, I'm on... I'm a big supporter of Putin. Just the pronunciation, not the person, but the Putin pronunciation. It's too late, I've already clipped that out and put it on Twitter. Yeah, okay. This is Andy Matthews. Finally.

I could get cancelled. I know, but Andy, once you get cancelled, you get access to the other audience, the dark audience, which is an audience who want to see people only because they've been cancelled and then they go oh i have so much disposable income for people who have been cancelled like that it's true that you you go to the cancel verse right you travel through a portal

into the the world of those who have been cancelled, this shadowy afterlife, which also happens at the same time as regular life and also you're able to get a lot of media attention. You're able to get on television in Australia talking about how you were cancelled, which is crazy because it's so hard to do that otherwise yeah and then um and then and the thing is that you don't have to you don't have to actually develop any new material because because it's the conservative side they try to conserve the same jokes right and so they want that's the whole point the whole point and so they want you

to say they want you to go out there and they want you to say it's outrageous all of this woke culture like that and then they'll cheer and whoop and probably laugh because they're actually way they're way more supportive than the other the other audiences Give us the old gear. That's exactly what they want. Nothing new, please. Same old, same old. Just hit me with it. All right.

This woke culture is bullshit. Woo! Woo! Yeah! They've never been happier i mean could you even imagine just being at that roseanne show that one do you see the clip of her doing stand-up you go no no um it's just like some it's like fox News started doing comedy specials. And all it is, is just somebody who's way too angry. Just going, you know, like she's angry with her own children, I guess it seems like from her thing.

And they're just like, you never had to struggle. You know, my pronouns are kiss my ass, get a job or whatever it was. Yeah, right. You know, that's what they're there for. Yeah. Not the kids. I don't think that's what their kids are there for. Imagine if your pronouns were get a job.

How does that work? Yeah, that is actually quite, you think saying they is difficult. Yeah. You think saying they is difficult. Yeah. So we've got a new employee. Get a job is from? Yeah. Get a job is from television.

And get a job has had a bit of time off due to being cancelled. And get a job is a bit angry about that still. And so we're going to be a little bit careful around get a job. So if you have been cancelled, I mean, how long do you think until we on the left consider that people who have been cancelled are viable subjects to have their organs harvested to support the people who haven't been cancelled? to support the people who haven't been cancelled. You know, it could be that if we defeat death, right, we find a way to make people live forever. Oh, man, I want that so bad.

Then being cancelled will be the new kind of death. That'll take the role of death, right? Sure. And then I guess... Having a conservative audience, that's going to hell. Yes. That is the afterlife, you know, appearing on that kind of right-wing circuit is, you know, that's your body decomposing and returning to the earth. Your body decomposing and returning to the earth. I mean, if we are living in – I don't think I could even try and explain what I was thinking about then.

That's what makes it more interesting, I think. Well, okay. So, like, what if that is already what's happened, right? And people who die, right, on some level the way the universe – the reality that we can't perceive, right, is that death – because we're just living in a simulation created by our own brains, right? What if the reality that we are living in is one in which there is no death, there is cancel culture, and what we perceive as bodies degrading and dying, stopping to function, is actually just a representation in our minds of a deeper reality, which is that people um are being cancelled right by by woke reality by um woke entropy by whatever it is and uh and the so that what that would mean is that when we think we hear ghosts or people think they see ghosts those are just that person's continued career in a sort of a metaphysical right wing uh media sphere okay right so there's all of this stuff that what we think constitutes

life and death is in fact just a our's representation of the media careers of an organism that we are just a projection of existing in a completely different reality. It's beautiful, Andy. There's a version of that, what's that Nicole Kidman movie where she's, the twist is that she's a ghost. Is that a Nicole Kidman movie? Yeah. Isn't that The Sixth Sense?

No, no. One with a Nicole Kidman as a ghost. Is that The Others? Is that The Others? Yeah. So, yeah. Is that the others? Is that the others?

Yeah. So, yeah. So, she's in a house and maybe with her kids. And so, then she thinks the house is haunted. But she's the ghost. That's a great twist. At the end, it turns out that she's the ghost, right? And that they had actually died.

But it's that. But the twist is that at the end, you find out that they've actually been cancelled. And they live. And that's why no one can hear them or listen to them. Yeah. And they're writing horrible things on the walls in blood. But that's because that's the only way that they can get their message across and be heard by the mainstream. Yeah.

That's right. Hang on. Yeah, go. Sorry. I guess in my one, everything that we think is our existence is actually just a metaphorical representation of something occurring in a plane. So rather than us being a projection onto four dimensions of an 11-dimensional reality, is a metaphorical description of a sociopolitical dynamic for creatures vastly more complex and difficult to understand than ourselves.

Imagine that. Imagine if we're just metaphors, Alistair. How would we prove that? I was looking at this because yesterday i was trying to write a joke and obviously i'm gonna start looking at stuff to do with uh how because like the i think the nobel prize for physics this year went to the people who've who've basically shown that the universe is non-local isn't isn't is no is not locally real i love that i didn't know that but that's incredible it feels like you shouldn't be is not locally real. Right.

I love that. I didn't know that, but that's incredible. It feels like you shouldn't be allowed to prove that kind of stuff. That's fucked up. It's too disturbing. Yeah. So essentially the idea that things, that like a tomato, when you're not looking at it, when it isn't being observed, doesn't exist.

They've proven that? I think that's what... So babies were right about object permanence then? Yeah, actually... I'd like to apologise to babies. Oh my God, because that means that actually babies aren't learning something that's there. They're having to learn a correction.

Yeah. Wow, it's like but and then because yeah and so me trying to write a joke about what is the purpose of existence and then saying well basically uh it seems like current physics is stating that actually things don't exist. They only, we only, we create them in our mind. Yeah. And so, and that includes all things, rocks and people, and including the concept of purpose. And so we have to ask, well, why did we create purpose? This is a real nightmare.

Yeah, I don't know. Not only do we have to create our own purpose, we have to create a reason to create a purpose. Thanks a lot. Yeah. A purpose for purposes. The whole thing seems to me like it's a we live in some much more difficult to understand kind of universe

in some way that it's probably encoded on the edge of a black hole or something like that. Remember how all the information is supposed to be encoded on the surface of something? It's got something to do like that, right? And more like a 5D projection on a 3D surface or whatever it is, those kinds of things. And so we can't possibly understand what that coding looks like

on the edge of a circle. But the way that we manifest the universe is in a way so that it is understandable so that we can get around and do things and probably our our interpretation of the universe is something that has evolved over time and it's the the model for how we see the world is probably a big part of evolution and why a certain maybe that's why we beat that's why we beat neanderthals there's just something different in how we perceive like because or else why does why did we beat them they probably just hung out in smaller groups and we were more mean but um but and we had sex with them and took their DNA. Took their DNA.

We took all their good bits, that big Neanderthal brow so that you could keep some sun out of your eyes. Yeah. Don't have to wear a baseball cap. Well, we still do. That's the thing. Well, we still do. That's the thing.

As a nod to our non-Neanderthalic ancestry. Yes. Anyway, I don't know what... Alistair, what is this podcast anymore? What are we doing? Two idiots try and explain their understanding of how the universe is impossible to explain or understand. This is, I really, if anyone's listening to this, I really appreciate you. And thank you very much for making us feel, giving us an excuse to say this shit.

Yeah, I think, yeah, it's just a weird thing where I'm like, I think everything is code. Everything is code. Maybe that's why in my mind I'm like, ah, yes, it's all code. And that's why none of the stuff is really real. These are just manifestations of the code going processed through our brain. But, of course, that seems silly as well. Because why would we have this? I hope this is my plan, right?

As I die, I hope I have the forethought to say, I'm being cancelled. Help. That would be really nice, actually. As a white man, my voice is being silenced. I hope I could get that out with my final breaths. Yes. It would be great if I was being stabbed to death.

Yeah. Help, I'm being cancelled. My woke heart is killing me. My woke heart is silencing me. Sorry. No, the woke passage of time. Yeah, I know. But you've got to die of something.

It can't just be the passage of time. But maybe you're right. All right. All right. Fine. No, Andy, yours is've got to die of something. It can't just be the passage of time. But maybe you're right. All right, all right. Fine. No, Andy, yours is funnier. I'm sorry. Thank you, Alistair. But I thought maybe we could go for less funny things these times.

We always go for the funny one, Andy. Yeah, all right. So now we've got to go to three words from a listener, Andy, because we have enough um universe analyzing things uh and today i think i don't think we've done this one um we've got uh it's from jerry del jaduce i don't know if i ever said his name jaduce jaduce jaduce jaduce jaduce del jaduce so jerry has sent in three words from a listener from uh and the listener he chose this time was jerry del jaduce and uh he supports us on patreon it's kind. And then he sent in three words that Jerry would like you to try and guess what they are. Okay.

The first word is underlay. You know what? I bet you we've already done this because I think he sent trois mots. He sent trois mots. I don't remember that. I don't remember that. But maybe he did. Wasn't there a time where we both started speaking French? Trois mots? Do you know what trois mots means? But I don't remember that. I don't remember that, but maybe he did. Wasn't there a time where we both started speaking French?

Trois mots? Do you know what trois mots means? Yeah, but I don't know if it was related to that. Okay, great. So is it underlay? No, it's not underlay. It's horrible. It's a horrible word.

This word is horrible. What is it? Horrible? Yes. That's great. This word is horrible What is it? Horrible? Yes That's great What about we do a new version of Who's on First? Right? But the name of the person on first base is Second Basement

Yeah, that's good. Will that work? Yes. No, and then what this person on second is, it's, no, it's me. And the name is, it's me. No, it's me is the name of the person on second base. Okay. The second word is horrible um uh noodle horrible

noodle noodle no andy no no no no no it's not anything to do with food it's hybrid horrible hybrid animals horrible hybrid animals uh Andy, it's close. You went for fauna, but actually it's horrible hybrid. Hyacinths? Horticulture. Horticulture. Horrible hybrid horticulture. Oh, man. Yeah, well, you know, we know that you can graft a uh i was thinking about a limb of a tree onto a

plant or another tree onto another tree but could you graft a human limb onto a tree i thought you could there be some but but wouldn't a branch of like from an apple tree on your back on your back well that's good as well but for some reason, the idea of a tree with arms, with human arms, I find quite awful. Well, to shoo the birds away. Stop eating all my cherries. It could pluck its own apples. Eh?

It could pluck its own apples. Oh, yeah, it could pluck its own and throw them, like that one in The Wizard of Oz. Oh, did they do that? Is that a tree in the Wizard of Oz? They throw apples at you? I don't know. I don't remember.

I don't recall. Seems likely. Or is that in one of my sci-fi stories from Sci-Fi Try Guys? Patreon bonus thing. I get those things confused all the time. Apparently, sci-fi publications are being flooded with stories now can you guess why from from ai people getting shit written by ais that's so that's

suddenly people like really hoisted by their own petard haven't they well well well isn't it crazy but like also i want to be an author now i want to be a published author now it's like you're just fucking getting you this thing to write a story for you and then you're putting your name on it yuck yeah that is extremely yuck um all right uh i mean i think this could get really messy all this stuff with computers riding everything i think it's gonna be i think we're in for a bit of a fucking ride to be honest i think so too i think this and e-bikes i don't know why like both of them feel i don't know why but it's just yeah the e-bike thing is just because it's like,

if you're riding along and then somebody rides past you because they've got electric motor helping them, there's just something that tiny bit annoying. Yeah, okay. I was not thinking of comparing those two things, but all right. And I think my fear is when they combine the two, somehow you're going to be riding and writing things at the same time and exerting no effort.

I'm a cyclist author. Like that. And then you're just writing along. I'm a sci-faclist. Eh? I'm a sci-faclist. Sci-faclist. That's very good, Andy.

I ride my electric bicycle and I have an AI write science fiction for me at the same time. Andy, there's a sci-fi story in that. And it'll get straight in if they can actually read through the fucking garbage. But, yeah. Anyway, so what do you think about this thing about growing plants on your back or growing you know like growing finding places where you could you know you've seen these like micro what are these ones that people talk about these micro herbs or something like that where they kind of grow they grow it's like they you can just grow them indoors they get about two inches high

and micro greens or whatever they're called like that and then they just like oh yeah we can It's like you can just grow them indoors. They get about two inches high. And microgreens or whatever they're called like that. And then they're just like, oh, yeah, we can. I grew these in my garage and I can sell them to, you know, I can sell them to restaurants and things like that. And, you know, it's just I've never eaten a microgreen. Have you ever eaten a microgreen? I know.

I don't even really know what you're talking about. I might have seen the word written down once or twice. But, you know, I believe I'm not saying I don't believe that know what you're talking about. I might have seen the word written down once or twice, but, you know, I believe, I'm not saying I don't believe that it's a real thing. What about, I mean, I'd quite like to see, like, an Island of Dr. Moreau type story in which the mad scientist is breeding plants, right, that are like a plant on top and then human legs on the bottom. Yeah.

So you see like a tree sort of running around trying to get in the sun on its human legs. They're taking, you know, yeah, they're cutting these things together. Maybe they're doing the opposite as well. So you see a man rooted to the spot, right, with a trunk and roots going down into the ground, but his upper body, you know, sort of like a centaur but with trees and the other way around as well. I think the idea of a tree that could run around,

taking itself down to the beach or whatever. Getting some salt water in its roots. Yeah. Well, it doesn't have roots. It has human legs. It just wants to get in the sun. I know, but you don't think that, like, the legs will need some kind of wooded kind of help

as a tree gets bigger and bigger bigger and it's just got these little human legs to carry the wood i guess they i guess they bulk up you know they get more muscular that's true stronger and but i also picture them sort of like how would trees deal with that kind of thing so we know trees are very competitive competing for the light trying to be the highest i picture them also sort of kicking each other and trying to knock each other over and clambering up the fallen limbs of other trees that they've kicked down trying to get as high as possible up to the sun yeah be quite violent i think you think it would be very yeah i wonder because i mean if you can run then you probably don't need to take a risk like that but maybe maybe you do maybe you don't. It depends on how crowded the situation is that you find yourself in.

And maybe as the sun, as clouds cover the sun, then there's just a patch of sunlight. All the trees are racing towards it, trying to get in there. That's when it would get quite violent, I think. Yeah, that's true. I think this would be a very fun thing to see animated in a, you know, maybe we could get an AI to do it for us. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, and send it into Clark's world. Yeah, Clark's world. I didn't even know about Clark's world until I found out they were being flooded with AI-generated stories. Yeah. I was listening to their podcast, but a lot of the sci-fi stories are just way too serious. And I get that that's what a lot of sci-fi is,

but too much emotional stuff. It's a slog. I don't know. I mean, I don't even like adventure that much. But i think that's good i think that's good those guys you know the problem with those ones will be is that it's going to be very difficult to keep them on an island because do you think they're going to swim away i mean a tree will float a lot of the time won't it the branches probably would float that's true and then Plus they've got the kicking legs. They should kick their way along.

Yeah. I think if somebody successfully managed to do this, they would take over the world. Yeah. And that's why we shouldn't play God. I wonder if anyone is trying to do this anywhere, in any labs?

Oh, yes. Triassic Park. I think they should be. Oh, yes. Triassic Park. I think they should be stopped. It'll be Triassic. Oh, very good. Not Triassic. Not the Triassic Park. Not Triassic Park.

Not to be confused with. The dinosaurs? No, we get a lot of people coming here thinking it's Triassic Park, hoping to see a stegosaurus. No, no, no. It's Triassic because it's the trees and then they've got legs, of course, and an ass. An ass? And it's really sick.

You think it's fucking sick? It's a really awful ass. Because, you know, have you ever tried to wipe an ass with a branch? I mean, what are they pooping out? Maybe they're just farting oxygen, pure oxygen. That could be it. That'd be beautiful. I saw a creature that is like a slug type creature that lives underwater.

It kind of looks like a succulent because it's all green and kind of has those kind of cute kind of rounded kind of points like some of those succulents do. But apparently it can photosynthesize because it eats so much algae. Yeah, I've heard about that. That's really cool. I like it a lot. I'm going to have to go through the sketch ideas, Andy. So what we got here is maths or facts that does care about your feelings.

It's a new type of stuff. I think we could get a Nobel Prize. If we can invent this, I think this could be big. Yeah. You know, it just needs to be just an algorithm. Realizing, I mean, basically we do employ that kind of maths in playing games with children and letting them win yeah that's true we use a type of maths that does care about their feelings um realizing you are

stuck at the party for eternity till death do us party um you know it's a kind of hell thing kind of hell kind of hell sorry i'm just writing that down you're waiting your friend your friend is going to give you a lift home and that's why you can't leave right and they keep finding excuses to stay and you're slowly realizing that that's what's happening yeah and then we got little macro parasite creature that that suctions to your body and cleans you. Then we've got each person has a blob creature that provides air and food as a type of symbiote. Then we have enter the cancel verse. Then we have the what if get a job were your pronouns were rosanne's pronouns and we have our existence

is a metaphysical representation of a media career and death is a canceling and it's like in a potential side uh idea for that is that it's like the others but you've haven't you've have been canceled yeah that's really good that's they realize at the end when that's why no one can hear them or listen to them there it's a it's a white man it's an old white man and he he thinks maybe he's a ghost but at the end the twist is that he isn't a ghost. He's just been cancelled. And then we have the sci-fi-clist, and we have the island of Dr. Moreau,

but half tree is half human. There we go. Well, Andy, we did it. Are you ready? Ready? Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. We love that you did that to it. And you can buy tickets to Alistair's show. You can email me links to affordable six plus seater cars

that might be under a thousand dollars if anybody has a car that could sit six people and you are in Australia and you either want to just get rid of it or can take less than a thousand dollars for it

and he might need it before it or can take less than a thousand dollars for it. And he might need it before the birth in about seven to... A week. Six days. Six days. Also, we've got to get George to edit this one quickly so that we can get the word out. Right. Take care, everybody.

And we love you. Bye.