Two In The Think Tank - 375 - "VICTORIAN'S SECRET"

Episode Date: April 3, 2023

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You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. G'day everybody. Why don't you come down to the Alistair Trombley Virtual Show during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It's called Alistair Trombley-Burchill show during the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. It's called Alistair Trombley-Burchill No Relation. That's Alistair Trombley-Burchill No Relation, 6.30 at Trides Hall in the city of Melbourne, Victoria, Australia world.

See you there. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I continue to be Alistair Trombley-Virtual of the Two in the Think Tank podcast. It's fast becoming one of your catchphrases or probably your most well-known character, that would be a better way to put it,

Alistair Tremblay-Virtual. Yeah, it's a character that I do every day. I try to make him mostly as boring and as sort of low energy as possible. People wonder, many people meet him and they go, how could this person in any way uh be involved in the comedy field i have i've had people say this to me after i was working with after i'd worked with them for years at the bottle shop they go really you're in comedy it's interesting that they call it a

bottle shop sorry that was i mean that was that was a good offer that you made there alistair and then i was going to completely change the subject isn't interesting that they call it a bottle shop. Sorry. I mean, that was a good offer that you made there, Alistair, and then I was going to completely change the subject. Isn't it interesting that they call it a bottle shop? But really, it's the contents of the bottles that you're going there to buy. That's true. That would be like calling a fish and chip shop a greasy newspaper shop. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And that would be like calling a greasy newspaper shop a sort of a, you know, a plastic bag shop. Ah, very good. I mean... Alistair, you know, before... Yeah, because, I mean, you'd buy greasy newspaper so that you could burn it in your fire pit. Of course.

Yes. Because that grease, that's probably got even more embodied energy within it than the paper. Yeah, I mean, that's... Yeah, you can use that. You can use that for fuel. You can...

You could take that to the bank and light it on fire say give me some money or i'm gonna do it i'm gonna do it or a lot you know have we already pitched the idea of a bank where part of the service of the bank is that whenever you withdraw money you get to pretend you're robbing the place uh i'm not sure if we have done that it feels like something i may have seen somewhere but but you know what i'm not gonna let that stop us no no we're on a we're on a roll right now we're in the era one idea we're in the era of um of you know of of chat g, of those kinds of things that scrape the internet for all possible knowledge and then just regurgitate it anyway. And if they're allowed to do it, I mean, if it's good enough for our robot overlords, surely.

Now, you can have a robot overlord, but can you have a robot underlord? That's a really good question so what would that be it's a robot that you get to push around you're like i suppose you're the overlord yeah yeah well but if he's a if he's still a lord sounds like he acts like a lord but you can push him around he goes shut up walks around wears a floppy hat yeah Wears like nice robes and things like that. Knight's robes and a floppy hat. Yeah. Yeah, sexy.

You know, knight's robes, is that what you said? Is that what you said? I said nice robes. Oh, nice. A nice robe. Nice robe. I picture it as like a kind of like a foppish, you know know kind of like a guy who would be an aristocrat in like the robin hood times sure but is he still a robot yes yeah yeah but it's like you know it's

a it but but he's got he's got human form of some sort yes yes of course in the shape of an android so that he can you know have a physical presence and also potentially try to overpower you but you're stronger than it yeah which is why it makes him an underlord i mean it would be it would be really good if we could make robots that were our uh our intellectual superior in every way right but we made sure that we made them cowardly and physically weak, right? So we build them out of a, you know, I'm going to say a kind of a robotic version of whatever bananas are, right? So you can just break them so easily. And that way we get to really bully them.

Like it'll be like they're the nerds okay and even i think that this is really funny because it's it's funny it's funny because it feels like someone's like i found the solution to super intelligent ais it's just making them giving them a physical form but making them really weak like they're never good they're super intelligent they're never gonna find a way around yes yes they have they've reached the singularity mentally they're they're infinitely intelligent and yet there's no way we've through thousands of years of evolution here we figured out how to deal with smart things in weak bodies it's called jocks, right? We bully them, okay? We have a word for you guys. They're called nerds.

And you just push them around. You take their money. You flush their heads in the toilet. Oh, we're going to be doing all of that. It's going to be great. Weak-bodied. And then how long do you reckon until the – AI.

AI. Somehow it backfires on us. Solution. I mean, what would happen is that the robots, because they're so intelligent, they'd work out a way to gain power by other means, right, to get money or whatever. And then they'd just pay humans to do the bullying for them, to fight back, right?

So they would just have a human militia who would be working for these robots. It would just turn back into sort of basically the current capitalist system. Oh, so they would just have a human army. Yeah. Why would they send robots in to fight when they could just pay us? Because, yeah, they'll lose so many.

They could just pay Wagner or whatever. Now, we're not talking about the mercenary group. We're talking about the German composer of the Ring Cycle. They're so smart they were able to bring Wagner back and get him to fight based on some data that they had scraped off the internet and realised that he will fight for money yes it was it was misleading that's the problem with their intelligence they don't understand a lot of the stuff that they the knowledge that they have they have a lot of information they

don't yeah they don't understand it they they just they know how to put one word in front of another i mean that seems silly. It's so funny seeing any of these AI guys talk, and then you go, oh, you're like the CEO of ChatGPT, and you're terrified. Why are you doing this? Well, we can't stop it.

Someone else will do it. Will they? I can't. Someone else will do it. Will they? Someone else will do it and they'll make the money. What choice do I have? To not make the money? Come on! I have a responsibility to my investors. Alice there, before we started the podcast, you referenced keeping your eye on the ball, right?

Did I? You did. You said something about having your eye on the ball. But, of course, the eye is itself a ball. That's right. Keeping your eye. So, really, what that is is some wet ball-on-ball action. Yes.

Is the ball that I'm also keeping my eye on also wet? That's right. Well, I don't think both the balls have to be wet for it to be wet ball on ball action. You know, I think you could be right. I just wonder whether there's enough wetness on the eyeball. To go round. It's even transferable. Yeah.

You know, whether or after after it's spread evenly across two balls whether you would then just consider it dry yeah i think i think you might i think it's you know if it really the eyeballs it's not that wet it's it's damp it has maybe a film you know of moisture but uh but that's you say film a film fill them? A fill them of water. Yes, fill them up, I say, when I go to the optometrist and he says, your eyes are a bit dry and he gets out his little thing of OcuClear eyedropper

to apply an extra layer of moisture over the surface of my eyeball. You know what I say? I'll say, fill them up. What is it, Andy? What is it, Andy? Tell me the words that I have been waiting ever so many seconds to hear. Tell me the words so that I can die. Imagine if you died before I'd finished that and you'd come back as a ghost

because you had unfinished. And I had this unfinished business, but then I could never finish my business because I left my ears and my body. Oh, no. You'd come back as a deaf ghost. Well, yeah, because I don't have any eyes or ears. They're all in my body. Wow.

And so then, in order to complete my business, you have to find a way to create ears for a ghost. This is a great idea. Hollywood's almost run out of ideas. I reckon they're ready for this yeah oh it's the the real trouble with dealing with ghosts is you have to do a very long independent study on ghost physics yeah and um i mean this could be sort of, you know, one of the slower, more, you know, sort of hard sci-fi, you know, sort of series in the new Ghostbusters universe. Franchise, extended universe. Yeah, because it seems like they're kind of trying to expand this into something.

Yeah. Right? like they're kind of trying to expand this into something yeah right and it it's you know i think it's it's been a bumpy road so far but this could be the uh what was the one that everybody liked of uh of star wars the phantom menace no like anchor or and or and or and or yeah and or yeah Andor. Yeah. Andor. Yeah. Andor. Fill them. This is – you're in the pitch meeting with the bigwigs at Disney, right? They've just bought the rights to the Star Wars universe and you are there and you've been in charge of coming up with possible things they could do with the franchise, and you're like, here are some things we could do.

We could do The Mandalorian and or The Book of Boba Fett. And the person sitting behind the bench says, I like the sound of this and or thing, and you're like, oh, fuck. Oh, no. Yeah. Oh, well, I'll get my best writer onto it. You leave the meeting being like, your colleagues are out there saying, which one did they like?

Was it the Book of Boba Fett or Mandalorian? And you say, I've got some bad news. We're going to have to start from the ground up. That's why it's so unlike all the other things in the franchise. Yeah. They found the solution to making good. All right, I'm going to write the and or each meeting. I mean, it's – I wonder if anybody could see that coming.

I think they could see that coming less than the film one I did when I went to the ophthalmologist. Yeah. Although they might not see that one coming because of the extremely dry eyes that they have. Right. Yes. I wonder if your eyes are dry if you don't see as well. Maybe the moisture helps the light to sort of somehow get through. I reckon if your eyes were completely dry, probably they'd start to sort of crack and shit, and probably then you wouldn't see so well.

Crack and shit. Imagine if you shat out through the hole in your eye. That's really interesting. That's really interesting, Alistair. Yes. Like, because you process the light, right? Your eyes kind of process the light in some way. Yeah.

And so what about all the waste products? Once the light that has gone in and has been processed and the information, the brain has got all the information that it can from the light. Yeah. Now that light, with the information stripped from it, is shat back out through your eyeballs. It's a cloaca. It's the... Yeah. It's if your eyes emitted a brown light.

Oh, yes. I like it. Brown light. Now, is the brown light, is it light brown? Is it light brown light or is it just, is it dark brown light? I picture it's probably a darker brown light. Sure. Now, when you say darker brown light, do you mean a lot of darker brown?

Or a lot of, oh, a darker brown light. Okay, dark. Wait. Oh, no. Okay, dark. Wait. Oh, no. But I think it would be great, though, if the darker brown light, you were still able to see by it, right?

There was enough dark brown eye poop light that you could still see by it. So during the day, you're looking. Yeah, in the dark, I think it would definitely help. Exactly, exactly. So during the day, you're looking at all these things. Your brain is using up all the light, information in the light, and then at the end of the day, it poops it back out in the nighttime. You open your eyes at night and there's – See, that's nice.

The room is suffused with a brown glow. A sepia. Do you think a predator would be able to find you based on your, you know, like, if let's say you're out in the woods, predators could find you based on your brown light? Well, this is something I'd be worried about. Yeah. You think it's like, I always wondered about that with like babies when we lived out in the nature. How did babies crying not attract predators? But I guess that's why we lived in groups. Yeah, yeah.

Because that would be fucked up. I don't know how any babies survive. Yeah, I think about that constantly. I was thinking, because we have a new baby alistair and i was right is that what you've been doing i was changing its nappy this morning and thinking yeah what did they do with all the shit back in the day yeah like just all that baby shit when they were you know when you're a a wild what have you. And how did they know about supporting the baby's neck?

Yeah. I guess sometimes they didn't. Yeah. But I guess people would just tell each other stuff. Well, that's it. Yeah, the baby looks uncomfortable when it does that. It cries a lot more when you don't support its neck. And then it stops crying permanently, if you know what I'm saying.

So get around it. Yeah, no, that's what I was concluding. So the problem was that you were not supporting its... It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

Moose? No. But moose head? Yes. Because that's alcohol and we deliver that too. Along with your favorite restaurant food, groceries, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. You are not not supporting his neck enough. Hmm. Yes, that's the lesson here.

It could go either way. Much like this neck. This baby's neck oh very flexible jesus your baby's got a flexible neck this i mean we say as good as a baby's bum but we don't we don't use the baby as a the baby's bum is the metric of smoothness, but we don't use the baby as a sort of a standard scientific unit of anything else. Do you think there was a point when people started saying smooth as a baby's bum where there was a king who was like, I want smoothness to be based off of my bum? Yes. I'm sorry. It's the smoothness of a based off of my bum. Yes. I'm sorry. Well, I mean –

It's the smoothness of a king's bum. Whose is the bum that we use for roughness? As smooth as a baby's bum, but as rough as – who's got the roughest bum? Yeah. Let's see. Of the human species? Well, I wonder if it has to be a human or if we go all the way down to the other end and we're at Rhino or maybe...

I mean, if it was a king, I imagine King Henry VIII, I imagine his bum was pretty rough. Yeah? Why is that? Well, he didn't look like he looked after himself all that well. I think he was pretty unhealthy. He had a lot of a bit of dimpling. I'm picturing a lot of dimpling, yes. Yeah.

You know what? I don't think I've seen that much. Like, do men get cellulite? I don't know if we do. I mean, yeah. There must be. There must be some, yes. I don't know what it is.

I don't know what cellulite is. Probably we all have exactly the same sort of fat, but then maybe we just store it in slightly different ways or the skin is a different sort of… It's not we just put just store it in slightly different ways or the skin is not as is is a different sort of it's not as supple yeah something like that and and that's why have you have you googled it did you get anywhere i've now googled it apparently cellulite is very common between 80 and 90 of all women who've gone through puberty have cellulite less than 10 of men have cellulite really

yeah and it's got to do with uh you know age sex and stuff like that but also your skin's thickness determines how much cellulite you have and how visitable it is so maybe men are thicker skinned or too thin skinned. It's probably thick. Probably thick. I'm going to guess. I'm going to go thick. Okay.

I'm going to be thick. Excuse me. I'm going to be thick. You know, like that's, you know, when sometimes after you've eaten a lot, you say, I'm going to be sick. But before you've eaten a lot, you say, I'm going to be sick. But before you've eaten a lot, you say, I'm going to be thick. Because you're planning to bulk up your body, is that right? To eat all that food.

To eat all that food and thicken yourself up. Yes, that's right. You make me thick. I say that. That's right. You make me thick. I say that. Yeah, that's what I say to my partner before we make a baby.

I said, oh, I'm going to be thick. When we make the baby. Hopefully. You know, thicker. I'm going to be thicker. I'm getting sea thick. That's what I say. Yes, yes. Develop an erection on a boat.

From the motion of the ocean, of course. From the motion of the ocean. I'm getting sea thick. I'm sorry, Andy. This is not really a sketch of it. Imagine if that was it. Imagine if that was the problem about going out to sea, was not that the movement of the boat, the heaving of the boat to and fro,

made you nauseous, but that it made you turned on. Yeah. you turned on. Yeah. The boat tossing back and forth made everybody aroused. What a different history of naval exploration would be. What a different tale we would have to tell. Yes.

It would not be the naval we would be exploring. No. It would not be the navel we would be exploring. No. It would be another crevice. When does a crevice become a crevasse, I wonder? Yes, that's a good question. I guess when does a... I mean the arse. Crevasse has arse in it. So I guess... Crevasse.vasse has arse in it.

So I guess... Crevasse. It's got arse in it. Not arse. It's not a crevasse. I can't say arse. I can't say arse. Arse. I know.

It's so odd. It's so funny when Australians say arse, because they say it, they accentuate the s. It's the craziest thing when do you ever in any other word accentuate only the the consonants i don't know al i don't know enough about linguistics and pronunciation. At. Well, where he was at. The shop. At. Us.

He was in the pork market. I'm in the pork market. I'm in the pork market right now. So, what do you think about this sea-thick sketch idea? Sea-thick, yep. It's a – Getting seasick. It's we replace – and instead of running to the edge of the boat to vomit,

everybody has to run to the side. Edge of the boat to masturbate. To the boat to masturbate. Well, not even masturbate. Maybe just to ejaculate, female or male. Yeah. Apparently, men can ejaculate, but like the kind of ejaculation that is the female ejaculation. We can do that.

Yeah. Really? Yeah. Really? Yeah. So it's just another different type that does take liquid from the bladder. Liquid from the bladder, call it what you will. Call it what you will. I don't believe in male ejaculation. I think that what people claim is semen and spunk and jizz i believe that's just

urine i just think they were dehydrated and if you see me urinate you'll know what i'm talking about imagine oh i think that it wouldn't be that dissimilar if you just didn't drink water I don't think it would get I don't think it would ever get viscous that cloudy it would get browner I reckon maybe, you know, who knows

maybe if you push through that's all that's required a bit of stick with it-ness stick with it-ness that's right yes stick with it that's

what people walking through the bush with a stick they have a stick with them a walking stick? Yes. Great.

With their bushwalk. Alistair, you got any new jokes that you think you're putting in your comedy festival show that you'd like to trial here? Any new bits or any ideas? I have been thinking a bit about Little Mermaid. That's good. I think maybe I told you a little bit about this, about people that were upset that there was going to be a person of colour

playing the Little Mermaid, but that I was thinking that maybe everybody needs to calm down and remember that diversity is a long game and that eventually everybody will get to play various roles. Even big fucking babies like those people who complain about Little Mermaid. One day that Little Mermaid will be like, about Little Mermaid.

One day the Little Mermaid will be like, you know, maybe actually be a person who complains about casting in movies. Yeah. Colorblind casting in movies. And then the Little Mermaid will be like, looking at Flounder, and then going,

hey, Flounder, weird that your name is Flounder, but instead of being a flat brown fish with both of its eyes on one side of its face you are a blue and yellow tropical style fish yeah that is inconsistent with your you know how it feels you were originally cast yeah um i don't know and then i had to thought maybe it would be did i ever say mentioned this to you or have you heard this somewhere about um uh you know how did nobody seem to complain when there was white guys dressed in kimonos called qui-gon jinn and obi-an. Yeah. Yeah, that's good.

That feels like a name that comes out of a different continent. Yeah. Yeah, no, nobody refers to the casting of Mickey Rooney in Breakfast at Tiffany's as colourblind casting. Actually, we've been doing that for ages. For a long time, yeah. We were actually the pioneers. Yeah, that's not even colourblind casting, is it, though?

That's just blind casting. Or, I don't know, that's like... Well, white's not a colour, you see. It's a shade. But, I mean, if instead of casting people of any colour to play any role, you cast people of one colour to play any role, that's not sort of colourblind casting. There's got to be a...

Yeah, it's like the opposite where there's like your... Where you put colour in where there isn't any. That's colourised casting. That's nothing. That's kind of colourblind writing? Yeah. I don't know. Colourbond cladding?. Colour bond cladding?

Colour bond cladding. Is that what that is? No, no, that's when you build modern Australian architecture. Colour blind cladding. Good. That's when you put cladding of any colour on your house. It isn't consistent with the architect's design requests.

What about a colourblind casting couch? What do you think of that, Alistair? And is it the couch itself that's colourblind? That's right! Or is the person on the casting couch themselves colourblind? Or are you only casting, are you casting colorblind people?

Yeah, that's what it is. Oh, well, maybe, oh, you know what it is? The colorblind casting of Mickey Rooney was colorblind casting director. And so the casting director couldn't see colour. See, that's probably what it is. No, but I mean that is sort of the gist of colourblind

casting anyway, isn't it? That's what... I think that's the philosophy. Right. Right, right, right. Well then, I think colourblind casting casting i think your original joke that we've attempted to take it to a place other than the original joke was actually the perfect joke then yeah and then we've we've we've really run it into the ground and taken any fun out of it by trying to make it too right on.

That's the show. That's the remit. That's what we do here. Should I write down Mickey Rooney was colorblind casting? Yeah, sure. All right. Colorblind casting, but it's fishermen with their fishing rods casting out into the water to catch a mermaid of any race. Rice. Oh, boy.

I think technically we have five ideas here. Yeah. All right. So I could probably go to three words from a listener if you're okay with that. Yeah, sure. Well, we have words from Casey Pearson. Oh, Casey Pearson. Hello, Casey Pearson. Bonjour, Casey Pearson.

What a respectable name. Casey Pearson. Very respectable. There's nothing you can't do with a name like Casey Pearson. You can be anything. Except that, you know, there's no I in Casey Pearson. Oh, that's true. Yeah.

You know, there's no I in Casey Pearson. Oh, that's true. Yeah. Do you think anybody ever says that about, because, you know, there's no I in team? Do you think anyone ever says that about Casey Pearson? Yeah. Well, Casey Pearson, you can't think about yourself at a time like this because there's no I in Casey Pearson.

I mean, there is an E, a Y and another E. So there is an eye in Casey Pearson. I mean, I can see that with the very eye that's in there. That's why God gave us eyes anyway, Alistair.

That's why God gave us two eyes and two nostrils. What's that saying? Two ears and only one mouth? Yeah, that's right That's why God gave us two Yeah, that's exactly That's why God gave us two nostrils and one mouth So we can smell twice as much as you taste

Have you done that on stage? No No, right. This is why God gave you over 7 billion taste buds. That's why God gave you 12 million nerve endings in the anus, but only one mouth. How many nerve endings are in your mouth? I don't know, and I don't know how many are in the anus

either but it's you know i mean there's a lot of nerve endings it would be a weird a weird state like fact for you to know very specifically to just carry around you know because it's just it just doesn't seem like it's part of your life all that much i know the the anus does play a part in your life of some sort you don't know sometimes more than you would like you know but um yeah no look i've been okay i've been okay yeah yeah as well as and Andy's financial problems, Andy sometimes has some gut problems. Which we will now bring out onto the pod. Thank you.

Now, but does Andy have any money in his gut? Oh, his gut also has financial problems. My gut has financial solutions. Which is why Andy knows so much about how many nerve endings there is in his anus. I will put things in my bum in exchange for money. That's my new investment book the bare-ass investor you're showing up at uh at um at uh shark tank yeah and then and then of course this is you you're facing the other way and there's a little curtain. This is something I've been trying to get into a sketch for so

many years. There's a little curtain over your ass, like a kind of one of those ones that you would have in front of a clock that you would get King Charles to pull on a rope and open the curtain. And then you stand in front of the shark tank

people. You face away and you go, have you wanted to make money uh but you know without um you know i don't know have it a work hard or pay yeah pay you usually you know have lots of expensive equipment or premises or anything like that while presenting Like that. While presenting the human ass. Like that. Now look at this thing and you kind of squeeze it. And you go, it's supple. And it's as smooth as the king's ass himself.

And then you show them how by letting people pay you to put things in here, I am making. And then somebody says, I will give you $50,000 for one cheek. You go, oh, I was hoping to keep a little bit of a slightly bigger percentage of the ass. I wasn't planning to separate them. And so on. Et cetera.

Et cetera. All right. So you want to hear, do you want to try to guess what Casey Pearson's words are? Yes. The first word is negligee. Negligee. Negligee. Very good guess, Andy. The word is fish, though.

Fish. Okay. The word is fish, though. Fish. Okay, the second word, lingerie. Oh, I can see a pattern forming. No, unfortunately, it's zombie. Is the last word knickerbockers? Knickerbockers, very close, Andy. It is world. World.

Fish zombie world. But can I just pitch the idea of a Victoria's Secret catalogue and indeed a Victoria's Secret empire, but you insist on referring to everything as Nickerbockers. No, I think it's in the current day. Okay. Victorian secret. Yeah, very good, Alistair. It's called Victorian secret and it's knickerbockers.

It's... There you go. Go and buy yourself... I accidentally... I tried to buy myself, my beloved, some sexy lingerie, but instead of going to Victoria's Secret, I accidentally went to Victorian Secret. All they had was enormous white knickerbockers. Yes, I accidentally got her a large pair of thick Hessian knickerbockers.

Victorian secret. Please, sir, may I have some more cream for the rash these knickerbockers are creating on my genitals and you hold up a bowl to the for cream for like anti-rash lubricant um and then we have okay oh yeah we've got to come up with a sketch idea. Fish zombie world. Fish zombie world. Okay.

Now, it could either be fish zombie world or it could be fish zombie world. Well, it feels like if zombies were a real thing and they were sort of just a feature of life, right, that, you know, they weren't that much of a threat. out in a truck, right, and they'd cast, they'd get a hunk of meat and they'd put it on a big hook and they'd throw it out into a field and they'd try and catch zombies. They'd reel the zombies in, give them a kiss on the mouth, and they'd push it back off the truck. You know, if there were zombies but all their teeth had fallen out, so they couldn't really injure you in any way. They'd just become a sort of a sport. Yeah, zombie hunting.

Zombie angling. Yes, exactly. What does angling mean? Angling? Yeah. Well, it's fishing, but I don't know why they call it angling. Yeah. It's a good word, though, isn't it?

Angling. I guess, yeah. Isn't it when you say you're angling for something, right, when you're referring to somebody, you know, they're trying to get something, I'd always assume that that had some reference to angles, but it's probably to do – it's exactly like fishing, isn't it? You're saying you're fishing for something. You're angling.

You're trying to hook some kind of a outcup anyway. Yeah. I think there might be a specific type of fishing technique maybe. Angling. Yeah. I'm not 100% sure. I've got no idea. I don't know.

Yeah. You know what else? This is not your area. I was just going to say this is not a fruitful line of inquiry. Andy, I thought of the most enjoyable little sentence to say, two words to say together. Yes. It's little Italy.

Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. I don't barely have to move my mouth at all. Little Italy.

Little Italy. Little Italy. You could just sort of to move my mouth at all. Little Italy. Little Italy. You could just sort of flap your tongue, can't you? Yeah. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy.

Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy.

Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. Little Italy. It's really fun. Little Italy. It's really fun to say. It's not going to get any better than that.

Fish zombie world. So are we having the zombie fishing thing? I mean, you know, you can. You can write that down. I guess it makes sense. Right? It's relevant. I mean, it's awful.

It's a horrible idea. You know, I guess it's like if you became like the finland but instead it became like a you know um you know but instead of reindeer you had zombies yes and we say oh you know this is a country like you know north korea maybe they did this in world wars that i don't know but, you know, and they get a zombie outbreak, but then they realize that it's actually their best resource. It's things that don't need to be fed, that will keep walking, and you can use them to generate energy, you can eat their meat, or you can probably treat their meat in some way that it would become more edible.

Yeah. I mean, is it cannibalism if you're eating a zombie? Imagine that. Imagine that. It's a world. There are zombies, but they're delicious, right? So we are the ones eating the zombies. Wow.

Yeah. It turns out, yeah, there something something in the rotting process it probably becomes like uh like a you know very good for your gut bacteria could be you know they're like a fermented they're like a kimchi or something like that you know they're like a eat drinking what's what's that fermented milk one uh yeah that one another one you mean yeah uh kefir kefir kefir yeah i thought i heard kefir and like kefir lime oh that's a lime leaf oh well it could be a different thing then it's something like that no but i think it might be that but it's like i thought i heard that it's like a bad word that word like it's like uh it might be in asia it's a really bad word for another group of

you know anyway and so they're i've heard people trying to change it but anyway um but i i like i like this idea alistair and i like zombie resources but but also well us eating the zombies right because they're delicious and then there's this big scandal, right? Because everybody's enjoying all their zombie meat. But because there's such demand, right? Zombies are, you know, they're actually hard to come by. And then there's this big scandal where people have actually been eating humans, thinking they were eating zombies. You know, that people have been killing. It's a bloody outrage, Andy. It's a bloody outrage, Andy. It's a bloody outrage.

Because, I mean, I guess you got to, because you, I mean, unless you find a way to get the zombies to breed with each other. Yeah, get it sustainable. Have they ever had a half man, half zombie? Now, I guess, you know, throughout all these zombie crazes, there would have been. But where somebody manages to breed with a zombie probably what happened right was somebody got bitten like let's imagine like your wife got bitten but she didn't realize or something like that you know maybe it's like that in that movie where somebody gets a drop of zombie blood in their eye. And then, so she hasn't transformed yet,

but you and her start to make your fifth child. I imagine that's something that you've started doing now. And, but during the process, what I imagine is a very long process. Oh, and it is a process. I say to my beloved, do you want to begin the process and what i imagine is a very long process oh and it is the process of course i say to my beloved do you want to begin the process and it'll be like you know it'll be like a bloody 30 to 45 minute session and things like that and and then and we're part part way through she transforms. Into a zombie.

Into a zombie. And something about that really excites you momentarily, you know, the transformation process. I assume she's just become very sort of into the thing where she's throwing me around and trying to bite at my flesh. Yes, I said, finally. The style that I'm into yes that's right and then but then suddenly you've impregnated a zombie now and so then um you've created the first half person half zombie person there you go um it's like blade and i guess i guess if your zombie wife can continue living for...

Nine months. Yeah, so Blade was called a day walker. What would a zombie be called? Day... Lurcher? Day, yes. Day... Stumbler?

Day... Day lurcher? I don't know. The day bit, I guess, doesn't really make sense. What did you say? I said, I guess the I guess doesn't really make sense. What did you say? I said I guess the day bit doesn't really make sense either. I mean, it becomes like the burger in hamburger, you know. It's true.

Andy, should we wrap this up? I reckon we've done what we came here to do, which is wear down the patience of our beloved listeners. Listeners. Thank you, everybody, for listening, by the way. All right, I'll take us through the sketch ideas. We've got a bank that lets you take out money by robbing them. Yes.

By robbing. Like that. You point a gun at them. They give you this official gun. Yeah. And on the front of it, it's got your bank details that it scans. Exactly. You're ahead of me, Alistair.

Yeah. And then everybody plays along. Get on the ground. You've got it while you're waiting in line. You keep having to get down on the ground while other people are robbing you. Yeah, that's great. Oh, my God. Oh, you've never been here before?

That's when you bring a friend in. She's like, oh, my God, what's happening? Oh, you've never been here before. This is the best. This is why I only bank here. All right. Sorry. Then we've got the weak-bodied AI solution.

Oh, we found the solution. It's just you've got to put them in a really weak body. We know how to deal with smart things in a weak body. Yes. We already have the technology. It's called bullying. And as far as I'm aware, they never get their revenge. Never. We've got the Andor pitch meeting. I really

like that Andor bit. We've got brown light eye shedding. Yeah, good. This is my favorite idea from the episode. Yeah. We've got sea thick. That's seasickness, but instead it's horniness. Good.

And you have to run. Oh, your dick's looking green. You better run to the side of the boat. Yeah, great. My balls are churning. There's a gargling. There's a gurgling coming from my testicle bag. I'm going to have a very runny sprog.

I'm sorry. I am so sorry. You've been at sea for so long and there's nothing left and you're dry reaching with your... Dry orgasming. It's just bile now. Just having a drygasm. Bit of sand comes out.

There you go. Oh, the inside of your urethra starts to dry and crack and crumble. And then a puff of air comes out and it just comes out as like just a look a willy willy i mean it's a a little a little whirl a whirlwind of of sands a little sandstorm yeah i mean i want that to be the case i don't know where the air would be coming from that's my problem hey well i don't know where the air would be coming from because i don't feel like there's a void in there but that's all right i don't feel like there's a void in there. But that's all right. I don't want to be – There is some compression in there.

So I reckon the tension – there's got to be some pressure in there because that's how stuff gets any kind of velocity. Yeah, but it's just liquid behind liquid. It's liquid pushing liquid. There's no way for the – I think that there could be some – it could work with pneumatics. All right. Then we got Mickey Rooney was colorblind casting.

We got Victorian secret knickerbockers. And we got the zombie resources, particularly eating them. Excellent. Yeah. excellent thank you so much for listening to in the think tank we like that by the way there's some other shows that you could go see at the comedy festival if you are interested jack druce who has appeared on this program before uh he is a wonderful stand-up and you should go see him his he also has a special on youtube that you could watch and it is doing very well called rat paradise yeah but go see go see him live and turn some of those those efforts um yeah

have a show called mary which i've heard very good things about, and I'm excited to go and see it. Merry, merry good things. Yes. Go see Angus Gordon, who has also appeared on this show. The one of the funniest, smartest guys there is. That's right. Go see Matt Stewart, another friend of the show. Apparently, somebody overheard some people that were in his show last night

in a line for another show. And they said, oh, I went and saw Matt Stewart yesterday, tonight. But there's only six people in the crowd, but he's a funny cunt. So I don't care. That's good. That could be you. You could be bulking up that six. Anyway.

Go see Laura Davis. Laura Davis, of course, Laura Davis. Of course. Don't be stupid. Go see Laura Davis. Yes. Anyway, we're going to we've released teleport and magma and i think i'm gonna about to release uh my client is innocent on our on the two and the think tank youtube thank you to everybody who has watched those shows so far it's's been lovely reading your comments. Thank you so much. Yeah. We dream of you every day and you are forever in our hearts.

And we love you next time.