Two In The Think Tank - 380 - "ROTISSERIE HOSTS"

Episode Date: May 7, 2023

Rotisserie hosts, Sausage Gun, Saulosage, Cold Fusion cuisine, Hot vs Cold Chefs, Illegals Crustation Labour, Fucking UP, Worm Knitting, Black Widow Love IslandGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Thank you so much for having me back. Oh, I just dropped a screwdriver onto my keyboard. What do you think of when a show, when the host stops, right, being the host, and then they just replace it with a rotating host? What do you think of that? How do you feel about that? I mean, I think as somebody who doesn't love making decisions, I'll be like, can't just this be the solution? I don't mind that. What about not making a decision?

Could that be my choice? Yeah. Yeah. I get it. When you put it like that it sounds good what do they think about not the nine o'clock new not no not have i got news for you in britain they did it they've done it for the daily show now they're gonna do it for tucker carlson i mean really all but really they're just doing it to see what what what like people love the most and then they'll decide on that right because it's it's a producer who doesn't want to make a bad decision or a group of producers who don't want to make a decision that leads to them being looked bad upon some could say that it's called that what they've done is not make a decision others would say you know i think that's a negative view of it you could say they've done is not make a decision. Others would say, you know, I think that's a negative view of it.

You could say they've made every decision. I've made infinity decisions, actually. Yeah, I want this to keep going forever. I think it rates – it probably rates better because each person is bringing their own audience. You're like, who's it going to be? You know, it's like roulette. You're tuning in.

That'd be great. Russian roulette. That'd be great, wouldn't it? It's host roulette, okay? Yeah. And you know how people like a rotating host? Well, in this, the hosts are literally rotating. We've got a hundred hosts.

This is rotisserie host. They're all strapped to an enormous wheel like Wheel of Fortune, okay, except instead of spinning up numbers and money and stuff like that, you spin up to find out who's going to be the host. Maybe. How about this? Maybe about this. Well, it's a game show, right, where it's like The 100,

where they've got 100 people, but instead of spinning to see who wins or whatever, you spin to find out who the host is. Everybody goes on thinking they could be a contestant, but one of them is going to be the host. And instead of winning money, if you become the host, you get paid a host's salary for that episode. Maybe that's all the prize that's available. You just win getting to be the host, and then everybody else,

then you run the game show Is this show called Host of the Game Show? No, it's not Alistair It's not And I could tell As soon as I started down This very lucrative track of comedy gold That you were going to make some sort of

Host of the Game Show accusation at me But it's not that at all It's called Rotisserie Host Rotisserie Host Do you get to eat the host at the end? Does everybody else get to eat the host? But it's not that at all. It's called rotisserie host. Rotisserie host. Do you get to eat the host at the end? Does everybody else get to eat the host? You do, that's right.

He gets paid a host fee, but it goes to his estate because everybody gets to eat it. Have you written this down yet, Alistair? Okay, wait. Rotisserie hosts. Hosts. All right. Do you think it's rotisserie hosts or rotisserie host? Rotisserie host.

Is there a word for that kind of – Hostisserie. That's good, too. Is there a word for that kind of spinning where everything – like in a solar system where everything's spinning around the centre, but then everything is also spinning around itself. What's that kind of spinning? Wait, wait, wait.

Everything is spinning? Like in the solar system. Everything is spinning around the sun, but then everything itself that's spinning around the sun is also spinning. Right? Like the solar system as well, right? Yeah, like the earth is spinning. Yeah.

That's what I'm trying to say. Is it called chaos? It's chaos, man. Everything is, man, I'm spinning. I'm spinning out. Oh, fucking spinning out high. Oh, fucking high, triple J. I'm spinning out, bro. Oh, how come you fucking hate Triple J. I'm spitting out, bro.

Oh, how come you got me on the podcast? I just want to edit it and fix the sound. Al's fucked sound is always fucking up the sound. Why? What's going on? Why is all this stuff peaking all the time now? I think we've got to get George on the show so everybody can see what an accurate impression that is. Yeah.

Oh, I don't even want to. I'm too busy making my album for the last 20 years that I'm never going to release. Oh, this is very... It's too inside baseball. It's getting a little... It's getting a little personal. Do you know whether or not they are getting close to releasing an album?

I know that Dave has built himself a guitar. So, maybe that'll help. Maybe that was what was holding them up. They didn't have a guitar. But he's finished it. And that's very important. But they've finished so many albums. And then they've gone, oh, we don't want to release it now.

Yeah, correct. And then they were like, we're going to take one track from it. Because it takes them so long to finish an album that their sound has moved on by the time they finish it. It's like painting the Sydney Harbour Bridge. By the time you get to the last track on the album, you've got to go back and start again, you know. I think of the same thing as shaving your whole body.

Yeah. By the time you finish shaving it, you've got to start shaving it again. There's Russian roulette. Does every country have its own type of roulette? Okay, let's try a picture. Okay, so Russian roulette is when there's one bullet in there and then you might shoot yourself.

Yeah. Right? Now, I feel like French roulette, that's just roulette i suspect um right yep um and oh yeah that's yeah i think that's good i what about an a regular and then american roulette is where there's all the bullets are in there and you're shooting somebody else and and it's a kid shooting you oh fuck but you don't know and then you don't know which school and it's a psycho but you don't know which school he's gonna go to that's american roulette no you just don't know whether he's gonna aim accurately at you that's just you know so he's definitely got bullets in there

what about yeah or american roulette um it's it's that but there's so the the killer he's got a full barrel but then there's a good guy with a gun trying to take him down but the good guy with a gun has only got one bullet and he doesn't know uh if it's in the chamber because everybody's got guns but some of the guns are fake. Some of them are just children with water pistols. Some of them are satirical guns. This is so dark.

Okay, so that's American roulette. All right, now, Latvian roulette. Cote d'Ivoire. Latvian roulette, that's when you've got a potato pancake inside the chamber of a gun. And you're firing it into your mouth and you don't know. But also you're a little old lady wearing a scarf around her head. Yes.

No, you're firing it into the mouth of your nephew who's looking like skin and bone that's right um it's great because that pretty much works for almost any country that is in sort of europe yeah and so we made a very safe generalization it's barely a generalization at all it's if anything it's a specificization yes it's not a generalization we're just saying you all do it that's not a generalization you all do this very i'm not saying it's a generalization i'm saying you all do this very specific thing yeah it's a specific. Specification. It can't be racist.

What about Australian roulette, Andy? Okay, it's a gun. Yeah. And inside is a podcast mic. Yeah, great. There's only one, though. And so you shoot it and then you decide whether or not you're going to make a podcast. It's Australian roulette, six sausages in bread, right? Inside a gun.

Oh, no. You don't know which one fell on the ground. I do like the idea of a sausage gun. I also like the idea of a sausage gun, Alistair. And then everybody has a piece of bread that they've got to catch their sausage with it's a really good idea you know instead of like a t-shirt cannon at the football there should be a sausage cannon sausage cannon it's the great thing i'm picturing a little old lady getting hit with a face with a sausage. That's making me enjoy it even more.

Yes, great. Is it cooked by the friction as it comes out of the barrel? That's where it gets its finishing touch. I think it's got to be cooked to a health and safety standard before. So it's there. You've got to get that internal temperature. This feels like it could be almost like a Gatling gun kind of a setup. And by the way, how fun is it to be almost like a gatling gun kind of a setup and by

the way how fun is it to be having a sausage idea again feels like it's been a long time between sausage so good tip yeah no it has definitely been all right i'm just writing sausage gun now now do you think that this is something that will start at the football i think uh yeah either that or at a yeah or a political rally i, we love, I find the phrase nauseating, but democracy sausage is a big deal here in Australia. Yeah, but, I mean, think about this, right? Because they cook the sausages at the sausage sizzles outside of a Bunnings. A Bunnings.

I was working at a Bunnings sausage sizzle for the first time yesterday, Alastair. Yeah? Oh my gosh. I didn't know that they had sort of chain stores within, you know, 100 kilometres of where you live. That's right. Is there enough population to support it?

Are you worried about this Bunnings at all times? Is that why you're there supporting it, giving free labor? Well, I should say it's not a sausage. I didn't say a sausage sizzle, just a sausage sizzle. There's just one. Oh, you just cook one? You just have a little handheld sausage cooker? Yeah, that's right. And it's just for me and my family. family do you think that they could you know because they're banning vaping here do you think that they could convert a lot of the vaping devices that you know create this great heat in order to evaporate these things into personal sausage cookers i feel like so that you could just go to work like we've already discussed this but if we have it it's great idea yeah i mean

you know because so that you could just go to you can just go to work with a raw sausage in your pocket yeah and then when it's lunchtime you go i'm ready like that and you just pull it out stick it into your into your vape or oh yeah maybe we feel you know what we're gonna call them we're gonna call them an ebq what's an ebq it's an electronic barbecue ebq like an e-cig but it's an ebq yeah and you pop out for a quick eb out the front and and so isn't that interesting the acronym for barbecue which is the first b is for bar the second b is for b and then the last q is for q. But it's spelt with a C. Eh?

Yeah, it starts with a C. Yeah. The last Q is for C. The last Q is for the letter C. And the word Q. Barba. Hang on, wait for it. What do you stand for in a barbecue what is what does use what does what does you stand for in barbecue i stand for my turn to get a sausage no

kill me i wish i was dead well you were obviously standing for something when you were selling you know hey do you think do you think you were there so you were probably raising money for some bullshit yeah like yeah my children's primary school yeah yeah and do you think that you could have just worked like one hour of work at your work and then donated that money and it would have been much more profitable? No. I mean, I think they made like two grand or something at this barbecue. So, you know, it's not too bad. And you don't make two grand an hour?

Fucking hell, Alistair. We haven't compared pay rates for a little while, you and I, and I didn't realize. Isn't it crazy how the American Writers Guild is striking for increased pay in America? And, like, the Writers Guild in Australia, I'm not a member, but I've never heard anything from them ever about pay. No, but they're not a guild.

Like, they don't have a control over the industry in any regard. Yeah, sure. You know, so... I mean, they're called the Writers Guild, aren't they? Australian, yeah, the AWG, is that what it is? I believe so, yeah. But I mean, you're right, they're not a guild. They're not a union.

Yeah, they're not a union. Let's see. But yeah, I just... But the funny thing was that they are... They are... Yeah, it is the A-double-G. They are... Because one of the people was tweeting about it

and they were saying, oh no, if they want to pay us a daily rate, this would be terrible for us. Right. Now, they want to pay them a standardized daily rate. Right. So their worst outcome would be a huge improvement for us. Yeah. Here.

Yeah. Absolutely. And also, I presume it's about a rise in that daily rate. I believe that over the last 10 years, our daily rate has probably gone down, Alistair, would you say? But so has in America.

I think part of it is so firstly, they're making deals about this AI. You can't have AI write things and then just get writers to come and just fix it yeah sure right and then the other part is that um you know the streaming companies have started have made money through this new model which isn't included in their regular contracts and so they have diminishing kind of like uh residuals and things like that

um and they're not getting any money from the the streaming stuff and the streamers are trying to say oh we don't our our thing is barely profitable so you can't you know you can't make money and more money if we're not making money but of course they're making money they can pay yeah and their executives are making a fucking fortune and they're giving money to shareholders and shit yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry uh personal sausage cooker is anything do you think i should bother alistair of course i i love the idea of you know how like they have those places on the side of the road that can um buildings they're called but you can go there and you can get them to retrofit your petrol car to LPG. It's going to be exactly like that, right?

You're going to be able to take in your old vape, right, your old e-cig, take it in there, and there'll be a mechanic with greasy hands. And he'll put the vape on a hoist and hoist it up to about head height. And he'll get under it and he'll take out the – He'll widen the hole inside of it. Yeah, bore it out with a – there'll be an entire another business because of the death of internal combustion engines that retrofits cylinder boring machines and now makes them into things for boring out the cylinder of an e-cigarette to allow to fit a standard sausage.

Yeah. I mean, there will be a big campaign to standardize sausage sizes. That'll be the other thing. Yeah. One of these fat pork sausages. I mean, you can't get rid of the Cumberland. It's one of the pinnacles of sausage making, you know. Remember that time when you got that single enormous sausage

at that place we went to in Western Australia, Alistair? Yeah, that's right. They just gave us a – and then they just put it on a plate by itself. And we assumed that – because we ordered a side. You guys, three of you, I think, ordered something that was supposed to have a side of sausage. It didn't come out with the original meal and then they brought out one enormous sausage on a plate,

placed it on the table and didn't explain anything and we assumed that that was just one of the sides. And so Alistair sat there working his way through this giant sausage after he'd eaten his entire meal and waiting for the other sausages to come out. And then they came out and said, no, that was for everybody. That's how we do it here. It was a sharing sausage.

It was a banquet sausage. I thought the man at the head of the table was going to carve the sausage with the sausage carving knife. He's going to come out and just – Hands out, little circular rondettes. Would you use the word rondette of sausage? I would probably try and restrain myself from using that word. It's a bit like a rollo.

You know, remember the chocolate, the rollo? That'd be another good kind of sausage, a sausage that comes pre-sliced, like sliced bread. Why is it only bread that comes pre-sliced when there are so many other things that we have to slice in life? Butter. Butter. Cheese. Now, I realise cheese does come pre-sliced, and that is the exception that proves the rule.

Sausage. I realize a lot of sausages also come pre-sliced, if you're talking salami and that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, salami. But what about computers? They don't come pre-sliced. Exactly. You know, you've got to take them to the, you know,

the people who are trying to get the gold out of them, they've got to take them apart themselves, you know, the people who are trying to get the gold out of them. They've got to take them apart themselves. Well. Custard. What about custard? See, this is me playing to my. This is an Andy. Oh, do they make a custard sausage?

That's a really good idea. Think about this. Write that down. Quick, what would you make the skin out of? Okay, this is, now, Andy, let's not rush this. Let's get this right. let's get this right and really think about this what would be good i feel like we have a duty sometimes you have an idea that's so good you've got a duty to do it right you can't just toss it off rice i find rice paper

rolls to be unsatisfying but i think that if you had a thicker sausage in there i don't know i think it's not a thicker sausage although that would be interesting to put a rice paper roll just around a cooked sausage we call it a vietnamese sausage sausage a vietnamese sausage sandwich hey fellas what what say we have these uh rice paper rolls Australian style. I think that'd be really satisfying actually to make that. And I think it might be quite good. You don't have to have the bread. It's probably healthier.

You keep your hands clean. Nice squirt of tomato sauce in there. I'm going to make one of these. Yeah. Next time we make sausages for the kid. I'm actually boiling the kettle. I've got some rice paper roll papers lying around that's great this is really exciting this is no you're gonna you're about to revolutionize cooking or fusion cuisine when you know, this is – hey, do you like fusion cuisine? How about this?

Cold fusion cuisine. That's like a Western and Asian salad. Yeah. They've been trying to achieve it for years, but scientists are getting closer. To the fridge. To the fridge. To the fridge. Oh, God, I'm writing this down.

I mean, it's probably true. Most of the fusion cuisines are probably hot. I think that's a fair thing to say. We're not fusing together any of the cold cuisines. Why, you know, there's a meat pie floater. What about a meat pie gazpacho? I mean, I like it. And the meat pie is also cold. cold yeah it's a cold meat pie it's uncooked

i mean was it recently but it's out of the fridge yeah but it was recently it was cooked and then it was chilled chilled yeah oh ah i'm feeling i'm feeling really strange thinking about it. Do you think that there is a difference, like a rivalry between hot chefs and cold chefs? Yeah. Do you think there's some chefs who believe that they only work with the cold, and there's some chefs that say they only work with the cold, you know, and there's some chefs they say they only work with the heat. And they both start,

they both refuse to start with anything that isn't a room temperature. I wonder if it's like, you know, because you don't see a lot of cold chefs. Who would you consider to be a cold chef? Ice cream? Sandwich? Ice cream?

Yeah, I mean, a sandwich person, I guess, is a cold chef. You know, they... I mean, they're more room temperature. Salad chef. Maybe it is just people who scoop out ice cream at the ice cream shop. No, there's got to be colder chefs.

What about gazpacho makers? Colder than an ice cream. You think gazpacho is colder than an ice cream? You've done it, fuck. I didn't say colder than an ice cream you think gazpacho is colder than an ice cream you've done i didn't say colder than an ice i didn't say colder than an ice cream i didn't say why would you think that's those are frozen chefs you're thinking of frozen chefs i'm sorry that's a subcategory of cold chefs um people who only work with um below zero degrees fahren fahrenheit

have you watched the bear have you watched the bear i have not watched the bear i think you'd really like it i know you don't like watching things that people like but i think you would really like this show no i i think i would like it too and i think that i would it was something that i would like to watch with my beloved yeah i think you and your beloved would absolutely fucking adore this show it's really really good get on it well i know but is there going to be is there going to be a sort of is there a war going on like you know like I know between cold and hot chefs. Well, it's a sandwich shop and there are, you know, complicated rivalries within the shop. There is a guy who makes the desserts and there is a momentary conflict with that guy. Between that and the hot – was it a hot dessert or a cold dessert?

I believe it was a cold dessert. That could be considered a flashpoint, like the killing of the Archduke of Austro-Hungary. Yeah, right. Franz Ferdinand in the Cold War. There's been a Cold War, but why isn't there? Sorry. I just laughed at the stupidest fusion cuisine that i just comedy

i didn't actually hear what you said i said franz fine what was what's the real one franz feinner which is a which is fusing uh World War I history with the nanny. So that's Fran Fine? Is that her name? Fran Fine and Franz Ferdinand. Wow. I fell down and I can't get up. That's also fusing another thing in there that isn't was that peter griffin no that was urkel right okay because that laugh also sounded a bit like

peter griffin that's right because i was fusing a fourth thing into it wow yeah i don't know if they fuse if any of the fusion cuisines infuse more than one cuisine but could you picture a lord of the rings style battle right epic story set in a kitchen yeah where the where the cold chefs are versing on the on the side on the fridge side of the – the cool room side of the kitchen – are versing the hot chefs on the stove and oven side. Side of the thing. And the battlefield is on the island table in the middle.

Bench. On the stainless steel Bench. On the stainless steel island bench. Wait, what's that island that there was that huge battle for in the Second World War? Iwo Jima. That's the Iwo Jima of...

And then there's a great scene at the end where, by the way, the hot chefs are definitely going to win, where they raise a flag uh on the i know but think about it there's a point where the cold chefs yeah uh cut off the the gas production to the uh to the stoves that would yeah that's really interesting they can't do anything without the heat, whereas the cold chefs, their ingredients come cold. Yeah.

You know, and so they could probably still get by by serving their stuff room temperature. Yeah. And it's about, you know, but they're battling for whose meals are enjoyed the most. Oh, interesting. Yeah. You know. Counter offensive. We're definitely going to make a pun about a counter offensive in there or it'll be a pincer movement where somebody's holding a cold crab claw in a pair of tongs yeah okay yeah and then and then they come and they pinch they pinch somebody on the arm or on the butt or something like that.

I mean, imagine if you could train a crab. While they're trying to plate up. If you could train a crab to operate a barbecue, then you'd really be somewhere, wouldn't you? They come with their own tongs. You know this Texas barbecue place? I heard they use free... Crab labour. Crustacean labour.

Apparently they taught some crabs to turn the sausages and flip and slice a brisket. I've convinced a couple of... You bust in there, the food safety people. Bust in the kitchens. It's full of crabs. You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. on uber eats but meatballs and mozzarella balls yes we can deliver that uber eats get almost almost anything order now product availability may vary by region see app for details they've got one of those they've got some of those like shrimp that live down near those um those hot uh yeah vents volcano vents yeah they. Yeah. They've got them, like, pulling... They've trained them to, like, carry, you know, briskets.

Trays of steaming briskets, yeah. Yeah, trays of food out of the smoker. Yeah, they just march in there. Yeah. And they get, you know, they can eat, like, the bullshit that comes off, you know, like, some of the outer stuff while it's on its way out. The amount of liquid fat that is, like, this barbecue at Bunnings was absolutely, it was going.

It was cranking. It was nonstop. I started to get a sore arm from having to do the repetitive movement of putting a sausage into bread. Yeah. My neck started to seize up, right rsi and the s was for sausage yeah repeated sausage injury and yeah just the the constant flow of fat off that barbecue into the little

barbecue fat collector thing there it's really it was it was a lot it was really quite intense to see it's like a waterfall but fat you could so do you think at that point you could have potentially been convinced to use some illegal crustacean labor yeah i think i would i think I would. Yeah. I-C-L C-L-R Crustacean Labor Regalia. Sure.

It was good, wasn't it, Andy? It was good. I mean, I didn't give you a lot of support, Alistair. It's fine. Did you see? I just said, that was good. you see that way and i was supporting myself i actually didn't need you i don't need you anymore i don't need you anymore i used to need you for saying that's good al like that but then you know you don't speak now so i just fill in the gaps and sometimes you also wouldn't say it as well.

Yes, well, I've internalised the times that you have said it, and then I externalise it by saying it. You see? Do you see, Andy? Answer me. Do you see? That's good, Al. Thank you, Andy. That's good, Al.

I came up with a theory, Alistair, that I'd like to run by you. You know how science is struggling to explain entanglement, right? Yeah. Where two particles, you can get them quantum entangled, where the state that they are in, right, is connected to each other. Okay? right yeah is is is connected to each other okay and you don't but by uh and then as long as you don't directly measure say the spin state of two electrons that are quantum entangled you can then separate them by a significant distance observe one of them forcing it to collapse into one state

you know its waveform probability waveform will collapse into one state of either up spin or down spin or whatever and then instantaneously the other electron will take the other state okay and they can't explain why this occurs yeah but i think that's proof of the existence of the multiverse right because once you because there are two multiverses right there's one where this one's up and the other one's down there's one where this one's down and the other one's up right those are two saying there's there's a multi multi sorry no sorry no those are two universes those are two possible worlds we could be in and as soon as you measure one of them right you've just decided which you've you've you've you've branched the multiverse you've branched the universe and then you're in the one as soon as you measure this one you're in the one where this is up or whatever

and then the other one's down it's not there's no information traveling between the two places you're just going into that universe and that's why the other one is in that state. Because in this universe that you've gone into, that's the one. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure someone has thought of this. And I'm sure this is one of the explanations. But I was listening to a podcast where they talked about all of that but without saying explicitly that thing that i just

thought of so now i get to feel like i came up with i did i did hear a or read something recently where they basically yeah they found a reason for why there's no faster than light transfer of data or whatever yeah in that kind of scenario i guess that's what you're kind of proposing is a reason why how there would not be yeah yeah that yeah um but but is it like also just that because like how do they know that it's anyway i i can't go into that detail right now because that's gonna be too long and too boring to explain but um but wasn't it something like, well, you know, when you measure it also, that had always been the case, right? Like that hit, you know, so that means that it had always been the case that the other one was the

opposite. And therefore there is no transfer of data. It's not like, it's not like it, it just discovers it. Yeah. Yeah. of data it's not like it's not like it it just discovers it yeah yeah but i think i think there might be some more complicated part of that but that's a good point yeah i hadn't thought about that yeah i hope there's more to it than that yeah no me too i think i think there probably is i feel like i've made a mistake no but it's it's it makes sense it's got an internal logic to it alistair and i appreciate that is there what's the is there something in somebody like who constantly is fucking up but it's it it turns out to be the right decision every time like somebody who unintentionally makes mistakes but it always leads to the the best possible outcome like that would be a possible permutation

of of a well surely that's that's the fucking up right if you're fucking up you're making mistakes and you're moving up in the world if you're fucking down that's when you're making mistakes and you're moving up in the world. If you're fucking down, that's when you're making mistakes and they're all going wrong. Yeah. Oh, you really fucked this up. I fucked up my way up to the top. It's called fucking up. I fucked my way to the top. I fucked up my way to the top.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean uh yes but what would that what would that look like let's see somebody is making mistakes and they always turn out okay i mean look i mean i think that's just a fun thing to write i think that's just you know yeah what happens they drink arsenic yeah they drink like they've got two cups next to each other one has their their water and the other one has the cyanide yeah they drink it but it ends up fixing something in their body maybe we started out with two bigger fuck up yeah but you know maybe it's like oh it was but turned out that it was a dose

that was you know not enough to actually properly get them but it did kill the cancer in their body yeah the tapeworm in their brain well that's good yeah it is it is good, isn't it? I don't know. Yeah. I'm going to just write down fucking up, but it's fucking up. Mistakes that lead to best outcome. I love it.

I love it. I love it. How many ideas have we got rid down, Alistair? Andy, oh, and they are all very good ideas. Thank you. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven ideas. What do you think? Should we go to three words from a listener?

I think that would be a wise course of action. Now, Andy, today's listener, and I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners. wise course of action now andy today's listener and i don't know if you know this but we have listeners and uh some of them can donate money to our patreon three dollars uh to be exact uh in the u.s currency um and that does uh allow them to to suggest three words from a listener, usually them. Yes. Not always. But not always. And today's listener is Alex Lalloyd. Alex Lalloyd. What do you think about that double L at the beginning of Lalloyd? I think it's great.

I think it's good to have built-in redundancy because some people might miss the first L and this is really great for them. That's great. Because they'd be going, oid. They'd go, that's a strange name. And it really stops people from saying that. Yeah. Is it that thing where like, you know,

llama in Spanish is like jama because like double L is like a J sound i don't think so do you think it's actually alex joyed i mean i don't think so i don't think so i think it's welsh and i think it's just a y y is also like a j isn't it joyged so it'd be like jodged. I'm sorry. I think it's Lloyd, but it could be Jodged. It could be. No, there's no oi. Oh, yeah, Jodged. It's just Alex Jodged.

Jodged. I'm really sorry if we've been pronouncing this wrong. It's a Latin name, Alex Jodged. So anyway, hello, Alex. Hello, Alex. so anyway hello alex hello alex um and uh do you want to try to guess what the three words that alex judged has uh submitted to us to in the think tank the podcast yeah the first word is scuttle us to, in the think tank, the podcast. Yeah, the first word is scuttle. Scuttle?

Scuttle. Or scuffle? No, scuttle. Well, it's definitely not scuttle. It's tree. Okay. Tree. The second word is of.

Tree of. No, Andy. No, it is not a film by Terrence Malickick i thought it was going to be tree of wife that was what i was gonna guess tree of life you are very very far away um because the second word is worms tree worms this is already funny. Tree worms. Let's see. Tree worms. Oh, right. It's like three words, but it's tree worms.

So the third word is going to be glistener. Andy, the third word is glistener. Yes! Yes! It's congratulations. Congratulations. Alex did mention in the message that he thought that you will get it. I'm so happy and thanks for believing in me, Alex. I couldn't have done this without you.

I'd like to thank God. Alex? Alex as well? Yeah, yeah, Alex, obviously. Alex is in many ways the God of those words. He is in the universe. In the beginning, there was the three words. It'd be great if the God's words at the start of the universe,

I guess they were like an improv suggestion, right? Can I get a word from God? That's right. And then he said, let Andy be right. And then we have since then, humanity has been basically riffing a scene based on that suggestion from God. The big bang. The big bang. The big suggestion from the audience. All right.

So, tree worms glistener. Oh, I am, you know, obviously at the moment, even though this is not a tree, I'm just picturing a poo with worms in it and there's a shine on that poo. Yeah, wow. It's definitely not an idea. for jazzily type ideas where you're like yes you could treat your rectal worms or yeah you could um you know cover them with glitter and treat yourself to a shiny glistening worm yeah but or you could or you could get the worms. You could get them like do like one of those artworks that people do with like sewing. Yeah, a tapestry? Yeah, kind of like a tapestry.

They do it on like a little circle. And yeah, there's another word for it. Oh, cross stitch. Kind of like, embroidering embroidering but with worms they already you know let's say you've got all these worms already in your in your anus right and they they poke their head out or whatever but why don't you poke their. I've already got the worms in my anus. I've already got them. That's free. Anal worm embroidering. Good news.

The good news is I already have the worms. Well, you've already got them there. It's turning a bad thing into a good thing. Yeah, great. And what you do is by sort of dabbing bits of, I guess, meat juice or something onto this cloth. You entice the worms to weave themselves through it. That's right. Because you have a needle that puts in a little bit of the meat and stuff like that into the hole.

It creates the hole that you want the worm to go into. Yeah. But then you also want them to get stuck there. Yeah. So there's a bit of glue as well yeah yeah uh and so and then but then you could get them to spell out things like worms stay away oh wow that's interesting you know so it could be like you know and then you could hang that over your butthole like a home sweet home type sign, but it says worms stay away. Oh, I picture this happening into the flesh of the butt. The embroidering is happening in the flesh of the butt. What a horrible, horrible idea.

Alistair, you've made this anal worm cross stitch idea really unpleasant. Yeah. Alistair, you've made this anal worm cross-stitch idea really unpleasant. Yeah. I was having fun. I think cross-stitch is like a knitting, but you could knit. It's not. Knit with anal worms. Cross-stitch is not knitting. No?

Cross-stitch is exactly this type of embroidery thing that you're talking about. Oh, but what about anal worm knitting? Could you make some gloves? that you're talking about. Oh, but what about idle worm knitting? You're thinking of crochet. You're thinking of crochet. I am thinking of crochet. Or are you thinking of croquet? I'm thinking of croquet. Or are you thinking of croquettes?

I'm thinking of croque-monjour. Crocodiles. I'm thinking of crocodiles. Are you thinking of Monsieur Tabouli? Le crocodile. Le crocodile. Tabouli, of course, is a French way of saying tabouli. Oh.

Let's see. Okay. So there's that idea. Obviously, we've got that locked in, obviously. I mean, because imagine that, like, worm-based gloves. Do you think that they would be warm? Warm? Worms?

Are they warm worms? Are you saying making gloves from worms? Yeah, knitted gloves out of worms. Like, you're using the worm as the as the yarn yeah it's a it's so in a way they are a flesh where you're you're probably eventually kind of like curing them to keep them in a state in which they're not rotting or whatever i thought they would i mean i'd want them to still be wriggling i think if they're dead it's horrible you. Well, okay, so you think that, I mean, could you knit them in such a way that if they keep following the same path, you get them into some kind of loop, it stays intact? Oh, fascinating.

Yeah. So you have, you know, I'm picturing, I guess, longworms. I'm not sure how long the standard ass worm is. Yeah, I'm picturing, I guess, longworms. I'm not sure how long the standard ass worm is. Yeah, I'm picturing longworms too. But they're nice, long, they're thread-like. And so the threads in your gloves that you've made, they're constantly squirming and crawling in and out, right? Yeah.

But it's like a standing wave. The glove remains intact. Yeah. I think that's a really good idea. Yeah, there's got to be a mathematical solution to this. Yeah. And do you think it would be hot? Do you think it would be warm? Isn't it interesting that the glove itself is then an emergent phenomena of the

worms, right? If we were to look at any individual worm you could never hypothesize the existence of the glove i don't think it would be worm because a warm because uh i think um they're cold-blooded creatures unfortunately but do you think that they would do you think that they would insulate though i also i'm not sure if it would insulate, though? Also, I'm not sure if it would insulate because I think they... Oh, no, no, look. I reckon, yes, I reckon it would insulate. They would get their warmth from your hand, maybe. Actually, it would be really good for the worms themselves.

It's good for the worms. It's good. I mean, where would you store them? You would have to probably store them in something that keeps them alive. Do you think you'd store them in just like a jelly or something like that, like a nutritious jelly? No, you store them in a glove. You put the gloves inside a glove?

No, they're just permanently in a state of being a glove. No, I know, but where do you store the gloves? Do you have to feed the gloves to keep them alive? I see what you're saying. Do you put them in like a Tupperware container? Maybe you've got to put them back up your butt. Oh, so they eat... Yeah, I mean, I guess you could call your butt the glove compartment.

You know? Or your love compartment. Does anyone refer to their private orifices as the love compartment does anybody refer to the glove compartment as the love compartment the love compartment that's the well you could call you could call your butt the glove compartment this is if you have these gloves and then refer to any of your other orifices as the love compartment yeah cool i was sorry i think we did it i think we did it do you think yeah yeah you know and then refer to any of your other offices as the love compartment. Yeah, cool. Alistair, I think we did it.

I think we did it. Do you think? Yeah? Yeah. You know, we had a photographer come and take some family photos at our house today. Yeah, without me. And Carly mentioned that I have a podcast. And the photographer was saying,

well, I'm going to listen to the podcast on the way home. I hope we can get this episode up quickly enough that this is the one she downloads first. Yeah. If that's the case, hello, Lily. Thank you for taking such lovely photos. Yes. She really was great. I'd like to plug Lily's photography services.

I'll try and include a link in the show notes. Okay. During Comedy Festival, the show notes took a bit of a hit. Alistair. The quality of show notes. I have been planning on going back and fixing them a little bit. We all make plans like that. I've dropped the ball a few times as well on the show notes.

I don't know if you've noticed, listeners, but there was a change in the allocation of duties. About three months ago, or maybe more, maybe four months ago, Alistair became the chief uploader. After six years or something, seven years, he's now in charge. And now we all always upload on Sunday instead of midweek. I mean, part of that is also that we just don't get around to recording before that. And then when we do, George doesn't look at it until Sunday. I think that's a pretty big part of it, Alistair,

but I'd still like to blame you if that's all right. Yeah. I mean, you know, I think it's because I've allowed it. I think you would rule George with an iron fist. You know, you would use that kind of brotherly tough love. He doesn't fear you like he fears me. Yeah, that's right. Because he knows that you'll go to mum.

That's right. Because you're the golden boy. I rule him with an iron mum. An iron mum. Think about this. You've heard of Man of Steel. What about Mum of Steel? Really good.

Yeah. Really good. Anyway, I've run out of ink, so I won't be able to write that down. But maybe we can save that for the next podcast. Sorry to any mums that were listening. Alistair, take us through the sketch ideas quickly. Oh, yeah. Quickly.

All right. We've got rotisserie hosts. That's the show. Great idea. Where they just have hosts and they win something. Well, actually, it reminded me before when we were talking about that, we were talking about the possibility that you eat the host. But could there be, I don't know, does this make sure,

like, it feels like there is a game here based on this idea of the black widow spider, right? You know, like, where the male has sex with it and then gets eaten. Now, I'm not saying that's exactly what we want, but the idea that somebody wants something that is mutually beneficial to both of them, right? And then afterwards, they have to get away from the thing very quickly because immediately it is their enemy you know i think there is a game in that and i don't know quite know what it is yet but let's start pondering yeah black widow game show right um maybe it's a reality TV show.

It's like one of those, you know, like Love Island. Yeah, it's really good. You've got to hook up with somebody. You've got to find love, but then they've got to hunt you. Yeah. And you've got to get… It turns into a battle royale. It's the first to find love, love fall in love and then flee from love the three f's you got to get off the island before they they hit you with a bow and arrow

you got to get off and then you got to get off get off yeah because that would be fun if they were hunting you with like a bow and arrow, even if it's not necessarily a killer one. Yeah. But like the idea that all the women know how to use, all know archery. It's a really great idea. So what it is, is we have an island where people have got to fall in love, right, with their true beloved. There's money.

They could win a million dollars. But as soon as they have professed that they're in love with somebody, we haven't told them this, but then it turns into a hunting game, right? And she has to hunt him as he tries to escape the island. Yeah. He gets a note straight away in his earpiece the moment that he expresses his love. Yeah.

She has to hunt him. Yeah. Black. Then he has, this is a really good idea the black widow live on love island ah so good because yeah the idea that all the men are strategizing to get the women you know and they don't know that the game shifts. Yeah. Great. Okay, we got that.

We got sausage gun. That's for, you know, like a t-shirt gun for the football. But, of course, we'll then eventually, they'll be like home sausage guns sausage guns for you know because it's just it's just a cleaner way of barbecuing and then um you know you don't have to have all that mess or the smoke in the house it just anyway uh you got personal sausage cooker which we think probably already exists as a student the think tech idea we got cold fusion cuisine. We've got hot chefs versus cold chefs. We've got the Texas barbecue place that uses illegal crustacean labor. We've got fucking up mistakes that lead to best outcome. We've got anal worm embroidering and knitting.

We've got the living gloves. And we have the black widow love island. Yeah. Well, there you go. I think we've covered everything. That's a real smorgasbord. So I think we should make some music and get out of here. All right.

Let's do that. Bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring, bring I think volume two of Gustavo Irita is now available in Spain. So I've seen some copies of that and it's looking good. Great. And if you are German, there are some episodes of Grand Valk and Irrelevant. The Elefantes. So anyway, look out for that um and uh alice are you been on any podcasts recently you want to plug i have just recorded an episode although it's not out yet but mix

taping identities a mix tapity, which is a podcast where a lot of Melbourne comedians have done it, even though it's a Northern Irish podcast. It's where people pick like 14 songs based off of a song questionnaire and

they tell their, they basically reveal themselves through these songs. Oh, cool. And that I have just done that. But there's some great episodes on there. You know, Zachary Ruane has done an episode. Wow.

Emma Holland has done an episode. Oh, yes. Mish Withrop has done an episode. I believe Sammy P has done an episode. Samip. Gosh, those are good people. has done an episode. Samip.

Gosh, those good people. This, the host is related in some historical way to Stu. One day, two in the think tank episode guests, Stu, Mac, the macaroni prince. Cool. They're old friends. Yes, Andy? I need to go. Mac, the macaroni prince. Cool. They're old friends. Yes, Andy? I need to go urgently. I have to do something very important.

Oh, you're going to go and have another family photo without me? But this has been fun. Yeah. And we love you. Bye. My relationship with Andy is becoming abusive. See ya. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs, mozzarella balls, and arancini balls? Yes, we deliver those.

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