Two In The Think Tank - 383 - "THE LONG ARM OF NEWTON'S LAW"

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. 383. Oh, baby. 383. 383. Oh oh baby, it's the one for me. Hello and welcome to episode 383 of the podcast, two in the think tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. And I'm Alistair George Williamson, baby, we're chill.

Andy, you've heard of hand cut chips, right? Oh, chip cut hands. I love it. Eh? No, no, no, no. No. This is cut hand chips. I love it. Eh? No, no, no, no. No. This is cut hand chips. Yeah, okay.

So these are chips that were made with somebody who recently cut themselves with a knife. Yes. And the chips are soaked in blood, which means that they're higher in protein. Yes, blood infused. That's really good. You know, so that way you can have things. When you're somewhere, you know when you're like, you're on like a keto diet,

but you've sort of fallen off the wagon and you're kind of eating things that aren't quite keto, but you're wanting to still kind of stick with it a little bit. So you're like, all right, yes, I'm eating fries. Yes, I'm eating nothing but white carbs. But these ones are soaked in the blood of the person who cut the potatoes. And so

they are. They will keep my protein levels up and maybe I will maintain some level of ketosis. You won't. But this is what you tell yourself. Well, the chef, they're putting a lot of themselves into this. What are you getting? You're getting the iron from the iron chef.

I think it's very good, Alistair. Blood. I've put my blood, blood, and blood in this. Do you know how much of my blood, blood, and blood? Yeah, I'm just repeating your joke. I guess you could blood, blood and tears. I was crying because I was bleeding so much. It's funny that when you become an adult,

you stop crying when you hurt yourself. Yeah, that's right. I mean, I think that would be a funny thing to see in a film, you know, like an action film, right? Yeah. It's otherwise a normal action film, but it's one in which both the protagonists and the antagonists cry when they get hurt. So they keep fighting, but they're crying.

Just the hero and the big boss. None of the henchmen or anything like that. They don't cry. Yeah. Henchmen don't cry. That's when we'll be able to bring back the big girls don't cry song. You mean boys don't cry? Is there a big girls don't cry song as well?

Because I know there's boys don't... Big girls don't cry. Big girls. They don't cry. Big girls, they don't cry. They don't cry. That song. What about this? He's a hero, right? And he was able to achieve physical invulnerability, right?

Which means that you can't hurt his body. But at enormous expense to his feelings. To his emotional vulnerabilities. So in accordance with the law of conservation of vulnerability, he is still as vulnerable as he once was, but now it's entirely on a psychological level. I really like this a lot, Andy. And we call him

the Incredible Sulk. Andy, we might have to... Are you riding a motorbike away? Yeah, that's right. And they call him the Incredible Sulk. I think that's a really, that's better.

I think that should be the new ba-doom-chish, you know? Yeah, I think so too. It's like we deliver the punchline and then we ride off into the sunset. On our hogs. On our fat hogs. On our dicks? Yeah, that's right. I mean... You know what I think about a lot?

What pops into my head a lot, but it's just a dumb thing that you said once. It was just about talking about raising our children and what word you teach them to call their penis. And then you were saying, oh, I'm raising my hand to call them hogs. I don't remember that. But that is a stupid thing that I said once.

You're right. Yeah. You can choose anything you want, you know? And why does... Yeah. Hog, what's inappropriate about that? That's right. It's a beautiful animal, a hog.

Yes. They're actually very... A hog is a beautiful animal. Intelligent beasts. The hog is a beautiful organ. Imagine that, a penis with horns. Awful. Like where? Or tusks. Tusks, I guess. More like tusks. Tusks. Like a penis with horns. Awful. Like where?

Or tusks. Tusks, I guess. More like tusks. Like a warthog. Down near the mouth? Yeah, I guess so. Down near the mouth of the penis. Because, I mean, you could picture them up at the top like a bull,

but I guess you could picture them coming out the sides of the mouth like Pumba. Yeah, I think I'm thinking like Pumba. It's horrible, though. I don't want to engage in this thought anymore. Well, what about big elephant tusks? I don't think I enjoy that either, is an idea. Andy, it's really horrible if you try to think of using it in a normal penis way.

I don't think this one is getting used in that way. Ah, very good. So, actually, you use, actually you use your penis to, you know, dig up tubers from under the ground. When you say, I've been rooting around a lot recently to your mates, they don't, they

think you're talking sexually, but what they don't realise is that you've been unearthing starchy vegetables. I've got a truffle hog. And when you say that, your mates, the lads that you're chatting to in the locker room, they don't realise you're talking about

using your penis to find fungus under the roots of birch trees. They think that you're just suggesting that your penis, your penis smells like truffles. I'm sorry. Oh, you've got a fungus-y cock. I'm writing down truffle hog.

Fungal infection I have a fun gal infection That's what A fun gal Yeah A fun gal infection Isn't that amazing That fungal That fungal has both fun gal

And fun guy Yeah Yeah you're right I mean you know While we're trying to be sex positive, I think ladies who should reclaim fungal infections as being fungal infections. That's all I'm saying. Oh, that's good. You know? Yeah.

I've got a fungal infection. And you picture, like, and it's like people like women dancing yeah and they're they're throwing this tube of ointment to each other and then they start dancing like lots of colors and things like that they're all wearing kind of you know like block block colors shirts and stuff like that and there's kind of like drawn on like reverberations like you know in kind of thick colorful fluoro marker on the screen as well when they move great like stink lines but fun yeah they're fun lines um yeah fun gal lines, yes. I've got a fun gal inflection.

That's what, instead of saying vocal fry, I don't call it vocal fry, I call it a fun gal inflection. Inflection? Yeah, inflection, isn't that sort of how you... Maybe vocal fry doesn't count as an inflection. Inflection is going up and down. Vocal poach. Vocal broil.

Vocal broil. Vocal broil feel like? It's what Neil Hamburger has. Bubbling away. Why? Yeah. Did you hear boil or broil? I heard broil, but in my understanding,

I don't really know what broiling is, but in my understanding, it's kind of like a... It's, but in my understanding, it's a kind of like a... I think it's just cooking things under a grill. Oh, really? Oh, okay. Yeah, I think so. I was wrong about that then. I thought...

I could also be wrong. It's a very American word, but I think from what I've gathered. I thought broiling was sort of when you put... It's like boiling, but you put something in the oven with water. So there's water around it. But I think I was just making that up based on the vibe of the word. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know the word does not match up with what it is at all. I really do think that it is just grilling from above. It's just putting it under a grill. Isn't that interesting that we put things sometimes under a grill and sometimes over a grill, but never next to a grill? Oh, we do sometimes.

That's what toasting is, isn't it? Isn't that what a toaster does? I guess that's what a toaster is and that's what those like rotisserie, like elephant leg shawarma kind of like,

you know, kebab meat stuff is. Next to a grill. Yeah. Okay. I really thought you were onto something there, Alistair. I thought that was stuff is. Next to a grill. Yeah. Okay. But they never put the grill somewhere. Oh, I was so close. They do it above, below, to the side,

but they never put it in the fourth dimension where we can't see it. You know, we often might hit a vein of comedy, but there, for a second, I thought that you'd hit the main vein of comedy. Yeah. No, it seemed like maybe we were about to take a big comedy piss. And all of the comedy that we've accumulated over the last eight hours.

Yeah. All of the setups that we had accumulated over the last... You know, I had a big glass of setups before I... When I got up and I was ready to let them all out after my body has processed them and turned them into punchlines. Yeah, although you'd think

that maybe what would come out of the main vein then would be the waste product, all the stuff that isn't punchlines. I think with piss it's excess rather than rather than waste. With piss... I think there's waste in there as well, Alistair.

Nah, mate. That's why you drink it. It's so good for you. You don't hear about any shitty news to you but you do hear about piss drinkers. I mean, that's interesting. You do not ever see Bear Grylls in the

wild eating his own shit. No, he's definitely not eating his own shit. He does squeeze that elephant tongue to drink the water. Oh, I'm gonna have to eat my own shit. I mean, there must be calories in there.

Maybe if he was too hydrated, there was too much water in his body, he needed to eat some solids, you know? Because that's sort of the inverse of the needing to drink piss. I've become... He's been floating down a river for the last 12 hours. Yeah.

And now he needs to... He's bloated. His living body is bloated with water. He's waterlogged. And now he needs to eat something salty. Yeah.

Like a nice dry, salted shit. This is an awful episode of the podcast. I hate it. On the way here, on the way to this excursion, I'd been eating nothing but pork crackling. And I've been collecting all my shits and drying them out.

He's going to make shit jerky. The way that we could do this is we make a little shit jerky. Now, I'm just going to put it between two banana leaves. I've got to take... It acts as both a wiping device and a plate. Now, if we mush it together, we'll get lots of that wonderful surface area. We'll get lots of that wonderful surface area. I'm getting somehow, I think, bear grills mixed up with Jamie Oliver. Jamie Oliver, that's what I was going to say.

Get a lot of that lovely surface area. Now, you're going to get a lot of those beautiful banana leaf flavours in there. Now, we're going to put it here next to this hot volcanic rock. That I found. And we're going to dry that up. Yeah. I contributed a lot there. He's grilling it on the side there.

That I found. Are you saying he's bear grilling it? I wasn't. I wasn't. But maybe. Maybe he would be. I mean, if he was bear grilling it, that would be...

He would take off the banana leaf and he would just grill. He's called Bear Grills, but actually eats a lot of his stuff raw. He does, doesn't he? I think that might be the stupidest joke I've ever heard. More like bear doesn't cook at all. And he's a human as well.

More like human... Eats like a bear would. Very good. Very good, Alistair. Flawless, beautiful. It's the word economy that I like the most. Unless it's spelled B-A-R-E, and that's what he's meaning.

That his grill has not been used at all. None of his grills have been used. Anyway. It was the night before Christmas and nothing was happening. All of the grills were bare. What the fuck?

Not even a mouse was grilling. Wow. That's incredible. Old Mother Hubbard walked to her grill, but it was bare. Now, that one works, but I don't think there's anything about bare. But all the grills were bare. I don't think there's anything about bare in The Night Before Christmas, is there? About things being bare?

No. Yes, nothing was grilling. Not even a mouse. They were all bear. Oh, my lord. I think that's pretty good. I think we can wrap it up there. I think people are feeling

satisfied. With the 15 minute episode? One day, I guess we've got to do the opposite of one of those long episodes. We've got to do the shortest possible episode. The minimum number of sketch ideas. See if we can get five sketch ideas in under five minutes. No, I think it's got to be one sketch idea. We come up with one sketch idea.

I mean, we could do one where we spend a really, really long time coming up with one really good sketch idea, you know. Oh. 24 hours and you're not allowed to come up with more than one idea, right? So once you start on an idea, you've just got to keep working on that, you know, chipping away. What if we do an idea where we have to go from conception of idea to completion to like market ready? Wow. That's not so bad.

Like, you know, you've got to go from nothing to a full episode of a script, right? Of a show. Yeah. Yeah. It could be like you could do a kid's book. You could do a sketch. You could do a kid's book, you could do a sketch, you could do a song. That's zero to market in under one app.

Do you have to actually get it out there? Like, you know, if it's a book, do you have to publish it? If it's a show, do you have to record it during the recording and release it during the recording? I mean, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah, because then we'd have to do all the drawings and stuff ourselves.

I mean, I think it would be cool to actually try to do that. I think it would be cool as well. I think we should do it. Maybe we'll try starting out with one of our bonus episodes for this month, which we've got to record soon. We'll do one where we make a full children's book.

Okay? Okay. Yeah. All right. And then we'll publish it? Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

We'll have to do a little bit of research beforehand to find out what's involved in publishing it like during the course of the episode. But we... Also, yeah, we have to do all prep during the episode. Could we just publish it on our Twitter? Yeah. Or do you think it actually needs to be published

and like for sale Well I wonder how long it takes to get something up On You know on Amazon You know just as an e-book or something like that Maybe they have to They might have to review things That might take a certain amount of time

But you know If we record it later tonight here They might be up in America Reviewing things Maybe we could talk to someone we know Who works as an editor at Amazon If we record it later tonight here, they might be up in America reviewing things. Maybe we could talk to someone we know who works as an editor at Amazon and see if they can push it through the system a little bit faster. Yeah. If we had the access to somebody on the inside

who has access to all aspects of Amazon. Somebody who works in a very different department of Amazon but has got the key card to the city. The skeleton key to the city. Oh, yeah. You know, you've heard of the skeleton key, but what about the gelatin key? He's been given the gelatin key.

You stick it in there, you fuck up the lock. Yeah. Well, it would be good to have a kind of a gelatin where you... You know, maybe it's one of our favorite things. Maybe it's a non-Newtonian... That's exactly where my mind going i was like i can't wait to andy to finish talking so i can talk about cornstarch in water but like you know if it would be great if you could pour a lot of cornstarch into a lock right force it all in there as a liquid okay and then you whack it right it

becomes a solid and you turn it really quickly, right? And then it makes a solid key. Couldn't you just like squeeze it? Couldn't you squeeze it hard or something like that at the back? Yeah, maybe. Have like a big bubble or whatever there? Yeah, in a way, maybe that's what whacking would achieve. You whack it really hard.

But isn't it inside the lock? Yeah, but it's coming out. So you're like by pressuring, you know, you're pushing the entire fluid. You're right. Soon to be solid. Soon to be solid. Applying that pressure throughout. I don't know what it's like for lateral strength.

I think that might be where we come undone, alas. But who knows? Oh, I don't know. We could be the custard bandits, Alistair. This would be quite our calling card. People show up at the scene of a crime and all they see is this sticky, off-white liquid everywhere. It looks like someone's jizzed in the lock.

And that's what they assume. And that helps them to throw them off the scent. By the way, we also give it the scent of jizz instead of vanilla. That's a really good idea. We find those cum trees that we have here in Australia, and we bottle the cum smell. We become cum perfumers. Yeah, sure. Perfumers, right? This is all part of our plan.

So half of the year we're cultivating cum. We have like cum tree leaves or the flowers or whatever it is, right? And then we've got that. But then we've also got vials of cum so that we can, you know, match up the odors to make sure that we're getting it just right. We're also cum sommeliers. Cum sommeliers. Cummeliers, yes.

Sommeliers. And cummelier is actually quite good. Yeah, so we're trying to make our crimes appear sexual. Some sort of sexual theft. That's right. We just want people to think we're perverts, but actually we're just petty thieves. We're actually the lesser crime of petty thieves.

People who just steal objects to sell them for money. Yeah, you know, all our thefts get referred to the sex crimes unit. And they're ill-equipped to investigate this because, you know, it's not their field. And that's how we've gamed the system. Oh, that's right. Did we... Wait, I've got to write. What was it? The custard...

The custard bandits? Bandits? Yeah, bandits. It's non-Newtonian lockpicking. Yes, non-Newtonian law. Non-Newtonian's law. We don't follow the law or the Newtonian laws. We've got no respect.

We are evading the long arm of Newton's law. Oh, no, I had an idea. Wait. I guess the long arm of Newton's law, that's gravity, right? Presumably. Yeah. I guess so.

What about this thing about gravity not being a force? Have you heard about this? I'm open to that idea. I mean, I'm not sure if I've heard about it, but it feels because i've always struggled to reconcile see physics try it seems to be trying to have too many but too many things going on with gravity because on one level they tell us well it's just like space is curved okay so really the things are following straight lines in curved space and you're like oh okay but then

are they but but if they're traveling following a straight line then they're not accelerating or whatever they're not um experiencing a force and yeah and then why would we be searching for like some fundamental particle that that um like like a graviton a fundamental particle that mediates the force of gravity. Because there is no force of gravity. I've never looked into it. But whenever I start to think about it, I get tied up in knots. And I get quite frustrated. My other problem is I don't like how they're always trying to unite all the forces.

Like coming up with a... Find a way to unify gravity with the other three fundamental forces I don't know why I don't know why they need to do that and I don't even really understand what it means right and once again

I'm not willing to do the work to find out yeah doesn't it just mean that they're like that like all the mechanisms are in some way connected through something that makes sense? Like through some logical path? Isn't that all it means? I'm sure you're right.

But apparently if you go back far enough into the history of the Big Bang, all the forces were just one force. They were all unified. And then somehow that force split up, you know, like One Direction into, you know, it was a band that had one thing, and then they all went off and had solo careers. And it turned out there were all these different manifestations or different versions of the same thing and we're

trying to get them all back together again so you think so is it like the way in which everything kind of split up at the beginning made a difference on what the side the different forces were yeah but i don't understand how they can be just like one thing. They're all one thing, and then they can turn into four different things. Like, it's just, I don't know right yes um whatever they are maybe they could only be whatever they are based on the initial conditions at the beginning of the universe i think that's true yes and so whatever they are affects how everything interacts because that's how they interact with each other what if this what if this is it right and it's like evolution okay and and the the universe expands really quick so there's just one force everywhere right and the universe expands so quickly immediately after the big bang that different right, get isolated from each other, okay?

Different pockets of the universe, okay? Yeah. And those are like islands, okay? So say we have one, we start out with like one species of force, okay? Which is like a bird, like a finch. Let's just picture a lot of hot. Okay, no way.

Okay, so you're picturing the actual thing i'm picturing a finch okay right and then it splits up like the continents uh splitting up on the universe on earth okay and now those four there are four finches identical finches isolated in these different situations but because the conditions in those different situ different areas of the universe might be different, they evolve separately, okay? And they end up with different features and different manifestations. Then, somehow, as they continue to expand, they merge back together.

And then that's like the different species being reintroduced into the same environment. Now they're all coexisting, but they have different behaviours, different ecological needs. So you're saying the forces were breeding I'm saying the forces were So you had strong gravitational

and then it made a baby with electromagnetic force and then it made weak atomic or whatever That's the exact opposite of what i'm saying i'm saying they were isolated they evolved separately to have their own different features okay the four different forces from the same ancestor then as the those sections of the

universe overlapped it's like the the habitats were merging back together again now they're back in the they're they're in the same area all together, now all behaving in slightly different ways. Yeah, okay, right, right. I think maybe because you had just said two. Did I say two? And then I was like, well, how did the other ones come about? So the only answer I had was when you mixed them together already

rather than separating them some more. I assumed you meant they were breeding. You made the mistake of listening to what I was saying instead of what I was thinking, Alistair. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Now, I think that's possible, Andy. I mean, it's possible. Look, so let's say it starts. Because, I mean, what would the first force be?

Let's try and guess. What's the Pangea force? You know? Yeah. So Globstrap? What feels like the main one? Wait, what are you saying? Globstrap?

Globstrap? Like, as in you're trying to just guess what its name is? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. You're trying to guess what would it be like what what what is the force like it's going to be pretty similar to to the other forces yeah but i think so what do we know we know that it is a force okay we know that it's a force and like let's say you're let's say you just emerge.

You're a bunch of energy. Yeah. And you just emerge into the universe out of some quantum fluctuation. Yeah. Right? Okay, great. You know what I love? By the way, Alistair,

I want to say how much I'm loving this conversation. I apologize to the listeners who are probably hating it. But what I love is that this is, this is, in a way, we're the same as Einstein because we're just doing a thought experiment. Now, it's the dumbest fucking thought experiment by the most uninformed idiots in the world.

Sure. We're playing in the same sandbox, you know? We're using the same tools. And that's exciting to me. Yeah. So it was just like the same tools as in we're using our brains and imagination. And words. Yeah. And words. exciting to me. Yeah. So you – it was just like the same tools as in we're using our brains and imagination. And words.

Yeah. And words. Yeah, yeah. He had to have used them. Some of his might have been German words. Oh, yeah. That's true. He might have been picturing German atoms.

And anyway, but so you're emerged. Okay, let's say you are. Is it all energy when it first arrives? It's all energy because there's no atoms. There's no form. There's no form, right? So you're just a big block of energy. It's one energy, right?

What do you need? What is energy then? So what is energy then? So, it's an... What is the force? Like, so everything is coming out. Is there any attractive energy forces where energies attract each other? Energy particles. I think energy, as far as I understand, is different to forces.

Okay? And this is so dumb. We are so dumb. And, is different to forces. Okay? Yeah. This is so dumb. We are so dumb. And that's different to matter. Right? But it feels like, you're right, they all could have started out as the same kind of gloop. Right?

And then they specialized. Okay? Yeah, but it probably was, yeah, because it would have been energy, all of it at first. Because how are you going to materialize matter? Yeah. Because what's it coming through? And where is it coming from? Here's what I reckon.

I reckon some of the energy would have had to turn into forces first in order to pull the energy. Oh, no, but then you can't act on the energy to pull it together to make the matter. Yeah, because energy can be packets, right? So it can be particles of energy. Yeah. So maybe the interactions start with those kinds of things, right? We know that photons have momentum.

Yes. And they can act upon other things. Yes. Now, what's that force? What's that force what's that force they're the electromagnetic you know what are if you take the um wave interpretation of photons they are waves of electro you know self-perpetuating electric and magnetic forces right yeah oh okay. Oh, Alistair. I think we've got to get out of this area. But then there'd be a lot of heat too.

Now, that's not electromagnetic, is it? You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea and ice cream? Yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything.

Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Heat. Well, no, heat. I don't think heat could exist because there wasn't any matter. Because heat is just the movement, you know, the kinetic energy of particles. So I don't think there could be heat.

the kinetic energy of particles. So I don't think there could be heat. But I think the reason why there wasn't atoms or electrons and stuff for so long is because it was too hot. But how could it be too hot if there was nothing there for there to be heat? We're back to square one.

Yeah, okay. So then there's got to be some matter. But matter on a more fundamental way, which is pre-electrons and, you know, like... This is what I reckon what it is, right? Because I think matter is just really dense energy, okay? I think that's what matter is, really dense energy.

And I think early in the universe's life, everything was so small and so close together, there was no difference between those two things. Everything was just really dense energy, which means that the universe at that time, when it was that small, would have just been a clump of really dense energy, which was just pure matter in its like un um

undiversified form like matter like matter that's so hot that it is just energy and energy that's so dense that it is just matter yeah i think we've got to stop there i think we've got to stop there that's the closest we've had to a coherent thought but but wait no but wait what's the force then the force that's there and so if it's hot is it a hot force is there's no light because nothing can... Penetrate. No, nothing can penetrate the density, right? It feels like as it expands, right, little clumps of that matter break away, right, and go further away from each other. But they remember what it was like to be part of that glorious oneness

and they spend the rest of their lives reaching out to try and you know to try and maintain those connections it's like leaving high school okay yeah and you know you had this really intense time together and even when you're apart you still feel that bond and sometimes you like something they post on facebook maybe that's all it is that's a very weak interaction but it's an interaction nonetheless that makes you feel like you haven't aged and the universe is still trying yeah but andy i don't i feel like you're you're you're getting too metaphorical i want to know why I want to know why things attract each other. Yes.

I mean, it's very nice, Andy. It was a very nice story and you should write that down in your little book. I'm thinking of getting a little book. Yeah. Don't I want to write

things down more? Keep a record of things? I still buy notebooks. Do you keep any notes of things i still buy notebooks do you but do you do you keep any notes of things interesting things that happen that your children say of special moments other than photos i mean no i mean i definitely do videos because i feel like that's this this thing that's the only window through time that you can really get yeah a video. And so that's the closest thing to a portal to the past that we can get. Yeah. And so I try to make sure that my phone is jam-packed full

and my Google Photos is jam-packed full and I'm trying to find ways of finding other places where I can store more data because, yeah, I don't want to not take videos. That's the only way that I'll remember properly. But do you think there's an extra layer of sadness associated with those videos? Like, you know, that if things are just written down, right,

in a book, if you just got notes of what happened or something like that, that they become, you know, they become their own little canon, little collection of little fragments, right? But if you have just videos, like I remember children's videos from when I was quite young, it was always sadness associated with them.

I mean, I have sadness to do with writing things down because I don't write them down. And then I go, oh my God. So I'm missing so much. And so to overcome that, I have the videos. And so the videos are very precious. But also they bring the kids so much joy.

Yeah. Man, kids love watching videos of themselves. Yeah. Yeah. Think of all the cavemen, cavebabies who died unable to watch videos of themselves. Maybe this is humans' ultimate purpose. Maybe we've achieved what we were always destined. That's the meaning of life, maybe,

is to get to a point where you can watch videos of yourselves. That's the pinnacle of bliss. In every video, the kid asks, can I see the video in it? Yeah, that's exactly right. Well, that's definitely the case for Remy. Before you can react to press stop, he's already leapt towards you to say,

can I watch it? Can I see the video? It's really something. Andy, we technically haven't moved since the Custard Bandits really um something andy we technically haven't moved since uh the custard bandits uh in terms of sketch ideas but i think that we write down that thing about um evolution of forces in isolated universe pockets because i think while it's definitely wrong and incredibly stupid, I think there's something there. There could be something there.

Evolution of forces in what? In isolated pockets of the universe. You know, they had different conditions based on what had ended up in each little gloopy area. ended up in each little gloopy area um you know i i had actually once thought of a a kid's book that would be all the characters are some of the fundamental forces of the universe that's great it's also a good idea for a pixar film because they're always looking for things to personify i know i think it's i think it's stupid that they're they're releasing one that is like the four elements or whatever are they yeah i didn't know that uh well it's about to come out maybe next month or something like that i don't know i feel like the saying the four elements thing is like kind of going is like the two genders

thing is allowing is allowing that thing to kind of keep living yeah right there are only four elements like also with the two genders thing i hate you know i what really bothers me about that is that yeah the straight away the answer is like well what about intersex like aren't there people who are born intersex and then then you go so then if that exists then you can see that already the whole role is more complicated yeah the whole thing is more complicated than you could possibly understand yeah yeah so there's clearly some space in between it's like also people said to like we're the ones who said it it's not like we found it inscribed on some like totem somewhere that was handed down to us by some alien species we're the ones who said it yeah right and then

anyway so you can just change what you say can't you you can just change what you said once you have more information yeah anyway

you're absolutely right so so I think it also just bothers me that like a lot of fantasy stuff just uses the four elements because it's like oh

can we can we come up with new stuff? Could we do something more interesting? Anyway, I've not read any fantasy, so you'll love that. You'll love that I have an opinion. I'm happy with that. Andy, we've got three words from a listener. Now, I don't know if you know this,

but we have recently acquired some listeners. Yeah, well, at least we had them up until, I reckon, about 20 minutes ago. Yeah, all right, all right. Hey, I'm happy to speculate on pod. I'm having a real good time, Alistair, and I apologize for expressing any kind of doubt. No, that's okay.

That's okay. And one of them, one of our listeners who supports us on patreon uh is known as tempest marauder yeah it's a beautiful name for a marauder do i do i bring up the merovingian every time we talk about tempest marauder he reminds me of the merovingian you up the Merovingian every time we talk about Tempest Marauder? He reminds me of the Merovingian. You know the Merovingian from the Matrix sequels? He was just this character

and I never understood his significance. Was he the one who was his own kind of virus that had broken loose within the computer system? Maybe that's what it was. I've got to go back and re-watch those. The sequels. See if I can you know

because I haven't even seen the new one have you seen the new one the squeak-wholes I haven't seen the new one no the Lego squeak-whole haven't seen it

the what the Lego squeak-whole well Alvin and the Chipmunks was called the squeak-whole right the second one and I

I'm sure I've stolen this joke from somebody else, but to refer to all other sequels as Squeakquels, I just think it's fun. I know, but I thought you said the Lego Squeakquel. Well, people talk about Lego sequels, right? Which is like a combination of legacy and sequel. Lego. Lego sequel.

When you release a sequel a long time afterwards like they did with Blade Runner right I have I've probably stolen this from someone as well Lego Squeakquel sure sure Spookrequel

that's a prequel Squeak a that's a pre a prequel squeakle squeakle prequel um but also i was just picturing a squeakle that is the made with the lego because sometimes they do make a lego version of a movie you know like batman and so i thought you were saying they were making a... I assumed that you were telling me that you had seen an Alvin and the Chipmunks squeakquel that was made with Lego. No, I would never say that. Isn't it amazing that Alvin and the Chipmunks has survived to this point when it was a whole thing based entirely on the fact

that you could play records a little bit faster and the voices would go up yeah yeah that's all it was but that was entertainment and now it's ip and once something gets into the ip extended universe uh you can't get it out you're goddamn right you're god do you think one day when we make one of these episodes of a podcast where we have to write something to its completion point, that one day we'll write a novel that way? Yeah, I think we will. Maybe we could write a novella over a writing. Maybe a novella is a good starting point.

writing you know maybe a novella is a good starting point um hang on i'm just trying to formulate a campaign for do you know is there a campaign for um for like internet freedom like being able to use whatever kind of property intellectual property or like you know for royalty free wikimedia um there is like the internet archive and things like that i think where they're trying to do a bit more of that but i'm i'm not sure yeah so i wanted to do a joke and i'm maybe i'm stealing this from somewhere as well i'm too anxious now about stealing jokes but like uh who who called it what idiot called it the wikimedia commons and not IP freely. Sure, sure, sure, yeah. But it's also a reference to a Simpsons joke, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's really interesting. I'm less worried about stealing jokes now because now it feels like it's impossible to sort of not. Sure. And so you just try to make jokes that are at least fun and interesting and feel different. Yeah, it's stupid. And then if there happens to be overlap, well, it's just inevitable. So Tempest Marauder has sent in three words, Andy, and I was wondering if you would like

to try to guess what one of those words, the first one is. Yes. The first word is argon. No, it isn't. The first word, Andy, you'll be surprised to hear is wasabi. Wasabi. Okay. Wasabi. Oh, it's going to be Wasabi lubricant is the second word. Lubricant. Wasabi lubricant. No, that's a great idea though, Andy, I think.

You know, I think a lot of the wasabi lubricant is actually horseradish lubricant these days. Yeah, yeah. Because it's quite a rare root that I get. As I imagine all roots are when you've got wasabi on your cock. Yeah. The second word is mayo, Andy. Wasabi mayo clinic.

Wasabi mayo clinic. Well, that's a very good guess, Andy, but unfortunately it is incorrect. It is wasabi Mayo Treasure. No. Now, I am picturing some people on a desert island. Yeah. It's like Pirates of the Caribbean style.

They've just dug up a big wooden chest and they open it up and there's just a green mayo in there. Yeah, wow. You've done a lot of value adding there, Alistair, to that idea. Yeah. All right. How about this? There's a chicken in there. Oh, that's good.

And there's a coconut. What about this? A living chicken and a living coconut tree with a full... It's like a micro-coconut tree with a full bushel of coconuts on it right micro that's a nice idea they should try and make dwarf coconuts i think that'd be fun they should try to make what coconuts dwarf coconuts you know tiny little ones like a desk coconut bite-sized coconuts ones with it you can you can eat the shell yeah i think that's that's cute. Like a soft-shelled crab. Maybe they can cross-breed them

by getting to make love. Well, I guess eventually the coconut will evolve to become crab-like. We know. It's inevitable.

Have any plants started to look like crabs? Yeah, I feel like I've seen some. Yeah. But, Alistair, I'm thinking of started to look like crabs uh yeah i feel like i feel like i've seen some yeah but uh alice i'm thinking of a perishable treasure you know like um you know he's the he's the blackbeard the pirate but of uh of stealing um perishable goods foods really expensive but short shelf life foods and then he buries the treasure and then there's really pressure on to to to to find it quickly before it goes off he buries it in an esky

there's a couple of a couple of fridge blocks in there you know those icy fridge blocks of fridge blocks in there, you know, those icy fridge blocks. Like, but maybe what he's got is like a delicious ice cream cone. Mmm, dessert island. Indeed. It's one of the main

plot points in book two of Gustav and Henry. Gustav lost pig, is that they go to a dessert The only copy of that book that I've ever got my hands on is in a language that I can't speak English

English Spanish One thing that I did think but this is the opposite of a I guess it's not really a perishable food because it's beef jerky, right? But then he buries it under the sea. Yeah, in the salt. In the salt, in the sort of the, you know, in a chest still.

But then he opens it up and he's like, oh, it's all reconstituted. And he opens it up and he's like, oh, it's all reconstituted. My darmy precious jerky. Let's think of another type of treasure that it could be, perhaps. Yeah. Friendship is more of a gift, I think, than a treasure. You can treasure a gift, but I don't think that a friendship is a gift, I think, than a treasure. You can treasure a gift, but I don't think that a friendship is something that, you know,

you kind of like... You could bury. You couldn't bury it. You couldn't leave it to your family. That'd be a great moment at the end of a pirate movie, right? Yeah. It's where the pirates, they you know the captain they they haven't managed they've been searching for this treasure right they haven't managed to find it okay it gets to the end but they've been through all these trials and tribulations the captain says but of course fellas me me hearties, we discovered that the greatest treasure of all

is you, my friends. Right? And it's a beautiful moment. And then you smash cut to him burying them all alive in a hole because he can't help himself. I don't want anybody else to have you. Yeah.

It's a nice moment yeah I'll write it down it would be it would be the probably the flatter most flattering way to be buried alive I never was sure

if we were truly friends but now I know and then a really lonely man finds the treasure map to try and and then he goes on a quest to try and dig up the friends

to have friends again oh that's really nice yeah he finds the friend ship that they have been buried in. Sorry, it's more of a friend chest. While at the beginning of that, before you started it, I had the idea because I was talking about treasure and leaving treasure to you.

Imagine this is a bunch of grandchildren at the will reading. And they are left the grandparent leaves these grandchildren his friend Eget.

His friend Eget for the kids and And then he's... He just walks over and he's kind of an annoying guy. But now he's their friend. Because the grandfather gave it to him. It's all he had.

It's my greatest achievement. And then they just kind of have to deal with this man. I think that's a really cool idea for a film. You know, you inherit a friendship. idea for a film you know you inherit a friendship yeah and then you yeah you can you can you can have the rest of my you can have the rest of my um wealth my millions of dollars if you can spend one weekend hanging out with my friend Eget. Yeah, well, I guess maybe if it's like, you know, to add some conflict in there,

is that they'll eventually get his house. Yes. But Eget's living there. It's his housemate and his best friend. And they got to take care of Eget and they got to be his friend. I think that's good. You know?

It's a bit like the Aristocats, maybe. Can't really remember. And a good comparison to make. Well, I'm glad I said it. I'm glad. I'm glad. We're all glad, Al. Yeah, me too. Andy, should I read through. We're all glad, Al. Yeah, me too.

Andy, should I read through the sketch ideas? Oh, okay. All right, we've got cut hand chips. That's when you have blood all over your chips because of the guy who was cutting them. But you get extra protein. You can really taste the hand cutting. The cut hand.

Oh, yes. I mean, I could cut my hand and. The cut hand. Oh, yes. I mean, I could cut my hand and make chips at home. I don't know why we go out for this. Action movie, but adults cry. Then we have action hero who becomes physically invulnerable, but it makes him very emotionally vulnerable. We have the truffle hog, which is the mushroom or root vegetable finding cock.

Yep. We have fun gal infection ad, dancing and passing around a tube of ointment. We have the custard bandits who use non-Newtonian lockpicking. We have the custard bandits who use non-Newtonian lockpicking. We have evolution of forces and isolated pockets of the universe. We have pirate burying your friends because they're the nicest treasure and leave your grandkids your friend Egot in your will. I'm very happy that the name Egot made it to the pad

Yeah, well it just occurs to me it's kind of close it's close to ingot and it sounds valuable Sounds very treasuring treasurally Gold Egot is his name I have treasured our, your friendship

And it'll be played by Owen Wilson Ah, very good It'll be, I mean, Old Oldwin Wilson Owen Will Dad It will be a A leg-a-squeak-all To you, me and Dupree

There you go You, me and Dupree-get You, me and Dupree There you go You, Me and Dupreeget You, Me and Dupreequel No, that doesn't work Because that would have been before Damn it But if they ever do do a prequel To You, Me and Dupree

I hope they call it You, Me and Dupreequel You, Me and Dupree Colon Origins Yeah, or You, Me and Dupreequel. You, me and Dupree colon origin, Si. Yeah. Or you, me and Dusquequel. All right, let's do this.

I'm really worried we've stolen that joke off somebody else. You and me and Dusquequel. You and me and Dusquequel. You and me and Dusquequel. Yeah. you will be a deus quicquot you will be a deus quicquot you will be a deus quicquot yeah thank you so much for listening to this whatever it may have been whatever this is

yeah thank you so much you're the best you can find us on twitter at alistair tb at stupid old andy or at tuitank jump on in there

the waters are still warm the water's warm we're having some some dis-conversations. Discussions. Discortions, as we call them up there, because we have a lot of fun. And, you know, you can find Magma and Teleport

and My Client is Innocent all online now. and My Client is Innocent all online now. And you can listen to us on Who Knew It with Matt Stewart. Wookiee Williams. Very soon. Very, very soon. So look out for that. Take care of yourselves.

And we. And each other. We. Love. You. And each other. And each other. Bye.