Two In The Think Tank - 386 - "MENTAL BOX SET"

Episode Date: June 23, 2023

Eye Contact, Mental Sizzle Reel, Seasoning the Tongue, American Unusuals Song Book, Spit Nest Swallow Bird, A Blue Car, You Blue It Up You Maniacs, Centipede Ageing, Centipede Human, Incontinent Narrative Control, Wearable GreaseGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereStone ground thanks to George for editing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You can get anything you need with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats. Get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. Rap, rap, rap.

Gonna do a little rap. Rap, rap, rap. Gonna do a little rap. I'm gonna do a little rap. Rap, rap, rap. Gonna do a little rap. I'm gonna do a little rap. Gonna put me on the map. Gonna see my pet rat and make it into a hat. They never, they never. Oh, that's a great, that's a great riddle, Alistair.

Yeah. Right. That's a great riddle, Alistair. Yeah. Right? What can you put on a map but never see on a map? No, that's terrible. A rat. Is that what it was? Because it runs away whenever you turn the light on. No.

I was thinking laminating. A plastic film. A transparent plastic film. Isn't that a good riddle? What could you put onto something but not see it? Or a clear thing that you can't see. Oh, I love riddles. But the thing is about clear things is that you can also see them.

You can see them, yeah. You can definitely tell they're there with your eyes, which in a way is a kind of seeing, I suppose. I suppose. with your eyes, which in a way is a kind of seeing, I suppose. I suppose. I suppose. I suppose. Technically, I suppose seeing it is seeing.

Is sensing things by letting your eye brush against them so you poke them, right? So your eye gets scratched and poked by the things, by the objects. Is that seeing? Like seeing somebody's finger. By your definition of seeing, by the objects. Is that seeing? Like seeing somebody's finger. By your definition of seeing, by your definition of seeing, that you just said that it's sensing things, telling things are there with your eyes, is that seeing? So like cutting your eye with the corner of a laminated map.

Yeah, exactly. Would you say that you saw that map? Is that laminated really invisible if you can sense it with your eye by cutting your eye? Slicing into the corner with the sharpened corner. Corneria. Your eye is round. It doesn't have any corners, but it does have corners. Isn't that ironic?

It has a corn ear. And yet it's an eye. Kill me. Is it? Kill me. I want to be dead. No, Andy. Now you're more alive than you've ever been. Oh, dear.

Corn ear. Is that how it's spelt? Corn ear. No, it's not. Corn ear. It's not's not. Cornier. It's not even spelt that way. That's how good this is. I think cornier is a Spanish word.

Cornier. And it says, Atacar un animal con los cuernos. And it means to gore. Oh, to cornea. Well, then you could say that you corneared your cornea with the corner of the map.

You could say that. You could say that if you were speaking Spanglish. Or having some kind of a mental episode. Oh, episode one. A mental episode one. Or the mental episode. Yes. You know? Oh, episode one. Mental episode one. Mental episode one. Or the mental pilot.

I wouldn't say I had a mental episode, but let's just call it a mental proof of concept. You know? A mental sizzle reel. That's funny. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is. It's a mental clip show. i don't know if this was a mental they should call oh this is grim they should call if if going a little bit bonkers

is a mental episode then they should call uh committing suicide a mental feature length finale that's all i'm saying wow i mean you could just say going completely insane as a as a mental feature length finale. That's all I'm saying. Wow. I mean, you could just say going completely insane as a mental box set. Yeah, it's good. It's the full and complete series. A DVD commentary. Yes, I'm having a mental box. Yes, a mental box.

A mental episode, mate. He had the full box set. You've done it, Alistair. You've tied a tight little bow on it. Not too tight, just tight enough that it gives you a small amount of thrill of semi-asphyxiation. What were we talking about right before that?

Right before that. We were talking about invisible things. Cutting your corner. Is seeing cutting? Is touching things with your eyes seeing? Yeah. That's all right. I think that there's something in that.

I wonder if the pain receptors for your eyeball, I wonder if they're all jumbled, like the nerves that carry that information eyeball i wonder if they are all jumbled like the nerves that carry that information i wonder if they're all in with the optic nerve right do they all go in together or maybe they come in from the side where your eyeball is sort of attached on those yeah sort of little gimbal like if you if you had a pin and you went into your eye or let's say you were walking by a fence that had some barbed wire up the top and you caught some of the barbed wire with your conjunctiva. Oh, wow.

I'm enjoying picturing this. Do you think that if it touched, if this pin or barb touched your light sensors in your eye would they hurt would they send a pain signal uh do they do they double up you know are they can they do both are they uh a triple a double threat can they uh can they adapt to the scenario we do know that when you get like a one of those swollen taste buds you know on your tongue your tongue, that they really hurt. It hurts. That hurts like crap. That hurts.

So, it's not just a bud, a taste bud. It's a taste and pain bud. What is going on when one of the taste buds just goes nuts like that? It's actually a touch bud. Which is, you know, I used to have one back at uni. A woman had an arrangement I thought it was just when two friends I suppose we were also taste buds

We were tasting touch buds, I guess Why is nobody, before you kiss Why is nobody grinding spices into their mouths? Why is nobody doing that? You've got to, why isn't it a – Before kissing. Before kissing. Why aren't you –

Why don't they – Isn't there a garnish for the tongue? Yes, or just – A sprig of parsley on the tongue. No, but just salt and pepper. Salt and pepper, sure. The master spice. Yeah, what is it called?

What is it called? The master spice. I think we call pepper the master spice Seasoning the mouth I mean only mint That's really the only The only herb that goes into the mouth And then just sort of day old

Mouth taste Which we all pretend not to notice But sometimes We do Seasoning the mouth before kissing because i mean it is just having some raw meat like yeah it should be it should be called sort of a tongue tartare or tongue sashimi that that makes me think oh yeah but but tartare, that's all sort of mashed up, basically, isn't it? Mashed meat.

And then tongue tartare. I think it could be sliced. I think it could be sliced. I think you should marinate the tongue by filling your mouth with lemon juice. Soy sauce and garlic. Soy sauce. Just holding it in your mouth. You put your mouth closed.

You've gone through the whole date without opening your mouth. Because you're letting the tongue mar opening your mouth. Eight days before. Because you're letting the tongue marinate. Yeah. Honey soy. What do you like? Honey soy? What do you like, babe?

Honey soy? What do you like, honey soy? The tongue before kissing. You may now kiss the bride, and the bride lies back with her head on a small table. With her head on a small table. They lie back. The bride's head?

Or just a head? A head. A human head. Now, there was something we were talking about moments before the podcast began that I thought, oh, I'll bring that with me into the pod, and yet it's already been wiped from my brain. It took me two seconds. You stop focusing on it for that long.

That's how fragile the consciousness is. What if my sense of self was like that? If I didn't keep thinking about it, it just slipped away. It could happen. I'm sorry. I'm writing down sketch ideas. I'm glad that you're filling about forgetting. The forget fill. It's amazing how many things you can remember about forgetting. Mmm. Is it?

No. No, of course. Touch and taste. Mmm. No, what were we talking about? We were talking about that private thing between you and me, Alistair, that the listeners don't need to know about, some of our personal interactions. We were discussing those serious matters in depth.

And then we went on. Now we have to not say something that's in any way related to that. And then, oh, that's right. Then we had an idea about how we're spies who are traitors to their country. That's right. Well, this is a riddle you came up with. Alistair and I, we're now no longer comedians. We're now in the riddle business.

We're riddlers. We're professional riddlers. We're puzzle cuzzles. I think that would be a great – what happened to the riddler? Once upon a time, people were writing riddles all the time. Now, I mean, now it's back. Now we're latter-day Riddlers. Yeah, latter-day Riddler.

Why did it go out of business? Were you going to say why it went out of business, Alistair? Well, I was just suggesting that, you know, like a lot of comics and stuff like that, they used to be, you know, in newspapers all the time and they would get, you know, they would – what's that thing where they end up in lots of newspapers and they, you know they're um syndicated syndicated you know things like that and there was a whole industry that fed into that you know yeah but you know with the death of uh the money going into print media uh things like that and i'm not being really willing to pay for that kind of stuff anymore. Well, Riddles, the Riddler, like a coal miner, was very reluctant to be retrained and have to do something new. So instead he became angry.

I mean, it's a bizarre sort of little thing. It's a unit of frustration, really, a riddle. It's like, do you enjoy the feeling of being frustrated? Well, here we go. Have I got the thing for you? A riddle. Janice is eight years older than her brother-in-law, Mike. Whenever a riddle starts like that with something about somebody's age,

I'm immediately, I'm already angry. I'm like, I'm not going to get this one. There's no way. You're just going to make me now feel bad. That's what this is. Saga. You know what will piss you off? Saga.

What did you say, Saga? Saki America Great Again. Are we going to get hats made up or something now? Sake. Yeah, we have to. It's not even sake. It's not even sake to rhyme with make. It's sake.

America great again. Sake. Does sake have an accent over the E? I mean, it's usually spelt in japanese so a japanese accent you reckon so that and accents don't really appear in english so that means that we've taken a japanese word yes from the french yeah we didn't need to do that We've taken the Japanese word Right And then we've looked into our

English toolkit And we've said we don't have all the pieces needed But I believe the French Manufacture an E That could be useful in this situation We have to get an aftermarket A grey import Of an aftermarket, a grey import of an aftermarket French accent.

Well, we already have French suppliers, you see. It is like a little spoiler, isn't it? On the back of a car. Oh, yes. The accent. Yes. Bublé's got one. Bublé's got one to help him go faster. That's how he propelled himself to the top of the old show tunes industry. He's got one to help him go faster. He helps him keep his grip on the road. To the top of the old show tunes industry.

Yeah. How did he do that? Well, I think there wasn't a lot of people doing it anymore. That's exactly it. The man's a fucking genius. Yeah. You're like, what do old women love? Right?

A nice boy who sings show tunes. Yeah. Not show tunes so much as, is it standards? Would you call it more like standards? American standards? Oh, from the old American song book. What kind of song do you like? Oh, standards.

Just standard. Just a standard song. One standard song, please. standard song one standard song please from the the the book of uh of american unusuals custom the american unusuals songbook Baby, you're going down to the soup bar. Soup going out to soup, soup, soup. Going out soup, gonna have soup. Drinking up soup.

Filling up the walls and using them for biomass to keep the house warm. When the sun hits the wall, it warms up the street. In a way, you're like Michael Bublé because you've also discovered something that nobody else is doing. And that's great. That's a great first step. Now, the next thing is to find out is anybody buying that? Is anybody interested? But I think it's good, Alistair. What, the American

songbook of American Unusuals? Yeah. Or does anybody want to listen to it? Does anybody want to take their Their mother And their maiden aunt Yeah Isn't that a great saying my maiden aunt This is my aunt and

She's untouched She's If anyone's Wondering about my aunt Yes And if anyone L about my aunt. Yes. And if anyone likes my aunt and virginity. I'm not very close to my aunt.

You're not going to like this joke, Alistair. I'm not very close to my aunt. You're not going to like this joke, Alistair. I'm not very close to my aunt. We only have a very formal relationship. She's more of an ah-not. Doesn't work with my accent. Yeah, I know. Aunt. Doesn't really work with my accent either.

Ah-not is not. Ah uh aren't um i aren't have you have you written down the book of american i haven't written it down i wasn't gonna write it down but you think you gotta write down the american unusual songbook because the the you know the book of american standards which i don't even know if it really is a thing but the idea of american standards suggests it implies it's that it's that type of comedy, right? Where you take a thing that exists and suggest it implies the existence of the other thing, as if all Venn diagrams are complete. Sort of like the way the cable cars imply that one day we'll have wireless cars.

Yeah. The cable cars imply that one day we'll have wireless cars. Yeah. Bluetooth cars. Bluetooth cars. We'll be able to have Starlink cars. We'll be able to have terrestrial cars. We'll be able to have broadcast. Before that, we had broadcast cars.

Broadcast. Broadcast. Broadcast. Wait, we'll have. I have like these pills. Like they're not pills, but they're tablets for indigestion. Sound like pills to me. Well, they're big tablets that it's mostly about the dust, you know, like, you know, the dust is in there and it's probably just bicarb soda.

Yeah. And then it just settles your, you know, like a Tums or a Quickies. Yep. Anyway, I have them on my desk. And sometimes I just, without paying attention, I start chewing on one. Like it's candy. Oh, yeah. attention, I start chewing on one. Like it's candy. Oh, yeah? Ah, that's medicine.

Mmm. It's salt. It's chalky. It's quite chalky, isn't it? Yeah, it's like a chalky thing. But it has, you know, it would have a little bit of sweetness in there. Yeah, sure. But the chalkiness is the dominant feature, I would say. And that chalkiness is not something that's really utilised. It's something the tongue is definitely able to recognise. It's part of the palate. The tongues can spot chalkiness.

That's true. But there are no chefs out there utilising that as a... Or maybe those... You know when you get a packet of Whiz Fizz and it comes with that sort of little paddle stick thing that you can eat? Those are quite chalky. I don't remember the paddle stick, but also the Whiz Fizz is pretty chalky. No, I don't think the Whiz Fizz itself is chalky. It's powdery, but it's not chalky in any way.

I don't believe. I find it very difficult to find a difference between chalky and chalky. It's powdery, but it's not chalky in any way. I don't believe. I find it very difficult to find a difference between chalky and powdery. We got some pop rocks the other day. Have you had pop rocks recently? I've had them in the last three or four months. The kids decided they wanted to do chores to earn money, so I made them pick up rocks in the garden, right? Yeah.

And then we went straight to the shop and bought pop rocks. So it was an entirely rock-based sort of economy that we were living in. What did you listen to on the way there? The soundtrack from School of Rock? The American Unusual Songbook. From Frank Zappa. And then I wanted to know how pop rocks work do you want to guess how pop rocks work do you want to do you have a theory about how they work oh let's see uh oh

maybe something reacts with the tongue and releases a gas and then but the things are kind of like the pop rocks are themselves kind of a bit like volcanic rock and so they've got air bubbles in there and then uh that expands and then breaks open the stuff maybe i don't know you're completely correct yeah well done yeah they have compressed inside the little crystals of sugar they have compressed carbon dioxide bubbles, like frozen into the stuff. And as it dissolves, it weakens the sugar, and the carbon dioxide explodes and expands, basically, like an underwater submarine. No, not quite like that. It would be the opposite. No, no.

That's an implosion. More of an implosion. Yeah. But, you know, I thought that maybe the reaction with the tongue was producing a gas, whereas they've already got the compressed gas. See, this is what I thought. The reaction was produced by something reacting with the tongue, or maybe the tongue was dissolving – and I think this might be what happens in sherbet. The tongue dissolves some sort of acid and some sort of base into a liquid so that they can combine together and cause a chemical reaction.

But there's no chemical reaction in pop rocks. You actually said this exactly, the correct explanation, that they've got little gas bubbles in the rocks. Yeah, I said that as well as thinking that somehow we were producing more gas and that's what was breaking it rather than the weakening of the walls. more gas and that's what was breaking it rather than the weakening of the walls. If anything, I thought the saliva was going to make the walls stronger.

That's what it does at my house. What, when I'm licking the walls? When I'm licking the walls. Come on kids, lick the walls, make it stronger. That's what those birds that make those saliva based nests? Swallows. Ironically

they should call them spits. They should be called spits. Write it down. Write it down? I mean that's crazy isn't it? Like the one bird That makes it's nest out of spit And we called it a swallow

Yeah That is I mean it could have been like calling a big guy Tony Yeah maybe it is Oh Bluey over here You talking about the dog Yeah we're talking about the dog We call him Bluey But but he's actually a dog.

Isn't that crazy? Those ironic names. Because he's not the colour blue at all. No. Bluey. He's coloured blue, but he isn't the colour blue, is he? Isn't that crazy? Like, you call something a blue car, but it's not.

It's not. No, that doesn't make sense. A car blue. That car is blue. Is it? This is good content. This is good content. Is it?

The car is blue. Is it? Don't think so. I think it's a car is blue. Is it? Don't think so. I think it's a car, actually. Is this anything? I do. I'm really enjoying it. It's a guy who can't get past this weird philosophical idea

that something is like the example of what blue is? Yeah. Like that it can't be more than one thing? Yeah. It's a car. Well, I mean, what do you think? It's a blue car, but is it more car or is it more blue? I mean, would you say, I'm going to go to work in blue now honey no that would be crazy so let's

just i mean it's not blue it's a car or it was a color i don't think i mean this is you can't use a color for anything it almost feels like a philosophical concept, but I think it's too stupid to be philosophical. Andy, Andy, too stupid is one of the few things that is still funny. No, I agree. But I'm just saying that the idea of this being a philosophical distinction or a philosophical idea, I mean, it's really philosophy for the really stupidest people.

You know those things on Twitter have been going around of like, who's a stupid person's idea of a smart person? Yes. I want to tweet that but just with a picture of myself because i think i think some people do think i'm smart yeah right but i'm not but also i think i'm smart right yeah and you're a stupid person but i'm stupid yeah but then i was like this involves tweeting a picture of myself, and that's so sort of... You can get anything you need with Uber Eats.

Well, almost, almost anything. So no, you can't get snowballs on Uber Eats. But meatballs and mozzarella balls, yes, we can deliver that. Uber Eats, get almost, almost anything. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details. almost almost anything order now product availability may vary by region see app for details nauseatingly self-involved why would anybody want to see that and i guess in it it's like

you're saying that people think that you're smart yeah or that people think about me at all yeah yeah i know it's the whole thing everything is fraught but you know if you want to get out there you gotta you gotta you gotta go into that fraught territory. You've got to go into that minefield. You've got to be prepared to wade out into the forbidden zone. The zone of... Is it similar to that forbidden... What was the forbidden zone in Planet of the Apes?

You know how they were just like, oh, you can't leave this small area? I've never seen Planet of the Apes. Yeah. But what do you think it is oh i think it is um i mean maybe there were lots of other human relics right because it doesn't make sense that the only thing that remains is the top of the statue of liberty have you ever seen this by the way this is something i thought of this the other day where you go to the where you go to uh where you go to New York City and you look at the Statue of Liberty and you go, Ah, it was Earth all along! You animals! I think that's a really funny thing to put at the end of any film or TV show.

It doesn't even have to be a comedy. Okay? Just any film piece TV show. It doesn't even have to be a comedy, okay? Yeah. Just any film piece of content. At the end, if there's a shot of the Statue of Liberty and you fall to your knees and scream in the realisation that, I'm going to explain your joke, Alistair, that despite all the other evidence that suggests this was the case, it was only seeing the Statue of Liberty that would convince you that it was Earth all along. So what happened?

They went out on a spaceship. I haven't seen the film. They went out on a spaceship, right? They landed on a planet. They woke up from cryostasis or whatever. They crash landed on a planet. They're like, oh, this planet's covered in apes, right? Yeah, they kind of get captured by

apes no realization no thought that this is earth for ages and then and then at the end you see the statue of liberty and you're like even though right on this planet they had breathable atmosphere and all the same trees and everything they had apes just like we have them except yeah they're a bit different these ones are riding horses right but they do have horses and they have horses and also give away the horse well i think the horse maybe but then it's not until you see the statue of liberty that you think that it's they had similar houses not that similar but but they had prisons and stuff like that. You know, you think that another species would have come up with something a little bit different. To prisons?

I don't know. I wonder if prisons might be a universal concept. Yeah, you think it's one of those concepts like evolution. It's just one of those things. Yeah, prisons just arise. They're an emergent phenomenon, but you can't stop them um if somebody's bad just move them away from everybody probably yeah yeah i mean i think they probably do it in baboon society there are outcasts in baboon society baboon do you think they put them little jails

in baboon i don't think they put them in little jails, no. Yours does sound like, when you say it, it sounds like something is bouncing. Baboon. Baboon, baboon, baboon, baboon, baboon. It's fun to say. Yeah. Because, you know, I say baboon. Baboon.

You say, yeah, baboon. I'm fine with that. You're allowed to do that alistair argue with me try to tell me i'm wrong yeah you coward you don't agree with me i know you don't agree with me i know this is eating you up inside okay so then so then yeah i think you're probably right i think it's probably because there were some there was some evidence of the old world or something like that uh in that forbidden area and that's probably why they didn't want people to go there but it didn't seem like it was very far away from like their base and

stuff it's actually another movie that looks like it might be filmed like in the kind of place where they would film westerns and stuff because it's kind of dusty very dusty yeah right that's what sucks is that even on other planets there's just going to be boring like sand and rocks and dust and stuff that does suck i mean that's going to be mostly what there is like you look Mars, and it's all that. I mean, Mars would be an amazing place to film a Western. Perfect place. You know, in Italy they were called spaghetti Westerns. What would you call them on Mars, do you think? Ah, let's see. What do we normally eat on Mars? Sachets of dehydrated food Westerns. Great.

It's an astronaut ice cream western. Yeah, or like that bacteria, dried out bacteria that I've reconstituted. Western. Yeah. It's catchy What about this? Dehydrated spaghetti western Good What about this?

Alphabetti spaghetti western What do you think that would be? I like that It's a kids It's for kids I think it would be But Italian kids Yeah

And all the characters Oh no, American Italians Right Are Characters Because character is another word meaning letter Yeah Right All the characters are characters because character is another word meaning letter. Yeah. Right?

All the characters are, I guess, letters of the alphabet. I mean, it feels a bit obvious, right? Like you do it, I guess Sesame Street are the only people who could do this. We'll have to sell this idea to Sesame Street. But it's all letters of the alphabet. You know, somebody blows into town some strange letter of the alphabet, like maybe a W or a Q, Z. Yeah. Doesn't get along with anybody.

One of the weird ones, yeah, K. I think it would be good to dramatize the relationship between Q and U, because U is able to get along really well by itself but Q is completely codependent. Like that's toxic as far as I'm concerned that relationship between the Q and the U. So you think it's like Batman and Alfred or Yeah, yeah, sure. I mean, yeah, I mean I feel like maybe you, Q is a lot more committed to the relationship than you is. I think you wants to see other people.

So it's one of those sort of, oh, no, we're in an open relationship. It's ethical non-monogamy. But Q is not happy about it. Q is not seeing anybody else, but you is. Yeah, I guess it could be like a Wreck-It Ralph and Penelope. Oh no, what's her name? Vanellope? Something like that? Vanellope? I think that's her name. What's Sarah Silverman's character? Be a great name for a bug.

A Penelopede. If anybody has a pet centipede, you can call it Penelopede. If you want. You don't have to. Could you please? Yeah, Vanellope von Schweetz. What about this as a movie?ipede human okay and it's a it's a mad scientist and he stitches a whole lot of centipedes together into the shape of a human

yep they two of their heads are attached to the butts onto the to the shoulders yeah i think i think a centipede is one of those few creatures that is almost all shoulder. Yeah, yeah. I think it's shoulder all the way down, everywhere you look. Dislocated by everything. Yeah. If you want a shoulder to cry on, you couldn't dream for anyone better than a giant centipede. They're all shoulder.

I mean, it would be nice to cry onto, though, that sort of hard shell-like stuff they've got. No, yeah. But you know what would be good? Let's say instead of when you age, instead of just having having to age we didn't age by going around the sun ah let's say let's say we were just near the sun and just rotating right yeah just like like like we normally are but we're not going around the sun where everything was fixed right except for we're still spinning we still get night and day and all that kind of stuff. It's just a normal temperature all the time. You know, there's hot, cold sometimes, cold, hot sometimes.

You know, that kind of stuff. Right? And instead of aging by going around the sun, we would age by just getting an extra version of ourselves behind us. Oh, interesting. So, you would just kind of like, sort of like splitting in half, but you would just kind of like, you would move one up and then your old you would be at the back. So you'd have all these baby yous right at the end. Yeah. You would kind of go into this tiny tail. Sure.

You know, this tail of smaller and smaller fetuses. Yeah. But then the person, the oldest person is at the front, right? Yeah. Steering the whole thing. Yeah. But then the person, the oldest person is at the front, right, steering the whole thing. And then as you get very elderly, you get worse and worse at that kind of executive functioning task. Yeah.

And you'd be driving the entire chain, U-chain, off the road all the time. You think? Off the footpath. Yeah, it would be hard for driving. How are you connected? How are you connected? like like a bit of skin that kind of goes from like the shoulders and into like you know like the front belly area chest

kind of thing i bet i do all these ones behind you do they still need to eat and stuff do they still have separate consciousnesses no like i don't think that they are any different they just say the same thing that you're saying right they just echo that sentiment yeah but all at the same time so that it just it sounds more powerful you know you sound wiser oh that's nice this is why the elderly these days

don't get respected as much for their wisdom because they don't sound so wise because they're saying things like how do I do this on the iPad can you show me how to unsubscribe sound so wise because they're saying things like, how do I do this on the iPad? Can you show me how to unsubscribe? Oh, bloody hell. Yeah.

It's stuck. They say stuff like that. Yeah. I can't get out of this chair, that kind of thing. And it's not very dignified. Yeah. But in this future, they won't be able to have just regular chairs because they'll be so long. When I'm elderly, right, I'm going to try and remain in control. Right. this future they won't be able to have just regular chairs because they'll be so long when

i'm elderly right i'm going to try and remain in control right but and but in that but i don't mean like in control of my bodily functions because that won't be possible but i'll try to make it seem like my choice right so mentally in, I'm going to be like, I'm going to try and do things on my terms. So if I feel like I'm about to shit myself, I'm just going to shit myself straight away so I can do it on my terms. Right, and that's what you would want? You would want to shit yourself as soon as you feel it?

As soon as I feel even a little anything coming on, I'm shitting myself straight away and I'm saying, I'm going to say, I'm choosing to do this. I'm choosing to shit myself. It's not all that different from having no control whatsoever, is it? I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's a state of mind.

You go, I want this. As soon as you I mean, it's a state of mind. You go, I want this. As soon as you feel it, you go, I want this. Yeah. And then I guess you give it a little extra push instead of letting it slip out. But then, you know, you get those people, you know, if you were in a situation where somebody was threatening your life, right, and they were saying, like, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you, right, maybe the only power you've got in that situation is to then take your own life so

they don't get the satisfaction and that's what i'm going to be like with shitting myself yeah like yeah some of those people who are like you know they they're like oh should i fart because this could actually it feels like i could follow through you go well this means i definitely have to go and push as hard as i can yeah um because i I'm not going to let the risk of shitting myself get power over me. I'm not going to give incontinence the satisfaction. Yeah, not letting incontinence win by shitting yourself. It's an awful bit of talking that I just did, and I'm sorry that I said that kind of stuff. Andy, we could go to three words from a listener.

I think now's the time. If you'd be willing to listen to me. Now that we've got all those solid sketch ideas locked away, I think we should go to – I think we've got some pretty good stuff here today. No, great. Oh, wait. I've just got to rewrite this word.

Oh, I've made it worse. Made it less clear. All right, Andy. Today's words come from a listener called Martin Hanel. Martin Hanel. Martin Hanel. Because you know it's like H-A-H with the A. Yeah, I love that.

Really makes you open your mouth. Hanel. Hanel. But with the A, it's got the umlaut. Yeah, I love that. Really makes you open your mouth. Oh, no. Ah, no. No. So today, Martin, if that is his real name, sent through dry water von einem zuhorer. Ah, yeah. You know, dry. Three wordsuhörer. Ah, yeah. You know, drei... Three words from a listener.

Worte, yeah. Von einem Zuhörer. Horror. So, drei, three, Worte, words, von, from, einem. A. Zu horror. Zu horror zoo horror so okay so do you want to try to guess what the first uh water is um okay are they german words can i ask that or is this a misdirector one of your classic i'm i'm not i don't think i'm allowed to answer that. Okay, the first word is worst.

W-U-R-S-T. Worst. Ooh, I'm sorry, Andy. It's not worst. It's narzig. Which Google Translate tells me means gritty. Okay, narzig. Second word is leipzig.

Leipzig? I'm sorry'm sorry no it's hot leak maybe uh which which um google translate tells me is reddish okay gritty reddish okay Okay. Think before you speak. Can I have the first two words in German again, please? Nachsig, rotlich. Nachsig, rotlich. Red, gritty. Gritty, reddish. Do you want the first letter of the last word?

No, the final word is Schadenfreude You can say the German word for or something like that if you want Oh, you said Schadenfreude? No, it's Schmierfett which of course means grease gritty reddish grease now do these these words don't do they rhyme in any way in this

in this language a good German rhyme. I mean, they all feel, you know, icky to say a little bit. I used to be very annoyed by, there was a popular video that went around in the early days of one of the video sharing things where it was somebody doing words in different languages, right? Yeah. And they'd do like the words for butterfly. They'd be like, butterfly, papillon. And then they'd get to the German one and they'd go, schmetterling.

And you're like, well, yeah, you're saying it in a fucked up voice. Schmetterling. Schmetterling. It sounds really nice. It's a cute word. You're like, schmetterling. I know there's still people like on Instagram and stuff doing that kind of stuff now.

Of course there are. Of course there are. Of course there are. It's the, you know. You know, there's a market for that exact kind of stuff. Yeah, and they fucking crush it. They kill. Hacks kill, man. Much in the same way that there's a market out there for gritty reddish grease.

Now, I had something similar to that a couple days ago by frying up some chopped up chorizo. Gritty. Which then leaves some, you know, kind of caramelized, hardened bits in that red now, you know, now red grease. Yeah, sure. I made teriyaki salmon a couple of nights ago. Highly recommend. Teriyaki? Teriyaki salmon a couple of nights ago. Highly recommend. Teriyaki? Teriyaki salmon.

It was terrific. What is teri short for? Terrence. If you're talking about human names. Yes, Terrence Arkey. That's not good. To give it its full name. Would anyone like to go out for some Terrence Arky?

I'm going out for Terrence Arky with my R-naught. That's my R-naught. We're having a formal dinner. Well, Andy, I don't know if I've discussed this. I think I discussed this when I did a little bit of a stream on Twitch not that long ago, but wearable grease. Oh, it's a good idea. Have I not that long ago but a wearable grease oh it's a good idea have i discussed this with you a wearable grease how is this different to body paint no no no because this you know like sometimes you you see like you know like picture scooping a full handful of vaseline yeah a glob yeah and then having that full glob but it's full body size like so

it's partially transparent but also it mostly if it's thick enough you can't see anything underneath there yeah right and i'm picturing like there's just essentially like a tub like an open almost like a shower kind of thing that kind of like oozes it out on both sides like a like a lip balm and you just walk fully nude through it yep you know it almost holds itself up like an archway like an arch does right and you just walk through it and then you are ready for the day and it's a way of people just you you know, firstly revolutionizing fashion. But also, you know, as you get sort of a bit filthier when you don't try as hard, you know, because you're just like – Oh, you know what?

That's true. You get greasier. What's the hardest thing to get off your clothes? Grease. Well, what if your clothes were already made of grease? Sorry, grease stains. You just made me better dressed. Yeah.

Oh, no. I dripped some oil from my kebab all over myself. Now I am more dressed. I am better dressed. Now I've added a little color. Yeah. Now you can literally dress yourself with dressing that's assuming that oil and and grease are the same thing they're not really there's no food grease there's food oil probably

just like there's no food grease it's just oil hey would you say margarine is food grease yeah i think so i think i think it's just a solid state oil yeah yeah totally um now does this feel like enough to you are you okay with this i'll take it i'll take it i've got to go collect my children from their their schooling but i mean yeah the the gritty component the gritty red grease. Yeah. Hmm. I mean, that's what happens if you fall into the Australian desert. Or on the surface of Mars. On the surface of Mars. Now, of course, the problem, Mars would be a perfect place to wear this because it's much colder.

Yeah, great. You see, because I think if you're wearing it in the Australian Outback, there's a chance when you hit those 40-degree days that your grease will start slipping off your body. Oh, no. You know when somebody says, let me slip into something more comfortable? Yeah. Well.

You can actually slide along a big… What's one of those slippery dips there? Yeah, a slippery dip. Is there another word for it you run and dive onto the thing yeah maybe that's just a slippery dip yeah i'm gonna slippery dip into something more comfortable the worst of the new episodes of bluey was about that one of those oh it's not that bad it was just it was just not as good as others yeah i mean they're ready they've got a thing to keep up to they've got a reputation standard

that's it i'll take you through the sketch ideas yes seeing by cutting your eye perfect perfect no notes poking what does that say pocking rock? I don't remember what that says. But tongue taste buds can hurt and therefore are touch and taste buds. This is all part of the same idea. Oh, great. Yeah, it's all part of the same idea. They all flow together. A mental pilot slash proof of concept. A mental pilot is, of course, your first mental episode.

I like sizzle reel. A mental sizzle reel. And then there's also youle reel a mental sizzle reel and then there's also you're having a mental box set a mental sizzle reel you can put that in your stand-up alistair you absolutely can sizzle reel is a bit too industry i think but fine but it will it will kill at concept. It's fun to say. You know, because if somebody in the industry has had a mental breakdown, then you could joke about them having a mental box set or sizzle reel.

It would be really good. Fortunately, no one in the entertainment industry ever struggles with their mental health in a public way that people are aware of. They're all very stable normal people yes yes uh we got seasoning the tongue before kissing um we've also what does that say or marinating you know then we've got the uh american unusuals song song. Which is the opposite of the American Standards songbook. Then we've got these saliva-based nests from birds called swallows.

Should be called spits. You did it. We've got a blue car. It's not blue. It's a car. The car is blue, is it? Is blue. Is blue. I thought you said it was a car.

Anyway, I think it's very good. Seeing a Statue of Liberty. It was Earth all along. Anyway, we've got centipede aging. What was the other centipede idea that you had? Something to cry on. Oh, centipede human. No, I was saying the centipede human.

Oh, yeah. Sorry, I've got gotta write that down yeah centipede human oh very good you could make a little comic of that um and lot letting incontinence win by shitting yourself and then we've got wearable grease on my own terms Andy that was a that was a great first episode since you know we turned 10 years old correct was this episode 386 I think so Wow that's what I'm proud of. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of us.

Oh. Okay. See, that's from the American non-standard songbook. Yes. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah. And we love you. Love this.

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