Two In The Think Tank - 387 - "BUZZKILL"

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

Correction Man, Front Bottom Coordinates, Middleman Inc, Middle Man Society, Guitar Conscientious Objector, I Like Your Confidence, Poison Dancer, Contageous Brain (The Walken Dead), Dance Moves, Singular Mozquito Horror FilmGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSteel cut thanks to George for editing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trends company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary, discounts Lava Tori Lava Tori Lava Tori Lava Tori Lava Tori, yeah. Hello and welcome to do with the thing, Jack, the show that we come up with. Five sketch ideas. You're Andy.

I am. Who am I? Why change now? You're, you're, you're, you're Alistair. Hmm, I am who am I? I changed now your your your Elis there your Elis there George William chomlai bird show And he We were we were just discussing and just we may as well just put it here Yeah about that you thought the term front bottom could also mean penis

Yeah, I mean, I'd always thought it had I you know about that you thought the term front bottom could also mean penis. Yeah, I mean, I'd always thought it had. I, you know, I talk about it all the time, often during sex, I talk about my front bottom, you know, it's one of the, I thought it was cool, you know? Yeah, like I said, like that was the temperature of your front bottom. My front bottom is cool. That's, is that a normal thing to say? I the temperature of my front bottom is low relative to the, you know, body, body. Is this not normal? I mean, I can imagine that maybe if you had just like, let's say, you got out of the shower and you dried a lot of your body but you hadn't dried your junk yet.

And then you were in the position of kind of like a little bit like in the plank position, you know, sort of above your beloved. And you were just noticing in your very breezy room, how you're saying saying my front bottom is cool Because of the all the air that passes through the rural air Rural area that I am living in and there's no No good windows or walls We're outdoors. We're outdoors. We're in a paddock so there So there's no wall that can contain the drafts out there. That's true. That's true.

You know, at least I have a neighbor. I have a neighbor whose wall at least partially protects my wall. So even if my wall was full of holes, Alistair, we are on a, we are actually on a wind farm. And around this time of year, the boy wind starts to get very interested in the girl winds. And they get, you know, the winds start charging at each other and the great force. Ah, yes. Sometimes they can. The courting. You know, courting. The rutting of the winds. The rutting, I don't know what the rutting is.

Alistair, how would you feel if I came to you with a sketch suggestion, which is for a wind farm, but it's a guy who farms wind now. John Oliver did that bit and his comedy album, Years of Illy, about overfarming the wind. And then we probably also did a bit, a little bit about that. But, you know, about overfarming the wind and then kites laying limp on the ground. Ah, I don't remember that at all. But that's not what I'm saying.

I'm not focusing on that part of it. I'm focusing on the wind husbandry aspect of having to, you know, you know, look after the wind feed the wind. So you're rather than a crop, you're treating it as an animal. Exactly. That's right. That's the kind of fresh brand new.

That's brand new. You've been wearing a joker. I'll touch that. A wonderful topical thing of wind farming. You've seen these wind farms? Yeah, wind, what about, you know, riding the wind like a bull? Yeah, yeah, sure, a wind rodeo.

That'd be great. You could, I mean, that's more or less what paragliding is, a kind of wind rodeo. Yeah, like, you know, that's close, yeah, close. Yeah. I mean, I think it would be great. I want what I want to do is I want to build a a a paragliding parachute. There's sort of more like a saddle that you can climb on top of but also one that for more for taking off from the ground. on top of it. But also one that for more for taking off from the ground. Yeah. But you can, yes, you can sit on top of it, right? And you can, you can sort of, it bucks and stuff. And you can, I guess, you can, you can whip it if you really want to. Yeah. Is there, I

mean, you know, what's closer to a wind rodeo is those wind tunnels that you that you have. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, the blow blow you up. Yeah. And you have a some sort of suit on a wing suit and you can sort of hover in it. You know what's the bit that I that I never I never can relax about when I think about those things is about those spinning blades beneath them. You know? And you go, oh, it's great that they're floating. But what about if you fall through that thing into the spinning blades?

Yeah, my gosh. And then you're like, and don't worry, you're separated from it by several meters of air. You know, that thing that famously is bad. Yeah, we've put a little bit of things in between you and the thing. Yeah, that's true. You know, but, but like, you know, if anything went wrong with one of those blades,

you think they wouldn't go flying through that fencing like a butter, like a, let's see, like a warm spoon through melted butter. Like a warm spoon through soy sauce. Even easier than going through butter. Is miso paste, is that just sort of like a butter version of soy sauce? Alistair. I don't need an answer. I think that I don't know what miso paste is made out of, but it feels like it's more substantial than just salt. I bet that if you made a butter soy sauce, yeah, or a soy

saucy butter, yeah, that would be amazing. People would fucking love that and they would put that on their sandwiches. That could be the new thing. I guarantee, like you imagine a sandwich that you could just spread buttery soy sauce on to. That's what veggie might is. All right. You've just invented veggie might, Andy. No, I haven't. This is, I think it would be different. I don't know how. Right now.

Because they've made veggie might that has cheese in it. But they haven't made a veggie might that already has the butter in there. That's it. Now that's a no brainer. Yeah. Unbelievable. Have to bring a whole stick of butter with you the whole you know and you're when you're sort of a you sort of pack you're on a like a you're on a pack animal. Yeah. Or wolf or something like that. You traveling through the desert. Yeah. You know. So you got you got a travel light you know.

Yeah, you know, so you got you got a travel light, you know Because the wolves they're not They don't be subverted they don't be sub burdens. So they're they're already not that happy about carrying you. Yes I mean if we could if we could you know, it's very hard to get Helium balloons to the point where you could actually float around on them in a reasonable way. Right. You need a lot of helium balloons, but you might be able to get enough to reduce your weight enough that we open up whole new species as possible beasts of burden.

Right. Once you reduce your body mass or your downward force on Yeah, with enough with balloons. You could ride almost anything That's right. Yeah, yeah, so and that's exciting. They're happy to have the wind resistance Slow them down from all the balloons Do you think that that would be worse? We might have to invent a more streamlined balloon Right like a like a sausage balloon A balloon that stays there. I'm thinking one that's, hmm, I think one that's pointy, you know, aerodynamic, you

know, it's got a, like a rocket. Like a rocket, exactly. Or like a wing? Do you think it's like a wing? Yeah, it could be a wing, a vertical wing, maybe, or a horizontal wing. There's no reason it couldn't be horizontal. Oh, yeah, vertical. No reason. I mean, we have not come up with a sketch. Is this the worst episode of two in the thick tank? I know, but we can't

We can't guess at this early stage, whether or not it's truly the worst. No, there's only one way to find out. Yeah. And that is to continue all the way through. Through to the end. Well, I mean, we would need to have a sketch idea in order to even be able to find out whether it's the worst one in terms of the recorded sketch ideas. Yeah. Maybe it could just be that my standards have been too high so far.

So maybe this is the best to in the think tank episode. Yeah, it could be. In terms of the output, the potential output with my standards this high. It's unrealized nature. So okay, we did start talking about the front bottoms. Yeah. Oh, but that's right. And I was gonna make a point that front bottom could work for penis if you use it as a coordinate system. Coordinate coordinate system.

Yeah, on the, yeah, I mean, we've already talked on the podcast about how the bottom isn't really the bottom. It's sort of much more the middle and your feet are your bottom. But if we buy into this whole, I mean, if that's true and the bottom really is the bottom, then the feet are well into the negative numbers, whatever's below the bottom.

They're in the, you know. You think of the general region as kind of the horizon or the zero and the axis or the y axis. The y axis, sure. But do you think of the horizon as being the sort of the zero on the y axis? Y axis? Because there's probably about as much sky as there is ground underneath it, right? Yeah, I mean, the only problem with that is the curved nature of the earth, if you believe

that, right? Yeah, yeah, which I do, but it's one of those Y-axis where it goes, it would go, you know, sort of, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0 horizon. That's where the land starts in the distance, right? And then ground, ground, ground, ground, ground, which is like minus one, minus two, minus three, minus four, minus five. Then let's say, let's say minus five

is like the center of the earth. Okay. Then it goes, then it starts going, minus four, minus three, minus two, minus one. Wow. Wow. And it's like a circular axis because then it's curving back around maybe.

And it's like a circular axis, because then it's curving back around maybe. And then it rejoins back at zero. Yeah, and then it goes back up again. Back up again. Now, is this that I just created you type of axis? I think so, yeah. I mean, I think it'd be an interesting way to talk about where things are on the earth. Instead of using the latitude and longitude, we have a sort of a three-dimensional access system that maybe starts in the core of the earth, and we define everything on the relative to that, on the shell. It would be a bit of a nightmare, I think.

You think so? But maybe it's just the nightmare we need. But it's kind of hard because like so many people, you know, there's there's more people deep underground now that there's ever been in ever in history's time, you know, history's time. That's true. We've we've got people deeper than they've ever been. And how do we tell people where they are? You know, we're also probably the deepest mammal. So we are there's no. Yeah. Yeah, I You know? We're also probably the deepest mammal. So we are? There's no, yeah.

Yeah, I think we're both the highest in the deepest, the deepest vertebrate. You think so, yeah. You think that there's some invertebrates that are go a bit deeper? Well, it could be, it could be nematodes or something. You know, those nematodes are like little worms. Is that a little warm?

Is that a type of toad? No, they're tiny worms. You know, a lot of people think that a neemotode is actually a type of toe, but it's not a type of toe, it's all. Buffaloes actually don't have wings. This is the guy with the correcting people on things incorrect things that nobody's getting incorrect. Yeah.

Okay. Let's just write that down. Guy. Okay. Thank God. We're on the board, Andy. It took 13.18 minutes. Yeah.

You know, people think that the game of cricket is an insect, but it actually isn't. They're not playing an insect. Is this what you're doing? Is this the same guy? I guess so, yeah, I think he is the same guy. Yeah. I feel like mine's even worse than yours. Sure, sure, but I mean, you know, he could find a way in which, you know, he could say, he could think he sounds smart. Hmm. Now, we're not, when I'm saying that,

I'm not talking about, they're not talking about the insect. When people talk about the front bottom, everybody thinks that poo comes out of it. It doesn't actually, if you look closely, no poo comes out. But if you look really closely, these things that don't need to be correct, look. Yeah, I mean, but you know, if that's the front bottom, then that is the, I mean, is the other bottom, the back bottom, and is the middle bottom, the perineum, or the actual bottom, or is the back bottom, is the middle bottom, the perineum, or the actual bottom, or is the back bottom, is the back bottom, the back bottom and the front bottom. If it's just the bottom, it would make the foot the bottom bottom. And it would make the head the top bottom. The top bottom. I just want to call my mouth, My top bottom. My top front bottom.

I mean, that's disgusting. I think that's fine. I think I'm okay with that. I would almost write that down. Yeah, okay. Yeah. It's the bottom system. Front bottom system.

I mean, if, you know, we all know that the humans beings are basically just an elaborate anus because we start as an anus when we're developing in the womb. That's the first feature we develop. And it all just goes from there. So it makes sense. And pause are the, the, the, the now we're, we're getting out of the top and in coordinate bottoms, but they're the, the, the, the umni bottoms because they're kind of everywhere, they're kind of everywhere.

Every where is how I feel a lot of the time. Every where. Yeah. It's a great, it's a great adjective. Yeah. It's very, God, God is everywhere. Yeah. It's a great adjective. Yeah. It's very God. God is everywhere. Like and when you say every where are you picturing like W E A R Y? No, no, H E R Y everywhere. But my this is this is what I call God in my illiterate Bible. I'm rewriting the Bible to take out any word that might be difficult to understand. It's probably a good idea.

They were, I mean, they started out in Latin and then it went into English. Which was, they made it the most difficult to understand. Yes. No, they actually did. That was the whole point. Was it? Okay. So that regular people couldn't do it. And then they, they needed, you needed a middleman that you had to, you had to pay, you had to give them monthly donations. Yeah. To translate it for you. But now I'm going to make it even, you know, even dumb it down even further. A lot of technology is trying to remove the middleman, but actually our company will allow you to put the middleman back in. Where middleman ink? Come on down to middle mania. Yeah, now have you got a transaction that you feel as is too extreme like? It's too streamlined.

Well, we could we could put a band in between you and you and the thing you're trying to do. Now at middle manning, when your money is transferring hands, how many hands do you want it to pass? I think a safe set of hands to get in between you and your streamlined transaction. If this sounds like something you'd be interested in, just contact what of our many middlemen and they will pass it on. I mean, just, contact we have another company that you can contact. Yeah. The phone bros. They will they will

pass call the phone bros and they will pass your message on to us, Middleman Inc. Hmm. Phone bros, joyful graduates of Middleman University. One of our biggest success stories. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha.

Ha ha. Oh, sorry. Middleman, Middleman University. So middle man middle man university Now yeah, I'm I'm trying to picture it I mean because I also think middle man ink is all middle man everyone who works there is a middle man. Yeah It's just people Walking around handing each other pieces of paper and saying could you get this to Greek Yeah, I can I hand it to somebody else. I could picture a lecturer who speaks in you know sort of like you know Cantonese or something like that and then he has to have a translator

And the translator speaks in Portuguese, You see, and that Portuguese translator needs his own translator. I mean, you could, you could imagine a, a, a, a middleman. Is it possible for a, for a society to work where everyone is a middleman or do that? Would they have to create some sort of imaginary deity, right? Would they have to create a God who is the ultimate destination of all things? I think if you raised everybody to be middlemen, then they would need to have something to believe in. But what if you just saw it as a circle? Well, so maybe it's great. Maybe the idea of everyone being middlemen is a utopia. Yeah, and everybody's doing something for somebody else.

It's the opposite of it. Yeah, that's right. There's no ego. Yeah, there's no ego. It's the individual is less important, even though you're all individuals doing your own thing. You're doing something for everybody else. And if there's one thing I know from meeting real estate agents, it's that middlemen never

have an overblown sense of their own self-importance. That's right. And they never dilute themselves into thinking that society could function without them. Oh, yeah, that's not good. But maybe it's also because they've been given too much power. If everybody was a middleman and you could just switch from that middleman to another middleman straight away, their own self-importance would be diminished. If we want a society with low self-importance. Yeah.

I think, you know, in our middleman society though, it makes me think that maybe everything would be a real estate agent style transaction, right? So every time you sell anything, you need to hire a real estate, you know, you're selling your product. You're buying a croissant. Yeah, exactly. And you meet a guy and he go, hey, you're going, yeah. And he walks you around the bakery and he points, hey, you're going. Yeah. And he walks you around the bakery and he points

with the display case. Yeah. Exactly. And he really, you know, yeah. And so the the the the the baker has made this really shit cross on. So they but they have a real estate agent who really hypes it up. Um, get some photos taken of the

cross on that are that make it look much bigger and fluffier than it actually is. Then you can't see it, they photoshop out the mold on the cross on. Yeah, he's showing you the croissant on a tablet outside. Yeah. The bakery first and you're like, well, you know, we were looking on the way he and yeah, he's like, yeah, this is we've Decided that this is the one we're gonna go for it is I well, would you like to go in and have a look at it? Yeah, and then you but he gets you to write your name and stuff on a piece of paper first before you go in Get your your contact details. Then you go in you walk around the cross art. It's disgusting

You look at it, but they leave but no, no, then you get a guy who comes in and he's a professional evaluator. Yeah, great. And he's like, look, it doesn't look good right now, but in this current market, this is probably the best you're going to be able to get to this pro. This is more or less what you'd expect the condition to be of a for a cross-art of this age. And in this price price range.

And then you in the end, after all of this, you decide not to get it. And you go back to just your rental croissant in the suburbs. To rental cross on? Yeah, you're paying $2,000 a month for the metaphor is falling apart. But I love, but yeah, because we've turned it all into a cross on instead of house's thing, rather than every transaction is gonna be a middleman transaction.

I mean, you know, there's, it's a big world. You go all these things. You go into your phone and you go, ah, all right, let's, let's use Google Maps to get back home and you click Google Maps like that. And then it goes, he goes, hello, you go, yes, we're hoping to use the Google Maps app. You guys are odd. And have you? I'll just get it up on my phone. Yeah.

And then he describes it to you. Where do I go? Yeah, and then you hear the voice say, turn left at the next turn. And you go, turn left. All right, at the next turn, yeah, turn left. And then occasionally you hear the voice say something, but you don't hear them say something. Yeah. And then occasionally you hear the voice say something, but you don't

hear them say something. Yeah. Do we need to turn right? He goes, Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Oh, he, he tries to, because he's got a main, try and create the illusion of his value. So he's like, no, no, no, that was something else. He tries to act like he knows what he's doing. L.A.S.T.A.R. That's right. And then he goes, you can hear that thing. And then you go to kiss your beloved, but instead you kiss another man on the mouth. And he tries, he tries to remember the kind of kiss you gave him. And then he kisses your beloved boy. Sorry, I'm just trying to remember the kind of kiss you gave me. Okay. Sorry And then he, and then you see your wife enjoying it. You're like, I think you're actually, I don't, that doesn't look like the kind of kiss.

You never enjoys the kisses I give her that much. Are you sure you're doing the kiss I did to you? Because also when I kissed you like that, you weren't enjoying it as much as she's enjoying the kiss You're giving her oh, yes, but she's more into you than I am into you. So it makes sense Yeah, she likes the kiss you gave me more than and then I did and then you start trying to go to this to this kissing middleman for advice On how to kiss better, but then your wife has to this kissing middleman for advice on how to kiss better. But then your wife has to become the middleman. And you go, I'd like to speak to the middleman a little bit about a kissing technique and

how I could improve it. And then she goes to the middleman, he goes, Michael here is thinking that perhaps that he could learn from you. Anyway, and then, you know, to everybody's a middleman, remember? That's right. I get it. I get it. But then you see how they all form a relationship, even though, you know, in a weird, different way. And then there's also going to be lots of tension, do you think? Tension. Oh, that's exciting. Yes. There's all the shows over about, um, complicated three way relationships these days.

All the shows, all of the these days. All the shows. All of the shows, the wire. Yeah. Hi, icons. It's Danny Pellegrino from the Pop Culture Podcast, everything iconic, and I love Nordstrom. No place better to shop, particularly during the holiday season, because they have everything. They have holiday decor at Nordstrom. They have cozy cardigans from Barefoot Dreams, my fav. They have cold weather attire, party attire,

plus free shipping and free returns. Free store pickup. You can also purchase a recycled fabric gift bag so your item arrives festive and wrapped. So check out Nordstrom this holiday season, a one-stop shop. You can explore more at Nordstrom in store or online at nordstrom.com. I mean, even old shows that have been made they're now about the complicated three-person relationships. And yeah, I want you to know that I've written all of that down. Middleman Inc. and Middleman Society. Great. I hope that as separate ideas.

Oh, you think so? Alistair, come on. Come on. You're telling me, you telling me that Middleman Inc. Right? It gets to have the credit for the cross-on idea, for the kissing. It's a middleman and get the credit for the kissing idea, even the bit where they were swapping around and kissing each other. Okay, kissing your wife, little man. I'll write that one down specifically. Yeah. I mean, isn't it interesting that if we were in a full middleman society, right, and you were kissing your middleman and your middleman was kissing your wife.

And you found out that the middleman was enjoying your kissing more than your wife was, right? So the middleman really likes the kissing. You fall in love with the middleman, right? And then your wife has to become the middleman. Your wife becomes the middleman. You have to kiss your wife. Kisses him. And we know she doesn't like your kissing that much. And then he falls out of love with you because he's only getting these second head kisses from your wife who he's not that into. Yeah. That's really interesting. I think that's a really. Oh, Andy, this story is actually getting me going, you know.

I'm feeling very... Getting my creative juices flow in Andy. Is that what they are? You've absolutely got me completely, creatively moistened. Oh, my top bottom is... The drumming! My top first. Drumming?

You use that word. It's like people it's like people using Kant, like you use it so sparingly, but you always use it in the perfect moment. So it always has maximum effectiveness. You know, throwing. Because it's like vibrating and kind of... Yeah, yeah. Because I picture strumming, but without the fingers. You know, it's like a self strumming thing. Yeah, it's self strumming, and it's a little bit of electricity happening as well, I think. For me, like little pulses.

I would say it's self strumming, so that way. That's how you get strumming. That's what the, the thumb strum. That's the thumb strum in, in, in guitaring, guitaring, yeah, be the, yeah, the existence of guitar hero suggests the existence of guitar villain. Yes, and none of a guitar coward. Oh, and there's another universe. And a guitar draft draft a doger. Yes, a good

conscientious objector. I will not play the guitar. Well, I'm actually a guitar quaker, so I am not playing guitar on religious grounds. I am not playing along to the Beatles. Greatest hits. This is nothing. No, this is something. It's stupid, but it does, you know, once you create something, then it means other things can now exist because of it. Correct.

You know, it's not without your grandma, I mean, my grandma was 80th, just being like, 70% of us are here, maybe like 80% of us here today are only exist because Nana gave birth to a few people. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. It's crazy. You go, oh, and it's the same thing with the person who created guitar hero,

the one person who created it. Were you giving us, were you giving a speech? Is that something you said in your speech? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think so. All right. Did you get any good laughs? Do you have any?

I don't remember that one. Yeah, I think that one, I always feel pretty uncomfortable in front of family members and stuff like that. I don't know if you know this about me, but I tend to, if I'm not in front of somebody, I'm very comfortable with. I tend to kind of retreat into myself, unless I have planned stuff. To talk about, like, yeah, or bits that I've already prewritten.

But you're uncomfortable, you're more uncomfortable around your family members, you think? Well, extended family, yeah, I would say. Yeah, right. Because especially now that I have the label that, you know, the fact that I've been a comedian or whatever, that makes things much, much worse. So then my instinct is to not be funny at all because then it can't be criticized. You know, like you can't try to be funny and then fail. And I think that I've just uncovered a huge part of my personality that I've just, I'm actually making a lot of progress in this In this podcast what is potentially the best episode of

Uh, two of the thing tank ever due to the high standard for sketches Hmm. Well, that kissing bit earlier was pretty good. Yeah, of course I what I like is my my sisters friends Have decided that they're all just going to call me a funny guy. Is that what they've decided? Yeah, and I started to not like it to start with, but now I really like it. I like the small amount of contempt.

Maybe not even that small that's contained within it. Yeah, that's good, that is good. I think it's hard having people who are, you know how I like there's some people that just seem conscious and there's some people who seem like NPCs. And because you don't see maybe extended family as much and they kind of work regular jobs, it's kind of easy to see them as NPCs. And so to have people that are extended relationships like your sister's friends who tease you

like their conscious human beings, I think that's probably a better system. And this is slightly unrelated, but like being tangentially connected to famous people as we are, it is also a bit like sometimes we have a guest star in our lives or somebody just doing a cameo. Yeah, sure. You know, you would you get to hang out with like a big actor. You're like, Oh, they were this episode. Yeah, I've had a moment in my life where I had a guest star Josh Thomas up here. Exactly. Yeah. And so yeah, it's it's it's not that different different from, you know, being with somebody who is a TV show. Yeah, you know, in our lives, Sean McCullough had a multi-episode arc. That's right. Yeah. An occasion. Multi-season. Yeah, for yeah, for how many seasons

did we do? Ten. Oh, I don't know. I always say six, but yeah, but I'm sure it was more than that. You didn't start it like season nine. This is six years, you say. Ah, yeah, maybe that's about right. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, but that's good. Which doesn't seem like that long, but then I think back, and I'm like, I don't remember the start of that. Or when I do remember bits from the start of it I'm like I was a wildly different person You didn't have any children. I didn't have any children, but I was just some little guy, you know I didn't have any of the confidence that I have now. Yeah, really?

I think you've always had the confidence that you have now Probably a sort of like dismissive kind of That's not true. You have it. You have it. I think in some ways, your perception of me is wildly wrong. Yeah. Yeah. No, no, no.

This is like, this is the confidence to be in a conversation with somebody and then go into your laptop and start working and be in a conversation with somebody and then go into your laptop and start working and be right in a kind of not not negative way. It's actually impressive in that you can do it. But also, but also dismissive of, you know, the people that you're in conversation with while like, I don't have time for this. I have to be working right now. To be working in a public place while going into a private mode, you know? Yeah, sure. I mean, is that confidence or is that,

maybe something? Is this a confidence? Something wrong with me mentally. Sure, but that's fine. I think confidence can be something wrong with someone. Yeah, it probably is a lot of the time. I still, other than, like, I have a lot of problems with people talking about confidence, right?

They say, oh, you should do this because it makes you look more confident and things like that. You go, it doesn't seem to me like confidence is anything more than a trick. Mm. Yeah, all confidence is a trick. It's about confidence tricks. Confidence, that than a trick. Yeah, all confidence is a trick. It's about confidence, tricks. Confidence, that's a trick.

Yeah, like, so people are like, well, you know, you don't seem confident if you do that. You go, it doesn't matter, I'm not confident. You don't, I don't, I don't, people have an accurate impression of it. I don't think you need to be confident to achieve things. You just need to do the things. No, but, but confidence is, to achieve things, you just need to do the things.

No, but confidence is a kind of, because sometimes you need other people to believe you can do the things, right? And that's what the confidence is, right? And it's, I don't know if that is the confidence, that can be a track record, right? It can be a track record. I mean confidence, that can be a track record, right? It can be a track record. In the absence of a track record, I think confidence helps,

but having evidence that you can do the thing is the alternative to pretending or looking like you can do the thing. Yeah, but also, once you, as a species, once you invent confidence, right, there's an evolutionary advantage to people who are able to just look confident without having anything to back it up, right,

because they haven't wasted any of the, you know, it's like animals that look like poisonous animals without being poisonous, right? They mimic something, so they don't have to do all the work, they expend all the energy of actually making the poison. They can just... Yes, but those are great for short relationship interactions. So, you know, if, for example, you look poisonous and you're not poisonous, right, that's great if you are gonna interact with a thing

and then, and then you never see it again. Sure. Right? Because if it somehow discovers that you're not poisonous or it meets another one like you and Accidentally eats it or something like that and then it goes, oh, these are not poisonous. That's great Or it's these thoughts are actually delicious. These are actually the most delicious things, right? And the same thing that if you have the confidence and then you get the thing

You get the job and then you don't have any of the skill then Then you may not get hired again. And then the confidence actually becomes, you are a fucking insane person who acts confident when you've got nothing. Yeah. But would it be funny to, to, to, for everybody to know that this person is a fraud for whatever reason, but to continue to keep them around because they like the confidence, you know, like, like, confidence.

Yeah. Yeah, I do like that. Have a, have a, have a long term relationship with somebody, right, who's completely holler. They've got nothing to back up anything they say and everybody and they keep letting everybody down, right? But the confidence is is enough and they continue to be, you know, you maybe it could be part of your friendship group somebody you just have around Maybe it would be quite useful, right to have somebody with a lot of confidence that you could use in Your group when you need them.

But then that's something that's a valuable skill. I mean, I think in this case, it can be a valuable skill like when you watch a terrible program and you go, well, if these people can get people who write like this can get a TV show up, then that really boosts your motivation. And to think, to think that if there's somebody who's your superior at a big corporation who has no skills whatsoever, lots of confidence, that would make you try because you're like, well, if he can get promoted, then maybe I can too.

That's great. I think that's a lovely dynamic to have in a business. They've got this guy. Everybody knows his bad, but it motivates the staff so much it's created this really positive work environment. Productivity is through the roof. This fucking idiot. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, great. I was thinking about the poisonous animals thing. And like, and it's, and it's,

there's this interesting thing where like the poisonous animals, they're, they're never camouflaged, right? They're always super bright, crazy colors that are highly, highly visible. And there's this, there's this, oh, I'm losing my grip on the thought, but there's this weird two way relationship between being, no, it's gone. But being like, it was so clear, like being deadly and, but not afraid, like not needing to camouflage, like just like being right in your face. Yeah, I'm so deadly.

Right. There is, there is also like, yeah, but also if you were really bright like that, you would have to be poisonous in order to, to get away with it. So, like, you know, there could be like an evolutionary advantage for predators to when they see something really, when it's really easy to catch something, when something's really visible, they're like, well, not that one, obviously, I don't want that one. I want something that's hard to get. Yeah, so you could imagine, like, let's say, for some reason, if, you know, predators,

like, you know, big carnivorous animals started to enter our society, and for some reason, we weren't able to stop it. They were able to breed very, very quickly and things like that. And it just became a huge issue. Nature has turned on us, Judeoar, what we've done to the climate and all that kind of stuff. Anyway, you could imagine for some reason that traities, people who are wearing a lot of fluoro, five is, yeah, five is and stuff like that.

Suddenly are surviving at greater rates because the animals aren't even bothering to attack them because they just assume that they're highly poisonous. Yeah, but also, you know, a lot of the time tradies might have a lot of muscular strength and access to portable power tools. So maybe they would be able to defend themselves. Sure.

And then maybe there'd be an evolutionary advantage for the rest of us to start dressing like tradys and talking like tradeys, even though we're not tradeys and we don't have any of the trade genetics. Sure, yeah, yeah. I mean, but in this case, I was just saying it's because of the poison thing because that's what they've grown up to learn in the wild. Yes, I agree. I agree. But like, you can also imagine though that like if the way that we'd communicated this to predators that were poisonous wasn't through bright colors, but was through other, some other thing that made you very visible, right, or very noticeable, so you might think

you're dancing. Exactly what I was saying. That in the wild, there are some frogs that, or frogs look pretty bland and, you know, boring dull colors. But there are some frogs that are very like, yoohoo! Or possibly, maybe that's the evolutionary story of Michigan, Michigan J frog. That's why he was, come on my honey. He's actually quite a poisonous toad or whatever. Be crazy if he was a toad and his name was Michigan J frog. Neymar toad. Yes. But also, you know, you hear a lot of about, you know, people who are in the sort of this thing and in dancing business is being quite toxic a lot of the time.

It's quite a toxic culture. There you go. Maybe that's it. I wonder. Andy, I have at least five sketch ideas. So would you consider and stop me if I'm getting ahead? If I was to go to three words from a listener, I think it would be a mercy, Alistair, for all concerned. Great. Well, these three words come from Amazing Mike Lee. Amazing Mike Lee.

And for those who don't know, you know, three words from a listener, well, that's if you join our Patreon, you know, you can, you can suggest three words. You just sent it to us through the Patreon, and then I eventually find them, and then we do them on this thing. Now, Michaeli has sent in three words, and he was wondering if you could guess them. Maybe starting with the first one? Yeah, maybe starting with the first one. Hip hop auto bass. Definitely not. No, the first one is dance. Okay.

Dance. Yeah. Okay, the second word is also dance. It's dance, dance, evolution is the three words. No, you're incorrect with the second one. No, but with the third one, you are, you've definitely started with the right letter. Oh. So it's dance based. Dance based. It's not dance based evolution. Is it because that is just what we were discussing? No, no, no, it's not. No. Economy, dance based economy. Andy, it is.

Dance based economy. Of course it is, because that's the kind of shit we would come up with. He's really, he knows us. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known.

It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. It's amazing to be known. share the brain, you know, after doing this podcast for so long, it's, it's only make sense because listeners hear as much of us talking as we do. Yeah. And so therefore they are going to start sharing your brain. Now contagious brain, like that dog, that dog contagious

dog genital cancer, that's our brains. But imagine that's a contagious brain. If you put like kind of like knits, if you put your brain, your head too close to another person, your brain goes out through your eyes or ears or whatever, little chunks come out and they get into the other people's brains and they start turning it into your brain. It's a great, it's a great concept for a horror movie. It's a new kind of zombie or invasion of the body snatches type thing, where it's just

one individual with a contagious sort of personality or identity that is through some sort of brain molecules spreading through the population. So you end up with a lot of people who they're actually just that person pretending to be the person they were. Yeah, like a bad impersonation of the person. Like if your beloved became got infected with this, it would turn into this person doing an impersonation of your beloved. If they're trying to hide, that is.

And I suppose if you were doing this movie and you did it with someone like Christopher Walken, he was like patient zero. Yeah. And then, and then all the people are doing impersonations of Christopher Walken. I think that that's a movie that would sell. Yeah, I think that's great. It's a bit, a bit being John Malkovich, but also very different.

It's very different. We don't have any, we don't have any of the depth. Don't worry. That's how we pitch it in the, in the, in the meeting. Don't worry. If you think this is like, Joe McEvitch, it has none of the depth. It doesn't, this one, yeah, I can see where you think that,

but this one, it doesn't mean anything. It's not trying to say anything. You know how being Joe McEvitch, you discover more things in it every time you watch it? Not with this one. You find less and less. But hang on, we were saying something else. Oh, yeah.

No, I pretend to do that with my children. I pretend that my brain jumps out of my head. Yeah. And squelches around on the dinner table and then jumps into their head. Wow, then they start acting like you. Yeah, but they actually hate that game. It really stresses them out.

Because of the brain jumping out of your head. Yeah, I think they feel bad for my brain. Yeah, sure. Squelching around on the table. If you ever showed them that super dry or whatever ad, where the tongue comes out of the extra dry, maybe it was extra dry. You know what falls out of the mouth?

Yeah, amazingly, we never have. We never have spent any time watching beer ads together. From you early 2000s. I know. The other day I showed my kids. from you and you're early 2000s. I know, the other day I showed my kid. My kid. My kid.

My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid.

My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid.

My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. My kid. And I showed Otis a video of 9-11. And then I went, and then as soon as I started, then I started to go, I went, oh, this is too early to talk about 9-11. Ah, oh, a stare. Oh, my God. You know, fortunately, it's one of the few disasters,

which has its own, it has an appropriate age range, built into the name of the disaster. That's really good. And I would wait closer to 11, I think. It's just don't need to know about this. Like as soon as it was like, but what happened to the people who were flying it? And they go, oh yeah, this is actually too intense.

I didn't even show the towers falling. It was just one going into the building. The first. Alistair, I cannot believe that you thought this was like, oh hell. Yeah. I'm pretty advanced. So it's this kind of advanced parenting where I get the terror into them really early.

My kids in an accelerated program of learning about the horrors of reality. I have a lot of climate change though, but 9-11, you know, you got to get on to that. My kid is jaded at a university level. It's funny because when you talk about the Titanic, people don't really think about that much about the people that died. You kind of just go on whatever. I mean, you do get to do, you do think about it. Yeah, I think about it a bit.

Yeah. Well, I think about the running along the corridors. Yeah. That stresses me out. Yeah, the falling, that bit feels like a nightmare. The falling when the boat tilts up and that kind of stuff. But I would think I would have been one of those people who got a really good spot and held on pretty tight.

And you know, I could have, I would have been okay. Yeah know, I could I would have been okay. Yeah. I genuinely feel I would have been okay. Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, you know, yeah, for me when I, when a boat starts, you know, angling, I have a, a pretty good instinct on where to run and side behind, but I do worry about my wife. What she gonna do? I do like I do like I do worry about my wife. What's she gonna do?

Like I do, like I do. I have something I look after her. I do not even have this feeling that like I'm like if I was in a Titanic type situation, I worry about whether or not Indiana would get into the right spot, even though I think that we'd probably be running together. Yeah. You know, but I would be, I'd be like, ah, I'd be a bit ahead probably just because I'm a little bit faster. Well, I, yeah, while I, I don't, I

like to believe that this wouldn't happen. I feel, she feels like a faller. I have to tell her I said that's now I already feel guilty. All right, we got to go to dance based economy. Yeah, dance based economy. Yeah, I mean, you know, it feels like if you were paying for something with a dance, presumably the dance would involve a certain number of moves, right? If you have set amount of dance, and then they'd have to give you your change, which would be, you know, to a smaller, you know, to break down a few of those moves. Yeah, I mean, imagine if it was like, even just social economy, like think of it like

as, imagine if instead of a wave, right, when you see somebody, and we didn't have one move, it was you have to make up a new move. And that is interesting. You have to give them a personalized thing, and the more the more effort you put into it, the more reverence you're paying, the more respectful it is. Yeah. Well, I mean, the wave, it really is a dance move that has made it in the real world. It's a crossover success.

Absolutely, yeah. Like something from the country charts that makes it into the billboard charts. It went from dance into just general communication. And maybe other things like high fives and there's little, some people have elaborate high fives. That's a type of small, two person dance. Yeah, high five is amazing that it could be said to have come from the clapping world. High five is amazing that it also kind of, it could be said to have come from the clapping world. Yeah.

You know, which is, you know, but maybe might have been from clapping was a dance. Maybe clapping was a dance. It could have crossed over from the bug killing world though. It too. You know, I think clapping is one of the, the bug killing methods that has crossed over into the mainstream.

Well, it's almost a path that's been, that they kind of, they blazed that path and then probably nuked it and made it like, impossible for anything else, any other. To come from bug killing. Yeah. There's not much else from bug killing. You know, wearing a big backpack

and spraying poison all over the floor hasn't really made it. Yeah, that hasn't made it. Stomping has a little bit, you know, as a way of for like a child to express anger. Yeah, okay. But actually, more that's made it into dance. Yeah, maybe as a way to try to make it into the mainstream

because it realizes it wasn't gonna be able to make it into the mainstream through because it realizes it wasn't going to be able to make it into the mainstream through bug killing anymore. It's interesting. Maybe all the big innovation in gestures. Maybe it can, we can trace it all back to bug killing. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you know, malaria is one of the biggest killers, you know, worldwide. And so mosquito killing is a huge, you know, it's an important thing. Absolutely. And so it is, it is, you know, I mean, I can't imagine what it's like to live in a country with malaria and hear a mosquito while you're laying in bed. Yeah. Oh, oh, Alice, that That's right in my ears man that's ah that's really horrible

That is Right there, and I'm feeling really stressed out No, the thing and then you like slap the side of your head she like oh, it's right next to my ear now and you slap it and then you just hear This is be a good, um, yeah, do you think we could make a creature, like creature feature, um, horror movie with a mosquito? You're just a single mosquito. A mosquito. Yeah.

And I mean, our, it'd be amazing for our effects budget, you know, we just need to hear that sound. Yeah. And you know, it would be, oh, and it would be a bit like a quiet place or something like that because you wouldn't want to be in an environment with any noise because then you would not be able to hear the mosquito coming. Yeah. Right.

So you'd be trying to like make everything as silent as possible. This is a really good idea. And then, you know, when everything is as silent as possible, then you hear that sound. But also that somebody has like a, an almost instant reaction to it. Like it's like, it's like a, it's either like a vomiting disease or like a, just like an instant dying disease. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I mean, it would probably be pretty horrible, right? You'd be seeping and weeping and, you know, passing blisters and stuff that just happens. Sure. Love that. Kind of bit like, do you know that one that disease from outbreak that movie, where they kind of bleed from the eyes and stuff like that? The movie's called Buzzkill.

lead from the eyes and stuff like that. The movie's called Buzzkill. Oh, that's really good. No. No. No. No. No. No.

No. Fuck. Don't know the line. And everybody's slapping each other. Yeah. I guess if you kept moving like that, you'd be like, you know, maybe you're just like, you know, people are sitting under, under sort of, it's you'd be like, you know, maybe you're just like, people are sitting under a,

under a sort of, it's also a bit like, it's also a bit like nightmare on Elm Street because you can't sleep, right? It gets you when you sleep. Yeah. It'd be so good. It's just one and it's in town.

Yeah, exactly. Or you're at a campsite. No, you need to be around in an environment with lots of sources of noise and stuff, I think. Well, for that aspect, which is not, you know, that's not a deal breaker for me, I'll ask to. Yeah. Don't take me off the project. Don't take me off the project. Well, you know, you could have a lot of, you know, as a family up, you know, up, up, you know,

up, that are doing like setting off fireworks or something like that. And then you had, having a huge confrontation with them. And then there's more threats of violence from there. And you're like, just fucking the, the, the, the mosquitoes here. Yeah, that's our real enemy. And then the mosquitoes start to vomit or whatever. And then you're trying to shoot the mosquito with the fireworks. Yeah. It's all this friendly fire.

You're hitting everybody else. That's great, especially one of those one of those two ones that let's out. That would be kind of cool. You see it land on somebody's face and you dive for the fireworks and then you aim it at their face? Yeah, that's horrifying It's pretty good. I look I think that within the year. Oh wait, we got to write buzzkill buzzkill The singular mosquito horror film. It's probably been done.

Yeah. Yeah, everything's been done. But I'm excited. I'm excited. We've got a lot of scenes already, Andy. Yeah, this is a role there. And that guy says that all you need is 70 scenes. All you need is you just get an index card and you just write a scene. And then once you have somewhere something like 60

or 70 scenes, then you've got a feature film. Hey, Alistair, that's actually quite inspiring. That's good advice. Yeah, well, that's what's his name, who sounds like what I was just doing. Robert, something? No, no, no, this was what's his name, who sounds like what I was just doing. Robert, something? No, no, no, this was, it was just David Lynch. Oh, right.

Oh, that guy, oh, David Lynch, yeah, that does sound like David Lynch. Good job. Thank you. Hello, it is April 5th, Friday. It is sunny. Beautiful day. Anyway, all right, shall I take us to the sketch ideas?

Yeah, thank you. We've got guy who corrects things that don't need to be corrected. And it's not our greatest, but it got us on the board. Yes. And I think we can have a lot of fun with this guy. We got the front bottom system. Mouth is the top bottom.

Feet are the bottom bottom. Yes. We got middleman ink. This is when we really started getting moving and including middleman university right. This is a company that will add middlemen to your transactions. Then we have middleman society where everyone is a middleman, kiss in your wife middleman, then maybe eventually kiss in your middleman through your wife. Kiss in your wife, that's a middleman. That's a middleman, everything's a middleman. Then we got guitar conscientious objectors. Of course, the guitar coward world, you know that kind of thing.

Then we got keeping someone around who has nothing to back up their confidence, but you like their confidence. And then having them as like a, your superior because, uh, others think that they could, yeah, they could get promoted, uh, because they're inspired by how garbage, how garbage this person is and how the fact that they could succeed. It could also be like like it could be a scene in which there's this boss who's really terrible right and um but then in a in a private moment talking to somebody else they reveal that all of their incompetence is just part of like this advanced level management strategy in which you inspire your workers by making them have contempt for you.

Yeah, that's interesting. I like that a lot. Should I write in brackets? Could be big rooms. With the contempt management strategy. Yeah. Hey, man, you know what about, you know what they say about inspiring contempt? It's inspiring. At least you're inspiring. I, what you say, I inspire contempt. You know what I hear? I'm inspiring people find me inspiring. Then we have the the using singing and dancing to communicate that you're poisonous. Then we've got contagious brain, Christopher Walken, this patient zero and everyone. Yes. The Christopher Walken dead. The Christopher Walken dead.

Wow. The Christopher Walken Alive moves, making it into the mainstream from dancing and killing bugs. And then of course, buzzkill, the singular mosquito horror film. Correct. And... Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, bo mean, goodbye. Oh, and goodbye. All right, you can always follow us on Twitter at Tuen Tank or at Alistair TV or at Stupid Old Andy. You can find us on Instagram at Tuen Tank.

You can find me at A. Trombley, virtual. We're looking at getting onto Blue Sky. I'm going to get on the Blue Sky. I want to get on there and I want to get our handles, you know? Oh, yeah, handles. Yeah, I want to get a there and I want to get a get a handles, you know, oh yeah, I want to get a handle on this blue sky And I if anybody has a blue sky Invite can you send it to us please? We're trying to get started while it's small before it becomes the society's town square

That's right. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. You can always listen to the Duke Go on podcast or the weekly planet. You know, they're, they got the goods things. Yeah. Who knew it would match to it. You can buy Gustav and Henry volume one or volume two. And you know what, if you want to get in touch with me

directly, I'll send you a copy. Oh, wow. Yeah. We can come to an copy. Oh, wow. Yeah. We can come to an arrangement. Wow, an arrangement. You should message Andy. If anything, if, uh, if, you know, at the very least, it's just a great opportunity to interact with Andy. There you go.

I'll take it. You can send me a message. I don't have anything to send you. And I've actually have, you know, do you know somebody contacted me from based off of the book CheatPod? Um, and she was like, I sent me a page of white noise, which was an episode I did. I talked about white noise being my favorite book. And she sent me the front page of her white noise copy so I could sign it.

And it's been three years and I haven't managed to get it back to her So she sent you the front page is like just a thing she cut out the front page Yeah, she was gonna send me the whole book to sign and then she was like actually that's gonna be super expensive to post So then and then I won't I managed to send it today do it today I'm one point I managed to send it and it was like two years in and then And then it came back because I didn't fill out something properly. Oh my God. It was insane. Anyway, I'm trying to get it back to her. Tamed shrew. That's how she's commuted. That's the name she's communicated with me as. And we love love you. You. Bye. See you. Thank you. Bye.

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