Two In The Think Tank - 388 - "FEEL NO EVIL, FEEL NO EVIL"

Episode Date: July 5, 2023

Business Candle (Hot Shake), Business Rodeo, Small Time FIFA, Deep Dive, Whiteboard Mask, Creative Bones, Egg Eyes, EloNBA, HeadPunk, BrodeoGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereSweetened, condensed thanks to George for editing this episode. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. This count is not available in all safe and situations. I'm a Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-uh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-uh-duh- You wouldn't think that we're two guys who are in sync, you know, mentally. But in many ways we are. In many ways. But we're very different men, Andy. Listen to the latest, the latest, who knew it with Matt Stewart that we were on a couple

of weeks ago. Yeah. Not the latest actual, but the latest one that we were on. Yes. And, and you'll see an example of that. Not the latest that we were on. And you'll see an example of that. Not the latest that we were on, if you're listening to this really far in the future. That's true. We will have been on more by then. Hopefully. When we say the latest in this episode of this podcast that you

know is along is is old. The year we're not we're not talking about the latest in the future. We're not like I'm mentioning. We're not saying that that was the last one we'll ever be on. No. But there's never no one of us or both of us might pass away suddenly during this podcast. We can only dream. Alistair. Yes. Alistair, what do you think of this as an idea, right? Business candles. I was just thinking before how much I love to light a centered candle. I don't do it a lot,

but whenever I have one in the house, I feel great. But then I was thinking, wouldn't it be great, like because you, you know, maybe you're planning a romantic encounter, you know, you light candles around the room, okay, because they're a little bit of fire, and it's a bit of danger. You know, so you've got a job interview.

You like yourself some beautiful business candles. What about this? The business candle. It's your hand is dipped in wax. Oh, okay. And your business partner, maybe your new employer's hand is also dipped in wax. Oh, okay. Right. And your business partner, maybe your new employer's hand is also dipped in wax. Yeah.

And then we both, with your other hand, hold onto a wick for a moment and then place it in between your clapped business shaking hands. Oh, that's good. And then you light that wick and then you just hold it there. Until it burns down and burns your skin and the first person to flinch or pull away, no, the last person to do that, they're the boss. There should be a, you know how like it back in the day, you could challenge someone to a duel. If there was a matter of honor at stake, but now, if you have a dispute with your boss, you should be able to challenge them to a

shake off. I challenge you to a hot shake. And you do the handshake and the wick burns down, the hands begin to sizzle and bubble. Right. And whoever flinches and pulls their hand away, they lose the business dispute. And the winner is the one who holds on and they become the new boss. That's good. You could shake your weight at the top. Yeah, like that. You know, when a business shake also, it's a shake down. Yeah, I like that. You know what business shake also.

It's a shake down. It's a shake down. The also, it makes you think that maybe there's the possibility where you could do it, where you each take turns riding each other like a bull. And whoever stays on the longest. You know, they could be a business shake off. Yeah, yeah, you're right.

It's a rodeo. It's a, let's settle this rodeo style. I like it. Did you call it the business hot shake or hot hand? Yeah, I called it the hot shake. Let's settle this with a challenge you to a hot shake. It was one thing that I said at one point, but hot hand is also good.

When you started talking about dipping the hands in wax and that sort of thing, I imagined that you were going to somehow make a wax cast of the handshake, the moment of the handshake, and then have that turned into its own candle, right? And you know, whenever you do a business deal, you basically make a mold of the two hands shaking, you turn it into a beautiful candle, both parties to the contract, contract get one of those candles with a nice wick in the middle there.

And whenever you light the candle, now you'll think of that wonderful contract that you signed and that special bond that you entered into. Oh, that's right. I think in a way it's quite lovely. It's nice to think about all the business deals that you've done, isn't it? Yeah. Have them surround you and then when it burns down and it's all melted away, well maybe that reminds you, oh, it must be time to go and renew that contract, renew the terms. Well, that would be good. If it did just burn for the duration of the contract, could you have like a contract only lasts as long as the can. Yeah, but I mean,

you're just a bird. It's like the Olympic flame. Is that the, yeah, it's exactly the same as the Olympic flame. Is that, is that our contract with the, uh, the OAC, whatever it is? The world's contract with the Olympic, uh, board? Yeah, the, the, what is it? I had it there. When you said OAC, I was like, fuck, that's embarrassing for him that he got that acronym that role. It's definitely not the OAC. OIC? Olympic Committee.

Organizing Committee. OOC. OOC. OOC. OOC. This isn't filling it. This isn't filling any better. The OC.

The Olympic Committee. We should, we, we, back in 2000, every Australian knew what it was. Back when Wano Antonio Samaranch was the, the king of the Olympics, we all knew, we all cared. We were on tender hooks. We were all very plugged into the count. We have another one coming and we couldn't give a shit. Don't we?

Do we? I think we have a Brisbane one coming. Yeah. I don't think the world could give a shit. Yeah. It's all over now. We gave it to too many fucked up countries. I know.

But it's also like, yeah, it's also like a bit like FIFA. Suddenly it's just an organization that has so much power over nothing. And then they just kind of like strong arm you into just taking it and giving them money in some way. Is there a sketch in this, Alistair? Could we do, could we apply an Olympic organizing committee? Type metaphor, but make it about something else. Say it's a, a wheat growers conference. No, not that, that's no good. A sausage innovation, no sausages. Swimming pools and chlorine bleaches conference, but they act like they're the Olympic organising committee and they are demanding all sorts of shit. But are you thinking that it should be some sort of competition type thing?

No, I mean, no, I was just thinking of, I like where you're going anyway and I think that's probably fine. I was just trying to picture like, I was just trying to ground it into... What about a magic festival? You know, like, you know, like, there's like some things that just like oh we've got that exhibition now or whatever that thing It's coming to town. Yeah, you know those sometimes like there's like a light thing that's in some town's Glow or some you know like the white night kind of thing or you know I don't know I think that's one's probably all they're all probably locally organized rather than a touring thing You know

Those guys we'll find it whatever the funniest is like I feel like yeah organized rather than a touring thing. Mmm. You know, those guys with the pen. Well, fine, we'll find it. Whatever the funniest is. Like I feel like, yeah, I was something with the parents who, the chlorine and pool conference. What is it? Yeah. Yeah.

That's right. They got all these little satellite events where people are displaying different pieces of pool and chlorine technology. And they want all these venues to be made and They you know they need a really really long one for some reason. We look trade show organizing committee They much they should do they should do an Olympic event with free diving Right with people swimming really deep down into the ocean.

That'd look fucking sick. The camera's down there in the dark. Can I just do it with like a skyscraper and just like pick out a corner? Fill it with water? Just a corner. You know, like, you know, just like taking on a disused elevator shaft. Yeah, that's great. I just turned it into glass instead.

Oh, they'd be so good and then you could have spectators all the way down. Yeah. Right, lined up on all the different floors. You could have, if you did it in an elevator and then you could have another, you could pay extra to be in an elevator next to it, going down with them, giving them the thumbs up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like it, because it's a, it's a down up swim race.

Yeah, it's four up down. They could, they could brought down an elevator in a bubble. Oh, okay. I feel like this would kill them. I've got a feeling this would kill. This would kill them. I think if you push them out of the bubble, and into the water, just swim up. Oh yeah, just open it.

That's the open the bubble. I get hit with the pressure of the water. Oh yeah. I think that's basically what happened to that submarine. Oh yes, wow. You know, that's what makes it such a grueling competition. Oh grueling. Oh, I mean, it would be great to see if they could survive it though. That for those, because we, someone shared with us that, miss it, that screen grab from

somewhere where someone was talking about feeling like they would have survived the submarine thing because they're built different. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, that makes me, oh, I'd like, I'd love to see that. And then, you know, we could really rub it in the faces of other people who died tragically in that situation. Yeah. In corner of...

If you were to make a business candle, one that you could light for a job interview. Yeah. What would it look like and what would it smell like? If you were to make a business candle, one that you could light for a job interview. What would it look like and what would it smell like? Okay, so if it was just like so, it wouldn't look like a stapler or something like that, right? No, I don't think so. I think maybe it could be a square candle or possibly triangular. Maybe it's shaped like a hexagon, like a pencil. So the hexagon or an octagon.

Octagon, probably an octagon. I wonder, I mean, I feel like there's probably a chance that there could be many different types, but oh, I've got one right here. Let's count the sides, quick. One, two, three, four, five. Oh, come on. Really, it's a hexagon.

Hicks. Hicks, baby. I bet you there's an octagon and pencils. There must be. There's gotta be. And there's some people who think that they're better. You know what I mean? Some people that are not. Yeah, I mean, maybe I'm gonna become one of those.

So many pencils. What is this pencil? Ah! Ah! You tried right with it. You're acting. Doesn't fit. My hand is cramping up.

How many sides does this pencil have? Yeah, you go really, you wake up and you got like a crick in your neck and you go, oh, this is because I was using that six-sided pencil. That's so offensive. You try and right with it. You try and right with it. It's flying out of your hand, slipping from your grip.

Stab someone in the eye. You see, this is why you get the octagon pencils. Yeah. A lot of people don't realize. I mean, it's too obvious to have a business candle smell like printer toner or something like that, which is quite a nice smell really when that printer's going or paint or like the ozone from a the ozone from a from a photocopy machine. Do you ever like that ozone? Yeah, I love it.

Love it. Isn't that crazy? It's just like it produces its own ozone. It's poisonous to us, right? Isn't it? I think it is, yeah, but you know, a little bit, a little bit. It's nice. Yeah, it's a true. It's like when you fill it, like when you're filling up the car, you're like, I'm not allowed, like I'm not supposed to breathe in a lot of this petrol smell, but it smells so good.

It's the forbidden one. Yeah, once every two weeks ain't that bad, right? I was like, once, yeah, once every two weeks ain't that bad, right? You know, two breaths in, you know, and then you one breath, you know, you smell away just to get a little bit of clean air. I don't actually like petrol, but what I do love is a whiteboard marker. And I don't think I've ever opened a whiteboard marker without just having a little stiff of that. Oh, I say I've never, yeah, I've not a big whiteboard marker, but I do love it. And then as a teacher, that's a problem. Like you got to, you can't let the kids see you,

sniffing the, they should, they should make a whiteboard marker that is easier to sniff. You can sniff it. Maybe it, it, a little bit of smell comes out the other end as well. So you can smell that end. Nobody thinks you're smelling the business end. Like you're part. Like it's just having a little like little whiteboard. I'm gonna go with a little anus. What?

What's wrong with that? Yeah, it has like a little, what's wrong with me thinking of whiteboard marker should have a 90's they do already have that That ridged that ribbed kind of area where so you can put the lid in exactly exactly like a butt plug Hmm, and so and it is kind of already a nice shaped Little bit there should just be a little bit of that whatever that moist, that moist kind of like felt hard foam. Some of that should come out the back. And when you put that, if you did that, probably the ink could come out more aerodynamically fast.

That, I mean, that's, this is how we'll sell it. Yeah, this is how what we'll tell people, but then we'll wink at them That's right. We'll sell it now. We'll put the little gills on the side Maybe put some gills on the side so that you can just smell it by rubbing it under your nose like a like a cigar Like a cigar. Great. And while we're giving it gills. Let's give it a little dorsal fin as well say, ah, great. And while we're giving it gills, let's give it a little dorsal fin as well. Little dorsal fin, and a couple of little pectoral fins. That'll put them off the scent, the whiteboard marker scent. What about a, a pencil, you know, those rumors, when you read the whiteboard mark? Sorry. What was that? Do you think it would look weirder to your sort of high school or primary school children students. If you were smelling the anus of a whiteboard marker right after you open it.

Well, if they knew it was an anus, yeah, but you would also, you know, they don't need to know. We make it look exactly like normal whiteboard markers. Oh, okay, we wouldn't make like the bit underneath it like kind of pink. We don't give it to large buttocks that I have to sort of pull apart to get my nose in there. Yeah, right.

Maybe we could make like a little, a little mask for teachers that they can put on when they're opening up one of these things. And they come, like so, so that like the whiteboard marker pack comes with two markers, right? And a mask and you put this mask over your face and actually the working whiteboard marker is inside the mask and when you pull it down, right? It actually un-seals it like that. So now you're in the mask with the unsealed

Marker, and it's in there and you can bring that in and then you get out the other marker, which is actually just a decoy marker Open up that way you don't have to smell that one And he go, oh yes, I knew you Maca What be smelling that. Meanwhile, I'm in this confined space, hoffing this pure marker. I'm off my brain. You come back. I would be smelling this, I say, waving the marker around.

You take off the mask. like this I say waving the marker around. Take credit for the class. You take off the back. Guys, can you just set a whiteboard marker on the face? It's just in there's loose and you've been falling down because of that. I got my sense. I wonder what this mask looks like that has a whiteboard marker inside it. It's just like a rubber kind of like a gas mask.

But without access to outside air. Okay. I mean, I assumed it was like just like a COVID cloth mask. I picture it. And the whiteboard marker would be in there sort of sticking out like at a wrecked penis. Underpants. Underpants.

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Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Underpants. Under it. Hmm, sure. You need to be ruby. That's a ruby, boss. I mean, the lengths we're going to, to let this person sniff a whiteboard marker, instead of just putting whatever the liquid is that's in there on some little pad that they can have. Like what are those simple things? But it needs to be. Exactly, it needs to be exactly it needs to be a whiteboard marker. That's the experience. That's what you're paying for.

You could keep it in like a keep that smell like in a little cross on a necklace around your neck and you just like twist it open and inside there's just like the the stem of a fresh whiteboard marker that you just got. Yeah and inside, there's just like the stem of a fresh whiteboard marker that you just got. Yeah, it's really good. That's a dangerous liaison style. Is that what it was? Cruel intentions, cruel intention style.

Cruel intentions, yes. Alistair, when you were at school, did you hear the rumors about kids who had been so stressed in their exams that they put a pencil in their ear and whacked their head on the table and killed themselves? Was that a thing that went around? Yeah, but I think I heard it as they put it in their nose. Ah! I mean, that feels more direct.

The ear, I feel like, would be hard to get a good whack. Yeah. But it was the ear was what I heard. And it would be really painful, whereas at least there's a chance you'll go through the bottom skull, which must be the bit that they've reinforced the least, right? No, but the ear hole just goes straight in, doesn't it?

Like, I think there is a genuine ear hole that goes into the, I reckon the ear Like, I think there is a genuine ear hole that goes into the iraqin, the ear would be a great way to go in. Is he think that the brain would hurt? I mean, it would hurt to break the eardrum. But I'm pretty sure. I mean, it's just assumed that almost nothing gets in or out, probably the ear, I mean, I would assume that the years wiring goes around down to the brainstem, like you'd like to wear our,

but then again, the eyes, where are they all? Yeah, I assume that it just all goes in through where the spine and everything comes out. You think that the brain is, the skull is completely sealed and uses sort of wireless induction loop technology to charge the brain like an apple watch. Yeah, well, no, I just think that all the wires going through like one hole, they wouldn't make too many unnecessary holes, but of course, they probably don't. They probably are whatever do.

When they were making the holes, when they were deciding how many holes to put in the head well you do need that sort of thing about you need it like a hole in the head well actually you do need lots of holes in your head yeah I don't know are there that many holes there are heaps of fucking holes in the head yeah yeah all right Andy let's just just add it, okay, let's both guess how many holes are in our skull. And okay, wait, wait, wait, don't guess yet. Okay, and what rules is it going to be, is it going to be sort of prices, prices right rules? And so, you know, I can guess one. And then, but I'm right, if you guess four or something like that.

Okay, well, my guess is, you ready? Let right if you guess four or something like that. Okay. Well my guess is you ready Let's say I guess when we when I count to I won't count to three because then the numbers might confuse us about what we're saying Yeah, right, so I'm gonna count to C. I'll say ABC and then we'll say the number. Okay, okay. Yeah ABC one I Yeah. I B C I one. I think there's eight. You think there's eight holes in the skull? I think you're fucked. I think they're fucked.

I don't think we could have that hole in the skull. Many. Wait. I think I'll look it up now. In skull. How many holes are in the skull? The skull contains an astounding 85 openings in the form of forromena canals and fissures. They provide passageways for the spinal cord, blood vessels, 12 pairs of cranial nerves, and so on. And then there's an overview of skull geography, the geography of the skull.

God damn. Oh, but those are like, that's most, are they, are they counting these sutures? How about these sutures, by the way? What are sutures? That's a suture that's a thread. Isn't it sewing somebody up the suture? Yeah, but are we talking about like into the brain? Like is the skull bit the bit that holds the brain? I think the skull might include the jaw. Because I mean, I was only

talking about the bit that goes into the brain. Yeah, no, me too, me too. Okay, great, great. Oh, there's a thing called a metis, the external, external acoustic metis, MEA U, MEAT US. It's a fun looking word. Look. But it looks like there's a hole for the ears, there's for the eyes, there's where the nose goes. Canals. Four amino. Four amino's probably the nicest sound in one, isn't it?

Canals who gives a shit about a fishers, those sound like accidents. You know, I mean, we got to only count on purpose ones. I think the one I meant, oh yeah, here we go. For me, oh, there's fair few for for me now. Let's see. Oh, come on, just give me the fucking important one. Oh yeah, here we go. People say, I haven't got a creative bone in my body.

Is it really the bones that are creative? I've heard the bones are creative. Bones? Bones. What's the most creative bone? Oh, I don't know. I mean, the skull, I guess, is the closest to the body. I don't think anybody has a creative bone in their body. That is a bone, never. Yeah. Don't know what, let's see. I mean, then we has a creative bone in their body. But it's a bone ever. Yeah. Don't know what, let's see. What do I mean? Then we guess the one in the ear is at least plays music. It just repeats it, doesn't it?

I don't, but it just passes it on. I wouldn't say that's a creative act. Andy, it is playing a drum. And just because it is a vessel through which, where do you get your ideas from? Oh, just from everywhere. All around sounds that come through, changes in pressure. Is this you as the ear? I'm the ear of the bone. The ear bone.

The ear bone. The ear bone. The bone ear. The ear is definitely the coolest sense. I love that it's done mechanically. I feel like the eye is sort of like a digital, basically a digital thing. It's all done with sensors and electricity.

Whereas the ear, with all these little bones working together to push things and shove things and little hairs jiggling about and stuff, it feels so real, it feels like a machine, a thing that's a work of craft. That's true, yeah, it does feel like. I think the eyes are basically cheating. Yeah, they just feel like the ear is doing the work. Some of these like, you know, has, I don't know, has

just kind of, if I don't know, feels like they just happen by accident. Like, like, like a couple of like, uh, boiled eggs just a bit big for their boots. Okay, so imagine this situation, right? You work for an important advertising agency. And your boss is coming over for dinner. Okay, this is, and they're bringing one of their biggest clients for the company. And you put on your best business candles, they're burning away in the corner there. I think by the way, they should be, business candles should be skyscrapers, little skyscrapers. Little skyscrapers, of course they are.

Of course they are. I can't believe there was ever in doubt, right? Are they the twin towers? Oh, they they the twin towers and you don't find things like that funny so okay but I will show it to my children yes and then you but as you're preparing the the south of the fruit salad beforehand, before the guests arrive. You trip over while holding two melon ballers and you accidentally scoop your eyeballs out, and they fall into the,

they fall into the incinerator and get ground up and flushed away, okay? But this is a very important meeting. This is a great comedy for a guy who has accidentally lost the ability to feel pain. Yes. He's also called pain, only emotional pain he could still feel. Well, don't worry. He's still scarred for life emotionally and physically. Right. But then you remember that in the top drawer, because you're on a diet, you're on a low carb diet,

and the top drawer of the fridge, you've got two freshly boiled eggs. In the crisper. Yeah, that's right. Put it in the car. You're like a Chris bag. You're like a Chris bag. You're like a Chris bag.

You're like a Chris bag. Well, there's still other shells in your yard. Fuck, I gotta peel them, still. Yeah, so you're peeling them, you're peeling them right. You're trying to make it even greater. And he scratches out of them, you know, any like, yeah, yeah. And then you do do do you think you could force them in into your eye sockets, you'd have to force them in pointy in first.

So you get that nice. I mean, I think yeah, you get that nice curved butt blunt end. I think they would look, they would look a little bulgy. Well, maybe you've got to nibble the tip off or something then, so to round the end so that they don't, but I think that that's great. I think that in terms of as a comedy scene, right? I think this is a really good comedy scene, by the way. It's so horrible. It's, it's, it's a real horror. It's a movie based on a guy who's, who's lost his ability to feel pain. Right. And his ability to sing soon. Well, that's right. But so it doesn't

hurt him that at least that, that his eyes eyes have come out But he really needs this business deal to to work out Yeah, you know Probably afford to get his ability to feel pain back which Less like he would want it now that his eyes have been scooped out But maybe you know, maybe he has a he knows a doctor and he'll be able to fix no matter what happens to him. He says, I'll say, no matter what happens, you know, it's like, like Robin Williams's friend there, the guy who makes the mask.

You know, he's like, I love that guy. Like this, yeah, it's him, but he's a doctor and he says, no matter what happens to him, I'll be able to fix it. You just got to get this business deal done. And then you'll have enough money to help pay me to fix anything. but he's a doctor and he says no matter what happens to him, better fixing, you just gotta get this business deal done. And then you'll have enough money to help pay me to fix anything. I'll give you as many eyes as you want. Yeah.

And yeah, and then I guess he draws on the end with a whiteboard marker. Oh yeah, well you'd have to get somebody to add. On the end of the egg. Or maybe you, what could you do? What could you use from around the house? He's with, this is, it's the new version of here no evil, scene no evil, right? But it's one guy can't feel emotional pain. And the other guy can't feel physical pain. It's really good.

I mean, it feels like the guy who can't feel emotional pain would probably spend a lot of time torturing the guy who can't feel physical pain, maybe. Like if that's, if they've got a relationship, it's probably some kind of like, say, you know, as a kistic weird thing, right? That's why I'm together. It could be a sudden thing that they've been caught in. I mean, maybe he will do that Because he could like, you know, he could just be there like hitting the guy's hand with a giant book or whatever

Like that the guy doesn't even notice This guy is called feel this movie is called feel no evil feel no evil. That's the Get ready to get that field. Feel that I mean, I don't know if I want another guy in this scene. I love the idea of this guy trying to replace his own eye, but it's all by himself. Sure. Drawing on them on the end of the permanent marker or something.

Can't see what's happening. He tries to look at the mirror. Yeah. He likes to look at the mirror. Yeah He likes to look at the mirror while he's doing it Yeah, cuz imagine that he's Can't see in the mirror so he takes a photograph of himself with his phone So he realizes he can't see that And he goes oh no wait he grabs his phone takes a photo. That's good Um, wait, and, he grabs this phone, takes a photo, that's good. No, that doesn't work out. Wait, and then he grabs one of those, he grabs one of those face, one of those pin hand

things that you put your hand in and all your hands. Oh, that's right. And he puts that over his face and then he just tries to feel it. I mean, you could just, why you could just feel your fights? Why do you need to put that? Your face into the thing. This episode is brought to you by progressive.

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Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by new customer surveyeded who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023 potential savings will vary this counts not available in all states and situations What I guess you don't want to smudge you don't want to smudge the whiteboard marker that's what you're putting on these clean eggs. I mean, on these eggs. I'm just drawn on. Yeah. And then the meeting goes off. The dinner goes off without a hitch. And then it gets to the end of the dinner. And you remember that you promised everybody potato salad with eggs in it.

that you promised everybody potato salad with eggs in it. And this is a big business meeting. You promised them potato salad with eggs. Make me your famous potato salad. Last thing that's missing is that, oh, but I don't have two eggs. Yeah, they're luckily there's ping pong balls that you can stick in to your socks instead of eggs. No, wait, what's another thing? You could probably use a couple of those white erasers.

White erasers. You know like a white eraser? You would call it a rubber. But that doesn't look anything like an eyeball. I know, but if you erase in the right shape, you might be able to get. Yeah, you're not going to be spending all that time erasing to get it into the right shape. You're, Andy, or you're going to get, you're going to do this scrunch up a, a, a white piece of paper. You got a potato salad to get out there.

Oh, you could just push a potato in there. Oh, that's going to be a day. I just want to use chance. I'm going to re-sid you. Yeah, but you need this deal. Yeah, this deal that relies on a business meeting and then a meal of potato salad. Yeah, that's right. That's a really good idea.

Maybe your getting the big deal is for the potato salad board, marketing board. It's a big potato salad company. That's the contract to try to get. A really big potato salad company. It's almost like, would you say that this is the Coke of potato salad companies or like the Pepsi, at least the Pepsi? It's very least a Pepsi. This is the uni-leaver of potato salad companies or like the Pepsi, at least the Pepsi. You know, at the very least the Pepsi. This is the uni-leaver of potato salad.

I think I heard that Pepsi was struggling so much at some point, that especially to like get into the fast food markets and things like that, that they bought KFC and they bought dominoes or whatever. They bought, what's the other one that goes with KFC that also serves Pepsi? And they bought, I don't know. I can't remember, but they bought those and then put their own product in it.

That's crazy. That's so wild. Yeah. That doesn't feel like it makes mathematical sense. Yeah, but it's like, oh, nobody's buying my book. No publishers are going to buy my book. Well, you know what? I'm going to buy all the book publishers and make them print my book. print my book. Yeah, but presumably, right, if the book publishers can make enough money selling books, is selling your book or selling whatever books they sell, right? If you're just a small part of what they sell, surely they could afford, you can't afford to buy them, you're just one book,

you can't afford to buy them, you're just one book. You're just, anyway, I'm not making any sense. Yeah, yeah, no. Wait, if you guys, I mean, I want that to be true. Yeah, if you guys want me, don't want me on your soccer team, then I'll just buy your soccer team. This is similar. I don't know.

Then what do you do? Do you put yourself on the soccer team? Of course. You shot the soccer team down. Do you put yourself on the soccer team? Of course. You shot the soccer team down. I can put yourself on the soccer team. That's what you wanted. That's what you wanted. You got what you wanted.

I don't know if that helps anything, but you know, it's just an interesting idea. Pretty sure I heard that. What about this? Right. It's airbud. Yeah. But instead of a dog who's really good at playing basketball, it's a rich guy. Yeah.

He's really good at paying everybody off to make him feel like he's good at playing basketball and there's no rule against that. Turns out. So he's you're allowed to have a rich guy on the team. He bought the whole league. He bought the whole league And he's playing the games, but he's yeah, but everybody else is playing around him like it's uh hmm Like it's a thing And there's no rule against in the rule book because he took it out of the rule book

Yeah, he took it out. He took actually took out that specific clause They said that that wasn't allowed that the whole thing had to be played properly. All the other games are pretty normal. Yeah. But his team wins every season and he gets MVP. That would be really good. Yeah. It does. You can continue to have the NBA, but I get to win every season and win every game. Then everybody would start to get really invested in who comes second, I suppose. Yeah.

He wouldn't like that. No, yeah. And he would get all the players to force them to talk about that and how that's not cool. That being, but being second is the worst thing that you could be actually. Then he said, it would be second is actually being last. This is a great next thing for Elon Musk to do. After after he succeeds with Twitter, forcing everybody to see all his tweets and like all his tweets,

that he buys the NBA. Yeah. It forces everybody to let him win all the games, watch all his games. He should. It would be really funny and he loves comedy. It's isn't it amazing. I mean, like, I don't we're living through it every day But isn't it amazing that what has happened Everything is amazing like all of that you go. Oh, I didn't know that it actually could just turn out exactly like you would write it in a movie as a joke

And literally it feels like, you know, somebody on your local network just making changes. You go, why I think it's different today. You go, oh, cause he's just made a decision. Mm. Yeah. By the way, I'm looking at an empty skull here from above and I'm looking at all these holes

and these fucking endless holes. There's also so many like it's not smooth there. It's not like a nice bowl for the brain to sit it. There's all these kind of like what look like quite sharp edges. Ah yeah I wouldn't put those in there. No I wouldn't put those in. I mean unless they're holding different parts down securing the brain a little bit. Oh, maybe the brain needs that. Yeah, it's kind of holding in place like it's kind of like, you know, like mold clips.

They're kind of like clips. Yeah, like mold fitting for like, you know, when you're transferring, you know, transferring like a computer screen or something like that or some expensive bits, you know. So like, maybe it's important in the regard, but there's all these holes. And I think, I mean, there's clearly one good big hole there

Couldn't you have just cut the wiring around that's all just wet wiring anyway But this is the thing about all the body stuff. It's also fucked up because we're dealing with all this legacy Designs and like there's nerves that go all over the place that right like there's some crazy ones where like it goes all the way down to your foot or something in order to go back up to you Yeah, well, there's also the nerves. I think they go like in between where the light comes into your eye and the Yeah, and the cornea or whatever or like yeah, they just like they pass through right through the actual and that's never gonna change you can't fix that That's just there. Yeah We're just working around it Yeah, yeah, that's a bad one. It's like somebody just put a post in a building right in front of the stage

Yeah, sorry. That's just necessary for this for this building if you want this design to work We're just to have a big ball out that stands in the way of everybody's vision. Exactly. Andy, I'm going to look at how many sketch ideas we have here. All right. Can we have got two, three, four, five, six, seven? So I think that that's probably enough. Then they're all good. They're pretty good. Um, any, well then if you're okay

with it, I could go to the section that are called three words from a listener where we take three words from a listener and then we read out the three words from that listener. Okay, I won't care that. This comes from listeners who can send us three words after they support a Patreon. And then we take those words and we read them out. Today's listener comes from KC Pearson. KC Pearson. KC Pearson person. The KC person.

Said in three words today. Would you like to guess what maybe the first second or third is? First word is discharging. I see, I feel like you could have got this, but no, you didn't. This word is very gettable. This one you could have got. This feels like it's in your language, trussle. Trussle, okay, wrestle. The second word is wrestle. Tristle, wrestle. No flower. Oh, you are.

Tristle, flower. Tristle, flower. My goodness. Tristle, power. flower. Oh my goodness. Ressel power. Tresil flower. Ipswich. Ipswich.

Yeah, Ipswich. I'm sorry, it is. No, it's the word is head. Tresil flower head. Head. Is that, is that anything? Is that a riff? Is that a riff on something? I don't know, I don't know if it's a riff on a thing.

I think they're truly random words. I think sometimes it can just be random words, and I think that that takes us back to our roots. No, it's first, the first flower head that comes to mind for me is Be drinking a headhunting tribe of some sort or a you know culture It doesn't have to be a tribe. It could be modern day headhunting people You know and you think about all the kind of uses for heads that you could get out of it because

You know obviously you could just build a wall where the heads are the bricks. Sure. Well, you could like, you could, you know, open it up, get the brain out, dry it out, grind it up, make some bread, which probably would look that dissimilar from a brain. Brain bread. Brain bread. Yes.

And now that's exciting. You know, but a whole culture in which they're their only natural resource is the heads of their enemies or their, you know, fire. Yeah, yeah. Every person might be specialized. You might maybe have a lip guy. Is this a dare I suggest, Alistair? That this could be one of our famous

riffs on the Steampunk universe. This is a new one. Head punk. This is head punk. Everything's heads. It's all done with heads. So this is if, you know, Steampunk takes the idea of what if the industrial revolution

never progressed beyond the use of steam as the primary mode of generating and transferring power, right? But we go further back and we say what if the society had never progressed beyond the head hunting thing. And now, as all our materials, we never had the bronze age, the stone age, we just had the head age that we had for so long. But you know what? I think the fact that at first they could still have the progressions where at first they

had like the nose age. Everybody was using noses as weapons. And then maybe they would have like they discovered that you could actually take the whole face off. And maybe they'd strap it to their arm and use it as a shield. And maybe they'd throw the ears,

like throwing the ninja stars. Yeah. That kind of stuff. And then maybe they'd learn that they could use the hairs. The hair on top has a big clothes out of it, like fur. It's pretty advanced, actually. It's pretty good. Yeah.

And then eventually they would move in, of course, into the skull age, or maybe the jaw age, where they would use the jaw to hit. Teeth to cut. Yes. Yeah. Eventually the skull age when they go deeper into each head. Maybe at first they only could eat. They only they didn't realize you could keep going deeper. Well, it's like when we discovered that there was coal and oil under the ground. It's when they discovered there were things inside the head. They never would have dreamed of that.

Till they, one day, they pissed the skull and a geyser of blood squirted out, and they danced around, say, we've struck red gold. That's right, yeah. And then they would dry it out, of course, and then grind it up and to finally make the bread for which all their children were so hungry.

They'd been asking for it for thousands of years. Bread, bread, bread. We don't know what it is. We don't know what it is. Yeah, but then they never did anything with the rest of the body. But then they never did anything with the rest of the body. They just stoned their heads. They use every part of the head. Every part of the head, if it's not. Yes. But it's hard not to think of the brain as being like some special thing

because you're kind of opening a chest. You know, it's like opening up a coconut and there's like a, you know, inside must be valuable. Indeed. That's why they juicy goodness within. I mean, you know, humans up until now have only used 10% of their brains, not so their headhunters. So you use the whole brain for bread. Yes, they do a lot of the whole bread. For bread. Yes, all bread. A lot of bread. A lot of bread. Whole bread bread.

They do let a lot of the liquid evaporate, actually. Do you think, if you were really thirsty, you could squeeze a brain and just let the juice go into your mouth and keep you... I can almost imagine what it tastes like. Oh, I'm hating this. Oh, Andy, today on the Discord, people were like, when I say something really horrifying, you normally go, yes, that's a very good alistair,

like that. Do I? Yeah, everybody made it very clear, you're very supportive of me. Oh, let's not. And I say, even the most horrifying things, you go, yes, I will say, we're it very clear. You're very supportive of me. Oh, well, that's not. And I say that you even the most horrifying things, you go, yes, I will say, write that down. That's very good.

I don't know if that's the thing I do, but I'll write. I did. And look, it might not be so much supportive as ready to get off from the doing the fuck. Yeah, sure. You know, there's not. Let's draw a line under that. If you write, if I let him write it down, it means we can move on.

You know, it is nothing that we, there's nothing that we enjoy so much in our lives that we don't want it to end soon. That's right. Every little bit. Alistair, I believe that might be a, that's podcast. That's been podcast. That will be the podcast. So do you mind if I go through the sketch ideas? Yes, please. Well, we have the business candle, which of course we now know is little skyscrapers. But within that idea was also the business hot shake, which is the the hand candle shake,

where it burns down. It's between a boss and a challenging alpha. But I also do like the idea of two people in a business situation shaking hands and they're having a great time with it. And one of them says to the other, what do you say? We turn this into a hot shake. And the other person is like, what's that? You're like, oh, you don't do hot shakes. And then somebody brings over the big jug of boiling wax

and they pour it over their hands and then they slip in the candle and they're like, whoa, hot shakes, yeah. Everybody's having a great time. Yeah, I don't think that's really good. And then within that, there was also the riding each other like bulls, which was also called a hot shake. But we're the, we're the,

we're the other like bulls and whoever could ride the other one for longer is the new boss. Then we have the glory. What about this? This is just like using that idea, but this is a new thing. This is a Brodo, right? And it's where mates get together with their mates

and they ride on each other's back like their horses right and try and throw each other off. And it's not sexual in any way unless you want it to be. Yeah, unless it's fine. But the one that we're airing on TV is for a family audience. Brody. Brody. Thank you. And we have the chlorine and pool technology trade show organizing board, which is strong army countries into building new buildings.

And enormous white elephants. Yeah. Then we have the up and down swimming race in the corners of skyscrapers. Of course. You know, I mean, I wonder because I think a lot of those like deep diving people, I'm not saying that they don't already race, but it feels like they treat it with respect to whatever this deep diving thing that it's like more of a spiritual, spiritual and it's more of like a... Not anymore. Now it's big business. Now it's big business. Yeah.

And that's why we keep it in one of those business buildings. Then we got the whiteboard marker with a mask and a decoy marker so that you can smell everyone without shame. Then we have the creative bone in the body. No one has one. I think there's something can be made up with that, but we haven't expanded on it, but I think it's a very good crux of an idea.

Then we have the feel, no evil, feel, no evil film. But we've got the scene, which is the guy replaces his accidentally scooped out eyes with boiled eggs and draws eyes on the egg balls. My egg balls, baby. And then we've got proteo. No, wait, no, then we got rich guy who buys NBA and makes every one, let him win. And yeah, and then we have a head punk, which is the modern day hunting a head hunting society with only heads

as a natural resource. And then we have of course, the brodo. I was really happy with that one actually. Yeah, me too. Thank you for allowing us to put our sounds or voices into one of the holes in your skulls. One of the 85. Yeah, God, I really lost that pretty bad today. into one of the holes in your skulls. One of the 85. Yeah, God, I really lost that pretty bad today. Well, you were the one who set the prices right rules, and you should have gone higher than me.

You should have. It would have been a funny payoff after you'd mocked me for choosing the number eight. You should have just gone nine. And then you were just like, I thought you were gonna absolutely play me by just, because you knew I was gonna pick one. So I thought, I thought you were just gonna pick two, yeah.

Okay, I was nothing I could do. He's got me over a barrel. Yeah, I do anything to plug, we got nothing to plug. Nothing to plug. You can always check out Magma and teleport. My client is innocent on YouTube. That would be wonderful. You don't really have to do any that. You can just get on with your life. Yeah. Thank you for, you know, we're all trying to get on to this, not a blue sky. So just, even if it's just send us an invite.

Send us an invite. Yeah. Have you been on gaming game lately, Alistair? I was a little while ago. Yeah, maybe two weeks ago actually. I was on gaming games. So go check out the gaming game. I was on with Ben Russell and Naomi Higgins. Oh, yeah. Go and see that. Oh my gosh. Sounds good. I'll be learning nice. Any of you better than me? No. Okay.

No. But I'm thinking about going on things. Yeah, great. I think that would be really nice. I think you're really good on things. Watch the space. Thanks, man. I love you on this podcast.

Have I ever told you that? No, I love you on this podcast. Really? Yeah. You know, we should do an episode together. We should do fun there. Yeah. Well, that's cool.

All right. Well, I love that. My favorite episodes of this one, podcast of the ones where we're both on it. Yeah, okay, well that's great. I love those two actually. Well, watch this space. We're listening to this space. We love you on this podcast. Oh, this podcast. Thank you, bye. This episode is brought to you by Progressive. Most of you aren't just listening right now. You're driving, cleaning, and even exercising. But what if you could be saving money by switching to Progressive?

Drivers who save by switching save nearly $750 on average, and auto-customers qualify for an average of seven discounts. Multitask right now. Quote today at Progressive.com. Progressive casualty and trans company and affiliates, National Average 12 Month Savings of $744 by New Customer Surveyed, who saved with progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential Savings will vary. Discount is not available in all safe and situations.

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