Two In The Think Tank - 396 - "BATCH OF BAD ART"

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Progressive Bigot, Cockshadow/Laser Sun, Psych Podcast Seinfeld, Everything Seinfeld All At Once, Bad Art, Best Before Art, Roofie Parental Confrontation, Martin and Marge Roofie, Living in my Bugatti, Aphid Milkers, Noire?? Really???Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereEverpologies to George for my shoddy editing on this podcast. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

It's hockey season, and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything. So, no, you can't get an ice rink on Uber Eats. But iced tea, ice cream, or just plain old ice? Yes, we deliver those. Gold tenders, no. But chicken tenders, yes. Because those are groceries, and we deliver those, too.

Along with your favorite restaurant food, alcohol, and other everyday essentials. Order Uber Eats now. For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Hello and welcome to Turing the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm...

Dad! I'm Dad. And I'm also Dad. And together, we're... We're Dad and Dad. Dad and Dad. I was going to say two dads. Two dads. That's got other meanings.

Together we're Dads. And together we are pluralized. Dad plural. A single person can never be plural. This is my impersonation of a progressive bigot on International Women's Day. Okay? You ready? Yeah, but when's International Non-Binary Person's Day? I think there is a day for that. I know. I know.

But that is, is it a man bigot or is it a non-binary bigot? I have a feeling it's still probably a heterosexual male. Yeah. Man. Yeah. But, yeah, but, you know, I think their heart's in the right place. Is there a non-bigotry? Is that a thing? I a non-bigotry? Is that a thing?

I'm non-bigotry. I'm non-bigotry. Yeah, but that's just... Let's see. It's when you are a bigot, but you... You refuse to be bigoted against any particular side. No, but you don't... You're not allowed...

You feel like you're actually... You identify as somebody who can't be called bigoted. Oh, that's really great. Yeah, women always think I'm bigoted. Especially them. And actually, I'm not. I'm non-bigoted. Non-biggery. Non actually I'm not. I'm non-bigoted. Non-biggery.

Non-bigotry. Non-bigotry. Women always wrongly identify me as bigoted. They mis-agenda me. They think I have a bigoted agenda. They mis-agenda me. Yeah, that's it. You found a way to make it actually fit.

Do you think this is right-downable? I think it's right-downable. I think a progressive bigot is... Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, it's a broad enough term that it's very difficult to argue that it's not a sketch idea. It's so ill-defined. We've provided so little detail.

I mean, if this was a 100th episode, if this was a 100th episode, I would absolutely write it down no matter what. I think I would have forced you to write down four or five different ideas within this one, nested ideas. Yeah. This isn't just an idea, this is a whole universe.

The, the, that's a sketch idea. Cinematic universe of ideas. Oh, I just saw a fly, that's a sketch idea. Alistair, why would you, why would you sort of even muddy the pool? Or why would you even start to suggest that these things might not be sketch ideas?

We're so close to episode 400. Andy, I know, but we're not there. No, we need to be doing everything we can. And one of the satisfying things of listening back to these fucking idiotic ideas to this thing is that you go, well, at least they are ideas. Because what's the point? What's the point of doing it if we're going to come up with 400 non-ideas? You know what I mean?

Oh, they sat there and they just didn't come up with ideas. And they wrote things down that weren't ideas. They sat there and they didn't come up with ideas but the ideas they didn't come up with there were 400 of them. Yeah. The things that they came up with. I mean it's crazy to think

that it'd be possible to come up with something that isn't an idea. But it's the sketch nature of the idea. It's the crucial distinction, right? Alright. Did you go to a beach today? Sorry, you had an idea.

Why did you say that? What made you say that? I saw a photograph of you on a beach. Ah. Very interesting. Alistair. Your reasoning, very sound. Your conclusion, accurate. But unfortunately, the photograph that you saw of me at a beach was not me at the beach that I went to today.

That was me at a different beach that I went to previously. Well, you must have looked horrible today. They couldn't post the photo of you from today's beach visit. I mean, I'm not convinced that I looked all that good at the beach visit that you did see the photograph of. Well, I'm not sure if the... I'm not saying you did look good in that photograph. What I am saying is that the one from today looked worse.

I don't recall what you looked like, but my memory of it is that you looked like a silhouette. So there's a chance that... That's my best look right now. Yeah. Yeah. I think the silhouette look, that could be a good, exciting, new...

Silhouette-wet-wet in the beach. I had a silhouette dream. Let's not pursue that one. Is that when you cover black stuff while you sleep? But it's all shadow. It sounds like a joke, but actually it's a terrible thing. He's ejaculated a shadow. And now the shadow follows his crotch around.

Oh, no. It's a total eclipse. Total eclipse of the crotch. The crotch. Oh, imagine that, though. If you had, like... Do you think that there's a way? Like, what would that be if you just had...

If you just had, like, hovering shadow over an area? Well, that would be a cock block situation, wouldn't it? It would be, yes, but only cock light block. It wouldn't block the whole cock, would it? Unless you couldn't get through the shadow. If you could somehow achieve that and you could have a hovering crotch shadow, would that allow you to go out naked into the world

while maintaining your decency and not exposing yourself. Have you got ass shadow too? Is it as thick as clothing? Is that how thick the shadow is? I don't know how thick the shadow is. Because when I look at a shadow often, I can see the pavement underneath. Well, but if it's a full eclipse,

like when the moon eclipses the sun, right? You can't see the moon, okay? And you can't see the sun. But I guess in that case, it's an object is in the way. There is a moon in the way, yeah. So really, we're just back to basically clothes, right? It's not just a shadow. It's not a cock eclipse.

Right, it's not just a shadow. It's not a cock eclipse. It would be good to be able to have that pure kind of shadow. When can you get a pure shadow? I suppose the reason you don't get a pure shadow and the reason that you can still see the pavement even when there's a shadow on the pavement, Alistair, to use your beautiful example, if you don't mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please, please, please. Is that the light is being reflected and refracted from different locations and bouncing. It's finding alternative pathways. That's what it is. My goodness, it is that. Onto the pavement, which is a silver pathway, right? But if you were in a situation where the... What would you have to have?

You'd have to have a really linear kind of light, like a laser light almost behind you that was cast in the shadows. Let's say that... So in a world where the sun emits only laser light. Oh, this is a great science fiction concept. Laser sun. Laser sun. Okay.

And you're in a world, in this world, shadows are pure darkness. And so wait, how are you, how are we, this is, you know, because it's such,

it's two such big concepts. It's a laser sun. And that's what's so great about it. It's a laser sun. And that's what's so great about it. It's a laser sun and a hovering cock-like shadow. I'm being hovered by a cock shadow. A shadow. Cock shadow. Cock shadow.

Yes. So is this cock shadow? Yes, so is this cock shadow, you think that it may be it's like an alien that's somehow trolling you from somewhere between the sun and your cock. They've sent out a drone or something like that. And all it does is it makes sure that your cock is never visible. This great and you're always trying to show it to people yeah potential beloveds and whenever you do the little alien blocks it out and it just looks like a patch of pure darkness and so the would-be lover yeah thinks that there's nothing there but an unspeakable void and you're like what do you think of this you don't you you think you're showing your your genitalia right your front

genital but um but it's not until because you wouldn't you wouldn't notice the the presence of the shadow you don't feel a shadow being cast upon you no of course not because you don't feel a shadow being cast upon you. No, of course not. Because you don't feel the sun. Well, you might not. Yeah, you might just feel a cold patch because of that nice warm laser sunlight. The laser sun. I mean, this is also a world in which there are no artificial sources of light. Yes, it would have to be day all the time.

It's day all the time. And maybe no indoors. There's day all the time. And I think all objects have got to be... And maybe no indoors. There's no indoors as well. Well, maybe there's indoors, but there's... Yeah, but there's no artificial light indoors. And so it's pitch dark inside. Exactly, right? And you say, maybe you're in the dark there,

in the darkness fondling with your beloved, and you say, you're going to want to get a look of this to them. Let's step outside. It's amazing that he's ever seen it. But I guess they probably... Yeah, well, the alien, I guess, knows when it's just you alone. Yeah. Also, he lets you see your own cock.

Yeah, I think so. I think so. And that's part of the prank right but you know what's good is that yeah all you have to have done this is a great sketch all that you have to have done is pissed off the alien once and then he programmed a dro a droid or a drone yeah to just do this and it's just an algorithm that he had to put in. He probably could voice do it. He'd go, droid, just block out the laser sunlight from this guy's cock. But what do you think that he would have done to piss off the alien?

You know? So I guess this is a multi-planetary kind of hub this planet sure you know maybe even a a base port you know maybe it's a you know galaxy hub it's the crossroads of um major trading routes this is the um the box hill the box hill of great great analogy yeah I can't think of a box hill actually being a great hub but but it does have that crossroads right on Alexander does have a cross would be big complicated crossroads yeah it does seem like Imagine being the person who designs a fucked crossroad. Anyway, let's not lose our focus.

What has pissed off this alien? Okay, so aliens come through. Because it doesn't have to be much. It could almost be a Seinfeld-style insult. Yeah. I thought of a great episode of Seinfeld the other day, right? Yeah. This is for modern Seinfeld, right? George discovers that his therapist has a podcast, okay,

where his therapist has been talking about George on the podcast, mocking George's things that he's revealed. Elaine, she has the same therapist, and she listens to the entire, she stays up all night, she's all frazzled, listening to the entire back catalogue of the podcast, and the therapist has never talked about Elaine on the podcast. And Elaine's really upset because she's been giving him gold, Jerry.

Gold, right? And I think ultimately somehow Jerry ends up going as a guest on the podcast, right, is invited on to talk about this. And then there's got to be something with Jerry's girlfriend, but I haven't worked out what that is yet. What do you reckon? Yeah, I really like it a lot. Right.

Yeah, I've written it down. Psych podcast Seinfeld app. um yeah i've written it down psych podcast seinfeld app um i mean you know we could i feel like you could have a show within a show that is a fake seinfeld that is never really real seinfeld it's like alien seinfeld or something like that that's a really good idea. Because I think it's a good touchstone that everybody's seen it. Everybody knows it. And it's almost its own format. Like we're writing trivia questions at the moment.

And they have said specifically don't write any Seinfeld questions because they are the, like they're like, you know, like we've had enough and they are like the, I can't remember what word they use, but they essentially like, it's like the meat and potatoes, but also the dead end of, of trivia questions. And also in the last day I saw that you wrote a Seinfeld question. Did I? Yeah. I'm not sure that I saw that that was the thing that we weren't allowed to write about, so there you go.

But thanks for bringing this up. No, no problem. Thanks for letting me know in this way. I was going to message you, and then I thought, well, Andy doesn't need to worry about this on his weekend. Yeah, it's definitely too late. I've already sent that shit in. But what they should do, I feel like Seinfeld should be in the,

they should release the source code to Seinfeld, like Elon did with Twitter or whatever. Banjo, sorry about my dog. And then we can all tinker with it and we can all make our own Seinfeld episodes at home. Yeah. Just by tweaking the source code slightly. Do you think you could make Seinfeld episodes

just by using your own family i mean if they release it let's say let's say they just release the rights yeah that's a really good idea and then do you think that anyone can make one like because this is a sketch in a way it's like they they release the rights to seinfeld into the public domain and suddenly you go to dinner at your family's house and your mom is suddenly is she's essentially jerry seinfeld and then your dad barges in through the door and he's kramer right and then your sister comes in and she's george and you come in and you start saying things and you realize that you're elaine and somehow not only is it and you realize that these people aren't doing this on purpose something has been released that you're actually you're you're stuck in some timeline

even though subconsciously or like conscious you're aware that you don't necessarily want to be saying these things like kind of like when you you know you feel yourself yelling at your kids and you're like why do i i don't care about this you know this actually doesn't matter and then suddenly you're going don't do it that's because of this and this because you've and you're like oh no i don't want to be saying this this doesn't matter but you're in a path there's just some kind of programming that's in your body that you didn't even consciously realize was there right but it's some sort of social thing that you've been indoctrinated into and now you're propagating it replicating it to the next generation yeah and in the same way that the seinfeld programming that's in all of us has been activated maybe by a code word maybe it's not

that the uh the intellectual property of was released into the released into the public domain. Maybe it leaked out into the public domain. Yeah, and then they just said that it was released so that it seemed like it was on purpose. But somehow it got into the water supply. Yeah, it was an actual lab leak. Yeah. yeah it was it was an actual lab leak yeah there was a there was a screenwriting um um lab in la that was doing right is that where the la and lab comes from that's right

and that we're doing some really advanced tests on science testing yeah audience testing and uh on you know because it's already such a a beloved show and they were trying to find ways if it could even get embedded in people's minds even more they'd managed to turn it into a liquid. Yeah, it didn't have to be a script anymore. Yeah. At the end, someone who was cleaning up unthinkingly poured the Seinfeld

liquid down the sink. They thought, it wouldn't be a problem if I just released this into the ocean. But it's like a forever chemical. And yeah, it got into the water cycle. And then you turn on the news

and the news is kind of doing a... It's kind of doing like a Seinfeld thing. Yeah, it's really good. Today on the news, Seinfeld has been released. You seen this? Is that Seinfeld? I don't know. Have we all seen this phenomenon? Everybody acting like they're Jerry Seinfeld.

Yeah, that's great. I had a dream last night, Alistair. Oh, me too. You revealed to me that you had a... Secret comedy podcast. Secret comedy project. Secret comedy project, yeah. Well, and I had a dream that I had a secret comedy project, right?

Oh, my God. And Beck Petratus and I were putting on a sketch show. Yeah. But it was the opening night and I hadn't learned or possibly written any of the sketches, right? And I was on stage just with a vague idea of what the sketch was supposed to be about, just fumbling through it and doing really, really badly.

And it was going so badly that I actually died. Oh, my God. I remember, like, as trying to improvise my way through these sketches in a really ungainly fashion, the audience all looking at me. And I remember sort of slowly slumping to the ground and the life force leaving my body. And I remember being dead. Wow, what was it like?

Well, it was just like this cold stillness, which is a bit, I don't know, a bit of a cliche, I'm afraid. Oh, how embarrassing. But the last thing that I saw was somebody, as I fell over, I knocked over somebody's chair and they were live streaming and Kurt Vonnegut was watching. So the last thing I saw as I died was Kurt Vonnegut was watching. So the last thing I saw as I died was Kurt Vonnegut's face

on this computer screen. But they were live streaming a Kurt. To Kurt Vonnegut. I guess he was like FaceTiming in to watch the show or something. And I remember I was lying there on the ground dead and i was looking at his face there or his computer screen was on the side and he was there looking me straight in the eye as i as i died and and i suppose in real life you you very much respect him yeah i really really do

and value his opinion on your work i've i've i've been reading an article recently about how many comedy writers regard him as being so important for his it's it's so funny because last night i had a dream where i died on stage no yeah because last night in my dream and it's so weird because i told otis this morning about my dream because i very rarely remember dreams but i was like it was like a cabaret kind of night burlesque kind of gig and and i was on and i kept hearing music start to play, and I was like, oh, I think I've got to be on, and I'd go out, and there'd be an audience there,

and it kind of looked a little bit like a black box kind of UCB theater or something like that. And I'd go out, and I'd be like, oh, there's nobody else out there. Like, no, there'd be an audience, but I'd be like, oh, I don't think I'm actually on, but then there'd be music, and so I'd start to, like, dance, and then I'd be like oh i don't think i'm actually on but then there'd be music and so i'd start to like dance and then i'd be like oh this is not going well and then i'd go backstage again and i go i don't think that was my time and then and then at some point where i definitely thought it was my turn i can't i went out and i was in a slight bit more of a costume and i started trying to

wiggle it was like i don't know what i was wearing but there was like more i was wearing some brass and i was went out and i started trying to like bounce it in funny ways and things like that and it wasn't working with the audience and then i and i went well there's no MC this is crazy why isn't there an MC and then my friend Pat Bircher was there and he and I was like what did you do did you do stand up and he goes yeah and I went

I should have done stand up I should have done stand up I mean, that's pretty good. I mean, is there a sort of a comedy version of stripping, right? Where you just show people various different funny bits of your body, right? And I'm not talking about puppetry of the penis, right? No, no. If you think of stand-up as being revealing things about your personality and your life, right?

I'm thinking of a stripping version of that where you just go up and you show people the funniest bits of your body right and they presumably laugh right and then like you know as a performer i guess you'd always be sort of trying to find new funny bits of your body right to show to the audience totally and you know whenever somebody discovered a new funny bit of the body all the other comics who all do the same kind of thing it'd be so devastating to be like ah the arsehole why didn't i think of that of course the arsehole yeah so so they're just finding regular bits of the body it's not like you have

bits of the body that are in some way um you know interesting in themselves like you've got a dimple on your butt cheek or something like that it's just um choosing which body part to show you go oh index finger no yeah no you're right i mean i think some people could have funnier bodies than and they would have unique, strange things about them that might make people laugh. This is nothing else to you. The stripping, but you just show... It's almost... Your idea is almost the hokey pokey,

but if it was a full performance, a comedy performance, It's almost, you know, your idea is almost the hokey pokey. Yeah. If it was a full performance, a comedy performance. Because the shaking it all about bit, I think that's the bit that would be funny. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Like if you could put one butt cheek in and then take one butt cheek out. Yeah.

And then shake it all about. I'm not sure what that's supposed to be. Did you know what the point of the Hokey Pokey is? Is it just a dance or is it sort of meaningful? Is it a political statement in some way? I don't know. You put one foot in, you put one foot out, you put one foot in, you shake it all about.

It doesn't feel very political to me. And's what i like about it i think i prefer my art to be non-political do you did you see this guy's list of um things that make good art some you know it was just the thing that went a bit viral of like some right-wing guy, right, basically being like, we all know that postmodernists, they're trying to make anything art, and they're trying to say that there's no difference between good art and bad art, which I don't think people are saying, but anyway.

Yeah. But let's say we are saying that, right? So he's come up with a list of 15 things that make something good art or the 15 differences between good art and bad art

right and and number one and like these are the kinds I always never know not sure

I'm never sure about these kinds of things whether the guys are like I'm going to put something out there that's deliberately bad and like makes me look like the biggest idiot possible so that it gets engagement and i grow my fan base or whatever it is yeah but like the the replies to this seem to be you know

there seem to be a lot of guys saying yeah man you're exactly right so i I don't know. But the first thing it said was about feelings, right? Good art makes you feel energized and powerful, but bad art makes you feel weird. Yeah. And I'm like, dude, And I'm like, dude, you could not have come up with a stupider opening concept that makes it like feels like you're doing self-parody or ridicule. Yeah. These guys who don't get anything.

Yeah. Good food tastes good, makes your tongue taste, feel good. Bad food makes your tongue feel tingly. I mean, but that seems way more valid. I know. What you just said. I know. The idea that like like i'm also like

i almost completely disagree surely making people feel weird is is the beginning thing for art to achieve yeah it's one of the the points is that it's like oh potentially it will make you feel feelings that you've never felt before? Yeah. Oh, I didn't like it. I went and looked at a whole lot of art and it made me feel weird. It must be bad art. Yuck. Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry to anyone who came to the gallery today. If you felt weird afterwards, we've just discovered that we had a batch of bad art in there. It should clear up after 24 hours. But please see a doctor if you continue to feel weird. I think there's a funny idea in the batch of bad art. Yeah, okay. Okay. that health authorities have released a warning or something after a gallery was found to have mistakenly been stocked with bad art or a batch of bad art.

And anyone who attended the Ravencroft Gallery between... We've just realised a bunch of this art had gone bad about three weeks ago, but we hadn't been told. We hadn't thrown it out. We hadn't been given an accurate best before date. Well, that is interesting. Should there be a best before date on art, now that we are in this

age of um you know cancel culture and um definitely not sorry i said definitely not no but i'm i'm i'm suggesting that it should be oh no no but you said you weren't suggesting, you were asking. And you gave me the power to answer and I made my answer. Well, I regret that. Yes. I'm saying there should be used by dates on all art, right? And if you get offended by a piece of art more than 10 years after it was released, right? Yeah.

Or whatever time, that's your fault for consuming it after the best before date. It feels like one of those kind of almost bullshit right-wing American things where they'd be like, we need to put best before dates, expiry dates on art, and we need to take expiry dates off of food. No one should be able to tell me when food is bad. I'll tell you when it's bad. Yeah, but would they say that? Because they also don't like the idea of revising old art, right?

They don't like the idea of going back to Roald Dahl's books or whatever and saying that these are... They don't like revising art that agrees with them. Yeah. Yeah. But if the art is in any way communist or something like that... Sure. Isn't it crazy how like have you seen Oppenheimer

no I haven't no but just like Americans are obsessed with communism they really are it's crazy well what you may you even at some point

entertain the idea of hanging out with communists. Yeah. And our constitution, which explicitly states that you're allowed to do that, like it's right up there at the top. Yeah. But I don't think any of them know what it means either, right? Sorry, I'm not saying not any of them, but a lot of them. None of them know.

Don't really understand what it is. I guess it's sort of, it's just another thing like saying woke or whatever. What about this? A country that is communist. Have you written down my, used by dates, best before dates on art? I've got batch of bad. Well, this is a different dates, best before dates on art idea, by the way. I've got batch of bad art. Well, this is a different concept. Best before dates on art.

I think it's a genuinely interesting idea. Yeah, right. And I don't think it's necessarily a right-wing point of view. I think it could have merit, and I haven't thought it through, because I only just thought of it now on the podcast. It would create more of a turnover on art no but i'm not saying that you can't have the art right the old art can still exist yeah right but it is like buying expired food if you look at it if you watch a film from the 80s or whatever you do so at your own risk of like there are going to be stuff in here that is

not going to be to everyone's taste you're right um yeah maybe that yeah no no i think you're right it's just um i mean i was i was thinking of it because i was trying to like you know extrapolate and i was trying to think of me because you Because all the galleries are filled with such old art. Yeah, I see what you're saying. And you'd be like, it'd be actually great for young artists if there was. You're right. I think it would be funny to see them going through the NGV

and chucking out all the Picassos because they're so old and they've gone bad. Yeah, maybe. And they're just in a skip out the back. Feeding them to pigs. You feed them to pigs or you show them to pigs? You put them in a skip out the back? Or do you

hang them up in pig stars? Yeah, we've exhibited them to pigs. These are only fit to be exhibited to swine. To swine. In this beautiful white room that the pigs are walking around. It's still a nice gallery, isn't it? It's still well presented. The Guggenheim Swine Gallery. Guggenheim already sounds like something. The Guggenheim Swine Gallery.

Guggenheim already sounds like something. The Guggen Swine. Thank you very much. Guggenheimer. That's Oppenheimer. I don't know why, but the first goo is G-O-O. Yeah. Yeah, I think so.

Doesn't help that much, but... Doesn't help. And it needs help. It needs a lot of help. I mean, I think the fucking... Do you get a lot of hippies, a lot of people dumpster diving and getting the art out of the bins and taking it back to their place? So they've got Guernica.

They've got the Weeping Woman up on the wall at their squat. Absolutely, yeah. Yeah, great. Are they getting sick off it yeah they're getting mental yeah they're getting fucking mental sickness they're getting mental salmonella or whatever it's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with uber eats well almost almost anything so no you can't get snowballs on uber eats but meatballs mozzarella balls and arancini balls yes we deliver those moose no but moose head yes because that's alcohol and we deliver that too along with your favorite restaurant food

groceries and other everyday essentials order uber eats now for alcohol you must be legal drinking age please enjoy responsibly product availability varies by region see app for details what would be like what is an example of your brain vomiting like a mental illness like the vomiting version of of mental illness you know i mean it's vomiting version of his like but it has to not be something has to come out something has to come out like i guess mania now mania is kind of a a thing where you kind of start to you know you what is it is it called pressured speech it's a thing to look for, you know, when somebody starts to go into a mania.

I think it's called pressured speech when you start speaking more quickly. Right. And let's see. Pressured speech is often a sign of mania or hypomania. That's when your energy levels or mood is very high and it's linked to bipolar disorder.

Right. Well, we already have the concept of verbal diarrhea. Right. So, I mean, do we want to utilize that here? Verbal vomit? Yeah, I don't know. It'd be good. It'd just be like something that you, like, something that you had absorbed

earlier, probably like bad art, ends up coming out and then is no longer in your mind. Does it come out as criticism? Does it come out as an essay? But if it comes out as something that is suddenly, it's no longer in your memories after that. Right. I see. You sort of purged it all out in this sort of frenzy like how um it's it's probably stephen king wrote the uh kujo yeah he doesn't remember how it happened i don't think he remembers

writing it um yeah i think yeah it's it's probably just some like you know it's some blackout situation you get the memories out it's probably you know it probably is just like roofies or something like that but i don't know if it's like a you know you know the brain can release endorphins at some point it can release a roofie yeah oh that's good you know a self-roofy A self-roofying scenario You know, the brain actually secretes roofies It's actually a very natural chemical

That's why I take it every day I microdose roofies so I don't remember any of my life What would that do if you just if you if you micro-dosed roofies every day so that it's not that i mean it's i guess it would allow you to have but you want it below the psychoactive area but like instead of giving you a spring in your step or whatever they say, you know, microdosing, LSD does or whatever, this would give you a bit of a, like, it would make you feel, like, very relaxed and unconscious. I mean, I think the risk with microdosing roofies is that you would forget how much you had taken. Or you would forget that you'd already taken your dose of roofie.

You say, look, I was going to start microdosing roofies today, but I went to get it out of the cupboard and it's all gone. Somebody's taken it. Somebody's taken all my roofies And it turns out it's just your brother or something like that And it's just It's just an awful situation Yeah What would be a good reason to roofie your parents?

Not your parents and parents Let's see Elder abuse? I suppose it is elder abuse, but like, but imagine like roofing your parents so that you could have like a, like I guess if you had never had

a loving experience with your parents and you, you were like. What about if you just wanted to tell them exactly what you really, you wanted to unload all of your, you know, unburden yourself of all of your you know unburden yourself

of all of your childhood um hang-ups and everything that you want to blame them for and be angry about maybe they'd consent to this right maybe this would be a new kind of therapy because your parents are often very like they're they're very sorry about interrupting but they're often uh you know they don't want to be blamed for all your problems and that kind of stuff like that. And so they're resistant. And you say, well, we've come up with this new form of therapy where I give you a roofie, each of you, and then I tell you everything. So I feel like I've told you. I get to get it out it's a bit of a a mental um

what was the thing we were just talking about it's essentially a mental vomit yeah and then so you aren't you dump all of that on them and then the next day they've forgotten everything but you've you're you're walking a little bit lighter in your shoes. I think it's a funny idea. I think it's a great thing to put into a fucked up sitcom, right? The idea that somebody wants to confront their parents about something, but they can't bear then continuing to have a relationship with their parents with the knowledge of what they've confronted them with. with their parents with the knowledge of what they've confronted them with and they uh and so they they slip a roofie into their parents apple pie or whatever get it all out after dinner and

then the next day the parents don't remember anything either that or somebody um accidentally roofies their parents right on the day that they're planning to um come out to them i guess they go through this whole thing big emotional thing it worked it's all great it was very painful but it all happens and then the parents forget it all and they have to do it all again sure also they accidentally roofie their parents before revealing something important. That's funny. Yeah. Roofie before... Oops, sorry, my page is bent over. Important confrontation or revelation.

And so have to do it again. or revelation. Calm. And so have to do it again. Yeah. All over again. But I think I also like the idea of just doing it like where they also agree because... Yeah, yeah. I think it is funny where they also agree and they're like,

you know, they need to get it out. And we don't really want to hear it. Yeah, you're right. That is funny. Maybe the parents deliberately take the roofie without telling the child. They're like, oh, no no we want to know yeah tell us everything we can handle it and we're going to be all right with it what did you guys just take nothing tell us all your problems we care

but we promise this also we promise this won't change the way we treat you. At all. Wink, wink. That's funny. It'll be like you never said it at all. That's funny. I mean, what if you found out that someone in your life had been taking a roofie before every time they catch up with you, right? And you only notice because they only refer back to one experience that you had together in high school or something?

Yeah. But I guess they really don't like you, but they want to continue maintaining the connection for some reason. They can't bear to break off the friendship. They don't want to be the person who does that. But they also don't want to know anything about you. They don't want to have anything about you occupying space in their head. I guess they loathe you this is like a there's a whole series in this like you know like i mean as in in the whole series you

just see innovative ways in which people are using roofies in everyday life i think i think that is great i think maybe it's the Roofie Corporation has produced this, a short instructional film, right? With a series of vignettes showing the ways... The Roofie Corporation. Which roofies could be used. That aren't so, you know,

I mean, they're a family company. I think that the founder is probably devastated about the bad connotations that their product has had. Of course, yeah. And they're trying to... Marge Roofie. Yeah. They're actually...

Yeah, they're probably devastated by the ways that the chemical has usually been used. And they were just a family business that were started on a farm and they would mill up the roofie plant. The roofie root. They were just roofie. Yeah, the roofie root.

They would just, you know, they would grow and grind it. For generations. Used to just be impressed with sawdust or whatever. Over time Some say the secret ingredient is the love. The active ingredient

is the care. The thing that holds the pill together is love. But actually later on it became just sort of regular pill bonding. Agent. Yeah. What is that?

What are pills made out of? What is that stuff? Marzipan? No, I don't think it has to do. It's food. No? A lot of it tastes very chemically. Yes, as we've discussed on a couple of recent podcasts apparently god do we take a roofie before each episode because i do

i feel like not remember episodes are roofies for us but that's good that's good alist's good, Alistair. Surely we've got five ideas of some kind. There's five ideas here. I just need to go and get this other idea. But in the meantime, I texted my friend, RIP King, because Mohammed Al-Fayed passed away and I had a very

vivid memory of my friend laughing at this and I didn't know who it was but my friend laughed at the Ali G thing about Mohammed Al-Fayed being on there and he seemed to know who Mohammed Al-Fayed being on there.

And he seemed to know who Mohammed Al-Fayed was at the time. And I did not. But I mentioned it to him and he was like, Mohammed Al-Fayed was on there. And so I texted him RIP King and a link to when he was rapping. Yep. And he was like,

oh my God, I thought Sacha Baron Cohen had died because of this. Anyway. Do you think that if you, if Sacha Baron Cohen did die, you'd be texting links to his work on the Ali G show saying RIP King to your friends?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah, of the Mohammed Al-Fayed. They call him Mohammed Al-Fayed. Is that right? That's how it went, right? I think so, yeah. Al-Fayed. Yeah, that was the whole thing.

Okay, so today... Oh my God, my brain is not functioning. I'm just trying to think. It's Brayden. Brayden sent in three words today. Do you want to, should we do three words from a listener? Yeah, I think that's a great idea. I think it's an exciting new segment.

Well, it's because Brayden sent it in through the Discord and then his name's not Brayden through the Discord. So then I have to remember names, you know. I think his name is Dick on the Discord. So then I have to remember names, you know. I think his name is Dick on the Discord. Is that right? I think now it's Notashark. Oh, right. Okay, that's great.

Yeah. So, here we go. Okay, wait. Three words for you, good sir. Okay, are you ready? This feels like you're filling, but yeah, I am ready. Yeah, okay. What, are you ready? This feels like you're filling, but yeah, I am ready. Okay, what's the first word?

Can you want to guess what the first word is? Snooty. Wrong. Snooty. Almost. Wrong, wrong, wrong. May have no letters even at all.

Almost no may have no letters even at all in common. Almost no conceptual links to this. Tepid is the first word. Is this the most wrong I've ever been? It could be. Tepid. Tepid. Okay. Okay.

The second word. Okay. Hang on. Tepid. Okay. T second word. Okay, hang on. Tepid. Okay, tepid. So tepid means mild temperature, just like inoffensive kind of temperature. So what's the thing that would either be? Okay, tepid superconductor.

Oh, you are on a terrible path, Andy. Tepid aphid. Tepid, aphid. Tepid, aphid. You know what? That was my first instinct was to go with the eared thing. So I was going to go vapid was going to be my first guess. Yeah. So is it tepid, aphid, vapid?

Andy, it is tepid, aphid, atrocious. Much like your guesses. That's really fucked up what you just did there, Brayden. Well, I don't think it is. That's sick. It is sick. Wow. Okay, let's see.

Tepid aphid, atrocious. So aphids, obviously, are those little bugs. Yeah. They crawl over your crops, right? Your tomatoes and stuff. Oh, yeah. And they eat the shoots. They're always kind of an interesting shape. They're kind of like a...

They've got big butts, right? Well, or do their butts come to a point? Oh, maybe that's true, yeah. Because it kind of feels like they're like a squared-off heart shape. Hmm. Interesting. I could be wrong. Yeah, but are they also the ones that produce that milk that those ants farm?

Oh, I think that could be possible, yeah. Oh, they're a horrible bug. I don't like looking at them. Have we experimented with that milk? I mean, you think about ants and what they're able to achieve and how much stronger they are relative to their body mass.

It could be like spinach to Popeye. Yeah, it could be like... I think we could get bodybuilders. Conceivably, we could get bodybuilders. If they're already drinking colostrum or whatever, and if they're possibly interested in royal jelly, we're going to get them onto aphid milk. You think the ant is relative to it.

It can lift 20 times its own body mass or whatever. That's what we're going to sell. Yeah, I mean, and get it as an option for your coffee. Yeah, great. And I think we're going to be... I think one of the things that the guy, the analogies that one of the guys made in his art thing was talking about good art is like a bulletproof coffee. Anyway.

Oh, my God. Those people, they're on such a weird level. Like, I saw one the other day, and it was one of these kinds of guys, right? And it's three guys, and I think they were trying to say, they were in a video, and they were trying to say, like, we should shame women for, like, having sex with lots of people, right? And, you know, like, let's say you're, like, a quality man. You got a nice watch. You've got a Bugatti.

And that straight away, just the idea, that's their version of what a quality man is. There's two possessions that they own that makes them a quality man. You could be born a quality man. Yeah. Is this anything? Times have been tough recently. I've had to be living out of my Bugatti.

I'm showing guys my watch in the street for 50 bucks. Even that works as an investment. Isn't that crazy? What do you mean? Like, like the idea that,

I guess that the, you know, you're, the idea is that you would be showing your dick to people for five bucks. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.

But like the idea that your watch still, you know, it still works as an investment even when you're poor, super poor. Oh, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, what were we talking about?

I mean, that's fun. That's a really good way of living out of your... Oh, sure. Doing it tough. Tough living. Bugatic. That's when you have an extra room above your Bugatti. Bugatti that's when you have an extra room above your Bugatti

it's the area between the ceiling of the Bugatti and the roof coming to the Bugatti I wanted to I wanted to suggest that if we are milking aphids and selling it to bodybuilders it would be

great to have a scene of aphid ranches right and i guess they're riding their horses around their aphid um a herd right billions and billions of swarming aphids but you can't see any of them obviously yeah right but they're they But they're cracking their whips. And then maybe they're also, they see a spot an injured aphid somewhere in the herd, and they have to lasso it, right? Truss it up, right? Bring it into the compound. Yeah.

Sorry, if there's an injured one, it attracts ladybugs. And I've lost enough stock to those bastards. Yeah, that's really good. Ladybugs, all dead ladybugs tied up to the fence line. Yeah. Hanging. Yeah, he's got a ladybug tail on the back of his hat.

He's got a big what? Oh yeah. A set of ladybug testicles hanging at the back of his pickup truck. Yeah. You can't say him, but... Is there... I don't know why I'm thinking this, but...

You know how people refer to breasts as milkers? Is that a thing? I have heard that, yes. I think that's another bit of a right-wing thing, maybe. Big mommy milkers, maybe? But I don't know why, but it's just... Her bra's filled with aphids and they're producing milk

and she's just going to squeeze them sorry I got a pump I guess this is like a right wing person's idea of what a left wing person would do is it? idea of what a left-wing person would do.

Is it? Yeah. You know, because often they go on about like, they're going to make us eat bugs. Oh, sure. All their breasts, their bras are filled with aphids. They're going to milk them and feed it to your young. You know what I was going to do?

I was going to do this episode as a character. I was like, oh, we've only got a few. I was like, I thought we've only got a few episodes left before the end of the season three. Up to four or five or something like that, depending on how long it takes us before we actually get to the yeah 400 episodes i thought maybe i could start doing them as characters i make it i make a split decision in the first few seconds of the episode who i'm gonna be wow you know i thought that would really mix, you know, shake things up. Yeah, that's great. I remember on the second episode ever of Two in the Think Tank, I said,

I was thinking about bringing in some notes. And you said, no, we're not going to do that. Oh, yeah. You can't bring in notes. But you can just do an episode as a character but a note sounds pre-prepared yeah well it's just gonna be some prompts you know some things i thought might be something no but i don't think that you doing the episode as a character is more of a deviation from the format than me having a couple of notes of ideas.

I mean, the whole thing that we've been saying the whole time is you've got to come up with your ideas on pod. Well, this was only in episode two. You already had such a firm idea of what you wanted the podcast to be. I mean, I didn't want... We've never done that. We've never done that. The idea that we would create homework seemed insane. Like, why would you want to do that and create a precedent?

I had to shut it down, Andy. Yeah. You can't go creating precedents. You were going crazy with just like the... You were on the high from the first episode. We probably tried to record the second episode right after high from the first episode. We probably tried to record the second episode right after we recorded the first episode. You're like, yeah, that's it.

I'm going to do heaps of work. I'm going to bring in notes. I'm going to have paragraphs. It was heady days. It was a real gold rush, real idea rush. Two episodes a week for the first couple of months, I think. Yeah. And then five years off.

Alice, yeah. Did we? Yeah. Should I just take a look? Have we come up with Brayden's idea? Yeah, absolutely. Was it the Aphid Milkers? Yeah.

The Aphid Farmers, I think. Aphid Farmers. Yeah. The aphid farmers, I think. Aphid farmers. I'll just write it down properly. Aphid farmers. Because you don't want it to be the big breasts that are filled with aphids, right? Well, to me, that didn't feel like it has clear an idea. And I'm sorry to say that, Alistair. I know.

I know. But, like, I don't have much, Andy. You understand. I'm not taking it away from you. I know. But you also understand that I think that ideas that don't have much are actually more. They have more than the ideas that have a lot. I feel like you feel like that about your ideas that

don't have much no that's true i feel like you feel like my ideas that don't have much what was your idea a lot less yeah yeah what was your idea i know but i don't have much you gotta understand that about my ideas you have lots of ideas so have to have a higher standard for you. Very often, when you ask me to elaborate on an idea, it does turn out that there's not a lot there. Yeah, sure. Whereas often when I ask

you to elaborate on an idea, there is a lot there. It might not make sense, but there is a lot there. Alright, well look, Braden, I hope that we whole universe attached to it. Alright. Well look Brayden I hope that we we didn't do you wrong.

Didn't do you dirty. I hope we didn't do you dirty Dayton. Dirty Dayton. Didn't do you dirty Dayton. Alright well here's the sketch ideas for today.

We got the progressive bigot Wenz oh no what's this? When's rotten millennial? When's international non-binary day? It looks like rotten millennial non-binary day. How I've written it. Then we got cock shadowadow on Laser Sun Planet.

I love these high concept ideas. Yeah, that's one of my favorites. Then we got Psych Podcast Seinfeld App. Yeah, great. Yeah, and then we have the the rights of Seinfeld are released and everyone can't help but start doing it involuntarily there's a you know there's an la leak i think the idea of like everybody's

doing seinfelds maybe not in like a um in that same toxic contagious kind of way but the idea that like doing a seinfeld right becomes it becomes its own genre almost like horror or fantasy or whatever there's the seinfeld genre you know the one that doesn't go to small towns and you gotta like oh you gotta go to this town they do the best seinfeld there right you know which genre doesn't feel like it belongs in the genres? Is the noir genre. Yeah. That feels like that's a Seinfeld thing. You mean just like it's a detective movie and it's not well lit?

It doesn't feel like it's a whole genre. It seems like a lighting state at best. A lot of the other ones are based around an emotion. Sure. It's like, oh, comedy. Drama. Horror. you know horror

and then they go a detective with like Venetian blind shadows on his face is that a full thing is that a is that a full genre

I think that's really funny alright so wait what's the other more episode? Then we got Batch of Bad Art. Then we got Apology from the Gallery. Then we got Best Before Dates on Art. It's only

fit to be exhibited to pigs. The other thing about noir, is there anything else to it? I guess a lot of women get slapped. Is that what happens? Yeah, they slap. I feel like that happens a lot in noir.

Yeah, right. I still don't think that quite counts as a genre. This guy's a real alcoholic. Again. Yeah. Then we got roofing your parents so you can tell them they,

they, something like that. They feel important stuff. Important stuff. Then we also got alternatives of this, which is accidental roofing before telling them something important

or your parents finding out that your parents roofied themselves when you, when they knew that they were going to get told something yeah just the idea that your parents turns out your parents have been roofing themselves before they every time they see you yeah every catch-up because we just think you're going to blame us because you're so fucked up. Also, we're kind of embarrassed by your behavior and you seem like a failure. We'd rather remember you as you were as a kid with all that potential.

Yeah, that's funny when you're, because people often say that about somebody on their deathbed or when they've got dementia or something like that. It's like as soon as you turned 18, we started roofing ourselves. And we got Martin and Marge Roofie, who run the family business. Then we've got I'm Doing It Tough, I'm Having to Sleep in My Bugatti. Then we got the- Seems like a good rap, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, because it's both a brag and a complaint. We got the Aphid Farmers. Then we got the Aphid Milkers. And then we got the... You be the judge. Is not enough of a genre. Not of a genre.

So I think that's it, Andy. We did it. You be the judge. Okay. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Ch-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka. Ch-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka. Ch-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka.

Was that a bit of Rolf Harris-ing? Oh, I don't really know Rolf Harris, but there's a possibility. Yeah, if he's doing the kind of monkey breathing in and out sound. The weird kind of breathing thing, yeah. Yeah, it's just in and out breathing whilst making sound. I suppose that's okay. Yeah.

I don't think he'd get over that. I wasn't doing any kind of illegal sex stuff. Okay. If that's what you were asking. It wasn't, but it's good to know. All right. Thank you, everybody. Alistair, do you have anything to plug?

You know, you can check us out on Blue Sky. Hey, I'm on Blue Sky. What are you at? I think I'm Andy Matthews at Blue Sky Social. Whoa. Well, I'm Alistair TB. And you can still find us on Instagram. I was on threads for about a day and a half, and, I'm AlistairTB. And you can still find us on Instagram.

I was on threads for about a day and a half, and then I went, Jesus Christ. Do you think anybody's still on threads? I don't know. But I'm really optimistic about Blue Sky. Yeah. I'm feeling good about it. Yeah. I was about to tweet tweet to post something on Blue Sky

about like are we going to call these things skeets but people are already doing that people have already mentioned skeets yeah and re-skeet it's already out there

yeah great well that's fun I didn't have to say it get your skeets out winter skeets long cross country skeets I'm only following like five people skis. But I haven't... Cross-country skis.

I'm only following like five people and I haven't skied at anything yet. I want it to be really good. I want to have a good, consistent, high-quality presence on this. You know, it's a second chance. You get to start again. It is.

It's a do-over. You won't make the same mistakes you made on Twitter. Yeah. That's great, Andy. God forbid. All right. Well, everybody, thank you so much for listening. I hope you're well.

Don't forget that we're probably going to record the 400th episode on September, no, October 9th and 10th or 8th, 7th and 8th? 7th, I think. 7th. Yeah. Okay, October 9th and 10th or 8th, 7th and 8th? 7th, I think. 7th. Yeah. Okay, October 7th. Yeah. So look out for that.

Free the day or the night, depending on when you live. Free the day. Take care. Free the day. And we love you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. It's winter, and you can get

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