Two In The Think Tank - 400 - "400 Sketch Ideas" - Part 3

Episode Date: October 29, 2023

It continues to continue. Part 3 of Episode 400 of Two in the Think Tank. Words can't express our gratitude to: Evan and Bec and the team at Stupid Old Studios for setting this up. Friend of the show Ellie Durkin for the amazing background art. The courageous and kind guests who joined us at all hours. Stu, The Macaroni Prince himself for stepping in and editing this colossal audio file. Everyone who tuned into the live feed. And of course our beloveds for making it all possible.Thank you for listening. And thank the universe for being intelligible so that such a thing as listening is even possible; at least up until about hour 15.Watch the FULL VIDEO hereGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In the meantime, please welcome Lisa Dibb! Lisa, I mean, I noticed... Can I have either of these? You can sit anywhere. You can... Do whatever I'd like. You'll wield, if you would like. Okay, you might need to pull it in a little bit closer to you, because it's a bit of a gate, that one.

You're the only person that I've seen so far i glanced at the chat and somebody said when is lisa dibb gonna be so there's somebody out there who's been watching being like fucking hell when are they gonna get demo on my biggest fan yeah that person i wonder if it is also like it was you i think it was lisa dibb when am I on? Let me in. I don't remember. Thank you so much. I haven't actually been to this.

I realise now I haven't been to this studio. Really? Yeah, I haven't been here since it was the old one. Ah. Nice. Yeah, you like it? Yeah. It's big.

Is this mic okay? Yeah, yeah, it looks really good. Yeah, yeah, and there's been people who have been even way further away. You know? I'm going to just put some water in here with my residue olive oil and just have that. Oh, what's been happening? Do you want to sip the olive oil? No. No, that's cool.

What's been happening here? We picked some olives at David M. Green's house and then he turned it into olive oil. Oh, how wholesome. It was pretty awesome. Very wholesome. You pretty awesome and very wholesome very you know it's the kind of thing we do now we're uh we're sort of a salt of the earth kind of people now um yeah granola crystals yeah like do you think salt of the earth that sounds like you're sort of destroying the earth salting yeah salting the earth is that is that good or bad

why would you want to be the salt of the earth? I mean, it destroys communities. Yeah. Salination in Outback Australia is a really big issue. And is that because people are bringing salt in and putting it on? No, I don't think so. Is it because it's a former ocean? It's because it's a former ocean.

It's because it just doesn't go with whatever you're putting on it. Yeah. That's right. It's like more of a sweet. That's better for can. Like maybe saffron. Right. If they're growing, you know, potatoes, then the salt might be good.

Because the salt with the potatoes. Yeah, potatoes. Well, yeah, because salt of the earth is good. Salting the earth. Salting the earth is bad. But then how does anything grow in the ocean? That's a really good point. They should just grow seaweed on land.

They could do that. You put the seaweed in the ground, then you put a bag over the top and you fill it with salt water and you tie a little knot around the bottom and then you could have land seaweed. I think that's called weeds. Yeah, right. They should invent a land seaweed that's what i'm saying but then you would have something to fill up your green bin with you know think about this ad is your green bin always way too empty

lisa was so like she saw you like push past the veggie sausages. Oh, cold sausages. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they're not meat. What a depraved night. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I don't even... I can't...

I won't eat it in front of you. I'm sorry. I'll eat it in front of, you know... Show some decor and you're wearing ties. You're right. Yeah. I think I may have spilt a tiny bit of oil on me. You are dressed...

We dressed up for this episode. For this one, yeah, yeah. We went for different types of dress and all. Yeah, you went for business casual. I went for business, and then Andy went for like, kind of like, you know, like 90s. 90s dad. 90s dad.

Like the collapse of the 80s comedy boom, you know, late 80s kind of comedy boom like that, and sort of being like, oh, I can't just do a lot of Seinfeld's material at the Carolines anymore. Is that what people were doing? They were doing Seinfeld? I mean, I think a lot of like, you know, rip-offs of Seinfeld

like kind of like right now that just like everybody's there's a, you know, there's a big uptake of those kind of like Rogan types a lot of those kind of, you know, the slightly right wing but not entirely right wing saying, you know, most, a lot of punchlines you know the slightly right wing but not entirely right wing saying you know most a lot of punch lines are saying that something is gay devil's advocate yeah amazing that's back oh it's it's really back you know in many ways it never left i don't yeah oh yeah it's

it it's it's always been there it's just certain things become popular but then inevitably like you know like um inevitably what goes up must come down. It's kind of like John Mulaney, for instance. He was like the Internet's boyfriend for a while because people found him like really wholesome because, like, the lowest bar imaginable. He likes his wife at the time. Not long after he left his wife. Yeah. And so everyone was like, oh, my God, I can't believe he's a real person.

So it's like he was just a normal person. He wasn't was like, oh my God, I can't believe he's a real person. So it's like, he was just a normal person. He wasn't particularly like left wing or right wing. He was just... Well, I mean, we loved the image of him and it turned out

he wasn't actually living a very wholesome life at all. No, no. But it's like, do we need them to? No. Do we need our comedians to be good,

upstanding members? I do realize that makes it sound like I'm defending... Yeah. And i like that a lot of poor behavior which is usually assault i'm not oh somebody donated something or sent a lol thank you very much that's gonna go to evan and he's gonna and they deserve it because they put a lot of work in for today yeah yeah thank Thank you very much. Oh, there's a clock? Oh, this is just, yeah, the regular time.

It's the time of day. Yeah, it's not how long we've been here. 13 hours, we're hoping, you know, obviously we could beat that. But I'm, oh man, it would be how good it would be to beat the 300th time. But I think the listeners would be disappointed. That's fine. That's fine. It removes a big part of it.

But we're happy to disappoint. If we didn't want to disappoint the listeners, we wouldn't have started doing this podcast, but we probably wouldn't have continued past episode probably three. How long was last year? The popular consensus among the listeners is that the best episode was episode one. Was that Ludwig van?

Ludwig van.wig man yeah yeah absolutely so you know that's that's the that the hallowed halls of great podcast exactly yeah how long was last year uh 19 hours oh my god yeah um i was thinking when we were talking about you know comedy styles coming back into fashion i would like for the new era to come an era to come back for it to be a new urkel face like yeah for new urkel types and what about neo-urkelism i mean neo-urkelism i think we can call it neo-urkelism i mean at least the comedy historians will call it that um so i mean it doesn't have to all be high pants tucked in button-up shirts glasses going like this like that right but a lot like did i do that but like um you know it is annoying it's a nerd aesthetic but like falling over not being able to get up wondering whether or not you did that yeah creating a machine that

allows you to uh turn into a cool version of you called stefan is that what it was because i was trying to remember whether it was a machine or whether it was like after he had booze but i'm like no he's a child wasn't he how old was urkel meant to be i'm not sure yeah he kind of seemed like he was 14 but then when he turned into Stefan, he could have been 22, 24. Because he was so sexy. God damn! It's a teen who invents a serum that turns them into a 24-year-old. Is that what you're saying?

Yeah, I think so. Okay, now how can we make this not problematic in any way? Well, we can keep any sex stuff out of it. Keep that out of there. Right. Yeah, you don't want to go down the... How can we have it still be edgy? Well, I mean, the thing is that it can...

If the machine takes you to 24, it means it can take you to 24 throughout your whole life. That's really interesting. I haven't seen that as a time travel concept i'm sure it's been done but somebody who throughout their life can always travel but only to a certain point in their life when they're younger than that they can go forward to then but when they're older than that they can go back to it so it'd be like your 24th birthday birthday or whatever yeah i think there's a story in this dare i say even a sketch well i don't know

what i don't know what any of the funny beats are what age would you go to andy no you can only go to well okay i was going to say you can only go to 24 but i realized we just made that up i was like but that's the rule that's the whole concept that's the rule i just go to 24 but is the idea that like you go to the point when you're 24 so that like if you go there when you're like 12 and then you realize that your life is bad in a certain way could you then change your life and then and then so then you then when you go to 24 you see it's different you go yeah great yeah like that once you get to 24 that's locked in and then in the future you can go back and try and change

things on that night but you can't change anything Yeah, but every time you go back and try to change things, you are then changing them for the whole future. So you can't get that same future back again. Yeah, that's right. But then you still go back to whatever age you've reached. So let's say you're 78 and you're like, everything's really good and things like that. And you go, I would love to just be 24 again one more time like that. And you go back and you try to recreate the thing that you did to make your life really good and then you go and then you fuck it up yeah you go back to 78 and you're like oh i'm dead i change history you go you're 78 you're you're sitting in

your chair you can't be bothered getting up to go and get some chips you go back until you were 24 you put some chips on the table okay you go You go back into your 78-year-old body. The chips are there. You eat the chips. Everything else has changed. The world is a completely different place. But for some reason, nobody ever moved the chips. You put them in a lockbox.

You put them in a lockbox. Great. With a combination code. Chips are permanent. Everything else is movable. Back to the 24. Back to the 24. I'm constantly, even when you guys were were talking i felt my soul leaving my body because i am so easily confused by time travel

rules yeah yeah yeah i was watching a movie with a friend the other night i don't know if you've heard about this movie it's one of my favorite movies of all time if you haven't um seen it genuinely love it even though it sounds silly it It's called Back to the Future. Yeah. Little known movie. A little bit underground. No, it's called Time After Time. It is a movie where Malcolm McDowell, of Clockwork Orange fame, plays H.G. Wells, who in the Victorian

era, he is friends with a man who turns out to be Jack the Ripper. Oh, God. And H.G. Wells, famously, he also has a time machine. Yes. And Jack the Ripper. Oh, God. And H.G. Wells, famously, he also has a time machine. Yes. And Jack the Ripper. That was a true story, wasn't it?

Yeah, well, he based the story out of the thing he had in his attic. When they say H.G. Wells' The Time Machine, they're not talking about the book. No. They're not saying it's his book, The Time Machine. They're saying it's his The Time Machine. Yeah, he called it The Time Machine. What if every writer

had a thing that was the title of his book oh that's a really good idea oh those heights were so weathering you can't even believe it they didn't realize it back in those days but they actually did get weathering heights yeah you know they manifested it and then um wait so does that mean after you write the book, the thing becomes real? Or you're only allowed to write books about things you already have. Anything that you can publish, you can get published by... It's one publisher who can make things turn real. They don't realise it's a magic publisher.

Everything they publish turns to real. Yeah. The author gets. You know, and then it's like, if it was like, oh, the author who wrote this book dies, right? And that's how they realise that it's actually real. The moment it gets published. The book was called The Author Who Wrote This Book Dies. And then the author writes the book.

The day it comes out, they die. The year 1984 wasn't going to exist until George Orwell wrote about it. It just would have gone from 83 to 85. Created that year. But I like the idea that people discover that this is a phenomenon but you can still only get the

thing to come to real which is the terminology if you write a good enough book about it that the publisher is willing to actually publish it. It's got to be like a well-loved book. It has to be like a... No, but it can't be...

No, because it's going to come real... I'm sorry. Once again, like the 24 thing, we've already established the rules and we can't change them. That's true, yeah. You get the thing the day it's published. Yeah, okay.

So it can't become beloved on the day it's published. Okay, so it manifests immediately. Yeah. Okay. Unless we want to do your idea, which is okay well what was it what was the idea you don't the thing doesn't become real unless your book is beloved oh no no yours is better because then there's just a a whole world of insane inventions that become me like i could write a book about um the cat who was not a fuckhead and fucked up my fly screens in my house.

Yeah. Yeah. Yay! Oh, finally! I mean, this is my favourite kind of magic. Yeah. This is a great kind of magic where, like, you still have to do some work to make it happen. Still requires creativity.

Which means that you probably end up would not really get it done in the end. A lot of the time you'd be like, oh, I know that this would get me every wish that I want. But like what? I got to not procrastinate? Yeah. What not procrastinate yeah i gotta write like what half an hour a day i'll just live a normal life whatever i mean i've got that i've got that draft of world peace sitting on my desk but you know oh tiktok hmm well yeah okay well i love that sorry i love that world peace sounds so much like War and peace Yeah

That's what he meant to write Yeah Old He really I'll tell you what Old Tolstoy He wrote a book called War and peace

And man He got it There was nothing before that Yeah It wasn't war or peace It was just People sort of Walking around

Maybe there was some Not arguing But not getting along None of it came to his country and i think i know i think we know what we're talking about nobody was sad before les miserables especially the author yeah especially the french or do you think that he got some miserable people you know they came into his life and they were all sad and singing and singing yeah feeling bread and uh becoming sex workers and then dying um why arguing with russell crowe why is it that the only people are the only types of movies art forms that we turn into movies as well uh

music and dance why can't there be a movie with painting in it right where when people get really emotional to a heightened state of emotion instead of breaking out into dance or song they do a painting they do like an angry painting or sad sad painting. Yeah, they do a big painting and then we go to the next scene. I mean, not fun to watch as a viewer unless it's done like... Really quickly. Really interestingly. I mean, although I... Like Pro Heart.

I have seen this woman on TikTok who, you know, because everything on TikTok has to be aesthetic. And there is this woman who the way she paints, you know, she might have a canvas sort of as big as that. And she just sort of like, you know, throws things, various things filled with paint at it. And, you know, she'll just like grab a whole thing of paint and like literally throw herself at the canvas.

And so she tries to make painting, I guess, visually interesting for the people watching it. Yeah. She like turns it into a horse's head or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it ends up being a normal painting, I guess, visually interesting for the people watching it. She turns it into a horse's head or something like that. Yeah, it ends up being a normal painting but she wants the... Nice, normal painting. Like a horse's head.

Especially to express how you're feeling. Especially if you painted it and then it's a frowny face. And they'll be like, I think he's feeling sad at the moment. It's just a thought. I need things to be clearer in films. I need to know exactly how the characters are sad at the moment. It's just a thought. I need things to be clearer in films. I need to know exactly how the characters are feeling at all times. If they could just draw, like, how they're feeling, like,

sad face, smiley face, that little, like, the straight line emoji, that one, whatever that's meant to be. Yeah, that one. That one? No, the straight line. That's cringe. That's cringe? I always think of that as yikes. Well, that straight line. That's cringe. That's cringe? I always think of that as yikes.

Well, that's what cringe is, really. Like, yikes. Yeah, yeah. What's your favourite emoji? I think probably the yikes one. Yeah. Really, I really like that one. Do you like it or is, like, I guess that's two questions.

Your favourite versus the one you use the most? I probably use the love heart emoji. I don't use emojis. But you know what? i think that now that there's been an emoji movie i think it'd be great to get emoji musical is the emoji movie not a musical uh i don't know i don't remember them singing that many songs i can't believe you would make an emoji movie and not bother to make it a musical yeah but you know you're it's just about a guy who's supposed to be a kind of bored face or whatever, like his parents. You've watched it?

I've seen at least enough bits to get it. But he doesn't want to just be one emotion. And so then he gets his chance to do it. You know what? This is a really good concept. Way better than I thought it would have been. Gets his chance to be an emoji in an actual text message between a

teenager and then he's like does this like he's doing all sorts of faces he can't decide and she's like what? the full spectrum of human emotions and then because his phone's doing weird stuff he goes to try to get it wiped and they gotta figure out how to fix this before the phone gets wiped and everybody

gets wiped out so all the emojis live in the phone these ones do i assume that there's emojis in the regular life yeah you know who escape you know make it onto a floppy disk i guess there's like there's like a little cabal of like the never used emojis who are just sitting there like around a trash can on fire who are just like one day yeah one day our time will come. It'll be like, I don't know, I'm trying to think of an emoji I would never, ever use.

Probably like there's, you know how there's like the emojis that are the face and then there's the other ones that are like a whole person? I literally never use those because they're too small. You can't see the emotion. You can't tell what it is, apart from this one. Yeah. That lady, she's very, you know what she's doing she's she's got a like a sort of a latin temper thing going on

yeah yeah yeah and so um how do we you know i don't know oh is that what we're doing yeah yeah oh damn it um so i don't know the idea like that um what if emojis could get out into real life, you know? Be emotions. You know, and just come out and then they're like, you know, somebody printed one out. Yeah, right. And what if emojis butt in real life?

And then you get to date them. This is also a bit like the last thing we were talking about of like writing something and coming to life. It's a little bit like writing a text message and it coming of like writing something and coming yeah a little bit like writing a text message and it coming to life which would be horrifying so it's pinocchio yeah but it's an emoji right that wants to be real pinocchio for the new generation yeah yeah is that your daddy's pinocchio yeah but i also like this idea of text messages coming to life you go hey mom do you can you send back those passport photos?

Like that. Yeah. Right? And then somehow that becomes real. But the text message. Mom turns into a bale of hay. Hey, mom. Yeah.

Yeah, it's like the monkeys. And then a can of you send those passport photos. Okay. Every word. Every word. Every word. I mean, I was thinking about a sitcom set in the plane of the ideal, right? You know the idea of the realm of the ideal? Plato's.

Plato's. Is it Plato or Aristotle? One of those guys. We all know. This idea that when you say the word chair, you're not just talking about chairs in general. It's not just a word. You are referencing a chair that exists in some reality beyond our comprehension that is the ideal chair. And I thought you could do a sitcom set there in the plane of the ideal.

What would things look like? Just normal? Just normal, but there's only one of everything yeah okay yeah and and it's but it's the perfect example of that thing does that mean the people are perfect as well they're perfect examples of their type okay so like an arsehole you know when you say are you this guy's a real arsehole you're referencing an arsehole that exists in the plane of the ideal and you could then uh i can't remember how this connected to what you were saying doesn't matter honestly like between the two ideas i gotta say between high art yes and low art i gotta go lower all right okay you

sent a text message and a bale of hay and a fucking can of shit appears i just i i like the idea of like the monkey paw rules where you know or wish master for for those who like those movies you know where it gives you what you didn't want so it's like oh can you send a a photo of dad and then it turns out to be the photo on his eulogy or something like it gives you what you what you didn't want right what about this it's a it's you know a lot of the time it's a genie who's hard of hearing or something like that yeah this one is a genie he doesn't understand sentences yeah well he only does that deals with individual words he treats every word as its own thing you say can you um uh find my mom am i typing in magic he makes you a fucking can are you a female sheep this is the fucking genie who doesn't understand sentence structure

only individual words he's monosyllabic yeah i don't know this is what you wanted i mean even his own name he's not he's not quite sure he he thinks he's he's a pair of jeans yes he's genie yeah yeah it's sort of that denim where you're like is it real denim or is it just a sort of cotton denim yeah when it's too stretchy to be real denim yeah kind of thing i've got to be honest with you guys. I love the word jeggings. Yeah. Yeah. Does everybody love the word jeggings?

It's a great word, and you know exactly what it means when you hear it. You know exactly what it means. Jogging with jeans. You could go to any person, any country in the world, any culture. Any creature, any place on the earth. At any time in history, and say the word jeggings. At any time the earth. At any time in history. And say the word jeggings. At any time of day.

At any time of day. Wake them up in the middle of the night. Charles Dickens, what do you reckon these things are? First amoeba to ever live. Jeggings. And it would go. Jeggings throughout the ages. Well, I guess, I mean, what were they wearing?

I was going to say, what were they wearing before denim? Pretty obviously not denim. But I don't like it. See, I don't mind when, because jeggings is like leggings that are meant to look like jeans. That's clear. I don't like it when things are given that sort of treatment, but just for like this is for men

or for women because for a little bit there, there were these things called meggings which were just men wearing leggings. Yeah. It was like these are leggings but for men. But it's not like the word leggings is inherently female and we needed a male version of it. And also in order to make that male version, we had to put the word Meg in there, which is a famously womanly name.

Yeah. Well, I mean, I've always taken people named Meg to be named after the Megalodon. I assume that that's our great female name. Megalodon, is that the shark from the Meg, from the movie The Meg? Yeah, and also from history. I mean, who's to say which one came first, history or the movie The Meg?

Well, I mean, some would say Jason Statham invented history. I wouldn't. Some people would. What would you say? Who would you say? Which action star would you say has invented history? Jean-Claude Van Damme. Jean-Claude, especially when he's doing that splits

between the two trucks. That was when history began. History began when he started doing the splits at every possible moment he could. I literally have a wood-mounted poster that my friend Rose Bishop found on the side of the road and she posted on instagram she said does anyone want this and i was like absolutely yes she's like i thought you would um it is a giant wood like block mounted picture of jean-claude van damme doing the splits wow

do you think he is the action star or indeed the movie star or indeed the person in the world who is most associated with the splits bananas bananas obviously bananas yeah yeah um as in a person i i i feel like it but that's because a lot of people don't do the splits yeah well indeed you know what i think do you think you could become an action star just by finding some sort of move from gymnastics or calisthenics and turning that into your thing, getting really perfecting that, you know? You know what I think?

Sorry, Alistair. No, it's okay. Would there be a male action star who does that thing where he bends his whole body over backwards and puts his head between his own legs? I would love that. No? Yeah, an action star who just walks around on his hands for no reason. Yeah, and that's his thing.

And he always finds an excuse to do it in his movies. It's like, oh, I need to. Maybe rolling down a hill. I need to defuse this bomb that's hanging upside down from a water cooler. I can't do it by bending over forwards for some reason. Is the dam in his last name like Dame? No, two M's. Like the French word for dam?

I think there's two M's. Yeah, maybe that is. D-A-M-M-E. Well, two M's. Like the French word for damn? I think there's two M's. Yeah, maybe that is. T-A-M-M-E. Well, because he's from Brussels, Belgium. Yeah, maybe. Van Damme. So do they speak French in Belgium? I believe some.

I think maybe some of it is Flemish as well, maybe. Or is that another country? I forget. I believe so. I believe so. But I had a thought, right? You know what would be really cool as a nice tradition? Is that if you could hang up a little Jean-Claude Van Damme doing the splits above the top of a door.

Like a mistletoe. Yeah, like he has his little dangling testicles there. They never dangle, but go on. They never dangle. They're very taut. Very tight. Even his scrotum is very muscly. I imagine he could suck them up back and forth.

Yeah, like that. Bandangles? Jonglord Vandangle. And yeah, you got to do, it's not kiss underneath them, but it's like, you know, you hug or you do the splits. So you got to do the splits underneath them, but it's a seasonal. It's more for like a like a summer kind of

dangle you know you got mistletoe and then you got van dangles yeah mr van dangles um you know and then maybe your tongue kiss under that because a mistletoe is more of a peck yeah but your tongue kiss maybe you do uh maybe you touch your like you both poke your tongues out And touch them together Like they are his legs stretching between Between two trucks Just the And then make a wish Oh yeah that's right

Make a wish And then go through with like this Oh you do that And then somebody has to come along A friend And karate chop That's right Without hurting your nose

Yeah and that's a That's a You know Like a nod to his martial arts training. Martial arts training. It's like a Christmas cracker. Whoever ends up with the most amount of tongue left over wins. They get a hat and a joke.

The most spit on the side of the hand. I'm wondering if I could do it, like, I feel like we might have to touch tongues for this, but we're not going to. We're not going to. But, like, I'm just trying to think about the geometry of it. All this, 400 episodes of a podcast just to make our lives last. I feel like we might have to touch touch. But the geometry of whether or not you could get your tongue out far enough

that somebody could karate chop between your faces without smashing your nose. Some people can. Some people have very big tongues. Some people can get it, like it really far out. Reach. Which is, you know, it would benefit them in that Mr. Dangles situation.

Van Dangle, thank you. Sorry, I'm so sorry. Van Dangles. What's the is it, is the Van Dangles thing hanging? Is that part of a holiday or is that the holiday? Van Dangles Eve. It's like What, you want more? Van know i mean i think it's like it's like once you get you're halfway to christmas you hang this up you know in preparation for you know i'm not saying christmas

in july yeah again there's a beautiful you know rich potent symbolism that we can unpack but we probably don't have time of like in the middle of the year, right, when he's got one foot in one Christmas and one foot in the next Christmas and you're split there. It's that perfect equidistant. It's not exactly the middle of the year because Christmas is obviously just that little bit before. Yeah.

Which, by the way, Christmas should be on New Year's Day. It's so close. It's so close. That's something you've been thinking about for a long time. By the way, Christmas should be on New Year's Day. It's so close. It's so close. That's something you've been thinking about for a long time. By the way, let's fix this. I mean, it makes sense, right? What are you like, oh, Jesus was born, most important day of the year. Make it the new year.

The year could start fucking any time. Is it because you don't like that weird gap in between Christmas Day and New Year's Eve? I don't. The gooch of the year. I don't have a problem with that, except that it seems absurd that you would have... Two important days! But the Christians, they're the ones who invented the calendar, right?

Why not? They could have just said the year starts any day of the year that they want, say it starts on Christmas. I reckon a nerd invented the calendar and then the Christians just took the credit. Yeah. Wait, I don't know much about anything. Don't say that.

The Gregorian calendar. Yeah, yeah. I realise now it's just some guy called Greg. Yeah, Gregorian. Greg or Ian. Yeah, Greg or Ian. We don't know who made it. One of those two guys.

Yeah, yeah. No, it was a comedy duo. Greg or Ian. Yeah, Greg or Ian. We don't know who made it. One of those two guys. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, it was a comedy duo. Greg or Ian. Who invented that character? Was it Greg or Ian? Yeah, they invented the calendar as a joke. Yeah. They were like, this is a funny bit.

As a bit. Yeah. We'll accurately describe one year. Yeah. And even though everyone's going to think October being Octo They're going to think it has Eight legs

It's going to be the eighth month It's not it's the tenth They think it's going to have a mouth underneath its head And it's going to have a little beak And it's going to bite you But you're like a beak underwater One of the most venomous creatures in the ocean They're going to think that

Which is the one that Like a beak underwater. One of the most venomous creatures in the ocean. They're going to think that. Which is the one that... The ringed octopus. Octopuses have eight legs. Yes. Is it squids that have like eight legs and two arms? Two tentacles. I believe that's true. So technically they have ten?

Or do they have ten legs and two... No, there couldn't be ten and then... Or six legs and two... Like they have eight as well, but two are arms. Or not arms. Tentacles. they have eight as well, but two are arms. Or, not arms, tentacles. Kind of like longer things, right? With a little paddle. Is that right?

Well, yeah, because they've got suction pads. It's a shoe, but for your whole body. Yeah, I'm listening. This is not like an old woman who lived in a shoe. No, no, no, no, no. You're not using it as a swag. It's a full-body shoe. Now, I'm not sure whether or not you put both your feet into the one thing

and you pull the shoe up and you lace it up to, I guess, about neck height, or whether or not the sole of the shoe is all the way along the back and you lace it up down your tummy. Andrew, to what end? But do your feet come out the bottom and you run it around like a Flintstones car? This just sounds like a sleeping bag. Or do you just hop where you're going? Or is it on wheels and you drive it?

I think you might be hopping everywhere because in a way it feels like why can't you have a shoe that covers your whole body? Why do I have to have all these different items of clothing? So you want something that is all purpose so that you don't have to get individual items of clothing. Yeah, what, I've got to wear like six or seven different things just to cover my body? I think you're thinking of a leotard now. Or a very high lace-up boot that goes all the way to the neck. And it turtles over.

Turtles over. It turtles. It turtles over. A verb to turtle. Yeah, like that. And it just laces up like this. And it's all lace. Like that.

Lace, lace, lace, lace, lace. Like that. Arm lace, lace, lace, lace. Or it could be armless. But it's technically all shoe. It's all one shoe. It's all the same material. It all comes out of the same thing.

You see this outfit I'm wearing? It's all shoe. The whole thing, I'm wearing one shoe. I think that's great. Yeah? Yeah. Do you think the two souls need to be connected? Maybe not.

Maybe you can get away with it. Ah, so like us. Two souls connected. And yet you won't touch tongues with me Alistair What but I'll touch souls with Lisa Dibb five metres away Yeah Because our souls are connected Andy You don't have the kind of connection that me and Al have

Do you want to have like a drive around shoe A shoe you can drive Because think about it This is Richard Scarry kind of territory we're getting into. Richard Scarry me? Richard Scarry. Who's Richard Scarry? Oh, it's, oh.

He did the Crazy Town, Lazy Town, what's it called? Yeah, it's that town where there's a worm driving an apple, there's cats driving little cars. Eric's, Mr. Eric's World of Wonder or something. Yeah, yeah. I know about the worm driving the car. Yeah. It's a of Wonder or something. Yeah, yeah. I know about the worm driving the car. Yeah. It's a very iconic image.

It's wholesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very wholesome. But any town that looks that wholesome has a dark underside. You've got Gritty Reboot. Yeah. Oh, Gritty Reboot. Oh, where the worm gets out of the apple and it's all rotten on the inside.

Yeah, the apple eventually ends. Also, the mayor is corrupt. The mayor. It's the mayor. It's always the mayor and maybe the police chief as well. Yeah. Even just the seeking of power in such a wholesome place means that there's still a thing where somebody's unsatisfied.

He's not just going, oh, I want everything to be well organized. He's always saying, I but also want to be the one to organize it. Well, because he runs the apple racket in this town. to be well organized. He's always saying, I but also want to be the one to organize it. Well, because he runs the Apple racket in this town. He's trying to get big banana to stop moseying in on his turf. Big banana. That's right. That's why you don't see anybody driving a banana.

Do people drive bananas in that? Probably. Never see a worm coming out of a banana. I've never seen a worm coming out of an apple. I don't know where that came from. I think I would have seen maybe a worm in an an apple once maybe it's a more north american thing maybe our worms in australia here don't yeah don't go into apples i've never i've never seen it i don't i don't think i reckon it's a thing made up for movies yeah i think it's just it's just they never learned it here you know it's like you know when you're a mother worm you're teaching your kids what to do the mother worm yeah now what how does the mother worm feed the baby worms in the nest come along

what does she do she goes out she finds something you know she regurgitates birds yeah she goes she goes out and then she finds an apple this is in north america she bites the apple she goes inside she goes like that and she sticks her head out like that, very iconically. Yeah, like that. And then she goes, ah, that's right, my young. And she goes back and she vomits dirt into their mouth or whatever. Look, you can write this down as a sketch right now, Alistair. It's the mother worm feeding her babies.

It'll be a brief animated sketch with a David Attenborough style documentary. I just think the image of that mother bird mother worm lying down there in the nest and all the little babies a bird little babies maybe they're suckling at her teats or you know you know how like a lot of comedy these days it doesn't have to be funny it can just be sort of weird yes and unsettling oh I hate that oh I would that's a lot of what's in there. So let's not talk too critically. No, I mean, I'm saying write it down.

I'm saying, you know, that's where the bar could be. We love unsettling here. But, you know, little baby worms chirping and suckling at the teat. Suckling and chirping. Worms are basically all teat. Like if a teat could have its own independent existence, I feel like it would look like a worm. I think that this worm does go out.

It's like there's a bird looking for worms and it crawls up behind it and then it chokes out the bird. It chokes it out. It's a constrictor. It's a constrictor worm. Exactly. Like that. And then it opens up its neck like that and it bleeds it into the mouths

of the young. They're going, ow, ow, ow. Oh, so the bird is regurgitating food for the baby? No, no. It's tearing open the neck, the head, tearing the head off the bird, and it's bleeding into the mouth. Oh, God. So technically, it's doing the regurgitating motion. Yeah.

How's it pulling it open? Is that with the two ends of the worm? It twists itself around the neck, and then it leans under the beak like that, and then it pulling it open? Is that with the two ends of the worm? It twists itself around the neck and then it grabs, it leans under the beak like that and then it pulls it up like that. Rips it up. Rips it up. I was sort of picturing like, because worms, because they are just like one long tube.

I was picturing like, you know, if you can imagine someone inside a worm costume just sort of creating arms, you know, just sort of being like. Out of its own form. Yeah. Just sort of stretches out of its gloopy... Yeah, they're very malleable creatures, I imagine. Yeah, up to a point, absolutely.

Yeah. I would wonder why a worm would bother going into an apple at all. Apples are quite hard. Wouldn't you go into a softer fruit? What do you think would be nicer? Like, what about a flowery apple? It's a flowery apple You know like those apples that are just like you eat, you bite into it and you go

Oh, it's all kind of Awful It's a bit mushy in there, it's like it's flowery It's a bad apple Yeah, it's a bad apple That would be a great one to go in if you're a worm Did we already pitch the idea of, you know, the reverse idea of human centipede to centipede human? Did we already have that on episode three?

I think we have, but I can't remember what it is Yeah, because I was just thinking then about like about like well maybe the worms could get together and sort of make a man yeah i haven't i did yeah like a man takes off his shirt and he's just millions just millions of worms man i watch a lot of horror movies and i haven't seen that yet so yeah great i would be very excited to see it. It could be on the set. She's married a beautiful man, but he won't ever take off his shirt. Or, you know, like, take off his

rubber mask. I've married he's the perfect man, but he won't take off his rubber mask. Write it down. He won't take off a rubber mask that has a face on it. Yeah. There's a video game. He's the perfect man, but he won't take off a rubber mask that has a face on it. Yeah. Yeah, there's a video game.

Perfect man, but he won't take off his shirt or rubber mask. There's always worms in the house. He sleeps in a bed of dirt. All he wants to eat is muck. She finds out that he is an all-worm man, but she's okay with it. Yeah, she loves him anyway. Yeah, I think that's really nice. She doesn't care about what he looks like.

She just cares about what's in here. Yeah. Words. Heaps of words. Yeah, yeah. It turns out that's actually been her fetish the whole time. What do you think that he talks like? I don't know.

He just talks normally. Hello, Johnny. This is me. This is me, your husband. Is her name Johnny? Oh, Johnny. This is me. This is me, your husband. Is her name Johnny? Oh, Jelani. Jelani. Oh, Jelani.

This is me, your husband. Husband is home. I brought you home. When he comes in through the letterbox, just one worm at a time and reforms himself on the other side. That's what he can do after he reveals who he is. He's like the T-1000 but worms. Well, so is it...

T-Worm-thousand. T-Worm-thousand. Wow. Yes. So when he talks... Earthworminator. When he talks, is it the worms getting together and making a mouth? Yeah, I think so.

Or can the worms talk? No, I think the worms are getting together and making a mouth. Okay, and they're also making... They kind of create lungs so that air can pass through. It doesn't mean that the human body is breathing, but it is recreating the human body. I think this is just an evolution of worms. They develop some

sort of communal superorganism type society like ants and they discover that the way that they can best further their species, survive

in the modern challenging world. We're basically creating an ecosystem. The movie Bees, but with worms. We're creating an ecosystem that is entirely geared towards the success of humans at the expense of all other living creatures. That's true. If they want to do it, they're going to have to get on board if they're going to want to make it. So I think worms that can get together into the shape of a man,

maybe even get a job, function? Function in that way. Climb the corporate ladder. Climb the corporate ladder, exactly. You get a wife. Get a nice human wife. Then you can run for mayor. One day be worm president of the United States. That's right.

And then you go, oh, it's a small town. He turned this town around from a real dump. I didn't think much about having a worm for a mare. A pile of worms for a mare, but you can't argue with Rudolph. But he got us all composting. Yeah. And the soil is so

fertile here. Maybe I'll make America fertile again. Make America worms again. Worms again. And then he's got a hat and the hat is also made out of worms and he sells the hats and then everybody's wearing worms

on their head. Well at some point after everyone finds out he's worms Wear a number of worms. He doesn't have to. Wear a number of worms. Wear a number of worms. Wear a number of worms. Well at some point of worms. We're a number of worms. At some point, yeah, he realises he doesn't have to hide his worminess anymore.

So everything in his life is worms. And his children are half worms. Half worm. Oh, half worm. Yes. Half worm. See, I don't like half worm. No, no, no.

Or worm or no worm. They're like a centaur, right? They have like a worm, a human body on top, and then at the bottom of the human body, a bunch of worm danglies hanging off, half connected to the human body torso part. Like a squid person walking around on it? And then below that, those are all tangled into a mess of other worms that go all the way down and form the legs.

I don't think that's that complicated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I don't think that's that complicated yeah yeah but i mean i don't know how it works genetically or anything like that i mean i feel like maybe he could like you could just artificially inseminate the wife right and he could do that with his new job at a you know maybe like a like a lab right but then but then when the when the when the baby's born it gets a kind of like worm exoskeleton, like mech warrior suit. Oh, sure. Like that can start walking way earlier.

The worms can also help feed it, you know. I prefer the idea that somehow the millions of worms that create this man, when they go to, I guess, inseminate the wife somehow. Yeah. The child comes out and it's just like half a, like one worm. Oh, it's one big worm. Like one giant half a worm body. And then the top is like central. Oh, like a worm mermaid.

Yeah, a worm. Exactly like a worm maid. Like a worm maid. I think write down worm maid. We'll know what that means i think i was thinking earlier a long time ago hours ago now in the episode that a mermaid is basically a mermaid is basically a portmanteau a person a genetic portmanteau yeah a genetic portmanteau yeah possibly a port manatee oh Oh. What about port woman toe?

Oh, right on. Thank you. Fuck yeah. Yeah. Women can be. What about a portman's toe? A portman's tote. Yes, a portman's tote.

Sorry, it was a portman's tote. Yeah, yeah. You get one free with every purchase over $50. Oh, some of this banana's in a terrible state. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Oh, yeah. Do you, like, I noticed there's, I mean, not to go behind the curtain or anything,

but there's no one else here. How are you getting food? Ghost in the machine. Food and drink carried to you. I mean, some people have brought things in. I feel bad. Lisa. I feel bad. I should have brought some.

No, you really shouldn't. It's fine. You can bring some candy, but they were all open. I didn't want you to discuss them. We brought some supplies. Okay. So, yeah,'s a there's a there's a green bag back there i got a block of cheese in the fridge outside yeah we're locked in we can we can survive for months 189 my god i mean look that that's fine i mean it's not like you it's not like you both have families to get back to or anything i mean look if we can just get this done before 6 a.m. tomorrow morning,

that would be the absolute dream. What about this? Christmas presents, but they're all baked inside a pastry shell. Instead of wrapping things in wrapping paper, it's pastry. Yeah, right. So you just presents. Firstly, you've got to get presents that can withstand. That withstand the baking process. So wood toys?

No. What about a whole lot of chopped up meat? Chips of apple. Slices of apple. What did you get me? Chunks of capsicum. Yeah. All sort of gravy.

What do you want for Christmas, Timmy? Jarrah pumpkin. Jarrah pumpkin. A jar? Jarrah pumpkin Jarrah pumpkin A jar Jarrah Jarrah pumpkin What's a Jarrah pumpkin? I've got a good feeling about this

Is a Jarrah a type of pumpkin? It is A Jarrahdale I thought it was Jarrah What was that the first pumpkin I thought of? Jarrah's a type of wood I was looking up pumpkin varieties yesterday Of course you were

Yeah Kent I don't know Queensland blue What's the grey one? I think... The one that's grey on the outside. I think that's Kent.

Okay. What's the one that starts, and they sometimes refer to it as a Jap pumpkin, but I'm pretty We've got to do something about that. Yeah. I don't know what's going on there. But it's not Japanese pumpkin, right? No, but we just call it that. Is it an acronym?

Yeah. I mean, I don't think it's hurting anybody. No, but I don't feel good every time I see that. And I never buy those pumpkins as a result. Sure, sure. But I also don't feel good most of the time. I don't think it's based on... Correlation does not mean causation. Yeah, you go, oh, do I need to...

Maybe if we fix this, we'll all feel better. Yeah, maybe. Maybe that's the source of our ennui, angst. You've been buying butternut pumpkins all this time, and you don't even know what butternut means. It's a beautiful word. I think butternut is probably the best sounding. I hardly know a nut.

It's probably the best sounding food of all food. I know, but it also sounds like somebody with a high fat diet, what he does when he orgasms. He has a bloody butternut. Oh, no. It comes out like melted butter. Like that, like it just kind of. Then you put it on your pancakes.

Yeah, you could, you know, you could. You've just got to find someone that. Then you've got to salt it first. Then comes lemon, you know, and sugar the you got you just got to find someone that um you got to salt it first it comes lemon you know and sugar and sugar that's why you can only have a an an all dick-based condiment condom condom int um but then that would stop the condiment condom mints yeah are those condoms you can eat? They might be mintable condoms.

So I used to work at a sex shop and we had an alarming array of flavoured lubricants. Flavoured condoms are a thing. What's the craziest flavour? I mean, there was this range of ones that were very... Savoury? Are there any savoury ones? Not particularly, but there were some that were...

That's a gap. There were some that were, like, very rich. They had, like, chocolate fudge sundae ones. Yeah, wow. Like, ones that seem heavy. You do want something light, I think, don't you? You don't want that rich, dodgy kind of... Yeah, I mean, look, depending on how much you're going to be using,

I mean, you don't want to be full. Yeah. I don't know if it's filling, though, necessarily, is it? The flavour probably isn't filling. You know, to be honest, some of them tasted okay. Okay. Because I would – Yeah, of course, have a little taste.

Have a go, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Were there samples. Yeah, of course, have a little taste. Have a go, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Were there samples? Yeah, there were samples. Was it like somebody at a little booth? I don't know. Like this, and then they go, oh, you should try this, and like this, and then people are like. Yeah, I suppose you could.

You're going to spit it back in a bucket. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose I could sort of. Growl someone out with this? Growl someone out with this. I mean... What would you say this pairs well with? Dick or pussy?

Yeah. Oh, she's getting base. No, we need it. It's all grist for the mill. Grist for that mill. Do they have any grist-flavoured condoms? No, only mill-flavoured. Oh, only mill. What only mill what's the what's

the name it's lubricant okay lubricant yes lubricant will come to you 13 13 32 i mean it does feel like there should be a a chef who does um custom flavors or something like that. Heston Blumenthal of... I mean... Like they release a Manu version of like, he's like, oh yeah, he does a sort of salted caramel and macadamia. Maggie beer. You think you'd do a Maggie beer? Maggie beer lube line. Fig and caramelised onion.

Yeah, I mean, it'd be great like to like sort of, you know, like you've ever seen these YouTube videos where they're like, hey, can you gourmet up my pizza or something like that? And they get a chef to kind of... Somebody sends in a pizza in the mail somebody sends in they put some gets like pimp my ride they reveal the pizza at the end you put a pizza in your pizza yeah but then they kind of like what they do is like they they get some like edible underwear and some flavored lube and then you like i don't know you what's what's what's a sex thing you crack on the things men oh yeah you crack on all the time yeah and so yeah i don't know whether you like you just

take some some like sex edible sex toy stuff sex pizza yeah and then you make a meal you A full sex shop. Margarita. I bet I will. Margarita. Margo. Margarita. Rita. Margo. Rita. Yeah. I will.

It almost works. Yeah. It almost works. Yeah. Capricosa. I hardly like, et cetera. Have you barred them? That's a reference to a Lisa Dibb tweet. It's one of my best ones. It's a that's a reference to a uh thank you a lisa dibb tweet it's one of my best ones

the favorite tweet probably just type type in probably the one i'm is it just lisa dibb it's at lisa dibb one is my twitter at lisa dibb one and then type search javier bardem's real name i mean there's another lisa dibb out there i don't know there must have been when i that's crazy well there are when i've when i have Googled myself in the past. That's crazy. I have Googled myself in the past. There was a couple. One's a teacher in America. There's actually one who lives in Melbourne

who runs a dessert van. There's another Lisa Dib? In Melbourne, yes. Yeah, it's really because... And I really love the dessert van and so whenever i order it i feel like i'm uh supporting the other dibs support you know fighting the good fight for you have you introduced yourself to the i tried the last time because i went there once and i

went there to like pick up some dessert and um and she wasn't there ships in the night wow never been seen in the same room yeah yeah it's uh it would be like if um clark kent's name was also superman super imagine that man it's always man short for anything like because it's like one of those like you know uh nutty professor type scenarios but you find out that you know like at night time you go and make desserts but both lives are not different enough that it would weren't having two personalities she's got the same cat she's the same age yeah and then but but it still has happened and then you're like but you can't find out because your life never gets fucked up from it yeah yeah no there's never any calamity

you're just a bit tired, which everybody is. Yeah. That's the thing with Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. If he had just sorted his shit out, no one would have noticed. Yeah. I think it would be interesting to have a sketch in which somebody is a really good, they're a really great dessert chef, but only when they're asleep, right? They fall asleep, they go and make these amazing desserts,

but then their waking self never gets to sample the desserts. So he makes a bunch of platter of desserts and then just eats them all. Maybe. And he goes to work in a restaurant. Maybe he sells them or whatever. Goes to work in an all-night diner. There's never anything left. Goes to work in an all-night diner and people are like,

wow, this chef is amazing, but he always seems really – Why are his eyes closed? He's so amazing. He could make flap... Why are his eyes closed? He's so amazing. He could make flapjacks with his eyes shut. Yeah. Yeah. And then he goes home and goes to sleep what he thinks. He's actually just waking up.

He's actually just waking up. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, but nobody notices because they're both very reasonable people. Yeah, but normal. But then I guess at some point something just makes you go... Like they're both like engineers or something. Like they both have like normal jobs. They're both.

Dr. Jekyll and Dr. Hyde. Mr. Jekyll, Mr. Hyde. They just introduced themselves. But then they had the idea that you would go to that van and they're like, where's Lisa Dib? Is Lisa Dib here? And they're like, yes. And then you go, can I speak with her?

You go, are you being funny? And they go, what? And they go, just come in. Come back. Come into the van. And you go, what? And you go in. You're like, I don't see her anywhere.

You go, stop it. So it's a bit like Fight Club. It's a bit like Fight Club. It's like Fight Club. It's Tyler Durden, but it's Lisa Dibburn. But it's Lisa just Dib. Yeah. Well, you know, I'm just changing the name a little bit so you know between one and two.

Dib one and two, which I consider you Lisa Dib, at Lisa Dib one. Yeah, that's me. And the person who's at Lisa Dib, I consider her at Lisa Dib two. Yeah, the lesser. Yeah. Lesser Dib. She has less numbers. At the moment, she has less numbers.

Therefore, she's lesser. So Dib. It's all about content. Do you, when you do impressions, if and when you do impressions. Yeah, I try to avoid it. Do you have like key phrases that you like slide into the impression on? Peach, I could eat a peach for hours. Peach, I could eat a peach for hours. Peach, I could eat a peach for hours.

I can't quite do it. Is that Nicolas Cage? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great. That's the only one. How do you feel about him having a big renaissance? Isn't he always having a renaissance?

I feel like his- He never went anywhere. Yeah, his last 20 years. I mean, because he's just kind of insane and everything, you keep re-watching him and go, oh, they let him be insane in this one too. I think every 10 or so movies, he does something that's genuinely very subtle, measured, very well acted.

And then every 10 movies, people go, Nick Cage is actually a really good actor. He's actually amazing. And he's not just like this insane screaming weirdo. Instead of people letting Nick Cage off the hook, occasionally he'll do a movie where they let him on the hook. Yeah, yeah. They put him on the wagon.

They really let him on the hook in this one. Yeah. Oh, they really put a leash on him. Yeah. They, yeah. Money's free. Sorry. Something in the cage.

Something in the cage. She looks. Despite all his rage, he is still Nicholas Cage. Sorry. Something in the cage. Something in the cage. She looks. Despite all his rage, he is still Nicolas Cage. Oh, yeah, Nicolas Cage makes more sense. He's not in a cage. Do you not do impressions at all, Andy? I feel like now that I'm thinking of it,

I don't think I've ever heard you do one. No, I think I've been put on the spot sometimes. I do a bad Donald Trump impersonation. It's my impression. Bad Donald Trump. Here we go. I bad Donald Trump impersonation It's my impersonation Bad Donald Trump Here we go I'm Donald Trump Hey, this is me, Donald Trump I'm bad Donald Trump

That's good That's my character I mean, you've already said it's bad So there's no point haranguing you about it But it is terrible Yeah, I know I think that's the point of the impersonation But anyone can do a bad impression of somebody

Yeah, but I think mine I can do a bad impression of somebody. Yeah, but I think mine... I can do a bad impression of Andy. I'm Andy. I'm Andy. Here I am. But that's the thing. You need... That's what I was saying.

You need... Because I was in my car the other day and I was thinking about how I... I'm always working on my Jimmy Stewart impression, but I'm never working on my Cary Grant, my two favourite guys. Is Jimmy Stewart the one who goes, Grandma's house

and the other guy, and here we are here. Sort of. Ah, jeez. I know what you mean. I know it mostly from The Simpsons. Ah, it's that sinister looking kid coming to get me. Yes, that's him, Jimmy Stewart. How do you do it?

Uh, oh, no. Yes, that's him. Jimmy Stewart. How do you do it? Uh, that's, oh, no. No, no, no. Again, no, it's hard, but I do like doing it. What do you want, Mary? You want the moon? I'll throw an asshole around it and throw it down for you. He's my favorite guy.

And it also makes him sound more like a human when he's not going, ah, this guy and that guy over there i'm jimmy stewart yeah it's that's that's it's hard to do but i can't do carrie grant i was i was in my car and i don't normally talk to myself in my car i talk to other cars but um i was like and i was i was thinking like oh you need like an in phrase to get in okay what's something that carrie grant would say well he'd say his own name obviously and so i was sort of sitting there it was a lot with the impression i think i was sitting there in my car aloud to myself i don't know why i didn't have music on and just sort of being like

i'm carrie grant carrie carrie grant just just because i'm like well that's what he would say he would say his own name yeah yeah of course you need like an in phrase. Sure, sure. I'm Cary Grant. I know this is really off the topic, but I just thought of a dad who does this kind of thing where he goes, Hey, where you guys going? And he plays with the kids and he kind of chases them around. He goes, hey, come over here. And I was like that.

And he goes, get back over here, you little monsters. And he goes, all right, come over here. Come on now. And I'm, oh, there you are. I'm going to come and get you. I like that and he comes right and he goes now all right come over here come on now and then oh there you are i'm gonna come and get you like that and then he goes then you see him walk over to some adults he goes how are you guys doing up here and then you realize that that that is his real personality and his other character the character that he does is a regular father yeah well i think more adults should you you know, should bring that childlike playfulness to our adult relationships, you know. Like, wouldn't it be nice to go out to a friend and be like,

hello, look at your shoes. Oh, that's Velcro. You're so tall now. You're shooting up like a bean sprout. I don't know how to talk to children. I mean, that actually genuinely made me feel really good hearing you do that. You're actually amazing at that voice. Andrew, look at you.

You're all grown up now. This is making me really smile. I feel, I think that might be something that's missing from my life. I feel like a little boy and it's really good. Carly, get it done. It's real personality. Maybe you should get your children to talk to you like that. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that'd be so good. What do you think about this idea, right? It's a CEO, right? And at the end of the year, they've had a really good year for the company. But they don't want to give out big bonuses to everybody, right? Like financial bonuses. He says, all right, everyone, it's time for your bonus. Come up here.

And then one by one, he gives everybody a big raspberry on their tummy. And they're all laughing and giggling on the floor. And they're just lining up. And then the last one. Now, Ian, you come over here. And Ian goes like this on his lap again. And then he flips him over and he pulls his pants down and he goes. Oh, no.

Now, no more touching people inappropriately at the Christmas party. Go sit in the corner. And he's like. Banking the bot. Should I just write this down? Yeah, sure. Zero raspberries. Raspberry bonus.

I wouldn't like a raspberry. I wouldn't want a raspberry. But I don't think the point of a raspberry is that you absolutely love it. It's that it's kind of fun, but it's also kind of bad, and you want it to stop, but it's a little bit fun but it's also kind of bad and you want it to stop. But it's a little bit fun. Because it's ticklish. And I mean, people don't really like being tickled.

People don't genuinely like being tickled. I think people, I don't, yeah, I think you're probably right. Kids love it. But I think that, yeah, I think that what happens is that everybody develops tickle trauma from being somebody who didn't stop tickling when you said stop. Yeah, sure. Like that. And so I have been raising my kids to really be like, as soon as they say stop, I go like that and I stop.

That's good. Because I want them to be like old people who can still enjoy a tickle. Yeah. It's a shame. You do have to do that. And I do the same thing. Yeah. But what you really want to do is keep tickling them.

No. I want them to be okay. They're laughing so much, right? And you're like, I bet I could get you to laugh more. You told me to stop, so I'll stop. It's the sound of children's laughter. It's addictive. Yeah, I want more.

I want to get this to the next level. Yeah. Is that why you became a comedian? That's right. Do your kids appreciate your acerbic political humour? Firstly, I don't know if that actually describes what I do. Secondly, they find some of the things I do funny. I assume you tailor your gear to your children.

Although recently one of my boys did look at me and just quite seriously because I published some books called Gustav and Henry. He looked at me and he said, Daddy, how is this book funny? Rude. Yeah. And I was just like, oh, gosh. And then felt really put on the spot trying to think of a way to explain or to justify.

Maybe he wasn't insulting you. Maybe he was genuinely asking what's your comedic process yeah like how is it show me the inner workings of this humor if i could convince myself that's what he was saying that'd be really good for me so yeah i hope i hope that i can get to the point where i genuinely believe that but i also think um yeah it's very funny to be heckled in your own home yes yeah and quite seriously like heckling an author as well as uh a real um yeah next level yeah oh yeah oh you you your chapters aren't spaced out evenly oh no yeah call that a cliffhanger do we have a next yeah we

have a next series of guests. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. Lisa Dibb, thank you so much for everything that you've done. Thank you for this. For this? For this. All of this. Do you want to plug anything, Lisa?

Just my Twitter, at LisaDibb1. Yes. You doing anything on any of the other platforms? I am on Blue Sky. You're LisaDibb1? I am on Blue Sky. You at least did one? Yeah, I think so. I don't spend as much time on there. But yeah, that's usually what I'm doing.

Just writing all those killer gags. Any other podcasts still going? Is the podcast still going? No, I used to do a podcast called Reanimates about the films of jeffrey combs uh but then because i have adhd i stopped of course um you know classic thing but i still podcast check it out but i still love well yeah like these guys have been on it you can go back and listen to the back catalog or good guests it's just very hard to do a podcast on your own one of my favorite uh narrow themed podcasts that's exactly what i wanted i wanted to be as as narrow a theme

as possible like a beam like a laser yeah yeah to really make sure that the fewest people are listening as possible my dream is to start a podcast called narrow theme podcasts and where i talk about all my favorite narrow themed podcasts the problem is i think a lot of people would enjoy that yeah you think so yeah is that the problem with it yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't want to you don't want it to be too popular. Lisa, thank you so much. All right, good luck with this. This task?

This journey. This completely surmountable task. You're going to get it done. I believe in you. Yes. Surmount. Let's surmount. Please welcome from sans pants, Adam and Zoe.

Yes. Thank you. Please welcome from Sands Pants, Adam and Zoe! Yes! Thank you! So excited to meet you! So lovely to have you guys here. How are you? You're my heroes. Sorry about leaving you standing outside. That's alright.

All of us were appropriately dressed and wearing pants. So congratulations on the pants. Earlier when Cass and Hayden were here, they found my underpants outside. Not yours specifically? Yeah, it was my underpants. They did a photo shoot with them. They were on the ground,

and I didn't realize that I'd left how much of a mess of a man I was. It was a spare pair, just to clarify. It's not like the primary... Sure. Sometimes you need an emergency pair. That's exactly why I brought them. I was like, like look this is a very public kind of stream thing something goes wrong i feel like i need i need undercarriage support i just can't imagine what would go wrong i mean

you just don't know but let's say i i can i can think of one thing yeah If I shat myself real bad. Okay, okay. But that's certainly no more likely to happen today than it is any other day. I know, but the consequences are worse. Can I ask, are you the sort of person who, when they're packing to go on a trip, are you the sort of person who packs like they're going to shit themselves every day? I assume maybe I might shit myself 150% of the days. I will pack, if I'm going for seven days, I'll pack 10 days worth of underpants.

Okay, so is this like a dance like nobody's watching? Can you append this to the aphorism? Pack like you're going to shit yourselfphorism pack like you're gonna pack like you're gonna shit yourself every single day and then some yeah and then some you know what's what's the positive message there is the positive message that you know but that like but that like it'll you can you can then you're then giving yourself permission to live in such a way that shitting yourself is a possibility. It won't stop you from progressing. You can still become CEO because you've packed double undies.

But I worry that it's a more cautious message than any of the other messages in the dance like nobody's watching. Yeah, sure. Really, I mean, should the positive spin on that be pack like you're not going to shit yourself? Pack one pair of underwear and hope for the best. Yeah. Pack like you've got a dry crotch and a cleaner.

You've never resulted in skid marks. And you're wiping clean all the time. Yeah. I mean, that does sound like it's a more a believe in yourself kind of thing. You guys get to live in a beautiful reality where shitting yourself is such a rare possibility. Because I have Crohn's disease. Oh, right.

So shitting myself is a logistical thing that I have to plan for. Yeah, right. It sounds like you're the perfect person for this aphorism. Yeah, I'm like, I need to live my life one underpants at a time kind of situation. It's amazing. And so then you go out with no pants oh i'm living my best life guys it's like it's an incredible like you are living the andy thing though you still are kind of going like one pair i'm going out and i don't care

i had a roommate once because when i got diagnosed it is it is a weird psychological thing getting told like shitting yourself is a real possibility and i don't really medically speaking medically speaking shitting yourself is like higher than your than your co-workers possibility yeah and i had a roommate turned to me once and just turned and was like zo you're the kind of person that if you did shit yourself i think you could play it off you could own it i was like what a it. I was like, what a compliment to get. I mean, it's got layers. It's not your standard compliment.

It's something that you've got to go away and probably work through. For a while, go to therapy. Maybe with a therapist. But it's going to sit with you for a while. That's a compliment that you can't eat all at once. No, no. You need to digest it slowly. Good turn of phrase.

I like that turn of phrase i mean because having that that kind of um that toddler thing where you're just kind of playing at a table whatever you could be doing your work standing there at a standing desk like this and people walk by and they can see that bulge in the back you're not saying anything. The smell. Did somebody fart or something like that? And you're like, no. And you're not lying. Yeah. Nobody farted. That is true.

Nobody farted like that. And you can just be like. You can pass a lie detector test. Yeah. You can do that. It's about putting a positive spin on something. Absolutely. I mean, who can just be like, just deal with it.

This is life. Sometimes people shit themselves and they keep working. Absolutely. I mean, who can just be like, just deal with it. This is life. Sometimes people shit themselves and they keep working. Yeah. Like that. Sometimes people shit themselves and they don't notice. And that is not something that has happened to me. No. Sure.

It could happen to other people. Where does that come from? Like a numb ass? Yeah. Or sometimes you thought being a baby. You having a dumb ass day? Yeah. Dumb ass day.

That's what they say at the end of a hieroglyphic. I mean, that's what they say when you get off the plane in, what is it, India, do you reckon? Because it's such a long flight. 24 hours. Man, sitting down for 24 hours on that plane. You get off the plane, namaste. Absolutely.

That is where it comes from, though. Yeah, that's the etymology of that one. Do you think it's like in the Hindi language? I thought it was. Oh, that's a good follow-up question that we know the answer to. I thought namaste. I'm feeling exposed. What it is, is you're seeing a man drowning,

and I'm one of those guys who grabs at other people and pulls them down with him. Say something that's worse than me. Don't ever try and rescue me from Quicksilver. Right, okay. I am taking you in. Right, right. If I see you being pulled out by a rip, I'll know to, oh, no, no, no, no. Miss Lifeguard?

Yeah. Do not save that man. Do not save that man. He's a grabber. He's a grabber. Very grabby. And if you do save him, he also is very clingy. He's not a relationship with you. Yes.

He doesn't take no for an answer. He's looking to take someone with him is what he's looking to take. I believe it's Japanese. Namaste, isn't it? Wow. Okay. You're in with me. You're in with me and we're going down.

I was just talking about it. Just when you were out, you dive straight in. How did I do that? We'd left. We'd seen him going. We didn't even have to pull him in, Andy. It's because I had to. You jumped in.

This is a very different version of the parable of the Good Samaritan. Or of the frog and the scorpion? Yes, the frog and the scorpion, yes Why must you sting me? Oh, I needed to have all of my correct facts in a row Why must you sting me? I don't know, I guess that's what they do in the culture of Saudi Arabia Oh lord

You're grabbing the little stinger and just shoving it in your own tum at that point Yeah, I am, I am Oh, Lord. You're grabbing the little stinger and just shoving it in your own tum at that point. Yeah, I am, I am. You're like, I just want to be included. Admitting harry-carry like they do in... Serbia. Oh, no. I, yeah, I mean, just then you were jerking off a scorpion tail. Into my tum.

Milking, milking, it's called my tub. Milking. Milking. It's called milking. Milking. She was just stabbing herself. You brought the jerking off. I thought you had the scorpion tail come through the legs like this and he's going like this. This is a scorpion sitting there on its ass.

Well, I guess he's either sitting on his ass or he tails off like this and he's squirting like that. If the frog's on the back of the scorpion, surely the stinger would be coming up like that. More of a like a this. Yeah, it'd be like that sort of thing. I think they can drink the poison. I'm a bit thirsty.

They always say poison and venom are the same thing. You can drink them. That's what they say? That's what they say? Poison and venom are the same thing? You can drink them. That's the saying? That's what they say? Poison and venom are the same thing? You can drink them. That's the saying? That's what they always say?

They won't shut up about it. Every day. Every day I have heard that. You can drink both of them. You can drink both. But is it true that you could drink venom? And if you inject poison into your veins. You could inject poison. Wow.

Well, I think you've got to be real committed to the bit, but Adam will do it. It depends on the venom, surely. If some venom can be dissolved by your stomach, that's fine, right? Right? Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm assuming. Because I think it's organic. Yeah. Oh, it's organic, yeah., that's what I'm assuming. Yeah. Because I think it's organic. Yeah.

Oh, it's organic. Yeah. Organic venom. It's like instead of like... It's got a special sticker at the front. You've got to wash it off. Wash the pesticide off. By the way, I've written down that the scorpion

doing the jerk-off motion with their tail, that's the best scorpion joke that they have. Yeah? Yeah. And certainly the one they won't stop saying. They won't stop saying? Yeah. Scorpion comedians are doing that a lot on stage.

It's sort of a mime. I mean, how good would be humping the stage? Humping not the stage. Humping the stool like a comedian often does. Yes. But with that tail coming through your legs to make to give it so much realism what do you think about this it's a nappy but just for the end of the penis like a condom no it's a nappy it's like okay is it to catch that last little bit of drip

i think that must be what it's for yes yeah you can't be bothered shaking and you know spending all the time there i do need something like that yeah because i i am one who is very upset by the phrase uh shaking it three times means you're playing with yourself whoever did that invented like did so much damage to the world right whoever came up with that phrase i believe it was the philosopher Blink-182. Well, that's the same as saying, like, well, you can only wipe your arse twice. And if it's not clean, it sucks to suck.

Any more than two wipes is arse play. Any more than... It's absolute buggery. You're going to... It's like the crimes of Sodom or whatever. I mean, and do you think these nappies you could because you know I don't know about you but is there that kind of thing a little bit where you see those things where the sanitary

wipes go and you'd love to have a use for them penis nappy do you think we'd be allowed to put that in there as long as they're not sharps, I think it's allowed. I hope they're not sharp. I think you can't just put regular rubbish.

Oh, man, you've just been shooting out kidney stones or whatever. You're like, oh! And it comes out and it's full and you go, fuck them all out to put these in there. Or would you just put them in the toilet? Just shake them out and put the soft stuff. You can shake them out and put them in the toilet just shake them out put the soft you can shake them out and put them in the toilet yeah that's it that's that's i often wring out my tampons like this because to follow to follow your logic if it comes out of my body it can't

go in the bin i just thought that the stones would be a bit sharp i don't want anybody putting there something in there all the way down to the bottom. And then going like, ah, kidney stone again. They've got little shelves in there. Have they? They've got little shelves. It's a little like this bin. Oh, I see. Yeah, and then it does the little dumpy.

It does a little bow. You're putting your hand in there. You put your tampon and all your penis cap in there. And then it just bloop and it falls in. And then like magic. It's almost it is a little magic trick. You close it, you open it again, it's gone. Where did it go? Who knows?

No, I had nothing. I was going to say just going back to the sharp kidney stones thing. Do you think James Bond ever got kidney stones and thought to himself now I can get rid of those cars chasing me. Yeah, yeah. Like the thumbtacks out of the back of his special car

or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just been drinking a lot of Diet Coke in preparation. He's like trying to scalp. So it creates a lot of piss but also that's been developing over the years. Possibly also like a like a

kidney stone version of Magneto. Bond just walking through M sorry Q showing him all the different nifty gadgets and he's like and also Bond we've given you kidney stones. Yeah. Why would you do that?

Why would you do that? Why would you do that, Q? Stones. Are you a stone? Kidney stone. It's great to say kidney stones with the voice. The scene where he pisses one out and then uses it to cut the glass of his last prison. They're multi-purpose.

That's what's great about them. And you could imagine that if he had just had sex with a honeypot, somebody who's then trying to attack him, he grabs the condom and he reaches in and he grabs a kidney stone, grabs it and he holds it to her neck. Whipping the condom around. He's like, tell me who you work for. Tell me who you work for.

Octopus here, let me know or I'll slit your neck. Oh, Jesus. It got dark, it got dark. It got dark, it did get dark, yeah.

Still, you know, this is what people want in the new world. It is, yeah. Yeah, well, they've got to find a new direction now,

don't they? Body horror is really what Bond is known for. He would be Scooby. That was number 200. Nice. I'm so glad. I'm so glad we gave you something good.

What a way to do it. So are you guys only taking good ideas? No, no, no. We're taking absolutely anything. I mean, I wrote down scorpion with a tail, jerking it off as their best scorpion joke. I want to domesticate bats. Okay. I don't know how scientists will do that because I know we can't domesticate foxes.

And that's one of my biggest regrets in life. We're making domesticated foxes. We're breeding new types of foxes that can be domesticated. That's good. I want a bat because it's spooky season and it's my favourite time of year. And there's so much bat paraphernalia. And I'm a cat lady, a crazy cat lady. I would love to be a crazy bat lady.

I think that they're kind of the cats of the sky. I think so. And I think that maybe we don't domesticate them with science. We domesticate them with heart. And we just have to be really nice to them. And then you just start growing a lot of vines and a lot of places. Yes. Live in a cave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe I need to go to the bats. Get rid of sunlight. The way to domesticate the bat is probably to let them drink our blood, right? Oh, yeah. It's like you think about if they were talking vampire bats. We are because they're the best looking bats. So I think the way that.

You've got the little pushed up nose. With domesticated animals, like, you know, the primary ones that we did, you know, way back with the dogs and stuff like that. It was through letting them just be around. Cats domesticated themselves. Crazy cat lady. letting them just be around and have the food that we've got, you know, lying around and that sort of thing.

But really for vampire bats, the food we've got lying around is us. So we've just got to be okay. Maybe you just use like one of those, you know, like those things that people who have diabetes prick their finger with, right. Use it on your neck like that.

Okay. And then you go. Maybe use the, the old, the old Ernie one. Like, you know, from when he was fishing,

you know, Ernie and Bert. Yes. Yes. Fishy, fishy, fishy, fishy,

fishy, like that. But you maybe enter. It's a very good Ernie. It is. And then it's like, like that, but it'll be a bat flying. And then it's like, like that. But it'll be a bat flying into your neck and drinking and things like that.

And then it's yours. And then I suppose, I mean, I think it's like you feed them once and then they'll come back. Because you probably get some young ones where their parents have been one of those bats that was on the power lines and then touched two power lines and they're stuck there. Like that. And so then there'll be some like little ones around somewhere yeah that you can be like batty batty batty batty

batty so what we're doing is we're running a bat orphanage running a bat orphanage and then they'll become friends and then they'll breed other ones

and then I guess if one's too aggressive this is how they probably are domesticating foxes one's too aggressive like that you know it's not great

pretty small yeah yeah or you buy a beast that eats bats yeah and probably are domesticating foxes. One's too aggressive, like that. You know, it's not great. Pretty small. Yeah, yeah. Or you buy a beast that eats bats. Yeah. Oh, we domesticate a second animal to help us domesticate the first animal. Or you make an animal that you reverse the other way. You get like a, you start undomesticating dogs

and start creating like a real, like a dire wolf. One in, one out kind of stuff. Yeah, so that way you're eating you know any of the dogs seem nice and cute you're like that and what we could do if we undomesticate a dog that we messed up in the right way we can never have to be worried about it you know getting too much like if we do a pug yeah we know we'll be fine. Because a big wild pug, they're probably just not doing well. Rewilding the pug. Adam Cannavale's campaign to rewild the pug is such a beautiful thing.

You have an annual gala. You get all these celebrities in, and you are working on this. You've created these kinds of, I guess, sanctuaries in the wild where they can roam. And maybe you're there with like a pug mother sock puppet on your hand and you're trying to teach them.

Yeah. I don't know. Got like gazelle or whatever and I'm showing them with the puppet how to attack. Gazelle. I mean, the thought of a pug taking down a gazelle. I reckon enough pugs could take down a gazelle. I'm confident that enough pugs can take down a gazelle.

But are pugs smart enough that they can work in tandem? Well, here's the thing. The dumb ones will die. I don't think smartness is ever going to be the barrier for a pug. I think it's absolutely everything else. They get to the point where smartness is the deciding factor, they're fine. They will not make it to that point.

Imagine the sound of a whole pack of pugs like that coming towards you. You're a gazelle. That sound is so disorienting. It's coming from everywhere. You can't see them in the tall grass. They surround you. They start biting your you can't see them in the tall grass. They surround you. They start biting your ankles.

I'm stuffling. You try to jump, and then one gets flung up, lands on your horn, and starts biting the back of your head. Oh, wow. You're going to be a gazelle in this situation. I was picturing a man. And then when you said you had a horn, it took me a little while to get back on board.

I could have been a horned man. You could work that out. What about horns for people? It seems weird that we can't just start breeding in that direction. Well, while we're rewilding the pug and domesticating the bat, let's get a horn man.

What would we make the horns out of? Because different horns can be made out of different things. I thought horns were made of keratin. It's a lot of... Sorry? Summer bone? Yeah, summer bone. Summer bone.

Summer bone. Give her that summer bone. I'm sorry. It does have a nice ring to it. It feels like a lynx body spray. Summer Bone. It feels like someone who doesn't really understand the Napoleonic age writing one of those trashy romance novels.

And then he said to me, would you like to Summer Bone? And I said, how would father feel? It comes from a romance novel from a collaboration between Lynx deodorants and Viagra. And it's a fresh summery scent that makes you hard for four hours, right?

I think it should make you hard for a whole season. You know, I'm working on my summer bones. It's a slow release Viagra deodorant. And you spray it once at the beginning of the summer,

and then you smell like that for three months, and you're fully erect the whole time. And it's a pill. We should be able to get the implant on Viagra and have an erection, you know, for six months. Those are the same thing. Like you get a metal coil put down your urethra. That is kind of what that would be, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it just keeps your, what would you say, penis hard? What would be the technical term? A hard, rock hard cock. Hog, perhaps? Hog. Would we call it a hog hard nerve? Yes. If your erection lasts for more than one season contact a doctor

more than when the leaves fall from the trees you do not also fall contact a doctor that's why they call it fall that is now we call it flop. No, I think that's a beautiful idea. Thanks, man. But I did take us away from whatever we were talking about. Was it the pug? Rewilding the pug?

Rewilding the pug, yeah. I mean, I'd happily talk about that for another couple of hours. It was pretty good. I liked that, yeah. I like because they've got little small mouths. They could only eat one layer of skin at a time. Oh. So it wouldn't be like a deep bite but

slowly you would wither away like the reverse of dropping a cow into piranha tanks it'd be like would it be the reverse of that yeah because you're saying it's only one layer at a time so you drop it in and then you come back 10 days later and it's bones yeah that is true that's not the reverse that's not the reverse That's just a slow reversion I tricked her but I didn't trick you You said it with such confidence I guess I guess the reverse would be like

Like there's a bunch of pugs And then you come back ten days later Or an hour later And there's a full cow there The pugs have constructed A cow using elements that they found around the more through stuff that wild pugs are scary what the hell i'm imagining them with mohawks and little black eyeliner yeah they sort of like the evil dr moreau kind of like a mad max situation yeah

lost boys yeah yeah a bit feral a bit well when you say Lost Boys you don't mean the movie Lost Boys but you mean the ones from Hook that's what I mean what were they called the ones from Hook

were they called Lost Boys probably Lost Boys maybe maybe yeah that's more eyeliner because I just heard somebody talking about the movie

Lost Boys the other day and it reminded me it's like Kiefer Sutherland or something like that some of that thing yes that's that thing I meant the ones from Hook yeah the ones from Hook and Yeah, the ones from Hook.

And I was like, oh, because you're thinking about Rufio. Yeah. I do think they were called the Lost Boys from Hook. Yeah. And I think the movie The Lost Boys starring Kiefer Sutherland took their titular title. The titular title. The titular title from The Lost Boys in Hook,

which originally were The Lost Boys and Peter Pan. Of course, yes. I often consider the title to be the most titular thing about a film. It doesn't get much more titular than this, folks. I shout that out in the cinema when the title's on the screen. Doesn't get much more titular than this. It's all downhill from here, titular-wise. I suppose you could probably write the title over your chest

and lift up your shirt and it would look like this. Oppenheimer! Because you could yell first out, it doesn't get much more titular than this, boys. That's going to be a great bit for me to do. And then you go, except for this. And then you lift up your shirt and you go, woo, spring break.

You've gotten to see the movie Spring Breakers. Oh. So I say you shout spring breakers. Yeah, but I didn't get that. I cut off the scene before you got to that last syllable, which was probably really important. It leaves them wanting something in the sequel, I think. They want to hear the rest of the syllable.

Bring break to us. To us. To us. I don't think I can write that down. I reckon you can. There's nothing much more titular than this I think there's something there It's got legs and tits

Which is all we want In an Andy What if you got little movie posters But on nipple tassels? Oh, yeah. And now you get the little stickers to cover your nipples? Describe more. Okay.

Movie posters. What do you mean movie posters? I want to know. So imagine you got Jaws on your titties. Yeah. And then someone will be like, hey, Adam, what's your favourite movie? And you'll be like, Jaws. Okay. Turn it.

Turn it. Turn it. Turn it. Turn it. Turn it. So I'm presumably constantly wearing these nipple tassels. Okay. So I'm presumably constantly wearing these nipple tassels on the, in the hopes that someone Are you not

constantly wearing nipple tassels nowadays? I can't say I am. All right. Well, you could. You could. Because you're

missing out. It's your pasty posters. They are my pasty posters. Oh, that's a movie paste paster.

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 204, nothing. Absolutely nothing. 204. Alistair, would it be crazy if I went to the bathroom again? I don't think it would be that crazy. Can we get a second count on screen of how many times I've been to the toilet? I think we can. Alistair going at all.

He's wearing one of the penis nappies. Yeah, I'm wearing a penis nappy. I think it would be great to wear Sort of like period undies You can just have a period into By that do you mean like big Victoria Star knickerbockers Like period drip Period undies

That was the problem I said period undies so that I could piss into They have those kind of undies Do they? Just regular period undies and so that I could piss into. Yeah. They have, they have those kinds of undies. Do they? Just regular period undies. But sometimes your bladder, once you. Of course, have a child. Have a child, not quite up there.

I feel like we could all be wearing these. All the time. Yeah. And so then, but then here's the problem. So I said, Hey, to my wife, this is what somebody says in this. Okay. All right. Right.

I said to my wife, Hey, can you get me some of those period undies so i can just go pee pee at any time i want to she's like i just spent so much money why is it buying your little penis nappies that's right i know and you never use them we got a whole pack there we got a 50 pack and then i go i just i think i want the period undies and then turns out that she i come home and I go what's this and it's a soaking pair of knickerbockers period on these and then it turns out that it was a beautiful old school kind of humor you know that we could

enjoy with a whole family how about this alright so keeping the idea I've just noticed there's a banana peel underneath the chair do you guys need snacks? It's okay. Look, I mean, we still have all these veggie sausages.

Okay, interesting. We get like... I'll take a veggie. Are they for guests? I mean, yeah, you can absolutely have one if you... Yeah, yeah, I mean, I fried them, but I don't think that you need to... I mean, like you're supposed to... Oh, coal!

I mean... I did not know that! I mean, there's no Bain Marie underneath them and we've been here since 6am I feel like I've moved to the chair a couple times I move it back forward if you like anyway so briefly revisiting period

undies so what about this a product we call them period undies but the idea is that these undies are so shocking that they cause a period in a sentence ending a conversation if you want to. So someone's your boss. You've been slacking at work. Your boss comes in and he's yelling at you.

He's tearing a new one out of you. You stand up, drop your dacks, and your boss is so stunned he immediately stops talking, and you can get away scot-clean. Now, what is it? Now, what a perfect time to take a bite of you. That is cold. So what's so special about the underwear that in this situation, that just doing that premise that you've had wouldn't shock an adult man into silence.

I'm kind of just an ideas man. I leave it to the engineers to work that out. Is it just like a pair of Y-fronts that just say like, boo! Could be. Could be like a photo of Angela Lansbury. Maybe sort of like running a taco stand or something like that. It's good that you're thinking about the duality of having these as functional underwear, but also lingerie.

Yeah. Cause that's the sexiest thing I can think of. Well, that's right. Yeah. I just, but I don't know, like if I feel like having an image that doesn't make sense, you know, would be too baffling. So then you're like, it looks like you're about to show me your junk, but then you've shown me an image that has a weird meaning to me,

but there's a contrast there that I don't understand. But it's also like, you're still completely covered up, so I haven't technically done anything wrong. I think what's so great about this idea is... Yeah, please, tell me what's great. You heard him start with good but he was like no no no it deserves more is that you found the um the the item of clothing right that is normally concealed okay so you could have anything down there right i could

and if you he does if you want to reveal something to your boss and try and shock them you know you don't really have anything else that you could reveal but like if you're going to have that that that blank canvas there you might as well have something really bamboozling on your underpants at all times just in case and that you can you know like last theorem like Have you seen that picture that's like a gobbled mess and it's like named something? I know exactly the one you mean. Named something in this image? Your brain tries to resolve it. It can't.

Yeah. I do like that a lot, yeah. And what's great about that is that you show it to your boss. If it ever comes to a situation... Like HR is called. Exactly, where the boss is asked to say, well, what was the image on the underpants? They will be unable to describe it.

Again, you get away, as you say, scot-free. Scot-free. That image... I mean, keeping that on that theme, you could actually have a tattoo like that all over your penis. A period tattoo, if you will. And then where nothing is recognisable, it doesn't even look like a penis, and then you can expose yourself and all you're doing is bamboozling your boss.

And he can't explain what he saw. Kind of like dazzle camouflage. Have you ever seen that? Well, I mean, if you were exposing yourself, and I don't want... I could maybe actually have my first piss. There's no place, there's no good way to continue this conversation. But the idea that if you... Because very often tattoos are distinguishing features.

Right. You know, if somebody's done something wrong, they are a good way to identify that person to the authorities. But if the tattoo is of something that is unidentifiable, then it's no longer an identifying feature. True. So it can't be described. You get off. It's some sort of eldritch.

Your Honour, I rest my case. Is Scots short for something? Oh, that's a good question. Scotland? Get off Scotland free. You get off Scotland free. That's a good question. I don't know what Scott is short for, if anything.

Other than Scotland, yes. Scott with a single T, short for Scotland. Scott with two Ts, I don't know. Scott with a single T, short for Scott with two Ts. Oh! It's a several level long nickname, yeah. They actually have any number of

Ts at the end of Scott. They can't stop you from that. Like a mathematical theorem with the three dots at the end that goes on forever. Recurring. Scott. Recurring. T's. Recurring. Justurring T's. Recurring. Just a little dot. With a little pointy triangle.

You put a little dot over the second T maybe. Yeah. Or a line. I'm a music kid, so that's staccato. Oh. I like the idea of recurring letters in a word. I think that's good. I think just the idea of the assumption of infinite letters think that's good. I think just the idea of the assumption

of infinite letters, that's great. That's unique. I wish I had that in my name. I don't think your firstborn child is just going to have an infinite amount of letters in their name. They might just. I don't shorten my name, but I do round it down.

The nearest syllable? Oh, I see. I'm counting letters. do round it down to the nearest syllable. Oh, I see. I'm counting letters. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, you're going syllables. Interesting.

That's two schools of thought with nicknames, rounding it down by letters, rounding it down by sounds. I can't give you an example of either because I did just make that up off the top of my head. On the spot. Yeah. Indeed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Another thing that always comes into my brain when it goes completely blank and I'm trying to think of something, for some reason my brain... Funny, funny, funny. Got to grab at the funny. It's never anything funny. My brain gives me just these useless things. My brain is always like cubic zirconium. And I'm like...

Okay, yeah. I can't do anything. Push carbon. Is it just glass? I don't know. Is it just a fancy name for like a diamond made out of glass? I think so, yes. I think so.

Yeah, right. I think, yeah. We should come up with more fake diamonds, though. Because people have stopped being fooled by fake diamonds. We could figure out what diamonds are real and what's a cubic zirconium now. So we need to introduce new ones to trick people again. More high-tech. Yeah, more high-tech

fake diamonds. Someone needs to work that out. What else is there? Well, that's a great question. We've got to find something to clear... Plastic? Air? Glass? Dense air? They make hard air? Surely. Forever. Air Glass Dense air They make hard air Surely They could just go

Forever They should make a little air Solid thing of air Yeah Little hard air tablet That's what I often say That gases and solids Same thing

What happens when Cause you know things They're genuinely making me think now Cause you know how. Have you not been added 100% up until this point? Am I running down hard air? Yeah, sure. No, because like water can exist as a liquid, a gas, and a solid, right?

Yeah. Can air exist as a gas? Well, air is a gas, but can it exist as a liquid and a solid? Can you have liquid air? Yeah, because it's just like different gases. So it's like, it's oxygen, it's nitrogen. Well, then we are making, that's what we're making our damn diamond out of. The best part about that is that when you sell someone the fake diamonds,

over time, that solid becomes, and then perfect crime, no evidence of crime. It's like stabbing someone with an icicle. We are witnessing this came up when Cass was on. Stabbing with the hot air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cass's like stabbing someone with an icicle. This came up when Cass was on. Stabbing with the hot air. Cass brought up stabbing with an icicle as well. That's very funny. That's classic us. Yeah. But I think stabbing with air is a really, really good...

I wonder if you could get a beam of air, a shaft of air, a blast of air. A blast. That's a good technical term. That you could shoot through somebody. Isn't that what Javier Bardem or whatever does? No. No? No, because he's pushing a little plunger thing.

It's a little metal thing coming out. Well, it fires a metal rod, doesn't it? I think it's a little metal rod. A little bolt thing for killing. Oh. I just want, like, air. Just like, pow! Yeah, all right, all right. Interesting. Like a killer sneeze. I just want air, just like POW!

Like a killer sneeze. How are we doing this over here? Kind of a rifle situation. We're making a little air pill that I guess you can swallow down into your lungs. It'd be hard. But once you get it down in there, you're fine. Is that where a pill goes when you swallow it?

But this is the air. you need it instead of breathing okay alright oh no you just take it but you swallow it into your lungs yeah which I consider like a like a dense air cube of liquid of hard air

frozen so cold burning your lungs. I love it. Look, it's not my best work. Is this in the medical field, though? Is this to get rid of mouth-to-mouth? It could get rid of mouth-to-mouth. Chug them in. Close them.

Chug them in. Close it. I like the little jump back you did, like it's going to blow. I was the person whose air all of a sudden went boom in their lungs. I i mean you could probably like just put a little wrapper around it and then go fish it out like the wrapper is like a bit of insulation to stop the burning of your lungs yeah yeah like that and it just kind of could do it like a gobstopper it stays in their mouth and they suck on it and then it's really good yeah then you like vitamin c or something you slowly swallow.

You're right. My thing doesn't make sense. I think that's a really good idea. Sorry? I think that's a really good idea. Yeah. Well, same. Thank you for agreeing. But I agree with both of us.

You know what? I want one where you can swallow it, but on the way down, it creates a pipe between the food pipe and the air pipe. Wow. And then it just pumps it in like that, so you don't have to put something in your fucking lungs. Like that. It goes down, and it goes like that, and it just kind of stays in there.

When does it get separated? At what point? Where? Point. Point when it's here? Yeah, about there. Okay, that's where it gets separated okay all right all right have you ever had a glass of water and it go into your lungs

i not the whole glass sure yeah i think i think you meant not the whole glass but yeah no it's good to clarify good to clarify at this place it's very good to make sure i'm being specific uh when you take a little sippy sippy of water and it goes down the wrong pipe because the pipes start. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, surely yes, but I can't remember off the top of my head. You've never choked on water before? Is that what you're saying?

Not that I can remember. I'm saying not that I can remember. He just doesn't want to be caught out, okay? He doesn't want to be caught out saying something that, you know, later on footage will come up of him saying that he has or actually, God actually choking on some water and then you know his whole reputation is shot like you're a great interviewer and your ability to like yes add him on this corner and really try and like pin him down on this one get some hard thing but you see he's a master politician he's not going to do that never answering the question yeah yeah answering the question i want to answer yeah I'm no Mark of Pockets.

Four sandwiches, please. Yes, I'll have a corned beef. That's my favorite sandwich. We're asking where the nuclear weapons are. I do like answering the question that you... The idea of being a politician who doesn't answer the question, but then ends up talking about something that you're proud of you know about your government and why it's good blah blah but then shifting that to actually just talking about stuff that he likes in his life

i mean there's a very obvious very sort of entry-level sketch probably which i'm sure has been done but it's like you know a politician at home, right, with their family. Sure. And their little kid is saying, Daddy, can I have more ice cream? Right? And the father, who is the politician, says... Well, honey. That's a great question. I'm glad you...

It's really important that we address this. And that's exactly why my government has been investing money in regional... Your mother and I have been investing... yeah i mean this administration i reckon this administration i think i'll start referring to me and my beloved as the administration i think that's good it's a lot of what we do is administration we administer yes i i understand your concerns about it's bedtime yes unfortunately the leadership team and i we've discussed it yeah after extensive consultation to a vote yeah and the public are saying yeah it is bedtime yeah so we have to do what's best for us and best for our country by going to bed now i'm going to quickly throw it

open to questions from the audience this is actually i feel like not far enough away from the way that i already have my children like i will use anything what you've got to start doing is you've got to have a medical expert standing behind you that when the hard questions start getting asked yeah you can be like, I'm so sorry, Dr. Olivier is going to be answering any questions you ask. I'll ask you over to explain why you need to brush your teeth in the morning and in the afternoon.

Why, Sade? But that would be like what hiring a dentist to come and stay at your house? I mean, you just wouldn't do that, though, would you? It seems ridiculous. You wouldn't let a dentist into your house. No, you have to invite them in. Like a vampire. Dentists are let a dentist into your house. No, you have to invite them in. Yeah. That's a vampire. Like a vampire.

Dentists are like a vampire in that way. Very teeth focused. Yeah, it is. If you went to a dentist and you were like, they're like 20% the price of every other dentist. Oh, wow. Right? But you know he was a real vampire. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Would you still go? Is he going to eat me? There's a chance You don't know It's like 20% of every other dentist It's 20% of the price You go to a dentist

He's 20% of the price of all the other dentists His one condition is that when you spit You've got to spit into his mouth Deal deal I was doing that anyways I've been spitting in men's mouth for free i can do it for money yeah well for just a discount yeah oh no no i'm not getting paid yeah so like i mean instead of like 80 bucks it's it's like you know it's 20 bucks yeah that's a good discount already 80 bucks

at the dentist is an incredible yeah that is pretty cheap going to the vampire dentist now we're going to the pervert dentist? Yeah, go on. I mean, I like this. You've got to try this dentist of mine. He's a real pervert. I had some friends. No, he's cheap. He's cheap and it's not with the dental stuff.

It's not weird when his hands are in your mouth. He's a brilliant dentist. Yeah. Would you put that in? But just a pervert. It's just what he wants you to do to him. He doesn't do anything to you. If you were the pervert dentist

Yes Would you put that in your advertising The idea that yes I'm a pervert But it's for a discount And I don't want to do anything to you You will do it to me But I think Consent matters

I think you play matters yeah i think you like you you you you play it you play it off real cool like like you're a like you're a uh a lawyer who's no win no fee like you're a yes it's a place that's like if it's 20 minutes late uh it's it's it's free you say and don't forget if you spit in my mouth it's 80 off you know it's just like it's just your slogan at the end yeah and yeah and you're kind of like hey it's and it's 80 off you know it's just like it's just your slogan at the end yeah and yeah and you're kind of like hey it's and it's reverse stripper rules you can touch me but i can't touch i think i'd go i think i'd be a little bit more subtle which is maybe partially why i'm a pervert in this instance yeah where i'd go i just put a little asterisk i'd have like the discounted price

and i have a little asterisk that says conditions apply. When they come in, I'd be like the condition is you have to spit in my mouth. Do you think that you would make his mouth a bit like the sink that you have to spit into? I think he would, yeah.

I think absolutely yes. What about when they're using that little vacuum thing to suck all the stuff out of your mouth when they're drilling? It's just him going... Him or maybe the dental assistant. Yeah. I have a team of perverts here. It's nice that they got jobs.

Yeah, exactly. It's like, oh, well, we have some of the best trained perverts in the whole county. Oh, well, I'd feel confident by that. Yeah, it's a county. Yeah, it's like a more local kind of thing. Is this in the whole county. Oh, well, I'd feel confident by that. Yeah, it's a county. More local kind of thing. Is this in the UK or county? We don't have counties here, right?

I have no idea. I don't think so. I mean, you know, maybe everywhere has a county, but you just don't count them as that. That wasn't supposed to be a count. Pardon. Apologize. I think we might have parishes.

I think that's a straight, Because we're very closely related. That feels even further from the truth. I'm back on board with county now that you said parishes. Just town? Suburbs? Council? Council area? Maybe? Electoral college?

Local government zone. I did recently discover in the US there's a thing called a CDP. What's it called? It's census, yeah, CDP, census designated place. And they call it that. The U.S. Census Bureau or whatever are like, there is no town here. There is no parish or county or anything. There's no official name for anything here.

But there are enough people here that it is significant for our records. Yes. So it's called a CDP. It's just a census designated place. It's technically nothing. Yeah. Yeah. That's amazing.

It's a place where people live. Yeah. There's no other word for it. Yeah. Come up with a word for this place where people live. Yeah. There's no other word for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come up with a word for this place where people live. Census, Erskine, census designated place, population 500 or whatever. You know what makes me think that it's impossible to know whether or not, you know, Australia has counties or whatever.

It's like when you have one of those cars, a cop car drive by, but it says sheriff on it. Yeah. And you go, oh, I don't really know what we have here and what the system is. I will pull over if the lights go on. Yeah, yeah. It's like, but I don't know what his jurisdiction is. I don't know what he's after. What is he looking for?

Is he just looking for guys that are from out of town? There might be no-gooders or whatever. Or is he not a cop at all? Is he like a ranger or something like that does he his car i think so the sheriffs are like rangers i don't think they are in in australia sheriffs uh uh they just if a court orders something to happen sheriffs make sure that that that it happens like they're a ranger they're're like an enforcer, but they're not cops. Kind of, yeah, sure. All right.

Is that what a ranger is? Yeah, for the park. Oh, okay. Oh, I see what you mean. All right, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. And sheriffs are rangers for the law. Sure, okay. How about this?

Riot rangers. Oh, okay. They're the heavily armored part of the ranger division. Okay. In case there's a really aggressive deer. Yeah, or a koala. Stampede. Stampede.

If you will, yeah. Or like a kind of botanical riot, like a thing where... Botanical riot. Maybe it's kind of like an NCIS situation where they only investigate park crime. Oh, yeah. I like park crime. investigate park crime. I like park crime. Just park crime. So like if someone is murdered but in the woods,

then it's the ranger's job. Yeah. I mean, I guess they would have a lot of work. That's probably where I would go to. I mean, I'm not saying I would. I said probably. I said probably. Yeah, I would if it was ever something that I would do.

But, you know, it's where you're trying to – that's the crazy thing that you can actually convince people. It's like, come with me to another location and now walk deep into the woods. Because you're like, ah, maybe if I get into the woods, he'll love how much I'm cooperating with him and he'll let me go. I thought it was a different situation

where like you guys were going to take drugs in the woods and I was like, yeah, people would follow. Yeah, no, no, I just mean, just mean yeah like like you know somebody's like clearly yeah yeah and then you're like but sometimes going on a walk with somebody brings you closer together that's right and it can clear the head very good for your mental health yeah it feels like the woods would actually be a really like a better place to run away and like i've got like more obstacles that you can run you go run behind the tree and then you gotta do that thing you can't catch me yeah and you can hide behind a bush and you think this is really nice you go like the it's a sketch idea where the uh

the the would-be killer is walking you into the woods but but somehow you keep walking, you keep walking, and it turns into a hike, right? And then you're two, three days into this hike. You're looking at the sunsets, that kind of thing. You get all the way in. It's time to dig the grave. You set up camp or whatever. You're both pretty tired. You do agree you'll dig the cave in the morning.

You're cooking marshmallows. I could imagine. It's a really bonding experience a very funny scene where you like it already you and the murderer are both staring up at the sky and it starts as a close-in shot yeah you're in the grave you're in the grave of the other person a bit of my views obscured by the dirt all around me. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I think that's a very funny scene. It's a very funny scene that you imagined. I can imagine a very funny scene as well. And it's the one you just described. I love it. I think we're pretty good at imagining funny scenes. I think we are. Do you think there could be a villain, you know,

like from like a Batman kind of world who, kind of like the Joker, but he works in a candy shop. And he's scolded his whole face. Oh, okay. Oh, thank God. All right. Good, good, good. With like sort of like that hot – like hard candy. Yes.

But then it's all covered him up and he's all hard. And so then he's like, I'm the candy like that yeah yeah and he's also kind of like over time you punch him and it hurts your hand because it's hard yes and it's a bit sticky yeah and he and he but he cracks as well like so he kind of starts looking worse and worse and stuff like that what about you put you the best way to beat him is to put him in your mouth and keep him in there for ages oh because if you want to expose his skin to the air, it will be really painful to have all those nerve endings. Yeah, because he's being aborted.

Things like that. And he's like, anybody want to have a lick? That would be definitely what he would say. Anybody want to have a lick of my lollipop? You lick me, now I lick you But lick in the sense of beating in a fight How many licks do you think it'll take to go to the centre of this tootsie pop? Oh, exactly

He's got some great lines Yeah, yeah, yeah I don't know if a Batman villain is a sketch Yeah, no, I mean, he's hard-boiled He's one of those hard-boiled But, you know, he's anything but sweet. Oh. Is he a sour candy?

Yes. Yeah, that's right. You could call him Warhead if you want. But he falls into, I mean, you're already in great territory. As long as somebody's falling into a vat of something, you know. Yeah, I think that maybe, like like somebody's poured a pot of that. Batman can call him an unsavory character at some point. Oh, that's good.

But I mean, I don't, he's like, I'm not in this for the puns. Yeah, you are. I know. Well, we're in this for the puns. I'm currently constructing an everlasting gobstopper. You're about to go and do some time, some hard boiled time. That's right. And you're also going to go to the candy shop.

I'll let you lick the lollipop. Yeah. Lollipop. Okay, wait, Batman villain. This one's going to cost you more than 50 cent, Batman. But, yeah. We would, yeah.

Hopefully we get the reference there. It would make it seem funny to you. Yeah. What would it be as one week? Like, I don't know. It feels like he needs to have a weakness or something like that. Is it getting wet?

I guess. Yeah. Or like animals stick to him. Yeah. I mean, he starts building up the skin of animals. He falls on the ground and he's covered in, in lint.

Oh yeah. That's awful. Yeah. Like that. But if he gets a bit wet, he could probably dive and slide along the ground And be really slippery Yes, he could

Like an ice rink Trying to think of the properties of lollies That aren't just You can have them put in your mouth Yeah, yeah, yeah There's not a lot of things that one does with lollies Bad for your teeth Oh, this will be bad for your teeth.

Pachow. It would, yeah. Good one, yeah. I told you lollies are bad for your teeth. Yeah, yeah. But also just getting hit with the solid arm. Like that. Look, I'm just writing it down.

Me? Oh, and he'd be scared of the dentist. He would be, yes. Especially the pervert dentist because he's now in a Batman situation. Of course. He wasn't thrilled. He wasn't thrilled. Batman villain called the pervert dentist because he's now in a Batman situation. Of course. He wasn't thrilled. He wasn't thrilled. He wasn't called the pervert dentist.

He's like, I just wanted to be a pervert dentist. Just a quiet life eating people's spit. But I guess. A normal pervert dentist. And one day he fell into a vat of other people's spit if i can imagine it's very it's very funny to imagine the yes i agree police tape the crime scene situation uh what's his name the police chief the gordon gordon's walking around he just turns around he's shocked batman suddenly there uh batman's like you got any idea who did this?

Gordon's like, oh, we don't know yet. We're still investigating. Batman kneels down and he picks up the little hook thing that the dentists use. Spit. Can only be one man who did this. The pervert dentist. It turns out it was actually just a guy who spit on the ground. Everybody, everybody,

thank you so much for your beautiful contribution. Thank you for having us. Thank you so much. Carry this on your backs like... A couple of domesticated bats. Like a couple of domesticated bats. Not dissimilar to, yeah. I like to think we were feeding off

a really nice idea. You were feeding off us. Who was feeding? Either way, I'm hungry. It was a vampire bat 69. But on each other's necks like this. That is lovely. But, you know, the leg is the neck of the bottom.

The neck is the leg of the head. The neck of the foot. I get it. The leg foot the neck of the foot i get it the leg is the neck of the it's like it is like an upside down giraffe when you stare at it yeah that's right exactly do you have anything you'd like to plug yes yes we please you first uh you can find me on being hot is hard a show that i do with cas page it's a really funny podcast it is it's really nice because everyone listens to it and they're like, we didn't think it would be funny. We thought it would just be makeup reviews. But we're really happy we're going to be bringing it back.

It's been on hiatus for a little bit because one of us got real depressed. But we'll be back soon. And then you can find me on all the socials at ZoeSansPence. Yeah. Yeah. I am at RetroArchetype on all of the socials yes uh two words but together i can't believe that wasn't taken yeah i'm sure i'm surprised as well well actually archetype 12 anyway i um found the two just to get the name because he used to use a different one that I am now embarrassed to mention, and I will not be mentioned.

Herbert Dentist. I just went on a website that was, I just googled obscure words. An archetype I understand. It's maybe a little obscure, but retro is not obscure. Anyway, I just grabbed those two, slammed them together. Anyway, other than that. That's your childish Gambino moment. It is.

If you would like to imagine funny scenarios with me, I do a Dungeons & Dragons podcast where it's basically that, but just from one end to the other. We're imagining very funny scenarios. It's called D&D is for Nerds. Oh, great. We loved appearing on it. Yes, it was lovely having you.

We'd love to have you again. I'm sure we will. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. We'll get out of your it. Yes, it was lovely having you. We'd love to have you again. I'm sure we will. Yeah. Thank you so much. Thank you, guys. We'll get out of your way. Yes. Much appreciated.

And please, welcome back. Welcome back? Back. Famous from the 300th episode, Beck Petraeus. It's funny because I was here at 1.30 a.m. and I was having like a breakdown going Which pillows will go with the set?

And I don't think it was that important Beck, you've not only gotten the perfect pillows You know her from the pillow selection You've managed to match the pillows with your hair What the fuck? Look at your hair How dare you say my hair looks like this This beautiful golden color.

You're saying I've got a mustard head? I guess so. Okay, actually, that's nice now that you've said it. Hey, how are you going? Good, how are you? What are you up to? What about this friend who actually was a mustard head, and you're eating hot dogs.

It's like you have a mustard gathering like that, and then you get a hot dog, and you wipe your hot dog on their head. Does the mustard head, do they secrete it from like the pores? I mean, I don't mind if they dump. I think they go like this. And then it all pulls out like that. Oh, wow. That's fucked.

Yeah, that's a great idea. Okay, mustard head. Now, I mean, like how long into your friendship with the person do you ask if you can have some of their head mustard? Like, do you think it's an early on thing? No. Or do you think it's like an intimate act? I don't think it, you know, when people touch your hair, it's fucked.

So I feel like that is like an intimate thing. And I reckon what this is, it's not just a sketch, it's a romance. Yeah. Okay. You got mustard head and then they meet tomato face. Holy shoot. Because those go together. Or sausage in a bun person.

Yeah, no, sausage in a bun person like that. Like that. Big puffy arms. But just a sausage in a bun with mustard doesn't feel like enough. I feel like it needs to be a throuple.

I'm so sorry. Oh yeah, and relish some relish cousin. I can't do just mustard and sausage. Relish cousin. Why do they have to be the cousin? In the throuple, the cousin is the cousin of both of them. In every couple, one person.

In every throuple, one person is the cousin. Of both people. You see a throuple walking down the street, you say, which one of you is the cousin? I'm the cousin. I'm the relish cousin. Of course, that's the problem. By definition, you can't have only one cousin in a thropple.

Right? Why? Well, whose cousin are they? Well, they're cousins to both of them. Yeah. Yeah. Well, then there are three cousins in the couple. Oh, I don't know about that.

They're all cousins. No, but two of them are mainly lovers. I don't know. They're too distant. They're too distant to be cousins. Yeah, okay. And so they're mainly known as lovers, even though on a technical sense, you're right, that

they are also cousins. Do you think all throuples are kissing cousins? Is that what just happened? I like to think that there's just one, there's two sets of kissing cousins, which are the two cousins. And then, but... Two sets of kissing cousins. So it's like but who's that that's a kissing cousin so it's like

I am wet it's not a throuple let's say it's mustard let's say it's mustard ketchup and relish okay

this is gonna help a lot why relish why not onions well I just pictured because it's like condiments I know in Canada that's kind of like

the I don't picture that orange that yellow kind of relish that you get here in a jar but that green kind of of relish that you get here in a jar, but that green kind of pickled relish that you get that goes on hot dogs, and the three of them go together and it's considered like an all-dressed hot dog. All right, all right.

And so I think that mustard and ketchup are lovers. Yes. Now mustard is probably like second cousins to relish, and relish is like second cousins but on the other side of the family to oh wow catch up and so and i reckon you can this is your sketch you can just that initially i'm taking my day off mustard mustard heads uh initial like uh thing where they where the ooze comes out of their head i forgot that was part of this yeah i was just picturing actual initially it was

considered a disability and they just treated it as so but then they'd seen on tiktok other people who had mustard things and there was a kind of a bit of a thing that was like oh when you got mustard on your head you can just have people over and eat hot dogs and they can wipe their hot dog on your head and it's actually really nice and it's edible. And so then it kind of becomes a celebration of mustard head. A lot of the time in sci-fi dystopias, there's been some world ending event, there's been nuclear bombs or whatever.

And then in the rubble, out of whatever society arises after that, some of the people have got powers, right? You know, maybe some special kids or whatever, but like, you know, these people grow up and they have powers. What about, this is our world. Instead of getting powers in this dystopia, a bunch of kids have all got different condiments coming out of their head.

Do you know what it can be? Do you know what it can be? It can be from, you know, people like, oh, the vaccine's going to do stuff to you. Yeah, it's like that post-lockdown. All these kids have just had the vaccine. And because you could only go to the shops for ages, all they were experiencing was, you know, various condiments.

And they had so much of that. And their DNA is probably all raw because of the mRNA. Yes, yes, yes. Very susceptible. Yeah, vaccine, this is great. Yeah, the mRNA. Yes, yes, yes. Very susceptible. Yeah, vaccine, this is great. Yeah, it's like a DNA thing, yeah. And the R is for relish. M mustard.

M mustard. Even though there's not an M in there. No, no, no. No, but N is almost a N. I thought you meant mRNA. No, NRMA. NRMA. I was talking about the National Roadside Motor Ring Association. Oh, my God, I have a meant MRNA. Oh, you know, NRMA. NRMA. I was talking about the National Roadside Motoring Association.

Oh, my God, I have a question. Yeah. When I left the house this morning, this is now I'm diverting. I'm out. When I left the house this morning, a man was mowing our nature strip, and this occasionally happens. And I feel like every time it happens, it's a bit passive-aggressive. Yeah, yeah. i haven't had a

house with a nature strip for very long right so i don't know what the etiquette is but this is the first time i've ever started to drive and then gone oh no he's still there i've never seen him before but he was mowing the whole nature strip and he sort of looked at me and i was gonna open the window and go thank you but then i was like, I think if I open this window and say thank you, he's going to go, no, no. Like it felt like he had a fury boiling in him. So I just kept driving. Wow.

You made it way worse. You should definitely have said thank you. I think there's no question that you made the wrong decision. Great. And if he wasn't angry before, he definitely is now. And he wasn't angry before. He definitely is now. But he doesn't live there. He doesn't even live in the street.

There's no one to store. He drives from the eastern suburbs to just mow that section of Nature Strip and he's really angry at you. He's just really passionate about that Nature Strip. I think that anybody who cares about the grass on Nature Strips is a psycho and I think to connect with him

would have been a huge mistake. I was afraid. On any human level, to connect with him would have been a huge mistake. I was afraid. On any human level to connect with him. To acknowledge his humanity would have been a mistake. Because he's saying whatever's in front of your house is wrong. And we've got a YouTube chat. I don't just need to listen to YouTube bozos. YouTube chat,

what do you think? Am I gonna... Oh, it's up there. Will Johnson says, I wish I had a ketchup head. Okay, never mind. Sorry. Oh, we only talked about ketchup faces. Yeah. Anyway, in short, I like the idea of someone who's like really like a passionate gardener

about the nature strip. Getting that like square at the, like getting that perfect with the street. Yeah. Like, you know how people are like passionate about roses. Like's like a garden show but it's all nature strips oh yeah that would be good just i will there are those people who like very specifically like they'll have a very narrow strip of grass between two houses and will only mow their side of that narrow strip of grass yes yes yes and that's really crazy right and there should be you know not like not like um there should be there should be a government list of people who

do that right there should be yeah um fbi agents in australia we're gonna have an fbi now this is what they do but you could probably do it with satellites and just see where there's like long grass and then short grass and see small nature strips. And they're put on a list and they're just monitored. It's very low level, but we just do a little bit of like, there's probably going to be some sort of a blow up, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Real toxic shit.

Yeah, they put on a list, they're watched, you just monitor the calls. Just to make my situation better, the house I live in subdivided from the house of the person who was mowing. So what happened was they have this really beautiful heritage house, right? Yes. Beautiful heritage house. Amazing looking heritage house. And they had a giant backyard. So they subdivided it into three kind of crappy units.

Yeah. I like. They're okay. They're not crappy. They're fine. But they subdivided it crappy units. Yeah, no. I like. They're okay. They're not crappy. They're fine. But they subdivided into units. So technically... It's all their nature strip.

It's technically still all their nature strip. It's sort of like... Yeah. Now this isn't a sketch. That's your grand house. I need help. It's okay. You're doing all right.

That house that you were subdivided off, your houses are like the descendants of that house. Yeah, it really is. That's the grand house, okay? or the parent house of your two houses. So, yeah, you're in a kid house and you're not expected to do anything. That's what I thought. Yeah, it's a little kid house. Subdivided houses.

Little house babies. Little house babies. Like a Muppet Babies series, but it's tiny subdivided house babies. It's houses. And also, does he look like he's of retirement age? No. I don't think he lives there anymore. They sold the house.

So I think he came back to mow the nature strip. No. That's insane, right? That can't be possible. It can't be possible? I mean, it's possible. Who was this person? No one is living in the house.

Maybe he owns the three units. No. No? No. He doesn't still own the three units? No. You're renting? No. Because I know my landlord doesn't like still own the three units? No. You're renting? No.

Because I know my landlord. What if he kept one? Maybe. He kept one of the units so that he could rent it out. Sold the other two. Gets that money. Can go retire. I know he's not resettling.

He's not retired. But then I just feel like he's not doing much with his life. You don't have to value the time of retired people. I agree. Yes. Yes, and? I hope your parents are watching yeah absolutely i know my dad is uh i have i hope my dad's watching my dad's in hospital at the moment he's all right he got his knee like redone so he's just yeah i don't know if he's here hello papa i don't know if you're here. Hello, Papa. I don't know if you're here, Dad, but hello. Alistair, this is nothing. Can I pitch my thing from before the podcast of the man who invents the vampire boomerang

saying, I hope this doesn't come back to bite me. Oh, that's nice. Or possibly saying, I hope this does come back to bite me. And should it be a vampire boomerang or should it be a vampire batarang wait wait wait wait what vampire batarang so does the batarang come back for for batman does it do his batarangs come back i i can't remember him having a batarang you don't know about the batarang i know batwing it was what i was thinking oh is it not called a Batarang? No, Batwing is an air thing. I think those things he throws, those little bat shapes.

Are they called Batarangs? I thought they're called Batarangs. That's so funny. I know Bangarang by Skrillex. And Bangarang is also a thing from Hook, right? Bangarangs! Bangarang always comes back as well. Bangarang?

Bangarang! Oh, Skrillex's Bangarang. Every two seconds well Bangarang? Bangarang Oh screw Alexis Bangarang Every two seconds I'm like oh Bring it back It's a great name for a song I always think that

That's what they're saying In an REM song It's like It's something different But it sounds Bangarang Bangarang Bang bang

Bangarang Bangarang Yeah I hope they are Oh did you write down Pervert Dentist by the way? Oh, yeah. Because I was thinking about pervert dentist.

This is just an addition. It would be funny if they went to spit. You know when they're like, and spit, and then the dentist just went and got their spit. That was how they were. Like they intercepted, you mean. They intercept the spit. You're just spitting into the thing,

and then they swoop down, gobble it out of the air like a seagull catching a thrown chip. Yeah. Oh, like a dog on a treat. Like a person throwing back a sketch idea. Okay, great. You're picking up a comic morsel. Yes, and then developing it

And then another one What do you think about that sound When you get a slightly bigger dog And they catch something in the air like that And you hear that clomp sound I hate it so much I love it Why?

It's one of my favourites Why? It's such a beautiful sound It makes me go, oh, their poor teeth I worry about their mouth I worry about their teeth I mean, maybe I'm a psychopath. I haven't ever worried about their mouth.

I assume their mouths are fine. Yeah, yeah. They've got it under control. They wouldn't be chomping like that if they couldn't handle it. No, a dog could never hurt themselves. I mean, look, maybe you're right. Maybe they're completely fine. No, that's true.

Yeah. I think they probably are fine. They're probably fine. Yeah, they're probably all right. I guess they're... A bit eclopity. Yeah, yeah. But it is a good sound.

How would you want that sound you know more in your life could you get a full album of this well I was you know you could sample it

and you could turn it into a for going to sleep for a synthesizer but would you want it like let's say like like quiet but like okay you're going to sleep

and then you just hear it's an album of somebody throwing treats to the dogs big dogs like that and you just that's nice i really do like it feels a little bit japanese you know i think that the sound is a little bit like hitting a bit of bamboo yeah to me and so that's what i find so soothing about it so that and a bamboo wind chime and a bamboo wind chime what if it was a dog what do you say what about the dog wind chime wind chime that was what i was thinking big circle all these dogs you throw things at them to activate

the wind chime and they just go like this different notes maybe different size dogs different like notes because like when you tune a drum you know when you i don't know you go around and it does have a tone yeah so yeah you just yeah, you just tune the dogs. Dog clonk musical instrument? I mean, I think that's a perfect sketch idea. It's hilarious. It's easily achieved. The other thing I was thinking was, you know, when you go to give a dog a treat and they, like,

some dogs will just go nyomp and they'll just take it from you. My dog does that. But some dogs will go, like like put their whole mouth on you and then take that treat off you kind of like a giraffe yeah i was thinking i like that guy he's a big dummy yeah it's stupid it's like oh well anyway what if you know when what if a romantic evening sketch it's like oh it's romantic this is just a short sketch romantic evening sketch and you're like hey taste this yeah really good it's this beautiful um what a chocolate chocolate dripped strawberry ah chocolate dipped strawberry and then your dentist yeah i like somebody who overbites

and then they drink and then you say, oh, let's do that thing, like champagne glasses or whatever like that. And then you put your full mouth over the chocolate. Yeah, really good. I just put my full mouth on this can, and then the auto-switcher didn't cut to me at all because I didn't make a noise.

And that was just pointless. Okay, well, do it again, but yell. It's still on you. Yeah, wow. What have you got to do? No. The auto-switcher does not like women. The auto-switcher is sexist.

I think it is. Also, my voice is like, I don't have much of a voice today because I was filming the 50-year show all night. It was really lovely. Oh, my God. So after you did that, you voice is like, I don't have much of a voice today because I was filming the 50-year show all night. It was really lovely. Oh, my God. So after you did that, you came and said. Yeah, because we had all the cameras at the 50-year show.

Oh, my God. That's why I was like, Evan and I were here. I was running around. It was so funny. I bought this bowl because I thought you could put things in it. Yeah, I mean, I've been looking at that bowl and wishing there were things in it. Do you want me to go get some things to put in it?

No, it's quite all right. Because I've got to go to the shops after this. I think it's fair to say you've done enough. No, but you could have... You've done quite enough. You could have more... I'll send you... Okay, never mind.

Thank you very much. I had a sketch idea I came up with last night. Is that cheating? No. It's not developed at all. No. Yeah, great. Let's develop it.

I just wrote in my Google Keep, I wrote the words, sketch that's a gag reel but I don't know what the actual funny bit would be I just like the idea of a sketch being a gag reel or bloopers you mean by gag reel do you mean bloopers

I'm sorry so there's some people who call them gag reels there are some people who call them bloopers outtakes it depends on what culture you come from I mean bloopers. I'm sorry. So there's some people who call them gag reels. There are some people who call them bloopers. Outtakes. Yeah. It depends on what culture you come from. I am from Australia. Oh, okay.

And over here we call them bloopers. You call them gags though? Jokes and gags? I don't know. I mean, I guess I like the word bloopers. Bloopers does sound fun. It's a fun word. Yeah. But I thought it would be fun to, to, I don't know what it is.

Just a fucked gag reel is the sketch, I guess. Yeah, I completely agree. I don't know what's fucked about it yet. Okay, well, I guess we start with what kind of movie it is. Is it a comedy already or is it like a... I was picturing a big Hollywood blockbuster romance. Thank you. Thank you, Brian.

Oh, Brian. The most beautiful. Back in heaven. You know what we're going to do? We're going to take that $20 and we're going to put it back into the studio because we. Ha, ha, ha. Take that.

I'm going to buy another bowl. We're going to take the money. We're going to take the money and then not use it for ourselves. Ha, ha, ha. A shishi. Oh, shishi. Ha, ha, ha, ha. A shishi dog. Ooh, shishi. What's that, Prof? But dogs chomping sound.

A shishi odoshi. A shishi odoshi. I'm going to look it up. I feel like it's like a Japanese. I don't know what a shishi odoshi is. Maybe that's the thing you were talking about before. Anyway. Okay, blooper reel.

I'm imagining like a Hollywood blockbuster-y. I mean, if it was a real tragedy, it was a really sad film about a very big and very important topic. The contrast between those terrible things. Yes. What did you say? Titans of Merciful. I don't know what that is.

The thing that imploded. The submarine that imploded. What's it called? The Titans of Merciful. Oh, I thought you were saying The Titans of Merciful. I was like, that sounds like an amazing novel. The Titans of Merciful. Oh, I thought you were saying The Titans of Merciful. I was like, that sounds like an amazing novel. The Titans of Merciful. The Titans of Merciful.

It's the introductory novel of Walter Van Glam. I like that. And what is the book? I've never read Fahrenheit 911 9-11 Fahrenheit 451 is the book Is that the book? Fahrenheit 911 is the Michael Moore documentary

Oh, is there actually something? I thought there was something there Is it also the temperature at which steel beams will melt? No, I mean Fahrenheit 451 gets its name from the temperature at which books will burn. Really? Oh, I didn't know that. Is it a book? I thought...

It's about book burning. I thought it was about a ship. I thought it was about a fire station. What are the covers? Oh, it is about a fire station. What are the covers? Oh, it is about a fire station The firemen, but in this society Firemen are the people who go around to

People's houses and burn their books Oh, right It's a bit of a, you know It's a bit of a twist on the old firemen Well, that gives us an opportunity What about policemen? But they're the ones who go commit the crimes Yeah, go around to people's houses and commit the crimes

And commit the crimes, so like this So let's say they go in there and they and you're there you call up the police can i do this yeah you call up the police you say hey police i'd like to report a break-in you say okay we'll come around and do one right away yeah you know they come around and do the break and you're like great now i can report it thank you yeah the break-in, you're like, great, now I can report it. Thank you. Yeah, the break-in's happening. I'm reporting the break-in. I do feel like you saying the police do the crimes is like, yeah, sometimes they fucking do. Yeah, man.

Yeah, man. But in this society, sometimes a few good apples don't. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's great. But then that means that they're going against people's desire to report a break-in. Yeah, yeah okay yeah that's great but then that means that they're going against people's desire to report a break-in yeah yeah yeah and they're like why aren't you breaking into people's houses when they want to report crimes but i mean you could also have a thing where somebody calls up the normal police in the normal world and says i'd like to report a break-in

and the police says why why would you like? Surely that's a terrible thing to have happened. Beautiful. You're sick. Yep. That's very much like people who are like, what are those like the cancer council? You're like, that's, what are you doing? Why?

Where's the word anti? Yes. Why'd you drop it? For brevity. They get a joke. I'm going'd you drop it? For brevity. Okay. They get a joke. I'm going to make it funny. The cats are cancelled.

I'm writing the, I'd like to report a break-in. I'd like to report a break-in, but unfortunately there hasn't been one. Why have you got olive oil? Have I missed something? Oh, it's, everybody asks this. What, you can't have olive oil on the desk during a podcast anymore? We're having salad. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh, you can't do that at all. I could go on the ball. If only you'd offered to bring us something, then we could get lettuce. What about this? You know, you have oil wells, deep sea oil wells or underground oil wells. What about this? Underground balsamic vinegar wells. Getting crude balsamic from deep within the earth's crust.

And there's an oil spill. And the crust, by the way, is a ciabatta. Of course it is. And then there's an oil spill and it comes out and it ruins a perfectly good brunch. No. Like is it black oil? It's a black – you're like – Black olive oil.

Yeah, I don't like that. Have you already made this joke or has somebody else made this joke about like an oil spill in the ocean? You either have the option of trying to clean it up or of dumping a whole lot of balsamic vinegar and mopping it up with a bit of bread. I don't know. I don't know if anybody – I've never heard this. I haven bit of bread. I don't know. I haven't heard it though. I'm not comfortable writing it down. What about instead of that? An olive oil spill.

Maybe it was an olive oil spill. And then you heat up the ocean using climate change. Global warming. And then you chuck in some chips. Chuck in some chips. And then you get fish in there already. Not a problem. Fish and chips.

Giant fish and chips sort of. Everything's already salted. Acidifying. Sounds like vinegar to me. Oh. Oh, yes. All right. Climate change.

We need more oil spills with our climate change. Now, how can we get tartare sauce to occur naturally? Or squeeze somebody's head. Great. A mutant. A mutant? A mutant boy from after the nuclear apocalypse? I have a question regarding tartare sauce. Did you as children also think it had something to do

with tartar from teeth? Yeah. I mean, it's very reasonable to think that. Yeah, I know. I used to maybe feel quite ill because I used to think about teeth when I ate the sauce. I used to think that chips were made from fish. Andy, that's not... What?

How? How'd that happen? I used to think fish... For some reason, when I heard the phrase fish and chips, I never heard the and for a long time. And I just thought they were fish chips. And especially because, and I'll tell you why why one time I heard my parents talking about like I got a chip and it had a little dot in it black dot and mum said don't worry that's just the eye and I was like oh my god this all checks out chips are fish this is like how I for until I was like 20 something I thought that the

hamburglar's name was hamburger and i just thought he was named after what he loved i cannot relate to these i have so much knowledge of mcdonald's law chips those are my two specialist subjects you seem like an idiot crossover i'm like what the fuck are you talking about that's the hamburger grimace that's embarrassing shit how dare you bird How dare you. Birdie. Captain. 219. Is his name Captain Crook? Doesn't matter. Captain Crook. There's a captain. Yeah, but is it Captain Crook? Captain Birdseye.

No, no, there's a captain in the McDonald's lore. Is there? Yeah, but he sailed with all the fish fillets. Is Captain Crook in cahoots with the Hamburglar? They are weak or evil. Oh evil maybe one captain crook sounds like the kind of guy that would steal a fillet of fish which is the worst thing to steal if you're gonna steal you could get a you know a big mac or even at least like a one of those like

higher end chickens oh imagine someone robbing a mcdonald's and they're coming back and they're bragging to their criminal mace like i robbed a mcdonald's i fucking did it's and they're coming back and they're bragging to their criminal mates. They're like, I robbed a McDonald's. I fucking did it. And then they're like, oh, what have you got? I have my Big Macs. I have my chips. And he's like, no, Filet-O-Fish. And they're like, ugh. 13 Filet-O-Fish.

And I've already eaten 12. Do you know what? They are very easy to eat. They're so small. You can just go, boop. Why do people hate the Filet-O-Fish so much? They're bad. I think that you've, last time I saw you eat one, you go,

I think, I always think that I like these. And then you finish it and then you're like, I didn't enjoy that. Yeah, no, I mean, that's definitely how I feel. But like, I feel that way about everything at McDonald's. So why is it that the Filet-O-Fish is so reviled? You know? I think it's just, yeah, it doesn't taste good. Yeah. Yeah's it has major

issues why don't they just put a bit of lettuce in there or something why don't they put grilled fish they can grill fish it's just that it's a fried square i used to eat filet of fishes because i used to be pescatarian i used to eat them a lot and i never did enjoy it what about a restaurant that only does filet of fish-fish? Wow, okay. Right? So, like, it's, we do, you know, and this is their whole product. It's all you can eat, filet-o-fish. Filet-o-fish.

Nobody ever finishes one. Because you never see a spin-off of a restaurant. And this is like Mickey, you know, Mickey Jr. by the sea. Well, you have, you know how you've got Disneyland and Disney Sea? It's McSea. McSea. McCafe. McFishay.

Oh, good. No. McDonald's. Mer. Mer. Mer. Mer. McDonald's. Mer.

It's like the French word for ocean. French for the ocean. Maritime probably comes from that. What's merd? That's shit, right? Merd is shit, yeah. Yeah, that's probably too close to shit. Yeah.

No, that's good, though. Merdonald's, yeah. That's accurate. I mean, I don't think I want that. You go there and it's an all-you-can-eat. They're just like experimenting. Just merdonald's. Just merdonald's.

Oh, merdonald's. That has merd in it. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's good. Yeah, it's bad oh no I'll forget I'm like

I'm like trying to they're not gonna go for that come on Andy come on McDonald's and then we're like we're opening up

and it's like all you can eat you go whoa all you can eat McDonald's marid is like like by the sea and they go whoa

and you go all you can eat fillet of fish like that go all you can eat Filet of fish But also you can get like A bain marie just full of buns A bain marie full of the fish filets Just a tub Of all you can have tartare sauce

Like that And then the American cheese Which is the craziest Thing for a country to claim the off cuts of regular cheese, of real cheese, that is blended together and made to taste a

little bit sour. And yuck. And go, that's what, that's our national cheese. I could imagine this sketch playing out as an ad as well, where it's like McDonald's corporate being like, look, you've done so much for us that we want to give back. We're making an all-you-can-eat special edition of McDonald's.

It's by the sea. It's by the ocean. It's from McDonald's. And you can have as many filet-o-fishes as you want. And then that's gross. And you can also take as many away as you want it's not just how about like like you can throw as many in the bin as you want you know yeah it's just they're like we need to get rid of some of these we got a lot of stock

going out of out of date and we open this place up and it's like you can only freeze things for so long that's right and then it means that like a lot of people who you know are very poor are heading to this to the you know to the ocean moving to rural areas to get to have the rural areas like the ocean yeah well the ocean what do you only have veggie sausages to eat yeah and there's one there's one more i I actually am starting, I'm getting to the point where I'm going to go get you some stuff. I have to go get dinner food for myself. I will bring back

What's that? Is that halloumi? Podcasting for nine and a half hours. Yeah. That's crazy. That's so long. I was Captain Crook. Fuck yeah, prof, thank long. I was Captain Crook. Fuck yeah, Prof.

Thank you. Really? Captain Crook? They had a lot of criminal themed mascots. Yeah. Right? I mean, the crimes they do on my stomach, I tell you what. I'm definitely.

Sometimes I'd let them do to me. What other criminal themed McDonald's, Max? It's another McDonald's sketch, everybody. We're going back to the well. Back to the well. What else is in there? How many other McDonald's-themed criminals can we think of? Okay.

Fraudster Fry. Fraudster Fry? Fraudster. He's a stir-fry. But he's a fraudster. He's a fraudster. McDonald's stir-fry. Do you know that there. He's a fraudster. McDonald's stir fry. Do you know that there was a pizza,

there was a McDonald's pizza for a time that was very lauded, that people did not like the pizza. Repeats offender. Oh! All right, here we go. That's good. That's great. All right, let's do what about...

Pasta zoo. Pasta zoo. Pasta zoo. Parole violation. Pasta zoo. Pasta zoo? Pasta zoo. Is that based on Costa Zoo?

Yes! The boxer? There was a pasta that you could get at McDonald's in the early 2000s and it was shaped like animals. And it was called Pasta Zoo? It was called Pasta Zoo and you had little grippers to grab it. So pasta... Pasta your...

Pasta your... Fuck. What was the criminal one you already mentioned? I can't remember Repeat offender Repeats offender Repeats offender Repeats offender

Repeats offender Pastor Pastor your Due date on bills Yeah really good Yeah yeah yeah yeah And um Is that repasta?

Repasta No pastor your due date on bills So it's like you you know, when you... When the coffees... You'd still... Roll via latte. I like... Profiterole?

Parole? I'm trying to think of other fucked McDonald's products. What is that one? Don't write it down. Parole via latte? Yeah. Did they do shaker salad or was that KFC?'t write it down. Parole via latte? Yeah. Did they do Shaker Salad or was that KFC?

That was KFC. Parole via latte. What would he look like? He's a latte. He's a latte. He's a latte. But none of the other ones are food. They're all people.

Well, Hamburglar, doesn't he have a hamburger for a head? No, that's Mayor McCheese. That's Mayor McCheese. And there's also the cop who's a hamburger as well. Really? Does that mean that Hamburglar's stealing people? Like, is he eating? I think he is, because all the hamburgers have eyes. There is one.

You can watch, like, a HR Puff and Stuff style McDonald's thing. No, but there's going to be a, you know, now that we've got Barbie and shit, there's going to be a McDonald's. They kind of phased Ronald McDonald out for a long time. Yeah, but, you know, that's just so that they can bring him back. Hopefully. 21. Bring back my man.

Yeah. Bring back my man. My man. Oh, I'm sorry. I meant it as like my love. I'd love a long-haired Ronald McDonald. You know, like love a long haired Ronald McDonald You know like a surfy dude Ronald McDonald

Well this is a great In shorts In like the outfit But still the one piece Bathing suit But this is Because he's been out of the game For so long

Yeah He's gone He's now living out On the beach In his shack Endless summer Endless summer Living by himself

Yep Hot Ronald Then they come and they find him, right? He's been off the grid. They come and find him and they say they need him back for whatever reason. They're going to make this ad,

by the way. When Ronald McDonald comes back, this is what it's going to be like. Hot Ronald. There's going to be a scene where they go and find him. I'm imagining abs. Big red beard. go and find him. Yeah, I'm imagining abs. Big red beard. Like a crop top. Yeah, like that.

Crop top, but still the yellow with the stripes. Still, I think the big pants. Big pants are back. But he's a surfer, though, right? Yeah, but they're big billowy surf pants. Oh, yeah, he's got those kind of hippie pants. Why isn't it called a big muck? Technically, it should be called a big muck yeah you're right and i think i'm the first person to say this i there's a chance that you

might yeah i've never heard anyone say that a lot about mcdonald's i feel like hot ronald is really yeah i think the idea of ronald like having to dress down for his job is like kind of sad as well like this sort of like documentary series into the fact that he had to dress up as a clown i mean he is a clown but he had to like dress more to be a clown i like to think that he looks like that right and then and then he actually gets into he goes i'm not doing any more mcdonald's stuff yeah and then he gets into serious acting. And so then he starts doing, he does a few dramas and he does like one about. But he still looks like that.

Yeah. Now what about the costume? Is that part of, is that his skin? Yeah, it's just kind of how he, like how he dresses no matter what. And so then he's like. Is he in Requiem for a Dream or something? Yeah, and then he's maybe in like also like a romantic comedy.

Yeah. And he's in, yeah, like a, yeah. Yeah. Maybe he has a little like. You've got mail. You've got mail. Yeah. You know, Burger and Fries.

And it's like a nod to like his career. It's like a, oh, this is not technically a biography, but it's actually a little bit of biography. So the movie's called Burger and Fries. Burger and Fries. Yeah. Wow. And it's him.

They're two cops yeah called burger and fries yeah and then one and because that's when you find out that ronald was a cop before he became oh wow mascot whoa and you see the kind of stuff that he was doing and he was committing crimes there he was like wow yeah and then he became the mascot for a bit and then he realized about the, you know, that money and the time

that that gave him to think made him realize how wrong some of that stuff was. So he didn't, you know, all the crimes.

Do you think when he was the mascot for McDonald's, do you think he had a lot of time to think? Is that something that you associate with being? He got money, which meant that he didn't

have to work a full-time job. He got a moment to breathe. Really, you're probably just doing a full-time job. He got a moment to breathe. Really, you're probably just doing a few ads a year. And then I wouldn't think it would be crazy for him to become like a Wim Hof type guy. What an amazing name. Yeah. But then he, instead of like being a cold guy.

Sounds like the noises you make when you go into cold water. Sure. Yeah. Like that. The noises you make when you go into cold water. Sure, yeah. Huff, huff, huff, whiff, huff, whiff, huff. Like that. But he is about withstanding heat. Like that, which will be more useful in the climate. And also in the cops thing.

Yeah. The heat. Yeah. See, when you were talking about that, I was also thinking about the idea. Write that down. Write that down. But also, what about the idea of,

you know how in different industries, you know, someone will get a big job. Yeah. idea of, you know how in different industries, you know, someone will get a big job. Yeah. And sometimes, you know, you're like, oh, that's a good person. That's so nice. Why am I saying certain industries? I mean the arts. And then other times someone will get a job and you're like,

oh, fucking hell, oh, no. Oh, no. What if it's like backstage at a circus with a bunch of the other clowns? Yeah, the other clowns who didn't get it. Yeah, they auditioned for the role of Ronald and they just didn't get it. And they're like, he does not even know how to fucking clown. He's a clown. He's a real clown, you know? Yeah, we're good clowns.

I think that's great. What about Ronald McDonald as Goliath? Oh, fuck. Ronald McDonald doing a lot of quite confrontational clowning where he shows you his penis. Yeah. You know, at the end of every show. Goliath has a lot to answer for for the early 2010s in Melbourne comedy.

Most of that, the punchline was, and my penis. And you're like, oh, great. Never saw that coming. Very good. Very good. Very good. All right. Now, let's get away from Ronald McDonald.

Ronald McDonald. Let's see. Let's see if we can think of one thing that's not about McDonald. I mean, the clown school one does feel like it's a Timothee Chalamet doing Willy Wonka kind of thing. But it's like him showing up as a vulnerable

young... That could not just be Ronald McDonald. It could also be other famous clowns. Now I'm trying to think of them. It. Bozo. Bozo. Alistair Trompe-Bertrand.

Yeah. You know, Marlon from Finding Nemo. Clownfish. I mean, it's too silly. That's really silly. It's really silly in a sketch where clowns are bitter. Eh? It's too stupid.

Stupid for this, yeah. Fucking stupid. Do you want to know? There's one other sketch I've been thinking about that I haven't thought about enough. Sure. It's based on a true story of every office I've ever been in, including this one.

I think it's the person who takes all the forks. Oh, I was thinking the gob person who takes all the forks or the god oh i was thinking the goblin who takes all the forks and i think it's someone who's like eating forks i just like the idea of someone crunching down a fork and going what do they use to eat the fork their mouth yeah but like what do they pick it up with uh oh good good question um a magnet mean, is it kind of like, you know, when you go to a place and they've got like a bowl that's made of food? A dining magnet. Sorry. Oh, yeah.

You know they've got a bowl that's made of food? Like the convenience is that every fork you can eat with a fork. It's like a just kind of, if you have another fork, you can continue to. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, I guess I like to picture putting your fork into a bowl full of forks, twisting it around and around like with spaghetti and pulling it out with forks all wrapped around. And then you can eat the fork you're eating the fork with.

Yeah. I also like the idea that it's like somebody, it's like, it's actually a secret plague in workplaces. And it's just somebody who gets a fork, they eat their meal like that. And then they kind of put their fork in the drawer like that. And then throughout the day, you kind of see them go in and go like that and they break off a bit of break off a little bit of fork yeah see now when you said that i was like oh someone's sitting in the thing and they're eating there oh wait all the folks go don't know you're eating their salad i mean that could also be a great date thing.

All my sketches just involve people eating things weird. Are you going to eat that? Yeah, because I mean, like, you know, somebody, like, they're going, eating a potato and they kind of just eat it like this. And then they go, oh, you're going to have that steamed carrot? And they go, no. They go, you don't mind. They go, oh, are you going to have that steamed carrot? And they go, no. They go, you don't mind. They go, no. It's just the one food that they do that for.

What about someone who, same situation, same situation, you're eating with someone, but they go like, can I eat that? But they, here comes the airplane themselves every time. Can I eat that? But here comes the airplane themselves every time. Meow. Yeah, and then you go, wait, what was that? And they go, oh, I was just kidding.

I was just like that. And then the next time they do it. And then they go. And they go. Here comes the airplane. Here comes the airplane. Now,'re aeroplaning yourself. This is awful and I'm really sorry about that. Oh, no. What about somebody who says that during sexual intercourse?

No, that's the end of the sketch. That's like the third thing. And then they're in bed with someone and they're like, That's good. Or like, you know, they go, Is the penis the airplane? Well, I think like, let's say there's one person... No, see, I'm imagining their mouth is the aeroplane

and they're going to... But that's not the case with the food. No, it doesn't make sense. You've got to be consistent. You need internal consistency. It could be a vagina. You might not even need to see it. Like, you just see the person go, you know, like, seductively,

like, I'm going to go down under the sheets. And then from under the sheets you hear, I'm going to the aeroplane. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Oh! Oh! And then from under the sheets you hear, I'm coming to your place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that. Yeah. Oh! No, I started this.

A lot of these terrible noises. A person eats carrots, so. You know, I've got to tell you, I've really been enjoying eating these veggie sausages. Well, feel free to eat more. I'm having a fantastic time. Yeah, right. What would you need?

I'm going to write a little shopping list. I don't know what this says about my diet recently, but I'm feeling like I'm actually eating better today than I usually do. Yeah. Time to be real. Here we go. What – Yeah.

What – What about someone who just instead of saying um, they go – I edit out a lot of ums in true crime podcasts. What about someone who just, instead of saying um, they go, ah! I edit out a lot of ums in true crime podcasts. It seems like it's most of my life. Yeah, you're a de-ama. I am a de-ama. De-ama.

I am a de-ama. I am a de-ama. There was something really about that sentence that I got stuck in. Yeah, we're on 227. Yeah, I'm good at that. Do you want me to write a shopping list, and then you can come up with a sketch about writing a shopping list? I do wonder whether I should, like, just order a burrito or something like that. You can do that, but I feel like you need little snackies.

Oh, we've got some stuff behind us. Oh, you do? Genuinely, we're fine. Thank you so much, Rebecca. Well, I'll write my own shopping list. That's really kind. I just typed in... Filet-O-Fish.

Maybe that's not a good use of your time right now. You know, I mean, come on, come on. All right, we've got more speeches. What about this? Doing makeup on your face so that it appears completely flat, right? Like a plate. Like a plate. Do you think you could create that illusion?

If you can create the illusion on a football field that the text is standing up, do you think you could create the illusion that your face is like, you know? You could contour your nose. Anti-contour. Yeah, contouring was a big thing. I mean, it still is in the makeup community. It's about, you know, contouring your cheeks, doing all that sort of stuff. I don't do none of that.

I just put makeup on and I look like a ghost. I don't know how makeup work anyway contouring i reckon contouring your face to look like a a plate like a white plate and then you you dip your tongue like use your tongue like done orange so it's like a bit gravy like it looks like carrot left with a bit of gravy it's nothing good but i feel like it's strange that we haven't got to the point of teeth makeup yeah it's true that is incredible actually like that's teeth are a big part of the face yeah oh really big and we have i mean we've got tooth jewels we've got like that sort of stuff happens

but you don't see i mean you see people brushing their teeth you see people trying to whiten their teeth yeah but where is the makeup that goes temporarily nobody's painting their teeth like you could do it with white out what about like even little tooth puppets that you could sort of slide over your teeth and then just make it go like... Oh, shit. I think I have veneers. That's not makeup, though. Anyway.

I'm a little monster. What do you mean I'm not a little monster? No, yes, I am a little monster. What do you mean I'm not a little monster? Yeah, but how's that going to work? How's that going to look like little monsters? Yeah. Right.

Your teeth. I mean, I guess you're making them How's it going to look like little monsters? Yeah. Right? Your teeth. I mean, I guess you're making them appear. What do they look like? But you're moving your mouth. See, I mean, so they don't have their own mouths. But if you have, if it has like, you got one half, the top half of the puppet and the other half is down here. And you're like, like a Muppet, but it's your teeth.

What about you make your teeth look? What do you mean? Look, maybe it doesn't work. I was just trying to add to the... Why would you paint them? I was just trying to help. So what kind of things would you do? Make it look like corn?

See, I was more imagining like blush. Oh, blush. Like eyeshadow colours. Wow. I think if we're painting our eyes different colours, why not our teeth? Yeah. Or like stuff that goes with your outfit.

Yes. I was picturing just to cover up blemishes, but of course you're right. You're right, you can decorate them nice. Like, why aren't we drawing little designs on our teeth? Also like little pixels. So much space there. Yeah. You might be able to spell out something. Yeah.

Like, you know. Fuck. Yeah, fuck, you know. Mostly, yeah, yeah. Eat fish or something like that. Eat fish. That's the guy who just opened the new McDonald's. Oh, also, you know how sometimes you bite your tongue?

Yeah, all the time. Why not? I think we should have some sort of way to make that a nice experience, like it's a nice meal. I'd like that. Like if we can somehow garnish, tongue garnish. Whoa! Clown Stars, thanks for two bucks.

Thank you very much, Clown Stars. Hey, if we can have like some sort of garnish for the tongue for when you bite it. Oh, yeah. I like that. Tongue garnish. Yeah. Maybe you could sous vide the tongue. If you're going to be biting your tongue anyway, you might as well enjoy it on some level.

If there's going to be blood, you want something that goes well with the blood. Because that's the only bit you're really going to get to taste. the blood because that's the only bit you're really going to get to taste because um because you know like the the the tongue is like the most neutral flavor that there is right because you never taste the base it's the universal base so you should be able to like um uh what are those things you do you put meat in a thing for ages uh slow cook yeah marinate sorry marinate a tongue marination tongue marinate you know it marinate. A tongue marination. Tongue marinate. You know what would be really nice?

Like, just get, like, just, you go to sleep, just put a little, like, broth in there. Oh, it's like, do you know what it is? No, do you know what it is? It's like Listerine. It's like Listerine, but it's different stocks and foes. That's right. To marinate your tongue. So you just go...

And foes are great because you often have a raw beef with it. Yes, yes, yes. You know? Do you? Yeah. It kind of has a quite undercooked... Yeah, rare beef. And so if you bite it, it probably will go really well with blood.

Oxo should bring them out. You should have oxo, but... Oxo list mouth... Oxerine. Oxerine! Yes! Beautiful beef stock list... should bring them out you should have oxo but yeah so list mouth oxarine oxarine yes um beautiful beef stock list yeah i like that yeah great i like that i'm trying to think is there any other is the sketch can i have i given any sketches i think maybe the people who are updating the sketch have not been doing it much recently but that's completely fine yeah that's okay

i feel good about that i looked at the screen for a second and i saw there was an empty seat next to you and i thought what's happened to the other guest and i remembered that there isn't one so it's fine should have sat in the middle like no no no no i'm gonna move all right i'm gonna move all right no reason at all all right what about this we got the sofa bed okay yeah what about other items of furniture that can turn into a bed okay um bookshelf or what about uh sofa that can turn into a bed. Okay? Bookshelf. Or what about sofa that can turn into other things that you need in the house? Sofa, sofa, sofa island bench. Sofa sink.

Sofa bike. And stove. I think a sofa that you can take the cushions off, fold it up, right, and then there's a little stove there and a little sink and you can cook them in. Terrible landlords are going to love this. Yeah, exactly. Like a sofa van.

Like, right? You know, it's kind of like a caravan, but the whole house is just in a sofa. Yeah, really good. Like this, right? And so then if you go camping, all you got to do is like wheel your sofa to somewhere or carry it with another person. Yeah. Like that. Then it all pops person. Yeah. Like that.

Then it all pops out into anything that you want. It's like a pocket knife, but it's a sofa. And we can get the Swiss to make it. Make the Swiss. Get the Swiss. Swiss army couch. Swiss army couch. Thank you.

That's nice. I have, this is sofa crested cockatoo. Wait. Yes, Rebecca. So it'sed cockatoo. Wait. Yes, Rebecca? So it's a cockatoo? Oh, sofa-crested. Yeah, sofa-crested cockatoo. Okay.

It's got a... So it's a sitting bird. It's a bird for sitting on. No, it's got on its crest, it has a little couch. And they, people, and they take it. They shoot it. I make a little couch. Is it like enough?

I haven't even been here that long. That's rough. I'm already doing this. Is it like? It's a cockatoo seater. Yes, you're straight. But it can sit two cockatoos? Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Cockatoo seater. I mean, a cockatoo. I mean, I guess if you took the upholstery off these small cut couches and then eventually made a full cut i think it's like it's actually oh it's like an animal like documentary of like you know how mink they'll yeah it takes so many to make a coat yeah it takes so many you gotta put so many cockatoos to get a whole three-seater with a chalange. I think a really critically endangered animal called the tap beaver

or the tap crab, right, where on its back, in the middle of its back, it has a kitchen tap, like a a perfect little you know uh faucet there and it's they've been hunted to almost to extension because they have taps on their back right everybody wants the taps everyone wants to tap that yeah yeah i mean yeah why what was yours what was yours called the what back tap beaver tap crab tap crab yeah it's got taps on its back it's all starting to fall apart i think it's because i said sofa crescent cockatoo no no no but like i mean for for either a sofa or you know a tap to kind of evolve in nature would be a tremendous thing and then people would think that's where we got the ideas from but like i mean i guess i mean i think it would be good to me if you know because once upon a time we used to use like elephant's

tusks for pianos and all that sort of shit yeah it would be great to me if all the appliances and everything you know all the fixtures and fittings in the home yeah i mean originally they came from animals that grew those things on them and we we would... Oh, I see what you mean....chip that thing off. Right. There is a type of bird where its mouth is a pair of tongs. I mean, that's not that far away from the spoonbill. The spoonbill basically has salad tongs. What if that is... Yeah, no, I like that.

If the spoonbill is where all the spoons originally came from and then we learned how to develop our own spoons because we were killing off the spoons thank you century dead oh thank you dead thank you incredible at this point in the yeah that we're like they love stupid yeah yeah i've done it no but if it if the spoon bill is where spoons originally came from yeah and it was really unethical but what if oh it's still where all the spoons come from it's still where all the spoons come from technically you can still use a spoon bill for a spoon but you're not supposed to kill it if you could keep the spoon bill alive like you go to a have to go to a really rich um person's uh house they're still

using spoon bills the spoon bills have just been sedated for the purpose of the dining experience and everybody's you know got it there you tuck the bird under the arm you keep the bill still attached good morning and you get your spoon bill and you eat your cereal yeah yeah exactly you're still having fruit loops or whatever but why isn't a spoon bill the symbol for Fruit Loops? Why is it Toucan Sam? Why not spoon bill? That seems like a huge mistake. It seems like Toucan Sam should be in charge of some sort of can, surely.

Some sort of Toucan experience. Or he should be two fruits. Imagine a meal that you could make with two cans. Two cans. And it's his company. We're like, we're the Toucan. Oh, I love this. We're the two can meals.

And they're clicked into each other, right? They're clicked into each other. You unclick them and then you open them separately. One's beans. One's more beans. One's a can of soft drinks. Two beans. A can of Franks. And it's all one can of meat. One can of something that resembles a vegetable.

Yeah, something that resembles a vegetable. Like that. A whole bok choy. And you go, like that, and it makes a great satisfying sound. Oh, if you snap it. Oh, when you say you... Snap it over your knee.

Snap it open, and then they're both open like that. Crack it over your knee. Yeah, really. And Toucan Sam, he gets poached by them. Yeah, of course. He gets poached.

He gets poached. Toucan. In a soup. He gets poached. He gets poached. Toucan. In a soup. No, sorry. No, I'm just eating a bird again. No, so yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, let's get back to eating birds. Why did we get away from it?

Sam gets poached by the toucan company. You crack the thing and you go boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Yes. Okay, and then. What could you have? You could have rice. You could have pasta. I mean, you could have so many things.

You're absolutely right. It could be anything. Ice cream and chocolate sauce. That's the dessert variety of the two cans. You know, that's what I thought when I heard recipe tin eats. When I heard that title, I thought that all the recipes just involved things that were in cans. I actually would be very open to this. If somebody could find a way for me to eat a balanced and healthy diet entirely based off cans,

because I love opening cans and pouring them into pots. You do love opening cans. You love opening those chickpea cans. I love opening those chickpea cans. A big memory of you is just you opening those blue and yellow chickpea cans? I love opening those chickpea cans. A big memory of you is just you opening those blue and yellow chickpea cans. You'll be surprised to learn, Bec, that since we have not been so in each other's lives all the time at the warehouse or whatever,

I've barely eaten any chickpeas. It's almost completely gone from my life. Was it me? Was I making you eat chickpeas? Proximity to Bec was driving Andy to the can. Oh no, he had an addiction to chickpeas and he couldn't stop. Titties. What?

Titties. Titties. Titties. You think I said titties? Titties. Titties. No, titties. What chickpeas are?

Lady peas. That's right. Chickpeas, titties. So I was right to say titties, which was actually what I did say. I thought you'd like it, but then you reacted so badly. I said titties. Tinnies. Tinnies.

You're doing tinnies, but it's tins of chickpeas. That's great. Or you're doing a, like, what are the things where you go, pop, oh, what's that? Oh, you're doing boat races. Boat races? Yeah, with cans of chickpeas. I like that.

What are they called? That's not boat races. Hey, other person in the room who's not been revealed yet, what's the thing where you hold a can up and then you stab it? Yeah. That's not boat race. But that is, it's a sort of. It's a boat race?

It's one of the ways that people refer to it. But you're doing a slammer. Oh my god, what's it called? The people in the chat know? What's the thing Ben did in front of the screens? He called it something different. Drink it real fast. Sorry, this is unimportant. Sculling? No, no. Having a

Wow! What is happening? Thank you very much for that, Alex Schmitz. That's going straight back into the studio. Much appreciated. That's crazy. 50, don't. Shotgunning.

Of course. Shotgunning a tin of baked beans. Shotgunning a tin of, what is Shotgunning a tin of, was it braised beef? Oh, yeah. I would shotgun a chunky soup right now. Wow. I love chunky soup. If you want to come back later.

Shotgun a chunky soup? Can you drink chunky soup without cooking it? I'm pretty sure you can. I mean, I think it's got to be. It's cooked, right? It's just beef. Yeah. I mean, I don't want you to cut your lip on the food.

But I think, you know, getting together with the guys to do a few cans, it's all basically solids. Yeah. That's great. It's a beautiful. Beautiful idea. I love that. All right.

What can you plug quickly? Stupid Ol' Studios. Stupid Ol' Studios. Rebecca may help make all of this happen I carried the couches down the stairs you guys have to carry them back up I'm not doing it again I'm going to plug the act of Andy and Al

carrying the couches upstairs I'm going to plug my Twitch channel I stream mostly every Monday and Thursday at the moment at twitch.tv slash Beckness. Usually doing stupid shit. Awesome. There's a boat in this room because I just realised I didn't put it back in my car.

A boat? I thought it was an inflatable boat over there. A few streams ago, I just was in a boat. Really good. Modern media is in such a good place. I was just boating around and i hurt my whole body i recommend like when you say you were boating around yeah i was quickly i was in water what really yeah where uh the sea it wasn't the sea for the bit it was the sea but not the bit it

was my nana's pool and i was going around in circles and then i realized if you come up with a comedy bit when you're older and i didn't realize this this is you you got to think about how it's going to affect your body yeah and i didn't think about that and i broke my entire like my fingers yeah um and but it was very fun yeah you're using your body in new ways yeah chatting to people upon the sea i I was a captain. Anyway. People from the sea? They were also from the sea, I imagine. Like, I wouldn't have wanted them to tune in otherwise. I keep thinking about doing a podcast in the sky.

It's just two people in different flying vehicles, and we speak to each other. That's another book. And you can call it Plain Speaking. I would never call it that. Okay. On the air. Thank you so much. On the air I would never call it that. Okay. On the air. On the air.

On the air. In the air. In the air. Flying to flying. Flying a vehicle in the air. Talking at the same time. Becca, thank you so much. I might move these microphones before I go, but I'll wait for, yeah.

Sure.