Two In The Think Tank - 400 - "400 Sketch Ideas" - Part 4

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

The continuing just doesn't stop. Part 4 of Episode 400 of Two in the Think Tank. Words can't express our gratitude to: Evan and Bec and the team at Stupid Old Studios for setting this up. Friend of the show Ellie Durkin for the amazing background art. The courageous and kind guests who joined us at all hours. Stu, The Macaroni Prince himself for stepping in and editing this colossal audio file. Everyone who tuned into the live feed. And of course our beloveds for making it all possible.Thank you for listening. And thank the universe for being intelligible so that such a thing as listening is even possible; at least up until about hour 15.Watch the FULL VIDEO of the original livestream hereGustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here!You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

And please welcome Saran! Yes, thank you Saran. Thank you for coming. How are you doing? I'm lovely. How do you feel about bird-based sketches and also talking about McDonald's a lot? I'm excited. Yeah, great.

Excited to be here. I love this outfit. Will we do? Does that say fries? I don't know, Aries. Sorry, I couldn't see the first letter. Same, yeah letter same four final I just reckon if there's another person

bring that back up I thought you were going to join in from the ground laying status enjoy see you back I don't remember a time where you've not had some facial hair, but this image.

No, it comes and goes so often that people don't really, I think they don't really, they think I have whatever they see me with, but I often do and don't have facial hair. Andy grows it very fast, I think. Yeah, okay. No, not really. This is from the start of the day?

Yeah, this is when we start of the day yeah this is this is when we started this was Andy pinching my little my little lips this is how small my lips were at the beginning of the day yeah

they've obviously swollen over the as the day goes on my chins obviously look very attractive yeah yeah you know

that's why sometimes we grow a beard that's that's a little gift we've been given. That little option. We get that. You want to cover some stuff up?

That's right. Curtains. I imagine that I don't necessarily have a beautiful back of my head area like this. That's why I've always kind of just kept a bit of hair back there. Is that why? Yeah. Because I'd always wondered. You're like, he's never gone clean shaving

shaven on the back of his head yeah well because you know you know a very young age i watched uh pulp fiction and there's that shot of uh marcellus wallace from behind he's got all those kind of like those it's the folds it's the folds kind of like one of those dogs from the from the um yeah yeah and then he might even have a band-aid back there yeah as well and i was like oh i don't Kind of like one of those dogs from the... From the ad. Yeah. And then he might even have a Band-Aid back there as well. And I was like, oh, I don't want to have that cool look like that. So I've always kept hair there back in the back. Like I said, a back of the head, like a reverse beard.

Nice chance of needing a Band-Aid as well. It's probably all of the shaving. Yeah. Well, that's right. The shaving probably does it. Yeah, well. It's probably all of the shaving. Yeah, well, that's right. The shaving probably does it. Yeah, yeah, that's probably how he cut himself, I suppose. I mean, you'd think that he just had a little piece of toilet paper back there and some blood on it, holding it on. You know, that would have been equally cool.

Yeah, a little clip, a little strip of toilet paper. You never see that really on people shaving their full head, putting the bits of toilet paper all over the head like that. Yeah, yeah. Because most people, they're quite dexterous and they've got a good sort of... Yeah. I've heard of some nicking.

I've heard of nicking. What about downstairs as well? That's a little... There could already be toilet paper kind of fits down there it already makes sense yeah very in context it would hardly feel like out of place at all that's right yeah what what what's the what's the um what's the funniest situation in which we can think of for somebody to have a bit of toilet paper stuck to their shoe because i feel like it undermines everything about you, right? If you walk into a situation, you've got like, you know.

And I also want to know, like, how long can we make the strip of toilet paper that's stuck to their shoe before it's just absurd? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, hey, before we go there, what about... Yeah, okay. No, no, sorry. I just had a thought. Because I had nothing.

It's a barber. Yeah, great. Who does use the toilet paper technique. Yeah, and. No, no, sorry. I just had a thought. Because I had nothing. It's a barber. Yeah, great. Who does use the toilet paper technique. Yeah, and he's cutting you a lot. He's cutting you a lot, right? But then a crime occurs in his barber shop. Yes. Right?

Somebody comes in and stabs somebody three times. And he's like, hey. And then the guy runs out or whatever. Right, right. And the guy's pleading out on the ground. He gets a little bit of toilet paper, puts them over the... Don't worry about this. I got this.

Really good. He's like, call an ambulance. You go, no need. No need. Like that. First aid. Like that. He goes, that stopped the bleeding.

You go, no, let that crust up real nice. That's a little barber secret. I don't know. I'm going to write it down. Really nice. Really nice. I mean, what about this? You're in a...

This is horrible. You're caught short in the bathrooms, right? You're in the cubicle. You've done most of your wiping, but you've run out of paper on the roll. You need to do one more tiny wipe. Tiny wipe. Then you remember that you nicked the back of your head.

You're Marcellus Wallace. You've got a tiny little bit back there. You get that out. Choice you have to make at that point. Then you feel like you're in that fight scene where the guy's got that little knife in his sock. You're like that, but with that tiny little bit of toilet paper you can do to do the tiny final last little wipe.

It would feel quite satisfying, I think, until someone went back out into public and saw the nick. Well, I think hopefully by that point it's dried up. But I think what I love about it is that you're able to judge so accurately how much more toilet paper you need. And the fact that you know that you only need the tiniest bit of toilet paper, but there's nothing left on the roll. Would you guys ever consider using the roll,

trying to do a wipe with the roll itself? Maybe even using the edge of it to sort of scrape like a chisel-type scour. It's like shovel-like. You know what? Because I don't believe that you could ever, in good mind, good conscience, flush the roll. I wonder, though.

What you could do. I guess it's not that different from something that came out of your ass. Yeah. And more aerodynamic. I know, but I don't think it doesn't break down. I think it would. It's paper.

Eventually, enough. Yeah. It'll come to pieces. I think in good conscience, you can flush the roll. I think your conscience is clear. Flushable. Flushable roll. I agree with conscience is clear. Flushable. Flushable roll.

I agree with Andy, but also I don't know whether conscience is coming into it at that point. Desperation. Depends. Okay, how about this? Would you flush it if you were renting, and would you flush it if you own the place? That changes. Yeah? That does change it.

I mean, in both situations, I would probably flush it. I mean, it wouldn't be my first choice, but if I was caught in that situation, it was a poopy roll. Okay, I've used it to wipe. I've used the roll to wipe. You can't be seen carrying around the... But also, I don't feel... I think of all the options that I have for disposing of that roll,

flushing is the least worst option. How about this? How about you tear the roll so it becomes just a sheet? A sheet? Yes, good. And then it is really... It's just a... Too diss the roll so it becomes just a sheet a sheet yes good then it is really it's just a too dissimilar it's just a wide sheet it's a wide sheet it's a bit of a firmer thick thick for eight it's eight ply what a gsm is that what the yes paper should come in gsm i think i use the um yeah I like to use that watercolor cartridge paper. You know, I find it's more absorbent.

Yeah. Sorry. And they should find a way to make the roll on the inside out of something that you can use. If it's not. It should just be 100% roll. It should just be all roll. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

There's no reason why there couldn't be a little bit of toilet paper origami happening just to give that. Just to give some structure. Yeah, give the true. There's no reason why there couldn't be a little bit of toilet paper origami happening just to give that. Just to give some structure. Yeah, give the structure to like, it should just be like a, like something like that. You can picture a machine doing it. It's actually structurally really strong, but if you pull it in the right way, it folds out and you've got like an extra meter. Exactly. An extra meter would be generous.

I love that. I mean, you know what I think I would do? Oh, sorry. This is pre-roll and I apologize. You had something to say. It's gone already. Instead of wiping with the roll, you know what I would do? I would use the roll and like cram it in the danger area, in the muck area.

And you'd keep it in there. And I'd keep it in there as keep it in there as as a defense as my underpants as i walk to go get another roll wow the irish yeah it's a temporary measure like that and then you know i don't think i could flush it in good conscience so i would then take it take then i then i'd also then go walk out to the backyard like that, waddle out like that. And then I would pull my pants in and drop it on the floor. Then I would burn it. And then I would continue wiping down.

Wow, you'd burn it. No, not really. But I mean, I'm just, you know, coming up with alternatives. I'm just joking. You'd burn it. And then I'd cook some meat over it. In good conscience. Because I don't think we should put carbon

into the atmosphere unless we're utilising it in every possible way. Yeah. They should make a roll that combusts, you know. Automatically. Yeah. When you finish it, it goes, like as you pull off that last sheet, it goes, like that. Make it out of whatever it is that magicians use when they're doing that

little trick and it has a beautiful scent to it so that it you know deodorizes the room like that the scent is a smart man i you're not even coming up with sketches anymore these are just great ideas yes these are like these are high tech Because, you know, that's the lighting, the match in the bathroom. Is it? Apparently. Yeah. But now, would it be a problem having a thing that kind of can... Can combust.

Can combust automatically. Inside that roll of paper. Inside of paper that is very flammable. Yeah, yeah. Would it be a problem? I guess, yeah. I mean, I think it's probably... Would it be a problem having I can't say. I mean, I think it's probably... Would it be a problem having a whole lot of those rolls

packed in tight together into, say, a Who Gives a Crap cardboard box themselves put into the back of a big truck full of similar rolls and then driving them all over the country? Yeah, yeah. Driving them into a factory filled with them. I don't know why I even asked the question.

A factory filled with them? Stockpiling them so that people will buy these quite rough bits of paper. You know, while there is charity towards the trees and things of the world, being quite cruel towards your own anus with this quality

of this toilet paper. So the amount of suffering in the world remains a constant. Exactly. If we include the suffering of the trees. That's right. And the suffering of suffering in the world remains a constant. Exactly. If we include the suffering of the trees. That's right. And the suffering of one's sort of reverse mouth. What about this idea? A tree that can eat meat. Well, I mean, I guess it makes sense with those trees

that have a big hole at the bottom, that people like to go stand in and get a photo taken. Yeah. I mean, that would be a great evolutionary leap for them to make because people love to go and stand in that hole. Yeah. We love it. Yeah, yeah.

People love it. You love to take your kids in there. Yeah. I like it maybe how it does it. Yeah. And this just can be me. You know, like they have sap and it can be quite gooey, right? Now, it wouldn't work if it just dropped a bit of sap on you.

But if it dropped like buckets of sap on you all at once like that. You're all stuck there. Like that. And you dissolve really slowly. Nickelodeon, yeah. But real heavy. Like that. But you dissolve really slowly.

Oh, yeah. Stuck there to the base of the tree. And while you're dissolving, you and your family are dissolving, other people are still coming in to get their photo taken. Yeah, because it becomes a little bit like trans not transparent the opposite i think they know you're there they can even hear you and talk to you and that sort of thing but it takes a while for the tree to refill its buckets yeah exactly but but people love to get that photo taken so even if there's a family stuck in there slowly dissolving or whatever you'll be like that won't

happen to us the tree's got someone now it's dissolving them it's like a snake you know they're they'll be digesting for that's when you should approach a snake well months it's the best time just hang out get some photos with it like that it's the best possible i treat a full snake like a quokka yeah you know they want to have their photo taken they'll come to you yeah i mean a snake wouldn't even dare bite they'd be like they must be like i couldn't possibly have another couldn't possibly and i wouldn't even bite just for the venomous reason yeah just for defense i couldn't even buy you at a defense out of protecting myself that would be really nice if you could give snakes the gift of speech

just for long enough to go and check if they're okay with you being there. You won't eat me, will you? I couldn't. If I wanted to, which I don't. Yeah, but it seems a bit duplicitous for one of those pythons or whatever that

don't really bite. They just swallow it. but if it was convincing it was like i'm not gonna bite i'm not gonna bite yeah i will joke you i'll joke until you're unconscious and swallow you very duplicitous behavior yeah you know but then if you there was a snake that you could approach and ask if you could you know get a photo with it and it's like where are you gonna bite me there probably would be one species of snake that would evolve to lie. And then go, no. And then it would bite you and then eat you.

I'm just saying. Evolutionary speaking, there's an advantage to lying in that regard. Yeah, well, I was wondering recently, and I'm sure this has been covered, but in terms of the Bible story of the snake and the apple, why the snake and the and the and the apple why are you taking the advice of a snake on apples you know yeah that's an interesting what

do they what do they know that's true there's no awareness of the snake's typical diet yeah well you don't eat apples do you why are you recommending this apple? Let me see you take a bite of the apple. You know? But also, like, we're different species as well. Like, there's certain things that you can eat that I can't eat. Like, I wouldn't eat a full capybara. Yeah. That would be great if the Bible said. We find another translation of the Bible story, right?

We find that what the original version was this is we find this in a cave in the Middle East and the original text is that it's a full capybara it's a South American animal yes which you normally wouldn't get there unless the the the the ark had just been indeed which makes this terrific proof of the the reality of the Bible story. Finally, we have what we need. But at the same time, the truth that teaches us is that the apple, it wasn't actually an apple. It was a full capybara.

And what Eve did was she dislocated her lower jaw. She swallowed it. She covered it in her saliva and she swallowed it whole. And then she lay there, you know, unable to move move for months and that's why god was able to catch her he came out from behind the tree yeah i told you not to eat the capybaras from the tree of knowledge yeah uh we actually told her to eat a full... And then it feels more like that's a reasonable thing for God to ask. Yeah.

It makes God seem much more reasonable. And it's probably, yeah, uncomfortable for her. And that's probably why it would have been... He's trying to help her out. Yeah. An apple seems like he's... I mean, it's very tempting. Yeah.

I mean, an apple. But a full capybara. You shouldn't have to dislocate your jaw. Exactly. And probably during that time that you're laying there digesting this full capybara, like that, that you really would get a chance, like you're kind of groaning, probably looking at your stomach, looking at the huge bulge there, that you probably would look at your body and realise that you were naked yeah there's enough time there yeah you know i think you're like oh

fuck my breasts are out i might be naked like that i guess it's weird because also it's like realizing that you're naked but at the time that wouldn't have been a bad thing for any reason because there was no Be naked. Like that. I guess it's weird because also it's like realizing that you're naked. But at the time, that wouldn't have been a bad thing for any reason because there was no – There's no knowledge of good or bad. Yeah, there's no knowledge of good or bad. There's nobody around to judge. Like there's the knowledge of good and evil.

You feel naked and you feel ashamed. Yeah. But really the only reason that you're – Shame could be the full capybara you've just swallowed. Yeah. Who's to say what it is? I always feel so much shame after I eat a full capybara. When I'm naked, it's like, well, you did just eat a capybara.

Are you sure it's not that? Yeah. I'm full of shame. No, I'm pretty sure you're full of capybara. Because God's not saying that you should feel shame when you're naked by yourself. No, I don't think God's saying you should feel shame at all. He didn't want them to feel that. But they ate the apple.

That's what made them feel that. I know, but I don't trust them. Yeah. He's hiding behind the tree. Yeah, he's hiding. Well, that's right. Like I probably mentioned to both of you, when I was reading the beginning of the Adam and Eve thing recently in the Genesis, there's that moment after she gets adam to eat the

apple as well where god is walking going adam where are you like he can't find him in the far yeah and so there's this where god maybe might not be as all-knowing as like for example he doesn't know where you are right now he also doesn't think it's a good idea to know do you think it's like when you're pretending not do you think it's when you're pretending not to know where you are right now. He also doesn't think it's a good idea to know good from evil. Do you think it's when you're pretending not to know where your kids are when you're playing hide and seek? It could be, but he was about to get angry with him. Did he know at that point that they'd eaten the apple? Yeah, I think so.

When he was going to look for them? Because they had already covered up, I think. Yeah, you're right, they'd covered up. Covered up was... Yeah. One thing or another would give it away the fig leaves and also God decided on what was good and evil and so he's the one who's like

I don't want you to know what good and evil is by the way being naked is really evil I don't want you to feel shame but being naked is fucking evil and if you know what good and evil is you'll know that it's disgusting that you guys are like this. But I'm allowing it. Yeah.

I don't want you to know that. I'm the only guy looking. But I think it's disgusting. I think it's shameful. I'm just going to stand here. And I'm wearing clothes because I'm God. I got a big old robe. Look at that.

And he's just like, anyway, now you know oh i guess that's you you've learned your lesson this thing that i just made up literally in the last couple of days yeah but i mean that is um i mean i guess it's all a metaphor for parents and kids and stuff like that right maybe maybe maybe it's a metaphor for something else. You know? Something more, like, maybe it's a metaphor for, like, a recipe. Insider trading. Could be.

Try to make it make sense. Try, okay, all right. Okay, let's see. Something I would ask. So what is insider trading? Well, insider trading is using knowledge that one person has, privileged knowledge that other people aren't supposed to have access to in order to get an advantage. So I guess the knowledge of good and evil could well be the proprietary information.

So do you think that God, you're kind of there, God was actually doing the insider trading by knowing that it's wrong. He gets to have a good old look at it. Yeah, but he also gets to not be naked. Yeah. He gets to wear the rope. Yeah. He doesn't know that that's, they don't know that that's the right thing to do.

He's going to get into heaven because God's doing the right thing. Following the rules that he made. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And he knows how to, you know, like he can play it and he knows, he has all the information, also how the whole system works.

He really is also like one of those kids who's, like you're playing at their house and they've got the soccer ball, so they get to make all the rules and that sort of thing. And then they get to kick you out when they don't like what you're doing. Yeah, he sounds insecure. Yeah.

He thinks they're going to mess it all up for him. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, yeah. It's like he's reporting to somebody above that he hasn't mentioned. That makes so much sense now that you put it that way. It makes sense that there must be another god that this god doesn't want to talk about. There's someone higher than him. But they're keeping an eye on him, and that's why he cares so much about this stuff.

He wants us to think that he's the main boss. He's middle management. The reality is there's another god. There's a god god who this stuff. Yeah. He wants us to think that he's the main boss. He's middle management. The reality is there's another god. There's a god god who makes gods. Wow. Yeah, it's the ASIC or the ACCC or whatever. Exactly. Which, if you were an insider trader who also worked for ASIC,

that's the perfect crime. Except for being a crime still. That makes it imperfect. Can I just get this straight? God, God. Write down the idea of God, God. You'd love to be insider trading with the benefit of working for ASIC. You could do that.

But in good conscience, you could never flush a cardboard roll. Cardboard roll. Yeah, yeah. No, no. But yeah, the other thing, the white collar crime rather than the white porcelain crime. Great. Great. I am much more into. Or you could call the other one the brown collar crime.

Really good. Because of the whole – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, especially because there's going to be that rim of shit around the top of it. I'll try to use it to scrape out my asshole. Yeah. Metaphor for insider trading. Wow. i can't believe that made the list but i mean i think the idea that there is another god who probably makes some of the rules that god

operates within but god doesn't want us to know that's the case explains a lot of the stuff that's inconsistent and the idea of like how does god allow evil to happen and that sort of thing. God's not actually in charge of that. But he wants us to think he is, which is why religion can never explain that paradox. He just won't admit that he doesn't have that power. He's only operating like seven days ahead of Adam. because he just won't admit that he doesn't have that power. Yeah. What if you think about it, he's only operating like seven days ahead of Adam?

Yeah. He doesn't have much of a head start. I don't know. That might not be true. I don't know if God came into existence on the first day. Okay. He was sitting around in emptiness. I think he'd been around for ages getting the lay of the land.

Yeah. Okay. He had the home grounded. Do you think he was traveling through empty space? I think he might been around for ages, getting the lay of the land. Yeah, okay. He had the home grounded. Do you think he was traveling through empty space? I think he might have been, yeah. Like looking for a nice place to start the universe? A good spot, a nice flat bit of empty space where he could build the universe. A fertile area of empty space where lots of material could enter very easily.

Maybe you are looking for a little hole or something like that that you can push matter into. Or like, you know, apparate? Was that the word? Apparate, yeah, great word. Would that actually be the word for making things appear? Sure, why not? It definitely is in Harry Potter. Oh.

That's apparition. Is it the root word? Probably, yeah. I'm just... Apparate. Evaporate? Yeah. Evaporate.

Don't bring Eve into it again. She's not apparating anything. It's only a god, I think. Yeah, I mean, Eve apparated from the rib. Of Adam. Yeah, Eve apparated from the rib of Adam. And Adam came from the dirt. The dust. Dirty dust kind of Adam. Yeah, he evaporated from the rib of Adam. And Adam came from the dirt. The dust.

Dirty dust kind of thing. If anyone, Adam would have had the capacity to get the full capybara down. Yeah, because he's missing a rib. He's missing a rib. Yeah, and so that would have definitely at least made

some of the discomfort from the later parts of the... A little bit more manageable. Yeah. I think getting the capybara through the neck would have been, for me, one of the toughest bits.

This is like... Through the swallow hole, I reckon. Horrible. It's the real bottleneck. It does feel like a narrow. I've not seen my own one, but it does feel... Yeah. I imagine it can dilate when you need it.

This joke must have been made, right? That the idea that Adam is feeling lonely in the Garden of Eden and God comes down and removes his rib so that he can suck his own dick? I mean, yeah, that kind of seems interesting, doesn't it? But it must have been done, right? I don't know if I've seen that. Everybody's always trying to make a

remove my dick. Yeah, remove my dick. I need an extra rib. Barbecue your rib yeah remove my rib so i can suck my own rib yeah i i once had a chat with um tom walker about how we had both uh separately tweeted about that or maybe he had it on one of his live shows right yeah it's a weird one but i mean the the god and adam one is that something we can write down uh yeah yeah i think so i haven't heard it before yeah okay if i'm the arbiter yeah yeah i mean that connection is definitely there to be made if anybody watching at home if anybody is watching at home, feel free to let us know if that's a really famous joke made by,

I want to say, maybe Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. You think it's that? Yeah. And I think that's the sort of thing you would have done on TV. Absolutely. How crazy would it be to have one rib removed though and he'd have to like go down on the angle

like that. It's kind of, you know, you'd want both ribs. Yeah, you would. It could be like shaving then where you take a little bit extra off one side.

Yeah, so he keeps moving ribs like that because he's like, oh, we've got to fix it up a little bit. It takes another rib

on this side. Also, was that God's plan? Had they not eaten of the apple? Yeah. Women had not been condemned to a life of having to childbirth all that pain was the plan to grow the human race just to continue taking ribs it was just gonna be rib based reproduction rib production that was

what i was gonna call it but no i'm done that's. That is kind of infinite, though, because every new person gets new ribs. At least one rib per person. At least one. Because I guess he's decided on the model early on, a bunch of ribs, puts one unnecessary one in the atoms, in all the male ones, and then he takes it out. Yeah. There's also a ribbed for your pleasure yeah um joke to be made yeah yeah how

uh well let's see let's see right here well i mean he uh the god took out adam's rib so that he could be create eve so that he could be with Eve. You know, and so actually that was, he was. Well, I guess then she was brought into existence for her own pleasure. His pleasure too. For his pleasure. For his pleasure. But like he was a person who was like unribbed for his pleasure. That's true.

It doesn't quite work. Which is more like a normal condom in house. Guys complain that they can't... Oh, I can't feel anything anymore in my rib, which is gone. Oh, there you go. It works perfectly. I'm really proud of that bit of religious analysis. By the way, I have just realised how beautiful your hands are.

Yeah, they're good, aren't they? Yeah, because they actually remind me a little bit of one of my kids' hands. They kind of look a bit extra chubby. They are like little boy hands. And I think in many ways you are a little boy. Thanks, man. In this rendering, anyway. Yeah, beautiful little boy.

Render, render. Right, we've done a lot of God stuff. This is like this guest's McDonald's. I didn't even bring it up, though. I know, and that's the thing, but you also did shows about religion. Yeah. What would you say is the best religion? I mean, being put on the spot now,

I think, and having heard the new interpretation, I'm going to have to say Christianity. Yeah, great. Or any of the Semitic, because all the Semitics. Don't just say that just because God's here. God's everywhere.

You're not just saying that because God's always listening, are you? Would this be an Adam's capybara? Yeah, I think it would have to be. Yeah, I guess in the true interpretation. We'd have to update a whole lot of paperwork. Yeah. It'd be cool if it was just like a big lump that went from here to there.

If it had a couple of hooves kind of poking out and needles in the lump. You're like, why do they call it the Adam's capybara? Well, it's funny. You should ask. It's funny if you can ask. There's actually a mistake in the Bible. I found a few mistakes in the Bible. We are doing really well blowing this whole thing wide open.

Getting to the bottom of it. Tackling religion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, I think that there's actually a lot in a kind of Genesis sketch show. You could just do, and it's called Genesis, and then you get to tell the story of it.

Kind of like, I guess, what Monty Python did with the Life of Brian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you could just call it something different. You call it, oh, Genesis, and it's about a woman. Oh, really good. Called Jenny. Jenny. Oh oh she's also creating a

universe not this one you know maybe she's the one above god she's the one above god but she's also she's she's she worked her way up through building up her own what if it's called jenny's sis and then it's actually about jenny's sister oh yeah so there's another character. Her name's Barbara. Yeah, because everybody was asking, oh, does God God Jenny, does she have a sister? God God Jenny. Jenny, does she have a sister? And is she single? Yeah.

You know God? Well, there's a God God. Her name's Jenny. Guess what? I am dating her sister. I mean, just the idea of going god it's pretty good has he got a sister that is very funny this god guy sounds pretty good you're sitting in the in the in church

maybe you sidle up to the to the priest after the mass. You say, this God guy. Good. Sounds like he's doing it. He's the king of the universe, is he? That's pretty good. Has he got a sister? Is she single? Is she dating?

Is she dating anybody at the moment? Because then that would be Jesus' aunt. I don't know why that feels like a weird thing. You know, he's dating Jesus' auntie. Which side? You have to check on the Joseph side? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because he's got three sides, doesn't he?

He does. Yeah, he's got the Mary Joseph one. Do you think that the, you know, because like Jesus kind of getting crucified, that wouldn't have been that bad on God. Because God knew he was like, he's coming back or whatever. He's fine. Right. And also, you know, he's immortal. Right.

Probably would have hurt Jesus, I guess, if Jesus had to endure pain. But also he would have been. I think that was a big part of it. Yeah. Or at least he. Had to really act like it. Like you had to make it convincing. Yeah. But, you know, all the other. Spent a few weeks with Stanislavski of it. Yeah, or at least he played it out. He had to really act like it, like he had to make it convincing. Yeah, but all the other times.

He spent a few weeks with Stanislavski. Yeah, exactly. Really do method. He kind of would try with nails just slightly in there, pushed in. But then who it really would have been painful for is probably Mary and Joseph, who were like, I was never 100% I believed on this whole God thing. It just seems like our kid

is getting killed here. You know, obviously I believe him but there's also some doubt. Is there any chance? Yeah, and so there's a possibility that he's just kind of dying for this thing. We know this is a thing that you really want to do,

and this is important to you. Have you thought about carpentry? Yeah. It's an honest living. Remember carpentry? You were doing it for a while. You were quite good. With Joseph in the shed.

Yeah. Is there anything you sketch in that? It's too hard, isn't it? Or not quite believe in him. You sure? I guess the Or not quite believe in them. You sure? I guess the parents not quite believe it. And then the idea of like, just trying to like, you guys don't support me. You know, I think, yeah.

Like, I guess like Jesus not feeling supported by skeptical Mary and Joseph. by skeptical Mary and Joseph. Now, I had something, the germ of something earlier when we were talking about God being so great and just before we talked about the sister thing. What was it? It was about something to do with God, something to do with God, and you are meeting God god people are talking about god

i can't get it i can't get it it's gone um it was it was it was about genesis before genesis oh does he have a sister before does he yeah i think it was before does he have a sister oh this this was it it was pride and prejudice but instead of um mr darcy it's god okay yeah so uh so he's standing wet in the lake yeah yeah real looking really hot i guess coming out of the water and stuff like that but you know obviously for mrs bennett the idea that god had moved into bingley manor or whatever the fucking place he would uh uh mr god was moves into mr darcy god um and she's trying to get her daughter in with god god's very aloof and that sort of thing but then at the end god reveals that he's really into her.

It all makes sense. I think it works well. Not that he has 10,000 a year, but it's that he's the God of all creation. What is the 10,000 a year thing? Did you hear he has 10,000 a year? Of what? You're talking about how many pounds of money.

Oh, right, right, right. I haven't seen the Mr. Darcy show. Yeah. I think that was cleared by that your only memory of it was the – The Standing in the Lake. Standing in the Lake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think because there's a statue and I know most of my – is this history? Yes.

I know most of my history from statues in bodies of water. Yeah. I mean, maybe he doesn't come out of the lake. Maybe he walks across the top of it. He walks – That's great. So this is more of like a Zeus-y God. But I'll i'll write it down god look god is mr darcy i mean they've done pride and prejudice and zombies i'm just suggesting we do um genesis pride and genesis yes but then

then but then are you suggesting that eventually uh god does give in and just like has sex with this woman? And then he was, he takes her. Give in? No, he's into her. He's in love. Yeah, he's giving in. Okay. He's giving into your feelings.

You could also, if it was pride and Genesis, it does feel like that's, they're in the Garden of Eden. Eve has just been made to fall in love with Adam, but actually Eve is secretly into God. Yeah, and God's secretly into her. And then they start hooking up behind Adam's back. Do you think God, he's just frustrated because now they put the fig leaves on. And he was enjoying it. Yeah, he was loving it.

Yeah, because why else would he not? You know, it was like, he's like, well, he knows it's wrong. And he's just letting them do something wrong. Yeah, yeah. And because, I mean, yeah. And so he's like, them do something wrong yeah yeah and because i mean yeah and so he's like and then yeah he was like why you put on those fucking leaves oh he ate my apple it does make it feel like maybe the thing of it being wrong was a fundamental law of the universe he didn't make that law right that's like something like gravity or something like that and he just

didn't want them to know about it he didn't want them to feel bad so he was keeping it a secret from them but they found out that fundamental truth that's built into the nature of the universe independent of god's will you think it's like that it's wrong to be nude like a particle yeah it could be a particle. Shame particle. A sharticle. A sharticle. It's the particle that travels from the anus to the underpants, right, in order to transmit the property of shame

to the to the viewer. It goes into the viewer's eye. It makes them feel shame. Yeah, okay. I feel like we might have already used the word sharticle for something else on the podcast once upon a time but this i'm willing to strike the previous use of sharticle from the record say that this is the new definitive canon in the in the canon we've retconned it now sharticle is uh the shame particle the shame

particle yeah and and yeah i guess that's what they uh that's what got into their eyes yeah it goes into their eyes makes them feel shame from seeing the buttock you know but it but it but it's it's a it's a it's a very massive particle, but it can't travel through. It gets blocked by very thin things like a fig leaf. Clothes. Clothes, yeah. Why is it a big particle? Well, it's massive.

I think massive particles find it harder to travel through objects, so they get blocked. Smaller, more energetic, but lighter particles like gamma rays can go through a bit of lead or whatever, but an alpha particle gets blocked yeah okay yeah and bigger particles they have more weight usually they have more mass more mass yeah um can there be a big particle that has no mass that's a great question you know because like because, like, why small particles? It's like, they're all pretty small. And why no mass? And why... Yeah, for frame of reference, how big is a big particle?

Yeah, it's still tiny. Still impossibly small. Oh, I'm seeing it. Yeah, but I think, why can't there be a big particle but that's very light? It's huge. Yeah, it just takes up a lot of space. Probably as big as the room.

But it's really light. It's very light. Maybe it has no's just takes up a lot of space the room yeah but it's really light it's maybe it has no mass it moves speed a lot yeah i mean that's great it's a great idea so you should be a physicist a theoretical physicist because i don't know if anybody's looking into that right if they're looking for particles everyone thinks they're really small but there could be some it could be this could be what dark matter is that are so big you're just like you just actually got to zoom out in order to be able to see them. They're bigger than this. Yeah. Oh, that's what dark matter is, just gigantic particles.

They're like planet size. Yeah, but really low mass. Yeah, low mass and also no mass. No mass. Then I don't think that's a good candidate for dark matter because dark matter has to be responsible for a lot of the mass in the universe. Yeah, but can you get gravity from momentum? Momentavenity.

See, this is why you should be a theoretical physicist. Is there a momentum gravity? You get sucked into it. There is the idea that photons have momentum even though they don't have any mass. So maybe things could have mass just from having momentum. I don't know. Yeah, I guess that's what gravity is.

But we connect. Yeah, all right. I mean, there could be like dark gravity. I'm sure there is. I mean, there's no way that some scientist somewhere isn't using the term dark gravity. Like, they'll put dark on anything. Yeah, oh, yeah.

Does it just mean we don't know? Yeah, I mean, sort of, yeah. I think it's kind of like we don't know. So E equals MC squared, that's mass in there. Yeah. Not matter. Does matter come into that? Well, that is the link between energy and matter.

E equals mc2. Oh, okay. Shows you the relationship between... And mass is what matter has. Yes. Yeah, okay. And so the reason why... This is very good.

Oh, yeah. This is no longer scheduled. Very good. Because I was just trying to think what other... Trying to remember a bit of physics. Yeah, but I remember the thing about like why. Oh, forget it. I can't.

I'm not going to try and do it. No, no, no. Just that thing about like why light travels at the speed of light at all times. And it's because of like EMC squared. There was a thing in there where it's like that means that it can never because it doesn't have mass. Because it doesn't have mass, it can never... It's because the expanded equation also has momentum in there. And so if it doesn't have any mass, then that would just be equal to zero or whatever, the energy.

But then in the other one, it's like... So it means that it has to be either traveling... It has to always be traveling at the speed of light so that it has momentum. So that it can exist. So that it can exist. It only exists when it be traveling at the speed of light so that it has momentum. So that it can exist. So that it can exist. It only exists when it's moving at the speed of light. Anyway.

Yeah. Sorry, everybody. All right, we're at 2.46. Okay, more about this. It's a school, it's a class. All right. Wait, I'll put this. Sate girlfriend.

Okay, it's a girlfriend but she's like she doesn't dress in clothes she dresses in peanut butter and like you know a little bit of chili would kill siren hey this would kill all because you allergic to peanuts anaphylaxis that's why i do not have a satay girlfriend. No, but this is the perfect Romeo and Juliet story. Oh, really good. It would be very confusing because you'd turn up to a party, you'd be like, I'm just going to bring my satay girlfriend. Most people would assume that you're bringing a girlfriend who's on a skewer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.

You'd turn up with a girlfriend, laugh at it. Yeah, she's probably like a... Most reasonable people would assume. The skewer that makes the sauté. No, no, no. She is a fashion student. She's working with semi-liquids mostly, and she thinks that peanut butter shows the most promise.

Crunchy? At the moment, smooth, but she is experimenting with crunchy. And they show up at the party. There's a character that play is representative of you but it's not you but you could probably play this character as well uh and you see them and even just the peanut butter in the air is making your back of your throat tingle yeah you don't like this person immediately this is the perfect beginning of a romantic comedy. You see?

And then it's not until later when you run into her while you're carrying a bunch of books on. Oh, up against your chest. Up against your chest. Really nervously on the first day of college. About anaphylaxis. Yeah, right. You're trying to stop, you know, anaphylaxis research. You're trying to stop. That you run into her coming out of the shower somewhere but she's getting wrapped in a towel and things like

that so for a moment you'll and you see each other and you hate each other but now she's not covered in peanut butter and she's actually like you know you go oh i don't hate you in the same way i do and you oh sorry i gotta get out of here I think she needs to always be covered in peanut butter I think it loses all of its meaning it's a completely there's no if she's

taken the peanut butter off there's no idea anymore Alistair that's literally just two people Andy's a bit frustrated because he had this classroom idea

no no no I mean I think it's a great idea but I think you don't know what's good about it. Okay, you're right, you're right. And the only way they can make love is for you to wear an adrenaline condom.

Isn't that what they inject in with the EpiPen? That's what the EpiPen is. It's the EpiPen is a condom with a needle. All the way in. It's just releasing adrenaline. Pure adrenaline. That's how you know

it's true love. Yeah. And then you're getting covered in peanut butter. I think a lot of the symptoms... Your throat is tingling just from hearing this. Are a lot of the symptoms

of anaphylaxis the same as those of falling in love? Yeah, yeah. Shortness of breath. love. Yeah, yeah. Shortness of breath. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Swelling.

Yeah. It depends on where it is, but sure. You know, flushed face. Yeah, flush. Yeah. Tongue tied. Yeah, true. Heart skips a beat.

Heart skips a beat, yeah. Throat closes. Yeah, throat closes up. Death someone's in love. Sate girlfriend. I mean, I guess it explains itself. We don't need to go into too many details. Why would you?

All right. There's a substitute teacher, right? Idea. But this is. What's he covered in? You're in class. There's a substitute teacher. But also some students sick.

He sent along a substitute student. Oh, that's good. And this is during a pandemic. All the students are substitutes. Oh, yeah. It's the real teacher, but the whole class is substitutes. Yeah, we're all subs. Yeah.

I mean, what do... And then what happens with the... I mean, I imagine it would end up being a lot, mathematically, the same as when there's a substitute teacher because the real teacher asks the class, reads the role, and a lot of the students are now saying they've got different names to what they normally have. They've got different names.

Again, it's because they actually do in this case. In this case, they do, yeah. But this is also these kids' regular teacher, and so he knows that they don't look like that. Yeah, I guess so. But he'll be like, you know, Jermaine Fowler. Present. And you go, you're not Jermaine.

And that's how we get into this. Yeah, really good. I'm a substitute. It's also a substitute guinea pig. Because they have a class guinea pig. Class guinea pig because somebody brought it home and it was eaten by the... An eagle. An eagle.

It was also a substitute. Yeah, really. Because the other eagle was shot by a hunter illegally. They find out that everyone in the school is a substitute. Everyone all the way up to the principal all the students they realize that there's there's no nobody real in the entire and then they start to worry they're like do you have any memories from before you came in here right they don't they realize they didn't exist right they've just been summoned into existence for the purposes of substituting for an entire school's worth of um and so then what trying to turn into a twilight what do the

substitute teachers when they're not called into action i don't think they exist they don't yeah okay so or is there a school where they're all they're all is a school where everyone is a substitute everyone is a substitute that they can be then pulled out I guess that's what sister cities are right every town has a sister city

or every city has a sister city maybe some towns have a sister city I don't know oh nice town you've got here does it have a sister

you writing that down I'm just writing because I think the idea of somebody even if it's the beautiful city I have here has it got a sister? What are you going to do? You want to try to fuck this guy, this city sister? Where's this guy?

It's a city. Do you think a city should have genitals? Yes, of course. Okay, good. Where would you put it? I mean, is... In the river? Is the tallest skyscraper sort of the head of the city?

Or is it an erection? Or is it like a limb, an arm? It's a normal human-sized genitals that are just somewhere on a wall, somewhere in the city or on the perimeter of the city. Yeah, it's like the key to a city is slightly larger than your standard key. Yeah. The city's genitals can't be that big. And so maybe it has a full body all over the city.

Different organs, different eyes. Oh, wow. That would be so nice. And then you could do tours where you take people to all the body parts of the city. We've already got the arteries sorted. The arteries. It's the roads. Yeah.

Oh, arterial. What are they called anyway? The cities. Talk about having the heart of a city. That's a thing in hand. I've already got the key to a city. The body part of the key. The body part.

Toes. The toes of a city. I've already got the toes of a city. Roads. Roads. Got the roads. City. City. Buildings in the...

City. Or people in a city. That's a good one. Or mayor. Mayor. How do you say it? Which is like a horse. Art centre.

Hey? Governors. Mansion. Governor. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. The governors. You know, the governor's car. Yeah. yeah, yeah. And the governor's, you know, the governor's car. Yeah. Of the city.

Of the city. Yeah. Yeah. Cities have a body. A body. Hidden. And you can go and look at all the bits. At all.

All the way around. What a great way to reach 250 seems like a milestone did we just oh yeah milestone around yeah it's 250 baby halfway would it be funny if that was halfway um uh i somebody pointed out on the chat that um the toy the the the um, not wizard, magician's paper we were talking about is called flash paper. Flush paper. But I think an entire roll of flash paper, toilet paper would be really, you know, could be something. Is it self-igniting or do you have to get a spark? Well, I think you've got to rub it on something in order for it to catch fire.

So I think it'll be okay. Yeah. Oh, just like, oh, that'd be great because then you could wipe it. It's a great prank. And we love a prank on this podcast. We're big prank boys. Two in the prank prank. Yeah.

Two in the prank tank. Two in the think prank. Two in the think prank. Prank. Two in the sink. You've got the under prank Doing the think prank Prank Doing the think You've got the Underarm of the city Be great for one of those

Yeah Situations where you're in the Cubicle next door What's the prank? Someone's like Oh somebody wants some Spare toilet paper You give them

Slip them a few Magicians Some flash Flash Roll Yeah Have we talked about The sketch idea of You want to hire a Magician's flash roll. Yeah. Have we talked about the sketch idea of you want to hire a wizard for your a magician for your kid's party but you accidentally hire a wizard?

No, I don't remember that. Children's entertaining wizard? You're the magician? No, I'm a wizard. I'm a wizard. That's my thing, right? I mean, I don't know. I guess we both partake in magic.

Yeah. In the magical arts. In the dark arts. But then are they doing like magic magic, like turning people into frogs and shit, like battling a dragon? Yeah. Or are they sort of like an Alan Moore kind of just like,

it's just all a bit weird, sex magic-y, sort of dark, you know, blood on the floor, kind of do a pentagram. I mean, I think if there's a moment where he's holding a dagger in his hand and he's cutting it and he's dripping it over a pentagram. Yeah, but then he does that to make a balloon animal? Is the balloon animal actually alive?

Now where's the birthday boy? Now take that fox fur and put it on the candle. He like burns it. Ah, it stinks! I Montana am the devil's child. Yeah, really good. I accept the devil within myself.

You're a fucked up wizard. You get satanic. You hire the entertainment so that you can just sit back, you know. Yeah. The parents are in the back door all having a drink. Just having a beer. Watching it, that's really good that's a really nice but you see them over there they're not gonna get involved this guy seems a bit intense yeah but the kids are engaged the kids the kids eyes are like oh

completely black he's got them in the palm of their head. I think also the parents just being like, this is actually good. This is like, oh, man, these are normally not that good. This guy's good. This guy's really good. Where'd you find this guy? But then also you could also have like a Vegas wizard, right,

who's a sort of – again, he's a real wizard kind of guy but he's also kind of an entertainer so he's got it does a lot of the patois patois it's not the patois now is it no he does the jokes and stuff you know he's um yeah i don't i don't i don't know enough about that world in order to back that up with any content. So I'm not sure if it could be written down. But, yeah. A wizard act. A Vegas wizard.

I'll just write it down, Andy. Yeah, sure. You bothered to say the words. Thank you. That's what matters. A Vegas necromancer. i mean yeah it could even just be that he was labeled as a magician because that's how he gets his money you know and then he kind of reveals over time he's like you know that really he is a wizard he's trying to do the trying to do the like

the magician style tricks but there's more money in it. With like arcade black magic. Yeah, because he's normally like, I can bring animals back to life and things like that. And he can, you know, he has a familiar pet snake that can do his bidding, you know. He can control souls of weaker mortals. Yeah, but there's no money in it

and he uses that that trick to guess what card you have yeah you can see through your eyes he's the reason why vegas is a soulless place yeah that's right yeah because he's just like yeah he's like oh maybe if i could just get know, like he can get people to do what he wants, but it steals their soul and they remain vacant, empty husks, automatons that just continue through life feeling nothing. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas because your soul is trapped in this jar. In a sort of a wizard's orb. I think I like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His jaw. And instead of a wizard's orb. I think I like that. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was thinking about that. Let me just check something. Oh, yeah. I mean, people could be trying to get in touch with this.

Oh, yeah. Sorry. I'll just let them know. Sorry. They said they're running five minutes late. Oh, bah. Seven is... That's cool.

Do you want to tease who's up next? No. We haven't done it with anybody else. And I think it's rude. It would be rude to tease. You've got one right here. Maybe we could tease this guest. You know?

Have at it. Glasses frames are slightly thicker. That is way more brutal than I thought. Okay, I am crumbling, man. I wasn't ready for that. And, yeah, wow. Wow. I think the glasses frames are off limits, okay?

Just mock my ears, please. Mock my ears. Ears of the city. I don't think we didn't mention ears. My God, you're right. Because there are the eyes and ears of the city. Are there? Did they say that?

I think so. Like the eyes and ears of the city. No, I don't think that's true. It refers to people who know what's going on. I don't think that's true. Eyes and ears. You're lying. I think there's the eyes and ears.

Eyes and ears of the city. No, no, no. true you're lying i think there's the eyes and ears eyes and ears of the city yeah no no i think they say i think like someone like neil degrasse tyson often refers to humans as being the the city um observing itself they say about the universe but it works on a smaller municipality staring you know witnessing itself maybe it was that guy, the Cosmos guy who had the... Sagan. Sagan. Yeah. Sagan.

Sagan. The turtley. He had the turtley. He had the turtley neck. Have you recently achieved a bit of peace with humanity being wiped out? Yeah. I mean, I think that one's the easiest one to feel. Yeah? Like, to feel peace with

i mean like as long as like because it's because also when you say it you often don't necessarily think of yourself getting wiped out and and then or you kind of think of it as like it'll happen to everybody else like that but then you kind of go but also i'll just die at some point probably not from getting wiped out and then everybody will get wiped out. So it also doesn't like, yeah, it's like it doesn't matter that much in that case because I guess if you're going to die, it doesn't matter if everybody dies. We lived through a pandemic though.

So now this feels just like junk time. Post wipeout. Yeah, just riding the whitewash after the wave break. You're like, now we can coast for a bit. And then the fire season starts and you're like, oh, it's back. Yeah. It could be. Because the Mayans predicted that 2008 was going to be the...

2012. 2012. What was their word for it? Jerry Brockheimer? What's he doing? Jerry Brockheimer? Is that the word for it? Yes, that's the Mayan word.

But maybe they got it right. But what they didn't factor into it is that we would continue to live after the apocalypse. So you think the earth did? Yeah. The world did it. It's lived through several apocalypse. Well, I think that's a great, and I'm sure this tactic gets employed by some of the doomsday prophets, when they predict a very specific date for the end of the universe.

Rapture. Yeah, or whatever it may be, whatever form it takes, but then it happens and then they're like, well, actually the world did end. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, okay. Okay, yeah, great. Yeah, but now it will have ended in some capacity that's like we can't sense it,

but souls have somehow changed or this is no longer the world. You can just sort of explain it away. Yeah, and you can just make up bullshit. Because when you're making up bullshit, you can just keep making up bullshit. Yeah. I think that's the benefit of it. It's the only truly renewable resource yeah yeah as long as i mean the whole this whole day is dedicated to that you know it's

like we go we're like we're gonna come up with 400 bullshits you know is essentially what we what the task is starting to fade a little bit no andy you can't close your eyes have faith andy it is it's renewable yeah you can't you can't close your eyes. Have faith, Andy. It's renewable. Yeah, you can't close your eyes. You're not allowed to have a little rest. I'm sorry I said that the city had eyes and ears. It drained the life out of him. Why did you do that? We've now been going, I think, as long as the first ever,

as long as the 100 sketch episodes. Yeah. That's how long this took us to come up with 100 sketches in the first time around. Oh right. You've done quite well then. Yeah, I think we've been at a decent pace. We've kind of been going up and down in terms of pace. What time did you start to? 6am. Yeah. So it's like

there's still a while to go. We still got 150 and we're slowing down probably. But you know, we've got that great new idea about the Mayans and you know, maybe they came came back maybe they're on their way back they're like you know a lot of people were thinking jesus is going to come back turns out a whole bunch of people are coming back at the same time all right the mayans come back the

mayans come back yeah and jesus yeah everybody they were hoping we'd all be wiped out so they could come back street yeah uh black street the. Blackstreet? Backstreet? Backstreet? Backstreet Boys? Oh, the Backstreet Boys? Backstreet's back? Yeah, well, they're already back. Yeah.

I think one of them maybe is now under investigation for something. One of them might be dead. Is one of them dead? I don't think any of the Backstreet Boys have died yet. Oh, okay. Maybe you're thinking Anthony. Maybe it was one of the Carter brothers. Yeah, his brother.

Yeah, Carter brother did die. Carter brother. Yeah. No. Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back. Carter's brother. Yeah, Carter's brother did die. Carter's brother. Yeah. Oh, he's back. Oh, he's back. Carter's brother. Yeah.

Yeah, he's back. And so then they're all coming back and then they're like, oh, we thought that you guys were going to get wiped out. And they're like, oh, this is awkward. I think that's a really, I think, you know, I think if you were the sort of person who wrote epic comic books, I guess, graphic novels. Yeah. Genghis Khan, you think he's back?

Sure, don't call that a Khan back, but he's back. But you have all these people come back at the same time, just by coincidence, right? And so now they're all back on Earth. What a crazy, everybody comes back. It's wacky, man. But for whatever reason, it was all booked in for the same day. Double booking.

It's the only day that because they didn't have a consistent calendar right if they'd used the same calendar the mayans and the gregorians they would have known to schedule it yeah yeah it's different ones and it's hard to get them to line up the only day that the the portal was open in a reasonable sort of you know it's like it wasn't too many thousand years ahead like that and you're like i want to see what's going on we don don't want to skip like 10,000 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that.

It's probably like, imagine if one of the whole other species of humans comes back. Like Homo habilis. They all come back. I can't tell you how much I want that. I would love to have some more species of humans. I think that's the most profound loneliness I ever feel, is when I think about us being the only species of our genus that's still alive yeah yeah i want that i want some neanderthals yeah i want those

little hobbit people from the island of flores is that why you feel better about us getting wiped out because you want to go wherever they are yeah i yearn to be with my yeah um my um not brother from another mother but my you know um penis for another genus penis from another genus penis from another genus that's what i talk about uh you just you do that at the zoo elephants you're like it's my penis from another genus.

That's really good. That's a great thing to say. That's a great thing to say when you're at the zoo. But when you see a penis. Yeah, or you've got to see a penis. You're going to have to hang around the zoo for a long time just hoping you get to see one. And hoping that other people are around. Are around, yeah.

As you see it. And hoping that other people are around. Are around, yeah. As you see it. And hoping it's one of the animals. You don't want to seem like a creep who's there on their own just saying penis comments to other people. You're forcing your family right there with you. And they're like, Dad, can we go on?

And you're like, Wait, okay, I'm trying to do something here. Stay with me near the tape here. I know it's one of the shyest animals. Oh my God. Somebody donating 50 bucks. of the shyest animals at the zoo. Oh, my God. Somebody donating 50 bucks. Thank you so much. It's crazy.

This is going straight to stupid old. We appreciate it. Thanks. That's a crazy amount. Sev? It's really incredible. Sev, a rock. A Ross.

A Ross, you know, the virgule. No, what's that symbol called under the sea? Yeah, I've got absolutely no idea. I mean, that's in French, right? That's a French thing. Yeah, it's not a virgule. It's the other one. It's the sidzee, maybe?

Doesn't ring a bell. Sidile? Oh, could be. Sidile, something like that. I thought it might start with a Z. Zabalabubla. Could be Zabalabuda. Hey, you're not going to believe this,

but you are now free. Yeah. Thank you. You can go. It's for the gentle ribbon about the glasses. I'm going to go and talk with some people in my life about that and try to get some closure. Hey.

It's been a pleasure. Thank you so much. Can we thank you so much for having come on? Do you need to plug anything? Oh. We invite you to plug anything. You can. Please. From my heart to yours

watch Good Tucker on SBS yes it's a beautiful show it's a beautiful show made with the team here at Stupid Old Studios it's a fantastic show

you did a wonderful job hosted by Saran yes going around looking at and enjoying food around this beautiful state of Victoria

yeah it's tremendous the work that you've made thank you throughout your life thank you thanks for having me at and enjoying food around this beautiful state of Victoria. Yeah. It's tremendous, the work that you've made throughout your life. Thank you. Thanks for having me. Thank you so much, Seren. Good luck. I wish you all the best.

Thank you. 145. It's not far to go. It's not that far. Isn't it? It's only like one time it took us, you know, 11 hours to do 100. He's got an accountancy background.

He just did that maths in his head just then. That's amazing. You can tell. You can tell your numbers. You can see my books anytime. Someone to keep count. Yeah. Thank you, Seren. That's amazing. You can tell. You can tell your numbers. Someone to keep count. Yeah. Thank you, Saran.

Thank you so much, Saran. See you later. Yeah. Woo. I'm going to move this a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move it on back. And welcome to the couch, Ben Russell, Maggie Luke.

Yes. Yes. 50 cats. Hello. Hello. Hey, buddy. Oh, my God. It's all good. 50 cats Hello Hey buddy Oh my god It's all good It's completely fine I mean

You arrived Just doing things Doing things can be a real nightmare Right on time You know as far as I'm concerned Should I bring this Do I need to Yeah I mean like

Speaking into it is great But like Put away your empty sausage thing Alright I'll be back where is this where are we broadcasting this out into it's on YouTube live on YouTube so you can

so you can how many people million people yeah million five something like that tell me about this you can go and be a TV yeah if you want to. We're talking rectangle. We're talking, you know, wall mounted.

Cathode ray. Yeah, cathode ray. Love a tube. Whatever happened to the tube, huh? Yeah. I do miss the tube. Like, what is it about you you love the most? It's just like the picture.

I miss the fidelity. Yeah. I miss the buttons. Yeah. I miss the buttons. Yeah. I miss the hum. You like the click of that big knob. You remember? We didn't have a big knob.

No. You never did a clicking knob? No, no, no. We had little buttons. A national. Yeah. We had a national. Oh, my God.

What happened to national? Wow. That's my TVs. They're like the blockbuster. They kind of didn't keep up with the times. Or Kodak. Everybody was saying LCD. It's weird how we say plasma TVs,

but very few of them are plasma TVs nowadays. A lot of them are LEDs. LEDs or OLEDs. Isn't it strange? My first job in TV, some weird guy said, you can't learn anymore until you understand how a TV works and made me go off for like a couple of hours and research how a television works.

And I feel it was definitely a power play. That's insane. Yeah. That's the last thing you need to know when it comes to working in television. Yeah, exactly. Went in one ear and straight out the other. Wow. Yeah. Something about a vacuum one ear and was straight out the other. Wow. Yeah.

Something about a vacuum, isn't it? Vacuum tubes. Vacuum tube. Now we're talking handy talk, huh? I love a... Your version of talking dirty. I love a version of a steampunk universe. I'd love to write a bunch of novels set in a cathode ray tube universe.

You strike me as a steampunk man. No, no, cathode ray punk. Yeah, what would it be like? No, I'm not a steampunk guy, but I like the idea of picking one technology and making that your whole thing. We're going to write a – what would the world be like today if we were still using cathode ray tubes like we were about 20 years ago? I think everyone likes the idea

of steampunk but actually in practice yeah uh the reality um never really hits the mark well but it's mostly because you see a couple of nerds in a big hat yeah with some goggles on their head i've really ruined it yeah you know i don't want to be i want to do this but i think the idea of like you know an automobile that could work on steam power uh and still get you at the same speed that kind of thing that seems interesting and lots of pipes and stuff like lots of wet pipes that's kind of nice i love a wet pipe as well i love a dry pipe too i'm not gonna say no to any kind of pipe my pipe that's the thing except for a crack pipe no you wouldn't say that i mean it's going to be hard to avoid it in that world because there's going to say no to any kind of pipe. It's my pipe. Except for a crack pipe. No, you wouldn't say that. I mean, it's going to be hard to avoid it in that world because there's going to be less entertainment.

There's not going to be TVs and things like that. There's going to be a lot of pipes. But she was sort of recoiling. She's just excited. No thank you kind of vibe. She doesn't know what she wants. Thank you, Andy. Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Andy went for a real autumnal look today. Autumnal Andy. Spage bandit. That's what we call you. Do you have the, yeah. Andy went for a real autumnal look today. Autumnal Andy. Beige bandit. That's what we call you. Do you have the opportunity for a costume change, or is this going to be it for 24 hours? I'm really quite uncomfortable,

but I think it's mostly my belt is now digging in. Maybe I'll take it off. Take it off. Take the belt off. I'm full of sketches. I need to take my belt off. Yeah. Yeah, this is good.

Daddy's full of the sketch. Needs to belt yeah yeah this is good and then daddy's full of the sketch yeah he needs to loosen it up he's got home from the podcast he's got a belly full of sketch it's five angry it's quarter past five the kids are in bed it's time to get crazy and then he's just start whipping people with the yeah whipping people yeah whipping people with the belt? I mean, wouldn't it be interesting? This is, I know this, I don't know why, this is probably not interesting.

This is probably like, in a way, maybe more terrifying. But a dad who is angry, but he spanks the kids that are already asleep in bed. Yeah. What about this? It's a dad who's angry, he can't hit his kids, so he hits himself in front of the kids. He spanks his own ass with his belt in front of the kids.

Because he knows his kids love him and don't want to see him in pain. He also wants to use physical punishment. He doesn't want to use it on his kids. But he knows that if they see him unhappy, they'll be unhappy. So he bends himself over a chair and spanks his own ass. What if he needs them to see it? He's like, kids, look at this. This is what happens when

you're mad. You don't want to hurt your dad, do you? Whip in his hand. No, daddy, no! I like it. Put it down. Self-flagellating dad. Flagellator alligator? Do you think you could say

that when you're... I want to watch that. I don't think you can say that. No, but if you go and visit a bondage dungeon, right, and there's a dominatrix there, she gives you a good spanking, right, and when you leave, she says, flagellator alligator. I want that T-shirt. What's the male noun for a dominatrix? Dominatus

Is that like that Latinx thing? That's like the non-binary version? So maybe it's like a dominate Dominatex It might be dominator Because you've got aviator, aviatrix Yeah, right Dominatrix, dominator

It just doesn't sound fun in any way No,. Yeah, right. Dominatrix, dominator. It just doesn't sound fun in any way, does it? No, no, it doesn't. Dominatrix, it's like, ooh, sexy. But dominator, you're like, no, that's... Go away, don't tell me what to do. Yeah, fuck off. Yeah, fuck off. Get out of here, dude.

Yeah. Get out of here. Get a clue. That's what I'd say, don't I? I'd say get out of here and get a clue, you clown. I love alliteration. I think the see you later self-flagellator comes from like a group of like. See you later self-flagellator.

Yeah, so it comes from a bunch of religious. Yeah, a bunch of Catholics. We're always like, ah, like that. And then one day one guy's like, he's whipping himself. And he's like, what? And all the other guys are whipping themselves. They go, what? He goes, I just thought of the funniest thing.

And he says, see you later self-flagell guys who are whipping themselves, they go, what? He goes, I just thought of the funniest thing. And he says, you later, self-flagellator. And they all, they're like. Because they're laughing, they got to flagellate harder. Yeah, and he gets a t-shirt printed up and it's huge amongst the monk community. Yeah, the Opus Dei. Eh? Opus Dei.

Opus Dei. I'm just going off Dan Brown here. Yeah, yeah. He's my. In a wild crocodile, we've got to come up with a spanking, an auto-erotic spanking. It doesn't have to be erotic, does it? It can. Anything can be erotic.

But some things shouldn't be. Thank you. Do you want to do a list? Okay, let's do a list. Of non-erotic things that shouldn't be erotic. Paper cuts. Oh, okay. Custard.

I don't know. I don't think you can rule it out. I don't think you can rule it out. It's too cum-like. Yeah. Like if you're going to say custard can't be erotic, then... Accountancy. No offense to Seren.

No, that's okay. None taken. You know, if you... I was just going to say, if there was like... Are there natural sugars in the body? Yeah, sure. I think if there was a way in which... You know how sometimes if you have diabetes, you piss out a lot of sugar?

If you did... and instead of, I don't know if this works, but with eggs, to make custard, you kind of are cooking eggs with sugar. And milk? Maybe there's milk. But maybe if the sperm is basically the same stuff, it's just DNA and all that kind of stuff like that. maybe if the sperm is basically the same stuff it's just DNA and all that kind of stuff like that, if you were diabetic and there was like a bit of like piss left in the tube do you think that

if there's like maybe a bit of acid in there, like you could become encusted? Yeah, if you hooked yourself up to some tubes I guess you could make it happen if you were like a diabetic inventor, but it wouldn't come from being diabetic, you know? Yeah, right, and that's what you're after.

Is that better? I don't think it would be like you want it to be like. You know, like I think you want it to be like you're shooting like ropes of custard, like thick, rich custard, but you'll get like a tiny bit of custard. It'll be inconsistent and it won't be. I think, ironically, I think doctors, I don't think I would want them to be erotic.

I say ironically because, you know, obviously that's a trope. 80s, 70s pornographic trope of, hey, I'm a doctor. And, you know, you just don't want that because you want, no, I want to get better. Yeah. I want you to help me. I don't want to, I'm not in the mood. Interesting. I'm the least –

That's a real porno theme, isn't it? Doctors, yeah. Not as big as massage. Massage is quite high up in the porno list. Do you think the doctors that are used the most in porn are like general practitioners? Yeah, that's it. They're not like an exotic disease specialist or something? I don't think you're getting –

They don't have a physician coming in. Yeah, you're not getting many gunshots, so it's not like you're the ER doctor is yeah i mean i think that like we do you know some people some people do the do the analysis and they discover that a lot of you know people aren't wanting to go into the medical fields in which we need more people and it's because of a lack of representation of the diversity of the medical field. I mean there's probably not many dentists right but like the medical

field. Nobody's an honor. No dentists I mean sorry I do have to stop and take umbrage. I appreciate that. Please. Professor umbrage. Umbrage hour. Safe space to say that kind of stuff. i just don't believe that dentists are real doctors yeah yeah sure i mean especially because they're i mean is it

because they're not included in the medicare yes yeah that's part of it i mean that's a real that's a nail in the coffin sure or a filling in the tooth to speak uh but i you know no one's the indicator would be like, if you are sick on a plane and someone's like, is there a doctor here? A dentist has never gotten up. A dentist has never been like,

I can help. And just what, look at your F1 or whatever the fuck it is. Oh, your A2 is not looking great. Do you floss? And you're like, I'm having a heart attack.

I feel like chiropractors are very divisive as well. Chiropractors are not real doctors. Do you floss? And you're like, I'm having a heart attack. I feel like chiropractors are very divisive as well. Chiropractors are not real doctors. People get really defensive if they go to a chiropractor. Oh, absolutely. Very defensive of it. It's interesting.

And to see that, to go from like seeing a lot of massage and porn but not any chiropractic, which is not a thing when they're like, and then suddenly they're like squeezing your head

up against your shoulder. Yeah, you don't want to get a crack halfway. If you're like, oh, it made me rock hard. You can have a crack after a big crack. That's right, yeah. And then that's referring to... Crack for crack. So the person's like, you can fuck me once I've cracked your neck?

Yeah. Yeah. I like that. I'd watch a sketch that was chiropractic porn. Maybe this is a true test of whether or not something's alternative medicine Yeah. I watch a sketch that was chiropractic porn. Maybe this is a true test of whether or not something's alternative medicine or if it's legitimate medicine. It's just not alternative medicine pornography. There's no homeopathy.

No. People aren't being like, oh, it looks like you need the essence of elderflower. I'm just going to dilute this over a thousand times and then somehow it'll be and they'll just be like somehow it'll be stronger and they'll be like, that makes no sense. Let's just fucking suck.

That makes no sense. I'll fucking suck. The only time I went and saw an alternative medicine person, it was like an acupuncturist. On the first meeting they're like, tell me about your stools. And feel like you know for that kind of interview to make it in the sort of like the opening scene of a porno scene what is your stool uh you know it's relatively regular

you know there's a there's a there's a guide that all doctors have between one and ten of what kind of stool it is yeah so sometimes they pull out the pictures and say where are you sitting on the yeah where are you sitting someone out there might know what it's called it's something it's not stool it's something stool guide and it's like this it's a picture and they pull it out and they say between one and seven one's like tiny and hard yes like little rabbit shits seven's like like just straight water. Yeah, right. There is a guide out there. It's kind of like a JB Hi-Fi kind of catalogue.

Yeah, exactly. Which one do you want? Because doctors aren't really grossed out by anything. They do such gross shit all the time. Bristol stool chart. Bristol stool chart. Thank you, Michaela. Thank you.

Thanks, Michaela. Big shout out to the Bristol stool chart. Terrific. I mean, what a beautiful thing for Bristol to get known for. I know. Yeah. I mean, I love the idea that the mayor getting to tell the town, we got it.

We got our name put on it. Isn't that the same as Bristol Paints? Isn't one of the major paint companies Bristol Paints? I reckon they probably just use the same swatches. Yeah. That's how it got the name. Somebody brought in the... There was that great TV show, Getting On,

the English version about the nurses. Did you ever watch that? Jo Brand in it. It was brilliant. Jo Brand. Yeah. And the main character was a doctor who was... They're all nurses, so they hated her,

and her main thing was trying to expand the Bristol stool chart, and so getting the nurses to just capture every single opportunity to get a stool sample the whole time. So that's where I remember it from. That's a great TV show, by the way. What is it called? It's called Getting On. Getting On. Yeah, it's a lot of improv in it, and it's Joe Brand, and it's just about nurses.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they did an American version, but the English is – it's a cracker. Brian definitely looks like she's done a few years nursing. Do you reckon – I reckon I can pick a nurse. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, I can pick a nurse. I can pick a nurse and I can pick a Frenchman.

You got a strong nurse dog. Yeah, I've got a nurse nurse. Definitely. What is it about nurses and Frenchmen that you – RA dog? Is that docs? Is that doctors' RAs? That's an RA.

I think an RA is one of the nursing. A registered. Oh, no, that's RN. RN, sorry. RA is probably like a railway attendant. So Maggie said that she can pick a nurse and a Frenchman a mile away. I was wondering what it is, what qualities they share in common that you find so easy to identify.

I feel like nurses physically sometimes look a little softer and look a little tired and they don't have time for things. It's also really easy to tell if a woman is a PE teacher. Yes. I think. Yes, absolutely. They're similar vibes to nurse. Yeah, similar vibes but maybe a bit more spring in the step.

Yeah. Who, okay, who in this room, and we'll go around, has the higher, sort of is more the PE teacher, the nurse, and the Frenchman? Oh, well, who has a copy? This is a great version of Fuck, Marry, Kill. Yeah. Write it down.

You're, you know, yeah. Frenchman. Fuck, You're, you know. E-teacher, nurse, Frenchman. Fuck, marry, kill, teacher. No, nurse, Frenchman, E-teacher. E-teacher. There are only three genders. Yeah. As far as I'm concerned. Ben, I hope you don't mind me saying you're a Frenchman.

I actually take, that makes me happy. See, I would put Andy as a Frenchman. Yeah, but Andy can't put Andy as a Frenchman. Oh, because he's playing the game. You can't call yourself a Frenchman. You can't fuck, marry, kill yourself. Fuck, marry, kill yourself. Well, I'm going to fuck myself, marry myself, kill myself.

So between the peer teacher and the nurse, where does Al and I sit? Well, I know, Alistair you you come from a nursing family and a french family yeah oh wow couldn't tell wow french canadian oh yeah that's the different different yeah yeah different different it's only mainland french that you can identify i hope this doesn't come across as a gender thing, but I can see you as the nurse. Nurse. Yeah, no, I have mad respect for nurses. They definitely have an energy. You've got sensible shoes on right now.

I do have sensible shoes on. I think in terms of like a Neo PE teacher, I think that you could be there. Like not teaching PE to Neo from the Matrix, but like more like, you know, like modern day. Like I think it was kind of feel like it was like a much bigger, kind of bulkier, like the lady from Matilda.

Yeah, Mrs. Trunchbull. That was what I pictured back in the day, but I think these days you could picture. No, it's not that at all. Now it's very much like I have a very high ponytail. I can imagine you putting a ponytail even just a little bit higher. All the sporty girls in my school went back and became the PE teachers. There's like three of them.

They just did a cycle like that. I don't think you can get out of that cycle. Now they're going to have kids to go to the school and then the kids are going to be the PE teachers. Has anyone ever done analysis of what like the highest a ponytail can be? Because obviously it can't go straight up because then you're going to look stupid, right? It definitely can't go forward, right? There must be like an event horizon. Yeah.

Ponytail event horizon. To the point where it naturally goes back. It would still go backwards. It would still look okay. Because I think, you know, vertical. But even like a fair bit before completely vertical is not going to be sustainable. It's kind of, I think Ariana Grande's got it.

It's like the top of the crown there. You think that's as high as it can be? I mean, it can go on the top, but it's not going to go back. It's going to go like a little fountain. I think top of the crown is good because that's more samurai thing. They kind of do it there too. It's where the man would go bald.

In that sort of balding top. That crowning area. At the edge of that, that's the edge. It actually. The event horizon. Have any of you had ponytails in your lives? I did it once for an audition. Okay.

You look great with a ponytail. They actually can hurt. Yeah, it hurts your skull. If you've got it really tight, especially that patch there, you know, where the soft patch on your crown when you're a baby and it seals and stays. That quite hurts after a while as well the sensitivity is higher there yeah um i mean if you sleep in and stuff it gets worse for some reason it hurts more there than if you have one down lower where you think it would be pulling more yeah i'm just gonna i'm just gonna

button up that's yeah that's fine you can do can do that. We love modesty on this show. I just looked at it and I was like, that's a bit too racy. Can I ask you a question? This is a fuck, marry, kill. Yep. Okay. Fuck, marry, kill men, women, and children. Well, I'm going to... I'm going to kill the children.

I can't, you know, I'm going to... Oh, and then I've got to marry... Marry a dude. Marry a dude, a fucking dude. You're talking lifelong commitment and... That's tough. Financial partnership versus one night of passion. The children are always going to lose out here, isn't that so?

I can't marry a child. Marrying a child is not innately an evil act. What is her fault? In the scheme of things you're talking about. This is being recorded. We're working with a limited palette. We're painting. We're going to get sirens through the door soon.

No, I see what you mean. You could marry a child and just be like, this is a legal document. We don't have to have anything. You could live in a sexless marriage, you know? We don't have anything to do with each other again. You could be estranged. Not to say you can't do with each other again. You could be estranged. They just say you can't later on divorce the child. You can marry your dad.

Get half their assets. You can't marry your dad. You can't marry your dad? No. Stop trying. I'll never stop. I'll never rest until my dad and I are wed. Oh, wed.

I think Fuck, Marry, Kill is one of the... It should be in the Olympics. It's such a fun game. It's always good. I think that's a sketch idea. Fuck, Marry, Kill in the Olympics. In the Olympics, yeah. Olympic Fuck, Marry, Kill.

And that's what the podium's for. That's very good. Fuck, Marry, Kill, first place, second place, third place. Yeah, it's just constant round and round. Gold, bronze and silver. Okay, so we'll go sort of what is the third round? So this is to like who goes through to the semi-final. Yeah.

What is that? Fuck, Mary, kill. This is an Olympic grade. Fuck, Mary. So we've gone through Frenchman, nurse and what was the other one? PE teacher to man, nurse and what was the other one? Peer teacher to man, child and woman. I think what it has to be is you actually have

to do it. Oh, yeah. That would save that. It's just the last three contests. I think it would be like someone that would be tough, like really tough to decide. Yeah, so there's a wedding ceremony at the Olympics and, you know, they've got a bedroom set up and then just a line of, like,

dudes with guns pointing ready at the wall and you have to choose the final thing. I think you have to kill them yourself. I think that's part of what makes it, you know, interesting. Because then you're also including the idea of, like, if I'm going to kill this person, I have to be able to... That doesn't seem very realistic, Andy. Well, I'm trying to turn into an Olympic sport here.

I'm sorry, but yeah, but this isn't actually, that's not realistic because then if it was an Olympic sport, they wouldn't condone the murder. That's right, because it's about bringing countries together. So you're actually, it's actually, I've got to stop you there. I reckon there's been a lot of murders to do with the Olympics. Oh, sure. I mean, those stadiums get filled. I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

Filled so quickly, huh? I guess you could ask them, fuck, marry, kill, like members of their family. It could be like their parents or their grandparents or their own kids. Or be like some George Washington, great people. I'd probably kill George Washington. Sure.

He's old fashioned. And I'd be like, what would we do? people yeah i'd probably kill george washington sure this is old-fashioned you know like what what and i'd be like what would you do it depends who's up against because if it was like george washington hitler and yeah well that's comedy Yeah I'd definitely watch Fuck Marry Kill And the Olympics I also But you said something about

A lot of Olympics murders And I think we should have A NCIS Olympics Or CSI Olympics It's the Olympics cops who go for...

The Olympics cops? ...going for gold. Wow! I like the notion of the Olympics cops, whatever that is. They travel from Olympics to Olympics every four years and investigate all the Olympics crimes.

What do they do in the middle? They're just athletes. It is a good... They train. They're just athletes like anybody else. It's a good web series or mini series. Not a full, like... I don't think it can go for, you know,

huge seasons. This is a funny, goofy... Maybe like one or two seasons. I think it's... There's definitely two or three seasons in there. Spend the four years in between Olympic years

raising the funding. It can be like a Clark and Dole rip thing. We can get them to be the cops. Both of them. I've got some bad news for you. Yes. He could be the first murder.

He gets written out of the thing. I love when Al's Australian accent. Here we go, now we know I'm thing. I love when Al's Australian accent. Here we go. Now we know I'm joking. I'll take on an accent that is transparently a mockery. Something ridiculous that no one could possibly take seriously. Do you speak French, Al?

Yeah, but it's degraded a lot over the last 26 years. And I've always wondered what the relationship between Canadian French speakers and France is. Because I remember I was in a French lesson once. And the French teacher couldn't come one time. And a Canadian woman came. And the other French teachers were really pissed off about it. Yeah, that's crazy. It's a totally different diet.

I think that there's a bit of hostility towards Quebec. Because I haven't been speaking it very much for 26 years, but I know that whenever I've started speaking to somebody who is a French speaker, they always kind of laugh a little bit. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's in a much older version of French. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I recently spoke to somebody who was a French teacher for her whole life, and I think maybe at this point was retired. And she managed to imply that she had been to Quebec with, you know, she'd been to Quebec after teaching all these years. And she was like, oh, my God, these people here in Quebec can't even speak French as well as, like, my year 11. Wow. As if it's quebec can't even speak french as well as like my year 11 it's like they can't get it yeah like they just don't know and i was like i think it isn't this society it's like they came from you know like the 1500s or whatever and it's just how people

in france would have spoken back in those days most of the swear word like the naughty words are all kind of like religious yeah it was like a weird like theocracy i think yeah it's funny i love the idea of an english version of that that some there's some country out there speaking medieval english and when it feels like kind of scotland and ireland are a little bit like that they yeah yeah a little bit but like i'm talking probably like an island. Calling each other's wenches. Yeah. Aye! Yeah. Some weird place like fucking New Caledonia or some bullshit. Like the Faroe Islands.

Old Caledonia. Yeah, more like it. Am I right? Finally, somebody said. We actually found an older version of Caledonia. God damn it! Caledonia, that's Scotland, right? I have no idea.

I think that Caledonia is like the Latin name for Scotland. And then somebody came out to New Caledonia, that's Scotland, right? I have no idea. I think that Caledonia is like the Latin name for Scotland. And then somebody came out to New Caledonia and was like, this reminds me of Scotland. I mean, how do you think South Wales felt when New South Wales came on? I like the idea of a travel show where they only go to the old versions of the new things. Just regular York. Yeah, Zeeland.

Yeah. Wales. South Wales. Yeah, yeah. Or they could just go to Papua Guinea. Yeah, Zeeland. Wales. South Wales. Yeah, yeah. Or they could just go to Papua Guinea. Yeah. Yeah. Papua Guinea, not new.

No, I like this. It's like a travel show where you go to the old things. Yeah, right. Worse than versions. Then do you compare it to the new one? Well, you go there and then the new one. They got those, like, you know, the McDonald's. They got those, you know, the McDonald's, they got bagels in New Zealand.

Where's Zealand? Where is Zealand? Probably a country that doesn't exist anymore. Where's Zealand? If anyone knows. I think Zealand might be somewhere up around Denmark. Where did you go? I'm trying to recapture an idea that I was holding onto

just earlier when- You went into your mind palace. And I was trying to get, yeah, I was trying to get there in my mind palace but it absolutely didn't work. Let something drag me out of my mind palace. What about an MTV Cribs mind palace?

Really good. Today we're visiting Sherlock's mind palace. Welcome to the Yo MTV's welcome. Come on in. This is all my childhood memories These are my passwords Over here there's a deck

Andy I've just noticed Soul G has recorded your Your quote of Marrying a child is not innately Andy Matthews That's a real What a legend That's a real

Soul G That's out there now That's a real. What a legend. That's a real. Thanks, OG. That's out there now. That's a dog act, OG. You dogged me. Next Step T-shirts. Oh, my God. We're going to have so many. You're going to have self-flagellator, flagellator, alligator.

Oh, flagellator, alligator. That's good. And then, of course, Mary. You can make a mint. Yeah. That would be great. If you wanted to get into the t-shirt business. Yeah.

I think this is the right time. Yeah. I really think it is a good little side hustle for sketch writers is t-shirt slogan business. You're probably right. And it's pretty easy to set up. Yeah. And what is nice is that it's one of those types of media

that's never going to go digital. No. There's never going to be a digital T-shirt. No. It's always going to be physical. It's always going to be real. People are always going to need T-shirts. Record this in five years' time.

Yeah. I got a new digital T-shirt. Downloaded a new T-shirt. LED screens all the way around. It gets hot. It gets real hot. It gets real hot. I can way around. It gets hot. It gets real hot. It gets real hot. I can wash it.

I mean, not in water. I went through a phase of wanting to bring back the hyper-coloured T-shirt and even looked into, like, potentially starting a hyper-coloured T-shirt business because I feel like people would still buy them. People would shit for that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They weren't great in Brisbane because the patches were, like, the true sweat patch. You'd get tie-dye under your arms and under your nipples and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. They weren't great in Brisbane because the patches were like the true sweat patch.

You'd get tie-dye under your arms and under your nipples and stuff like that. Would anyone buy hypercalor t-shirts out there? You don't have the technology. It's a dream. Can I just put this out there? While we're talking about an LED t-shirt,

cathode ray boob tube. So it's just like real thick. It gives you more room for boob. Yeah, I know. That'd be great. A lot of static. You could nestle the back because they're that conical shape. That could nestle in the cleavage in the back of them.

Yeah. I mean, I believe they release a lot of microwaves. It's not really safe to open the back of a TV. Really? A cathode ray TV. Yeah, because they have a magnetron in safe to open the back of a tv really cathode ray tv yeah because they have a magnetron in there to create the to accelerate the electrons and i think that releases a lot of well that's what when you're talking about a crt based uh punk world before i thought that maybe

there's because you know they have some of those like satellites that they can send through space by shooting lasers at them the idea that you would get a sail of a boat and you'd just be firing fucking lasers at it like this and just trying to propel yourself across the sea rt like that but it would it probably wouldn't functionally work all that much what about dreams yeah it's good for guys like afraid of things that people were like afraid of of for of old technology you know when people i think about that like when the microwave first came out, people were paranoid that it was going to be really terrible for them. Yeah.

Giving them cancers and everything. When the train was first invented, people thought if you went over 50 miles an hour, you'd have a heart attack. I love that. Yeah. And, you know, when we had mobile phones. Remember when we had mobile phones?

You couldn't have it at the gas station. That all just went away. Yeah. I think there's still maybe a few signs for that one. Oh, they're everywhere. They're still everywhere. Do we know that's a thing? Yeah, it's not a thing.

No, we recently did it on an episode of the TV show What the FAQ. Yeah. That I was writing for. Thanks for watching. I researched a question on that exact topic. And what was it? It all results from a hoax email that was sent making it appear like

it was from the CEO of Shell or something in the 90s. It got sent around, got picked up by some newspapers and turned into this sort of frenzy where everyone was like, well, we better just put up some signs. Seems like everybody's talking about this, but nobody wouldn't look into the original source of it.

I believe they did it on a MythBust as well. You know what I think, though? Since we're still not allowed to use our phones near the petrol pump, we should invent a phone that does ignite petrol. As long as they're not letting me use my phone at the petrol pump, I might as well have one that would make me excited. Exactly. It should be able to just put off sparks all the time.

I look fucking cool. I'm sick of this stupid waste of time. I'm going to turn it into a stupid good point well made. I'm going to start a lot of fires. So how does this work? Does it actually shoot? You know, the lightning connector on the Apple iPhone shoots actual lightning?

They got rid of it. Oh, no, it's USB-C. Yeah, thank God. Does it actually shoot actual lightning? No, I'm just saying. What about a USB-C fan club? Or like old USB or ports fan club, like remember the lightning cable?

Remember? What's another one? Oh, Firewire. Oh, the Firewire. Welcome to the Firewire club. Thunderbolt? Was there a Thunderbolt as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thunderbolt connector. Oh, yes, please. They're all very cool names. Very cool. I hope we don't have to wait too long before we can use them for something else. It's crazy that we just got to let that. Now we can never call another dongle a Thunderbolt connector. I miss those big, wide bed.

Oh, yeah. How do you plug in your monitor? That's not RCA, is it? We're huge. We're absolutely huge. I'm struggling to join in on this nerd chat. I love it. There's so many pins in there.

It looked like one of those beds that an Indian fakir would lie down on and somebody would break bricks on his chest. It would be great. Get a bunch of those because you can get them from like e-waste. Get a bunch of those. Lie them up like this. Or get a tiny Indian fakir. Have him lie there.

Either one is perfect. Hit him on the chest with a sledgehammer. I absolutely adore cables. I think that cables are... You're a cable guy. I am a cable guy. I think cables are definitely a hobby. I think it's fun.

I'm not going to disagree with that. We have a lot of cables. I love a cable Guess what? They come in handy It's always once a year And batteries Came on quickly but is a real indicator

Of the slow march of time That I'm Interested in batteries I always have a fuckload of batteries he did a really fun thing which was this is this is actually fake because she what she's going to say is she he put all the the used batteries back in the battery bag but the thing that she isn't telling you is that she was actually inserting the batteries incorrectly no it's a bit of A and a bit of B. You did put dead batteries back in a loose bag of not usable batteries.

This is hearsay. It's a true say. You're liable. We're hearing her say it. It's a true say. If that's what you mean. Yes, that's exactly what I mean. But I mean, I believe her.

She seems very plausible. I am a plausible. Very plausible. I mean, I believe her. She seems very plausible. I am a plausible. I would say plausible is definitely if someone said describe Margaret, they would say she's plausible, especially with battery anecdotes.

I never even thought of you as a Margaret. Until then, I was like, who is she talking about? This is bad storytelling. She's introduced a new character. At this point. She hasn't told us the origin of this person. Who is he? Who is he related to? It really doesn't match.

The name doesn't match, I don't think. I pull it out on angry emails and contracts or the bank. Name doesn't match the drapes. It's true. If you had to change names, do you think there's something you would go for? I've always liked to name Peggy. I think it could really work. Maybe if the ponytail went a little bit higher.

But Peggy is actually a nickname for Margaret. So Margaret has a huge amount of nicknames. It's got Greta, Maggie, Meg. Greta. Yeah, Greta's Margaret. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Peggy, Marge.

There's heaps of Margaret nicknames. Carrot. Carrot. Marig- Eagle. Anything can be short for something. Because, you know, Billy, William, I can kind of get that one. Once you go to John and Jack, you're like, well, fuck it.

That's a different, we can just do anything now. Firstly, it's not short. Those are the same length. That's just a different name. People call me Grievous. It's short for Ben. That's longer. Ben doesn't need any shortening.

No. Three letters. I mean, that's efficiency. I mean, Andy, what have you got going on that you need to shorten Ben? Yeah, I mean, what else are you going to be? B? His? Yeah, Ben.

I mean, it feels like we're making up a person to be angry at you. Because weren't you the one who... I'm pissed off. I'm furious. You were the one who made up the shortening of your own name. Nobody else is actually shortening Ben. How much do we have enough problems in the world, Ben? I don't think we need to be angry at the guy you made up shortening your name.

He's got to pay. Online hate. His name is... Do the thing. It's been twice that Ben's bought me flight tickets and put the wrong name on, and it's been an issue to get on. And recently he put Maggie on, which was fine. It was a domestic flight.

This is a drum up article. He just spelt Margaret wrong. Margaret. That's what caller Margaret to this very day. Sorry, this ticket's for a Magret. And you're like, well, nobody's called Magret, are they? So nobody would have brought it to my name? Eight people turn around.

Somebody say Magritte. Oh, God, yeah. Magritte. You've got to be careful with that. Do you guys ever slip up and put Al or Andy on your ticket and it doesn't match your licence? I solved this problem by never going anywhere. But I'm currently filling out passport forms

and i have made mistakes on them and then it becomes a real problem do you have a middle name george william you're a double just like maggie i'm a double what do you got um uh isabel adelaide holy moly wow margaret isabel adelaide yeah luke yeah yeah it's a it's a gangbuster but not i don't have the double no double barrel last name like an efficient last name. Can you say your full name? But those are all triple syllable names. That is such a...

It's a big one. That's not just a mouthful. That's a, you know... Yeah. I got three first names. Awful. It's winter and you can get anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. Well, almost, almost anything.

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For alcohol, you must be legal drinking age. Please enjoy responsibly. Product availability varies by region. See app for details. Benjamin Michael Russell. Oh, yeah, I forget Russell's a first name. Yep, I could be Russell Benjamin Michael or Michael Benjamin Russell.

So a sound. Michael Russell Benjamin. Yeah. Russell Benjamin yeah Russell Benjamin Russell Benjamin can you use the same ones again I just want to hear

can you be Alistair George William Trombley Birchall oh wow love it I love that I think you would be a adventurer

in like sure old Edwardian time Andy's had enough yeah he's heard the names too many times I'm taking his banana he's getting out of here.

I'm good as an adventurer if there's somebody else who's going, let's go across this desert. I would never have the idea. I would never be like, let's go do something dangerous. But if somebody goes, I'm going to go do something dangerous, I'll be like, yeah, I'm going to come along. What's the most dangerous thing that you've done? A child driving a car. Jumped off the top of a railroad bridge into a river

yep like climbing up the was everyone doing it well yeah the group of five that i was with were doing it and so i kind of like but you know like you know how there's like the railroad bridge goes is like 10 meters from the water but then the truss goes up another 10 meters so we climbed up the truss holding on to the bolts like that and then walked on top goes up another 10 meters so we climbed up the truss holding onto the bolts like that and then walked on top so you're 10 meters above the tracks and then 20 meters from the water but what about what's the most dangerous thing you've done that you've self-initiated uh i have now agreed to do this thousand kilometer ride with my dad oh that's fun yeah and then the other day i did a and we attempted a 100-kilometer ride

for what one day will be like on the ride, and it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. Now you have to do 10 in a row. I have to do 10, maybe 11 in a row. Do you get a break? How does it work? You can stop whenever you want, but you probably don't want to stop every two hours or something like that.

And so that one feels like I'm going to absolutely destroy my perineum. And is it on a real bike or an exercise bike? If you don't, I will. And you can. I'm going to rip that perineum to shreds. You can just, you know. What's that? Is that a gooch?

Yeah, a gooch. Otherwise known as the gooch, the Klingon's forehead. I think both of us at some point have considered the idea of making a full show that is about the gooch. Yeah, I love the gooch. I had a whole story in my mind. Do you want sugar or no sugar? I'm happy with whatever.

What do you want to go with? I'll go sugar. And the one was based around the idea of having a grandfather who had one of the most beautiful perineums. And that he had a perineum. I had the one joke for it. I had a perineum so hot that people called it a peri-perineum. Well, I have a, I do, as you know, I've got a joke about having a very long gooch.

I don't know that about that. Not long that way, long this way. Like down. Like the head of a cassowary. Like dangles below the testicle bag yeah yeah it has practical uses that you can

divine water from it if you're walking in an arid desert you get a tingle you can drill down there's a mighty aquifer you probably wouldn't need to drill

you could probably just squat and then the yeah and then also the you know if there's a storm coming that's good i've met people recently who said that they can feel weather changing in their elbow and i just i never believed that until i actually met somebody who said it to me

because they had an injury there i'm sure that there is there is an explanation for like barometric pressure and joints and shit. It's a woman's gooch. I think it's still a gooch. The gooch is something that we all have. Unless they call it like a fooch or something like that. No, a gooch binds us. We're bound. Ironically for a thing that keeps two things apart, it actually

brings us together. That's good. But I mean, do you think of the distance between, because there's the distance between my genitals, my anus and my front genital. Penis or balls. Front, bottom. Whatever you want to call it.

But then there's also the distance between, but that feels like that's interstate, like that's within the boundaries. But then there would be like... I think it's interstate. But then there's the... That's a different state. The butthole.

Interstate. Interstate. But I'm also saying there's the distance between my penis and your butthole, right? That's the sort of the exoperineum. How many... Yeah. The endoperineum would be the one, the distance between my personal materials, areas. But then between mine and yours, that's the exoperineum.

Theoretically, I mean, because when does the perineum end and begin? Is the distance between my front genitals and your front genitals an equal number of perineums as it is to my the perineum sure between my my balls i guess it depends on how close we are i think you're thinking true but also i mean what if how do you quantify the length of a perineum because it is a seam yes but also where does that seam end and begin truly? I think that the distance between two ball bags is always one perineum, but there's a chance that you're thinking of in the 1600s when the king's perineum was one unit of length.

I am thinking of that, yeah. So are you saying that your front bottom and Andy's back bottom, the distance between that is a perineum. Well, Andy invented the exoperineum. And I'm just looking behind you, and both your mouths are a perfect explanation or a diagram of a woman's, the space between the mouths, look like what a woman's perineum would be as well.

Yeah, absolutely. Kind of looks a bit i mean whoever has that wait which one is the anus in this case i guess andy's the anus yeah and actually earlier earlier we came up with the the oval orifice or somebody who was like wanted to be a presidential candidate and it's the old war and he's like you know because all the all the republicans are so far behind trump they were like well this guy was like well to get a bit of attention he actually admitted that he has an oval an oval orifice and he wants to get it into the Oval Office and it shot him to the number one position um because that's all you need these days

I forget that Andy you are a an animal lover yeah well I like calm animals. My own dog is way too stressful. I can't relax around him because he's always on edge. Who knows who started it? I had a feeling that one of you is not an animal lover. You're thinking of Matt Stewart. Al is not an animal lover? I do love animals.

Matt Stewart doesn't love animals. He does not care for dogs. It's like seeing him try and interact with a dog. It's like there's a generational gap. The dog's talking about TikTok. Yeah. Doesn't get any of the references, the dog references.

Yeah, right. Bark. What's that? What's a bark? What's a bark? What's rub a wet nose on my arm? Now, is he a country boy? Not really.

Often that happens because they've grown up with animals. And that's, they could, they look at them. They have a different, they see them in a different way. Different way. I think he grew up with no animals. False valor. What's the country version of false valor? The country version of false valor.

Yeah, like, so it's false. I don't even know what Stolen valour Sorry I fucked up I was thinking like Pretending to Who are people I want to do a pun about Stolen velour

But I don't know I don't know about people Who wear velour Cabaret That's a thing Cabaret act Pretending to be He's not a real cabaret act

That's stolen velour Lord Farkle That's fun Balloon. Lord Farkle. That's fun. I like that. Thanks, man. I do like that. I mean, I was thinking, like, is it also something that, like, a gangster might wear a tracksuit made out of that?

Is that a sort of, could you picture? Yeah, like a Slavic gangster man. Could you call that stolen velour? Maybe. But it doesn't really go anywhere as a concept. It's a punchline. It's more of just a, what do you call that stolen velour? And people go, that's very funny.

Yeah, that's very good. So you guys have been going. You've got to set up the situation. I thought that's how long you had to go. But you've been going for 17 hours. We've been going since 6 a.m. So we've probably been doing about, I don't know, what is it? 12 hours. 12 hours 12 hours

Why does that say 17 hours? We've been doing 12 hours in 40 seconds It's a 24 hour clock Oh, it's a 24 hour clock I thought it was counting how many hours you've done It's confusing seeing a 24 hour clock with seconds Yes, I think that's why

I thought that you had clocked up 17 hours. No, we're not quite there yet. I thought you'd converted recently. 24-hour time? No. No, interesting. When did we have that talk? I thought that you were thinking about converting.

No. Have you thought about converting to 24-hour time? When we marry, I'm'm gonna require you to convert i want you to take my time reading method uh i would if i had to pick one of you i'd say you're a 24 hour time man yeah it's just because you think i'm a nerd Yes, but you're a practical nerd You're like a nerd that goes outside And builds things with his hands We did it by 100 hours We had that nautical thing

You'd say 1200 hours 1400 hours It's very good, I recommend you get it Bring it into your everyday life Do you understand knots? I converted Do you understand knots? A little bit Not as much as I should Do you understand knots? I converted. Do you understand knots? Early. Andy admitted.

Knots? A little bit. Not as much as I should. Can I just pitch this, because we're getting to the end of our time with you, but I want to put this. This was the thing I was trying to remember earlier. Something we were talking about, maybe to do with the French people, made me think a terrific sitcom would be a thing where Napoleon comes

into the present day. He's now nothing. He still has the mind of Napoleon and that drive and that obsession with power. But now he's just a nobody. He's trying to make it in the modern day. He's got to start somewhere. He's in a share house or whatever. He's in this awkward situation.

He hears it Vinny's and works his way up. But I'm Napoleon. And people would be like, yeah, but which one? How many Napoleons were there? I don't know. Was there one? There were a few people that called themselves Napoleon. Yeah, I think he had sons.

I think he was the first. Yeah, he was definitely the OG Napoleon. The one who got banished to the island that one but i'm quite serious i think this is a sitcom and he works his way up yeah he works his way up but like you know maybe he learns a few things along the way they're called port-a-loo no not teleport no that's the listies have got a book called Teleportaloo. Oh, really? Waterloo. Portaloo. Yep.

Is he working in toilets, do you think? Could it be a candy situation? I think that's just who on the nose. I'm all for productions that think of a good name and therefore have to write majority of it around that good name. Yeah, great. We'll sort that out and then we'll build the rest of the concept. You know, I'm Miami biased, but I think you have a perfect...

Did you say you're Miami Vice? You have a perfect Napoleon right here. I heard I'm Miami Vice. I heard that too. I said I'm Miami Vice. I know I slur my words. I may be biased. Yes.

But I feel like we've got the perfect Napoleon. I actually genuinely think that. What do you call someone who likes Miami above all things? Miami bias. Will you be Napoleon

in our Napoleon show? I would love to be. And I could do a great like cartoony French accent. Yeah. Go on. Hello, my name is Napoleon. It's been a pleasure to be here today. Yeah. Yeah. Go on. Hello, my name is Napoleon.

It's wonderful to be here today. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Napoleon, do not invade Russia in the winter. Do you know they've got a Napoleon film coming out? Where? Yeah, with the Joaquin.

Napoleon's going to be very, we're going to be in a new Napoleon era. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be very hot. Napoleon is going to be so hot. But when I saw what they did to Joaquin. Napoleon's going to be very – we're going to be in a new Napoleon era. Yeah, yeah, it's going to be very hot. Napoleon is going to be so hot. When I saw what they did to Joaquin Phoenix, who plays it, to me it looked like they tried to make Joaquin Phoenix look like Ben. There's an AI that you can put your face through and it'll Ben-ify it. And it'll Ben-ify it.

On to what? Put your face through and it'll Ben-ify. And it will benefit yeah get benefited it's a it's a TikTok filter yeah I'd love to see

the Ben Russell TikTok filter wait and they've actually done this or I just wasn't sure I could do it using our

get our people to do it yeah yeah please get some get your get all your programmers onto it I have been I do like to

hyper focus and flip flop and I'm just coming out of a big AI kind of thing. I remember. I've seen a lot of images. I've still got other stuff, so I probably could get into it. Probably Benification.

Napoleon. Yeah. I like the idea of a Ben TikTok filter. Yeah, me too. Napoleon, Ben apart. The great thing about TikTok filters is that they're never digital. They're never going to be digital. You can always have them forever.

People are always going to need TikTok filters. They're going to need people to make TikTok filters. Change the lenses on your TikTok to get the filter. Change the lenses. With this story, I worked on a TV show and they wanted to save costs. So for marketing, instead of purchasing a Snapchat filter within the program, it was only a little bit less to create your own app. And so they created their own app. But what they did was accidentally they didn't put a reverse camera button in it.

a reverse camera button in it so when you wanted to take a photo of yourself surrounded by the branding you had to get someone else to do it for you so it'd be like there was a two-person job the whole time and i think they only saved about you know eleven thousand dollars in the process third person selfie yeah third person selfie it's just no if they can do it, you can do it, Ben. Thank you. We should call regular photos Yui's. Yeah. I'm going to take a Yui. Yeah. Everybody's on board. A himmy? What about a himmy? A themmy.

Oh, there we go. That's inclusive. That is inclusive. Another people-y. I was winning you over with them. And then you You chewed us away Like a bunch of street urchins At the door of the bakery

Saying too much But for somebody else please Ben, me, would you like to plug anything? Yeah I've got some plugs Do people live in Perth? Some people live in Perth? Some people live in Perth Yeah yeah yeah Some people live in there famously

Because if you are one of those people I'm doing a Couple I'm doing two weeks over there In November Middle of November You going Maggie? No

No So I'll be doing stand up Doing my trial show For my new comedy festival show Love that And I got an improv show Next So I'll be doing stand-up, doing my trial show for my new comedy festival show. Love that. And I got an improv show next, or every Wednesday for the next two or three Wednesdays at Comedy Republic called Something Good. Name changed, right?

It's, yes, because people, I got feedback that people don't like teaching your dog to read because it was too hard to type out slash it didn't make make a good acronym and you've got to have a good acronym these days yeah yeah whereas this one's just sg uh but it's teaching your dog to read presents something good that's how i go yeah really good you hold on to that yeah yeah right you've now registered a company under that name right i have yes how's it going it's fine It's a good company You want to plug anything? Yes, I do a podcast with Genevieve Fricker Called Throwing Drinks And it's a comedy podcast all about the Real Housewives universe

That's great So, yeah What's your favourite universe? I mean, if it's called the universe, it means there's only one. And so I like this one. Oh, wow. There are multiple universes. Also, are you saying that we named it out of ignorance?

I feel like since... Are you accusing my race? It's like the sun or the world or the moon. I feel like since the battery conversation, there's an air of cockiness and defensiveness coming from that. I mean, I think it can be a natural tone sometimes for men to take. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, that's true. I'm just having fun, okay?

And if that's illegal, then call the cops. Lock me up. I'll literally do that right now. After, of course, there's fair kind of process and due process. I don't want to just be, you have to charge me. Call them, but not the emergency line, the other line. You have to charge me with having fun not the emergency line the other line that they're like with having fun i love that line they're like please stop calling triple o we've got another number and no one learns the other number no one cares about i call if i've got an opportunity to call the cops i'm going straight to triple o of course you are why would

you waste your time you don't get that you don't get many goes at that you don't get the service you get on triple o as well it's fantastic and you know i get called the other one? You don't get many goes at that. No, you don't get the service you get on Triple O as well. It's fantastic. And, you know. Maggie called the cops after shitting her pants. Hello? It should be Triple, like, you know, 001 or something like that. Triple O, I feel Triple O.

We have another guest lined up, guys. Thank you so much. Thank you. Sorry we're late. No, it doesn't matter. We're, you know. Like I said, been late no no no we're you know like i said we had no excuse that's also okay that's also this is not important sometimes it's okay not to have an excuse yeah yeah we're ben and i are trying that trying that out on things that's just to do stuff

and not excuse us go in raw yeah like that you know just without the protection of an excuse with nothing between you and the failure. Raw dog and accountability. Raw dog and accountability. Going in with that. Here we go. No excuses. We're on the way out. No excuses.

No excuses. It's quite liberating. I've been doing it lately, and it's a liberating thing present to be in where if you're running late, you're running late. Because I don't give a fuck when people are late. I'm like, you were late. It's too – who cares why?

I have everything that I want. I want to know how sausage is made. I just am glad that the sausage is here. In this scenario, Ken was waiting around for somebody to bring him some sausage. Someone was late. The sausage guy was late. I didn't mind.

How did you make the sausage? No, I don't care about that. I want to know. I'm like, thank God we got the sausage. Put the sausage in my mouth. Yeah, I've been around people who have given up on explaining things and I felt they were cool. Yeah. You know, it's good.

Okay. Amazing. Well, thank you so much. You're welcome. We've got our next guest waiting here. I'm really sorry. We're having a great time, but, you know. You don't have any excuses.

Bonjour. Bonjour. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Legends. Goodbye. Goodbye. Well, we'll see you on the set of Napoleon. Bonjour! Thank you so much! Legends! Goodbye! We'll see you on the set of Napoleon. Bonapartment.

We're gonna call it Bonapartment. He's sharing an apartment. I got sticky feet. Sticky feet Russell. But they're not apologising to you. Please welcome Bronny! How are you? Good, how are you? But they're not apologising to you. Please welcome Bronnie. How are you?

Good, how are you? From my own water. Come on, Bron. You're not going to drink? I saw the empty jar. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I checked in to see what the drink situation was. That's really wise.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're going to fill up the water with it. Did you check in like on the stream? Yeah, I checked in on the stream. Check in. Let's see how that water level's going in there. Are there snacks? I didn't plan any snacks, but I thought... No, no, no, that's fine.

By the way, your delightful and lovely beloved has sent us a message telling us that Pad Thai is coming. Oh! In like 20 minutes. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. So thank you, Carly. Thanks, Carly.

I have had various levels of like, I don't think I have anything left in me, and then I eat a piece of tofu, and then I'm like... Oh, now I've got some tofu in me. How are you, Bronwyn? Good. I'm good. I've had a great day.

Really? Yeah. I had a small dreams come true day. Like as in, like small dreams happened to you? Any good news that I can know about? Oh, no. It's like it's manipulated. We manufactured a small dream come true day.

Oh, wow. A group of friends, we just had a list of small dreams. Yeah. We just spent the day achieving them. Well, one was to eat the wheel of Hubba Bubba, but like without unfurling it. Oh, yeah. Just eat it, like take bites out of it. Yeah, but have it all in your mouth.

How good was that? That was, I mean, disgusting. I hate it. That was my least out of it. Yeah, yeah. But have it all in your mouth. How good was that? That was, I mean, disgusting. I hate it. That was my least favorite. Did it make your mouth feel awful really quickly? Yeah. I wanted savory things recently. You could have eaten a full wheel of cheese because that feels like another small dream come true.

Yeah, that would be. Yeah. A whole wheel of brie. I'd love that. Are all your dreams sort of wheel related? Yeah, well. Putting wheels in your mouth. Yeah, yeah.

A whole wheel. If it's round well. Putting wheels in your mouth. Yeah, yeah. A whole wheel. If it's round, I want it in my mouth. I think we have cavemen to thank for all these dreams. It was a wheel of cheese. Is there an axle of cheese? Before. Fuck it up. An axle of cheese.

No, no, no, no, no. Come on, Alistair. We've got the wheel of cheese. We've had the wheel of cheese for years. Nobody's invented it. I mean, this is what it was like when they invented the wheel originally. I don't think they had the axle, right, for a long time. They just had the wheel.

There's a little Dutch man making the axle of cheese right now. Yeah, that's right. About to make a full cheese wagon. Yeah. You know, maybe pulled by a cheese horse. Yeah. There's a whole cheese village he's building. It's tiny.

It's in a little store. He's transport. Yeah. Yeah. No, cheese village he's building. It's tiny. It's in a little store. He's transport. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, I think. Chesterfield. I don't know. You know what I keep, because you were sitting there for quite a while, I keep feeling like

you're also still there even though I'm talking to you. Yeah. I sort of feel like that too. Yeah. Yeah. The squatting version of me is still over there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Dark Brony. Shadow Brony. No feel like that too. Yeah, the squatting version of me is still over there. Oh yeah, Dark Brony.

Shadow Brony, no one likes that guy. To cast back a long time, I think it was when Cass was on maybe. He had a small nightmares day today. Yeah, yeah. We all got together so that we could achieve small nightmares that we have. Yeah, followed around by small little monsters and somebody tried to reach through my my uh my rib cage to grab my actually try to grab my heart actually it made my mouth feel really bad which doesn't make sense but that's how terrifying it was

so i did with square things to i don't know overcome it sorry what were you ever gonna say i started oh it's just well i mean bronnie i'd love to hear more about the small dreams but i just was thinking that like earlier when i think it was when cast was on we were talking about being ghosted maybe it was cast maybe it was someone else but um tv show yeah the ghost of tv show but i was thinking there should be a show in which somebody thinks that they've been ghosted in their relationship. And what it is is that the other person has died and their ghost is now living,

is still there in the house with them, right? And they're having to like somehow, you know, they're adapting to the, because they've lost the person as well. But they're there. They're both feeling like they've got this thing. But they're there. They've both been alive. They've been alive. They've been alive.

Somebody has stayed with them. That's what ghosts call it. That's what ghosts call it. Yeah. Yeah. But, and then, you know, maybe there's a thing. Eventually they can come back to life. It's got to be different to the actual, the movie Ghost,

which I realise already exists and has a lot of these same elements. What do that mean? But in that one, she knows he's he's dead but in this one she doesn't know he's dead she just thinks he's not getting in touch yeah yeah and so he hears all of the bad things she's saying exactly right yeah and sees her you know have rebound relationship yeah yeah watches all of it he's seen everything and maybe it's like one of those unfinished business things. Unfinished business. But the unfinished business is that the girl has to apologize to him for getting angry with him. Yeah, she has unfinished business. Or maybe they just need to break up so that he can move on. He's the one who needs to move on to the next world.

Yeah. I wonder if there's a thing like that where you can have an unfinished business from somebody else, but then that person dies and then they're stuck because this person can't move because they have unfinished business because they didn't finish it. Yeah. And then neither of them can finish their business. Yeah. I mean. That's purgatory of like filled with stacks of paper.

Yeah. There must be a lot of situations like that where somebody has unfinished business, but it's literally impossible to finish the business because the other people that had unfinished business with has died or time has just moved on. Presumably, you've got to finish the business pretty quickly or the circumstances in which the business exists will no longer apply. I wonder if the unfinished administration behind the scenes that decides on whether you go and stuff like that can sometimes take it those things take that into account is there a statute of limitations on the unfinished business is this is a new fear declare your unfinished business insolvent an appointed administrator to wrap it up for you is it morally right for him to try to finish his business if she is rebounding that's a really good question.

He just actually ghosts and goes, fair enough, I'll make the text. It's really nice. I get the message now. He wants to have the last word. Yeah, but he's also not able to leave the room or something like that. The place. Yeah, the place. So he has to remain present.

Yeah, aliving or, you know, I think ghosting. So did we just sequelise something from earlier? Did we? Is that what just happened? Well, no, they were just talking about a TV show that they've been watching called Ghosted, which is on some MTV. Right.

And we just improved it. Well, we made a completely different show. Yeah. With the same... You could call that improvement. Some of the same letters. Yeah. Which I don't think we have

to give credit for to the letters to the letters yeah i mean should we write down should we be always crediting the creators of the letters the letters i think so just uh you know to be fair to the artists and to the estate probably you know the estate's probably out of copyright now but you can you know um did marvin gaye create any of the letters god i hope not yeah because his estate is very litigious yeah i mean it would be great to at this point because you know people can trademark things and that feels like stealing letters like you know kind of be like because if you could just trademark a my voice is getting a little bit gruffier from all the day of talking that's fair if you could trademark a then suddenly you're like you're stealing the

fire from the gods you know like you get to now own a and then everybody has to credit you or whatever when they use it they did with the happy birthday that felt like they stole that from us they copyrighted it do you think that um you know if anybody's going to do it It'll be Elon buying the letter X I guess that's kind of what he's doing But isn't he being challenged for that? Oh I don't know Yeah I think someone A tech company

Already had it Yeah Maybe Facebook Did I see that somewhere? Oh yeah maybe Yeah Do you think that the Marvin Gaye song Ain't no mountain high enough

To keep me from getting to you Right Do you think that the Marvin Gaye song, Ain't No Mountain High Enough, to keep me from getting to you, right? Do you think that song is about his descendants' approach to copyright litigation? Sure. And are they infringing on their own copyright by replicating that approach in their pursuit of Robin Thicke and Pharrell Williams for the song Blurred Lines? They're constantly having to go back into court against themselves

every time they win a case because they've once again infringed on the method. Yeah. They've decided to represent themselves in both cases. I mean, if you can mount a case for infringing on the musical vibe of a song, which I think is what sort of ended up happening with Blurred Lines, maybe you can get a case for infringing on the, you know,

the lyrical, the metaphorical lyrical content. Yeah. I'm going to have a sleep for it. Eddie, no, not even allowed to try. Not even allowed to joke. I want to point out, too, that you said mountain case almost. Yeah, you're not even allowed to try. Not even allowed to joke. I want to point out too that you said mountain case. Almost. Yeah, mountain case.

Andy, no more. You're getting into your sleep position. You've got to get up, Andy. That's Andy's genuine like, I am going to go to sleep. And I could. I know you could. I could go to sleep like that. I would be asleep and I would sleep. I'm pretty sure you were asleep. I could go to sleep like that. I would be asleep and I would sleep. I'm pretty sure you were asleep.

I actually take it as a compliment that you saw me and were like, I'm going to have a safe pair of hands. Safe pair of tonsils. Did anyone say that? You know, if you're giving somebody a job on the radio. To make out with a safe pair of tonsils. Yes. You know, that would be like if there was somebody at your school,

somebody at your school who'd done a lot of kissing, right? And you wanted to have a good experience for your first kiss. Well, obviously you want to put your tongue in a safe pair of tonsils. So that's the person you go to somebody who's who knows what it's you know who's done it who's been around yeah the checker the school checker

tonsil checker someone who's been around the tongue you know the block but you know it doesn't really make sense it doesn't make sense does it no safe pair of tonsils

around the lips around the mouth hole around the and they have a because they used to have those dental buses that came to schools maybe the

the kisser the one who's kissed all the people yeah they exist only in that in a bus oh wow they go from school

to school maybe kissing people all this yeah ages well the bus is here is it a healthy

Harold type person it's a sailor I guess yeah you gotta have they spend a week at the school and then they get the data and then you go find out who the safe tonsils are and then they go to the next school. Yeah. Everyone has the list. Sure.

I thought you were saying that the person who does all the kissing is in the van. Yeah, that's what I think. Comes around and kisses people at the school and then drive on to the next school. Exactly, yeah, but leaves the data behind for everyone to know. Like, here's the list, all the safe tonsils that are here. But then are they the safe tonsils, the person in the van? No, they're the checker. Oh, they're the checker, right.

So they kiss everyone to make sure. I thought the checker was the safe pair of tonsils. I thought that was the same person. Oh, yeah, right. No, I thought he was checking the safe tonsils. You already were coming in. I was updating the website. of tonsils. I thought that was the same person. Oh, yeah, right. No, I thought he was checking the safe tonsils. You already were coming in. He's updating the website. With your own terminology.

I thought you were like, I think at your school, you'd already had a word for the person who was the safe pair of tonsils, and they were called the checker. Because I'm still insecure from my time at school when I didn't know a lot of the cool terminology. I just went with it, and I was like, yeah, yeah, the checker, yeah. I know what that means. That means the person who's killed everybody because they've checked if their mouth can open and close properly.

So close. They've checked everyone else's mouth. Yeah. So they check every mouth. Yeah. Somebody, Kelly, is saying, I'm going to say it again, a couple of star jumps will invigorate if you don't want to go to sleep. Well, one of the small dreams I did was an ice bath today. Oh, really?

Just watch the screen. That really worked me out. I think that would be on my nightmare list. Really? Yeah. Well, Shadow Bronny will sort that out for you. This is actually the best. Yeah.

I mean, the fact that the cameras can't even get this. Wait, just watch the screen, Andy. We know we don't want to damage the... There we go. Hey, I got a compliment. Yeah. Thanks, Dan. Oh, yeah, it's great to have Dan.

That's nice. Yeah, being excited. Yeah. I mean, I'm excited too. Yeah, no, that's all right. So wait, how did the ice bath feel for you? Well, the downside was it was a tiny bath. And this was actually my dream. Was that, the downside was it was a tiny bath. And this was actually my dream.

Was that also the dream, to have a tiny bath? My dream was to have a bath with all my friends. Yeah. An ice bath with all my friends. But we could only fit one other friend, and it was very, very squishy. Yeah, in a regular bath? Yeah, regular bath. But I reckon smaller than a regular bath.

Really? The one we chose was not right. Did you buy a new bath or did you just go to somebody's house with a bath? Just went to someone's house with a bath. Nearby, actually. I walked from that. Oh, really? So you've recently bathed.

I've recently bathed. You've recently iced. Yeah. What do you call it when you've been blanched? Is that what it is? When you put like, you have like... Is that blanching when you see it really quick? Yeah, but then I think you put it into ice.

You kind of cook it in water for like a few minutes. You cooked in water first? No, I wasn't cooking. And then it brings out the color in the vegetables. And then you ice bath it or whatever. So it stops cooking and it kind of stays crispy. Ah, right. Yeah.

I guess I was blanched because I was in the sun. And then I, in the, yeah then I was blanched today. That's good. Yeah, that's really nice. Is there anything in that? Is there a sketch in that? Yeah. Yeah, it's a new –

Yeah, go ahead and write it down then. Wait, wait. We've got to think of what it is. There's new well-being places for blanching. Yeah, the blanch man. He's in a bus outside schools. Didn't you have that at yours? He kisses all the teenagers.

But he's got a big pot of boiling water. And he's in hot water. He's in a lot of hot water right now. So then he hides in an ice bath. I've got all the kissing of the teenagers. He's in so much hot water, so he hides in an ice bath. And so that's why they say he's blanched. But then, hang on, this isn't going to make any sense.

But this is how he gets away with it. He then goes into ice water and he shrinks his tongue right down to really small. So he doesn't have one? No, but small enough that he can do that. If it does not fit, it must acquit the fence. His tongue's too small to have done the kissing. It's not long enough that it could...

It could never have reached. Yeah. So he's found some ancient culture's tradition of tongue shrinking. Tongue shrinking. He's up all night researching on Google. It does feel like it could be a thing. Yeah, and it was like a vinegar pickling or something like that. It's like a little Nutri-Grain in there.

Probably holds salt just in your mouth all day long like that. Yeah, that'll do. Drinks his tongue. So a guy kissing teenagers gets in trouble. What do you think about this as an idea, right? Remember when Garry Kasparov won that, lost that game, that chess game to Deep Blue, the computer? I don't know who this is.

Garry Kasparov, who was the world number one chess player, a Russian chess player. He was completely dominant. And people thought that up until very close before that, people thought the computer would never be able to beat the Grandmaster. But then IBM built this computer, Deep Blue, beat Gary Kasparov in a best of five games, I Blue, beat Garry Kasparov in a, you know, best of five games, I think, or something like that.

And so I think this is our little short film following. After that, right, Garry's been beaten by this computer, but then the computer really starts to taunt him, right, and then to the point where it steals Garry's wife. Garry comes home, finds his wife in bed with the big mainframe yeah big mainframe with a blue screen in there yeah there's a cigarette coming out of the floppy disk drive yeah okay wait yeah that's a deep blue Deep blue, fucks Gary, fucks Ross. It seems very crude when you put it like that. I guess it burns off in a car, throws a milkshake at him, something like that.

Of course, the history is... It's getting really bullied. The history is actually more complicated with the relationship between chess players and computers because eventually they started using the computers to help them develop new techniques to satisfy their own whys. Very good. You know, to show them all sorts of patterns and things like that that you could use, you know, up, down, left, you know, forward, forward, A, that kind of stuff like that. You know, how do you things like that that you could use you know up down left you know forward forward a that kind of stuff like that you know like that they're able to find a way to please the pleasure of the wife that a man would never have thought of

that's right oh yeah like that like that yeah but then wives become suspicious you're actually pleasuring me too efficiently. Almost predictably. Yes, there's a signature here of you making moves that could not have been... Yeah, the randomness is gone. Exactly. She notices. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, if there was a thing for developing new kinky kind of things for, this is really stupid go go um and like you know ai kind of mainframe not ai but you know deep learning kind of thing like that um you could call it alpha goatsy you know and for new kinky i mean definitely at the time when goatsy was big in the culture remember goatsy that was. It's that very famous photo from the internet. Thanks for saying very famous to really rub it in. Yeah, of a guy pulling open his own anus. Oh.

And I just assumed that was a kind of a kinky. It was used as a sort of a prank, shock you, sort of almost like Rick Rowling, but like, you know. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I mean, it's great.

It's actually almost a beautiful thing that you actually don't know about it. Yeah, you do, and we've ruined that. Imagine Elon Musk buys Goetze. I think I have seen it. $44 billion. It ruins it. He buys Goetze, he talks about $44 billion,

and he changes everything about it, right? Takes away all the things that made it what it was, and nobody wants it anymore. It loses a lot of its value. Goetze just sounded like a Banksy to me when you said it. Like an erotic, grotesque sort of Banksy. Yeah. Bodily, body art.

I think at that point, I don't know if you'd even call it erotic. I think you'd just say. You don't think an open anus is erotic? I guess not. Yeah, I mean, I guess so, you know, maybe. I guess how far. I think it's probably wrong of me to rule it out. Yeah, that's fair.

But I don't want to have a closed mind. I want to have a mind stretched wide open. Gaping. Gaping, yeah. I think I realise the oval orifice is probably just the mouth. Sure, but we're not going gonna allow that to ruin a great idea we're not on camera there's no point oh yeah great yeah i was gonna touch i was gonna touch andy's tongue yeah and it looked good from where i

was sitting so hey it looked good you liked it yeah i mean you know it's probably one of the most erotic things that we've done on this podcast today. Really? That moment? We haven't done that many erotic things. That's the thing. It's like sometimes we're kind of holding back a little bit on the eroticism. What for?

What are you waiting for? I guess until later on when we really cut loose. After that pad thai? Yeah, because Andy's probably going to start going to sleep. So the eroticism is the only way you're going to be able to keep them up. Yeah. How did those star jumps? I don't think they did much.

They didn't do much? And I certainly think that that coke had, if anything, the negative, the opposite effect that I was hoping. Yeah, really? Yeah. Have you been oscillating like the person with the energy? I think it's probably been pretty consistent, but I think I'm on just on a slow decline. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's okay. Andy's going to get another wind soon. I hope I get another wind. And a big part of it is just we're under-eaten, although Andy did eat all the sausages. I ate all the sausages. Yeah. Right?

We had a container full of veggie sausages. Right. You didn't have any of them? No, I didn't have any of the veggie sausages. Oh, I hope that's okay. That's completely okay. I started kind of just being like, I don't think I want them. So that's why I just had some of the other stuff.

That's real brain food. Yeah, right. Yeah. I will say, I checked in earlier. Omega S. Your hair got neater at one point. So I don't know what you've done. Oh, this has all been edited in post.

We cut it up and there's a lot of continuity continuity errors it can it can it can it can change yeah andy andy can sometimes just pulls his hair so it's kind of straight up like that a little bit yeah yeah that kind of stuff um oh there you did it i mean beautiful it's always amazing to me that the that the shower actually does just fix your look. Why is it that when you're cleaner, you do just look better? Maybe because you feel better. You hold yourself higher. Yeah, but I think also like maybe the body just... A lot of the grime is psychological.

And heavy, so you're slouching. That grime really weighs you down. I do think that the slouching thing is probably definitely real because I know that I don't fully straighten up. I feel like this bit at the back of me, I need the hot water on there. It's caked on. But I feel like I need the hot water on there to help release that section of my back.

It's like when mud dries, it gets all... You keep bringing it back to me being covered in mud or filthy in some way. We haven't had a shower yet, so I assume you're covered in mud. Okay. Could be the mud, could be all the bacteria. It could be. Actually, you're wrong. It's not dirt.

I don't have dirt on me. It's just a layer of bacteria. It's just a thick, encrusted layer of bacteria. Brown bacteria. Yeah. It crumbles and dries and encrusted layer of bacteria. Brown bacteria. Yeah. It crumbles and dries and gets muddy when it's wet. I realise it looks dirt. It looks like dirt.

But it's just not. Shut up. And it comes from the ground, yeah. But it's just ground bacteria that comes from the dirt. It's not dirt. It was dirt. But it's not anymore. No, not in my body. It's on my back. Dirt's on the dirt. It's not dirt. It was dirt. But it's not anymore. No, not in my body.

It's on my back. Dirt's on the ground. This is... Yeah. The dirt on my back is bacteria. There we go. What about this idea of sky dirt? How good is the portmanteau bacne?

Yeah, bacne. How well did that work? I mean, it's a horrible concept, but the portmanteau, I really respect it. I think about it all the time, how much I love the word bacne. Yeah, does it work anywhere else? Fracne? No, it really doesn't.

I mean, I guess if you had it on your ball bag, sacne. But it doesn't satisfy in the same way as bacne. I think it's that hard B, obviously the comedy K. I mean, it almost makes me want to get pimples on my it makes me what sackney sackney makes you want to get yeah back sack and crackney yeah i got all three baby i gotta just writing down everywhere you're writing down back sack and crackney it's it's a place that does the Back, Sack and Crackney for people who love the words. They love the portmanteaus.

They're poets. So they go there and then they just put stuff on you, like hormone stuff. They put Back, Sack and Crackney on you. They don't clean it off or cleanse it in any way. No, no, no. They put it on you because they don't clean it off or cleanse it no no they put it on you because you love the word so much and so you just want to have a little bit as it like you know it's like it's a new trend sure it's another well-being place yeah we're doing all the well-being things

yeah you know tons of yeah it's important it's important little miracles or whatever you call them the little miracles miracles that's a different kind of day i think the hubba bubba thing reminds me that like when i was young and you would get a fruit roll up yeah and i would always i was always someone who put the whole fruit roll up in my mouth yeah your mouth would be sore and like like like a drool like this sweet drool, like you're full. You can't chew properly. It's not enjoyable at all. I'm going to need 10 minutes, guys.

I feel like that is still my attitude to all food. It's just to put as much of it in my mouth as possible. But even back then, every time I did that, I was like, I hate this. Yeah. But I would just do it again. Yeah, you have no self-control. Yeah. Yeah.

Could you call a gym an all-you-can-grunt gruffay? You know? I don't know. Is that anything? Yeah. You know? I mean... I mean, it doesn't really work.

Can you... Because... The dishes have to be already made. It would look like it has the word eat still in it, but it's like one of those visual ones. Beat. All you can beat. Gruffet.

It's an all-you-can-beat gruffet. Why does it need to be gruffet? Yeah, why is it gruff? You've changed the grunt. Yeah. Not that the... Gruntay. Well, no.

So the grunt is because of the lifting, right? Yeah, but he's got rid of that now. He's going to beat. And the gruff is just because the people are gruff? But buffet, like getting buff. You get buff at the gym. Yeah. Okay, this is what happened, Alistair.

You were like, all-you-can- this is what happened alistair you were like all you can grunt graffay and you were like okay that doesn't really work on any level but then you went to all you can beat okay really good but then you kept the graffay the only reason the beat the beat doesn't mean anything at the gym well if you're punching and stuff you were the one who said beat and beat the part but then you kept the graffay the gruff didn't mean anything in the gym right but you you invented this rule of like high jumps gruff gruff was the only bit i liked all you can crush all you can grunt graphite but all you can eat buffet it's not like eat and buffet start with the same letter yeah you were the one who invented the rule of they've got to start with the same

letter you did the grunt and the graphuff I didn't say that was a rule It just happened to both start with the same Well then why did you call gruff Why did you choose gruff Because I was talking about the gruffness of the people there Yeah that's what I thought But when you're at a restaurant You're not buff

No that's true You're not thinking of the buffness All the people eating. It's got to be an all-you-can-sweat buffet. Yeah, sweet. No way. I'm even allowing anybody to say that out loud. Don't even say the full sentence.

I'll say it again. Don't even say it. All-you-can-sweat buffet. Like that. The buff works. The sweat and the eat work. The sweat works as a concept. I know, but it doesn't work in real. All you can sweat is a conceptual idea.

No, no, no. And if you see that written on the sign above the gym, you're going to get it. And all you can feet muffay. You know, that's more like a toe kind of porn thing. Yeah, or you can sweet muffay, which a baked baked goods oh yeah sweet muffay muffay a muffay does sound like we could get that going it's like you know that could be the new freon muffay let's just sound like a disgusting term for a cunnilingus like um Malingus. All you can greet. All you can. This is an airport arrivals lounge.

All you can greet. Lafayette. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Saison. What about the police? All you can beat.

Café. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's. What about. What about. Yeah. Yeah, okay. But that's... What about Little Miss Muffet? Oh, yeah. I don't know tough A. Oh, wait.

Or tough A, yeah. Yeah, wait. All you can sit tough A. It's a tough at Emporium. We don't know what a tough at is, but we know it's a thing you a it's a it's a tough tough at emporium we don't know what a tough it is but we know it's a thing you can sit on right you and you complete cafe sorry i got it oh yeah you really want to sit right you really you you're like i'm so what's your thing i'm so tired i could sleep a horse yeah right i'm so tired i could sit a horse You really need to sit down Your butt is

aching for a sit You've got a butt hunger I've got a butt fever And the only cure is more toughay So you want to go to my all you can sit toughay

This is Little Miss Muffet biography, like a whole movie. But she's got a lot of attitude. Yeah, well. And she walks into the area outdoors. She really wants to sit down. She's a big sitter. Like that.

Because she's a wise cracker. Little sweet Muffet. I don't know her toffee. Little sweet Muffet. Sad don't know a Tuffet. Little sweet Muffet. Sad, honored, sweet Tuffet. Little Muffet. Oh, so we don't know if Tuffet could also be butt. Oh, yeah.

Sure. Butt or chair, yeah. Which is it? Tuffet. I feel like a Tuffet probably technically is like a lump of grass or something like that. A Tuffet of grass. Yeah. A Tuffet.

Yeah. Yeah. Unless it's like a furry butt. Yeah. Like a butt with like long, coarse hair. Check out that T. Tough. Yeah. Unless it's like a furry butt. Yeah. Like a butt with long, coarse hair. Check out that tuffet. That's the untold story of Little Miss Momma. Yeah, she had a hairy butt.

She had a real hairy butt. All right. Wait, what am I writing down? Wise Kraken. Wise Kraken. Backsackin' Wise Kraken. Wise Kraken. Wise Krakenin'. Krakenin' wise crackin' wise crackin' wise crackinin'

crackinin' go on keep writing keep writing all of that down every little every last element Miss

Muffet bio bio uh oh I'm running out of ink biopic biopic it's another great

um portmanteau yeah do you say biopic or biopic I think bacony might be the um portmanteau yeah do you say biopic or biopic i think bacony might be the best portmanteau you reckon yeah i don't have a list that i like but do you say biopic or biopic you say biopic i like saying biopic interesting yeah i know that's not technically weird rhythm but yeah it is like biopic it feels like i might as well be saying

two words why even bother portmanteauing it or yeah yeah bye i'm gonna go to all the effort of welding these two words together it sounds futuristic biopic to me because i guess it sounds like bionic bionic yeah yeah so it always pings my brain differently yeah it goes into a different category it It does. It falls down a different slot. It's a mind shoot. That's it. My mind shoot gets all... I've got a butt ache. I've got a... Yeah, I've got a...

Oh, I've got a hunger? You've got a hunger. Hungry butt. I've got a butt hunger? I've got a butt hunger? I've got a butt hunger. Wow, she's so wise, Kraken. She's a fucking idiot, Kraken.

A butt hunger. Hey, this is Little Miss Muffet has The butt hunger. Wait, this is Little Miss Muffet has a butt hunger? Yeah, that's because she wants to sit. Yeah. Right? Yeah. You see, she comes in.

If you're sitting on her tuffet, she will kick your ass. She pushes you off that tuffet, you know? Yeah, if she's in the same room as her tuffet, it's because she's there to sit. Yeah, and if you're there. Sitting my tuffet on that muffet i mean sitting my muffet on that tuffet yeah wait her her name's little miss muffet yeah she also she also calls it a muffet yeah okay gotcha i don't know what i'm doing no i, I mean, this is where we need to... There was a turning point that just occurred, I think. A key, crucial turning point.

I mean, you made me angry, which I needed. Yeah, that's good. Sometimes you just got to say something really dumb. Yeah. I was wondering this morning if my thermos is too good. Yeah, right. Because it keeps my drink too hot. I know exactly what you mean.

I have a mug, right? And the only cure is more... Tough it. Tough it. I have a mug that... I made a cup of tea in this mug, and I was taking it with me walking the dog at night, and I was like, I've burnt my mouth with this mug before.

I'm going to wait until I get all the way down to the corner of the main road, which is like five, six, seven-minute walk before I have the first sip. Walk all the way down there. Open the little slot and the lid on the top. Good sip. Incinerate my entire mouth. Like, this is hotter than any cup of tea I've ever had.

Yeah, it gets hotter in there. Yeah. What's going on? I don't know. An echo chamber? Yeah, I guess the steam's just perpetually heating it. What's happening in there? It's not possible.

It's not possible. Well, you say that, but you burn your mouth facts the facts are true like the evidence is in your mouth crazy yeah i think perpetual heat machine what we must not realize is that like when you pour the water the boiling water into the tea cup instantly so much of the heat either goes to evaporation or like is absorbed by the cup yes i think because these have got that shell yeah yeah yeah because the ceramics are probably expelling it yeah elsewhere i don't know i'm no science teacher about this eyeglasses for your nipples oh you know what i mean yeah so like you know because like it's always you know we my nipples were out on stock like i mean you know like these days i don't always feel that comfortable taking my shirt off but i if i had

some accessories you know like full like you know thick frame glasses that they could make them look like they're in the army in the 60s or something yeah aviators kids get bullied for them though uh do you get called for four nips yeah yeah you do yeah yeah but i mean you don't have to like you know i guess you get yeah you could wear them when you're going getting changed p time and then people are like hey four nips like that and they make fun of you but i mean i think it's like the glasses industry is like just trying to find ways to make new money anyway yeah you know and so to place the place that day I think it'd actually feel kind of nice to have glasses just hugging you on your side like that. What about a monocle for your butthole for when you're sunning it, doing that, exposing it to the sun?

Sure, why not a telescope? I'm thinking a UV protect, like a sunglasses style monocle. Like a blue light filter. Has anybody already suggested a style monocle like a blue light filter yeah has anybody already suggested a sunglasses monocle just one just one tinted monocle i've never seen that to protect one eye from the sun yeah yeah no i do like that a lot i mean and you could place it on your ain't on your anus when you're sunny i guess when you're laying on your back on the beach. But that was a thing for a while.

People were like trying to... Sunning their anus. But they were trying to get sun in their anus. Yeah. They wouldn't like... Yeah, but I think you want sun in there, but you don't necessarily want the UV, right? You might not want to burn.

I mean, I don't know. Sometimes I think that the UV is the goodness. Yeah, right. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. And then you kind of go... And then...

Like, what's the stuff that actually gives you kind of go and then like what's what's the stuff that actually gives you like creates the vitamin d is it the uv probably the uv yeah yeah and so yeah so i can't say no you know me i can't say that yeah um i guess i'll write down sunglasses monocle yeah cool glasses what about sunglasses monocle for your nipples yeah that works no I mean it's too stupid sunglasses monocle for your nipples yeah so one of them

I mean an eye patch for one of your nipples oh that's really that's like a bikini like half a bikini oh yeah because you just injured one injured nipple you're happy for the other one. I just think as a fashion thing, this is going to come in. It's the one-titty bikini.

One-titty bikini? Yeah. Yeah, an eeny-meeny. One-titty bikini. Bikini, yeah. You know, but somebody says, are chest glasses a bra? I don't think so because there's a big window there, obviously. But I do think that an eye patch is a bra for your eye.

It is like a bikini for one eye. And I think that that's how they're going to go from that. And they think, like they saw recently, the German leader fell on his face or whatever, and he had to wear an eye patch for a little bit. And I think people are going to look at that. And it's going to stay in the mind. And people are going to go, what about'm just going to stay in the mind and people are going to go what about that but for nipples like that and then you know like because then you think well then suddenly my chest looks like dr evil and it's a partly of you know free

the nipple kind of thing which is a bad boy thing like dr evil would do what about for the buttocks then right for one butt yeah like a one butt cheek one butt cheek yeah yeah i think that's possible i mean we haven't introduced the two the two bikini you're right for the butt but we should do that that's definitely like they are always looking for new things and that's gonna be a really good one we're leaving the butthole just well that might still have a thong like kind of thing but this is the way this is designed is for two bikini yeah bottom like things to cover each each butt cheek with it i like that but i wouldn't middle of the butt cheek is the rudest bit yeah the butt cheek the middle of the butt the nipple of the butt yeah yeah that's what i call it where it gets a little

hairy little line of hair that's what i've got at least yeah yeah that's what i call it yeah where it gets a little hairy little line of hair that's what i've got at least yeah yeah sure we all do my lord um yeah i mean that made me think of like if the if the the eye patch is the one-sided bikini of the face then like is there a one-piece swimsuit of the face and i guess that would be like a balaclava without one of the eye holes. But then that's not very interesting. That feels almost too logical. Yeah. And it shouldn't go over the top.

There should be like a hole in the top. So it's just a skivvy with a longer neck. Like maybe your ears come out. Oh, yeah. That's the arms. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Oh, skivvy like that. Yeah. Yeah. You just ears come out. Oh, yeah. That's the arms. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, absolutely.

Yeah, so it's... Oh, skivvy like that. Yeah. Yeah. You just pull it out. Oh, yeah. Roll it up. It's got holes for your ears.

Yeah, holes. Yep. And then I guess that's it. That should be a thing, a turtleneck. Maybe it looks... You can roll it up and it's got a balaclava kind of thing. And you can just roll it up to here. It's already got eye holes and a mouth hole and ear holes in it.

But it's just part of an extended turtleneck. That really then makes the turtle part of the turtleneck thing become a reality. Turtleneck that you can roll up and really retreat. With a helmet on top of it to really complete the picture.

Yeah. It does feel like the tech bro kind of balaclava. Because, you know, it's like what Steve Jobs would have worn if he was robbing a bank, I suppose. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess you're always ready to rob a bank. You never know when you're going to need it.

That's true. And probably if you're running a startup, who's going to need more money fast than a failing startup like that? So Bill Beliklav is straight into the turtleneck. Yes, great. Now, there's robbing a sperm bank, obviously. Yeah. What's the end goal? What's the end goal?

What's the end goal? Lots of sperm. Yeah, I guess lots of sperm. You get to get lots of sperm? That's a fair goal. I mean, so you're walking around with bags full of, you're just pouring all the sperm into one bag. All the sperm into one big sack.

Yeah, with an S on the side. For sperm. For sperm. Yeah, yeah. For sack. Is, with an S on the side. For sperm. For sperm. Yeah, yeah. For sack. Is the S for sack? Yeah, is it a big... Does the sack look like a big scrotum bag?

Ball bag? Is it because a sad man has lost the... Is he not producing any anymore, so he goes to get all that exists of it? Yeah, I'm not really sure if we have full logic. What's his motivation, Andy? Yeah, you want a motivation. I want a motivation.

You're a story guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to know why. Okay, so think about this. Usually it's because your family is struggling or something like that. So sometimes it's because your mom's going to lose her house. or something like that.

So sometimes it's because your mom's going to lose her house. The bank is demanding 200 litres of sperm and they're going to take the house. You can pay $500,000 on 200 litres of sperm. I've only got five sons. I'm not going to be able to produce that much sperm. And we're working as hard as we can. We're wanking ourselves to the bone. What other reasons would you need lots of sperm?

I guess, like, it could be, like, the bank. You know, one of the sons is dating the bank's daughter, the bank manager's daughter. Sperm bank manager bank's daughter, the bank manager's daughter. Sperm bank manager? No, the regular bank manager's daughter. The regular bank manager, okay. And so he is saying... Just the idea of a sperm bank manager.

I mean, yeah. I mean, the idea that you're stealing the sperm so that you can pay off your sperm debt. Yeah, okay. That's interesting. It's a weird idea. Does sperm have interest? Does it?

Yeah, can you... If you put sperm in a sperm bank, do you come back to more sperm? I don't think so. Come on. It would be great if they could get the sperm to... What's the point of it? Hold the flies.

If the sperms could breed with each other. Yeah, if they could wank each other. Imagine that if you found out that the sperms were breeding. To bring us back to Jurassic Park from fucking ten hours ago. You have all the sperm in the sperm bank. You think it's safe, right? But then you realise some of the sperm have switched gender. They're now lady sperms.

And the sperms have been able to reproduce on their own. Yeah. And they're very often like, you know, there are those lizards which can change gender under certain conditions if there aren't any males or whatever, or they can reproduce asexually if necessary. It's the same as that, but for sperms. Take your mum's house.

But of course, the thing is they're not able to make a person. They're just able to make more sperms take your mom's house if you don't but of course the thing is they're not able to make a person they're just able to make more sperms yeah and smaller and smaller every time yeah well you'd think so actually they get bigger and bigger until they do make a person one person from a million sperms yeah is there a theme park attached is there a theme park attached? Is there a theme park attached? I mean, we already had a sperm-nado sketch a long time ago today. I realize that we just keep coming back to this same topic. But that's fine. That's fine.

I think it's something we can... But what was this one? This was sperm. We discover sperm can breed? Yeah, the sperm are breeding. Because they've changed gender they're hermaphroditic oh yeah or something like that you know under the right conditions and you look down the you look down the microscope and you see a sperm with little boobs with glasses yeah you see with glasses yeah sure little spare with boobs incredible

14 wait okay so that's plus 4 is 2 every letter in the word boob looks like a boob yeah

you see every letter in the word boob oh yeah boobs well okay because like the capital B

looks like two boobs yeah yeah and one small B that looks like one boob and then on a stick. Yeah, or a boob in profile. Yeah, a boob in profile. Of course. Yeah.

And then O, that's a boob from the front. This must be a different type of like fucking onomatopoeia or palindrome or whatever. Like bed is. Like bed looks like a bed. Bed looks like a bed. Yeah. But even more so because not all the letters in bed look like beds. That's true, yeah.

Well, actually, they do if you consider the D on its side to be a big bed head. With a pillow. Yeah, a big pillow with a, you know. I don't consider that. Well. I won't allow that. What about the E? How does the E look like a bed? with a, you know. I don't consider that. Well. I won't allow that. What about the E? How's the E look like a bed?

I'll tell you what. I forgot the E was in there. Yeah. Wow. Although the capital E does look like a bunk bed a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I suppose. Yeah.

Maybe like one of those train beds. You look at it from the end or something. It's a bit of pallet racking. Which is basically a bunk bed for boxes. Yeah. Yeah. But that kills the premise because we need the lowercase. Lowercase.

It looks like a bed in the middle. I want to kill this premise, guys. Keep the premise alive. Keep the premise of a bed. I mean, my premise is that boob is the only word that does it. So I'm happy my premise is still alive. My premise is thriving. My premise lives off the death of your premise yeah i'm happy to

sacrifice a premise my premise is drinking your premise is blood sucking the life from your premise and getting stronger it's like in that star trek movie with idris elba what am I writing here about boob? Star Trek, Idris Elba. What? I think you... Boob, what are you writing about boob? Every bit of the word. What's the onomatopoeia? Yeah, it's a site version of onomatopoeia. It looks...

What's the word for that? Onomatopoeia. That's it. Onomatopoeia. There we go. a matter see ya. That's it. On a matter see ya. There we go. That's work, Andy. Oh, no. Matt, I see ya.

Oh, my God. And you got the food. Whoa. Oh, my gosh. We were probably supposed to get messages or something. Oh, great. Well, that's great. I think it would be crazy not to.

Jack. Thank you so much. I'm think it would be crazy not to. Yeah. Jack. Thank you so much. I'm really excited to talk about your T-shirt. Yeah. I thought I'd bring a wacky shirt. That's what we need. All right, so we got the boob.

We got the onomatopalindrome. Oh, wait, I spent C-year on. I already came up up the concept of an onomatopalindrome which is a word where both the the the word and the thing it describes look the same from both directions so i'm the only one i've thought of so far is a kayak right yeah that's that the kayak itself has an axis of symmetry as does the word kayak. Yeah. But if you can think of any others.

Somebody called Anna. Yeah, great. Who looks like the word Anna. No, she doesn't have to look like the word Anna. Maybe as if she got a symmetry in the middle. That's really good. That's a great example. You did really well.

Thank you so much. What about this? Wait, wait. You're congratulating him for That's a great example. You did really well. Thank you so much. What about this? Wait, wait. Poop. You're congratulating him for just having a palindrome. No, but... That's all he did. We're saying that Anna has an axis of symmetry.

Brian in the chat has said poop. Another really great one. Oh, yeah. That looks... Yeah, that looks... Yeah. I mean, backwards, it's quook. No, but it's got to look...

Oh, yeah. It's still poop. Oh, yeah, yeah. Backwards, you're right. Yeah. We are really both getting, backwards. You're right. We are really both getting quite confused by our own concept. Yeah. I mean, this one, that concept took me quite a while to think about.

Is this a new idea or this was something you've had for a bit? On a mountain palindrome. I've been sitting on that for a while. Yeah. Your tuffet? Yeah, it's been my tuffet. yeah it's been my toughet you know it'd be cool if we could eat the crab shell

I know I'm sorry I just saw the word crab right but like and there is oh there is soft shell god damn it I ate a whole bag

I once was told that you could eat lobster the tails which I think you can but in moderation but I ate a whole bag of lobster tails shell on yeah and I had had a whole bag of lobster tails shell on

yeah okay and I had terrible constipation wait lobster tails like eating the crushy yeah yeah yeah

and I was really I was really showing off that it's allowed and I went ham on this on this and like and you got blocked up by that hard shell

yeah I had hard shell in my in my intestines, I guess. I mean, that would have been, like the concept that Andy said out loud earlier, like getting dry-eria. Because, I mean, that's like pooping out sand and sharp bits of things. Was it still hard when it came out? I can't quite remember.

I don't think so. I think it had broken down. I reckon you could get dry-eria if you just ate nothing but peanuts. Yeah, I reckon you could. Nothing holding it together. Yeah. Unless the body is making like a, like a glue, hold it together. Does the body make a poop glue?

Yeah. To like give it consistency? Yeah, I think there might be a poop glue, poop glue gland. But if you were eating exclusively peanuts, then you could have a dry-area. Like, it's just opening a sack of peanuts at the end. Yeah. And the peanuts fall out the other side.

Untouched. Peanuts in, peanuts out. Yeah, like, your butt's basically got a drawstring on it, and you just... Oh, my God, This is such good. Is it good? Such good, like, pad thai. Wow, really?

Yeah. Is it just because it's the first real food you've had all day or like... This is from Carly. Thank you so much, my love. Thank you so much, Carly. Nice work, Carly. Oh, Carly says mine is the one with chicken. I think we've got this one.

This has got tofu, so this looks good to me. This one has tofu? Oh, really? Yeah. These both say vegetable on the receipt. Well, Carly, this is great anyway, so they might both be veg, but that is not in any way an issue. Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you so much. Well done, Carly that does not is not in any way an issue oh my gosh

well thank you so much well done Carly this is genuinely going to be the thing that will get us keep going for the next

Mac also points out that boob is an example of an onomatopalindrome as well of course if if it was a removed boob

oh yeah like a boob removed from the body yeah yeah I think boob. Oh, yeah, like a boob removed from the body, yeah. I think boob might be an omni-matter palindrome where it... Each of the boobs has its own symmetry? Each word in the boob looks like a boob, has symmetry. Each letter in the boob looks like a boob, has symmetry. Each letter in the boob looks like a boob, has symmetry, and also the thing that the boob describes is

itself a visual palindrome. I'm going to stop talking about this. I'm out of palindrome. That's good. It's good, but it's not... I'm just writing down, I'm out of palindrome. Okay. Yeah, you can. I won't eat this too close to the mic.

What do you reckon about... Just quite close. Do you reckon if you could take the... If you took a pregnant belly, if you could take it off and it pauses its gestation... Oh, wow. You could spread the nine months over however long you wanted.

Do you reckon any babies would ever get... Part-time pregnancy. Yeah. Or you'd take it off and go out. Oh, have a few drinks. Yeah. But then you'd be procrastinating. You'd forget that the belly's there in the cupboard.

It's in the cupboard, yeah. And you would leave it there for months. Yeah. But you probably can only leave it disconnected for two weeks before. No, that's really grim and horrible, Alistair. I like when he's like, you need to like read. Forget about it. I know.

Yeah, you just forget about it. You can come back to it. That's a better idea. Whenever. You know, it's nicer. Okay, I like that. I like, um, and then. You can call it a pregnant pause.

That's beautiful. I like if you could also take out your guts. Uh-huh. Yeah, that's a really good idea. You eat a whole lot of really bad shit right but before it gets really bad you take out your whole guts right and get new guts or do you get your guts professionally like hosed out they stretch out the entire intestine along its full length they blast it they connect it up to like a fire hydrant and they just blast it through

or is it just waiting there for you like you're just like it would be inconvenient to have to do this poo tonight sure so i'll just do it another time i'll put it in the cupboard with the baby yeah you put it at the start of the school holidays oh you don't get back to it until the end oh no it's gone bad all this shit's gone bad this shit has gone bad no but i think the idea of like you know much like they're developing external wombs so you can like gestate a baby in the lab yes it'd be the same with really bad shits right you eat the food it goes into your stomach it goes through your small intestine but then before it goes into your large intestine, they take it away. They put it in an external large intestine,

and they complete the turd in the leg. Yeah, like the community butthole. The whole village can go in. The community butthole. Yeah, give your guts to the community butthole. Isn't there a beautiful rhythm to the phrase community butthole? Community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole. Community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole, community butthole.

Butthole. Butthole. Community. They're too far. Yeah. So what is the community butthole? Yeah, that's a really good question. I mean, we did already come up with the idea

of a city having a penis earlier today. I think this is the same city, I guess. You take your guts yeah contents of your guts to the community butthole so that it can process all the bad bad stuff that the town's been eating that's really good it's interesting that we've decided we've invented we've invented the concept of taking out the contents of your guts. In a way, we're almost like pro-lifers in that we believe the shit has the right to go to full term. We're not just going to throw the contents of the intestines in the bin. We want it to be given the opportunity to be delivered into the world through a functioning butthole. It doesn't have to be yours.

You can have a surrogate imagine that yeah you get you pay somebody else a disadvantaged person you say will you be my not baby mama carry a shit to the full term yeah yeah yeah i'm i've got a big dinner tonight will you be my butthole it occurs to me that it is you be my butthole? It occurs to me that it is now. Will you be my butthole? It occurs to me it's now 1906. And so we have now crossed over into Jack time. Oh. Yeah.

I apologize. That's all right. But no, it is. It feels rude. Anytime we have to say. No, no. Pardon me. Ronnie.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thanks for having me. This has been great. Do you have anything you would like to promote I'll just stay here as long as Ben did after you tried to

after you tried to I'm going to start new conversations Maggie wanted to start new conversations as well I'll just plug my future just keep your eye out I think there's going to be

a few miracles in the future I heard you were going to have a few dreams coming true yeah yeah it'll be good times. He's here. He's here. I'll let him sit down.

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Enjoy the rest of the time. Ronnie, we appreciate it. You're a hero. Of course. So well. My pleasure.

I'll take the next one. Thank you very much. Please welcome Jack Drews. Yes. What's up, Jack? How you doing? This is from the rapper Nelly from An Injoke You. Well, a few people would know about it, I guess.

What's the joke? Working on the TV show, The Project, I had to go and take a photo of the rapper Nelly. And the guest producer guy was like sort of said Nelly this is Jack and he just like louder and confident more confident than anyone I've ever seen he gave like what's up Jack like that

and then I was taking the photo and he was just by himself kind of no one's interacting with him anymore he's just like alone with his backdrop me taking the photo and then kind of just looking off to the distance just by himself. He goes, what's up, Jack? Yeah, wow, just ruminating on it.

Yeah, just ruminating. Like he's reflecting on it being like, I really nailed that what's up, Jack, earlier. And he wants to relive the glory. I think just in his trade, if something rhythmically fits well, he kind of just has to make note of it, I guess. That's really nice i mean he gave you a gift there like being that confident and breaking down the barrier of like

you know the potential awkwardness of an interaction like that just you know oh i'm gonna step up i'm gonna bring so many people in my life there's very few that i'm like talking about five years later from just when they said my name that's impressive Nelly yeah yeah Nelly shout out to Nelly yeah Nelly if you're watching yeah love your stuff now tell me about your t-shirt jank oh yeah well it's just from a sketch that I made it says um I don't know where the camera's at it says ask me about discount crab meat um i thought you know sketch thing i have the shirt and i love it but it's like when am i gonna wear it yeah i feel like here's this is the forum this is very much the yeah yeah well i actually have a theory about

because one of the things in which me and my beloved disagree is my passion for discount meat and i bring home discount meat and she doesn't like the discount meat. And I bring home discount meat and she doesn't like the discount meat. But I think that apart from saving an animal from the abattoir, the only other way that you can still have an act of mercy is to save it from the bin. And so I feel like this is the most ethical thing I can do.

I mean, it would be amazing for that animal in heaven to watch the, like it's been killed, it watches the whole process of it being slaughtered the meat being packaged up this is heaven for animals yeah this is heaven this is they get a bad deal they get a bad deal they're watching the whole thing the meat being packaged put into the little polystyrene tray covered in the glad wrap wrap, goes and sits in the supermarket shelf for a week. People come by, look at it, pick it up, put it down. Oh, you'd be so jealous of them buying their friends. And they pick it up and they put that in the bin.

Yeah. Oh, man. You're saving that eternal spirit. They wouldn't be able to understand. They'd have to be given a real gift of sentience and the capacity to understand the concept of what they'd have to be given a real gift of sentience and the capacity to understand the concept of what they're seeing the futility god gives them i guess that gift and then you heroically come in scoop up their discount meat that's right for 4.49 yeah

kilo and they're just grinning in heaven yeah that's right the Big cow smile. Leaning over the pearly farm gates. Smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was all worth it for this. Yeah. See Alistair, get in an argument. And you take it home and your wife says no and you put it in the bed. Well, no.

I definitely cook it and just eat it myself if that turns out to be the thing. I even got one bag of meat, right? One bag of discount meat. Tell us about this bag of meat you got. You know, it's just such a weird thing is that you buy like a bag of meat. Tell us about this bag of meat you got. It's just such a weird thing. You buy a bag of chicken that's discounted, but somehow then it's just also not a quality bag. So on the way home, it starts to just leak chicken juice in the car,

and you're like, this is the worst possible outcome. How am I going to save face when I get home? What you do is you don't tell anybody. About the leaky chicken bag? Yeah, no, you do. You just clean up. I guess you want quality meat in a discount bag. Other way around.

No. Quality bag. You want to buy the best meat in the best house. Quality bag. No, the worst house on the best street, you want the worst meat in the best house. The worst house on the best street, you want the worst meat in the best bag. Absolutely. That's what I'm saying, yeah.

Do you want the best meat in the worst bag? Don't make me choose, first of all. Can I take worst meat in the worst bag? All right, Jack. I wouldn't normally allow this. These are the prizes you have available on this game show. You have good meat in a good bag, good meat in a bad bag,

bad meat in a bad bag, or bad meat in a good bag. You have to choose between those options. Maybe there's like a board with the question marks on it and you have to point and guess. This is way more interesting than anything that the game itself could contain. I don't care about the game mechanics.

All I care about is this meat-based prize system where there are no good answers. I love the idea of seeing the person go and pick up the bad bag full of good meat and the meat is falling out of the bag, dribbling everywhere as they're waving goodbye and walking off the set, trying to catch the meat that's going all over their arms. Meanwhile, their competition has, like,

rotten prawns in a Louis Vuitton bag. They're kind of like, well, hold on. Because it also ruins the good bag. Like that Louis Vuitton. Imagine a really stylish person kind of walking past and they're showing off their super expensive fancy bag and just as you get within maybe a few feet of them, you realize it's full to the brim of rotten prawns.

What a 180 you'd have on your impression of that person. This person's all made up. A stank of just off yeah like a a movie montage tom jones is she's a lady is playing like really like confidently strutting down madison avenue and the bottom of the bag falls open and rotten broads cascade onto the ground and slop down all over their shoes. Their foot accidentally kicks a bunch of them. Flipping and falling in the rotten thing that's going all over them.

Also, the best meat in the worst bag. You picture how bad can a bag be? Like the worst. This is going to be a great cut of meat. Yeah, it's like that Japanese Kobe beef kind of thing. There still has to be a lot of it, and it still has to be quite sloppy, I think. Right?

For me. Also, I think the floor needs to have a lot of cat hair and stuff on it for the Jeopardy to be hot. Oh, yeah. I mean, I think a bad bag where the meat has been exposed to air for a long periods of time the meat's probably pretty bad as well yeah the bag was already wet before you put the meat in as well like it was just in some other stuff i don't really know what that was. And it's a Hessian bag. No, I'm sorry. I feel that is taking me away from the concept,

which I think is the beautiful clarity of that choice between the good meat and the bad bag or the bad meat and the good bag. I don't want the good meat to have been soiled by the badness of the bag. I think it's just the bag as a bag is not very effective. You still have access to the good meat. Yes, you could have the good meat.

I see. Otherwise, it takes away the goodness of the meat component. Yeah. But I mean, the journey home is also dangerous. Yes, sure. So have we written this down? Oh, yeah. Is the sketch, it's a game show or it's just concept of these bags?

I think the thing is we don't even need to see the game show. For this sketch to work, you say, congratulations, Stephanie, you're tonight's winner, right? Yeah. And then Stephanie Plopp. It's Stephanie Plopp from earlier. And she, you know, you now get to choose from the prize carousel. Oh, what a carousel.

I guess the things are being held by models as well. It's a fun part of it. It's a very fun part of it, I think. They have big grins as well. They couldn't be happier to be holding these bags of varying quality. Oh my god, that was so good. It's fantastic. Some of the best food I've had. I wonder where it came from.

I'd love to give them a plug. Is it McDonald's? Someone tell Al it's been seven hours since he posted the sketch notebook on Instagram. Wow. Save it from the bin. Nice. Wow. Save it from the bin.

Nice. Yes. Save it from the bin, baby. All right. Can you? I mean, is there a version? Seven hours since I posted. That's crazy.

Is there a version of? It's crazy that we do any project for seven hours. That was there. Anyway. It's crazy that we do any project for seven hours. That was there. Anyway, is there a version of heaven or hell in which we watch our own meat being discarded by big animals? Interesting. Like, I guess, you know, lions or something like that at our carcass. And choosing not to eat it.

Like, we watch our own meat be rejected by animals. Be rejected by animals, by vultures, you know. I would quite like for my, when I die, for my meat to be eaten by animals. It's like a waste to just chuck it in the ground. So now that you've experienced this love for this idea, suddenly you donate your meat to animals, and now you're in purgatory or heaven or hell, and you're getting to look on the meat the animal's about to feast on your body,

and they sniff it, and they go like that and they walk away and just leave it. A vulture sniffs it and throws up. Now, what is this? Why does this exist? Is this a... What about a prank? It's the final insult.

What about a new religion where heaven and hell exist in this religion but you die and you go to sort of a purgatory, but instead of your acts while you're alive determining whether you go to heaven or hell, it's just if a certain animal wants to eat your meat or not. That determines. Yeah, if you leave a tasty enough kind of body left

and then whatever animal it is, it could be different for everyone. Maybe heaven exists within the stomach of a hyena. Yeah. And that's the only way to get there. Various stomachs of six raccoons. I love the idea of a new religion, right? You've just signed up to this religion, right? And it's only been around a couple of years

and you die you go to heaven and they still haven't got everything working yet yeah it's like they started a new school yeah no one's here above you yet plumbing and stuff they've got temporary toilets yeah still figuring a bunch of stuff out yeah i like that being the first guy in heaven yeah the first guy in heaven is really good new religion you're the first guy in heaven yeah the first guy in heaven is really good new religion you're the first guy in yeah and it's it's like other people get there and because you were there first you've got this real like cocky attitude yeah for the first little bit it's like being the only person who comes to a stand-up show or something yes you know god is like this is good i promise you i know it doesn't feel like, no, it's not selling well,

but like, trust me, this is a good time, what we got here. Or then there's a scandal in the church. Everybody else leaves the church. Nobody ever joins the religion again. The religion gets closed down. Now it's just you and God together in heaven forever. Oh, man. And it's just the two of you for eternity.

Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. You're the last. That's great. You're the only. It's a bit like my God housemate sketch from earlier. Was it God housemate? You know, we're all derivative of something.

I had a Napoleon Bonaparte housemate. If this podcast goes on long enough, there isn't a notable figure in existence that i won't make somebody's housemate for a sketch idea well somebody posted a photo of me eating the noodles really scoffing like i'm sorry i'm just trying to figure out what the last one i took a photo of this with this one okay great um i don't know if this would get us somewhere maybe, but just thinking about heaven and hell. So I always think about there's that kind of, what do you call it? Not a parable.

It's one of those things where it's like a moral kind of lesson where it's like a guy goes to hell and everyone's starving and there's a big plate of food there and they've got those long chopsticks and the chopsticks are too long to to get the food into their own mouth so there's this starving people are like shriveled up starving trying to and they can't feed themselves but they have to look at this beautiful banquet and then and then the man goes to see heaven and it's the same except people are using the chopsticks to feed each other each other and i feel like i get that that's a nice lesson but they're still just being fed by chopsticks yeah

having people feed me with chopsticks is not and i hate sharing plates yes exactly i'm very anti you know that sort of thing because there's so much guilt associated with like having taken too much and by the way the answer is always yes. I will always eat more than my fair share. So I will always feel bad. Yeah, absolutely. I haven't yet eaten more than my fair share and I'm hungry and I want more food or because I have already and I failed. But yeah, I mean, that is interesting.

Like, you go to heaven. The lesson's been learned. Why does he get to go to both, by the way? Why do you get to go and have a look at hell first? Yeah, I wouldn't like that to happen. I feel like that's just God kind of giving you a bit of a like reality show style. It's like pretending that you're getting voted out, but then you're not. It's like.

Do you think that like in heaven, there's a lot of like they piss on people in hell and stuff like that? Yeah. Pissing down. That is the 300th. Whoa. First guy in heaven. First guy in heaven. He ends up getting stuck with God.

What is this one? Sorry, I was posting all the things on Twitter. I don't know if this is anything yet, but I was talking about people in heaven getting to piss on everybody. I mean, I guess that would be a nice thing. I guess it would be good. Yeah. It would be funny to be the preacher really selling that idea as well.

Like, wow, we're still on earth. still on earth If you followed all of these moral codes You're going to get to piss on whoever you want Who's still living I mean you can go on a little cloud Just above one house And you can piss on that house You can piss your whole piss on that house Piss your whole piss

You can empty your bladder You can have your whole piss on that house. It's your whole piss. You can empty your bladder. You can have another drink. In heaven, your bladder never runs out. Yeah. I asked a pastor, what if I run out of piss? You won't run out of piss. I feel like I've done a lot of that kind of voice today. Not going to run out of piss.

You know that expression, I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. Yeah. What about this? I wouldn't set fire to you if you were drowning in piss. I mean, it's great. I really like it because it's like. Doesn't really work. Yeah, I know.

That's what's great because somebody's. Yeah, I like it because it's like... It doesn't really work. Yeah, I know. That's what's great because somebody's... Yeah, I like it because I love somebody attacking somebody and then... Going in hard. Yeah, going in hard and then afterwards being like, God damn it. The logic of that insult didn't really stand up. And insults that don't meet strict logical standards, they don't affect people. I am rubber. You are glue.

Bounce off me and stick to you that is watertight yeah you know like like in a in according to its own world building like that that's that's that's perfect there's no flaws in that logic if you buy into the central premise that insults are affected firstly that this person is able to define the material properties of people just by saying it that's one of the premises the other one is that those material property properties affect insults the non-physical thing of insults but if you accept both of those premises then i am rubber you are glue bounce off me and stick to you you know you're glue what are you gonna do what are you gonna do

yeah you are glue you've already beyond that yeah it has a beautiful rhythm i don't know who came up with that what like oh man uh probably next year's Nobel Nobel Prize for literacy for literacy for knowing how to read yeah okay I wasn't knowing how to read I'm still thinking about

the setting fired I wouldn't set fire to you if you were drowning in piss because it was like would it burn some of the piss away maybe

or like yeah I guess like it doesn't make sense well some of the piss would evaporate and maybe your mouth wouldn't be under the piss away maybe i guess like it doesn't make sense well well some of the piss would evaporate maybe your mouth wouldn't be under the piss level yeah when you wouldn't be able to set fire to me either i'm completely submerged in the piss in which case i can't be burned or i'm not completely submerged in the piss in which case i can breathe i don't need the fire

you're not helping me in any way well the piss level is going up because there's piss rain because i'm also pissing on you yeah well that wasn't part of the concept no okay that wasn't fully fleshed out so i don't you can't go back and add extra things you didn't let me finish jk rowling saying that you know gandalf is gay after all the books have been published. Aye, you're a bag of dicks. You've lost all control. By the way, Gandalf is a character in a different book, which is very funny. The author of one book to come out years later.

Actually, Gandalf. Gandalf was gay. Willy Wonka was gay. I've written a book. I'm allowed to do this Raphael from the Ninja Turtles was also gay really good

whoever has the best selling book at any point is allowed to say what happens after all the other books are finished you're the boss of books the boss of books while you've got the

yeah it's like fighting while you've got the books you can make new rules you can make decrees and they're canon it's like and while you can make new rules you can make decrees and they're canon it's like and then and then you know it's it's like papal infallibility or something like that and then anyone after that has to work within the boundaries that you said and for some reason

jk's thing is to say that all the male leads in books like that. And you know what? Aragon was actually Asian. You go, what? He's played by a white guy, but canonically. This is J.K.'s gruff voice I'm doing. Is she related to J.K. Simmons? It's like a reverse related. You know, because it's the front loaded.

Like a front load. Sorry, I started to think about saying front loader. And then I didn't know what a front loader was. Is that what you call your penis? No. The front end loader? You don't call it the front end loader? I don't think so.

What is it load? I mean loads of semen. Oh yeah, loader? You don't call it the front end loader? I don't think so. What is it load? I mean loads of semen. Oh, yeah, loader. I guess that makes sense. Front end loader. Yeah. So then I call it my... Would you call your anus your backhoe?

No, I call it my fissure and picle. Hmm, okay. Because it's a... Front loading washing machine. Yeah. Yeah. Although I donloading washing machine. Yeah. Although I don't add washing machine, so I don't think I could also claim

that it might mean this is a washing machine. But it's like a rhyming slang that doesn't rhyme. Hmm, hmm. You know, front-loader. Fisher and Paykel was a front-loader. Fisher and Paykel. Yeah, I call it the Fisher. Yeah.

No, I call it Bobby Fisher. Yeah, oh. Okay, what call it the Fisher. Yeah. No, I call it Tommy Fisher. Yeah, oh. Okay, what's that? The chess player. Oh, wow. Bobby Fisher. Yeah. Yeah, I call it Tommy.

I call it Tommy. After Bobby Fisher's brother. Oh, this is your first day in East London. Yeah. Up with all the geezers trying to go back and go through

all the geezer lore. Oh, Bobby Fisher. Like there's a hole in it? What do you mean? Yeah. F-I-S-S-U-R. A Fissure. A Fissure.

Bobby Fissure. I just saw somebody. Brian posted that. And the boss of books add facts after nonfiction books are over. Really great question. Yes, they can. I don't think so. After nonfiction books are over? Really great question. Yes, they can. I don't think so. After non-fiction books are over.

War. Yeah, you think not? Yeah, I mean, because that's reality. They can't affect the nature of reality. But does the top-selling non-fiction author get to add their own details? They can change one fact in history. Yeah, can Malcolm Gladwell have a hit facts details yeah i mean they can add one they can change one fact in history yeah can like

malcolm gladwell have a hit and then go and it's the origins of the species yeah really good yeah i think that's okay i think it should be okay to change history at a certain point right yeah like it you know once it's done we can we can say there's a lot of stuff we don't know maybe they can go fill in one blank in history how about that because there's a lot of stuff we don't know. Maybe they can go fill in one blank in history. How about that? Because there's a lot of stuff we don't have the information. Yeah, I keep hearing... We'll never have the information.

Like there's that Yidda the Sea people, a group of people who had a big war or something against maybe the Egyptians, or they destroyed a section of the Roman Empire, or something, I don't really remember. Nobody knows who they are? Basically a huge, powerful society in that time period who now has just lost to history.

We've got nothing. Yeah, so let's just write it in. Who cares? You can just say they were from... Just make up something fun. What about... Greenland. The best-selling author of historical books

is allowed to choose one fiction book and make it reality yeah say move it into the into the non-fiction section right and define what time period you know just to fill in one of the gaps yeah yeah say like uh well actually um michael chabon's the yiddish policemen's detective union which is already a speculative history. That doesn't really work for me. No, okay, we've got to say... Such what I would consider an obscure book. Mm, mm.

That was actually a really bad choice. But whatever you say. That happened in 1116 in Slovakia, what is now known as Slovakia. I'll write this down. Non-fiction... Is it just to shut me up? Well, I mean, it's just a continuation of the previous sketch, but I'll

give it its own category. You'll split the diphthong? Yeah. Diphthong, that's also a bit like a a mermaid it's the chimera of the letter world but dipthongs

you just said the one thing that I didn't know what it is is the something else that I didn't know what it was of the letter world I couldn't be more lost to that so which one is the dipthong? the dipthong is when you have two letters joined together, like an A-E, when some people spell like encyclopedia, you know, sometimes you see the A and the E are like fused together, like conjoined.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a diphthong. Yeah. Encyclopedia. Encyclopedia. And you have to say it like that? No, I don't. It feels like, has paedophile got that?

Yeah, sometimes. I think people can do that. But why do they do that? Ironically, it feels like people who put a diphthong in words, probably has paedophile got that? Yeah, sometimes. I think people can do that. But why do they do that? Ironically, it feels like people who put a diphthong in words, probably a paedophile. It's one of the biggest signs. Yeah, I think it could be. Telltale.

It's definitely evidence of an odd mind. A mind that could do anything. I mean, anybody join in any of the vowels? Like, not the vowels, the consonants together? ZT. Aztec. Like that. You know? And you just go, fuck it. They're connected.

Land bridge. What keyboard can you use to do this? There must be shortcuts. Is there a shortcut? I think there's a shortcut. I don't know if it does new diphthongs. I don't know if there's a shortcut that will combine a Z and a T. Now that we know what a diphthong is, what was the thing you said about a mermaid?

Well, earlier I said that it's the portmanteau of the marine world. We've talked a lot about portmanteau is just two words that are joined together like like brexit right you know or like andy's favorite back me yeah gotcha yeah yeah but look i i i want to move on it didn't have anything in it anyway yeah it was nothing of an idea okay fucking 300 sketch ideas we would be finished by now if this was two years ago this was two years ago if two years ago me could see me now yeah uh what like only 13 hours in i mean it could still take us five hours to get through this boy um all right let's rip through let's rip let's rip now that we've got now we got this energy from all this food. Yeah, you're all pumped up full of...

Yeah, I mean, I could just do a little piss. Yeah, I think you've earned a little one. You're barely pissed. Let's see if there's any sugar out there as well. If you could get me another Coke Zero, Alistair, I'll give that a go. No sugar. Yeah.