Two In The Think Tank - 404 - "A HOT COP OF JOE"

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

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Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to freedom. I'm in love for you. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things.

It's like theaters December 15. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh Look, I accept that you can be insane in the brain. Yeah. But insane in the membrane. Like, that's just the outer part? I guess. Or is it the mucus membrane that surrounds the brain? Yeah. I mean, that's when you know you are really insane. Sure. When you're in the bits where there's not even any synapses.

Where there was... Where the consciousness does not even occur Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right when you're on when you're insane on such a fundamental level In your firm where you know not just it's even outside of the fun Fundamentality Wow something below fundamental I really feel like the brain is fundamental to consciousness and the brain and the and the and the membrane is not. Yeah, I felt like that was what I was saying, but maybe not. I don't know. I'm we said so fundamental

rooted in the I'm not doing well mentally right I'm rooted in my booted that'd be a great this is my great parody band right this is all the prodigy but if they were Aussie what would that be like the prodigy isn't that isn't isn't that the ones who said insane in the brain insane the membrane was that I would have been I think it would have been cypress hill. Oh, the progy is psychosomatic in sane. Maybe. Maybe not. Not even sure. Psychosomatic in saying, okay, you could be right. Yeah. Yeah, you might be right there. I actually don't I don't know the prodigy very well Is that the one that they do a friend in need? No, no, that's placebo

The prodigy is smack my bitch up Insane in the brain I think But they obviously they meant the smack my thing up in a kind of in a positive way. It's a kind of, it was a, it's a call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call, call causeics, actually too smack means to caress kindly in a loving manner. Yeah, I'm, I'm afraid I'm not sure. And my bitch, my bitch is a Scandinavian, an Nordic term, my bitch, which means, you know, mother figure. Well, that's a lot better. But anyway, yeah, all right. Well, then I'll have to do an Australian version of Cypress Hill.

Okay, you can live for my elderly mother up is kind of what they, uh, what they actually met. Alistair, we are talking across purposes. Andy, you know what it would be good? It would be great to get the first like hard core, like, you know, night club dance track that is about caring for a narrow, elderly relative. Yeah, elder care. Elder care.

That's exactly. But you got to disguise it. How could you disguise it enough? So people think that it's about fucking. Well, I mean, you could definitely talk about taking a lot of pills. Right? Because that is. So stealing them from your grandmother. Well, no, no, pills, right? Because that is. So stealing them from your grandmother? Well, no, no, no, no, no, like, like, I guess you're describing like the need to take a lot of pills every day to keep going, right?

Yeah. And that is both a dance club phenomenon. And also the lived reality of the infirm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the pathoconsensis is about an aging, it's about an aging generation. Yeah. So at some point, you're taking care of your elderly relative, but you are also yourself elderly. Mm. Right. You see, so now there's a reason why you're both popping pills.

Yeah. Yeah. This is a little bit like the Chance The Rapper, a song where he goes, we don't do the same drugs no more. We don't do the, we don't do the same drugs like that. And that's like you and your mom. But if you're getting elderly,

maybe you are doing this, if you're both elderly, wasn't that your contention? Maybe you are. Yes. Yes. That was my contention. But I was suggesting that the kinds of drugs that you're doing now are heart medication, whereas and and things that stop your, you know, brain from stopping or zapping you or something like that. And so that's different to the drugs that you and your mom used to do, which we're like, you know, a chamomile tea and a hot cup of, a hot cup of Joe, a cup of Joe. How about this?

You've heard of cup of Joe. What about this cup of Joe? The people who police the coffee. Yeah. Oh, now I was thinking like, you know, you drink something out of a cop. Right? Like cop of Joe. Yeah, I mean, I imagine that would feel if you were of the gangster persuasion, you know, you run in the city, you're running the city. The idea that you have the police, so in your pocket,

that you can then take them out of your pocket, lay them down on a thing in front of you, have them open their mouth, pour liquid into their mouth, have them lie there nice and still, and either with a straw, or by having two of your henchmen, pick up the cop and bring them to your lips

and pour the liquid from their cop lips into your mouth. Just for a little sip, that is a new level. It's hot, it'll be really hot and you couldn't have more. Is it, oh, it is a hot cop of Joe, isn't it? It's a hot cop of Joe. Yeah. And the cop could be hot as well Joe, isn't it? Right. Yeah, it's a hot cop of Joe. Yeah. And the cop could be hot as well, but I don't need that.

They don't have to be. Could. It doesn't have to be it. Could be. I mean, would we line the mouth of the cop like they do in a, like a keep cup or something with an extra layer of like, you know, like a stainless steel or something there, so that the cop doesn't have boiling water it kept in their mouth or is that part of your power?

I think it's part of the power. Yeah, wow. I would, I would, for some reason in my mind I feel like it's more powerful to have the cop have to stand and then two people just lift them up and kind of tip them but you would also be like, hey curl your lip because you want a little lip on the thing. You need a lip. You need to sip from a lip. You need to sip from a lip, which is,

it makes the human face that one of the perfect drinking vessels. I shoot from the hip and I sip from the lip. I'm sure it's your catchphrase. And I sit from the tip. Oh, I sit on a tip. I sit on the tip. I sit on a tip. Well, sit on a tip. I sit from my tip. I wonder if it would be possible to have such saggy boobies that you could sit on your own tip. Because sitting on a testicle is a real, that is true. Yeah, yeah. But I think you know, you might be able to reach a point is if there's anybody in the world who can do that I think

Phone in Right into us tell us your experience I just had a weird flash that somebody sent us an email at some point and they didn't respond just in I had a weird flash that somebody sent us an email at some point and I didn't respond just in. A sign-ups, one sign-ups woke up, fired. And then rolled over and went straight back to sleep. I know. It was an email that said, where is your show on YouTube?

And it was from a company that's like, yeah, we'll put it on YouTube for you. Isn't that amazing? No matter what it is in life that you want to do, right? As soon as there's a want to do something, then that means that there's a desire to do it well and to get good at it and to be successful. And that means that there's effort there that needs to be taken.

And that means that there's people who then will offer you the chance to pay to not have to do the work that it takes to get that back. Yeah, but also as soon as there's a company that wants to charge you to do some little service that you could do yourself, that makes me not want to do it at all. Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. I mean, and that's why we're so successful. Yeah, yeah.

We've got that real healthy psychology that just smoothed that path to success. I have an opinion that like that there is an element in which I think having... like ambition I think is good to a certain extent because it does drive you, but I also think that it is an illness. Yeah. Because at some point you are like pushing beyond what is healthy for you, I think. What is healthy for you, I think. What is healthy for you mentally? Like, and so that's why now I look at every person

who is successful, very successful with a kind of weird suspicion of like, how mentally okay, or you or how, you know, for you to have successfully got to this point. Yeah. But then maybe I, because then there's a part in which we have attained a certain level of a success, and then I'm allowing myself to not feel that as much towards myself, just because I feel like I'm Homer Simpsoning my way through life.

But then I think also what we've done is we have a, you know, yes, there's a certain sickness that makes us want to, you know, go out there, get attention and, you know, create this stuff. Right. Yeah. But then what that has done is that push that has pushed us up to a certain point where our other mental illnesses, I'm using that term loosely, are pushing back down again. So we've reached that kind of an equilibrium, right? That's the thing of procrastination and self-doubt and all that stuff. So right, that's a kind of a homeostasis. It's a, we should come up with a theory of, sorry, a theory of being,

which is entirely built around conflicting illnesses. There is no healthy mental state. All you can hope to have is have your various neuroses and pathologies in balance. That should be out. I mean, I genuinely think that that's actually kind of what things, how the work, how everything works. Everything is just a push and pull of certain things and then you live in the, you live in the equilibrium. But nobody is promoting that as a way of life. Nobody's out there offering a, a well, an unwellness retreat, right?

Which you can go along to. To make one of your unwellness is stronger so that you can get. Exactly, so that it could balance out. Yeah. Yeah, so if you come to our unwellness center, we're gonna push your ambition illness into a state of overdrive. We'll push it across a tipping point in which your ambition will completely overtake yourself respect, like

that, and then that will knock it all over, and then you will be able to be driven towards this idea that it isn't in any way important to be the best at something in the world and have people talk about you and say nice things. I wonder if you can get drugs that can enhance your ambition. I wonder if I should take one of those. I wonder if I should take one of those. I wonder if I would take one of those. I mean, I think in the future, all we will be able to have all emotions

as different additives. Well, in my experience, in medication that is for any kind of attention deficit in medication that is for any kind of attention deficit disorders. The main benefit that I've seen, let me just say, the main negative that I've seen is that you still have to sleep, right? Because your brain is still fucked. And you can't focus on stuff like that. The main benefit I've seen is that it removes that feeling of,

well, I couldn't possibly do anything today. Really? Which I think is a form of increasing ambition. Yeah. Yeah. It really goes from like, not, there's no way to, yeah, it really goes from like Not there's no way to yeah, right. I'll give it a try Yeah, and and so there is that but I don't know if you can like I mean I probably

cocaine seems to give people some ambition. I mean Certainly gives the ambition to ruin everybody else's night. Yeah, with your ideas. Andy, we, Andy, this podcast, like I've never done cocaine, right? But this podcast sounds like the exact description of what somebody is like when they're on cocaine. They just have ideas that clearly cannot be done. Yeah. And that they may never do, never even attempt.

Is it too late to rebrand this is cocaine the podcast? And it's never too late. I think a big rebrand would actually be very, at the moment, people probably see the here the title and they think, oh, well, yeah, why would I listen to you guys talking about policy with the slight little thing in their brain going, yeah, but why would it be in the weird shape of like that two in the pink one in the same kind of phrasing? Is that the first time we've ever acknowledged that on the podcast?

I think so, yeah, I've been embarrassed to determine the moment. As we should be, as we completely should be be what an insane thing for the title of the podcast We are ever I Mean that's what season 5's all about to me. It's about acknowledging the The the disgusting truths that has been in everybody's mind the That is the whole time. The original sin of this podcast is that the name is a pun on two. It's not really like I mean, it's only it only borrows the phrase it like indeed indeed of the two in the yeah, yeah, and it doesn't even it doesn't have the second half. No, I don't want I don't want anyone to think that we are in any way connected to

this. We don't endorse it. Yeah, we don't endorse it. We don't use it. It just so happens. We don't like the hand shape that we use. I mean, that was literally like I think that was literally some some Dan Cook branding was doing that handhake. We're not associated with dain cooking anyway. Apart from our catchphrase, now we're dain cooking, which we do say when we get a good good idea. That's right. Yeah, absolutely. That's the limit of it. That's as far as it goes. Yeah. It's good to get that out of you. I've genuinely feel a heaviness that's been lifted off me. Some other people may have never thought that at all, probably all the decent people who listen to this podcast. And now they might have a heaviness put upon them.

So you know, well there you go. I think I've re-put a new heaviness upon me now. With that thought. Now everybody feels worse. All right, now I've written down two ideas so far. All right, can I suggest something that we talked about off the pod, which is the idea of having your two hemispheres of your brain taken apart, separated and put into two different bodies, right?

Yeah. So that you can just basically have an extra body to get more stuff bodies, right? Yeah. So that you can just basically have an extra body to get more stuff done, right? Yeah. And would you, do you think this would be used done as in like put into a dead brain dead person's body? Or would you be making a clone? I guess you would start with a brain person,

a brain dead person's body probably is the easiest way to start this technology Clones obviously is where you're trying to head to but maybe there's a place in between in which you're actually cutting your body in half But trying to make it function like an individual body Hmm, I mean, I think the two Maybe it could be that like you have a brain dead body, right? And you slice your body in half, right? Down the brain hemisphere, divide, and then you sew it onto the two halves of another body of that brain dead body. I mean, the way in which I feel like that would fuck up your back having two different legs,

like the legs, legs like that or whatever. No, you're right. Forget it. You're right. No, no, no, but you know what? Hey, there's no reason why we can't split your body. Bottom half top half. I've never seen this. I've never seen. No, there is. There is a list here because we're splitting down the braid divide. That was the whole point of the thing. Oh, I know. But what we're going to do is we're going to do the slice down through the brain and then go hard left. And what we're gonna do is we're gonna do the slice down through the brain

and then go the hard left. And then we're gonna slice just kind of over the table for a bit. Then we're cutting into the table, cutting into the table. It's just like in that butcher's paper that doctors put down when they're doing surgery, you know? Yeah. And then into the table and then a hard right around the,

it just under the belly button. I don't think we're, I don't know, we're doing that. No, no, you're right. I like, I like the, the one that you're saying through the middle of the body, half brain dead. I've never seen this in a movie. And I think we should explore it. I mean, I think what would be interesting to see, because we have the left brain in there as well. Yeah, indeed. But having the left brain, right brain, seeing, is it the left brain that is supposedly

the creative, subconsciously part of the brain? Like as in the myth, as in you want to speak within the myth idea, I think that all that is now considered bullshit, but you would just want to speak within the concept, right? Well, I wasn't even sure that it was considered bullshit. I'm not so up to date on this stuff as you obviously are, Alistair. I don't. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that all that kind of stuff is bullshit, but within the myth, all right,

let's get back into the myth, okay? Let's go. All right, we're opening the but within the myth, all right, let's get back into the myth. Okay, let's let's let's let's all right. We're opening the portal to the myth. Gorillas in the me just know that everything, unlike everything else that we talk about in season five, which is all hard truth. By the way, I still refer to season four. I know. And I think that you're wrong. Well, I'm the one who puts up a number zero was the one who put the one who puts the numbers on the uploads

of the episodes. God damn. And I love that. I love that there's a hard truth here in which you're willing to admit that you're doing that incorrectly. Yeah. That's what it is. OK. I owe you $250. Oh, incorrectly. Yeah. What it is. Okay.

I owe you 250 bucks. Oh, okay. Sorry. Which bank, wait, what's, what's, what's your bank account number? The thing you're using. Whatever bank account number you've got, it will work still, I still have all my, all my bank accounts. No, Andy, say your bank number on the podcast. Oh, this is the most scatter bright episode ever.

I mean, we are not, we, we literally have like not spoken for three weeks, probably an actual spoken. And then we get to have a, a quick pre pod chat where we go, how are you? And I'm like, yeah, today's fucked up. We can't do anything. It's like, we're already behind on all our work. Anyway, let's start to do the part. All right.

Well, let's come in with a great energy, real positivity. Yeah, great. Oh, I just want to see what it's like when that left brain, which in my myth, we're in the myth, we're in the myth, Alistair. We're up to our tips in myths, right? And the left, our tips, I'm trying to do a rhyming phrase. Yeah, it's beautiful. Yeah, thank you. And the fucking hell, the left brain, what it does, when it's finally freed from

the burden of the right brain, okay? The logic when we can get rid of that sort of logical analytical rational part of the brain and see what the left brain can do when it's unfettered. When you know, it's a little bit to this. The two hemispheres of the brain are a classic double act. You've got the straight man, right? And then you've got the funny weird guy, okay? You've got the Leno and Woodley hemisphere

of the brain. And I wanna see Woodley, I wanna see the show Woodley, where it was just Frank Woodley, and famously, it actually wasn't as wacky or as fun as you'd hope. He made a show I think about being divorced or something like that, I didn't watch it. Yeah, but I think it's on ABCI View now. know, which I was I was like, I was at some

point complaining that shows like that aren't on I view and then I looked it up and it was on there. But yes, I think the way the way I like to picture this idea, right, is that you've split your your body, right? Right. At the moment, I can't do all the picturing of, I don't think I have the mental processing to be able to picture the your-half with the other body, but I'm just going to allow, except that that's what's happening. Sure. Right. And so then you've got, let's say you've got the creative half and then you've got the logical half and one is leading a creative life is kind of going into the arts and one is being like an engineer or whatever like that. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, and so

it's just you, you're kind of like a housemate sort of sketch, whatever like that. And then you're like, oh, and so it's just you, you're kind of like a housemate sort of sketch thing like that. Anyway, and then you're like, oh my God, this has been working so well. We should split the brain further into quarters, right? And then you've got like the front, left, half, and one, the back, left, half, and the other,

and the front, left, half, and the other, and then things like that. But then things start to get a little bit more difficult because like the brain stem is just like the back left half and the other and the front left half and the and then things like that. But then things start to get a little bit more difficult because like the brain stem is just like the back half. And that's where like a lot of the automatic stuff like breathing and stuff like that has to have is process. So that means that the other ones they have to consciously remember to breathe. Yeah, that would be challenging. And I think that would take away from some of your time to be creative, which is what

you presumably what part of your brain was time to be creative, which is what you, presumably, what part of your brain was hoping to be able to do with that being dragged down. But now you've just covered, now I've got to spend a lot of time remembering to breathe. I don't have as much time for my art. Yeah, and then one of the, and then the other guy who does remember how to breathe,

has to, like you guys have to take shifts and one like has to stay up while you're asleep to blow air into your lungs. I think somebody who's trying to be more creative and so has had themselves hooked up to some kind of breathing machine hooked up to some kind of breathing machine so that they don't have to use up any of their mental capacity on breathing. This could be an efficiency tip for the super, already super, super, super successful, right? Hook your, your body up to a bunch of machines to like suck out your own shit and pump your lungs for you and stuff. And then you can... Is it, you think you'd use the same machine for that? Or do you think you'd want two machines?

I mean, I'd love the idea of a... To suck the shit out and then pump it into your lungs. I mean, God forbid. God forbid that happened. I would say that our guarantee as a company is that that doesn't happen more than... One time in 200 tops. Just like, but don't we have like two, like a hundred thousand breaths in a day? Are you saying that that's going to happen roughly all to no 10,000 times. I'm

It's a good guess of how many breaths in a day, by the way. I think that's a good guess. It's definitely way less, I think. You're against way less. Yeah, I felt bad as soon as I said it. You felt bad as soon as I said it. So, I mean, if you said there was one a second 60 to 60 3600 3600 times 24 Carry the four

I've got absolutely no idea, but oh yeah, maybe around 10,000 is more. No, it can't be around 10,000 No, I think you might be right. I think maybe a hundred thousand. I'm gonna ask Siri No, Siri's not gonna respond because I might call. Hang on. This is good stuff. I mean, it seems to, oh yeah, everyone. I'm gonna look it up how many breaths creatively. In a day, here we go.

22,000. I don't think you were like you know I think orders of magnitude you were you were in the effect of yeah look that's not too bad that's less than 10 yeah this was the Ted and that's another that's another number that you got that right as well. You're mathematically brilliant today. I, my version of this. Did you see, you know, oh, sorry. I was just gonna say, did you see that Leo Poolycy guy or whatever his name is? Who runs that?

That's six news, yeah. Six news in Melbourne, who is now an Australian celebrity. Like probably one of, you know, he's gonna win a strion of the year one day. You know, he's like 40, you know, he's gonna win a strong of the year one day. You know, he's like 40 or something, right? And he made his own news channel. And he's just like always on Twitter, always getting into beef with people. But also apparently sometimes breaking actual news.

Yeah. It's really fucking crazy. He's like, he seems to be one of the only decent journalists in Australia. Yeah. But yesterday he reported that he got 2% on his trigonometry exam. 2%. And he broke that news when he said he reported. I think for people outside of the country hearing this and wondering what the fuck we're

talking about is going to sound really confusing. It's going to sound like it's a teenager giving news about his life. He's in actual. No, but he's like a genuine journalist who's made a fake, like a real news like reporting company and he's interviewed prime ministers. Yes, correct. And they would go on thinking that it was gonna be like a laugh. And then he would ask them hard questions.

And that he's also a high school student. Yeah, yeah. And he also, because there's a person on Twitter who has the same name as the nickname of our prime minister Albo. So the person who has at Albo, he's always correcting people when they tag that guy because he's like, because he's always going, you tagged an Italian porn artist. This Italian porn cartoonist who's at Albo. He has to keep correcting people. And they're like, oh, grow up.

Grow up Leo. Like that. And then they don't actually realize that that's what they've done. We're a real country. We're a proper country. Okay. I brought up this whole trick and I'm a tree think so that I could tell you the line that I commented on.

No, right. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. I wrote, Pythagoras would be triangulating in his grave. I would have said, oh, Leo, that's not a good sign,

but I would have spelled, sign. That's really good. Because you need a 10. There you go. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman planting her course to free to act in love for.

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's the like theaters, December 15th Fucked it up. All right now. So I've got I like the idea that so I like first one say I like the idea of the machine that has been made for creative people so they can get more work done that Breeds for you and sucks your shit out. And then, that it has been, then they discover that it's been pumping shit into your lungs. And it's, in many ways, made things much worse. Yeah, great.

Now, I was just going to go back to this idea of a person who has their left and right brain separated, right? I think it would be good to do a film in which those things come into strong rivalry. The left side of the brain becomes an artist and a progressive and an activist and is trying to struggle to stay alive. The right side of the brain becomes an ultra-capitalist, okay? Exploiting the world, its resources, and... I mean, if the brain dead body that you were getting,

the putting the brain halves into were an identical twin, then that makes this really easy to film. Yeah. Great. Is it the identical twin of the person? So the... Yes, I I mean it would be amazing if it was just an identical twin of another person and that I would think that that would make it easy I mean that would be really easy to film if that person who looks different was an identical

twin with somebody else. We never see that identical twin, but they are an identical twin. I think a moot, let's make a TV show where everybody is an identical twin, but we only use one of the identical twins. That's really good. You never see the other one, but it's it would lend an extra, you know, how when you meet somebody and they just kind of look like an identical twin, it's just good.

Like you can't see the other person, but you're like, I can tell I get that vibe from you. It's an, it's an identical twin convention, but for people who don't want to always be seen with their identical twin. That's really good. You know, it's not a plus one. No plus ones identical plus one. I think I think it's a I think, you know, as a world record or just as a piece of art, the idea of getting as many single halves of an identical twin coupling in the same room together at the same time, taking a photo of them all there.

Just the one of them. I don't know what that is, but it feels like I love it feels like I think that there's Because it there's a there's a part of your brain that has That is like almost putting like a ghost in there. There's like a ghost idea in it when you see the person Each of those people you go authors like a half missing yeah, but you're looking at a complete person Do you think it's because we don't think of identical twins as as full people as full people. They're like an ant colony. Well, it doesn't make sense. God wouldn't have prepared two

souls. What do he? He was only made one. Yes, I'm sorry. But he split it down the middle and he put the creative half in one and he put the logical half in the other. Sometimes I think that has happened with my identical twins. With the boys. God hasn't prepared to someone. But no, I wouldn't say that, I wouldn't say that. Anyway, yes, these two halves go to battle, right? And the eventually, I think the rational corporate And eventually, I think the rational corporate,

the capitalist side of the brain, the right side of the brain, ends up killing the other half of the brain. Oh wow. Yeah, and is it about growing up? I think it would be interesting, because one probably would end up being more right wing in the movie and more left wing. Yeah, I think that that's interesting because one probably would end up being more right wing and there would be a more left wing. Yeah, I think that's very interesting.

Thank you. And funny. And funny, Andy. Oh my God. What a killing part. It's going to be the funniest bit, I think. I mean, I'm having trouble containing the laughter when I think about two people who look identical killing each other.

Love it. Can you make people shit themselves laughing? Is that possible? Must be possible. Me personally. If they're, I guess if they're like already close. It's a show. It's a show where you're trying to see if it's possible.

And so you ask everybody to come to the show fully loaded is that the term is it fully loaded fully loaded like a chip with a new Supreme nacho cheese flavor, you know what I mean? Sure So it and it's an ad it's an ad that you put on like just it feels like it's one of those ads that you would see on Facebook or Instagram where it's like the you know the the something institute is the, you know, the, the something institute is doing a study on whether or not it is possible to induce excrementing through the process of, of laughter. And so we are asking to people to sign up, to sign up and come in fully loaded. I am absolutely chock a block and I do mean chock. And we have to see a

wonderful comedy show. I mean I just that sound of the room when you really get it. The sound is not what I'm thinking about. It's the smell of that room. The that room as people are doing like those horrid like right before a shit farts where they're like people are like oh you need to take a shit That gas was was I mean Very recently fraternizing with an actual turd Yeah, I know exactly what you're describing Yeah, there's no there's no clean air in there

There's no there's no clean air in there and It's just a carrier of particle size should be done. That's been mingling Yeah, there's been so into mingling Lobster with a mobster if you know what I'm yeah Inside each of us there is a lobster and a mobster. There is a politician, the air, the gas, having lobster with, that is mingling, with a mobster deterred. Alistair's references are getting so local and so Australian. Well, I'm leaving Australia soon. So I

Calls on the next to the grass onto my identity. I'm gonna be a no-man's land over there I'm not gonna be Canadian when they go back people are gonna be like you sound like a fucking Idiot like a skip You sound like a bloody skip And then all the you know and I'm to get beaten up in the school yard. Does the listeners know who we talked about this? We have talked about this, that you're moving to French Canada. To French Canada, to French, Canadian.

Yeah, I don't know if, I think we may have mentioned it, but I've decided we're going to just give it a go for a little bit. Alistair and his beloved and his family. Family. Alistair and his beloved and his family. Family. They're family are going to live in Montreal and he's going to make it go of it. And they're going to make it go of it. In the big city.

A city probably smaller than Melbourne. Yeah. But I mean, at least Melbourne is very big. Oh my God. Montreal population is only like 1.78 million. That was in 2017, but Melbourne's like a 5 to 6 million people city. Is it? Yeah, why? And I still can't get that many people to my show. What am I doing? It's too late now, Alistair. You've sold all your possessions.

There's nothing for you here. The podcast will continue. It'll just be over at least. We'll be more tired. So that's exciting. Oh my god. Yeah, that's good. And at least it will be, you know, I'll be able to go out and do comedy every night.

You know how hard it is already to go out and do comedy every night. Imagine doing that in a blizzard. All right, wait, so now we got one, two, three, four, five ideas, Andy. If you were happy. But before we, I am happy, but before we go on, I just like to mention that stupid old studios

is launching a comedy lab, which is going to be a fund to be able to provide free services to comedians, free production support, free office space, free podcasting. This, uh, comedians will be able to apply to this fund to get access to these services. It'll break down barriers. It'll make things happen. We are doing a live telephone style fundraiser on the 12th of December. I will be hosting with Beck Petratus. It'll be a talent show. on the 12th of December, I will be hosting with Beck Petratus. It'll be a talent show.

People are gonna be coming on. We're trying to kickstart this thing and get people to donate to the fund so that we can offer this and really help people make more things in comedy in Australia. So if you are able to tune into that telephone or even if you're just able

to check out the pitch video or the website for the comedy lab, I will put a link in the show notes. Thank you. Well said, Andy. Thank you. God damn well said. Is the fundraiser started? Is there fundraiser? I think they can chip in, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great. But as in, it's not started, right? It happens on the day, or is there? I think you can, I think you can, I think you can already start donating. Okay. Great, great. I've just gone to the Comedy Lab website.

And oh, yep, help fund Comedy Lab here. It has a monthly and it has a one-time button over here yes. Every on little bit. On stupidolstudio.com slash comedy lab. Mm-hmm. Um, Andy great. Well how would you feel about going to three words from a listener? God I'd feel so good about that.

Well that is so nice Andy. Um, I, Do you want to guess what listener it's from? Yeah okay I guess that the listener is Reese Palaro. Let me see. Oh I I'm sorry Andy. You couldn't be more wrong. It is Andreana genuine. You know what? That was my first instinct. I was going to say Andreana Genialty. I'm not cheating you I almost said that and then I was like I that puts too much pressure on Andreana Yeah, and it puts too much pressure on I guess maybe on all the other listeners who you know have not Had the opportunity to make themselves known as much. Yeah. Yeah, and it puts too much pressure on, I guess, maybe on all the other listeners who, you know, have not had the opportunity to make themselves known as much. Yeah, yeah, but she's been as a. Absolutely. Well, we are.

Genuine, genuinely grateful that you've sent in these words. Now, and you're on a has sent in three words from a listener today. And I believe they're from her And so would you like to try to guess what the three words are maybe let's start with the first word unless you want to start with a second or third first word is rancid Yeah, you only got one letter correct One letter correct. And I would say, oh, but you know what? There's some ballpark in tone.

The first word is limp. Limp. OK. Right, limp. Second word, blitzin, as in the reindeer. Blitzin. Blitzin? Oh no.

Blitzin. Hmm. Blitzin Blitzin Blitzin Wolf Wolf Rudolph Wolf Blitzin well Wolf Comet Donner and Wolf Prancer and no the second word. I'm sorry Andy is imp Limp. Oh my god imp. Yeah Now is the final word going to be Gimp or Cindy. I accidentally told you the third word. I just want you to know that. I'm so sorry.

So that's the third word. So now I'm trying to guess the second word. Cheese. This is going to have to get my brain in gear here. Limp. Gimp. Second word is Gimp. Andy. No. No, it's not Gimp second-ward is Gimp Andy no no it's not Gimp it's crimp

Limp crimp Imp oh wow can I tell you the you know what out of all of the mythical creatures? I don't ever think I've ever pictured one crimp out of all of the mythical creatures. I don't ever think I've ever pictured one crimped. Like, is that crimping like the hair, like they used to do a hair? Oh yeah, that is crimping. Yeah. Yeah. Crimping can be to do sort of any kind of thing where you're like you've got to press and you're pressing things together to fuse them or to engage Some sort of locking thing around you do you would do crimping around like us to make a seal between a plastic sleeve and a and a

Rod Yeah, I mean to think that there's a creature out there that is that it's threat to you is that it will crimp you. It will come and squeeze you, but that the the creature is so soft, that has no, has no firmness to it, has no bone structure. Right. And so then it comes and squeezes you it has an almost no effect on you Other than just the knowledge that it's happening that you have yeah, wow, okay And so then but then you could imagine being overrun with these things because I don't know they breed very fast or something like that and they don't have a lot of effect, but there's it's happening more and more

Well, it sounds to me these almost sound like the um Those uh souls of the dead aliens that you get in Scientology that they're sort of attached to your body They're slowly they might be able to very they build up. They are crew on you Right, this could be like a build up, they are crew on you. This could be like an alien invasion style movie, where there are these creatures that come, they arrive on earth, they sort of attach themselves, they're sort of parasitic, but they have such a small effect

that most people are just getting around with heaps of these things, just attached to their body. And it's actually not worth the effort. Like there was like, there was a big effort at the beginning to just try and like dispose of them and get rid of them and stuff like that. But eventually they just let the dead ones fall off and just be on the ground. And then suddenly we're just stepping on them. The ground is just covered in these things.

And they keep coming. Yeah. And they keep coming, and they keep breeding, and things like that. And then suddenly it's just like the whole top of the earth is covered in just the limp, squishy bodies of these things. Of these crimp amps. These crimp amps, these limp crimp amps. I am also imagining to step away from the limp element,

Limp crimp amps. I am also imagining to step away from the Limp element, an evil creature that does have some sort of crimping power that would, I imagine have claws that grab onto your body and using heat and pressure, bend you so that your body bends at 90 degrees backwards. So basically you've got your legs and then your top of your body is now bent backwards like that at 90 degrees to your legs and I think

It would be so debilitating like you wouldn't be able to get around Maybe you could sort of crab walk on your arms and legs But I think seeing a lot of people in this situation. It's a, it's a, you know, then you have again an alien invasion kind of situation where it doesn't kill anybody, but it really incapacitates them. I mean, being bent backwards and I know it does incapacitate you a tremendous amount. I think you can bend like that. No, but it's able to do it in such a way.

This is where the heat element comes in. It doesn't actually break your spine or anything like that. You're not actually paraplegic. You can still, yeah, you can still move your, all your body as you would otherwise, but you are just now, you've got that. Would you walk on all fours, but that in that kind of like bridge. Yeah, I think you would have to. That's the only way to get around.

Yeah, and so then you would see that happen around you and then you would have to like, either not leave the house or go out and eventually just adapt. Hmm. Well, it's a, I guess it's an invasion of the body snatcher style situation, invasion of the body crimpers, where society, as you say, does adapt. And eventually, as the numbers shift, and maybe this could be, I don't know what this could be an analogy for, right? But I guess it's an analogy for ableism and the way in which the built world is constructed for the needs of the majority, right? But as the majority, as more and more people are crimped,

as the majority shifts, and we start to rebuild society around the needs of the crimp, the people who are traditionally what you would think of as like, you know, straights, we'd call them straights, or no, maybe that's not the word. But maybe perps, because they're perpendicular, no, no, it's not right. If it's something, you have to put straights. No, no, maybe that's not the word. But maybe purps because they're perpendicate. No, that's not right. If it's something, yeah, but straights, I guess straights is pretty good. But also now suddenly like then the word crimped does seem on the

nose like because it's so close to a term that I've heard disabled people use to describe themselves as creeps. But I think it's fine. I think it's actually, this feels like it's Barbie movies, but for the Barbie movie, but for alien invasions about issues of disability. But also, for some reason, I love to picture a video of a guy who's bent backwards, talking down on people who are not and kind of talking down on people who are not and talking and and kind of being like like talking about hustle culture and how he lives his life and how it's like it's so much better. Since he's been bent backwards. Yeah, but then and you see him working out and you see him like, you know, stock trading. And you see him.

But all upside down and backwards. Yeah, I really like these drop shipping. He's, you know, do you ever see that guy? It was like from one of those like motivational things. Like, you know, kind of stupid dumbass videos from like a kind of like a hustle bro. And he is being interviewed on like one of these things

and he's saying, see what I do is I split my day into two days. So from 6 a.m. to 12, that's one day. And from 12 to midnight or whatever like that, he's split it up in some way. That's another day. So I do everything that I would do in a day, in a half day, which is now a full day. So that means that by day two, by, you know, on day one, I'm one day ahead of you. By day two, I'm four days ahead of you. That's a little bit. I'm three days ahead of you. By one week, I'm a week and a half ahead of you.

Like this, one month, you know? And it's like, it's the stupidest thing. And I don't know how he actually lives his life like that. But it's actually a really beautiful. And then I think somebody, I saw somebody actually, you know, stitched with that thing and was like, well, I have three, I do it. I break my day into three days.

I'm 12 days ahead of you. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. I hope that this was okay. Andrium, Gen.U.LD. I hope it was Gen. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. Um, I hope that this was okay. Andrea, genuine, I hope it was genuine. Okay. Which genuine.

Um, um, hey, you can join the discord. It's a fun time in there. It's been, there's been a lot of nice stuff. Um, it's been, uh, very fun, you know, seeing people like, you know, Korean has been going through, uh through the 400th episode over the last month. Yeah. And and showing us the meals that she's while she is watching it. While she's watching it.

At different parts, you know, and it is photos of us slowly degrading. Yeah. Um, it's that 400th episode was so long ago now. And it feels like I was like, Andy, we're going to lose listeners now is we've been posting this episode for too long. We've been posting this one episode for six weeks or whatever. I don't. Um, so if you're still around, you know, congratulations. It's going to, you know, it's hard.

It's hard. You know, if you made it through 400 episode, congratulations. Um, and, uh, this is where we start to reveal the true secrets of the podcast. Yeah, so you know, this is when you really want to listen and find out all the secrets. All of the uncomfortable truths. Is that okay if I was to take you through the sketch ideas? Sounds good, Elastair. We've got the first dance track about coming, uh, caring for an elderly relative. Yes.

Yes. And we've got the cop of Joe. Um, of course, uh, mob mob who runs a city so much so that they, they drink their coffee straight from the mouth of a police officer. We got the split brain split body situation. God, we talked about that for a long time. For a long time, and we got to create,, and there's different ways in which it can go. But I like to think that when they split it into four

and they realize all the problems that that creates, they split back into two. That's fun. Then, then we got the machine that brings four UNs, sucks out your shit so that you can get more work done, and then it accidentally pumps shit into your lungs. I know you love that part. I really do. That's the part when I came alive. Yeah, which is the opposite of what happened to this person on the machine. Show, then we've got to show where everyone is an identical twin,

but you never see the other one. And I just love that. All righty. I think the show should be just called identical twins. Yeah. And it's an office of identical twins. Mm. Mm. Mm. I mean, imagine the office, right? But it's identical twins, right?

They have a high-rewall A, but you, and you only have to use one actor. and they never see the twins together. There's just a lot of life. No, that was my brother you were talking to earlier. Then we got the soft, weak, alien invasion, but it's not worth doing anything. That's where they fall. I'll cover the ground. They probably would fertilize the ground or something. Maybe.

They'll put you made a baby, maybe still in there somewhere. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It might be like inert in that respect. Yeah. It'll probably just change the whole composition of the, and you know, block the topsoil from getting access to air and things like that. And anyway, it's probably a metaphor. But the thing is that they're not bothering us that much though. Then we've got aliens that bend you back in any degrees, but yeah, until, until a majority are. I think that's basically

what happened in the carbon efferacy era. The carbon efferacy era was the point in time in which trees had evolved and the ability to form cellulose molecules. But there was nothing that had developed the ability to break them down. I might have already said this on the podcast. There was nothing that could consume those molecules. So just for millions and millions of years, there was just like trees would fall over and they would never rot and they would just build up in this huge pile, you know, deeper and deeper

stuff. And that's where all our coal and everything comes from. This, these forests that just never rotted and then were eventually compressed. Because there was no- That's so cool. I didn't know that bed. Yeah, this is what I've heard oh I haven't looked it up god I love that it's good though imagine and that but that's what it would be like for these alien bodies so that means that we're not we the earth won't even create new coal now I think we're post coal also I Also, I wanna just talk about this idea that I've had for a long time, but it's just a tiny little thing,

but maybe I've mentioned this, but do you think that, you know, because I'm a bit obsessed with the idea of a, a biogenesis, and I don't even know if that's how it's pronounced. A biogenesis, a biogenesis, right? The creation of life from non-life, right? Yes.

And if that was a thing that occurred, and all life is from that one initial occurrence, it makes you think that these things must be unbelievably rare. But the idea must be that it still happens now, but whatever gets created would just be eaten automatically by something that already exists. Yeah, yeah, that's right. There's no, you know, you really need that it be nothing else around so that you have the chance to survive, find your feet.

Yeah, right. It's too harsh and environment for new life. But there also could be pockets of places where maybe it has occurred. It's like the Australian television comedy industry. There's just no chance for you to break in these days. Yeah, because there's just already bigger things that come in that are more efficient and cheaper. Well, there's no awe that there's already

just so many incumbent people who are not moving on. Right, so you can't get any of the small number of spots that are available. I mean, I do blame the industry as well for that, for not, anyway, it doesn't matter. Let's do the song. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Yeah, and I just had a discussion with somebody where they were like, I'm going to move to LA

because I just could not possibly have one more conversation about that ends talking about why the ABC is fucked. And I was like, well, if you move to LA, you'll be talking about the American broadcasting corporation. So it'll be the same. But. But there's other places to go. Alistair, thank you for your time. Andrew, thank you for your word. You know what I say to the listeners? What's that? I, and we love you.

We do mean that. We say it all the time, but we mean it. We do mean it, and that's one of the other uncomfortable truths of this podcast that we have. We've meant it the whole time. Yeah. Do you want to see what the world is really like? Yes. Four things is deliciously funny and spectacularly entertaining. A woman plotting her course to freedom at a lot for...

It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Four things. It's a like theaters, December 15th. It's non-stop bonkers brilliance. I love that. Poor things. It's like theaters December 15th.