Two In The Think Tank - 408 - "CELEBRITY HIDEY-HOLES"

Episode Date: January 7, 2024

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Join us at yorku.ca slash right the future. Hello and welcome to doing the thing tank this show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Five sketch ideas. Alistair, if you think about it, all- I'm Alistair George William, Charlie Bertel. All gliding is hang gliding if you do it with your friends. And I guess you shout things to each other out the window. You know. What's the shouting part? No, I guess hanging.

Like if you want to hang You need to sort of in some way be communicating. Do you think hanging with your friends implies You must communicate with them in some way Yeah, but you know what like which part of hanging? Mm-hmm involves a which which style of hanging were you imagining that it involves a window? I said Gliding is hang gl. If you do it with your friends. So I'm picturing your glider has a window and you're shouting through the window to your friends.

It's part of the hang. Oh, gliding, sorry. I was picturing hanging. So like, how about this? It's a noose with a window. Yeah, so interesting. It's a noose with a window. Yeah, it's so interesting. It's it. So you can hang.

Is it like a green noose? A green noose. Yeah, that's a, it's a, it's a noose made entirely out of windows. Like a great house. Is that what you think? Like a green house, yeah, which is a house made out of windows. Is that what the prefix green means? I think so.

Made out of windows. A window. Oh, that explains a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't think of another thing that starts with green land. Green land. I guess green land. Green gauges.

Did you say green land? I didn't say that. with Greenland. Green Gages. Did you say Green Lanton? I didn't say that. A lantern though is definitely a lantern is definitely something that's already mostly made out of windows. That was the second piece of evidence that proves the rule. No, but I think that by but then when you call it the Green Lantern, I think that then eliminates the windows and then it becomes a man. Oh, no, it's a chance to let the windows. A double green, a double window makes a man. So if you say green greenhouse, it's actually that's just a big guy. Yeah, of course.

You know what I realized today for the first time? Is that I found because I'm going through notebooks so that I can, you know, throw them away. And so in and you're digitizing them and by that I'm turning them into a finger. Yeah, some turning into fingers. And then I'm going to take those fingers. And I'm going to tap on them. I am, oh yeah, I noticed that there is, that when I, when we did the 400th episode, I had started a brand new notebook. And that's where I'd written all the sketch ideas. And it's a very big notebook. And then it occurred to me, I could put all of the two in the think tank, like lists of ideas, pages into one notebook. I was there. Isn't that all we used to be doing all the time?

No, we had a pad initially. But then since then, all the sheets are loose around My place, you know like I've been finding sheets along the way and I'm piecing together the years and years of stuff And then there's notebooks all over the place that have Random pages as well. I mean they truly are the scrolling of a mad man. That's real Seven you know Kevin Spacy's notebook, mad shit. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That's what you pass. One of the first things they lose all respect

for the laws of is, you know, ruling a margin on a page, layout, you know, structuring it. Yeah. I mean, it depends. I guess maybe they were so mad that they missed, they missed even getting the rules. Well, they're on the margins of society very often. That's right. And that's where they start to write. Maybe they think that I don't need, I don't need another margin at this point. I've had all the margins like it. Margin trading? Margin training? Sorry. No, I said margin trading.

That's I think when you have money in a trading account. Yes, yes. And then it allows you to borrow something like eight to 10 times what you have. Oh, it sounds good already. And then place that on a highly volatile stock. Yeah.

And then you hope that it goes up. And then you make or lose ten times the amount that it does that when you sell or it goes down so much that it liquidates you and you lose everything. Yeah. But maybe you didn't have much on. Maybe you didn't have much to begin with. That's that's true. Maybe that's what you should do. You should just start with very little That's true. Maybe that's what you should do. You should just start with very little and then get yourself to a point where you just want to lose exponentially. Like, let's say you keep making money, but then you're also putting yourself in a position where you can lose so much more than you have ever had.

This is why I've always said that the poor are actually way better off than the rich, than the ultra wealthy, the poor. I've always said that. You do always say that. And what, why is that? Because they, they can afford to lose everything very easily. And it won't affect them all that much. And that I consider to be the greatest form of riches. In just being able to lose everything.

Immunity. I mean, I'm not sure they're immune. I think they're like, they lose everything then suddenly. I've seen a few recently who look really immune to me. Okay. Alistair, I'm not standing by this statement. I'm standing in front of this statement, saying I will protect it with my body. I'm standing in front of this statement saying I will protect it with my body. I'm saying that's how much I care about this statement. I know. I think I was in the wrong trying to try to question the statement. I think why I think if you stand,

I don't think you should stand behind your beliefs. I think you should, especially if your beliefs are a parent, you should stand in front of your beliefs so that nobody can see them. But you know they're there. If standing behind them does have a kind of an, it makes it seem more like you're, you're wedded to it and you're a very supportive wife of your beliefs. Correct. You know? But behind every great belief. I mean in a way that's kind of what Jordan Peterson is because he's a belief wife.

Well, I think he's his he's a wife to his own beliefs because he knows because he firstly he believes in traditional values and traditional roles for men and women, right? And so, and then he says, messed up stuff. And I've heard him say that he discovered that he can say something messed up and that the backlash causes people to like, to defend him and then join his Patreon. So literally having having bad ideas, right, and saying them out loud and then standing behind them and supporting them, right. His beliefs are his husband. He is the wife because in the traditional sense, his beliefs, his bad beliefs are the provider in his relationship. The breadwinner. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. I think you've I think I think you're right. I think his next book should be called

belief wife. Be your own belief wife. Jordan. Jordan Peterson belief wife. Can you can you write that down? Elis, oh yeah, I'm writing it. I'm already mid sentence. And Jordan Peterson is a belief wife. Yeah, and people talk a bit about not being married to something. Not I'm not married to that idea. I think he is married to his idea.

He is married to the ideas. He might not believe them, right? Much like how in private a wife in a traditional marriage like that, might roll her eyes at her husband, in private, not where... In public, in the public facing, she supports him and stands behind him and helps him out because that keeps the marriage together for the children and what not. Right? Yes.

But then behind closed doors, she's willing to admit perhaps to a friend or to herself. You know, sure he's a bit, it's a bit idiotic this husband. You can do things behind closed doors, but can you do things behind open doors? Yes, I think it is very possible. I guess that's if you open the door and you sneak into that little space behind the door. Yes, so you're still not seen, but then it seems like you're not hiding anything. That's a really good idea. Except you are.

Yeah. Except you are in the nook. In the little nook behind the, that, I mean, that's, that is the classic hiding spot, isn't it? Oh, the nook. I'm a big nook choke. No, but like behind, but, but behind the door that in behind the area behind the door,

I think that's probably the number one most used spot for hiding temporarily and maybe a playful way. I wonder if under the bed could pip it. I mean I'm not disagreeing with you. Yeah no I can't think. I think in the years that I've been hiding. I mean this is from my own experience. Okay. And I obviously accept that it's not universal, but I've probably hidden under a handful of beds. This is a great, yes. But on a daily basis, I will run away from my children

and hide behind a door. Right. And you gotta think internationally, there's probably more houses with doors than there are houses with beds that are off the ground with enough space underneath to hide. I think there's probably a lot of like haystacks, you know, with a blanket on top, there's probably a lot of mattresses on the ground. But there's so many beds these days, but not that much. But you also got to think that most houses will probably have more doors than beds. So, again, you're ranked on that count as well.

Probably even more so. That might be an even better argument than the one you were trying to make. I want to even concede that you successfully made your own argument, Elisdair. You know what? And Andy, I might even argue that the argument that your argument is bad is an even better argument than your argument. It's, I think if we were to entirely rank those, I mean, that might even be the best argument that we've used so far.

And then it's probably my hiding behind door's argument is more than that. And then your argument about my arguments, not being that good in arguments. And then probably your argument then about hiding underbeds is probably the most hidden place. That's probably the least good one. I think, I think a listicle about the best hiding places or the best traditional hiding

places or maybe just a small YouTube video. I think it should be a new trend online where people show us their hiding places. Yeah, and also, and if it was like a year, like a trend, like the like the 2024, what's like, you know, like, you know, at the end of the year, like what's coming up in 2024 in domestic hiding places, you know? Between the laundry basket and the edge of the bath. I mean I have I have been so impressed with myself in the last year with the amount of great new hiding places I found where people have not been able to find me for a long time.

This is within your own home. Within my own home. I mean that is really impressive because you're working within a pretty limited palette, you know, it's a well explored area with a lot of familiar things. People tend to know every nook and cranny of their own home. I know. But yeah, when you discover a new hiding place within your home, that is like mining a new Bitcoin at this point. Yeah. It's so hard to find. There's places that people considered inaccessible that I discovered I could get into. Wow. And there's the added thing of like our house has been in chaos

for like six months because we're getting rid of stuff and things like that. And so the landscape is changing and people sometimes expect doors to be open and boxes to be out of place. And so then you can go into places that were, you know, at one point considered, let's say, a full cupboard. And then, and now I'm hiding, I'm in there, I'm curled up inside the cupboard, there's a box sticking out a little bit, but, you know, nobody thinks, a man is in there, even though they're looking for a man. Do you ever... Doesn't cross.

Yeah. They're looking for a man. Do you ever consider, do you ever find a hiding space so good and think to yourself, I'm not gonna burn this on this game of hide and seek with my children. I'm gonna save this hiding space for a time when I genuinely don't want to be found by my family. This is too good. I mean, it's like an anecdote. I'm not going to use this anecdote on a podcast because one day

I might be invited on a talk show and then I will use my anecdote then. Oh yes, yes, it's like a hacker finding a back door into something and just saving it for the. A zero day exploit. Yeah, saving it for the big score. Yeah, yeah, obviously you always keep a couple of perfect hiding spots in your back pocket for when you genuinely don't want to be found by your family. I think we could absolutely get this off the ground. I would love to know about the hiding spaces that I think we could absolutely get this off the ground. I would love to know about the hiding spaces

that I think are, that you think are relatively unique to your house. Like in general, I'm not, you know, this would be like the MTV Cribs. That cultural touchstone that I'm sure we've referred to many times. Non-stop for 10 years. Yes But this is MTV's

Heidi Hulse and we go oh, yeah, we saw buzz past the crib We don't really focus on any of that and we think of just the little spots Oh, but here between the stack of Irmine Coats and the a golden statue of Raphael Nadar. And each time somebody is showing you a new hiding spot, you walk into the room not being able to see them. So you kind of get to kind of look for them a little bit. This is a really good idea. Yeah, this is genuinely exploring a celebrity's home. They have to hide it. Take it in turns to hide in every room

of their house. And then you as the host go and try and find them. And what a perfect. Allister, this is such a good idea. This is such a good idea. It's a reality. It's the episode that show based on hide and seek. Well, yeah, I mean, it's also an interview. It's a this is how this is the new hot ones. This is how people promote their films. Oh, wow.

Show me your best, you know, and it would be great. You know, maybe because maybe some celebrities only have one or two hidey, hidey holes in their house, you know, that they that they really know about. And so, you know, on a film with a big cast, you can just go, you can do one of each. You know, obviously it's a lot of traveling for you and the crew, but, but that's fine. Trying to think of a pun name for the show now. Heidi Holmes. What's that a pun name for the show now. Heidi Holmes? Um.

What's that a pun on? Heidi Holmes, okay. But also, I mean, I think celebrity Heidi Holmes, you know, I think it's got a like a yeehaw kind of feel to... Heidi Holmes! You know? Yeah. You know? Yeah. I mean, that could be what are the catch phrases.

Imagine if we got this up, Andy. This is like, this is how we could make people interested in Australian entertainment once again. Yes. We're going to Russell Crowe's house. We know he's in there somewhere. And just knowing that at that moment when you walk in the room,

that Russell Crowe is hiding. Do you? Do you? Do you? Do you do the full counting to 10? Here I come, ready or not? Sure, yeah. We might even have it. We have a you start doing it and we've got a graphic as well that kind of shows you that

probably like that shows you different rooms of the house as you hit each number. Yeah. one, two, three, four, it's like laundry, kitchen, Dan. Now it's awesome for only hiding in one location or does he hide, turned by turn in multiple rooms of the house? So we have to find him several times and that's the way we explore different rooms or is it that he's just hidden somewhere

and we're gonna explore a whole lot of the house before we find him? Cause there's the risk, of the house before we find him because there's the risk Of course that you find him really early on Yeah, I think but I mean Andy. There's the joy of editing. Yeah, of course, you know What a what a joy. I mean, but then also you can walk around the house and you can have him show you other Less good Heidi holster. He was thinking he was he discount. Yeah good Heidi Holm. But he was thinking, he was the disc...

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it shows you as well. And the thing is that they don't even have to show you their house. Technically, it could just be an Airbnb or something like that. You know, like you could...

No. No, I mean, I know, I know, but I mean like for anybody, for anybody who's like afraid to show you their home, I'm just saying, I'm just saying on the down low, we're not gonna tell the audience this, but you could cheat it. I think I think, oh, Andy's, you're losing the whole mojo of this whole thing. Yeah, well, in the way I am, because I think that takes away a lot of the artistic value of what we're trying to do, you know, and it turns it into just another artificial, I was trying to do something real for once.

I, you know, one Andy, you're right. I was cheapening celebrity hidey holes. I think celebrity hidey holes could be the last hope. The last truth. I mean, it'd be, it'd bring, if that was on TV, it would bring people back to, to, to, to rest real TV. What's that? You were absolutely awesome. Yeah. If that was on TV, it would bring people back to to to rest real TV. You absolutely. Yeah.

Yeah. I wish Blake's house. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, you could actually, you could probably sell this to the real estate, to the, to the like, to the, you know, like domain.com.au, right? And, and you could pair it when they're trying to sell their houses. You know that whole thing where they often do a little puff piece in the newspaper they go, oh, you know, fucking Tim Rogers is selling his Turek, you know, like his Turek, sort of, you know, art, yeah, art new

voe apartment, you know, and then, and then you walk in and Tim Rogers is hiding. Is he hiding there on the day of the open house for a inspection? I mean, I mean, I mean, that's fun, but I think, you know, it's just too hard to film. You know, all the release forms you got to do with all the other people there. Oh, I mean, in that version, it's no longer a TV show. It's just something they do to get more people through the door and maybe distract them from noticing some of the structural defects around the place. Although, maybe we'll also backfire because if they're inspecting

nooks and crannies maybe they're more likely to spot some rising damp or come to what about this come to mr rogers come to mr rogers open home and Guy no Tim kickers Yeah, it's great Yeah, cuz you don't want people who come just to find him and then give him a little kick Do you think that there's a sketch in? on on Facebook Right yeah when I think I think just on Facebook So slice when some Alice said it had dare you interrupt me. I know I am so sorry. I genuinely am sorry And I feel like when I've got the wind in my sails and such a huge

I know I know and I was gonna do it for such an awful gag of yep. I'll think there are sketches there You know, it's just ends like people draw. It just ends the conversation. So you mean, people's drawings when you say sketches? No, people post comedy sketches on Facebook. It's one of the, and I mean in 2013, all of the internet companies pivoted to video on Facebook comedy sketches, you know, college humor.

This might have been what killed college humor. Was that, they would that pivot to Facebook video? What are you already doing videos? Yeah, but they weren't, they were doing it on their own website. Right. And then they pivoted to Facebook video and then Facebook could decide who gets to see what

for, you know, they could throttle how many people come and see it unless you pay a tremendous amount of money. Well, they finally got that money out of college humor that they always they got. I mean, think about it. That money, that money meant everything to the comedy-making community. It meant nothing to Facebook.

It meant nothing to Zuck. It's just another, another stack in his pile. But maybe not. Maybe he keeps all the money in different piles. Oh, maybe all of it means a lot to him. Which artist, which struggling artist they managed, he managed to get a few more dollars out of. Trust trying to move a few tickets to their comedy festival show in 2017. Think about this. I'm think he's got the money there in cash, in a little jar, and he's got the name of the, of the comedian on it.

And it's not much, you know, it's 10 or 15 dollars, but the fact that he got it from them, they weren't going to spend it. They didn't have to spend it, but he made them spend it. Just the idea of a guy who defends billionaires by saying you wouldn't go so hard on billionaires if you knew how much Zuck cares about every stack of dollars that he has. You should see him with this money. You should see him with the money and how much it means to him. How happy it makes him. That's really nice. That's the sketch of it.

You're out there. Yeah. I guess we would have to actually see Zach a bit of it. See it. And he's playing with it. And he treats it like his own baby. You would have to be a thing where there's somebody, you would have to be a specific thing where there's

somebody who is really on a big, on a tear, you know, big rant about billionaires and a billionaire defender steps up and says, look, maybe it may or maybe it's like a Christmas Carol. It's like a reverse Christmas Carol, right? Where there's a poor person complaining about billion and how and how stingy they are and that sort of thing. And then a ghost comes and says, well, what if I could show you how happy that money makes him? And they take me on wing. Yes. I reverse Christmas Carol is the perfect Christmas comedy. is the perfect Christmas comedy. Where we get to see how happy being rich makes the billionaires and the poor people decide that they're actually glad that they have their money.

And like, instead of a guy who has too much money and doesn't want to give, it's a person who has nothing and doesn't want to work anymore. And they shouldn't want to work anymore. And they and doesn't want to work on Christmas. And they show him how much it hurts the employers, you know, you know, like, they show you really good, like, at least a trailer for a, and no, no, no, no, no, it'll be so fun. You want to make that whole film.

You think it's going to be neat? Equally fun the whole way through. They need, Andy, we'll find a way to make it emotionally poignant, you know, or whatever. But I mean, the market needs Christmas film. That's one of the few types that just get made every year and need to be made. There is a beast that needs to be hung. And we're going to, this is the season 5, Andy. This is what's something we talk about every,

this is the new, would answer like this. This is the Christmas season. Season 5, Christmas season. Christmas season. And, Christmas season 6 will be the one day on under. Look at that guy go and live. Look at that guy visit Australia. Imagine that. Tune the think tank day on under.

I mean, ironically you will probably be in Canada. I know. But you know, a lot of the time when you leave your home country You that's when you you you you sort of lock into that identity so much more Yes, I Mean I've already written a bit about seeing a poisonous snake, right? Like my brain is already like sticking its claws into my Australianness You know, I'm like, I'm ready to let go. I'm ready to flex my, my bill of bonds and my, you know, and show how, you know, I'm,

I'm showing the world your cooler bars. Yeah, I show the world. I've already purchased a metaphorical, a core cat, you know, to take to take to Australia. All right, reverse Christmas Carol. It's given Australia's pathetic obsession with our own mythology. It's amazing to me that I've never seen anybody make a small hat, tiny little hat with tiny little corks hung all around it, that you can actually put on top of a beer bottle or probably more aptly a wine or champagne bottle, so that your cork can have a little cork hat, little hat with corks on strings. That seems like an absolute.

You know what it should be. It should just be a little bottle, a little like bottle stopper like whatever they are. You know those. Is that what you just said? It was. Yeah, no, that wasn't what I said, but that's really good. That's really really funny. Andy, that will, I mean, that was so fucking idea. I mean, if this is 25 years ago, we would years ago, we would sell that idea and we'd become trillionaires. I know, but you know what we can do is that we could get people into it by making a whole film about the core cat.

All right? We're not really in this for the film. Here's another idea. We're in this for the core cat bottle stopper. Here's another idea that people would love. It's a... You're leaving me this idea behind. No, but it's very much in the same realm. Okay, great, great. Actually, I'm still with you and your idea, but I want to introduce a third idea into the relationship. I want to open it up to a poly-idea reel. Yes.

I'm trying to think of it another polyamory pun, but I don't think I'm going to get it. It is a for your beer can, right? It's a it's a it's a it's a hat for your beer can. So we have the stubby cooler. Right. No. But what about a broad brimmed hat for a beer can that would go around the top. Okay. And it'll cover your hand. Right. Like a skirt. Like like your hand is up a skirt. Like your hand, right? Like a skirt, isn't it? Like your hand is up a skirt. Like your hand is up a skirt, but more aptly like it is under the brim of a hat, LSD. Sure, sure. Oh yeah. Right. And and so it protects it from the sun, but also protects the can from the sun as well. Oh yeah. can from the sun as well. Oh yeah. In a sunny area.

That's that it, that'd be another good little gimmick. Oh yeah. A stubby hole that has a little, a little brim on it. Could it be a cork hat? Of course. With a little area where there's less cork. Where your hand goes in.

So that you can get, hand goes in. Of course it would be a cork hat, Alistair. Of course it is. I mean, there's the issue when you tip the can up to take a sip from the, because you can still have the whole top obvious layer, all the corks will fall into your mouth. I'd be very happy.

If you have it a little bit lower, you know, you have a little bit of that top area. You know, like how hats have a top. That kind of like, you know, like a top hat. I was thinking all brim. You were thinking brim from brim to brim. You were thinking put this like essentially putting a frisbee on top of the beer.

A fizz is a really, that's a no brim hat, isn't it? Yeah, when you first started a fizz, I thought you were trying to say offensive, but a fizz-sive, then what would that be? That's a look Andy, it's a fizz with a lot of holes in it that you wear it and then when you finish cooking pasta, you put it upside down, put it in the sink, put all the pasta in there, water gets through the holes.

That's a fesitive to me. That's really good. I found that. Was thinking earlier, Alistair. Yeah. Is margarine, is that short for Margaret Aureen? Sorry for changing this up. Back to this hat that you can strain.

Past of it. No, no, no, I mean, it's, I mean, what is the connection between Marjoreen? You could strain, uh, pasta through a trucker's cap. Absolutely. Is that why is that why those hats are like that because they eat a little or a magic two minute noodles on the road and they need to be able to. Yeah, I mean, I guess I guess they've got to just, you know, they live in such a compact area. You know, especially you know, those guys who are sleeping in the back of their cab or whatever. Yeah, it's all about efficiency. It's all about, you know, especially you know those guys who are sleeping in the back of their cab or whatever. It's all about efficiency. It's all about, you know, having all the tools on you. So what do they, like I mean, but what are they cooking it in?

You know, is that something that's also on them? Um, I, maybe, maybe it's under the hood of the truck. Under the hood of the truck. On top of the hood. Think about that, you get that extra sun. Oh, but you also get Think about that extra sun. I'll be also get the wind that pops down. Under the hood you get the heat that's kept in. I suspect I suspect I could be wrong, but I think it'll get hotter

under the hood than it would on top of the hood. Would it get too hot? Do you think? How do you feel about this? You go to a a very high class restaurant. Yeah. And you have a delightful meal. And then at the end, they reveal to you that the pasta for the pasta sobrenoodle salad was strained through a trucker's cap. They bring out the trucker there, you get to meet the trucker. Yeah.

They forget to sniff his hat that the pastor was strained through. Yeah. I mean, it'd be great if they took him, if they brought him to you before the pastor came and they just let you sniff his hat and then you go very good. And then, and then they strained the pastor through. I think that's it would say you'd actually you know, yeah, that's perfect to me To me that scene to me is perfect is perfect Okay, I'm gonna write that down. It's one of the most insane many sketches. We've ever come up with but

Guy They strain the pasta right there at the table it's a bit like tapayaki in that way but they're just pouring the water like all over the floor well they have a little sink they ever bring out a little sink it's like tapayaki but instead of a hot plate in front of you it's a big sink. Oh very good. They do the washing up. They do the dishes in front of you. Dinner and a shower.

I don't know why I like that so many. Okay we bring his trucker out. These dishes, these plates are so clean, my compliments to the kitchen hand. The trucker's hat. There's no bits of old power and stuck between the tines of this fork, my compliments. Very good. The dish pig. I mean, yeah, like you imagine a guy, sort of an old guy, you know,

I can use the two of you. They both pick by the way, because I used to be a... That's right. Yeah, yeah. I can use that one. Of course, yeah, it's much better than hygiene officer that the the the woke mob forces you to use these days Yes

Then they strain the pasta through it. Sorry. I'm picturing like a you know a rich couple watching it You know watching watching the dishes and they're pointing to like theil bit and they're talking about the craftsmanship and things like that on that clean. There's no bubbles on it. There's no bubbles on that at all. I saw a real or something from a French lady at one point complaining about how her husband didn't rinse the bubbles off the dishes. And she goes, look, look at this. He's not clean. Look, there's the bubbles there. That's not clean. And did that remind you of when we used to live together at the warehouse. And I didn't rinse the bubbles off anything. I mean, I don't, I don't care about the bubbles. Did I?

You did rinse them off. I'm pretty sure all right you were pro rins I think you were a little bit Flabbergasted that I wasn't rinsing off the bubbles. I mean, I guess I guess it just depends on how I mean, I think for me to be a guest about I mean, maybe I'm a different man now But I think now for me to be a guest about how about bubbles on plate, they probably have to be a shitload of bubbles. Now that could just be you. Maybe you're a big, you'll use a lot of soap, probably a big bubble bath.

Yeah. And you probably use like a, you know, you probably use a poisonous amount of soap. And then there's just, I made it with an interest position for you to adopt, assuming I'm not mistreat presenting you, but it there's a position for you to adopt, assuming I'm not mistreat presenting you, but it was an interesting position for you to adopt because you also had a position against washer-getty food off your plates at all. You're like sure. As in like I just, I didn't do enough the dishes. Yeah, or indeed any of the dishes.

I remember one, I remember one time, Alistair, when I watched you try and do the dishes. Yeah, or indeed any of the dishes. I remember one time, Alistair, when I watched you try and do the dishes and you made it seem so agonizing, a process. I know. And at that point, I wasn't even easier for me to take over and do it myself than to watch you suffer because I'm not a cruel man. No, you're not. I mean, and at that point, because I remember that moment, like because I remember realizing not at the beginning, but later on into it that you were watching me. So I had suffered genuinely.

And then gone, oh my God, now Andy's watching me with a sad look in his own eye. There was so much sighing and stopping and stepping away and coming back. Like it seemed to be every dish was a new like I mean Yeah, I you know these days that's why I have to do it. I have to do it with like a podcast or something now because Or else like it really is like I have to be going like all right come on here. We go Here we go. We're doing this, you know, I mean, I mean, that's something that says something though. You're really present. You're really experiencing it. Yeah, I'm better or worse. You are there in the moment.

I think I get a tiny bit of joy from it now because I do know that when it gets done that I'm bringing joy to my beloved or at least that I'm bringing joy to my beloved, or at least less agony. So that's one of my main areas of focus now, is the dishes and dinner, making dinner and stuff. It's amazing how we evolve. Isn't it amazing? How many sketch ideas have we written down, Alistair?

Well, Andy, we've written down, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I down one two three four five six seven eight. I Mean one of them just says core cat one of them says core cat bottle stopper Well, I know but I think that for me the idea there is It's taking the toy the toy there is it's taking the toy, the toy manufacturers path to making this film is that really we're in the business of Core Cat bottle stoppers, right? We make this, we stockpile them.

We are ready to go. We've, we are ready to launch these onto the market, right? But then we make a 90 minute film. Yeah, transform it. In some way. Yeah, that really glorifies the core cat bottle stopper. And then once that hits the eyeballs and ears of the general public, they are going to be starting to Google, how do I get a core cat bottle stopper? And we are going to be starting to Google. How do I get a core camp bottle stopper and we are going to be ready.

I heard the words eye balls and ears and in my brain I interpreted that as the eye having both balls and ears. That's how that image landed in my mind. The eyes, the eyes, balls and ears. It'd be great if each sense had its own set of senses and reproductive organs. You know it'd be cool, you know this is sorry about you know, but if guys didn't actually shoot out sperm, but instead they had two shots at it. They had two and they would just have to put a testicle, which is kind of like a flesh egg. Yeah, wow. Right. And they would just give it to their

beloved and they would put it in there. And that would form half of the baby. And then, and then the egg would go in. It would probably go around it and then incubed, you know, the egg would go, I mean, that's probably actually how it works. I mean, how would you feel if you had to ejaculate a testicle at the end of your pain? I mean, that is crazy. I mean, but it's either that or you open the bag with a knife. No, I think the whole testicle has to come out. Come through and then you got to cut it's a little lump out. And then you got to cut it's a little umbilical cord. Wow. I mean and that would be a good system for like for like a country like China where they

work kind of like trying to limit how many kids people had. And so each man could have a tops of two kids assuming that the testicle doesn't split and two and create twins in the egg. The idea of ejaculating out a whole testicle is incredible. I mean, it almost makes... You know, it hasn't been used in a teen film or something. I mean it almost makes more sense for why we have orgasms now if you were to ejaculate your testicles because that would be so painful that Would be there to cover it up right like spraying some air freshener after you've done a huge shit

right like spraying some air freshener after you've done a huge shit. Huge explosive shit. I mean, I mean, the cold, you don't get out the law, the rush and scrap it off. You just spray a little air freshener around. Yeah, but that, I don't even know that like that works in the, in the terms of like the word cover up, but that I don't even know that like that works in the in the terms of like the the word cover up But not I don't think in the conceptually I don't think it I guess The more I started arguing the point the less I believed in it. I was standing in front of it now. I'm now standing in front of the idea

Hope hoping that everybody What will be talking about? Alistair, I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners and sometimes they support us on Patreon. And my God, that's a beautiful thing that they do. They're the true heroes. They're the true frontline workers in my book. I agree with you. The people who support us on Patreon. And sometimes they send in words, three words. Absolutely.

From here. We have a series of soldiers and supporters in the Discord, in the two-in-the-thing tank Discord, which you can find in the show notes. And they work hard every day. Coming up with their own sketch ideas, you know, sometimes they're, they're doing their own streaming. Sometimes they're, you know, they're just telling us about little interesting things that are happening in their lives. And I got to tell you each one of them is a god damn killer out there in the world.

You know, they're killer. And I mean that in a complimentary way. Yeah, yeah. no, I agree. Yeah, now one of those killers is our listener Lizzie who has sent in three words from a listener and I believe that listener is Lizzie. Lizzie. We also featured Lizzie on the We also featured Lizzie on the Patreon episode. Yeah, the dog tongue triggered gun. So Andy, what was that? Okay, you got three words. What are your words Andy? The first word is silacanth, silacanth that previously thought extinct, prehistoric fish, but they discovered some off the waters of South Africa. Really very recently?

Oh, within the last 30 years. Yeah, great. Well, let me check. No, it's not silacanth Sorry, Andy. The first word is use. Use. Yeah. Second word is these. These. Let me check. No, no, no. It's um, andies. No, no, no, it's um and ease use and ease Okay, the third word is gonna be words Let me check I'm sorry you got one letter correct, but But there's three of that letter

In this word, so I guess you almost got it completely correct So the third word is guesses. Use and these guesses, so that means that the words that we are using today are silicate. Yeah. These. These. And words.

It's amazing, because that's actually really interesting is that people could use this to write a sentence that instructs you what you want to do after the words have been guessed rather than have the words be the basis for the it's like it's like Lizzie put a little algorithm sent an algorithm through what they piggybacked a An executable file onto what was supposed to be a You know a static I think the input I think we just got hacked. Yeah, I think we just got hacked Exactly what I was gonna say He's got hacked. Exactly what I was going to say.

Lizzie found a zero, a zero, was a zero day flaw. That zero day exploit. That's a three word system that we will have to patch over. I don't think we can patch it. I think this is, this creates a whole new world. A brand new place. I never knew. Oh, okay.

Errol, well, if the words are silicate these words, the first thing that makes me think of is us discovering some some new English words, right, in an old tomb. We go down into Shakespeare's tomb, right? Yeah. I imagine that. Where we finally discover Shakespeare's tomb. He was very... Isn't that great? He was buried with all his words. All these words.

He has a whole lot of words that had been lost. Because I... And then we got all these extra words in the language now. Because they say that he came up with however many words, you know, or whatever he introduced them to the English language, right? But then you realize, I guess, you know, he probably he introduced them to the English language, right? But then you realize, I guess, you know, he probably, if he was coming up with heaps of words, he probably didn't put them all in his place, didn't find a place for all of them. So he would have all these words that he hadn't used.

He was probably writing another plate, he was going to put them in that, oh, throw in this one. Shalamanda. You know, that's one of them. I think it's a really good idea. And I do, I personally find the idea of being an archaeologist and finally discovering the lost tomb of Shakespeare. Very exciting. You go down there, there's lots of books and stuff. It's been yes, as you say buried with all these plays

There may be even a curse upon the Tomb of Shakespeare What would the curse be Andy? Let's see. Well, there's already that thing about Macbeth And what what is it if you say good luck or if you say the name of the play? Yeah, you say the name of the play Macbeth in a theatre. It brings bad luck. I don't know what the curse is, Alistair. I'm unable to think of one.

And we cannot... We come up with sketch ideas. Not curse. Andy, we come up with sketch art, is he? Not curse. Not possible curses, unless and people who sign up for a Patreon should send in ideas for the side tank. Also, Sav joined recently, which was very nice. Hi Sav. Hi Sav.

Thanks, thanks so much, thank you so much, and yeah, they could send in scientific ideas, but we could come up with types of curses for, I mean, that would be a great side-tank episode. New types of curses. And maybe context or uses the curses. Yes, where they could put, I mean, a curse would be a great thing for, to put on your phone for somebody or your credit card, if somebody uses it, you know, uses it without your permission. Yeah. Yeah.

I think that kind of thing. Curse, but of course, yeah, say, say, say, say, say, and you were going to say something. Well, curses were in a way the original sort of security system for protecting stuff. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to say that. Yeah, no, Andy, I just feel like sometimes you are underrepresented on this podcast, and I want to make sure that you have a voice and that I amplify that voice by giving you, by shutting up every now and then and letting you have a chance to say things from your point of view.

And finally I have heard those sentences and I hear you, Andy. I hear you. And I feel reassured that I don't need to do that again. Alistair. Yes. I think we did it. I think Shakespeare's tomb. Shakespeare, the sealer can't of words.

Mm, yes, I love that. Andy, here is the sketch ideas for today. The prefix green means made out of windows. Look, maybe that wasn't the best one. I think it can count as an idea. It can appear. A dumb guy in a show could say it. It's season four, slash five.

He believes this. We've just come up with a great idea for a character treat. Then we've got Jordan just created a sketch. We've created an entire man. Is that not enough for you? Is that not enough for you? We created life. It's alive! Speaking of which, if you listen to the latest sci-fi try guys online, see if you can hear the real life crash of thunder that occurred at my house at the point in Alice's story where he mentions pulling a brain out of a bag and slapping it down onto a slab for a sort of a brain out of a bag and slapping it down onto a slab for a sort of a brain Transplant style experiment. It was an amazing bit of

IRL fully Yeah, and that's also in the Patreon. So normally we don't mention the Patreon this much, but today we are really promoting hard Maybe it's because we're unemployed. You want to blow it? Oh, yeah Yeah, it's a lot of plan. So that's because we're unemployed. Do you want to unemployed? Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so I'm not a plent. So that's why we're doing it. But I wasn't even doing it, I wasn't even doing it consciously.

Andy, I wasn't even doing it subconsciously. This was all accident. All right, next one is, I've already said Jordan Peterson is a belief wife. We got 2024's best new hiding places. Yes. This is a fake video for a fake newspaper, maybe like the Shalot or something like that. And then we got celebrity hiding holes. The best new show, the best new celebrity interview show on the internet. We got you wouldn't you wouldn't go so hard on billionaires if you saw how much he cared about each dollar.

Yeah. Then we have had written down each dollar. Okay, then we have a reverse Christmas Carol poor person who has nothing doesn't want to work and then ghosts show him how much he hurts his employers and his fellow town members by, you know, leaving the cafe under staff or something like that, you know, leaving the Amazon warehouse. Look how long people are waiting for their ham and cheese croissants. Look at the productivity KPI metric on this spreadsheet. Several decimal points below. Oh and look and look look at the middle manager getting grilled by his upper management for the drop in productivity in his section.

Look at him at home. Look at the tears running down his face as he tells his wife that his upper manager is a tiny bit disappointed and is riding his ass. Look as his wife turns away and disgust can no longer bear to touch him. He shows him, he shows her his Christmas bonus check which is 13% less than last year because of this thing that you have done. Look at his children. They have all the computer, the new computer games, but they're not get the limited edition Zelda model Wii controllers. All right, you get the point. We did it.

Then we have a Cork Hat bottle stopper with the film tie-in. I think this film tie-in Andy is going to be big. I think this Corkat Bottle Stopper is a fucking actual idea, Alistair. I know you're most excited about the film tie-in. I'm about Andy, I want to make a film with you. We invented a genuine piece of souvenir crap. Yeah. And all you want to do, Elle, is market it.

You don't care about this product. All you want to do is have people, heaps of people see here about it and buy it. You're obsessed, Elle. What about the purity of the idea? I lost it. Remember the way that you want to do it, is by making a movie about a cork hat. Well, it'll feature it in some fun way. Maybe people will transport drugs. Maybe some of the whole movie.

Andy, you want to make a movie. You want to get to write something funny. This is the conversation is going nowhere. Andy, this is the industry you work. We have never failed to communicate. Andy, Andy, such a profound level. We're not in product design. We're not manufacturers. I don't even know if you're joking Alistair and I can't continue this conversation. This is what we actually could do. Stop talking, stop talking, this is not how people communicate. I think I just found another fucking hard drive. Oh! Oh my god.

This is insane. I keep having to go through hard drives. Oh, 500 gigabyte. Alright, that's good. That's a good thing. Hahaha. Because I found small hard drives. And then instead of having to bring these big disc ones that I have, it's not good at it.

I don't think they travel well. They feel fragile. Let's say what's the next sketch idea? Okay, sorry. We've got a waiter, brings trucker out, and let's diner, smell the trucker hat. Before they strangle through it. And then they say very good, and then they strain that through. And then they say very good, and then they strain pasta through it. And then we've got the testicle ejaculation,

that's the testicles go into the woman and a guy's only get two shots, two shots at making kids. Alistair, you should at least try on stage doing something like a line like along the lines of, look, I'm not doing that well at the moment in my life. If you want a sense of how much, how well I'm not doing, I recently strained pasta through a trucker's cap. You know, that's just the kind of little thing. Sure, yeah, yeah.

Well, I tried to joke at yesterday. I'm still not sure if it's great yet, but it's something like this. It was kind of like, it's maybe to go on this bit that is entirely hanging on your line of, I'm here for a long time, not a good time. It's about not killing myself. I'm never going to kill myself.

I'm here for a long time, not a good time, Right? But then I was thinking it's like, because I, you know, I think it's like, I'm just happy with anything. I used to think that life was about, you know, having a good time. Right? But then I had kids in the heart. I just got to be something else. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it must be something else. I don't maybe it's struggle. I mean, it's what it's about. fingers crossed. Yeah, fingers crossed. And then the last sketch idea is a tomb of Shakespeare's with all his words. Unreleased is the part that's right unused. Unreleased words. Shack Spears dropping a new word. Shack. Shalamander. People in the time of Shakespeare talking about the fact that Shakespeare is working on a new word. Everyone's really excited to hear it. I think I think this that's a really fun idea.

I think that's a great sketch like Shakespeare's dropping a new word. I wonder what it's going to mean. People would say. They have a listening party. Yeah, that's really good. They hear the word, do they know what it means? Or do they just hear the word and that's it? Speculate about what it might mean. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, I guess they might learn later, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know how it is. I mean, I guess they might learn later, but yeah, I don't know. I don't know how it is

I mean, sometimes you could tease the new word You know buy buy really and then maybe you charge people to come and find you know Yeah, like you know, you release the word and then later on is like if people want to find out what it means They've got to come to like the show. Well, you put that put the definition behind a paywall. Yeah, exactly. You know, that's how he managed to support his playwriting, which was, you know, actually was a was a loss leader. He's actually, he was making all this, he was actually making all this money. He's like, it's like the barbecue chickens and the Woolwers. He was like, you know, the loss leader is the, yeah, that's

well, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it right. Yeah, yeah, that's right. Yeah. So, so he, the plays, he doesn't really make much money on it, but he, he does it so that people are interested in him so that he can make money on the, on the, on the words that he releases, which are actually way easier to make. Mmm, much quicker to rock. Yeah. Um, Andy, that's it. We did it. Here we go.

I thought that it... Boots! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft! Pfft!

Pfft! Thank you so much for listening to it and think, thank you for saying something, Al saying something else. I interrupted you. I'm sorry. I think that this episode started off pretty slow, but I really loved how good it got by the the end. I think we went to go in there with you. And I was I was I was early on I was considering saying should we start again. And I almost said it as well. But then we talked about the notebook and stuff. But you know what, a lot of the people who are listening probably considered quitting as well. They go, oh, they're not on form today, but they forget that we really warm up. Sometimes we gotta get out of our life mood

before we can be. Out of the bonnet, if I, B double. A B double? A Bouble. The truckers. A B-double? A B-double. Yeah, right. Alistair, thank you.

Can you send me your file? Yeah, yeah. Normally, we talk about this. We've been, are you ready to reveal to the audience that we've been bypassing George a little bit recently? Yeah, I've been doing that. The audio quality's been not as good, that's why. So let us know how you feel.

I'm so so pleased. Let us know if you've... We haven't now to get them to George in time. Yeah, let us know if you can feel the Georgelessness. Hmm. Yeah. Anyway, thanks so much for listening. We. We. Love. Love. You. That's much for listening. We.

We. Love. Love. You. That's right. You. Bye. Bye. a solution that may be somewhat surprising. Work in Binance. At CFA Institute, our programs and courses are deeply rooted in ethical perspective, but

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