Two In The Think Tank - 409 - "ROMEOIL AND JULIWET"

Episode Date: January 15, 2024

Thousand Piece Puzzle President, Earth 2, Oil Drenched Shirts, Where For Art Thou Oilio, Welcome To The Townshit, Alien Insult, The Invention of Lubing, The Keys to the Accent, Jizzcuzi, Normal Hand Box, DrycuzziCheck out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.Gustav and Henri Volume 2 is now available to purchase in Australia here.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereMMMbopologies to George for my editing on this one Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, ritty, r episode. After that, we go intercontinental, baby. Like a test missile from North Korea, we are taking this shit intercontinental. That's right. Even though. And possibly incontinental. Incontinental, buttocks. Oh, what do you think of this as a sketch idea? I'm ready, Andy. I'm ready for it. This is the person who works for the- this is a satirical sketch.

Okay. And he works for a satirical sketch. It's and he works for a satirical sketch. It's probably at its most satirical about six years ago, right, when Trump is president. Okay. Okay. And what happens? That'll never happen again. So this will never come back around.

This is a sketch about somebody and their job in the White House, right, is to get a thousand piece puzzles, okay? Like Ravensburger puzzle, a thousand piece puzzles, empty out all the pieces and replace it with an eight or ten piece puzzle in there, right? Inside the puzzle. Trump likes to tell people he does thousand piece puzzles really quickly. And so they've just got to do up the one thousand one and then break it apart into seven pieces and glue all the other pieces together. No, I think I think what it is is that they just put like an eight piece puzzle in there, but it says thousand

piece on the box. So Trump, having done the eight piece puzzle, thinks he has done a thousand piece puzzle. Okay, great. Okay. And it's a it's a it's a satirical comment on the lengths to which the staffers at the White House were going to preserve Trump's self-image. It ties in with those things about them printing out positive tweets about him or something, giving them to him. What do you reckon? How do you feel about the satirical heft? I know you love satire. I think this is finally going to be the thing to bring them down. You know what I'm like sometimes Andy? I will go, well technically I think that my added note on yours does make your idea clearer, but at the same time your

idea is stupider and I do like that as well. Well you know what the solution to this is. We abandoned the whole thing. Stop start the podcast again. And I mean from episode one. Oh, that would be fun. The dark and gritty reboot of two in the think tank. Dark and gritty or a door con Grotty. Oh, yes. We go back, we keep all the episode titles the same,

but not remembering anything about what was in them. We just try and reimagine them. Like how Taiko Wattiti writes his screenplays. He writes some version first, and then he leaves it in a drawer for a couple of years, and then he comes back and he goes, and then he re-writes it, sort of just based on his memory of what it was. I got a feeling that the kind of turnaround he's working on these days, that's no longer his process.

I've got a feeling that when the Marvel people come to him and say they want another Thor one, that he doesn't say, well, all right, give me a couple of years, I'll have a process. I have a process, let me let it sit. I mean, I think it's one of those processes that is more like, it seems more luxurious, but really it's just based on the fact that nobody wants your screenplays at the time.

And they can just sit in a drawer. You also have no income coming in. Yes. Andrew, I'm writing down 1, down 1000 piece puzzle president with eight pieces. Thank you. This will be great. This is going to be a companion piece to the other one that we did about the guy whose job it is to put his penis in his bum and pee into his own bum hole in front of the president and say, I did a pee pee in my poo poo hole to get an objective read on the dignity of the office of President.

Oh, the President actually... That was an idea. The President actually really likes it. If you only print out the tweets of people who were doing Pp's in their own poo poo hole. And so we've had to cater. We've had to cut out all the news articles that say something mean about them and find all the news articles that are about people doing peopie in their poopoo hole. It just makes me feel bad to see criticism, but makes him feel good to see people who are

worse off than him doing stupid things than him. Hmm. And indeed, I think we need that. In fact, maybe what we need, Alistair, is a second earth. We can call it earth too. Yes. And what it'll be, is it'll be just like our current earth, but it'll be full of people who are doing worse than us Hmm

Could we make could we like somehow make a better earth by making just one that's a bit more efficient So it's just a skeleton earth It's mostly it really is just The the outside without all that unnecessary inside crust and then it's just got like some support beams inside just to keep the structural integrity. Yes. Okay. That suits me. Yeah. And then it'll be easier to make rather than having to like drag another planet nearby and sort of throw off A new hollow core earth. Mm. Yeah. But it's this new earth look. Yeah. Finish.

Yeah, it's like a kind of like a new pair of, you know, like when someone invents like a new soccer ball that doesn't need air or something like that. Mm. I think it's the opposite of that. They, okay, they, they invent a new soccer ball that does need air. Yeah. I think it's much more of that, I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that.

I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that.

I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that.

I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that. I think it's much more like that then we and it's just there for emotional support of us. Yeah, I think rather than this could be our solution to climate change, instead of fixing the atmosphere of this planet, we build a new planet which has a worse atmosphere, so that whenever the politicians are pressured to try and do something, they can say, hey, look, at least we're not earth two, right? And we'll all look over there and we'll be grateful. We'll be like, you know, you're right.

They don't have oceans. They have lakes of old chip fat. And when the rain falls falls it's Greece. The rain is great. It's greasy. Right. This is what I worry about Andy about this because I think and this could be a you know a second or third act for this sketch Is that By putting them on a worst earth and that we're saying that they're doing worse than us and that makes us feel good But what if they even start to do somewhere and close to as well as us?

I think we'd feel really threatened by that. You know, on such a worse earth, a worse earth. I think that would make us feel tremendously bad. And then they would also have that kind of like working class grit, like they've come from harder times. And in many ways, that's when they would become cool. And all our youth would want to go to Earth too. Well, it would probably be the only place they can afford to buy housing on Earth too. And then they make it quite desirable. We sort of gentrify Earth too.

Yeah, and we appropriate a lot of their culture, I imagine, from Earth too as well. Like, and then we have to start creating our own oil oceans. Yeah, or people start buying clothes that look like they're covered in a lot of rain oil stains. Oh, how about this? Where are those? A shirt that comes pre-oil stained.

It's really, it's fully oil stained. So that you can't stain it with oil. Yeah, I think it's great. What have we been doing? This whole time, we bought what we have shirts that aren't oil stains spent all our time trying to keep oil off them. Yeah, it's like oil is so abundant in our lives.

Hmm, do you think this would be one of those CEO life hacks? I already come, yeah, I'd like, look at this, I buy a shirt and I dip it in oil. Straight away, I put it in a deep fryer. Yeah. And, you know, there probably be additional benefits as well. It keeps your skin oiled. I mean, I imagine you could put it on a lot faster.

You slip through it, go down slides with your kids. You know, a lot of slides at parks that they are That they you know, they're kind of a bit slow, you know like they've been made not out of a slippery surface This one. Oh, what about this you also get to leave a mark wherever you go Well, that's not. That's really special. Yeah. What other benefits, I guess? And you know what, I think this would actually repel water as well.

Yeah. Right? So you wouldn't, it wouldn't get wet. This is, for too long we've had water-based shirts and tried to keep rain of them. Yeah. We need, or to keep rain off them. Yeah. Or to keep oil off them. We need to have oil-based shirts, which naturally repel rain.

Yeah, it's good. And I wonder whether, like Star Trek would come up with like silicon-based light forms, but are there any oil-based light forms? Like, cause there's no like like silicon equivalent of water, right? Yeah, well, there's water-based paints, and there's oil-based paints. That's right. And so, I think the silicon thing was a fun kind of alternative thing

that they could think of in sci-fi. But really, more practically, is that these are carbon-based water life forms and carbon-based oil life forms. Right? And then we, you know, let's remake Romeo and Juliet one more time. Let's see that story play out one more time because these two really don't mix. It's a really good idea, Alistair. It's called Oilió, right? Yep. Andlio, Olio. I mean, it doesn't quite, or Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo, Romeo,

and Julie, what? I mean, I mean, I like oil, Leo, but you're right. I'll put in brackets, Romeo, Oli. I'll put in brackets, Romeo oil. Yeah, gosh. I mean, what do they do? I guess what they would do is they would smear their bodies with detergent, right? And press up against one another. This doesn't detergent allow those two things.

Oh my God, sex would be emulsification. Yeah. Like they would make mayo. They just add like a legist squeeze a lemon. They just squeeze a lemon over themselves. Imagine that, oh, this is a lemon-based lubricant. Yeah, well, it's like that joke. Do you know this joke? Yes.

Why did Sherlock Holmes use lemon as a sex lubricant? No, I don't know why. Elementary in my dear Watson. It's that. Whoa! Elementary. Yeah. Wow, did you just make that up? No, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure I heard that joke in primary school. We did a lot of literary puns. A lot of literary dirty puns. Yeah, a lemon entry.

Literary filth. Yeah, I mean, because even just referring to sex as an entry, it feels like that is itself kind of a, you kind of advanced literary poetry. I haven't revisited that joke in a long time. I guess it's one of those ones that I've filed under a street joke that everybody must have heard. But maybe not. Maybe it was quite a regional thing, quite an isolated.

That'd be a good show to do, right? Instead of going around and sampling regional cuisines and that sort of thing, you go town to town and you hear the filthy jokes that children tell at primary school or whatever. In one town versus another town, and you compare and you see the similarities and the differences.

Yeah, I think it would also just be nice to hear what the jokes are about the towns. Like the different ways in which they refer to their town as a being a big hole and a big shit place or whatever like that. And it's a great travel show. It's going to different places and seeing how people shit on their own towns.

That's really good. Every time you go to a town, it's always like these are the things we are the most proud of. Right? What about the secret shame of each town? Yeah. The cast would be, you know, like the crew of this thing would be sort of three-quarters lawyers making sure that, you know, there's anybody who gets defamed and it is already dead. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And are they lawyers or are they hitmen? We've got a great joke about Chad's worth mctaavish, but unfortunately he's in the peak of health would be terrible if he were to slip over on a supermarket stairs.

It would be a real shame. Well, that would be really easy if you somehow came in contact with an oil-based person. I wonder where the oil-based people would say, oil-y-o or Julie Wett, on oil-based persons. Do you think they would slip on a water slick? Would an oil-based person slip on a water slick? Yes, they would, Alistair. Very good. I mean, we also do slip on water slicks. Not as much, but you know, depends. Not as much as these guys. I mean, it feels like an oil-based person, they'd slip on a lot of stuff. They're not on a dry ground as well.

They're not there. Perfect for, they're not built for this world. They would, they do well on grass, I think. They probably walk on sponges or something. Yeah. Nothing too firm. That could, I feel like, like, like on ducks backs. Ah, yes. A down, a down flooring. Hmm.

Like oil on a ducks back. That's the opposite. Like like an oil-based person on a duck's back. I don't deal well with criticism. You you you say cruel things to me. That's like an oil-based person on a duck's back. I didn't need to say that for sentence. That's what I say all the time. I didn't need to take up the audience's time. I think what would be exciting about inventing oil-based life is that it would sort of reopen a lot of new fields for similes. I think we might have reached the limits of similes. We sort of turned the key on that years ago and locked that door and didn't allow ourselves to create new similes.

But I think the invention of a new type of person would allow us. They would give us access. They would open the lock box that contains that key. And allow us to. How did they open the lock box to the key? No, they have the combination. It's a combination, but based lock box. Turns out the combination was new type of person.

That was the four words that you spin it around and it's all words on each one of those things instead of numbers. I mean, we'd also, I think it would be a really fertile time for coming up with new slurs against these oil-based people. Yes, it would be a very rich time as we, especially as we came into contact with them, you know, those first few months, when we don't know them super well, but we know that they're there. And we haven't confirmed their humanity. Exactly. We have to be at a spend, not a lot of time coming up with vast broad generalization about these people, based on little things that they that you see them do that you keep

in common. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're smears and things like that. They're always whenever they whenever they come in contact with eggs and there's any vibrations around they do create mayonnaise. Yeah, really good. I mean, it would be, you know, and what would be great is like I presume that they've come from another world, whether it's Earth 2 or where we're broadening this out, but they come from another world. And we would have only met one or two of them, right? And they, you know, when you visit a new world,

you're probably are wearing your cultural dress or whatever it is, you're introducing them to just a few things of your own culture. And so like it wouldn't even be a generalization. You would just be able to assume that they all behave in this way even though when you're meeting someone for the first time you don't behave in a way that's representative of the breadth of future. But God, what a good, what an exciting time that would be. Man, I mean, I would, I would be happy about this for any new people that we encountered. Not just oil-based people.

You know, even if we were to at this point discover a new culture. And I'm discovered culture, maybe of subterranean people or sub aquatic, sub mariners. Sub aquatic. Sub aquatic means? Sub humans. I think that would be thrilling. You know, and we're not saying that it's good what these people do, but we were saying it would feel good. For all of us. For everyone, all these new nicknames that we would get.

Cause I sent you that thing where I saw where they came up with the word yang key for American, for Americans, and they think that it could have been because of all the Dutch people that were there early on in New York City or New Holland at the time or New Amsterdam, sorry, and that they were like a lot of people were called Jan and a lot of people were called Key. So the way they nicknamed them Yankees, Yankees Yankees Yankees So the insult for Americans Yankee actually means Dutch Dutch Yeah, that's amazing. I think we should remake the movie arrival, right? Starring his name Adams

Starring is at Amy Adams, where alien creatures come to Earth, but instead of being a language, learning their language allows you to travel through time, sorry spoiler alert, in our version, wearing their oily clothes. I want you to know that in the movie that they never get to travel through time. Okay, great. That, don't you? You get to see time. Oh, Andy, I was trying to like at least cover up the fact

that you like, you know, undo the spoiling. Her daughter's dead, her daughter dies. Yeah, her daughter, but I think you find that out in the first couple of minutes. Oh, okay. Great. Anyway, it doesn't allow, it contact with them doesn't give us the ability to transcend one of the dimensions of time or space. I'm not going to say which one it is. Is that better? What's your idea? That instead being oily allows us to travel down diagonal slopes really quickly. Oh yes. A new dimension, diagonal. Yeah, okay wait, the oil people. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like the wreckage of Acefield, the invention of Lying, but it's the invention of lubrication.

It's a movie where everything squeaks, everything is sort of a grinding, it's just dry on dry. Introducing us to lubrication. The invention of lube, that's what we'll call it, the invention of lube. That's what we'll call it. The invention of lube. Everybody's rubbing up against one another. Chafing. Do you think that that's one of the only films that has the sketch idea name right in the title? Let's see. What about Romeo and Juliet? No, that one's just the name of two characters. Coneheads? Maybe coneheads? Coneheads? Yeah, I suppose coneheads is pretty much just a sketch description of what it is. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. What did it? God, that almost worked cable guy. I mean, it's not it's not the slightly crazy

cable guy that would Probably give it away entirely You got to take some of the information out I think Dhamma and Dhamma maybe Dhamma Yeah, I mean why do you think that maps duets show? Hmm that he's doing his touring show.'s doing with Seren Jai Mano? Why it's called Dryer Dryer, I think it's called Dryer Dryer. Why isn't it called Dryer and Dryer? Like Dhamma Dhamma.

Like it feels like Seren is a big pun guy. And, you know, I think you could argue that one of them is drier than the other. They're both pretty dry. But I think dry and drier, I don't know. It feels like... I mean, it could be, I mean, it could be a play on that. You know, they're subverting the dumb and dumb or... Wow! Dryer. You know what it could be a play on that. You know, they're subverting the dumb and dumb or.

Wow. Dry. You know what it could be? It could be a play on liar, liar. Dry, dry. Wow. It really could be. Yeah.

And so now. We'll have to try and reach out to them and get, get comment, give them a right of reply on the next episode. Yeah, but I want you to know that two in the thing that they're gonna be on tour soon going to Perth I think they might even be doing some kind of an athlete. They might be doing and they're gonna be doing comedy festival They're gonna be doing the 28th of March until the 7th of April be doing the 28th of March until the 7th of April at Comedy Festival in Melbourne. So we may as well just plug it while we're talking about it. Get tickets now. Slip on in to dry, a dry. Yeah, two comedians near the peak of their performance. I just like to think that I would never want someone to say that I was at the peak because I want I would hope that this I never there was never going to be a downward trajectory for me. He's at the plateau. He's at the plateau. Oh, that's I mean that's suggest at

least I'll be at the peak for a while. No, I mean, but like if you're trying to tell people to go somewhere, right? I think you've got to tell them that they're at the peak. They're at the peak, yeah. That's the incentive, because that's why you've got to go right now. He's peaking. Oh, yeah. He's peaking right now. You're going to want to see this, because if he's still on the way up,

you're like, well, I'll just wait a couple of weeks. He'll be even better. If they've plateaued, now there's no incentive to see them, because they'll be the same forever, so you can catch it. Well, until that inevitable downward hill. React that sense of urgency. Sure. When that might hold its own macabre fascination to go and see them. A great man, Brung Low. Sorry, I heard a cough coming from the other room.

Hey, Hux, you all good? Okay. All right, just double-checking. Yeah, you know what? I would love people to come out. Like, imagine if you could convince people to come out and see you when you're at your lowest point in terms of skill level.

This could be the worst I've ever been. You should, you know, it's so bad it's worth coming out for. Check it out. I saw a guy recently who is from Montreal and I can't remember his name, but he was doing a solo improv show and he was like, and here's an example of some of the sketches, and the thing is that the sketches weren't bad because he was just improvising, but yes, but it was just silly. It was silly and it was not much, but I mean if people come out and see you do solo sketch like improvised sketch. I mean that's I just got to get to that. I think that's all like I mean if I can just show up and go all right here we go hello Michael. Hello January. How are you today? Very well.

And you? I am feeling rather tiger bitten like that. And then where is it going to go? I mean, I can guess. Why? What's your guess? Is there a sketch in it? He's currently, he's currently being bitten by a tiger this guy, right? But he's so polite

that if somebody says hello to him, he's still going to try and go through the small talk motions, right, of saying hello. As he's being mauled. Imagine that, right? Do your kids want to go to the mall, right? Go to the mall. Okay, so you've heard that. So then the kids go and they get there, but it's not a shopping mall. What is it? It's a man who is being mauled by a tiger. And he's been being mauled for a really long time.

This could be the biggest mall in the southern hemisphere. Right? This guy. But it's sort of he's in an ongoing state of mall. Yeah. And everybody loves to go and the kids go and hang out near the mall. And can people still do shopping at this mall? Oh yeah. Is he selling things? If you like, he's had to. Strips of flesh. Oh, strips of flesh. Also, you're they're able to get it away from the tiger. Yeah, if you can nip in and grab some, maybe scratch it away with a long stick with a little hook on the end. This idea works so well, Alistair.

I reckon just write it down. Just write it down. It's so good. Would you be surprised to hear that I already have written it down three times? I would be gobsmacked. I've written down at the mall, and that's the way that you've spelt it. And then I've written down at the mall, and then it's just the way the regular mall because I think that that almost sounds like as good a sketch idea. Yeah and then there's what's the third way. Then I just I wrote down Pickling meat them all. Do you think they pickle meat? You never hear about pickle

Do you think they pickle meat? You never hear about pickled beef, do you? I'm thinking. There's a kind of dish they have in Greenland, which is like pickled shark or something like that. It's supposed to be one of the most popular foods. That might be fermented. I apologize. That's different to pickling. I don't really know What if I go how to pickle meat with centuries old recipe? They do it they do it pickling meat

I was thinking if there's such a thing as pickling meat like aging meat in vinegar for a couple of weeks Pickled fish is a favorite in many parts of Europe and delicious. My Czech grandfather and so on. There you go. My Czech grandfather. What about meeting, meeting veg? Meeting veg. Could you just, could you store? No, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no Andy if I said meat and veg no no what about we preserve a bunch of celery vegetables in meat wrapped in meat it's a really good idea I mean I guess because the meat is such an easy and fertile thing for the bacteria and the germs to consume. They get, they get, they gorge themselves on the meat.

And they actually leave the celery unscathed. Do you think that's how it would work? I mean, you've made it work logically, so it's almost disappointing. Yeah. Do you think we could do this as a form of medicine? Oh, somebody has a terrible infection, right? But you put that person there that terribly infected person put them down next to what are we going to say? Baby, something that the infection would like to infect even more and it all goes over there. All my greats. Why wouldn't the baby?

Into the baby. We've cured your gangrene by wrapping, taping a baby to your leg. And we find all the gangrene, whatever that is, is so attracted to the fresh meat of the baby that it leaves your leg. Do you think soon when I live in Canada, Andy, it's going to be wrong for me to do an Australian accent? I mean, I already think it's pretty wrong now, Alistair. Oh, no. I've been hoping to, hoping that there'd be an opportunity to bring this up. Oh, God God damn it.

But isn't it okay? Because I think that it's funny when somebody talks with an Australian accent. And so I do it in order to be funny. No, and that's a perfect defense, I think, for almost any kind of an accent appropriation. I reckon that works. You've done it. You've cracked the code. I think that once you are something you can't be appropriating, right? No. Like once you have a very good assignment. You're just appropriating.

It's you're being appropriate rather than appropriating. Is that what you're just saying? Yeah. You're just appropriating. Yes, appropriating. Like do you think that that would work with some of the more sensitive accents that you go, it's wrong, but now you do it so well that actually you're just from this place essentially. Do you think that if you were a racist who loved to do say a very stereotypical Chinese accent that if you were to turn your back on your culture and go and live in China and fully immerse yourself you marry a Chinese lady you have Chinese born children. Yes, you raise them for 20, 30, 40 years.

Instead of getting your life to your deathbed. Yeah, you're allowed to. I think that that would be good. I think that both your deathbed as your children gather around you, right, to tell you what you've meant to them and how much they love you, you are allowed to then lay into a full on. This is what you sound like. When you tell me you love me on my deathbed. Yeah, but I think I think that the the

government of whatever country it is has to give it to you. So it has to come from the people they give you the like the right like the keys to the city like the keys to the city you can now do it. And there's the keys to the accent. That's it. Because it's a little bit like when a far right anti-Islamic kind of thug, then meets somebody from that culture and is taken care of them, taken care of by them or something like that or meets how kind-hearted and loving and giving they are and then Converched to Islam Right. Yes, and then then on his deathbed if you know one of the the high priests that I know that there I don't think there is a higher off high priest high priest in in Islam

But I think that they could you could create an amendment to the Quran and to the that allows you to the Quran. Maybe a new prophet comes and can say, and then you can say really anti-Islamic things on your deathbed. You can just do one little cartoon of the prophet Muhammad. Your deathbed. Treat yourself. You heard one. You get one, but you can't show anyone. Then you got to swallow it and then die.

I don't take it with you. Yeah. I that's fine. Then you take it with you. Yeah. That's fine. Then you take it with you to the afterlife where you can hand it back to... To the Prophet. Ella. Yeah.

Himself. I think, Ella's there. I think giving the thing about the keys to the accent, that if you have one that... the love of people from an area or from a culture, that they give you permission to your own personation of their accent or culture or whatever it may be. I think, you know, I think the keys to the city, it's always felt fairly meaningless. I don't think they're real keys. This might have some actual weight to it.

This feels like a pretty special thing. You get sort of like your license to drive, instead of your license to drive, you get your license to deride. Yeah, and I think that if within that culture there is an organization that does make these decisions, they could probably also work with you in the lead up to it, to see how good you are at doing it. And so they lock you so kind of in a confession, kind of type thing, but it's a soundproof room, and they get you to try it out,

and they tell you whether or not it's funny. Yeah, that would be good. Because a lot of the time, people, it'll be white people, complaining about people doing stuff to other cultures. And so this person within the culture goes, yeah, actually that's pretty good to us. And we think that that's funny and we would enjoy that. And so you can do that on your deathbed and maybe your son's allowed to film it.

That's nice. And go viral on TikTok. Yeah. That's nice. And go viral on TikTok. What about this? I'm trying to think of another pun name for it instead of the license to deride. Maybe the ticket to deride. And then you can have a song. She's got a ticket to deride.

She's got a ticket to deride. Yeah. Anyway, all some good stuff there that I'm sure we don't feel awkward about at all. And you're right. Yeah. Anyway, all some good stuff there that I'm sure we don't feel awkward about a little while ago. That's the part that they'll talk about. I'm sure we don't. That's the part that they'll clip out when this gets posted

on Twitter. It's like, oh, here they were spending 15 minutes talking about ways in which you could be allowed to do an accent that is just In a way that suggested that they really, really want to That it's the greatest joy that a person could experience I still think that the solution Do not feel we do not feel that way I think I think that there probably is, like,

there's something deep down within everybody that wants them to have permission from society to do something that's kind of not allowed. And I think that that's, you know, like once a certain kind of theory came out that was like, you can't be racist towards white people, right? That was sort of a thing that kind of came out in the last 15 years where people were like, oh yeah, right. That logically makes sense. And so then everybody who felt like they were in a

position where they could make fun of white people, then we're like, yeah, we'll just do that. And of course, the logic makes sense. But it's the same kind of societal permission that was kind of being given to people beforehand that was just like, well, no, society's fine with this. Yeah. You know, when people were like, we've got a more justified thing, which was that was kind of more like a punching down kind of thing, but at the time Not punching down, but you're like anyway, whatever I can But it's that thing where you're just you're looking for societal permission to do it

And maybe someone will come up with another like just like we can't someone came up with a very say under and reasonable argument why You can't be racist towards white people and why it's fine and actually good to make fun of them. Which I agree with by the way. Maybe someone will come up with a similarly persuasive argument about why it's okay to make fun of people from Cambodia. And we'll all be like, yes, that does make sense. Oh, okay. I mean, I'm saying that we can all be absorbed

in, by the logic of society. And if enough people believe in it, that we can kind of go, I mean, that person seems to have enough credibility. I don't know that much about life, but this sort of seems to have enough credibility. I don't know that much about life, but this sort of seems to make sense to me. All right, let's get away from this topic that now is making me feel really tense.

I mean, I'd say we could almost go into words from a listener. Oh my gosh, what a perfect time. And to cling on to the departing helicopter that is three words from a listener and be carried away from the exploding Nakatomi plaza of... That is talking about doing foreign accents because it's fun. I still think we just got to create some new accents that are fun and that sound foreign but are not connected to any existing culture. That are equidistant from all existing exits.

Yeah. That would be good. I reckon you could probably do that with computers. Oh, finally a good use for AI. I guess I've kind of been doing that with my kids where they you know those futuristic glasses that we had from My client was innocent because if they put that on me I become I Become real daddy

Really good and then I go oh there where are my children? There you are it's time for you me to put you to bed now, like that, and then I become real daddy. It's a robot who is pretending to be the father. They're real daddy. They're real daddy. It's great. Ah, yes, no, of course, it is me, real daddy, and then he makes a lot of mistakes. He picks up the kids thinking that they're laundry.

What is this laundry doing here on the bed? Time to put it back into the washing machine. Washing, machine. That's right, Andy. That's it, Andy. We almost got away. Thank you, Andy. Thank you.

That's a really great character and bit, though, for the way I listed it. Thank you. No, Andy. That's a really great character and bit, though, by the way, Elisabeth. Thank you so much, Andrew. You nailed exactly what kids love. Kids love a big idiot who doesn't. Yeah, big idiot with bad logic. Oh, okay, Andy, look, you don't know who the listener is, but can you just have a moment introducing people

to three words from a listener while I just go see why my child is yelling? Alice there. I would be being like, the listener is Kevlex. Kevlex. Kevlex. Wow. Kevlex does sound like somebody who probably comes from a planet that is an entirely oil-based planet with oil-based life forms with grease, rain. I'm trying to think now of meteorological terms that would

apply if you had an entirely instead of a water cycle. He had an oil cycle. They returned. It doesn't matter. But three words from a listener, we have listeners. Some of them support us on Patreon. Some of the ones who support us on Patreon, three laws a month to give us three words that gives them the King's ear and allows them to give us three words that will form the basis of a sketch idea with any luck. Yes, and today's listener is Kevlaks, and Kevlaks has sent in three words from a listener, I'm assuming that listener is Kevlaks. Andy, would you like to try to guess

what one of the first three words is? I would say the first one. Try to guess what the first one is. Our first word is legal. Legal way too many syllables, Andy. Wait one, two. Yeah. It's at least a hundred percent more syllables than this thing has. Sorry the first word is in in in

I'm Oh Shit What's Keepers the in keepers the second word is keepers. I'm sorry Andy that is very very wrong the second word is spa SPA In spa and then a third word is ration our

AT I in oh, you know what you've got the last one two three four five. You've got the last five letters right. You kidding. The third word is masturbation. In spa masturbation. I mean, this of course makes you think straight away. I have the idea of somebody, I suppose, masturbating in a hotel, Jekuzi. But Jekuzi, if you will. Jekuzi, and somehow, and this could be the basis of a kind of a sci-fi comedy of some

sort where another guy gets in there. And there's exactly, it's like something in, you know, it becomes almost like a primordial soup in there. And it, something happens to the giz that allows it to impregnate a man. That was the missing step, you know? Yes. Turns out that men could get pregnant the whole time and it probably used to happen in sort of hot, you know, hot kind of mineral pools.

I feel like if this guy who gets in the pool has recently had his belly button pierced, that could just be the kind of the entry point that allows all of this. An old German tribe used to go somewhere where there were, you know, in any time that they would run out of women in their tribe or something like that, you know, they would go to these, they would pierce their belly buttons and then go to these old hot springs. See how hot thermal pools, hot springs like that, and then go to these old hot springs thermal sea hot thermal pools that hot springs like that

and then some would half would gizz into the thing and half would lay in it. I want to what I want to know is if this is this a pan on inspiration this um it could be yeah but it's in spa restoration. Yeah. And I think that that could be what it was. It felt like it was trying to, it was pointing us towards something. Yeah. Maybe. I mean, in spa. I mean, I'm not saying that I need to get away from the idea that we've already had,

because I think that's very interesting. I think in terms of as a sketch idea, it might need a tweak to make it laugh out loud, funny. Or, you know, I mean, if it could just be somebody explaining why they have the no masturbation in the, like, you know, I mean, I think the idea of somebody masturbating in a spa and then somebody the lifeguard comes along and says, you can't do that. And the person is like, oh, why not? And then there's a good reason. Maybe they even point to all the pregnant men that are lounging around the pool, that the only person only just now notices. Sure, and then that there's now legal, there's like financial repercussions, because now you are the father.

Yeah. All the pregnant men sort of lying around the edge of the Chakuzi, like elephant seals or, you know, walruses near the edge. They're so heavy in their stomachs that all they can do is drag themselves around. They're sure, I call it the sure, the edge of the Chakuzi. They're sure. So, K the shore. So

Coozy. What about this? A dry Coozy. Oh. It's a, it's a pit of sand or some kind of like, it's

over the like a light powder, like a kind of like a corn flour. You had me at sand. You had me at sand. And they just blow, they blow jets of sand through it. Mm. Like that, but maybe like something lighter

than the... I mean, there's still probably air that they're blowing, I think it's still air that they're blowing into the sand. Well, I think they've just got the same situation, right? It's a, it's just a pump. And the sand is the fluid and it gets shot through and it just moves through and you feel it on your back. How do you

feel about it being salt? What if it's salt? Yeah I mean I'd be into it I think that would leave your hands feeling very weird or your whole skin feeling very weird after a very short period of time. I'd argue that the sand would have a similar weirdening effect. I don't think you'd get out of the sand spa thinking my hands are feeling very normal. I don't think that would be the first thing you would say. What about a product that you can put your hand in it and when it comes out your hand feels really normal? It's a black box the magician won't tell you what's in there But you could put your hand in and when it comes out it feels incredibly normal

He doesn't want you to know what's in the box. Don't look in the box. You know, look in the box But don't look in the box. That's big part of the ad for it. Yeah Does your hand feel weird a huge billboard on the other side of the road Box, I think this is a really good idea. Yeah, and this's a family driving along and their dad's there driving. And he looks up at the sign and he starts to talk about it. Yeah, it does feel a bit weird. And the wife's like, well, look, you shouldn't do it. It's, if you won't tell you what's in the box,

you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't do it. But then the husband comes home one day and he's acting all strange because he looked like you didn't you didn't go to you didn't go to the man who makes your hand feel normal for $200 to Junge. He's like no no how does your hand feel? You did what the guys just got all his secrets in there and they're really this this sterbing his secrets in there and they really, this, this starving. Yes.

All my secrets. I want this idea a lot. Yeah, great. Do you think that if, you know, and this doesn't have to be the direction that it goes, but there is a thing that if your hand kind of feels weird and you're like, and then you go there to make your hand feel really normal, that when you take your hand out, it doesn't feel any different, it still feels weird. And then he argues that, well, that's because your hand feels weird now.

So therefore, that's the new normal. I think I'd find that unsatisfying. I suspect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd be hoping for an exploration of the concept of normality. Oh, yes. Sort of like a philosophical treatise of some sort. Indeed. Treatise.

What about dry, it could a dry cuesy where you go, you sit in and it's that dry-cluning fluid in there? Zylenol or whatever it's called? Zylenol, tylenol. Something like that. I mean, I'm interested. Because what those do, they break down, it's a non-polar liquid and it is able to dissolve other things from the surface of you. You know, you close that water otherwise cannot.

But I think the experience of going and sitting in a dry, cozy, it's a liquid, but it's a perfectly dry liquid. Be I think it could be good. I think it could kill you. Could kill you, but it could be good. It would be really good. If it doesn't kill you, it'll be really good. What an ad. What doesn't kill you makes you longer.

That's an advertisement for those sort of stretching things. The sounds great Andy. I think that we can't give Kevlaks too much. You know, I think we've given him so many perfect Solutions to his to his words And I think it was the perfect in spamatch Stubation that we ever had. Yeah, I think I think Kevlex might be my new best friend. Yeah, well, I feel like

Kevlex if that's the case and you also feel it send us a message and I'll pass it on to Andy and but we will only communicate through LSD. The great thing though with Andy is that you can be a really good friend of his over long distances. That's something I've discovered and I'm about to test even further. Yes. As this is the last intra continental episode for a while. Shall we wrap up with the last intra continental episode for a while Andy? I think we should. Alistair, do you want to take us through the sketch ideas? All right, well, we got the thousand

piece puzzle president with eight pieces. We got Earth too, which is made to make us feel better about ourselves. It's a bit shittier. Everybody else there is in a worse, experiencing a worse life, and that makes our life seem better. We got the oil drenched shirts CEO, who's invented these two, avoid getting oil stains on his shirts. We got oilio and julio wet or Romeo oil and julio wet. The water-based life form slash oil-based life form couple that make that make mayonnaise when they make love. Yes. We have the travel show where people talk about the way people shit on their towns, you know, where we uncover. Yeah. We got the fun of new people arriving and getting to come up with new generalizations about them. I do also think a travel show where you go and visit the worst bits of towns, something

to it as well. Sure. The things that everybody there makes fun of. Yeah. Yeah. Then we've got the oil people introducing us to lubrications, the invention of lube film. We've got the keys to the accent. Yes. I wonder if we've already come up with that idea on this show. It's possible. Yeah, Andy, because it's something that we want so desperately. So genuinely. Yes. We've got the box that makes your hand feel normal. Don't look in the box. And then we got dry koozy with the jacuzzi with dry cleaning fluids. Andy, that is it. We have done it.

Andy, that is it. We have done it. Yes. Intercontinental out. Intercontinental out and now in with the intercontinental ballistic episodes. And they are going to be ballistic. Hey everybody, we're welcome to do nothing, dang. Is that what ballast, ballasticity sounds? I think if you're going ballistic. Oh yeah, I guess so. Yeah.

All right. Giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, giga, g Thank you so much for listening to the thing tank. The show will come up with five sketch ideas. What an honor. Yeah, it is. It's really great to have you listen. I have anybody listen. We are enjoying it all the time.

I now see this as my life's work. Me too. I also see this as your life's work. Thank you, Andy. Somebody asked me the other day what the best thing, what I think the best thing about dying will be. And and I while I can't see a lot of positives the main positive was that I would have this that my children can listen to 400 episodes plus plus to poo in the shorts that my kids can listen to where I'm being more myself than anywhere else almost. I think that also maybe as our life flashes before our eyes we'll get to relive some of the great episodes. We'll see all the all the pages from all the episodes.

Vin Diesel is a car. Yes. And the others. Episode one. And the others. And of course dry and dry area. Dry area. And that's it. That'll be the four sketch ideas that'll come. That'll go flash before I write. Really? That's it? Yeah. Oh, that's all that was good. Okay. And we go back and it's just poo in the shorts. It's that'll be all because I wonder imagine that being able to criticize the editing of

the things that flash before your eyes. Because it's like, there is still something making a decision in your brain. Oh sure. It's like, oh wait, you showed me that scene. That actually made me feel really bad. You know, like you're like, oh, why'd you show me that time and that girl broke up with me?

Ooh, you know, thanks, subconscious, yeah. So-and-so. So-and-so, I'm taking you with me. That's it, and I'm taking you down with me. I'll shut you down before I go down. Imagine that going un-aided by the subconscious. It's like, you know, it's like, it's like, right, and I'm going, it's like, it's like a free climate without a rope, you know. Free solos. I actually feel like right now, because I can't access the names of any

freaking thing when I'm talking. I'm like, you know that guy from the movie with this thing like that It's like I have no access. I feel like I'm going. I'm now on my own. My subconscious is gone And it's not feeding me any old memories and now I'm just having to live entirely in the present Yeah, you're you're going in roll. I'm raw dog in life with with just pure Conscious, no subconscious. I respect that. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for listening to The Thing Tank. And we love you.

Go by ticket to the dryer dryer. See ya. Yeah. a dryer. See ya.