Two In The Think Tank - 414 - "SECOND MOUTH"

Episode Date: February 18, 2024

There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.SKETCHES TBCCheck out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereEdited by Andy with all the due apologies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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that is to the thing. The thing to take podcast. As we fry up some sketch ideas for you, you know, give you the cheapest, but you know, but you know, the most satisfying morsels of sketch comedy. The stuff that you don't have to sit around for too long. You don't have to sit and actually watch. You can be doing chores.

You can be doing things like you would when you're eating fish and chips. You know what would be great? Would be a second mouth that goes in front of your mouth. Yeah. And this would be for when you that goes in front of your mouth. Yeah. And this would be for when you're eating really hot things. I was with you until you put it in front of the first mouth. Now it seems like superfluous. No, well see this is like,

this is like the aliens, xenomorphs in alien. Yeah. Aliens indeed, right. This is so that when you want to eat something that you know it's too hot but you can't wait to get it into your mouth so you're like well look I'll just get it into my mouth and then I'll deal with the problems. I know the problems will be much worse and much more immediate but at least I'll be moving forward towards getting this food into my stomach, my ultimate goal. So you put the food in your mouth when it's very, very hot and then you

go, as you try and breathe and cool it down in your mouth. I was literally doing that as you messaged me before and said, oh, the podcast, I said, I'm ready. And I went, oh, I'll still like cooking dinner for everybody and things like that. But I just finished really. And so then I started trying to put went, oh, I'll still like cooking dinner for everybody and things like that, but I just finished really. And so then I started trying to put the food that was fresh out of the pan straight into my mouth. And as my wife looked at me and I felt like I'm being a real man right now.

I'm doing a fucking idiot job. Yeah, perfect. She's like, bring a plate of food to the podcast. Am I gonna bring a plate of food to the podcast. Am I going to bring a plate of food to the podcast? If only there was still some way to, there was some way to get in and eat the food while it's still in the oven because I'm sure it cools down a lot in that first removing it out into the atmosphere. Now, Andy, this I could agree with. Now, okay. Ah! What if it had, if the oven had a first mouth, right?

Mmm, okay. And it's a little mouth that's built into the door of the oven. Yeah. That is inside of the oven. And it's kind of like it's protruding forward a little bit like a Homer Simpson mouth. Yeah, correct. And it's lips can reach out and grab the food like that. And you put your mouth up against that mouth like that.

Up against the back of the mouth. Up against the back of the mouth. And you can control it with your lips. Yeah, right? Yeah, okay. Like, again, much like Homer Simpson really in that opening credits when he has his hands in the gloves that go into the nuclear fuel container thing. Yes.

Now this is the same thing, but for your mouth. Yeah. And all the things, all the things like the lips, you know, they can work like that. The tongue, the oven's mouth tongue can have taste sensors that connect to your taste sensors and they- It's getting too complicated. We're losing some of the beautiful simplicity of this idea. No, but I'm just saying that we, I'm sure it's possible to transfer some of those signals down to the tongue so that you can just just for the first few breaths

You know yes as you're starting to chew it Not burn your not be it sort of you know oven temperature once it gets into your own mouth Yeah No, I agree and I think that's I think that's ultimately what I was working towards. The, my idea of this is extra mouth that goes in front of your mouth would be one that does do a lot of the breathing on the food for you. And then it essentially has a little anus at the back of the mouth and shits the food into your mouth. But it doesn't, it hasn't digested it anyway. All it's done is cooled it down, but it does make a grunting sound.

When it shits the food into your mouth. It's just colder. That's the only change. A sort of older rule. There is a straining grunting. Oh! Oh! And it like shoots onto your tongue kind of like,

you know like one of those like, those ketchup bottles that when you eat they only come out if you squeeze them a certain and then too much comes out. Excellent. I think they it's like you have like a like a turt of lasagna on your mouth. It's still just lasagna, but it is in turd shape.

Yeah. I mean, in my version, it doesn't even change the shape. All it's done is call it down. It hasn't chewed it. How is it going to go through a tube and not change shape? I didn't say there was a tube. You said there was an anus, Andy. There is an anus, but the anus is very flexible.

Oh, is this anus got no, like, Y axis or no Z axis? Which axis doesn't it have, Andy? Tell me, tell me. The listeners want to know. No, I mean, this is the questions on everybody's tongue at the moment. This is the, oh, it's on their tongue. It's not on their lips. No, no, no, no. I mean, this is earlier in the process. They, this is they don't want to know as much but it's it's

it's a it's a more authentic version of the question that they want to hear. Now, also, I think a more rudimentary version of this this piece of technology would be just a kind of like an oven mitt for your tongue. You know, an oven mitt for your mouth. Very good. That you probably like a nana would knit for you. But then it's something where you could eat something directly out of the oven, but you

wouldn't actually end up tasting it except for the little bits that drip through the then this sort of the the weaving the web the webbing of the You know of the knitted Glove mouth glove You know and so then really it's really just a pure nutrition thing like Like it's a pure, I just need to eat now. It's a more of a starvation based thing. If you have gone through an actual famine and the food's in the oven and it's cooked enough

that it's now edible, right? It's reached an internal temperature of whatever it is that they say that it should hit. Then you could start eating it and then start swallowing it some of the cooling will happen, but it probably will build burn your esophagus, but There might not be as many sensors back there to feel there's no reason why you couldn't have some kind of little Microwave so you a thing that you put in the back of the throat that is like a like a it's a little ring, it's a little metallic ring, the fires and microwaves and cooks the food as it goes down your throat because you don't need

the food to be cooked when it's in your mouth. If you're going to get the maximum nutrition, you just need it to be cooked by the time it gets to your stomach. I think hmm and so you could you could be cooking things like it You know the basically the essential Principle behind one of those pizza ovens where the pizzas are on a little Sort of train line and go through the or convey about and they go through the Pete Yeah, and cook as they as they pass through. Yeah. Food could be cooked in a similar way. And this is for people who say I want to eat raw meat, but are worried about the dangerous consequences. Or people who love the flavor of a raw uncooked pizza dough

and pizza ingredients. Exactly, perfect. But are worried about that their stomach somehow won't be able to handle You know all that extra digestion that's kind of created done by the cooking process That they're worried about the extra workload for their tum tum I'm gonna open a restaurant and it's gonna be called microwave pizza. Yeah, and it's going to go Really well. Yeah, it's gonna go so well. And it's just pizzas that you bought from Woolies.

You bought frozen pizzas from Woolies? I don't know if the pizzas that I get from Woolies. I think they might be made to a very high standard by Italian pizza chefs. But I then take those and place them in a microwave and cook them in the microwave and I think a big part of the experience is getting to witness the look of

Shame and disgust on the faces of these are flowing these chefs directly from Italy by the way Well, so you've flown in chefs who would be offended by this process Yes, they're horror to be horrified. And they're making it like they're actually doing it? They're making the, I'm the one putting them into the microwave. They prepare them, you know, they make the dough, they hand knead the dough. They sprinkle on the freshest, finest ingredients. Okay.

It's that perfect, what are that special flour, 400 grad ingredients. Okay, it's that that perfect Whatever that special flower 400 gradi flower or whatever it is that they use for the proper piece 400 degrees world Yeah, that's right. These These are the world's best pizza chefs, right? Maybe they don't even know they're being placed into a micro. Maybe that's more beautiful in a way. They just put them through a slot and I take them and I slap them onto the tray of an LG microwave. I put it on high. I put them in for like 18 minutes. I microwave the fire of these pieces. So this is all happening on the other side. Yeah the wall it feels like it's more of a work

I feel there's a whole reality TV show that is just Like just capturing Italian people On film being insulted. Oh, what's happening to their thing? They're they're one of the few cultures you can still really insult They're one of the few cultures you can still really insult. You know, you can through actions, through actions that are actually not offensive. But I think also the chefs don't, if they don't know this is happening, they don't know that the pizzas are going into a microwave. Right. Yeah.

Maybe I even let the chefs put, place them into a proper wood fired oven, right? But I have a secret door on the back of the oven where I whip the pizzas out as soon as they place them in there and I slip them into the microwave. And then meanwhile the diners are all sitting there, their stomachs gurgling with anticipation and their eyes filled with horror and and perverse joy as they they I've got one of those kitchens where you can see into the kitchen so you can see the chefs working hard on the pizzas and then there's a little divider and then you can see me right in my stained track pants microwaving the pizzas they produce and then swapping them down. You know what would be good as well?

So wet. I think a big thing. Slopping them down in front of the companies. Oh, they would be wet, wouldn't they? Oh, but like, are you cooking them enough or? Yeah, they're cooked. They're cooked. Yeah. But I just don't think you like the whatever you weigh in which you want the dough to be cooked with radiant heat I presume yeah um in an oven that doesn't happen sure sure I mean you know they're

not they're not a completely different experience one that you might be there might be a way to enjoy this I think but I don't know what it is I think the um I think it would be important to see Um, I think it would be important to see the, the room of Italian chefs. And I think it would be also important to see the room before that, which is where there's other Italian chefs who are applying for the positions. And then, and then you also see Italian chefs find out that their pizzas are being microwaved and then you get to Italian chefs find out that their pizzas are being microwaved. And then you get to see them storm out. I think that would make the pizzas extra delicious.

Mamma Mia. Yeah. But I think that the wood fire oven, it's just a slot that mimics it. Exactly. And it really just goes to you and then they do realize at some point when they have a really good look through there and you wave to them. There's a some of the chefs start to get suspicious and they try and look in there. Yeah. They try. They start there. They become pizza truthers. The problem with a lot of conspiracy theory ripples

through. Oh yeah. Because the problem with a lot of those like 400 degree ovens is that those uh napoli whatever it is style um pizzas that are made in those kind of 400 degree ovens they only take like 90 seconds to cook They cook so quick. So I worry that if you put them through an actual oven like that, right? You know, you'll even just in the process of trying to transfer it from them to you You're accidentally gonna cook them properly Yeah, all right, so it'll be a hot. Maybe it's a hologram, you know, whatever flames and stuff.

Maybe it could be a maybe it could be a like a wood fire. I haven't painted onto the wall, sort of like a coyote style, wildly coyote style. You will get. Yeah, we'll get one of those street artists who does those really realistic drawings on the ground. Yeah.

3D things and we'll get them some of the greatest geniuses of the art world. To make a microwave oven look like a... Very good. And then you make the door sort of seem like a big metallic door that you close. I'm sure they could do that. Yeah You know, that's their art That's amazing If they could somehow with the power of their drawing make it sound like it clang shut with that hefty clang

Oh, yeah, of a big cast iron Oven door. I don't know if they can I don't know how good these guys are. I mean, they're very good But I don't know if they can. I don't know how good these guys are. I mean, they're very good, but I don't know if they can fit into the world of shock. Well that's right, how good they are with shock. Can you put enough chalk to add a clang to it? That's the kind of illusion I'm hoping for.

Do you think it'd be good to like have your house done up in chalk like that? You don't have the walls of your house done up in sort of? I think that's a really good idea. This is a sketch idea. You see one of those guys on the street and you get them to come home and you get them to draw another whole room on the wall of your, of your living room. You're having, you're having people are you're very insecure about your your status, your social status. You have you're inviting your boss and his new lover around for dinner, right? You work at a plastics extruding

distributor, an extruded plastics distributor and the boss is coming around, his new lover from Brazil is coming as well. Oh, he's a good lover. And you're very insecure about your small house that you live in, you get one of those street artists guys to come around and draw a huge sort of ballroom on the uh on the one of the walls of your of your studio apartment and then you just have to keep coming up with reasons why they can't walk into the ballroom. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry the ballroom floor is being um re re-shallacked. It's being re- re stumped. You can have all sorts of reasons that the floor

particularly can't be walked on. But then you have also you are cooking all the dinners in the microwave but you've had the chalk artist draw very much a whole kitchen there with with chefs and stuff working away. Oh I mean hopefully they could be chalk chefs and They could make the pizza Chalky enough that it looks like you know, it looks like a fancy meal You're just you're just eating a sort of a micro, you know a TV dinner kind of situation a microwave Thing, you know a microwave chickpea curry or something like that, as you would probably have, I imagine. And but he's made it look like you're having a big sort of meat dish with two chandeliers and

yes, maybe all that we the reality that we think we are living in is not really reality, but is in fact one of those living in is not really reality, but is in fact one of those hyper realistic 3D chalk drawings by a street artist of the gods. Maybe that's that's what reality is, right? Our reality. Everything you see, why does it have to be a simulation? Why can't it be a for a being who lives in a cosmos infinitely more complex and beyond our understanding, we could just be a the equivalent of a chalk drawing outside a railway station on the on the ground in that reality whatever their version of the ground is. Now their ground obviously would be. Whatever their version of the ground is. Whatever their version of the ground is. Well their version of the ground would, so our version of the ground is a 2D surface onto which a 3D drawing can be created.

Now their drawing, their version of the ground might be a 3D, right? For them, flat is curved, right? That's right onto that curve. They this person has drawn. Maybe this is how time what what what time is time is a the an extra dimension created by an drawing an Illusory drawing of the 3d ground of the 3d 2d surface in their 5d universe. That's all I'm saying Wow, I mean so so we're not actually going through time. We're just looking at a curve on it on it

That's all on a 2d wall Yeah, and I mean the only reason this the drawing Because it's beyond your comprehension For me it's as clear as day you took I mean you're talking to a chalk artist Chalk artist And I don't if you remember I used to live under a flight path and now I live again under another flight path. Oh Yeah, but on the other side of the world again under another flight path.

Oh yeah. But on the other side of the world. Hmm. You know, could be the same flight path. I mean, it might be. The thing is, I don't know. It could be a Melbourne to London flight. You know, that maybe I was going to or like Adelaide to London or something like that.

Adelaide to London. One of those great, the greatest routes. Oh yeah. I mean, it could be like Adelaide to Birmingham. Ah, the new Silk Road. Um, and what's that like? Are you like, are you, are you hearing a lot of aeroplanes? No, not really. Not really. But if I go outside, I do see a lot. The insulation here is so good in Canada that you're, you, you never go into a house and are like, oh, I'm kind of like, I'm not going to go to the hospital. go outside. I do see a lot. The insulation here is so good in Canada that you're you

never go into a house and are like, Oh, I'm kind of cold. Yeah. I mean, part of that is a little bit of a miss being cold. Andy. I mean, although we did like we have no two occasions going out outside with as the family to go walk to a thing and the children and us have been so cold that we've made it a block and then we've had to turn back and this is whilst everybody's wearing two pairs of pants and we put face masks on the kids and stuff like that so but you know today it was just me and Hux that turned back. Because he was like, I'm so cold. I'm so cold. I was like, all right, we'll just back on screens. Was he doing a Japanese accent?

No, he wasn't. He does do that sometimes, but not that time. He reenacts like really inappropriate times in history. Full like attacks on sort of harbors that you know might be, you know, that were really important ones during, you know, significant ones during the part of the Second World War. But sure. I don't want to say.

I don't want to say. To protect the identity of the harbour. I don't want to name the har the identity of the harbor In honor of the harbor is this pearl harbor still around not that that's what we were talking about But it does can I still go to Pearl Harbor now and kind of get a pearl Could I still attack Pearl Harbor today? today You know we've lost our way as a society. Nobody attacks any Pearl Harbor You don't have to attack anything anymore

Everyone's so defensive um Alastair Would you what would you be interested in going to a restaurant where on every table? There's a large bird that regurgitates food into your mouth. Oh Because that is a form of cooking Yeah, I mean it's a partially digested by a bird. That's true I could be the the missing The the lot the great lost cooking technique well, I guess if it was in a restaurant form, then a chef

would have found a way to make that delicious. Exactly. So it's not gonna be your bed. Yeah, if it comes out of the stomach and it's super acidic and stuff like that, well he would have made it or she super basic first or whatever found a way to complement those notes of stomach acids with something else. These people are professionals. I mean we are professionals after all. So yeah you know what Andy? Yes I would. I would have, I mean is there a chance that when the bird is vomiting into your mouth that he bites you with his big sharp beak? But he bites your lip and stuff like that. Oh, it depends. Do you like that? No.

Would you like that to happen? I mean, I don't know. OK, well, then. Then no, no, I would make sure that's not that doesn't occur. And OK, what about this as an option then? How would you feel if you go into a restaurant and the chef themselves choose it up and regurgitates it into your mouth? Feel better? Also it's kind of like one of those teppanyaki places

where they kind of cook things in front of you. But instead he eats stuff and then burps it up. Burps it up somehow makes it seems worse even though it's actually much worse than burps He's He's the you know, he's the chef he or she is the chef right and so Presumably they as as the chef they know how food is supposed to be chewed. It's probably a team. They are the chefs. Right? They are the chef.

They know how food is supposed to be chewed. Much better than you do as a mere customer, as a mere labourer. Well, that's right. We are just eating at a sort of like an uneducated level. Mmm. A lot of us are just chewing as our ancestors did. Mmm. A lot of us are just chewing as our ancestors did. Mmm. It's crazy that cooking and all that sort of stuff is progressing. And yet we're still chewing and masticating, swallowing with this rudimentary apparatus. These chefs are probably like black belt, black belt chewers. Mmm.

You know, we're chewing at the first grade level. We haven't chewed. We haven't learned, you know, like my drawing, my drawing hasn't improved since I was a kid. Yeah, you know, Chewdo. Chewdo. Chewdo. Chewjitsu. That's right. Chewjitsu and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and

and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and and There's no right answer. There is no right and there's no wrong answers. I think they're all wrong answers. They're all wrong answers. I think the question was wrong. Well, that's something that you have to deal with, Andy, because I don't contribute anything. So...

What about, like, you know, like, it feels like, you know, they invented a new thing when they had cowboys in the Wild West. You know, who would have thought like it's so strange that something like that can be like a like a weird, a small period in history can become a whole format. You know, and like and like what about this? Okay, there was a period in time when mobile phones had cameras, but mobile technology wasn't so good that you could send each other photos.

So there was a point in time where I was able to take a dick pic, but in order to show people I would have to just go and show them on my phone. Which you might as well at that point you might as well just show them your pain. I know but it's not the same. It's not the same. One is an offense. One is a crime.

The other one is just looking at a picture. The other one is just looking at my penis. Right. Did I ever tell you that there was a weird period when I was living in Canberra where we would get drunk and high and things like that? And then me and one of my housemates would go for a walk like relatively far down some footpaths and stuff like that. Like sometimes through a kind of like, you know, like a bike path kind of area, a little

bit less residential. And then we would get to some endpoint, take off all our clothes and then walk back in the nude. Alastair, like on one level, I feel like you've told me this before, but on another level, I feel like I'm hearing this for the first time. And you know, I feel, you know, in Madonna's words, like a virgin told this anecdote for the very first time. One time my friend's girlfriend even came with us and then she just carried our clothes. She didn't get dressed. She didn't get dressed.

She didn't get undressed. It was just me and my friend. Did she comment on the situation? I mean, I'm sure there were comments. And how did this first happen? And the first time it happened, and be honest, was there an erotic thrill? I Mean not erotic between us. It was right. I think it was just a new and the world

Yeah, it was just more of a like oh, we're doing something that feels like it's wrong, but there's also nobody around I Mean we never I mean I don't think and then he countered people I mean, we never at any point did it. I don't think any countered people Wow, so it was just a quiet sort of near-balkanin kind of suburb And we just were walking through you know what was probably a you know like it like it just a kind of a You know a bike path past some parks and a primary school and things like that. But in the middle of the night. And then eventually a residential street where we lived.

And so you walked up your own residential street? I'm not, I can't remember where exactly we put on the clothes. I think at least once we probably would have gone the whole way. I mean it's really weird Alastair. I mean it's great and I'm really happy for you that you did this. Yeah. And I just... That mean do you support me Andy?

Do you condone my actions? I think so but I'm also thinking about well What would it be like if I had been somebody else? Who by themselves say was walking along the street and had turned a corner and Seen two naked men walking towards me. I mean naked naked Sort of 23 year olds, maybe 22 year olds. It's not. So not men. They're not men. Not really men. I think that you become a man

when you get your first man boob. Yeah, sure. Because they're not called boy breasts. Boybees, boobies. Boobies, boisms. Yeah, boisms. Boisms. Um, boybees. Boy-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo- I'm glad that you're willing. I'm just, it's just such a, it's a very profound, I don't want to say confronting, because I don't mean confronting in the way of like being confronted with the reality of a naked person.

Yeah. But I think it's, I'm being confronted with the reality of the decision making process that got you to that point. But I mean, think about it. It's not that many decisions. It's like, it's like, wouldn't it be fun or weird or funny, that kind of thing if we just walked home naked, you know? And then you kind of go, yeah, let's do it like that. And then you do it. And there's only two people there. So it's not, there's not that many people to convince. Right. And I understand that. Yeah. I feel, you know, personally, jealous that you didn't do it yourself.

You know, I think we're quite close. Well, we're quite close. You and I. And so you're jealous. And you and I have both, you know, had some drinks and gone for a long walk down a path in the night. And you never asked me to take off all my clothes and walk home naked with you. I'm really sorry, Andy. And I wonder then if there's just a, if there's something, is it me? No, Andy. Is there something? I think, was I not hot enough? Is that what it was?

Well, Andy, how about this? Okay Okay we'll work our way up to it because I feel like you wouldn't walk all the way home from a like you know in some public place at night time. In a city let's say Melbourne is a little bit more populated and a little bit more a few more people walk around late at night on the bike path that we were walking around at on. night on the bike path that we were walking around on? There's a deeper thing that I would be more concerned about, Alasdair, rather than you not wanting to walk home naked with me, is that like maybe by moving in my circles and being my friend, if I can use that word, I I'm sorry I hope that's not too forward it's very forward after however many years that that there's something about me that's stopping you from being your

true self right that that actually I'm holding you back right and this might be emblematic of some deeper things that are going on and ways in which I'm starting to realise that. So you think that maybe more of my life would be walking home naked. That's what I'm saying. And that this is not a thing that should have ever died. This is a thing that could live on. It could be the midnight walk or the 2am walk every day would be a thing.

Like everybody would know that. It actually would be a safe like everybody would know that it's it actually would be a safe way to get home at night is that you strip you strip down your clothes and it's like a group of people with whom you can walk be vulnerable but also actually it's the numbers that makes everything safe sure sure and now it's other people who should be worried about you if anything No, I'll stay it. Yeah. So now we've created a way in which is the safest way to get home You know and then it also removes it removes any of those arguments of like well What were you wearing at nighttime? You know if you got attacked?

Because suddenly well the answer is well nothing at all and that is the safest way to get home Deep into the night. It's called the, it's, it's the nude posse. The nude posse home. And then we could walk around and we could find people who are attacking people and beat them up with our, you know, with our nude bodies. people and beat them up with our, you know, with our nude bodies. It's the nude vigilante group.

Oh, that's interesting, isn't it? Well, that's what it would have obviously end up as. Because people would believe in the concept so strongly. Are there any superheroes who are naked? Who's, I guess there's that Manhattan, that blue guy, but he's really wearing a suit of blue. Being a blue man, he just doesn't look like a normal man, but like I wonder if you could conceal your identity, right, by taking off all your clothes in a way. You know Superman takes off his glasses to become Superman. But I wonder if he would be even less identifiable

if he took off all his clothes completely. That's true, took off his glasses. I mean, he's still a little bit identifiable. What about this? It's Superman, but instead of taking off his glasses, instead of taking off his glasses to of Clarkhead taking off his glasses To become so bad he takes off his pants. So he's just naked from the waist down Who's that the way he conceals his identity is by

Exposing his genitals and everyone's so confronted by that. They never really look at his face or take in his facial features Flying over the city in a suit, you know, his normal suit top and shirt. Glass is still on, but Peter's dangling in the wind. Dangling, flapping in the wind Yes, he's completely unrecognizable. I mean, I think it's arguable that taking off his pants would be a better disguise than taking off his glasses for Superman. No, no, I agree with you entirely, Andy. It's almost exactly the same and probably it's cut it's removing way more recognizable parts

and in terms of surface area at least you know how people have those recognizable pants I mean it's one of his features he had beautiful hazel brown pants yeah I pictured his pants being hazel and when you're talking about this Are you picturing the Christopher Reeves Superman? I think so. I have been the whole time Well, that's nice. It's an amazing that they found a guy who kind of looked a bit like him You know in Henry Cavill and That is a big part of why he became Superman.

Or do you think that Christopher Reeves and Henry Cavill both kind of look like the comic book Superman a little bit? I think that might be it, yeah. But I wonder, I always thought you were gonna say is it amazing they found another guy whose surname was Reeve. Wasn't there a guy called Reeve who played him on TV and then they got George Reeve, I think played him on TV and then they got

Christopher Reeves to play him in the movies. It's like when they in was it bewitched? They replaced Dick Sargent with Dick something else. See, I don't know any about this but I mean if they can't went from Reeve to Reeves. Shouldn't they then have gone to Reeves's? Or Reeves's. Or Reeves's. Reeves's. I wonder if there's anybody here sir Davis Reeves's.

I mean that would be. We could find them. And then if you only find one. They would look so much like Superman. Reeves's. Oh wait it's REE. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Oh there Superman. Reeves is a way it's REE. Yeah. Yeah, let's see. Oh, there's a Reeves.

Keanu Reeves. Is he related to Christopher Reeves? I never thought about that. You know, he was born in Beirut, Lebanon. What? Christopher Reeves was born in Beirut, Lebanon. But he's Canadian. Yeah, that's amazing.

Alistair, how many sketch ideas have we written down? One, two, three, four, five, six. Andy and you are going to be very happy with the quality. I think I am actually. I feel great about today. Great, great, great. Well then we should just go through words from a listener. We've had a lot of new restaurant ideas, which is very big for us. New restaurant? It's a very important part of the two-in-the-think tank, you know, body of work. Mmm. The two-in-the-think tank take my body of work is naked from the waist down. That's right. My body of work is walking home tonight

Mmm, uncovered What do you think are the clothes of our sketches? Imagine if your body of work actually Had a real body that Don't forget it. What do you think would be the dick of your work? Words really good. It's a great question.

What would be the dick of your work if your body of work was a real body? It was a real body. Which bit of your work would you like? This is why we need to be interviewing celebrities, Andy. What is the, what is the mouth of the leg? All right. Now, more importantly, the head of the face. Andy, today we got three words from a listener called Martin Hannell.

Martin Hannell, all the way from Europe. All the way from that great continent of Europe. And you know what? Martin has sent us in three words today. And you know what, not a ton of those words. I mean, look, I don't wanna give you any hints. So I won't give you any hints. And so he sent in three words. Do you wanna try to guess what the first one is? Yes, the first word is brown. Oh, close, because I imagine it's a big, a big, a color that represents a large part of this word's landmass.

Canada. Canada. Ah, the wide brown land of Canada. What's the second word? Oh, okay. Canada. Alastair. The second word is Alastair. Oh, you might have got, you got two letters correct. The second word is eats. Canada eats. Yes, Canada eats. You can do this. Oh, God. Andy, it was close in that you chose a country.

But the third word is Australia. Or as you would know it Australia now Greenland is not actually a country. Oh what point that at what Greenland is well by the time the podcast goes out Andy it may be that may have achieved independence yeah okay can Canada eats Australia And now just let me know that behind backwards it's stay stay ST AE That doesn't help and Australia backwards is nay Lat Sua

And Canada is a Dan at a neck. Adonac. Adonac. That one works. That sounds nice. Adonac. I mean, obviously if Canada were to eat Australia first, they would drizzle it with melted cheese. What about melted maple syrup? Why do you think cheese? Why do you think with cheese? Because poutine, isn't that what poutine has? Well, they it's not a melted cheese It's a it's a cheese curd that then melts due to the hotness of the other food that it is on Alastair I apologize for my ignorance of your culture. That's okay the cost of living crisis has very much arrived in Canada and so when I bought a bag of cheese curds here, something that was obviously a food that was chosen for poutine because it was a very cheap thing at the time and I bought a tiny bag of cheese curds for almost $8 and I realized, oh, things are fucking, are not okay over here in Canada.

Cost of living, eh? Yeah, housing is cheaper here, but the supermarkets food is way more expensive. Also though, I discovered a good new apple. So much of my dish that has, oh, a kind of apple. Cortland. Have you ever had a Cortland? Never even heard of the Cortland apple. What are we talking? A nice thin red skin? It's a pretty dark red skin. But there's a real perfuminess, a real flowery-ness to the flavor in there. you know, it's not a sharp obviously you mean W E R not O U R because that's one of the worst things you can say about an apple is that it's flowery if L O U R

That's right. I am of course. I'm not discussing It's texture. It's texture. It is crisp. It is it is delicious. It is crisp it is it is delicious it is um it's juicy you think that in the apple world floury would be one of the most hateful things you can say do you think like if apples had I would consider a flowery would be a slur apple slur That actually sounds like something that you would use to make apple juice or cider. Apple Slur. Alright Andy. Now, Canada eats Australia. Now if Canada were to eat Australia, do you think it would go up over the top of the earth, cross the North Pole and come back around the other side? No, I don't think there would be room for it to get back down again. I'm trying to think of how it could get to Australia.

Hmm. I would probably have to... I would say go West for a little bit. Let's say a hungry... a really hungry Canada would go West and then take a left turn and I reckon... Down through the Pacific. down through the Pacific down through the Pacific you know it would probably knock out a few island countries I'm not telling you know I'm not saying that I'm not saying that it would eat

them but it would definitely push them out of the way send them on its way to America yeah South America words but I think if you're a big country and you got a big appetite then probably Australia is not the bad place to go. Do you think that we could maybe do open a restaurant that is a Australia, Canada fusion cuisine? I love that idea, Andy. A meat pie poutine. Yes.

A sausage. A meat pie poutine floater. A sausage sizz pie, poutine, flota. A sausage sizzle, tortiere. Oh, what's that one? What's tortiere? It's just like a, it's a type of meat pie, but it doesn't have like a kind of gravy in it that would make a pie super delicious.

It has, it's kind of more of a loose meat pie. Not always just beef, but you know, and but it is it is spiced and maybe has a little bit of potato in there, but it's a it's a classic and I do love it. Loose meat. Loose meat, you know, it's not a kind of a caged meat like we have in Australia where it's caged in sauce and deliciousness. Maple. I mean, it is, it does feel like, you know, because when, when, when it's the classic fusion cuisines, right? It feels like it's a, it feels like it's a, it's a disco, right? It's a, it's a blue light disco, right? And everybody's mingling and all the hot people have already paired up and they've already asked

each other to dance and they're probably already making out on the dance floor. So we're talking about French and Thai cuisine and we're talking about, you know, gastronomic science kind of stuff and maybe, you know, Chinese or something like that. Sure, yeah. I mean, I don't actually know many fusion cuisines, but those both sound like great examples.

But meanwhile, Australian cuisine and Canada cuisine are sitting, hanging around the walls there. They haven't paired up with anybody. Nobody's asked them. So eventually we're going to end up together, right? Because nobody else wants to go with us. And I think we should just get things over and done with, muck in together and just try and make the most of it. Yeah. To be honest. See what we can, you know. I mean, I guess that's what me and my beloved know the best is Australian and Canadian cuisines. If we really need to be able to survive in this

continent here, we need to give them something that they don't have here, but then also something familiar enough that they would reach for it. Yeah, I mean, I don't have a lot of ideas for this one. Well, with I guess Canada eats Australia, we don't have to go straight. I mean, I think even just the idea of a whole country, the whole people of a country, eating the people of another country, they decide. Oh, yes. You know, I guess it's kind of like a war, but at the end

There's no one there's nobody left from the other one. They're losing country You know, it's you know what that does sound kind of cool. You don't send them with any supplies What about a teeth war? Right. I mean this one's one two three four animals would have done I declare a teeth war Wow, I mean this one one two three four I declare a teeth war Wow, I mean That's really full-on. Hmm. Right. It's just teeth on teeth Yeah, that's rough so confronting to watch yeah

Like it like a form of MMA where it's all it's all teeth You're only allowed to use your teeth and you're only allowed to use your teeth to attack their teeth. So you can't even attack their flesh. You have to eat their teeth. You've got to smash your teeth against their teeth. What if they have a gum? I think so. It's kind of like conkers. Okay.

But with teeth. So this is a martial art, a teeth martial art? Yeah, I think so. All right. Teeth martial arts slash war. I mean, it's, it does feel a bit more like dog fighting because then it's like, it really is like, if you lose, lose then you lose like you don't have your teeth anymore like your dog loses you you've got a dead dog now yeah yeah same with your take same

with your teeth you got a dead tooth you take the role they're all day and then you got a big dentistry bill. And you should we wrap this up? Yes. All right. Well, let me take you through the sketch idea list. We got, I'm still feeling really good about this. By the way, me too. I got, we got oven. Wait. Oh, oven mouth or oven mouth or tongue oven mitt.

Really? Yeah. We got microwave pizza restaurant and then there's a there's an unders There's a possible level here where this could also be a reality tv show where Italian people are being people are Can you hear people saying happy birthday in my house? Yeah, I can hear something like that. Yeah. Are you missing a birthday? I don't know.

I don't think that there's any birthdays happening. Any of my family members have never having a birthday, but anyway, then we have hyper realistic 3D street artist. Chalk drawing successful reality, you know, for you. They're just, they're making your reality look super successful. Um, we have the bird vomit restaurant, which is a great new idea. I guess the trick is really just finding a big enough bird and a bird that's comfortable enough with humans that they could be burping into people's mouths 24, like, you know, like at least on a for

an eight hour shift. Yeah, I think it could be a chicken. Could be a type of chicken. You think it could be a chicken. I was thinking more. I was picturing a pelican, not a pelican. I was picturing a flamingo mostly. Oh, yeah.

Beautiful. Yeah, thank you. You love flamingos? And they're amazing bird. I find their beak a bit unsettling. Their beak is unsettling. You're right. They actually do look really evil the more the closer you look at them. Then there is the nude posse, the safest way home. Then we have Clark Kent, but he takes off his pants. And then we have the teeth martial arts slash war. And it was a good episode. It was a good episode. We did it. So I guess we'll go into the song now.

Okay. Sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing-ing, sing. Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. It's a community service. I mean, Think Tank. It's a community service. I mean, you know. It's a much needed community service. It's almost like one of these things

where we've been doing this for so long. People don't even feel like they need new episodes, I imagine. Mm, sure. It's almost a luxury. It's almost a, you know, it's just nice knowing that they're still doing it. That's us, that's from their mother.

Yes. Us is them in that center. That's right. That's from their minds. Yes. Us is them in that. That's right. Us is them. Hey everybody, thank you so much for listening. We love you a tremendous. You got any gigs to plug out? You want to plug in? I mean, I will be at the comedy

nest again. Uh not this coming weekend. Not but the weekend of the the I'll be there Thursday the 29th of February the first and the second of you know of March and so if you're in Montreal come and see we had we have had people come I know I've mentioned this already so we had one guy who came and he was a big do go on listener Adam and he didn't know I was gonna be there because he's just, he's just listened, you know, anyway, and he's like, heard my name and he went, what? Like, cause he's heard me over the years and that thing and he was,

he was a little bit shocked. I think he was a little bit aghast is what he suggested. Yeah. And then my 2024 of those dates. That's the year. Oh, 2024. That's right. And then also my my wife was out with us because we had people watch and we had nieces watching her or think and so then she saw me talking to him and then later on went outside and she saw him with his group of friends and then she was like a little bit. She had a few drinks and then she was like, Hey, you guys and she started talking to them and then went out somewhere with them and was like out with

them for hours. That's that's that's a full service right there. You know, we don't just make podcasts and perform stand up comedy gigs. Our beloveds will hang out with you after the gigs. It's a big thing that we offer and so if you follow us, our wives will follow you. To a pub. I would like to plug, nobody's still listening at this point, but I would like to plug. We have an online shop now for Gustav and Henry. Oh my gosh. It's run, it is now we've taken, we've taken control. Everything's completely in house. Oh my gosh. If you, if you order the link is in the show notes, you can go

there, you can order Gustav and Henry, we will mail you out a copy at a very reasonable price. Oh my gosh, Andy. And you know, there's a, there's a deal if you get both volumes at the same time. Do you have the Spanish ones as well or do you just have the English? We do not have them. So only English speakers only. That's right. Sorry about that. El Gustave and Enrique. That's correct. Thank you very much. Merci beaucoup. Have a great week.

Love. Love. You. Bye. Bye.