Two In The Think Tank - 415 - "DOOR TO DOOR NIGHT KNIFE SALESMAN"

Episode Date: February 26, 2024

There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.Listen to Alasdair on You Can't Blame Gravity for Falling In LoveDoor to Door Nihilist, MidKnife Salesman, Christianity Reseller, Twinside Out, Guinness Book of Self Identified Weirdos, Boglympics, Gremlinvestment Bankers, D-Spot of SpankingCheck out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereEdited by Andy with all the due apologies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Oh, beef jerky ceiling, that's where I like to sit. I'm on the beef jerky ceiling, cause that's where it's it. Hello and welcome to two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Adchideas. Adchideas. Adchideas.

Sketchideas. Sketchideas. I'm Alistair George William Troubley-Bertschl. Oh, and I'm Andy. Yes, and we are here today to speak to you about the what's the opposite of speaking about the Lord? It's not and I don't mean the devil. No, because that's within the Lord's world. Probably. Yeah, what about I

mean door to door nihilists? That's already an idea. Right? Alastair. It is. You know, they're knocking on the door I mean door-to-door nihilists that's already an idea They're knocking on the door there right they got their little they look a bit like Mormons But they're not Mormons. They're less men's if anything they are there to tell you Tell you tell you about the at the emptiness of existence Have you heard about the emptiness of existence? Oh, it's big. It's all around us. We have some pamphlets. If you'd like to take a look at those, you open up the pamphlets.

Every page, Alastair, blank. Oh, I mean, you know, it's really easy to sell emptiness because you can just show that outside of outside of earth there's almost nothing. Yeah so they just show up they come they've got a they've they've got an enormous mirror telescope a compound telescope there. They come around at night. They wheel it up. Well they got to come around in the day, but then they hang out all all afternoon Until the sun goes down so that they can put it at the sky This this is actually reminds me of my really unsuccessful time as a door-to-door night knife salesman Because you know, I mean it makes sense when do people need knives not during the day

I mean it makes sense when do people need knives? Not during the day, knives are a dinner thing. That's right you're cooking up and so and you want to show them straight out before they shut the door on you. So you, they open the door and you get your foot in the door and then you flick this knife out and you put that in the door as well so that they see it immediately. Just shove it through the gap. Say give me your money and I'll give you this knife. I mean sometimes though they won't open the door that's when you got to creep

around and you got to pop up outside the kitchen window. That's a perfect time right because they're probably in there using their blunt knives feeling very frustrated. They'd love to see it. So you can use a stabbing motion to show it at work. Exactly, yes. But you know what, I found that after a while, there was too many doors and windows being closed on me, so I just decided to walk up to people on the street. And that was the other way to do it.

Because they can't shut the air. That's one of our sayings that we have in the street knife salesman business. Yeah. I've got a knife. Because you know, if somebody was looking for one late at night that was the that's the perfect That's the perfect opening line if they're looking for one when they're about to cut onions or something like that But all they got it is a spoon. I Remember once I was selling knives in LA

On the street and I tried to sell a knife to an Australian gentleman in an interesting hat and I tried to sell a knife to an Australian gentleman in an interesting hat. But it turned out he already had a knife and so no transaction took place. And he actually didn't even think that I had a knife, which was interesting. And I said no, I think you'll find this is a knife. Did we did that? I mean it probably already exists on the internet but did we come up with that on the discord? The picture of a crocodile dundee or just a knife and it says that's not a knife. Was it a crocodile? And we Ceci n'est pas une naif Ceci, this is a knife. Ceci est une naif

Wait look Alistair I think these are two great ideas already door-to-door meaninglessness salesman Yes, or nihilists make meaninglessness salesman. Yes, or nihilists. Meaninglessness salesman. Doesn't that flow off the tongue? It doesn't just roll off the tongue, it squirts out of the mouth. So you're rolling it off the tongue with your, with probably with your, your, your lips pursed real tight. And the force of gravity on this, what must be a very heavy object. Word.

Then kind of the fact that it rolls and then kind of takes a liquid form, almost like a particle liquid, you know, particle wave kind of duality. Yes. The the particle rolls, obviously And then the wave is a water liquid wave Then it squirts out through the mouth It's the

It's the roll squirt duality of Terminology when you said selling Meaninglessness it did make me think the idea that you could go door to door as a religious person and just sell them Christianity, but like You know you expect money in 40 49 99 You sign up. You're a Christian Yeah, you know And then but nothing else not normal no more to pray that's the question. Yeah. You know, that is interesting. And

then but nothing else. No, no more to pray. Oh, very good. Alas, yeah. You know, full on, you get full access to, you know, heaven and all that and you know, you know, all the things, you know, you've got, you know, you've pretty, you're giving it, it's like a, you go, it's like, you know, you get a hell immunity and, but, and you get into, you get into heaven or your money back.

You can get into heaven or you can get into your money back. Alastair, I'm sorry I said that. Everything you've said is great. No more to pray, perfect. Right? I mean that is the dream, isn't it? Like a subscription based religion. Where they just take the money out of your bank account.

You achieve spiritual, like you no longer have to feel spiritual anxiety. You don't have to think about any of that stuff. Do you ever think about meaning? Well, do you ever think about the point of existence? Not anymore? Yeah, I mean I think that just the beauty of like then not actually having to think about whether or not it's happening, you know, whether or not it's real and things like that, you've figured that out and that's once like that, you know how like some of the big telecommunications companies,

they often have, you know, big prices and a lot of rules, but they do allow third-party companies to sell their product at a reduced rate. You know, there's that kind of thing. So I think the idea that you could get a third-party distributor of Christianity who can do it for you. You know, you don't have to do all the stuff. You don't have to take the Eucharist. You don't have to drink the wine. You don't have to go to the Sunday thing. You know, it's a one off payment. Well, no, I don't think I don't think you want one off. I think you want to. Oh, maybe you do. Maybe you do because then you get the drive away no more to pay.

Yeah, I don't want to pray. No more to pray that thing. Um, yeah, but imagine driving away from your own house. He comes to your house. You know, drive away, no more to pray. And he goes, so I, once we do this transaction, I can just drive away from my house. I'm going to drive away. Me and the salesperson. Yeah.

Oh, yes. If you could take me to the train station, that would be great. Drive me away. No more to pay. That's where I come to the door as a salesperson. And you chase me down the street with a hockey stick and I am driven away. No more to pay. Like the snakes out of Ireland.

Are there really no snakes in Ireland? I mean, it doesn't seem like a country that would have had that many snakes anyway. Yeah, I think that's what you've got to do. If you're a St. Patrick, if you're trying to start out in the St. Patrick business, you want to pick yourself a country that doesn't have a lot of snakes to begin with. Maybe they just have one snake, and then you drove the snake out of Ireland. Yeah. Well, I mean, he might have brought the snake. I don't want to. I don't want to dampen your, your, in this guy's sainthood,

but what, what is the, what is the coldest climate with the most snakes? Cause I don't think they're a cold climate creature. What is the coldest climate with the most snakes? Cause I don't think they're a cold climate creature. I mean, they don't have any internal body warmth. Mm, they are an endotherm. Exotherm, they're exothermic. I never know.

I never know when it comes to a, you know, a liquid or an animal or whatever. It's like, sometimes they're like oh you go endo therm and you go That means on the outside. No, no that means on the inside. So then I don't know fuck. He's exactly. I'm doing it again I can't do it Yeah, you know your endo from your exo that'd be a great name for a couple twins endo and exo couple of Especially if one of them had all these organs on the outside Yes, oh Endo and Axel couple of really good especially if one of them had all these organs on the outside

Yes Think I had a friend who made me a kid who's there are identical twins, but one of them has all these organs on the outside They're completely identical, but one's inside out We call them Endo and Axel we thought thought it was cute. They are identical though. How do you know they're identical? But then your problem is not telling the twins apart, but telling the names apart. Right? Because we're back to that situation.

It's easy to tell them apart, but you don't know which name goes with which because I can't I can never remember which one's Endo and which ones XO and hyper and hypo Yeah, no Hyper I feel like I remember I feel like that's always above right Hyper yeah, I think I see you got too much sugar you got too much glycemic Got it. Hypo glycemic. You're under you got too little sugar. You got too much glycemic. Got it. Hypoglycemic. You're under. You got too little sugar. Have a jelly bean. But I think most of the time when people say hypothermia. Yeah. Right? You say it in such a way that you can't hypothermia. Hypo? Hypotherm. Yeah,

I actually don't know you're right. But is that too much, too much thermia? And maybe thermia originally means cold. No, I can't do it, I can't do it. This is good, this is good chat. Alastair, have we written anything down? I just need to press you on this question. What, Andy? What are you saying? Oh, I just tried to write down twins.

Okay, wait, Endo and Exo. The identical twins where one has all the organs on the outside. I think that they're, I think they're a neat. I mean, that feels like they would get straight in to the Guinness Book of Records. Oh, sure. I mean, but that's the thing about the Guinness Book of World Records, right? Is that it's got to be the most something, right? And what's the most category for that one? Like, I feel like the Guinness Book of World Records, if they could get away with it,

it would be called, look at all these weirdos, right? And it wouldn't be people who got the most whatever. It would be that all these people just look weird. Like it's an attempt, people just want the freak show element. But they've got to package it in such a way. Could we start a book that is look at all these weirdos? I think in this day and age, Alastair, you can't do that anymore. No, but what if it's all self-submitted? I think even then you

might struggle. Look at all these weirdos. Look at all these self-identified weirdos. We think they're normal. To me, I don't see weirdnessness so I'm just going on there I'm trusting them I'm trusting them they just they just looked normal to me it's a guy who's trying to find a way to like to do a book these twins one of them's got all their organs on the outside. I don't know, I can't tell you, couldn't tell you which one. I don't see that kind of thing. I don't see organs on the outside. No, that's right. I mean, I just have to take them at their word that one of them doesn't have that. I don't even know where organs normally are.

I have no comprehension of reality. I don't understand anything. Nothing has meaning to me. Would you like to buy a pamphlet? I was raised in one of those scientific experiments where they kept me in a darkened room and fed me with a robotic arm, right? And then I emerged into the light,

unable to draw connections between images and meaning. And now I publish this book. I never moved beyond the part where you see yourself as separate from your mother. I never was able to separate separate images or words or sounds. Everything is one to me. I can't distinguish. Yes, that's right. I say these words, but I do not know what they mean. But I was able to get a job in publishing. I don't know what that is. Anyway, Alastair. It's all written down. You don't even need to know.

It's all written down. I don't need to know. Andy, we've never written down. You don't even need to know. I don't need to know And we've never written down this many we've never had five sketch ideas in 15 minutes Good God, maybe on the 400th episode we did. I feel like yeah Maybe maybe the 400th episode and also I feel like the first episode was over in about half an hour. Yeah, right? Yeah gosh, I lovely compliment on the discord recently that That somebody had re listened to some early episodes of the podcast Yeah, thought that we were consistent throughout the entire run of the podcast that is a lovely compliment

And that is you expect people to get better at something after doing it for 13 years I know but I still you know look I think even the fact that they didn't say you get tremendously worse, Andy, I think that that's a great, I think under the conditions that we're working under now, yes, I think that means that there has been some improvement. We're able to do more with less and by less, I mean energy and will to go. And brain capacity, yeah. Yes. Time, energy. Do you think that there's a difference between, did we discuss this on this podcast, but the difference between will to live and desire to die?

Did I talk to you about this on here? No, I haven't heard about that, Alistair, but that sounds good to me. Well, just because people talk about, well, they lost the will to live, right? But that doesn't mean that you've lost the desire to die, right? Because I mean, that takes a huge amount of, like that's a whole other health bar to get through. You know what I mean? That's a second health market. Yeah, that's a new that's actually learning a new skill. That takes a

desire. In order to desire something, you would have to. That's inspiration. Yeah. You know, like it would you would have to see that there'suring. It just sounds like you're a real go-getter. Yeah. Sure. I think that it's like a parabola. It's a little, it's a little, it's not a trough, but what's that one where you see it kind of in the middle of a wood? You're in the middle of a wood and it goes, it's a ravine.

It's a sort of like a death ravine where you sure you lose the will to live, but then you're down the bottom of the ravine. It's a sort of like a death ravine where you sure you lose the will to live, but then you're down the bottom of the ravine, but to get to get out there, you either have to gain the will to live again, or gain and be inspired, be passionate enough to develop the desire to die. Which has to it means you have to fight against all those instincts that make you want to not die. Yeah, I mean, it's something I read something and it was like, it was quite grim but quite inspiring in a way. I think I read somebody basically the account of watching a loved one pass away after a long illness. And they were talking about how the body itself is actually incredibly resilient and does everything it can to stay alive. That like the body on a cellular, keep functioning. I found it really deeply affecting this thing

that I read. But that, you know, that we think of life as being fragile, but actually the human body is incredibly resilient. That's why we live as long as we do. It's not a, it's not a, it doesn't happen by chance. It's not a coincidence. It's a machine built to stay alive. You see, and that's hopeful. And I think, like, I mean, I know somebody who's had a lot of sadness, a lot of deep, deep sadness.

And I think even they've mentioned at some point that it's actually really difficult to also even try to To make a body stop working. So, you know, it's very difficult and I'm so glad that we came to such a happy place in the podcast But there's gotta be a sketch idea. No, no, no, I mean I took this there Andy Andy I started talking about losing the will to live Getting the day at desire and then I'm not getting the day of desire. And then I'm like, ah, yes. Andy, no, but genuinely, I also get inspiration

just from knowing I watched a video where a lady was describing that. I was trying to find it. I was gonna put it in the funniest things article. Oh, wow. Where she talks about that she would just describe it as how the breathing happens and things like that, but basically describe it as just going to sleep. It's not that different and I find it actually very comforting to

know that it's very similar. It can be very similar to a process that you go through every single day. You know, so it's like it's not something to fear in that way. The only part that you fear is that you don't want to. You know? Alastair's a, we should make it a formal announcement. Alastair's, he's now a journalist. He's a Guardian journalist. Or would you call yourself a columnist?

I'm more of a, I mean, yeah, I'm more of a columnist, I think. And so I'm hopefully going to have one of those 10 funniest things on The Guardian. But I also have appeared on a podcast. Can I promote that while we're here? I think we ended the episode a couple of minutes ago when we realized we had five sketch ideas, and then we just were like, let's talk about death now. This is what happened. had five sketch ideas and then we just were like let's talk about death now. This is what happened. No, the podcast that I appeared on is called You Can't Blame Gravity for Falling in Love and I did it right before leaving Australia and I did it with Marin and Marin and Marin May and it was very fun and it's all about like having crushes and stuff.

Oh, that does sound fun. Yeah, it was a fun podcast. It wasn't like this. This is serious. This is a sort of like, you know, end of life kind of podcast that we run here. But over there, that's about some of the joys that happened during life. You know, this is the working through, this is the kind of working through grief kind of podcast that we have here. But you know that one, it reminded you about the times where things were still fresh and fun and things like that. I think you should switch over and listen to that right now. So that's been released, has it? It has now been released.

It's even being promoted on Instagram as of today. Little crush man. You're a crush guy. Yeah. When do you think is the last time you had a crush Andy? Well probably my Probably my beloved. My... Yeah, me too. That was what I said as well. I got on there and I said, yep. Yep, my beloved. And she said, alright, well should we wrap it up? And I said, yep, that's it. Came here to say that. Anyway, I love her. No one else. Nothing else has ever entered my mind. But you know, that's when you lock in. Absolutely.

I mean, I think it's nice. Here's a great thing about having a beloved is that it can be a thing where it's like, suddenly you go, oh, searching and even being interested in people. This is not even something I need to even think about anymore. I'm going to turn that part of my brain off. I'm out of the crush zone and now I'm into the squeeze zone. My main squeeze. So it's like a loosening of a grip, right? Do you think you loosen from a crush to a squeeze? Well, I think a crush seems like a harder grip. Maybe it's because you're more desperate. Yeah.

You know, and everybody tends to relax a little bit, you know, once they, once they're in a long term relationship. And so then I guess at some point, so much more. That's right. And then eventually I imagine it becomes, she becomes your, your light grasp. That's when, that's when you're like,

that's when you're really, really, really really really in love and been together for a long time Well, and then if you love something let them go so that's when they she flops out of your grasp like a What would be fish What about like a handful of torn up pieces of paper? Like a like a torn up receipt in the wind? Yes. That's love.

I'm sorry, you let her go and then because then that's all about just being your each kind of our living lives side by side. You know, it's not about just it's not just about doing things entirely together. It's about just supporting each other's lives and then coming back and reporting back to each other. Yes, and then you get to the point where you just see each other in the street and you barely acknowledge one another's existence. That's right.

You're just nod, just a little nod. Ah yes. Because at this point you're both living in the street? Yeah, possibly. Alastair, do we have any words from a listener? Should we go to words for a listener? It's only been 24 minutes, but I guess we shouldn't drag the audience on. Well, I fight it. Andy, we do have words from a listener. These words come from 2022. I found them in my email. They're from

Stu Mack. They're from they're from stew Mac Remember last time we saw stew when he was in Australia. Yes, I was in Australia I say to Fatche you know Andy really out of that out of that original trio. You're the only one still in Australia What the fuck are you doing? Yes, the old state here. Yeah, but you know, we've all gone on to bigger bigger things, you know hmm Putting my foot in some snow Stu's probably putting his foot in some bog either in the UK or in Northern Ireland

Do they have bog North North North North America Mmm. Do they have bogs in North America? Do they? Oh, I was going to say do they have any bog based sports? But of course there is bog swimming, isn't there? Isn't it interesting that whatever kind of ground you've got, you find a way to do a sport with it. And I think the bog would have been one of the hardest to come up with something.

You know, the snow and the obviously the dry land that we have over here both easy, but you need to work hard to come up with any bog based sports. There should be a bog Olympics. And maybe indeed, maybe there is. The bog Olympics. The bog Olympics.

No, not bog Olympics, bog Olympics. The bog Olympics, the bog Olympics. The bog limp. The Bog Olympics. The Bog Olympics. The Bog Lim. I looked it up. I typed in Bog Olympic and it came to me Friday 26th of July, 2024. That's when it starts.

What are you talking about? The Bog Olympics. There is a Bog Olympic. No, it's actually just when the Olympics start. But... No, right. Did you mean Olympics? No.

No, I didn't. I meant Bog Olympic. Do you think I would have spelt it? Spelt it Bog Olympic, if that's what I meant Olympic. It's amazing how close the word Olympic is to Azempic. Do you think that they've got similar roots? Well, they both have a slimming effect That's true

Do you think maybe that's what it is? Maybe that's the impic means to to lose interest in food due to I don't know Indy fuck it. I'm just gonna write down the word bog Olympic I know it's nothing, but... I mean, I'm sure we have at some point in the history of this podcast proposed a Olympics entirely on non-Newtonian fluids, but I'm just putting that out there again. Yeah. Did you see that they were... Somebody was proposing doing the the Royded Olympics, you know, like somebody, you

know, that's the thing is this is what we learn, Andy, is that if comedians joke about an idea for long enough, some, some finance bro will propose it as an actual thing that should be done. Yeah, but I mean, is that even like a comedian joking thing. I like that's a like drunk stone 17 year old level idea Yeah, what's the Irish comedians name Irish comedian Tommy Tiernan

Tommy Tiernan had a thing about that. I mean, I think lots of comedians have talked about that Sure, I'm sure you're right, but I mean, but it is one of those ideas that has been around about that. Sure, I'm sure you're right. But I mean, but it is one of those ideas that has been around so long, and that finally some guys like, yeah, we could do it. I think it's because Roids are big now. Because in the mainstream with the, you know, the, the, the Rogan Rat Pack, the Rogan Pack, the liver king, the liver king, you know, there taking Roids is kind of become a normal thing. Taking a little bit of a... Finally. A little bit of testosterone.

And do you think that that's a form? This is something I was thinking about, because I was like, I shouldn't talk about trans issues because I'm one of the least trans people in the world. Like, I'm not even one of those half trans people that are a guy that think that they should be more of a guy. Like, you know, like they're like in like it looks like to like to be a man who thinks that you've got there's an idea of a man

that you should be that's that's a sort of a same kind of trans issues isn't it mm-hmm yeah so like feeling like you need to become like big and you've got a kind of gender gender dysphoria there hmm I don't know, maybe gender dysphoria is not even an appropriate term to use. It's an inner gender one, like it's within your own gender. I think that this is a... Yeah, well if it's a spectrum, you still want to move along the spectrum. Yeah, it's like you're moving even further away from being a woman. You feel yourself being too womanly. It's like you're moving even further away from being a woman. You feel yourself being too womanly. Yes.

I think that's genuinely like what it is. They're like, no, no, I feel, I'm like, they almost feel like they're, like a man in the body of a woman. And so they have to like make their body more manly in order to get out of it. Anyway, now Andy stew. I don't know if you know this stew is a listener and he sent in three words in 2022. And those three words, that's what I call it. And that's what I used to refer to it all that year. And you know, I mean, I the thing is, is what I used to refer to it all that year.

And, you know, I mean, the thing is, is that I refer to all of us like that, 2020's Stree, 2024, Strore, 2025, Stree, five, Stree, six, Stree, seven.

And then I take a break then, it's just 2028 for me, and then Stree, break Dennis just 2028 for me and then it's tonight And then 2020s to 30 After we come up with five sketch ideas I mean this is this is a very interesting pit time for the podcast to have hit the five sketch ideas so early and they're just to talk pure like bullshit

Bullshit, this is what happened Andy in the 400th episode. This is like that thing of not taking your foot off the pedal Right. Yeah, in in the 400th episode when we hit 300. This is what we relaxed like this We were like well, we're so close to being. We've only got 100 sketch ideas to go. To come up with, yeah. And so anyway, so Stu, and I am fearful of saying his last name because he told me I said it wrong last time.

Even though I started saying it in a way that he had spelt it out for me on Twitter or something like that. And then, and now I don't know how it's said anymore, but it used to be Stuart McCone. That's how it used to be, McCone. But it's, you know, these days these things shift so fast, Andy. You know, Stu, he's not even in Australia anymore. He's not McCone anymore. You know, he's got three words. in Australia anymore. He's not in Macaulay anymore, you know? He's got three words. I'm not even sure if it is three words.

Oh, Stu, you know, it could be four words now with Stu. Okay, I'm done being a boomer about it. Andy, do you wanna guess what the first word is? Okay, the first word, so this is 2022, obviously a different time. Different time, very different time. What kind of words were we using a lot in 2022 probably the is it the oh it it would you could easily confuse this as a though but it's plot plot yeah thickener plot thickener plot thickener no and unfortunately

Thickener. Plot thickener. Plot thickener, no Andy, unfortunately. Not even any of the letters. It's of. Plot of. Yeah. Alright, so I reckon he's playing on the, that phrase plot of land. So I'm gonna say plot of gland. Plot of gland. Oh, that's a very you know, it definitely starts with the same letter. But then his second letter is an R and you went for an L which I think is very racist. And then your second third letter was an A, and then his is an E, which I think is fine racially speaking I actually don't have any problem with that and then you went for an N and his he went for an M so you were really close there you kind of were back on again O, E, M, gram, plot of gram. Yeah, yeah. And then you went lion.

So then he went L, and then you went D. So, and so that's, they're pretty far away. But you chose- Yeah, but they are both used in the Roman numeral system. Okay, well that's fine in that context. But then you chose to end your word, whereas he went on for three more letters. He has to let a wind in his sails. Yeah, a high Ns. And so he went for gremlins.

A lot of gremlins. I mean, that's a really, really great three words. It really expands the what three words is possible What they what it's capable of doing I think as a form the three word system. Oh, absolutely Absolutely, because I'm Greblans. Yeah By the way, Alastair, I think that what we are slowly inventing with The way that you reveal the words to me is a kind of fucked wordle I'm gonna call it right where instead of telling me exactly what letters I've got right well you kind of tell me that you give me that information what letters I've got right but then sometimes you'll give me extra clues

about about the letters like oh it's kind of a similar letter or it's close to that letter in the alphabet or You know, I think I think sort of a different clue where the clues I don't know there's something there Yeah, where you could really you. You could give them hints. You could give them hints and you could say, okay, well this is, it's within, you know, like they share a chemical name. Yes, let's call it Absurdal. We're going to make this website called Absurdal.

I like it. And the clues for each letter are going to be, they're going to be individualized, so we're going to have to be there responding in real time to the millions of people who are doing this all over the world. And giving them, and we refuse to do this with AI. Oh yeah, no, of course not. It has to be bespoke. I wonder if you could do it with paint, with a painting, and you've got to try to do the

first brush. You know, the first paint stroke, you know, and then you go like that and they goes, er, like that and you go, ah, maybe I go down here, horizontal, you know. So hang on, it's a famous, so it's a famous painting that exists. I guess so. And you're trying to guess the painting, stroke by stroke. You do your first brush stroke and it tells you whether or not you've got the color of

the paint correct or whether or not you've got it in the right location. Yeah well you have to get all of it right to get it right. Yeah. I mean each stroke it presumably responds to gives you some kind of feedback on the stroke.

I think this is a really really good idea Yeah, thank you Now what about plot of gremlins? so Plot of gremlins Yeah, now have you seen the movie gremlins? No, not that I remember No, but I have not seen it either. I know people love gremlins 2 and they think it's a great satire I think. Mmm, do they? I think so I think they think

it's a good satire. Some people said it's a good one. I wonder what it satirizes. Gremlins 1? I mean you're probably right. Could be. You're probably right. Oh, it'd be great in coming up with a sequel that mocks the first one. I think I'm sure that's been done, right? Like that there are only a few different sort of ways that you can reinterpret something for a sequel and sometimes it doesn't lend itself in a narrative sense to being followed on chronologically or anything like that. But I think a pistachiole is a valid form. A pist-squeakle? I mean it would... A plot of gremlins. Okay. What do you know about gremlins? There's

something about you can't let them get wet. Yeah, if they get wet, maybe they come alive. Something about feeding them after midnight or something. I think they multiply, don't they? I think they, I think that's what happens. Like you just get more gremlins and then there are like evil gremlins and some you know maybe they go real bad and crazy yeah after a certain time or if you treat you mistreat them in some way but it's but it's but what we've got it's a it's they're all they're all sort of capitalists and like investment bankers and things like that. Right? And you got to not do something to them or else they they gain humanity. Right? Like you can't you can't

let them take like MDMA or something like that or else they start feeling too empathetic towards people and they lose they lose their edge. It's like, it's like gremlin though. Yeah, I think that's great. They, uh, we'd have to watch gremlins to see how it's managed. And, uh, yeah, I mean, it it it it makes me want to do you know a version of a movie like The Suicide Squad, right? And you know so you have The Suicide Squad and they're baddies, right? But for whatever reason they have to do something that's good for humanity. I think that's sort of the plot of The Suicide Squad. They're All their motivations

and their behaviour is messed up and weird and wrong, but then they've got to do something good for people. And maybe I'm describing a movie that's been made a million times, but you can imagine something where you get a bunch of, you know, truly evil capitalists, right? Just the worst self-interested finance bros or whatever. Because that's kind of their superpower, right? Their ability to ignore the humanity of individuals, of the people who they're exploiting for their own personal gain and then I mean and you know That is a superpower that allows them to thrive and do things other people would never be able to do right, they can't leap tall buildings in a single bound, but they can demolish heritage listed buildings in a

single buildings in a single development proposal. The thing is that a lot of these people actually do do lots of charity stuff. And so true. And so it somehow can allow them to be like to sort of cover over the fact that they do so much bad by just being like, but look at these, look at these sort of like blind kids whose eyes we fixed. And you go, yeah.

And you go, what are you doing? And you go, well, I haven't done that. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and the government wasn't doing this. The hospitals weren't doing this. Yes, because you don't pay any tax. So the government has no money and you systematically campaign against

any, any government that would do such a thing. Ah. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, guess I mean, Stu, is that OK? I mean, mostly look, I think 2020 story was the best bit of this whole plot of grammar. In 2020, Stu. But this is why you don't mean it's kind of is it kind of about is it a metaphor for parenting? Do you think the plot of gremlins that like they don't know if you raise your

children badly if you do certain because, you know, they're these little guys who are sort of harmless. But if you do the wrong thing to them in there, that you mistreat them, then they end up all messed up, kind of like children could be about harmless little guys, do the wrong thing. Suddenly they up all messed up kind of like children could be about harmless little guys do the rock feed suddenly they're all messed up yeah could be that indeed so it's gremlins right with children with infants don't get them wet after midnight I mean that's probably good advice for an infant I a midnight. I mean that's probably good advice for an infant. I wonder if like you know like like they've kind of basically decided and realized that

corporal punishment is bad for kids. I wonder if there was like a certain amount like if you back in the day if they would spank kids and stuff like that and they were like okay well that didn't help but then people must thought I just got across a certain threshold Yes, and then they'll come good again. Yeah, it's 10,000 hours of spanking them spank them enough and well enough because you could assume that maybe at the beginning you're not good at spanking Yeah, you're not spanking them hard enough or you're spanking them slightly too hard Yeah, maybe there's a good it was like a, like what if there was a point, some, they find a point in the buttock, some area over on the, on the but cheek.

I don't want to say the G spot of spanking, but yes. But, but that's probably it. Like it's the, it's the E spot for education or discipline, the D spot for discipline. The D spot. Yes. Yeah. spot for education or discipline the d-spot for discipline the d-spot yes and and you find out that there was a spot that actually triggers good learning yes and they go all turns out you still do have to hit it It's really hard. Yeah. Quite hard. And and so then then they go well turns out spankings back in and then people they found they found the de spot of spanking.

Yeah I mean that's really interesting that and it really works. It really works. The results are phenomenal. We've done testing and it it it vastly outperforms any other educational. Yeah. And then they start in they start integrating it into into universities and stuff like that. And then so your lecturer has to spank all the students like that while he's teaching. And they all, like they get perfect recall to everything they saw in that class. So like at the end, everybody lines up and they go, they pull down their pants and then he gives them a good spank. But he's wearing like a glove so that it's sanitary and then he pulls off a glove.

Yeah. But I don't, I mean, maybe he's not even spanking, you know, maybe the hand is too big an object to be able to hit the spot accurately and it has to be done, you know, there'd probably be some sort of template that he has to place over the butt and then there's just a little opening that shows you whether, whether the right spankable spot is. Sure, sure, but I think it still has to happen with the hand. I think there's something about it's like there's there's human to human connection in there. It's going to be one of those little toy plastic hands. Definitely not.

Okay. All right. Yeah, no, it's going to be a full on spanking. Hmm. Okay. All right, yeah, it's gonna be a full-on spanking Okay, and sometimes you got to say the words while you're spanking you equals MC squared That kind of thing as well They'd be like to be like LSD tutorial like one-on-one tutors who have to come and they just read through the full textbook with you

However much you can handle for your eyes Yeah, and it the more everything that is said whilst being spanked isn't gets full recall to in the think tank 415 door to door Nya lists I'm gonna take us to the sketch ideas nighttime door to door knife salesman selling Christianity 1999 no more to break okay I won't do the rest like that but you get it that's what if you were seeing a Twitter about about all the two in the think tank episodes. Then we have Endo and Exo, the identical twins where where one is inside out. How you tell them about?

How you tell them about? Then we've got the look at all the self identified weirdos Book that was released to take advantage of that Weirdo pole. Yeah, but from a guy who claims to not see weirdness Then we've got the bog Olympics Then we've got them but that was after 15 minutes of absolute bullshit talking Then we got gremlins, but it's investment bankers But you can't get them either like on MDMA or something else so because they gain too much humanity

They become too good And then we've got the they found the d-spot of spanking The discipline spot, and I think that's a really great sketch idea. It's a good place to end. Yeah so let's go into the music. Thank you so much everybody. People Gustav and Henry online store, we've started making sales. If you go there, get yourself direct from the illustrator's mouth.

Still warm. Still warm from Andy's pen scratchings and from Pete's pen scratchings. Pen scratchings. And also you can of course find me on the You Can't Blame Gravity for Falling in Love podcast. Look it up, Marin is great, it was very fun to do. There's a little bit of video on the Instagram, but it's just like a 30 second clip of me talking about the universe.

Did you appear in a gamey gamey game via satellite from your basement? No I have not. Oh yes I did. I did appear because there was a question from one of our listeners who also listens to gamey gamey Game and they asked if they're gonna get Alistair back onto the show, bring me back from Canada, but they claim that I came here willingly and so and you can see a video that is proof of that at the end of the either most recent or second most recent episode. Great, it was a very funny image. I believe many weeks is all if you're looking for

who the people on it are. Yeah, so I guess that's it, Andy. I think we better wrap this up. It's been a great episode. I've had a lot of fun. Me too. And we love you. Thank you. Bye.