Two In The Think Tank - 417 - "YELLING CHOIR"

Episode Date: March 10, 2024

There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.Yellogram, The Proctologist's Choice of Loo Roll, Birds Build The Kitty Hawk of Plummeting, Turkey Juice Spring, NLP Turkey, Featus, Time Travel Sandwich, Terrible Robot Looks Like Me.Check out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right hereEdited by Andy with extra apologies on account of the audio issues. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello and welcome to two in the think tank the show we come up with Okay, let's come you go low and I'll go high. Okay, ready? One, two, three. Gonna say five sketch ideas, okay, ready? Ready? Five sketch ideas. Now, technically they're all harmonies and it's just that some are easier to listen to,

but you know, in the right context, that, you know, the right context that that that you know the it just depends on what emotion you're trying to evoke. Of course a lot of them the emotion is discomfort and a little bit of rage. I think what about this a shouting choir? No, no it's a shouting choir. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I think, the same rant, so they're all ranting. And is this like something that you would hire to sort of yell at your children or something? I think like a barbershop quartet where you can just go around and yell at somebody is really funny.

I think. Because what were those things? Those like singing grams or like a singing telegram. Like that. Yeah, well this is a singing yellow gram. Yeah. And so, you know, and now that thing where people are like, you know, where they're really worried they're going to get yelled at, you know, when, when, you know, like they're, you know, it's like you do something wrong in a shop

or something like that. And you're like, you accidentally break a vase or something like that. And then technically, you're not even supposed to have to pay for it a lot of the time, you know, but now shops have a way that they can then hire this and send it to your house later on and actually, you know, have somebody yell at you. I think also we could sell this as like a men's thing, like a men's group. Where like, you know, a lot of the ways

that men used to express their emotions are not acceptable anymore. Okay? That's right. Men can't yell, it's too scary. Right? Now they can go to this group, they go along to the pub, they all get together in a big group, they stand up on a little stage,

they're divided up into different groups depending on how loud and how deep their voice is. And then they all just yell together. And they do some of the famous rants maybe. Maybe they could all yell that democracy manifest rant uh they could. Would they yell uh if you don't stop crying I'll give you a bloody good reason to cry. Yes oh playing all the hits the who can yell book all the all the favourites.

I love that idea. What's what's a yell that you've used before? I shouldn't have to be yelling. That's what that is part of every yell. I don't want to yell. I put that in there. It makes it feel like it makes it feel more okay. I think if you make it clear to your kids, then it makes it their fault. Yes. It's their fault that they're dealing.

I know. I've just realized in this moment, I've just realized that that's what I'm doing there. That's great, isn't it? That's really healthy. I'm sure that's doing the right thing. I know I don't yell a lot I don't want the list is to think I yell a lot But then what's one way of framing it is that you got to remember that

It's like it's like smoking weed Andy Yeah You want you'd rather them Experience it for the first time at home with you rather than out in the world with a bunch of kids or something like that, you know, where you're not around to protect them. Yes. I saw my son yelling at his brother and you know what I did?

I made him yell the whole dictionary. I got the opportunity to do that. brother and you know what I I made him I made him yell the whole dictionary. I got the I made him yell a whole pack of cigarettes. The first cigarette. The second cigarette. That's I love that you've gone through and tried to

actually make that a reality the thorn and fall cigarettes Wow, that's like almost like he was smoking those two at the same time. That's right. That's right I mean, what do you do if you you're in the backyard you go and you see your kid in the backyard You see him smoking a whole pack of cigarettes. What do you do make him smoke a whole carton? So to teach him a lesson? Make him smoke a whole carton. So, to teach him a lesson. Yeah. I made him smoke a whole shop box. The shop gets the bid. Is it a carton? Do you get a carton of cigarettes? I think so. Yeah, it's a whole carton.

And then after that, it's a full shipping container. Oh, a I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. some like illegal stuff in the crate. You know, they're not going to search that crate through cigarettes, which are almost already illegal. You know what I mean? You know, you're not going to hide stuff. You're not going to like hide illegal stuff in something that's already controlled.

But that's a good idea. Right, that's like a turducken of drugs. Turd dragon. Yeah, like, I guess if you were trying. They think that they found your import quantity of marijuana in big blocks. Like it comes. Big blocks. Big block sing song? Big block, big block sing song.

Big, I do like the big block sing song. Those are really good songs on the big block sing song. Yeah. And it looks like it's the least effort you would have to do to make a TV show. Yeah, but also, there's a bit of skill. And it is impressive. Oh no, there's still a bit of skill, but the animation looks like it would be.

The skill, but no effort, that's what I like. Yeah, it's skill with no effort, exactly. You know, I mean it took effort to get the skill. The listeners don't know what we're talking about it's a TV show they're three-minute episodes it's on ABC I view or probably somewhere in Montreal and I think it's meeting Canada. It's rectangle shaped people singing songs about strange stuff. So one about being a chicken.

I think it's one about being chicken. And there's one about deep deep deep blue sea. All the things that we'll see. I really like that one as well. All the things you'll see in the sea. Hmm. Anyway, yeah, that's a good show. I wish I wish I was writing on it, to be honest. Well, I think I could be a good songwriter, Alastair.

Me too. I think I might be able to be the best songwriter. I've recently been thinking about becoming a musician. You know what I was thinking about? Because I'm insane. But it's because there's a style of music that I love so much, which is kind of like these kind of like these DJs that kind of, you know, sample stuff, but put it to like a hip hop beat.

And I love it so much, which I think is probably based around like all the songs that we make on this. A lot of the time, I think essentially we're creating one little phrase and then repeating it over and over again. Yeah. Yeah. That we've been doing it for a long while. And so people like Blockhead and Mr. Scruff, but you don't find that much of that kind of music around anymore. And I was like, I should try and do some of that. Learn how to do it. I've been thinking I should become a country musician because have you noticed that there's a few

Country musicians guys who are who are breaking through Quite late in life with like, you know get like a little viral video Just something them sitting there singing a song, you know, and suddenly that's gone big on tiktok and then bam they are like on the ground and running and I was listening to a top country playlist thing on Spotify the other day. Top song at the moment is Beyonce's new song, which is very good. I love it.

But, and then you go into like what's number two what's number three What's number four and I don't mean to sound dismissive and I used to dismiss other dismiss other people's taste in music and say You know that things were really bad when it was just that I didn't like them at that stage in my life I've realized now that everything is good everything is great But the every the songs below the Pelo Biotse song on the top charts of country music, they're all shit.

They just suck. They just so, like, there doesn't seem to be any talent involved. And that's very exciting to me. You know how like, that's the entry point for... I'm not saying I don't like them talent involved and that's very exciting to me. You know how like how like that's the entry point for I'm not saying I don't like them by the way. I like them all. Yeah, I just think they're bad. Yeah, yeah. No, but you know how like that's the entry point like that's probably

partially how you got into comedy. I know it's partially how I gotta you watch people and you go, wait, this is a professional. I could do that. Yeah. I could do better than that. Right? I mean, that is essentially the same thing as being a business person who sees a gap in the market. I could make iced tea that's as good as this. Yeah, I wonder if that's what business people think. I think so. They do something well or if they take, I could just do this cheaper. Yeah, I saw a TikTok the other day where the guy was like, man, I've been seeing a lot of, like, I'm a runner and I've been seeing a lot of, like, pickles around running recently. Like, people use it for, like, electrolytes or something like that.

And he's like, and I realize, I only know, like, two pickle brands. There's a huge cap in the market for a really well-marketed pickle. He's right. Yeah. huge cap in the market for a really well marketed pickle. He's right. Yeah. But you know what? I think that I'm never, you know, as a businessman, I'm never going to wait for a gap in the market. What I'm going to do my strategy is I'm going to bomb the market

and create a crater in which I will fill. Yeah, great. What does bomb the market? What does that mean? Well, I'm going to use an explosive device. Oh, wow. Yeah, okay. I guess that's, um, in a way, that's what war is. People say war is good for business and that kind of thing, but probably because we blow up a lot of businesses and then people have to start new ones. But the demand is still there for a lot of those things,

except for the people that you killed. The people that were in the factory that also bought the products, they're dead, they're gone. But the people who work in the factory, they probably didn't buy a lot of the products anyway because they were probably sick of them. They see enough of that work. They got factory discount. It's like when you come home from a big day. Don't a factory discount. You know, you know, it's like when you

you come home. Don't even finish the sentence. Yes, I know what it's like. Great. Okay. You come home from a big day in the toilet, paper factory. Right? Yeah. And the last thing you want to do is wipe your ass. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't tear another sheet. I couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't tear another sheet. I couldn't wipe another bite. And this is how innovation happens, Andy. So what you do is you just squeeze your ass down,

low into that bowl. Yes, you're going to touch the shit that's in there. Yes. Wow. You're also going to touch the water. So you don't flush either. No. And then you flush. Oh, yeah. Great. You see.

And now you're getting some cleaning happening. Okay. And then you just keep flushing until you can sense it's probably clean. You know. Do you think that, you know, there was that big campaign, that big campaign for a lot of the time it's toothbrushes, right? That, um, uh, it's what toothbrush to dentists use, right? That's, that's, that'll be the thing in the ad, right? They're like, oh, 97.3% of dentists use this oral bi. Yeahists. What what toilet paper do proctologists use? Exactly. I was there. Yeah, I'm writing it down straight away.

Because I mean, they yes, they've they've seen a lot of I imagine really chafed anuses. I mean, I wonder how many like how many specialists have somebody people coming in going man This toilet paper is doing a number on my ass Or like or they're like I think I got major ass problems and then they just find out It's just the quality of their toilet paper But I mean there must be at least they're seeing a lot of asses. They're seeing more asses than people than most people They are sort of special, you know, sensitive ass toilet papers there, you know, like you

can get a sensitive toothpaste? Yeah, I mean, I, you know, I use a satin handkerchief that, you know, the one, one of those ones with like a, with like a string on it, like you would use to pass through like a, like a trumpet valve to get all the stuff out of it. Like that. And is that what you do? Do you swallow one into the string and then pull it all the way through? Well, no, no, no.

I hold onto the string and then I, and I stuff the whole handkerchief into the buttock like that and like I'm doing a magic trick Yeah, and then and then I yank it out Real fast and I don't need to do it that fast. That's just for the showmanship It actually really hurts It actually really hurts. But that gets all that extra stuff. If you're wiping from the top, you're just getting that surface stuff. And then you're slowly wearing your way.

But then if you go in and you pull out and all that stuff, that brings everything out with it. And it also pushes in some stuff that may not have even wanted to come out, you know? Oh, Alastair, I mean, you're preaching to the converted. I'm completely on board. You know, it's either that, you know what I think? I could also picture a proctologist using one of those like,

You know what I think I could also picture a proctologist using? One of those like, like one of those like sort of rubber, rubber ended kind of like bowl scrapers. Rubber ended bowl scrapers. You know, like a spatula kind of thing, but not like a spatula for flipping grilled cheese. Bowl, bowl, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like a kitchen implement.

Yeah, I'm a cook. And they use that on the, but they would have to like, he's like, oh no, I'm completely waxed. I get waxed twice a week. And then I just, I just sped it up. I don't know if you would have to be waxed because I mean, I don't see why that should be any less effective than the current toilet paper regime. I think those scrapers, you see them getting clear

and off the edge of a bowl of batter, a cookie dough. You see the job they do, absolutely. Yeah, you would trust that on top of hair? I would trust that on top of hair. Yeah, well, I mean, why? On top of hair? Did you say pear? Yes. You you say Pear?

Yes. You didn't say Pear? Yes, I said Pear. I don't know if I said Pear. I hope I didn't say Pear. My boys correct me on stuff all the time and I'm like, surely I didn't make that mistake. But they're so sure, they're so certain and they've got that young brain that young plastic brain. Yeah

You know flexible Capable of hearing things on you know on ranges that we can't Can't begin to we couldn't even begin to imagine the things that they hear hear us say But my kids always hear me they always go what you say is because I'm just like mouthing stuff to myself as I'm like, you know, you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a

you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're a you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here.

I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you're here. I said gold gold because I just I was sitting on the toilet thinking about the gold rush. I wanted to know what it would feel like to discover gold.

So I just practiced saying gold gold to myself. But you said it like somebody who had seen somebody score a goal. No, I think that's how you say gold. Gold. You know, if you discover a gold in the in the gold rush. It's a strange thing to hear.

Where are you? Mr. Nugget. Oh, Mr. Nugget. Uh, yeah, that's right. Oh, Tom White. He is old now, isn't he? Yes, I guess. Yeah. Um, he's always single though, so that's okay. Yeah, he has. Actually, you're not entirely wrong about that. You just get ahead of it. I can hear my, he was, do you think he was getting out ahead of it? He was like trying to control the narrative. This is going to come up. It was it was always going to come up. Always always always.

Andy, I mentioned earlier, a gum that makes you angry. Did you? I wasn't listening. Well, it was one of the first things. You started saying something. You were starting to talk about yellow, yellow gram. Ah, yes. And I said bubble gum that makes you angry because I think, you know, if I was to put my business,

my businessman's hat on, and to be honest, I've only got a Sherlock Holmes hat, but I want you to know when I go to business meetings, that's what I wear now. Yeah. And I would say that you could look at the bubble gum industry and say, actually, it's quite superficial. There's only one emotion that it makes you feel and that's deliciousness. That famous emotion. Okay, experiencing deliciousness. That's got to be an emotion. I don't think that's an emotion. I think that's an experience. I don't

think that's an emotion. Well, okay, okay, but think about this. Maybe the, you know, I might give you that it's a feeling. I'm not going to go so far as to say it's an emotion. Do you think that an AI could experience it? Deliciousness? No, no, the experience of experiencing deliciousness. That's the test. The true test.

When we can finally build a robot, they can go, oh, yum, yum. A little bit more. Then that's the real Turing test. I think we won't know that we have had a smart robot until you can until you put a plate of Doritos in front of it. A bowl of Doritos in front of it and it can't stop eating them. Then we'll say no. Like I mean we know that it'll have to go through that phase at some point. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like if have to go through that phase at some point you

know what I mean yeah like it's gonna get smarter than us if you think that that's a dumb thing that we do but it's obviously a thing that we would okay that we do and that animals do but rocks don't do okay good that's a good distinction yeah rocks don't do it. Birds don't do it. Bees don't do it. Let's not do it. Let's fall in. Off a cliff. That's true. Birds and their ability to fall off cliffs? I mean we all do that kind of stuff.

We look at other people and we think oh they've got it all together. Yeah. It's so hard not to. They see us plummeting to our deaths. They, they, they envied. Ever since Bird first looked at man and envied his ability to plummet to his death. where they gain a little bit more intelligence and they decide to build a device that allows them to plummet off of cliffs as well. Which is kind of looks a bit like the body of a plane but without the wings. But without the wings and they climb inside and they fold it. But first they build one with wings and then they fail, they fly across the seas and stuff like that. A little hand really. Glide effortlessly.

Glide down, yeah. Let's get to it. I mean, I'm writing it down, Andy. That's all I need to know. But alright, this is a robot that can't stop eating Doritos. You're right. I mean, I think that it must be, even if it's not a sign of true intelligence, it's the sign of it is something that you have to pass through on your way to, you know, infinite

to being to not doing it anymore. Mm-hmm. Now, because we could agree that a rock doesn't do it, but it doesn't do it because it's it doesn't not do it because it's super smart. It doesn't not do it because it's super smart. But I guess you would also have to make it so that the device gets its energy from eating. The device on which the AI is. Yeah, but I mean it's arguable that we don't get our energy from eating Doritos. Well we do. If you're not eating anything else and I'm not Yeah, like you do get your you do get at your energy from Doritos and so but then

Well, I hadn't finished talking in fine. We only think if you were a dog Okay Eating and and you know eating a whole bowl of Doritos is the smartest thing you could do because you're, you know, especially maybe if you're a wolf, it makes more sense at the moment just for simplicity's sake. If you come across a full bowl of Doritos, the smartest thing to do would be to eat a whole bowl of Doritos because you don't know where that next meal's coming from. You don't know where the you don't know where this meal came from. A whole bowl of Doritos.

Yeah, you know, I remember once coming when we had our dog, maybe it was a staffie. We had a Dan Tasmania family Christmas and she dad had a full turkey cooling down in the other room and just on the table and She must have gone in there and Out of wondering what it was up on the table, she would have been quite

interested. She reached up and I grabbed the side of that aluminium tray that it was sitting on like that, you know that flexible aluminium tray and just pulled the side of that so that there was a little channel and all the turkey grease was pouring down and just dripping off the table and she was just sitting there just with her mouth open just eating this this stream of turkey fat that was pouring into her mouth would have been delicious juices mmm yeah yeah delicious juices and fat all of that just streaming into her mouth and she must have thought that Yeah, that she'd somehow contacted God or that she was in some pure plain existence.

Oh, I mean, it was like she would have found, she was like, this is the fountain of youth. This is, I mean, roasted, like roasted bird juices. It's probably up there is one of the best things you could, like you reduce that, that's like, you reduce that, you put that on top of the turkey. It makes, it like, it makes, with, if you had the option of drinking those juices and eating the bland turkey, right?

Like this is way better. Yeah, it's demonstrably the best bit. Like you put it you reduce it and you put that on the turkey to make the turkey tolerable. We put that back on top. Yeah. Right. It's the first thing that you taste before you have to slog through the turkey. Turkey, yeah. And the turkey has that thing in it, the chemical in it that makes you sleepy, right? If Sign fell in her brain as well She would have she would have had no reason to think that that would ever end I think right like which you have been like Well, this is this might as far as I know this might just be my existence from this point on That's right. Just found found a like a natural turkey juice spring

like a natural turkey juice spring. That's it if we discovered that. I mean, it'd be amazing. And we find out that that's actually where the turkeys get their juice from. Oh, of course, it makes sense. Makes sense. They couldn't just make that themselves. They're just a dumb bird.

How would they know? Exactly. And like, as humans, we only are capable of, you know, making so many of our own vitamins. We can synthesize our own vitamins, but not all of them. We can't make vitamin C. Maybe it's the same thing for Turkey with their juices. Vitamin T. I mean, this is like Aristotle's theory of knowledge that all knowledge, all learning was just remembering. Okay. That's right. Maybe all juices are just a type of regurgitation of it, or, you know, passing through of a juice that you got from somewhere else.

Yeah. Well, you know, because also I know chefs, you know, I know a chef who's talked about like, oh, chickens don't taste like chicken anymore. You know, like they, they're not, they're not good like they used to be. And it's hard to find a chicken that actually tastes good and things like that. And so it could be the same for turkeys. And you could imagine that maybe it's because we've with, you know, factory farming and all that kind of stuff. We've taken them away from accessing this this the turkey juice spring

You know, which is where they would get their flavor from they go there. It's like a pilgrimage It's like going to Mecca they drink from the thing You know and they go there and then they get filled with turkey juice And then they're ready to be on a silver platter for it and to fall into a dog's mouth Do you think? The circle of life. Yeah. I'm sure I'm sure people have made this observation before, but surely it's not a

good, like from an evolutionary perspective, it's not a good idea for a turkey to walk around saying gobble, gobble, gobble all the time. Right. That would be like a sandwich walking around saying munch munch munch eat eat eat you know you're putting your planting the thought in people's minds yes a bowl of soup saying slurp slurp slurp I mean that's not it from a soup's perspective there's no evolutionary advantage why Why would it do that? No, it won't. Now we don't know whether or not like the rock,

it does it out of stupidity or like AI out of wisdom. Perfect intelligence. I wonder if there's a stand-up bit in Turkey saying gobble, gobble, gobble. Maybe they're not that delicious. the and maybe they're not maybe they're not that delicious it's just that they they they plant the they're just really good at neurolinguistic programming exactly

they're good at framing the debate they're good at suggest the debate. They're good at suggest. The debate. That's the debate. I mean, it has it has technically probably led to more turkeys being bred than they're ever were throughout history. Wow, that's true. And if that's their objective, and I believe it is. Yeah? Those genes, they knew what they were doing. They knew what they were doing. Smart.

Smart turkey baby. Smart turkey baby. Do you think that if like let's say for $10,000, do you think if like, let's say a baby turkey was just hatched from an egg? Yes. Okay. Do you think that you could swallow a live baby turkey? I don't think I could for $10,000. $10,000. I don't think I could. $12,000.

Oh, okay. Hang on. Now things are getting interesting. I think it would happen before. Oh, okay. Hang on. Now, I think I get a interesting. Think of it, Andy. You could get another second hand car. So I'm just trying to... I mean, look, $12,000. I'm not saying that wouldn't be really helpful. I'm just trying to imagine...

I'm trying to basically... I'm trying to be like a bird, you know? like all like a pelican that swallows things whole or, or, you know, one of those or a python. Yeah. Trying to just get it down to live, right? Is it alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's alive. Oh, I lost it. You'd have to swallow it like a bird would probably, you know. I don't think I could.

No? I mean, out of respect, I would swallow it like a bird. Would you even try it for $100,000? Would you? Try it? For $100,000? A live baby turkey? I think I have to try it.

A live baby turkey? I don't think you could, Alstair. I mean, if you can swallow it successfully enough, you might be able to regurgitate it back up. I'll deal with that when I get to it. Because that would stop it pecking at your insides. I don't think I could get it down my throat. I don't think there's get it down my throat. I don't think there's any point me trying. You'd have a few weeks of practice.

What would you swallow to try to practice? Let's say like first you'd probably try just eating large chunks of banana or something like that. Yeah, I mean you really need to try and swallow like a golf ball covered in toothpicks or something I think. No, I wouldn't try that. Well, they've got those claws and beaks and stuff, right? Like, that's what the challenge is.

Yeah, I mean, I don't think the challenge is that I think it's just swallowing a big live thing and knowing that it's going to die inside of you. Well, you know, and it's going to be really hard and horrible. Yeah, oh, fine. Okay. You look like the good guy. I'm mostly worried about the claws and the beak. And the feathers as well.

I think they'd be hard to swallow. I think they'd be very dry and sort of. Although it just come out of the egg, it might still have a bit of egg goo on it. So that might make it a good. Yeah, maybe the egg goo could help. Anyway, Alastair. If you were going to do it, what would you

drink with it to try to get it down? Just water? Do you think maybe a glass of oil would help more? Glass of turkey juices. We've established that that's what you've got to have. Get the turkey. You know, you know, I feel like this is kind of what's missing from America right now. Because there's so much like, you know, on all sides, there's always people trying to

offend other sides and things like that. And I feel like, you know, people people already look at America and they look competitive of eating and they see that as like the horribleness, but then, you know, of, you know, like a like an excess and, you know, sort of an affront to the world and all that kind of stuff. But I think the people on the right in America are not necessarily against that. But what if what the people were swallowing was competitive, aborted fetus swallowing? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's one of the most horrible things I've ever thought of. Yeah. Yeah, certainly one of the most horrible things I've ever thought of. Yeah, yeah, it's certainly one of the most horrible things I've ever heard. You know, and look, I mean, I don't want to just write it down straight away. I mean, I want to still explore it. But also, you did say you needed to have a short episode. Yeah. In fact, we should go to words from a listener. Okay. I've just got to write something down, Andy. I'm not telling you what.

Okay. God, imagine if the three words from the listener are a bought fetus swallowing. Well, I thought we were going to get out of this. I thought I was pulling the ripcord on my parachute, but actually I was pulling a loose thread on the parachute that caused the whole thing to unravel. I thought you were going to turn that into swallowing babies. But no. Okay. So Andy, we'll take, we'll go to three words from a listener. Do you want to guess which listener sent in three words today? Somebody whose name that you know. Yannick Rausch, Yannick Rausch.

Let me have a look. I'm sorry, no, this person, we only know her by one name. But I guess you only know all these people by one name. It is Lizzie. Lizzy. Yes. And so, thank you Lizzy. Lizzy, thank you so much Lizzy. And so Lizzy sent in three words. Would you like to guess what those words are? Okay, the first word is foliage, foliage. Now, Andy, do you really think it's going to be that? Oh, right. OK, sorry.

Trousers. Andy, come on. This is not what you actually think the word is going to be. Pointless. Is it pointless? No, Andy, all three know word is gonna be. Pointless. Is it pointless? No, Andy. All three, no. It is Gemma. Gemma? Okay. You weren't even close on any of them. Gemma.

Also, I had written it down poorly, and I needed to go and find the email to double-check what that first word was, because I thought it said German. Gemma. Radio. No, Andy. It's Arrowsmith. Gemma.

Arrowsmith. Okay, last word. Lagrange. Lagrange. Robot. Gemma, Arrowsmith, Robot. Is Gemma Arrowsmith a person? Is that like someone in the discourse that we should know who that is? Gemma Arrowsmith. It sounds like Gemma Arrowsmith could be like, you know, famous for having controversial opinions. There is an actress called Gemma Arrowsmith who is on the Tracy Allman show. Really? Yeah. Are they, are they no one beyond that? Are they famous in some way?

Well, I mean, the Tracy Allman show, you know, did have some reach. Yeah. She's also on, well, no, so she's not just on the Tracy Almond show. She's also on Tracy Breaks the News. She's also on Dr. Who. Robot. The Who. Okay, interesting. I mean,

she plays a Smith Wicks customer. Really? And on Hitman and she plays flick and she plays Dr. Heidi on Rosie Malloy gives up everything and she plays various on the Friday Night Comedy from BBC Radio 4 podcast series. This Various. Various is a great name. Oh, I think it's the same character she played on Tracy Bricks The News.

Okay, so she doesn't have that much range. Seems like she's played this Various person a lot. You're like, can you trying something a bit different? Various, various. Yeah. Would it kill you? Okay, so I'm assuming that's what Lizzie is referring to, Gemma Aerosmith, the actor.

And then the idea of replacing Gemma Aerosmith with a robot is maybe sort of inherent in this thing. But I mean. I guess you could picture, you know, people in the future deciding that they need to go back in time and replace Gemma Arrasmith, Gemma Arrasmith with a some kind of mechanical version so that they can control, you know, let's say they wanted to change, let's say this person doesn't have that much impact on the world, has some impact on the world, but it would be, it's like they've calculated that it's a safe amount of impact on the world, that you could make them make

slightly different decisions or even slightly different movements that shifts the world gently towards a different future. It turns out that they actually have way more influence just because of where they exist in sort of in between things. They are this tipping point that you can press and make an enormous change. Sort of a butterfly effect. Well, if you're in the future and let's say time travel is government owned or whatever or it's regulated in such a way that you can only do time travel in such a way that it preserves everybody who is still alive can't do anything that means that none of those people are alive. Right. Yep. Right. And so all those people have to still be alive. So they've calculated that Gemma Arrowsmith, the person who plays various on Tracy breaks the news has enough impact on the world, but not so much that when she, when she, you know, let's say she gets a, she gets a crown up

instead of a, a crookie, right? And that does change things, right? It does mean that instead of war, there is peace. Yes. Right. So there's peace, but nobody else extra has lived or died as a result of this. That's right. There's peace, but things are still bad. It's a very bad war. And it's it's it's there's peace, but things are still bad enough. Right. Nobody different is born or or dies. bad enough that nobody different is born or or dies. No, that's good. I'm glad we used time travel for this. What about a sort of a world in which we use time travel for really minor things, right? That you like using time travel, you go to a sandwich shop, right? And

you order a sandwich, okay? And then they use time travel so that the sandwich is already made, right? When you, as soon as you ask for it, they don't have to make the sandwich. They go back in time and they edit, they change history such that the sandwich is there already. When you come in, it's already in your pocket. A nice pocket sandwich, that's a great idea a nice pocket sandwich that's what's called that's the name of the place a nice pocket sandwich so much I'm gonna

work on inventing a sandwich that you can just keep losing your pocket because there must be a you know a combination of ingredients and a certain type of bread and designed in such a way that you can And we're not talking about a toasted sandwich that's like sealed all the way around we know no no no no fresh bread sandwich That holds together. Yes, and that won't pick up fluff and things like that It's already and won't leave crumbs and won't leave crumbs. It's like it, it's like a, you know, a camper who shows up camps and then takes everything. It doesn't take anything from the landscape, but it also doesn't leave anything. Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories. That's

right. But even doesn't leave footprints. The sandwich leaves no footprints. I was thinking about what if a robot company builds a robot, right? But they're robot, it's a humanoid robot, and it can replace a person, but the only person that this robot can replace is you for some reason. They've built a robot that can do everything you can do. They can't build robots that can do any, take the place of anyone else in the world. But they're like, we've managed to build, we we have been able to build a humanoid robot that can do anybody else's role but we have been able to build an Alistair Tromblay birch bot and it can do what Alistair does exactly. Yeah. Just as well as he does.

Yeah I mean I don't think that that would be useful to that many people No, no, it isn't but this is like after all their years and billions of dollars This is what they've been able to create. Oh that would be you know what that would be really sad Is that finding out that they've tried to build this robot? So yeah, and then they've made one and it is exactly you and it turns out that it's like when they describe it It is you they didn't mean to make you. Oh yeah okay. They didn't mean to make you but they need a robot and it is you right. Yeah this is what we're able to create.

And you're watching this on the news and then you hear that the stocks are plummeting for this company as they've released this thing and everybody is hugely disappointed In this product they said well, what about lots of people buy one right and then there's one in every house Okay, one of you in every house But then people just yes discover really quickly that they don't want them and they're throwing them out And they can't get rid of them. You're still you but now like you go out and there's like all these you robots like lying in the street or smashed up or used as like boat anchors or something like that.

Yeah I mean I think and then I think there's like a film in this because then then it's like this person wants to get to the bottom of finding out Hmm why a robot that looks like them was made Hmm, you know or like whether or not it was made and then it'll turn out It was just a mixture of a fish and a light bulb like in the Simpsons the fish bulb You don't remember that mr. Sparkle I don't remember that. I don't remember that one. How the Japanese company had like a, had a logo that's just like Homer. It was a fish bulb situation.

We just took a pile of shit and then took the DNA. No, I think that is funny. I think because I think it has to behave like you as well, right? Has all your traits. It's so unlikeable. I think that is funny. I think it has to behave like you as well. It has all your traits. It's so unlikable. Couldn't they make us? We've built an unlikable robot. There's all these people who are taking care of them. They use it in old folks' like to take care of the elderly and the elderly are choosing to, to go for voluntary assisted dying instead.

Yeah. Because they're like, well, I don't want to stick around if it means this. Everywhere you go, people assume you're one of those robots and you have to keep being like, no, I'm, I'm me. I'm a real, I'm the real one. They kick you. They kick you on the street. Cause they're like, tip, I'm a, I'm me. I'm a real one. They kick you. They kick you on the street. Cause they're like, yeah. Tip him over.

He's just a ship and robot. With a terrible personality. Yeah. I'm always trying to rip your circuits out. Take, there's a panel in his back. Take it off. You can rip your circuits out. They're always scrabbling at your back. Scrabbling at your back. Quite nice actually, cause you've got a nichey back. Take it off. You can rip your circuits out. They're always

scrabbling at your back. Scrabbling at my back. Quite nice actually because you've got a itchy back. But that's nice because and that's one of the things that they hated about the about the thing as well. The robot has a itchy back as

well. That's always saying scratch my back. Scratch my back. I'm Alist a Tromblay. I don't know whatever it is. They maybe doesn't use the name, but um Andy, I'll take us through the sketch ideas. I hope that was okay, Lizzy. I feel like we got, you know, we got three really great sketches out of that.

Uh huh. Three. Oh equally good. Yeah. Um so yeah, sorry. So that there we go. Okay. Well, Andy, let me take you through the sketch ideas for today. Two for episode two seventeen maybe four seventeen of two in the think tank. We've got yellow gram. It's a yelling choir. You can hire to yell at people for you. It's a big group of men who yell in harmony, not nice harmonies. And also sometimes you can just see them on the street doing yells from the great American yell book. And then we have the concept of what toilet paper do proctologists use? Nine out of ten proctologists recommend wipe with him birds build device so that they can plummet off cliffs like humans because they've always looked at humans

and envied our ability that have the turkey juice spring this is an idea that we've where we came up with a thought of what if all turkey juice comes from an actual natural source? All right. All right. Then we have the turkey gobble gobble, which is which is them who are good at neuro linguistic programming and it's probably just an evolutionary accident that has led to their evolutionary success. But the important thing

is that it led to a lot of them being bred. And that's all that their genes want. And then you've got their braid in braid, because they've been they're in sandwich, they're in a sandwich. That's right. Turkeys are in bread, crumbed turkey sandwich. And then there's a competitive abortive fetus eating. And then there's regulating time travel so that no one can die. I think there's something, there's some idea in there.

Also, Adam, did I ever tell you I thought that it would be cool? I think this is something you could definitely pitch to a TV show, which is an anthology TV show where it's just time travel based love stories. The reason why I like I think that that's an idea is mostly because I think that it's a format that would sell to internationals and I'm just at a point where I just want to make a bit of money. You want to sell a format?

I want to sell a format. Sell off Or-Mat. And then we've got... Alastair, we did get... Then we've got Sandwich Shop that uses time travel to get you a sandwich now by changing the past. It's called Sandwich in Your Pocket. And then we got robot company that makes a robot that looks like you and everybody hates it. Exactly like you, not just looks like you, but exactly like you.

Andy, should we go to the song? Every way. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, Thank you so much for listening to In The Think Tank. It's wonderful that you do this and continue to do this. You can buy copies of Gustav and Henry from an hour on on shop which are linked in the show. Can I just give a big hello to the audience? I'm going to say it now. One, two, three. Hello. And so there you go. Big hello from me to the audience. And we love you. Bye.