Two In The Think Tank - 42 - "SUPER SLOW MO GUY"

Episode Date: January 11, 2015

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Oh I'm glad that you realize, oh I'm glad that you read the signs, oh I'm glad you can see my eyes and hear me when I tell you that you better walk out that door, yes you better not come here no more,, you better stay away from me tonight. Yeah, you best not come around when you know I'm around. Yes, you better stay away from me for life. Yeah, I don't want to see you around here. No way, no way. Stop, dun, dun, dun. Dun, yeah, I don't want to see you around here. No way, no way. Stop, stop. Right.

We're in now. We're in? Yeah. G'day. Welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we try and come up with five sketch ideas. I feel like I could have

sung that song forever. Yeah? Which, as we all know, is a long, long time, Alistair. Well, life has been long already. And boy, am I right. It feels like I've been singing that for most of it. Look, you know, Andy, I didn't mind it so much. Call me a man with an open mind.

That's not what I... Alistair, you're a man with an open mind. I told her I asked you to call me that. And so the compliment didn't feel as good. open mind. I told her I asked you to call me that. And so the compliment didn't feel as good. So we're going to, we already mentioned that we're going to be talking

about coming up with five sketch ideas. Yeah, we did. Sometimes, you know, like somebody listens to the things, but they were, you know, like sometimes they say you should listen to the words in between the words. Yeah, let's stick some words in there in between the words, just repeating what the words were. Read between the lines. You should read between the lines.

So people say that sometimes. Maybe while you were saying it, people were reading between the lines, and then they missed what you actually said. So I was repeating it for the people who were reading between the lines. Read between the lines, but please also read the lines. Read the lines, don't forget. Actually, when you look at an exercise

book, if you read between the lines, that's where the words are. Yeah, that's true. I think what they were trying to say is read the words. Get your eyes out of the margin. Stop looking at that date bit up in the corner there. No, don't look at that. Read between the lines. Stop obsessing over the contact,

the beautiful dinosaur multicolored contact. I'm not focusing on the part in which I'm trying to communicate with you. Exactly the words that are written down and nothing else. Between the lines. Between the lines. Yeah. So is that a sketch? No.

No? Okay. Well, onwards and onwards. Yes. Yeah. Indeed. Onwards and forwards is a thing that I like to say sometimes. And is it because it's the other way around?

No. Is it forwards and onwards? No, it's neither of those things. It's onwards and upwards, but I like to say onwards and forwards. Okay. Because it makes it sound like you're repeating yourself and you're actually not getting anywhere. I don't know. Like, in my mind, it's quite amusing.

Yeah. It is good, but clearly some of us don't even know what the saying actually is. That's fine. I also enjoy being confusing to people. Well, it doesn't confuse me because I go, oh, that's just, oh, there's Andy just saying a saying. Alistair, you don't realize it, but you're confused. I'm not. Now I'm applying the cloak of confusion to you.

It's a thing that is applied aftermarket by me in a shop. I'm just trying to, yeah. Yeah, it's a thing that is applied aftermarket by me in a shop. I'm just trying to, yeah. Yeah, that's fine. Baffle. Post-market bafflement. Yeah, that's cool. You're bafflement adding. How funny are on-road costs?

Don't answer me with words. I just need a number. How funny? Between one and ten. I would say seven. Seven. It's quite a funny idea, isn't it? On-road costs.

Well, I don't know if it's a funny idea but definitely they're words that we hear enough without really knowing what they mean for them to cause me amusement and i i definitely have an instinct yeah i have an instinct that there's a comic something in there like on road costs i, including on-road costs. Yeah. Right? Now, what are on-road costs? I don't know. I presume the cost of the car. That's a pretty significant on-road cost.

Yeah. I think, look, I think that was still on-lot. On-lot. That's an on-lot cost. That's an on-lot cost. On-lot cost. All right. Change the idea.

I'm going to make a character. He's called on-lot cost. That's his name? On-lot. On-lot Onlot Kost. That's his name? Onlot. Onlot is his first name. Kost is his surname. Onlot Kost, antiques dealer and barefist fighter. You know, that's good. I was trying to change it to Kosta Onlot.

Kosta Onlot? Yeah. No, that's my evil cousin from Peru. Onlot is such a Norwegian or Swedish sounding word, isn't it? On lot. On lot. Yeah. We're not suggesting it is a Norwegian word.

Or Swedish. For all of those people who were really offended by that. Well, I'm from Norway and I don't think the on lot sounds at all like Norwegian. Oh, I know I've got not a norwegian accent i'm very aware you think you could get away with growing up 25 you don't need to tell me mate you think you can spend 48 70 106 years in norway with this accent and not have someone point it out to you. All right? Oh, no, fucking. You're not the first.

Yeah. It was sort of like a Josh Thomas accent in Norway. In Norway. He's like, oh, you sound kind of, what's that area? It's not pikey. That seems like it's a weird racial slur. What's the one? The alow, alow, alow? It's the cockney cockney cockney is it

cock or cock knee cockney cock knee okay i know i'm not sure whether you're just finishing the word or what are you noticing on that i'm noticing that i think that my levels are much much higher than yours really yeah in fact i think your microphone might not even be switched on. Really? So let's just do an experiment. I'm going to be quiet, you talk. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello. Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, hello.

Hello. Do-do-do-do-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-tsh-ts Does that work? Yeah, look. It was certainly an interesting time in my life. Yeah, okay. If not in the life of the listener. Your microphone was on. Yeah. It was turned down a Your microphone was on. Yeah.

It was turned down a bit more than mine. Sure. But I'll tell you what, I'll fix it in post. I'm a person who is quite accepting of a lower status. Yeah. In many situations, I have chosen to make myself... Not heard. No, but at least I accept a underling position because it means people are kinder to you.

You also have less responsibility. Oh, definitely. Yeah, but also people are kinder to you so they might give you stuff. It's all selfish. That's the thing that no one ever says about being a dictator. It's a lot of responsibility. I know, but if you don't do it right what are they going to do?

cut your bloody head off probably yeah well it depends they've got to get organised you know how rare it is that all the people get organised? we've been seeing more now but like with Ukraine and with the Arab Spring and stuff

people get more organised but it's still hard you know how hard it is to make it happen here in Australia with the Ukraine and with the Arab Spring and stuff. People can get more organized. But it's still hard to make it happen. You know how hard it is to make it happen here in Australia. Yeah, you know how hard it is to get this podcast going? Yeah, very hard. Both of us in the location, the mood, the special pants we wear to record this podcast. The face paint. The face paint. The face paint.

The offensive face paint. Those listening to this purely on the audio version and not actually watching the live web stream might not realize that this is a racist podcast. Yeah, they don't realize. That is a huge part of who we are and what we do is the racial element. That is a huge part of who we are and what we do, is the racial element. And if you have been missing out on that, I can't believe you've been missing all the subtext and layers that this podcast has. I'm even amazed why we release it in purely audio when so much of the enjoyment really comes from the visuals. Certainly from my point of view.

I'll tell you what, I make a resolution from now on, I'll mention it in the visuals. Certainly from my point of view. Yeah. I'll tell you what, I make a resolution from now on, I'll mention it in the opening. The show, the racist show where we come up with five sketch ideas. Yeah. Do you think you could be racist without ever saying or doing anything racist?

I am a racist. Let's get that out of the way. And then you just live the rest of your life. Right? And you never discriminate. You don't act it out. You don't probably even think it, but you are one. Yeah, look, it's a difficult thing, Andy, because I would say you are what you do.

Would you really? Yeah. I would say, because all these inner thoughts and stuff like that, they're just the debate. Like if a country has a big debate about, let's say like... Foreign aid. Foreign aid. The correct response to the most recent explosion of Krakatoa. Yeah.

Heard over 7,000 kilometers away on the other side of the earth. heard over 7,000 kilometers away on the other side of the Earth, cutting the atmosphere in a thin layer of volcanic ash, reducing sunshine to all areas of the world and causing a global ice age. The country has an internal debate about that. Alistair, continue. Wait, so wait, the country has a debate about that? About that, about the correct response. Okay, and let. The country has a debate about that? About that, about the correct response. Okay.

And let's say they have a debate and they decide, we're doing actually better than a lot of other countries. Should we just use our resources to help ourselves survive? Or should we help other nations as well who are not as well prepared as us? Or as fortunate because we're quite close to the equator. There's 50% of the people who are like, let's not help anybody. Fuck those people.

Screw everything. Other than us. Look out for us. Let's fix everything at home before we think about helping anybody else. Absolutely. Absolutely. That's why you do up your shoelaces before you leave the house. Exactly.

It's basic. You're looking after number one. Number one and his shoes. You're putting on your mask before you put on the little kid's mask. Number one and his size 11s. Yeah. So there's that debate. I just upgraded myself by two whole shoe sizes in that scenario.

But they win to help other people. That's the debate is won by the people who say they help other people. In that case, are they a good nation? Because they do good things and they help other people. Yeah. But there's still that internal monologue that's like, we shouldn't help anybody. In the internal monologue, which in this case,

it sounds like it might be approximately an internal 21 million-a-log. Yeah. Yeah, I see what you're saying. Within the mind, you go through a bunch of options. There's random ones that are thrown into the mix because your brain is just testing you. Yeah. Eh? What if you just kicked him in the face and ran off?

Eh? Eh? Eh? What if you made a farting noise? Come on, come on, come on. What if you did something extremely in the face and ran off? Hey, hey, hey. What if you made a farting noise? Come on, come on, come on. What if you did something extremely rude and illegal? Yeah. That's the internal monologue.

Yeah, it's the internal monologue. But the only one that makes it through is just to buy another packet of chips and leave. Yeah. I think, yeah, that is just, I can't remember how we started this conversation. Well, it's about... It was me saying, you are what you do. You are what you do. Okay, you're right.

So I think, yeah, because... You are what you do. It's like a closed system, right? And the output of the system is the only thing that matters. Exactly. Yeah. The... You are what you do.

I think a scenario or a sketch, right? Do you think we should come up with a sketch? Alistair, I'm glad you're on the same page. Yeah, absolutely. And on that page, I hope you've got the pen ready because I can pretty much remember what I was about to say. It is up and pointed at the page. In this scenario, a person is asked a very simple question or presented with a very simple situation.

Okay. a person is asked a very simple question or presented with a very simple situation, and we merely hear every single one of their thoughts as before they perform the action. So it's a sketch in which every possible outcome is explored in their mind, all the weird ones. There's a few twists and turns that come in, and then we see the result. Because you often see that thing of the angel and the devil in their mind, all the weird ones. There's a few twists and turns that come in, right? And then we see the result. Because you often see that thing of like, you know,

the angel and the devil on the shoulders. But I think it actually is. It's much more of a Senate. Oh, yeah. Because, I mean, there's more than two options. There's more than... So many options. Yeah.

Because there's good and bad, but then there's also a lot of bad that you can do. And the spectrum. Yeah, and a lot of good. A lot of good. There's a lot of good spectrum yeah and a lot of good there's a lot of good there's a lot of good you could do you know there's a lot of bad but there's a lot of good you could do you just need to take action right now mm-hmm and so so I would I mean the way I would see it is as the decision has to be made so some kind of scenario occurs between people,

or, you know, between a man and his environment. We're painting very broad strokes here now. I like it. A man and his environment, or a man and a person, or a man and a person in an environment. Great. Hang on, Alistair.

I feel like you're painting me into a corner. No, no, no, no. There's a lot of possibilities where this could happen, right? Well, you're painting me into a corner. No, no, no, no. There's a lot of possibilities where this could happen, right? No, you're paying me into an environment. Something happens, and then you get that kind of like good super slow-mo thing going right now. Yeah. So it goes... Yeah, really good. Like we're watching a tennis match.

Yeah, and not only does the... is the sound of time slowing down, but it also zooms you into their head. Yes. Right? At the same time. And then... Face. Let's say face.

Head. Sure. I would say face is where the head is. Home is where the heart is. Face is where the head is. Carry on. And then as it slows down, that's when you can get the inner monologue clicks in. So as you see like the jowls sort of slowly kind of...

I don't know why he's moving his face so much during this thought. Yeah. But then, yeah. It's just part of being alive. Yeah. Your face moves weird in super slow-mo. Yeah, great.

You don't realize, but your skin is constantly shifting like the tides and the dunes. It's like an electron zipping around the atom. Absolutely. Okay, it gives the illusion of a cloud of electrons. That's what my face merely the illusion of calm benevolence that I recognize as Alistair. So, should we write that down? Yeah, okay.

It's like every single thought guy, right? Where you hear every possible option going through his. As he is presented with a very basic... What did you call it? Every single thought guy. Every... E-S-T-G. Estiger. Let's call him Esther.

Esther, the every single thought guy. Esther is... Is Esther a man's name? No. You'd write it with an H in there as well, wouldn't you? I would. I had a... Not a... I had a school teacher in year one that was called Aliette. Write it with an H in there as well, wouldn't you? I would. I had a school teacher in year one that was called Aliette,

which is a very French name, Aliette. You don't really get that much in English, Aliette. Maybe you do. I've never encountered one. I don't get that much in English. I don't know what your experience of the English language is like. Who's to say that if the blue you see when you see a blue is the same blue as I see when I hear the word Elliot? Elliot. Because we all experience the same synesthesia.

Yes. But the teacher next to us was Estelle. That's all I had to say. You can just say your thing out loud. No, I'm going to make a note so I can remember it for later. Andy, you can... What did you write? You wrote 1D? I wrote 7D. Because I wanted to bring up the 7D cinema that we saw when we were in Tasmania.

The following on from the... I believe it was the 4D cinema? 5D cinema that we discussed in an earlier podcast. While we were in Tassie, Alistair and I, we walked past the 7D cinema. I mean, they've got a whole extra 5Ds. They've got to occupy somehow. I still don't know.

What have you got? You've got your sense of... Let's get the 3Ds. Three spatial dimensions. So you've got up, down, left, right, forward and back. Three. That's three.

Four. That's smell. Did we count time? Because I feel like all cinemas are 4D if you count time. No, all cinemas cinemas are 4D if you count time. No, all cinemas are at least 3D if you count time. Really? Yeah, because most cinemas aren't 3D.

Most cinemas are 2D. Oh, 2D, yeah. Okay, 3D if you count time. Most are 3D, and then actually really 3D cinemas, they're 4D, and then you've got 5D, that's smell. 6D, I guess, then gets you to people pinching your legs. People pinching your legs. But what is the 7th D

is it your sense what are you detecting larrikinism you know I always I'm sure I've mentioned this the fact that I feel like there's a part of my brain constantly dedicated to knowing if there's any tea left in my cup

yeah it could be that it could be that. It could be that. Yeah. So you just really got a really, oh, I got a real sense of how much tea was left in the cups of all the actors. What about sense of fullness? You know, like how full you are?

Is that kind of this touch? Because that's inner touch is like a weird one. The thing is that inner touch. Inner touch. I wouldn't think of myself as touching my food inside me. But I guess I am. That's how I know I'm full. But there is all these other, like, temperature.

That's not even on the five senses, is it? Well, I think when they say that we have... Is it five senses? Yeah. Because it's the sixth sense, yeah. So there are people who know about know about like who are anatomists and work in science and and body related uh fields fields you know uh they all kind of go like yeah we don't have five senses we have like 10 or something like that because you're like there's

like balance and then there's your tree exception yeah and then there's your sense of whether somebody else is gay. And, like, how, you know, feeling how dry your eyes are. Yeah. And the furriness of mouths. You know, there's a sense of furriness. Yeah, yeah. It's like a hangover. Yeah.

Hangover is a sense. That's a sense. That's a sense of being poisoned. Last night. Yeah, there's a a hangover. Yeah. Hangover is a sense. That's a sense. That's a sense of being poisoned. A sense of what happened last night. Yeah. There's a sense of regret. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

A sense of pointlessness. A sense of things dragging on. A sense of sensibility. Oh, you know what I saw some of, which I thought, I'd never seen any Jane Austen stuff. And I saw some Pride and Prejudice. Okay, what did you see? Did you see the Keira Knightley one or did you see the older one,

Jennifer Aile? The BBC production. I think it was a BBC production. With Colin Firth? Yeah. Absolutely, in my opinion, the definitive Pride and Prejudice. Really a fantastic series. that's the one that

they've made the statue of of what's his name like in a river so mr darcy coming out of the river his shirt's open oh yeah oh so okay come over all why didn't anybody say that it was funny and that it was good like i just assumed there was this whole genre of stuff that was only enjoyed by women right that was like i know but i'd never seen a guy say oh fucking it's really funny yeah really good well why hasn't ever any man ever said uh because we held them down pride and prejudice is good right you understand like nobody no i've never seen a man refer to jane austen in any kind of positive way it's why has this never come up because i know i watch it ripped off yeah and i go this is genuinely good this is not like watching

mamma mia which was like my mom loves it but it is. It is dreadful of a storyline. It is dreadfully executed. The only thing that is fun... The performances are terrible. The performances... The sets! The singing is terrible. Like, yeah, it's...

I've got a good feeling that the catering on Mamma Mia was subpar. That's how bad that film is. The only thing that was good is that those people mostly got a free trip to wherever that is at. But it didn't even seem like they were getting great weather the whole time. So even that would have been a bit of a bummer. They were probably having to live in caravans. If it's actually set on an island, you can't even get that many caravans there. You can't get that many caravans there.

It's cost prohibitive. And it looked very hilly. So they're not going to be sleeping on the level. Yeah. Anyway. So Pride and Prejudice was quite good, quite funny. There's a lot of great jokes in there, none that I can remember currently. There's the mother who says, oh, Mr. Bennett. That's very funny.

And just her being... She is a perfect character. Yeah, her being so angry at Mr. Darcy and everything like that. That all seemed very good i don't think we're doing justice to these jokes really and in the retelling if we got together around the water caller the morning after the appointment viewing that was pride and prejudice and you tried to remind me about the time she was so mean to mr darcy and stuff well because i don't think i'd laugh loud. But it's weird that it's like... It seems like it's making fun of that time.

See, nobody ever told me that it was kind of making fun of that period and the culture of that period. I guess it was satire. Yeah. When it came out. Jane was probably having a bit of a satire. Yeah. Pulling the old satire.

Somebody should have fucking told me. Why am I 31 finding this out? I mean, it's fine. That's not that old. But, I mean, it could have gone on if my girlfriend and her mother didn't have a tradition to watch at least some of Pride and Prejudice

every year at Christmas Day. That's really nice. Yeah. That's great. Yeah. So is that a sketch? Well, I think a man who stands up in public and loudly proclaims the fact

that he actually, Pride and Prejudice is really quite good. Yeah. But it's ridiculous. All right. So a guy who gets essentially my genuine feelings? Yeah, I think pretty much exactly what you described. Right? Maybe he confronts his friends Essentially my genuine feelings? Yeah, I think pretty much exactly what you described, right?

Maybe he confronts his friends at like a pub or like a social event or he organises, he invites them all around. You know, yes, it's my birthday, but really I brought you here to talk about something that's actually very uncomfortable for me to bring up. It's just been brought to my attention that Pride and Prejudice is very good. And none of you said anything to me. None of you. And you are my friends, my close friends. Dave.

Dave, have you seen Pride and Prejudice? You have. Why didn't you say anything? Tom, you and I often talk about 18th century literature. Often. It comes up in conversation. Not once. You didn't think there was...

I don't know what century it was written in. I'm sorry, Alastair. I think it's probably 19th century. But I get confused by the numbers and the... You've got to subtract one. Andy, as you know, I'm upset that anybody still uses the century format of talking about hundreds of years. Yeah, 1900s, 1800s. Let's just do it.

2100s. I don't need anything where we're going... 2100s. Okay, oh, it's the 20th century. Okay, so I know that that's minus one. It's definitely one different. Is it add 1 and take 1? What is it? What day of the

week is it now? 20th century. How against maths is that? It just feels against maths to say the number 20 and have to picture the number 19. It's a little test. It's just a challenge because life is hard

you know there's all the possible universes we're doing another multiverse mention yeah we're just name dropping the multiverse guys I don't know if you know

about this but I know the multiverse multiverse is kind of a big deal yeah it's pretty much the number one it's pretty big

it's pretty big it's pretty big it's a multiverse um like it's sorry i'm changing the subject because i can't remember what i was talking about well can i can i can you it's it's it's some guys who just travel to another universe right and then they go oh well we haven't had that since the 20th century and then they go what is that that's exactly what i was gonna was going to say. Yeah. Because in another multiverse, whether like, you know how like there could be a universe in which two plus two equals five,

there's just another multiverse in which the laws of mathematics are just slightly different. I don't know how, because it's impossible to even conceive. Where there's no zero. There's no zero. There's no such thing as nothing there. Yeah. There's only every,

like there's only something. One. So there's no such thing as even there. There's only something. One. So there's no such thing as even the concept. And even if you introduce it, it doesn't even fit somehow. Is it like Korean or something where when you're born, you're one? That makes a lot more sense. When you were born in Korea, how old were you? I had an ex-girlfriend who at one point she turned 24. Or she turned... Yeah, I think she turned 24. Or she turned...

Yeah, I think she turned 24. And then her mom said, no, you're 25. And she goes, what? No, you're 25. I didn't tell you, but I've been counting your age wrong. Was she Korean? No. Oh, well, that really would have helped me.

Yeah, no, but it was Taiwanese. Oh, okay. Yeah. But she, like, was it a cultural thing or was she just counting her age wrong? I think from that point on, she was like, then she was trying to not count zero.

I think she was trying to count zero as one. So she kind of like, she's just really fucking with me. She's like, because how fucked would that be somebody just telling you you're actually one year older?

I think that would be more dramatic than most people I know dying from it. They're just going, you're actually 32. And I go, well, I was not prepared

to deal with this. Yes. Yeah. I know most people I know died yesterday, but now you've really with this. Yes. Yeah. I know most people I know died yesterday, but now you've really knocked me for six. Yeah. I thought I was dying young,

but now I'm dying middle-aged. All right, Guy. Yeah. To an alternative multiverse, not an alternative multiverse, let's just say an alternative universe. I think an alternative multiverse is a little strong. You don't need to go that far.

We've really pulled out the big guns. You don't need to travel through infinite universes to get to another multiverse. Another range of infinite universes. There's enough. I think one multiverse is actually enough. But, if you really think about it, there's probably more than

one multiverse. If there is a multiverse, then there's probably more than one multiverse. I mean, if there is a multiverse, then there's probably more than one multiverse. I don't see any reason to disagree. Yeah? I'm so glad to have you on my side. I would say that there's a multi-multiverse. What do you think about that? Well, I think a multi-multi probably falls within the...

Does that fall within the remit of the multi? Like a multi-multi. That's a multi. Like if you're a multi-multi-millionaire. Like you're a multi-millionaire. I know, but Andy. If you're a molting millionaire, well, you're probably some kind of horse in winter. The Wikipedia page that we saw today.

List of lists of lists. List of lists of lists. Right? That's not just lists of lists. Well, it is. I know, but if you saw that, you wouldn't go and click on that link. It was just a list of lists. I wouldn't click on a list of lists.

Yeah, but you would click on a list of lists. Now, yes, you have my attention. If you're anywhere near a computer, and as long as this is not being listened to any time before 1990 i'm sure you are uh look at the wikipedia page for the list of lists of lists because it's just it's just satisfying there is something satisfying because there's so many types of lists like there's like top 100 best films lists so then you click on that list and it's just got a list of lists of the top 100 films you could compare so good you could find the best film from all lists oh the best list yeah you know who does the who does a

really good list of the top 100 films of all time? Who? I don't know. Wikipedia. Yeah, something like that. Okay, wait. They go to the different universe? No, they go to a different universe where the 20th century is merely the 21st century

or something. I don't know. 20th century is the 19th century. 20th century is the 19th century. The 20th century is the 19th century. 20th century is the 19th century. The 20th century is the 2000s. Yeah. Yeah, correct. We did it, Andy.

We did it. We got it. Alistair, you know how there's that Godwin's Law, any internet argument will, the longer it continues, the more likely it will be that someone will mention Hitler. Yeah. Right?

I think it's Godwin's Law. And after that, the conversation... Not Godwin Gretsch. Continue. There is also Godwin Gretsch's Law, which states that any conversation about Malcolm Turnbull's career in the mid-2000s,

if it goes on long enough, will eventually mention Godwin Gretsch. But that's a very different very different line. So that was while he was leader. I don't think he I don't know if he was leader Malcolm Turnbull. Maybe he was leader.

It was definitely a fucking weird time. Malcolm Turnbull was the one who brought up the allegations from Godwin Gretch. Right. Not that I even remember any of the details

except that he had an amazing name if you live in a swamp. And he looked weird. And he looked weird. Like he could live in a swamp. Like he could live in a swamp. amazing name if you live in a swamp um looked weird and he looked weird like he could live in a swamp like he could live in a swamp amazing face if you live in a swamp but i think i i've got a similar theory about our conversations in the multiverse like any yeah the longer any any bit riff goes on the more likely we are to wind up in the multiverse yeah but that's that's a good solution for a lot of things. It's a problem that fixes a lot of things.

The unlikeliness of things happening is solved by a multiverse. Does that mean that if Hitler had not existed that all internet conversations would continue forever? Like, we kind of need the existence of Hitler. We need Hitler to stop conversations. Just so that we know when to stop talking about things on the internet. I know, but imagine where it would go to.

Where would it stop? Well, I don't know. Maybe there would be something else that would be the ultimate stopper. Like, people would compare things to Genghis Khan. Do you think if there was a Hitler of numbers... Okay, I'm very interested in what the fuck that means. Yeah. So if there was a Hitler version of a number,

so a number that... A digital Hitler. Yeah, some kind of like a number Hitler, then Pi would stop at some point. Like Pi is kind of like a conversation that never stops in terms of its randomness of numbers. Right, it's an internet thread that you just scroll through forever. Yeah, it keeps going, and it just goes back to 9, and then it's 3 again, and then it's 4, and then it's 5, and then it's 6, and then it's 1, and then 0. And then it's 4, and then it's 4 again, and then it's 4, and then it's 4, and then it's 4, and then it's four and then it's four and then it's four and then it's twelve.

Even if you only had nine or ten things to talk about you could talk about them endlessly if there was no Hitler. On the internet. On the internet. Oh, silly. But I was wondering if there was a sketch in the idea of like

that along the way there are other things that come up that aren that aren't uh that aren't that alice stop looking for your pen you put it in the oh yeah you put it in the microphone stand for some reason it's going to be really difficult for you to get it out that's okay i can handle it um that that like if there wasn't hitler like that there were other things that it would inevitable that like would come up in a particular conversation, like, you know, Irish setters. Potato famine. The Irish potato famine, all right?

And like the, let's see, the Transformer of Bumblebee and... Wait, the Transformer of Bumblebee? Bumblebee the Transformer. Is that an actual character? In Transformers, there's a character called Bumblebee? Bumblebee the Transformer. Is that an actual character? In Transformers, there's a character called Bumblebee. Really? Pretty sure.

Because the Bumblebee is the least threatening of the bees. It is the one that we take for granted. We go, well, I'm definitely not going to get stung by that because it's a dumb old Bumblebee. It's actually getting fat shamed. The Bumblebee gets laughed at. Bumblebee. Yeah, for being wide and not like a thin, regular bee.

The raptor of bees. If you had that thing about how scientists can't explain how the bumblebee is able to fly, doesn't that feel a little bit like fat shaming? Scientists are like, well, we can't even work out how you stay in the air. Is that a fat joke? The bumblebee is getting bullied by science.

By science. We can't even... Physics! The laws of physics! You shouldn't even be able to fly. That is a sketch. Okay, so... physics you shouldn't even be able to fly that is a that is a sketch okay okay so uh is it a court case with bumblebee is like suing science science for discrimination that's look that's entirely possible like harassment or bullying something in some way. Or maybe it's just a scientist has been introduced to speak at a conference

about something to do with the bumblebee and they just get up and they just make far too many uses of the phrase fat, fatty, fat, fat in their presentation that it kind of undermines what they were trying to say in the first place. That's all I'm saying.

Bumblebees. Bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee. All right. We did it. We did it, Andy. We're on four. We still have one more to go. Even though it feels...

Have we been talking for a long time? 36 minutes. That's not even that long. This is actually way... Have we been talking for a long time? 36 minutes. That's not even that long. This is actually way shorter, and we've only got one to come up with. Yeah. I have that bumblebee one. That's pretty funny.

Yeah, you like that? Yeah. That's good. I like that too. I feel like I was on my way to somewhere else when I got distracted by the bumblebee. Bumblebees, but you're right, they are the least threatening. Oh, you were onto something. When did you bring up the bumblebee? Bumblebees, but you're right, they are the least threatening.

Oh, you were onto something. When did you bring up the bumblebee? I was talking about Transformers. But the... Bumblebee was Transformers. The bumblebees, like, there's a bee called the Killer Bee. Yeah.

That's probably the Velociraptor of bees. Of bees. Yeah, and the Velociraptor isn't even the Velociraptor of bees. Of bees. Yeah, and the velociraptor isn't even the velociraptor of dinosaurs because the velociraptor is that small one. Yeah. Like the balls, the balls of fucking, what's his name? Spielberg. Spielberg.

Check out the balls on Spielberg. The balls on Spielberg to take a dinosaur that doesn't have as aerodynamic a name, which I can't remember, but the one that the raptor actually is. Tetrahyptorhinodon. Yeah, and put the name of this little dinosaur on it, this little chicken-sized dinosaur onto it because it sounds better, to just fuck with everybody's understanding of things. Maybe that should just be dare he he was

the real one playing god in that scenario not recreating life from three billion years ago the cojones on spielberg this guy to change the name that someone else made up. Well, to be honest, because I'm a big believer that the dictionary is just a record of the words that people speak when they have used the language, right? It's a record rather than a reference guide. It was first written as a thing that's like, oh, well, here's the words that we've come up with so far. We should actually take a written down record, right? well, here's the words that we've come up with so far. We should actually take

a written down record, right? So people take it down like that, right? So technically, because Velociraptor gets used so much to mean the big dinosaur that looks like the Velociraptor in Jurassic Park, that's just what it means.

Right. So what it means is what it refers to, and that's what it refers to. Right, yeah. And so the other one, who is the smaller dinosaur that was originally called the Velociraptor, that is just now something else. Yeah. Maybe the dinosaur... Maybe it's called the little dinosaur. Formerly known as the raptor.

Exactly. Or it could change its name to a symbol of some sort. Or it could go on an extended hiatus. Yeah, and then come back and release an album with the photo of somebody doing a parody of the Velociraptor that it used to be called. Possibly of one of the raptors that we now call Raptor on it as the album cover.

That would be a real power move. That was Dave Chappelle on the cover of the Prince album. Really? The latest Prince album has Dave Chappelle on the cover. Or an EP or something like that. He released and he had the photo of Dave Chappelle as Prince from the... That's really good.

As his album cover. That's quite fantastic. Yeah, and as his album cover. That's quite fantastic. If you're a personality in the fame world, that is one of the best skills to have, is to take a joke about you and absorb it and accept it. And grow stronger. And grow stronger, yeah. You get bigger. And grow stronger, yeah. You get bigger. Yeah.

Well, that is kind of like if you've seen X-Men First Class. No, not First Class. X-Men Days of Future Past. There's those like sort of big symbiotic robot things. I can't remember what they're called. Sure. Sentinels. And they, when you fight the X-Men, they learn from their skills and they learn to... I think they absorb their powers in some way or something.

Yeah, they absorb their powers and they become resistant to their powers. Yeah, so it's like that. And it's like the Borg where they just... Just take it on board. They all learn it as well. Yeah, or Star Trek, like William Shatner, who just became a sort of a joke parody of himself and did very well out of it. Thank you all the same. Hasselhoff is kind of like that.

Hasselhoff, yes. A few people like that who just, like, the joke is on them, but then they just absorb it as being a part of them. I think you can't fight it. They've almost become something bigger than themselves. They've become a symbol, like Batman. You know the theme song for Batman was done in one time by Prince. Thank you.

Is that actually the case? Yeah, he did the bat dance. Really? The bat dance is, you've got to go and watch the film clip for the bat dance. And I advise this to the listening audience also. Not just the watching audience of Alistair.

Sure, but I'm happy with that. It's just nice to see you in that face, in that kind of makeup, face makeup. Face makeup. Yeah, the bat dance with Prince.

Doing the bat dance. Seeing the bat dance. Bat dance. It's pretty great. Okay. It's, yeah, it's crazy. Many costumes are worn. Yeah. Many poses are thrown. Is Batman in it? You know, I can't even remember. I think maybe at one point Prince is dressed as half Batman, half the Joker. Whoa. Yeah. Like Two-Face. Yeah. Was he just Two-Face? Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Well, there you go. Prince. I don't know. Is there a sketch in the way that velociraptors are like Prince? No. Okay.

Sorry, Alistair. Or not velociraptors, but the little ones that were originally velociraptors. Not the ones that are now known as velociraptors. The ones that are formally known as velociraptors. Formally known as velociraptors. Not the ones that are now known as velociraptors. The ones that are formally known as velociraptors. Formally known as velociraptors. No. Again, all I can see is like a... Okay, maybe there's a scenario in which

some actual dinosaurs actually have been brought back from the dead. Maybe. Yeah. Resurrected in some way. But I guess it's still just being... And there is a... They're being born anew.

I feel like maybe this joke has been done on the Simpsons. Tell me, please correct me if it has. But there is a... Some people are being pursued. Somebody says, look out, there's a velociraptor coming and then a nerdish character who has the same complaint as alistair yeah engages them in the debate as to whether or not it's actually a velociraptor and then gets eaten by the oh it's interesting because when as you're saying that the way i thought that was going to go is um so let's say let's say the the debate about it has already happened at some point.

Maybe not, but maybe it would just have to be maybe in a way that somebody – you'd have to assume a lot of people know this actual fact. But somebody said, look out, there's a velociraptor coming. And then somebody kind of went, oh, and then they stopped running because they weren't afraid anymore because it's just those little things that you can just kick away yeah and then he got attacked by like a large spielberg velociraptor yeah in which and and from this object lesson we learned that knowledge is not power oh yeah it was the knowledge too much yeah it was it was education it's the man who knew too much too Yeah. It was education. It's The Man Who Knew Too Much 2.

2. Have you seen that movie with Bill Murray? No. Is that The Man Who Knew Too Little? Oh, no, that's The Man Who Knew Too Little. I would love to see that. Is that good? It's actually quite funny.

I mean, I saw it. I think I drank a lot of Coke. Yeah. And that tends to make me laugh a lot more in films. Well, it would, yeah. But I believe that to have been quite a good movie what about i think maybe the idea with that sketch is because it's kind of so it requires such a specific knowledge afterwards there's just scrolling text explaining the joke no you could do it that way i think in

my version the fact that the guy actually goes ahead and explains the difference between the Velociraptor. Well, are you referring to a Velociraptor as portrayed in the Steven Spielberg popular series of films, Jurassic Park, which was not actually what is scientifically referred to as a Velociraptor, a much smaller and... Oh, my God! I'm being torn apart by a hydrodeptadon! a velociraptor a much smaller and oh my god I'm being torn apart by a hydrodeptadon

maybe that is much better than than a guy getting attacked and then nobody not really knowing what is happening see what you've done there Alistair is you've tried to remove any of the information from the joke I know but I just thought it would be it would be really enjoyable for the people who

know the information oh they wouldn't experience it a thousand times but then and then it would become that enjoyable for people who re-watch it who had watched it once before with the seeing the wikipedia link that you put on the page, visited the page, read the information with some of the references. I reckon you just have the information scrolling Star Wars style. Explaining the joke, which is always good. Yeah, look, I have not...

I think it's like the placebo. I think even if you know you're using the placebo, it still works. And I feel like that's one of those situations. It's like listening to Todd Glass show and them re-explaining the bit and trying it again. And it's still funny. I think everybody's sensitivities with the fragility of comedy are probably false. It's like we're all parents. It's like we're all overprotective parents of comedy.

And we're like, no, don't hurt it. No, don't do that. It doesn't like it. It doesn't work if you do that. It doesn't, yeah. Oh, you've got to be so careful. Or it's like an old, probably like a 52-year-old father with a really well-maintained

old Mustang. Yeah. Like being worried about how people are going to use the gear shift and the clutch. And let's say it, the radio knob. Yeah. I'm glad that you said it, Andy. And by radio knob, I mean Kyle Sanderlands. Boom!

That was the last episode of the Two in the Think Tank podcast. We're going to wrap this up now. That's what we've been building up to this entire time, Andy. And so the whole time. A radio knob gag. Finally, we needed to... You know, when you create a series like... A series.

Let's call it what it is. It's a series. It's a series. We always had the end in mind. There's some twists and turns along the way. I don't know if you've seen Lost. They started, they didn't really know what the ending was going to be and they stretched it out and obviously people were unsatisfied. But we, from the very beginning, knew exactly the podcast

where we try and come up with five sketch ideas and at the end I say Kyle Sanderlans is a knob. And it's good. It gave us a long, as we were writing each episode, because we do write the episodes in advance. We pre-write everything that's been said tonight. We pre-write every single word. And tonight, yes, indeed.

It was good for us to know where we were ending up so that the characters could be consistent so that the people listening, and if you were really paying attention, you probably would have picked this ending already. But just so that people had that in people listening, and if you were really paying attention, you probably would have picked this ending already. But just so that people had that in their minds. It's good for the audience to be able to get ahead of the actors or the performers. That would be Alistair Trombley-Birchall and Andy Matthews in this case.

I'm playing Andy. You're playing Andy. And I play Alistair. It's good for them to get ahead of the actors and the performers and even the characters, but not actually the writers. The writers always have to be one step ahead still. So if you were ahead of the characters, well done. Congratulations.

I think it should be pretty clear that they didn't know where it was going. But if you were ahead of the writers, then congratulations. Congratulations on all of you. Thank you very much for listening. I'm going to go back into character now. Yeah, and I'm going to go back as Andy now. Yeah, okay, great. All right, here we go.

So, yeah, I think... Okay, here it is. Look, it's been... Alistair, do you want to take us through the sketches? The sketches for today are... This evening's sketches. Okay, wait. Super slow-mo?

So what happens is super slow-mo, then every single thought guy... Maybe we call him Mo. Maybe his name is Mo. Yeah, it could be... No, no, his name is Esther. Mo, the every single thought guy. Esther.

So he's about to do something, random situation, man dealing with environment, man dealing with a person, something is about to happen, then you hear all the inner monologue of all the possible options of things that a man or a woman goes through like that. Can I just add in something?

Yeah. The character of Super Slow Mo, though, does in himself seem like a humorous man. His name is Mo, and he's super slow. Yeah, that's good. And now it's time to see that again with super slow Moe. And a character comes in, like some scenarios happen, and then a character called Moe comes in.

Maybe he has a small moustache. And then he just reenacts the entire scene in sluper slow Moe. Yeah, and's kind of He kind of reminds me A little bit of Speedy Gonzalez's cousin Ah Slowpoke Rodriguez

Yeah Yeah You know Slowpoke Rodriguez Slowpoke Rodriguez He pack a gun Oh I didn't know

He packed a gun Yeah he packs a gun Okay I think he shot Sylvester in the face Well well Sylvester Any day that he doesn't get shot is probably these days just a real anomaly. A guy who confronts his friends about how no man has told them Jane Austen and Pride and Prejudice was good.

Great sketch. Yeah. And I see you're making a note. No, I forgot to put the words was good in there. Great sketch Yeah And I see you're making a note No I was just I forgot to put the words Was good In there

So it was just Told him about Yeah so it didn't make any sense Guys Travel to Alt Universe Where 20th century Is the 2000s Great

I for one Would make that one way trip Yeah I would bid farewell I would abandon that one-way trip. Yeah. I would bid farewell. I would abandon my friends and family. Friends and family. Just so that we didn't have to do that fucking minus one on the fly whilst in the midst of a conversation.

And maybe that's part of the sketch as well, the fact that these people are so willing to abandon it. Like, you realize that this is a one-way trip and you can't come back. Yeah. And you will never see any of these people again. Look, I don't give a fuck, alright? I am not deducting one ever again. I'm not going to go through that. People are willing to risk their lives to go across

multiverses. And look, we don't even know if this machine works. Look, I'll take the chance! It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter. Do you understand that life is not worth living with this here? I have to do minus one! I can't look at that wife. I have to do minus one. I can't look at that wife. I can't look at those children

without some part of my mind being aware of the waking hell that is this minus one nightmare. And that I'm bringing them into. Exactly. That I will raise them to live in.

If I had any courage, I would kill them all, head by self. And yet I am a coward, and so I take the coward's way out. Absolutely. This machine. This machine to this multiverse, new multiverse, multi-multiverse. And then like in this multiverse there's like only like two people left like everybody's gone yeah

they're sitting around being like and that's that's the way that they solved the problem on that planet they killed

everybody else and then they they tried to forget that there was the century system and they said yeah 20th century

that's the 2000 alright number four is the bumblebee is getting fat-shamed by science, which it says, when it says, physics can't explain how the bumblebee flies. Great.

Yeah. And then five is, ah, these raptors, there's a raptor coming. And then the kind of nerdy guy's like, do you mean the Spielberg raptor or an, blah, blah, blah, like that. the Spielberg Raptor? Or a...

Like that. It sounds even more like a Simpsons joke when you do it in that voice. Yeah. Oh, Mr. Simpson. And that's... So that's the end. That's... That's...

That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... That's... episode for today.

Thanks for listening to the show, everybody. It's been a fantastic night. Thank you very much.