Two In The Think Tank - 427 - "REVERSE GEPPETTO"

Episode Date: May 31, 2024

Vocabulary Plus, Visual IQualiser, Barborist, Kids Are Dumbing, Picasso Boxer, World's Fullest Man, Salamasterclass, Reverse Geppetto, Skateboard Saviour, SAItan, CrucifixieThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.Check out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

A-Cast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry and a performance enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I am Andy and he is Alistair. George William Chauble-Berger. George William Chauble-Berger. Andy, so what's good is that I'm just like trying to... Tell me what's good. What's good.

What's good. What's good. What's good. What's good is that When I speak French here in Montreal I've discovered that sometimes I don't know basic things because I've been away for so long Like I did a gig the other day and the guy was like this is what he said in French, right? He said the list is on the stool But I did not recognize the word that he used for stool and so me a 40 year old man has to say to somebody what is that what is a one of those what is that like oh, it's a four legged thing that you sit on.

Huh? Okay. Andy has disappeared momentarily. We are having our first audio problems of the recording. No. So Andy, let's make a decision. If there's audio problems, I will start talking. Yeah, great. And then and then I will just start filling in

the people with the stories about beautiful, our beautiful lives. And I'll tell them about our history. Yeah, that's that's really nice. What about is there a sketch idea in that? Is this a sketch idea where every day of your life, just to make things interesting, okay? This is once we've all got chips, or we've all got brain chips.

I mean, we can definitely do a brain chip thing where everybody's got a Neuralink now, and they decide to start selling off some of the English language to private investors, to private equity firms. And now big slabs of words, certain bundles of words, certain chunks of text are now owned privately and you have to pay to be able to unlock those features, to be able to use some of the... And it doesn't make sense that we all hold three syllable words in our brain when we probably don't use a lot of them

a lot of the time, right? So maybe that's an expansion pack, so you can pay to get those kind of things. And then you're like- If you don't learn things naturally, you just zoom them into your brain or whatever, like through downloads. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Or maybe you do know them, right? But you just can't can't utilize them Because you haven't paid for your subscription right and so we find ourselves in situations We're like somebody is it's just on the free model of the English vocab And they're trying to explain really complicated concepts, but using really small words because they refuse to pay For the for the this expansion pack to get the four syllable words it's crazy we don't ever use them i'm not gonna buy them i'll buy i'll buy an individual four syllable word they don't get any of the east words or ism words

exactly because i think i don't need any of them ism and so if you want to be able to do sort of philosophy you probably need those just for shortcuts it'll increase your talking speed but you have to if you don't then you have to explain every concept from first principles mmm it doesn't yes that's what I like about it, absolutely. And I like, it turns every day into almost a game of charades. And I like the, you know, why would I bother having the word perambulator? Why am I, why am I paying for that when the word pram is right there and does the job

perfectly fine. And but also I think another option that is as an alternative to that idea, a separate idea I would say Andy, I am not even going to allow these ideas to touch. These ideas are gonna follow a strict Christian upbringing and they are gonna wait to marriage before these ideas even consider melding before we achieve any kind of conceptual synthesis right and this one was that again you have something in your brain that allows you know that allows a lot more adaptive like the word I am looking for is where you get to change something at will by change the parameters of it. It is not adaptable, but you it is configurable.

Flexible. It is like you can configure it to your taste. Customizable. Customizable is exactly the word. Like like. Well, that's one of the four syllable words that you're not gonna get access to. I'm not gonna have access to. That's what I meant. I meant the word that means going,

that you can bring it through customs. And it's customizable, but it means like, for example, you can choose what IQ you have. And in this particular one, we realize, they're realizing a trend that the majority of people are choosing to have a much lower IQ than what they had. That is really interesting. And there would be times of the day

when you can just dial it way down. Yeah, like instead of- Maybe you even have a knob. Imagine that, like instead of watching TV or scrolling on your phone, people noticed that they could just turn their intelligence down, and they could just sit there in silence really happily.

Ha ha. Or just be mesmerized by like a leaf sort of waving or a feather rustling in a breeze. I mean let's be honest, people would probably just turn it down and then just everyone would be fucking. Do you think? I mean I think that that would be- Do you think that we mean, I think that that would be... Do you think that, you know, we'd just become animals again? I mean, there's, there's like, it's like dog parks, like fenced off parks.

Mmm. Where... Yeah. But instead of for dogs, it's, you have to have like, below 70 IQ. Yes. And anything, anything goes. You go in, you turn down your IQ, the guy at the gate, he puts a little lock thing on your IQ so you can't dial it back up again while you're in the pen in the dipshit park

and you go and you just romp around and you experience pure bliss. Alistair, can I run something by you? There's a carer there who throws a ball for you guys. Like. Yeah. Yeah, I really like it. Can I run something by you that I, a thought that I had the other day,

that on some level, and this is gonna sound insane, the thought I had was almost too beautiful for me to handle. Yeah. Okay. It's not gonna come across that way, but this is was my thought I was thinking that the first conscious

The first brain right the first brain that ever existed would have been one that evolved to take in information from the environment and Respond to it in the simplest way possible. And I think it's possible that what that information was, was sensing light with some sort of photoreceptor and then being able to move towards it. So we would have been some kind of jellyfish primitive multicellular organism in the ocean. And we would have evolved so that like, you don't want to sink into the depths.

You probably want to be close to the surface, right? And we evolved to be able to move, sense the light and move towards it, right? And that was all we would have been able to do. And what do people say they experience when they die? They experience moving towards the light. And I was thinking, maybe that's what is happening is that all our, and they also experience being truly happy, right? And feeling this warmth and this light and this love and this bliss.

And maybe what we're experiencing when we die is all our higher functions, all these billions of years of just like, you know, relative to moving towards the light, every other thought is a neurosis, right? And all those other things shut down and die and we're just left with that first brain. We go back to the bliss that was the first thought, which was whatever at the very core, the very bottom of our brain, that one thing that just senses that there is light and just wants to move towards it.

And that's all we, and we're back to that primitive, that's the real original Garden of Eden feeling. I mean, that's kind of almost close to, that's probably closer to plant. Like that would be one of the first plant responses, I guess, if there's a... Right? Like when we would... Maybe, yeah. When did we branch off from plants? Oh well, about the time we stopped having branches, ironically I would say.

Ironically, Alastair. I consider each one of my hairs a little branch. Oh, do you? Yeah. Oh, there you go. That's a much. Do you consider a barber to be an arborist? Yes, yes, I say.

A barberist, I call him. That's already, you have just, like, by saying the word barberist, I think that you can almost completely envisage a part human, part plant hybrid world. Yeah, I absolutely can. You know? Yeah. And I think, once again, that could be something

that lies in our future, where we redevelop the ability to photosynthesize. Of course could be something that lies in our future where we redevelop the ability to photosynthesize. Of course we'd put in our hair. Everybody's bloody got green hair anyway these days, haven't they? Oh, but you could see how it could be one of these bloody, these tree huggers that one thing led to another. Oh, went a little bit beyond hugging.

Tree hugging moves on to tree kissing. Tree kissing moves on to tree tongue kissing. And then tree tongue kissing moves on to tree oral sex. Let's see, tree 69. Usually I just get very tired. Yes, and then after that back to tree hugging for a little while. But then you work up the energy to do tree anal. That's me sitting on a stump. And then a bit more cuddling again. And then that's the problem.

The first guy, he was, who ever do it with a tree, was a bottom. But he told his friend. And she is also a bottom, but. Yes, okay. But she had some pollen fall within her, into straight into the important pipes. Her flower. Yes, her important pipes. Which I think. What is the most important pipe do you think? In the human body or in the world or in the universe? In the universe thanks start there, let's see. Oh the fallopian tube

Because I respect everyone equally Let's see the most important pipe. My first instinct is the cannelloni pasta tube. Of course. You know what? I don't have any hesitation in saying that all stuffed pastas can get fucked. Really? I'm talking Cannelloni, I'm talking Ravioli. You are...

Andy, I think if I had known this about you I wouldn't have started this podcast with you ten years ago. No. There you go. Andy doesn't even have any humor with it. I didn't even write down the barber, the barber, Barberist. Barberist world.

Alastair, you didn't even, let's be honest, we moved on from what, a concept that I said was so beautiful, it almost made me cry. Oh yeah. And went straight into growing leaves on your head. Yeah, I mean. Without so much as a pause to reflect. I know I know I apologize. And any sense of like whether it brought you close to tears?

Sorry Andy, yeah I was close to tears in the way that tears are always in my head and they're very close to where I think is myself and they're in my brain and but also I do think it's a nice idea I my thank you that's all I need no no I do like that a lot I want my brain wants to like think about wants to discuss it further but I also want us to be able to discuss it further in a sketch type idea. Yeah, of course. But then I want to know how. How are we there? I mean, I guess it's a scientist who is saying this.

It's like, ah, you're going towards the light. You're going towards the light. But then why are they hearing them? Yeah, and what's the context and what makes it funny in any way? I mean it does feel like that's what would happen if we kids were getting, overclocking their low IQ dial and winding it way down almost to sort of absolute zero of IQ and just becoming these regressing to like the mental state of a single-celled organism in the ocean and just wanting to move en masse towards the light because that's all that they only thought they have and they're loving it the kids are doing this and they're loving it. Yeah. I think that's really fun.

They're dumb, kids are, kids out there are what's called dumbing. They're dumbing. And go to parties and they dumb. They get completely dumbed. They get completely dumbed. They split in half. No, that's, they try.

No, but they feel the urge. Maybe that's the risk, isn't it? That if you turn it way down like that. It reactivates. It reactivates stuff which would still be in the in the DNA it just turns on the gene dormant there yeah it actually we don't realize that actually requires a conscious will to not split in half I guess if you turn your brain back to a single-celled organism state then then all your cells, all your individual cells stop wanting to work together. They start wanting to become individual cells. Right? It's like when Iraq, when they removed Saddam

Hussein, the structure that holds everything together disappears and the sects and schisms start to fight amongst themselves. Is that anything? Yeah, I'm just writing it down, you know. It's called saddharming. It's a new thing the kids are really into. The kids are... They topple their consciousness.

They get into a big dirt hole. Oh, yeah. And they're totty-wotties. They grow their facial hair super long, get a little grey streak and then someone comes in with a spotlight. They stand there in imperfect posture. Dirty. I did notice that about Saddam. I mean, how did they get him? Like was he getting ready for bed? It is undies like that. But you know what I mean?

Like I don't understand the full context of what happened there. But I don't know. But let's say you're hiding. Let's say you've had to escape a palace to go and hide somewhere to escape. Is it that you've left home in such a rush that you couldn't get dressed or do you think while he's in the spider hole, he's in his clothes, he's got up little packed bag and he's such a being of routine that he's in between his day clothes and his PJs. And then there's a knock on the spider hole, you know, on the spider hole flap.

Yeah. He's changing between his full army regalia, which he wore a lot of the time. He's full of military garb and into his PJs. Yeah. Cause like who dropped them off there? Interrupted. Or did he run? Cause it feels like that would be very noticeable

to see a man running in his tighty-whities, you know, through Iraq from the like the palace towards a dirt hole. I wonder if it was almost a form of disguise, you know, we're used to seeing Saddam Hussein fully clothed. Well, what could be less Saddam like than to strip down to his underpants? I think people, you know, would have, he lost one of his distinguishing features, his clothing. I think he was probably just very hot in the hole. I think it was a very hot hole. Iraq, hot country, holes, not a lot of ventilation. I think there was some kind of little fan or ventilation pipe but I think you know at that point he's probably not getting the

kind of high volume. Alastair you'd know the specific units for airflow from your time as a mechanical engineer for building services. Is it BTUs? He's not moving enough British thermal units? I just know it too well. I wouldn't want to rob you of the opportunity to learn it yourself. One of the migratory jobs in the world. Watching me learn. Yes, no, learning it myself, you know. Doing the research and feeling the satisfaction.

It's like people do too many things for their kids these days. Kids don't learn how to do things and that's, I'm bringing that philosophy to you. Um isn't BTU pressure? Has Andy disappeared? Ah yes well then if Andy has disappeared momentarily then I must tell a story about our past. Andy and I first met. Oh, there he is. Just started trying to tell a story from our past. I use the words Andy and I first met. Well, this will be interesting. This will be good. This can, you know, as the call drops out throughout the episode, you'll be able to get little bits more. It'll be almost like

non-linear storytelling. It'll be fascinating flashbacks to the sort of the early days interspersed with this current moment. And then at the end, we leap way forward to us both on our death beds podcasting as we slip this mortal coil. Yeah, I mean, people seem to be pretty lame on their death beds. They're often like doing nothing. I'm gonna, I hope to be able to perfectly do one final little little outro song,

you and I. Yeah. Maybe afterwards just do a little, maybe even a little live stream. A few plugs of some recent appearances. Oh ironically a live stream of our dance. Yes, I mean. Yes. But I still won't. Steep steeped in our I still won't have like quite committed to twitch enough that like I'll still have like You're still talking about starting to do more twitch When as you die, it turns out the final thing you do is twitch a lot And just letting you know that BTU Andy, what a terrible guess. British thermal unit, awful Andy, not even anything to do with air. What you

were thinking was CFM, cubic feet per minute, volume. Cubic feet per minute. Ah. You know, that perfect S.I. measurement. Feet! Oh, that's not what you want, is it? A cubic foot. Is that the same volume as the king's foot? That's right. He has a cubic foot. The same volume as the King's foot as painted by Picasso. I was thinking that a nickname for a boxer, a great nickname for a boxer would be Picasso right because when he's finished with you you've got both your eyes on the same side of your head. That's really good. What do you think of that? Yeah, I liked that a lot.

They call him Picasso. And then people will say what? Oh, because he ends up when he's finished with you, both your eyes are on the same side of your head? No, because he has a terrible attitude to women. He's actually not very good at boxing at all. He's actually going through a depressive blue period at the moment. Oh very good. Alastair I just want to talk about something that I'm experiencing in my life at the moment, is that okay? Yes. Great, so what I'm experiencing in my life, well the other day somebody

described to me the experience of having emphysema, it's like you breathe in as deep as you can, right? And then you try and breathe a little bit more. And then you just breathe that bit out. Just that little bit more. And then you just breathe that tiny little bit with your lungs still full. And all you can breathe is just, your lungs always feel full

and you can only breathe that tiny little bit at the surface. Well, that's what I'm doing with my computer that I record podcasts on. Because every time I sit down to record the podcast it says your hard drive is almost full and I delete the previous podcast we recorded and gain just enough space on this hard drive that is gigabytes and gigabytes in size just enough space to just squeeze in one more podcast. What is taking up all the space?

I don't even know I don't even know I feel like I'm constantly trying to delete things off this fucking machine it's a it's a very very old computer. Just download like a hard drive like scanner that can tell you what the big files are or whatever or just like uninstall something. I think I deleted all the big files long ago or it's full of tiny files. It's like a hoarders house that is full of only sheets of newspaper. That doesn't happen Andy. You't it's like you wouldn't think Andy you wouldn't think how it's there Just they're just Word docs and I'll just write so much

projects and developing very prolific very prolific and a lot of my writings contain a lot of subs subtext and that actually actually takes up a lot of a lot of sub subtext and that actually actually takes up a lot of information there's so much information encoded in the subtext of my writing that the files really bloat is one of the least like space-taking yes data intensive it's actually because it's like it's like you've you've zip filed info and then it unfurls in our brain or unzips.

That's true. That is very good, isn't it? It's a beautiful way of putting it. Now we did talk on a previous podcast about a sort of a wind talkers style, army code breaking scenario in which all the information, all the military's most secret information is encoded in the subtext.

They get poets and great writers in to encode the data into the subtext of a sonnet. It just sounds like two ladies gossiping to each other. Exactly. And then... It just sounds like a tense family drama, but bubbling beneath the surface of the exact coordinates of the German encampment at the door dawn the I Don't know how that's pretty no, I don't even know

We sing Verdun. Oh No, sorry. I was saying the don like in law and order But we were you saying verdun? No, I think do-dun. Do-dun-yuh. D-o-r-d-o-g-n-e, maybe? It's pronounced... It might not be a real thing. Bourgogne?

As again, Alastair, that's not what I'm saying. That might be what I should be saying, but it is not what I am trying to say. No, but you said B-o-u-r? G? No, D-O-R. D-O-R. Oh, I don't know that question. D-O-G-N-E. Door dogney? It might be pronounced door dogney. Well, Andy, what do you say to door dogney? Andy, I came up with a... So, is there anything about that

hard drive thing? Is there a sketch of that in any way? I mean somebody whose backpack is so full, somebody whose pockets are so full. Oh yeah. I feel like that is me. But it could be. My pockets are always full. A man who is just, who is full. A man who is the most full and it's everything. pockets that's a really good in order to even have a bite of food like he has to like swallow and in order to swallow he has to take a shit but everything's full his blood this would be a great world record world's fullest man yeah so what would you have to do you'd have to

obviously eat lots and have the food packed all the way through your digestive system right up to the to the to the pressed against the doors of your butthole right and then and then you'd want to breathe you'd want your bladder to be full as well you're gonna be holding on there and you'd want to breathe in so your lungs are expanded Yeah, you'd okay, and then you want to I guess puff out your cheeks maybe shove some Marshmallows into your mouth so that that's completely full as well. Yeah, but then obviously people will be like well You're just you know your nose is just filled with like, well, your nose is just filled with gaseous smell.

And so then somebody, the person who has the guts to squirt some kind of thick foam or something like that into his nasal cavity will technically be fuller. Because I think they just have to, essentially it's probably measured through an average density. Yeah, oh, that's true. Well, in that case, I mean, are you ripping yourself off by breathing in with your lungs? Mmm, that's interesting. Maybe you don't want to breathe in. Maybe the world's fullest man actually has to empty his lungs, right?

Yeah. To be... Oh yeah, yeah that's good. And I guess you want to be eating really dense stuff as well. Or just water. I guess you could just drink water. Oh yeah, just nothing but pumpernickel. Pumpernickel, there you go.

World's densest man. I wonder if they've worked that out. It could be that... It could be like that story of the, you know, like the lecturer or the teacher or whatever who first he eats a bunch of marbles and then he says to the class, am I full now? And they say yes. And then he eats a bucket of sand and the sand goes in between the gaps of the marble. And then he goes, now am I full?

And then the whole student says, yes, now you are full. And then he has like a pint of beer. And then he fits in and he goes, now am I full? They go, yes, now you are full. He goes, yeah, no, I'm full. Wait, I can't remember this story, but is one of the things God's love? Does one of the things in this represent God's love? I have a feeling it does.

I think it might be a good way of demonstrating the concept of fullness. But maybe when he's drunk the beer, that's filled up the gaps between the marbles, the sand in his stomach, maybe he then has to fill himself up with God's love in some way. And then he is truly full. That's right.

He has to confess his sins. Exactly the same thing but one is full of God's love and then he gets it over. Conceptually he's fuller. I wonder if you could measure his weight and his density. It'd be great if we could. Maybe we should do one of those experiments like the Mickelson-Morley experiment or whatever it was, the one that that proved that there's no ether, that the earth moving through the ether. Oh yes, that guy who tried to measure the soul, but maybe we could do one where we actually try and measure the weight of God's love and we find

that it does exist. And to do that we would have to fill a man up completely, right? Two men, two identical men, identical twins. We fill one of them up with marbles then sand then beer. We fill another man up with marbles then sand then beer and then we read to him a passage of the Bible. We we get him to pray get him to kneel down and pray. The other one we read him a passage of Christopher Hitchens. Oh very good. I mean I think God delusion recently. I think yeah I mean I think the the idea that you go well this guy says that he's full of God's love and you

say you don't believe in anything, which means that you're empty. And so conceptually, I guess, I mean, do you have to like, what about like, you also have to remember like, you know, like as much of the phone book as possible and the dates, you know, if you can remember all the dates when movies were first released. I think, did you, have you seen that thing, was it you who shared the thing with me about Graham's number or was that someone on the very popular and frankly popping off these days to in the Think Tank Discord, talked about Graham's number and how Graham's I watched a video about Graham's number and Graham's number is so large that if

you held all of it in your head your head would collapse and become a black hole I think I mean they think they mentioned Graham's number on the do go on quiz that and maybe I would then win away and watched a video about it or something. That might be where that came from. Unless somebody posted a video about it after seeing that on the Discord. There you go. Maybe, maybe everybody's right. You know, maybe all things are true. Oh, I'm world's truest man. That's cool. World's truest fact. Oh, that's interesting. What do you think it would be?

One is equal to one. Oh, interesting. I think probably nothing is equal to nothing, but I mean, because we know that there's such a thing as vacuum energy, maybe there are also such a thing as numbers within zero. I think because once you get to one, then you've got to start using set theory to prove that. Yeah, exactly. And so it probably is easier, unless prone to mistakes, to just have zero is equal to zero.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Every sport has their big juicy controversy. Boxing has the Mike Tyson ear bite. Cycling has Lance Armstrong. Baseball has its steroid era. Curling has... Broomgate. It's a story of broken relationships, houses divided, corporate rivalry,

and a performance enhancing broom. It was a year I'd like to forget. Broomgate, available now. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Oh. Yeah. It feels good, because I think if you say nothing, then you would then somehow maybe have to prove

the existence of the concept of nothing. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. But if you say zero, then you're keeping it within the mathematical realm. The bounds. The realm. The bounds. The bounds of the realm.

Of this concept that we came up with, zero. Mm. Um. Alistair, how many sketch ideas have we written down? concept that we came up with zero. Alistair, how many sketch ideas have we written down? Let's see, one, two, three, four, five, six. I've got a feeling they're all very funny. There's some good stuff in there. So then allow me to take us to three words from a listener if that's okay with you.

Before we do that, can I just, in theme with the flashbacks on the show, because we're doing nonlinear storytelling this episode. Oh yeah, it's going really well. I wanted to just bring up an idea from a previous podcast that I've just been enjoying a lot, and that was the one about the university that only has professors who say really make really blanket statements about the

non-existence of God so that they could then be humiliated by Christian students in the front row who point out the flaws in their argument and they have no come back. I've been thinking about it a lot and it really makes me so happy. Oh yeah, that is a really funny idea. That's the only reason the university exists. But there's an ecosystem there that somehow works and it survives. Yeah, yeah. The whole university.

I reckon you'd get so many enrollments. Yeah. Well, I reckon you'd get so many enrollments. So many kids want to come and humiliate it and the university all gets all that supplementary income from the YouTube ad revenue from the video. That'd be a real scandal to find out that all of those professors were, they were in on it. The fix was in the whole time. They were throwing those lectures. Yeah. Oh, they're actually not.

They've been paid off. They just don't know what they're doing. They're not even throwing it. And before we go to the three words from a listener, I had an idea. I had a flip, a joke flip point. It's just a word, it's just a word flip. Yep. flip point. It's just a word, it's just a word flip and yep but I've never heard it and I can't find a context at the moment that isn't disgusting and repulsive right go on but this word flip I would love us to find a place for it at some point maybe not in this exact context but it's hard for it to not exist

in this context and I want to say that it is the current context is of a sexual nature and a little bit graphic and a little bit gross. Now this, I guess would be a kind of like, it would be a slightly misogynist, but man Who says I Wait, okay. How does he say it? He says I Do Because he loves making mojitos Okay, you know I make my mojitos like I

Like I make my mojitos like I make women. Salami. Salami. Salami. Salami. You're making a joke about salami, is that right? Salami. You're making a joke about salami, is that right? Salami. You make women salami. I run a safe place sausage workshop. It's a butcher's.

Conserving pork. But for women. I should do a class for underprivileged women for how they can make their pork stretch longer. Ah no look I feel great about that Alastair. Slimy. I make women slimy. Yeah but I much prefer the salami. prefer the salami. It's all underprivileged women. I had a Mike. I had a preserved pork. Just could you imagine being underprivileged and going to such a narrow, a narrow course. That's true. I wasn't thinking about that part of it. That's very funny. I teached underprivileged women how to preserve pig meat.

I run classes. I go out to these housing estates. Oh, they have to come to him, I think. Oh, they have to come to him. Wow. They have to kick time out of I think. Oh, they have to come to him. Wow. They have to kick time out of their own meat. Obviously difficult lives. Maybe it's a work for the Dole kind of thing, or like part of the mutual obligations to receive welfare payments in this country.

You've got to do... Have you done... ...a number of meat preserving courses? Have you done Geppetto's salami course? Well you've got to do that if you want to get the doll after 12 weeks. Really it feels like salami making is almost the opposite of what Geppetto was trying to do. He was trying to take wood and turn it into living flesh and salami making feels like you're sort of almost taking wood, taking living flesh and trying to turn it into logs.

I mean, what an idea that a guy, a Frankenstein style man takes, tries to make a human boy so that in the hope that it becomes a puppet, a fairy comes and turns it into a puppet because he's always wanted to have a marionette. He's always wanted to marionette? She does sound lovely. That does sound lovely. All right Alistair, words from a listener. We have listeners, they can support

us on Patreon. If they send us three dollars a month then they can send us three words whenever they fucking feel like it and then we will try and turn those into a sketch idea. Would you like to try and guess those words Andy? Yes I would. Okay, can you guess the first word? Oh the first word Alistair is... Wait who's the listener? Oh, I fucked it up. Who's... I don't know. Chase Nelson. Chase Nelson? Yeah. Maybe it's Chase Nelson. That's it. That name is so dynamic. It's a very dynamic... I mean... I feel thrilled. The name sounds like it's skateboarding. thrilled. The name sounds like it's skateboarding. Yeah, I was gonna say I feel like I just watched a drag race down a like a suburban street. I can feel the heat of the flames on my face.

I can see the light, Andy. I could smell the burning rubber. Chase Nelson. I can see. You could do anything with that thing. His burning carcass. You could do anything. The crash sign. Being thrown from the wreckage. Tangling in the overhead power lines. Oh, it's awful.

I don't know why it made me laugh. I think what made me laugh was the idea that it's already a carcass as it's being thrown and it's like it went through the air so he doesn't even get it. I wonder how quickly it becomes a carcass. I feel like if you're getting thrown in the air there's still so much energy in you that you didn't hit anything hard enough yet you know and that would be one last thrill. And that would be one last thrill. It's not the Greek name. Alastair... So Chase Nelson has given us three words from a listener. Would you like to guess the first word?

Okay, the first word is... Think about it before you say it. Urgent. It's urgent. Alright, I'm going to start by giving you the good news. There's you did get one letter, correct? The bad news is that you got three other letters incorrect. The first word is dawn. Dawn.

Dawn. Okay, the second word is of. Of? Dawn of. No, Andy. No, nobody's gonna waste a word on of. But, you know, I guess somebody could just send in the words of three times. That would be tricky. Um, no, the second word Andy is dude. Dawn, dude. Um, okay. And the third word is dawn, dude, daddy. Dawn, dude, daddy. Yeah. Dawn, dude, daddy is incorrect. I'm'm sorry Andy. The third word is rugs. Don't do rugs. Really? Yeah. Don't. I mean this feels like these are very Chase Nelson words. These are very... Especially dude. I don't know. But say it for us though chase Nelson chased no no the words don't do drugs the words do they run into something they turn is

they kind of run into something is it doing drugs is it doing drugs don't do drugs don't do drugs don't don't don't why I'm, Chase is obviously a straight edged kind of fella. Yeah. Like maybe one of our many Christian listeners. Yeah. Trying to use in his own humble way the platform that he has on the podcast as a three word submitter to convey a very important message in the subtext. He's a guy who skateboards over to you and then plays you a hymn about clean living.

You know, with his hand backwards. Skateboard for Christ. Do you think if you were one of Christ's boarders that you would skateboard on a crucifix? Like it feels like something that would be good to do a grind on if it was laid down on the ground. Do you think that like within the context of Christian skateboarding, is it considered worshipful to do that or is it disrespectful do you think? Yeah I mean I almost like to picture the idea of like them walking along the beach and then how come when I needed you most just two tracks appeared

and then Jesus said that's when I turned into a skateboard. That's not very useful on the beach though. Not on the beach but maybe it's one of those electric ones where people have a little handle in their hand and a little remote in their hand. Oh, and big wheels. Yeah, that's when I'll turn into an electric skateboard. That's really cool. That's really cool.

I bet that there are pictures already already thanks to the power of AI, which is only making things better for everybody and makes me happy every single day. I love that it's destroying all the remaining good things about being a human. I mean, the real damage that it does is in the minds of those who have been left behind, which is all of us who have survived this AI overtake. And how we're like, oh well, it's like we feel awful about it existing, we feel awful about what it's gonna do in the future,

and we feel awful about what it actually does do. And feel bad about how people are being tricked by it. And we... It's just... people are being tricked by it and Isn't it crazy that like that it only makes things worse and people are still working really hard on making more of it and making It more powerful. Yeah, isn't it insane that there's whole companies and whole businesses are pivoting towards it it's like if we discovered a portal to hell, or we discovered Satan manifested on Earth and he would grant your wishes, but at a terrible cost.

Then all you saw on LinkedIn were posts from business executives talking about how you can modify your business model to take advantage of a cursed deal with the Dark Lord Satan. They're like, it's just that right now. You can give it your bot model. Right now. And just the key words, deal with the Dark Lord Satan Satan are if you can just have that in your business plan that's making your shares go up like 30% already already that's just what's hot right now metaverse is out AI I mean this is a sketch idea

yeah deal I mean yeah I mean it could be Satan. It doesn't have to be Satan. It could be one of that that big evil sort of planet thing from the fifth element. Yeah, or it could just be I guess like a sort of maybe a sort of a pussy pimple thing. Oh Andy's cut out for a second. So then we at a meeting. It's a sort of a big fleshy blob. There was a call out for comedy writers, and neither of me and Andy were comedy writers, but we wanted to be.

I'm back. I'm back. Okay. But I like hearing this, and it's going to be great for the listeners listening to a couple of seconds of us talking over the top of each other. Because I know we said that you would talk when it dropped out Alastair, but one of the things about it dropping out is that if I'm talking, I don't realize it's dropped out. I just keep going baby.

Yeah. No bloody awareness. And I don't... Well, I think that's unfair. Andy, I'm joking. I'm joking. Well, it still hurt my feelings. Oh no. Andy, can I say... Jokes can be used as a weapon. It can be really hurtful. Andy, can I say with genuineness, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I know, I apologize for the if. I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. That was a bad choice on my part and I was not,

I was not thinking at the time. I was, I thought it would be funny to hurt your feelings a little bit, but I didn't realize that I would hurt them a lot a bit. Isn't it a lottle? A lottle bit. A lottle bit. Isn't it apologizing? Sincerely apologizing. Isn't it great? Yeah.

I think it feels so good. And, and I wish I'd realize this earlier I apologize so much in my relationship and I apologize very genuine. Yeah, and and and I really do mean it and It feels wrong to enjoy it as much as I do but I get a lot out of it I want to apologize right now. I mean you could you could literally apologize to your beloved for taking the time to go and do this podcast. Yeah I probably will. Do you think there are Christian has has a Christian made a skateboard that is shaped like a crucifix and

if you did that, I think you probably want to flare it so that the crucifix-y wings that go out the sides, they are just bent up just ever so slightly from the ground. And that way you can still tilt your thing to the sides. But then those do have wheels. They have two wheels on them, but those wheels point in the same direction as the direction of motion, not counter to it. But maybe, look, maybe you would want them counter to it so you can do more moves in lateral plane, I'm not sure.

But I think a Christian skateboard. And he's disappeared again. And so we met at this, okay, no, okay, Andy's back. All right, we've got to end the podcast. So wait, you're saying skateboard or what was the one that you were saying? Yeah, a crucifix shaped skateboard. Because I do feel like you could also, you could definitely make a seafaring, like a surf ski or something like that with that kind of shape as well. You know, maybe even a catamaran or what's a catamaran where there's only one hull? A boat?

Um, I think that's a boat. A mono hull. But there's also a crossbar that sort of adds a lot of drag. What do you call that? Bad idea. It could be like a back wing. You could also do a simplified sort of tri-amaran style thing. Yeah, maybe even like some kind of glider. Isn't there like... I feel like the... There is like some kind of American style spy plane, I think think that is in that shape a little bit

but the wings are really far back. Oh yeah I think I've seen that and there are some birds that the wings are way further back than you'd think. Yeah. I can't picture what they are right now. I guess the swan. Those necks are so long. Yeah it really is like they're like part snake Because you know when you got that much neck you just get to experience the joys of what it would be like to be a snake Oh Yeah, you're definitely playing the snake game Alastair I think we should go through the sketch ideas and Wrap this this mofo baby up keep it fresh

Okay, Andy here's our sketch ideas for today this mofo up, keep it fresh. Okay, Andy, here's our sketch ideas for today. This sketch, okay, we got certain parts of language become owned by private companies and then we can't access them. This is when we've got like chips in our brains and things like that. Suddenly, they can fence off different areas of information. Then we have, you could turn,

and then we have another kind of chip in the brain idea, but it's you can turn down your IQ. Right, that's a great one. People choose to, or they can also turn it up, they can also turn it up, but people choose to turn them down. Then we have the barber's. But maybe it's like a graphics equalizer, you can turn way down your IQ,

but you can turn your EQ your emotional quotient way up and then become like a super empathetic slug yeah you could maybe even turn down like your senses and things like that you're like I don't want to feel anything with my skin I don't want to feel you can turn like leg pain down yeah but then I want like my hearing to be really high. Really high, yeah. Especially with the movies these days because you have to keep putting the fucking subtitles on. You just turn everything to turn off taste,

turn off things like that. Because if I have taste on, I'm gonna be snacking. That's right. Then you have the barbarist world. You know, this all comes from some tree fucking incident. But it really changes the world for the better. Oh yeah, sure. Then we have kids are dumbing.

This is kind of based on the IQ idea, but it's like kids are turning their IQ down to zero. And one of the problems is it does it does lead to them splitting you Then we have a boxer called Picasso, but it's not what you think It's not why you know it would be great for our weird unit unit show to find kids split in half and We find out that that's what's been going on. But then that there's actually two kids. They're probably like a bit smaller.

But they- Yeah, interesting. I thought it would just be their body is like split down the middle and we don't know why. I mean that would be really messed up. And they're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. We fucked up, man.

We really fucked up. We were fucked up. But you could, you know, you could almost make it a kids show by making them dumb. Not to kids who will be like, oh yeah, making kids dumb, that's cool. And then we have the world's fullest man. Mm, love it. And then we have a guy who teaches underprivileged women how to make salami.

As part of a work for the doll kind of thing that they have to do it. Then we have a man who uses flesh to try to get a marionette. That's a reverse Pinocchio. Yep. Then we have Jesus. That's when I turned into an electric skateboard. Ha ha ha ha ha.

And then we have the words, deal with the dark lord Satan or with the living planet mind, make shares go up. I might put a post on Instagram, on LinkedIn to that effect. Yeah, yeah, great. I love that, Andy. I might start doing LinkedIn. Yeah, you're gonna be on a big link. I think you could be big on LinkedIn.

Actually, I'd never realized that was your energy the whole time, but actually that's the energy I get. And then we have the crucifix shaped modes of transport for Christians. And the guy who owns the company who does it says, actually it's very respectful. Actually I think it's a celebration. I mean I think that's the problem that it's a celebration. Thank you so much for listening to Think Tank. Whoa, that was a good one. We can always go harder on the end song because we know that people have must have

already listened through the whole episode. So we've already got them. You know, we don't we don't have to be afraid to embarrass ourselves. I'll try and go a bit harder. Thank you for listening to the show. Thank you so much. Obviously, if you're in Canada, go see Alistair do some comedy. Sure.

On the foreshore, certainly certainly or you could go see him anywhere else. Maybe inland. Yeah I did do some comedy out on Il Perot recently which is down west. You know it's a really messed up thing about Montreal is that the directions that people use to describe north and west and east and south of the island do not line up with the cardinal and how it sits on a map is very different and I have no Montreal from a map so I go yeah just go north and people like that's fucking west. And they go, this cannot go. No, we mean, this is French north. We mean French north.

Yeah. Thank you so much for listening. It's amazing that you continue to do that. And I just want to say on behalf of all of us here to In The Think Tank. To In The Think Tank. We love you. We love you. Thank you. Goodbye.