Two In The Think Tank - 43 - "BOWER BOY"

Episode Date: January 21, 2015

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Yeah, anyway, I'm recording now. Anyway, I'm recording now. Anyway, I'm recording now. Anyway, I'm recording now. Alistair, I'm recording now. Can you see me recording now? I have pressed the button, that's how I record the podcast. Welcome to Two in the Think Tank. This is the show where we try and come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy, and the man over there making the mouth noise is Alistair Trombley-Virtual. G'day, everybody. How are you bloody going? It's nice to be here.

What were you about to say? I was going to say that I just enjoyed the way that you kept the beat going underneath my introduction. I can't believe we've never done that before. It felt like a thing that a pro would do. Yeah, it really feels like maybe we've matured. I think we've really grown in these 43 or so, 40-so episodes. This is episode 43-ish.

And, you know, they say that 43 is the new... Is the new 23. You know, I hear 165 is the new 279. You never hear a 13-year-old say, you know, I hear 48 is the new 28. You never hear a 13-year-old say that. You certainly wouldn't even hear... I can barely picture it, Andy. Look, I can barely say it.

Yeah. I can barely get it out. You wouldn't hear a 28 year old saying 48 is the new 28 okay in fact you'd only probably hear a 48 year old if anything saying 48 is the new 28 and i think what they're saying is that 48 is the new age at which you say this is the new previous age whatever age you are is now the new old age. So. Young age. Look, I didn't follow your logic all the way through.

But, you know, the listeners, they're very switched on. You know, 40 is the new 40 is the new 20. 40 is the new 20 is the new 50 is the new 30. Whoa. Something like that? Yeah yeah does that make sense like i would have to sit in a dark room in a corner by myself and meditate on that to understand it but uh but i think it's good i think it's good alistair can i run something by you yes i just it's just going to be me analyzing one of my particular flaws i should just mention welcome to two in

the think tank oh you already you already did this, Alistair. I did this while you were doing the beat. Oh, yeah, that's right. You're undermining a lot of the professionalism you established earlier on. This is the kind of thing the pros do. They check in. They check in with the listener later on. Yeah.

We're checking in, guys. You're still listening to Two in the Think Tank. I'm Alistair Trombley-Burgess. This is Andy Matthews. I'm still here. Still sitting here. Let's hear your idea, Andy. No, it's just me analysing a particular flaw of mine.

All right. Which one? But it might, well, exactly. Where do we start? But it might be something that's broader that other people can relate to. Sure. Who knows? What it is, I was doing some cleaning up today. Yeah. And I've just noticed a thing that I do all the time is I'll look at somebody else's thing and say, why do we have this piece of junk? I'm going to ask them to throw it out. When it's completely surrounded by a sea of my junk. Like I have the ability to lock in on somebody,

the only thing in entire space that belongs to somebody else and be like, look at this useless piece of crap. I can't believe this is still cluttering up. It would be better. They'd thank me if I threw this out. It's just destroying all of us. Their lives would be better if the other thing wasn't in there. I should bring this up and see if there's something we can do about it. Well, I would say that maybe it's because once you know a possession belongs to you,

you just see it as part of yourself. Yeah. Right? And so you look at somebody else's. It's like if you were moving out alone. Yeah. You'd move in with all your stuff. But you wouldn't allow somebody else to move in with you because you're moving in alone, which is why you wouldn't want their stuff in your house.

Fair enough. You never say, hey, do you mind? I see you've got a new place. Do you mind if some of my stuff moves in with you? Can I just keep some stuff at your house? Nobody would like that. Nobody would like that. I know people who have left stuff at other people's houses Just for like a year or two

And they sold it all Fair enough Some of it they got drunk and just gave away The extension of the self thing Is very interesting right But also a less interesting One Is the theory that I came up with to explain it today.

If something belongs to you, you can look at it and imagine, oh, this is a useful thing. You know what you're going to use it for. You're like, I can use it for this and this and this and this. And then you look at the other thing and you say, that belongs to them. There's nothing I can do with it. Therefore, it is useless. Well, I could see in the future how it could continue to be a burden to me. I could really use this as a burden.

Yeah. Oh, this could really get in the way. This is a real multi-purpose burden. Not only does it take up space, I could also trip over it. I have to dust it occasionally. A child might choke on it? Yeah. Two children? Maybe my child child it's a it's a

hazard yeah it's probably the leading cause of death yeah in this country absolutely uh heart disease is probably linked to stress caused by other people's possessions in your house but like an extension of then that idea of like looking at something that belongs to someone else and being like what could they possibly be going to use that for? Like they're never going to use it. It's just like looking at someone else's body and being like, what are you doing with that thing? Yeah, you can't. It's no good to me.

Yeah. It could also be like when you have something, maybe this is deep ingrained, but you when you own something it's something that could lead to you uh mating you know it could be an opportunity yeah for for reproduction or something like that you go if i if i keep this little box of screws that's that is what i was throwing out today was lots of yeah i was going through the workshop throwing out lots of boxes of screws yeah that could build the nest. Yeah. You know?

This could turn out to be crucial. Yeah. Like a bowerbird. You are exactly like a bowerbird, except for instead of blue things. I'm a bowerboy. You're the bowerboy. All right. I think that's our first sketch, is the bowerboy. The bowerboy.

And he's just arranging. What's he done? Is he in a house? Is it things that are blue? Well, actually, I've read a thing in National Geographic about Bower Birds. There's all different kinds of Bower Birds that collect different types of stuff. And there are some that collect sort of grey-y, green-y things. A lot of them have something to do with like a similarity to their foliage

plumage well not foliage i mean they're not covered in leaves this one wouldn't be i mean maybe this bower bird only uh collects things that are like hard rubbish but also you know or things that are because i mean in a way you are kind of doing a thing like that where you know you know don't really do it so much now but you are you would collect stuff that is from a certain era yeah and that has a certain feel yeah absolutely in the same way like you know maybe a but with his bauer bird brain uh he's he can only pick colors you know he doesn't he doesn't go for like you know he doesn't give a shit about art deco or art nouveau or you. A Bowerbird that only collects Art Deco? Art Deco.

I love it. Like, it's a real evolutionary niche. I mean, they're probably on the verge of extinction, I'd say, the Art Deco Bowerbird. Yeah, but Darwin saw him and uh theorized that out there somewhere there's a female yeah who has the exact same taste yeah in like 20s design and architecture slightly kind of like uh geometric yeah nice geometric shapes and kind of nice script and things Sort of kind of Bold Almost kind of cubisty kind of paintings

But, yeah, I mean, that's Look, a bowerbird that only collects Art Deco Please write that down as a sketch Because I think there's really something to it But, like, you're comparing this to me and my You know, picking up things off the side of the road, hard rubbish stuff and bringing it home. And that's, yes, that's definitely a thing. But like, you know, everyone does it.

It's just that I was picking it up off the side of the road. Yeah. Closer to like a bird would do. Yeah. A bit more like a bird. Yeah. A bit more like a bird. Yeah.

But, you know, everybody, when they get stuff, is in some sense feeling like, I'm going to bring that back, I'm going to arrange that around the front of the nest, and then the mate is going to see it, and then I'm going to do a dance, and with any luck, I'll be able to whip around the back of the old bower. Put my end away.

Get my end away. Yeah. Put your end away. Yeah. Put your end away. Yeah. That's very different. Get it. You want to get it away. You want to get it away?

Get it away. Like, it's like somebody else is putting it away for you. Yeah. You say, get it away, and they put it away. Get it. Come on, get it away. Get it away. Get it away now.

Around the back. Around the back. You know, it's that thing with the dog. Yeah, I know. With sheepdogs. Yeah, sheepdogs. Sheep now. Around the back. Around the back. It's that thing with the dog. Yeah, I know. With sheepdogs. Yeah, sheepdogs. Sheepdog trials. I know, but then you're not going to be a Bauer sheepdog, are you?

All right. Sheepdog trials. Okay. There's a lawyer. He's a sheepdog. There's a jury of 12 other sheepdogs in the... Sheepdog trials. In the witness box. Alistair? Yeah, it's a sheepdog. It's a sheepdog. Yeah. Who the In the witness box

Alistair Yeah It's a sheepdog It's a sheepdog Yeah Who's in the judging box Babe Babe

A pig Pig in the city Pig in law school Then pig in In court And then Pig in the judge's chair Pig in the judge's chair

He'd look great in a wig Absolutely Pig in a wig Hey pig in a wig Um Forget the sheepdog trials He'd look great in a wig. Absolutely. Pig in a wig. Hey, pig in a wig. Forget the sheepdog trials. Yeah, you think so? It amuses me.

Yeah, I think it's... But it's not. It's not. It's not. There's nothing there. Well... It's an illusion. It's a mirage. It'd have to be like one of those kind of Sesame Street things.

Has something gone wrong? Yeah. So no sheepdog trials. Excellent. That's a big weight off my mind. Andy, my mind cannot carry a lot of weight. So it's great that you were carrying so much weight. Your mind is not a beast of burden, Alistair.

It's not a sheer horse. Shire horse. It's not a sheer horse. It's not a shire horse. It's not a chia horse. Ch-ch-ch-chia Horse Is that like a

Just a terracotta Horse that you put Seeds around I feel like we could We could bring back The Chia pet thing If we just Like

There's gotta be something You can do in terms of Like making Did they experiment With making the Chia pet Like in the shape Conscious Like

Did they even look into the concept of chia consciousness did they explore it at all yeah i want to know did they look into making them like it a famous person's head and then you grow hair i thought i'd see one billy joel with obama's head or obama is what I was going to say. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like maybe I've seen that. Okay, so there is a Chia Obama out there. I think so, yeah. Well, maybe.

Now that Sia is very famous. Yeah. Ch-ch-ch-ch-Sia. S-s-s-Sia. Sia pet. But it's still a Chia pet. Still a Chia pet, but with Sia. Sia's head. So, Ch-ch-ch's still a Chia pet, but with Sia. Sia's head. So just Sia.

Okay. The only problem with that is Sia is notorious for not letting anyone know what her face looks like. That's fine. So the branding kind of falls down. Both sides are the back of her head. That's very good. Yeah. It certainly actually simplifies it a lot.

And it has to be like one of those kind of like spider plants instead of the curly haired, like those curly plants, because the curly plants would be more suited to somebody with curly hair, whereas she's got real straight hair. You're really moving a long way away from the original Chia concept. But like, you know, like a grass. And then the rhyming is it's not Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia spider pet. Yeah. Or.

Spider plant. Ch-Ch-Ch-ChiaSea Spider Pet. Yeah, or... Spider Plant. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Sea Grass. Seagrass. Seagrass. Yeah, Seagrass. Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Sea Grass. Did you ever watch... No, I reckon there's something we can do with Chia Pets.

Yeah. What is it? The idea that maybe it's a new form of agriculture. Yeah. Maybe there's hydroponics, and then there's chiaponics. We actually found that there's something about the shape of a porcupine's back that actually is the most efficient form of agriculture. Sort of like running water along its back.

It works on so many levels. The nutrients, the exposure to sun. Yeah, I mean, like there's art agriculture, you know. Art agriculture. So you just kind of grow plants and things that are also works of art at the same time. Yeah. But they're also there for, you know, human consumption,

which is what everything is there for, exists for. In a way. So are we talking like in the future there's kind of a convergence of art and agriculture to create art-griculture? Well, yeah. Maybe, I mean, like, you know, we've already done a bit of a convergence between science and agriculture, right? You know, so we kind of use science to sort of push it forward. A lot of it's, you know, trial and error. It's just a guy in a field doing a bit of trial and error,

trying some seeds, going, these peaches taste pretty good. You know, like that. It's just like changing what a tomato looks like from over 100 years. How long do you think it took? Let me see. You go.

You got something. No. Pitch a buddy cop duo called Trial and Error. One of them's really bumbling and incompetent. Guess what he's called? Error. Correct. And then there's Trial.

Maybe he's a lawyer. He's an ex-lawyer. He's an ex-lawyer. It's a show. It's called Trial and Error. Dun, dun, dun. Dun, dun, dun. Yeah, and basically they proceed towards finding the culprit by a series of wild guesses and then learning from failure.

So it's kind of like the battleship method of finding people. You know, you ever play Battleship? So you just go, what about there? So it's kind of like the battleship method of finding people. You know, you ever play Battleship? So you just go, what about there? And you just kind of shoot. Yeah. There's something interesting about the idea of exploring, trying to solve a crime by being like, well, let's just say it was this guy. Yeah.

Let's just assume that he's definitely guilty. Where does that get us? And so, but this is without getting any facts. Yeah. Like, and so you're just, you're really taking a wild guess. You're just flicking through the phone book. Yeah. Martin Sonneterre.

I think, I think a... Look, I like the idea of trial and error. I'd at least like to see a, you know, a trailer for trial and error. You know, for the movie. Trial and error trailer I'd at least like to see a trailer for Trial and Error. You know, for the movie. Trial and Error trailer. Yeah, exactly. I'd like the Trial and Error trailer. Like Starsky and Hutch, Tango and Cash, Trial and Error.

Yeah, and the two guys from... Bjorn Trial and Lenny Error. Yeah. Lenny Gavin? Gavin error. Gerard. Gerard error. Yeah. Gerard error.

Gerard error. Okay, cool. And what's their first crime that they have to solve? You fucked up this time, error. Yeah. You made a big mistake. Yeah. And so, like, murder so like murder yeah it always murder I think it's always murder okay if it's not murder to begin with it is by the time they finish and no it's exclusively

tax fraud actually a also you know tango Cash or Stassi and Hutch style film where they are, like, you know, investigating purely paperwork. White collar crime. White collar crime, yeah, is good as well. Well, it's just, I mean, it would be so difficult to show on film to make it enjoyable, you know, because it's a lot of people just shuffling through papers. Well, I think that's the challenge. I think that's entirely where the humor would come from.

Wow. Yeah. Possibly, you know, the dramas when the photocopier breaks down, you know. down you know well i mean using white collar crime and and and uh and sort of lots of information as a as the background or the or the foreground for this thing kind of allows you to do pretty much anything because you can go look i found this in here yeah like that and uh and then i don't know i can just send you on wild chases, wild directions. Okay. So, are you combining white collar crime and trial and error?

Yeah. I think so. Like, or just the finding of white, like, you know, the solving of white collar crime. Yeah. Maybe using trial and error or as a kind of a, like a comedy cop show. Yeah. I think that's good. I think a comedy cop show,

White Collar Crime, called White Collar, it's great. Nothing really happens. And at the end, somebody gets a significant fine or they get placed under house arrest. Yeah, or accidentally shot.

You're going to be spending a lot of time in the big house. And by that I mean your house. Because you're really rich. Really rich. And I'm going to make you go home. We your house. Because you're really rich. Really rich. And I'm going to make you go home. We're going to find you

a small amount. You, sir, are grounded. I think that's a fun idea. Yeah. I mean, is trial and error going to be the cops

in the white collar crime thing? No, I think they're two separate ideas. Because I want to see trial and error. I want to see them really fucking up big. Yeah.

And that, I need action scenes. I need car chases yeah they you know error they just drive in the wrong direction just like let's go this way left yeah like i mean the way that not even the tires are pointing in yeah they're just going is error blind uh-huh you yeah but you only find out in the third season you'll be blind this whole time yeah that's great i mean yeah it's one of those it's like it's like you know not not playing a character like he's a minority or something like that.

So he's blind, but he doesn't play it like he's blind. Like he drives and stuff. Now I'm picturing like someone was black, but you didn't find out until the third season. Well, maybe it's because he's been using like, so you don't know, you didn't realize, but he's been using... Echolocation. Echolocation. There's more people than you think that are using echolocation these days. Dan Lester, are you using echolocation?

You make a lot of mouth noise. Why do you think I'm always doing that? Clicking and popping. I'm not, you know, I mean, those people should also be echolocation people. They should be blending it a bit more with the beatbox. Because instead of going... blending it a bit more with the beatbox. Because instead of going

only when they need it, they could be doing it like Lay down a beat. Yeah. And then they can see everywhere. Freestyling your way What if they can see behind themselves as well?

Daredevil in Marvel Comics can. By the way, I'm writing White Collar Crime. Yeah, and also Trial and Error. Both good ideas. Both solid. And then, of course, there's Trial and Era, which is the prequel to Trial and Error, and it's set in the 1500s,

which is a completely different era. But Trial's the same. He's gone back in time. What was Trial's first name? Bjorn. Bjorn? Bjorn Trial? Yeah. And Jared Era. Jared Era? Yeah. But you don't need to write down

that much detail, Alistair. We'll hash that out in the writer's room. I'd like to bring that to the table, to be honest. I don't think we should do that. The producers are going to really weigh in on that. They're going to have an opinion. And the network execs, you know, how they get involved in that kind of stuff. White collar crime.

Red tape. Bureaucracy. Six to eight week waiting times You're watching White Collar Yeah, filing Filing

Minutia Great word Minutia is a great word Minutia It is all about the details A little bit of poosha poosha in minutia Do they have a friend that's a computer in White Collar Crime? Yes, and also in Trial and Error.

In both of them they have a friend who's a computer. When we get our whatever, when, I just say when like I'm an idiot. When we get our own show of some sort or film, our signature thing, rather than a style, should just be that there's always a talking computer. That's how you knew it was one of Hitchcock's films. Because there was always that scene with the talking computer. White Collar Crime. Anyway. talking computer yeah um white collar crime anyway oh yeah i mean white collar crime one of them could have google glass that's great you know uh because now it's now defunct as of today

oh really today they've stopped officially selling it wow or today's the last day they're officially selling it google glass it's all over. In its current form, at least. But, you know, Bryn stopped wearing it. Yeah, that's got to be embarrassing, right? Like, of all the things for you to use, you really have to be seen to be using it to be using it. Oh, yeah. Like, it's very abundantly clear whether

or not you're using Google Glass. Yeah, well my theory is that... He could have just said, no, I invented an invisible one. It's invisible now. Yeah. Well that's what he would have had to say. Because this is my theory, is that you can't underestimate

the power of something being slightly embarrassing to use. Yeah. Right? Dorky. Yeah. And so it's slightly embarrassing to use. Then there's the part of like talking to somebody and then they've got a camera in their face.

Same thing with the segue. You just look a little bit too silly for it to be accepted. You have the level of arrogance you need in order to be able to wear it is too accepted. The level of arrogance you need in order to be able to wear it is too high in order for the standard person. Nobody has that much street cred to burn.

Do you think Jay-Z could have pulled it off? Like the Google Glass? Kanye? Do you think if they got Kanye in the Google Glass? i just think in his in in kanye's community like you know in the area unity yeah con umity um him and his and his uh you know entourage of people that he hangs around with i just feel like it would not have been cool.

Yeah. And, yeah, even his very high ego, I think, he just doesn't need to have that kind of strain put upon it 24-7, you know? Yeah. Well, it's like maybe Kanye's ego is like a sports car, like a finely tuned sports car. It's definitely like a finely tuned sports car. And those kinds of things, they actually can't be fiddled with. They operate extremely effectively. But if you change one little thing, it's all over.

Because they're so finely tuned. Absolutely. He can't go out with a bit of spew on his shoulder. You know, he's got a kid, but he's got to be careful about spew. Yeah, Kanye does have a kid. That seemed to all happen very quickly. The marrying, the getting the kid.

It did. I blinked and then Kanye was a dad. Well, it's because there's that element of like, you don't really believe it because there's been so many of those kind of high-profile couples that get together, and it seems like it's very convenient because it only works to increase each other's profile.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The sort of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise and the Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston, Brad Pitt, you know, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt. All these kind of things that are very high profile. You think they wouldn't last. But then you bring a kid into it and then you go, it didn't last.

I locked that down. Although, that being said, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise did have a kid. Did have a kid and then it didn't last. Didn't last. So, kids. Yeah. They don't have the sticking power that you expect. They're not the glue. That's true. They're not glue.

Kids aren't glue. And also, did Kidman and Tom Cruise have kids? They didn't give birth to kids together, but I think they adopted kids. That's an interesting one. A lot of famous people adopt kids Why is that? They gotta keep their vaginas intact Yeah, I guess I don't know I don't actually think that's a solution

I was saying something silly But I wouldn't be surprised if your money Is coming somewhat from your figure You're trying to not Put it through too much stuff Yeah, interesting Yeah coming somewhat from your figure. You're trying to not put it through too much stuff. I don't know. Yeah, interesting.

Yeah. Call in and give us your answers. Why are you not choosing not to have kids as an actor? I'm really glad that my money isn't coming from my figure in any way. Yeah. Well, it sort of is. You know, your face is part of your figure. It's true.

I get my money from my face. Well, some of it. Well, it's thinking and talking. Thinking with your figure. It's true. I get my money from my face. Well, some of it, you know. It's like, well, it's thinking and talking and... Thinking with your face. And even though that's in your head that it happens, all the output is through your face. Actually... I really... Look, I would not do well without my face.

I really am very scared of getting disfigured in some way. The people with no face are very... It's quite an oppressed minority. They're not oppressed, like, you know, outwardly. People aren't no face are very, it's quite an oppressed minority. They're not oppressed like, you know, outwardly. People aren't oppressing them, but it's... But I think they're just

not leaving the house. Yeah. I think the people without a face, I mean, it's the self-oppressed. But it's also, it's because of the fear of judgment. Yeah.

I know. Has fear of judgment ever... They're just trying to save face. Does fear of judgment help anything? Is there anything, is there a power that we can harness in the fear of judgment? they're just trying to save face does this does fear of judgment help anything is there anything is there a power that we can harness in the fear of judgment yeah yeah like to generate electricity maybe yeah yeah social anxiety is like a as a form of renewable energy yeah self-doubt? Sure.

Possibly. What do we get? A whole lot of shy people on a treadmill in the corner of a room just trying to back away from a conversation with an attractive other or otherwise gender? Sure. There's got to be something good that can come from this. Three people trying to back away from the center of a room, but, you know, stuck on a treadmill,

that could power a light in the middle of the room that allows them to keep seeing each other and keep backing away. It'd basically just be a perpetual feedback loop there. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, look, at the moment I don't know if I've found any solutions. Alistair, would you feed your back?

Feed my back? How would you feed your back? Like if my back was hungry. Yeah, if your back had a mouth in the middle of your back. I think maybe I would just put the food on a plate and then just kind of back into it. Or lay near the table or lay on my side on the table. Or I could have it down on my bed. It would be a very messy process.

Well, it depends. You'd have a big, messy, sticky hole in the middle of your back. Oh, so it doesn't have a mouth and a tongue? I think it has lips. Yeah. They're quite flappy. Flappity lips. Yeah, and I think this is your challenge.

What do you do? I'm considering some kind of little fishing rod thing over the shoulder. Sure, sure. Like a selfie stick? Yeah. Like a selfie stick, but with, like, a sausage at the end? Yeah. Would you force your back to be a vegetarian?

I like to think that if I'm a vegetarian, then my back is also a vegetarian. What if your back is a completely other person and has its own opinions and things? That would be really interesting. If we had a face on the front and then just a face on the back of the head, and we were just symmetrical in that plane, and then another set of genitalia on the other side, you know? Yeah. Well, because then you'd have to be, it would be like a...

A real push. You know, sort of like a house share, but like a body share. Yeah. What are those ones? What are those apartments called? Time shares. You know, people go like, oh, it's a time share. But this would be more like usage of body share.

Yeah. Body space. Well, maybe it's a thing in the future, right? Yeah. Which is a great place to set sketches. Oh, I love it. The future. There's, because of loss of resources.

Yeah. And there's not enough space for people to live. You know, like there was a thing where, I think, I'm pretty sure in Singapore, they split the school day. So some kids go to school from like eight until one. And then some kids go to school from like eight until one and then some kids go from school to school from like one until six or something like that really yeah just because there was it was too much load on there's just there's just not enough room yeah right yeah and so they've got to make more efficient use of things sure sure maybe in the future we're like look we can't afford to have all these people going around with a front and a back.

Okay? Yeah. It's just redundant. Let's get, we're going to use the back now and we're going to merge people together. You're going to have someone else on the other side. Yeah, right.

So, okay, so it's not like, so it's not like we've got spare consciousnesses here just waiting in the computer, like the consciousness, what's the plural of consciousness? Consciousnesses. Consciousnesses. Yeah. Consciousness. in the computer like the consciousness what's the plural of consciousness consciousness is consciousness is yeah conscious night um we've got all these spare consciousnesses of people who've died that we've managed to download yeah and we just need a body for them and we'll just we'll put them in the back of your body just put them in your back just put them in your back

but you're saying we cut off everybody's back yeah and we just stick to someone else's front on there i reckon at least that way you each get a hand yeah that you guys can use so let's say you want to just be doing your own thing yeah right so one person gets to decide you know you have to share location and where you're going and stuff like that but you each get to use like a hand and a mouth and stuff like that in your face so maybe you're just spending a lot of time on your phone or on the phone yeah so but you only get one hand the other hand is the other hand flipped around so it faces the other direction yeah the other hand belongs to the other person yeah okay yeah i guess so yeah i guess and then

sometimes you know you do have to work you'd never get an itchy back no because you wouldn't have a back guys unless that's the only one I've thought of so far But I'm sure there are lots of other benefits Although, you know when you get Something is healing Then it can become quite itchy So when you get your back cut off And then you get sewed onto

Somebody else's front That seam between the two of you guys On the inside, you might get phantom back itch. Imagine that because you've got your back amputated. Right? And so now you're like... So you still kind of need to kind of scratch that phantom area. So that's like their belly. In a way, that might be nice for them.

Yeah. You come around scratching their belly. You scratch my front, I'll scratch... Yeah. So you may as well around scratching their belly. You scratch my front, I'll scratch your front. Yeah. So you may as well just scratch your belly, and then that's a signal to them for them to scratch their belly. I don't know if you can share feelings. Look, I like this idea a lot,

and I don't know how to turn it into a sketch, really. But maybe it is just that. it into a sketch really but maybe maybe it is it is just that like in you know it's it's an advertisement for a new like way to save money i like what if living what if situations you know it's like what if what if sketches yeah this is the one the first ideas i ever came up with was uh in an alternate in an alternate universe where and that was going to be the name of the show and and then you could just go yeah i think i've told you about this before but in an alternate universe where, and that was going to be the name of the show. And then you could just go, and I think I've told you about this before.

Probably. And I think the only example I really remember, I remember you made up a template of a page for the idea. And one of them, like a template for the idea. This is the way I like to approach sketches. You get the template sorted out. I'm amazed you're not more successful. Well, I'm done okay. I'm done okay.

And then the first one I'd come up with was in an alternate universe where police officers don't obey the laws of gravity. And so he's like, I'm going to give you a ticket, and then he kind of just starts to float away. Yeah, that's great. And so this would be an alternate universe

where there's been too many people in the world, which probably now there is. And so to save space, we've got people with their backs amputated and then they're that's all very well yeah the alternative universe however the problem is with the alternative universe where thing you don't get the people themselves actually trying to justify it like i like the idea of seeing two people who've had their fronts sewn onto each other's fronts, sewn together. And they're sitting there craning around to try and talk to the camera to explain why they did this and why it's a good idea. Because it's clearly not.

But they were obviously, there were some benefits. You know, it's like the two can live as cheaply as one sort of thing. Yeah. I think it's like, it's the kind of same justifications as people who buy like a hybrid car. Yeah. And things so-and-so. Yeah. It is that. It's exactly that. Like it's the, you same justifications as people who buy like a hybrid car yeah and things so yeah oh it is that it's exactly that like it's the you've you've gone all in you've purchased this thing you've got the google glass right and now you're trying to justify it to other people and

you try to make it look cool i think you've actually got an arrogance to you about it it's that it's that sort of you know from south yeah that george george clooney cloud a smug cloud yeah you've got you've got a smugness about you about that that you've just halved your resource

consumption because you I mean you wouldn't even be able to sit down unless you're sitting on the other person's you could perch

on like a a pole like on a vault kind of pole thing sort of use like a thin stool You could still ride a horse Yeah absolutely

Yeah Maybe even a two-sided horse A two A double-ended horse Yeah And then But then also You'd have to have your

Anus kind of go straight down It would be like A pointed straight down That's fine Anus situation You share a Share a mutual Straight down anus

Double-ended face person. Done. Alright. I've written that down. Written it down. Written it down. Write it down. We're on four. We have to just come up with one more. Do we have any catchphrases? You and me.

That's not my sock puppet. Yeah. We say that all the time. That's not my sock puppet. Yeah. Yeah. We say that all the time. That's not my sock puppet. I really liked in Ed. Do you remember Ed? I never watched Ed. Never watched Ed?

I only watched the episode of Scrubs where the guy from Ed came in as JD's brother. Yeah. And that's how I know about Ed. Yeah. It's because Ed was one of those shows that's not quite A grade, but it wasn't quite B grade. Mm-hmm. Somewhere in between. Because it's a pretty ridiculous idea.

A guy who's a lawyer and is... Maybe it is B grade, then. Maybe it's not quite C grade. No, I think it's not B grade. I think B grade... It's better than B grade. It's better than B grade. Because the show was good.

The show was enjoyable. Uh-huh. Michael Ian Black was in it, and he would say, Yo, Bosco. Didn't call him Bosco. than B grade because the show was good. The show was enjoyable. Michael Ian Black was in it and he would say, yo, Bosco. He'd call him Bosco. And he tried to come up with a catchphrase and it was, shave my poodle. And he was trying to use that. Great.

I guess it was in the same vein as that, that I tried the That's Not My Sock Puppet. You know who's funny? David Wayne. Yeah? I watched his web series, Wainy Days, and I thought it was very funny. It was very silly. Yeah? It was very funny. I'd like to make something very silly and funny.

Yeah. Well, I think we've just got to try and write some little narratives sometime. Just like some little narrative sketches. Just try. See what it would be like. Come up with some characters. Write them out for five episodes. Two-minute episodes, whatever.

Just make it as simple as possible. Minimum level of commitment. And then just film them in a day. Just see what it's like. And then we'll have done it. And then we can just make it better from there on. Well, I tried to read Akewood for a bit. Akewood?

Yeah, Akewood. It's a web comic. Oh, yeah? A-C-H-E-wood. Mm-hmm. Right there. And that's one of those things where it's kind of like, they're kind of cartoons, especially initially, they're kind of like one- cartoons you know maybe over four or five six

panels eight panels or something like that uh-huh but then over time you just get to know the characters yeah and then suddenly you're in the middle of a narrative but it's and and and so you could just do things like that you could make two minute videos three minute videos and and they're just they're just gags they're just gags for gag sake just for uh gags for gag sake goofs just gags. They're just gags for gags' sake. Gags for gags' sake. Goofs. They're gags for goofs' sakes. Yep. And then suddenly, you know this person. You didn't even know it.

You thought you were just in there for jokes. Now you're goddamn invested. Emotionally invested. Yeah. It's the slow grind. So, but then when you're coming up with that, do the creators know where they're going with it? Do they have characters in mind? Do they know what they're doing?

Well, Andy, you know what we just became? Self-aware. Oh. We just became self-aware. We're not telling anybody that we're doing it so that it goes all the way through. We'll let them discover it. But do we know? We know now.

Yeah. Yeah. We just found out. Spoiler now. Yeah. We just found out. We haven't started writing it yet, so then yes, we do know, as long as we don't forget before we start. Okay, but we're not allowed to say anything about it because they don't know. Don't tell them it's a narrative. Okay. Don't go, alright, what you're about to watch is a narrative comedy.

People who are listening to this podcast, don't tell anyone it's a narrative. Alright, whatever we make. If you see something online, I don't care how far you are this podcast, don't tell anyone it's a narrative. Yeah, all right. Whatever we make. If you see something online, I don't care how far you are into it, don't suspect it's a narrative. It's kind of fun if, like, then now we start making stuff and it is just regular,

like, ridiculous kind of sketch stuff that is not connected at all. But then now people who've heard this are going to think that it's a narrative. Yeah, they'll see you'd planted. I wonder where they're going with this. And then we never make another episode. That's kind of what's going to happen.

I'd like to come up with a character, Al. A character? I think I'm going to come up with a character one day. Yeah? I don't think I've ever come up with a character. What about trial and error? Those are both characters. He's a gritty ex-lawyer.

The other one's a bumbling buffoon. I wonder what error's story is. How did he make it so? Maybe his dad is the chief of police. His dad was a policeman. Yeah. And then he died. And through some archaic law yeah he uh adopted his

position um maybe he's also like you know look this is this already become too ridiculous but he's kind of like psyduck you know in pokemon and he's like completely useless and he gets scared and he's like you know he fuckss up. But then occasionally, something happens and he just snaps into it and he's incredibly powerful. Is that Psyduck's story? Yeah. Oh, that's great. That's the real underduck story, isn't it?

He's just like off the planet. Yeah, but then if he snaps into too much of that, then he kind of like, then suddenly his psychic power is power kicking i'm not saying that error should have psychic powers but i mean uh i mean the world needs another sort of uh another sherlock holmes type of agatha christie type situation here where somebody can solve things without anybody in the audience having any of those clues yeah That's so fucked. Like some of the early Sherlock Holmes where you read it and then at the end Sherlock shows up and says, Anyway, it was his cousin from Zimbabwe.

And you're like, what? Well then what was all this stuff with the dog and the fire and the, you know, the man with the bag of snakes? That had nothing to do, no! No, turns out. Stray Arrow from Zimbabwe. Like, not only should you have been reading Between the Lines, you should have been reading an entirely different book. You should have been reading

this book called Criminals of Zimbabwe. Well, there you go. Read Between the Books. That was my policy. I mean, it's kind of like that with regular life because sometimes it can just be... I mean, I guess most of the time it is somebody who's somehow connected to the person, but then occasionally it can just be this random nutcase.

Yeah. From Zimbabwe. Yeah, the completely irrational, unsolvable crime, where the clues mean nothing at all. It's distressing. Yeah, do you think that could be the point of all the trial and error things? Is that in the end it turns out that it's just incredibly sad of the state of the world because all these crimes are just completely random. Well, maybe it's like House, right?

A bit, in that they get trial and error in when no one else can work out what's going on, right? Because trial and error, they're such mavericks. Yeah. That's right, because they are just guessing. Yeah. Anyway, so that's, yeah. So these are the crimes that nobody can solve

because it seems that all the evidence leads you to a dead end. And then there's always somebody who goes, it's bloopus. And then they go, it's not bloopus. Bloopus was not the disease. It was lupus. I know, I know, but I'm making it a man's name. Like Brutus. We could say it's Brutus. too Brute yeah the how do you feel about blooper

reels I'm changing the subject completely that's cool blooper reels they don't really belong at the end of serious movies like like if the godfather had had a blooper reel? Really good. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe, I mean, it'd be good if, you know, how they say your life flashes before your eyes when you die. Yeah.

If it wasn't that, but it was just they played some bloopers. And then maybe like a little teaser for the next movie. Sort of like a show that wraps. Yeah wraps yeah kind of like they had all right here's all the stuff that fucked up over this lifetime or here's some stuff that you did that you uh that we decided not to include in your memories yeah or oh oh somebody's already got a bit about that. Simon Keck. Yeah. Or like you die, right? And you're like, and you die. And then you hear like you die and it's all over.

And then you like hear a round of applause. And then you open your eyes and like everyone else is standing up around applauding and hugging and they're like we did it we did it we did that we did the whole thing in one take are you like what you're like the movie we got it we got it down this is amazing this is going to get all the oscars and then you realize that actually everyone else was just an actor so it's not like sim Keck's joke. It's actually like the Truman Show. It's like the Truman Show. Yeah, but you die at the end.

You realise that there is no such thing as death. There's only not getting commissioned for another series. Heaven is a bit like being commissioned for another series. Also, when you go to heaven, it would be nice to get a round of applause. Also, there's got to be a sketch about arriving in heaven. I mean, I'm sure there have been lots that have been done,

but we can definitely do one. I've had this idea that it's like, that even if, because I refuse to believe in God, mostly out of laziness and things like that, but, and, you know, what my brain tells me is right. Yeah, that too.

Yeah. And also all the people that I hang around with don't believe in God and it was just way easier for me. Yeah. Convenience. Yeah. I still think that if I found out after I died

that it was real, that I could probably still convince God to just let me in. You know that thing where it's like, well, oh, what? Three seconds ago you would have accepted forgiveness, but now at the beginning of this eternity that I've got in heaven, suddenly it's not good enough. It's like, all right, look, it makes sense. Also, in those last few moments of my life, I was being attacked by a shark.

Like, asking for, you know, accepting God into my heart wasn't, you know, can I get special consideration? Yeah. I had a flu. But I mean, if you are really around for an eternal amount of time, this short period of time where you're on Earth should be very insignificant. If not non-existent. Yeah. Right? It's a blip. It's not even a blip. time this short period of time where you're on earth should be very insignificant if not non-existent yeah right it's a it's a blip it's not even a blip it's not even a blip smaller than a blip yeah like there's geological time even geological time is nothing compared to eternity eternity yeah what what is so significant about about this so so this is yeah and so i guess the

idea that i had in my in my in my mind for this bit is like where I'm like, I'll just kind of use some salesman techniques on him, you know? I'll be like, hey, what's your name? God? Oh, that's my mom's name. You know? I'm just going to say God a lot because nothing's sweeter than the sound of somebody's name. Do you mind if I come in and just get a glass of water?

Yeah. You like it? The gates of heaven. Yeah. I like that. It's the salesman. He said the gates of heaven. Yeah.

And then like, you know, cut to eight hours later, it's 2 a.m. And we've kind of been drinking a bit. Yeah. And I go, so anyway, God, what is your deal anyway? Yeah, look, no, look, I'll go to hell. I'll just go. No, and he's like, no, stay. Just crash here tonight.

No, look, I'm fine. I'll just take myself off to hell. I know the way out. It's fine. You don't want me around. You don't want me here. No, I out. It's fine. You don't want me around. You don't want me here. No, I do. It's fine.

Don't be silly. It's late. I don't want to, you know, like, this seems like a safe neighborhood, but you never know what. It is a gated community after all. What's the point of staying one night? I'll get used to heaven, and then I got to go to hell. I would rather not. Oh, stay forever then. Boom you're in you're like that yeah it's all about the pitch that

backpacker that just won't leave yeah i love it write it down it's the end of the podcast i've got to go yeah i actually do have to go so uh just quickly wrapping up what are the things that we've been through so far in the show? All right. We've got Bowerbird that collects only Art Deco. And then there's also the option of Bowerboy. Bowerboy. Yeah. And then there's White Collar Crime, which is our comedy crime-fighting TV show about people busting people for white-collar crime.

I love it. Tax fraud. And especially like, you know, day traders and things like that. It's so dramatic. So dramatic. A lot of paperwork. A lot of explosions.

But only in the photocopier. Trial and error. These guys who just pick randomly, they're cops again, it's another cop show. Yeah. They just pick at random somebody who did it.

It was the dog. Maybe it is like error, he just picks someone at random somebody who did it it was the dog maybe it is like error he just picks someone at random and then trial takes it to court yeah right and tries to fight and like he's slowly losing his mind because these people that error keeps dragging in there's no way that they could have done it and also the the defense the people who are defending that person are collecting all this evidence that's like, clearly it's not this person because of this and this and this. And then through using that evidence, then they can track down the next person. Yeah.

If you take enough people to trial who get proven innocent, you get a really solid case with all the evidence that's been presented. Once you've eliminated the innocent, whoever is left, however remote, must be guilty. Must be guilty. It turns out it's the brother in Zimbabwe. Then we've got two people's fronts are sewn together and they get their backs cut off, share a body, but

they're also arrogant because they feel like they're doing really good for the planet and they're kind of better than everybody else. I love it. More conscious. And then there's the sort of getting into heaven even though you don't believe in God. Thank you. You've been listening to In The Think Tank. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,