Two In The Think Tank - 432 - "CHUGGETS"

Episode Date: July 13, 2024

There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.Check out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Tim Horton's Camp Day is Wednesday, July 17th. When you buy a hotter iced coffee, 100% of proceeds help change the lives of youth in need. See you at Tim's July 17th. And don't forget to upsize your coffee for a bigger donation at Participating Restaurants in Canada. Andy, I just want to decide I've got something to promote. It's I'm doing a French sketch lineup show on the 23rd of the 7th. That's this month at eight o'clock. That's not this hour,

unless that's what time you're listening to this. But it's called Radio Sketches, volume two. And it's at the Théâtre Saint-Catherine in Montreal or Montreal. But if you didn't understand the first Montreal then you won't understand this sketch show because it's in French. Okay. Alright, let's go. Rice flavored dog. I got a rice flavored dog. You know, I tried to eat my dog and it was rice flavored dog Hello and welcome to two in the think tank the show where we come up with ideas

I'm Andy ideas Also George William Trumbull a virtual And we are just other side of the world friends. Hey, do you think? I do have a sketch comedy partner. He's in Canada. Okay. I do not a solo act. I have a comedy partner. He's just in Canada right now. Is that you trying to be cool in front of all your sketch friends? Your sketch group friends? Yeah, that's right. That's right.. No I do, you haven't met him.

All my friends who are in double acts and I'm trying to tell people. I promise you he's real, I am in a sketch comedy. He's really funny, he's so funny and we have a really good rapport. We met at a dance out of town Or in the middle of the Pacific. Yes. That also counts as out of town. That's true. You know.

My sketch partner lives overseas. I'm writing it down. Write it down. You know what I really love, Alastair? I found, you know, great thing about having kids is that you're always finding carrot sticks sort of on the floor in the house, right? And very often they've been on the floor for a couple of days. Not to give you too much of a peep behind the curtain of my lifestyle, but sometimes our carrot sticks, they stay on the ground for a couple of days.

And sometimes, I've seen them, I've seen them a day or two earlier and I said I Know you're there I'll get it I'll get to you. Okay, and Then you pick them up and they're so flexible. I love how carrot Just it just becomes a Really fantastic becomes a really fantastic, like almost like an octopus tentacle kind of level of flexibility. You could maybe make bike tires out of it. Yeah, yeah somebody should be looking into that. I wonder if after, you know like remember that that Gunter guy who would plastinate

human bodies and then dissect them? I wonder if- What's Gunter doing now? Well I mean- Do you think the lore ever caught up with him? human bodies and then dissect them? I wonder if... What's Gunter doing now? Well, I mean... Do you think the law ever caught up with him? Yeah, you know, where were you getting your bodies from, Gunter? That kind of thing.

I mean, I think they kind of knew, but I guess it was international law. Hey, wait, I just want to say the word. I just want to say the word of Michael Jackson, but I'm doing a cool new voice. You ready? I'm going to say Michael Jackson. Jackson, but I'm doing a cool new voice. You ready? I'm going to say Michael Jackson. Three, two, one. Michael Jackson.

See, I'm just getting good now at saying things like that. That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, I love that. That's the last impression I'm going to do, um, for today anyway. Um, yeah, I mean, what I like is a lot of people do impressions might want to do an impression of Michael Jackson but you're not doing that. No I'm not interested in doing an impression of Michael Jackson I just

like saying Michael Jackson in a different voice. Yeah this is an impression of somebody who just saw Michael Jackson. Yeah so this is an impression of somebody who just saw Michael Jackson. Yeah, so this is okay. This is an impression of somebody who just saw Michael Jackson and is gonna say in their own voice something that they heard him say. Are you ready? 3, 2, 1. Actually, what they did instead is they put their arms up and they went, what? Like that. And now they're going to say the sentence. I would like a sandwich. There you go.

They had just heard Michael Jackson say that and that's them saying it in their own voice and so that's my second impression for the day but that's it now. I won't ask myself to do any more impressions. That was great. I can't do impressions of Michael Jackson but what I can do is someone who saw him once do an impression of themselves. Wait, wait, I want to do another quick impression. I've just been alerted.

This is going very well. And that's it. Michael Jackson! That's right. That was just the last one that I had in me. That was a very quick Michael Jackson impersonation. I wanted to do a quick Michael Jackson. And so yeah, I mean, I think broadening impressions to things that, to people who aren't known. But somebody who,

cause you know like, I guess some people do that, like Maria Bamford does her parents. The first thing I thought of, first thing I thought of. She does people who you don't know but, they sound really real. I might start doing Maria Bamford. That was somebody doing an impression of putting their hand in their armpit and okay I might need my impression to leave the room now if that's okay and close

the door. Thank you my impression. When your impression leaves the room. That's an expression. Alastair, I think I should start doing Maria Bamford's parents in my stand-up. Especially now that I think at least one of them are dead. At least. At least one of the parents. Yeah, I think it would be, actually that would be really good Andy. Now these are these impressions were made famous by Maria Bamford. Maria Bamford she does she's great love her voices love her voices. Does she do any that don't sound like an animated woodland creature?

I mean it feels like her impersonations. They're very good, they're all very distinct, but none of them, I think, would seem out of place as the voice of a cartoon... Deer. A small cartoon animal. A deer, a rabbit, a baby bear. I mean, you do know that she has done a lot of voices for cartoon animals, right? I guess so. She has done a lot of stuff for like Adventure Time and various things. I think she's big in the cartoon voice.

Big in the small animal world. So I think that maybe, and look, it's either that somebody noticed, had the same noticings as you, or she actually was doing voices for woodland creatures and then went, I could do that in my act. creatures and then went I could do that in my act. She was recently very close to you as well in your country that you reside in. Yes yes I should have gone to see her but I've given up on actually going out and doing anything. Having fun.

It's just too complicated. Yes of course. Things that I really, really want to do. I don't have time. I've got to, I've got to focus on doing more of the same sorts of things. Well, you're a bit like one of those people who works in a cobalt mine. Mmm. Thank you. You know, you just have to get on with it now. Life doesn't offer the option of not doing, not getting on with it. Except for... That's really well put. Yeah, except for I guess that guy's advice he once gave me. You know you could just leave if you're worried about how hard everything is. You could just leave. Really? Yeah. When did this guy give you that advice? Just when I had a young child, one young child. So I think it still

applies to four young children. If not more so, what Alistair, what context did he give you this advice in? Where was this man? I had mentioned on stage that it was difficult because it's a bit like a, you know, I was trying to make a joke that it is a little bit like a prison. And then on the way home, he goes, well, you know, you can just leave. I heard what you said and I realized

you're in a bit of a pickle. That does sound difficult. You could leave. He couldn't have been more genuine I mean it's good on him for having a thought and sharing it you know and trying to help as well you know a lot of people don't try and help this guy you know you know that thing that you want that's really expensive you could just steal it. Yeah it is like that. You know that person you don't like who's really who's making your life hell you could kill him. It feels like there could be a that's that's good by

the way that's the opposite of lifeline that That's that's death line death line right writing it down You know you you call up you're thinking of taking your own life, okay? They say suggest some other people you could kill instead. I mean Suicides have gone way down murders are up all of it murders are up. But if you'll check out Murders are up. I'll admit murders are up. But if you'll check out Our what would you call it? Our sort of mission statement. Mm-hmm lifeline. It doesn't mention anything about murders All it does is mention our key performance indicators of reducing the number and Frequency of suicides. Yeah, and then the men the light they're like, I'll be your alibi, I'll say you were with me.

That's good. I mean maybe they have sort of some sort of confidentiality agreement or maybe they've got like hidden secret lines so that nobody can listen in. That's right it's all on signal. It'd be great if they had that. It's a hotline. I mean have we already already pitched the idea of a sort of a an app for alibis like a Tinder? I think I feel like we have probably. Alibi what a great word feels like a good name for an app alibi. Yeah it feels like it would be a great name for a baby. Like if you have a fifth or sixth baby, sorry Andy, I can't remember where you're up to. But alibi, alibi Matthews.

Think about it, think about it. Well Andy, for Deathline, this is almost exactly the same idea, but I just, this is the slight switch in it is, it's a line for kleptomaniacs, right? And you call it up and somebody realizes they need help. And then they call kleptomaniac line. And then the guy goes, I love the name by the way.

Stealing, eh? Yeah, and then they go they I've been stealing a lot of luxury clothing and then the person goes oh Like what? And then it was like I bought a shit stole a Chanel dress What a rush that would have been What a rush that would have been. I've been, I've just been stealing fucking icy poles. And he goes, Oh, it feels so pointless. That would melt in your pocket. He goes, yeah, that makes it even more fun.

He goes, I'm going to go out and steal an icy pole right now. I'm outside of fucking 7-eleven." And then they just egg each other on. They enable one another. Yeah. Yes. You think that's a sketch? Um, let's see. I think it is a sketch, Alastair. Yes.

I mean, the fact that it's a specialised line, right, specifically for people who are kleptomaniacs to call up and the person or persons manning this line or warning this line, they are so suggestible to the idea of kleptomania. I mean what are the... struggling with kleptomania? We can help you and then they just pump you up. Well it turns out they really can't help you. They can't even help themselves no they unless you mean help themselves to the icy poles ah we can't even help ourselves oh so these are kleptomaniacs who are not very good like I think I think these people thought they just needed to help these people out because they were a bit

down in the dumps about their kleptomania and And these guys are- About their kleptomania. Yeah, and then they're making them feel better. They go, nah, that was a huge achievement, mate. You got a Chanel dress. That's hard to stuff that under your shirt. You're a man. You're pretending to be pregnant. That's hard.

That's really hard. You know, you gotta then I guess suppose, you know, anyway. Suppose, I had an idea, I was gonna say, well you think, cause then if you are gonna pretend to be pregnant and you're a man, you gotta pretend to be a trans man. So then you gotta, you gotta,

you just gotta somehow, You gotta steal a dress. Give off that vibe. And you know, that's an extra level of kleptomania that they don't talk about. I mean, we don't even wanna be talking about it right now. And we're trying to have fun with it, you know? So think about, for them it's not fun at all it's work I don't even remember I can't even work out really where we are now

whether you're you're you're in Australia I never remember which one it's which okay what we're both somewhere. Got it. Got it. Oh, mate, we are pumping, mate. We are pumping. This is what I do. I do a podcast with somebody in Australia so that I can speak with an Australian accent again.

Finally, I can be myself. Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, the accent, I imagine, it leaves your voice, your mouth hole, sounding Canadian, but then as it sort of travels down the line, across the Atlantic, or I don't know which way it's going. Which way do you reckon it's going around the world? Through the core. Oh, through the core. They should get a cable that goes through the core. That should get a core cable. A core ball. I'm gonna be the first. I love that. Yeah. Lying near the fish and stuff like that,

that's embarrassing. Crab pinches it, cuts through. You know, how embarrassing is that? Get it through the core, there's no crap down there. It feels like it's also vulnerable. I mean it's only, it feels like also a line that goes straight through the core is kind of only really useful for going from one side of the world to the other, right? I mean it's not very versatile I would say in its ability. All right. Well, it's sort of like a, just a string can, you know, you've got the, the, the two cans and the piece of string. What do you think about this?

And at the core, we also put a triple adapter. One of those, one of those things that I'm back on board. Yeah. So then three countries can, can receive the information that your country is sending out. So we'll say, what about this? What will we pick? America, ah... Yes?

Ah... Mozambique. Oh! And Philippines, which is crazy close to Australia. We probably didn't need to go through the core. But we got one. Didn't need to. We got one in every continent that matters, you know?

Well, I mean, if we hadn't done satellites up in space, I wonder if we could have done some sort of satellites in the core floating in the liquid magma down there and we sort of send our signals down and bounce them off the the inner satellites. Yeah well don't they have those gravity ones now? No, no, no, they don't have gravity satellites as far as I know yet but they have they have those things that detect minor changes in gravity so that they could those things that detect minor changes in gravity so that they could see if there's big holes underneath the ground for minor changes in gravity there and so I wonder whether you could I don't think that would work in any way for

transferring internet but that sounds cool though yeah I didn't know about that technology I think I'd love to find a big hole under the ground I love a big hole I'll find them fascinating feels like you would you're out of everyone that I know currently That I'm especially the ones that I'm currently speaking to You would be the person most likely to have a big hole underneath them since you're so close to. Thank you. You're talking about my anal cavity, aren't you?

Because you live in a sort of a former Gold Rush era, a Gold Rush era town. You know, you're at least. I could fall into a sinkhole at any moment. That's right. You're at least the most likely to live above a big pool of arsenic. Yes. Or if not above, then... Within. Just adjacent to... very close... or within.

Within. A whiting pool. Within. Of arsenic. adjacent to very close or within within a waiting pool Arsenic Alastair, how do you feel about a Computer that That remembers things in the way that a person remembers things in that You know it can forget right, right? But also it has emotions attached to a lot of the memories. Or if you want it to really remember something, you have to sort of traumatize the computer in some way

to make it accurately remember the data. So, you know, you can have a much greater storage capacity if you are sorry so me warming yeah not somebody to come in but they're gone now okay if you are forming a you know a traumatic memory in the computer in order to make more permanent the make it more permanent. Make it more permanent longer term, maybe higher resolution, you know, it's able to recall things much more accurately. So let's say you've just typed up your PhD thesis

and you don't wanna use it. And so instead of clicking save, you've maybe got to sort of, I don't know, slice a little bit of your eyeball in front of the webcam. Yeah, I mean, that's good. I mean, I guess. Or just poke the tip of like a one of those, you know, one of those art knives into the eyeball meat itself, into the egg white. And then the computer goes,

I like, I like for you that you are doing it to yourself, because I was picturing that you would be doing it to the computer, but that's much more abusive. If the computer is empathetic enough to be traumatized by injuries that you do to yourself, then I think that's much more abusive if the computer is empathetic enough to be traumatized by Injuries that you do to yourself then I think that's really great. Yeah Yeah, or you'd like choking a much more positive much more beautiful You choke in front of it and then you may and then you try to get it to use you try to use the CD drive This is an old desktop try to use the CD drive to drive this is an old desktop try to use the CD drive to to oh you open it so

that it punches you just under the rib cage and and and then acts as like the Heimlich maneuver and and then you spit the chunk of sausage out or whatever like that and then it's both the trauma and then the the kind of sausage out or whatever like that. And then it's both the trauma and then the kind of a bit of a relief, you know, so there's a lot of elation that I'm sure that that computer must be feeling. Yeah, well, I was picturing sort of, I don't know, like dangling a computer over the edge of a building

or something to sort of scare it. But then also maybe if you want to get that information back then you gotta do the same thing again to the computer, sort of jog its memory or give it a flashback. Yeah, okay. And then you gotta, yeah, that's good. Imagine if it just reads it out then at that point

rather than, and you gotta write it all down. Yeah. Maybe you got to. I mean. It's a computer. It might not be a computer at all. You got to torture to get the information out of it. Yes.

Okay. Here we go. Now this is the idea. Yeah. It's, it has a peripheral, which is a, I don't know, I guess like a, like a it has a peripheral which is a I don't know I guess like a like a sort of a quite a fleshy human hand or something like that that you you plug into the computer they did they designed it for the CIA to train agents from the CIA and then yeah and that's right you So you can, you can herd it and things like that.

Like, and then, and then you have to then, you get tested on how much of the information is true that you actually wrote down, you know, that you took down. That you managed to get out of the computer. That you managed to get out of it, you know? I mean, the problem is, of course, we know that information that you, like, if we had built computers

Where you did have to torture them in order to get the information out of them? We know that information that you get out of a computer like it just tells you what you want to hear Yeah, so that would be a it would be a very different Computing the world of computing I think would be very different But what it is now, but that would be very different to what it is now. But that would be perfect to find out what you want to hear. That's true. I mean, if you don't know.

I don't know what I want. And so I'll go to the computer and I'll torture it. And the computer says, start collecting seashells. You're like, oh yeah Or you know, I suppose you're right. I suppose you could then you could just do I suppose somebody who had been Somebody who had been detained by the CIA and do it to them as well That's true only telling you what you want to hear yeah, well, I just don't know what I want to hear That's true. They're only telling you what you want to hear. Yeah, well I just don't know what I want to hear.

And then the detainee starts singing, let's see, Such Great Heights by the Postal Service. And he's like, oh yeah, I love that song. You come out and you tell, or forgetting some of the setup for this bit. You, you're, this is a, I mean, gosh, we're playing in a fun comic area. What a great place to have taken our comedy to, but yes, you are a torturer working for some organisation. Okay, and you are, yes, you're torturing a detainee.

Okay, and you're writing down the information that they tell you and it's going really well and you've got lots of information out of them and you say thank you very much and you take your pad on which you've written all this stuff and then you take it to your higher ups and you read it out to them. And they say, are you sure they're not just telling you what you want to hear?

And then you look back at what's on your pad and it's all just things like, your parents are really proud of you. Humans are going to find a way to solve climate change before it becomes catastrophic. I see a bright future filled with music, success with your band, the Jehovah's. you know, I'll see them releasing an album and it going to the top 100. To the top 100 you say? This is, I mean, sir, this is the information he was giving us. I'm starting to worry that torture is not an effective method of extracting information and they are only telling us what we want to hear. With the computer thing, with the computer that you got a torture to get

info on, you know they go well turns out that you know it only gives know, it only gives you it's making up information. And so at first, they're like, because they're trying to use it as a training thing. But then they realize it's like, oh, it has this has the same effect as it has on a person. So it's not. So super important. But they then have created a method that can compete with AI for creativity, for its creativity. And this one is real creativity

because this one isn't, they're not feeding information into it. It is creating this information and all we have to do. And then they're like, oh, we're using so much electricity. Electrocuting the testicles of this computer. Exactly what I was trying to say. Oh turn daddy. Yeah go. No just the vast electrical drain, the power demand, the power hungry I mean, I like that it's a ball bag. I like that we've got to the point that we are giving a computer a ball bag so that you can electrocute it in order to get information out of it.

I mean, it's possible though that like this is, if the CIA does believe that they are able to get accurate information through torture maybe that it may be instead of instead of keyboards if you were to go into the Pentagon or wherever their office officers are the CIA you go in there and you can get walking around the offices and you're seeing that none of the computers They all have a monitor, but they don't have a keyboard They just have a sort of a fleshy ball bag on the on the desk stretched out flat That's how they stretched out flat and they sort of tap it and hit it with little hammers and electrocute it

You know, you know and there is like a ball bag piano Like a ball bag piano Alistair. Oh lovely idea What a beautiful concept I mean if a piano had a ball bag it would it would be the pedals down there, right? Yeah, and that you are because you what do what do you do to you? When you press those pedals, they're sort of the sustained pedal or the loudness pedal or something like that. It makes sense that those would be the balls of the piano that you're stomping on in order to make it sort of prolong the notes that it's howling at you or make them louder. That's true. But then, but then the

the thought that there's that and then there's just, but then you open it up and it's just more ball bags. It's an entire almost ball bag based instrument. And it's actually the ball bags that are making noise themselves when you step on the other ball bags. They sort of, I don't want to say the word thrum, but they sort of thrum. I think you could, I'm sure you could make a ball bag instrument. Yeah. I mean it would sort of, the one that I initially, placed my mind initially on is a sort of an

array of almost whoopee cushion like things that you press or squash to produce different sort of squeaking grunt sounds. Would that satisfy you? Put like Gak in little in little jars and you push it in it makes little farty sounds. I thought I imagine if you it's like the first it's probably not the first, but it's the first wet flesh instrument. Because I think if they're wet, you could get more sounds out of them. And you know, I think making it wet also makes it a bit more two in the think tank. So.

Oh, the wet ball bag piano the ball bag pipes and I want you to know there is no there's nothing else other than like there are hammers hitting the mall bags there are ball bags on the ground and it is still in a big wooden frame like that like a piano you know but but I think it could just be a very quiet instrument and you just gotta mic it up a ton. Every single wet ball bag piano is electric. It has to be, because the human ear can't hear naturally the beautiful sound that it makes. Well, the screams of the ball bag. Yes, oh Yes, you know what about one of those Newton's those Newton's

Cradles cradles but with with with ball bags Yes, LSD yes, of course yes, it feels like of course the kind of thing cuz you know those Those Newton's cradles you see that say on the desk of a psychologist But what about what about the mechanic who also wants something on his desk? He doesn't want Newton's cradle. He's not interested in that kind of highfalutin thing I mean he likes he would enjoy the concept but give it some humor for goodness sake. Where's the lightness? Where's the brightness? Where's the testicles? Alistair, we could sell this. We could make a fortune. We could take this straight into the

Dragon's Den or the shark tank. They'll say well offer you 750,000 for 100% of your business and we say But we need a little kickback. We need a little kickback for units sold I say well I can offer you that and we'll say god damn it I would have loved to work in this my whole life and they said well, we'll offer you a job And I say alright, well then I like I accept Andy do you accept then he says now I'm holding out what am I holding out for hey he's I would have is I know I want a million and then I say you're breaking my my balls my non Newton Newton's cradle balls.

You could, maybe you could, if you had enough old men whose balls hang really low, you could create a kind of a real life one by getting them to stand, sort of pressing their bodies together. You know, get about six or seven of these men to sort of press their bodies together. They're standing naked, I guess, their balls are hanging down between their legs, they splay their legs apart. And you take the testicles of the old man in the front of this queue, and you pull his balls and you let them go and they swing back and clonk into the testicles of the old man behind him and so on and so forth. Swing back, sweet testicles.

Hit the old man standing behind, swing back, etc. Beautiful, I love beauty. Andy that was a beautiful, you know, like that's what we would do. We would have maybe one of those at the headquarters. Tim Horton's Camp Day is Wednesday, July 17. When you buy a hotter iced coffee, 100% of proceeds help change the lives of youth in need. See what Tim's July 17. And don't forget to upsize your coffee for a bigger donation at participating restaurants in Canada. Testicle Newton's Cr my balls. It's really good. Sorry, India. It's really good. Well done.

If I went into one of those situations, a business pitching situation, and they made me an offer like that one of that you suggested where it was for all of the company and you don't work in it anymore. Yeah. I don't care how low the offer is. I'm taking that. Me too. It's all the people who like are desperate

to keep working at this business. You know, you get people who like they sell their company to Google for millions of dollars and then they keep working there as the CEO or something. You're like, no. It's insane. It's insane. millions of dollars and then they keep working there as the CEO or something. You're like, no, this is insane. Unless it's like one of those jobs where you just come in and you go rot.

Um, and you just like get lunch and then, you know, and then you sit on a board meeting and you kind of, you're riff for a bit until you have to have like a, you know, a long call and then you go, all right, I'm going to go get second lunch. You know, you meet up, you know, and you just get to be out of the house a bit, you know. But then I'd be worried that somehow I'm responsible for something if, you know, if the company collapses or people get fired or something. Oh, and that's what they'll do. They'll also call, spell the company with a U.

That's how it's, that's how they keep these things fresh, you come up with ideas like that. I don't know what you're talking about. Spell company with a U. Company with a U, C-O-M-P-A-N-U. Company. All right. Andy, you're not going to believe this but we actually have more than five sketch ideas. Do you think that we should just... I find that very hard to believe oh this is I can't believe we've even basically finished one coherent thought this episode Alastair I if you tell it to me yeah you're telling me what I want to hear so I choose to believe it okay and let's go on to three words from a list three words not just from a listener Andy. This is from the Braden Douglas listener. Braden Douglas. And he sent through three words from a listener. I assume

that listener is Braden Douglas but Braden over the years has pulled so many swifties on us Andy. I wouldn't be surprised if these are words that he sent in from a different listener. Possibly a listener that even listens to something else. At this point nothing would shock me coming from Brayden Douglas. That's right and so would you like to try to guess what the first of the three words from a listener that Braden Douglas sent in? The first word is Miranda. Miranda? Oh, close, Andy. It's scrambled. I think that's the first time I've guessed a person's name for one of the words.

Scramble? I'm not sure person's name for one of the words. Scramble? I'm not sure that's true, but maybe. I'm not sure it's true either, Alastair. I wonder if there's anybody who is sure that it's true. That person might not exist. We may have just come up with a completely fictional person. Scramble? Should I write that down?

Okay the second word is eggs. Eggs. You know Andy, I'm starting to see a way in which this could be somebody fucking with us but because the second word is example. But it's just spelled regular example, scrambled example. Scrambled example. Third word is it preamble? No, but some of the similar letters are in there.

The word amble is in there, not spelled the same thing. Not at all like in an order, but well they're in the right order, but they're just, there's letters in between. It's ambulance. Scrambled example ambulance. Yeah. Gosh. I mean gosh I mean it's I mean obviously the first thing I think of is a giant picking up picking up an ambulance and then cracking it on the side of a building and opening it up and like the very sick person and then the two ambulance people falling out. I mean I love the imagery of Giants striding around the the world and and seeing cars as basically being like a hard shell that you've got a crack open like a like a walnut or an egg to get to the

protein-rich center of the car. I mean imagine a huge race of people that are giants that see us only as breakfast like that. Mmm. Yeah. I mean that's kind of the plot of the BFG. Is it? He sees this as breakfast. Yeah. Well, he doesn't, but the other giants do. They eat people. Oh. But I mean, not exclusively for breakfast, so that's a really unique part of your idea, Alastair. That's the unique part.

And I think that's a really unique part of your idea. That's the unique part. I think that's enough. And I like to think that he cracks it over into a dumpster, one of those big dumpsters. And then he cracks the people in there and then he uses a light pole to mix it all up. And then he has it raw like a protein drink. You know, shoots it back, there's all this rubbish that falls into his mouth as well. Ugh. Yuck. I mean, does he, I mean, he could, you probably would get, you know, you could sort of smash people with the end of a stick like that. Look, if you picked up a, if you were a giant and you grabbed a light post and you ripped it out of the ground, there'd be all this concrete, like, because it gets set into concrete, there'd be a nice big concrete lump on the bottom there. That'd be perfect

for mashing a bunch of people that you just cracked out of a bus or a car. Yeah. And you tip them into a, you know, what, a swimming pool or a dumpster, as you say. You can really mash them up real good and get quite a sort of a soupy, smoothie theme going on. Yeah, and then picture this. Then he goes and he, so he does that. You see this guy do this, he takes a shot.

Then he walks off and he walks back to his human town, I know his giant town, and he goes into a building that kind of looks, you know, like a bit industrial, and he goes in there and he starts doing a podcast, and he's like an Andrew Huberman style guy who then talks about, you know, best psychological techniques, best fitness stuff. Oh, wow.

And he talks about his, you know, his morning routine. What you want to do is you want to go out, you want to get a high protein snack for breakfast. After a big walk, you want to get a lot of sunshine in your eyes, you know, and then you see a person watching that and learning. I bet he doesn't even do this for real. There you go. I think a, I like that a lot, Alastair, like that The Giant is a Huberman style podcast, you know, self help guru. I also like the idea of podcasts for idiots, or like for these sort of, they're giants, right?

And they're really stupid, they're sort of troll-like, barely able to communicate, but then they have their own podcast universe and world and they record podcasts. And there is the Huberman style one where he's talking about wellness and you know what's that word a performance and all that kind of stuff yeah but it's it's for stupid troll monsters yeah so it's like his advice is things like don't eat rocks Only organic material. Yeah, yeah. Troll, wellness, podcast. I mean, don't...

I mean, I think, I mean, I almost feel like he should, he should be like, have you tried eating rocks? There's actually lots of minerals in there. Sometimes you can't. Maybe he could. I mean, I don't know. I'm just thinking you know what for a troll you know. Yeah. I don't know what trolls are like. I guess they probably fit the same roles. You know Andy this is the this is the thing I think that could rip us apart is deciding whether or not the troll wellness guru recommends eating rocks or not eating rocks.

Yeah, I mean as soon as you make a suggestion for it and I'm like, oh I don't know, I don't know if in the made-up world that I made up, the made-up thing that you made up would happen in my made-up world. Alastair doesn't seem... Yeah. I can't imagine. But you could see us taking a very strong position on either. Oh yeah, oh absolutely. That's very worthwhile.

Alastair. Yes Andy. Do you think that this is considered maybe enough and that we've reached the end? Can I tell you the other idea that I had while we were talking about that? My goodness, it would be a tremendous, I mean, what a platform for this exact kind of thing. Seems perfect, doesn't it? It would be foolish not to. My idea was lying down caught. It's a court where everybody's lying down. I'd like to see what that looks like. I think it will have a mirror on the roof.

Well, that's a really good idea. Yeah. It's a really good idea, but I mean, that's if they're lying on their backs, I suppose, talking up to the roof. In my world, I guess they were lying on their fronts with their sort of their head to the side. And sort of-

I think that those people, they've got a little hand mirror and that they can use to look around. Oh, I'd still see the roof. They still see everybody in the room or whatever, or see the ceiling. Oh, that's good. Yeah. You know?

I just think it would be, I've not really seen any dramas that play out with people lying down Yeah, and Maybe oh, maybe that's a good idea Because because remember when they made bird box and then they made a quiet place and it was all like oh What are things sort of simple horror movie concepts things that we can do? where it's just it's just this slight twist. And what if we took something away from people

like sound or sight? What if we took away standing up? So it's aliens, right? Or these horrible monsters that come to earth, but they can't see anything that's like within a foot of the ground. And so everybody's lying on the ground all the time and trying to just crawl along. They can't feel us when they step on us.

Well they can't bend over so they can't reach, they can't get us if you're lying on the ground. That's the one thing they can't do, their arms are quite short and they can't bend. Yeah but they're developing technology so that they can and so society... Oh don't be terrified. Yeah, but they're developing technology so that they can and so society Be terrifying and so then there's a ticking clock and there's a ticking time bomb We've got to stop them somehow from the laying down position Mmm before they they invent the fork. Yeah Yeah, they invent like the fork or like a bed with wheels that allows them to like lay down and also reach

I think we should make this film. Oh, it's really yeah Um, like the laying down horror film. Do you prefer laying down or lying down? Maybe you'd call it Low. Would you call the film Low? Get down Low and go, go, go. My former filmmaker girlfriend had made a film called low it was it was her graduation work for at the for film school is this was that what you're referring to you go is that

what this is about I mean it's the whole film could be a metaphor for for you know smoke smoke it dealing with smoke inhalation in a fire scenario. Yes. That'd be pretty good. That must've been what I was feeling in the subtext. I knew it resonated with me. It's called, we could call it, lying down horror film. But it'll make sense in the in the you know in the film as well

Oh, yeah, when when you see the film you'll you'll you'll see why that one was called that Yeah, it's funny to actually try to make something of a good quality that has such a terrible name of a good quality that has such a terrible name. Yeah. Yeah. That is funny. Cause it's like the title shouldn't matter, you know? It shouldn't matter to the quality of the film. It really is like there for kind of marketing purposes

to try to get people to watch the film. And why not just put the description of the film in the thing. You know? Yeah, I agree. I mean, you're almost what I like about is you almost don't have to see the film. Yeah. And we could have all these great lines in there about people saying, oh, I'm not going to take this lying down.

Yeah. And then we say, we are going to take this line down. They're not gonna. We are. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, and they're gonna take our thing lying down once they're lying down as well, but on a bed with wheels We're not gonna take them lying down lying down down. It rides itself Alastair. I'm really excited about it. People like you know travelling along the ground kicking you know using their feet to just propel themselves while they lay on their backs. Oh yeah absolutely and they'll be quite scratched up and it'd be quite horrible. But also it feels like it makes sense for cinema, right?

They've got those really wide flat screens and yet everybody on camera is almost always standing up. Yeah. It doesn't make sense. Finally we can get a full person on screen. Landscape. Landscape, finally making use of the landscape format in cinema. Realising the full untapped potential.

That's right. This could be what saves film. Well, I mean, yeah, people are going back to the cinemas because of this. Well, that's, I mean, everybody's going to that portrait photo format on their phone, you know, vertical, everything's vertical. And that makes sense because people are vertical. That's right. They're up and down type creatures. So we're going to make landscape, escape format cinemas great again.

Yeah. It's going to be with landscape format people. You know that argument that people use? They go, but your eyes are in landscape. And so that's why you should be filming that way and you shut I have never heard that I've heard so many people say it your eyes like that yeah and you go stop it stop it you're you're being an idiot the phone doesn't take up your whole vision you don't know I agree with the malice here I've just heard their argument by you but also when you look the form up is up and down is down So you may as well have the most amount of up and the most amount of down.

See that's as dumb. Do those people say the same thing about books? Books should be wide. That's funny. That's really funny. Thanks man. Yeah. You're funny too. No, I'm just here for I'm just here for the ride I'm just here to make little suggestions

Like putting a you in the word company Kampani Come you any This was it's Charles Nobel's first suggestion. Now that I've created TNT could we call it Kampooni? Or what about this Kampooni? Doesn't really...

But that does lose the sort of explosion pun. But I did like the sound of it. Kampu-aoni. Kampu-aoni. Kampu-aoni. Oh, that's got two U's, doesn't it? What about this company with two U's? Kampuni?

Kampunu? No, no, no., come poo-a-na. Come poo-a-na. Stop it Alistair, stop it. We gotta stop the podcast. It's been a fucked episode. If people have listened to this whole thing, that's incredible. Oh yeah, I mean it'd be amazing and especially this episode's so late and I know, imagine waiting so long for this. Thank you Indiana. Sorry, Indiana brought me coffee and maybe some breakfast. I don't want to say. It's maybe not soft enough to eat on pod but in that time when we try to

record two pods really fast so that we both so that we're back on schedule I might be able to chug a Montreal same via tur bagel with cream cheese fuck chug it that sounds like that doesn't like a chuggable food. I know. Yeah, no, I've written down. The KFC should release chuggets. It's liquified nuggets. It's a nugget you can chug. Andy, KFC or PFK if you're French. KFC. Chug free free Kentucky and the chugable

nugget is so good I mean it's fun to say and that's half the battle Andy I reckon and here's something I can say. In the next episode, I'm just putting a little cliffhanger, I'll let you know a little story about, this is the first cliffhanger we've ever had on Twin of Thingtank. I'll let you know a story that I had

in the American version of Hungry Jack's Burger King the other day that was notable. I'm really excited. Okay. I'll tune back in for that. I'll read through the sketch ideas. We've got, my sketch partner lives overseas. You wouldn't know him. You know that idea? Very good. Yeah've got death line. This is if, you know, if you're thinking, if you're having suicidal thoughts, you call this line, they'll tell you to kill somebody else instead. We've got the kleptomaniac line where they make you feel better about your kleptomania? Struggling with kleptomania?

I mean I like the idea of lifeline. Maybe some sort of someone takes over lifeline like some someone from the world of business is super focused on getting you know kicking these goals and hitting these targets and they don't care who they got to hurt to get those done and in the interests of yes getting the suicide Right down that they are able to you know, they push the murder rate Way up, but that's not there. They don't give a shit. That's not their problem I mean, I love the idea of a prior a privatized line a line that's for helping people that becomes privatized A privatized line, a line that's for helping people that becomes privatized.

It's so good Andy, the way in which like you can think of, you can think of a thousand ways they would fuck it up and they would start trying to trick people into giving money. Oh my god, what a fucked idea. I think the government should privatize intervention for mental health. I mean they probably are anyway. But yeah. That's good. And we've done kleptomaniac line where they make you feel better about feeling bad about kleptomania. And we've got the computer that can forget.

That was your one that works like a person. But I can't remember, I mean, this was, I don't know why I wrote this down as a separate one. Oh, because you were saying one that works more like a mind and so that you have to traumatize to, so it really remembers. Traumatize to remember, sorry, I don't know. I think I was writing down too many ideas.

Then we got computer that you have to torture to get info. But it ends up being used for- We went through a pretty dark period in the middle of this episode. It's used for creativity to compete with AI, they discover, because it only creates things. Then we have torturing detainees to find out what you really want to hear.

That's way funner than it sounds. That's a much funner idea. I know, it's really fun. It's using torture as a form of self-discovery. Torturing on other people. Then we've got Newton's's cradle but with testicles on shark tank. Newton's cradle my balls ink. We got the giant cracks. Wait, can... No, no, giant... Newton's cradle my balls is a really great heckle

to yell out at a physics conference or to have yelled at Sir Isaac Newton himself. Absolutely. Yeah, that would have been God, you know, sometimes you think of a you think of a comeback just a bit too late. Just a little bit too late. God, that would have been great. And he doesn't seem like the guy who would have dealt with it very well.

No, I mean Live Nets should have should have said that. I mean if he didn't he'd be kicking himself. Absolutely, absolutely kicking himself. Then we got Giant Cracks car Like Eggs, and then does podcasts. You get it. Then we got Troll Wellness Podcast. Then we got Lying Down Court. Maybe it has a mirror on the roof. And we have the Laying Down Horror Film.

Aliens Can't Reach That Low. But they're close. But they're close. But just imagine a log line that's as stupid as that film that is like... That long? That's the full log line, that's it. That's all the information. The laying down horror film.

Aliens can't reach that low, but they're close. And they're working on a fork. They're working on a fork. We should write a scene in which it is a sort of a dis-battle between Newton and Leibniz and Leibniz, Newton accuses Leibniz, he says your theory of calculus is, if you'll excuse the pun, a little derivative, right? So that would be really good. And then Leibniz can say why don't you Newton's cradle my balls. Yeah, that's really good Andy. That's really good.

Thanks man. balls. Yeah that's really good Andy. That's really good. Yeah I think they have to be, the aliens have to be working on something that they can lay down on. This is just, you know, this is me wanting to argue, but they have to lay down so that they can reach it because they don't have knees and maybe they don't bend at the waist. And so then once they do create that, the thing that they can lay down on. I mean, it's fucked that they defeated us, these aliens. Yeah. I don't know what they were doing.

I mean, they, like, once they get their hands on you, they really mess, they shred you up with their arms and mouth and stuff like that. Sure, yeah. Right? But luckily, if you you're laying down they just can't get you until and so then once they build this kind of like rollable bed They they have to like tip each other on onto it Like that, but once they're down then they're like, hahaha But once they're down then they're like, ha ha ha

And then they have one other guy pushing them. Yeah, but then they get bogged on the grass and stuff or they wouldn't be able to get upstairs I don't know. I feel like They just have they all they have is ankles Like in the lower half, it's just ankles that that allow so they have to like run by by just pushing their feet like that they're fucked anyway I love that it makes me go I can't do the folk thing I could not I can do only ankles that's it then we got Nobel company with a U or two U's. I'm just talking about Mr. Nobel talking about it. That's amazing. And then we got KFC Chuggets.

The Chuggable Nugget is such a good idea. Oh my God. Did you write down Lying Down Court? Oh, yeah. I thought it was that. Yeah, I did Lying Down Court. Remember that maybe there's a mirror on the roof. And oh my God, I just forgot what I was about to say.

Wait. Oh, yeah. The Chuggable Nuggets. They come in a shot glass Or you know or a full like a full big like You know, obviously like a beer bottle or something like that It makes more sense probably because then it's not really chugging. You don't really chug a shot You get a six-pack you get like a six piece in one bottle. Oh, it's really good.

But they're served hot so it's almost... you wouldn't want to be taking them away. You want to eat them there. You don't want that to get cold. Yeah, I mean you don't really want to chug anything too hot as well. Yeah, no, but you don't... They'll work that out't they'll work that out I'll work that out. They'll work out the kinks But I think yeah They probably can do like a six piece in a shot glass if you want to share it with your kids for example in chocolate

You know just they just They bring it out on a on a tray. I can't believe we're still going Yeah Andy usually the podcast really gets going when we mentioned three words from a listener this happens so many times Yeah, we should just start there. Okay, we better end this podcast Thank you so much for listening to Rice Flavored Dog. Thank you so much for listening to In the Think Tank. The show where we come up with fire sketch ideas.

That's right. I'm Andy. And I'm Alistair. And thank you so much for listening. You know what? Go look, how crazy would it be if we started, if we all started like reviewing the podcast? I might go review it. I think let's mention it at the start of the next episode. I'm gonna really try and get this happening.

Yeah. It helps people to find the podcast. It helps people find it. We're gonna, you know, as podcasts have become a bit more popular, you know, we could use it more than ever now that it's as little as least effective as ever That's right. It's never been a worse time. Never been a worse time and we love love

You thank you so much. Thank you. Bye. I'm gonna go chug some bagels. Bye Tim Horton's Camp Day is Wednesday, July 17th. When you buy a hotter iced coffee, 100% of proceeds help change the lives of youth in need. See you at Tim's July 17th. And don't forget to upsize your coffee for a bigger donation at Participating Restaurants in Canada.