Two In The Think Tank - 434 - "WITHDRAW MY MUMMY"

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Withdrawing Mummy, Taking care of someone who looks like your mom, disposable elevator, boarding police station, tactical nuns, tragedy porn parodyThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.Check out Stupid Old Studios' COMEDY LAB here and support the artist fund if you can.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Dearest listeners of the To and the Think Tank podcast, this is Alistair George William Trumbly-Birtchel from the To and the Think Tank podcast. I am here to apologize that I messed up my audio this week and thought I was recording on my mic, but instead was recording on my computer laptop. And since we're putting things out at the last minute, there is no time to redo. Anyway, it was a fun episode and I want to apologize if I've made it difficult to listen to. I've tried to clean it up as much as I can and I'd already messed up the audio on Matt Stewart's podcast,

Who Knew It with Matt Stewart, by recording on my end and then not sending it to him and then turning off my computer and losing everything. And so I thought it would only be fair to also destroy the audio and the reputation of my podcast the Two and the Think Tank podcast. Anyway I hope that you can enjoy what is already a pretty fun episode but with a little challenge of can you get past the audio quality except for Andy's audio quality which is tremendously excellent as usual. Goodbye, and thank you for listening

to this intro. Bye. da da hum ba hum ba hum ba hum ba ha ha ha hello and welcome to Toothless Think Tank the show where we come up with five sketch ideas I will be your Andy for this evening he will be your Alastair I will be your Alastair, there was a slight misunderstanding where I thought you'd said the word money, but actually you'd said the word mummy. And I thought it would be funny to have one of those scenes where people are, there's a run on the banks and everybody's running into the bank and shouting, I want my money. But one of the people is shouting, I want my money, but one of the people is shouting, I want my mummy. Or, or, or...

He's heard that everybody needs to go withdraw their mummy. And he goes, the old folks home, gets a bloody wheelchair. I think that is what you have to say if you want to take your mother out of an old folks home. I would say I would like to withdraw my mummy. Well actually the old folks home. You put in a card and she comes out of a slot. It's like you get her and she rolls out of it. Yeah, there's a little whirring sound as they they ruffle through all the mummies in the

automatic tell tell no I don't know what the T T is in the other version ATM of Tell Her Machine doesn't quite satisfy me in the way I would like to be satisfied by these things. But it does satisfy me in a different way. And maybe that's enough. Yeah, but you know, the old folks don't have enough parents in there that if everybody doesn't try to withdraw their moneys at the same time. Is that true? They don't keep enough parents in there? That's interesting, isn't it?

Because parent, you know, old people, they all do all start to look alike. And if you don't visit them regularly enough they probably could wheel out any old and because they don't have any memory and they're just excited to see whoever it is that comes along they won't be kicking up a fuss either so in that way the elderly are fungible would you say? I think so they become more and more fun. Interchangeable? Mm-hmm. I like that idea a lot.

Turns out they've only got five or six old people in there and they keep moving them around. It's very rare that you get multiple descendants wanting to come and visit their old folks at the same time, the chances of having to loan out five old people, more than five at once, is extremely low so they can get away with it. I mean, you know, we do, when we are accepting people into our home, we are accepting people who we think won't get visited as much as possible. That's a good idea. I mean they are already having problems with staffing numbers at these elderly folks' establishments, Alastair.

And so it just makes, it doesn't make sense that we all have grandparents, right? Exactly. It's like it doesn't make sense that we all have cars, okay? This is why we've got into this share economy situation with car next door and Uber and that sort of thing. It makes much more sense that each nursing home have two or three elderly people who are very well looked after. Their staff to patient ratio is insane. But that does mean that when you go along you have to be happy with whichever old person

that you get and you have to not ask any questions if you start to suspect that your old person is not your old person. That would be quite the clause to sign as you're sitting there in the interview like whatever the old folks from Warden is called. Will my mother be taken care of? Oh she'll be taken care of alright. And just like the idea that they're like now just know that you're not allowed to ask any questions if ever we wheel out an old person and they don't look entirely like your character. Say into this camera I accept that. I accept. I think it's really good Alistair, I think we're onto something here. You're not allowed. I mean already just the idea that if if contracts had to be verbal and

understandable like that do you accept that in the event of injury we are not I would like the idea that you take along your grandparent and you say, right now are they going to be taken care of very well? And they'll say, well, let's just say that someone who looks a lot like your grandparent will be taking care of extremely well. Huh. Okay so the... Yes, like he's just trying to do it so he goes Absolutely someone who looks just like your grandparent will definitely be having a good quality life here. Or did you say? What's a funny way to answer that question? Very unusual way to phrase the reply.

Did you notice that every time we asked about them they said yes someone who looks a lot like them. Did you notice that they said that? Is that weird that they said it that way? Did I imply all I wanted was somebody who looked like my grandparent? When they say someone who looks like my grandparent, I assume they mean my grandparent. Why? They would meet the criteria of that. That must be what they're talking about. How many people?

That gives us a speech impediment. To talk in that way. I mean, there are. How many people? How good is a speech impediment? To talk in that way. I mean, they're not hiring, they're not accepting, admitting people to be old folks home because they look like another old person that they have who is already kind of healthy. kind of healthy. When we brought her in they did bring out a big folder with lots of faces of old people in it and they flipped through and they said yes I reckon we can pull that off. They did say that didn't they? That was when they were looking at her face and looking back at the picture in the book. Did you hear them say I reckon we can get away with it? What do you think?

What do you think they meant by that? Look, it was very clean. It was very clean. And that's gotta count for something. And the rates are extremely affordable. And as I say, that staff to patient ratio. Always seems. And we've already driven my way up all this way. Yeah.

We are already here. It was a pain crossing town. Because then the thing is, if it's not really your grandparent, right, and it's just somebody who looks like them, then you can, you don't actually have to go and visit them. You can just send along somebody who looks a lot like you. In fact, in general, that would be a great service. We did already come up with

something where a business where they will write letters to your elderly relatives. Yes. You know very personal letters, handwritten letters that nobody does anymore but it's just a thing you sign up to and it's like 20 bucks a month or something and they send them like two letters every month and the old people they love it but this is one where they're doppelgangers they're sort of look-alikes company and they they just sort of maybe they do a little bit of prosthetics and some basic disguise work and they will send along somebody to the to the old, to visit your elderly relative who looks like you. I like the idea that for some reason they've also got a dog that looks like yours.

Of course, they could have a dog that looks like your dog. And then all the people who actually have been meeting, both the grandparent person who looks like your grandparent and you have a little book that they're referring to when they're asking questions and they're like so how is Arthur your living brother? Well we can separate out the ideas as well. So the one, you know, it can be like that. It's actually your parents or grandparents who are in the home, right? It's them, them really in there. And then you're just sending along a lookalike to visit.

So you can feel good about it. Okay. So it's not a doppelganger of your grandparent or parent. It's the real article. And then you're sending these lookalikes on like they can can be quite, I think they're funny, they can be quite shonky lookalikes and they're trained to, if any ever the old person questions it and says you're not my son, they're trained to say, to shake the old person and say you're confused and to call the nurse and say she needs more

medicine. You could imagine the day of hiring this particular person when you're like, now, are you willing on the days when the, look a lot of mine, well, say questions whether or not you really are, are you willing to shake it on elderly first to the point of you know potentially ending this remember Alice I'm taking away the look lookalike of the mum anymore, it's the real mum. Oh yeah, it's a suicide risk. It is more tragic. It is much more mental and even unpleasant. Although is it? I mean I suppose in the other scenario the mum has been killed in some sort of mass grave.

That's the unspoken back end of that sketch there. We choose not to look too deeply into that. The dark heart of the sketch. To analyse. It's a one story looking building but it's got an elevator in it. It only goes down. Oh no! They're going to go through so many elevators. That doesn't make sense. You gotta get the elevator back. I mean, disposable, single-use elevators.

That's a, I mean, that's a sketch idea. Single-use, single-use elevators. I, you know what, I mean, I wanna come back to this, but I like to think that there's a guy who, in that old photo, who has an elevator and he's like, it's actually not a pile of big bodies because we actually add them to the bottle using the yellow. We go underneath and put in the bodies underneath. But piling is adding to the top. Adding to the top! So in another thing they say, it said a lot in the meeting when we committed our elderly person.

They did say a lot of the time, they said, and we're not piling up the dead bodies under the building. They said that a lot, didn't they? He did say that a lot. They don't pile up, they're piling up and putting bodies on top of the other dead bodies. He said technically, he said technically we're not piling the bodies up. Did that strike you as weird? I mean I was confident. Obviously I'm very sensitive it's a sensitive time committing your the elderly relative to a home like this so maybe I'm just on edge and over analysing everything but that was something that I picked up on. It was a red flag for me but then I did find it comforting when he said that he wasn't following up dead bodies. I thought that was actually quite nice. So that was a green flag. You know, it's like when, you know, probably, like a tray of meat will say no added hormones, but apparently none of the meat places are adding the hormones, because it's just saying

to imply like the other people are doing it. Yeah, that's probably what it is. Probably just a clever bit of marketing. It actually makes it sound a lot better when they say that. They say, oh, you're going to choose your plan for the other place. It doesn't say. Now, let's go to the disposable thing. Yeah, that is true. You're right. If you went to two nursing homes and one of them said, we're not piling up the bodies, technically we're not piling up the bodies technically

we're not piling up the bodies under the building and then you went to another one where they didn't mention anything about it. That's right we have a don't not piling up bodies under the building guaranteed. That's on the side at the front. Wow. Technically we're sliding underneath. We're digging out from underneath the thing. They bring out a philosopher to argue what the nature of a pile is. That's right. Is one body a pile? What about two bodies? At what point does it become a pile and then we keep it under that? Keep it under that and we just have multiple, multiple, I don't even know what to call them because they're not piles, we have multiple of whatever these things are

Next to each other but not touching and therefore technically not piles Pile into the law So many people are getting through this pile loophole this Impossibility of defining the moment at which a heap becomes a pile. Andrew, how do you picture a disposable single-use elevator? Yeah, well, I mean, could it be something that is, it feels like it would have to be sort of attached to the outside of a building, presumably.

Sort of quite plastically made out of the same sort of stuff as a yoghurt tub. Oh yeah, that was a good trick. One that's still relatively heavy and it's just dropped into your two-story house Do you get to get in it I mean looks it falls through your roof But always All the way through and then you can then go into the house and then you can use it once So maybe you do it if you frail elderly mother is visiting. I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, I guess. That would be more convenient for her. I mean, well, you know, so that she can go up to a room, but she won't be able to come down, so maybe you can drop a second one. I guess, yeah, I guess my version is like you're in a building, right, and you can't be bothered walking to the elevator which is sort of halfway across the floor plan of the level that you're on. So you smash open one of the high windows and there's this sort of thing that comes in a box and you flick it and it's sort of this tube flops down, sort of Constantino, it comes I guess

like a sleeping duck mattress or something like that, all folded up in there and then you can hop into this sort of, sort of like a big pair of foam underpants or something like that and have these little arms that go out and grab the side of the tube and sort of tear the tube a bit as you slide down, but it slows your descent and so you're able to slide down to the bottom in safety in your foam underpants. You leave this sort of tattered shred of a thing hanging off the side of the building and all the buildings in the CBD now have this sort of like this exoskeleton of garbage just hanging off all the windows are

smashed and it's single-use elevators. And after is it just once you get to the bottom you sort of shove it into the wheelie bin. Yeah or you just leave it hanging there. I mean you rip off your foam underpants and drop them in the street and they float into the ocean. Choke a dolphin. Choke a dolphin? Yes. Yeah. Yes.

Don't even guess anything, this is what's happening. You don't need to guess. Why would you guess? Why would you guess anything? I mean, look, so what do you reckon? Is that a sketch idea? I don't know, it's already written down. Elevator. So what do you reckon? Is that a sketch idea? It's already written down. Elevator.

Right. What do you think about this? Escalator in your house. Do you think anybody has an escalator in their house, Alastair? Let me see. I mean, my mum always used to say... ... ... It's a very promising start to this.

It's just that when she went to high school, her first high school was big enough that it had an escalator. Wow. Was her house big enough that it had a high school in it? Because then that might be relevant to what I'm talking about. If it wasn't Alastair, you've just wasted my time. Well what Andy did ask me was a boarding school. Was it a boarding school? No. Why just boarding schools? Why not a boarding supermarket? Why not a... I'm going to go drop off this wallet at the boarding police station. Well police stations are probably a bit closer to a boarding situation.

I can't imagine the people who are dropping off wallets all the time. That's true. You've got to stay there for a whole semester. I'm just trying to do the right thing. I'm just trying to do the wrong thing. I'm just trying to do the wrong thing. I miss my mom. So I wanted my mom to do this to me. It's still your parents that take you there. So that they don't have to. So that they don't have to parent you.

Look, Auntie. Auntie, we found this wallet upon the road and we're wondering if you'd be willing to take it back to the police station for us? We'll drive you. Andy! Andy! I don't think you're there. police show you to your room. There's a nun who patrols the sleeping quarters. Does she have a gun? Is she a nun with a gun? Does she have it in a holster by her side?

Is she a police nun? She's actually got two guns in the holsters. Wow. Is she a police nun? She's actually got two guns and holds this. Wow. Yes. And she's a tactical nun as well. Oh no! She's got one of those helmets with a little bit of glass. She's a riot nun.

She's one of the elite. I mean that's a film. That's a film. Oh, that's a series of films. A crack team of elite tactical nuns who... Special forces nuns. ... how many situations do they respond to? I mean, nuns traditionally, I guess they sort of... What? The garden? Special forces? No. What's a garden? Yeah, hit them with rulers. pump action a fully automatic AR-15 assault ruler. Yeah I mean they would have one that's big enough that they can smash open doors with. Oh that's a really good idea.

That's incredible. With their Kevlar wimple. They have a ruler that they can throw into the building that flashes and bangs disorient you back to the table a wimple I feel like we over we just glossed over Kevlar wimple I didn't know what a wimple was, I'm sorry. It's that thing they wear on their head, I think. Thank you. I just, you know, I don't know if that phrase has ever been uttered before. But Alistair, to do credit to you, I don't think a flashbang ruler we're really in uncharted waters yes uncharted international waters now a stair yes have you written down tactical nun squad. Well, Andy, I had considered it as part of

the boarding police station that your parents dropped you off at, but you know what's been written down there? Tactical nun squad. Tactical Nun Squad. Tactical Nun. Tactical Nun. Have a banana. Have a banana. Have a banana. That special, I believe there was two of them, but that... those of Bill Bailey, the one cosmic jam has such a different flavor to almost every other comedy special that's in existence because he was just kind of such like I think that was probably his first special that he released and the bits that he does in that are so far away from anything anybody else does where he kind of like. Where he tells an old joke

and then it goes into some weird abstract place. Three men go into a lot. Now, aside three, what ones? One's a woman. I can't remember what exactly this is, but on, I can't remember what exactly, but on paper. But they're dressed as a man, so on paper, we're all on. Yeah. Yeah, that is very fun.

Yeah. Yeah, like looking at the bits of the joke that you wouldn't have thought to to fuck around with hmm Yeah, it's like yeah Bloody chunks of comedy you could rip that off related Don't think we ever talk about Bill Bailey you and I know you're a bill guy Yeah, I mean, you know like I think Bill Bailey today You know, I haven't seen a lot of the you know stuff in the last ten years But I mean he does hit a lot of those same notes. Maybe not those exact ones. He's very good at saying something

that's very kind of like You know like a huge and mythical, you know, you'll say like, you know the universe is, you know, traveling a thousand million quarters per hour. That's right. You know, we are this and then we are merely this and then you're what? I can't tell that to a guy on a bus stop. All right, mate. You know, he brings it back to reality.

Yeah, yeah. Sure. There's been that. No, I mean, but that is my shit. I do like a sort of absurd bit of nonsense, highfalutin, you know, but then slightly grounded in reality. Yeah, but he would be great, I think, like, if there was like a running, you know, like a running of the Bill Byles, if there was like a thing, I think that he would be one of the people that it would be the funniest to see a large number of them on stage.

You know what I mean? Like, in terms of people with his exact look, I think in terms of all the comedians in the world. Are they charging and they really running down a street in Spain? Yeah. comedians in the world. Are they charging? Are they really running down a street in Spain? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's exciting. The running of the bills.

The running of the bills. That must have been what I had in my mind somehow. Why did I...? It must have been. But you didn't say it. I didn't say it. But I mean, that's the genius that you really set me up for that, Alistair. You let me swoop in. I mean I must have in some way already, you know, I could probably claim that, that thing

that I didn't say. It was essentially a cross in front of the net. What was that sketch? Not to dwell on somebody else's joke, but there was something that you told me about from when you were working on the weekly where somebody had put a joke in front of you and then you came up with a punchline for it, but the punchline felt like without the punchline the punchline that was really clearly wanting to be made do you remember this something about like the silence of the lambs yeah I don't remember exactly what the joke was but I

do remember this situation where it was like this doesn't yeah I think it was like essentially that sentence but I can't remember it was like Silence of the Lambies. Was it about Jackie Lambie? Was it Silence of the Lambies? No, wouldn't have been that. Wouldn't have been that. I feel like the word mullet or cutlet or something was in there. Mutton? No, I don't know. I've got just sort of shapes just a shadow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think you've hit the right place. I mean the only way I could think

of doing this is if I searched our messenger for the word silence of a lamb or something like that, but I don't I mean that would just mean we would have had to, I mean, silence. I mean, obviously, there's all the time that will come up in the search. Where we weren't talking to each other. Yeah, we weren't, or where we were chatting,

but I was saying, silence! Mmm. I don't know, it came up with, uh, Unlaunching myself like a cannonball, was it all framed for dinner? I was thinking about that today! Cannonball, the cannonball. Ha ha ha. That's another two in the think tag classic.

That is a stone cold. That is one of the, that's on our Rushmore, I feel like. Yeah. Mount Titmore of sketches. I would carve that in there. Hannanball the cannonball for sure Alistair don't worry about looking that thing up whatever it was I might have I might have given you a bum steer yeah which I do via a steering wheel that I

insert into your anus and drive you like a truck. What did you put into my hands? A steering wheel. Yes. Just giving you a bum steer. That's hard. Bum steer. Yes, I mean you couldn't just sort of squeeze one cheek for a ride and sort of squeeze the left cheek for left.

I'm afraid not. Yeah, I have to after going through my... But not even to go in for the joy of it. It's actually just to put in a steering wheel, which I will have to sense the turning of the wheel using my inner anal skin. I have to be able to go all feels like he's turning me. A part of your body that was... wasn't built for this.

It wasn't built for touch. It wasn't built for navigation. It was merely a thoroughfare. It's been... it's being asked to... There's so much being asked of it You know is on the spot. It didn't sign up for this In the steering column of a vehicle Hopefully it'll be a call. I mean, via the unassailable logic of the number of nerve endings...

Argument. Ah, I guess. I guess that means, typically speaking... Therefore, I will have to let you push a big metal thing into my... do you have to use motor oil grease or whatever? It's a lubricated... like a black residue that builds up at the entrance of my numbers. Should I take this to five words from Melissa? Three words from Melissa. Four words. Also got it mixed up with three, six, and five sketch ideas. There's so many numbers in here. Oh, they're flying around. It's hard to keep track of them on... From a listener? From a listener?

From a listener? And that's a number? And it's also a fucking letter? That is good though, isn't it? A means one. It's also the first letter in the alphabet. That's lovely little bit of... They've made that very neat and tidy. Yeah, well I think they should be able to do it with B, spelled B-E, and so should mean two. I mean maybe we could say from

but like you know like we do with a from but listener you know because then it and then it's it's the second letter B which we know is it which would have mean two in this case but it's second letter B which we know is which would have mean two in this case but it's also it's spelled with two letters as well yes and by as in bicycle yes biathlon that means two doesn't it exactly but the association between B and the number 2 is already very strong. We're just making it that bit more explicit. Gosh, this is going to save so much time. Yes, I think. We'll have to explain this every time we use it, but in the long run, we're playing a long

game here. Yeah. Amortise that out over a lifetime or maybe the span of human civilisation. Oh, oh, listen. that out over a lifetime or maybe the span of human civilization call call listener we press see we have listeners but sometimes they support us on patreon and sometimes they send in three words from a them and and then we use them to come up with a sketch. Alastair I believe you have such a listener today. Andy, you will not believe it. Well, you want to try and guess who the listener is.

Is it Brian? It's not Brian Andy. It's a relatively new patreon supporter Daddy! Oh yes RAAAAAAA Oh my gosh, what's up? It's a baby It's a baby

RAAAAAAA It's ok, it's ok That was a scary baby That was a baby It was a scary baby house. That was a scary baby house. That was a scary baby house. It was a scary baby house. Thank you. This is some real theatre of the mind stuff right now. I mean, it was amazing because I almost said a name and then someone went, Hey daddy!

And then they wanted to show me something. He wanted to scare me. Apart from the pauses. The listener is known as Cody Hickenbottom. Woah! Cody Hickenbottom? Hickenbottom. This is some good names. Cody Hicken? Hickenbottom? Hickenbottom, maybe.

Cody Hickenbottom. This is some good names, some good quality names. We track great quality names. We do. Well, we reject a lot of would-be Patreon supporters. They didn't... people don't know that, but there's a reject button on Patreon. Yeah. And it gets a huge workout from us. Oh my god, all the letters have been worn off of that button. Because of all the people that we reject. It's the Patreon supporters that tune in to Big Take Reject that make it for best. And so, um, Mr. Hickenbottom, um, which is incredible. The more I say it, the more it sounds, it sounds like the name of a nanny. Oh nanny, Hickenbottom is here.

But of course, he's probably always there because she probably has living quarters. It's a boarding house. It's a boarding house. It's a home that you live in. Your parents drop you off there. They're like, well, this is our home I mean essentially that's what a house with an ending is. It's true. Incredible. Now Andy would you like to try to guess what the first of the three words that Cody has sent through? Cody, let's see, the first word you have sent through is...

Resilient. Wow, that is a wonderful thing. Now we all want our children to have resilient. That is not the first word Andy, it's 60. 60. 60. Second word is mile. Sixty mile is incorrect indeed. The second word is nine.

Oh, okay. Sixty nine. Okay, so the third word, they're going to do a pun on position. Okay, sixty nine position. So is it gonna be... It's gonna be super position. 69 super position. Andy, the third word is... 11. Oh my god.

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Wow. So, I mean, this makes me think of an atrocity. Where in terrorists take one of the World Trade Center towers, flip it upside down and rub it up against the other World Trade Center tower in a 69 position. Oh yeah, or you fly a plane into the top of one and you drive a truck into the bottom of the other one. Yes, okay. a truck into the bottom of the other one. Yes, okay. That is funny though, Alistair, that is a good comedy twist on it. Good comedy. You drive a truck carrying a plane into the bottom. You drive a plane, you fly a truck. Oh, now we're getting somewhere. Yes.

Oh, now we're getting somewhere. Yes. 6911. It says here, No idea what weird way Andy will go with it, but in my head I see it as a porno, where they're having sex on the plane, since they're going to crash. With the utmost sincerity, Cody. I mean, that's true. People don't do porno parodies of tragedies. Oh, that is a beautiful force. Of world events, significant world events.

You try and do breaking porn parodies of events as they happen. I mean maybe this is the way to increase people's awareness of important world events and you know people watch a lot of pornography and probably are disengaging from traditional news sources. So if we were able to run a sort of a CNN of porn. Yeah, so maybe an Alex Jones of porn. Oh, well I think we're aiming to be quite mainstream, right? I think Alex Jones is one of the most viewed sources of news for people. Sources of news. I remember seeing when somebody had built a chart and they were like,

it's actually wild how much viewership this person has compared to some of the traditional media. Wow. Maybe people just don't want to be connected to reality anymore. Maybe reality is defunct. It's a bold concept. You can't cling to it anymore. You've got to move on. Yeah. I mean, I'm not sure if it was you know I think it was a long time when people were also not engaging that much as well kind of shit as well but yeah but I mean you know the church and all that but then the idea that you know what these people are offering a viable alternative a tantalizing alternative to reality but also this version is somebody's offering a tantalizing yes this tragedy of the

Titanic Wow so it's that I mean it's taking it away slightly from the breaking news aspect of the topic for... Oh yeah. But... But you're right, Alastair. I sort of like, what would I say, it's like, wrong. And in recent news, the President of the United States has had his ear grazed by a penis. I mean, would there be a guy whacking off on the top of a... I mean, he's the... so he's the... one of the contenders, the Republican nominee.

He's giving a speech and there's a guy whacking off on the top of a building and the jizz shoots out cross and hits him in the ear and then three strong security guards come up and grab the Presidential hopeful yeah Paul I thought that maybe The president is kneeling at a podium and then a

standing above him is just a man jerking off and then and then his three strong men then come and tackle the president but then a couple of other guys strong men then jerk off onto the guy who just jerked off onto the president. But they actually get it really good. And then the president's like, the moment he goes, my shoes, I need my shoes. Well, he saw that in the video. That was the thing that made me go, oh no, this seems real. He seems confused and then he needs his shoes. I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't mention it in the video. Oh, yeah. When he did get tackled to the ground, he was getting up.

There was a moment when Trump started saying, I guess when they tackled him, he knocked him off his shoes, out of his shoes. He was like, my shoe! I've got to get my shoe! He was knocked out of his shoe, like an an old-school guy who'd been hit by a Train or something in your in a cartoon and your shoes get left behind not so old school They're just wearing sandals, but you know Definitely talking and I know a DBC for crops fucker alistair I reckon that's a sketch idea yeah you bit your observation that the word assassin

contains the word ass twice Ass ass. Oh no I'm picturing any of them. A Columbine shooting version. Parody. No. No. Well the way, obviously they're all white-outs in this case, but... Okay. Yeah. But you're walking down the hallway jerking off. Anyway. Um, was that that I ruined everything in India? Yeah! Well... Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Going into classrooms. Mm-hmm. Sorry, Andy. Yeah. It was a lot more fun when it was the president, I think. You know what, you're wrong. Anyway, somebody clip that out and

and tell us, tell the news that I was in a comedy duo with Jack Black when I said it. He'll apologize for this. the news that I was in a comedy duo with Jack Black when I said it. Kill the Pomp and Circumstance. Should I think it's through the sketch ideas Amy? Yes indeed. And I'd like to withdraw my money. I mean there's not enough old people in the old folks home for everyone. We really got to somewhere with that. And there's the old folks home where they promise to take care of someone who looks like your parent. There's a chance that you then you can also send a lookalike there. Yes.

And we've got the disposable single use elevators. Perfect. We have the boarding police station that your parents dropped you off at. Mm hmm. And I've been taking this wallet full of these things off and on the ride. Mum, I'm not falling for that again. You're just trying to get me into one of those boarding police stations aren't you? No, I really found it.

Oh well if you can't do that, can't you? Put your mind popping into the bunnings and just get in there jasmine flower for me. Okay Moe, hang on a second. Boarding Bunnings is it? I think a Boarding Bunnings where dads can go and stay is a good idea. And then we have, they'll just sleep overnight at the Bunnings. Then they have the tragedy porno parody the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby the baby thank you so much for listening to turn the think tank cool people cool people yeah humans and if this goes up today then you should when you hear it then you are humans. If this goes up today then you should, when you hear it, when you are in Montreal and you understand that it's a little bit French, you should go to

the Theatre St Catherine on Tuesday and come and see the radio sketch volume 2 where I will be performing since the sketch comedy So really exciting prospect for the French speaking peoples of French Canada French Canada is about to be taken by storm and by sketch I don't know if we're putting it on the internet but we shall see. Okay cool. Well thank you so much for listening. We think it's really cool. Yeah.

You need to get people to buy books? If you want to buy a copy of Gustav and Henry the link is in the show notes and you can go to my very own online shop and purchase a copy or do That'd be great well Yeah, you can get one you can get did you just go a copy or the and