Two In The Think Tank - 438 - "MODESTY FOG"

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

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Be nudy bitch Hello and welcome to tune the thing sure we come up with five sketch ideas And I'm a G Trompe B W and I forgot the W that's where I stumbled. Hey Alistair. Yes Andrew? You know what it's what I like about it is that you're not getting complacent you know a lot of people at this point it'd be muscle memory but for you you're not getting complacent. You know, a lot of people at this point, it'd be muscle memory. But for you, you're doing this almost from first principles every single time and I respect that so much.

Absolutely, Andy. Absolutely. And look, and like I was telling you just off pod, even though it feels like we're currently fumbling this pod and I imagine other podcast duos are waiting like a coiled spring to take over this podcast as soon as we flub it. As soon as we flub this pod, they're waiting to take over. But you know what?

We will not let that happen, Andy. I'm currently cranking Andy's arms. Andy is getting primed for pumping out some A grade podcasts so that we cannot be knocked off the top of this hill and have this podcast. Everything that we've built be taken away from us. This prime bit of podcast real estate we've got one of the the most desirable segments of the internet our RSS feed oh mate the number of fellow podcasters I see checking out our RSS that's our arses in the street

yeah we've got that's what everybody tells us we've got a beautiful arses They say, they say, h-t-t-p-s colon. They got a, it's got a, that, all that, that RSS comes with a beautiful h-t-t-p colon. It does sound when you do it like, it does sound like somebody spitting on a butthole. That's right. Oh yes. H-t-t's a colon like that. Anyway, terrific. And to think a colon spit is such a deep spit.

I mean, the amount of pressure you are, you know. You're hosing that thing out. That is absolute Guinness World Record old spitting. Hosing that thing out with the mouth is an incredible achievement. Wow, I mean, you can- Absolutely squirtling that bowel. Yeah. Yeah.

Squirtle is that sort of the animal kingdom's version of a bidet? Yeah, when it would be in the Pokemon world. Mm. Justishing a shit. Squirtle, I choose you! And it is Japan, it's Japan Andy. They are very focused on these kinds because we know that in the Pokemon world there are no other animals is that right in the Pokemon universe? No I don't think so. What we don't know in the Pokemon universe is if there are bidets and if they because we know that the ecological niches have all been filled with Pokemon but we don't know which technological niches have also been filled, which spots in the bathroom ecosystem.

That's right, I guess if it's a prehistoric kind of Flintstone style Pokemon, you could easily imagine where there's Pokemon, a Squirtle that goes, Squirtle! And then sprays, you know, caveman ashes, sort of, you know, exit hole. And then look, turns to the camera and then goes, it's a living.

It's a living. So have you written this down yet? Oh Andy, you just don't even. This beautiful sketch idea. Andy, I mean in terms of things that would work on the internet, you know, things that would get hits, Andy, we've maybe struck what is known in the biz as absolute comedy goldmine. Alistair, what do you think of this? I don't know if this is a sketch so much as it is a New Yorker cartoon idea. Okay, well hang on Andy, I'm gonna get Jason Chatfield on the line and Scott Dooley. Now and I

realized going from a Squirtle Badaille idea into a New Yorker cartoon idea may give some of the listeners a kind of cultural whiplash and I apologize. Allow me to your palate cleanse this Palate cleanse your mouth with my squirtle squirtles go Your my let me let me palate cleanse your mind's mouth But but but It's not the same squirtle you use to spray my butthole, is it? Oh no, you always have at least two squirtles. One for drinking and one for cleaning butthole squirtle I've written obviously a B for butthole and on the drinking

squirtle I've written... B for bottle water quality water. Yes, or maybe it's a P for potable. But of course I've given that P a little a little belly to represent all the drinkable water in its belly. That's right, it's swollen with hydration. Anyway, this is my sketch idea. It's a cartoon, it's a beach, right? It's a beach, and there's a woman on the beach. It's like a desert island, okay?

And she's written in painstakingly and collected flotsam and jetsam, she's written help in large capital letters right on the beach or or in sunscreen on her pregnant belly that's good too no we got might get we might get two out of this to have to call gonna have to call other comedians that I know who've written New Yorker cartoons. Pete Holmes? I don't know him but... Has he done?

He's done some, has he? Well I think back in the day he would talk about, you know, that he used to submit a lot to try and get one in. Really? Yeah, anyway sorry Andy. I am, I mean, I am so excited to hear this idea. And then she's written Help in Flotsam and Jetson on the Beach in large capital letters I mean I am so excited to hear this idea. And then she's written help in Flotsam and Jetson on the beach in large capital letters

and then underneath she's written no worries if not. Oh that's cool. Also in large capital letters. That's good, I need to write that down straight away. New Yorker. New Yorker. New Yorker cartoon. And I wonder if the New Yorker, if it might be out of copyright by now. And if so, if we would be allowed to start our own New Yorker, flood the internet. Yes, the new... The new New Yorker. What about the new Australian?

Okay. Okay, wait, that doesn't quite work, does it? It's not... it's not Yorker. No. Newer Yorker? Mmm, yes. Hang on, just rotting this down. The old Yorker? Yes hang on just rotting this down. The old Yorker. Old Yorker. What about a word that sounds like new like you know it could be like K-N-E-W New Yorker. There you go. And maybe York, yeah, you're new PNE you like in pneumatic

Oh, yes New and and then yeah, why oh, oh KER You yo, yo Ker Yeah So just So just and so it seems like it's like a you know a bit of engineering Andy a little bit of engineering if you don't mind me citing it. We should start an engineering magazine a speculative engineering magazine the frontiers of

engineering we actually should do this Alastair. We actually should do this. Andy, Andy, a magazine is exactly what the world is calling for at the moment. A print publication. For two guys who could barely get the one hour of talking, unedited talking together. You know, that they, that they, and not only that, poorly unedited. Yes. Critically declaimed editing. Sorry to the person who left a review that we've been doing it, we've been editing this too quietly. I'm gonna try and, I'm gonna try and I'm gonna

try and fix that error. I apologize but thank you for the notes. You can also leave this. We really appreciate it. We do really appreciate it. And we also appreciate it. And it makes us think slightly less of all the other listeners who didn't say anything about it. But you know what? You can also email us. That's true. You don't have to do it in the form of a public review. I mean of stealing two stars. I think it's OK. I think sometimes that's the only way to get our attention. That's true.

That's true. But I want you to know we also do reply to emails. Yes, that's true. We get a lot of them, obviously. Awesome. A lot of feedback on some of these ideas. Just, there's not that much. There's not that many emails.

But, please send us emails. Okay, sorry, I've derailed us. Oh, wait, are we going to write down the Panoo Yolker? Is that it? The speculative... I mean, it's not even connected. But I mean,'s not even connected but I mean think about this speculative engineering comics for the Pnuyolka. Well indeed Alistair I

can't wait to do those. I'm gonna roll this down. That'll be most of it I reckon. Okay wait but so but you think we should actually do a speculative engineering magazine, which I would love to do. I mean, that actually is really fun. Looking beyond bridges, that's the kind of thing that we could have. They could use this in the Kursk region of Russia right now. Has anybody at any point investigated launching cars like a sort of a catapult thing across a void? Because what do we know?

Well bridges are made in an arch shape very often. Yes. What shape does a projectile describe as it flies through the air? Why, only a parabolic arc? Yes, you know what you could use? You know how sometimes you see tennis players throw a ball in the air and then sort of softly catch it on the racket?

You know that through a kind of downward motion where they absorb all of its energy on their racket. Some sort of a giant tennis player, some sort of enormous Rafael Nadal. Well, we could call it the Nadal. Novak Djokovic. Well, we could call it the Djokovic, depending on what country we played in. Probably not in Melbourne because of, you know,

it's got a bad, he's got a bad reputation with Melbourne. Down here. Yes, obviously I'm not there. But, but maybe his fellow non-believers in vaccinations could be exactly the kind of people we could get on board with our breaking free of the tyranny of big bridge, you know, and what could represent your love of freedom more than free fall through the atmosphere, constrained only by the laws of physics? I mean, I think it actually wouldn't be that crazy to just have... Like, have you ever watched skateboarders do huge ramps where there's just upward,

you know, they have a good downward landing, you know, like there's no reason, you know, if that we couldn't safely be launching ourselves across across rivers. I completely agree. I mean the fact that you you follow a curved path through the air anyway does make the bridge feel kind of redundant. What is the bridge actually doing? That's what objects going through the air do anyway. They follow a curved path. That's right. Why do we need a bridge this enormous? All this pointless metal and concrete, you know, it's just all that there'd be a speed limit, but it would be a minimum speed limit. You've got to be going at least 130 kilometres an hour on this bridge.

But this but you know what? This is something that we could get the vaccination people in anti-vaxxers interested in because they were all about natural immunity. Right. Well, this is were all about natural immunity. Mm-hmm. Right? Well, this is all about your natural trajectory. You know, a body, and you believe in your body's systems, internal systems, your existing systems.

Well, a body, a physical mass, already has its own path through space that it'll follow. We don't need this artificial support system of the bridge which I think it's actually weakening our bodies probably by having it almost as as a crutch. That's right. We don't need these supports. It's just another type of tyranny tyranny yes tyranny coming from underneath us It's like a cage. That's what the ground is. It's just one wall of the cage Sometimes holding us up is just another way of keeping us down alice

Exactly exactly Exactly. Exactly. Yes. And so, yeah. And so I guess, you know, just looking beyond bridges, you know, the launch, I mean, you know, I think it would be, it would make sense. Like really, if you drive across one part, it just tells you how heavy you are. Right. So you just bridge. Yeah. Cross a cross a bit of the bridge, you know, it's really just the entrance point And then it tells you how you know, you just got to make sure you're looking at the right lane with the right image Okay, and it'll tell you how it works out how fast you got to be going how fast you got to be going And then you just got to hit that speed right

And then you just go what What I like about it, Alastair, is that it will really encourage people to pay close attention to the speed limits. Right? Because at the moment, a lot of the time, you can get away with going a bit above or a bit below the speed limit. But now, your life will depend upon it. People will be looking

at those speed limit signs so furiously and intensely and adhering to those speed limits so frantically. That's right. And then- Because also they, because they never know when the road is going to disappear. And if they're not traveling the speed limit, they won't make it to the other side of the void. We're gonna start cutting out chunks of other bits of road, you know?

Sometimes you'll be approaching a speed bump thinking, oh, well, I better slow down. You go, no, don't slow down. That's the wrong attitude. That's completely the wrong attitude. Why do they call it a speed bump anyway they should call it a slow bump. That's true. If that's what they're intending. Yes or it's new name a speed jump. That'll be good we won't have to adjust the signs very much at all and that's another saving it's only a one-letter change and you know what yes

you could still have them in areas where children are crossing roads right but now the cars will be sailing over safely over those children's heads safely you know i mean what we could do through the air what we could do is we could just take we could take if anything my client was guilty of not going fast enough through the school through the school side we could do we could we could take the bump and just take the whole middle strip out of the middle of the bump. Like that. You know, and then... The middle strip section on one side a flat section in the middle and then a Decline and we take all the middle bit out of that. So each one does become like a little you know, Nouveau Bridge Right and the kids can crawl through

the hole Safely as people travel quickly over the top and not sinking into the middle crushing our children. Now there will be a transitional period right in which we haven't adjusted all of the speed humps into speed jumps and There will be some school zones where it's still very important that you drive slowly And there will be others where it is vital that you drive as fast as possible And then afterwards there also be old by paying close attention to the signs

You see and The great thing with with this will be the interesting part where you have people who are, especially with the bridges, people who are known to be careful drivers, which normally means driving slowly. A lot of those people will be falling to their deaths because now the meaning of careful now means going exactly the speed limit All right, you know those people especially people who are like, you know, those people you'll see them in public who have Hesitate as they get on to an escalator

Yes, those are the people I think that we will be losing a lot of and You know, I'm not that sad and a lot of their passengers a lot of their passengers I mean maybe even all of them yes now but willing but maybe at the bottom we could have a large Djokovic catching those people for the first couple of, but we will be removing a jock of it We will be phasing out the jock of itches jock of itches This is just a temporary jock of itch

measure Because it's more costly, you know, it's energy Expense that we can't really afford. Well he'd be at one of the world's highest paid sportsmen. Yes yes that's true but I mean hopefully the robotic one that we have unless we're just engineering a large Djokovic. Or a bigger racket for him to... Beg a racket? A bigger, lighter weight racket. An even bigger racket. It works with his...

Yes. Works with his... Existing... Uh... Physiology. With his existing wrist? Combatable with all standard wrists standard Djokovic wrists

would it be crazy if I was to have a bite from a coffee crisp right now Andy? do you want to hear what it's like? listen to this you didn't hear a thing no? I didn't hear a thing what is a... oh no now I'm hearing it what is a coffee crisp? is that a wafer? Is it some kind of wafer? It's like a wafer chocolate bar.

Mmm. So is there chocolate? There is chocolate in there as well, it's not just coffee flavored. All around it Andy. It's very much, they very much take a holistic approach to its coffee, its chocolate. Is this a, oh no wait I've had some of these, we might even have one in the cupboard. I know it well, I think I snuck away and ate all of them because none of the rest of the family were eating them and I slowly whittled them away in secret, crouching in the pantry night after night. But yeah, but thank you.

Sorry, that was for Indian, I apologize. No, no, no. Is that your breakfast, the coffee, Chris? Well, is that a Canadian breakfast? It was left out last night and because I'm starting early and, um, you know, I've become a bit hungry. I thought perhaps I could have a bite of something was either that or some cool ranch Doritos. Uh, I think you made the right decision. I mean, both certainly not what you would consider the optimal podcasting food. No, it's the opposite of a veggie sausage.

Mm, indeed. All sharp angles and crunch as opposed to the other thing. Yes, no, I was supposed to do that. I was supposed to do that. Those for a silent film I was filming last night. Which is perfect silent film. Oh, which is per perfect song. Of course. I see.

I get it now. I was thinking what they'd be terrible for a silent film because they'd be so noisy, but of course, Alistair. Of course. What makes it so easy to bring the marks, not that you're being very quiet. That's it. I mean, that's what must have been so hard for Charlie Chaplin doing all those... Not to laugh while he was making all those

silent films. Not Buster Keaton, but doing all those stunts so quietly. So quietly! It's amazing. Trying to not disrupt the piano. It's hard enough. Trying to not distract the piano player. That terrible piano player that they had going. They all had that one just awful piano player clattering away Write that down Alistair something about having to make all those films doing it all so quietly Yeah Yeah, that was good.

Silent films. It is interesting that we made films, we've made them have sound all of a sudden and we didn't just introduce it, start by having very quiet films and introduce it, sort of phase it in like that. Although I would say probably films have gotten louder in more recent years. Yeah, it's always a weird one, but then that whole thing where everybody's having to watch films with subtitles on. It's like it's gotten louder, but it's somehow gotten less clear. It's got incomprehensible. So it is kind of like we've gone back to silent films

in that you now can't, you still can't make out what anybody's saying. Yeah, I was picturing a world Andy, in which smell-o-vision was a thing obviously. The addition, you know, of course we would call this whole era that we live in know, the odorless era back in the odorless films. The odorless era, yes. All those odorless film stars that struggled to make the transition to the smellies because while they looked and sounded great on camera they stank terribly a lot of them and they were unable to make the transition they were unable to adapt. out. That's a really good idea. Let's make a version of singing in the rain, which is a modern version of singing in the rain called, let's see, farting in the shower? I mean I think it's okay it's good but also the idea shit it'd have to be called shitting in the rain I mean absolutely have to well

I mean they they wouldn't be able to do that thing where they were using milk to to be in the rain because it was just not at all. Because it was just the milk all over the... The stink of off milk. Yeah, off milk just filled with this studio. Yeah, but I mean maybe off milk doesn't smell like off milk on camera. No, you gotta type a bunch of dog shits together. There you go. I love that idea Alastair, well done.

Bravo. Yeah, it actually went to a better place than I was picturing because I was picturing everybody going to watch the, yeah, to watch them at the cinema first before they had him at home. But that was not even a comedy idea. That was just, you know, that was just a bloody, anyway, glad Andy. Yeah. I mean, do you think that like what we discover that, you know, like George Clooney smells terrible?

In fact, I think somebody did say that Brad Smith Brad Pitt smells like shit like he doesn't wash I think I've heard that about Brad Pitt I know you really stinks yeah so Hollywood insider that you know I do remember hearing about a girl, like a girl that I met while I was at uni, who was I think my friend's girlfriend, that she had had a boyfriend who didn't believe in wiping his ass. And I mean,

what a different set of beliefs. Yeah. I mean, it doesn't give you a lot of hope for us all being able to sort of put aside our differences and get on the same page about really anything. Cause if you think if there's anything in life for which there is objective for which there is objective evidence for its value. I would say wiping your filthy, stinky shithole would be one of those ones where you'd be like, I thought we'd settle this.

I thought we all agreed. Yeah. And it just, would you ever refer to your butt crack as your letter holder? You stinking, shitting letter holder. Nah, that wouldn't, forget it. You know what, Andy, forget it. People don't talk about letter holders.'s not it's not a good image what do you call it the vertical mailbox call it the

i'll bomb s the sluts your you call it yeah you make slum your mom slot you call it here you bought bought slow now this is the delivery of the system area because this You bought, yeah. You bought bot slot. Nah, it's just that nobody, you know, it's just that area because there's, I've distracted us Andy from this.

You know, like from the point here, which is people who don't believe in wiping their ass. But because I think that even by modern standards of sort of like conspiracy theorists and like fuckhead. You know and obviously not all conspiracy theorists are fuckheads, you know. Obviously some conspiracies turn out to be true, obviously. But I'm talking about the ones who don't believe in the ones that come and turn out to be true, you know what I mean? I'm talking about the ones who believe in the in the ones that come turn out to be true. You know what I mean?

Yeah, not the people who are really ahead of the game but the thing is that how do you know unless you believe in one You don't believe in one, you know what I mean? I'm not talking about the people who are right about things. I'm talking about the people who are wrong about things. I'm saying they're They're misled. They're about things. I'm saying they're mislead. They're incorrect. Yeah I'm talking about the real fuckheads. The one that we're gonna phone out lighter of huge fuckheads. Anyway, that I think being a person who doesn't believe in wiping your ass would still be hard to fit in within that group and then you'd have to separate and create your own group But then you probably wouldn't want to be a group that like I think congregating

You know With a bunch of people who don't believe in wiping their ass. I feel like that would that would be Doing it would put you at risk of having to cease to believe Well, that's it isn't it the bigger your group becomes the harder it is to maintain your belief in the non-value. Yeah I mean and maybe that's why those things are sort of doomed to fail that there is a limit to the yeah. What I find amusing is the people who are still arguing with flat earthers online. You know how Facebook is just this insane pointless shiteep of suggested posts now.

And some of the things it's been showing me recently are like, oh, a lot of skeptics posting their latest debunking of the flat earth theory, you know, and everyone's like, I saw one recently that's about using the inverse square law of the propagation of light to prove that the sun couldn't be a small Sun moving closer and further away from around Earth, from a flat Earth. What are you doing? Yeah. What are you doing? Like it doesn't feel like a good use of anybody's time. That's not gonna do it.. No, no. I don't think this is even a good... Like, I think you're wasting the Flat Earthers time with this, at this point. I'm angry for them having to read this shit.

Your explanation is worse than their belief system. than their belief system. I mean, in a way, because you're, you're, you are living in this fantasy world, right, in which your objective proofs, your, you know, scientific proofs are going to have any impact on these people's beliefs, right? That's just, like, okay, you're saying that they believe in the Earth's flat without any evidence of that right fine you but you believe that you can change their minds with even less evidence of that yeah like you don't anyway no no but like can convincing any logical person using logic

Believing that you can do that is the flat earth of skeptics. That's it Is the flat earth the flat earth of the skeptics of the skeptic world? Yeah, no, that's well expressed alastair Okay, it's coming close to a useful thought. You are going to have to speak while I try and write that down. You place that burden upon me Alastair. Recently I've started to feel like I'm going to start taking film photography again. feel like I'm gonna start taking film photography again so I might need you know some help with that at some point I'll stay talking out of that radical position I mean whatever you got now have you got the gear I have got a couple

of little cameras that I haven't taken out of the shed for a while but yeah I am I have these ones are these cameras that you found in the dirt did you find them immersed in mud or on the side of the road I know I honestly wish to God that I had but I think I got both of them off Facebook marketplace well my eternal shame I mean Andy I mean I got both of them off Facebook Marketplace. Wow. To my eternal shame. I mean, Andy, I mean, I don't think I've seen a single developed role of film yet, but you know what it's gonna take, Andy? This is the worst thing that I could possibly say

is that I think in order for you to do this, you're gonna have to build a little dark room and start developing your own film. It's very tempting. It does call to me. I do yearn for the dark room. Yeah. A place of solitude.

Not only solitude away from family and destruction but also photons of a non red color They're always at me they're always at me yeah, but I mean I did do it there was somebody apparent At you know that we that was a friend of ours back in jolly old Australia who was developing his own stuff and then got Indiana into film photography and was developing a few of hers at the time as well. See, I bet everyone is having a great time. Do you refer to Australia as your stepmother country? Let me think about it.

Yes. No, I haven't yet. But did I tell you this? Because Indiana is in some way connected to, because her godmother is the aunt of Kylie Minogue, it occurred to me that I'm related to Kylie Minogue and that I am her Her God cousin-in-law. God cousin-in-law. That's correct. Yeah. That's correct.

Wow. I didn't know that you could, that God was one of those sort of just degrees of separation. It's very exciting. Yeah. It's very exciting. Yeah, so it's actually, yeah, it's actually, I mean, I suppose I'll see her at the family reunion. Although in your case, it'll just be a family union, right? Like you said, I don't think it's a reunion until the second one. Yeah.

Anyway, I'll see you at the family union. Yeah I guess that's why we shouldn't be saying realize, we should be saying alas, you know realizes for those things that you knew and then forgot. Unless you subscribe to the Aristotelian philosophy that all learning is just remembering because it is actually impossible to learn anything. Oh that doesn't 100% philosophy. Yeah. Yeah, I suppose all those guys, I mean I suppose all the information's in there through like, you know, like all the information about subatomic particles is in your head because there's subatomic

particles in your head. So technically, all the info is there. You just need to reawaken. Do you think this is how they meant it? I don't think it is, but I think your one makes at least as much sense, if not more, than whatever the fucking theory was that they came up with. Yeah, like I mean, can you yell at people who don't understand anything about subatomic particles because how could you not know about subatomic particles?

Your brain is minding subatomic particles. Yeah. I mean that's one argument that you could use on flat earthers, you know? You go, oh, how could you not believe that the earth is curved when your brain is curved due to the earth? This is what this has just made me want to come up with bullshit theories that to prove the earth is round this has made me want to be like to come up with conspiracy like really incorrect but like seemingly plausible explanations to try and debunk them with. That would be so satisfying. We believe the earth is around, we believe it's a ball, we don't believe any of the established proofs. We have a completely different set of proofs of our own that we've come up with. And so we argue with both the

flat earthers and all the other round earth people. Yeah, it's curved. Like we think that the earth is curved because everything in space is curved. All, you know, and so therefore that's why it turns around not because of, you know, that's the shape that it takes when the matter collapses and blah, blah, blah, blah, none of that bullshit. And so therefore you are yourself curved yes everything's curved everything's curved I love my curvy planet my curvy universe

technically have sketch ideas and you're not're not going to believe this, but it's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. I'm very excited to hear all of the back. Yes. So then we should go to three words from a listener. Ah, ooh. It occurred to me the other day that if I think I want to feel as comfortable on stage doing stand up as I do when I'm joking around with friends, is that I think I'm going to have to start doing my Australian accent on stage doing stand-up as I do when I'm joking around with friends is that I think I'm gonna have to start doing my Australian accent on stage all the time because that's how I embody being comfortable with my friends

and having fun yeah so I think that I mean that's what it's gonna be weird. I don't think I'm that publicly that Australian That you're ready to Yeah to do that, but I think I think you're allowed Yeah, I think you think you know come on guys come on get a fucking dog up. Yeah But I don't think that's the voice you talk I don't think that's the way you're talking. I don't think that's the way you would talk. No. In your Australian accent.

No, but that's what I'll do, isn't it? That's what I'll do when I'm trying to be a bit humorous. Andy, we've got three words from the listener. I don't know if you know this, but we have listeners. And some of them support us on Patreon. How lovely. And one of those listeners, Andy Andy is Curious Cashew. Curious Cashew. Curious Cashew. Yeah.

I am, yeah, I, we've had your suggestions before and I'm really excited to hear your name again. Yeah. Thank you. And thank you for supporting us. Andy, do you picture this to be a curious cashew as in a cashew that wants to know more about the world or a cashew that's maybe like a bit fucked? A bit skew if.

Yeah, a bit skew if, it could be a mouldy nut. You never really see a mouldy nut, do you? Well, I'd say, I don't see why it can't be both Alastair I reckon it could be a cashew that is curious about the world and that in itself makes that quite an intriguing and unusual cashew. That's true. At least by being one you become both. Almost by definition. Almost. I mean isn't that what maths is all about? If you are one then you are therefore two.

Because you are both one and yourself. This is, by the way Alistair, that's exactly what fucking Bertrand Russell's set you know Principia Mathematica is all about so well done. Wow okay well incredible it seems like nothing and I feel like we've had that exact conversation once before as soon as you said that I was like fuck I think we've said that exact conversation once before. As soon as you said that, I was like, fuck, I think we've said that exact thing on pod. That's okay. I think we've said everything already. That's great. We are creating a multiverse pod. Okay, Andy, do you want to try to guess what the curious cashews first word is Okay

the first word is Lozenge Lozenge gosh, you've definitely guessed that before Fuck. Okay. Can I change my guess? Yeah Rancid oh You're definitely closer The first word is Sink. Sink, S-I-N-K?

Yes. Okay, is the second word also Sink, but spelled S-Y-N-C? Andy, the second word is Sink, spelled S-Y-N-C-H. Are you serious? Yeah. Does that count? Can you say I got it? Because what you just had. Say I got it. But did you say it with, did you say it with one just a C rather than a CH? Yeah, I said it was just for the C, not for the CH. But let me tell you that the third word is Sankh, C-I-N-Q-U-E, the French word for the number five. Wait, wait, what did you say the last one was? Sankh, C-I-N-Q-U-E. That's a really good guess. That's a really good guess, Andy. But you've got to remember this cashew is curious.

And so they went with Sphinx. Sphinx. I know your mind, Andy. Sink. Sphinx. Sink, sink, Sphinx. Now Andy, congratulations. I would say that you got it enough, the middle one.

Thank you Alastair. I was in, I correctly guessed the way in which we were being fucked with. Now what this makes me want to imagine Alastair is an Egyptian world, right? A version of Egypt. Like like Egypt but that's a whole world no Egypt world Egypt world that would be great if Egypt opened up an Egypt world that would be great if Earth, instead of being called Earth, imagine if Earth was called Egypt. Sorry, that's nothing. It's funny to imagine. No, it is funny. It is funny.

Alastair, but their gods, instead of having the heads of animals, they have the arses of animals. Oh, and baboon, gross ass, baboon ass. Just a baboon ass. So head, body, legs, arms, all of a human, but with the arse of a hippopotamus, or as you say, a baboon, or, oh, I'm trying to think of it. Like one of those puckered, like, horse like horse anuses. Not something you get a good look at all that often is it? No, but you know they go by sometimes and the tails up and you go fuck. You get a real look right in there. I wasn't ready for that. You see it all on display. Yeah. You know and. Because you're right everywhere else horses keep it pretty tight don't they? They don't look all that puckered. Hmm. You know they're quite smooth and. That's right.

They looked well brushed a lot of the time. Hmm time Then they have that tail that conceals like a waterfall hiding the cave Like a Like a waterfall of What's it? What's what do they call it? Like when you have something cover like nude nudity? It's a there's a word censorship not censorship you know they'd often use it on a like a like if they'd use it on like an old-timey woman you know that would just pixelated it's more about like they consider about decency but it's like

like a redacted that's not it at all is it modesty can see a waterfall of modesty that is my modesty waterfall I mean that would be wouldn't that be a fantastic new form of clothing that we could invent but to have a waterfall pouring down at all times you go to the Met Gala and you have a sort of a basically a shower outlet just above your genitals and above your your butthole and you're working a waterfall of water and your breasts if you're lucky enough to have them squirting a sheet of water and your breasts if you're lucky enough to have them. Squirting a sheet of water tumbling to the ground. You'd have to have a backpack carrying enough water to get you through.

A squirtle. A modesty squirtle. The urban squirtle. The modesty squirtle. They're clinging to your mons pubis squirting a stream of modesty towards the ground. I mean this is actually a very good idea and the fact that nobody's gone to the Met Gala with behind a waterfall. With their bits behind a waterfall. Yes. Shocking to me.

Walking up the steps, dragging behind them a fire hose that is attached to their body and sprinkling over their genitals. Well, I mean, you could have a sort of a muscle-bound assistant carrying a large tank of water by your side, their muscles glistening in the sun, the water, and there's a small and maybe a delicate, maybe a golden tube that runs around over your shoulder like a coiled snake down to the outlet, affixed to your belly button. Yeah. You know, sprays the water. Yeah, a more conservative woman could have, you know, like a full like dress of water falling from, you know, the top of her shoulders, you know, even covering her shoulders like

that, you know. Oh yes. And then a more risque style woman at this thing has got a waterfall over just the genital area and it's in a laminar flow. So you can really see through it. You can really see through it. It's just you know it's just bent the light is bent ever so slightly for modesty you understand for modesty you'll understand what I love is that it makes the red carpet completely soaking wet so it makes it the crimson car welch modesty waterfall mmm I I mean also you know a cloud of steam I suppose could work. Rising from yes yes maybe some kettles you have on your feet. Yes could have a backpack with a smoke machine and some tubes coming out over the top, over the, over the, the unventionable. Nobody's doing that.

Yeah. Nobody's incorporating a haze. That's a really good idea. No one's wearing no undies but a backpack. Nobody's showing up to the Met Gala in a fog. In a fog yes, with a backpack and a tube on your gooch that's spraying out fog. Yes it would be, you would want the tube, the outlet to be there on the gooch casting a jet of smoke both forwards and backwards. Yes, oh he had the smokiest of gooches. Smoky.

All right, this is now I'm picturing, I don't know for some reason, I'm picturing like years down the road when this has become a much more acceptable form of clothing, not just the kind of thing that you see on a catwalk, you know, and you see somebody doing a bit of a YouTube tutorial. So today we're gonna show you how to do a smoky gooch. All right, now what you want to do is,

you want to tape your tube to your, first you wanna dry the gooch area. And you're gonna wanna get some spirit gum. You want to, yeah. Now, maybe even shave your gooch. You know what? I think that's a really good idea. Shave your gooch and then get some spirit gum, tape the thing.

And then you're going to run, do want to run the the tube up your crack? You gotta know of course it's gonna look weird, but You're gonna you're gonna remember that that area will be covered in fog so we can sealed by the fog Yeah, yes, you'd want a nice sort of flesh toned Tube I suppose to make it blend into the fog. Honestly Alistair this is such a good idea. This is such a good idea for someone looking to make a splash, quite literally, at the Met Gala. As in not because they'll be wet because obviously it's a fog but because people will be so wet Why everyone else will be wet yes well pause and pausing the video

seconds ago That's all I'm saying yes the modesty fog What about this a modesty bulk it's nobody is showing up to the Met Gala up to their navel in hey an Irish swamp somebody's somebody's cut out you know they like to burn Pete they cut out like one of those Like like a like a rectangle of Pete. Yeah you it's somebody who's just Arms and legs just sticking out of a perfectly cut Rectangular prism of Pete

Pete Bulk Like that and it's like, you know, what's what's her name? rectangular prism of Pete. Pete Bulk. Like that, and it's like, you know, what's her name? You know the one who was in Lady Bird? Greta Gerwig? No, like the other one. She directed it, didn't she? Yeah, yeah, Lady Bird. Is it Florence Pugh?

Is she the one? No, she's this one. It's like Hirshe. Her name is... wait, let's go find it. Her name is... oh, Sirse. It's like S-A... Ronan. Sirse, Ronan or something like that. That would be an Irish name. It's probably pronounced in some interesting way. Yeah, I thought it was Sirse, but I could be wrong. Well, you're probably right

But you know, it sounds like an Irish person is saying I'm not saying that's what it actually is But I'm getting it close to it making it sound like an Irish person is saying that name Anyway, I think that she would be a perfect candidate to try the first Pete Bog dress to try the first peat bog dress. How wonderful. I don't know how to write peat in that circumstance. P-E-A-T. Oh yeah, that makes sense.

Anyway, I think that's probably all we're gonna do for today Andy. Yes, I believe so. God that peat bolt dress would be heavy wouldn't it. Just like, fuck, just a fucking amount of dirt. And it looks so good, if you saw all the layers, like let's say there was a bit of like, bit of different layers, slightly different colours of peat bolt. The strata.

Oh, I see some strata. All right, Andy, let me take you through the ideas for today. We got Squirtle Bidet. We got the New Yorker woman island, desert island. Help, no worries if not. Then we got the P yolker the speculative engineering mag and and one of the articles in it is actually our next our next sketch idea which is looking beyond bridges. Finally. And the of course a mixture of the jump you know the big jump and the of course the the Djokovic for the people who fall. The big Djokovic for people who fall. Then we've got the Buster Keaton

doing stunts so quietly and Chaplin not laughing and the and we're not disturbing the piano player in the silent era of films. Then we have the odorless era of films and all the actors who couldn't transition to the to the smellies because they were so stinky. It's crazy to think that we are currently in that odourless era. Yes. You don't realize a lot of the time. You don't know what you're living through as you're living through it.

Oh, absolutely. How people will look back upon us. I think it was Joan, what was that? You know, the Joan comedian, her name, who used to interview actors on the red carpet. Joan Rivers. Joan Rivers. And she would say that maybe Russell Crowe stank or something like that. She would say certain actors stink. Yeah. So, actors who wouldn't be good in the smellies. Certain actors stink Yeah

Actors who wouldn't be good in the in the smellies and then But Brad Pitt smells like shit like you said Which of course takes us into the next? The next sketch idea about people who don't believe in cleaning their ass That are not able to congregate in groups because it's the only thing that breaks them out of their belief system. We have people who believe that they can convince a logical people with logic being the flat earthers of the skeptic world. The flat earthers of the mind. Ah yes, the flat briners. And then we have the modesty waterfall or fog and then we of course have

the final idea, the peat bog dress. Although it would be a good suit you know to see, you know, why allow all the creativity to be with the women when you could get what's his name from that movie who was Irish played the penguin Colin Farrell Colin Farrell yes although the other guy who plays a penguin Danny DeVito in a peat book He would and you know what I love about it? You can't get your suit dirty if your suit is made out of dirt. Hmm yes but

imagine somebody going oh you've got ketchup all over your peat bog. How embarrassing. Let's wrap it let's wrap it up. Thank you so much for listening to In Think Tank guys. The show where we come up with 5 sketch ideas. We appreciate it. Please do let us know in the form of a five star review what you think of the audio quality Yeah on this new improved to the think tank. Yes, of course We know what we're doing now and

Comment about the quality of both the audio and The quality of the conversation if you if you've got it in you as well If you got any juice left after the first comment. When you're done. When you're all wrung out. I mean we could have... Slime spent on the floor. I mean I guess the first 10 years of the pod was really for people commenting on the quality of the pod. But the next 10 years is all audio quality comments. Probably should have done it the other way around, but that's okay.

10 years in. You know, actually it would be good if it was easier to listen to. Well we are unapproachable. Let it never be said. That we are not unapproachable. Certainly let it never be said to our faces, you fucking cunts. Don't you ever say it? All right. Let's wrap it up Andy. Thank you for listening everybody. We We love you. But seriously, thank you for the review and thank you for all the comments. Thank you very much Bye. Bye

Applaud your bravery. Bye. Bye