Two In The Think Tank - 441 - "SNIFF INSOLVENCY"

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Softest Continent, Kermit Thinking Man's Jordan Peterson, Saved By Twiddling Thumbing Climate Scientists, Oversixties New Powers when Told I Love You Over the Phone, Identity Thief Freaky Friday, Killing Babies by not making babies, Italian Pepperoni relax eyes, Bakruptcy For Fun and Profit, The Teenagers are Bankrupting again.There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. You're talking to a celebrity. How are you doing? Oh, I just made 24 million on my last film and it's doing great. It's not interesting to hear how your life is going well. What's interesting to me is when you tell me something stupid that happened to you, something funny, something annoying. I'm Alan Dwight, naysayer, contrarian, filmmaker. Subscribe to the worst podcast.

It'll be the best worst podcast you've ever heard. Acast helps creators launch,, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank. The show where we come up with five sketch ideas. You have passed the test and you may enter our realm.

Welcome. I am Andy. Into our circular abode. And I am our Mr. George William Trombele-Burchelot. Yes, let's bring back circular abodes. Andy do you think? We lost our way when we turned our back on the yurt. Yurt is just is so fun is such a fun word and you say it so well. Thank you. I think it's not the same if I say a yurt, a yurt. I think we should come up with new forms of toxic masculinity. And I think one of them should be that men, real men, high T, alpha males

don't use words that end in soft continent, consonants. Or don't use words in soft continents either. Or soft continents, yes. There is an objective answer to this, Alastair. What do you think is the softest continent? It's Antarctica, isn't it? It's got to be Antarctica. All that snow. But is ice softer than dirt?

I would think that possibly not. But then there's a lot of rock as well. I forget about the rock. Yeah, you forget about the rock. Of course you do. But still a very interesting question. And I think there is an objective answer that can be achieved by doing some sort of weight and average of softness against the surface area. But then think about it Andy, think about it. Yes. Think about the under the Antarctic ice there is dirt. Yes sure. Really hard dirt because it's so cold and then the other thing is that that ice and snow is taking the place of air, which was softer still.

Okay, well why your argument Alistair, at least softest continent would be one that doesn't exist and instead just leaves that space for air, the softest of all the things. I think the softest continent is Asia. Asia? Why is that? Is it because of all their noodles and stir-fries? No, Andy, no. It's not because of that. No? I just assume it's one of the biggest. Why? They do love a soft noodle though. Those noodles are so soft.

They do love a soft noodle, Andy. I would never take that away from them and I would never speak about that as a negative thing, making them a softer continent. I just assume that they have a lot of beaches and in Asia. In Asia, yeah. I suppose so. You know, although Russia is Russia Asia, that's pretty close to the Arctic, which then brings us into Antarctic thing. Let's say Africa.

Now, Alastair, they say the permafrost is melting. Doesn't sound that perma to me. Permafrost, by definition, would not melt. This is going to be my argue. This is my Jordan Peterson style argument against the possibility of climate change. Well, they say Jordan Peterson style argument against the possibility of climate change. Well they say that

Climate change is melting the permafrost This is just nonsense. It's impossible Permafrost is permanently frost. I mean he is really the thinking man's squeaky door the thinking man's Kermit the thinking man's Kermit the thinking man's Kermit and what is that man thinking that women have too many freedoms that's what that man thinking and that's the problem what did you think of my Jordan Peterson impersonation by the way? First time I've ever tried it and while I don't think it's accurate, I do think it contains

some deeper truth. Um, yeah. Wait, I'm just writing it down. I really forced you to say that. No, no, I do think that it has a deeper truth. Especially because I don't think you were even really listening to what I said such a deep truth That I think that it's actually now a deep diamond Wow such a deep truth that actually man would never be able to reach it because it would be crushed by the pressure

It's too hot What was the first thing we were talking about we're talking about Right before let's see the softest continent or even before the softest continent? No, I think it was the softest continent, but we didn't really get to an answer because we're still not sure. I think the safest thing... And it's possible that this isn't the forum to reach that answer. I don't know if we have... I mean, I'd love it. I'd love question What is the softest we could prove which is the softest continent just via? Aristotelian logic, I think

I think it's a good question though and You know a good philosophical question that we could get close to the at least unanswered of. Indeed. And look, if we are, and sorry to get so political, but if we want all these scientists, these climate scientists to stop telling us about climate change, right? We've got to give them something else to talk about, something else to do with their time. Keep them busy saying, well, can you find out the softest continent? Get on it, stat. I want all your best men working this out and women.

Did we, have we thought that maybe if we, if we stopped them working on climate change and then they didn't have work and they were just twiddling their thumbs we could somehow get that thumb twiddling to generate electricity and actually save the planet I wonder Andy, if you took all of the climate scientists in the world yes, yes, bought a big treadmill if you, no no not a big treadmill, if you worked out. What about a big treadmill? If you, if no, no, not a big treadmill. If you worked out how much energy they'd be generating by twiddling their thumbs, if they were all twiddling their thumbs for the same

amount of time they'd be working as climate scientists, you want to see whether or not we'd be in a better position. Have to be. I mean, I don't, it'd be hard to be in a worse position because they're just keeping on... I mean but the thing is that a lot of their job is them figuring out what position we're in which we won't be able to figure out if they're all twiddling their thumbs. We wouldn't know unless you and I were able to work it out using Aristotelian logic. Oh yes! God!

Okay climate change scientists you focus on the twiddling, we'll focus on an objective reading of the situation we're in, that we can do without all that data. And you know, they've got a lot of data and you know what data does? It takes up space on data farms, which are just generating more electricity, burning more fossil fuels. That's really interesting. We can't afford to know any more about climate change. What is the impact of knowing about climate change and where we're at?

What's its footprint? Yes. What is the footprint of knowing the size of the footprint? The footprint footprint, the second degree footprint. The footprint squared. We're all breathing in. Second hand, we're all footprint, second hand smoke. Oh, I just like second hand footprint.

Yeah, second hand, we're all. I don't know what it means, but I like it. I just want to say second hand footprint. Yes, secondhand, I don't know what it means but I like it. I just want to say secondhand footprint one more time. Secondhand footprint. Yes. Yes, I just want to. I liked it. Was that your Jordan Peterson impersonation?

That was my Jordan Peterson impersonation. The thinking man's Kermit the Frog. Very good. I think it contained a deeper truth. A what? I really think it's the other way around I really think that Kermit the Frog is the thinking man Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Oh the thinking man's golden stinking foot. I just want you to know that my small child walked past, my other small child, my smallest

child and instead of wanting to be involved in the podcast just waved and smiled at me and then just kept going. And I thought that was just, it just filled my heart with, I think what I'm feeling is joy. I took my smallest child to his first day of daycare today. Oh my gosh. Yes I made him put his little backpack on even though it almost made him fall over backwards. That's good. That would have brought you a lot of joy. Well it's time he started learning about burdens. Yes. He just walked past the kid and waved and yes, you know it's like

telling a kid about how we're, how we are, the species that we are. Human, well human, it's like to tell a kid about being a human, you know that's why. Previously he'd only had to worry about himself and his own needs and carrying his own weight and his own, that was his only responsibility, but now he has this backpack. Has he reached the age of 18 months old? He has, yes. Can you believe it? Although I could not tell you his birthday. I've reached my maximum number of birthdays that I can. Andy, you know, it's gotta be like April something or something like that.

It's somewhere in March, I'm pretty sure. March 31st. But my god. It's not easy. It's somewhere in March, I'm pretty sure. March 31st. But my God, it's not easy. It's not easy. When you reach my number of children, it helps having two of them on the same day. Yeah. But after that.

I would say just start integrating all of the birthdays into a password so that way you've just, you're forced to remember them That's true people talk about Not having passwords that are too easy to guess and not using birth dates and that sort of thing in them But if I don't know the birth dates of my kids that doesn't make that easier to guess that makes it harder I mean, yeah, that's right. I harder. I've put my, I use my, wait, the password, I use my wedding anniversary as my password for everything. That way no one's ever going

to remember it. Well, I mean, just imagine the embarrassment if you had all your kids birthdays and then a some strange man figures it out some strange man in Madagascar or something like that figures it out and then you're like out there there is a man who does know all my kids birthdays and that man is not me. He sends them a card every year. With the money that he stole from your bank account. Ah, well that would be nice, wouldn't it? I mean, it would be a nice way, because I mean, I guess if the money's insured...

It would take the edge off it slightly. If the... Yeah, I mean, as a scammer, as somebody who steals like thousands of dollars, $20,000 from somebody, Yes. you would feel a little pressure to check in on how they're, I wonder if you Google them a lot. You know, like if you let some,

you know one of those people who like, you know how like you can just like call a person who's over 60 and if you tell them you love them that they'll transfer $30,000 into your account automatically. Right? them you love them that they'll transfer $30,000 into your account automatically. Right. Yep.

It's true. It's amazing because they can't even work out how to use internet banking. So how are these old people doing it? But they find a way. It's like a pregnant woman. It's like a woman who's had a child and her kid's trapped under a car. Right? Yeah. and her kid's trapped under a car.

She gets this super strength, but there's this thing with people over 60 that if you tell them that you love them, they get this incredible superhuman ability to use technology and figure out how to do international transfers, large international transfers very quickly before anybody can stop them without anybody knowing. They can't be overpowered or they're able to overpower the strongest sort of two factor

authentication and anti-fraud technology that banks can produce with this rush and they don't remember how they did it as well because of the adrenaline. Yeah, I'm sorry. I couldn't recreate it. Maybe I could call my son and he could tell us how maybe I did it. I'd call my son, but I've done something to my phone and I don't know how to use the Put it in a different language and I can't buy the font impossibly small to read Well, that's fun there you go, no, but what were we talking about? I had something I wanted to say Alistair. Before we had all that fun, I had a boring observation Alistair and you ruined it. Apologize.

About having people overseas. Oh remembering all of the birth dates. Birth dates, all about having a person who tries to stay in contact after scamming you or at least keeping an eye on you. Well it would take the edge off if they did take responsibility for sending a birthday card and ten dollars from the scammer. This is a problem with identity theft, They never steal any of the responsibilities,

you know? Yeah. I'm afraid that's not really my identity you're stealing there. Yeah. Because my identity- I don't really consider myself as my name. Really, me, it's my financial burdens that I really think is who I am. That's right. I'm a being of burden and guilt.

Yeah. What? They're taking my identity and they don't feel any of my guilt? That doesn't seem fair. It should be a package deal. Yeah. What? You should... If you're going to steal my identity, you should feel bad about not keeping in touch with more people from high school. I mean, a Freaky Friday thing where somebody steals your identity and then you actually

do swap identities is a pretty kind of like fun little film. I don't know how, you know, what exactly happens. But it'd be fun for you to be, I guess, you know, one aspect is that you would see what leads a person to doing this kind of stuff. So you would get an idea. You would have to, you would be living this person's life, I guess, momentarily until, I guess you wouldn't be able to leave. Let's say you are in a call center in India or something like that where they scam people by pretending to, that you

have a problem with your computer or whatever. And then they go in there to try to do that. Anyway, then you would appearing there be suddenly, you know, shown the situation this person's life is in. I assume they have debts. I assume they have some kind of familial responsibilities. Indeed. And you've got to take all of that on. And this is the thing, though. Their job as identity scammers,

right? Their whole job and their entire lives is basically admin. All they're doing all day is contacting banks and trying to arrange to have passwords changed and logging into things and updating their address or whatever. They're doing it all to steal money off you. But honestly, that's my idea of hell, right? The reason all my passwords are so shit and easily guessable is because just the thought of spending even 30 seconds trying to work out what's involved in changing them,

fills me with such dread and a sense of torpor. It feels like death. Well yeah, what you think about that. And they have to do that. Yeah. They're welcome to the money. What torture it is to be on the phone with a call center. Then that's what it is to work in a call center. Yeah. I mean, you think, this is actually something I've had, this is a sort of idea that I've thought of outside, but the idea that, you know, you think that they're bothering, you know, call centers are bothering you during meal times,

but they are, these people are getting bothered by, the people who work there are getting bothered by call centers for every moment except for meal times, but they are, these people are getting bothered by, the people who work there are getting bothered by call centers for every moment except for meal times. And even sometimes during meal times, they're also getting calls from other call centers sometimes. Oh my God, that's true. That must happen, right?

That must happen that somebody working at a call center goes on their break their phone rings It says Melbourne it says just says Australia as the as the thing there under the phone number That's weird. Someone's calling from Australia where I am Where I say that I'm from. Yes. They answer it. And it's a call centre. Might even be their call centre.

Do you think that happens? That must happen as well. Statistically speaking, that must have happened. That somebody working in a call centre, just their number must be, their number must be on these lists as well. And then they go on their break and they get a call from the centre

they've just stepped out of to eat their sausage roll. There, yeah, absolutely I do. I mean, look, I think that there's definitely stuff in this. Like, I mean, both in a freaky Friday, but I guess also, you know, a freaky Friday, obviously I think, there's definitely stuff in this, like I mean, both in a Freaky Friday, but I guess also, you know, a Freaky Friday, you know, obviously I think, are you uncomfortable about the racial element there? Not at all.

I haven't thought about that for a second. Oh, well I've been thinking about it a whole time. What's the racial element? Well, I guess if we're, if we're making it that it's in India or something like that. Oh, that they are from a different country. Yeah, sure, if you're doing that. But it does, you know, it does have a bit of a, you know, like it's not without interest to actually... No!

Because I mean... And not without validity as well. You could have validity. It would have interest and validity. Any two very good qualities for a film to have. And you can picture, you know, the, you you know the like white person maybe who was um so it has to well hang on how about this alice it doesn't have to be a white person here in australia does it it could be that's actually probably the most racist thing you've

said so far i mean it's you know that's saying a lot You know that's saying a lot. Oh, I don't know. Gosh, I've said some racist things up until this point. Both consciously and unconsciously. In your sleep? Yes, in the parts of the podcast where I have been sleeping, I have been... I can imagine that it's been hard for me to hold back some of the thoughts. Yes, your thoughts. I'm having the thoughts again. I keep having little ideas and then forgetting them so quickly. It is painful to me because each time that happens, that's a

whole universe, that's a whole world that now will never exist. Every choice we make is an entire universe that won't happen. Every choice we make, and this is really what the right wing should be more focused on, is that if they're worried about children who don't get to be born, right? Every choice, every moment we move or make any choice at all, we are changing the future and millions if not billions of children are as a result of that choice. Not just women choosing what to do with their bodies, anybody choosing what to do at any moment of time. I think at any point where we're not fucking with the purpose of procreating, there's actually a lot of kids that are not being born because of that.

Not being born, yes. That's right. And I think therefore you should either be completely motionless, right? This is true conservatism completely motionless at all times or having sex for the purposes of procreation yeah well you should be either having sex for the purpose of procreation or telling people that they should be having sex mm-hmm even when you're doing that you should be staying, but you should say that while while you're sort of rod deep Or your rod day, yeah

if anything also monogamy is Preventing people from impregnating way more people This is a very interesting point you're raising here and And in doing so, killing possible children that could have been... because I don't think that birth, that life begins at conception. I think it begins at the possibility that conception could happen. Well the, yes, the other form of conception, when you conceive of an idea. As soon as the other type of conception, isn't it? Well, I think even before it enters the mind, it enters the realm of possibility.

Oh baby, enter my realm of possibility. Oh yeah, I love it. I love feeling you coming into my realm of possibility. Oh he just ejaculated into my realm of possibility. Oh Alistair, you don't need to make it disgusting. That's un- ugh yuck. Yuck! You know what, I think it's good if one of us starts getting disgusted at the things that are happening on this pod. I think this pod has been classless for long enough.

Yes, we need an outside eye. Sorry, I have a desk chair where the arms move backwards and forwards like this. Can't hear a thing. And while it's a good desk chair that I got actually from the Just For Laughs building as it was been emptied out, that one part of it is really shit. I'm really sorry to hear that Alistair. But it's good to know that there is a there is a is something very positive

that came out of the just for laughs festival that isn't just Tim the tool man Taylor's career amazing career Amazing career. He actually he has had a wonderful career Just being associated with Buzz Lightyear is Something that he should be very proud of. Yeah. I mean, I don't think he's that good a dude, you know? No, no, but boy he lucked out with that film.

I mean, not just that, I mean he had tool time for whatever, you know, whatever home improvement for however many years. Yeah. I mean, he has had a charmed life and I think he had to like, you know, to stay out of prison at some point, I think he had to like, rat on a bunch of friends. Wait! Did he? Oh I didn't know there was crime. And then got like the opposite of karma. I didn't know there was a real prison situation. Yeah! That's interesting. I didn't know that he'd had legal stuff. I didn't know any of that gear. Yeah.

Had to rat out his mates, did he? I think so. Oh no. I mean, you know, this could be an unfair thing. Nothing worse than being a rat. I'm going to say, according to allegations I've read. I think we can call Tim Allen a rat on this podcast. I think that's okay.

But also by the way, I'm not suggesting, not knowing anything about what he's done, I'm not suggesting that the worst thing that he's done is ratting out people. No, you think his comedy's a bit worse. Oh, there's nothing worse than that. That's it. There you go, I'm allowing that possibility.

Tim Allen, alright. No, I don't know his crimes. I don't know his um... Yeah, anyway. His appalling crimes. Um, um, I'm just, I just wrote into the, um, into the Discord general chat doing the pod right now. Oh, that's really good. I the pod right now. Oh that's really good, I'm pod right now.

I'm rod deep in the pod. I'm rod deep in the pod. But the rod I'm talking about is the, is the my amygdala. Which I think is probably rodula in its shape. In its shape. Amigdala. Amigdala? Amigdala.

Amigdala. Andy, no. Amigdala. Amigdala. Amigdala. What's that one? There actually is a Rodula one. But it doesn't have a name.

It doesn't have a name. Why isn't it not labeled? It must have a name. No, there's a... Oh, you're looking at it like that. I think it's probably the brain stem but I gotta go... What is that? The stem. Oh. Just make it the stem. There's nothing wrong with it. I can't Andy, I need to see it labeled.

None of the bits. Oh there it is. I see it labeled. It would be so good to discover a new bit of the brain. Yeah, it was a new bit. It was like the big rod that's coming out from the bottom of the brain and nobody's discovered it. No one had looked there. You know what would be a good scam? Yes. I was thinking about this just before we started the podcast. Would be to if you had copyrighted or somehow claimed the artistic rights to the phrase testing one, two, three, then you'd be able to go after so many musical acts for using it at their concerts, their performance rights to that little number there. That'd be bigger than happy birthday

because they've all done it at their concerts. Or at least in their concert venues. At least in their concert venues. Yeah, so you think that by owning the rights now, you could go back and you could grandfather it in. Correct. Yep, it'll be grandfathered. It'll take you down to the park. It'll show you how to whittle wood. It'll unwrap a Werther's Originals. That's right an out of date Werther's

Original. Oh yes. What are we talking about right now? I don't know how many sketch ideas have we written? What are you talking about? I can't I can't even consider it. We're only 28 minutes in No, I'll just say I can always consider it. Okay. Well, we have one two, three, four, five six Are you suggesting that I should go to three words from a listener at this point is Is it because I wrote doing the pod right now in the discord and I took you out of it? Maybe I'm actually feeling a bit frustrated by the number of ideas that I've had and then forgotten and... Well Andy, let's find them. Let's find them, eh? Was one of the ideas about tickling a bear?

No, it wasn't about tickling a bear. How about Alice guesses what the ideas were? Okay. That's a good idea. Guess what the first, what the three ideas were. Okay. Was it that submarines should be equally suited to also being overland? ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. You're talking to a celebrity. How are you doing? Oh, I just made 24 million on my last film and it's doing great. It's not interesting to hear how your life is going well. What's

interesting to me is when you tell me something stupid that happened to you, something funny, something annoying. I'm Alan Dwight, naysayer, contrarian, filmmaker. Subscribe to the worst podcast. It'll be the best worst podcast you've ever heard. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com. Like why not have all vehicles completely compressed?

Oh, have all vehicles like pressurized and sealed, completely sealed. Why can't they all be like that? Oh, if only we could all it feels like Submariner privilege. Well that they're keeping that to themselves I mean, why are they so well protected from the outside world and then we are here we are driving in our things that are just Absorbing air from the outside or whatever. Yes. Why can't we be sealed in there with all the farts of those sailors? But obviously they've solved that problem. Sailors have such good farts as well. How about this? Oh here's an idea that I forgot, right? And this will go well with all of your racist ideas you were having earlier, Alastair. This one is for an Italian person

at a health spa, okay? But instead of having slices of cucumber over their eyes, they have slices of pepperoni. I really think that that's a really good time. Do you think their eyes would come out a bit redder afterwards? Probably, yeah. Yeah, I mean. I mean, it could be cold pepperoni. It can be a cold cut. I assume that's the same benefit of whatever you get from the cucumber.

I mean, it feels like you could. But also, maybe they have a selection. You can choose how spicy you want your slice of pepperoni to be placed over your eyes to be. So Andy this is the sketch right? Yes. It's you having a meeting with Auntie Donna. Well with with with with Mark no not with Mark with with Zach and Broon and you're saying now I know you guys don't really take ideas from the outside and they say well we just legally wouldn't know what to do with it you know then you go but okay

you don't have to use it but this is just my idea. I just want to tell you. You know how like some people some people put you, like cucumbers over their eyes. Well imagine this, an Italian person, but he's relaxing, but instead of having cucumbers over his eyes, he's got pepperoni. And they're going, I'm not sure that would work. And then Broden would, that's exactly what I would say that. And then Broden would go, oh you bloody, I'm not sure you come here with those hoodies I actually like it but I'm not sure you know. And then you go, well we should call Mark and then they call Mark.

Mark's not even in the room. No Mark's not there. And they call Mark and Mark's having a little rest somewhere on the couch and you know what's on his eyes? Slices of pepperoni. That's really good. And they say, what about this? He goes, no! And he gets really angry. No! He gets really angry and he complains about being very offensive.

Yes, and then he's eating the pepperoni. And he eats the pepperoni and he's throwing, and then he's eating the pepperoni and he eats the pepperoni and he's throwing and then he starts cutting other pepperonis so that he can eat it and throw it and put more on his eyes. Put it over his eyes. Yes and then he's putting it on his nipples. And over his ears. And he's rolling some up and then he's pushing it deep into his ear. And then he's putting little bits of pepperoni on his cheek like that and he's... Oh so he looks like a little Pinocchio.

Little Pinocchio boy. A Punch and Judy. Like that. And then on the telephone Broden's like, look like a little Pinocchio boy. Like that. And then Mark is then suddenly holding a big long pepperoni over his nose and it looks like he's lying. I would never do that. I would never. because then suddenly holding a big long pepperoni over his nose and it looks like his lie. I would never do that! I would never!

And then it turns into a Geppetto. And then Broden comes in as a different Italian man now, and now he's Geppetto. And he's saying, where's my little, where's my little puppet boy? Where's my little puppet boy? You'll be a real boy one day. I'm not a puppet boy. I'm a flesh boy. I don't need a look. Your pepperoni is getting so long because you're telling all these bloody porky pies. Oh, that was really good that he would say porky pies. That's very good. Anyway, isn't it interesting, and we may have talked about this before in the podcast,

but that Cipetto, father of Pinocchio, he wanted a boy made out of wood to become a real boy made out of meat. And yet most other Italians spend all of their time taking real meat and then trying to turn it into basically a meat version of wood in the form of that thing salami. Like a cured sausage or something like that. And the way that you... And they hang it from a ceiling. A log. They hang it from a ceiling in the way that you would a marionette when you're not using it.

Yes, here we go. Isn't that interesting? It seems that Gepetto is really, he was almost the opposite of opposite men. Not opposite men, Italian men. I think I'm bringing back being rude about Italians. I mean, I don't think I could. I don't think I have actually enough negative thoughts about Italians. The only thing that we have now is that they don't like it when you break the pasta in half. That's almost all we have left. You know? And that they've made some- The only weapon we have against them. You know, it's like that thing where people are like how what are you gonna say about me? How are you gonna make fun of me? I have a huge dick or something like that

And you go because that's the thing is that what they're gonna go. What are you gonna say about us? We've made the most successful cultured food of all time Yeah, you know you're welcome, you know Not only do all adults love it, but toddlers love it. The fussiest people in the world. Yes, we have so much power, because we could take that away at any moment. They could take it away. They could kill the mothershiphip pizza mothership pasta yes you know how at all pasta all over the world would cease to work you know you've heard

about soft power it comes from having you know cultural influence over people how about this soft powder? Taddeans have got even better than that no no shut up, stop it. Just let me say my thing Even better than soft power Alistair, al dente power Oh, al dente power, that was good too, Edie Stop it, stop riffing, stop riffing! I love when we have a fight about who gets to have a joke. Al, I was trying to pace myself to get it out and have a really good laugh. And by pace myself I mean drag it out unbearably. So most people tune out or begin to yearn for death.

Yearn. There's that word again. Almost. Yearn. What? Which word? Oh, yurt? Yurt. Bringing it back around, Andy. Like the shape of the yurt. I still think there's something about the... Real men shouldn't use... Oh no, I've lost my Jordan Peterson.

Real men use socks. Hard consonants at the end of their words. It's feminine. The syllable sounds are feminine. The snake in the biblical stories, the gardener of Eden was associated with femininity and snakes make that syllable sound. That's the female ideal. Whereas Adam was Rib, Adam's rib is the thing we identify him with and rib has such a strong ending to the sound. It's short and it's a masculine sound now I don't know maybe that was turning a little bit into Ronald Reagan I'm not sure how it is for me it was yo is he ordering yeah you're doing starting to Yoda a little master

sound it was good though I was having a really good time I was thinking about Auntie Donna while you were doing that Yeah, can I tell you the truth? Well, I actually did pitch that idea to Zack from Auntie Donna Did you really pepperoni idea? I had it like two weeks ago and I told him when he came to the The Sean McAuliffe show he was a guest on the show and And I told that to him and he said that's very good but we'd have to run it by Mark because he's got sick of me pitching Italian ideas to him I think. I mean that's the problem when you've got such a rich culture, you know? When you come from such a rich culture.

You've only got yourselves to blame. You come from such a rich culture, you kind of, you have to decide on how the value of it, you know, like, how you let the narrative of your culture be told, you know? Yeah, you're leaving yourselves wide open in that regard. You've given us so much ammunition, so much to play with. It's like Hillary Clinton. She wasn't a good candidate for president because she had too much baggage.

She'd been in the public eye for too long and could be, there were too many attack angles. It's the same with Italians. They've been around, their culture has been around and thriving and putting out so much stuff for so long. I mean, you know what I thought was really interesting recently? I was like, oh yeah, you know when people talk about Jesus and they're like, oh, the Jews killed Jesus or whatever and you go, but then you go- Juses. Juses. But then you go, wait a second, the Romans actually did it, right?

Yeah. And the Romans, like the Italians never get it. You never go, I don't think it was the Italians. Like- That's true, no one's ever said, in fact, they got the Vatican in Italy. Yeah. It's the, no one's ever said, in fact, they got the Vatican in Italy. Yeah. It's the Roman Catholic Church.

Not only did they kill him, but then they like... Isn't that crazy? Yeah. Like they even took... Roman Catholics. Like they even took, they even like, like acquired, like you know, they made money off of him. Yeah. Wow.

That's a, that's a real ballsy move, isn't it? Yeah. It's anyway, just something to think about. Um. Yeah. Andy, I don't know if you know this but we have listeners and sometimes some of those listeners are support us on Patreon and and sometimes some of those people support us on patreon really recently but they're also just a brand new name in our list of patreon supporters who've submitted three words that catches Alistair's eye because he's attracted to novelty I'm attracted to novelty I'm like a like a moth to novelty mm-hmm and and sometimes you just... Like a moth to a completely new type of flame. Exactly, like a ice flame.

You know? And then I think, well, I just want to get this out here. Even though, you know, for the person, it probably ruins any anticipation that is in their body that they were hoping to, you know, would build. And now I'm just like, I'm just, you know, it's squirting now straight away but um anyway listener Nick Saxby has sent through three words oh yes yeah I was

just wondering you know because I have something because often you say their name in a certain way and then it defines how you say it every single time after that so do you think in the future you'll say it like while I'm speaking? Probably, yeah. I'm afraid, I'm really sorry to say I looked at my phone very quickly while you said the name so I wasn't even fully paying attention because I'm expecting my new bed to be delivered and I heard a noise on the street and I thought that sounds like it could be the back door of a bed truck Slamming open is it and a bed bursting out wait wait You think that the the bed truck has got a door that can slam?

Yeah, let's do it I just I just I guess have you ever seen the back of a removalist's truck yeah a lot of the time they're like sliding doors swing well yeah some of the time sure I wouldn't say a lot I'd say the majority of the time they're a big swinging door that can slam open what does it slam up again in your attempt to you trying where's the slam up against gotcha You trying to craft this gotcha moment, Alastair You thought you had me. But it's backfired on you You're the one who looks out of touch with what bed delivery trucks are like Before you finish your yelling, what does it slam up against?

The side of the truck, it goes all the way around It does not go that far away around Andy, what are you talking about? It absolutely does, there's a clip there Oh there's no way. The audience the audience is yelling at their iPods. Everybody's listening to it on iPods Andy. What year are you in Andy? What year did we record this podcast in Andy? I'm gonna have to check my watch. Anyway Nick Anyway, Nick Saxby sent in three words, Andy. And do you want to say Nick Saxby's name and then to put it into stone how you're going to say it in the future?

Nick Saxby! There you go. See Nick, it's been personalized. Okay, now Nick Saxby sent in three words from a listener and I think that listener is Nick Saxby and so would you like to try to guess what the first word of the three words from a listener Nick Saxby has sent in? Parentheses. Parentheses.

Oh Andy, the first two letters you got really good. But then after that you really fucked it up. It's palooza. Palooza? Yeah's Palooza. Palooza? Yeah. Palooza. Our second word bazooka. Indeed, the second word is fest. Palooza fest.

Line up. The third word is line up. Palooza Fest... Athorn. Palooza Fest Athorn. I see, I see it now. These are three suffixes. This is a trio of suffixes. There's a trio. It's like a trio of dips.

Yes. And that really is, a suffix really is the dip of the word world. Yes, it's what you dip a prefix into. You can coat a stem, a root word, much like you would coat a root vegetable in the form of a slice of carrot in hummus or satsuki, the worst of all the dips. Oh no it's not. It's not. No it absolutely is. It does not deserve to exist. Andy it is so good but you were talking about if you

get it in a tub, if you buy it in a tub it is is awful. Oh, I'm sorry Where does where do you get your tzatziki from? Andy, I make it at home And it is one of the best things that you could eat It's just you oh yeah, make it at home like a king. I'm sorry We can't all be in the one percent alice. You add some garlic and you add some some Some Greek yogurt and that's all it takes. How do you process your garlic? I tend to grate it. You got one of those micro grater things?

I mean usually just the side of the grater is a micro grater. But those I find quite frustrating in the way that they... you know what I am not frustrated by it and I find that it's very productive but then also here at this house the guy left like one of those really fancy graders like those really fancy micro ones and those ones it's unbelievable it's actually I'm gonna cut my finger every time I use it yes but it'll be worth it it is though but million and it's ZZ key is good okay let's look at Palooza Festathon okay Palooza Festathon well it seems like it's a a thon is more of a sort of a...

So we... it sounds like we're trying to get up something we call PaloozaFests and we're having a thon to raise money to establish PaloozaFest. To save... is a festival that's been set up to save music festivals that keep failing. Mmm. Yeah, but Palooza Fest, it sounds like a festival where there's lots of Paloozas. Yeah. Right? So each, it's a festival of festivals. Yeah.

And for some reason it's failing and we're trying to raise money. This is boring though, I'm just literally repeating what we've already got from what about this guy who keeps repeating what they've already got oh that's great yeah I love it so we've got a guy who keeps repeating what they've already got and then we got a guy who, Andy, you know like when you're caught, it's like being caught in a dead end where you just, there's not quite enough room to move forward or backwards unless you're going to, it's going gonna cost you a great amount of money by by

running into a vehicle sometimes it makes you want to do it though doesn't it like when you're in a circumstance where you're like tempted by what the consequences would really be I don't know that this is really something I identify with Alastair. I think I'm more sort of repelled by the consequences, fearful of the potential outcomes. But like for example like running out of money, you know, like what would happen if you just... It would be fascinating you just it would be fascinating Fascinating to watch it to watch the wheels go into motion when you stop paying for things Mmm sure have have banks and

Utilities pursuing you for money that you just don't have and you have no intention of getting. I mean it is pretty interesting you know like to like to suddenly be like... Are you... can they send you to prison for stuff like that these days? Like there used to be debt as prisons and you would literally just be put in jail for being poor but but nowadays unless you've actually like committed fraud you know just not not having any money and not paying anybody back what are they gonna do they don't send you to prison. They can't fine you so What are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? I guess you they I guess at some point They they get the police to kick you out of your house

Because it's like you hear about landlords where they're like, oh they would they've been dealing with likes people that don't pay for like three four months But that's three four months. I for like three, four months. But that's three, four months. I know, whenever I hear about that, like and I hear something that's like, they're owed 10 months of rent or something, you're like, whoa, that sounds great.

Oh man. Not paying rent for 10 months. Can you do that? Can you, like, but that's the thing. How does that happen? We need to know if you can get away with it. You know? Cause like how much is it gonna be worth for them

to then pursue you? Yeah. Especially when you're so annoying to deal with. Especially, yeah. I guess if you just become very like cryptic. And incompetent, right? Yeah. Like, because there's a certain amount of basic competence that's involved with even

just paying somebody, paying a debt or something like that. Like you don't know. Is there a way that you can just ride the bankruptcy wave until the grave. Wave to the grave, baby. Like ride the bankruptcy wave to the grave. Like can you do it and could you pull it off like from 18 to 98? That would be so impressive. That would be like somebody riding a wave while surfing for a really long time

and just staying on it. I'd love to watch it. I mean, it does also feel that sometimes that like, it's like that really, really wealthy or at least seemingly wealthy people are able to do that for a really long time. Like even someone like Donald Trump who's declared bankruptcy so many times but seems to always still be rich and living a life of luxury. I don't understand. Yeah.

I mean, I think it's literally where the secret is. The secret is in there somewhere. You know, it's just having somebody lend you money. Yeah. Somebody should write a book called how to be like caught called bankruptcy, bankruptcy for fun and profit. Yeah. Right.

And it's a self help book or like maybe bankruptcy as a sort of a religion or something like that. Yeah. Right? And it's a self-help book or like maybe bankruptcy as a sort of a religion or something like that. Yeah. I mean, what if, what if this could be the, this could be the new big scare campaign for, for adults that teens are declaring bankruptcy. Okay. Your child. Oh, kids.

Oh, teen. It's a new TikTok trend. Yeah. Kids are declaring bankruptcy. Okay, your child. Oh, kids, oh, teenage. It's a new TikTok trend. Kids are declaring bankruptcy and parents are really worried about it, but the kids are loving it and they're getting together and they're sharing secrets about how to do it and how to get off on it. We think that they might be getting off on it. We think that they might be getting off on it. Ah, it's, nah, I mean, parents are so weird. They're getting the word. I mean, yeah, it's pretty hot, but, you know,

it takes more than that to get me going. You know. Insolvent. For me bankruptcy is just a fall back. People are sniffing solvents. Are sniffing solvent. What? What were you trying to do? Alastair. Well you know declare you being insolvent if you're bankrupt. You're insolvent but then sniffing solvents. Oh that's a way that you can get off. Sniff insolvents. Mmm. So do you see it now and does it make you feel really good? Oh, Andy, it was the sniff part that worked so well with it. LAUGHTER

Air welcome. Andy, I do enjoy it, though. I don't need things that work for it to work on me, Andy. So how do you feel about Palooza Festathon, Alastair? enjoy it though. I don't need things that work for it to work on me Andy. So how do you feel about Palooza Festathon Alastair? I mean it's lead to teens are declaring bankruptcy and bankruptcy for fun and profit. I think those are those are fun ideas. I mean it probably... Can we argue that came from that? Because I mean Nick, Nick Sh Saxby made his first suggestion I

don't know if we've done it justice yeah I don't know if we've really you know satisfied. Saxbisfied, oh I'm sorry maybe this is exactly what a disfaction is He can get can't get no sex perfection, yeah So it's gonna have to be that Nick, you know, we are both sorry and we're both sorry and grateful And you're welcome in your welcoming We're very you're welcome. You're at apologies Greta apologies. Gretta apologies. Take us through the sketch ideas really quickly Alistair. Really quickly.

Okay. What is the softest continent? Then we have Jordan Peterson, the thinking man's Kermit the Frog, or the other way around. Would twiddling thumbs by climate scientists do better for the climate. I like that. Over 60s get incredible ability to use tech when you tell them I love you over the phone. I love that too. Freaky Friday with identity theft, thief.

Conservatives worrying about how not currently procreating is killing future babies. We got an Italian person has pepperoni over their eyes for Auntie Donna in brackets. We gotta run it by Mark though. But I mean the sketch was running it by Mark as you saw Andy. Isn't it interesting? Yeah. That Zach had to run it by Mark. And I knew that that's how you would have to run things if you were

one of the one of the donors Well, you've got a real insight there. Well, I don't know, you know, I you know, I just I just respect what I imagine is the process Then you got bankruptcy for fun and profit as well as teens are declaring bankruptcy which is also sniff insolvency. What a strong ending, just like an alpha high T male would have to one of their words. High T, when you say that I do picture H-I-G E A. That's how I picture a high tea male eating a small cucumber sandwich and sipping tea from a porcelain cup. Oh I've been doing this all wrong. Oh no. A cucumber sandwich with the crusts cut off. All right here we go.

Thank you so much for listening to Two in the Think Tank. You the listeners of Two in the Think Tank. And are you still selling books out of your garage or anything? Ah yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely. Go to Gustavandhenry.com and you can order us to send you copies of Gustav and Henry volume one or volume two. And let me tell you I think these books are really good. I feel great about them. And let me tell you, I think these books are really good. I feel great about them. They are. And I would love more people to read them.

Thanks, man. Yeah. Even if you don't like the words, the pictures are fantastic. And even if you don't like the pictures, the words are great. Oh, thanks, man. And do you have any copies of Gustavio Rita? Gustavio Rita, I've only got two copies of the Spanish version, so I probably won't sell those. Actually, I think maybe I gave you one of the copies, so I've got one.

I think one of them might have ended up in the Newlands Primary School Library. That's great. Because it's a Spanish-speaking school as well. Yeah, Alastair, are you selling anything online? Uh, not yet. Hmm Yeah, alice are you selling anything online? Not yet, but if you guys want something I have been watching YouTube videos of people Wheeling and dealing with people who run textiles factories in China and maybe I'll get a product You know they'll make it for 18 bucks a unit and then I'll I'll buy a hundred units and then I'll sell it all to you Sounds good if you want something I'll only take $12 profit

It's that's pretty reasonable actually I don't know what the product is but I'm interested But it sounds reasonable so the fact that you're interested in the end there's all you know is that it's textiles And I'm only taking $12 profit Gosh That's great anyway guys. Thank you so much for listening And we we love You you thank you so much. Bye