Two In The Think Tank - 446 - "STOP, DROP & ROCK'N'ROLL"

Episode Date: October 15, 2024

There's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Yes, but Andy can we introduce ourselves in the podcast? Yes, okay. I'm Andy and this is two in the think tank the show where we come up with five schedule I'm Alistair George William Trombley Burchill. Thank you very much for listening And the show where we come up with five schedule ideas. And I'm Alistair George William, Trombley virtual. Thank you very much for listening. And, but I think the Remainers or the Hangers-On, Survivors, the Stragglers, Stragglers, the, the people who can't work out how to unsubscribe

from a feed or the, People who can't work out How to turn off the podcast. That's it. Now we just need a sort of a snappy way to shorten that down. Right? But that will come with time. Now that we've worked out what it's going to be, we just wait and naturally that will refine over the eons. I mean people often refer... As the unnecessary syllables evaporate like water on the surface of Mars.

They refer to people who always listen as rusted on listeners, but really, there's no more crumbly of a listenership than the rusted on one. Yeah, rust. No, it's not, I wouldn't, that's not often used in construction as an adhesive rust. No, it's not, it's not, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, that's not often used in construction as an adhesive rust.

Yeah. I think if rust was really that reliable, we'd be using it. Yeah, you know, it would be really barnacle, barnacle ooze, that's what you want to use. That's the great slogan as well because it rhymes. Barnacle ooze, that's what you want to use. That's a great slogan as well, because it rhymes. Barnacle ooze, that's what you want to use. I mean, using barnacles in construction. I mean, like the power is like, because a barnacle has like, like has like a mollusk in there, doesn't it? Yeah, they'd be great as fridge magnets, actually.

doesn't it? Yeah. They'd be great as fridge magnets actually and it's incredible that that there are people don't produce fridge magnets in the exact shape of barnacles and limpets and if they do if they do do that and I just haven't come across their great marketing materials I apologize that's on me. That tells me that there's a there's a real big hole in the market for a well marketed barnacle magnet. Nobody is doing this. I think I told you about this guy. He came across a reel and the guy was like, you know, I was running and I was seeing a lot of people are eating pickles and long-distance running these days. And you know what? I only know one pickle brand

and he names it and he's like, oh, that means there's a real hole in the market for a well-marketed pickle. Oh, that means there's a real hole in the market for a well marketed pickle. But that is entrepreneurial thinking and that is also what we are doing, okay, with our barnacle fridge magnet idea. Now I am open to the idea that they might be living barnacles. We could be the people to produce the first fully dry open air barnacle. The water free barnacle, the land barnacle. I mean maybe the barnacle lives off of the, you know, some of the water that comes out of your ice maker.

Sure, I mean there's always shit dribbling down the front of our fridge. I'm always having to wipe stuff off. And you look at the way they're filtering crap out of the oceans, they can't be getting much out of it. There's, I guarantee to you that there is more ambient food matter in a family kitchen in the household of a busy family of young children then there could possibly be in the great blue ocean. I mean, the barnacle would be probably a better wall, wall decoration than most decors that have been around

in the last 100 years. A lot of that, we got a bit of that stucco or whatever that thing, which is just bumpy paint. You know maybe it's not stucco but it's bumpy paint we got bumpy paint in this place. I think that's I think that's stucco. Yeah I mean you could easily you could easily replace that with sharp barnacles. Exactly you know every time we say barnacles I'm picturing a limpet but I do know what a barnacle is. What's a limpet? It's just my brain a limpet is like more just like a little little mountain a little Mount Fuji

Oh, the barnacles have got that bit that opens up on the top and they're quite sharp Okay, they can be quite jagged and rough and those are the ones where if you get keel hauled under a ship it rips All your skin off. Okay. yeah, yeah. And I don't recommend it, although... Yeah, I'm picturing barnacles. ...it might also have a future as some kind of exfoliating regime. Oh, no, no, no. I'm definitely picturing a barnacle, but... Wait, do they... are they a little crustacean as well? Yeah, they're all crustaceans.

Oh, I thought they were a mollusk. Oh, sorry, no, sorry, they're all mollusks. You're right. No, they're not crustaceans. I don't think they're crustaceans. No, they don't have any legs. They don't have legs. OK. They're not just hiding inside the thing. Wait, a crustacean isn't just a mollusk

inside of a big moving shell, is it? Oh, my God, that would be crazy. In there like a little Dalek creature controlling it. Because I mean, it doesn't, like, if it wasn't, barnacles are arthropods, they are related to crabs and lobsters. What? Wait, barnacles are exclusively marine invertebrate. But like, cause it just occurred to me, I was like, well, what if you think of a,

if you thought of a like a, an oyster, but instead of just, they all live in a big open, open plan room, the way that they do, they have lots of little divisions that turn into joints that allow them to move. And I was like, wait, that's a, that's a crustacean. You just invented the crab. Nature is always trying to invent the crab.

Even inside the mind of somebody talking about a barnacle, it'll emerge just from the idea of- You weren't thinking just then, you were just evolving mentally. You were just following an age-old process of natural selection since time immemorial. Yeah, I think that they're like, they're kind of like, they look like they might be like hermit crabs inside of that thing, but I think it's like the opposite of a hermit crab, they're like a, I don't know, not the opposite of a hermit crab,

but like instead of a nomadic animal, like the hermit crab, they're more of like a hermit crab that lives in one place in a big town with lots of people. I almost can't bear to try and understand what you've just said. The amount of work that it feels like social crab An extra vertebrate there you go, why don't that why did why did they call it wait?

Why did they call it a hermit crab and not an? Introvert a break. That's a very good So wait, what am I writing down here? The introvertabrite? Because I mean... Yeah, the introvertabrite. Intravertabrite. And what are we saying that the sketch idea is here? Um, let's see.

Well, I did hear an anecdote on Louis CK, not Louis CK, Louis Theroux talking on a podcast where he talked about a guy who had approached him saying he'd come up with a really good idea for the internet that he didn't know how to monetize and he was really hesitant. He wanted Louis' help, he was really hesitant to reveal what the idea was because he didn't want Louie to steal the idea Right. Yeah, and the idea was that he eventually reluctantly revealed To see if Louie was able to help him work out how to make money out of it was the name the word

e-dress, right instead of your Email address you would call it your e-dress it's like an electronic address your e-dress right he'd come up with that word and he thought that's it Lucy Lucy Louis through maybe Louis CQ K could have cracked it but Louis Theroux didn't have any ideas for how you could make money out of this idea well I kind of feel the same way about my introvertibrate word. I think it's such a good word that there must be a way to make money out of it.

Yeah, I mean, it definitely opens the words, it opens you up to the, so if you were gonna buy that web address, you'd probably then also buy extra vertebrae. That e-dress. That e-dress, yeah. See, I thought e-dress was maybe like more of a thing that you like.

You could walk around nude, but you have a little projector on your body that maybe comes out from the brim of your hat, and it projects your clothes onto your body. That's a really good idea. I love that. What about this? It's like the modern day sandwich board,

which sandwich board, speaking of technology that hasn't evolved, like you were with Stuck On, the sandwich board, who is doing a digital sandwich board where you basically have two flat screen TVs hanging over your naked body front and back? and That was the idea with sandwich boards right that the person was naked I

Assume right I mean they're the meat in the sandwich You don't put clothes on a slice of ham before you put it in between in the bread do you know What about this a sushi board? It's a board but it goes all the way around. And there's some cushioning in the inside. It's full of rice. Ah love it. A sushi board. Yes um hang on. A toasted sandwich board. All the stuff oozing out of your sides. You're sealed in there. Your heat's sealed in there. And the reason that would be good would be because... A lot of these employees to escape. Yes, exactly, and you would guarantee that you had a certain amount of

exposure time from these from your these people before the glue or possibly cheese that you use to seal it shut Flakes away, and they're able to crack out with a much like a hermit crab emerging from a shell with its their soft skin vulnerable to seagulls do you think so how do you feel about yeah I mean is that a sketch I don't know I wasn't sure if there was anything there but like but I might have stopped listening and I apologize I started to think about that it I apologize Andy and I apologize. I started to think about that. That it, I apologize, Andy. It was just that I started thinking about, I was like, oh, I'll save this.

And then this was what I was thinking was liquid is oozing out the edges. And then you hand people straws and you say melted cheese, melted cheese, like that. And then I was like, I think Andy would try that. No, but that is actually a really good idea and I would try that and you know what I love about this it's a bit of biomimicry right because it is like well what are those this is to go back to our old idea of people trying to deposit

pollen onto or flowers trying to deposit pollen onto bees. Well isn't that really what the Sandwich Board person is? Right? They're trying to hand out flyers. That is the pollen that they are trying to deposit to plant the seeds of an idea into the mind of a customer that might germinate into a purchase. Now I'm an advertising guy now Alastairair, and this is how we talk all the time, all right? This is just standard advertising lingo, right? But a lot of the time, those people just keep walking past. That's because they're not offering anything in return.

What if the person was in a giant grilled cheese sandwich covered in straws, and while the person stops there to gain some sustenance by slurping up Melted cheese from their sandwich little bits of rolled up paper cheese liquid cheese Sorry, I haven't done a course on advertising yet, so... You've made this idea silly! Oh, sorry Andy.

It's just that while they're drinking the cheese, you can slip the flyers into their pockets of their jackets. Yes, okay, yeah. Okay? Because they've stopped like a buzzing bee! Not, it's not rolled up up flies in the cheese. Okay. I think that's fine too. I mean mostly what I'm laughing at here Alastair is the idea that there could be a wrong way to go. Yeah about liquid soup. to go with this insane idea. And my assertion that you could somehow be doing this wrong

is, it's funny to me, as is your idea. Your idea is funny as well. Not just my reaction to it. Not just my hilarious way to behave, Alastair. Andy, but the important thing is that there was some laughter no matter where it was directed at. I'm happy if it's at my own idiocy. That's right.

Yes, but as long as it happens chronologically after my sentence. Do you think that there could be- People with a funny laugh, that's an interesting idea, isn't it? A funny laugh? Yeah, you know, because somebody with a funny laugh, that's a laugh that makes other people laugh, right?

And the problem there is that, well, you don't want too many of those people, right? They're kind of like a nuclear particle that can decay and release a neutron and cause another nuclear particle to decay, right? That's true. If you get too many of them close together you have a critical mass and that's what causes an atomic bomb. Can you imagine because you go through all the audience the comedy audiences in the world and then you just get only people with funny laughs. The best laughers. Right out of

each room in each room there might be one person with a funny laugh and one of them in isolation is fine but can you imagine getting all the people with all the funniest laughs putting them all in one audience? Yeah, at a stadium show. What would happen if you recorded a stadium full of people with funny laughs? I mean that would be a really interesting, you could maybe destroy the city, I don't know how but... Yeah that's what I'm afraid of

Yeah, well cuz at some point they would start laughing and then they would keep Their brain would filter out some laughs and then they'd get immune to some laughs, but then they would hear a new one again there was like Like that and you'd be like, oh my god, and then you would start kicked me off again Yeah, I don't think anyone would be able to stop. There's a chance that you would have a death. And then what you would do as a comedian is you just need to get out there and just make one person laugh. I know, but I feel like you could really take away from it.

You'd really take away from the crowd. But yeah, one joke special and then the rest is laughter. Yeah. Yeah. And then just people laughing at other people's laughs. I mean, isn't that the dream as a comedian? You have an hour special, one joke at the start, and then the rest is just rolling laughs. They don't realize that this guy released this hour long special and it's like that Freddie Mercury like at Wembley or whatever it is, where he's just like, you know, he's doing those like that call and response with the crowd so it's that size of a crowd. Do you know the clip I'm talking about? I don't know this. It's just like where he's going

like like that and then the crowd goes like that and he's like it's just a very famous clip of a very famous Queen concert right and it's kind of a it's like you know a high point in in live performance where you know you get to you said Freddie Mercury and I heard Eddie Murphy for sure sure sure I mean that would make sense because we were talking about comedy but okay let me get to the idea that it also didn't seem completely implausible that he would have done yeah with a crowd anyway you go and so it's one of these things but they go this guy fucking released a special it's an hour-long special he tells one joke and then

the rest of it is the crowd laughing that's how funny that joke was all right he worked on this special for 20 years he found the joke right but then there's a behind the scenes expose years later that comes out you know while this guy has been celebrated, he's never performed another special. He hasn't needed to. Yeah, of course. And then they talk about how they engineered this crowd by finding all the best laffers in the world. Yeah, it's kind of like Moneyball. Exactly.

Right? That it was the people who selected the crowd, the audience, they were the ones doing the real work. The mathematicians and the bean counters, working behind the scenes, who put together this dream crowd. Well, especially if you're a comedian, it's like you don't have to do the one joke thing, but if you're a comedian who like,

instead of, you know, it's like people are talking about how difficult it is to get out one hour a year or something like that, that's good. Then what about, well, you could get out if you can get a crowd that that is of really good laughers, you could maybe do 45 minutes, right? Which means that you've got an extra 15 minutes of laughter. And then that means that you've got 15 minutes that you can then put straight into your next special. So you're not having to produce as much, but

you could still be producing the same amount, but then outputting more specials, which is more money. See, you're maximizing profits by just engineering the crowd. No, I think in an era of shrinkflation and declining productivity, whatever, buzzwords like that, this fits slots right in. Because have you ever seen that clip from like a 9 out of 10 cats does countdown where it's Peter Seraf Finowitz is in it. And Jimmy goes, Peter, do you like word puzzles? And he goes, frankly, Jimmy, I don't think that's any of your business. Yeah.

But the comedians laugh so much and the crowd laughs so much that it makes that joke so much better You know because if it had kind of just like half hit and then Jimmy had just like not even really laughed You know you would you wouldn't be like oh my god, Pete is so good. Oh, I love that, Pete You'd just be like oh, why'd they upload this? Yeah, yeah, you're right if it hadn't it hadn't been so funny definitely wouldn't have been I know but it's not just that it's so funny I think it's that there's a visual response of course and well but also you know comedy is a trick it's a confidence

game it's a you know it's a scam and if people laugh, it's funny, baby I like to believe it's not a comment and I like to believe that it's all a joke game And I will I will get through this. I will get through a whole career without once being confident That's that's that's my goal is to prove that you don't need to be in any way confident in this industry and that you can somehow through a mixture of dumb luck and just scientific repeatability get a set together that is considered on some accounts to be good. And not just from your parents and from my parents and a couple of friends. No, I am Alistair. I do agree with you.

Thank you. Thank you all for doing that so much, Andy. I just have no confidence and uh, I don't need it to hear that. That's the boost I need. That's really given me some confidence. Oh, no! That was the one thing I didn't want No, I think you're right that's kind of like Yeah, it's what is it? It's kind of unassisted. It's I still think confidence is cheating Yes, I agree. Confidence is cheating. Confidence, stage presence, any semblance of professionalism, working hard, let's see, what else is cheating?

No, no, no, just confidence. Working hard is okay. Washing, washing, being pleasant to interact with. There was an English comic who was complaining on Facebook in the last couple months about comedians looking like slobs and then he's somebody either he did or somebody in the comments referred to it being show business and that's why you should show yourself to look nice. And I was like, I just, I hate all of these people and I hate all of their points.

I don't think anything has to be anything. And I tried to make a comment that was like, you know, I mean, you know, some people are just rebelling against the feeling that there needs to be these kind of strict, you know, these strict beliefs that things need to be a particular way or what looks nice and things like that. He's like, I don't have strict beliefs. I just don't think people should look like slobs. But like also if comedians can't do it then who can? Like we genuinely are not claiming to have any other. I know and it's also such a, like it's such a appeal. It feels like such a like a higher status thing

to be like dressed up in a suit. Yeah it is and it's a gatekeeping thing. Yeah and you go isn't the whole point that you can not be a high status person? Anyway, I secretly hate this guy and... Can you say his name now? And I'll edit it out. I won't edit it out.

No, I can't say his name but he does live in Australia and has for a long time. Do I know this person? You would definitely know. Ted Wilson used to do a bit about, secretly do a, oh I can't go more into this. I can't drag somebody else into it. No, no, no, no, no, no, okay, okay. I think I know who you're talking about. That's interesting.

I hate that man. I don't know why I'm friends with him on Facebook, but it has everything he posts. I go, I don't care. I hate you. And I almost feel like that about almost no like about nobody almost. But this guy feels so arrogant and so unpleasant to be around. You go, well, maybe instead of like putting on a suit, you should put on a personality that seems approachable and maybe one that people want to be around

rather than feeling the need to like ride off of the success that you'd had back in the UK. Anyway. Yeah. No, I think that's a good point, Alistair, and I wonder if there's a sketch I can do. Yes, yes, I'm sorry, I shouldn't. What about this, what about this, you know?

We have a team, it's probably too close to our idea about the audience, trying to find the perfect audience for comedy, right? But what about this? We have a team of scientists who look at all the various things that go into making a comedian successful, right? And they come up with an equation. And it's this, that success is just a product of likeability. So it's like literally a mathematical function of likeability. Let's

see presentability, marketability, and funniness, right? And then we, you work out that you can just adjust any of these things up and down and get better results. So you can have funniest, funniness dialed right down to zero, but then you can have, if their likability is like, really, really high, then they'll still be really successful. It will overcome that. And so then you just gotta try and work out what is the most likeable, you make a comedian

as likeable as possible, and it turns out that there's some kind of, I guess like a baby. Like a baby panda or something like that. And although they can actually be quite funny sometimes when they sneeze or fall over. Or both. They sneeze and they scare their little baby. Or the baby sneezes and scare their mother.

Yeah. I mean, it's funny seeing them. But, you know, maybe one of those sea slug things, those really brightly colored sea slug things. Well, the one with the multiple chamber shell that looks like a crab. Yeah. That I invented at the beginning of this episode.

Yeah, that one. Yeah, no, but I do think that there is something interesting in like, you go to see somebody who is, again, it's probably a moneyball thing. It's probably like moneyball. It's probably, and is it a computer program that simulates how you could become successful through, well, you don't have to be funny as long as you've got

warmth and you know how to go, ha ha, oh, that's great whenever you ask somebody in the crowd what they do as a job. Yeah, people love that, it's a great reaction. Or I guess you gotta raise an eyebrow sometimes. Yeah. Right, and then look back at one of the other people in the crowd.

Yeah. You know, like you're referring back to something they said. Yeah, a little bit of, yeah, have a bit of that warmth warmth have a bit of that ability to link between two things that were said Mm-hmm. Oh man. That's brilliant. Anyway, look I'm just gonna write down we make this thing in a in a lab What the computer? No, the we generate the actual creature from okay or person who can do that who who can do the comedian itself. Generate successful comedians. Yes, yes. I wonder if you could do one that has no likeability and no funniness.

That would be really cool. But what do they have? They have presentability and marketability. You know what? I feel like I've seen that coming. Okay. How about this? No. It's like, you know, now that you say it, you're like, oh, why do you say it? Okay. So no looks. Like no. I do know that.

Okay. So how about this? Person who doesn't look good isn't funny isn't warm um yeah okay oh wow but they're just marketable they just have good marketability I mean that's really interesting because I mean I don't know what people are attracted to a being of pure marketability we love a being of pure marketability. We love a being of pure X, pure insert thing here. He's just got the, he's not funny. He's not, you don't want to get to know him. He's actually unpleasant to look at, but he's just got that X factor. But he's just got that X factor He's pure X factor, that's all it is

Yeah, I that that I like that And that's gonna be the concept of my new TV show just the X factor Like where yeah, we are not interested in anybody who has any other factors. Hmm I like that. Yes you have the X factor but you also have the Y and the K factor and I'm afraid that rules you out of this television program. It would be just the X factor. Yeah it would be interesting that somebody like who's like a neo of of like the algorithm and you could imagine a guy like this who is hideous and unfunny and not charming at all, right? But who's some-

I haven't watched any of MrBeast's content but I think this might be what he is. I don't know I I Think that you know I mean like he I guess he is in a way a neo of the of the algorithm, but he he he's worked on it and he's Studied it and things like that. Whereas I like to think that somebody who's just Appeared on there. Yeah, and and he's not making good content, but People you know what? This is it. This is Donald Trump every single thing goes viral and he's not making good content, but people... You know what this is? This is Donald Trump.

Every single thing goes viral. This is Donald Trump, genuinely. You've watched one of his rallies or something, you've watched anything where he's talking and it just feels like, I mean, look, there's no point even talking about it. There's no point even finishing that sentence. I mean, maybe that's his X factor,

just shining through the way that you can't help but try to bring him up. Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, but like the algorithm just loves him and just brings them into your feed and you buy tickets to whatever he's selling. Just because you're like, oh, I know this guy so well. I gotta go see him.

I feel compelled. We will be able to get that, whatever that is. And we will be able to do that with, you know, large learning models pretty soon. Yeah, you think so? Pretty soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess if, I mean, technically, if the algorithm, you know, because like the

algorithm could also be in big part a myth that it's like just sending you stuff that you want. There's got to be an element in which it's sending you stuff that it wants to show you because it's promoting things. Oh, definitely. Yes. But after a while, maybe we'll just trust the algorithm so much and we won't have any wants of our own We'll just assume that we want those things and that will become you know in a kind of like learned helplessness way that'll become our Our What we think we want we just like well the algorithm showed it to me

So is this an interesting conversation to have though, Alistair, that's my anxiety. Imagine you're completely nude, and there's a plank, a big wide plank of freshly cut wood. Like, you know, like the wood, the walls of the warehouse were made out of? Yeah, plywood. That's right, okay.

And you lay on it, and then you just slide your back were made out of plywood. That's right. Okay. And you lay on it and then you just slide your back up and down that. Right? Do you think, do you think, and then you just get your back filled with splinters. Yeah, okay, great. I'm looking at just such a slab of wood right now

and I'm imagining that. Yeah. You think considering taking your shirt off and rubbing it and putting the mic next to your back as you, we could hear the slivers of wood enter your skin? I'd love to do that for you. I'd love to give you that experience. But your children, you can't be here right now. My children, I want you to- My children need my back to be pristine For oh, yeah for horse riding purposes and stuff like that

but do you think that you could do anything with that with a back filled with like I Guess you guys guess you could well, you know, I feel like it could be a concept cafe Like you know that you go along and there's a man lying down there with a whole lot of splinters in his back And you're so gonna pull them out. Yeah, sort of like a cat cafe. Yeah, but the splinter back I'm going to send his back and you Pull pull splinters out of the back of this guy And you know people do it as a group or whatever like that. Maybe it's a team-building experience. Oh, they'd be really good Maybe it's a team-building experience. Oh, that'd be really good.

And what we really want to reassure people, because this is a family cafe, is that the man doesn't enjoy this in any way. No, no, no, he doesn't enjoy it. It's not a sexual thing. No, no, but his wife started the cafe. So don't worry. You can bring your kids because the man is not having a good time. But also I like-

He's not having a really bad time either. No, no, no. I mean he gets to lay down which is nice. He likes that bit. Yeah. But not everybody's as gentle with the split, with the tweezers and pulling the bits of wood out. And not as successful as, you know.

I like to think that maybe he could also like help with kind of more team building things where he maybe does outside ones where he could be rented and like fall into like a like a raspberry bush or a blackberry bush or something like that. And they not only get him out but then they get him out of the bush which would be a great team building exercise. And then they pull the needles out of his skin and they tend to his wounds. This is a really good idea Alistair. This is a team building, a corporate team building experience where they go to this place and there's just a big, a big bill with some trees and bits of old wood and blackberries and stuff. But they don't tell the team that this is what they're going to do.

There's a lady standing there in the corner. No, there's a lady standing in the corner. That's the guy's wife. She's taking the money there. Okay. She's lovely. And then the guy, he's got his shirt off and then he runs and sort of trips and falls into the blackberries. Yeah, they're going blackberry picking and he's made to look like he's the guy who's the husband of the wife and he's a farmer and he's climbing on a ladder and he falls into a big blackberry bush and then suddenly it goes from being a world going- He's rolling and riding around. Yeah, he's rolling and he's vines deep

like he's like you know you can't access him by getting just your hand in there right now you're gonna have to slice through some bushes and suddenly the the team is surprised pretty heavy so it really does need everybody to work together to get yeah yeah around you don't you don't notice at the beginning, but around there's other big bushes that look like they've been torn to shreds. Yeah, this is the first time. And you look at the guy's got quite a lot of scar tissue on his back.

But you think, well, he has been working in a blackberry bush farm. Yeah. That's what they don't realize is that they think that they grow blackberries there, but no they grow blackberry bushes This is um, this is kind of like imagine You look really close at the piece of paper that says a picky picking blackberries experience And and then you see this tiny, tiny font that after the word Blackberry's says,

thorns out of the exposed skin of a writhing man. But it's like, imagine the team building experience that it would be if you and your entire corporate board just by chance were able to rescue a humpback whale that was trapped in some fishing nets off the coast of New South Wales. That'd be so good. But you can't, I mean think of that, think of that immense sense of possibility and power and and satisfaction of doing something good for the world that you could get out of that, you know, when you see that humpback swimming to freedom.

Well, you know how you could do that. And think about the corporate gains that would result. But you can't manufacture that. But what you can manufacture is this guy, Frank, falling off a ladder into some black boots. But you know what you could manufacture though, is you could genetically engineer a humpback whale that can only, like that is capable of living outside of the ocean. And so you have it, you build these and then

you place them on beaches so that they stay alive, so that corporate groups can come and save them. Right? Because they actually, they need to be out of the water. To stay alive. And they drag themselves back out again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so then, To be able to breathe.

And so then the team will take it out and as soon as it tries to come back out, they'll push it back out again and then they'll get it far enough that it'll probably drown. Right? And then you know that it's over, then it won't come back

and then that's when you know the exercise is over. They'll go, that team will feel so good, profits will skyrocket, right? And then you just, you get the next one out of the farm, and you lay it back on the, you comb the beach a little bit, you know, get all those scuff marks out of the sand. All right?

And then by 2 p.m., the next group rolls in, the next minib bus rolls in. I love that this is, let's call this the sea creatures bred to be able to survive out of the water episode. That's a recurring motif of all the motifs we have. Alastair, I reckon we must have five sketch ideas written down.

I reckon they're all very good. And I think we probably owe it to ourselves and also my work deadlines to go to three words for me. No worries, Andy. I think you're- Lystina? You're 100% correct, Andy. You know what, Andy?

Today we have three words from a listener. And this listener, who has submitted three words from a listener is Ellie Durkin. Ellie Durkin, she's her name. And Andy, the three words from a listener that Ellie Durkin has submitted are from listener Paul. She has submitted, and see, this is why I do this joke, Andy, because as you know, some listeners

submit words from other listeners. And this has been submitted. Well, I know that now, this is the first time it's happened. Yes, Andy, just because you're seeing it for the first time, hearing it for the first time, whatever, doesn't mean it hasn't been submitted. Well, I know that now. This is the first time it's happened. Yes, Andy, just because you're seeing it for the first time, hearing it for the first time, whatever, doesn't mean it hasn't been happening. It's just other people haven't had to point it out because they haven't felt as judged by you.

All right. Well, thank you, Elliot. I just noticed that my battery is not plugged in for some reason. And my, hang on, Andy, can you fill? Does that mean nothing has been recording? No, hang on Andy, can you fill? Nothing has been recording. No, no, it's all been recording,

but it's now suggesting that my battery's gonna run out in a second, so I just gotta make sure, okay, that is plugged in. Okay, Andy, you fill for a moment while I double check this. Oh, okay, cool. Well, what about I just go right ahead and I guess all three of these words from Paul via Ellie Durkin and I think that the three words probably are retaining, remaining, retainers. There you go.

Retaining, retaining, retaining, retainers. And no, retinues. Retaining, no, retinues, retaining, remaining, retinues. Okay, Andy. Well, let me have a look. The first word you said it was retaining. Yeah. Andy, the first word is snap.

No, no, I reckon the other two probably won't be right as well. Now if I got the first one wrong. What is the second one that you said? Remaining. II the second one is Crackle crackle You would have almost been able to guess that any change retinues. Yeah, I was the third one retinues hundred percent Yeah, indeed the would have guessed that one. What was the third one? Retinues? 100% Yeah, it's gonna be Slop, isn't it?

Indeed the third one is Shush. Oh, okay. That is good though. Somebody should invent some silent rice bubbles. Yeah. That would be a great product for rice bubbles to release now. Oh, like Silent Velcro. Yes. Yes. Like they had in Garden State. But it's, what would, what would this be good for? Well, it would be good for podcasters.

Yes, all the podcasters. It would be good for spies. It would be good for the um... A breakfast jelly. Great, do you still pour milk in? Yes, you mix the milk in with the gelatin wow oh like that and it's and it's a rice jelly it's a puffed rice jelly it's starting to feel like something that already exists probably if you put more if you put enough words together and you're bound to create

something i mean essentially you're what you're what you're stumbling upon is the concept for our podcast Andy we've just put up enough words together you got a sketch idea yeah well you know just in the way that you stumbled upon probably an existing rice cereal I stumbled upon the podcast too in the think tank right snap crackle crackle and shush I mean it does sound I mean another thing great thing would be a this could be a silencer for the human mouth you know it's sort of like the opposite of a silencer for a gun. Silence for a gun obviously stops noises of things emerging from a hole. Well, the mouth silencer will stop the noises of things going into a hole. And as somebody who doesn't really like the sound of other people eating,

despite the fact that I myself eat very quickly, loudly, and I'm sure horribly, it would be great for me if other people could have mouth silences. I imagine it's still a long black tube that you force the food up into. And it makes the sound, and then you gotta push it in with your finger. Or maybe you gotta pack it like an old-style musket.

Yeah, good. You've gotta tamp the food down food down the tube but then your chewing sounds are dead and they go like this they go by the yeah wow it's almost more noise than not eating normally. Isn't it crazy that somehow you put a tube on a gun and it goes from bang to It almost doesn't make sense right isn't it it's probably not really what it does I think that's probably made up by the movie so but do you yeah, I reckon do you think It's crazy that we haven't invented Underpants that deaden the sound of farts.

I mean, I know this is a low brow idea. All you need is a fin to go in and stop all the stuff from flapping together. A thing to go in? No, not a thing, a fin. A fin? Oh, you think the sound is made by the ass cheeks? Well, I think it's also, I think it's also the anus.

But I think sometimes if you get a really deep sound, I think it can be butt cheeks. The cheeks themselves, wibbling and wobbling and flippin' and flappin'. Yeah. Yeah, well, I think some sort of felt fin that sort of stands up inside the underpants, almost like a dorsal fin, and goes between and deadens that sound.

That could be really interesting. I think something that holds it wide open. I think I'd love to see the marketing material for that. I think something that holds it open and so that it's like, it just allows for, you know, clear passage of air. You know? I think maybe, Andy, maybe the problem isn't that bad air is coming out,

is that no clean air is getting in. I don't know. It's like a room that you never get to air out. You know? It just kind of starts that you never get to air out. You know? It just kind of starts to develop a bit of a funk. Of course. No, you are right. Yes.

And it is like throwing open the windows when you're doing a spring clean. It would be sort of a butt unplug. Mmm. Of course. Oh. Yeah, what's a, what's Yeah, what's an analogy? We're sorry about this Paul. Perfect one that you just gave us there.

Yeah. I mean, but look, but also what Snap Crackles and Shush makes me think is a specific murderer with a calling card, right? What he does is sneaks up behind you, right? And he turns your head very quickly to the right, which I would love to know if that's a real killing method. Right?

And he snaps your spine through quick torsion, right? And then he lights your hair on fire. And then he puts, and then while that's happening he puts his finger to his mouth and then he goes So the fire is the crackling yeah And I think that then he looks at you right because I assume that if you are breaking somebody's spine like that that they they're not dead, that they just are paralyzed. And so then while their hair is on fire, which is probably their head might still be just the only part that they can still feel pain from, due to their spine being...

Oh no! And so then, he's ultimately cruel. He's taken away their ability to escape. And stop, drop and roll. He does sound pretty cruel! Yeah. And then, although he does let them drop not and stop I guess Mmm stop drop and rock and roll that's what he says well after he was he goes like that as he walk he goes stop

Rock and roll then he puts a boombox on his shoulder And when he does any any pretends like it's on because he actually doesn't want to draw attention to him. Especially after he went to all the effort to do that shush. That's right. I hate this guy. I think he has, yeah, I think he has no redeeming features. I hate that rock and roll thing at the end there.

It's really weird. Andy, he's a great, he's a real weird unit. Yeah. I mean, I would love to hear another idea though, if you have something else. No, I'm not going to, I'm not going to go so far as to suggest that I have any other ideas. Oh, you know what I had an idea earlier, which I didn't get to mention when we were talking about the toasted sandwich. Do you think somebody who's just on the street who's like, free sperm?

Anybody want free sperm? But like in a genuine way Like you know his thing is it's like the free hug movement, but he's giving out free sperm And it's not like a pervert thing We have to put we have to put that caveat at the end of so many of our so-called sketch ideas He's like he genuinely wants to probably the artificial catchphrase of the podcast It's not a and it's not like a thing He just he wants to help people on the street who needs sperm. Yeah You know and what is the what is wrong with that? What is wrong with that?

And he says, no questions asked. It's going to be all above board. Okay. And he has like, and he doesn't care what you want it for, which is nice. And if you say you want some, he has this barrel that he goes and puts on, you know, with the straps like this. And then he gets inside inside and he puts and he gets you to put the wooden top on it and Then he disappears for a little bit Alright and then At some point the lid pops off and his arms fly up in the air and he goes And in his hand is a little a little

in the air and he goes and in his hand is a little test tube with a little cork thing on it and it's filled with sperm. Oh cork that's nice, that's old school. It's not so clinical. It's a little tag and it says free sperm and then it's got like his Instagram and stuff like that on the back. Oh that's really good. Yep that's our sketch idea, Alastair. Yeah. That's more of a snap, crack, or slop idea, but I'll allow it. Well, I mean, he does go very quiet while he's in

the barrel. Definitely quiet. I do think the idea of a silent cereal where your kids come in, it'd be great to see the ad where the kids come running into the room, they're really noisy. But then just like when they bite down on the cereal, it's completely silent. I think that ad would look quite good. Yeah, and you show some of the competitors where they've got a really loud cereal and it wakes up mom and dad and they're like what are you kids eating? Yeah. I said you gotta have broccoli for breakfast. Even this the kids are there and the parents are there in the kitchen with them but just those moments the kids are so noisy and just those few

moments when they're biting down on a bit of cereal, there's just a moment of peace. Just something for mum. Yeah, that's nice. She can really zen out during those fractions of a second. Yeah, I do like that. I like that. And it almost goes eerily quiet. Yeah, yeah. Like at first it's like, ah, finally some peace and quiet. Too quiet. And then it's like, then you see the kids and they're like chewing first it's like ah finally some peace and quiet and then it's like then you see the kids They're like chewing and there's just no sound and then the mom starts to look starts to look anxious

Too quiet she says too quiet somebody say something Yeah, but they're just eating sushi's mom mom we're just eating shushies that's right that's what she says after she yells mmm and then she smiles at the camera oh so nice to finally get some peace and quiet by the way when I say the camera I mean I'm not mean the camera. This isn't an ad anymore. This is just a video camera that's in just the corner of her room because she's actually a tripod is pointed at me and laboratory. Yeah. Okay. All right. That's not a weird sex.

We bloody did it. It's not, it's not a sex thing. Take us through the sketch ideas. Okay, we got introvertabrate. And that was a new name for the hermit crab, of course. And then we got the melted cheese sandwich board, which is where people free melt. Anyone want some free melted cheese? I wonder where I got that free sperm idea. I think that's my favorite idea. Then we got the one joke comedy special,

which was done by engineering a crowd, a really great crowd, the best crowd. That's what they did on the Nanny, remember that? They engineered a great crowd for the Nanny. Then we got the modeling computer that generates successful comedians, like, you know, like, you know, comedian stats, you know what I mean? Like that kind of thing.

Then we got a... The mathematics. Yeah. And then we have a comic of pure X factor of just marketability. Then we have the splinter back cafe guy started by his wife. She's just getting him to help out. He's just splinter. It's a back. It's a cafe you come to.

You can pull splinters out of a guy's back. Then we got the guy who works at the Blackberry Bush farm where corporations send their teams and he falls in the Blackberry Bush and then they realize it's a team building, well they don't realize, but it's a team building exercise where people have to get them out of the bush and then get all the sharp things out and then tend to his wounds. Then we have these sea creatures bred to live outside of the ocean. Again, for corporate team building, the most important thing that there could be. Yes.

Beached whales. The most noble cause there is. And we have the, the mouth eating silencer for, you know, for mouth sounds. When you eat it goes like that then we got the murderer who snaps your neck burns your hair and says stop driving rock and roll yeah well he stopped driving rock and roll. I think that's the worst thing he does. That's the crazy part. That's the bit I hate the most.

And then he goes off with a silent boombox, but he's dancing a little bit to it. Maybe he makes, he also gives one, that's the last bit of terror that he puts in your mind. Maybe I'm also deaf. Even though you just heard him say, stop dropping rock and roll. Anyway. And then you...

And then we got the quiet serial. In that ad. And then the mom looks at that video camera. We absolutely did it. I was on a recent episode... Oh no. Oh sorry, I'm so, I apologize. I'll just quickly plug my recent episode of Who Knew It with Matt Stewart.

Alistair, do you have anything to plug? I wish I did, Andy, I wish I did. But there's a possibility I'm gonna be starting up doing a podcast, a chat podcast, with some people in French here. Oh, my dear. But, you know, well, that's still yet to come that's really good if you need a guy to phone in and understand maybe every 15th or 20th word podcast needs

one yeah at the end I could say all the words that I understood I'm really I'm available that would be really nice Andy I think that'd be really nice. Right Okay, and we Know I'm still here But a garbage truck did pull up outside the door and maybe people can hear that. Anyway, we love you. Bye. Thank you. Bye.