Two In The Think Tank - 449 - "HUGE POLICE GUT"

Episode Date: November 6, 2024

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CBC News. Hello and welcome to Two in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with five sketch ideas. I'm Andy. And I'm Alastair from George William Tromblowe Virtual, aren't I? And this, yeah, you bloody well are. You know, you put your, you put a nail right in your head there. Sometimes at home I don't get that kind of backup.

I say, I'm Alastair George Wiltromba-Birtchel. Nobody agrees. Yes, well, you know, that's why I'm here, you know, to support you and to endorse you and to validate you and your concerns. And am I correct in identifying being Alastair George William Trombley-Birtchell as one of your concerns or complaints? It is a concern, Andy.

It is a concern, but it's either I have to be somebody else or make Alistair George William Tremblay-Birtchell somebody more of note. Mmm. Oh, that would be interesting, wouldn't it? Yes, work with what you've got. Now, how do you feel about this? When you die, you start your life again, right? You live your life all over again. But when you die, you go to the afterlife and God, and I want to make it absolutely clear this is a Christian God. He says you get to live your life again. I know it sounds

like he's doing a very sort of Buddhist type thing but it's not. It's very different. This is not like Buddhist reincarnation. This you get to live your exact life again but you get to change the color of one object. You can live your whole life the whole way through. The only thing you're able to change, you're able to select change from the afterlife is the color of one object. And then when you go back into your life, you live it over again.

And whatever is affected by the change of the color of that object, you are able to reap the benefits or the consequences, the terrible, dire consequences, the terrible dire consequences of that change but you don't know when you're living your life obviously only in the afterlife do you get to make that call. How do you feel about that? I feel really good because it doesn't actually sound like I get to do very much as I well yes but think about it there's lots of people dying and

coming back and if they everybody gets to change one object you know you actually have a very different world yeah completely different and and I imagine there's some things that are more impactful when you change it like the sky the sky yes if The sky, yes. If God's willing to classify that as an object, and I think he is, then yes, good. What about the sun? The sun, fascinating. Yes, fascinating. What about black holes? Oh, now we're really getting somewhere. Well there's the butterfly effect with the butterfly flaps of wings. What if you change the color of a butterfly that's flapping its wings? I probably won't do that much actually.

And so the whirlwind is still the same size but it's coming off of a blue wing. A blue wing. Blueish. How do you feel about this idea, Alastair? Really good. So let's get your idea. Really good idea. I think, I think, no, but it also does, it does seem significant in some way. Yeah.

I mean, it feels like that if you really chose really well, maybe changing the colour of that object will allow you to completely, you know, to thrive. You know, if you picked the right one. But you know, it's just, it's not a lot. God doesn't give you a lot. No, but what about if you die and you do, what if there's like a possibility that you come back?

Maybe not exactly as yourself, but you do come back, right? Should you figure out, it's a sketch where it's a guy, I don't know if this is a sketch, but it's a guy who's, well, I better leave some clues around the place. You know, stuff for me that comes back. But how would you do that? Okay, so you might not come back as yourself, but are you going when you're coming back? Are you coming going back in time and starting sort of back before you were alive or is it after you're done?

I imagine it's after you're dead and so but you just gotta assume that at some point you might have some similar urges at some point you might have some similar urges. Oh. You know, and so. That might lead you in the same direction. You end up at a certain spot. Yeah, and so maybe you can like leave a little graffiti somewhere. It goes, you, yes you.

Yeah. I am you. And, and, and don't mess with you know don't mess with the Sardines they they have now. This is the you know like heavy metals. Yeah, well, that's right He's like if you well. Yeah, I think if you eat too many there's arsenic gets in your blood What you've just what you've invented here Alastair, by having a situation where somebody dies and then somebody who comes back to life who may or may not remember anything about their life but might

have some of the similar interests and then the person who's dead writes something down that might be useful information for that person. What you've invented here is the concept of a book or leaving because really, I mean, because it's not, you're not giving them any information about the future. You don't have access to that information. You're giving them access about the past and things that you know about the world and you're just trusting that the right person will see this because they've got a similar interest and it will be beneficial to them. And what that is is that is a book.

Well, I know, but if I know me, if I know a version of me that has come back to life, the medium of choice will not be to reach for a book. It would not be books. The best you could hope for is that they'll see something written on a wall somewhere. Maybe a headline, Maybe a headline. But how do I make a headline arrive, so the 20 years down the road. Yeah, no you can't. So, a book it is. Yes, I love it. What about this form of reincarnation, where you're not reincarnated exactly as you, but

basically in the afterlife God, and it is a Christian God, sort of mixes all the personalities together a bit, you know, sort of blends a couple of them, chops two personalities in half, tries mixing them almost like you would with DNA, but God hasn't worked out how to do personalities with DNA but God hasn't worked out how to do personalities with DNA he has to do them by hand in the afterlife chopping and mixing and then he sends that mixed personality back to the world to see how that one goes yeah okay so so he's just blending personalities using his hands mmm yeah that's right he's kneading them together yeah he's sort his hands. Yeah, that's right. He's kneading them together. He sort of like hunks of dough,

splits them in half and then joins them to see if it's a better personality when it combines this group of traits. And so let's say he's taking like, he's taking, let's say like a Michael Jordan, let's say Michael Jordan had died. God forbid. God forbid.

I mean, yeah. And then, and he's mixing it with like a, you know, a Sarah Jessica Parker. Right? Yeah, great. I'm really interested in this. Okay. And then, um, so you're both reincarn reincarnated but you're reincarnated in the same person and so then they would have like competitive-

Ruthless. Yes. The love of wearing very fancy clothes. Yeah right. And that's it. Well I was but I mean of course you've selected two specific halves of the personality there. What if the two halves of the personality that you combine are the lack of interest

in basketball with the lack of interest in acting? Oh, yes. So we took Michael Jordan's disinterest. Well, no, that's not true. He was in Space Jam Maybe this has already happened. Maybe that explains a lot But Andy I I've seen Space Jam and it seemed like he had a lack of interest in acting So it checks out yeah it checks out

Look I think I think that that's fun but I think that that's the sketch is that you mix the personalities of people and you just get these things that they're absolutely not. Not at all into it. Yeah. Well it would be interesting if your personality was really just a... and it's possible that it is that it's just a list of likes and a list of dislikes. Right? It's true, yeah. I mean, it's not, you know, things that you're drawn to and things that you're repelled from.

Maybe at its core, that's all it is. And that you could split that personality up by taking the list of likes and the list of dislikes and combining them in almost any combination with anybody else's lists. Of course then you very quickly end up with somebody with only dislikes. And I don't know if that person is long for this world. Unfortunately, it might be a Might not work Yeah, that's fun. I mean, I guess you could have like yeah, you could have like Michael Jordan's Mm-hmm competitiveness and distaste for

Basketball and that's like distaste for losing distaste for losing and Serge is the parkers distaste for basketball yeah you know yeah great well then he would consider playing basketball to be losing hmm right and he would sort of compete to have as little to do with basketball as possible. Yeah, the least amount. He's the best at not having anything to do with basketball. I, earlier, just earlier today, just before the podcast, I started, I was thinking about possibly beginning to refer to myself as the tone deaf Elvis. See what that does for me as It's cool yeah. So I imagine you would wiggle your hips in a much more

suggestive way, possibly you're not wearing any pants. Well that's because I'm unable to read the tone of a room. He shows up at the kids school and it's like, oh you want your dad to talk about the work that he does? Well, let me show you. He does a little dance. He takes off his pants. He takes off his pants.

And wiggles at the school. Yeah. Well that's certainly very tone deaf. One for the mummy, two for the show, three get ready and go, kid go. Yeah. I mean, at that point it's no longer suggestive wriggling, I don't think. You're no longer suggesting anything. I think you're just stating it.

I'm not sure. I think dance is still a very interpretive medium. You're right. Well, maybe you're then well then that suggests. Unless you're saying the words. That all dance is suggestive. Yeah, I think so. Maybe the only dance that isn't suggestive is the YMCA where you're actually spelling out the letters of the word. Very literal. It's very literal dancing. What about somebody suggests that there's a bunch of people like attacking saying, I

hate that they've done this. And then they use the word woke a lot because the village people have come out and said that they're changing the letters to YMCPR. Yeah okay that is very woke isn't it Yeah, well that's what people were saying. They were like, well I'm not sure if teaching, making people aware of CPR is woke. And then they'll be like, well, it's Donald Trump's America now, and so we can say that, and he can't stop us. And we really can't. We really can't. That's what we've learned. No, I like that idea. I mean, it's a, I think once you can start inserting new letters into the YMCA, you know, buying the, buying up that valuable YMCA real estate and you know,

you could get anything in there. could get a company slogan you could get several pages of the Unibomber manifesto if you had if the if the price was right if you had the money and you could go in and insert that I mean everybody's that's that's that's the dream and that's right up there with right putting your logo on the moon. Getting your letters. Starlink things to just look like stars as they shoot across the sky, your satellites, and ruin the night sky. Yeah.

Yeah, but he's not just ruining the night sky, is he? No, no. Also online discourse. Also ruining the day Earth. no, also the online discourse. Also ruining the day earth, ah and the online discourse. But it is great that he's given us the ability to access that ruined discourse from absolutely anywhere on earth. That's right, for me it is the farthest reaches of the earth. He is achieving hot and cold running bullshit directly into the eyes and mouth of everybody in the world. That's right. It's going into your mouth now.

I had to mention that Trump had just been elected for the second time because in case archaeologists at some point find this podcast, but they don't find it with all, it's had all of its, it's been there for so long, you know, in the dirt, and you can't see any of the date info on it anymore. I wanted them to be able to listen to it. Maybe this has been inscribed on a clay pot. That would be good if we released a clay pot

with episode 449 on it. That's the ultimate. Yeah, I mean, that's podcast merchandise. If you can get your podcast onto a clay pot, you've really made it. It can be played thousands of years in the future. If you can get your podcast onto a clay pot, you've really made it. It can be played thousands of years in the future. I mean, it literally would be one of the most doable things

by, since people back in those days could record the room accidentally whilst making a clay pot. Imagine how well I must be able to do it if I do it on purpose. All I need to learn is pottery. Imagine how well I must be able to do it if I do it on purpose. All I need to learn is pottery. I mean, we are barely able to record this current version of the podcast on purpose.

Maybe we should focus on just accidentally, you know, maybe we would have more luck if we converted the podcast recording model to a accidentally recording on clay pots that happen to be in the room form of a podcaster-y. Well, you know, you never know. Podcast, we'll call it. Thank you, everybody. You know, your headphones or something just moved and it sounded like applause. Oh well. Thank you everybody. It was appropriate. Shh.

Ah podcast, yes. But it would be a good. You're very much welcome. So how would that happen? How would you get an actual podcast? Like other than, like you know, if you you did get it accidentally is it that you're recording a podcast while somebody's making a pot in the room Whether or somebody's been listening. Oh Andy the famous Yes, the famous scene from the two in the think tank podcast where somebody played our podcast

In a room where you're making potluck. Oh my god! Oh my god! Alistair! Oh, well it's such a shame that the episode of the podcast, that they, well the bit of the episode that they listened to before they turned it off and got embarrassed and turned it off. They turned it off because we were talking about long tits.

Long tits? I mean what I I hate to victim blame but what were you thinking? Oh I'm like it's so wonderful that you enjoy the podcast but you've got to remember all the bad times. This is the problem you only remember the good times but you got to remember that the bad time is actually inscribed in a few bits of pottery out there somewhere that may outlive us, Andy. I don't know how it gets inscribed. Is there a reed? Does there have to be a reed brushing against the pot that picks up the vibrations?

I assume maybe they're turning the pot and the pot has got like a needle or something like that, something's scratching it while it's turning. Sure, but then that would need to be attached to a large membrane of some kind to collect the vibrations. But all of this is achievable. If we as a human species did it to a pot that exists, still exists today, an ancient pot, then I can only assume a future species or civilization will run a needle along every part that they find.

Every pot. I mean, God, I hope so. God, I hope so god. I hope so the beat I mean These super advanced alien civilizations. What else are they doing? What else what else are they got to do? Yeah, it doesn't I mean if you've got time for interstellar travel Mmm, you've probably got a bit of time to waste.

They probably, every time they go on one of these super long space journeys, they probably load up the spaceship with pots from whatever planet they've just left, just so they've got something to do. You know, you need busy work when you're on these, you know, it's a multi-generational ship maybe. Exactly. Going from planet to planet. Yep. And then they've just got a big chamber with pots. Mm-hmm. They're not chamber pots. That's not what we're talking about. No.

Even though they're in the chamber, they're not chamber pots. It's a pot chamber. They have another room. It's quite the opposite. Yeah. But then if the kids are getting restless on the ship because they've been going through the infinite blackness of space for, you know, 300 years, you say, look, if you're feeling restless just go down and try and extract some audio from one of the pots. That's right. By the time you've got to the next planet, you've probably picked up a few phrases from at least six or seven messiahs I would say yeah running down aliens taking our pots to run noodles over. Really good very funny sketch the laugh points I think are

extremely clear on that one I think Andy I think people focus on sketches they focus too much on where all the laugh points are and not enough on how fucking stupid the idea is. And how difficult to film. That's what draws my BDI. Your BDI, you do have a BDI, don't you? Yeah, BDI. Bacterial Dental Infection. You know, I hear that that's like, that's, um, because the person I knew who had heart surgery who had like fake valves in, he was like, the doctors required him

to floss and brush his teeth very carefully because apparently there's a direct connection between the teeth and the gums and the heart. And so not keeping a healthy dental hygiene can make your heart bad. That's a really interesting one, isn't it? That the bacteria, they have a sort of, I guess, a kind of an exchange program. They have a very vibrant inter-organ connection. That's what it is. Did you ever have a? They're on secondment. Yeah, what's... because do

you ever have a... did you ever live near a town or a city that had a sister town or sister city? I feel like Melbourne, a town that you may have heard of, might have been a sister city with Osaka in Japan and possibly with St. Petersburg, but it's entirely possible that I have made both of those things up. I think Bega might have been sister town. There might not even be such a town as Osaka. With Littleton in America. And I think maybe during the stuff, I'm not sure if this is somehow connected to that shooting, that one of the first school shootings there?

What's the one in bowling for Columbine? I think that's the Columbine High School. I think people were like, we're like sister cities with that town or something like that. And then they were like, that means somebody's gonna come shoot up our school. I haven't read the upon the rules of sister city hood. I mean, that does sound like that is the kind of thing that um very

self-centered teenagers do think when they believe. Yeah. I mean I remember when the Port Arthur massacre happened in Tasmania the week before I'd done a school debate on gun control where I was on the negative side saying that there should be less gun control Yeah, what time yeah Yeah, and then what Arthur massacre happened and then I told my parents I feel kind of responsible and they said shut up Andy I And they said, shut up Andy. Did you really say that? I don't think those were their exact words, but I think it was something to the effect of come on, why are you making this about yourself? Which I think was a very fair response. Yeah.

And I definitely was trying to make it about myself. I mean, it does make me want to just write that down as a sketch. It's a very funny situation. It's a very dark. It's a very dark sketch. Yeah, I know, but you can, you can place other things in there, but like, but the, I think there's something funny about, but know like especially even if you did it just for School and it's not necessarily your beliefs

right the idea of taking a very strong position and Then winning and then having a global event Then that shows why that was bad mmm, and you know then having people around kind of like, be a bit annoyed with you, even though it had nothing to do with you. Yeah, sure. Is kind of... No, I can see that.

I mean, I was definitely contributing to the culture, wasn't I? That culture of... that fed the culture, wasn't I? That culture that fed the atmosphere. And who knows? I mean, imagine going along to a high school debate and being really convinced of something by these little 13-year-olds or whatever. And you're like yeah and then you go out and do a horrible you know violent crime or something and when they ask you why well I mean those debaters yeah they convinced me I went to my brother's

debate and one of the other guy on the guys on the opposing side absolutely was so persuasive. Yeah, I wish he could explain it to you. I wish he was here right now because you'd get it. I'm not as good at explaining it to you, but the way he talked about it, he made it seem like I had a moral imperative I mean it sounds crazy now to assassinate the Malaysian Prime Minister This cool debate topic is should we assassinate the Malaysian Prime Minister? Should, yeah should the one which is like, it was like, should the Malaysian Prime Minister

continue to live his life? And then Andy not only convinced us that no, but he said we had a moral imperative to assassinate him. I mean as the teacher who set that debate topic I too also feel a small amount of responsibility in retrospect but then I wasn't to know how just how persuasive I feel like did we on not a not too distant ago episode come up with a superhero who was a high school debater they were really good at high school debating and they could convince anybody of anything.

Yeah, I think so. We're nothing if not derivative of ourselves. The teacher, Andy, this is very different. The teacher's like, you're taking my high school debate topic out of context. Yes. topic out of context yes does he deserve to keep living mr. Malaysian prime minister excuse mr. Malaysian prime minister mr. Malaysian prime minister this is the in the Simpsons episode where you know where they go to Australia and then the guy yells out to the Australian

Prime Minister that's floating in the middle of a dam or whatever like that. But it's the exact same scene but still the same Aussie guy. But it's some kind of Malaysian body of water and the Malaysian prime minister is there. And there are there are snapping crocodiles everywhere. And that's why he's having to yell even louder because over the snapping.

And is this is this the guy who's intending to assassinate him? Could be could be worse. Who is the guy who's yelling at him? What is this scene? Um... Well we don't know Andy. I've seen as much of the scene as you have. They don't seem to have revealed it yet.

Why don't you say that he is rather than ask and then he will be? Huh? Stop being an observer in this sketch that we're writing. Was the murder of Lee Harvey Oswald, was that also an assassination? Does being an assassin then make you eligible, elevate your killing to assassination itself? I mean it does seem like, I mean, once you've assassinated- And does that mean that in the act of assassinating someone, some small, oh, Alistair, this is gonna get really good, some small property passes from their body

to your body. Or a particle, maybe. In the moment of death, it could be a particle that travels in the opposite direction to the bullet, but with the same velocity and so that oh but then that doesn't make sense that means that the no you know it could do I mean I think I think to be assassinated is a privileged position because it means that you were of some import or at least significance you know or maybe of at least well-known. Notability.

Notability. And by assassinating the President of the United States, you probably have made yourself of some note. Right. And do you think therefore that the notability has transferred from the president into you? Yes I think that perhaps much much like ancient peoples who think who thought that the camera would steal your soul. How ancient are these people looking at a camera. How ancient are they? Things that are antiques are only like 50 years old. So, you know, I think you consider that an ancient writing desk, you know. Maybe ancient people also thought that a pot spinning on a wheel, recording your voice, your vibrations.

And also, I guess guess an impression of your face when you fell over and squashed against the pot. But that was stealing a part of your soul. Well, I will just finish my sentence just because I feel like there was something close to a joke in it. Just like these ancient people who thought that a camera or a pot could steal your soul, so too we have discovered that an assassin killing you can also steal your soul and hand over your assassin and your assassinableness. Mmm. Being shot with a bullet does take away something from that person.

Does seem to leave them with less. It might be it gets picked up. It's in that little... Is there like any at the end of bullets? Is there a little concave section? I think in some bullets there is. Yeah, I mean imagine that you go through the head and you scoop out exactly the soul. Oh that's good aim. Imagine that though, imagine it goes through somebody right, it shoots, you shoot it and somebody shoots somebody near you, it goes through their head. Yes. Yeah and, sorry, you're not here.

We'll just have the gunman and the person who gets shot. Shoots it, goes through their head, scoops out their soul, right? And then ricochets off of some metal surface, and then comes back, and the bullet goes forward into your head, but it just pierces a little bit of the skull and then it deposits the soul and then it bounces off of the brain but deposits the soul in the brain which is where it resides. It can absorb it

can be absorbed from the outside it doesn't have to get you know yeah yeah and then and then and then this guy has two souls, but he's killed somebody with one of the souls, but the other souls pretty clean except for the blood. I mean, I think waking up inside the body of somebody of the, of your own murderer, right? And you're somehow trapped inside their body. And how would you try and solve your, like at that point, is there any sort of element

in which you could solve your own murder? I mean, you're in the body of the person who killed you. Assuming you don't have any memories. You don't have any of your memories. More than 125,000 podcasts trust Acast to connect them with their audience. Your brand can speak to your perfect audience too by advertising with Acast.

We're home to the biggest names in podcasting, reaching millions of engaged listeners who can only be accessed through Acast. From true crime to comedy, finance to fitness, your next customer's favorite podcast is an Acast show. Your audience is already here. Speak to them with Acast. Visit go.acast.com slash ads to get started today. That's interesting. And so how would you realize, like, cause then I guess you would come to life possibly in...

in the room where you've just shot this person. So you're, there's a dead body, you don't know who it is. Mmm. It's you but you don't know that. Yeah, you've got a gun. Yes. In your hand. This is a really good story. Oh. You think you killed them. But you've also got a little bullet in your head. Yes, of course, and that is the most important bit of the idea. You've got a little bullet in your head and you're thinking, well, maybe my soul. And you immediately solve the problem. I see what's happened here. That must be my body. I mean, where do you go then, from the story?

I imagine that whoever's body I'm in now was firing conco. I mean, this is a great, this is a great, this could be an entirely new type of narrative. Yeah. Where something really interesting happens, a mystery. Immediately the mystery is solved and that is resolved. And then we're able to just sort of see what happens after that, where that's no longer hanging over us. That mystery. Get the mystery out of the way There's some other stuff happening, you know, but the next 99% of the book is him doubting himself Ah

Because he came up with the right solution straight away because he followed his gut instinct You know, this is and this is a pro. This is a well. It's not his gut instinct I mean even though it's his soul it must be the other guy's guy. Yeah, but it's it. This is a pro gut instinct propaganda right and And and so then he gets it and then he doubts himself and then by the end he's convinced himself that he's that's not what happened and then and then he dies and then God says it was what happened All right, what about this is an idea the police force, right? You could write that dead

And I only have one question. Is that the Christian God? Who tells you that that was what happened? Yes, it was the Christian. But it could be Allah. Does Allah appear in the Christian God? The Bible? I think this is the place to get to the bottom of that. No, Allah does not appear in the Christian Bible. I know, I'm referring to Jesus appearing in the Quran. It's kind of what that was supposed to be a very veiled reference to. This is the police force, right? They build an enormous gut, right? It's like a supercomputer but for

gut instinct. So instead of being able to do an incredibly powerful calculations like a quantum computer might be able to do very fast, this one is able to have incredibly powerful hunches, this gut. It is like an enormous gut. It is a genuine huge sort of disembodied gut that is there in the police headquarters. And I think maybe the police officers who are operating this gut, who book time on the big gut instinct machine, they sort of climb in and strap themselves into it Somehow. Yeah So it hangs off there sort of off the back

It sort of looks like the vast distended belly of say a sugar ant or a queen Termite it's all the carously distended abdomen with all the cops that die. They leave their gut to the force. Oh It's a really good idea that they mix all the cops that die, they leave their gut to the force. Oh, that's a really good idea and then they mix all the gut bacteria in a huge vat. They just sew them on like a human centipede, but of guts. And the guts just gutted to each other's gut openings and then got out into each other's gut out happening out there. Wow. So the guts are working in parallel in Series. Yeah, not in parallel, you know series I think yeah series of guts. Yeah, but it's just one gut. I Think you might want more

I think you might want a lot of guts operating in parallel. Alright, well when you die you get to decide whether or not you're going to be in parallel or in series. Based on a gut feeling. With the great gut. Based on a gut feeling you get. In the basement. Of how the gut's working. This is a really good idea for a show. This is a really good idea for a TV. I've never seen this. I've never seen this. They've tried to do everything for cop show. It's a really good idea for a TV. I've never seen this. I've never seen this.

They've tried to do everything for cop shows. Yeah, no. Right? But not this. And this is a real like, you know, man on the street kind of regular guy. You know, this is what they would think of how police would work, you, this is old school police work, trust in the gut. Oh yeah. But it's kind of new as well, isn't it? Like they're bringing old school police work into the 21st century with this sort of super gut type arrangement.

Yeah, the gut police force. And this one doesn't even have its own, it doesn't even have its own precinct or no, it doesn't even have its own it doesn't even have its own precinct or no it doesn't have its own what's that area that you're allowed to arrest people in? Jurisdiction? They just it's just all it's just they go with wherever the gut takes them. It'd be great if cops like you know you remember SETI, the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence and how you could sort of dedicate your computer downtime to processing alien data. It would be great if cops when they're sleeping could plug their guts into some sort of world-wide

web of guts and dedicate their down their gut downtime the into solving Baffling the into gut the into solving baffling mysteries and murders All the guts are linked together so overnight they're churning away on all this evidence Overnight they're churning away on all this evidence Yeah, and so then and so they just get a strong gut feeling and then they just follow it do they have to bring the gut with them or do they do they use it just like as a Center point like they had to bring it in the back of a truck or whatever and

Like a big truck. I think it's very rare for the gut to go out and do field work yeah I think the gut probably stays and I think a lot well I think a lot of people don't know about that this exists it's been made sort of clandestinely by the police chief yeah maybe using the discarded guts of dead policemen yeah he's not supposed to have got access to these guts, but he's been doing this, working away there. He's been disemboweling police Yes. while they've had their open caskets.

He waits for people to take their gut. He's kind of these guts that have been sharpened by, mmm. you know, 45 years on the force. Yeah, it's a shame to waste, isn't it? Man down, man down. I'll be right there. Just let me get my bucket. When they take the gut out, out of the building for some whatever reason, they're like, You gotta keep it wet, keep the gut wet. It's huge by this point, it's on the back of a semi trailer.

There's people throwing buckets over it. And it's just brown like a liver or whatever, you know like a... Oh wow. I don't know, yeah. Yeah. You know that's a weird colour. We can work on that. Yeah.

We can work on that. We can work can work on we can work on the color I'm not ready to decide yet. What color? I'm not I'm not ready to be locked into a color. I was here Yeah, I know as soon as you if you say it and I'll leave it unchallenged then that forever more forever brown It's gonna be forever brown. Forever brown guts. Andy do you know, I don't know if you know this but we have listeners and some listeners listen to the podcast and they support us on Patreon. And those who give $3 or more can donate words from the listener, sometimes themselves.

And um... It's a shame that there's no version of Patreon for people who don't like the podcast, who don't want to support it and wish the podcast nothing but ill. Yes. Where they can go and donate a small amount of money to try and bring the podcast down. Well, you know, hopefully it's money. They're trying to donate money that they hope will corrupt us and ruin our lives.

Well, I'll take it. I'm willing to risk a little corruption. And I believe this website is called Patreon. Patreon. Patreon, Patreon. this this website is called Patri-off. Patri-off. Patri-off. Patri-on. Patri-off. Not a very interesting pun but it is one. Um yes Andy. Well, don't worry about that. Don't worry about the quality of the pun because the quality of the listener

who sent in words is very high and I think it makes up for it. Um the list, listener, and I would even say compadre, is Stuart Mack. Do you remember? Stuart Mack McCowen. Do I remember? Do you remember Stuart Mack? You did a podcast with him once.

Yeah, he's a colleague. But you did this podcast with him, not episode 449, no, no, no, no, no. Don't be mistaken. Was that the last podcast we recorded in person? I think it was. Yeah. There you go. So he's sort of the, an incumbent in person member of the podcast. Yeah. He's like the vice president of the podcast. So if one of us dies, he will take over because he's the last one who's been in a room with us. That's how it works.

And while we've recorded a podcast altogether, and you know that's how hostness is passed down. Hostness. Hostness. Hostness. Hostness. And so a steward, also known as Stu or Mac to some to some phrase, has sent in three words from a listener. Now he didn't specify which listener, but I think it was him. Okay. I think that's a safe assumption to make. Normally I despise assumptions. Yes well you know what they say about assuming, assuming an ass out Yep. Andy, do you want to try to guess what the first word is? It doesn't though, it doesn't.

It doesn't make an ass out of you and me. No. Assuming makes an assuming out of ass and you and me. Yeah, no I don't. I hate that whole format. I know, the whole thing, I hate it too. Anyway, do I want to guess the words? Yes I do. The first word is...

Revolution. Revolution? No, Andy. The first word is public. Assassination makes two asses. Okay, I was close. Out of I and nation and the nation out of I and the nation this is a person trying to give an argument as to why they think a person is in this room. Against assassination.

Okay, the second word, public execution. The second word is execution. Oh Andy, you were so close yet, very far. Public holiday. Public holiday. Andy, if you get this last word, Andy, I will give you a million dollars. I'm confident that you won't get it. Normally, I believe in you. Do you think it's gettable? I mean it's a word. It's a word.

And so therefore it is gettable. That's why we have this game idea. I wouldn't put you in a situation that is impossible. You gotta give me some hope. Crab. Is the third word crab? Oh god I got scared there for a second. I don't know why this feels close. Embankment.

Public holiday embankment. Yeah. Yeah, wow. I mean, uh, embankment. So that's usually a pile of dirt. Yeah, right. That's why I was picking- that's why I thought it was close because, you close because you could picture a crab emerging from one of those. Oh sure. Embankment. Yeah, public holiday embankment. I mean is that a reference to like a bank holiday? I know that's a thing they talk about a lot in the UK. Yeah, bank holidays. How do you feel about the word sabbatical? Oh yeah. I mean that's

it that feels very American doesn't it? It's so American. But it also sounds so like like a demon thing. Hello child. Sorry my child walked in and just waved at me and then left. He said I found daddy anyway, um So and then I mean I look public the first thing that I see is a bunch of people sitting on a little dirt hill and Then when asked why they say it's because it's the public holiday. Don't you know and then they go? Oh is it and then they had to come join them? Like the don't you know bit that's my favorite bit of that idea don't you know I like the don't you know bit, that's my favorite bit of that idea. Don't you know?

The public holiday don't you know? Yeah, they're in Minnesota. Don't you know? Don't you know? Public holiday embankment. I mean, I'm not to say that your idea is- No, it's nothing, Andy. Mine is nothing.

Worth pursuing, Alistair. Wow. I mean, imagine making a sketch entirely out of that. It would be a bad time the moment before you're going to perform it and have to know that you're going to not get any laughs. I mean, what are the other... We've been there. What are the...

So there's public holidays. And then there's private holidays, which I presume are just any that you decide to take on your own. And those are really the only two options, aren't they? Public holidays. A private holiday though. What about, it's a like, it's a...

It's a private holiday, but it's in the public system. It's kind of, and it's a day off work that you gotta pay to take. That everybody gets it, can have it, but you gotta, today's the day that you can all pay 200 bucks and have the day off. Yeah. Yeah, that's interesting.

Where does that money go, do you think, when you pay that? Does it go to your boss? What if every, I mean, yeah. It's actually become such a source of income for us that we have one of private holiday a week How do you feel if you About the idea that you start you get given all your money Right when you're born at the start of your life or when you turn 18 you get given all your money But you have to work every day

But then you can use some of your money to buy days off, but you have all your money to start with. I feel like in a way this is a better system than the one that we have now, where you get given free days off, but then you have to earn the money slowly over a long period of time. I think if I got all the money up front and said I will work or if I just invented some sort of indentured servitude but I think I have, I think that's what that is. But I mean you could have a lot of like you know because you could have like a lot of years off and you're like you could sort of have your retirement like Oh anytime. Yeah.

Yeah, you could retire first. Yeah. And then start work later on. And then just have nothing left. Just imagine a depression. Just knowing you're gonna work every day till you die. This is actually, this is a way better system. Cause you know, you get to make much better investments,

much better choices with your money, if you get it all to start with. Yeah, I just, I just picture like, If you just get a little bit at a time. I just picture people's parents will steal their kids money and some kids will just, they'll come, they'll come of age where they're allowed to access their money.

And they won't be there anymore. Well, you're not allowed to do that. No, that's good. All right. Public holiday embankment. I mean, look, that's definitely something. I'll write it down. Yeah, we come up with a lot of ideas, but I don't know if many of them are sketches.

Andy how dare you! Look I'm writing, you get all your ideas, you get all your money at the beginning, sketch. There you go, that's how you know it's a sketch. That's tipped it over. That's tipped it over the edge. Um, okay, what about this? Embankment. What about this? Um. Yes. Oh, what about, okay, all genders get a dick. What about that?

What if all genders have a dick? At all times. Okay. Do you think that would be better? Do you think that would solve a lot of problems? Um, no. but no, I don't. But I think, I think it would be a fun sketch. Okay.

Yeah. Um, because I mean, on your first date, on your first date, you could, you could have a sword fight with your date well okay let's talk about this how is this related to public holiday in Bankman because remember where this is still the where we're getting this idea from yeah well we're still in the three word section of the podcast that's because I thought of it Andy because I thought, well, this is a public holiday to remember the day that everybody got a dick.

Obviously guys already got a dick but they're happy to play in celebrating the unity of everyone getting a dick. Well, when I think of what you've described, everybody gets a dick, I think it should be that there is sort of one dick per say 100 people, right? And it is shared around, okay? You're coming up with dick on communism. Yes I am. Nobody has a dick, nobody owns a dick. The state owns all dicks.

That's right. And there's one for every hundred people. And you can use it when you need it. When you need it, exactly. What do you think of that? I like that. That's written down. How do you relate that to?

Do you think it's kept in the middle of the town? On a... In a fountain or... On top of a fountain or something? Yeah, it's just hanging at the top of a well It's in the bucket of the world it's in the book. Oh wow Because you need to keep it wet It'll dry out. It's like the gut somebody. Oh somebody left the dick out of the water. It's all dry and crunchy now

Very we're now we got to ask Stalin for another one very interesting All dry and crunchy now. I'm very... Now we've got to ask Stalin for another one. Very interesting. Between this and the big gut that police officers can strap themselves into, I'm very into this communal body part idea. But there's a public holiday element. Because... Because that's the day where the state cleans the dick. That's right. It's taken away to be reconditioned.

Imagine the state you'd get it back in after all the people in the town have used it all week and you're like I need it where is it and you'd be knocking on you know Madame Somebody hasn't returned it Madame Valencia's door and you're going Madame Valencia Madame Valencia some other people need to use the dick. I like it. Yes. Madam Valencia, my dog needs the dick. I've gone for a walk and the dick wasn't there. It says on the schedule that you've taken it.

Why does the dog need it? Dog's gonna take a piss. For the... you don't share it between dogs Alastair. Why? That's preposterous. And you're still able to take a piss without the dick. Everybody can piss. Everybody can still piss. What? You need the dick. I get it all over myself when I don't have the dick. Well I get it all over myself when I don't have the dick. Well, you gotta figure out a way around that. Alastair, I'm so tired. Yeah, I have found a way around it. It's get the dick. Alright, do you want to take us through the sketch ideas?

Yep. Um, well we have, when you die and come back, you get to change the color of one object. Sketch. Started strong. Yeah, well then we have leaving clues in case you come back and reincarnate. Sketch. We have God combining personalities, but you get what you're really not. You know, that was like a, you get like a sort of a, you know, like a Michael Jordan and a,

and a Sarah Jessica Parker, but somebody who hates shoes and playing basketball. That'd be a double whammy to Jordan. Double whammy for the shoes. Yeah, because Jordan, shoes his Jordan he does He does get a bit into the shoes Yeah, imagine that imagine if Michael Jordan Had had not been a basketball player, but just got into making shoes. I wonder if he would have been as successful I

Wonder what he's doing these days. It's funny. We don't hear from him I feel like we should hear from Michael Jordan more often. Yeah, would like to know what he thinks about it. Maybe he's not a good person. I don't know. Yeah, well look I think he loves to play sports and gamble. And so that sounds like a good guy to me. Then we've got the YM-C, which is the new woke version of the YMCA that are making people, some people are messaging the village people and saying, no thanks. You can just- You've lost me. You've lost me.

Stay out of politics. You go, well, see, this is not politics. lost me you've lost me stay out of politics politics then we've got aliens taking our pots to run needles over this is they're taking it on the long yeah on the long haul flights yeah see if there's any podcasts on there. We've got getting your soul transferred into a murderer's body through the bullet. And then immediately assuming, even though you have no memories, immediately assuming that you are in your murderer's body. And it was transferred by the bullet.

I think it's a good legal defense. Yeah. The gut police force. This is the big disembodied gut that the police force has. Super gut. Oh, Andy, I think that this is, this is exactly, this is the last piece of the puzzle we needed before we could start making Strange unit unit weird unit unit weird unit unit Yeah, I got a big guy think by the way

I haven't I should tell talk to you about this off the podcast But I think that's what we should apply for funding for development funding for an online series. I think it should be Weird Unit Unit. Okay, let's do that. Sick. You get all your money at the beginning sketch. And then you have everybody has a dick. And you have dick communism. There could also just be a police ritual, you know, sort of ancient police ritual where for really difficult cases they do sort of put all their guts together.

Oh, they put all their bellies in a circle. Yeah. Like that, and they all push them out. And then they start to glow. And they go, I reckon the husband's innocent. That's what they all say. Okay, once again. We did it.

We did it. They all high five. Okay. And that's the episode, Eddie. Zoo zippa do zoppa do zippa do do po Zoo zippa zoppa do zippa da dee da goon zippa da da do biga da ba zoom ba da ba ba da da dee

Thank you so much for listening to Do It In The Think Tank. We love that you did that. You're incredible. You're incredible. I hope you had a good time. It's a tremendous thing to have you on board. Thank you for, you know, for all the, you know, putting up with lateness and everything based on, you know, how we are.

And thanks for, you know, being... Well put. Your input. know being your input Thanks for your input especially on the discord or the people who sometimes still messages messages on Twitter or and things like that, which I sometimes I always see a couple days late, but You know anybody who messages us. I remember how we have an email to in the think tank at gmail.com Sometimes people email us there email to in the think tank at gmail.com sometimes people email us there anyway that's special we don't have anything to promote right now I don't think oh no we do we do promote pants illustrated that's true Alistair and Andy that's me

and our good friend and friend of the show and comrade what was the word you compatriot, Peter Thomas. Have a Instagram account now called pantsillustrated where we are posting cartoons that we've worked on. Little silly cartoons that we've posted into a group chat and then Pete draws them. Really well. Really well. It's quite remarkable.

It's like a magical machine too well mmm I agree and we love you bye-bye thank you bye more than 125,000 podcasts trust aast to connect them with their audience. Your brand can speak to your perfect audience too by advertising with Acast. We're home to the biggest names in podcasting, reaching millions of engaged listeners who can only be accessed through Acast. From true crime to comedy, finance to fitness. Your next customer's favorite podcast is an Acast show. Your audience is already here. Speak to them with Acast.

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