Two In The Think Tank - 455 - "SHIRT ON A CROCODILE"

Episode Date: December 17, 2024

Andy's appearance on "Unconventional Pathways" https://open.spotify.com/episode/13Vvnv8E0ws4mHOQV1JTLS?si=QbBr7oIySE-ESOYeruvScgAndy's appearance on Pitch Bleak on Youtube: https://youtu.be/grK7kSL_T2g?si=sVX-s1mhXx9ZhQDfThere's never been a better time to order Gustav & Henri from Andy and Pete's very own online shop.You can support the pod by chipping in to our patreon here (thank you!)Join the other TITTT scholars on the TITTT discord server hereHey, why not listen to Al's meditation/comedy podcast ShusherDon't forget TITTT Merch is now available on Red Bubble. Head over here and grab yourselves some material objectsYou can find us on twitter at @twointankAndy Matthews: @stupidoldandyAlasdair Tremblay-Birchall: @alasdairtb and instaAnd you can find us on the Facebook right here Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello Andy. Andy is going. Andy. I said I was going to talk first. No, you said I'm going to start and then you could talk. Nah, yeah, that's what starting is. That's what starting is, is me talking. I assumed you just meant the recording. Oh Andy, you're terrible at promotion. Andy is going to promote his appearance on the unconventional pathways podcast. Feel free to tune out for the next 30 seconds. I was recently on an episode of my niece Ella's podcast, unconventional pathways, talking

about my career trajectory. Now even since this was recorded, there have been some updates to my career trajectory. Now even since this was recorded there have been some updates to my career trajectory which I'm happy to release to you in a separate audio blast. If you send me a message and you want the absolute latest I'll send you a voice memo on the way on the train on the way to work this morning. But otherwise it's it's there's a lot a lot of the data is in this podcast why you would want to listen to it I don't know but it's an interesting podcast it's a fun podcast if it was about somebody else I'd definitely listen yeah there you go

I mean it'd be crazy for you to listen to an episode about you to find out what your international pathway is. Oh! All right, here we go. Hello and welcome to 2 in the Think Tank, the show where we come up with 5 sketch ideas. I'm Andy. BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP BOOP just checking did you um did you just quickly did you did you forget what your name was when you started that there was something about I am A and there was there was just that A just went on a little on a little bit long yeah I forgot what my initials were so I'm not an idiot I didn't forget my name I didn't forget my name I'm not a freaking moron I'm not a freaking moron. I just forgot my initials. I have a lot. Yeah.

Yep. You know? Yep. It's, I'm taking up space. I'm putting in things in there like wisdom from random people on Instagram and TikTok. That's what's taking the place of information like this which is almost not even useful. I can always deduce my initials based on my name. I don't need to have a special

place for that in my brain. I work them out as required using the famous just-in-time production philosophy of the Toyota Corporation to bring you the initials when you need them. It doesn't make sense for me to have them stored on the shelf. They are produced on demand. It's just sitting there deteriorating, right? And then some of the letters will fall apart that I might confuse the A with the top falls off for an H, a wonky H. HGWTB. That T, the arms might fall off.

LB, small LB. The arms. Are those arms? Of course. Are those technically arms? Yes, we all know that the T is headless. It is a... I thought it could have

been a like a hammerhead type scenario you know and that is its wide noggin that's true that could be possible it could be a hammerhead's head but then it's been tail it's been tailed it's probably been used in shark fin soup do you think they keep they ever like you know with this shark fin soup You know they just cut off the fins and then they put the shark back in the water and then they let it die or whatever Do you think they ever just cut off a bit of the tail and try to pass it off as fin? These people these these shark fin harvesters

They're nothing if not honest. They are scrupulous in their insistence on only cutting off the fin. Ethical shark fin sheep harvesters. Throwing away the rest of the shark. I mean it is it is fun to consider that a guy, an ethical shark fin soup manufacturer would kill a shark, you know, would just murder the shark. That would already be more ethical. We already had. He doesn't actually, are you saying he doesn't even sell, cut off the fin and sell it? All he does is kill the shark. Oh well, I mean, he could do that too.

It would be harder to call himself ethical. I mean, he'd get the ethical part, obviously that's super ethical, but shark fin soup manufacturer, that would be hard part to do. That's true, and is it ethical to deceive? That's the question. That's true. And so that in that case, yeah, then I suppose he would be lying by saying that he was ethical.

Yeah. And the shark fin soup maker. Yeah. And those are the ethics that you expect to have to encounter when you're trying to become an ethical shark fin soup manufacturer. Is that a parody of a line from Magma? Yes, it is. Not Magma, Teleport. Very good. Teleport. I was recently trying to remember some lines from Magma, and I couldn't. I was just remembering there was a bit where I would go oh oh or something like that or ah ah no it was that I would go ah ah but I don't remember why. I know I mean and I remember I would

do it for a long time ah ah ah ah ah ah ah know. Ah yes, ah but. You wouldn't want to do that because you would... That would be bad! Something like that. A lot of screeching. Yes indeed. Alastair, why is it

that no other animals have experimented with the extremely wide head shape of the hammerhead shark. You know, people love to comment on how convergent evolution produces the same patterns over and over again, and yet I'm not aware of any other species that has gone, you know what's good for depth perception, the eyes being far apart. Let's fuck our head in that department. Because apart from the hammerhead shark, what animals have eyes that are pretty far apart?

I guess a whale. Yeah, but they're not getting depth perception out of those, I don't think. Well, they are on sides, aren't they? They're not getting depth perception, but that's just because they're looking down towards the bottom of the ocean. The ocean, very good. They're just perceiving a lot of depth. They just go to the depths. I'm perceiving depth! Yes, there's two ways you can be perceived depth. One is to have two eyes.

The other is to just have one eye but go very deep like a squid. Does a squid only have one eye? No. There we go. No they have two. But they could and still have depth of perception. They're confounding expectations. Confounding expectations. Straight away. Well you thought they only had one eye. Your expectations have been confounded. They've doubled the amount of eyes that you expected. They've delivered. amount of eyes that you expected. They've delivered. How many legs do you think they have? Oh Andy, I know that of course. So anyway, is it six? That should be, this should be, this is a new trivia show, a new quiz show, right? This is a sketch idea.

It's called Do You Know the Answer? And then you say, yes. They say, yes. What is the capital of Uzbekistan? Yes. Yes. But I think that there is a thing where you can be called on it later,

and if you don't, there's a huge, and if you get chosen, this is actually a really fun new format for a quiz. Well, I know Alistair, that's why I suggested it. Well, no Andy, it's my idea. It's my idea. With such surprise, I seem all conveyed. It's my idea to get quizzed on it later.

Yours was just a stupid sketch idea, Andy. There's no value in that. Why would you spend any time thinking about it? But my idea is a real game show. Do you know the answer? Yes. Okay. Oh yeah, what is it? Okay.

It was my idea to say, oh yeah, what is it? That's what's really revolutionized. This quiz format. It was when our producer, Alistairair suggested we follow up with the question, oh yeah what is it, that the show really took off. The first six seasons, these days are almost unwatchable because we hadn't yet cracked the code. No, but this is my version, listen to my version Alistair.

Your version of oh yeah what is it the? What would I listen to you what have you There's there's two contestants head-to-head right yeah, they could the the question is you ask Yes, they are and you ask do you? Do you know the capital of whatever? Guatemala. I'm sorry that these are the only questions I can think of. That's part of the line. And the contestants either say yes or no, right? But if they say yes, the other contestant has three opportunities in the whole episode to challenge them to say, oh yeah, what is it? Right? And then they have to answer. And if they don't know what the answer is, they lose five points. But if they say yes, they get one point. They get one point for every yes

yeah and they lose five points for every oh yeah what is it. Yeah and if they get challenged they if you say no you can't get challenged but you don't uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, something there. Thank you. You know the name of the show that I'm working on right now, right? Uh, does it have a Q in it? Yeah, Q-W-B. Yeah, okay. And another quiz show that I've worked on was one of our listeners told us it's so stupid that he streams just watching it and loads of people watch Hello to Stu Macaroni, Macaroni Prince. Yeah, okay. Well, that's all, those are all powerful data points in the argument that this idea is not that stupid. How do you feel about the title? Oh yeah, what is it? In the years that we have worked on quiz shows,

they have only gotten easier and easier where they've been like, oh, we don't really want stuff that's hard. Yeah. We just want something that people will watch and then kind of get. Yeah. This is the problem though for us as quiz show question writers is that as new

facts emerge they're usually more complicated, right, or obscure. That's the definition of new facts. But they're not making new obvious facts, right? All the obvious stuff is already exists yeah but you can't have something show up a new fact can't show up on the scene and already be obvious unfortunately oh but there could be those things where something was hiding in plain sight okay so like there's a there's a giant watermelon in the sky. That could be it. And then nobody's seen it. And then somebody spots it like look at that giant watermelon and

nobody's ever looked at it before. Everybody's looking at it now. The tweet goes viral around the world. Look at that fucking watermelon in the sky. And then we as quiz writers we race to our computers to be the first one to write the question what is it what type of what type of melon is in the sky at all times and as always it's always been there and then you're top and then you're like oh Wardy's already done it oh and that's a big hello to Michael Ward former guest on the show thanks mmm thanks for everything that you do and speed at which you write all

right yes he's an impressive unit guy should I write a new obvious facts yeah I think you should sketch ideas but it well it's so personal to our own lives, that feeling of something happening on TV and being like, I wonder if anybody's written a quiz question about this yet? You know, who just... Well, this is... Yeah. But this is, this is it, Alastair. This is, this is the future of media. What with the atomization and that sort of thing, I've heard that there's now personalized pornography, right? Where you can pay a certain amount of money and you can get pornography to your very, very specific tastes, right?

And my tastes are specific. And my, yes. And, but maybe that's the future of a sketch comedy. People have been looking for a model, right, of what the future of sketch is. How do we make this economically viable? Well, this will be it. It'll be sort of more or less one-on-one sketch performing. And somebody will say, in my life life at my work we have everybody has

two blue pens and one red pen on their desk can you do something about that and then they'll pay you $10,000 and then you'll produce a sketch about that I mean I think that's a great idea. It would actually, that's, that would be a tremendous amount more than sketch comedy normally pays. Exactly. Corporate sketch. I mean, that's a great idea. Corporate sketch.

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We do corporate sketch shows. Yeah. We're doing a sketch show right now for GE. Yeah. We're doing a, we're doing one, we're doing a, we're doing a sketch show right now for GE. Yeah, we're doing a sketch show for, wait, it's almost there. Andy, you know which one, Lockheed Martin.

Lockheed Martin, yes. Raithion. Raithion? Yeah, yeah, Raithion, yes. I've been looking at all these today. Today I've been trying to write a, I can't tell you about Rithion? Yeah, yeah, Rithion, yes. I've been looking at all these today. Today I've been trying to write a... I can't tell you about what the question was about, but because there's very strict laws in the United States.

But it's very difficult to find companies that don't make one specific thing. Let's say you're like, how many companies make this thing? I don't know which of many companies make this thing? I don't know which of these companies makes this thing and then and then you go oh okay great and then you write another company and then you go does this company make this thing to try to find options that don't make it and does this thing make this thing and then they'll go yes it has dabbled in doing that. God this was a

good story. Well I counter encountered the legal repercussions of what I was doing and then the fact that I don't have any other forms of income. And I just couldn't be the punk rocker that I normally am, throwing caution to the wind or anything into the wind. Not even a cut. It might not even be wind, I can't specify. I'm not sure, yes. At this time, I'm not at liberty to say what kind of air is passing through me. And it is going through me. I mean, the thing about throwing caution to the wind is that if the wind is blowing towards you, and I think that's what that question implies, the caution will just blow back and you can get it again. I think throwing caution to the wind is a perfectly safe activity.

And I think you should throw caution to the wind and throw caution to the wind. By its own definition, you can't lose. It's a flawless plan. What if I tie a little bit of string to the caution? To the end of the caution? To the corner. Suddenly I'm flying a kite.

Nobody could be more fancy free and worry free than a person flying a kite. Nobody could be more fancy free and worry free than a person flying a kite. Here, flying a kite, here in the low slung, high voltage electricity cable district. What could possibly go wrong? Oh no, turns out caution is very electrically conductive. Oh no, it's a conductor. Nobody had ever tested that before. Turns out caution is very electrically conductive. Oh no, it's a conductor. Nobody had ever tested that before.

Maybe that felt like a very us bit. It did. I mean. It did, we were perhaps the most ourselves we've ever been at that moment. Now back to putting the masks up and saying the things that others expect us to say. ourselves we've ever been now back to putting the masks up and Saying the things that others people others expect us to say

cloaca Oogity boogity, you know all that stuff Has some you think ants would like I'm shh Cloaca oogity boogity. Do you think ants would like this? Pop it on a t-shirt, put it on a t-shirt, get that printed up. That's another one of our catch phrases, that whole thing. It's one of our catch, why does it always have to be a catch phrase? Why can't it be a catch paragraph? I guess that's, I guess that's, I suppose that's what a bestselling book is really.

Well that's what a, or maybe a soliloquy. A soliloquy. That's a catch paragraph. Oh, do that. Oh, we've got, who's the actress who's losing her eyesight there? You know? Oh, I don't know. You know, she's like classic actress.

Dame Judi Dench. Exactly. She'll go on that late night show and will be like, how much Shakespeare you keep it in your head? Shakespeare being the Einstein of theater. And that's why I almost slipped there. And then she'll go, oh yes, we'll all do one of his favorite catch paragraphs.

This soliloquy. Like dad and everybody applauds because they love to see an old woman achieve something. They love to see an old woman who can remember anything at all. Oh yes, makes me feel less bad about how your eyes are no longer functioning. As she goes, as she continues to decline, her brain gets feebler and feebler. She'll be going on quiz shows and now people say, do you remember any words by Shakespeare? She'll say, oh, a word, one word, hath.

Everyone will applaud and go, oh, that's so impressive. How do you do that? And then she'll be going on and say do you remember your name? Do you remember the faces of your children? It's not a quiz show to panel show Why probably did Alistair does it matter That's true That's true. And that's another great quiz show. Geriatric quiz show. You put people with dementia, they're the contestants, and you show them photos of their family,

and they have to try and guess which ones are their own children. And this will be great for the audience at home because you can put the such funny people in there You can put a picture of Hitler in there amongst with the children you can put in I mean you can put Andy this is actually a really good idea, but remove the dementia ones and put children in there Okay, right. I mean that's a car. That's the fun kind of dementia. They don't know anything yet It's not that they used to know. And then you put a bunch of awful people in there, like you put photos of really awful people and you go which one? Which one is the one who has given the most to charity and then they go all probably the guy with the tiny mustache?

Yeah, right. He looks like he hates money. He probably gets rid of it. Yeah this is um uh this this show is called Spot the Hitler and it's uh yeah kids are in there. Oh but the kids the parents will train their kids to spot a Hitler if you call it that. That's just the name though. That's just the name. Hitler's not in every, you know, maybe the first episode. After that it's just it's just a funny name that everybody loves. That everybody will be fine. Gather the family around. Yeah. Well that sounds good then. Alright. That's good good as long as everybody's fine with it. And it's got cut through, it's got cut through and that's what you need. It's not as good as which one is a member of your family and then they pick Hitler.

That is, you're right, that was much better. You know, that kind of thing. Oh, and then they pick, oh they pick like that giant turtle there that's been living for two So the audience really booze them as well on this quiz show well they laugh and point I think Okay, well look that's a form of interaction that's a form of It's better than not being seen at all. What you rather they sit alone in a room yeah so what you'd rather yeah we are everybody's biggest killers everybody's not just looking at them you know they're pointing at them that's the next level that's right takes it because how do

you get people to come out to come and hang out with them well the only way you can motivate them is by letting and giving them permission to laugh at them. Point and laugh. You know? The town idiot. That's what people want. The town moron.

You know, sure, he was a laughing stock. He was pathetic, but he wasn't lonely. He was, you know, was pathetic, but he wasn't lonely. Um, when people would throw rocks at him, um, you gotta look at somebody to throw a rock at them. That's right. That's right. You gotta get it going. It doesn't sound like he's being ignored. It doesn't. Um, in many ways, they're the people who, they're like, uh, they're like the center of, you know, like they're like the node that keeps the town together.

Yes, here we go. Because what do you do against a, you know, a laughing stock? You come together against them, which is bringing people together, which is what people are trying to do with music and poetry and another art form. Maybe painting? Very good list of three. Alastair, if loneliness, I mean eventually you know as we cure all disease, loneliness

will be the biggest killer and I think it'd be interesting then to try and develop a sort of a weaponized form of loneliness. Maybe a gun that can shoot loneliness or I mean I guess any gun can shoot loneliness if you just shoot all the people around. Yeah kind of like a reverse shotgun like a shotgun that doesn't spray it all in the middle. That's a really good idea. This one is all collateral damage there's no No, what do you call the kind of damage that isn't collateral? You know just damage. Yeah damage primary primary damage mmm

only well innocent bystanders Instead of an innocent bystander gun Mmm to kill people with loneliness Yeah, and with bullets. It's a fun idea isn't it fun? We've really got something we're onto something here Kills everywhere. I mean I mean yeah just in general this episode we're having we're playing well it's shadow puppetry isn't it you know we're playing with darkness because that's what we do here yes I think of

myself as puppet masters yes a puppet master will One of those puppet masters. Yes, a puppet master. Because you never hear of a shadow puppet master, do you? Whenever you picture a puppet master, he's always... It's really a marionette master, is what you see. Because you don't even see a puppet master with his hand inside of a puppet. They've often got the long strings. It's a marionette master. Yeah, and you're absolutely right, Alastair. You know, the idea you know the idea because

because the idea of somebody pulling the strings that's rich with sort of poetic and metaphorical meaning that's something you can feel. Yeah but having your you can feel good about saying having your head up the up the cloaca. Is that is that do puppets have cloacas? Well they just have one hole and everything that comes in and out goes through that one. Sounds like a cloaca to me. They do they also have an XO mouth a lot of the time which is a mouth on the puppet master or the marionette master. Oh an XO mouth. Yeah that's a good point. What about those ventriloquist puppet master?

You know, you don't hear that. You hear of a ventriloquist. But none of them ever reach the level of mastery. It must be a very difficult art form to get those last few skills. It's a very, it's a high, those last few XP points to get you to that hundredth level. Or maybe, or maybe it's like, you know that, you know that law for why can't we see aliens? There's a great filter. Yes. You can only do...

Not Fermat. What is it? Somebody... Fermi? Somebody's... Fermi? Somebody's, Fermi, Fermi paradox. The great filter. The great filter. And so there's a great filter for ventriloquist puppeteers that the longer you do it, there must be something

that causes you to die or quit or you know or whatever and none of them ever become puppet masters. We should we should look into this because you're absolutely right it feels like a brilliant I mean it feels like it's waiting to happen although I mean isn't the definition of a puppet master that you're're not normally supposed to see the puppet master? Like you're not supposed to see them? And if you do see them, they're just a ventriloquist? They're very visible, yeah. I mean, some of the best ones, but are you thinking of ninjas?

If you do see them, they're very visible. Are you thinking of ninjas? Oh, imagine that. That would be the way to get around it, to be a ninja ventriloquist puppet master Mm-hmm, you see because then you could be in your outfit or whatever like that doing the thing But then you actually then reveal later that that wasn't even you inside the thing that was just like a plant or like a dummy or a

You know, it was another puppet. That was the real puppet was the was the Puppeteer yes as it is so often the way you think you've found the puppet master and you realize no yet their strings are still being pulled by another. Or their innards are still being twitched, you know. Their arms are still being pinkied and thumbed. Why? Pinkied and thumbed? Why, speaking of thumbed, you know?

It feels like you stopped listening in there at the end there. I'm desperately trying to think of, keep this idea in my head, Alastair, that I've had for a while now, and I keep forgetting it and re-remembering it but then forgetting it again and even as I say it now it's slipping away. Alright, crack team of ventriloquists. I mean what a skill to be able to throw

your voice and make it appear as though somebody is saying something that they aren't in fact saying, right? What is the most powerful thing that you can do to somebody in this day and age of rampant cancel culture? Well, it's character assassination. What better way to do that than to send in your ventriloquist into the Kremlin and have him stand in a corner near Vladimir Putin and throw his voice and make it appear as though Putin is saying something reprehensible in public. Oh me poopy me panties, poopoo bum bum, I like the smell and the taste says Putin, right? smell and the taste says Putin right there in front of the gathered news media he says oh oh it wasn't me but they saw the sound come from his very

mouth sound or could physically see it emerging from the mouth hole the best voice throwers are able to also cause a reaction in the person who they're trying to entrap to make them move their mouth in a particular way. Yes, exactly. I assume that's the next level of ability. And as deep fake technology and video, all that sort of stuff, which I now realize will almost render everything I've said completely meaningless but as that becomes better and better and more commonplace people will forget you know will return to the

live moment seeing the person in the flesh and place even more greater stock in that right we will think oh if I heard it with my own ears and I saw him with my own eyes, that is what is real. But then we're playing straight into the hands of the ventriloquists and the ventriloquists will rise again and become as gods with their ability to shape reality. And then once we can catch Putin saying something a bit off, then he will be toppled. Putin saying something a bit off, then he will be toppled. Exactly Alistair, that is the truth behind all of this. Oh, he said he likes to eat poo poo. Well, that is almost nowhere near the worst thing he's ever said.

Even today, is this the end for Putin Putin Putin admits he likes to eat poo poo calls for Putin to step down after prankster Van Triliquist murdered falls Falls out of window. In broad daylight. Oh, was it broad daylight? Oh, is that the worst? Is that even worse? I guess it wouldn't be better, would it? I think if you were falling... If it's as broad as you say... Well, it was daylight that was accepted by a very wide audience

They chose this day lots a bit broad. Is it broad daylight because it's like it's the it's the amount of daylight that most people Go out in It's like mainstream daylight Yeah Yeah I extreme daylight. Yeah. Yeah. Me personally, I prefer a shaft of light. A narrow beam of light.

Creeping through a crack in the roof of somewhere you've probably never heard of. Well, it's people like you who would have created stuff like Stonehenge. You know, you just, yeah, hit me. I suppose daylight really is the most broad thing there is, isn't there?

You know, in that everybody does sort of go out and like it. They go out and see it. They see it, don't they? It goes into everybody's eyes, daylight. They do see it. Andy, my new theory, and I've probably said this before, I think it's nothing that can't exist. Yeah, no, I have heard that from you, Alastair.

That's a good theory. But like, because that's the thing where they're like, well, how did the universe come from nothing? It's like, well, there's no nothing. So then, there had to be some because it's the yeah but like that I think that's the basic mistake that we've made it was there it was it was in broad dialogue the whole time all time nothing we made up nothing that's the impossibility. Nothing is impossible.

Yes! That's right. We've been saying it to ourselves. This is my other thing, right? It's almost tangential to that, or connected, whatever. That is, if the universe is infinite, right, people say, oh, if the universe is infinite, there must be more light, more life, right, there must be other life out there, it's impossible for there not to be, but if it's infinite, it contains everything, right, anything that could happen, happens. So if the universe is infinite, then does that also mean that it also contains only one of everything? You know, like something that is unique, that there's only one of, that must all, if it's infinite, there must be things that there are only one of as well. Otherwise, it doesn't contain everything. Something, there being only one of something.

So maybe there are infinite forms of life, but maybe we, humans, are the one form of life, like form of life that is not capable of recognizing or detecting all the other forms of life. You know, like that could be the one yeah Oh, yeah, but what about if infinite if it's infinite then shouldn't it also there should also be nothing Within the infinity there should be absolutely nothing Well, I mean unless you're you're right and and nothing I don't think infinity infinity exists either Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know I'm talking to the wrong either. Yeah, yeah.

I'm talking to the wrong person. You're talking to the wrong person, mate. It's like you might as well be trying to convert me to God. Are you trying to convert me to God, can you? God, I would love to believe in God. Please. Please, God. It's just simpler. I'm just arguing.

Yeah, yeah, no, but Andy, all that stuff that you were saying was really good. Yeah, thanks man. Alistair, how many sketch ideas have we written there? Oh my gosh, and they are all very sketch. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Well then Andy. Well, I mean, one of them isn't just a sketch, it's an entirely new economic model for sketch. I feel like that's- That's true. I don't think I even wrote that down.

That's much more worthwhile. Really, oh dear. Oh, wait, hey, corporate sketch. That's potentially the most valuable idea we've ever come up with. Yes. Well, mine isn't corporate sketch. That's your idea.

My idea was sort of kink sketch. Oh, kink sketch, yes. And, okay, I'll combine those into one idea. Yes. That I'll call. Skink. We're calling it skink. Corporate skink.

Corporate kink sketch. Corporate kink. Oh, that's interesting as well, isn't it? We're a BDSM company. Come in as your favourite. Our corporate culture is... We're having a kink party. ...Boltage. Well, Christmas has become too complicated,

you know, with all the holidays and all the different religions. And so we're just gonna have this year, we're just gonna have a yearly kink party. So everybody come in and we'll spank each other and, you know, ask for consent and all that and then tweak each other's various objects obviously I don't want to say anything that'll get me in trouble but you know what it is you know squeezing and whatnot.

Um oh your dingle dangles if I can call them them that the dingle dangles. Oh, pardon me I'm being told that I can't call them that You can do kink, but you can't talk about it We've got no problem with you people doing the things that the wrong thing It's saying the wrong thing in the wrong thing, but just don't talk about it in a way that might make someone uncomfortable Of course making people uncomfortable is the entire Point yes. Yes Andy we got three words from a listener, but actually we don't

We have oh my god, I closed the thing we have oh no. Oh my god. I'm using the wrong keyboard thing. We have... Oh no. Oh my god I'm using the wrong keyboard. Yes Andy, I... Yes I do use multiple keyboards now. Yes, you're welcome. Okay, it actually says one word from three listeners, but this listener doesn't mention who the three listeners are, but the listener is Emily Aubrey. Emily Aubrey. It's a good day when I get to say Emily Aubrey. Yeah, still shocked that there's not a single Y in that Emily. Not a one. Not a one. And we've looked. We've looked. We've had people looking. We're checking the list and we're checking it twice.

We're making a list. We're like those people who insist on keeping on searching for the Tasmanian tiger even though it's definitely extinct. We are relentless in our pursuit spending weeks away from our families in the Tasmanian wilderness looking for a why. It would be nice to just go on a little trip though, isn't it? And we keep thinking we spot one but then we realize it's just in the surname You know how like sometimes you might get an urge to just go on a little trip by yourself Yeah, yeah, yeah, what about this relate to that? Yeah, what about this little trips by yourself for your kids?

What about this? Little trips by yourself for your kids. Right? Oh! And so you go, and all it is, is it's an area that is under supervision, like there's cameras and stuff like that, and people are watching it, but there's only one kid allowed to go to it every day, and they go out on a big adventure and they're being supervised but they are by themselves and they can't have anybody come and help them unless they're really injured or something.

Do they interact with other people? No, it's a little adventure by themselves. It's sort of like a Bear Grylls drop you in the middle of the desert kind of situation But you know, it's not a hostile environment in that way. Well, it's nature Yeah, but with lots of CCTV cameras everywhere Yeah, yeah, and do you put little bits of food under rocks and stuff? Oh, you can, yeah, I guess you could do that too, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, it's mostly just so that you want to go on a little trip, here you go. Yeah.

I don't know. Yeah, okay, cool. Yeah, I don't know. No, I mean it's, it's, we've got to come up with a name for it. Is it Hansel and Gretling? Yeah. You know, when you drive them off into the middle of the forest and you drop them? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Somewhere? And you drive away real quick. Yeah. It's like the game, but for kids. If a kid says, I want to run away, at any point in their life, I'll just run away and live in the woods, like that. And then you give them the opportunity to do it.

Yeah, it's daycare without the care. Yeah, exactly. And it goes over the night time do it. It's daycare without the care. Exactly. And it goes over the naught time as well. Okay. So Emily has sent in one word from three listeners. No mention of who the other listeners are or if she's even one of them. But as part of it, she sent in three of those words.

So would you like to try to guess what the words are? One word from three listeners. Okay, here we go. The first word is praxis. Praxis. Praxis, Andy, no. No, no, no. The first word is buttoning. Buttoning, okay, all right.

Now, the chances of there being a pattern with this one? Yeah. Very low, but let's see you could tell I don't know I mean, I'm not confirming nor denying but you could tell just from the first word you're like, there's no pattern From one data point you could tell but Ning Lozenge could have been a play on croutoning a salad maybe lozenge could have been a play on croutoning a salad maybe you've said lozenge it's probably your most your most said guest I get not have I said that before lozenge yeah it's probably one of your most said guests but get I

keep saying guest one of your most said guesses yeah good no so the second one is well it kind of is your friend. It's in a way, it's your fisherman's friend. Wait, I just said friend because that was the word. Is it friend? It's friend. Okay, so buttoning, friend, dog. Dog?

No, rambunctiousness. Ah, buttoning, friend, rambunctiousness ah putning friend rambunctiousness can you tell me what rambunctiousness is? I forget oh it's a sort of um it's almost an unbuttonedness if you're rambunctious you're full of energy yeah you're bouncing off the walls you're a little bit chaotic great i would say yeah rambunctious delightful word really terrific You're a little bit chaotic. Great. I would say. Yeah. Rambunctious. Delightful word.

Really terrific. Bunting friend rambunctiousness. Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, we haven't really explored bunctious as a suffix. That doesn't get rolled out. Yeah.

Yeah, bunctious is... There's rambunctious. Yeah, because what is there? There's bunk cake. And that's... But I don't think that's... I don't know if the bun in bunk is the same prefix. This is really a midfix.

So it's like ramb. Yeah. Yeah, there's not red fixes, is there? There aren't things you can put in the middle. There might be actually, I wonder. If you know of any mid fixes, do write in. Do write in please. Maybe there is. I can sense the edges of one in my mind, but I don't think it's worth the listener's time. Does this sound like anything Andy? button-up shirt for a crocodile? Oh

Wow, well, I think it would be very difficult to get them into a t-shirt, you know Yeah, so I think if you were to get a crocodile into a shirt Yeah, it probably would be a button-up. I reckon you may use some of the dead button down the back. Sorry Maybe it would be one you button down the back. No, not me mate Okay Maybe it would be one you button down the back. No, not me mate Okay I'm gonna do this right I'm not gonna look at a crocodile floating on top of the water with his buttons on top like he's in a hospital gown You're thinking of a hospital gown for crocodiles

Or you want me to go out there telling people I'll put a shirt on a crocodile and then they say Buttons on the back yeah okay yeah yeah that's a gown that's a gown you put a gown on a crocodile and then that would be embarrassing to me somehow I'd feel what's that one that word effeminated what's the emasculated do women ever get effeminate effeminated effeminated I've never heard of that and and if you say somebody's effeminate that actually means they're More feminine. Yeah feminine, right? So maybe it's impossible to a fem and feminine I'm like no, but you gotta put the E in front. It's got to be a feminine

effeminate it Affaminated and that's when a woman has been made to feel too manly. I mean it must happen. Of course. Shirt on a crocodile. Shirt on a crocodile. Yeah I mean everybody loves the crocodile hunter. Yeah. Everybody's talking about him. Well you know who's braver in my opinion take Advantage of that beautiful anybody can hunt a crocodile You know that you know that death roll that they do yeah, you could while they're turning like that get the arm in Yeah, I mean that would be the perfect time to get him into a sarong in my opinion

Sure, you know you you use the crocodiles, its greatest strength is its greatest weakness to get to pop it into that sarong. But that's probably where as a crocodile tailor, you would start out. Yeah. You know, that's very much level one, dressing a crocodile yeah how to

dress a crocodile this is a great book I mean if you if you were ever releasing a self-help book you got to call it something like that for a while there although all the self-help books had to have fuck in the title yeah with a little asterix yeah but I think we're back to just calling it something something cool something cool and weird. Get your frigid wife to sleep. Like how do you improve your wife's sleep quality? You know?

Yeah. And it's just like, but how to improve your wife's sleeping quality for men, you know what I mean? And so then it's like, oh, here you go. Well then you eat more elk and then your pheromones will just fucking sleep into her and she'll be out like a turkey. I mean this is a great thing for men to start objectifying women for.

How good they are at sleeping. My wife sleeps so good. But books on how to be unbelievably loving and caring in a masculine way. I mean that's what we need that is absolutely what we need Alastair and I'm not even joking that is what is required we need role models really great role models of men who are who radiate love and not just jujitsu role and are masculine as fuck. Yeah but what are we gonna do? This is the thing I can't believe about Trump. All the terrible stuff about him, right? Yeah. I

can understand people liking that but have you seen that fucking grin he does? That fucking stupid look on his face when he smiles, it's one of the worst things I've ever seen. And even without any of the other stuff, that's it for me. I'm sorry. I don't like that look on his face. Yeah. What about when he frowns?

You like that? That's less of a concern for me. It's that grin. The way his bottom lip and chin, skin stretches across his fucking face. I hate it. Maybe he needs a cool mask. Wouldn't it be cool if Donald Trump started wearing like a Mexican wrestler mask?

Yeah, well. I think that's the only thing that would make me like him more. That could make me like him more because I already like him so much. Or like one of those, or like one of those metal masks like MF Doom. Oh yeah, well that's pretty good.

Yeah. Yeah, okay. I have to go get my kids, so I gotta wrap up this episode. I apologize. We got Ethical Sharkfin Soup. Ethical Sharkfin Soup by the Maker Who Murders. You got Oh Yeah, What Is It? The new game show where you ask people

if they know the answer to the question and they say yes or no. And then we got corporate sketch and kink sketch. Then we have the new obvious facts for quiz writers. Then we have the dementia sketch show. And then we have innocent bystander gun that kills everyone around you to kill you with loneliness. Then we have the no ventriloquist puppet masters,

the great filter that makes it impossible. Don't know about that. And then we got the crack team of ventriloquists to entrap. Oh, to entrap poop. Into saying something poopy. Then we've got shirt on a crocodile, I'm so sorry. I wrote that down. I'm sorry. And then he says being loving and caring in a masculine way.

Mmm, Mandy. I love it. Let's go into the song. It's love for men. Zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing zing to say yeah what else can we say just you know recommend us to your family and to your pottery groups and thank you so much for listening and we we love you you bye bye